#like especially since i know like. whats going on in that ep
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Everything (1)
Summary: Jongho wrote his song, Everything, to move on from his ex-girlfriend so he could finally pursue you.
c/w: slight angst
pairings: idol!Jongho x idol!reader
a/n: this was sitting in my drafts since I wrote that one drabble ages ago!
Jongho pretended not to care too much about your presence. You weren't there for him, you were just seated with your group, not too far from his. He'd spoken to you a few times that left his heart pounding but left you wondering if he even liked you. When you caught his eye, he flushed, embarassed, but you didn't seem to notice as you waved at him with a kind smile that he returned. Okay, at least he does like you.
Jongho wanted to talk to you more, but he found himself reading through his old conversations with someone he shouldn't be thinking about anymore. It stopped him from seeking you out further, though he couldn't deny that he wished he was the guy you'd sing your groups' love songs for. He felt guilt eating away at him for these feelings, knowing he had yet to move someone else, so he didn't pursue you further.
When he was approached by Hongjoong to make a song for their next full length album "The World Ep. Fin : Will" He took a week baring his soul on papers that ended up cluttering his room more than he ever had before. Sleepless nights were spent trying to write the right thing. He wanted to do his feelings justice. He wanted to sing them out of his system and then, after the promotions and tour for this album were over, never think about them again.
Hongjoong and Wooyoung worried for him as he heard the youngest practice the heartbreaking lyrics to his song through the walls of their flat, but the result was beautiful, and though they never talked about it, they could see that writing it had been cathartic for Jongho and they didn't need to force him to talk to them about what he was going through.
When the song was released, his ex-girlfriend knew it was about her, but it didn't have the affect he was hoping for. Instead of letting her go, it made her come back. She used fansites to find him, and he locked eyes with her as he passed by, waving to Atinys. Seeing her again shook him, and she ended up unblocking his number to ask him to meet that very same day. He wondered if he even should, if he would undo all the progress he gained when writing the song.
In the time he was contemplating whether he should meet her, he ended up seeing you in a reality show. He was surprised to see that you were excited to see him. "Your song on your new album was beautiful, Jongho-ssi," you said, "Everything you sing is full of emotion, but… this one felt especially powerful. It was very moving."
Jongho was stunned. He didn't even know you liked his work, but to know that you made time to listen to his b-side of all things made him particularly feel some type of way. He thanked you kindly, and by the end of the reality show the two of you became quite close, but there was a line that yet to be crossed.
This urged him to see his ex-girlfriend and cut all of his loose ends. He didn't want to pull on one accidentally one day and unravel his whole sweater later, so he had to cut them off now.
At a basically unknown coffee shop with a mask and oversized hoodie, he met her and she frowned at him. "What's with all that getup. You didn't do this before." "I'm a real idol. I can't be caught in any scandals. Nobody knew me before," He said to her quietly, "Why did you want to meet?" "I heard your song." Jongho didn't say anything to that. Obviously she had. To anyone who'd known his relationship with her, it was obvious that she was the song's subject. "Okay…?" Jongho honestly thought his heart would be a lot more bothered by her presence, of course the nostalgia was prominent, but the love he had dwindled significantly. His heart twisted, but didn't beat as hard as it used to.
"I miss you, too." She replied. He paused, buffering for a moment before he asked, confused, "What?" "It was about me, right? My Everything? You still think about me?"
Jongho looked at the table thoughtfully, brows furrowed before he looked back up at her, "I- yes, I guess. It was about you but that- I just felt sorry for what happened-" She cut him off with a smile, touching his hand across the table, and he stared at it, feeling the unfamiliar desire to snatch his hand away. Her touch felt wrong. "I was wrong before. I love you. I want to try again."
This was not what he wanted. Now he was worried for an entirely different reason. He pulled his hand away, putting both hands in his lap and leaning forward slightly, "I'm sorry. That wasn't my intention when I wrote the song." Her face dropped in disappointment and then accusation, "Then why would you write me a song-?" "It wasn't for you, it was for me. It was just about you," Jongho said, "I wasn't trying to hide that, but even though you heard the song… I don't think you really listened to it."
"…You said I'm your everything. What else am I supposed to think?" "I wish I could go back and say all of that to you, but I can't. It ended with 'you were my everything.' Things have changed. This- this was my apology to you, but the concerns you had then are even more prominent, now. I would never have fathomed you coming to this conclusion…"
"Jongho-ya… I said I was wrong. I want to be with you…" "I can't give you a normal life, though," he said firmly, "What changed?"
"Everything changed, Jongho-ya. I missed you, and I didn't realize how you felt about me back then…" "…It's in the past now. I don't feel that way anymore. Did you even watch the MV? That house burned down."
"What?!" She exclaimed. She hadn't even watched the music video. Now looking at her, he wasn't even confident that she'd listened to the whole song.
Though painful, this conversation brought clarity to his mind. He wronged her, he apologized, but things would have ended someday anyway. She wasn't right for him, and there was no way he was right for her either. He didn't regret being with her all that time ago, but she wasn't in his future. He realized that he hadn't imagined a future with her in a long time. He couldn't even remember what he thought it would look like.
"You were my everything. I was finally able to meet you again and convey my feelings from before. I wish I could have told you that you were my reason for living and that I struggled so hard to run to you after falling down a hill of idol responsibilities… but I can't tell you that back then. I can only tell you now. I can't change the past because it's different now. My feelings aren't the same. You were my everything, but you're not anymore. I'm sorry if the song made you misunderstand."
She gripped the coffee in her hand so tightly as she listened to Jongho prattle on in the same indifferent tone she remembered from the day he had finally let her go. She stood, throwing her half-full cup at him, but he was too quick, blocking her hand and spilling the drink everywhere else more than him, even on her.
They stared each other down and she spoke bitterly, "I don't think you ever loved me."
Jongho replied confidently, "I think you're just refusing to see it because I didn't say what you wanted me to say."
The stare-down continued until he gently let go of her hand and left the cafe. Though Jongho was not one for emotion anyway, he was actually surprised that he did not shed a single tear after talking to her. His head was clear and he didn't feel guilty anymore as he drove away, finally leaving her behind.
#choi jongho x reader fluff#jongho x reader#jongho fluff#jongho angst#choi jongho#jongho#ateez x reader#ateez imagines#ateez#atz#ateez fluff#jongho x reader angst#jongho ateez#jongho x reader fluff#choi jongho angst#choi jongho x reader#choi jongho fluff
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I always felt that Nathalie always had more potential as a villain than Gabriel. Not only was she portrayed as more competent than him (she had a lot of better plans than he did, like using a fake ladybug to manipulate Chat Noir and using a sentimonster to spy on the exposed heroes), patient, and stealthy, she was also seemingly more calculating and manipulative than him. Plus she was also a lot more athletic and a better fighter, she was able to hold her own for a while against three different akuma at once (and also season 5 showed that she used to be a treasure hunter so she would probably know more about the miraculous than Gabriel (she was the one that found the butterfly, peacock, and grimoire)). Plus, I don't know if it's just me, but I always got a femme fatale vibe from her, especially as Mayura.
Well, if Nathalie was always planned to be Mayura, it'd make sense.
Mayura was initially built up as THE big bad, that she was HM's boss and "would make him look like a baby". Being his boss suggests he got the Butterfly from her, and I think there was lines in Origins where Gabriel is double checking information fed to him, which can back he knows less and is potentially a pawn in comparison.
And yeah, how Nathalie works as a villain, it could make sense if she was a bigger bad. Though I feel that potential was ruined by her being "in wuv" with him. And largely following him and his agenda (until he was a big enough idiot that she got over him; shame she wasted her time and got sick for him).
Biggest thing that bothered me about Nathalie being Mayura is that she's just another addition to the Agreste plot, semi meant to be a sort of mother figure in Adrien's life (though it does vary certain eps), and Marinette still lacks her own villain. Which is a wonder what's the point of applying the villain plot to Adrien if he's not even going to be involved in his own plot? Additional frustrations that she actually was a great visual counter to Ladybug: bright red vs dark blue, dark spots to light (pink) spots, bright pink eyes against dark sclera vs dark blue eyes against white sclera.
First time seeing her, I actually wondered if Mayura was going to have some sort of familial relation to Marinette on her mother's side, since at the time we had nothing of the Cheng side of the family and it was largely just Agreste focused so far.
But nope.
We needed more to the Agreste plot I guess. For 5 freaking seasons...
To add to the topic, I do wonder if Nathalie is one of those characters that has two earlier character concepts mashed together. It does seem like Gabriel was going to be working with a woman (who was probably early concept Emilie), and was presumably his wife/in love with him.
Mayura though, by how Zag built her up, didn't match up at all for what we got. She felt like a big upcoming threat who was going to shake up the status quo. Bring in that needed edge that HM just wasn't delivering.
But I guess that shook things up way too much. Can't have that.
So yeah, it feels like they wanted femme fatale Mayura but also lady in love with villain and doing evil because it's what he wants and mashed the two concepts together.
Not to say it couldn't work but man it was awkwardly done. And frustrating.
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Hi I'm curious who do you think Jim let in the shop in Ep 2? He says 3 people were in there and then Crowley disappears but we never find out where he went. I read your thoughts on The Book of Life being fake so I know you don't think that Az has it and someone was trying to steal it. Who do you think Jim let in?! It's driving me nuts. 🤣🤣🤣
Hi there. 💕 Help yourself to some chocolate cookies. My theory on this is a little out there but I actually think it fits pretty well. You can let me know what you think. 😊
What might who was in the bookshop & to where Crowley disappeared in 2.02 have to do with this Maggie & Nina moment?
What trio of people being in the shop while Crowley & Aziraphale were in The Dirty Donkey would be a problem that could send Crowley rushing down the street after them when he realized what Jim was saying... but then also result in Crowley not being especially concerned in the moment about the fact that he couldn't locate them?
Who would be a problem early in S2 that could wait to be dealt with until S3? Whose story kind of needed to be set up through Gabriel in 2.02 but for a payoff way, far down the line-- all the way into the next season?
If you look at it as characters trying to get into the shop, you quickly realize that all of the characters in the present in S2 are trying to do just that for most of the rest of the season, right? So, if three of them working together already could... the rest of the season's story doesn't hold up very well. It has to be a separate plot from the present events in S2, so...
...what if Jim didn't let three people in? He never actually said he did...
What if he actually let three beings out...
Don't ask me how this might come to be but all I can think is that Jim is so literal that he would have said if he let these people in and he didn't-- he just said three people were in the shop...
If that's the case? There's only one trio of characters who make sense to me: it's (somehow) Greta, Glozier & Harmony.
They couldn't show us what happened in the present in 2.02 during S2 because that would spoil what happens in 1941, Part 3 in S3. Somehow, as a result of whatever other plot happens, The Nazi Zombie Flesheaters-- now, likely ghosts-- have been trapped in part of the bookshop since 1941.
Jimbriel's a fallen angel and the first person other than Crowley & Aziraphale to spend any real time in the bookshop basically ever. If he's able to be possessed-- as he is during S2 at times-- I'd imagine it's not beyond the realm of possibility that he can see dead people. When Crowley & Aziraphale go to the pub, Jim is in some room looking for more books for his project and the Nazi Zombies Ghosts are shocked to realize that he can see them. Jimbriel mistakes them for customers who were locked in the shop after Aziraphale left and grants their wish to allow them to leave. He sees them out the front door.
A few minutes later, while Aziraphale is flashing us back to the Job minisode, Jim saying twice that "just now" there were three people in the shop hits Crowley and he rushes upstairs to wake him up and get more information, as he's panicked thinking that angels or demons were in the shop. Jim explains that he didn't let anyone in since they told him not to-- the three were just already there. Two men and a woman and yeah, she had a fabulous hat and, yeah, they were covered in ash and blood, come to think of it...
Crowley finds out which way they went and apparates out of the shop after them, prompting Jim to refer to this to Aziraphale by saying that Crowley "went away", as opposed to "left" or "went out", which he probably would have used if Crowley had left on foot. Crowley searched around down the street near Mrs. Cheng's a bit and didn't find them. He figured, well... they're ghosts. How much harm can they really do and don't we have enough other problems going on right now? Probably not that big a deal. Would be nice to sleep without worrying that Greta is going to get out of the attic and try to make the gramophone play Wagner at 2am again...
Might not be a big problem in S2 but the whole prophecy of ...and the dead shall leave their graves and walk the Earth once more... would mean that could change in S3. It would only work if they had already been let of the shop in S2 and Gabriel's the only one who could unknowingly make that happen.
From a writing standpoint? Undead Nazis roaming the streets in the 2020s as symbolic of the fascist creep in this era-- and how it's never very far away-- is good stuff.
If there's somethin' strange... in your neighborhood...
...who you gonna call?
Ghost! Busters!
#good omens#good omens meta#ineffable husbands#crowley#jimbriel#the archangel fucking gabriel#nazi zombie flesheaters#good omens speculation#good omens theory
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This frame is so funny to me like. Huge Fucking Guy jumpscare
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tim "i'm not trying to be romantic" → gets his girlfriend a 1st place trophy before she even takes the detectives exam because he believes in her so much, and then writing in a little '7' next to it after she notified him that she didn't do as well as she had hoped SEEMS PRETTY FUCKING ROMANTIC TO ME.
#*carly#ik i said i was gonna go on a little hiatus cause i'm currently working through a little depresive slump but.....#that doesn't mean i missed out on tonight's ep especially since it's actually a really good source of serotonin for me it's my fave show 🥺#and my brain couldn't help but make that parallel from that scene after lucy giggled like 'this is cute you did good'#HAD TO RATTLE THIS OUT OF MY HEAD AND SHARE IT WITH YA'LL#the rookie#4x22#6x03#tim bradford#lucy chen#chenford#otp: you know me so well#AND TO THINK BACK TO S2 TIM WHEN HE WAS DATING RACHEL AND DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO GET HER FOR HER BIRTHDAY SDDZFRTYGHJKL#HE HAS COME SO INCREDIBLY FAR#i mean we all know he secretly got game.....#he just never showed off those smooth moves as much in his other relationships cause he never felt really attached to them#BUT THIS IS LUCY WE'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THAT'S HIS BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#HE LOVES HER AND WANTS THE WHOLE DAMN THING WITH HER#A HOUSE BABIES GRANDBABIES ALL OF IT#sorry i made the connection and it made my brain go buzzerk#ttfn ta ta for now 👋
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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saying this before the episode drops on saturday but i hope they move past raymew and ray’s unrequited love and start focusing more on his addiction sometime soon. i understand it’s hard for ray to let go and a lot of it being for reasons related to his addiction of course but how many times are we gonna go back and forth of ray talking about how he knows he can never have mew but wants the best for him like alright….feel like i’ve heard him say it in different ways 838438 times now.
#hope we hit the peak of ray’s unrequited love bc girl .#not saying it’s badly written btw i just don’t care for it idk#i understand what they’re doing#especially with ray being pulled back into his feelings every time he tries to move on#but hopefully ppl get me#only friends the series#b speaks#knowing my luck mew is gonna try to sleep with ray and ray is going to agree despite knowing mew is only using him#i actually don’t think that makes much sense for mew’s character but with him entering his reputation era and it seeming like a#storyline that’s going to happen that ppl including me have been predicting since ep 1 i can see it happening easily
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Wwhy is it so over for you duckie
gonna be honest w u for a sec mimi i. cant say ive been liking the sasakoi anime very much 😭 like its Nice but im just overall pretty disappointed in the production quality
#its swagever. ill just reread the manga over and over augh#they go off model like every other frame and it irks me a lot as an animation student........ and the#powerpoint transitions is Certainly a choice in the editing like help me#esp in hte more recent eps it kinda starts to show the animators arent quite used to adapting the manga style and it becomes pretty obvious#the ed is cute but a Huge indicator of this like who are they#the music also like i like it a lot!! but it just feels pretty off to me especially as the ssgirls/laureley r established to be more rock#leaning in terms of music but it feels a lot more pop adjacent from what we've heard because i guess thats supposed to fit a cute yuri#better??!??!? i dont know man it was a big part of the manga for me. but those r just my two cents#maybe one day i'll get one more decent yuri anime adaptation since yaga/kimi orz#asks#iqmmir
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ive watched 3 seasons of 911 in a week. and yeah i also watched the last two s7 eps that came out. yes ive seen spoilers for like the whole show and im still having fun. and hey, the next ep doesnt come out till may so i have time to catch up! (i dont think itll take me three weeks to watch three more seasons)
#you ever see fan reactions to stuff especially ship stuff and youre like#oh my gos theyre exaggerating theres no way its Like That#and then you watch the show and it is REALLY Like That and you have to come to terms with oh...#theyre not wrong?? anyway thats what im experiencing with buddie rn#and i love all the other characters too soooo much especially chimney hes my second fav after buck#julian watches 911#<- tag just in case but i dont think ill be posting many personal takes here since im zooming thru the series#i didnt think i was gonna get into this#i watched the ep with the kiss cuz i wanted to be all supportive of bi guy rep#figured i wouldnt be able to follow anything else cuz i didnt know the story or characters but it was really easy to understand?#and then later that night i just...started s1. annnnd kept going#i thought the accidents and calls eould be Too Much for me but my morbid curiosity won over in the enz#now i think im desensitized to pretty much everything bloody lol#gotta say the calls they take are faaaaaar more interesting than any kinda cop or detective show ive seen in a Long Time#and the characters really fill it in and make it better#so yeah i am having fun w this
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A SINGLE PALE ROSE GRGRHDHDBDHSH,,
I don’t have a ton to say (especially since it’s been years since I’ve watched most of su) but PLEASE rant about a single pale rose I beg
Man A Single Pale Rose. That episode was such a turning point it was huge when it came out. For ages one of the biggest debates in the fandom was between the people who thought Rose was Pink Diamond, and the people who thought that the people who thought Rose was PD were idiots. I was part of the latter group i thought there was no way that could possibly be true its just one of those crazy theories that doesn’t make any sense. And then Single Pale Rose happened and shook Everything
Single Pale Rose Single Handedly causes the entire rest of the season, if Steven hadn’t decided then and there to push on it if Pearl hadn’t managed to find a way to actually tell him. If it hadnt have happened the diamonds would have shown up and the crystal gems would have lost, the only reason they don’t is that Steven manages to tell them hes PD, if it had of been a little later the diamonds would have arrived in the middle of That emotional debacle
One part of the episode i really like is how it builds up, it gives you hints and implications as the episode goes on so by the time the actual reveal happens and you see Rose shapeshift into PD you pretty much already know where the scene is going. I just think its a clever way to do it and also the whole pearl-ception thing with pearl inside pearl inside pearl inside pearl inside pearl’s pearl, its played for a joke but has some interesting implications about how gems memories work and weather it applies to all gems or if Pearl is specific in that way
The way Rose is portrayed throughout the series is really interesting to me, people have said it before but her arc really is shown in reverse. The first mentions the audience gets of her is characters praising her and making her look like the most perfect person in the world, placing her high up on this pedestal that everyone put her on and making Steven think he has to try to live up to what everyone else says about Rose, then as season 1 and 2 go on theres little bits and pieces, we find out maybe she wasn’t completely perfect and had some flaws but she was still really really good. And then come season 3 the real cracks start to show, she poofed and bubbled Bismuth and hid it from everyone for some unclear reason, i feel like theres smthn else but im blanking, and then in the last three eps of the season, Beta, Back To The Moon, and Bubbled, its all shattered (he) when we find out Rose Killed somebody, also retroactively making the Bismuth thing worse. And then barely a season and a half later it’s revealed that Rose and the person she killed, are the same person. And that messes with everything. Now she looks like this awful person who lied to everyone who ever cared about her and caused the deaths of thousands of people by staging a stupid war where she was the head of both sides. And then with the movie and future we learn about Pink Pearl and Spinel and how theyve been treated.
And thats the order her arc is presented in because thats the order Steven learns about it in. And so Rose goes from a saint Steven could never dream of living up to, to someone Steven never wants to be anything like. But if you reorganise everything into chronological order, while shes still not a great person and still did some awful awful things, you can see her intentions and that she really wasnt a malicious party in all this. She starts off a kid, and being treated like one by the people she craves to be seen as a equal by. Shes mistreated by the people around her and so tries to get their attention the only way she knows how, by throwing tantrums. Eventually she manages to get her own colony and almost instantly she sees whats wrong with what they’re doing, shes likely never had the chance to see the process in action so she never got it until then. She tries and tries to go back on what shes said but the other diamonds wont let her, so she makes a drastic choice that then has consequences she hadn’t considered. And an all out war breaks out, but shes too deep by now, she can just come out and say what shes done nobody will ever take her seriously ever again, so she has to end it on her own. And she does the war ends. She didnt know what the diamonds would do after she didnt know about the cluster or the gem experiments or the corruption song, if she’d known maybe she would have made a different choice, maybe she wouldnt have who knows. And then she spends the rest of her days loving and protecting the world she fought so hard for, living with the knowledge of the things shes done, and she tries to be better.
#i love su sm fr fr#i didnt know if be able to write that much about single pale rose but ig i scammed it by going on about rose herself instead#sgdjdhgsgsgsghd#considering its such a HUGE episode i really couldnt think of much to say about SPR#id have a lot more to say about the fallout of SPR but as a stand alone not much#the ending is so funny tho like. what was going on ghe other two were there#imagine if they hadnt been. imagine if steven had of dropped back out into an empty room and then had to go tell pol#do u think he would have waited. would pearl have been able to help him or is him knowing not enough the others needed to know too#the end of that episode is so funny tho just Amethyst’s ‘whaaaaa’ and the ep cuts to credits#especially since on the airings the credits olayed over a trailer for the next episodes#and the trailed had Amethyst’s line from NWOFA of ‘so youre telling me rose quarts leader of the crystal gems was actually pink diamond???!’#peak comedy shout out#Tree Man Posts#asks#steven universe#single pale rose
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Everyone Introduced in Dimension 20′s Neverafter episode 7
#dimension 20 spoilers#dimension 20#d20 introductions#neverafter#neverafter spoilers#cw body horror#level 4 pc statblocks!!#gerard's might have a misspell putting 18 instead of 16? since i don't see any way his strength could have jumped from 15 to 18 at lv 4#mother goose's stats feel Especially strange#they're VASTLY different from the statblock card from two episodes ago- just pulled them up to compare#ALSO UH. UH. UH#I'M STARING WITH THE WIDEST EYES.#this is FUCKED#dying dying dying dying DYING to know what's coming next#AND LIKE LITTLE MISS MUFFET WAS THERE FOR ALL OF THAT TOO-#i saw the cws for body horror like over an hour in when i approached like 58 minutes of silly regular d20 funtime for THAT second half.#what the FUCK.#this is INSANE to me.#also i saw a post from OSHA of all blogs about the ep so i'm going to rb that sorry not sorry <3#but like...................................... FUCK.#what's gonna happen to their reality now??
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I forgot that singing in the head voice falsetto gives me headaches but I wanted to listen to the new hozier song "too sweet" on repeat and sing along 😭
My head...
#i was falsely told i was a soprano (1 but i would lie and say no you told me 2) for 6 years and i thought everyone got headaches during#choir 😭 like for YEARS i thought that and then i noticed when i sing in the car i dont get them but i also sing lower#like hmm almost as if our music teacher should have done vocal testing for ALL new members in the 7th grade... hmmmmmmm#but no she said 'theres no goddamn way all of you are altos half of you come here.'#she also didnt go over like anything just excepted everyone joining to KNOW what a soprano is/where your lines are on sheet music 😭#anyways the song is really repetitive but its sooo good sgdgdgdhd i love it i still need to listen to his last album especially since the#concept is so neat and the cut songs that are the EP really fit the themes they were going for and im really glad he published them anyway#marquilla
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to have and to hold
pairing: bang chan x female reader
summary: you don't think there's anything chan can do to make you love him more. chan continues to prove you wrong.
word count: 1.4k
warnings: mentions of pregnancy, lots of fluff!!
a/n: sorry it has been so long since i posted! i have been wanting to write this since that ep of return of superman where chan and felix took care of rowoon, it was so so sweet. also i'm so sorry but i did not edit this at all
till death do us part collection | read it on ao3 | masterlist
“Do you think you’d ever want to have kids?”
Your question breaks through the quiet dialogue of the show that you and Chan are watching. Behind you, you feel Chan freeze before he forces himself to relax and continue fiddling with your fingers.
Chan hesitates for a moment longer before answering.
“I don’t know,” he says, slowly and carefully. “I think that I’d want to eventually, but right now? Being an idol- It would be difficult. I mean, for anyone it’s hard, but especially with this career…”
“Do you like children?” you ask, curious even though you can anticipate his answer.
“Yes.” This time he replies immediately, although his voice is still cautious. He releases your hands from his hold and gently nudges your shoulders so that you twist to look at him. “Y/n- Do- Are you-”
“What?” you stare at him, not sure why he suddenly seems so worried.
“Are you pregnant?” he asks gently. “It’s fine if you are! We can totally work things out and I will 100% support you the whole time-”
“Oh!” You smack yourself in the forehead. “No! Definitely not! I was just thinking.”
“Ah.” Chan slumps against the back of the couch, this time he’s actually relaxed. “Just thinking or- what brought this on?”
“I’m sorry,” you say hurriedly. “That must have been out of nowhere for you. No, it’s because my older sister’s wedding anniversary is coming up, the first one since she’s had a kid, so I wanted to let her go out without having to worry. I was wondering if you wanted to help me babysit?”
“I see,” Chan says, sounding relieved. “Your sister. Yes, I haven’t met Doyun yet, right? I’d love to help you take care of him.”
—
Your sister is delighted that you’ve offered to take Doyun for an evening and you quickly coordinate with Chan what day would work best. It’s not possible to babysit on your sister’s actual anniversary due to Chan’s schedules, but your availabilities line up on a Friday night the weekend after.
Chan is nervous leading up to it, which you find absolutely adorable. When you look over his shoulder one night, curious what he’s focusing so intently on, you find him scrolling through articles on interacting with babies as well as tips on baby-proofing an apartment.
Before your sister arrives, you work with Chan for a few hours transforming the open area of your apartment, placing pillows and draping blankets over sharp corners and making sure to keep any small objects out of reach.
When the doorbell rings, Chan panics, popping his head out of the kitchen from where he’s been trying to figure out a way to prevent Doyun from being able to open the cabinets.
“We're not ready!” he says, eyes wide.
“What do you want to do, keep them waiting outside until you finish?” you joke, then pause when it looks like Chan is actually considering it. “Don't worry, I'll go let my sister in and you keep working on that. We'll be watching Doyunnie the whole time, so even if you can't work that out, it's fine.”
Your sister doesn't stay for very long. She hands Doyun off to you and assures both you and Chan that your place looks safe for a baby. After going through everything that is packed in the massive diaper bag that she’s leaving with you, she heads back home to get ready for her dinner.
Doyun has a short attention span and cycles between playing with a stuffed animal, a ball, some plastic fruits and vegetables, and toy trains within the first hour. He is so adorable that you and Chan don't mind how much energy is required to keep him occupied. Luckily he's a fairly easygoing baby and hasn't fussed at all, although it did take a while for him to warm up to the two of you.
He's comfortable now, especially since Chan has started to spin the two of them around, hands firmly gripping Doyun’s torso. Doyun absolutely loves it, shrieking in excitement with his eyes crinkling. Even after a few minutes of the same thing, he never grows bored, just as thrilled everytime that Chan lifts him above his head. Although Doyun isn’t very heavy yet, after 15 minutes there’s sweat visible on Chan’s forehead and he’s starting to get out of breath.
“How about we take a bit of a break? Do you want to read?” Chan sits Doyun down against some pillows and rummages through the bag that your sister packed, finding some of the books that she included.
Chan hands the books over and although Doyun accepts both of them, he throws them aside and instead clumsily reaches up towards Chan, clearly asking to be picked up again. Chan pretends to groan and complain as he lifts Doyun back up.
“Aww,” you coo. “He really likes you.”
“And I really like him,” Chan says, spinning Doyun around. “I just wish I hadn’t gone to the gym earlier today, I didn’t realise what a workout this would be!”
Eventually Doyun grows tired, no longer begging Chan to continue. This time when Chan settles him on the ground, he just looks around curiously before crawling up to Chan and grabbing at his curls.
“He’s so small,” Chan marvels. “Look at his little fingers!”
He reaches out towards Doyun, who immediately wraps his hand around Chan’s index finger and pulls it towards his mouth.
It's comical to see the difference in size between their hands and Chan visibly melts, allowing Doyun to gum at his fingers, quickly covering them in a sheen of saliva.
“Are you hungry Doyunnie?” Chan asks. “It’s almost time for dinner, let’s see what your auntie prepared for us.”
By the time Doyun is set up in a high chair with a bib on, you’ve finished cooking. Dinner for Doyun is simple, consisting of steamed vegetables, tofu, rolled omelette, rice, and a bit of fruit. You’ve also used the same ingredients plus a few additions to make kimchi stew for you and Chan.
Chan is distracted the whole meal, prioritising feeding Doyun and wiping his face clean in between bites over eating his own food. It's a futile effort since Doyun seems more interested in smearing the food around rather than getting it into his mouth.
When you're finished with your food, you switch spots with Chan and coax Doyun into eating the last few bites he has left while Chan scarfs down his own meal.
After dinner, you carry Doyun into the bathroom and start filling the bathtub with a shallow layer of warm water. He watches with wide eyes as you add bubble bath that changes the colour of the water to a deep blue and creates a thick cover of bubbles. After washing the dishes and wiping down the kitchen, Chan joins the both of you just as you’re rinsing suds out of Doyun’s hair.
Cleaned and dressed in a fuzzy onesie with tiny bear ears poking out from the hood, Doyun struggles to stay awake for the rest of the evening. It’s obvious that he’s tired, he’s starting to get cranky and his blinks get longer and longer, but he stubbornly continues to play. After his third time nodding off while slotting plastic shapes into a cube, Chan picks him up and walks him around the room, rocking him slightly while humming a melody that you can’t recognize.
When your sister comes to pick up Doyun, he's sprawled out on Chan’s chest, deeply asleep. A line of drool drops from his open mouth to form a wet spot on Chan’s shirt, but Chan doesn’t seem to mind, staring at Doyun with stars in his eyes.
That night, right when you're about to fall asleep, Chan speaks up. His arms are wrapped around you and you can feel his breath against the back of your neck.
“I think,” he says quietly. “I think I want kids. Not now, I still have the same concerns as before, but in the future? I want it.”
“You did so well with Doyunnie, it looked so natural,” you agree. “I think you would be a great dad.”
“Only if you’re there by my side,” he corrects.
“There’s nowhere I’d rather be.”
till death do us part collection | read it on ao3 | masterlist
#to have and to hold#till death do us part collection#chahnniesroom#skz fanfic#skz fluff#skz fic#skz x reader#stray kids fluff#stray kids fanfic#stray kids x reader#stray kids x y/n#stray kids x you#stray kids x female reader#bang chan x y/n#bang chan x you#bang chan x reader#bang chan fluff#chan x y/n#chan x reader#chan x you#chan fluff#skz imagines#stray kids#chan#bang chan
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i see all these comments talking about this after the new episode, but. i would like to state for the record that stolitz isn't. toxic.
first off, the concept of a toxic and a healthy relationship are such... vague terms. when you're online, drenched in language and tight moral boundaries, trying to put a nuanced story like helluva boss's into boxes is easy to attempt and impossible to do.
a toxic relationship is one where one or both parties is maliciously affecting the other. I'm talking fetid, nasty, rude interactions where there is more hurt than love. they're unhappy more often than not when they're with their partner, there's no respect or give from the other side.
stolitz is nothing like that.
Stolas actively cares about Blitz and actually has no fear or hesitation in ADMITTING IT OUT LOUD TO OZZIE. he has been calling, texting, commenting, laughing and finding ways to spend time with Blitz. he's throwing everything he has to the wind, finding the courage to move forward with the divorce, putting everything he has into trying to keep him. he's been alone in a palace since he was born, on medication, with such less people dear to him that he remembered the circus boy who spent a day with him DECADES ago- so when blitz comes into his life and brings back in laughter and color and sex, he's holding on with everything he's got.
and blitz does care!!! he cares a LOT, the whole series we see him falling in love with stolas through SHOW NOT TELL (his expressions, his choices, his fear, his lashing out) and utterly unable to process that stolas cares about him too when talking to fizz; almost a desperate kind of denial-
cause yknow. the first time he tried to confess something to someone he really liked, he accidentally killed half the people he knew and ruined the lives of the rest?
thats gonna leave just a teensy impact on the will to express your emotions in the future, methinks.
even before that, he clearly felt like on some level that he was unworthy and he's said twice that he despises himself for the accident even though it wasn't actually his fault. being self aware doesn't stop the emotions from emotioning.
he keeps insisting its only sex so urgently to anyone who doesn't ask because he can't even imagine it being anything else. he's both disappointed and relieved when he repeats that stolas sees him as a novelty, because what else can it be?
(there's a whole other spiel of how brave both Stolas and Blitz have to be to say it out loud even when asmodeus can't afford to, considering how publically and completely beaten down both were at the club.)
(there's also another whole spiel about how frustrating it has been for ME to see all these comments over time with such bad takes based on like,, 20 min worth of info of a show that takes months to release an ep. like godDAMN have some patience?? let the story UNFOLD MAYBE? IT WAS ALWAYS GOING TO HAVE AN EXPLANATION WHY WOULD YOU CRITICIZE THINGS THAT ARENT EVEN FINISHED ESPECIALLY AN INDIE ANIMATION- i digress)
mind you, this has NOTHING to do with abuse. an abusive relationship is one where one is actively harming the other with full awareness. Stella is an abuser and their marriage is abusive.
and stolitz isn't that; it isn't even unhealthy or toxic. it's a consensual, transactional fuckbuddy relationship that slid into something more for both of them.
but!!!!! one of the main reasons for the problems that everyone looks over is-
they're in a BDSM relationship.
I can't possibly delve into dynamics without making this a 10k research paper BUT even though we've gotten only hints and costumes and dialogue- they're very clearly and undeniably in a BDSM contract. Behind the scenes of this crazy show is a whole different story, of these two delving into the most hardcore kinks out there- knifeplay, painplay, bondage.
if you've gotten into the community, if you've read a couple dozen particularly good fics by authors who know what they're talking about, hell; even if your only experience is fifty shades or 365 or whatever- you gotta know that BDSM scenes are crazy fucking emotionally heavy. there's so much that has gone down between them during their full moons that helluva can't get into!!
but you know how in so many of these popular medias and fics, the dom in the relationship is also like,, the billionaire/mafia heir/prince, etc, the one with financial and physical power? this isnt that. it has been very clearly stated that stolas is subbing, blitz is domming.
now take a moment and think about how much that fucks up the dynamics.
in stolas' eyes, blitz is a confident, dangerous individual who's an old friend and cherished memory of his, who he's trusted wholly with his safety during sex and he's lucky to have; and he has been in an abusive arranged marriage for the past eighteen Years, he's probably not going to be pushing his luck with his dom that much in the first place. plus, blitz is never cowed by him during their conversations- think back to the first phone call right after he stole the book, completely unafraid.
and for blitz, it's someone trusting him again- but it's also a royal- a blue blood who's nearly untouchable and so much more powerful- who couldn't possibly like a piece of shit like him, apart from the sex he gets out of it. he only flirts once he gets some sort of cue from Stolas; he's desperately trying to view this as only a Goetia trying to get his rocks off, despite all the evidence to the contrary, because anything else is unfathomable to him, no matter how clearly Stolas shows it, because of the ptsd.
both of them thinks the other has the power. both of them aren't expecting the other to keep shut if something's bothering them.
and there's so much conflicting messages from the other too!
stolas calls him a plaything when trying to intimidate the humans; stolas cups his face gently and asks if he's alright
blitz asks him on a date and tells him to get better soon; blitz yells that it's only sex and doesn't reply to his messages
ya see?
bring it to fizzozzie for a second now; even though they do look all good on surface, you can still see fizz's trauma and doubt in all their interactions, they're still forced to keep the relationship secret. do you see his face when Ozzie says in hyperbole that he's never leaving the house again, or when someone accuses him of being a pampered house pet or when he got sexualized in the 7th ep? whatever happened in the interim between the accident with mammon, it fucked him UP. even though oz seems to be well aware of this when he tells him not to apologise and in their general interactions, fizz still visibly has trouble separating plaything/commodity from healthy relationship.
shout the fuck out to Ozzie btw, man knows whats UP. rooting for these two so much omg.
i forgot where I was going with this point, I'll edit it when i remember. but yeah! lovely fucking relationship, but damn what angst filled issues.
anyway, to sum up- stolitz is not a toxic relationship. the relationship is stuck sludging through misunderstandings and careless microaggressions and trauma responses, but it's not unhealthy or toxic because of the simple reason that most of the current hurt comes from... a misunderstanding. stolas didn't realise blitz would need reassurance about what they were and blitz didn't see stolas as someone who could get hurt.
unecessarily calling it toxic, even online, is more impactful than people think too. almost all spindlehorse ARE on all social medias; so MANY YouTube animators i know have found jobs there; they see your words, especially since a lot don't tag posts with "anti hb" correctly to keep them out of the main tag. there are Very few queer medias made BY queer people that haven't gone through heavy corporate revisions- helluva boss is practically a historical landmark in its success. it's very very very fucking easy to forget that not ten years ago some of the only queer videos on YouTube were butter lover (one kiss at the end post credits), dirty paws and welcome to hell (subtext).
the amount of "critical talk" helluva boss gets for what it is is very unprecedented. it's a beautiful show. can't wait for the next episode.
#helluva boss#stolas#blitz#stolitz#fizzarolli#helluva boss ozzie#okay im gonna make SO much content but i had to get this off my chest first#because so many people were like omg fizzozzie is so healthy stolitz take a lesson!!#and theres so much more nuance to it thats its so. frustrating to see a statement like that#meta#anyways#i love this fucjing show
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One month on; The future of Monkey wrench as a fully animated indie series.
It’s been exactly one month since Ep 3 of Monkey was released to the public, and as the ever want to be as transparent as possible with indie production it’s time we sat down and had a very important discussion on the future of the series…
So, as we said above, one month has passed from the public release of episode 3, and everything hinges on how well it does.
Below are the metrics for it on Youtube;
Our hope was to have ep 3 hit 500k in two weeks. After 31 days we’re still under 470k views, ad rev as you can see is pitiful and engagement has evaporated. Maybe we set our hopes a little too high?
It’s not all doom and gloom though, this is the first ep to get this many views in this amount of time. Our patreon support has grown by 1/3 after the ep came out and our Scratch & Scritch plushies did ok, see images below;
So as of now, we have enough money for voices, sound and music for episode 4. Voice recording begins next week and I hope to start the animatic for the ep sometime after.
As for the animation portion of production… things are looking a little tricky.
As you should know, animation, especially frame by frame stuff like we do, it’s obscenely time intensive and expensive. For ep 3 we had a rough animation rate of $20.83 per 1 second of animation and the same for clean up with very minimal edits and redos.
Seeing the recent animation pay discourse has honestly shaken us up pretty bad, we had no idea how pitiful our pay had been compared to other indies and we in no way want to exploit anyone for their work on the series.
With both Ash and I putting everything we had saved in Eps 1, 2 and 3 and seeing how below average they’ve all performed and with how little we can afford to pay our animators, on top of burning myself out horrifically doing 3 eps in a row, we’ve sadly had to come to the conclusion that full animation for this series is no longer financially possible at our current support level.
That does not mean we’re stopping production, however.
There are two possible routes we can take;
Route 1; Animatic hybrid.
Over the past week and a half I managed to solo out 5 minutes and 15 seconds of animatic keyframe animation for our recently released outtakes video.
youtube
At our current support level I can do the animatic keyframe route for most of the mundane stuff in an ep, and then go into full animation for the ‘good bits’, that way we can pay our animators an actual decent wage. Over time if our support grows we can return to full animation.
Route 2: Kickstart ep 4 for $100k
We have thought about doing a kickstarter type thing to get the $100,000 we’d need for the animation portion of the ep. We want to pay our animators properly for their time and skill and this would be the best route to go if we want to have ep 4 fully animated.
However with our current viewership and engagement with eps 1, 2 and 3 I’m not sure we could hit a goal of $100,000 in the 30 days we need.
Is it a risk worth taking?
What would we do for rewards?
Physical rewards would take money away from animation production and things like animated rewards would take time away from myself working on the ep.
That’s pretty much where my mind has been at the past few days. I’d love to hear your input and thoughts on how you would like us to proceed.
#monkey wrench#indie animation#zeurel#2d animation#youtube#animation#animators of tumblr#indie series#support indie creators#Youtube
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child of divorce moment
#just finished the shadow play episode. you alrready know where im going with this#i like how macaque was like yeah i was gonna torment you emotionally but youre already doing that lmao#its like when i was on call with my brother and cousin and our cousin was like 'im gonna steal your diamonds >:)'#andthen theres a pause and hes like 'wait wheres youre diamonds' 'dude we dont have any' and he was like 'damn thats sad. do you want some#DUDE LITERALLY BREAKSINTO OUR HOUSE FOR DIAMONDS AND HES LIKE DAMN BITCH YOU LIVE LIKE THIS? HERE#i really like how this ep makes it clear that macaque doesnt actually have a beef with MK and its really a beef by extension bc hes with#wukong lol. literally tells him hes a good kid and doesnt pretend to have a beef with him just because#doesnt stop him from using mk like he did in the first ep he appeared in which i cant remember the name of. but its there#maybe im reading into this too much but idk. does this say something about his morals like how he didnt go further with tormenting mk when#mk basically spilled everything to him? like he absolutely could have done it so?? this fucking show man#ALSO he might be right about mk just having a terrible teacher because he knows firsthand as a former friend of swk. so there are some part#that mk might not know of based on stories or what swk has shown to him. especially since hes supposed to be someone mk looks up to#this feels very obvious now that i said all that and something the show is probably trying to show me anyway i know#yapping#lmk
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