#leave it better than you found it
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I love going into dodgy basement bathrooms and leaving the tp roll all dolled up for the next person
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I wish to Leave The World Behind better than I found it, but right now, it might be a struggle to leave anything behind at all.
#music#monstercat#hyper trance#nuphory#luna lenta#Leave The World Behind#leave it better than you found it#Youtube
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finally visualised this meme after critrole watching because this is basically what happened
#yeah it is a meme but man. i will never be free again#the fact that molly literally changed their directions and impacted them so much#“leave every place better than we found it” like beau why you had to say it im kicking the walls every time#art#my art#critical role mollymauk#critical role fanart#critical role#cr2#mollymauk tealeaf#the mighty nein fanart#the mighty nein#fjord#jester lavorre#caleb widogast#nott the brave#beauregard lionett
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2012 broadway revival of jesus christ superstar starring josh young as judas save me.... save me 2012 broadway revival of jesus christ superstar starring josh young as judas.....
#jesus christ superstar#found a bootleg of this production (both an audio one and a visual one) this easter#and oh my god. oh my GOD. new favorite production probably#josh young's judas is just fucking amazing man. what do you want from me#though i will say the high priests leave a lot to be desired#their costume are just. not good at all#and i was very very spoiled by my first caiaphas being norm lewis#because no one's ever gonna be better than norm lewis#but the rest of this production FUCKS HARD#frankly my ideal viewing of jesus christ superstar is this show in it's entirety#except for 'this jesus must die' which we switch to the 2018 live version for#and then we're good
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at some point i will figure out how to write the post-canon, post-empire edelgard autonomy fic of my dreams. it just feels like a very big task and maybe like with playing the dane, i’m simply not old and traumatized enough to manage it yet.
but my vision is thus: it’s set years (realistically, decades) after the end of crimson flower, when everything has gone as right as it can possibly go. fódlan is thriving. the social reforms have taken effect. the nobility system is nearly eliminated, if not entirely so, with titles made merely symbolic. social mobility, welfare, and prosperity are high. there’s an explosion in arts and culture and technology. brigid and duscur have gained independence; relations with sreng and almyra are much improved; heck, maybe they've even figured it out with dagda. in my most idealistic version, leicester and faerghus would eventually be ceded back to become autonomous regions, essentially disbanding the adrestian empire. rule is no longer hereditary, but merit-based. there's a roadmap for the future, and everything is on track—and more than that, people at all points on the power spectrum have already seen it bear fruit. with or without edelgard, it will be pursued. there's buy-in. they believe.
of course, it's not perfect—nothing can be—but edelgard's vision has been fulfilled. the people are empowered. humanity is free. fódlan has healed.
and somehow, she's had enough time to resolve her goals outside of politics, too. those who slither in the dark have been eradicated. edelgard and lysithea's second crests have been successfully removed, allowing them to live if not full lives, then substantially longer ones than they would have with their twin crests intact. who knows—maybe she finally gets around to having that wedding.
point for point, every item listed in edelgard's manifesto has been checked off. the ghosts of her past have been laid to rest. she can finally take off her crown. she can finally pursue the quiet, humble life she's wanted for so long. she can finally breathe.
... but can she?
edelgard is nothing if not driven. her intelligence, vision, and sheer willpower allowed her to plan and execute a revolution against two countries and the most powerful institution on the continent, all while she was still a teenager. as royalty, her life was never truly hers even before she became heir to the adrestian throne, with all the additional baggage of survivor's guilt and the desire for vengeance and her need to ensure nothing that happened to her can ever happen to anyone else, ever again.
so what happens when that drive has no outlet? what happens when someone who has been constantly in motion, constantly working and planning and preparing every spare second of every day since she was fourteen years old, suddenly has to stand still? what happens when someone whose hands have been bound for so long—first literally in the dungeons of enbarr, then by the weight and responsibilities of her crown—is set free?
being edelgard, she would step away from the throne, no matter how hard it was for her to give up control. she's always been focused on the endgame, and she knows that if she doesn't let go, she'll be setting the wrong tone for fódlan's future. she's too devoted to that endgame to cling to power much longer than she needs to, though i could see her making some excuses and trying to iron out just a few more things to buy herself some more time to mentally prepare before she's done for good.
but who would she be then? who is the woman without the crown? what becomes of a machine once it is no longer needed, when it has made itself obsolete? what about when that machine is a person with legs and arms and an innate unwillingness to gather dust on a shelf?
what happens when you get everything you want? what happens when all your wanting has been for others to thrive, and now you have to want only for yourself? how do you discover who you are when you've spent decades being everything for everyone else? how do you find meaning again? how do you find purpose?
after a lifetime of devotion and passion and movement, how do you learn to sit with yourself, and be quiet, and be still?
gosh, i would love to meet her. i would love to pick her brain. but boy, i do not envy the work that girl has to do.
#sterge.rtf#fire emblem#fe3h#edelgard von hresvelg#realistically edelgard is not getting all of this done in her lifetime. but that wouldn't keep her from stepping away anyway#'cause a funny thing happened to edelgard during the crimson flower route: she learned to have faith again.#so even if she couldn't check every box and fix every societal ill she'd still be able to pass the crown to the next ruler.#maybe not without fear. but with confidence. with optimism. with the belief that she's leaving the world better than she found it.#she'd have faith in her people. faith in the future. faith in the groundwork she's laid. faith in the systems she's put in place.#faith that her vision will be carried out with or without her.#and that faith would allow her to eventually let go.#i so love edelgard pulling a george washington and saying nah i'm good on power. peace#though unfortunately i could also see her pulling a teddy roosevelt#and saying nah i'm good on power. peace. wait what are you doing. you're ruining it. you're bungling everything. i can't believe this#and making several (failed and increasingly insane) attempts to get back into politics#who is the taft to edelgard's ted tho. i don't want to do ferdinand the disservice of saying it's him even though i think it's very funny.#it's literally the opposite of his character as taft notoriously sniffed roosevelt's farts for a long time#until he finally pulled his head out of the guy's ass and realized there are other smells. such as the sewer. and garbage.#smells which he pursued quite happily much to ol ted's chagrin#meanwhile ferdinand does not think anything of edelgard's ass except that his is definitely better-looking than hers#(he's wrong on so many levels but you try telling the guy that)#in fact ferdinand has always taken great joy in pointing out all the things that smell better than edelgard does#which gives him an instant up on mr Take-Advice-From-Theodore#all this to say i think ferdinand von aegir would have been a much better president than william howard taft. that's just my opinion.#i'm getting off the rails in these tags idk what's wrong with me#sorry for equating your blorbos to long-dead american politicians everyone. i know this is a cardinal sin#also please don't take this to mean i think positively of washington or roosevelt or taft or whatever.#i hate all dead old white guys who ever held a modicum of power#i just had a hyperfixation on american presidents when i was in grade school and unfortunately now my brain works like this
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i still to this day think it would have been hella epic if campaign 2 had ended with lucien trying to invade exandria with his new living city-fortress and the mighty nein gathering all of the allies they’ve met and the friends they’ve made across the campaign to mount a defence against him. he’d show up with his fleshy brain armies and realise who’s there to stop him: a massive army of friends, all here to stop him.
and he chuckles to himself. “very brave, you lot. but who do you think you are to stop me?”
and veth steps up to say, “we are the mighty nein!”
lucien frowns. “but…there are so many of you.”
#critical role#critical role campaign 2#the mighty nein#mighty nein#critical role spoilers#campaign 2 spoilers#i mean don’t get me wrong the ending we got was excellent and much more intimate#and in the end there WERE nein of them#but i always found it a missed opportunity because every ally they made#was welcomed warmly and openly into the mighty nein#and how wonderful would it be to pay that forward#to bring the ENTIRE mighty nein - near and far - together#and to play on that one joke#“but there are only seven of you#nah binch#there are so many of them#and they set out to leave every place a bit better than they found it#and hoo fucking boy did they do it#everyone there is a testament to that
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was rewatching season 3, and noticed something that definitely doesn't actually mean anything, but made me pause for a second
at the end of the specials when Wukong apologizes to MK for being a bad mentor, MK never actually accepts the apology. he makes a joke about being able to just get another bowl of noodles and when Wukong explains his apology more, says he knows and plays dumb to lighten the mood, but he never actually accepts his actual apology
I'm probably thinking too hard about something that's just a silly joke but still
Oh, I think that moment was intended to highlight MK's traits rather than just be a "silly joke".
MK has a habit of wanting to move on and pretend every thing is fine. He doesn't want to think about the things that are messy and grey and complicated. He doesn't want to think about Wukong's flaws or any of the ways Wukong has hurt him, he just wants to go back to things being simple and easy, without working through anything. (Think like, 4x01 and 4x02 where MK keeps insisting he's alright, 4x05 where he says "Monkey king will explain how he's definitely not my dad and that everything is fine", or even 4x12 with "Kick this can down the ol' half marathon"/"So they can never make us live our nightmares again!")
MK during s2 feels so abandoned by Wukong, then brushing past his emotions the moment he realizes Wukong "had a good reason" for leaving. Which, Wukong did have a good reason, but his methods were less than ideal, and there are undoubtedly complicated feelings that came from that. Those two just like, fucking SUCK at communicating with each other.
And, it's definitely not all on Wukong, not by a long shot. But the thing is, MK can't acknowledge or talk about his feelings with Wukong, because that would require him to admit that Wukong hurt him in the first place. So I interpret the 3x14 Apology scene as MK not wanting to accept an apology, because what is Monkey King apologizing for? Nothing happened! Everything's fine! When that's just not true.
#This is MK's ''I was gonna thought about it'' mentality#''I don't want to count the ways I said—I just want to finish it! I need to get to the end.''#Omg anne carson how did you get in here!!#Would LOVE for SWK to offer another apology next season and for MK to truly accept it this time#And then they can like. Move forward in their relationship#Like I've been saying we need MK to get yanked out of his good guy v bad guy mentality and like. Come to terms with who SWK is#And that they're all hurting each other#Like applying the ''leave the world better than you found it'' philosophy to relationships#Like you make your lives better for each other despite your flaws because you love and care about each other.#And that's what you do when you love someone#IDK I think it'd be neat if the first time we saw SWK cry was next season trying to get through to MK#Would that not rule#Like what if he's like ''I'm sorry MK! For all of it.'' through sobs and MK is sorry back and they hug in tears. What then#lmk#lego monkie kid#lmk MK#lmk SWK#the light is no mystery#lmk analysis#lmk predictions
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(Going insane boinkinh one AU in my head)
Hey hey hey
May I interest you in
(Slowly slides my FaaF AU towards you but void just Disappears without a trace one day before the accolade)
Teehee
#thylacines can talk#faaf au#i love this au very yummy. a very fun twist on how Flower's dynamic with their parents would progress afterwards#the vessels live but the void exits their bodies in quite a violent manner (extreme pain and literally throwing up an entire person worth of#void). Flower was on guard duty and theyre found barely conscious in a pool of rapidly evaporating void. passes out seconds later#PK also had the displeasure of experiencing extene pain and burning as void forced its way out through his skin <3 And his moulds all melted#and evaporated. after the initial shock wears off theyre hit with “Oh No#the vessel“ and rush to find them. Well somebody else was already looking for the royal pair about this#Flower wakes up dazed and in pain in their father's workshop. their stomach hurts their throat burns and they feel lightheaded. the entire#place is considerably brighter than they remember and in they can hear two faint voices in the background but theyre too preoccupied with#examining their now pure white hand in shock to focus on anything else. until they hear their mother say “My wyrm they're awake” and#suddenly their parents are by their side. Now the two have no idea what void leaving their body might have done to them. Are they still#hollow? are they still dead? do they understand anything are they sentient? or was what was done pernament even without the void? do they#have the mind of a child if their sentience was restored? or do they remember anything? So WL stays by their side and helps them sit up#while their father goes to grab his tools. She's trying to keep them calm and comfort them but theyre still too disoriented to pay her much#attention. Until their father checks their breathing and they yelp audibly from the cool metal contacting their skin and suddenly they seem#much more alert. theyve never experienced true coldness before. PK quickly apologises and tries to be gentler with them. Theyre breathing#properly and they have a heartbeat. And he just pauses for a long while just. listening to their heart beating. Many emotions to be had#after the exam's over he asks them point blank how theyre feeling. And Flower looks up at him still seeming a little disoriented. and then#they lower their hand to their stomach and mutter 'My tummy hurts...a-and my throat burns'. It's to be expected after the way the void#left their body. so he goes to grab them some water and meds and they also ask for food and a mirror. And after he returns they just stare#at themself in the mirror and pull on their bangs for a while then blurt out 'I have your eyes' when PK asks if everything's okay. And he#and he almost chokes up as he replies 'Yeah...Yeah you do'. Flower eventually spins a lie that they remember everything but its all distant#and blurry. Like they were not aware until now. They figured it'd be better to not break their hearts#And now the three have to figure out how to be a family while PK is also scrambling to find a new solution to the infection#oops i meant to only give a brief rundown in the tags which is why it was in the tags. but i got too invested KDHDKFB
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some people keep saying that bart being hal and barry's child is a bad idea (I mean I really get the idea cuz hal's always away for space missions and barry would end raising him alone for most of the time + hal's commitment issues)
but idk I still can't help myself like It's really cute I like giving my otp a child
😭😭
I LIKE THIS IDEA. Honestly, I feel that as they first start to date, and a good point with Hal's commitment, Hal doesn't exactly see himself as a father? (<- Also I feel this is exactly him though. And not to mention how much I HATEEEEE that they gave HalCarol a kid because none of them would ever actually want a baby because they're so cooped with work and wanting to make it out for each other rather than always forcing themselves to marry, even with Carol wanting to move progressively with a relationship.)
Back to HAL, I mean he's great with taking care of kids and getting along with them, but I don't think he could want kids. This goes with Barry as well (<- They both are deadly afraid of committing to something that means they could lose someone), he's great with goods but he feels he couldn't be a good dad because of Dawn and Don scolding him from the future. Then again if they both had to take care of a kid (such as Bart, which I think is cute but Max is also the caretaker for him ngl... I think they would be great with Wally TOO because of Brave and The Bold shenanigans. One of my favorites <- Hal calling Wally son when he had the green lantern ring :((( )
BUT YES, I think they would be good as caretakers in a way that makes me emotional. Because they would want to try again with what they lacked during their childhood growing up...
#THANK YOU CESSMAGA FOR THE ASKSS :333#i love when you send in these#jumping and leaping for joy when i get my inbox notifications#speedster ramble#halbarry#kinda halbarry?#anyways... this is VERY true and I could go on about their relationship dynamic if they were dating#because their morals go strong with being together its like a balance nearly?#anyways green lantern is so accepted into the flashfam lets be honest#ermm also unrelated but related with barry and kids#HIM AND TRYING TO GET THAD TO LEAVE THAWNE :(((#let him adopt thad please...pelase..please...#i just want them to be a happy family#imagining them through celebrations or parties or holidays without their families and loved ones...#literally sobbings... found family hurts me but its something i wish was talked about#NOBODY DOES FOUND FAMILY BETTER THAN FLASHFAM... IM SO SORRY..#anyways i think bart would be max kid but still would treat hal and barry like his grandpas...ermmm this is true..#hal treats wally like his own son and sees a lot of himself within him but when he was younger#i love them#barry allen#hal jordan
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If Ulysses has a million haters, then I'm one of them. If Ulysses has one hater, then I'm THAT ONE. If Ulysses has no haters, that means I'm dead. If the world is with Ulysses than I’m against the world.
#this is slightly joking but like also not but also like am mixed on Ulysses on many factors#infuriating because i sympathize with his pain but it’s like#he is a well written and fundamentally flawed character whose hypocrisy I found doubly in#black characters I can tell were designed by white people with a semblance of an understanding of activism and bipoc oppression#but not enough for the character to not feel like hand holding for the majority white audience#plus personal grips with the whole twisted hairs thing and reference to slave braiding patterns#Ulysses irks me as a black person on a weird personal level and I can go into debt on why him being black is a big detractor for him to me#like he continues this cycle of distancing himself from his roots before remembering over and over again through his actions#he leave so much in his wake that the courier ends up correcting or helping like in honest hearts and old world blues because he’s self#righteous in a subtle way even to himself that he believes he stand out of his one man rule when he does not play an active hand#saw a post talk about how you choose to continue moving through his story and can leave at any moment and this it is partially your fault#but what of the oath that is set before you and is forced to take that he set up#I do not have to walk it but when I do the steps are not my own but those taken for me#you have to go out of your way to change it which is not something he expects because he’s playing by a story he’s been perpetuating in his#head about you two and the effect one man has when he’s continually been that one man more so than you as many of his actions directly lead#to the one you go through also the irony in the flag he continues to bear being the real reason he has no home#like he reps it when the package is likely enclave and thus use the same symbol#also still can’t get over how anyone could have delivered the package and he tries so hard to act like it was the couriers destiny or fate#when this was the one case of chance and that once man was likely a enclave engineer and how it’s really is never one man#it the process and he’s so annoying about it like he’s a cool character but if you don’t believe in his philosophy or already went through#these ideas cause they are very common talking points in poc especially BIPOC spaces he’s just old hashings and stunted#fallout#fallout new vegas#Ulysses you upset me but I’m like I feel you could be better if you weren’t so incessant#I don’t think I ever want to make a serious post stating this about him just because I’d start yapping and it’d never get finished#ulysses fnv#fnv ulysses#lonesome road
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We take a brief break from my current muttering for a long term favourite
#jude bellingham#marco rose#see it can be healthy! leave them in a better state than you found them#like at the beach leave only footprints etc etc
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I've received a number of grateful messages from folks at school about how I handled the difficult situation we ran into the other day in the queer student center where someone really needed to step up and mediate things, as well as another situation I handled in our Discord server today, and it's got some complicated and I think much-needed thoughts turning around in my head.
I really struggle with self-esteem. It was more fragile than I realized as a kid, and crumbled completely when I started running into trouble with college, since academic success was pretty much the only thing propping it up. I've never really rebuilt it since. I've worked on it, and I won't say I've made no progress. But it's still a total shambles, and I still have a lot of trouble liking myself at all. Everywhere I turn it seems like I make mistakes that hurt my self-image instead of helping it -- struggling with school again, dropping the ball on other responsibilities, getting stressed out over my friendships and having trouble trusting people or understanding why they even like me, etc. No matter how hard I try, I don't like myself as an academic, or a colleague, or as a friend.
But I do consistently like the person I am when I intervene in stressful situations as a mediator. I like the version of me that gently explains the ways we ought to have compassion for each other, and how no movement will ever get anywhere important if we spend all our time tearing each other down. I like the person who faces down cops and asks if they've read my neighbors their rights, even though my voice shakes the whole time, who talks loudly and openly about trans and queer issues in class, who marched down the street to a local elementary school running a food drive when my city was in crisis and asked if they needed any help, and who shows up for protests in below-freezing weather.
I've said before that I don't know what I want to do after I graduate, but I know it needs to be something where I feel like I'm having a positive impact on the world. But I think it's bigger than that. I think it's something I genuinely need to arrange my life around more, whatever that looks like. I have imposter syndrome in the extreme, and am always convinced someone else will do a better job than me at anything important. And I think one reason activism and advocacy feel a little different is because even though I'm usually terrified, I'm stepping up to do things that other people are too scared to do, or need help to do at all.
The other day my school hosted an activism and advocacy networking event with alumni in social justice-oriented jobs. And I talked to several people who were interesting during the first few rotations around the room, but I ended up spending about half the evening chatting with someone who used to be a part of the same queer student group on campus that I'm in now, and has since gone on to co-found a black liberation organization here in the Cities -- where I remember dropping off medical supplies for protestors back in 2020. We talked about a lot of things, but one of them was about finding the intersection of everything that makes you.... you.... and figuring out where in the world that's needed and chasing that.
I don't know what that is exactly, and I'm not sure exactly where a transgender-aro-ace-neurodivergent-mental illness-disabled-historian-scientist-writer-orator-musician-mediator-???-activist belongs or has the most to offer. Especially one who also has often-debilitating anxiety. But I think when I get scared about the future -- or when I'm spiraling over how much I hate myself, or how I think other people can do the things I care about better -- I need to remember that the version of myself I like the most is the one that fights for other people. And that other people seem to appreciate that person too.
It's not a solution for my problems with self-esteem, but I think it might be a start.
#screaming into the void a little about figuring out what all this might actuallyspell for me career-wise but#it's one of those things you take one step at a time i suppose#once again repeating my general life philosophy that i need to leave this world better than i found it or i'll die
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You're gonna cancel me for this but Idc I've always been controversial....
Lila and Chloé are doing the "let's stop being rivals bc of a boy and be friends instead" much better than Marinette and Kagami. I know that Lila and Chloé don't feel that kind of love for Adrien but their friendship is built on unity and trust, the first two's relationship is so one-sided that I wonder why are the writers even acting this is a friendship.
#Yes I know Chloé and Lila are friends cuz they hate the same person but they actually work together better#Marinette and Kagami are like we're friends until they're not#Kagami acting better than Marinette and then choosing a boy over her while judging Marinette constantly for being so in love#Then choosing Lila over Marinette two times#Then still judging Marinette for making Adrien gifts while loving a boy who kidnapped her girl some pride there#Don't get me started on that spoiler I've found she stabbs Marinette in the back but Marinette is the one who has to constantly prove#That she cares about Kagami#How about Kagami actually proves that for once she failed Marinette so many times#Lila and Chloé are united and actually respect each other#I meant in the first tag it's not that Kagami was better than Marinette she was acting like she's the best but she keeps proving otherwise#Just stop making Marinette feel like she's the guilty one here Kagami ain't worth it#miraculous ladybug#Marigami salt#Kagami salt#marinette deserves better#Chlolila#Also Kagami stans and Chlolila haters leave me alone I don't want you in the comments and reblogs attacking me
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I think she would collect the minions McDonald’s toys
#hellsing#hellsing ultimate#seras victoria#integra hellsing#pip bernadotte#a#ofc she would like the found family trope 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄#thank you cocolacola for inspiring this train of thought ❤️❤️❤️❤️🐟❤️🐟#fun fact! my dad collected those minions McDonald’s toys no clue why but he was a big minions guy#I think his peak in life was watching the minions sing I Swear in dispicable me 2 in theaters. good for him yknow?#need to draw minion or da Bob seras for REALSIES but alas i am forced to work and be productive 💔💔💔💔💔💥💔💔💥💔#need to make minions memes Now I have to fucking sprint with this. French posting fish posting Homo posting they can fucking wait#kinda fucked up they scheduled me to register for classes in the middle of one of my classes#granted it doesn’t matter shit exploded the fan and a strike’s going on so I don’t have that class but it’s the Principle#they want to see me fail they are praying soooo hard for my downfall 💥🔥🦭💥🔥🔥🐟🛬🇫🇷🇫🇷#I mean okay they didn’t it went like incredibly smooth which was nice but they hate me they’re my enemy I am stronger and better than them#scheduling this so it leaves when I’m being held at gunpoint to do a group project. now those are legitimately people wanting me to fail#I’m sorry but they’re so unpredictable and ass the pros of them are so severely outweighed by the cons it’s binks
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Okay let's try this again from the top
(Now with AO3 link)
Dark Star Falling
1 - hot and cold
This is gonna be:
reasonably high fidelity to game canon
starting in act 3, at Wyrm's Rock Fortress
a series of vignettes, mostly between canon scenes
an agender/tiefling durge x astarion
mostly about dealing with intense durgetash feelings
Elient 22
“So… Thank you. For being that evil bastard.”
Darling is only half paying attention. Astarion can see the wheels turning in their head–an expression which has, in the past, foretold some of their more elaborate crimes. It was easy to see how the party had made it this far–with Darling doing the battle math and checking for exits as casually as breathing. They aren’t like any bard Astarion has ever met.
Even their aggravating predilection for rescuing every pathetic urchin and bedraggled gnome they come across is only a minor inconvenience in the larger scheme of playing their enemies off each other and picking off whoever’s left. Darling always seems to find a way to make a profit off of even the most pathetic victims.
Karlach has stormed off to the far end of the hall. Darling’s gaze follows her thru the crowd. Wyll is standing nearby waiting impatiently to talk to his father, or what’s left of him.
“Hey, Star? Do me a favor?”
“Whatever you need, precious bhaal-babe,” Astarion says, sliding into Darling’s field of view. Darling snickers in spite of themself and paws his chest, eliciting a self-satisfied smile from the vampire. He’s known about Darling’s heritage for all of ten minutes and he’s already teasing them about it.
The revelation that they’re Bhaalspawn and one of the architects of the Absolute hoax is certainly a shock but the more he thinks about it, the more it makes sense. Darling has always been hot and cold–not one and then the other, but both simultaneously. Playful, dangerous, and insatiable. A creature that acts wounded to lure predators in and then snaps them up.
“Talk to Ravengard with Wyll, would you?” they ask, looking back in the direction of the Grand Duke as tho not sure he’ll still be there. Ravengard is standing to the side of the throne, looking like little more than one of the many Fists strewn about the hall.
“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but all that’s beneath that eminently smooth pate is a tadpole.”
“Then talk to the tadpole,” Darling snaps, and then their expression softens into something apologetic. “Maybe Wyll can get thru to him. I dunno. And tell Karlach to go back to camp, please.”
“That’s probably for the best. Wyll had to physically restrain her when Gortash was calling you his ‘nearest and dearest’,” he titters. “I haven’t seen her this angry since she was turning that Paladin of Tyr into paste.”
“If I find out I had something to do with Gortash betraying her I’m going to throw myself into the Chionthar,” Darling says, and they have such a pained look on their face that Astarion is overwhelmed by an alien desire to say something gentle. Fortunately, Darling turns and walks away before he can embarrass himself.
– – –
The Archduke is just standing there, surveying the nobles as they mingle. Darling can hear one of the patriars complaining about cheese. Gortash doesn’t have a tadpole, but Darling thinks he’s wearing the same expression that they’ve seen on their companions when one is making use of their parasites–eyes unfocused, almost but not quite nodding, listening to nothing, generally distant. As they watch him they think they can see him subvocalizing. He’s connected to someone or something telepathically.
Darling reads the Weave around him. He’s protected by multiple enchantments from his equipment and otherwise. Magic that grants him more presence, more authority, more confidence. Too much confidence. He’s drunk on it.
His languid gaze passes over Darling. His eyes meet theirs and his expression changes–his smile changes–it moves up into his eyes. Darling’s breath catches as he holds their gaze.
They catch themself making battle plans and–realizing that their best course of action would be to lay down cover and let Karlach get in his face and chop him to pieces before he can invoke the powers of his god–they let slip the tiniest of smiles on one side of their mouth. His expression shifts again. They see recognition in his look. He’s reading them too.
Darling whispers an almost silent expletive to themself, covering their face with a hand, pretending to brush stray hair out of their eyes. Suddenly he’s standing before them.
“Follow me up to my office,” he commands, and then, seeing their eyes narrow, adds in a softer tone, “We could be good for each other.”
“What will you tell me?” they ask stiffly. He looks down at the creak of leather as Darling’s glove tightens around the grip of their blade. Gortash shifts closer as if to shield Darling’s indiscretion from sight, but who’s sight? They glance over at Astarion and Wyll who are engrossed in whatever Ravengard is saying. Gortash moves his hand over Darling’s, brushing his fingertips across their knuckles. He smells like vanilla. Their voice cracks as they whisper, “I don’t know you.”
“Join me upstairs and we can use that dagger for whatever you like,” he proposes. Darling’s body responds with what feels like the expenditure of every chemical at its disposal. They stumble half a step back, suddenly keenly aware of an oven-like heat between his body and theirs. Gortash wonders pleasantly at their outsized reaction.
“Is this guy bothering you, darling?” Astarion’s voice comes from behind Darling moments before he touches their back gently.
“Yes!,” they respond, loud and shrill. “I mean no. No! Gods...”
Gortash and Astarion take a moment to size each other up while Darling recovers their composure. Astarion is accustomed to Darling’s occasional fits of nausea and twitching, and from observing Gortash’s demeanor in the moment, he is as well. It seems he really does know Darling as well as he claims to.
It doesn’t last long. Darling straightens up and turns their body into Astarion’s and says, “We’re going back to camp.” Astarion links an arm around Darling’s and leads them toward the door. Wyll follows them out, looking back at Gortash and leveling a particularly diabolic stinky eye his way.
Gortash watches the trio of adventurers exit, still wearing that smug smile.
They’re alive and they’re still themself, more or less.
#bg3 spoilers#bg3 fanfic#dark star falling#durgetash#durgestarion#durge#gortash#astarion#I'm leaving the first draft up#it's much looser than this version#I think I've found my voice/style a lot better with this draft#but it's a bit leaner/more serious than the first draft#so I won't be upset if you like the old ones better
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My toxic trait is that I do not understand people who have an inability to cut toxic parents out of their life. If there is no financial or safety reason you need to stay in contact with them then just don't. They chose to have kids, you didn't choose to be born. You don't owe them shit. Just fucking change your number. Move address. Walk away.
There is no reason to maintain a relationship with anyone who does not add value to your life.
#abusive parents#idk maybe my parents were just bad at being emotionally abusive#they got the abuse part down but forgot the emotional manipulation to make me feel the need to stay in touxh#idk#but it makes no fucking sense to me#“i have to love/talk to them theyre my parents”#no you fucking dont just leave!!!!#its the exact same as people who dont leave a bad partnership because they think its better than being alone#i promise you its not#1) being alone is great#2) you wont be alone that long lots of great people want to make you part of their found/adopted/makeshift family
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