Anyway, just want to post about how I recently expressed my distress that a person who sexually assaulted me still had an obviously masturbatory story extant on a big internet fandom thing... through finding relevant Discord forums and expressing my distress at that story’s existence (and its absolutely not being necessary to the canon), I managed to get that removed.

The person who assaulted me is still an inexorable part of this fandom I actually love. However... I know for a fact he would hate most of the ways that people interpret him now, so I am not hurt by that. I fucking love it.

But I just really thought his weird sex fantasies shouldn’t be on the wiki, and I’m thrilled that one was removed because I brought it up. The SCP site used to be run by pretty shitty people, including the guy who assaulted me... the current people are pretty great actually, and they have my approval.

Okay so I jokingly mentioned I have an entire rant on twitter and then people wanted to see it so I’m gonna crosspost here too cause why not

(Note: includes spoilers for Major Grom and Plague Doctor comics, has nothing to do with the movie. It’s regarding what I strongly predict will happen in volume 8, which comes out next week)

(Second note: I’m gonna tag this with ‘long post’ even though it’s behind a cut for the sake of mobile users to go blacklist literally right now if they’re not interested cause I included the relevant comic panels and thus it’s LONG sdklsdklsdks)

Anyway: why Sergey must be the one to personally rescue Oleg in volume 8, from a narrative point of view

In order for Sergey and Oleg's relationship, regardless of how you want to define it, to move forward with positive momentum, this /must/ happen. The narrative demands it in order to bring closure. Why? Well, let's get into it by analyzing what we have so far

1) While I do fully believe Oleg trusts and forgives Sergey (and I’m not gonna go into proof of that here, as others have before), there is a constant spectre hanging over them. A spectre in the shape of 5 bullets. We are reminded constantly of it, largely in the form of Sergey's guilt, which is something we haven't gotten any real closure on yet. Sergey believes himself only capable of destruction, which is literally represented using a picture of him and Oleg.

The rift in their relationship is why Sergey doubts himself. The lasting physical effects bother him as well and we are all but beaten over the head with it - Sergey can't forget and neither can we, the audience. Oleg, too, has to live with this, even if he has made his peace with it

In fact, his long term injuries are what cause him to be captured in the first place. This situation, from a narrative pov, is thus Sergey's fault - if not for the 5 bullets, it's implied Oleg could've won. But no, he's captured and tortured, because of what Sergey did

What Oleg does or doesn't think of that is honestly irrelevant; the narrative is what's setting this up as a direct consequence. Also, whether or not Oleg has forgiven Sergey is also irrelevant because Sergey hasn't forgiven himself. This is what the story has presented and thus what it needs to conclude.

2) We are all also aware that Oleg has rescued Sergey more than once, even when it was ill-advised. The first time, sure, there's some risk, but it’s still in the range of manageable. But the second time? Not only was it more dangerous, given all that was going on in the immediate aftermath, he’s also risking himself to rescue someone who shot him 5 times. Oleg is cautious; he keeps Sergey in a cell presumably until he feels safe freeing him, but he still did it. He planned it, had that place ready, faked their deaths, all of it. He did that after the 5 bullets

So Sergey isn't lying when he tells Lera they don't leave their people behind. Oleg has been there for Sergey before, rescued him no matter the dangers, continues to stay by his side, and even cares enough to make sure he sleeps. Given this, how could Sergey not be ready and willing to return the favour?

3) Every outside character who knows anything about their relationship believes it to be imbalanced. The mercenary, Altan, Vadim, and even Lera. They all say this, they all point out the 5 bullets, that oh, Oleg, why does he stay?

While they don't have the insight us readers do, this tension is here for a reason, especially coupled with the previous two points. Even if we know better, the narrative is offering us a kernel of doubt. Does Sergey really care? Will he go as far for Oleg as Oleg has for him? Did he really mean those apologies? Or are the others right? Even Oleg, although I do think he's lying to protect Sergey, says he has doubts. Vadim seems certain Sergey will come, yet still calls Oleg “Mr. Stockholm Syndrome”.

The equality of their relationship is continually called into question - why do that if it's not going to be resolved? Why play this 'will he, won't he' game if he won't? Why set us up for disappointment? If Sergey doesn't go, all of this will remain unresolved and their relationship can only get worse, not better. The spectre will never leave them alone.

(One note here: I believe most of these perspectives are from unreliable narrators, given what details they give and that their accounts conflict with what we actually see. But these perspectives are included for a reason – imo, so that Sergey can prove them wrong)

4) The other thing the narrative tells us is that Sergey can be impulsive. Yes, he's brilliant, frighteningly so, but it's Oleg that is constantly urging caution. Sergey is aware there are risks, yet he forges ahead anyway, restrained (sometimes) only by Oleg's advice.

Why would that change now? If anything, with how distressed Sergey seems to be, I'd argue he'd be even /more/ impulsive than usual because he's too emotional to think right.

And who's going to urge caution, if not Oleg? Lera? I doubt he would listen if she did and, to be frank, why would she care if Sergey gets hurt? She knows him primarily as the one forcing her into a situation that is having serious negative effects on her life. Her secondary knowledge is that he's a murderer and terrorist. Much as it's fun to think of them all having a friendly relationship, Plague Daughter and all that, that’s not where they are right now. She might from a logical point of view, just because it is very obviously a trap, but Sergey knows that - her saying it isn't going to convince him of anything. Even if she did try, I don't think it'd have any effect.

5) And lastly, Lera is absolutely not ready for this fight. This isn't some regular asshole on the streets; Vadim is a professional killer. He beat Oleg in a fight and, even with his injuries, we all saw the kitchen fight. We know what Oleg is capable of. I love Lera with my whole being and she is a badass, but she's not ready for this. She had trouble with Kamenny, who honestly may have let her win under Altan's instructions.

Even still, Vadim is MUCH better and, much as Altan wants PD alive, I don't think he much cares in what condition. Best case scenario is that Lera gets captured too, and Vadim likely wouldn't hesitate to kill her, and then Sergey has to go himself anyway. Lera may come to help, but Sergey needs to be there. If Sergey really is better than Oleg at present, he's the one who needs to fight Vadim (with a plan, obviously, and maybe some extra backup).

In conclusion, all of this comes together to say one thing: Sergey needs to go. He needs to prove to himself, to the audience, and most of all to the narrative that no, this relationship isn’t one-sided, and that he will go as far for Oleg as Oleg has gone for him. The narrative made this a big point of tension, insisted upon it, beat us over the head with it, and now has teased at Sergey’s opportunity to put up or shut up. It has to be Sergey, both practically because Lera isn’t ready yet, and in order to be a satisfying story. Because if he doesn’t, that tension isn’t resolved. His guilt will only grow after failing Oleg once again, despite Oleg sticking with him through everything, and it would have been by his own choice, not because of the Bird’s influence or anyone else. He will know it. Oleg will know it. We will know it. And their relationship can only sour from there. There will be no more possibility for positive momentum, only negative.

As a last point, I will also say that I’m aware my anxieties may be unfounded. These creators do seem to legitimately care about these characters, telling a good story, and satisfying the audience. But I’ve been burned by pieces of media where that is not the case, so it’s hard for me to trust and not doubt, even with creators who have, so far, not let me down lmao.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my tedtalk, I’m sure I missed something I would’ve liked to add but holy shit this is absurdly long already sdklsdklsk so uh bye ✌️

Spoilers for case 4 of Great Pretender, so if you haven’t finished it I recommend not reading!

While I loved the show, this was everything I found wrong with Case 4

•Edamura’s Dad

The previous cases show what kind of life Edamura lived up until he was recruited by Laurent. He grew up thinking his dad was a human trafficker, someone he respected and loved as a kid, and was someone who would not visit his dying wife. Edamura was abandoned in this indirect regard and was forced to take care of his mother. However, his mother ends up dying and now he has neither a mother or a father but it’s alright because his father was never really guilty in the first place right? Wrong. I absolutely can not get over the fact that his father chose to be a con-man over a father. This is where his father directly abandons him. I’m not even as upset that he chose to help Laurent get revenge for Dorothy, but that he chose a life where he KNEW there was a large chance there was going to be terrible repercussions for both him and his family. Edamura was just a kid and lawyers make plenty of money, there was no need for him to take on those cons. Also because of his father Edamura is forced to grow up with the label “son of a human trafficker”. Not only did that mentally effect Edamura, but it effected how other people saw him. It forced him to feel like the only way to live was by taking from others. I absolutely despised how Edamura’s father knowingly manipulated him. Imagine you are living your life and you are knowingly being manipulated. You can recognize people are pushing you a certain way, but it’s fine becasue really it’s not that big of a deal, such as Laurent manipulating Edamura to continue doing cons, but then you come to find out that a large portion of your life was planned out. That those little manipulations were nothing compared to what was happening behind the scenes. You had unknowingly been lead to someone else’s advantage and you never really had a life of your own. You have no idea what could have been because it was taken from you. Now imagine it’s your father, or someone else you looked up too, manipulating you. I don’t know about y’all but the idea that someone who was supposed to love me guided me through their own plans without my knowledge or consent is extremely upsetting and quite frankly a smidge unforgivable. I absolutely hate Edamura’s dad and can’t stand the way he was forgiven.

•Laurent

Idk why but Laurent really pissed me off in this case. At the beginning it was fine. The chemistry between him and Dorothy was meh, and I liked seeing his story, but when I realized he had been manipulating Edamura the entire time I was actually livid. The show lead me to believe that he was a good guy, but after this case I am rethinking my initial judgment. Laurent doesn’t kill, deal drungs, traffic humans, or anything that was addressed earlier in the show, but he has manipulated someone to a caliber I don’t think I get behind anymore. At first it was okay, that was just how their relationship was, Laurent dragging Edamura into the life of a con artist and Edamura grumpily being dragged along, but now? Laurent had taken away Edamuras choices and lead him on a path to bring closure to himself. I’m all for some good old fashioned revenge, but directing the life choices of someone who you barely know was a huge no-no for me. Edamura was mentally toyed with by a man who never really saw Edamura as just Edamura, but as a means to an end. His choice to put Edamura in a human trafficking business was also in horrendous fashion. Not only does Edamura have an indirect history with human trafficking, but like the show constantly says, he is emotionally sensitive. He put stress on Edamura to convince the chairwoman of his loyalty, and in response the only thing Edamura could do was sell kids despite not wanting too. Edamura really changed during this case (and I’m not talking about his looks) for the worse because of Laurent, and I honestly I don’t think Laurent is a good person anymore, which is sad because I used to love his character.

•The Resoultion

Okay so there might have been a logical reason for the previous cases antagonists to be involved in case 4, but honestly I hated it. To me there was legitimately no reason for them to come back. Their partnership didn’t make sense and it made it seem like the show was trying to throw in a bunch of random plot twists. However, I did kind of take their return as symbolism. As I said before, I don’t really like Luerant anymore because I feel like his manipulation was too much in this case. I feel like the return to these antagonists and their supossed turn to a better life drew a bridge between them and Laurant. They got better while he got worse and they kind of met each other in the middle if that makes sense. In all honesty I would have liked their return if Edamura really had gone dark, but that will be in my next point.

•Edamura’s Betrayal

When Edamura “betrayed” the team I was honestly excited. The show had established a good lead up to Edamura betraying them and honestly I felt like it’s what I would have done. I’m not gonna lie, Great Pretender had the perfect opportunity to establish Stockholm syndrome. A vile woman who comforts a man who lost his friends and even felt betrayed enough to “kill” his father. A man who felt abandoned by the world in both abandonment and death and only relied on himself until he was dragged into the world of being a con artist. I forget her name, but they both clearly felt strong familial bonds towards each other and I honestly don’t know that I would have had the strength to leave that safety despite the severity of her crimes. I genuinely believe the plot should have gone more in this direction rather than the “Let’s forgive everyone becasue they have issues”. Having trauma and issues is never an okay reason to abandon or manipulate someone. It’s a reason but should not be an excuse. Also dark Edamura was kind of a vibe and I’m going to miss it

Please keep in mind that these are freely up for discussion and do not fully reflect my feelings on the show. There were many things I enjoyed about it but I needed to get this off my chest. I’ve dealt with manipulative people in my life and it really bothers me when I see it in shows and no one acknowledges it or wants to address it. If you having anything you want to point out that needs fixed as it is canonicallyinaccurate, add, or want to discuss I’ll be more than happy to accommodate!

Frankenstein AU Segment - “A Time to Mourn” Part 1

Uh- hi - I couldn’t figure out a better title for this one so. We’re stuck with this for now until I think of something better.

Anyways.

This one takes place quite a while after the segment called 'Try.' There's a bit of context missing because of this but... Hopefully it's not too confusing.

A bit of background on this. I knew for a while that I wanted to introduce Ernest and Elizabeth into the main story by having Victor, Henry, and Agape visit William’s grave and be found entirely by accident, but I wasn’t really sure how I wanted to make that happen. And then, in my brain’s infinite wisdom, I came up with.... whatever the hell this is.

Fun fact - part of the writing process for this legitimately had me physically sobbing. Which is kind of sad considering... this isn’t even close to the most painful part of the AU as a whole. Point is though, it took me way longer to write because how in the world do you put into words something that there are no words to describe? I know for sure I still wasn’t able to do it justice despite spending weeks thinking it over and writing and rewriting it, but I think I got it as close as I could possibly get.

Now on to the somewhat disappointing part: this segment is technically going to be posted in two parts. I didn’t intend for it to end up being another two-parter, but what ended up happening was that I suddenly realized I had five pages of content written for it already despite still having more to write and, if I had ended up introducing Ernest the way I originally wanted to, that would have taken up another page or two at least. That would have ended up being a nine to ten page segment - which is waaaay too long if you ask me. This does unfortunately mean that Ernest’s true introduction is going to be delayed, but....

There is a bright side to this, though! I have a new idea for the full introduction of Ernest, and this means that Ernest will actually be getting a segment that is primarily focused on himself way sooner than I originally anticipated. I think he deserves as much, to be honest. 

...All of that out of the way, on to the story.

A few warnings for this one: Mentions of blood, death of a child, and breaking bones (if you catch any I missed, please let me know asap!)

As always, likes, reblogs, and comments of any kind are highly appreciated!

It was before the sun rose that Victor awoke, somehow feeling entirely alert despite having only slept a few hours. He sat up in bed, staring at the wall in silence as he prepared himself for the day and the journey ahead. Henry stirred beside him, and though Victor hushed him quietly, his hazel eyes shuttered open. Still half asleep, he yawned and wriggled slightly, pulling the blanket over himself more before slowly starting to half sit upright. “Mm… it’s not already time for you to leave yet, is it?” he grumbled, voice raspy from sleep.

“If I want to make this as quick a trip as possible, yes,” Victor sighed in return, reaching over and taking Henry’s hand.

“And you promise you’ll be back in two days at most?”

“I promise,” Victor answered quietly, lifting his hand and gingerly kissing the back of it. Henry smiled slightly, shifting his grip and returning the kiss with one of his own on the back of Victor’s hand. Victor smiled back, but the expression soon faded into a more solemn one. “Do you promise you’ll keep him here until I come back?” Henry nodded.

“I promise. We’ll… probably go climbing or something,” he replied, sitting more upright and leaning his head on Victor’s shoulder. Victor rested his head against Henry’s, staring ahead once again.

“You should probably talk to him today, while you’re at it,” he suggested. Henry glanced up at him.

“Only if he brings it up. I don’t think he’d take it well if I was the one to bring it up.” Victor was silent, but nodded after a moment. With great effort, he pried himself away from Henry and slipped out of bed to prepare himself for the journey ahead. As he dressed himself, Henry stretched and pulled himself out of bed, walking over and wrapping his arms around Victor from behind once he was fully dressed in his traveling clothes. Victor leaned back into him as Henry placed his chin on his shoulder, raising one hand and placing his palm on Henry’s cheek. “I wish I could come with you,” Henry murmured quietly.

“I know,” Victor replied, “but someone needs to stay and make sure Agape doesn’t leave.” He sighed softly. “In a perfect world you could come with me and I could trust he wouldn’t follow but… we both know him. He’d follow even if he promised not to.” Henry nodded.

“You’re right. But I’ll still miss you.” Victor smiled, pulling back and turning to face him. He stood on his toes and rested his arms on Henry’s shoulders before kissing him softly, Henry reciprocating as he wrapped his arms back around him.

“I know,” Victor answered as he pulled back again. “I’ll miss you too.” Despite Henry’s reluctance to let him go, Victor moved to grab his black coat from the hook by the bedroom door.

“Please take care of yourself while you’re gone,” Henry requested, walking over and helping him to put the coat on. Victor nodded, popping the collar up.

“I will, as best as I’m able.” Just as he opened the door, Henry took hold of his arm and pulled him in for one last kiss, which Victor certainly didn’t protest to. After a moment, he gently tapped Henry’s shoulder, and Henry begrudgingly broke away, a sort of pouting expression in his eyes that made Victor smile. He walked out of the room, silently opening the front door and stepping outside. Henry followed him to the door, standing in the doorway as Victor took a moment to look up at the starry morning sky, admiring how the black of night had begun to lighten around the horizon with the coming sunrise.

“Victor?” Henry called as he watched his husband begin to make his way toward the trail that would lead down the mountain. Victor paused and turned.

“Hm?”

“I love you.” Victor smiled.

“I love you too. I’ll be back before you know it.” With that, he turned again, and disappeared into the trees.

---

“Agape?” Henry called out, worry in his voice as he trudged through the forest, frantically searching in every direction. “Agape?!” After Victor left, he had crawled back into bed and - despite intending to only sleep until just after the sun fully rose, he had managed to sleep in until noon. When he awoke, he realized that his son was nowhere to be found. Though he tried to keep calm, he was terrified. After all, he promised Victor that he wouldn’t let him leave, but now he couldn’t even find him. He searched each of Agape’s usual favorite thinking spots - the pool in the mossy clearing, the circle of stones that looked like they had been intentionally placed in the middle of a stand of silver fir, the grove of collapsed larches from some long-past avalanche, the massive waterfall that dropped from the edge of a cliff and left the forest around it coated in mist - he was still nowhere to be found. The final place he could think to check was the alpine meadow on the other end of the forest, and as he passed through the final tangle of branches, he breathed a sigh of relief as he caught sight of the one he was looking for. Agape stood very still, his long black hair and dark cloak gently billowing in the mountain breeze as he overlooked the peaks on the horizon. Henry approached him slowly and solemnly, standing at his side and staring off in the same direction. “Agape I… I was hoping you would have come and talked to me this morning.”

“You were still asleep when I awoke,” Agape replied after a moment’s silence. “I did not wish to wake you.”

“Instead you worried me half sick,” Henry pointed out, turning his eyes to him.

“That was not my intention.” As he stared out over the distant heights, Henry searched his expression for how he was feeling. “I needed some time to… think.”

“About?” Henry asked, sitting on the grass and motioning for him to sit as well. Agape looked down at him, and hesitated for a moment before sitting beside him.

“I required time to think about what I should do,” he concluded, looking down as he brushed his fingers through the grass around him. He turned, his eyes settling on a patch of wildflowers further down the slope. “I… wish to pay my respects.” Henry tensed.

“That’s… that’s a wonderful idea Agape but, well-” He paused, unsure of how to word it and worried he might take it the wrong way. “Well… Victor- he… See, that’s- that’s where Victor is off to at the moment. And he specifically requested to be-” He cut himself off as Agape suddenly stood, and began walking over to the patch of wildflowers. “Agape?” The tall figure bent down, and began plucking a few of the flowers. Curious, Henry stood and walked over to him. As he walked over, Agape straightened himself upright, and held out a small handful of the flowers for Henry to see.

“As I recall, flowers are a customary gift for the dead, correct?” he asked. Henry was about to reply, when he caught sight of the flowers that Agape held. They were small, pale blue, and grew in clusters on long, vibrant green stems. “Myosotis alpestris,” he recited, recalling the scientific name from one of his and Victor’s many excursions to this spot. “Commonly known as-”

“Forget-me-nots,” Henry breathed, looking up at him. Agape nodded.

“Indeed. They seem… most appropriate.” Suddenly Henry was conflicted. On one hand, he knew Victor needed time to grieve alone. After all, it had been two years, and all that time, he never really had a moment to spend truly grieving. But on the other hand… there was Agape. Clearly seeking something, likely closure or forgiveness, and who was he to deny him that?  “If I wish to arrive there in a timely fashion I should leave presently,” Agape continued, breaking him from his thoughts.

“I’m coming with you,” Henry blurted out before he could consider trying to change his son’s mind. Agape gave him an odd, yet comforted look.

“I would much appreciate your accompaniment, Henry, but if that is the case then we truly must leave right away unless you intend for me to carry you.” Henry shook his head.

“That won’t be necessary,” he answered. “Though I may take you up on that offer on the way back.” Agape nodded.

“I understand. In which case, let us be on our way.”

---

By the time Victor arrived at his family’s cemetery, it was well into the night and the full moon coated the land in an eerie pale gleam. Throughout his journey he had felt strangely numb, as though the reality of it all still hadn’t set in yet - which was especially strange, considering it had been two years now. Still, as he stepped beyond the gate, it seemed as though the weight of every body that lay beneath was piled on top of him and for a moment he struggled to breathe. Memories flooded back of his time in Ingolstadt, digging through graves in the middle of the night, sorting through corpses, picking and choosing which parts he would take and which he would leave behind. Although he knew he had nothing to fear, a chill ran down his spine as he felt like a hundred spirits had gathered around him to judge him for his actions. He shook the thought away, gripping at the collar of his coat and pulling it to cover his face as he walked onward. Searching through the names he once played amongst as a child, he finally came across the headstone he was looking for, and upon seeing it he suddenly felt sick to his stomach. Resting serenely beneath a willow was a small granite stone that read ‘William Frankenstein ~ Tragically murdered on May 7th aged 8 years.’ It felt like a nightmare. It felt like it shouldn’t be real. Even after all this time, he couldn’t picture it. The last time he had seen his brother, he was no more than an infant, and he couldn’t fathom what the body six feet beneath where he stood might have looked like. Though his throat was suddenly dry, he shuddered and swallowed hard as he reached out and placed a hand on the cold stone.

“I-” His voice cracked as he began to speak. “I don’t… I don’t know what to say to you. I… I don’t have the words.” He hesitated, clenching his eyes shut. “How, William- how have I continued on knowing that your innocent blood is on my hands? I’m... I never should have-” He sucked in a shaky breath, then suddenly recoiled as a horrible vision swam in his mind. He could see it clearly: his creation’s horrible hand upon the throat of a child, yellow eyes burning with fury as he squeezed the life out of his infant brother. A squeak of disgust escaped his throat at the thought, and he trembled. “I never should have done it. I never should have created it. I- If I hadn’t you would still be alive and- and-” His trembling worsened and he broke into a cold sweat. “Good god William, what the hell am I doing? That thing, that demon, he slaughtered you with his bare hand, and here I am playing the father figure. You, my own brother, perished from his malice and I have been treating him with dignity he most certainly doesn’t deserve!” he exclaimed, his voice hoarse. “How blinded by my own fear of what he might do have I been? How insulting it must be to see me treat your murderer with such care.” He nearly fell as his trembling worsened, and he caught his fall upon the edge of the headstone with a gasp. Slowly, he recovered and stood. “How-” he was cut off by the sound of footsteps, and for a moment fear gripped him until he turned. Walking into the cemetery were two familiar shapes, and though in other circumstances he might have been glad to see them, in this particular moment he felt his blood boil with rage. “You’ve got an awful lot of nerve to follow me here,” he seethed as they approached, his eyes narrowed as he glared at them. Henry sighed, glancing away as he stopped just a few feet from where Victor stood.

“I know- I’m sorry but-”

“No, Henry,’” Victor snapped, clenching his fists. “You. Promised.”

“Yes, I did, and I shouldn’t have. This isn’t about me and it isn’t about you either. He-” Agape slowly walked forward, his expression seemingly blank as his yellow eyes stared down at the headstone. Victor felt rage coursing through him at the sight, his mind still reeling from the dreadful vision he had witnessed only moments ago.

“Get the hell out of my sight,” Victor snarled at the creature, his hand shaking as he forcefully pointed toward the exit. Agape didn’t respond, instead simply taking another silent step. Henry wanted to speak up, but kept his mouth shut, knowing nothing he would say could possibly help. “How dare you come here! After what you did to him you-” He cut himself off as the creature took another step. “Are you listening to me? Get. Out!” he cried, pointing once again toward the exit. Another step. “I swear if you take one more step I will not be responsible for my actions,” he hissed. Another step, suddenly more unsteady this time. Victor felt fury swell within him and he suddenly lunged toward his creation. Henry grabbed him before he could lay so much as a finger on Agape, and Victor in turn was about to push him away to make another attempt at striking the creature, when his eyes caught sight of pale blue clutched between his creation’s boney hands. He hesitated suddenly, his vision focusing to realize that Agape held a small bouquet of various wildflowers he had plucked along the journey to the cemetery, though most numerous in the assortment was forget-me-nots. His eyes widened and he felt some of his rage dissipate as Agape took another faltering step. Henry, seeing that Agape was struggling, instinctively moved to help him, but Victor raised an arm and stopped him. “Agape?” Victor managed to hoarsely call out. The creature did not answer, and simply took another step, now standing directly over the grave. All seemed unnaturally silent, no rustling of branches in the breeze or calls of nocturnal creatures, just silence. Victor felt his heart sink as he beheld his creation suddenly tense hard. “...Agape-”

There was a war suddenly raging within the creature’s heart. Such was his anguish at the thought of his crimes that he felt as though every stitch was tearing out of its seam. His memory flooded with dreaded images he had tried so hard to suppress, and it overwhelmed him. As he tried to keep his composure, his grasp on the flowers tightened. Terror gripped him as the soft crumpling of the stems sounded more like sickening cracks in his ears and the damp feeling of now crushed stalks felt more like blood covering his hands. Though they were only wilted flowers, in the vision of his troubled mind, he held the broken neck of a young boy, and in horror he released his grip. He stared down at his hands, shaking violently, before suddenly collapsing to his knees. An indescribably banshee-like scream of pure agony escaped him as he threaded his fingers through his long black hair and gripped the locks tightly as though he were ready to rip them from his own skull. Both Victor and Henry flinched at the dreadful noise, Henry turning away and Victor struggling to hold back a sob of his own. Tears gushed from Agape’s eyes, falling heavy into the grass below, and he struggled to breathe between the cries of despair that escaped him.

As Victor took in a shaky breath, he felt himself tremble as his thoughts flooded with everything he had just said. After all this time, he had never really considered how Agape might have been reflecting on his own actions, or how he too might have been hiding just how much emotional pain he was in regarding that fateful event. And, if this was still the cold hearted murderer he had considered his creation might be, then why would he be in such clearly torturous distress over the death over the one he himself had killed? Worse yet, he knew better - he had seen just how far Agape had come in coping with his emotions and relating to others. He had seen the amount of care and sympathy this miraculous creature showed toward Henry and himself, how selfless he had always been. After all, even though Victor wished that perhaps he had stayed dead, it was out of a deep familial love that Agape had used the very elixir and device that was meant to create an everlasting companion for himself to instead restore his creator - his father - to life. And, in a very real sense, Agape was still a child. For a child to spend two years silently coping with a trauma so intense, though it may have been a trauma the child himself caused, was a burden that Victor could barely comprehend. All at once, whatever malice he still held for his creation within him melted away, and, making the first move, he walked toward his son and shakily placed a hand on his shoulder.

Agape had finally begun to quiet himself while Victor had been hesitating to make any movement, but as soon as he felt the hand of his father placed gently upon him, he felt a sudden swell of heartbreaking pain and he lurched with a sob. In his mind, he deserved no sympathy, and feeling that this man who had just moments prior hurled threats at him was moved so deeply by his grief that he might entirely change his own damaged perspective, shattered his already guilt ridden soul. Victor himself could no longer hold back his emotions, breaking into tears of his own. He flinched slightly as he suddenly felt a hand placed on his shoulder, and exhaled a shaky breath as he recognized the gentle touch as his husband’s. Henry lingered there behind him for a moment, but slowly moved to his son’s other side, kneeling beside him and resting a hand gently upon his back. Though he opened his mouth to speak, he was shocked into silence as Victor spoke instead.

“I am so-” He hesitated, tensing and shuddering before inhaling sharply and continuing. “So sorry.” The words hurt to say, there was no denying that. The moment they left his lips it felt like a dagger cutting into his chest and a fire burning in his throat. Agape’s still tear-filled eyes widened as he heard them, but he stayed silent, not daring to speak in fear of even the slightest chance that his words may only serve to condemn himself more. Once he regained his composure, Victor went on. “I may be cursed with the knowledge of what happened, with knowing that what I did played a part in sealing his fate, but you…” He swallowed hard, and knelt down beside him, reaching out and turning Agape’s face toward him though his son’s yellow eyes averted from his gaze. “You who have changed and grown, who I have watched make such strides of progress toward returning to the kind and gentle soul you once possessed-” Agape winced at his words, strands of his long black hair falling over his face and hiding his eyes. Victor gently pushed the locks away, tucking them behind his ear. “To be forever stained with vivid memories of what you once did, and to hide the pain it must have caused you as you came to realize that action was such a grievous atrocity for the sake of keeping peace - I can only imagine what a living hell it must have been for all that time.” Picking up one of the flowers, though damaged, he held it up and inspected the pale blue of its tiny petals. “I thought maybe you had simply… forgotten. That maybe to you it had been such an inconsequential action, that maybe all it was, was a means to an end.” He placed the flower down in front of the headstone, and gazed upon the engraving. “It doesn’t make logical sense, though, to think that you might have forgotten, given your… impeccable memory. So maybe that was a lie I told myself - to make blaming you and resenting you justifiable.” He glanced over at Henry, who was staring at him from Agape’s other side with a kind, compassionate smile despite the tears still rolling down his freckled cheeks, and in an instant his guilt and regret melted away into a gentle warmth that seeped through him and turned his pained expression into a similarly soft smile. Agape’s immense frame trembled with a long, labored exhale.

“I am undeserving of your sympathy, Victor. The crime I committed was unforgivable.”

“He never said that your crime was forgiven,” Henry pointed out gently. Agape gave him a pained glance. “Killing a child for the sake of gaining compassion by force is unforgivable, it’s true. But no matter how unforgivable an action may be, no man is born or created innately knowing what is forgivable and what is not. It’s what he chooses to do with the knowledge of his actions that determines whether he himself is worthy of forgiveness or not.” There was a long pause as Agape considered what Henry said.

“Given all I have done and everything I am, would I be considered worthy? Was his murder not so damning that I should be forever condemned? Is there any stride I could make that could in some way restore my dignity of one worth the forgiveness of those he so grievously harmed?” He struggled to steady his voice between each still labored breath, each pulse within him carrying a dull ache of still ever-growing guilt and shame.

“Well,” Victor began, reaching out to him and wiping the tears from his eyes. “All things considered, I would say-” He cut himself off as he perceived in his peripheral vision a gleaming light that seemed to be quickly approaching. He looked to Henry, who seemed to be staring out at the glow with squinted eyes. “Henry,” he whispered somewhat harshly. Henry turned his gaze back down to him. “What is it?”

“Someone is coming,” Henry whispered back. Agape flinched at his words and made a quiet noise almost like a yelp, suddenly clutching at the edges of his cloak and pulling it tighter around himself. Both Victor and Henry hushed him softly, though they looked to each other with concern.

“What do we do?” Footsteps could be heard approaching through the grass beyond - two steps and a gentle tap with each stride. Henry lifted his eyes back up toward the approaching figure.

“...I’ll handle it,” he muttered. “Besides, we can’t risk… you know,” he added, gesturing toward Agape. Victor nodded silently, dropping his eyes to the ground and placing a hand back up onto Agape’s shoulder and squeezing tightly - half to reassure him, and half to give himself something to hold on to as he tried not to imagine the worst. Gently pulling the hood of Agape’s cloak over his head, Henry stood, turning toward the figure and trying to determine who it might be. The voice that called out from beyond sent a sudden chill through Victor’s veins and a new fear gripped at his heart. He wasn’t ready for this. Not here. Not now.

“Hello? Who’s there?”

When talking to people about the ice boat scene from different corners of the fandom, I found it fascinating that both the Elsanna shippers I’ve talked to and the Kristanna shippers I’ve talked to are incredibly pained and devastated by it.

The Elsanna shippers I’ve talked to describe a sense of pain and heartbreak that Elsa would push Anna away again. I’ve talked with people who’ve described watching the scene in horror, in grief, because, “Elsa, what are you doing? You promised Anna you’d do this together! Don’t push her away again! Elsa, please, don’t do this!” 

I know that I, as an Elsanna shipper, felt that devastation in my heart. Watching the ice boat scene feels crushing to me because it feels like a betrayal. The sisters were able to heal Arendelle in the first film because they came together, because Elsa finally let her heart feel what her heart had been yearning for, for years, and let Anna in. All those years in the first film, trusting the prescripts of others instead of your own heart, and you’re able to help heal the land when you stop putting p walls against your sister. Their love, their faith in each other, gives them both strength in the first film and saves the land.

Elsanna shippers feel hurt because the ice boat scene feels like Elsa putting up those walls again. And many Elsanna shippers sympathize deeply with Anna’s position in Frozen 2. They sympathize deeply with Anna. Anna, who has been talking good sense this whole movie: “Elsa, don’t be reckless. Don’t be rash. Don’t run into fire. You don’t have to go this alone. We’re stronger together,” while Elsa hasn’t been listening. It’s heartbreaking for them to watch, especially as the movie emphasizes Anna having to learn things (apologizing for leaving Kristoff behind because she was just so desperate to protect Elsa) when it seems like, Anna doesn’t have to learn anything. Anna is in the right. Anna is in the right. And yet the film frames it as her having to come to terms with change and her sister operating out of her sphere when really, the conflict rests on trust.

There’s a definite sense from Elsanna shippers (myself included) that Elsa should be better than this - that she shouldn’t have pushed Anna and Olaf away. There were other ways, ways that were more rooted in actually “doing this together” - in making a mission plan together even if it meant Elsa going on alone. And there’s also a sense that - even if Elsa isn’t better than this because it logically makes sense that she’s in a traumatic situation and does not want her loved ones to die - she should have more clearly apologized for her actions.

It does genuinely feel out-of-character for Elsa to me - at least to a degree. I’m not one of those people who claims, “Elsa was completely rewritten in F2!” In fact, seeing Elsa relapse into bad choices that were ingrained in her from childhood seems very in-character for Elsa during a crisis. People don’t outgrow things like that easily - and having Elsa completely outgrow that conditioning would be unrealistic. But it feels off to me that Elsa wouldn’t apologize immediately upon reunion with Anna and Olaf. And, I know, the filmmakers wanted Elsa to be less apologetic in this movie. But they also wrote her doing something that they wanted to stress was so intense that they had Olaf get angry about it. Elsa apologizing for her actions in this one scene wouldn’t be like the times she’s apologized for existing.

(On that note, to the people who used the post about the ice boat scene I wrote on my other blog to claim that “Elsa never apologizes because Elsa never feels she’s done something wrong,” your assessment of Elsa is factually incorrect. Elsa feels she does things wrong constantly, sometimes to a crippling degree. Elsa has apologized multiple times throughout the franchise and that anxiety and pain on Elsa’s part is why the filmmaker’s desire for her to be less apologetic makes a certain degree of sense. It doesn’t make sense in the context of the ice boat scene and its aftermath, however, because of the specific way the filmmakers frame the moment for Anna and Olaf... meaning that we as the audience want Anna and Olaf to get closure and then... the film doesn’t give it to them.

And that’s the thing: the sentiment of pain, grief, and anger from Elsanna shippers over the ice boat scene isn’t irrational. In fact, it’s very rational because the film itself frames the moment as a kind of betrayal. The film wants the moment to be a gut-punch. That’s why it goes so far to have Olaf, the most innocent of characters, express anger at Elsa’s actions. So Elsanna shippers aren’t just angry because our headcanons/hopes of the sisters genuinely working together were dashed. We’re feeling what the film explicitly wants us to feel and conditions us to feel.

And the fact that Olaf’s anger and Anna’s anger never gets brought up again? That’s a legitimate flaw in the film. I know I’ve seen people’s defenses of it saying, “It makes sense in-universe that Anna would be too relieved to be angry at that moment, and they must have talked it over at a later time,” but that’s an excuse for a dangling plot thread, not a resolution to the plot thread. It’s headcanon.

So Elsanna shippers have to sit back and watch, while agreeing with the sensible things Anna is saying, and suffer through the film trying to teach Anna a lesson when Anna’s protectiveness of Elsa (Elsa, who is doing increasingly reckless things without consulting her family much at all) makes the most sense onscreen.

Meanwhile, Kristanna shippers can be incredibly devastated by the ice boat scene as well. (I’m specifically referring to a specific number of Anna fans, most of whom ship KA, hence my initially describing them by ship and not just calling them “Anna fans” - because there are Anna fans who ship Elsanna too and I don’t want to be needlessly confusing.)

And, interestingly, these KA shippers’ frustrations often mirror the EA shippers’ frustrations in key ways. They relate to Anna’s pain deeply. Like the grieving Elsanna shippers, they also feel, Anna is in the right, Anna is in the right and I’ve talked to people in this circle who feel the most agonizing thing about F2 is watching Anna try to hold her family together while being torn apart at the seams. And I sympathize with that deeply. It also stings me to see Anna leaving Kristoff behind.

But, where the EA shippers tend to feel, “Elsa should be better than this,” there’s sometimes a tendency among these KA shippers to be like, “Elsa should be better than this - and, because she isn’t, that proves that Elsa is a horrible person and Anna needs to break free of her.”

Where the EA shippers see Elsa’s actions as out-of-character (or, at least, in-character but a character flaw that needs resolution by the film’s end... which the film doesn’t give), this group seems to see Elsa’s actions as validation of something they’ve been arguing since before F2 - that there are unhealthy aspects to the sisters’ dynamic and/or awkward elements in the way the franchise writes that dynamic. And, judging from F2, there are uncomfortable and negative aspects to the sisters’ dynamic (which the film doesn’t really give any firm closure on - yes, they’re in different places now, but did they talk about what happened with the ice boat? Did anyone get closure on that, and what does that say about both of them?) And, yes, the franchise can sometimes idealize Elsa at the expense of Anna. These are valid critiques.

Still, as someone who remembers cracks about “Elsa never letting Anna enjoy a party” before F2 came out, I feel that some of the negativity towards Elsa is born of these people’s own biases. (For those unfamiliar, there was a post going around before F2 came out “joking” about how Elsa never lets Anna enjoy a party. First she flees the coronation ball and Anna has to go after her. Then she gets sick in Frozen Fever and Anna has to be stressed about her all the time. Then she shuts the door on Anna in OFA. Of these examples in the “joke,” I feel the first two are very much unfounded. Elsa’s powers were revealed at the coronation ball and she was fleeing for her life; she didn’t “ruin the party” out of spite. Also, how dare Elsa... get sick and still want to give Anna a happy experience on her birthday? However, I don’t like the moment in OFA either, myself, especially considering the visible pain on Anna’s face seeing that door close again. Regarding the “Elsa never lets Anna enjoy a party” comments, I mentioned to a friend that I found them mean-spirited. She told me they were “just a joke” and I was overreacting.)

EDIT: A friend came to me, frustrated that I was bringing up the “Elsa never lets Anna enjoy a party post from years ago - even though I made clear that the post was from years ago by saying that it was from before F2 came out. I realize that it is unfair to equate the negativity towards Elsa in that post with the negativity I have seen in recent weeks towards Elsa. So I want to make clear again that I didn’t mean to EQUATE that negativity with the anti-Elsa negativity I’ve seen from certain people recently.

I mean, I tried to make that clear by making a deliberate distinction between people who are critical of Elsa for valid reasons and extreme people - and by “extreme people,” I mean people who put things like this in their bios:

I didn’t want to bring up this individual, even though they ship KA, because I didn’t want people to feel I was generalizing all KA shippers as being like this person. I know all KA shippers are NOT like this person, that’s why I describe people like this person as “extremists” and “people on the other extreme.”

I brought up the party meme, not to dredge up old wounds, but because the party meme was a lesser example of negativity towards Elsa that didn’t feel as incendiary as bringing this person up.

I’ll also admit, I was trying to convey a sense of the history of negativity towards Elsa by bringing up a time before F2 and all of its controversial choices came out, when people were still making what I felt to be unfair statements about Elsa that are contradicted by looking back at the actual text of the franchise.

I’m sorry to those that felt hurt by me mentioning this again. I’m sorry that I still feel that the old joke was in poor taste and distorted and twisted canon for the sake of snark. 

I do feel, though, that the extremist negativity towards Elsa that is around today doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It didn’t just emerge fully formed out of the blue - and citing something from the past can highlight that. it can prove that there was undue negativity towards Elsa in certain circles even before F2 came out.

And I know it was just a joke and I don’t mean to rain on your fun years later, but I still feel it’s a joke rooted in a deliberate misreading of the text.  If people years ago said, “Elsa was being hurtful to Anna by fleeing for her life” and “Elsa was being hurtful to Anna by trying to make her birthday a happy one even at the expense of Elsa’s own health,” then that’s a deliberate misreading of the text, especially in the first instance, even if it was just a joke, a lark (jokes can still be in poor taste, or based on falseness, however old they may be) - and such misreadings of the text have only gotten worse in the intervening years.

But I NEVER meant to equate the joke from years ago with the “Elsa should have been killed off” attitude.

And I apologize - because I know all too well what it’s like to be lumped in with extremists. People do it to Elsanna shippers all the time. Again, that’s why, across the post, I made distinctions between the beliefs of extremists and the beliefs of people who have genuine frustrations based on the franchise’s flaws.

Forgive me, I meant for this post to highlight connections between disparate groups of people - and I went out of my way to express sympathy and solidarity with KA shippers who have valid critiques. The purpose of this post was meant to be connective, not disruptive - and I’m sorry I failed in that.

END OF EDIT

I don’t believe the filmmakers intended to make Elsa a horrible person. I also don’t believe the filmmakers meant to portray the sisters’ bond as inherently toxic.

But, like the EA shippers, these KA shippers are reacting to legitimate flaws in the text, loose ends that the film doesn’t return to. If the ice boat scene was important enough for there to be a visible turning of Olaf’s emotions, something that is so notable that even the film takes note of it, then the fact that the scene is brushed aside later in the movie feels... off. Like we’re not getting resolution or conclusion. Besides the sentiment, “It makes sense that no one would bring it up at the end because that would kill the mood (even though it seems emotionally important for all involved) and of course it was all resolved offscreen somewhere more fully instead of being resolved onscreen.”  And I can sympathize with that, even if I fundamentally disagree with those that overly-demonize Elsa.

Interestingly, when I wrote my old post about the ice boat scene on my other blog, Isa of all people reblogged it (as did several KA shippers) - but I get the feeling her take on the ice boat scene is probably something like, “Yes, it’s out of character for Elsa... but that means the filmmakers hate Elsa and want to prop up Anna.” Which is wrong. Like, really wrong.  Isa’s tone can also be surprisingly callous towards Anna - which is why I didn’t include her in my discussion of EA shippers whose heartbreak about the scene stems mainly from their empathizing with Anna. Her racist rhetoric and her fury is corrosive to everyone. 

Likewise, the people on the other extreme who feel that Elsa is abusive and that the filmmakers hate Anna and love Elsa are wrong. (Note: I am not equating people’s Bad Takes on Elsa with racism. But the Bad Elsa takes are still wrong.)

I think extremists need to shake the idea that filmmakers “hate” their characters. Sometimes, bad writing is just bad writing. 

Sometimes, bad ramifications can come from good intentions.

Like, I’ve spent a great deal of this post criticizing the ice boat scene - and especially criticizing the way the aftermath is handled onscreen. But the scene itself also has many merits. It’s complicated. It’s a moment of crisis. And both sisters are partly right and partly wrong. In and of itself, the scene actually displays good writing. But the fact the film later brushes aside the complicated themes it introduces in that moment, undermines the good in the scene taken alone. It leaves that aspect of the narrative feeling emotionally unsatisfying.

Sometimes, the flaws in a film are complicated. 

And sometimes, people can agree on certain things without even realizing it. Because I’ve referenced ways that two groups of people with opposite ships actually have similar frustrations about the scene.

And I know, I’m not “on the outside looking in” when it comes to any of this. I ship EA and KA, so I’m in the thick of it and I’m not trying to portray myself as a neutral third party. That’s why I wrote about my own grief and frustrations with the scene.

And to everyone who was aggrieved that my post about the ice boat scene from ages ago furthered anti-Elsa sentiment because it was reblogged by negative people, that was never my intention. And I hope this post comes across as more neutral and well-argued.

Thank you.

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier: One World, One People (1x06)

Oof, okay, so I obviously enjoyed watching this, but I do have some things I would like to discuss.

Cons:

The biggest one is honestly about Isaiah. I understand that this is a superhero show, and there's some cheesiness baked into the very concept of it. I like the idea of a triumphant ending for our heroes, where amends are made and everyone is brought some measure of peace. BUT, I feel like a more nuanced, more true to reality ending here with Isaiah might have been different. Maybe he gives a tip of the hat to Sam, says he's happy he's found his peace, but he still doesn't agree with his choices. See, the thing is, some people who have been hurt by systems want that system to acknowledge its mistake, to apologize, to make amends. That's what Sam is pushing for. He believes we can do better, and all that. And that's a wonderful perspective. But other people who have been hurt by systems might not want anything to do with that system ever again. At the end, when Sam sets up the part of the museum for Isaiah, he says "now everyone will know what you did for this country," and Isaiah seemed pleased and touched by this. But I couldn't help but think... he was forced into doing those things, and then punished for doing them. If he'd decided he didn't want acknowledgment, didn't want to be linked to the idea of American heroism... I couldn't blame him for that. It might have added more nuance to the ending. Sam could have even said that it's okay if he and Isaiah don't agree on the best way forward, they still have mutual respect, or whatever.

As a white lady, maybe I'm off base. I'm just really curious at what the reaction is going to be. All through watching this show I kept saying to myself that an ending where Sam takes up the shield and becomes Captain America can't stand on its own. There's got to be nuance. There's got to be some good justification for it. And as I'll talk about in a moment, I think they've done an okay job... but I also wouldn't be surprised to find some people enormously dissatisfied with this conclusion. Steve Rogers handed the shield to Sam, yes. But should we forget what he did before handing it over? Well, he walked away from the government and was on the run because he didn't respect their choices. Just some food for thought.

I also just want to say: ????? to that ending for John Walker? It was so bizarre to see the light banter moment between him and Bucky after Walker had quoted Lincoln. Like... that felt so out of place. And now he's being made into an American agent? I don't understand that random lady's role in events. I don't know if I'm supposed to think it's sinister and creepy as fuck that John still has a uniform, and even the suggestion of authority (I do think it's creepy as fuck, for the record), or if I'm supposed to be... pleased that he got a new job? Just, tonally, the stuff with Walker in this finale was all over the place. He didn't seem to really matter, and yet he was still there, and the episode didn't seem able to reckon with his presence.

Oh, also, I can totally respect a bit of ham-fisted politic in a show like this. It's really the only way to do it. But Karli saying that Lamar didn't matter, and John saying "you think Lemar's life didn't matter?" was, perhaps, a little on the nose. I'm not sure I like the BLM mouthpiece being blond haired blue eyed John Walker, especially when Lemar's death, at least as a narrative function, only happened to allow John to get sad and angry about it. Where's his wing in the museum, huh?

Also Sharon Carter, she's my girl or whatever, but I gotta admit she was kind of boring to me in this whole series. I wanted more from her. The reveal that she was the Power Broker had me shrugging. I wanted to be more shocked, but she was so clearly telegraphed as being fishy from minute one. The fact is, we haven't had enough time with this character to figure out who she actually is as a person, yet. I don't understand her, and that's a shame.

Pros:

That was a long "cons" section, especially for an episode that kept me riveted the whole way through!

First off, the action was exciting and different and had so many classic "superhero moments" while not totally abandoning a more grounded feel. Sam holding the car up was such a Moment. Also the "that's Black Falcon!" "No, that's Captain America" moment was so cheesy but exactly the right kind of cheesy, you know? We got to see everyone being a bad-ass, crowds applauding, Sam's fantastic entrance with the new suit, the wings, the shield... damn. It was all cool in the way the best Marvel products need to be.

So, Sam taking the shield. I think it works because of his speech to the politicians. Specifically calling out the power they have, and the people they have in the room with them when they make the decisions that will affect so many people. There's this wonderful moment when one of the politicians asks a legitimate question: what about people who came back after the snap to find someone else living in their house? It's so complicated. And as the show ends, we're not given a simple answer. Sam merely points out the miracle of having everyone fighting the same fight for once. These rich and powerful people have had no idea how impossible it can be, and now they're getting a taste of that. There might just be the power of equalizing in all of this.

And most important to me? The government didn't hand Sam the shield. Sam took it and took ownership of it on his own terms. Think back to the legacy of Steve and the shield, honestly. Yes, he was given it by the government, but then he stole it when he ran away, then he gave it up, then Tony gave it back to him... it's a lot more complicated than it might first appear. Nobody's going to argue that the shield was Steve's to give, and he gave it to Sam, and Sam took it for his own. That made it work for me, as a direct contrast to the way in which John Walker got his hands on it.

Karli's death was inevitable and tragic. While I never cared all that much for her character as an individual, she worked quite well as a symbol. Sam points this out in his speech as well. Hasn't anyone stopped to wonder why people believed in this cause so much they were willing to die for it? That matters. It means something. And more will follow. I appreciate that the show ends on an ambiguous note. The people in power are still the people in power. And yes, their decision has been postponed. They've decided not to relocate people and replace the borders immediately. But what is the long-term solution? How does the world begin to heal? Well, we don't know. We don't get to see that.

If anyone got short shrift in this finale it was Bucky, but I'm honestly okay with that for a couple of reasons. One, this is Sam's show and I'm happy that it stayed that way. And two, we saw Bucky's emotional arc come to a head in last week's episode. The work isn't done, but he knows what the work is that he has to do, and we see him start to do that. He gives the journal up to his therapist. A way of letting go of his guilt, but also of saying goodbye to Steve in a way that can give him some actual closure. He confesses to his friend Yuri what really happened to his son.

And more than all of that, he shows up to hang out with Sam and his family. He brings cake. He goofs off with the kids. He hugs his friend, his partner, Sam Wilson. I can see Bucky coming to peace with some things. Coming into his own. It breaks my heart that we don't get to see more of that play out on screen. The show had to make a choice about whose story to prioritize, and in my opinion it made the right choice. This was a show about Sam's journey and Sam's decision here at the end was the capstone of that.

That scene at the end, though... the kids hanging off of Bucky's metal arm was such a poignant image for me, because this man is a killing machine, was designed to be so, but has remade himself into something else, and this moment really showcased that. Also, that gay-ass ending of Sam and Bucky looking out over the water together and then strolling away, Sam's arm around Bucky? Thank you for my life, Disney, I guess. And we got Bucky calling Sam "Cap," and his obvious admiration and pride in him for his speech... I just love them, y'all. I really do.

I wouldn't say anything about this show broke the mold or made me really excited about Marvel again. I enjoyed it, because I already liked Sam and Bucky, and I got to spend more time with them. I was nervous about how they were going to navigate certain political stickiness, and honestly I think they did... an okayish job. I could have wished for them to go even further, but they didn't take the easy way out, in my opinion.

I hope they make more of this someday. Regardless, I'm not ready to say goodbye to Sam Wilson or Bucky Barnes, so I hope we get to see Captain America and the White Wolf grace our screens again in some project or other!

8.5/10

A Vigil, On Birds and Glass. I woke up this morning still dreaming, or not fully aware of myself just yet. The sun poked through the windows, touching my face, and then a deep sadness overcame me, immediately, bringing me to life and realization- My Chemical Romance had ended. I walked downstairs to do the only thing I could think of to regain composure- I made coffee. As the drip began, in that kind of silence that only happens in the morning, and being the only one awake, I stepped outside my home, leaving the door open behind me. I looked around and began to breathe. Things looked to be about the same- a beautiful day. As I turned to step back into the house I heard sound from within, a chirp and a rustle. And I noticed a small brown bird had flown into the library. Naturally, I panicked. I knew I had to see the bird to safety and I knew I had to retain the order of things in our home, and he very well couldn’t take up residency with us. I chased him (still assuming he was a he) into my office, where I have these very large windows. Just then, and luckily, I heard Lindsey’s footsteps coming down the stairs, and naturally being composed as she is, she grabbed a blanket and stepped into the office. He was impossible to catch, and I began to open the windows, via Lindsey’s direction, only to find out they were screened. The bird began to fly into the glass, over and over and in all different directions. Smack. Smack. Smack! I heard another set of footsteps, Bandit’s, running down the stairs in anticipation of the new day. Her entrance into the situation caused just the right amount of chaos (she was very excited to meet the bird) and we found ourselves chasing the bird into the living room. Knowing that this where it could potentially get sticky, being the high ceilings and the beams to perch on, I opened the front door as Lindsey did her best to encourage our new friend out the door. After some coaxing, flying, chirping, a wrong turn back into the library and a short goodbye to Bandit, he simply hopped out the front door- taking off on the fifth leap. We cheered. I was no longer sad. I didn’t realize it, but I stopped being sad the minute that bird had come into my life, because there was something that needed doing, a small vessel to aid and an order to keep. I closed the door. I decided to write the letter I always knew I would. It is often my nature to be abstract, hidden in plain sight, or nowhere at all. I have always felt that the art I have made (alone or with friends) contains all of my intent when executed properly, and thus, no explanation required. It is simply not in my nature to excuse, explain, or justify any action I have taken as a result of thinking it through with a clear head, and in my truth. I had always felt this situation involving the end of this band would be different, in the eventuality it happened. I would be cryptic in its existence, and open upon its death. The clearest actions come from truth, not obligation. And the truth of the matter is that I love every one of you. So, if this finds you well, and sheds some light on anything, or my personal account and feelings on the matter, then it is out of this love, mutual and shared, not duty. Love. This was always my intent. My Chemical Romance: 2001-2013 We were spectacular. Every show I knew this, every show I felt it with or without external confirmation. There were some clunkers, sometimes our secondhand gear broke, sometimes I had no voice- we were still great. It is this belief that made us who we were, but also many other things, all of them vital- And all of the things that made us great were the very things that were going to end us- Fiction. Friction. Creation. Destruction. Opposition. Aggression. Ambition. Heart. Hate. Courage. Spite. Beauty. Desperation. LOVE. Fear. Glamour. Weakness. Hope. Fatalism. That last one is very important. My Chemical Romance had, built within its core, a fail-safe. A doomsday device, should certain events occur or cease occurring, would detonate. I shared knowledge of this “flaw” within weeks of its inception. Personally, I embraced it because, again, it made us perfect. A perfect machine, beautiful, yet self aware of it’s system. Under directive to terminate before it becomes compromised. To protect the idea- at all costs. This probably sounds like something ripped from the pages of a four-color comic book, and that’s the point. No compromise. No surrender. No fucking shit. To me that’s rock and roll. And I believe in rock and roll. I wasn’t shy about who I said this to, not the press, or a fan, or a relative. It’s in the lyrics, it’s in the banter. I often watched the journalists snicker at mention of it, assuming I was being sensational or melodramatic (in their defense I was most likely dressed as an apocalyptic marching-band leader with a tear-away hospital gown and a face covered in expressionist paint, so fair enough). I’m still not sure if the mechanism worked correctly, because it wasn’t a bang but a much slower process. But still the same result, and still for the same reason- When it’s time, we stop. It is important to understand that for us, the opinion on whether or not it is in fact time does not transmit from the audience. Again, this is to protect the idea for the benefit of the audience. Many a band have waited for external confirmation that it is time to hang it up, via ticket sales, chart positioning, boos and bottles of urine- input that holds no sway for us, and often too late when it comes anyway. You should know it in your being, if you listen to the truth inside you. And voice inside became louder than the music. Now- There are many reasons My Chemical Romance ended. The triggerman is unimportant, as was always the messengers- but the message, again as always, is the important thing. But to reiterate, this is my account, my reasons and my feelings. And I can assure you there was no divorce, argument, failure, accident, villain, or knife in the back that caused this, again this was no one’s fault, and it had been quietly in the works, whether we knew it or not, long before any sensationalism, scandal, or rumor. There wasn’t even a blaze of glory in a hail of bullets… I am backstage in Asbury Park, New Jersey. It is Saturday, May 19th, 2012 and I am pacing behind a massive black curtain that leads to the stage. I feel the breeze from the ocean find its way around me and I look down at my arms, which are covered in fresh gauze due to a losing battle with a heat rash, which had been a mysterious problem in recent months. I am normally not nervous before a show but I am certainly filled with angry butterflies most of the time. This is different- a strange anxiety jetting through me that I can only imagine is the sixth sense one feels before their last moments alive. My pupils have zeroed-out and I have ceased blinking. My body temperature is icy. We get the cue to hit the stage. The show is… good. Not great, not bad, just good. The first thing I notice take me by surprise is not the enormous amount of people in front of us but off to my left- the shore and the vastness of the ocean. Much more blue than I remembered as a boy. The sky is just as vibrant. I perform, semi-automatically, and something is wrong. I am acting. I never act on stage, even when it appears that I am, even when I’m hamming it up or delivering a soliloquy. Suddenly, I have become highly self-aware, almost as if waking from a dream. I began to move faster, more frantic, reckless- trying to shake it off- but all it began to create was silence. The amps, the cheers, all began to fade. All that what left was the voice inside, and I could hear it clearly. It didn’t have to yell- it whispered, and said to me briefly, plainly, and kindly- what it had to say. What it said is between me and the voice. I ignored it, and the following months were full of suffering for me- I hollowed out, stopped listening to music, never picked up a pencil, started slipping into old habits. All of the vibrancy I used to see became de-saturated. Lost. I used to see art or magic in everything, especially the mundane- the ability was buried under wreckage. Slowly, once I had done enough damage to myself, I began to climb out of the hole. Clean. When I made it out, the only thing left inside was the voice, and for the second time in my life, I no longer ignored it- because it was my own. There are many roles for all of us to play in this ending. We can be well-wishers, ill-wishers, sympathizers, vilifiers, comedians, rain clouds, victims- That last one, again, is important. I have never thought myself a victim, nor my comrades, nor the fans- especially not the fans. For us to adopt that role right now would legitimize everything the tabloids have tried to name us. More importantly, it completely misses the point of the band. And then what have we learned? With honor, integrity, closure, and on no one’s terms but our own- the door closes. And another opens- This morning I awoke early. I quickly brushed my teeth, threw on some baggy jeans, and hopped in my car. I gently sped down the 405 through the morning fog to a random parking lot in Palo Verde, where I was to meet a nice gentleman named Norm. He was older, and a self-proclaimed “hippie” but he also had the energy of Sixteen year old in a garage-rock band. The purpose of the meeting was the delivery of an amplifier into my possession. I had recently purchased the amp from him and we both agreed that shipping would jostle the tubes- so he was kind enough to meet me in the middle. A Fender Princeton Amp from 1965, non reverb. A beautiful little device. He showed me the finer points, the speaker, the non-grounded plug, the original label and the chalk mark of the man or woman who built it- “This amp talks.” he said. I smiled. We got coffee, talked about gold-foil pickups and life. We sat in the car and played each other music we had made. We parted ways, promising to stay in touch, I drove home. When I wanted to start My Chemical Romance, I began by sitting in my parent’s basement, picking up an instrument I had long abandoned for the brush- a guitar. It was a 90’s Fender Mexican Stratocaster, Lake Placid Blue, but in my youth I had decided it was too clean and pretty so I beat it up, exposing some of the red paint underneath the blue- the color it was meant to be. Adding a piece of duct tape on the pick guard, it felt acceptable. I plugged this into a baby Crate Amp with built in distortion and began the first chords of Skylines and Turnstiles. I still have that guitar, and it’s sitting next to The Princeton. He has a voice, and I would like to hear what it has to say. In closing, I want to thank every single fan. I have learned from you, maybe more than you think you’ve learned from me. My only regret is that I am awful with names and bad with goodbyes. But I never forget a face, or a feeling- and that is what I have left from all of you. I feel Love. I feel love for you, for our crew, our team, and for every single human being I have shared the band and stage with- Ray. Mikey. Frank. Matt. Bob. James. Todd. Cortez. Tucker. Pete. Michael. Jarrod. Since I am bad with goodbyes. I refuse to let this be one. But I will leave you with one last thing- My Chemical Romance is done. But it can never die. It is alive in me, in the guys, and it is alive inside all of you. I always knew that, and I think you did too. Because it is not a band- it is an idea. Love, Gerard

(Source Rock Sound March 25, 2013) [photo credit; ashley bird]

Survey #352

my head’s a mess and a half, i can’t think of lyrics to put here so yeah here’s the survey

What’s the last vegetable you ate, and when did you eat it? Uh I think it was a pepper in this Healthy Choice dinner bowl I had yesterday. What was your last Facebook notification for? A friend liking this photo I shared of some beautiful, small rock and pebble sculptures of people. What bands have you seen live? Just Alice Cooper. Tell me an interesting fact about your mother: She only has one kidney due to the other being taken out because of kidney cancer when I was a kid. Coincidentally, her father was actually born with only one as well. What do you think is the most important thing to happen to you before the age of 13? Nothing really comes to mind. What were you super against as a young child but aren’t anymore? SUPER against? I dunno, man. What are your plans later today? I don't know. Yesterday my mother informed me that Jason's mother died, and since then I've been in shock. I was in awful condition yesterday because I absolutely adore(d) her like she was MY family, and once upon a time I thought she would be officially, and I still feel very, very dead. I doubt I'll get anything done today. Are you doing anything exciting this weekend? Definitely not exciting... Mom and possibly I are probably bringing Jason's family food for the family get-together they're having (we're not staying for... obvious reasons), but she's unsure because it might be a bit too awkward. I'll stay in the car because I don't want to disrespect Jason's space, but I REALLY want to go through with this. His mom was so important to me, and I don't want to just... do nothing as if she meant just that. I want the family to know I never stopped caring just because there was a breakup. Plus I wanna give Jason his favorite chocolate bar to try to bring him a bit of happiness. I can't imagine what he's feeling, and my instinct of "I need to protect him" absolutely never went away. Who do you talk to the most? My mom. What are some things you do regularly that make you feel old? Go to bed before 9PM, sometimes even before 8. And my knees pop like a motherfucker. Who is your best guy friend(s)? Girt and Sam. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Neither; instead, I just wish it was clearer. I have extremely dry skin, especially on my arms, so I have little bumps and marks there, as well as little freckles over my body. Having like, porcelain skin would be amaaaazing. If you had a tiny scar on your face, would you get it removed or just keep it? Keep it. Look more badass, haha. Have you had an x-ray in the past year? I think so, on my legs. It may have been over a year ago, idr. Do you think your first love still loves you? I don't want to know. I really don't. What is something that is “going right” in your life? *blinks* When did you feel ready to start dating? Seriously, probably late middle school. When was the last time your pet bit you? If you don’t have a pet, have you ever been bitten by someone else’s? My snake Venus has never bitten me. Meanwhile, my cat Roman lightly (and sometimes not so lightly...) bites me pretty much every day when I play with him, lol. Where were you the last time you made out? My bed. When was the last time you cried tears of joy? I probably haven't done that since I met Sara irl. How do you type your sad smileys? One of these three: :( or :c or :< Do you have “decorative hand-towels” that cannot be used in your house? No. What was the last soda you drank? Mountain Lightning, a Mtn. Dew ripoff bc we're cheap, lol. What was the last thing someone made fun of you for? I don't know. Have you ever had any type of surgery? Yeah, a cyst removal as well as tubes in my ears. Should kids be allowed to get tattoos/piercings without parental consent? Uh no????? Who was the last person to hit on you? That I'm actually aware of, Sara. I'm quite sure nobody has since. What was the last thing you decided not to do, that you were supposed to? I was too weak to even clean the litterbox last night. I just wanted to go to bed. I need to do it today. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to tell someone? Hm. Maybe that I didn't love Joel? It was just really awkward and I felt awful about the whole situation. What do you put on hot dogs? Ketchup and mustard. Ever fallen in the shower? I've fallen OUT of the shower. I was extremely dizzy and was trying to get out, and I just passed out onto my chin. Broke some molars and got a concussion. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever called someone you care about? Probably a bitch or something. Do you think that things will get better? I sure hope so. Have you ever legitimately saved a person’s life? I guess I kinda have. My WoW friend Lisa and I were talking, and she wasn't feeling well at all when she suddenly disappeared. Coincidentally, her husband got home RIGHT when I messaged her again, wanting to check up on her, and he heard the alert so checked it out. Lisa was knocked out on the couch having some medical emergency with a name I can't remember, and he just thought she was sleeping. Because of seeing the chat, he took her to the hospital when she probably would've died otherwise. She insists I saved her. What’s your favourite book genre? Fantasy. Have you ever walked out of a movie at the theatre? No. Do dogs like you? They definitely seem to. Animals in general honestly do. Would you say that you project an air of authority? Definitely not. Have you ever jumped off a high dive into a pool? No. I've always wanted to, but I was too scared at any opportunity. Do you use one towel when you shower or two? (one for hair, one for body) I just use one. I dry my hair first, then my body. Have you ever been to one of the great lakes? No, but I did see one of them from a plane when I was flying to Sara's. Who do you know that had a baby recently? My high school friend had her daughter Persephone literally a couple days ago. Cute little thing. Do you like Usher’s songs? Oh wow, what a blast from the past. I don't even recall the names of any, but I remember I enjoyed some as a kid. When was the last time you went to a waterpark? Wow, it has been YEARS. Like, not since I was a teen. Have you ever ridden a train? No. What do you eat your French fries with? Ketchup, sometimes. Do you have family problems? Not really. What’s the last food you ate that was stale? Bread, I think. How do you like your grilled cheese? Just a normal 'ole grilled cheese. What is the most challenging meal you have ever cooked? I don’t cook. What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid? Play video games. Have you ever been close to drowning? Yikes, no. Have you ever had a panic attack? Countless. Do you like doing housework? No, who does? Would you ever get implants? Nah. Do you own a robe? No. Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Yeah, Nicole. Do you like crust on pizza or do you cut it off? I don't trust people who don't eat pizza crust. What was the last song you listened to? "The Ghost of You" by My Chemical Romance. It's making me cry, but I really need to. Have any of your family members been to jail? No. None that I know of, anyway. Is there anyone that you feel you still need some closure with? An old friend, yes. Can you remember when you first learned how to read? No. What event in your life has transformed your personality the most? My mental illnesses as a whole. Have you ever had any teeth pulled? No. Do you still want to be what you wanted to be in elementary school? No, but only because it's not realistic. I don't want to travel. What’re some TV shows that you would like to get into? I don't care about TV 'til MM resumes, and then absolutely whenever The Edge of Sleep is released. Mark is a key actor in it. How would you feel if you were drafted for the military? I couldn’t be. What is your favorite Queen song? Ha, I'm aware this is probably everyone's answer, but "Bohemian Rhapsody" is the bop of all bops. Do you know how to use any foreign currency? No. Been kissed by someone who you knew was “bad” for you? BEEN kissed, yeah. By Juan. Ever taken an at-home pregnancy test? No. When was the last time you were at a loss of what to do? Now. What did you do on your favorite date with a guy/girl? It was a group date where we went to this big arcade one night. What’s a movie you have seen in the theater more than once? None. What is the reason you’re still alive? That's a big answer that I'm not in the mood to ramble about. Have you ever had sex in someone else’s bed/bedroom? Yeah, oops. Do you ever brush your hair before you go to bed? No. Have you ever had a dream about sleeping with a celebrity? (You don’t have to give details.) HAHA this was the only lucid dream I've ever had lmfao. Has anyone ever told you that they needed you? Do you think they meant it? I don't remember. How did you feel when you woke up today? What was the first thing you thought about? Like shit. "Virginia's still dead" just bitchslapped me. Do you still tell your parents that you love them? Well yeah. Have you ever said “I love you” to someone you weren’t going out with? Yes, because I really did. Have you ever been threatened before? Yes. Would you date someone with a physical disability? Yeah. Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you? Probably. The last time you dyed your hair, what color did you dye it? Red. Think of the last time you went out to eat. Who paid? My mom. Do you save at least 15 percent of your income? What income? Do you ever go on Reddit? If so, what are some of your favorite subreddits? No. Were you ever a flower girl or ring bearer in anyone’s wedding when you were little? No. Are your parents in good health? Not especially. They're both probably unhealthier than the average person. Dad smokes way too much to be healthy, and Mom has a plethora of issues. Have you ever been a caregiver to a sick/disabled relative? No; it sounds awful, but I'm very doubtful I could be because I canNOT clean another human being. Is there any type of medicine you can’t take? For what reason? No. Do you have a favorite pair of pajamas? What do they look like? They're black Pokemon pants with Pikachu jumping by the logo. Do you have any interesting pillow cases? No. If something on your body hurts, which part is it most likely to be? My knees. Are you more afraid of spiders or bees? Both, but situationally. Have you ever worn fake nails? If so, what did the last pair you wore look like? Only once for prom. They were maroon, like my dress. Wait... or maybe I didn't wear them? Fuck, idr. Is Russian or Native American history more interesting to you? Native American history is way more fascinating to me.

Zuko is such a JERK when it comes to women! Why do you ship him with freakin' Katara after she suffered trauma not only from him but from his country and his deadbeat family?!? If you legitimately think she would just fall in love for him right after hating him, you don't know her character at all! I mean, she barely even knows him toward the end of the show. Most girls won't go after someone they hardly even know.

You know, I was gonna ignore this, cause it’s bullshit and I’m tired, and I almost wanna wait a while to see how many times I can goad you into sending me the exact same message:

(seriously, did you have that copied to your clipboard or something??? lmfao)

but nah, I’m just gonna stop you right here.

First of all, Zuko is not ‘a jerk when it comes to women’. He’s a socially awkward, traumatized teenager, who tried his best to be a loving and attentive boyfriend when he was actually in a relationship, and with the one other girl we saw him date he was kind and gentle and goofy and risked being found out as a firebender just so he could light some candles for her and make her smile. (If you wanna throw Song into the mix, too, he met her at one of the worst points in his life, and he stole her ostrich horse, which was bad–but he also connected with her in a way we would not get to see him do with anyone else until Katara. And, notably, it wasn’t until he met Katara that he actually let someone else touch his scar.)

Bringing it back to Maiko for a second, at my most charitable towards Mai (whom I do not like, as a character, regardless of ships), they were jerks to each other. While Zuko put in effort which Mai notably did not, and while Mai was dismissive of the efforts he did make, he took out his anger on her in ways he certainly shouldn’t have. (Really, The Beach wasn’t a good look for anyone, but Mai wasn’t exactly an innocent victim in the way their relationship continually fell apart. They were remarkably ill-suited for a couple we’re supposed to believe eventually made a life together.) And Zuko wasn’t being ‘a jerk’, he was hurt and angry and lashing out because nothing made sense, and he was so busily trying to warp himself to fit his father’s twisted image of ‘a worthy heir’ that he very nearly lost himself entirely–not a healthy basis on which to build a relationship, no, and part of why Maiko didn’t work is because it was a relationship based on Zuko trying to be something he wasn’t and could never be again. When he finally realized that, and left his father and his family and his corrupt nation behind so that he could find the avatar and make the world a better place? He was so much happier and healthier, and, if you’ll notice, a whole lot nicer–to himself and everyone around him.

That’s what tends to happen when someone stops lying to themselves about who they are and what they want and what they’re comfortable being complicit in. It’s called character development–you should look it up.

Speaking of development!

There’s this funny thing that happens when a former villain or antagonist has this thing called a ‘redemption arc’ (google is your friend, and it could even provide you with examples!!!) and joins forces or even becomes friends with the heroes–relationship development. Do I expect Katara to immediately fall for someone she hates? Of course not. That’s why, in terms of canon, I have always envisioned Zuko and Katara getting together post-series. While a Z/K endgame would’ve been much more earned than the K/A and Z/M ones we got, I actually didn’t want the epilogue of atla to feature a romantic kiss at all! Because the important thing at the end of the series was the gaang, all together, representatives from all four nations coming together in harmony and unity, and symbolizing the future of peace and prosperity that the gaang had finally achieved by removing Ozai from power.

At the end of the series, Katara no longer hates Zuko. That’s just a fact. You don’t have to like it, you don’t even have to admit it, but you know, even if you insist on lying to yourself about it, that they developed an incredibly close friendship and had the strongest bonds of any two members of the Gaang, save, Sokka and Katara. Whether or not you interpret any of their interaction or feelings as romantic, they are close friends by the end of the series, and know a great deal about each other, not to mention everything they went through together.

Zuko made a concerted effort to learn about Katara’s past, to figure out why she hated him so much more than the rest of the gaang–and when he found out that she was projecting her hatred, not just of the Fire Nation but of the man who killed her mother, onto him, he gave her a way to confront it, and he gave her a means of gaining closure which no one else even realized she needed. He helped her heal in a way that no one else did–and, in turn, she helped him face his uncle and come to terms with the fact that what he’d done in the past did not have to define him now, or in the future. Then she helped him confront the last bastion of his father’s power and influence, and in helping him defeat his sister and then saving his life, she protected the future of the entire world at his side.

You don’t have to like it, but none of the other romantic pairs (or even most of the platonic ones, tbh) got the sort of emotional energy and catharsis that Zuko had with Katara.

As to this priceless bit of non-logic, “Most girls won’t go after someone they hardly even know”: were you asleep when Jet was playing? Katara knew Zuko a whole hell of a lot better, by the end of the show, than she knew Jet when she was hardcore crushing on (and kissing) him. She had an attraction to Haru, too, when they first met and she barely knew him. Hell, she knew Zuko better than Aang knew her when he first developed feelings for her! (And, I’d argue, by the end of the series Zuko knows and understands Katara far better than Aang does, but that’s an argument for another day.) Furthermore, have you never heard of infatuation? Instant attraction? Love at first sight or chemistry at first touch? Sure, people don’t usually build long-lasting romantic relationships with someone they don’t know at all, but idk if you know about this great invention called ‘getting to know someone’–which is something that usually happens somewhere in between the initial attraction and the actual relationship!

Anyway, now that you’ve learned a thing or two, think you could run along and bug somebody else? I’m tired and would rather be spending energy on the mountain of WiPs I’ve been steadily building.

RWBY V7 E9 Photo Review (spoilers)

A solid episode that mostly could have been tacked onto E8, but with notable moments. 

Characters done right:

Robyn- A dark horse that emerged as MVP of the episode by a hair. Her snark was toned way down and you felt the frustration when Jacques says “I only meant to win the election” and she throws a chair with a scream of “ONLY?!” Her concern for Mantle citizens upon learning of the Grimm invasion also felt genuine and raised the tension of the episode. 

I will say though she also had the dumbest line in the episode with 

“You don’t trust your own council to help you? Operating in secret? These are the actions of someone who’s hiding something.” 

What do you think a secret is?! A secret is something that is hidden! What is this line?!

Best Girl Weiss: A close second goes to best girl Weiss with the line of “Jacques Schnee, you’re under arrest…..can I do that?” OMG I hate how cute you’ve become!

 Special Mention- Clover: A lot of cool character moments with Clover this episode, featuring his team bonding and general bad-assery. The moment he holds onto Elm for support and then they shake hands before she jumps shows that the team cares for each other, which is going to make me even more homicidal if Clover turns out to be a Spy. If any of the Ace Ops are going to be a spy, I think it’ll be Harriet or maybe Vine (okay maybe that’s because they are the two Ace ops I like the least- don’t @ me) 

Characters done wrong

Obvious Neo is obvious- the super long pan on her face made the “reveal” at the end super lame. It would have been better if they cut the scene before the Neo evil smirk, as it would have just looked like a waitress that was just shocked by a bunch of huntsmen darting out the door. It would have given the end a lot more shock factor when the waitress enters a room to have an out-of-shot woman ask “Tell me you found what we are looking for” before the waitress changes back to Neo and Cinder’s stupid face is revealed.

 I do hope that Neo is going to betray Cinder. Cinder’s character is the absolute worst in both writing and acting. The character has zero depth, motivation or charisma and the delivery of lines is atrocious with the cringey attempts at sounding cool and seductive. Neo constantly rolling her eyes at Cinder is a mood, and it’s like she’s an audience stand-in. 

If Cinder dies it could also be a great catalyst for a lot of interesting changes, including having a maiden whose identity is unknown. Or Neo could become the maiden and go rogue, giving us a chance to see her as more than a sidekick.  

Story stuff done right:

Villains- Although the Jacques story line was wrapped up too soon, it was still a nicely done arc and does a good job of depicting the villainy of Watts who, like Salem, only uses people until they are no longer useful. Using Jacques’ codes to shut off the heat without Jacques’ knowledge is proof of that. 

I am excited to see Watts’ true evil prowess going forward, especially now that people know he’s alive. Hopefully Watts will evade capture and cause further mayhem right under Ironwood’s nose, which will show that the Villains in RWBY are actually capable of being competent and doing evil things. In each volume after V3 they have been bumbling idiots incapable of securing a single victory, but V7 thus far has been good at maintaining a decent level of menace with Tyrian and Watts teaming up.

  Building a universe- I like the rapport being built with the council, because it anchors the characters�� actions in a real world setting, whereas previously their actions and story felt independent of a greater universe. We are now getting into a phase where these characters have to make decisions along with a political infrastructure, which is a cool new dynamic. The dialogue also felt a lot more realistic without Jacques snarking, as the council was able to outline real concerns and Ironwood felt legitimately on the defensive.  I’m a little disappointed they skipped the part where Ironwood tells them about Salem, because seeing their reaction in real time would have been interesting, but it’s a cool development that he shared that info with them nonetheless. 

  Story stuff done wrong

Opening scene: This scene should have been the cliffhanger in the last episode before the break- with people worriedly trying to get answers and Pietro and Maria exchanging uncomfortable looks. I understood that the snow meant people would be freezing in Mantle but the kid’s excited reaction last episode made for a really non-tense cliffhanger.

Evil Jacques we hardly knew ye: I think the reveal of Jacques’ betrayal was too premature. I would have liked to see him reap the rewards of being underhanded a little, maybe become emboldened and try to solicit Watts for more evil schemes, only to have it crash down around him. I know the writers wanted it for Weiss to absolve Ironwood at the last moment, but maybe they could have had the meeting interrupted by the Grimm invasion of Mantle, and the council re-convenes next episode to make a final ruling in Ironwood’s position as council member and headmaster for Weiss to make the grand reveal. That would have also allowed this episode to be dedicated to the action surrounding the invasion.

 So. Much. Shipping: I love a good ship, but it was so awkward this episode. The tone of the entire episode felt tense, with huge arguments, revelations, arrests, attacks, but it interrupted by the onslaught of shipping moments crammed into the middle. I think the concept of some of these are cute- especially Ruby and Oscar (though depending on what Ozpin is up to it may be creepy), but it all should have been put aside because these people are supposed to be professional huntsmen. The inserts were so jarring it was actually kind of cringey (like the Bumblebee run-by when Rosegarden are talking, and the sexy Bumblebee smirk after the Renora moment). As for the Ren and Nora moment, I didn’t think was as ship-ey because she was trying to be reassuring since Ren seems so tense, and without the Bumblebee smirk it would have actually been very sweet.

 Ozpin’s return? The weird tease about Ozpin being back is jarring, especially in a volume built around trust and telling the truth. I hope it is just Ozpin coming back in brief moments- like in the Volume 6 crash- and Oscar doesn’t know what to make of it so he doesn’t want to tell the group until he knows what’s doing on.

However, I have a feeling it may be more sinister- based on the bits in the last few episodes how Ironwood remarks Oscar is becoming more like Ozpin, and this episode he said “It’s like you were there.” I think maybe Oscar proper is slipping away, being absorbed by Ozma’s soul and he’s aware of it, but isn’t saying anything. In either case I don’t like it because it means Oscar is hiding something which contradicts literally everything he’s been saying the whole volume and it also puts a creepy undertone on the Oscar/Ruby cuteness from the episode.

  Lack of action:

This episode had a *fair* amount of action with the dragon grimm plane chase, but I wish the talking parts were wrapped up last episode or put on hold this episode to address the Grimm invasion. Volume 7 is following a lot of the same patterns it’s been criticized for in the past, which is ALLUDING to action, but having it all happen off screen (the riots after the SDC closure, the Grimm attack after the election, etc). This volume has been better than previous volumes with little snippets of action- such as Tyrian’s attack and the scuffle between Robyn and Bumblebee, but there hasn’t been a great big fight since Episode 3, which is 5 episodes in an action anime without a substantial fight, and to keep the blue-balls going after the break is annoying.

 I do think that next week will deliver on the action and we will finally get to see the Robyn/Qrow vs Tyrian fight in the opening credits. Maybe Ironwood, too since he is shown in the credits shooting at something in Mantle…? I hope so at least. 

Overall score: 7/10

A lot of this episode could have just been part of last week’s episode, which would have given us a nice dose of action after the break. Also the panic about Salem from the council and Robyn could have also been part of the reason the Grimm invaded in this episode, in addition to the heating riots. Nonetheless it doesn’t mean it was a bad episode, though the shipping was a bit distracting. 

Random thoughts: 

I wonder if they’re going to have to address the fact that they crashed an airship into mantle....

I also wonder if Whitley will bring his dad a shiv in a cake to bust out of jail. In seriousness though, I hope they address Whitley more this season. This episode actually made me feel bad for him. 10/10 

Steve’s Ending: What the Fuck Just Happened?

                            ************WARNING*********** 

BIG-ASS ESSAY WITH SPOILERS FOR AVENGERS: ENDGAME AHOY

I have been largely out of the fandom sphere for a spell because of personal stuff that went down and then subsequent Endgame anxiety (I’m sorry, I really will get to some BW asks as soon as I’m done reeling from this film), but I wanted to get out some thoughts about Endgame while they are fresh in my mind. I have seen Endgame twice since its release. I saw it Friday morning, debriefed with my beta @pitchforkcentral86, and then turned around and bought tickets for an evening showing the same day. Why? Because I had to process Steve’s last scene. I had to see it twice just to comprehend what the hell happened and then try to interpret it. I went through several hypotheses and waves of accompanying emotion and then came to a tentative personal conclusion about what the hell Steve’s ending is to me.  But first I had to ask— Is this a true happy ending? Is this lazy writing? Is this a character assassination? Is this a legitimate choice Steve would make? Some combination of the above? So, here go my hypotheses—

Hypothesis 1: This is a legitimate happy ending for Steve and his timeline.

If you only look at the images shown to us and don’t devote much thought to the implications of Steve’s choice for other people in the world, it might appear to be a beautiful ending. After a decade-and-a-half of compass-gazing and pining for the good old days of segregation and boiled food, Steve gets what he wants. He gets the person who is — surprise! — “the love of his life.” This plays into the ongoing narrative that Steve has never been able to find contentment in the modern world or with modern people (some of whom he refers to as “family,” interestingly enough). This hypothesis also assumes that he can only be happy if he is with one woman, because he assumes shared life experience is a prerequisite for partnership, which means that he has essentially preemptively foreclosed on any relationship with anyone who is not Peggy.  Since Bucky’s name has barely even entered Steve’s consciousness lately, except to emotionally whump his past self into not choking him to death, even their friendship seems to be a question in the last two films in this series.

So if we take the arc of these films into consideration, including the last two films, he has apparently resigned himself to a position of “Peggy is my only viable romantic relationship, and she is dead, and I am incomplete as long as this is true.” When you write this thesis for Steve Rogers, which is a sad thesis indeed, this ending might seem like a relief for him. (It could also be argued that it is terribly lacking in resiliency and flexibility and is naive, at best, in terms of what is love versus infatuation versus idealization.) Problematic in this happy ending scenario: The writers clearly did not consider the second and third order effects of this decision. They just needed to tie up Steve’s timeline and get Chris Evans out of the franchise, and this was a way to do it that resonates at face value. Man out of time gets put back in his time. Gets love. Quote: “It was beautiful.” Ignore all of the following and more: -There will now be two Steve Rogers in this timeline. -One of them will presumably be with Peggy Carter for at least a good chunk of time, unless things went south. -Peggy Carter is the director of SHIELD. Her close associates are undoubtedly known to them as a result. -Thus, Steve Rogers probably could not just stay hidden in the pantry. SHIELD would want to debrief him. They would want to know how the hell he got there. Questions would get asked. This could not remain a secret forever. -Is Steve Rogers going to sit out history? Hang on the couch while the world burns, shield unused? -Is Steve Rogers, knowing that Bucky is alive, going to leave him to rot with Hydra? -Even if they made some sort of arrangement beforehand, like Bucky saying it’s okay, don’t come get me, would they both sit well with continuing to let him kill all of the innocents he killed? -If Steve did go get Bucky, he would likely find him some time in the span of however many years he’s in the past. The future would be completely changed. -If he intervened and found Bucky, Sam Wilson would not be Falcon because TWS would not happen. This version of Bucky would not exist. This end scene could not happen. -Thus, this does not seem to be something that Steve chose to do during his life with Peggy. (Debunked-ish, along with other “Back to the Future” science hereafter, below) Which brings me to my second hypothesis about this ending. Hypothesis 2: This was thought out, but it represents writers Markus and McFeely’s disconnect from the character they built. This is where the “there is no way in hell Steve would sit on the couch where the world burns, where Bucky suffers with Hydra etc.” argument comes in. This taints the ending in a particularly sour way, because they have labored so hard to build an image of Steve as someone who would wreck the world to save Bucky Barnes from harm and stop at nothing to prevent serious harm in the world where he could. It’s what he wanted in the first place! It’s where we all started in TFA! The Steve we know and love would want to go to Korea. To Vietnam. He would want to stop the Khmer Rouge and all the bad shit he could intervene with. Right? And his ass would try to save Bucky, especially knowing exactly where he’s kept! Right?? He would keep going and going until he was worn down into a nub of nothingness. Right??? Which meanders me to— Hypothesis 3: This was a decision that Steve Rogers made that is plausible for his character and was deliberate on the part of the writers. Second and third order effects included. This may be a stretch, but I think it could be argued on the grounds of good becomes great, bad becomes worse. Steve does nothing by half measures, an intrinsic trait that is amplified by his transformation. I have always argued that Steve has a very real selfish streak, or else he never would have tried to enlist in the Army so many times knowing he is absolutely unqualified to serve. Serving in his original condition would have put so many lives at risk, and others would have had to pick up his slack, because he would have been next to physically useless in combat as small Steve. But he would not accept reality, and he would not accept a “lesser” form of helping because it had to be the way that served his ego and his sense of rightness and justness for himself, consequences to other soldiers and the mission be damned. It was myopic and self-serving. And if good becomes great and bad becomes worse, maybe this is a form of that. Maybe he and Bucky agreed (because they were clearly in cahoots with that final scene business) that he would not intervene and rescue him, because then there would be no Falcon, or simply on the principle that the timeline must remain as undisturbed as possible. And maybe this one time, Steve didn’t say “fuck you, Bucky” and do what was right. Maybe Steve Rogers was done. Fucking done. Maybe he realized that what he first wanted at the beginning of TFA is not tenable. That he can’t fight forever. That he, like Tony, needs to rest, and that he can’t do that in the modern world. Which is interesting, because he essentially becomes Tony Stark v1.0 in the end, only caring about himself and his own. And Tony Stark becomes Steve Rogers, making the ultimate sacrifice for mankind. So Steve enjoys a life with Peggy while the world burns because he just can’t do it anymore. He’s paid his dues and he’s done being Captain America or Nomad or anyone else. (Wonder how she likes that version of Steve...?) Though how he could possibly say “It was beautiful” is utterly beyond me. I can’t fit that into this hypothesis, unless he has compartmentalized so hard and so well that he has forgotten about Bucky’s existence completely. And if he has, this is a very sad ending for his character.

There are probably many other hypotheses out there. They just didn’t percolate through my mind yet.

Which brings me to some things @pitchforkcentral86 brought up:

Why was Tony Stark’s arc so perfectly completed, so beautifully closed — truly, even I shed a tear — when we have to sit here writing stupid billion word theses on a nearly defunct blog site, grasping for straws, scratching our heads, wondering what the fuck just happened to Steve Rogers? It’s like getting to know somebody for eight years, being told the same stories about their behavior, learning their values system, their truths… and then being thrown a parting image that can only make sense if  a) the writers cannot be trusted — and maybe could not be trusted this whole time, or b) the character is actually not the person we thought he was.

Is either of these what we want to be left with as we close this phase of the MCU? Either the writers failed or Steve Rogers is not the person we love? And do we really not get to see Bucky and Steve’s friendship arc get closed in a meaningful way after building its depth for three movies? Are we really supposed to count a cheap recycling of a TFA line and some shimmery-eyed SebStan woobieface (TM) and some secret time travel hook-up conspiring off-camera (AS THEIR ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN SINCE CIVIL WAR, PRESUMABLY, OFF-FUCKING-CAMERA) as “closure”? So, what do I think? I think this was lazy, crap writing, and I think Markus and McFeely thought we wouldn’t consider the timey-wimey implications too much. I think they know this character, and I don’t think they figured this would assassinate his character. I think they just really, really needed to tie this story up in a superficially pretty bow, and they couldn’t kill off both Tony and Steve, so they needed to give him something that took him out of the franchise. And that scene at the end with Peggy was aesthetically BEAUTIFUL. I smiled the first time, ear to ear, until my brain kicked in two minutes later and realized what it meant. They have been building up to this forever, kindling Steggy pretty much every movie. We Stucky people are all like yeah, yeah, Peggy, so sad, but the films have been consistent all along about saying a) Steve is a man out of time, and b) he loves Peggy Carter. (However you wanted to interpret that love... until the support group, where the interpretation is made for us). Support group side note: First, I squeed that Steve was running a support group in what I’m pretty sure is a VA auditorium. And on one hand, I loved the super chill gay Russo cameo and Steve’s untroubled reaction. Three cheers for the first openly gay character in the MCU [eyeroll]. But also, it felt like a total concession, like okay all you Stucky idiots we’ve been queer baiting over the years, we are gonna drop an A-bomb your little kingdom, but look, at least Steve isn’t a homophobe! See? He’s cool with the gays and so are we. Thanks for playing. Maybe you’ll get a REAL queer character in the next phase of the MCU! (If you even stick around after the shit we’ve just pulled.) But this laziness is problematic, because it feels terrible and discrepant. Intended or not, it does have serious implications for the timeline and/or the character, and the final scene existing the way it is potentially means at least one of two things: 1. Time doesn’t work the way we think it does. (In other words, what if there is a world where time travel Steve did all these good things like free Bucky, end the Vietnam War early, etc.?) However, since he is here on this bench with Bucky and Sam, dropping off this shield, this is implausible. If he just disappeared for good and Bucky explained the situation with a tiny, knowing smile, then it would be possible that he started an alternate reality where he did all these very Steve-congruent things and freed Bucky in that timeline, which would not affect this one. Wouldn’t that be nice? I could live with that. Just disappear into the sunset and we can write fics to fill in all the gaps of his Steve-ness. His core character is retained. Hooray. 

But if he started an alternate timeline, he would not be here with Bucky and Sam like this in the original timeline as an old man, which suggests that he jumped back in the same timeline. Unless they invented technology to jump between timelines. Or Dr. Strange jumped him back to this bench just to drop the shield off and high five with Sam and then is going to take him back any second or some dumb shit that has no basis in anything we have seen on screen (see @pitchforkcentral86’s point above about grasping for bullshit just to make sense of this). Or it means that— 2. Steve did not do anything and did not give a fuck about it. Both of these are terrible. Terrible. I would rather have had Steve die than have this ending. And this has nothing to do with Stucky for me, because Stucky is mostly just a fun fandom thing for me. I don’t mind that he ended up with Peggy per se. It’s the implication that he didn’t save his friend, knowing EXACTLY — geographically and historically — where he was, not only saving Bucky but also all the innocent people Bucky would kill. OR I hate the implication that the smug motherfucker let Bucky rot — perhaps per their agreement, maybe he kept a promise, whatever — and he had the gall to call it “beautiful.” And this is after Markus and McFeely slaved for three movies to convince us that these are best fucking friends from childhood who are with each other “‘til the end of the line.” At the very least, even if they are not going to be physically together, friends do not let friends suffer for decades at the hands of Hydra, and if they do, they do not fucking enjoy themselves while it’s happening. If this is the Steve they are leaving us with, I do not want him. And I kind of don’t know what to do now.

Am I missing something? Please tell me I am. I’m desperate for a way to make sense of this. Truly.

OKAY, EDIT: 

@koubashii  very kindly sent me a message reminding me that Bruce spent quite a bit of time belaboring on the point that changing the past doesn’t change the future. She reminded me that Nebula killing her past self didn’t obliterate her from existence. I did forget about all this. So I can’t use Sam and Bucky Prime’s existence in their current form as evidence that Steve did nothing, if he went back in time. Point taken. THANK YOU!! 

(Edit: As far as I can gather from some research from actual astrophysicists and not MCU Bruce Banner, this “changing the past doesn’t change the future” stuff is just one small theory and does not appear to be the prevailing theory. However, this is the quantum realm, so we can make up all sorts of silly rules about infinite possibilities, infinite realities, yada yada, because nobody understands quantum physics except Hank Pym. Comic book science wins again!)

So, if he’s creating a separate timeline, let’s say he rescued Bucky early. Is there another Bucky running around with him? (New fun theory to make the pain better: He danced with Peggy, had a good time, went to find Bucky, married HIM, and that’s why he doesn’t want to talk about it with Sam. THERE. Fixed it.) 

But this still suggests that he broke off into an alternate timeline, one that did not disturb the current one. So if he went off into this entirely new timeline, how did he bounce into this old one? Pym particles? Sure. Fine. Comic science Whatever. Maybe he gets some. Did he just drop in by the lake and pop a squat on the bench right before Bucky told Sam to look? Sure. Was he there the whole time? Perhaps. Fine. Who the hell knows. 

So, one possible explanation is that there IS an alternate timeline where Steve did the right thing. And he jumped back here because Pym particles. His character’s integrity is potentially saved and who the fuck knows who he ended up with in the end. Let your imaginations run wild. It’s too late for Bucky Prime to get saved, poor Bucky. At least he has Sam and their upcoming Disney spinoff series, which sounds like a fucking joke when I write it (but srsly I’m dying and cannot wait). 

And there are still problematic things with this narrative for me, such as the idea that Steve’s entire happiness hinges on one woman he barely knew, largely because she didn’t scoff at him when he was smol and I will be DAMNED if Peggy kept his picture on her desk, and there is no effing way that she would even have her back to the door, but whatever. And I still hate that Steve and Bucky’s relationship arc was treated so horribly by these last two films. NO HOMO, indeed. Just in case we got the wrong idea from the intensity of the relationship that the MCU created for us. I will be posting more on this later. 

AND STILL — we should not have to work SO HARD for this kind of "meh” explanation. You should not need a group effort to make sense of your character’s ending, after so much wallowing in despair. And this might still reek of bullshit to many of you. I need to percolate more. 

Pym particles and Wakandan Vibranium trauma-healing brain magic — quick and dirty shortcuts for real character development. Thanks, MCU. Consider my brain exploded.

Banana fish ending pt3

The end in a nutshell: Ash reads Eiji's letter and seems to get lifted by his words and excited but he is stabbed by Lao so randomly decides he might as well give up instead of getting help and try to start a new life like he seemingly longed for just 5 minutes ago. I don't really want to see the ending validated, legitimized and made more deep than it is anymore. Most people seem to be desperately insistent to a ridiculous degree that things would have gotten even more ugly somehow had Ash lived. It's because we are used to only bad things happening to Ash during the timeline and also to find an excuse his death was for the best despite everything else but it's obviously a very harmful message for people who have gone through similar things. To be fair I don't think Yoshida really thought about such consequences, she just aimed for the tragedy and big knockdown ending which she achieved but that doesn't mean we shouldn't. There's a prevalent narrative how inevitable this kind of ending was, how it would have or should have happened anyway at some point and the way it happened was at least ~tragically beautiful. People really go all apologetic over it and get adamant Ash couldn't have/get anything in his life ever. It's only real if he suffers permanently and irredeemably forever or chooses his only other way- to end it all. Nobody says if Ash didn't die it would have been perfect and easy from now on but to insist Ash's destiny is to be tortured with new burdens eternally or die is kinda overblown. Such exaggerations and interpretations are probably a fault of the whole story- we get a ridiculous pointless string of terrible things happening one after another and senselessly piled on him. I've been wondering if it's supposed to make us dread he's going to like, get his arms and legs cut off next and corner us into praying for his death as a sweet relief. It feels weird reading people listing all the made up ways it would for sure go wrong: how Ash's life would have been terrible agony all the way through still even after BF affair ended and his enemies are dead, how obviously alone he would have been and how him living means Eiji would have been surely killed, how he wouldn't have been able to move on always fighting for survival, his life one big regrettable waste until he dies unglamorously- just to prop up the argument that Ash must die and it was his best option in the best moment. All other possibilities would inevitably suck, such is real life and especially Ash's. Basically devaluing Ash's life and glorifying his death. Just to come to terms, clear the doubts, the confusion, lack of closure and relief the ending brings. It would all suck Ash wouldn't have offed himself otherwise, right? There's still too much romantisation of death and suicidal ideation and people buying into it. 

 It’s very easy to use csa as a tragedy vehicle. Many justify this choice the author had him made and try find explanations how he just had to, present it as his ~best option~ and what's more disturbing romanticise suicide, sending a message that hurt people don't get a chance to have a life anymore, they are doomed to be a victim and nothing more than damaged goods forever. In their plight to make that death seem better than it is they tell real people who suffered abuse they're as good as dead because even someone like Ash, who has finally everything going for him at the end, is better off in a grave as he can literally expect nothing good from his life and will only bring harm to people he loves as if he’s radioactive.  What's bugging me is people who are constantly expressing how they take Ash's trauma seriously and are so understanding of him and through it of all the survivors but for them pointing out the gravity of it only brings to constantly imply there's only one terrible direction the survivors life is supposed to go after this, how inevitably, realistically it's unworthy of living. After all the bad you get no chance for something different, because after what you've gone through it's a game over. But it's all for good, we write you eulogy and bury you already, that will be your relief and peace. Some people tend to take everything unfolding in the plot of BF like a gospel because it attempts to revolve around serious real life issues, the fact that we get no flying car doesn't mean it's truthful to them and a good and right portrayal of reality. There are many plot holes and what's more important it isn't only real and valid when you die because of trauma.

I realize people want to feel some closure and reconcile with what happened but I don't think it's fair to imply that as a survivor you have no hope anyway you're doomed to be a miserable victim and it's no wonder if you kill yourself, that's the only way you get over it. Ending should be treated at least as the worst option if we are claiming it's a realistic consequence of mental health issues that were not overcome. Except it's not only about portraying things that can happen irl too, it's about HOW they're portrayed, why they get portrayed this way and how the reception goes. There's a difference between "understanding" the seriousness of the issues and excusing, justifying, normalizing, and even glamourizing and in a way approving suicide as only solution. All it does is cement the idea that broken people can’t be fixed, foolish to even try, no chance, they are somehow happier (how?) buried and decomposing in the ground. Ash is not happier, he blighted any potential for happiness and change, he is not triumphant and didn’t "finally found freedom and at peace in death because that’s the only possible way he could do that”, he didn't retain any contentment or good things from life this way either, because he's not alive. Death is not a way of overcoming your past or a resolution of your problems, it’s quite something else. Recovery is a hard process and not as literary attractive and easy as simply killing a character with dramatic flair. But the romanticisation and at the same time justification of death as remedy has appalling implications. My disappointment and frustration comes from the way BF ending deals with real life issues it often refers to, how contrived and at the same time unbelievably melodramatic the writing is.

A Vigil, On Birds and Glass

I woke up this morning still dreaming, or not fully aware of myself just yet. The sun poked through the windows, touching my face, and then a deep sadness overcame me, immediately, bringing me to life and realization- My Chemical Romance had ended.

I walked downstairs to do the only thing I could think of to regain composure-

I made coffee

As the drip began, in that kind of silence that only happens in the morning, and being the only one awake, I stepped outside my home, leaving the door open behind me. I looked around and began to breathe. Things looked to be about the same- a beautiful day

As I turned to step back into the house I heard sound from within, a chirp and a rustle. And I noticed a small brown bird had flown into the library. Naturally, I panicked. I knew I had to see the bird to safety and I knew I had to retain the order of things in our home, and he very well couldn’t take up residency with us. I chased him (still assuming he was a he) into my office, where I have these very large windows

Just then, and luckily, I heard Lindsey’s footsteps coming down the stairs, and naturally being composed as she is, she grabbed a blanket and stepped into the office. He was impossible to catch, and I began to open the windows, via Lindsey’s direction, only to find out they were screened. The bird began to fly into the glass, over and over and in all different directions

Smack

Smack

Smack!

I heard another set of footsteps, Bandit’s, running down the stairs in anticipation of the new day. Her entrance into the situation caused just the right amount of chaos (she was very excited to meet the bird) and we found ourselves chasing the bird into the living room. Knowing that this where it could potentially get sticky, being the high ceilings and the beams to perch on, I opened the front door as Lindsey did her best to encourage our new friend out the door. After some coaxing, flying, chirping, a wrong turn back into the library and a short goodbye to Bandit, he simply hopped out the front door- taking off on the fifth leap

We cheered

I was no longer sad

I didn’t realize it, but I stopped being sad the minute that bird had come into my life, because there was something that needed doing, a small vessel to aid and an order to keep. I closed the door. I decided to write the letter I always knew I would

It is often my nature to be abstract, hidden in plain sight, or nowhere at all. I have always felt that the art I have made (alone or with friends) contains all of my intent when executed properly, and thus, no explanation required. It is simply not in my nature to excuse, explain, or justify any action I have taken as a result of thinking it through with a clear head, and in my truth

I had always felt this situation involving the end of this band would be different, in the eventuality it happened. I would be cryptic in its existence, and open upon its death

The clearest actions come from truth, not obligation. And the truth of the matter is that I love every one of you

So, if this finds you well, and sheds some light on anything, or my personal account and feelings on the matter, then it is out of this love, mutual and shared, not duty

Love

This was always my intent

My Chemical Romance: 2001-2013

We were spectacular

Every show I knew this, every show I felt it with or without external confirmation

There were some clunkers, sometimes our secondhand gear broke, sometimes I had no voice- we were still great. It is this belief that made us who we were, but also many other things, all of them vital-

And all of the things that made us great were the very things that were going to end us-

Fiction. Friction. Creation. Destruction. Opposition. Aggression. Ambition. Heart. Hate. Courage. Spite. Beauty. Desperation. LOVE. Fear. Glamour. Weakness. Hope

Fatalism

That last one is very important. My Chemical Romance had, built within its core, a fail-safe. A doomsday device, should certain events occur or cease occurring, would detonate. I shared knowledge of this “flaw” within weeks of its inception

Personally, I embraced it because, again, it made us perfect. A perfect machine, beautiful, yet self aware of it’s system. Under directive to terminate before it becomes compromised. To protect the idea- at all costs. This probably sounds like something ripped from the pages of a four-color comic book, and that’s the point

No compromise. No surrender. No fucking shit

To me that’s rock and roll. And I believe in rock and roll

I wasn’t shy about who I said this to, not the press, or a fan, or a relative. It’s in the lyrics, it’s in the banter. I often watched the journalists snicker at mention of it, assuming I was being sensational or melodramatic (in their defense I was most likely dressed as an apocalyptic marching-band leader with a tear-away hospital gown and a face covered in expressionist paint, so fair enough)

I’m still not sure if the mechanism worked correctly, because it wasn’t a bang but a much slower process. But still the same result, and still for the same reason-

When it’s time, we stop

It is important to understand that for us, the opinion on whether or not it is in fact time does not transmit from the audience. Again, this is to protect the idea for the benefit of the audience. Many a band have waited for external confirmation that it is time to hang it up, via ticket sales, chart positioning, boos and bottles of urine- input that holds no sway for us, and often too late when it comes anyway.

You should know it in your being, if you listen to the truth inside you. And voice inside became louder than the music

Now-

There are many reasons My Chemical Romance ended. The triggerman is unimportant, as was always the messengers- but the message, again as always, is the important thing. But to reiterate, this is my account, my reasons and my feelings. And I can assure you there was no divorce, argument, failure, accident, villain, or knife in the back that caused this, again this was no one’s fault, and it had been quietly in the works, whether we knew it or not, long before any sensationalism, scandal, or rumor

There wasn’t even a blaze of glory in a hail of bullets…

I am backstage in Asbury Park, New Jersey. It is Saturday, May 19th, 2012 and I am pacing behind a massive black curtain that leads to the stage. I feel the breeze from the ocean find its way around me and I look down at my arms, which are covered in fresh gauze due to a losing battle with a heat rash, which had been a mysterious problem in recent months. I am normally not nervous before a show but I am certainly filled with angry butterflies most of the time. This is different- a strange anxiety jetting through me that I can only imagine is the sixth sense one feels before their last moments alive. My pupils have zeroed-out and I have ceased blinking. My body temperature is icy

We get the cue to hit the stage

The show is… good. Not great, not bad, just good. The first thing I notice take me by surprise is not the enormous amount of people in front of us but off to my left- the shore and the vastness of the ocean. Much more blue than I remembered as a boy. The sky is just as vibrant. I perform, semi-automatically, and something is wrong

I am acting. I never act on stage, even when it appears that I am, even when I’m hamming it up or delivering a soliloquy. Suddenly, I have become highly self-aware, almost as if waking from a dream. I began to move faster, more frantic, reckless- trying to shake it off- but all it began to create was silence. The amps, the cheers, all began to fade

All that what left was the voice inside, and I could hear it clearly. It didn’t have to yell- it whispered, and said to me briefly, plainly, and kindly- what it had to say

What it said is between me and the voice

I ignored it, and the following months were full of suffering for me- I hollowed out, stopped listening to music, never picked up a pencil, started slipping into old habits. All of the vibrancy I used to see became de-saturated. Lost. I used to see art or magic in everything, especially the mundane- the ability was buried under wreckage

Slowly, once I had done enough damage to myself, I began to climb out of the hole. Clean. When I made it out, the only thing left inside was the voice, and for the second time in my life, I no longer ignored it- because it was my own

There are many roles for all of us to play in this ending. We can be well-wishers, ill-wishers, sympathizers, vilifiers, comedians, rain clouds, victims-

That last one, again, is important. I have never thought myself a victim, nor my comrades, nor the fans- especially not the fans. For us to adopt that role right now would legitimize everything the tabloids have tried to name us. More importantly, it completely misses the point of the band. And then what have we learned?

With honor, integrity, closure, and on no one’s terms but our own- the door closes

And another opens-

This morning I awoke early. I quickly brushed my teeth, threw on some baggy jeans, and hopped in my car. I gently sped down the 405 through the morning fog to a random parking lot in Palo Verde, where I was to meet a nice gentleman named Norm. He was older, and a self-proclaimed “hippie” but he also had the energy of Sixteen year old in a garage-rock band. The purpose of the meeting was the delivery of an amplifier into my possession. I had recently purchased the amp from him and we both agreed that shipping would jostle the tubes- so he was kind enough to meet me in the middle

A Fender Princeton Amp from 1965, non reverb. A beautiful little device

He showed me the finer points, the speaker, the non-grounded plug, the original label and the chalk mark of the man or woman who built it-

“This amp talks.” he said

I smiled

We got coffee, talked about gold-foil pickups and life. We sat in the car and played each other music we had made. We parted ways, promising to stay in touch, I drove home

When I wanted to start My Chemical Romance, I began by sitting in my parent’s basement, picking up an instrument I had long abandoned for the brush- a guitar. It was a 90’s Fender Mexican Stratocaster, Lake Placid Blue, but in my youth I had decided it was too clean and pretty so I beat it up, exposing some of the red paint underneath the blue- the color it was meant to be. Adding a piece of duct tape on the pick guard, it felt acceptable. I plugged this into a baby Crate Amp with built in distortion and began the first chords of Skylines and Turnstiles

I still have that guitar, and it’s sitting next to The Princeton

He has a voice, and I would like to hear what it has to say

In closing, I want to thank every single fan. I have learned from you, maybe more than you think you’ve learned from me. My only regret is that I am awful with names and bad with goodbyes. But I never forget a face, or a feeling- and that is what I have left from all of you

I feel Love

I feel love for you, for our crew, our team, and for every single human being I have shared the band and stage with-

Ray. Mikey. Frank. Matt. Bob. James. Todd. Cortez. Tucker. Pete. Michael. Jarrod

Since I am bad with goodbyes. I refuse to let this be one. But I will leave you with one last thing-

My Chemical Romance is done. But it can never die

It is alive in me, in the guys, and it is alive inside all of you

I always knew that, and I think you did too

Because it is not a band-

It is an idea

Love

Gerard

Ngl I lowkey regret coming out to my mom

90% of our conversations are already filled with condescension willful ignorance and her getting way too touchy/close to me so idk why it bothers me more when it’s about being bi but here we are ¯\_( ツ)_/¯

Idk venting into the void usually only helps me when its not mom related but here comes the rage train I guess!!

Friend got me a bi flag as a holiday gift and my mom saw it and as soon as she asked me what country it represented I could sense the oncoming train wreck with my third eye

Me, internally cringing in preparation of the inevitable: it’s the bisexuality flag

Momtron: Oh! What does that.....mean

Me: It means I think guys are cute......and girls.......and other people.......

Momtron: ...........*fake surprise noise* ,,,,,,,Then I am also bisexual.  

And then I started boiling in rage because like....beyond the blatant bullfuckery a) I KNOW she knows what being bi is, she’s worked with lgbt groups before, she just wants me to say it for her weird fucked up mind game reasons, b) I have come out to her THREE TIMES now, and I’m willing to give her a pass on the first because she legitimately missed that one but now it’s just irritating and sorry! You’re gonna get the same answer from me every time!  I’m not getting any more straight!, c) I know she already knows from the second time because she’s super obvious and acts like a hetero whenever anything queer/lgbt is in tv and will Not Look At Me), d) I know this is hard to believe, but your attempt at changing the definition of bisexual isn’t going to make me think girls are any less hot!  Sorry!

The rest of it was also a fun little mess in which I got to explain what bisexuality was while she pretended not to understand but I ended up just cutting to the chase and telling her I wasn’t dating anyone rn and didn’t have plans to because we all know what she actually cares about is if I’m dating a feeeeemale and she did her whole condescending little smirk smile thing and dropped it.

Also she does this thing where whenever one of us tries to have a Serious Conversation with her and she’s uncomfortable with it or know she’s losing the debate she’ll start nitpicking on some aspect of our physical appearance and constantly bring it up as a way to derail. And she was doing it here except SHE was the one who started the conversation in the first place so she kept on derailing and rerailing herself, it was fucking wild. So basically the entire conversation happened above was constantly interspersed with her zooming in on my face like a vulture and complaining that one of my eyes looked moldy (it makes more sense in Chinese)

It’s basically like mom weasley except with more gaslighting and Incredibly Blatant Manipulation Tactics That She Pats Herself On The Back For Despite Being Incredibly Blatant 

Hahaha I thought my dad was going to be the weird one about it but he’s been surprisingly chill beyond being an occasional awkward turtle. Honestly, I don’t know why I thought otherwise like when have I ever had a healthy relationship with my mom about anything.

She’s already 60% of why my self esteem is fucked in the first place and why I feel the need to constantly compare myself to others, was it too much to ask for her basic acceptance on this ONE part of my life? I don’t even know why I feel guilty about typing this out because it’s fucking true.  Part of its conscious and part of its unconscious and I know she loves me but so many of the things she does are specifically designed to chip away or criticize or look down on me and for someone who supposedly cares so much about diversity, anything beyond asian/asian american experiences never really seems to matter to you that much, does it?

I don’t even understand my own sexuality! I still have moments at least once a day where I feel like a fake and that’s not even bringing in all my conflicted feelings on my asexuality and aromanticism. It’s confusing and frustrating and I really wish I had a queer or lgbt or whatever adult to talk to about it! But I can’t ever act unsure of it or even discuss ace/aro shit because she’d use it against me.  It’s the same reason why I’ve never gotten closure with her on ANYTHING, if I try to initiate an actual conversation with her about it, all I’m going to be met with is her loving condescension, incredibly obvious attempts to change the subject, her inevitably forgetting it right after and me having to go through this shit all over again.  It’s not even worth linking her to articles because she’ll say she’ll read them and then never do it.  I know her, and she’ll never even make the effort.  I’m fucking tired.  I don’t know how people have healthy relationships with their moms because it’s always been tied up in passive aggression and narcissistic traits for me.

Surprise!!  Venting didn’t make me feel better!!  I’m angrier than ever!! Cool!  

rwde

highly unpolished, awful explanation, but scene-by-scene commentary of unbridled annoyance and rage. read at your own peril.

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

so the episode opens with a fight scene. sweet! cool! but its so badly staged, sometimes you have no idea what is happening the first time round. it’s crowded and messy, not a very good look? im talking about grim being hid behind ice while the camera is panning and hitting some trees when we’re literally panning out to show someone else in focus DESPITE THE FACT THEIR MITIGATION SHOULD BE FRONT AND CENTER TO LET US KNOW IT HAPPENED CLEARLY. legit! there’s the one where nora shoots at a grim and the shell explodes into black dust and the grim is gone. did it die? grim dont usually die by fuckin smoke but this one sure fuckin did i guess ‘cause i literally dont know what happened to it? no recoil and fall, just deleted and hid behind some 2d-lookin smoke! sure! why not?!?!!!?

s/o to the white/rose speedy thing that had no reason to be there and yet they did it

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then there was the “adam ruins everything” segment where he literally just murders? everyone? like i get that its off screen for the younger audiences but also like he fucking murders everyone. literally! did i miss something? is it a good tactic now? did they think it was very villainous of him to murder people??????? god bring me back to the beginning when he actually has a good character reason for why faunus would follow him into revolution because this adam taurus is so bad he’s worth flushing down the drain for.

“tHe BeLlAdOnnA nAme HaS bRoUgHt Me NoThINg BUt gRiEf”

also that opening shot where adam is proud. jfc what? is he even part of salem’s crew anymore? was the Adam short supposed to tell us he isnt? is anyone reviewing this and thinking 100% it’s a good idea?????

wait why is this scene even second? that’s a really awkward position to put it in the whole episode? honestly? like it kinda underlines how awkward a villain adam really is; it has no build up, no reason to be there. sure, the audience is hungry to know what happened to adam, but there’s legitimately no reason to put it as the second scene in the episode, there’s no context??????

callout post for this scene because its literally just voicelines while panning slowly through the bottom floor of the room. and the blood only shows up later??? also is the white fang only comprised of like 7 people now??? isnt it a globally feared organization (ie. isis)????

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there are two bodyguards for the train. two? two. and for some reason they’re asking for dlc to provide more/personal protection? hello, did i miss something? anyone thought it was a good idea? what class of transportation did they get? if it was dangerous enough that on a train ride they’d need people to guard the journey it wouldn’t even be built there? or what, did they get a max-luxury, train ride with insurance kinda deal? and it had two (2) bodyguards? two (2)!!!!! or was it in the middle of the road??? i may have enough context for the environment but none on economy of this place i swear

“hey ladies we’ll protect you wink” jaune and lie ren literally sitting one (1) feet away not saying anything, could be everyone’s moment to justify “hey we’re literally huntsman despite being kids, we know what we’re doing” but qrow has to step in and apparently his  credentials would ward off some bodyguards???? like “hi yes sorry im the dad of literally 8 kids, i can protect them all” not a convincing argument here bud

illia deserves more time on screen and also closure because neptune fuckin hit on her and that’s obviously enough to change scenes right

also neptune being “you really gonna let her go? l:/” feels like he’s salty instead of wukong tbh; wukong feels/sounds like the literal i can do anything kinda guy -- which he is in mythology and probably in universe (except for intelligence i guess, despite the fact he literally outsmarts his opponents through a lot of his mythos) so i dont mind him being let off the hook, but any hesitation implied during this scene? weak

illia building up to kiss but hugging blake instead, but blake kissing wk on the cheek straight up on camera yo really

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blake emos in the corner and because its queued up right after the wk/neptune scene its not a far fetch to say she’s emo-ing about wk but turns out its yang? would’ve preferred the setup to be stronger (blake watches yang get on the bed and feels sad/regret, zoom in on yang’s arm to show the audience but not tell them)

i give props to blake being shown “wait leme get that for you” real out the way though, because it underlines properly that blake feels ridiculously bad and wants to do something to make up for yang. good characterization/storytelling!

then they break it w/ like a 30s scene of yang and blake making up almost immediately with a “oh everyone will feel better about it soon :)” BRUH SHE GUILTY BOUT YOUR FUCKIN ARM BITCH CUT BACK TO REALITY DAMN the running away part is sincerely legitimate but also??? blake should be a/ more anxious than that and b/ be more worried about???? yang’s arm??????? for real m8

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“dont let anyone else die” a/ assumes the bodyguard trying to defend the train literally died and b/ also really fell flat? as a line? get something better...????

genuine dislike for the tactic of qrow fights the Big Boss and everyone gets a handful of weaklings; to stall? possible. but also just feels like a bad tactic overall? also their animations always look like they’re doing an rpg battle; one ability used + animation! then return to original position. that’s a big fallacy of fighting monty oum style and i genuinely hope they recognize it soon

“YOU’RE ATTRACTING THE GRIM TO THE PASSENGERS” ??? i get the part where leading them to the back of the train may help (having them all divided in sections [grim + hunters, passengers, front of train respectively] may help but how does automation attract grim again? like, turrets shooting at them would do so if they’re in range, and they all came from the back so they’d move along towards the middle, but also they wouldn’t continue moving forward? i guess? what im saying is they should really just be around jnxr + oscar instead of way forward in front

when the bodyguard tried to get into the train and barely made it, that SNAP sound was just. raw. i felt that. good! i was very scared/horrified/eager to see if they’d literally break off his arm and he’d just be lying there in a pool of blood or something in shock. he didnt because of aura and i don’t know what to say because a/ it definitely wouldn’t be a bruise and b/ if he had aura and was in the bodyguarding business, wouldn’t he also have a proper semblance to fight off grim most likely? and he aint using it so why he so confident for dlc earlier the heck

bumblebee looks back to the carriage and one lady’s just with her baby like a cheap heartstrings tug

“WHY WON’T YOU TELL US THAT” yang’s line here assumes that they’ve asked about it before and ozpin/oscar refused to answer. i disagree? i think it works better with “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US THAT?” because it definitely was a factor they’d all have to take into account with regards to travelling w/ it in the first place. which they are. tbh yang (and jaune in the op) has every right to be mad at him real talk but also change that line please it bothered me so much

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blake sees the hooded adam figure and honestly idk what kind of omen that is but it feels/looks weird. another no context scene i guess. tbh id take that one out of this episode entirely and shuffle it next episode probably. (and put the adam ruins everything scene at the back of the episode)

grim stop chasing because tunnel. and then they chase the train through the tunnel really slowly? feels weird but okay i fuckin guess; these are just the things im willing to pass on

ren and jaune look at each other like “lets do it” but why does ren? look up? like there’s no extra effects there, its not visible that he’s trying really hard to extend his semblance out. no cool semblance-using eye powers there. it feels kinda cheap for him to do that w/o any additional highlights that he’s activating his aura? also creepy

OH THERE’S THAT SCENE. yang starts off the Big Fight Montage with grabbing the grimm by its horns and then flips it around. cool move! then she promptly punches it up and closes her eyes. what? tbh that was ridiculously weak after a stupid good setup. budget aside i’d say there was an opportunity for a focused choreograph there; instead of a punch up, use a bullet fire up, keeping the enemy’s front half up in the air for a longer period of time. run under, punch/kick the underbelly, bounce off to the side, bullet fire off the side of the train. 

blake cutting off the tail was a good move. rt studios deciding to change shots when the enemy has the same pose, so that we cut to ruby fighting the same kind of grimm is not. it breaks clarity for the viewers, that’s not how matching cuts should work tbh

these big grimm dying in a couple of hits are also just? kinda weak-feeling. like these characters got stronger from rpg levels, but not from actual combat training and learning to outsmart your enemies, or upgrading your weapons. feels cheap.

ruby bouncing around in attempt to kill these grim is kinda cute? which may be what they were trying to do? but also not well choreographed i guess. it doesn’t flow too well, just bounces in seperate spikes.

when weiss redirects the flying grimm to ruby, it feels like its? not clear what she did. was it a semblance/shield? colour that blue, we know she uses white but white on white doesn’t work out well. ruby’s scythe sinking into the grimm also doesn’t work great because you get confusion when the shot is supposed to show it sink into the grimm, but you cant see the scythe blade sink into it. like you could only get it from context after watching it that she sent the grimm flying by doing the above, but dont recognize the action in the moment.

callout post to yang and blake fuckin shooting at nothing when there’s a clear path/shot to ruby and qrow’s big monster.

fireball just kinda looked cheap. there wasn’t a long breathy build up, and the fireball just feels way too fast (camera or distance?); reasonable that qrow would be hit by it, but cheap-feeling in the sense that it shouldn’t have happened/it felt unfair, that it happened. he should’ve gotten knocked on his ass by power/strength and being caught off guard, and it felt like more like “oh no he got knocked down! D:”

HHHHHH WEISS ICE SKATES TO THE GRIM BUT ITS NOT LIKE YOU PAY ATTENTION BECAUSE SOMETHING ELSE CALLS FOR IT AND THEN SHE LEAPS UP TO THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE GRIM. SHE’S WHITE, THE BACKGROUND IS WHITE, YOU LOSE SIGHT OF HER, I LEGIT THOUGHT SHE VANISHED BEHIND THE GRIMM BUT IT WOULDNT MAKE SENSE FOR THAT TO HAPPEN. IN THE NEXT SHOT YOU MAY SEE HER AT THE LEFT BUT HER SEMBLANCE IS BLACK TO MAKE HER STAND OUT MORE BUT THEY DIDNT DO THAT FOR THE PREVIOUS SHOT WHY????????

“YANG!” yang promptly bounces off a grimm that isnt shown to have hurt or is dead from the fight and runs off to the bigger grimm as called. understandable, but the other grimm? is just? there? not dead? not doing anything???

also the we need to ground it idea feels really cheap? the grimm isn’t a problem because of its wings, it’s a problem because it’s being dealt with by one (1) person who decides it’s best fighting it on one (1) front vs two on a train. there’s so many ways to tackle this guy! we know qrow’s capable of jumping onto it, but all he’s doing is that, instead of moving to the other side and maybe catching it off guard?????? qrow, fight fucking better.

s/o to qrow/ruby pulling off a move together, cute but also they should’ve been slicing it at different points of the grimm, because they would’ve just died right away if they both went on the same plane? or anywhere near each other? weapons are fucking dangerous we remember right?

GRIMM LAUNCHES A FIREBALL AND IT GOES ON AN UPWARDS TRAJECTORY. IT DOESNT AND INSTEAD GOES IN AN ARC WHEN IT NEVER NEEDED TO. HERE’S HOW YOU COULD DERAIL THE TRAIN. FIREBALL, MOUNTAIN, AVALANCHE/ROCKSLIDE, TRAIN DESTRUCTION. OLD GRANDMA THAT STUMBLES OUT OF THAT/APPEARS BEHIND THE TEAM AFTERWARDS IS MORE IMPRESSIVE FOR HAVING ADAPTED TO THAT FROM INSIDE THE TRAIN THAN TO JUST SIT THERE AND POP OUT LATER LIKE xD lmao wassup yall?

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yeah thats it and here’d be the adam ruins everything scene right before the opening but we cant get what we want so w/e

I have re-written the wedding ep. Basically it happens right after Jack proposes in S4 - Elizabeth goes into the chapel (there's a simple dress, the friends she loves, all those gorgeous candles,Pastor Frank coz they haven't gotten rid of him yet so he's around legitimately) and the deed is done! They eloped!!! And it's romantic and sweet and fitting coz that sort of thing prob happened alot back then. Jack had to go to do his job and who knows when he will be back! PART 1

I like your idea/version of things. It works really well because, like you said, it gives Elizabeth a serious (but not overdramatic) plot for the remains of S4 and S5 weren’t so gloom ‘n doom. I’ve been gunning for an elopement (or at least fast wedding where they just grab Frank and a couple friends and it’s over) for someone in this show for a while. Elizabeth and Jack would have been a nice choice for that, especially if they’d done it right then and there halfway through s4, maybe right after he proposed. After all, she knows he can’t promise to return to her when it’s (more or less) war, so it could even be her idea to go right to Frank and have it done. Invite Abigail, Bill, Rosemary, and Lee, and that’s it. Nothing special. That way, Elizabeth would have to explain it to the rest of the town, to her sisters, to her parents… It’d be even better if she drew some comfort from being married; that could be part of one of her diary-writing scenes, too, where she just says that being able to call Jack her husband helps make him being away feel a little less awful, because she gets to be his wife. Maybe she worries in there about how it might have gone if she’d waited; what if she waited and he never came back?

It’d be good. Two thumbs up for your solid thought process!!

Especially because it would have let S5 actually be good. He could have gone away for training early, could have had some of his POV for an episode maybe (or part of one, like a scene where he interacts with some of the younger guys in the mess hall and then retires to his room to read a letter he received from Elizabeth)! I think the fans would have felt more rewarded that way for sure. I saw @whencallstheheart got a couple messages about how the fans didn’t get to say goodbye, and I think a scene like that would have helped with the closure. Hallmark doesn’t like showing us dying characters, but we could have at least seen the danger coming and Jack rushing after those young guys, some of them the same ones we saw laughing with him in the mess hall, maybe teasing him about the letter from Elizabeth, asking if there’s anything saucy in it.

As far as the depot goes, it’s just for freight delivery, so no, we’ll probably never see it. They’d actually have to show us more of the town and maybe a train–if not, tracks. In an area that could be Hope Valley. I have a feeling it’ll never happen. They still obviously rely on the stage for most things, and deliveries made by the stage. I get the feeling the train stops for Lee’s orders mostly, and to fill up on water.

Also, the wedding wouldn’t have been as bad if it wasn’t so overdramatic. GASP Bill’s not there. GASP fiRE. GASP the kids almost dIED! GASP the chURCH aLMOSt burNED.

I hate that plotline so much I could spit fire. It was terrible, a waste of screen time, and insulting to the fans. I don’t know if the writers chose it on their own, or if they were forced to work the drama in there, but it was completely unnecessary. Jesse and Clara could have had a couple of scenes to take up time, Henry could have gotten a scene, Tom and Jack could have had a longer scene together, Julie and Tom could have had something more sustained maybe… Hell, Bill’s scene could have actually been better; you know, with him NOT making it back in time with the rings and feeling bad about it, OR his stunt backfiring on him a little and getting him hurt so that he can’t attend the wedding anyway (even though he does bring the rings back). This list is literally endless. There were so many options to make the wedding dramatic, but in a better way. Bill taking a job for Jack so he wouldn’t have to put off the wedding was wholesome and GOOD. But it also should have had some kind of consequence, so that it felt more meaningful. (And I think I’ve said this before, but imagine the angst after Jack dies, where Bill missed the wedding of the guy he thought of like a second son haha.)

I wish they’d hire me as a writer, too. ;P But not really, ‘cause I don’t think I’d get along with the other writers and I’d just get outnumbered and then I’d have to help write stuff I was embarrassed to admit I was a part of. D: Oops, did I type that out publicly? :P