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#lazard deusericus
trilies · 10 months
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The ShinRa PR Department formally requests SOLDIER no longer submit program ideas nor film them without supervision.
This also applies to Reeve Tuesti.
A commission I paid @raptorscribbles, worth every single penny.
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rottenpumpkin13 · 2 months
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Out Of Context Things Director Lazard Has Seen On The SOLDIER Floor
• Sephiroth carrying an unconscious, bloody-nosed Genesis in a fireman's carry out of the men's room. When asked, his only response was "Don't worry, he's not dead yet."
• Angeal crawling out of a cupboard in the break room with a neck pillow.
• Zack carrying around an iceberg lettuce, a bottle of ranch and taking bites out of it like a sandwich.
• Genesis rolling around in an office chair using a broomstick as a makeshift paddle.
• Sephiroth and his salad bowl filled with Udon. This has been seen a total of 8 different times.
• Angeal giving Genesis a piggyback ride, Sephiroth giving Zack a piggyback ride, they're having a race.
• Zack hanging up a poster that reads "HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GUY? NOW YOU HAVE :)" and it's just a picture of Cloud Strife.
• Genesis and Angeal stuck on opposite sides of a chinese finger trap while Sephiroth loses his shit, on the floor laughing.
• The following dialogue:
Angeal: Genesis, sit up straight.
Sephiroth: Let him sit gay.
• He walked by Sephiroth's office and he was in there, working at his desk, with 6 glow stick necklaces around his neck.
• Angeal dragging Zack and Cloud by their ears while the pair goes "ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow"
• Genesis sitting in the break room, swirling a glass of wine and completing a coloring book.
• Zack dropping down from an air vent with a super soaker strapped to his back.
• Sephiroth walking around with sunglasses at 9 PM.
• The elevator door opened to Sephiroth, Genesis and Angeal standing there while Genesis' sentence ended with "—and that's why we should adopt a capybara."
• Angeal approaching a sleeping Genesis with a permanent marker.
• Sephiroth casually laying in a hammock he set up in the training facility while the 2nds run drills on their own. When asked if he's ashamed of himself, he replied "I'm ashamed I didn't think of this sooner"
• Genesis pursuing Zack with a megaphone, quoting LOVELESS at the top of his lungs while Zack covers his ears.
• Angeal having a fight with a revolving door and losing.
• Cloud Strife in his infantry uniform, sitting in Sephiroth's office reading a magazine, lemonade in hand, 2 PM on a Tuesday. When asked he said he was answering the phone while Sephiroth was out. The phone was actively ringing during this and he was ignoring it.
• Sephiroth, Genesis, Angeal, Zack and Cloud all piled onto a luggage cart, using their legs to maneuver it. Zack is standing up going "HEAVE—HEAVE—HEAVE"
• He's seen either Sephiroth and Genesis minding their own business when all of a sudden the other attacks them.
• Angeal sitting in a cardboard box eating a sandwich. The box says "THE CALM DOWN BOX"
• Sephiroth boiling pasta in the electric kettle in the break room.
• Zack sitting in the Calm Down Box™ with his face literally looking like ">:(" while Angeal stands over him with an electric fly swatter.
• He heard Genesis's loud singing echoing from the men's room, followed by Angeal's quiet "we can't even pee in peace anymore"
• Sephiroth and Genesis sitting in the Calm Down Box™ arguing over the correct pronunciation of "data"
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Angeal: Who else is hiding in the laundry room trying to listen to Lazard and Reeve 's convo?
Genesis: Me. I'm in the laundry basket.
Sephiroth: I'm in the closet.
Zack: We accept you Seph <3
Sephiroth: No I'm literally in the closet.
Zack: Love is love <3
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donutjames · 4 months
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I know the timeline doesnt add up, but it would be fun to see rufus and Lazards dynamic
Genesis, sephiroth and angeal are just boppin
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lissiamsn · 6 months
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esamastation · 6 months
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Shizuroth, part twenty-six
Previous parts: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five
-
Angeal makes it to Midgar first, having rushed through his mission and finished it early. Genesis, even if he rushed, would have had a harder time making it back - Junon wasn't exactly close, after all, even by helicopter it would take a few hours. Genesis still makes his presence known, muttering in his ear the whole way.
"I was asleep when he messaged me! And why is it my job to babysit the favoured son of the Science Department anyway?! What madness must our quest bring to find you so lost -"
"Genesis…" Angeal sighs, pinning his PHS between his right shoulder and his ear while attempting to park his truck in the Shinra Building's maze of a parking garage.
"How was I supposed to know he would lose it the moment I turned my back to him? Our fair hero seemed so well put together yesterday - the clothes he picked! He looked very smart! I was almost proud! I thought he had it handled."
"Genesis, I doubt anyone blames you for this," Angeal assures him, checking the mirrors.
"And they better not! Yesterday he seemed fine. Said he was looking for a quiet day in," Genesis scoffs. "Of course for Sephiroth that must involve untold physical toil. When he messaged me, I thought he would do what he always does, fight a few monsters, slay a few enemies. Normal behaviour, to be expected from our great Hero!"
Angeal finishes parking and takes the PHS in his hand. "I thought Sephiroth was fine too," he says, placating. "He was confused, sure, but overall he was calm and collected. None of us could've seen this coming."
Genesis lets out an explosive sigh. "Maybe we should have. He's not himself."
"There are many ways to not be yourself," Angeal says with a sigh. "Try as we might, we are not trained for these kinds of mental issues."
"No. And neither is anyone else at Shinra for that matter."
Angeal hums in agreement and then looks up as he spots movement outside his truck. Well, damn. "Listen, Genesis, I have to go. I'll do my best to handle this. What's your ETA?"
"Another six hours, minimum," Genesis says regretfully. "You're going to take Sephiroth on alone?"
"Hopefully not," Angeal says. "But probably. I'll… try to keep you posted."
"I'll write you a lovely eulogy," Genesis offers, and with a snort Angeal hangs up on him.
He takes a moment to inhale and brace himself. Then he turns the engine off and pockets his keys. The Turk outside waits politely - though not very patiently - for him to step out.
"Mr. Hewley, I'm here to escort you directly to Director Deusericus' office."
"I should head to the SOLDIER floor first," Angeal says slowly, warily - not liking the implications of this at all.
The bald Turk is utterly impassive behind his sunglasses. "Director Deusericus is waiting. This way."
So… the situation has already escalated to that point, has it. Damn.
Angeal grabs the Buster Sword and then follows the Turk to the elevators, and spends the entire time going up mentally running through all the ways this could go wrong. There's a lot of ways this could go wrong - but surely the company wouldn't actually try to eliminate Sephiroth?
Lazard's appearance doesn't give him much hope - the man's face is tight with tension, and there's a Turk lounging by the window, a casual threat.
"Angeal," Lazard says and looks up. He doesn't look at all relieved to see him - just more tense. "Good. There's no time for pleasantries or even explanations, so I'm just going to get to it."
"Sir," Angeal says guardedly.
"Sephiroth is on floor 49," Lazard begins while the Turks watch them with deceptive disinterest. "As far as we can tell, he's not actively hostile, but he hasn't moved in several hours. There are approximately twenty SOLDIER members on the floor with him, and they've stationed themselves between Sephiroth and the elevator. For security reasons, they're refusing entry for anyone but active SOLDIER members. Even I wasn't allowed off the elevator."
Angeal frowns. So either Sephiroth was too dangerous to let anyone in - or he was so vulnerable that SOLDIER members had stepped up to guard him. "I assume you're sending me in, with orders?"
"Yes. Sephiroth has a mission, and you're going to deliver him to it," Lazard says and picks up his PHS. "I'll send details to your account. Your first and only priority is getting Sephiroth out of the building and into the airport. There's a transport waiting for him on standby."
Angeal takes out his PHS and checks the newest mission.
They're sending Sephiroth to Wutai? Now? "Sir, I understand some disciplinary action is in order, but is this really the time for -"
"The less time we waste, the better for all of us," Lazard cuts him off and glances at the redheaded Turk by the window.
The Turk shrugs. "Sephiroth almost killed Department Head Hojo," he says lazily. "We at Shinra Public Security Department feel it's best to put some distance between the two."
Angeal blinks, surprised. "Sephiroth almost killed Hojo?" he asks faintly. "Was anyone else -?"
"No one was killed - there weren't even any injuries," Lazard assures him.
"You'll be briefed fully on the incident," the red head Turk promises, "once both you and Sephiroth are safely on board a transport and in the air."
Angeal tries to read between the lines, even as his gut says that sending a SOLDIER in what sounds like still ongoing mental breakdown to an active war zone is a bad idea. But then, he's not sure what's the alternative? He'd been half expecting to be tasked with Sephiroth's imprisonment! Or worse, his detainment in the labs!
If Sephiroth really attacked Hojo… Wutai might be his best chance at some freedom.
The red head Turk clears his throat. "Clock's ticking, SOLDIER First Class Angeal Hewley," he says. "Better get moving."
"There's a helicopter available on the HQ Landing Pad," the other Turk adds. "Or alternatively, a car in front of the building. Both your and Sephiroth's belongings have already been packed and delivered to the transport."
"All we are missing is the big guy himself," the red head says. "Think you can go get him for us?"
Angeal looks at them and then at Lazard, who's watching him seriously. The man looks weary and stressed - but not like his hand is being forced. There's not time for much else, he can only hope his read on the situation is right.
"Alright." Angeal nods. "I'll get Sephiroth on the transport."
"Good! We'll meet you there," the redhead says, clapping his hands together. "Don't be late! And Hewley… don't let anything stop you."
Angeal arches his brows in alarm as the two Turks saunter out. "What the hell does that mean?"
Lazard sighs. "Angeal," he says. "There's no time. Get Sephiroth out of here. Now."
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prismaticpichu · 5 months
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One day, deciding that ShinRa’s finest SOLDIERs are far too distracted during work hours, Lazard decides to implement a security browser that allows him to see what the Firsts are searching for online. Just to make sure they’re staying on track. Just to make sure they know their own intelligence and don’t need to rely on the World Wide Web.
Morbidly curious, he decides to take a look at the results after the first day.
~~~
Genesis’s Search History:
• Is Mona Lisa dead?
• Is the color red better than silver?
• Is WWE real?
• is the color brown better than silver
• what’s the adjective for one without love?
• How to be emo
• What’s the first book in the Bible
• Are rapiers better than katanas
• Does ice expire
• why do people tell me to shut up
• Are phoenixes better than cats
• is it illegal to steal a street sign
• How to put out a microwave fire
• can metal go in the microwave
• why the hell does my friend have slitted pupils
• how can I get slitted pupils?
• contacts with slitted pupils low price
• silver elite homepage
Angeal’s Search History:
• my kids are fighting what do I do
• my adult kids are fighting what do I do
• seafood pasta recipes
• my teenager won’t stop eating cinnamon dog biscuits what do I do
• is it practical to carry a sword you never use
• what temperature should cacti be kept at
• where is the internet
• do sunglasses make you cool
• honor synonyms
• what is lucid dreaming
• Kraft mac and cheese
• is ShinRa ethical
• is “puppy” considered derogatory
• is it normal for your friend to growl
• are plants good listeners
• what are phoenixes
• why does my teenager never listen
• local diners help wanted
• is it possible to send two adults to military school
• how do I delete my last search
Sephiroth’s Search History:
• is it normal to growl
• Why are my pupils slitted
• is silver hair natural
• chemical composition of a single strand of spaghetti
• cute panda videos
• are sprinkles edible
• is it normal to hear voices in my sleep
• is silver a better color than red
• how to tell someone to shut up in a language they do not speak
• are trees sentient
• cute seal videos
• is my father my father
• is it incorrect to be shirtless
• why is it incorrect to be shirtless
• is it normal to be able to lift a jeep
• can the human body handle the consumption of a mole of spaghetti noodles
• current day slang
• loveless SparkNotes
• how to tell my friends that I love them
Zack’s Search History:
• What do anteaters eat
• What is a city people live in called
• Sodium chloride
• What is the square root of one
• who invented walking
• Loveless SparkNotes
• Does General Sephiroth like hugs?
• world squat record
• Are sombreros allowed in the military
• How many marshmallows can fit inside of a whale
• I GOT MY FRIEND’S SWORD DIRTY DO I TAKE IT TO THE DRY CLEANERS
• where does the word laptop come from
• how much water is too much
• how to make my mentor proud
• Do rattlesnakes actually have beans in their tails
• how many pounds of pepperoni is unhealthy
• How much of Dr Dolittle is true
• How to tell someone they are loved and wanted
• sophisticated words of today
• why are they called graham crackers
• toaster alarm clocks
~~~
Lazard closes the computer, letting his head fall into his hands.
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kazumahashimoto · 1 month
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you're colder than i remember
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silvergreenseraphim · 4 months
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Here is part two of the vines! Youtube link here!
Only one more to go! Enjoy guys 🤣
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rottenpumpkin13 · 1 month
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aftermath of Hojo’s untimely demise?
*Sephiroth walks into the SOLDIER lounge, where Lazard is*
Sephiroth: Professor Hojo has died.
Lazard: *gasp* How??
*Sephiroth begins to set up party streamers*
Sephiroth: Mysteriously assassinated.
Lazard: When's the funeral??
*Sephiroth sets out snacks and drinks*
Sephiroth: There will not be one.
Lazard: Have they caught the killer?
*Sephiroth puts out a cake that reads "DING DONG THE BITCH IS DEAD" in red icing*
Sephiroth: That's not information I thought useful to learn. Any more questions?
Lazard: Yeah, WHY ARE YOU SETTING UP A DISCO BALL?
Sephiroth: I find you criticizing the way I grieve highly insulting *pops some confetti* The party is at four, open invitation.
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Sephiroth: We’re born alone and gonna die alone Director.
Lazard: Fair will be back in, like, three days Sephiroth.
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strayheartless · 1 month
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Cloud: who broke it?
*guilty silence*
Cloud: I’m not mad I just want to know.
Angeal: it was me I bro-
Cloud: No, no you didn’t. Zack?
Zack: Don’t look at me, look at Kunsel!
Kunsel: What I didn’t brake it!
Zack: huh, that’s weird. How’d you even know it was broken?
Kunsel: because it’s sitting right in front of us, and it’s broken!
Zack: suspicious.
Kunsel: no it’s not!
Roche: if it matters, probably not, but Genesis was the last one to use it…
Genesis: lier! I don’t even drink that crap!
Roche: oh really, well what were you doing over by the coffee cart earlier?
Genesis: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles, everyone knows that cockroche!
Angeal: okay, okay, let’s not fight! I broke it let me pay for it Cloud!
Cloud: No, who broke it!
Zack: Cloudy? Sephiroth has been awfully quiet…
Sephiroth: REALLY?! Oh my goddess, you’re really going to call it like that huh?
*they all continue fighting for an hour*
Lazard: so who broke it? Did you find out?
Cloud: oh, I did.
Lazard: …???
Cloud: it burned my hand so I punched it.☺️
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kharits · 8 months
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Sephiroth borrowing a desk in Lazards office:
(Thank you @snowbanshee for the request <3)
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altocat · 3 months
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So, I'm playing Crisis Core, and I saw this mail from Kunsel:
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If Gen doesn't like group activities, what does he do in his free time when he isn't forced to be part of a group?
Bother Sephiroth (who also doesn't like group activities)
Bother Lazard (Who WISHES Genesis AND Sephiroth liked group activities)
Read Loveless for the ninth time that day
Gossip about other soldiers in Burn Book
Clubbing
Flirting
Clubbing AND flirting
Loveless book club with the groupies
Trip Zack whenever he runs by
Text Sephiroth and Angeal drunk memes at 4 in the morning
Train alone
Lurk on fan club website
Watch soap operas with witty commentary to no one in particular
Fuck around in Hojo's lab without getting caught
Set the training room on fire and tell no one
Raid the fridge in the main lounge for snacks. Steal everything. Tell no one.
Hair care
Get a smoothie
Sit in front of a mirror and try not to let the wailing demons of eternal self loathing and insecurity eat you alive you're a fraud they'll never respect you they probably are all laughing at you right now and why not you're a complete failure you're pathetic why do you even try when you're just an imposter and you're wasting everyone's time you're going to die alone and unwanted
Yoga
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esamastation · 6 months
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Shizuroth, part fifteen
Previous parts: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen
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Angeal has never been quite as aware of the exact dimensions of the Buster Sword as he is now, heading up to Lazard's office. Though the weight has become almost a part of him, a comforting presence on his back, it feels like… more.
He'd not quite resigned himself to possessing and carrying a sword he couldn't really use - it was just something that… was. It was a legacy of sorts, and there was nothing all that burdensome about it. But it still was a fact - the Buster Sword was one of a kind, and even studying the records of Sephiroth's masterful swordplay would never help him manage it. There was no one and nothing that could teach him how to use something that was, most likely, designed to be nigh unusable.
But apparently Sephiroth himself could.
"No," the man had said after half an hour of doing things with the sword Angeal never could've figured out on his own. "You can't fight with it like with a more reasonably-sized sword. But you can fight with it. Question is… do you want to?"
Does he want to, huh.
"Come in" Lazard calls at his knock, and Angeal steps into the man's office. "Angeal, good. Want to explain the rumours of Genesis' chasing Seconds out of floor 49?"
Angeal clears his throat, smiling a little. "Well. We didn't wreck the training room this time?" he offers, taking the chair in front of Lazard's desk and flipping it backward.
"You three were banned from using it for a reason," Lazard points out flatly.
"And yet we were asked to assess Sephiroth's capabilities. Hard thing to do, without fighting him," Angeal says and sits down, straddling the backrest between his knees and sighing. "Not that there was much of a fight."
Lazard's expression darkens. "So his abilities took a hit."
"Worse," Angeal admits. "He stopped holding back. At all."
"... He'd been holding back?"
"All his life, I expect," Angeal admits. "For… understandable reasons, considering his upbringing. Whatever personal reasons Sephiroth had to hide the full extent of his abilities, he's forgotten them."
"Hmm," Lazard hums, watching him closely. "And yet he didn't trash the training room, again?"
"No, just our confidence," Angeal laughs ruefully and shakes his head. "Sephiroth just spent two hours schooling us in the basics of swordsmanship. Literally - he gave us a tutoring session."
Lazard blinks and then leans back. "Well," he says, sounding surprised. "That's certainly…"
"Out of character?" Angeal asks with an arched brow. "You have no idea. When Genesis told me his memory had taken a hit, I was expecting him to show the usual signs. Confusion, reticiece, defensiveness, antisociality… and he did, to some extent. But nothing like I was expecting - and then we got to the training room, and it was like a switch was flicked."
"Memory recalled?" Lazard muses.
"Maybe. Mostly I think it was just that he found something he knew, really knew, in his bones," Angeal says. "He might've forgotten who knows how much about his life - but not how to fight. And since he's lost whatever motivation he had for holding back… it looks a lot like he just got a lot better."
Lazard hums. "And that might be a problem," he concluded darkly. "Should people take the wrong idea from it."
"Oh yeah," Angeal agrees.
"Where is Sephiroth now?"
"Genesis took him out of the building - they're going clothes shopping."
"... Genesis and Sephiroth?"
Angeal grins. "Sephiroth has become aware that his coat doesn't fit comfortably," he explains. "And Genesis knows the best tailor in the city, apparently."
"If it's the same one I use, he does," Lazard says, fiddling with his cuff and then leaning back. "Alright, so we don't have to worry about Sephiroth not being fit to fight. Just the… implications and rumours of his current status. Maybe a solo mission to get him started…"
Angeal grimaces. "I don't know if leaving him to his own devices is the right call here," he says.
"He's always been a solo fighter," Lazard comments.
"To no one's benefit. And he's lost a lot of memories."
Lazard concedes the point there with a sigh. "Well, you and Genesis have known him longer than I. I bow to your superior insight. How do you suggest we proceed?"
"A joint mission, something simple, monster extermination in the slums, maybe. There's never a shortage of that," Angeal says. "Sephiroth with Genesis or myself. Depending on how that goes… well, Genesis suggested throwing a bunch of Seconds at Sephiroth."
The director looks up. "... How do you mean?"
"Students, cadets, a squad. Whatever," Angeal explains, folding his arms. "Someone to teach. And I have to say I agree. Sephiroth seemed to really enjoy schooling us, and he seemed the most like himself when he was doing it."
Plus, Angeal knows from experience that teaching is the best way to learn, really. That's how he'd risen in ranks just ahead of Genesis - because the Thirds and the other Seconds kept asking him for pointers. Nothing quite like having someone relying on you to make you rise to the occasion, is there?
"He's never offered to lead a squad," Lazard points out.
"And there were probably reasons for that," Angeal agrees. "Whether he remembers those reasons anymore is a different question. It's worth consideration."
"But don't you think that will just make the rumours worse?" Lazard asks, leaning forward again and steepling his hands. "Making him interact with other members of SOLDIER?"
Angeal shrugs. "Sephiroth's different now," he says. "And with all due respect, I don't think that's something we can hide long term. Thankfully, not a lot of people know him that well," he mutters and then adds, "It would be a great thing for the SOLDIER program, if Sephiroth taught even one personal student. He is, after all, the best of us."
He's not quite as bitter about it as Genesis, but… seeing Sephiroth use the Buster Sword like he'd been doing it for years almost made him cry. So there's that.
Lazard draws a slow breath and then exhales. "I'll get you your monster extermination in the slums, after Sephiroth's leave ends," he says and turns to his computer. "We'll discuss the rest after."
"That works. Thank you, director," Angeal says and stands up.
Lazard nods and then asks, "How is he? What's your honest opinion?"
It's a little too soon to say, but there's only one answer, really. "He'll be fine," Angeal promises and turns to leave.
Sephiroth would be fine. They'd make sure of it.
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