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msmarvelwrites · 4 years

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The Winter Ghost - Part 9

Info: A Devastating car crash causes you to lose your memory and start over. The only thing left in the wreckage was the horrific nightmares which plagued your mind. If you knew what today would entail you would have just stayed in bed. But you didn’t and because of that, everything you knew was about to change.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: swearing, angst if you squint.

W/c: 2.5 k

A/n: Thank you so much to all of you have have given this fic so much love. And thank you to @cutie1365 for all her help and support! Hope you all are having a great week! Also I promise more Y/n x Bucky interactions are coming soon!

It had been exactly five days since the three men left on their recon mission to see what Zemo knew. Five days. Besides the occasional report on Natasha’s part, you haven't heard from Bucky again since that night.

This was a good thing, you thought. Maybe he was respecting your space. Maybe he had come to his senses. Maybe he meant that text for someone else. Ouch, You hurt your own feelings with that one.

In any case, the time away from the Super Soldier had given you the clarity you needed to think. You and Natasha trained almost every morning and in your spare time you would work out with Sam. He was a good trainer, besides the lingering eyes when he asked you to do squats. You didn't really mind though. You weren't really sure why you were training. It's not like anyone knew where you were, or even cared at that point. The Avengers in New York had their own problems and as far as the rest of the world knew, Y/n L/n didn't exist.

Everytime you would ask Nat what this was all for she would only shrug and say something about ‘Avengers must be prepared.’ The idea that you could even be compared to the world saving team was insane and frankly terrifying to say the least. You were just Y/n. Sure Hydra had pumped you full of some mystery serum but without your memories you weren't even sure what that meant.

Speaking of, since that fateful day at the market, you had no sign of anything else coming back to you. You felt like you were letting everyone down. Especially Shuri who had been working tirelessly to help try and regain something, anything that would make you remember. A part of you worried that no matter what she did, you would never truly know. And a small part of you was maybe a little thankful. The idea of your past life terrified and fascinated you all at once.

Over the past few days, Wanda helped teach you that little mind trick of yours. Once you got the hang of it, it was hard to say out of people's heads. Though you had more control over your ability than before, sometimes your friends were just too loud; you couldn't help but pick them out of a room.

“Hey good lookin'! You ready to hit the gym?” Sam's voice echoed through the kitchen while you poured yourself a tall mug of coffee. You signed, still sore from yesterday's workout.

“Don’t you guys do anything other than workout?” You asked, eyeing him sceptically.

“What's it look like?” He winked, flexing his bicep.

Guess that's a no.

“Okay, okay. Just let me enjoy this small fleeting moment of peace while I drink my coffee. I’ll meet you there in fifteen.” You spoke, exasperated. You weren't getting out of this one. You knew that, and so did he.

“Fine, but if you're late, we’re sparring. And you know damn well I fight dirty.” He smirked, jogging out of the room. God, he was insufferable. Over the time since Sam had come back you both had spent a lot of time together. He was a flirt and you were awkward as hell, but the two of you became close friends. Plus, he liked to shit talk Bucky as much as you did.

You brought your mug up to your lips and took a big sip, letting the rich aromatic smell of coffee invade your senses. While the others would lay down their respective lives to save the world, you would do it just for this moment. Were you a junky? The thought made you giggle.

“What's so funny, dear?” Nat strolled into the kitchen, eyeing you while you only shook your head.

“Oh, nothing.” You paused as she looked through the fridge for her usual morning orange juice.

“Top shelf, on the left.” You spoke.

“Got it. Thanks. What are your plans for today?” She questioned, grabbing a glass from the cabinet.

“I’m heading to the gym in a few, if you care to join me. Besides that, I’m open. Why what’s up?” You asked, bringing the mug back to your mouth and finishing what little coffee you had left.

“No reason… the boys are coming home today and-” the coffee that once resided in your mouth spewed out in an almost cartoonish spit-take. Your hand flew up to your face, but it was too late. You choked on the fluid over coughs and apologies.

“Wait- What?” You asked dumbfounded.

…………..................................................................................................................

“Wait- what?” Steve asked in shock, his eyes almost bulging out of his face. Bucky couldn't help but chuckle at his friend's delayed reaction.

“I kissed her Steve” He reiterated again, “… Or maybe she kissed me- I don't know, it just kinda’ happened.” Bucky huffed, rubbing the back of his head as his eyebrows knitted together. It didn't matter now anyways, he had ruined it. He knew he had to, but dammit, that didn't mean it hurt any less. Knowing no matter who actually initiated the kiss- it happened, and in turn, completely altered their relationship. Whatever it had been in the first place.

“How could you let this happen, Barnes?” Steve barked, knocking him out of his train of thought.

“Don't give me that ‘Captain’ bullshit, punk. Not with me. I don’t know, there's something about that girl. She just-”

“She's just nothing. No Buck, absolutely not. Do not go down this road. I’m warning you.” Steve pointed a finger at Bucky's chest, the sheer strength pushing him back a few pases. He held his ground though as to not let on that little Stevie was capable of such strength.

“Well it doesn't matter, I called it off anyways.” Bucky mumbled. Steve only sharply nodded in confirmation.

“Why do you care, anyways?” Bucky asked, watching his friend carefully.

“I- I don't. I don’t care. I mean- yes! I care, of course I do. You're my best friend… I don't want to see you get hurt…” Steve stuttered.

After all these years Bucky would have thought he’d get better at lying but, wanting to drop the conversation he nodded, accepting his failed attempt.

“I’m glad you broke it off with her, Buck. There's so much you-” He coughed, though it sounded like more of a choke, “We. there's so much we don't know.” He finished, obviously staring at Bucky’s forehead, rather than his eyes.

Damn he was bad at lying.

“Anyways…” Bucky started, desperate to change the subject from Y/n to something less gut wrenching. “When’s ship out?” He asked, as the two men walked back to their motel.

They had landed in Berlin five days ago. Five excruciatingly long days. Bucky had called and hung up on Y/n seventeen times since they got there. He prayed to whatever God he believed in the calls never made it to her end.

Meeting with Zemo took a lot out of Bucky. The man knew the deepest parts of himself. The parts that shamed him, and caused him nothing but heartache and pain. T’Challa had helped to sneak Steve and him into the Joint Counter Terroist Center, giving them a little less than thirty minutes to interrogate the man.

Bucky wasn't sure about any of this. Why would Zemo want anything to do with Y/n? Unless he was just a cog. The whole thing made very little sense, but then again, he trusted Y/n. With every fiber of his body he trusted her. Even if Steve wasn't quite as sold.

That's only because he hasn't kissed her sweet lips. God, if he only knew how you tasted.

Ouch, he hurt his own feelings with that one.

The memory for Zemo’s twisted smile knocked him out of his daze.

“The prodigal son returns, it seems,” He chuckled, sadistically. Even his voice sent a shiver down Bucky's spine. The idea of this man's hands on Y/n in any capacity was enough to send him into a blind rage. But they hadn't come to tear his head clean off his body, though Bucky knew he could do it without even flinching.

“Here to ask you some questions. And you're going to answer them.” Steve barked in his most authoritative Captain voice. Zemo chuckled, never once taking his eyes off Bucky.

“The Winter Soldier and his boyfriend. What a pleasure…” Steve only huffed in response causing a sadistic smirk to tug on the prisoners mouth.

“Twenty minutes.” T’Challa spoke into their coms.

“What do you know about Y/n L/n?” Bucky spoke this time. He hoped Zemo didn't see his harsh expression falter as the mere mention of her name.

“Ah, Agent L/n… Quite a specimen, wouldn't you agree, hound?” Zemo practically spit the word. Steve reached his arm out, gripping onto Bucky’s shoulder, holding him back.

He wouldn't even flinch. It would take seconds.

“Answer the Question.” Steve boomed.

“Yes, Y/n and I go way back. You have her don't you? Found her triggers yet? Does she even remember her own name?” He laughed, almost maniacally, like something out of those old comic books Bucky was so fond of.

“Steve…” Buck warned, knowing that he wasn't going to be able to hold it together much longer. Steve nodded, turning his gaze back to the small man in the cell.

“What's in the serum, Zemo. What exactly did you give her?” He asked, stepping closer to the glass case he was sitting in.

“Couldn't tell you if I wanted to. But she knows… And when she remembers, oh. What. A. Day.” He smirked, tapping on the glass with every word.

“What does that mean? What are her triggers?” Steve questioned. When Zemo only shrugged the Captain’s fist flew against the glass, sending a booming echo through the room.

“Ten minutes.” T’Challa’s voice ran through their coms again. It was now or never. They probably wouldn't get another chance like this. The men were fugitives. The mere fact they crossed the European border was a god send.

“Why didn't you just kill her? Huh? Why go to all this trouble...Why give her the serum?” Bucky asked, trying, truly trying to keep his voice level. The idea of never meeting Y/n made his heart ache.

“We tried to clone the serum. She's a smart one, мой ребенок. Made it so that without being mixed with her blood and exposed to radiation, it would be useless. Her fail safe. I don't think she ever thought...” He chuckled, shaking his head from side to side. “Tell me, did her arm heal okay?”

Bucky gritted his teeth. The smug bastard. The thought of the torture Hydra must have put her though made him feel physically ill. Worse than anything they could have ever done to him. They touched her. He could practically hear her screams ringing through his mind.

He wouldn't. Even. Flinch.

“We must leave. Someone's alerted a guard.” T'Challa's panicked voice shook Bucky out of his rage. Zemo seemed to notice.

“Give my regard to мой ребенок.” He flashed a toothy smile, taking a seat again.

“Get out of there!” The king's voice boomed, but Bucky didn't move. Steve yanked on his arm, pulling him towards the doors.

“They know where she is.” Zemo spoke so quietly the two men almost didn't hear. But they did.

“Who?” Bucky snapped. The man only chuckled, and waved as Steve yanked him out of the room.

…………..................................................................................................................

You met Sam and Nat in the gym, fifteen minutes later.

He was coming home today. You always knew eventually he would, but you were hopeful you'd have a little more time. Time for what, you weren't sure. All you knew is your heart still ached with his final words.

The idea of seeing Bucky’s face again made a lump appear in your throat. You weren’t ready. I mean, truthfully, you weren’t sure you'd ever be.

You had dealt with rejection before, sure. Your freshman boyfriend asked Angie Cordillia to the winter formal instead of you. You cried all night. But this- this was different. You knew it. You felt it, and it ripped through your heart like a chainsaw to paper.

“You're late!” Sam shouted from the treadmill going full speed. Well, not full speed- it was made for Steve and Bucky after all.

“I am not. Right on-” You looked down at your watch. “Time…” Oh shit. One minute past ten.

“I’m just warming up, and then I’m coming for you… Ya ready, beautiful?” Sam asked, sending a wink your way.

You looked to Natasha who only sent you a smirk while she stretched on the gym mat.

You huffed, tying your hair back into a ponytail. “Listen, Sam, I know what you said but I’m just really not feeling-“

“You know why you’re here?” Sam suddenly interrupted. All joking tones had melted out of his words as you approached him.

“Well, do you?” He repeated.

You thought about that for a moment. Yeah, you knew why. The team needed to find out whatever serum was in your system before Hydra would clone it. You were a means to an end. You were of course willing to be that cog, if to help right the wrong you had done in your past life, but that’s all it was.

“You’re here because Y/n, the old Y/n was the best of the best. She was a fighter. And whether you remember or not, she’s in there. Maybe there’s a way to take that serum out of ya, maybe you can just start over. But if you can’t, whatever you believe in has put it in there to make you stronger. So you decide, are you just here to be here, or are you a fucking Avenger?” His words hit you like a ton of bricks.

Sam was never the sentimental type. Far from it, in fact. You’d never heard him speak with such passion. You wanted to believe he meant it, but a gnawing feeling in the fit of your stomach kept you from fully retaining his worlds.

“I- I’m not an Avenger.” You signed, wanted nothing more than to be the kind of person to spring into action after his speech, but you weren’t. You knew that was because you were no hero.

“Maybe not officially. The bands kinda broken up at the moment. But lemme’ just say this,” He placed a hand on your shoulder, “You’re here for a reason. So we’re not going to sit around in Shuri’s lab all day. We’re going to train and maybe, if I kick your ass enough, you’ll realize just how special you are.” He gave you a little shove, knocking you back a little. You tried to speak but your voice betrayed you.

“Dammit.” You finally spoke.

“Yeah, I don’t know where that came from either…” Sam chucked. You wanted to protest, to argue that you weren’t the person he thought you were. But you didn’t.

You weren’t sure if it was the look in his eyes, or the intro to Shoot to Thrill by AC/DC that came blaring out of the gym speakers, but in any case, you believed him.

“Fine, Give me your best shot, Wilson.”

................................................................................................................................

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed please remember to leave a like or reblog <3 Your validation means to much to me lol Hope you all are having an amazing weekend! Remember to take some time for yourself and practice self care! Lord knows we all need it right now.

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