This is just a ramble so I'm not composing my thoughts in any way, and this is my perception from only being in limited online circles, but it feels like the past year or 2 was like feedism and fat fetishes got a little wave of normie exposure and people shitting on it with the usual first-argument-that-pops-into-your-mind societal regurgitated bullshit (on tiktok for example from what I hear anecdotally), but then that was coming up right as there was this growing wave of 'can we stop with the no kink at pride discourse'//'stop being puritan cops'//'there are no thought crimes' and I think those two waves coinciding has kind of combined into a weird thing where I've been seeing a ton of neutral and positive references to feedism by non-feedist online accounts/people in the past few months alone.

Like that burger kink post that has 17k notes last I saw it?? Regardless of whether that op has a feedism kink, their blog isn't a feedist blog, and I impulsively went to look in the notes and all of it is like 'lol I thought that said feudalism not feederism' and not 'umm you can't joke about feederism it's problematic' which is SO WILD to me. 17k people are willing to see a funny pun about feedism where it is not the butt of the joke and it's not at the expense of feedists and laugh along without needing to turn it into hysterical discourse like it's just a normal kink we can make puns and laugh about, and it's so normalizing??

It's not even just been that post either, it's wild to me. I know I've been much more active in this kink community in the past 3-4 years, so my experience is limited but it has really seemed like there's been increasingly bigger waves/cycles of exposure -> backlash -> pushback for acceptance -> exposure

And of course there are the vocal naysayers but the fact that there even IS anyone else out there other than anti-fat fetishists and us? Idk it gives me hope. I know there will be more cycles of backlash but seeing very slowly that there are starting to be people outside our community that are willing to have our back or just be willing to be seen standing next to us in a manner of speaking is weirdly healing. Like, I love being weird and I don't really like the idea of feedism being "mainstreamed" and am sceptical of feedism being "normalized" except for in other kink and queer communities, but there was NOTHING even close to this 12-15 years ago when I was first discovering my kink. It gives me hope that baby feedists will be more likely to stumble upon informative and positive ideas about themselves while they're figuring it all out

And that maybe we can move from being vocally and universally stigmatized from the few who've even heard of us to maybe being perceived like furries have been in recent years where it's started to mostly be like 'yeah they're weird but their art is kinda cool and they're just vibing'?

I don't know man, TL;DR I almost teared up about that burger kink post yesterday and I keep seeing posts everywhere about feedism that aren't filled with hateful comments and I'm just like what the Fuck is going on

People with stretch marks are pretty

People with scars are pretty

People with acne are pretty

People with crooked teeth are pretty

People with hyper- and depigmentation are pretty

People with dark armpits and dark inner thighs are pretty

People with uneven features are pretty

People with cellulite are pretty

People with freckles are pretty

People with disabilities are pretty

Every person is pretty in their own way and we should learn to appreciate that more

A lesson in the lustful female Gayze™: LA RELIGIEUSE / THE NUN (1966), dir. Jacques Rivette

i love you girls with round faces i love you girls with strong jawlines i love you girls with big foreheads i love you girls with chubby cheeks i love you girls with masculine features i love you girls with square faces i love you girls with big noses i love you girls with double chins i love you girls with bushy eyebrows i love you girls with soft jawlines i love you girls with crooked teeth i love you girls with small eyes i love you girls

it's funny that nobody bats an eye at force femme cause they get off to it, but the instant somebody does force-masc, people lose their fucking minds

Gladly most people are very supportive!! But as someone who has been around people who accidentally swallowed a lot of sex negativity AND has seen anti sex ppls hot takes... people get sooooo mad about forcefem LOL

Nuance is something that can be soooo hard for online spaces to hold onto. Hell, offline spaces too, for that matter. Today I'm thinking about kink and the concept of kinkshaming, when I think about nuance: that people should be allowed to enjoy and engage with kink, especially in fictional and fandom spaces where even bad kink etiquette can't actually harm anyone should be a given. Personally, as long as someone is tagging correctly and creating with self awareness, anything goes in a fictional space, you do you, your content deserves to exist online. I have personally created a variety of kinky works, both publicly available and not, and would really not have a leg to stand on trying to declare otherwise. In a time where people are cracking down heavily on kink and trying to decry it as deviance that shouldn't exist, being kink positive can be a very important, good thing.

At the same time though, the people have squicks, and when it comes to kink and a good culture towards sex in general, people have to be allowed to have squicks. If anyone's hearing the term for the first time, a squick is essentially a concept that just grosses you right out, you do not want to see it, you do not want to learn more, maybe it even distresses you to see it, but not to the extent that you would consider ot triggering content. A couple of common tend to bodily excrement: piss and shit, alongside guro (extensive bodily mutilation combined with sexual imagery). A squick doesn't have to be extreme, it doesn't have to be unusual, it's just something that grosses an individual out, and they don't want to see it. (And because this is tumblr and it must be said: no, racism is not a squick.)

Sometimes, we lean so heavily into the negative that we refuse to allow positivity. Sometimes, we get so into positivity, that we refuse to acknowledge negatives. People are allowed to talk about their squicks. If people see something that grosses them out, they don't have to shut up about it just because it's someone else's kink. Kinkshaming, the idea that someone would go up to someone else and tell them they're gross for their kink, is something people shouldn't do in general. But expressing disgust and distaste for a kink in general isn't kinkshaming - that's just talking about your squick.

Your Kink Is Not My Kink And That's Okay is about not hating on other people or demanding their works not exist because you hate the kink, not pretending that you find every kink, fetish, or sexual concept totally wonderful and would never react with disgust towards one. This idea in fandom that if you don't like something you should never say anything publicly because what if someone does like that thing, and is upset that you publicly don't like that thing, is ridiculous, and it has been for a while. Negative emotions have a place in fandom, especially in regard to sexual content. You shouldn't harass people who share a kink (especially when their content is tagged this is why everyone should read the tags) - but you also shouldn't go around saying people aren't allowed to use their own online space to process their disgust.

I've been seeing a lot of people lately saying anyone discussing how much they dislike a kink concept is just a kinkshamer, an anti, the purity police, and it's getting beyond ridiculous. We have the right to engage in kink, to write about kink, to make kinky art, create audio for it, and to in general delight in all kinds of kinky works. We also have the responsibility to make sure we're tagging correctly. Others have the right to dislike kink, including our own kinks, and to talk about how much they dislike those kinks. They have the responsibility to make sure they're curating correctly, that they're reading the tags and warnings on a work, and that they work out their negative responses in their own space.

Multiple things can be true: kink is a great way to explore sexuality and desire and a wide range of topics. people deserve to share their interest in kink without harassment or being belittled. one person's joy can be another person's squick. people deserve to share their squick without harassment or being belittled.

I agree that nobody should be basing ideas around safe(r) kink from fantasy posts on tumblr, but I've come across plenty of educational posts on here that were genuinely helpful and enlightening. I don't think it's fair to suggest that they're all lying.

one of the most popular posts i ever used to see on here before i blocked OP was a guide for how to safely choke someone. not how to choke someone more safely, safer. how to do it SAFELY. this post, which continues to be extremely popular and has no doubt inspired a great deal of play, advises CUTTING OFF BLOOD TO THE BRAIN as a safe way to do choking!!!

obviously there are plenty of posts that are not out here insisting that actually there are 0 risks to choking your partner until they pass out, but there are a great number of posts that poke at that sort of thing. a huge number of posts that say "doms, we subs don't know how to communicate." a huge number of posts that posit and insist that there are actual 0 risks with biting your partner anywhere.

and — maybe this is worse! — i don't think the people making these posts are lying! i think they are uninformed and sometimes reacting with anger and defensiveness because someone somewhere told them that "hey this thing you like might not be safe" or even just "you have to be capable of communication and honesty to do kink safely." nobody's writing a post and twirling their mustache about how they're gonna ruin somebody's life by getting them to choke their partner, but a lot of people are spreading irresponsible shit anyway and i think it's healthy to approach every tumblr kink post with the mindset of "there is at least a 50% chance that this information is wrong"

In the past few days I've seen that post that's like "hierarchy of needs: someone putting their full weight on me" that has 50k notes and then a "jar of kinks" post on twitter with "thiccness" as one of the kinks, and there are all those posts that are like "I love kissing soft stomachs" or "giving someone food is an expression of love" also with tens of thousands of notes, and it's just like. getting to me today that all of these things are so broadly relatable to people but as soon as they're applied to fat people it's fetishism or as soon as it's in a fetish setting it's suddenly morally wrong.

Like, those 4 types of posts are essentially a summary of my kinks, and it's so frustrating to see the individual components accepted and romanticized and yet people can't seem to extend that acceptance to the same exact desires if they're the dominant or sole themes in someone's sexuality.

It's mostly just frustrating to observe the inconsistent logic, like "how do you not see this makes no sense??"

“From the dark, I feel your lips and I taste your bloody kiss.” 🩸

The whole Greg and Alex thing is just old-fashioned bullying and needs to stop.

--My Mom, making me regret ever suggesting she start watching Taskmaster.

Queer identity is not just an aesthetic.

It doesn't exist separate from the lived reality of people's bodies, nor from the lived experience of sexual desire and contact.

Top surgery scars are healed wounds, not pretty tattoos. I'm all for romanticizing the transformation in art, draw them however you like, but then don't turn around and call people gross for talking about the realities of their own surgery recovery, including botched procedures, pain, or ugly scarring.

Queer sexuality is a lived experience of sexual attraction (or, yes, the lack thereof), not just brightly colored flags and thematic lighting. Like, sure, have fun with it, but... maybe don't go around plastering LGBTQ flags over all your fave characters and then start yelling about perverts when people talk about shipping them or write/draw smut featuring them.

Representation that only allows for aesthetic is not representation, it is censorship.

Sex is not gross. Bodies are not gross. Go outside. Touch grass.

If you draw and write and headcanon and cheerily meme about queer characters and then climb on your soapbox against any representation that is more physical than a flag and some sanitized suggestion, you are a hypocrite.

And no, I don't care about how sex-repulsed or triggered by body stuff you may personally be. No one is obliging you to consume content you don't like. But if you cannot accept that to be queer in the world is an intrinsically physical and sexual experience for many, and that representing that is not bad just because you don't like it, you don't get to play here.

.

The "thinking a kinky thought about someone is involving them in kink against their consent" and "having a sexual fantasy about something that would be shitty in real life is wrong and bad" tumblr discourse I absorbed 10+ years ago is such a hard belief for me to kill in my head. There are so many kinky thoughts and fantasies that come into my mind that I block out as being "bad" or "forbidden." I can't even just think someone I see walking down the street is hot without the voice of some chronically online 15 year old in 2014 saying that I'm being predatory and creepy popping into my head. I really hope someday I won't have to deal with that cop in my head and just let my sexuality and sexual fantasies feel fluid and free

♱ 𝔓𝔢𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔖𝔱𝔢𝔢𝔩𝔢 (𝔓𝔩𝔞𝔶𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩) ♱

love returning to my roots full force now that I've been feeling better lately. not that I ever stopped talking about eggfuckery but the frequency is increasing. like welcome to my blog I'm talking about naked Eggman and monsterfucking lol