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ikkaku-of-heart · 1 year

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Ikkaku’s Mother: Shiokaze

Mother’s Day isn’t really a thing on Joras, and even after she left Ikkaku found no reason to celebrate it. Her mother, Shiokaze, was not a good mother. She physically and emotionally neglected Ikkaku, at times not acknowledging her existence and other times reminding her that she was not only unwanted, but considered an ill omen.

As she got older, Ikkaku realized her mother hadn’t been good to her brothers, either. Nausagi and Fukuro were, on the surface, loved, but when Ushi turned his abuse on them, Shiokaze turned a blind eye. She forced Fukuro hide the disfiguration of his arm, and she was much harder on the twins as they grew older, as it became more obvious that they were fraternal twins, not the lucky identical twins she’d always claimed they were. For Ushi, he was very much the golden child, but it’s quite clear that her spoiling him and allowing the town to put him on a pedestal, putting the pressure and arrogance of being Joras’ future hero, contributed to his sociopathic tendencies.

Yes, Shiokaze worked hard to provide for her children, but she was stubborn and prideful. She refused to accept help from Tomasu even though the whole family would have benefitted. Had she been a good mother, she would have allowed Tomasu to adopt not only Ikkaku, but the twins. She would have acknowledged her fuck-ups and allowed those Ushi did and would hurt to be free of him. But she only gave up Ikkaku because she already despised her. She kept the twins because giving them up would mean acknowledging that she had failed as a mother even worse than Tomasu had failed her as a father.

So, Ikkaku doesn’t really celebrate Mother’s Day, or whatever the OP equivalent would be. She’d never say she hates her mother, but she bears no love for her, either. She acknowledges that her mother was very much not the norm, and is grateful for that. She believes that every mother who did do right by her children should be celebrated. If she acknowledges the holiday at all, she’d rather speak of Arashi.

#Working of the Mind (headcanons)#Engine's Pulse (Ikkaku)#Mother's Scorn (Shiokaze)#Vainglorious Justice (Ushi)#Seeing Double (Fukuro and Nausagi)#Ghostlight Grandfather (Tomasu)#(forcing myself to actually remember Ikkaku's mom's name here lol)#(she's been such a non-entity in her life and that's probably for the best)#(lady absolutely fucked up her kids all while trying to hold some kind of moral superiority over Tomasu)

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blucassiopeia · 11 months

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Vanilla Twilight

ー requested by anon!

warnings: angst, mentions of su!c!de, freak accidents, depression and moving on

a/n: um, anon, and all, i don't know if you can enjoy this but have fun reading! but don't let this piece confuse you, but it's okay to be confused, just ask me wink wink

listen to the song

Osamu remembered the frantic airport staffs, inaudible yellings, running around and incessant radio communication. He can just make up a little but got no clue what was happening.

Osamu remembered the cute giggles of the 5-yr-old twins, a reaction from a silly-faced Tetsurou that he wished he took a picture from to laugh at with the others later that evening.

And you. Osamu remembered your laughters, eliciting from the giggles of your twins, wrapping your arms around your 3-yr-old toddler dressed in Hawaiian shirt seated on your lap. He remembered that he grumbled at the thought that the six of you are seated on a bench just off the waiting area of the Okinawa airport and wearing the same Hawaiian outfits as a pun. He remembered he tried not to blame you for his outfit because you were very attractive in your sundress to blame at.

And thenー

And then, he achingly remembered you crying so hard, a face he and Tetsurou worked so hard to erase from you after being widowed exactly a year ago. You cried after hearing something so illogical for him to also process as he walked with the airport staff to wherever they are taking him.

He remembered bombarding the GC until someone anyone replies something, anything. Much to his dismay, the ones who replied are not with the others. He was shaking, kept guided by the staffs as they enter a frantic room. Some of them shot their eyes on Osamu and he remembered someone whimpered from the side but he didn't cared.

"Sir? Can you confirm things for us?" He remembered he heard a lady talking to him, asking. He nodded so absentmindedly as he stared at his phone, constantly dinging and ringing.

"The one flight you're waiting for is JP3749 from Tokyo to Okinawa flight time 8:45 - 10:30am, is that correct?" He nodded, eyes still in his phone. He remembered he didn't wanna look anyone in the eyes.

"It is a chartered commercial plane and you know everyone on board except for the crew, am I correct sir?"

He remembered shaking at the question. "Is my brother okay?" was the first question he administered to the staffs. It was hoarse, from pending tears and nervousness and anxiety dwelling from within.

"We have the list of the passengers listed from Haneda Airport. We need you to confirm it."

And a clump of paper was issued on his sight, across the table. He remembered he first recognized Yuu's name, followed by Koushi's and the list went on. His eyes scanned it fast.

Ushijima Wakatoshi

Hirugami Fukuro

Hoshiumi Korai

Kageyama Tobio

Meian Shugo

Kita Shinsuke

Hinata Shoyo

Suna Rintaro

Miya Atsumu

Heisuke Riseki

Akaashi Keiji

Sakusa Kiyoomi

Yamamoto Taketora

Kozume Kenma

Tsukishima Akiteru

Tsukishima Saeko

Tsukishima Daiki

Tanaka Ryuunosuke

Tanaka Kiyoko

The list was still long but his eyes were glued at his brother's name. He remembered blinking so hard, tapping so hard on the desk, shallow breaths, his shaking thighs and falling tears. He remembered wishing he was only dreaming.

"Rescue teams? Are the rescue teams going? Please take me. My brother's in there."

"The airline provided a rescue team, they're maybe en route the crash site, off the coast of Miyazaki."

He remembered asking for more rescue teams but they said they still have to assess the situation. What the fuck, he remembered cursing under his breaths, growling at them for more rescue teams. His friends, his brother needs every rescue personnel right at that moment. He remembered begging on his knees for help, on taking him there if it is what it takes, anything he can do to help save everyone, anyone, especially his brother.

He remembered convincing himself that they are well, and they had a good crash if ever any crash was good and they're just not answering their phones because it's in flight mode probably. But the anxiousness he's feeling was off the charts.

He remembered the stinging sun and the wild August waves of Miyazaki and how he wished he had a picture of you to calm him down while heading to the actual crash site in a speedboat. He left you with Tetsurou and the kids in Okinawa, to peel you away from the anxiousness as remotely as possible though he knows that won't help. He remembered and regretted, he should've stayed with you instead.

He remembered his mom waiting for him in the port area where the rescue teams are gathering and he ignored her, still can't find the right words to say, and maybe a big bit guilty for dodging something like this alone. He remembered he stared at her eyes, promising to take his brother home, to which he knew was impossible now, but he had to at least try. His brother was his everything, though sometimes they may bicker but he loved him more than anything.

Six weeks in and still got a quarter of the bodies to recover. He remembered that for every body he saw and recognized, he prayed his brother was just alive and off a beach somewhere, keeping his silly smile intact. Every body he sees and recognizes, he cries for forgiveness and wishes to the stars for anything to quell his unsurmountable despair.

Thenー

Then, he remembered seeing his shirt floating way off the crash site. He remembered jumping to the water, the yells of the rescuers far off behind him. He remembered grabbing it, paddling and crying, hugging it and whirling his head in search for the owner. He remembered diving, to which the rescuers forcefully grabbed him out of the water, scolding him but he didn't care. He was holding his brother's tattered shirt. He knew it's his, he has a matching dark one to which Atsumu gifted him three Christmas ago.

His world fell into pieces.

He can't remember the trip back to Okinawa, but he remembered wishing he was dead like what the others assumed the other quarter still missing. He remembered them assuming they must've been blown up due to the explosion of the fuselage of the plane, he can't listen to them anymore.

He remembered you, crying infront of him, begging for some good news but Osamu just hanged his head low in tears to which you cried your heart out with the others he didn't remember. He remembered the news declaring there are no survivors and how the country grieved for the young lives taken, for the still budding small families of Tadashi, Akiteru, Keiji.. how the Japanese Volleyball Association grieved for all the volleyball players, the bests among the generation. The world grieved with them, but he didn't care much of their sympathy.

He remembered you sleeping in his arms after a long day of crying, him waking up to your sobs and he kisses your head so tenderly to somehow comfort you but he knew he can't ever take the pain away, as much as it can't do to his. He remembered hugging you tight and letting you cry until you both fell asleep.

Then.. he remembered waking up at 2am, without you in his arms. He remembered searching for you in the bed and on the floor, only to find a closed but lit bathroom. He remembered dozing again to sleep. He remembered letting Tetsurou punch his guts out and yelling after Osamu saw your figure sprawled on the cold floor of the bathroom, blood covered the floor, already dried from your wrists. He remembered kneeling and begging for you to wake up, and Kenjiro dragging him away from your body to check some life outta you.

He remembered Kenjiro crying, padding your cold wrist and temples for signs of pulse, and yelled for an ambulance.

He remembered your kids crying.

He remembered that the already shattered world he has just shattered a bit more, now to dust and got blown by the August dry winds.

He remembered praying hard to the stars for one more chance.

He remembered praying hard, asking for a replay so maybe he can change what'll happen.

He remembered praying, crying hard to the dawn skies.

His reminiscing was cutted off by a very familiar giggle and he can't help but smile.

"Chamuuuu~"

He turned his head to face your daughter, Hinata, running towards his sitting self on the beach, basking in the vanilla twilight. She was followed by a bullying Tetsurou and your sons, Takeshi and Mitsuki.

Hinata quickly sat on Osamu's lap and stared at his face, and immediately frowned, wiping dried tears off his cheeks. Osamu kissed her little hands and stared at your face in her face, a spitting image of her mother.

"Let's go. Doc Daisuke is already here to pick us up."

Osamu kissed Hinata's cheek to which she giggled again, her golden-hair blending to the pastel colors of the skies. He stood on his feet and picked her up, huffing as he took one last look of the shore you should've seen. He wishes you're here, wishes you're all here to witness this spectacle.

"I bet they're somehow glad we are still alive and kicking." Tetsurou mused as he too stared at the twilight, achingly slow on turning to a light blue hue.

You might've never known when you're still alive, that Osamu loves you, but he wonders that now you're in a much better place and looking after them, do you realize it? Of how he just wanted you to be happy even if it took a big toll on him? Of how your death, his last thread holding up his happiness, snapped in just one moment unannounced?

Maybe. And maybe he can move forward. It won't be the same anymore but as long as he don't forget his lost friends, his brother, you, it'll suffice, the memory will suffice. For as long as he thinks about you, he won't feel so alone. His vast feelings for the ones he has lost is as the ocean and it will keep him alive and moving.

He felt Hinata snuggle on the crook of his neck, and God he wished it was you. "Chamuu~ cold."

"Okay, let's go."

Maybe it's not so bad to stitch back his happiness, with the memories he won't dare forget, to the new ones he'll achieve soon, and to the new people he'll meet, and to the ones that remained, that you had left him.

"I'll reopen Onigiri Miya. What will you do, Tetsurou?"

"Open a volleyball clinic for the kids. Yuki will help after she retires from figure skating in two months, everyone left will help."

"I'm thinking of Fukurodani to be their school, can we finance it?"

"Doc Takashi and Doc Akaashi is going all out for the kids, don't worry."

And before Osamu knew it, they're heading back to mainland Japan after one and a half long year, Okinawa far behind, and plans for the future waiting for him to get signed.

Reblogs and interactions are appreciated. Theories will be entertained. Cassie 2023.

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