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joezworld · 3 years

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Fools in Love (2/10)

This, and all the stories after it, exist because I saw this post. Damn you @mean-scarlet-deceiver I was using my free time!

Thank You Donna Summer

1977

"I'm telling you, there's something wrong with me!" Bear protested as the workmen slammed his maintenance hatches shut. He'd been feeling unusual for some time - nothing major, but a niggling feeling of something being off. It was driving him nutty, and the men could find nothing wrong.

"Well boy-o," said Clive the foreman. "At this point the only thing we haven't done at this point is take you to pieces - and we aren’t doing that!"

"But it feels weird!"

"Tough. We'll deal with it during your next overhaul." The man said firmly, before following his men out the door of the shed.

"And people call Henry a hypochondriac." Muttered Gordon sleepily.

"He actually had boiler sludge and you know it!" The Hymek snapped as his crankshaft did another flip-flop. "And I'm not saying this just for attention - do you think I like having my hatches pulled every night?"

"Considering how often it's happened this month, I'd say that you must." Gordon sighed as he closed his eyes and went to sleep.

Bear seethed for the rest of the night, and was still snappish when he was backed down onto The Limited in the morning.

"You are in a dreadful state today. Are you feeling all right?" The lead coach asked as the passengers boarded.

"No, I'm not." Bear scowled, and said no more.

"Right," the coach murmured. Hopefully nothing goes wrong today, or he'll be apoplectic. She thought to herself.

-------

Kellsthorpe Road

Predictably, things went very wrong.

Late passengers, late connections, a cow on the line, and a broken signal arm meant that the train was almost an hour late by the time Bear and his coaches staggered into Kellsthorpe.

To add injury to insult, something was now noticeably wrong with Bear.

In addition to whatever imagined maladies he had, there was a new shooting pain in his gearbox that got worse each time his driver changed up or down.

As they set off from the station, there was a loud CRACK from Bear's gearbox, and an even louder shout of pain from his mouth as the train ground to a halt.

"I told you that there was something wrong!" Bear hissed as his driver slid underneath his front bogie.

He came out moments later, drenched in oil.

"Well, that's torn it!" He groaned as he wiped his hands. "A seal failed and all the oil is gone from your transmission. I'm surprised we made it this far before you disintegrated something."

And that was that. Bear couldn’t move under his own power, so a rescue engine was summoned while the passengers grumbled unhappily about the delay. Bear was also unhappy, but had passed the point of being able to speak without turning the air blue with swears, so he stayed silent.

"As much as I sympathize with them, they should be grateful that they aren't taking a bus!" The lead coach whispered as the signal arm dropped, indicating that the rescue engine was approaching.

Bear hoped it wasn’t James - he'd never hear the end of it if the red engine discovered a perceived weakness.

As the engine puffed into view, Bear's anger and frustration evaporated as he saw that it wasn't James, but instead Henry.

"Am I ever glad to see you!" He called out, eliciting a broad smile from his friend.

"What kind of an engine would I be if I ignored a friend in need?" Henry said as his crew coupled them together.

Bear smiled in return, ignoring the sudden resurgence of his nausea.

---

Talking seemed to help settle his systems - then again, talking with Henry always seemed to help his emotional state; conversation flowed between them with an effortless ease that Bear couldn’t really replicate with anyone else - and the trip to Crovan's Gate was filled with idle conversation about what had gone on since they'd last spoken:

James had once again annoyed a visiting diesel into apoplectic fury with an inane series of questions,

Douglas was still fuming over the officiating that cost Cronk's rugby team their match,

Thomas was still driving everyone on his branch crazy with ABBA - he knew the words, but had no singing ability at all,

And there was a new song that was sweeping the Island's record stores, to the point where a lot of the younger cleaners were bemoaning their long work days, as it meant that they couldn't get to the store before all copies sold out.

"I heard a bit of it in the sheds last week," Henry confided as he rolled tender-first towards Crovan's Gate. I think I'm getting old, because I did not like it at all."

"And yet you look just as dashing as you did on the day I met you."

"One of the perks of being made out of metal I suppose. It's the secret to my eternally good looks."

"But I'm made of metal, so isn't it my secret as well?"

"Gasp. I guess that it will have to be our secret to eternal beauty then."

Bear's smile couldn’t cover the wince that accompanied another unusual feeling from deep within his frame.

"What's wrong?" Henry asked, his voice colored with concern.

"I don't know. I've been feeling unusual for a while now. They've gone through every one of my systems and they can't find anything."

"What does it feel like?"

"It's very strange - my driver says it sounds like indigestion. At some points I get this feeling of, like, like my insides are moving in a way that they shouldn't be, and everything feels light and fluttery... are you all right?"

Henry didn't answer. His concerned expression had suddenly turned into a painful grimace, while steam began pouring out of places it shouldn't be.

For the second time that day, The Limited ground to halt as Henry’s driver stopped the train and dampened his fire.

"I think this train is just cursed," he said as he poked his head in-between Henry’s wheels. "Something has ruptured, but I have no idea what."

Bear closed his eyes in frustration. "If Spamcan shows up as our rescue engine, I..."

He trailed off as Henry laughed.

More than an hour later, the train finally limped into Crovan's Gate. A very bemused Class 46 that had been summoned from the mainland was now towing Henry and Bear, neither of whom could stop laughing long enough to explain the joke.

As she shunted them into the Works yard, they finally were able to tell her why they were laughing. The 46 regarded the two with amusement in her eyes. "You two are a pair and a half, you know that?"

"I had an inkling." Henry said, grateful that he'd been laughing too hard to pay any attention to his ruptured steam line before the men dropped his fire. Now that there wasn’t any steam pressure, it hurt a lot less.

Bear, whose gearbox had gone numb, was still chuckling at the absurdity of this 'superb rescue'.

The 46 rolled away as the workmen arrived, and any further conversation was halted as they began pulling tools from cases.

That night

"Oh, that's right! I wanted to ask you," Henry said suddenly. "What did those feelings feel like? Indigestion?"

"Yes," Bear said after a moment. "Indigestion, crossed with a broken motor mount. It feels strange, like I'm being filled with helium and lead at the same time."

"This is going to feel incredibly strange, but I feel the same way." Henry said after a moment. "It's like I have an ache in the pit of my boiler, but at the same time I feel energetic - like I'm pulling the express."

"Does it change sometimes?"

"Yes it does. Are you going to tell me that sometimes you feel better and nauseous at the same time?"

"Yes! I feel that way right now as a matter of fact."

"As do I. " Henry paused to acknowledge the incredulous situation they were in. "What a pair we are - Miss Spamcan was right! We break down on the same day, and we have the same phantom illnesses."

"And we're both green."

"And we're both green! How could I forget that? If you squint hard enough, we're essentially the same engine."

"Will you two shut up!" Came a cry from across the works. Several of the workmen were clustered around a radio. "We're trying to listen!"

Turning back to the radio, the man turned up the volume knob, allowing a thumping bass line to fill the works.

"I think this is that song I was talking about earlier." Henry whispered to Bear.

Ooh it's so good, it's so good

It's so good, it's so good

It's so good

Ooh I'm in love, I'm in love

I'm in love, I'm in love

I'm in love...

The song was very long - apparently it was some kind of "extended club mix", and the workers were very enthusiastic about it.

Henry and Bear... were not.

"Honestly, I'm quite nonplussed." Bear remarked after spending a few moments searching for the right words. "It's just the same words over and over again."

"It's for dancing mate!" Said one of the men as he swept up. "You're supposed to feel the beat and get moving!"

"I can't dance." Bear looked down at the rails. And I can only really move forward and backwards."

"Maybe you could spin around on the turntable, and that would count." Henry chimed in.

"I think I'd just get sick."

"Perhaps."

"I cannot believe you two!" Cried a young cleaner. "That was an amazing song! How can you not like it?"

"It's repetitive and goes nowhere." Henry said. "It's repeating the same words over and over again. I understand that she 'feels love', but she never said what she was feeling. What does love feel like?"

That brought the entire works to a stop. The men looked from each other nervously. Henry was puzzled. "What did I say?"

"Nothing!" Said one of the men quickly. "It's just... uhh... oh would you lookatthetimegoodbye!"

He fled into the staff break room, followed by several of his co-workers.

Henry and Bear watched with bafflement as the shed emptied at lightning speed. Soon, only two cleaners were left - Karl, the senior cleaner who had been on Sodor since the 1940's, and a young man whom neither engine knew.

"Children, the lot of 'em." Karl groused as he cleared up a patch of spilled oil. "It's like they've never been asked a difficult question."

"What was the question?" Henry, Bear, and the young cleaner asked together.

"Seriously?" Karl looked up from the oil slick. "None of ye know what 'e said?"

"No."

"Nope."

"I have no idea."

Karl groaned as ge held his head in his hands. "Love, you great ignoramus! You asked about what love felt like!"

"So?" None of Henry’s confusion was lifted.

"You're an engine!" Karl said after a moment of shocked, silent, gesticulation. "Engines don't ask what that means!"

"Why not?" This came from the young cleaner, who cocked his head in confusion.

"I- I- you- it's just..." Karl trailed off, his boisterous shock deflating into a curious silence. "I don't know. Now that I think about it, I don't think it's ever happened before."

"Well it's happened now." Said Bear, now genuinely curious about the answer to the question. "What does love feel like?"

Karl looked like he wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole. He turned to the young cleaner for help, and got none.

"Don't look at me. I'm still single. You're the one who married his childhood sweetheart."

Karl glowered for a moment before pulling himself together. "Fine. You lads want to know what love is? It's like a sickness. And you enjoy it. Just thinking about whoever you're smitten on and your pulse races, breath quickens, and you feel like you're going to vomit. Every time I saw my Maria before I told her how I felt, I wanted to run and hide, but never wanted to be more than more than a foot from her. She made me feel like shouting from the rooftops that I loved her, and I was fookin' terrified that she'd find out. It was awful!"

"What did you end up doing?" The young cleaner asked.

"I told 'er! It helped that I'd known her for years, but I just sacked up and told her how I felt." He paused, fiddling with his wedding ring as he did so. "And she said she loved me too. And then I threw up on her shoes."

He smirked slightly. "I was not smooth. But she still said yes! And that's all that matters."

Henry raised an eyebrow. "So you feel sick and that's love? That's what that song was about?"

"No! It's enjoyable! I wouldn't trade how I felt for all the gold in the world, and neither would Maria. We've been married for 38 years, and I still love her with all the strength in my body. I'd do anything for her."

He glanced over at the now-quiet radio. "That song is about how it feels to be in love, from a youngster's view - your emotions run hot, and you can't imagine anything but the object of your affections."

He turned to the young cleaner, caught up in the passion of his speech. "And you would do well to remember that it won't always feel like that, laddie! At some point, those emotions will calm back down, and you'll be left with a quiet set of feelings. And if you're stupid, ye might think that it's over, but it isn't! That just means that you've pulled the iron out of the fire, and it's cooled into a strong, solid love that will last the ages. You follow that advice and you'll stay a happy man!"

Henry and Bear watched in surprise. They'd both known Karl for years, and had never seen him this openly emotive before.

Karl blinked as he calmed down. "Well, I wasn't expecting that to come out, but yeah, that's what love feels like."

Glancing at the clock, his eyebrows raised into his graying hair. "Cripes, it's past quitting time. I've got to be home in time for dinner!"

He quickly packed up his cleaning supplies and dragged the young cleaner into the break room. In just a few short minutes, the works were empty save for Henry and Bear.

"Humans are strange." Bear said finally.

"That statement assumes that we are normal."

"What makes you think that we're not?"

"Fair point."

"Bear."

As the night wore on, easy conversation slowly turned into sleepy conversation, then yawning, before the two engines decided to turn in for the night.

About 15 minutes passed before Bear's eyes snapped open. The penny had just dropped, and it felt like the farthing wasn’t too far behind.

"Henry?"

"Yes?" Henry evidently wasn't asleep either.

"Do you remember how we acted in 1971?"

"Why yes, I do. I also remember how we acted in 1969, 1972, 1973, 1974, 1975, and 1976." Henry’s voice sounded calm, which meant that he was probably on the verge of screaming.

"Interesting." Then again, Bear wasn’t too far behind him on 'nearly screaming' front. "Do you also remember that the indigestion that we both seem to be suffering from -"

"Increases whenever I see or talk or think about you? Yes."

"Henry, are we feeling love? Right now?"

"Yes. I believe we are."

"Good. What do we do now?"

"I have no idea."

"Neither do I."

"Fuck."

#ttte #sodor #fic #fools in love #sodor shenangians #ttte henry #ttte bear #these idiots have been in love for almost a decade and they figure it out now #ttte gordon #donna summer

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moon-forest-princess · 3 years

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An In-depth Elven perspective on Mind Power Subliminals (p1)

I felt lead to talk about the controversial subliminal creator known as Mind Power. This is a post to address anyone who may have been curious about the Elven Light Path but was turned off to it by Mind Power herself. Even if this post just helps one, that is a great thing. I also have suggestions for alterative Elven subs you can use and other resources! If you want them, just lemme know!

(sorry for the length of this, it ended up being WAAAAAY longer than I wanted it to be, so I split it in two parts! I wanted to fully address her actions that I've seen, from my perspective as an Elven soul).

TL;DR -- Mind Power seems to be a shady person who speaks with self-assumed authority about a people she is not a part of, because (as far as I can tell) she wants a bunch of devoted followers at her whim. But she does NOT speak for the collective.

-- If you are unfamiliar with what subliminals are, they are essentially a psychological tool to help you achieve goals for yourself. They are videos with silent or quiet affirmations covered by music. Creators of these videos typically post their subliminals to Youtube. I wrote about them a bit more in my last post here, but there is also another explanation here.

-- If you are unfamiliar with the Elven Light Path.... this is living as an Elven Soul. It's more than just a physical/fashion aesthetic. It is taking on the thoughts, lifestyle, mindsets, and wisdom of the Elves. It is NOT a religion or cult. It is appreciating the beauty of this world through the visions of the next. While most who follow this Path are spiritually awakened to their Elven higher selves, non-Elf identified souls may freely follow this path as well.

SO....I've been using subs actively for about 2 months, but have been using them on and off for the past yearish. In this time, I had heard of two controversial sub creators who have since left the community: Rose Subliminals and Mind Power.

I had never "researched" much about them but had been hearing more news about Rose and her actions since there were some more recent developments this year with her. There's a gaggle of YouTube videos meant to 'expose' both these channels, but I take them with a grain of salt. While I don't necessarily doubt the allegations, many of the videos seem to lean on common conspiracy theories (eg, illuminati) and mystical suggestions for entertainment, based on some serious claims vs just looking at the situation for what it might be at its bare bones. I just go by screenshot conversations from the actual accused and whatnot. Regardless, a number of people claimed to have had a bad experience with Mind Power's videos (from general discomfort to claims of hospital visits) and also claimed that she was "not a good person" and also that she "wanted to control everyone" (in her own words).

As I was looking through Google images for the thumbnail pic that I used in that previous post I linked above, I came across THIS image:

And it piqued my interest. I had missed the entire Mind Power saga. I was not really active and paying attention in the subliminal community until very recently so I wasn't actively around when Mind Power had her videos still up.

Clicking the image link here, it led to a blog post. Originally when I read the post I thought the best possible thing: that maybe she was working with someone and knew they were putting negative things in their affirmations and was trying a tactic to scare away people from using them. Then I read more of her posts and realized she was being serious. So then I thought, the next 'best' thing: There are kids/young teens in the sub community and maybe a lot of the comments on her videos her these younger users who just didn't quite understand the Elven Light Path and she was fussing about it. But no.. the truth is much worse.

So, I had no idea that (a lot of) her channel focus was apparently on the Elven Light Path--the path I walk--until I came across this blog post...but right away I could tell her perception of this spiritual and lifestyle path was severely skewed.

From what I can gather from her blog, Mind Power (AKA Asherah Aphrodite) is what some on this site might call godkin (Idk if she'd identify that way... probably not). She claims to have been offering the traits and powers of the Elves through her videos to help "turn humans into elves". With secret powers and gifts FROM the Elves.

To quote her directly, here is a small paragraph about using Elven subliminals from the article that Legolas meme image accompanies:

"This is completely changing from human to Elf. This is Elven immortality. This is being part of the Elven family. This is giving up your humanity. Do not use the Elf series unless you are serious about the Elven path. We would much rather have less people using the Elf series. It would be fine if only a few of you used it because we would be a more solid and dedicated tribe. Don't mess with them. They are not tolerant and forgiving towards humans who disrespect them. Have you read the folklore stories of what they do to humans they don't like?"

After reading this, I realized she was simply outside trying to define a group she doesn't even understand.

Yes, the Elven Light Path is a real lifestyle that goes beyond just dressing elven and being obsessed with LotR, but for many, that is how it starts. And that is more than okay! All journeys must start somewhere. If someone DESIRES to be elven and actively seeks out these sort of videos, it is a sign that they already have a connection to the Elven and Fae.

In truth, we elves would ALWAYS rather have MORE people walking the Elven path, than LESS. Even those who do not identify as elven themselves. We are not a closed club or sorority group that has to audition only the "best of the best" to be accepted in our little exclusive "tribe" as she calls it.

The Elven Path is a path for every and anyone, all who wish to explore it. It is simply about living and seeing life through the eyes of the Elven and connecting with your Elven self. The more you follow this path, the more you become aligned with Elven energy. Being Elven is NOT "giving up your humanity". It is heightening it. Elevating it. Elves are humans. Humans are Elves. There is an innate connection that only differs in frequencies, spiritual maturity levels, and physical form. Those of us who have become awakened to our higher Elven selves and claim to be Elven Souls only recognize this truth and strive to live it. But we are still human and recognize this as well. Regarding her point in the first quote about Elves not being "tolerant and forgiving toward humans who disrespect them" while, this is certainly not an exaggeration, it is not the only truth. Yes, many people have had contact with dark or demonic energies that show their wrath toward humanity, and these people record this experience through fear and lack of understanding, often as a Fae or Elven encounter. I mean, it's like when you're a kid experiencing your first thunderstorms. You may be terribly frightened of them and hate them.. but once you learn what thunderstorms are, what their purpose is, how they work, and the actual threat level.. you realize that, while the fear is valid, it is not needed. Once you understand, you are no longer afraid. Or at least, you know you don't have to be as afraid as you were. The same goes for adults who have experiences with the supernatural and no way to explain or interpret it. Human nature has the flight or fight instinct and this is grounded in fear to maintain survival. But with wisdom and understanding, we combat this instinct. Also.. I gotta point out that many stories about Fae and Elves in history are simply just... works of fiction meant to scare children or entertain adults (but often inspired by Elven/Fae energies).

////

PART 2 HERE

#mind power #mind power subliminals #subliminals #subliminal videos #subliminal community #elfkin #elvenkin #elven soul #elven awakening #elven light path #elven light #spriritual #spirituality #my ramblings

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actualbird · 4 years

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nobody asked but here are my personal top five pat gill videos | a 2.1k word long post where i rank and review pat gill’s videos for just way too long.

Right around the tail end of April, 2020, I fell into the rabbit hole of my current obsession; Polygon Dot Com Video Content. As a consequence of this was being introduced to the phenomenon of Pat Gill. A dire consequence of that consequence was me slowly, deeply, irrevocably, finding myself attracted to this marionette of a man. So, I enjoy his content and I think he’s hot and that combined with the fact that some of my friends bully me over that latter fact has inspired me to do this: rank my personal favorite Pat Gill videos in a post that’s entirely too long.

Before I get straight into the rankings, I need to explain my process.

First, I needed to narrow my scope. Polygon has a lot of videos. Polygon has a lot of videos with Pat Gill in them. If I didn’t narrow my scope, I would either go bonkers yonkers or have a list that would be kilometric in length and thus miss the entire point of ranking altogether. So, for my sanity, I am excluding any videos that are a part of a Polygon video series. This means no Overboard, no Gill and Gilbert, no Video Game Theatre, etc. If I included these, I would cry. I do not want to cry over Polygon Dot Com Video Producer Pat Gill.

Second, I need a criteria. If I just ranked videos with no system, I would find myself endlessly rearranging my list based on whatever thought comes out on top in my mind at the given moment. I am a disorganized person, so I need rules. I have decided that I will rank Pat Gill videos using the EEEH criteria.

Entertainment. Do I smile, watching the video? Do I chortle? Am I filled with the embarrassing urge to show this video to my sister and derive glee from her laughing at the exact same moment I laughed? Entertainment is key.

Education. Did I come out of this video knowing something I originally did not know? More importantly, was I engaged in the learning process? I come from a family of teachers, so I have high standards when it comes to education. If I am to learn, I must learn well.

Exaltation. This is a bit of an oddball criteria, but it is important to me. The word “exalted” is defined as “elevated in rank, character, or status.” This criteria refers to how good it is at exalting, elevating, pulling me out of a depressive episode. That is to say I’ve been in a depressive episode for the past month and whether or not the video made me stop crying and brush my teeth is essential. Polygon video content has been integral to my serotonin production lately, and thus the video’s ability of acting as an audiovisual antidepressant for me factors into the rankings.

[BONUS POINTS] Hotness. How Hot Is Pat Gill In It? I felt bad, morally, ranking videos based on how good looking I thought Pat Gill was in it---because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and all that, and people don’t exist to be beautiful, they just are, and I agree---so I’m relegating this criteria as a bonus point. Standard is 0, because he’s always hot in my mind, but he gets plus points if he is exemplary in the hotness department.

The maximum score for each of these criteria is 5 points, making the perfect score a 15, but because of the bonus points, a 20 is, hypothetically, possible.

With that out of the way, let me dive right into it.

5. The fastest interview ever with Ben Schwartz from Sonic the Hedgehog

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Entertainment: 5 Education: 2 Exaltation: 2 Hotness: +2 Total Score: 11

Pat Gill is a good interviewer, he’s engaging and fun and keeps the interview interesting, but this interview is particularly special because it seems that, and let me quote Youtube user AudreyN who left a comment on this video stating “ben schwartz consumed all seven chaos emeralds prior to this interview.” Pat Gill and Ben Schwartz’s dynamic is amazing, and by “dynamic” I do mean “Ben Schwartz absolutely just fucking dunking on Pat Gill for 14 entire minutes.” and it is glorious.

For Entertainment this scores a solid 5. Quite honestly the funniest interview I’ve ever watched in my entire life. Just the sheer beauty in the exchange [Pat] “You would use Sonic’s power to gaslight me?” [Ben] “Just you.” In terms of Education, I guess I did learn a bunch of things about the Sonic movie that I didn’t know before, but the avenue by which it was portrayed in was not exactly the most engaging, more like I was absorbing it via watching two experts discuss on a webinar. I would have given just 1 point to Education but I made it 2 because of the wonderful knowledge that Pat Gill can draw a pretty good Sonic in a few seconds. When it comes to Exaltation, I must admit that while this video got quite a few laughs out of me, it didn’t make me want to get out of bed and take a shower.

BONUS: Pat is +2 hot in it. His short hair makes him look very handsome. He’s a spiffy boy, in this video. Very, very good.

4. Pat Will Not Tweet at Nintendo This Week Because He is Resting at Home — PLEASE RETWEET, Episode 12

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Entertainment: 5 Education: 0 Exaltation: 5 Hotness: +1 Total Score: 11

I know I’m breaking a rule I set for myself a few paragraphs earlier by including an episode of Please Retweet, which counts as a video series, but this is my post and I can do whatever I want. More importantly, this video is so fucking funny to me, it feels like it would be a crime not to put it in this list.

Solid 5 out of 5 for entertainment. Pat Gill, alone in his apartment, drinking six cans of what I think is beer silently while the intro music plays. That scene in itself should win an Oscar. Sadly, a solid 0 for Education, because I learn nothing in this video except for the fact that Pat Gill is the type of person to put out a coaster and then just completely not use it. I quantify things as educational if I can maybe answer a trivia question with them, and unfortunately, this fact does not pass that test. In terms of Exaltation, seeing Pat Gill lie down on the floor next to his cat made me get out of bed to do the same with my dog, and with myself thusly out of my bed cocoon of sadness, I was able to actually complete tasks on the day I watched this video. Perfect 5.

BONUS: Pat is +1 hot in this because there’s something very beautiful about him being a little bit miserable. However, I do miss his beard when I watch this video. It is one of my favorite things about him, and it is not present here.

3. Pat and Simone Play Human: Fall Flat

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Entertainment: 5 Education: 1 Exaltation: 5 Hotness: 0 Total Score: 11

I very much enjoy Polygon’s gameplay streams. I often play them in the background while I’m doing other stuff like doodling or origami, but this stream is special. It is special because of the moment at 24:00 when Pat Gill, in game, swings a stereo into a glass window, shattering it, while saying, “Actually, y’know what? Let’s talk about trauma.” and then proceeds to tell a horrible and embarrassing story from his childhood where he had to do a rap about Ancient Egypt.

5 points for Entertainment. This is partly because of Pat’s tragic childhood story about the Egypt Rap (and, segue just to point out 33:22 the incredible moment where you can hear Pat’s feral panic when Simone finds the lyrics to the Egypt Rap) but also because Pat and Simone just talking to each other is so deeply entertaining to me in a very comfy way. I’m starved for human interaction, in this quarantime, okay. Let me enjoy listening to other people have conversations while playing video games. Education scores a 1 because, again, nothing in this video will let me answer a trivia question, however it does get 1 point and not a 0 because the Egypt Rap’s lyrics are in the comments and I did end up learning stuff about Ancient Egypt that I didn’t know. A perfect 5 for Exaltation because this video showed me that talking about trauma can actually be cathartic, given that you’re trashing a video game living room at the same time, and I think that message of not bottling up your experiences really helped me, in these trying times.

BONUS: Pat Gill is not visible for the entirety of this episode, so he scores the standard 0. I’m sure he was hot. We just couldn’t see him.

2. Why Bloodborne and Muppets are the same thing

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Entertainment: 4 Education: 4 Exaltation: 3 Hotness: +2 Total Score: 12

Ah yes, one of Pat’s “x is y because of z” videos. He’s made a number of these and they’re all very good but this one is my favorite among them and earns a spot on this list because 1) I think puppets are cool and 2) I fucking love monsters.

This video scores a 4 on Entertainment, just shy of perfect, because as funny as it is, it also gives me the vibe like I am being lectured by a professor who’s just a little bit off the shits. And we all know that lectures are supposed to be taken seriously. Which brings us to Education, which also scores a 4. I learned a lot in this video! Watching Pat Gill explain to me that children’s puppets and these horrifying viddy game monsters use the same character principles in different ways is not only very educational but is also explained in a streamline and easy to understand manner that I WISH some of the shitty professors at my old university could emulate. As for Exaltation, while this video did give me enough energy to have a meal, I did eventually end up back in bed for the night at 8pm crying myself to sleep, thinking “I’m like the slime scholar. Used to be a scholar. Now they’re slime.”

BONUS: Pat Gill is +2 hot here. He’s rockin that basic ass monochromatic aesthetic and I love his look dearly.

1. Preparing for Big Boy Season in Red Dead Redemption 2

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Entertainment: 5 Education: 3 Exaltation: 5 Hotness: +3 Total Score: 16

Here we are. My favorite non video series Pat Gill video. The video where Pat Gill tries to make Red Dead Redemption 2 protagonist, Arthur Morgan, large.

Perfect fucking 5 for Entertainment, which I’m sure many may find odd. Afterall, this video is told in a serious investigative tone reminiscent of Vox’s videos on current issues. But that’s the glory of it. The complete and utter ‘playing it straight and serious’ for a ridiculous issue in a video game. It is high tier comedy in a subtle, understated way that sings to my comedy loving heart in a melody so lovely, so wonderful, that it urged me to give this video 5 points for Entertainment. It scores 3 on Education, because I have never played Red Dead Redemption 2, nor will I ever, but now I know things about it. The information was also relayed to me in a very interesting style, via something like a crime procedural, and thus it was engaging for me to absorb all this new knowledge. Exaltation scores a perfect 5 because of this video’s beautiful end about existential smallness. No joke, but hearing Pat Gill say “Our bigness isn’t measured in pounds, but in the impact we have on the people with whom we shared the world.” deadass made me want to talk to my friends again after conversationally isolating myself for 3 days. Preparing for Big Boy Season has a special place in my heart. And there it will stay.

BONUS: Pat Gill is not visible for most of the video but he does appear for like 15 seconds in the middle of it, and guess what. He’s hot. +3 hotness. Good beardage, good hair, all in all, good Pat Gill.

So there you have it. My five favorite Pat Gill videos. If you read this whole thing, holy shit. You’re welcome, I guess.

#this is what im using my degree in creative writing for i guess #polygon #pat gill #pat gill thirst jail #patrick gill #nobody asked but

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irwinkitten · 4 years

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quarantine and chill | poly!lashton

notes: so as some of you may know, i got hit with covid-19. i’d kept socials updated with my symptoms and how i was dealing with it but i’ve been quite on the aftermath of what i went through. so i did what i do best, i wrote. similar with teulu, i decided to write it out in the form of a fic. a lot of what happens is what i’ve had to struggle through with regards to recovery and what i’m still struggling with. there is a lot that i haven’t really talked about with it either, however i got the main points down and just wrote. if i was feeling better, i’d probably have shifted it to an oc but this felt much too personal to do. i was debating on whether or not this was going to be posted. at first i wasn’t, then i wasn’t sure. i finally decided to because i enjoy writing and i enjoy giving people something to read, something to enjoy. i also decided on poly!lashton mostly because of the interview on one of the instagram lives where ash said he cooks and i think it was with @sexgodashton where were talking about how ashton would mother hen you when you’re sick lmao and then i got daydreamy because i’ve been dealing with the whole situation alone and it’s difficult when your loved ones (both friends and family) are too far away and unable to be with you. i’m rambling at this point but yeah, tldr; this is really personal on how i recovered from that godforsaken virus. warnings: talks of dying, depression, sickness word count: 9k (oops)

donate to my ko-fi here

When you’d come home from closing up the store, it had been an almost nightmarish day for you. It felt surreal that the store was closing until further notice and you had no idea when you were going to even be back in your job again.

What frustrated you was the fact that you hadn’t been able to book a flight out to LA before the travel bans kicked in, leaving you to be self-isolating in your apartment for the duration of the lockdown, alone.

Luke and Ashton had both voiced their complaints, but no amount of money being thrown at the problem wasn’t getting you back to LA with them.

“How are you feeling?” Ashton asked over facetime whilst you tidied up. The simplicity of living in communal housing meant that you only had two rooms to tidy and keep clean. Luke and Ashton loved it for the fact that it afforded the three of you some privacy away from prying eyes of the media because you were tight-lipped about where you lived.

“Tired. I’ve cried a lot and I’m missing the both of you.” You admitted quietly as Luke popped into the screen, his head resting on Ashton’s shoulder. His lips wore a tired smile, one that you could match.

“We’re missing you too, love.” Luke’s voice was comforting. You finally settled down on the couch, your body sinking into the cushions and sighed.

“You know you don’t have to worry right? Ash and I are gonna help you.” The reassurance from Luke made your lips twitch up.

“I know. I’m just frustrated. They should have made this decision well over a week ago.”

Neither of them could say much against that. You’d told the company bosses that you were at risk, you’d warned them that the store wouldn’t pull in enough money to warrant staying open for the week.

But they’d simply said that they were following government guidelines. It had been nothing but frustration for the three of you.

“Are you both home finally?” Your question was much quieter and Ashton grimaced.

“Because I have a cough, they’ve organised us to be quarantined since we’re together. They’ve done the tests but I don’t think it’s anything, I think it’s just allergies playing up since I’ve been sneezing non stop.” Ashton explained and you sighed.

“Irony at its finest.” You received sad smiles in return from your boys.

“I’ve got some last minute paperwork to finish up and send off since I couldn’t do so at the shop. How about I call you both tomorrow?” Luke pouted and you giggled at the expression, your heart lifting that little bit.

“Fine but next time I’m hogging the phone.” Luke muttered and you laughed before blowing them both a kiss.

“Love you both, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

The paperwork was easy to finish off and left you a few hours to shower and change whilst tidying up around.

When you crawled into bed, you checked your phone to see a photo of the two of them snuggled up together, Ashton practically smothering Luke. You sent them one back of you with the bear they’d gotten you, sprayed in their cologne.

When you woke up the next day, there was only a slight difference, your blocked nose making you groan.

“Fucking allergies.” Was muttered as you made your way to the bathroom, waving to one of your neighbours who was just leaving the kitchen.

You’d decided to stock up on food, making quick work of the short walk. It was nice to be able to still move about in the fresh air at least, offering a small, yet nervous smile at the cashier as you paid for your shopping, packed it in your bag and made your way home.

Before you even realised it, you’d settled on the couch and fallen asleep, wrapped up in your fluffy blanket, eyes heavy as you set an alarm.

You slept through the alarm and when you next woke up, there were three missed facetimes from Luke. You called him back immediately.

“There’s the love of our lives.” Luke crowed when he answered, making you laugh. It was followed by a cough which made Luke pause, his eyes studying the screen. “Said love of our lives doesn’t look too well.” The concern was evident and you rolled your eyes.

“It’s probably allergies and my body finally relaxing from the last three weeks of stress.” Luke didn’t look convinced but you managed to switch the conversation. “Did you find out the results of Ashton’s test?”

“Yeah, he came up negative. Since we’ve been quarantined for what, three weeks now? We’ll probably be on the next essential flight back home. But that won’t be for another week from what they’ve said. We both agreed to hang back long enough to let other people go ahead.” You frowned at that.

“But baby, you guys need to be back for the launch.” He shook his head.

“Ash was quite forceful with management on this one. There isn't going to be any kind of physical launch so we’re cleared to be delayed, just as long as we have a good wifi connection for the weekend for the various streams.” You sighed but understood their concerns.

“How is our no longer sick drummer boy?” You finally asked and as if he was waiting for the question, he all but piled himself on top of Luke, a muffled whine escaping as he tried to shove Ashton off him.

You laughed.

“Behave children otherwise no rewards.” You teased them, making the two of them laugh as they settled themselves down on the sofa they were on.

The conversation was easy between the three of you as they both excitedly discussed the possible plans they had for the album release, relying on them being home on time to do so.

“It wouldn’t do well to be still in the air when we do the release party, but knowing our luck...” Ashton trailed off, making you snort.

“Knowing our luck, that’s what would happen.” You grinned and he rolled his eyes.

“Probably.”

The three of you talked until you were dropping off, and despite voicing their concerns, you waved them off, pointing out that you always got like this during allergy season. Ashton didn’t argue the point, but Luke still frowned in concern.

“We love you, sunshine. Get some decent rest please.” He’d pleaded with you and you gave them both a gentle smile in return, hoping that it was at least semi-reassuring.

“I’ll be fine, but I’ll go to bed. Love you two.”

“Love you more.” Came the unified response before the call dropped and you settled back asleep.

Part of you knew that you should’ve realised that they had every right to be concerned when you woke up the following morning.

Your entire body was aching. And what concerned you most was the tightness across your chest coupled with the pain radiating across your body.

When you checked your temperature, you felt your stomach sink at the fact that your fever had crept up and was alarmingly high. So you called the helpline, putting the phone on speaker whilst you waited to get through, sending a text to the group chat you had with your boyfriends.

‘Woke up with fever and body hurts. Struggling to breath too so checking in with the helpline to see what i need to do. Don’t know if I’m gonna be up for calling later bc I wanna sleep.’

You felt bad but you could already feel the drowsiness pull at your body.

When you got through and described your symptoms, the lady on the other end advised you to self-isolate and upon the symptoms getting worse, to call the emergency services.

You relayed the information back to Luke and Ashton before falling asleep after taking some medication, trying to desperately ignore how much your body ached as you slept.

The first few days, it felt like you’d been run over with a truck repeatedly, but what concerned you was the pain that was radiating from your kidneys. Both Luke and Ashton knew of your previous history with kidney failure and both had been urging you to go into the hospital, but you’d couldn’t help but feel that it wasn’t that bad.

By day four, both of your boyfriends were worried because you’d mentioned to them that you were unable to breath properly. It was late at night, but with the pain reaching an overwhelming point, you knew it was pointless to argue. Even your friends had been urging you to contact the helpline once more.

You’d been on hold for over an hour as the pain got worse. You were struggling to focus and it was everything you could do to try and breathe through the agony that was radiating through your body, so you cut off from the hold music and contacted the emergency services.

This time fear started to settle into your stomach as you answered the questions posed to you, trying to get across that it wasn’t a block of flats but a shared home.

The operator understood and urged you to get help from your neighbours to at least let the crew into the building. You were nervous enough about standing up by yourself but you managed.

When you stood from your bed, the walk to the door, even though it was five steps away, the agony that shot up your legs had you stumbling into the door.

Pulling it open, despite your neighbour’s door being six feet away, you knew you weren’t going to be able to stumble that far. The pain was steadily getting worse and tears started falling down your cheeks.

“Can someone help?” You finally got out, gasping for a breath once the words were out. Your neighbour was quick to open the door and knew something was wrong.

“What’s happened, are you okay?”

“Can’t breathe. Called medics, but need someone to let them in.” You gasped out and he nodded, taking a step closer.

“Lets sit you down and I’ll get one of the others to go and wait for them.” The firm grip on your arms supported you, your own hands grasping his arms to keep you from falling as he slowly walked you back to the edge of your bed, setting you down gently.

The pain receded slightly.

“I’m gonna prop the door open and get one of the others to come and give me a hand, is that okay?” And you could only nod tearfully as you tried to take in slow breaths, despite the pain that was radiating from your chest.

With the door propped open, you could hear him banging on the other doors, calling for help and explaining the situation. The hallway wasn’t very long but their voices carried down to you as you tried, and failed, to calm down.

And then the medics were there, pulling the blanket from your shoulders despite how cold you were feeling.

“It’s because of the fever, your body is already warm, you won’t be helping yourself with the blankets.”

They asked various questions and you tried to answer in the gasping breaths, but then the pain shot up and it felt like you couldn’t breathe.

“Okay, we’re getting you to the hospital.”

You could barely move, but between the medic and your neighbour, they managed to get the things you needed and help you down the stairs. It took much longer, but you knew that rushing wasn’t going to help and the pain was pushing close to hitting 10 for you.

Once in the ambulance, you had a cannula inserted, laughing breathlessly between your tears at the first failed attempt and the second attempt to find a vein.

When you reached the hospital, waiting to hear where you needed to be taken, you finally got out your phone, the morphine hindering your ability to focus, hitting the audio button instead to send a voice note to your now worried boyfriends.

“At the hospital. Been given some morphine but still hurts. Missing you and love you lots.” You could barely keep your eyes open, the words slurring together. The medic gave you a kind smile.

“Partner?” You nodded, the motion making you feel nauseous.

“Need to drive to the other side, they’ve got a specific ward set up.” You heard and realised belatedly that the driver must have turned up. The drive was short and finally you were helped from the vehicle into a waiting wheelchair. You were too tired to protest and you knew it would be quicker for you to get situated.

You could hear them talking, explaining your medical history and the symptoms you were displaying. Part of your mind was listening but the other part of your mind was wondering how Ashton and Luke were.

You missed them.

Once in a room, the nurses took over and did some more tests. Eventually you were left alone, your fever creeping higher despite the fact that you felt so cold. You were tired, but the pain that was radiating from your kidneys and joints, it was enough to keep you awake, unable to relax to sleep.

Your phone was going off every few minutes, various people messaging you, making sure that you were okay. The only ones you were really replying to were Luke and Ashton, but even then it was sparse.

It didn’t stop them from worrying.

When the doctor on shift came into your bare room, it took every effort to focus on her words.

“We’ve taken some bloods to help rule out any other possibilities, despite displaying symptoms of the virus. When we have the first results of your bloods back, we’ll be moving you onto one of the wards, so it should be another hour or so.”

You nodded your head, eyes heavy as you let out a tired sigh.

“Any idea of how long I’ll be here for?” Despite the mask in place, you could see her cheeks lifting up into what you assumed was a smile.

“Less than 24 hours, I’d assume. Try to get some rest, another nurse will be taking some obs in about an hour, before you need to be moved hopefully.” You nodded tiredly, curling up on your side. It seemed to be the only relief you could find.

You drifted in and out, the stark quietness of your room so different to the usual noises you had of cars passing by or Ashton and Luke’s steady breathing.

When the nurse came back in, you were beyond exhausted. You felt nauseous and the pain wasn’t receding.

“We’re going to be moving you instead, they’ll do all the obs that they need once you’re settled in the room. I’m just waiting on the porters.” You nodded tiredly as she unplugged your phone charger and placed your bag at the bottom of the bed.

You kept your face turned into the pillow, the lights hurting your eyes.

“Sensitive to the light?” Came a kind voice, you could only let out a muffled noise of agreement. When you were wheeled into the room, the light was dimmed down and you felt more relaxed.

Glancing at the time you hadn’t realised it’d been so long. The numbers read 7am and you could feel your body shaking, your mind taking a minute to catch up with the fact that you were cold.

The next few hours were difficult. You went from being too hot to freezing cold, the pain creeping up as you tried to curl in on yourself to warm up. Even with additional blankets, you were still shaking, teeth chattering when you tried to talk.

When they took the second round of bloods, you didn’t offer any argument, simply holding out your arm for them to take the blood from. Things were getting hazy and you couldn’t focus on the nurse as he spoke to you about what was going to happen.

You knew some of it was tiredness. Despite the mini naps you were having, you hadn’t slept solidly in nearly 48 hours.

“We’re going to be coming in to do the test in a moment.” You found yourself confused as a different nurse explained what was going to happen and she took her time to make sure you understood each part.

Once it was done, your cough having flared up after having the swab hit the back of your throat you noticed that you had missed calls.

‘How did I not hear them?’ You thought to yourself, confused. You clicked on the notification and realised it was Luke that had been calling.

“Hi angel, we were just checking in.” His voice seemed to set off the tears, unable to understand why you were so tearful. But he heard the sniffle.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. You know we’re here for you.”

“I just wanna be home with you two.” You choked out, a cough escaping, the motion making you feel sick.

“I know angel, what have the doctors said?” You tried to steady your breathing so you wouldn’t set your coughing off again.

“Two weeks self quarantine.” You finally got out, wiping a few stray tears away. You heard the two of them sigh in unison.

“Maybe we could—”

“Ash no. If they are sick with the virus, it’s likely to just pass between the three of us.” Luke interrupted and you had to hold back the sob.

“I’m scared.” You finally admitted quietly and tried to stop the sob that was crawling up your throat. You knew that if you’d started, you were most likely not going to stop.

“Baby.” Ashton whispered and you sucked in a deep breath, determined not to ask the question.

“Lu’s right. It’d just pass between the three of us. I should have maybe another week of symptoms.” Your voice was quiet but they heard you.

“We’re not going home.” Luke’s voice finally filtered through. “Not with you being in hospital and not with you being so sick. We’re staying in a hotel till your symptoms die down and then we’re gonna come and look after you.”

You couldn’t even argue with them. They were both as stubborn as mules and having them would make the recovery easier with some help.

“How are you gonna get here?” You finally gasped out.

“We’ve got a rented car. We extended it the day you got sick.” You felt your heart warm at their words.

“Okay.” You finally muttered.

Eventually you were discharged with medication for the fever and a reminder to keep your fluid intake up at least.

The journey back was exhausting.

The medic was kind enough to chat to you about your job, about Luke and Ashton. He didn’t bat an eyelash when you mentioned them both. He was quick to help you figure out where the turning was, especially in the dark. And he helped you to the door of the building.

Just the journey up the stairs was tiring, and your neighbours heard you arrive, the three of them checking that you were okay.

“Until my breathing gets worse, I can self manage at home. However, I need rest and my body currently feels like I’ve been run over multiple times.”

One of them checked about collecting your food shop the following morning and you smiled in return before getting into your bedroom and collapsing on the bed.

You made sure that your phone charger was plugged in before sending a text to Luke and Ashton saying you were home. It was barely another five minutes before you fell into a fitful sleep.

The following day you were woken to a knock on your door, but you could barely move. Sleep had been scarce and your joints felt so heavy.

“Don’t try and get up! Just letting you know that I’m off to get your shopping! I should be back in an hour or so.” Your neighbour called through the door and you felt a little bit of relief flood you at that.

“Thanks!” You called back before coughing, twisting sharply to the side where the bowl lay, your body aching when the coughing stopped.

You’d had the bowl lay there since the night before you’d gone into hospital, terrified that the coughing would lead you to throwing up. You weren’t good with vomit at the best of times but this was another level.

Collapsing onto your back, taking in slow deep breaths as you tried to calm your heart down, you took a few moments before taking some meds, pulling the covers off your body to help you cool down. This was the one thing about fever that wasn’t fun for you.

You ended up napping on and off, unable to pay attention to your phone at the various texts coming through from concerned friends before there was another knock on the door which jolted you awake, despite feeling disorientated.

“I’m leaving the bags just outside your doors! Give me a couple of minutes and I’ll have them all up.” You didn’t reply as you heard the hallway door shut, and instead slowly moved to collect one of the face masks you’d been given, slipping it on with ease before grabbing disinfectant wipes.

You ignored the dizziness that caught you off guard, taking a steadying breath as you waited, leaning heavily against the door.

“Right, they’re all there for you chicken!” Your neighbours voice was more distant and you hesitantly opened the door. He was standing halfway down the hallway, a kind smile on his face.

“How are you feeling today?” The concern was genuine and you could only shrug.

“A lot of pain. Not sleeping well.” You got out breathlessly. He frowned.

“Well if you need anything, you’ve got my number now, so just give me a text, especially if you need any drinks. You take care of yourself now.” You lifted your hand in acknowledgement before propping open the living room door and heading in there where your fridge sat.

When the food was put away, you were half staggering the few steps back to your bed, barely getting your mask off and on your desk before you half collapsed on your bed.

Glancing at your phone there was a missed call from Ashton.

“Hi love, you weren’t responding so we figured to call you.” His voice was hesitant when you’d accepted the call.

“Everything hurts Ash.” You finally sobbed, your body protesting the movement, but in that moment you couldn’t care. You missed them both and with the combined pain, it didn’t help.

“Baby.” Luke’s voice was soft and you knew they were worried, but you were too far gone to understand their worries. You just wanted them.

“Want you both, and can’t even have that because of this fucking virus.” You got out a cough ending the sentence as you tried to catch your breath and not choke.

“Calming breaths sweetheart. You’re okay.” Ashton soothed immediately and you tried to follow his instructions. But everything hurt. There was a sharp pain in your chest, coupled with the pain in your lower back as well as the joint aches. It practically burned you.

“Do you think you can manage a shower later, love? It might help.” Luke’s voice was hesitant once you were calm enough and you took in a deep breath.

“Maybe.” You got out, your voice quieter and they knew you were tired.

“Rest for a bit angel, see if you can try and get a few hours at least.” Ashton encouraged and you could feel the heaviness wash over you as you settled down.

“Love you both.” You tiredly got out before you let yourself sink into sleep, taking a slow deep breath as you did.

You didn’t hear their returned words or them cutting the call, you’d fallen asleep easily and your body relaxed just a little bit as you slept.

When you next woke up, it was dark. Making sure that you were at least drinking, you had another glass of juice followed by some water before pulling yourself up to take a shower. You texted them both and your best friend to let them know you’d slept some and you were about to attempt a shower.

It was slow going, trying to keep yourself upright, but the steam helped clear your sinuses, making sure you got every part of you with the scrubber before just standing under the shower, your hands pressed into the cold tiles to keep you upright.

It’d been thirty minutes by the time you’d returned to your room, feeling more tired than when you’d first woken, so you took the opportunity to try and get more sleep.

That was when the coughing became so violent at two in the morning that you felt like you were practically choking on air, unable to catch a breath until you’d rolled onto your side and something cleared enough for you to take a gasping breath, your heart racing so fast that you had to call your best friend to calm down.

It became frightening as days began to pass and you could barely recall them, your mind confused and muddled with exhaustion mixed in with the hunger that was plaguing you. But when you’d eaten, your body had rejected the food immediately so you didn’t try again.

By day ten, you were struggling. You’d cried far too much and your body felt like lead. You knew that both Luke and Ashton were concerned at this point, knowing that this was the point where either you’d start to get better or it could get worse.

Two days later, between fitful nap and gasping breaths after a coughing fit, your phone went off.

It was Ashton.

“Baby?” You got out tiredly, keeping measured breaths as you sat up slowly.

“Take a look outside your bedroom window.” You frowned, moving to the otherside of the room, leaning enough to peer out of your open window before a sob escaped.

They both stood there, arms laden with bags. Both were looking up at you.

“Reckon you can come let us in angel? Lu and I are gonna commandeer your living room ‘till you’re better.” It took everything in you not to go racing down the stairs. You knew it would set you back further so you took hesitant breaths before looking back to your phone then you heard a voice in the hallway.

You were quick enough to catch your neighbour as he was heading back to his room.

“You alright there petal?” His voice was concerned and you held your hand up indicating you needed a moment to catch your breath. He waited patiently.

“My, my partners, they’re downstairs with some shopping and taking over my living room till I’m better. Could you let them in for me please?” You were hesitant in asking, but the pleading eyes you had seemed to have his shoulders wilt as he took a step forward.

“I take it they’re gonna be self-isolating for the two weeks they need to?” You nodded.

“I’ve got to wait seven days after my fever stops as it is before I can even be in the same room as them. I know that they’re worried and being so far hasn’t really helped.” He smiled kindly.

“Got you, petal. Get back in and I’ll go get them for you.”

You could hear their voices get closer and it took everything in you not to throw yourself out of the room at them. You didn’t want them to get sick.

“Delivered safely petal, feel better soon.” Your neighbour called and you tried not to let out a sob.

“Hi angel.” It took everything in you not to open the door. You had to clench your hands into a fist, head resting on the door.

“I don’t know what’s harder. You both being away, or you being so close but I can’t even see you.” You let out a choked cough and Luke let out a soothing noise.

“Well we’ve got you some good wifi now, and we’re here for you angel. We’ve got a couple of streams and you best be watching when we go live.” You let out a breathless giggle. They were there.

The first few days were the hardest. They’d leave cartons of juice and bottles of water outside your door. It finally added to fruit when you managed to keep an orange down.

Watching them do the streams from your living room was strange, but it seemed to settle your anxiety that they were so close. You could see it was being brought up about their shared change of scenery which prompted them to explain after you’d texted Ashton and told him that it was okay for them to know about your situation.

“So our partner, well they got pretty sick at the start of last week. We were already stuck in the UK at this point, so we just extended it so that we’d be with them when they got better. None of us handle being sick alone very well.” This made the other three laugh. You grinned.

“I think that extends to the rest of the band too.” Luke piped up, making the other two complain loudly. You giggled before coughing violently.

“Oops. As you can probably hear, it got real bad and real close by the end of last week. It’s why we were so distracted on the live because we were so worried. When they told us that they’d slept for a solid six hours last night, we made the drive back to theirs, shopping in tow to help look after them. We can’t see them, and Luke and I are stuck on the couch for the next two weeks at least, but we couldn’t just fly out and leave them alone.”

Ashton’s explanation had well wishes pouring in for you and it warmed your heart to see that there were fans that cared.

Part of you wished you could at least be watching them, or better yet, be cuddled up with them, to hell with the stream. But you knew they were trying to keep the focus on the album. You’d already had texts from the others to check in with you and you took your time to reply to them and settle down, your eyes heavy as you snuggled under the covers.

It was nice to watch them, seeing the ease in the way they joked about. You knew they worried but it was obvious to anyone who saw them when you’d gone into hospital that the tension that was sat on the both of them was both obvious and heartbreaking.

You could see the shadows under Luke’s eyes and you wondered if they traded the nights between each other to make sure they wouldn’t miss an update or a call.

You tried to squash down the guilt instant that reared up. They were doing this because they cared. There was nothing in it for them, apart from the possibility of you getting better. But you knew they expected nothing back.

Your eyes were tired and you took in the time. It was creeping closer to midnight so you closed off the stream and texted the chat to let them both know you were going to sleep. Had you stayed on the stream a few moments longer, you’d have seen Ashton’s face relax as a gentle smile crept onto his lips, causing the two that were still stateside to tease him.

The following morning was better in some way but also worse. Your cough wasn’t easing up but your fever seemed to have broken in the night.

You weren’t overheating but you weren’t cold either. You took a few moments to move your limbs and regretted it almost instantly. But you knew that if your fever stayed down, it would be a further week until you weren’t contagious.

Part of you wanted to practically sing in joy, but as you took in the early morning, you decided against that, knowing your men would be fast asleep still.

Slowly you got yourself up, collecting your shower stuff before making your way down the hallway to the shower. The warm water felt almost luxurious on your skin as you took care in washing your hair, still leaning against the cold tiles to keep yourself upright, your legs trembling as you did so.

It took the same amount of time as the previous shower, but once you were clean, you knew it made a small amount of difference as you stumbled back to your room, crawling under the covers to take a well deserved nap.

You missed the text from Luke asking if you were awake.

Now that you seemed to be stomaching food, Ashton kept it simple with dry toast, not willing to push your body too far. And you agreed with his judgement after he’d placed it in front of your door and you waited for the other door to close before you opened yours.

“Love you.” You felt your heart melt as he spoke through the door.

“Love you too Ash. Thank you.” You returned quietly before stepping back into your room. It was getting harder to stay in, especially when your cuddle monsters of boyfriends were just in the next room.

It hurt.

They FaceTimed with you to keep you company, both of them making a strong effort to not only keep you company but to also stop you from giving into temptation to just join them.

Ashton was practically insistent on that.

You knew by the time that you would be allowed to have them back in your room, their own self isolation would be over.

It didn’t fail to amuse you how Ashton started cooking once you started being able to stomach more than dry toast. It took a few goes but he kept it plain enough to not make your stomach complain but changed it up so you didn’t get bored of it.

What made it even better were the small notes of affection they left for you on the tray which held your food. You had them pinned up to your cork board without a second though, the small pieces of heaven from them only making it feel that much cosier.

Something to ward away the bad days in the future.

Luke snuck you some of your favourite snacks, even after the scolding Ashton gave him when he tried sneaking you a chocolate bar.

It’d made you giggle and they’d both paused to hear it.

It was a sound they hadn’t heard in nearly a month and it made their hearts soar.

Despite the pain you were in, it felt like you could at least breathe with the both of them with you. Even if you couldn’t see them.

By day nine after your fever had broken, you were beginning to feel semi human once more. You still had issues with exhaustion and light sensitivity, but you certainly felt more better than you had done in weeks.

Luke had given up on waiting.

“Ash, they said a week after the fever went down, they’d no longer be contagious. This is killing me.” You’d chosen to curl up on the side that was proclaimed as Luke’s side.

Your heart was feeling heavy again.

“I mean. We’re what? A week and a half?” Ashton’s voice was hesitant. You missed the mutter in return before the door opened and there was a knock on your door.

Luke stuck his head in and you wanted to cry.

“Reckon you can put up with some self care cuddles?” You simply nodded your head and shuffled into the middle of the bed. Luke wasted no time, his arms wrapped around you and you could feel every part of you seemingly shaking.

Ashton followed a few minutes later and your memory seemed to fail you in that moment. You could barely remember the last six weeks, but the feeling of comfort was something entirely different as they held you.

That was when you began to sob in earnest because you’d missed them. And they knew it.

When you’d calmed down, part of you felt torn because you wanted to hold them both, not let go and just lay there. But they didn’t protest when you’d snuggle up to one, legs tangled and arms wrapped around tight and eventually switch to the other.

If anything, it amused them both.

As the day got later, Ashton untangled himself, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. Luke was your current cuddle buddy of choice.

Turning your head, your confusion must have shown because Ashton smiled gently.

“We need to keep up with the meals, love. I’m gonna make some soup for all of us, how does that sound?” You hummed in agreement.

“It’s allowed I guess. But you gotta come back.” And he chuckled, leaning over to kiss your forehead, doing the same to Luke before disappearing out of your room.

“You realise that he’s going to mother hen you to death, right?” Luke teased and you shrugged.

“He’s here. You both are. That’s more than enough for me.” You murmured softly. Luke held you that little bit tighter.

“You up for a shower sweetheart?” You hesitated, your mind drifting back to the previous two times you showered. The hesitation must have been obvious because Luke pressed a kiss to the top of your head, not willing to push you.

“Will you, will you help? It’ll be a tight fit but, I struggled the last two times.” You finally admitted to him and he smiled.

“C’mon. We can let the chef know as we pass him.” You giggled at his words, allowing him to help you out of the bed and making your way slowly across the room. Luke didn’t push, but he kept his arms available and easy for you to grab if you needed him.

You’d made it to the kitchen before you relied on him a bit more, your joints achy and your legs shaking.

“Gonna get this one showered and clean.” Luke called into the kitchen where Ashton was cooking. He glanced back and grinned at you both before turning back to the food and you two carried on.

Luke was nothing but patient with you as you climbed into the shower, his tall body fitting into the rest of the space. He was gentle as he helped you and it took the pressure off you, focusing on keeping yourself upright as his hands started working the shampoo into your hair.

You’d forgotten how well he massaged your scalp when washing your hair, and you only protested when he rinsed it out, making him laugh.

“I forgot how nice your head massages were.” You groaned as he worked the conditioner in. You carefully washed your body with the shower gel, cleaning Luke’s body whilst you were at it.

He tried to stop you but you gave him pleading eyes and he relented easily. Using the time whilst your hair was soaking in the conditioner to wash his own hair quickly whilst you cleaned his body.

And then his fingers were back in your hair, cleaning out the conditioner and you had to stop yourself from leaning into him.

Once you were clean and dried off, dressed and the towels over Luke’s shoulder, you could feel yourself begin to flag again, leaning heavily on Luke for the short trip back to your room.

“I’ve got you sweet.” He murmured as you passed the kitchen. Ashton was talking with one of your neighbours who gave you a small wave but didn’t stop you to talk. Part of you felt guilty, but the larger part felt relieved because you were almost certain once you’d eaten something, you were going to be asleep.

Once you were back in your bedroom, you scooted so that your back was resting against the headboard whilst Luke let the towels hang so that they could dry and put everything back in its place. He understood your need for everything in its own place, whilst Ashton understood, but still sometimes made a small game of moving things to see if you’d notice.

Luke could see that you were too tired to even be playful.

When Ashton returned, he frowned for a moment before resting the first bowl on your lap, spoon already in the bowl.

“Don’t worry about eating it all. Just try to eat something for us.” He encouraged gently, handing Luke his own bowl before heading back to retrieve his own.

You were slow and methodical before your stomach protested and you left the spoon in the bowl, your head resting on Luke’s shoulder.

“M’ready for sleep.” You muttered and he hummed in acknowledgement. He’d long since finished his bowl, as had Ashton.

“You alright with Ash for a bit, love? Since he cooked, I’ll clean.” Luke murmured and you just nodded before shuffling till you were laid down. Ashton followed and you snuggled into him.

You barely heard his murmured “sleep well” before you were fast asleep.

It was the first night that you’d slept for eight hours and it felt almost refreshing, especially after having the shower the previous night.

You were still nestled into Ashton’s side, Luke’s arm was slung over you both, his hand resting on Ashton’s stomach. You felt very safe between your men and you were so grateful that they were with you in that moment.

It was another hour before either of them stirred, but you’d been resting in that hour, not really awake but not asleep either. Luke was first to move, pressing a kiss to your shoulder as he moved off the bed.

“Morning, love. How are you feeling today?” He murmured as he stretched. You shifted onto your back and gave an experimental test of your joints. They weren’t so bad and your cough had eased up that your chest no longer hurt if there was the occasional cough.

“Better, I think. It’s only a dull ache, the kind I get when you two put me through the paces at the gym.” You admitted softly and Luke grinned as Ashton stretched out, almost like a cat before turning on his side to face you.

“Nice to hear that, angel. And good morning.” You grinned at him and kissed him gently before glancing at the time.

“What are we doing today?” You asked quietly as Luke continued to stretch out his muscles. Part of you felt bad for them both to be stuck inside with you, but you were much too selfish to let that bad feeling linger.

“I’m gonna do some exercises and then Ash is probably gonna do his own. And then a movie day for the rest of the day?” He posed the question and you paused before nodding your head. It sounded good to you and it meant you had some individual time with each of them.

The morning passed by easily. They did their exercises and showered before returning to your room that Luke had playfully dubbed ‘The Den’. Ashton had laughed at that as he went to set up in the living room for another live, but this time Luke was staying with you. They’d been trading off which had bothered you first, but then Ashton explained their reason.

“We don’t really want to leave you alone. Not that you can’t take care of yourself,” he hastily added on upon seeing your look of outrage, “but being so far away whilst you were so ill, it kinda scared us. We don’t want to leave you by yourself yet. It’s more to ease our own anxieties.” And you relaxed before shoving any negative thoughts to the back of your mind.

Luke was napping when your phone went off-Ashton was still on the live-and you answered the No Caller ID hesitantly.

It was the hospital that you were at, a nurse confirming who you were before she’d go any further. It took a few moments before she got to the point of the phone call.

“So we’re calling you about the various tests. I’m assuming that you know you were confirmed with COVID-19, correct?”

“Yeah, about two days after the test, someone called to let me know.” You responded hesitantly. You wondered what this was about.

“And how are you feeling?” You were confused.

“I mean, I’m coming up to two weeks of no fever and starting to feel a lot better. I’m just more exhausted but I suspect that’s because of what my body went through.” You explained quietly and you heard her hum in agreement. Luke shifted beside you and you noticed that he was awake, only because his hand had started to drift up and down your spine.

“That’s good to hear. What I’m calling about is that you’d said your kidneys had been hurting upon admittance, correct?”

“Yes.” You were worried now.

“So when we looked at the numbers, we noticed that they’d started dropping. Not drastically enough for us to have you in intensive care, but that was why we moved you to the ward. It was as a precaution.” You felt your heart race at her words.

“They’d started failing again, hadn’t they?” You whispered and she sighed.

“Yes. However, because the numbers were back on the rise when we took your second blood test, we felt that we could discharge you safely. Had they dropped further, you’d have been admitted to intensive care. The only reason why you weren’t told immediately was because we didn’t want you to panic or go into further distress which could’ve made it much more worse.”

It hit you like a ton of bricks what she was saying.

“Is there anything I need to worry about?” You finally choked out, your hands trembling.

“At this time, no. When things ease up, we will request you get another test just to confirm you’re clear of the virus. Otherwise for now, just rest up and feel better soon.”

“Thank you.” You got out, ending the call. Luke took the phone from your trembling hands and he sat up, pulling you onto his lap, his arms around you.

“What happened, love?” You were trying to take in slow deep breaths to stop the panic attack, knowing that it wouldn’t help you.

“They’ve just told me, when I went into hospital, my kidneys were failing.” You whispered and his arms tightened around you tighten enough that he understood the implications.

You’d told them both of the previous two times when you’d been so ill that your kidneys had started failing and as a result you’d been on death's door.

You didn’t realise you were hyperventilating until Luke began to rub his hands up and down your arms to try and distract you, but your mind was too focused on the fact that you’d escaped death, again.

“Ashton!” Luke called loudly, a tinge of panic in his own voice.

Ashton practically crashed through into your door and his face was ashen as he took in your state, a look of relief followed by concern filling his features. He clambered onto the bed, his hands cupping your face gently. When you didn’t flinch away, he ducked his head to catch your eyes.

“Slow deep breaths sweetheart. We’ve got you.” It took you a while before you could finally focus on Luke’s hands which were still rubbing your arms gently.

“How’s your sense of smell?” Ashton teased as he noted that you were fighting to keep your breathing under control.

“Smell you and Luke, favourite smell.” You muttered and he grinned. You closed your eyes for a moment, leaning into his touch and he let his thumb brush across your cheeks in comfort.

“What happened?” Despite the question being directed at you, you knew that Ashton was also asking Luke.

“A nurse from the hospital phoned I think. They explained about the blood tests they’d run. Apparently their kidneys were failing when they’d gone in, but not enough to alarm the hospital staff or get them rushed to intensive care.” His voice was calm and you needed that.

You knew that Ashton understood what he wasn’t saying, but also you weren’t too sure if you could voice it properly without crying.

“Come here sweetheart.” Ashton’s tone brokered no arguments and you moved so that you were cradled in his lap, his back resting against the headboard. Luke was nestled as close as possible.

“Part of me knew something was wrong, but, not that.” You whispered finally. Ashton made a soothing sound as you let your head rest on his shoulder, face pressed into his neck.

“It’s one thing to guess, it’s another thing to be told, love. You’re allowed to cry because it’s a frightening thing to be told.” His voice was one of reason and you finally let it out, allowing them both to comfort you as you processed what had been said.

He wasn’t wrong. It was one thing to guess, but to be told that your kidneys had started failing once more, it was frightening.

Neither of them moved away from you as you got it off your chest. You couldn’t pin how long had passed until you finally took a steadying breath, lifting your head from Ashton’s neck. Luke was first to move, his thumb wiping the tear tracks and you gave him a weak smile.

It dawned on you then that Ashton had been on a live.

“Ash, I’m sorry.” You finally whispered and he gave you a confused look.

“What are you sorry for? You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” He murmured, pressing a kiss to your temple.

“The live you were doing...” You trailed off and he shrugged.

“They’ll get over it. You’re more important and we’re doing more radio interviews on the live so it doesn’t matter.” He muttered and you didn’t push, relaxing in his hold. Luke glanced at the clock and gave you a gentle smile.

“My turn to make lunch. Nothing cooked unfortunately, but I make a damn good sandwich.” He teased playfully which made you giggle, a sigh escaping your lips as he left after giving you both gentle kisses.

“Just think, tomorrow we can take you out for a short walk.”

“Freedom.” You muttered deadpan, making him laugh as his lips found yours.

“Even for half an hour, it’ll help. Home stretch now.” You mustered up a smile for him before stretching your legs out and he moved with you, his arms not quite leaving your body.

“Am I not allowed to lie down?” You queried and he shook his head, a playful grin on his lips as he pulled you flush against his body, his lips finding your neck.

“No, all mine to have and feast on.” The cackle like laugh that he let off had you giggling as he blew a raspberry on your skin. This earned a squeal from you, laughing as he rocked you back and forth. “No one can take you from me!”

You were still laughing when Luke returned with three plates, an amused grin on his lips as he raised an eyebrow.

“Save me Lu! Ash is gonna feast on me!” You shrieked again as he blew another raspberry into your neck, the ticklish sensation making you laugh as he held you tightly.

Luke set the plates down before climbing on the bed, his lips curving into a smirk, making you pause.

“Can I feast with you Ash?” And you groaned as Ashton laughed as Luke straddled the both of you, his body causing the three of you to fall back onto the bed, effectively trapping you between the two of them as Luke left gentle kisses along your neck and you held back your moan, knowing that if he started to pull at the skin you were a goner.

Pulling back, he had a cheeky grin on his lips and you groaned as Ashton laughed.

“You two are the worst. Let me eat, you monsters!” You cried out playfully, making them both laugh as Luke shifted himself off you to get the plates once more and Ashton loosened his hold on your waist.

The rest of the day passed quietly, Ashton had apologised for having to ditch and the three of you settled watching movies long into the early hours of the morning.

Despite the lack of sleep, you were still up early excited that you were finally allowed to go for a walk today, and both of them laughed at your excitement.

Once you were dressed, they followed your lead and got ready. And then you were out of the building and the fresh air felt glorious, even if there was a spattering of rain. You didn’t care.

You led them both to a small pathway that led to the river that ran through the town, the edge of the river filled with cherry blossom trees. Both of them were taking as many photos as they could and you couldn’t hide your smile if you tried.

Ashton managed to get a nice selfie of the three of you under one of the trees and before long, you realised that the half an hour had gone by and you were beginning to struggle, your legs becoming a little bit shaky.

But it didn’t deter from the fact that you’d been able to go out for a walk and enjoy it. Both Luke and Ashton could see the immediate difference.

“We’ll go out every day and stay an extra five minutes longer. Build you up. How does that sound?” Ashton asked as you walked up the driveway, arm in arm with the both of them.

“That sounds good. Onwards and upwards from here and I am so going to kick your butts at Mario Kart now.”

Their laughter rang around the empty drive as you reached the building and you felt much more positive with them by your sides.

if you wanna be added to my taglist just hmu!!

@sexgodashton, @goth5sos, @calumsmermaid, @empathycth, @wildflowergrae, @calpops, @rosecolouredash, @cal-puddies, @clockwork124, @loveroflrh, @stellar5sosrecs, @ashtoniwir, @cthla, @liketheydidwithyou, @sc0ttish-wildfl0wer, @bluehairedtracii, @drummerboy794, @feliznavidaddycal, @ukulelecal, @wokeupinjapanisabop, @converse-luke, @madbomb, @ccnicole02 @youngblood199456, @megz1985, @lukesidentitycrisis, @snapback-irwie, @neonweeknds, @666yourwitchyfriend666, @cherrycolamike, @cashtonasfuck, @ashtaway, @conquerwhatliesahead92, @itjustkindahappenedreally, @kchillout, @damselindistressanu, @colormekaykay, @findingliam-o, @sublimehood, @sugarcoated-pain, @singt0mecalum, @singledadharrington, @calumspeachy, @colourfulcalum, @lostincalum, @burncrashbromance, @asht0ns-world, @flusteredcliffo, @ixcantxdecidexwhosxmyxfave, @fangirl-everythang, @lashtondaddies, @calumssunshine, @ambskiwi, @abundant-stars, @myescapefromthislife, @lmao5sosimagines, @beyoncesdragon, @jae-writes-fanfiction, @cxddlyash, @tresfandom, @utterly-u-n-p-e-r-f-e-c-t, @niallisworld, @lietomevalntyn, @babylon-corgis, @monochrome44, @behind-my-hazeleyes27, @ghost0fy0u, @lyllibug, @bloodmoonashton, @ghostofmashton, @summerellaz, @a-little-less-sixteen, @cashworthy, @smokeinherlungs, @longlastingdaydream, @h0tsos, @sweetcherrymike, @5sosnsfw, @sugar-nico, @angel-cal, @samros95, @maluminspace, @lukeinblue, @cakesunflower, @allamerican-betch, @britnicole11, @gigglyirwin, @loverofcashton, @iovehemmings, @g-l-pierce, @jannimoeller3, @wildmichaelflower, @lukeskisses, @5sossstan, @youngbloodchild, @abb-lan-5sos, @calumsbub, @flameraine, @here-for-the-uproars, @mateisit-balsamic, @ilovelukey, @goldenmndes, @musiclover1263, @alloutofcashton, @tobefalling, @sarahshepherdblog, @cassie-sos, @banditocth, @cthwldflwr,

if you’ve been removed from my taglist it’s because i couldn’t tag you!!

327 notes · View notes

stark-tony · 4 years

Note

I'd love hp recs if you're willing!

* = incomplete

boy with a scar series* by dirgewithoutmusic

summary: A series of "what if" rewrites of Harry Potter, books 1-7. Cross-posted from tumblr (ink-splotch).

pairings: romione, hinny, wolfstar, bleur, jily

tags: hurt/comfort, angst, fluff

warnings:

we must unite inside her walls or we'll crumble from within series by dirgewithoutmusic

summary: stories for the ladies of hogwarts, who cry, waver, giggle, trespass, and who deserve our respect all the same

pairings:

tags: angst, hurt/comfort

warnings: none

the dogfather au by hollimichele

summary: “I’m not a reverse werewolf either,” says the man. “I’m your godfather.”

pairings: wolfstar

tags: fluff, hurt/comfort

warnings: none

The Changeling + Armistice Series* by Annerb

summary: Ginny is sorted into Slytherin. It takes her seven years to figure out why.

pairings: hinny

tags: angst, drama

warnings: rape

tell me whether he is dead by LullabyKnell

summary: Post-DH AU: Harry suffers a few side-effects of dying but not dying.

“Hey, can someone help me with this? The mirror in the bedroom’s stopped working for me."

“What do you mean ‘the mirror’s stopped working’?”

pairings: hermione/harry/ron

tags: fluff, angst, humor

warnings: none

Regulus Black and the Way Things Changed: A Not!Fic by imaginary_golux

summary: What if Regulus Black, and not Severus Snape, ended up being the turncoat Potions Master of Hogwarts?

A not!fic written in bullet points, ignoring the Deathly Hallows entirely because they annoy me.

Beta by my immensely patient Best Beloved, Turn_of_the_Sonic_Screw, and by the delightful starbirdrampant.

pairings: wolfstar

tags: crack

warnings: none

who discovered your secret by LullabyKnell

summary: Pre-Canon AU: On the street named Privet Drive, in Little Whinging, Surrey, a man lived alone at Number Eight, supposedly.

It was apparently difficult to tell.

pairings: none

tags: fluff, angst

warnings: none

Little Lion Boy by ShanaStoryteller

summary: Draco is sorted into Gryffindor.

It's all part of the plan, really.

parings: none

tags:

warnings: none

a witch in the family by LullabyKnell

summary: - "For the 5+ Headcanon game, what do you think of an AU in which Petunia is a witch?"

Pre-Canon AU: Petunia Evans learns important life lessons from the magical world that every proper witch ought to know.

pairings: none

tags: angst

warnings: none

when in doubt, go to the library by LullabyKnell

summary: The Hogwarts Library saves the Wizarding World through the power of reading.

pairings: none

tags: humor, crack

warnings: none

these long cold days by dirgewithoutmusic

summary: In the war, Dean holed up in hollows and friendly attics and Muggle pubs. He drew Umbridge the Toad, noseless Voldy confused by the last dozen plus years of wizardly pop culture, the Ministry of Magic with its fingers stuffed in its stuffy ears.

He drew Snape as Headmaster, his sneer easy after seven years of notebook margin practice. Dean drew the Dark Mark over London’s skyline and he left his work nailed up around Diagon Alley, Hogsmeade, Godric’s Hollow. He signed his name. He had things he wanted to say.

There were long days when he didn’t talk to anyone– walking old fields and long roads, sleeping in haystacks. There were long weeks when he only talked to strangers– passersby, shop owners, sympathizers, snatchers who he traded curses with.

He drew the Gryffindor Common Room, hearths all ablaze. He listened to Lee Jordan’s radio show on the crackling airwaves. He drew his little sisters, who had gone to France with his mother and father. He drew faces from the darkened boys’ dormitory– Harry’s long bangs hiding his scar, Neville practicing his dance moves for the Yule Ball, Ron asleep with his head on his thick Weasley sweater, Seamus grinning at him over a three a.m. game of cards.

pairings: deamus

tags: angst

warnings: kidnapping

Rise by Kyra_Neko_Rei

summary: When Voldemort came to kill Harry, Lily met him with a SIG Sauer pistol she bought at a pawn shop. Seems Dark Lords die as easily as anyone else when you empty two clips into them.

Hailed as the savior of the Wizarding world, Lily has a live baby, a dead husband, the personal enmity of most of the Dark Lord's followers, and not the slightest idea how to put her life back together.

Phoenixes have it easy. Burn, die, rise from the ashes.

For humans it's a bit different. Sort of.

pairings: none

tags: angst

warnings: character death

look to your kingdoms by Vail

summary: When she visits Diagon Alley, Hermione hates that the first thing the shop clerk in the apothecary tries to sell her is a potion to “tame her hair.” She likes her hair the way it is, curls and frizz, heavy around her shoulders. She thought the wizarding world would be different. (Black Hermione character study.)

pairings: none

tags: drama

warnings: racism

The Chamber Strike by BlainelovesKurt, evansentranced

summary: Harry is sick of Umbridge and everyone pushing him around. Halfway through fifth year, he decides to Do Something about it. Warning: Contains nuts. And cults, falling sugar bowls, terrible handwriting, and beleaguered caretakers. Crack!fic. Written with transfiguredbunny over Thanksgiving of 2006 after we ate ALL the turkey.

pairings: none

tags: crack

warnings: none

Dudley Dursley's Most Unexpectedly Fortunate Flower by aTasteofCaramell

summary: Dudley Dursley is leading a perfectly normal life, his contact with his odd cousin limited to Christmas cards and peculiar memories.

Until his daughter sneezes and sets the curtains on fire.

pairings: dudley/ original female character, hinny

tags: fluff, humor

warnings: none

repeated a thousand times in golden ink by LullabyKnell

summary: Half-Blood Prince AU: In which Luna makes a friend through desk art and Ginny helps.

Shameless, essentially plotless friendship fluff.

pairings: none

tags: fluff

warnings: none

The Splendid Gallery by LullabyKnell

summary: Pre-POA AU: In the summer of 1993, the Grangers vacation in France and meet the Delacours. When the Granger-Delacour parents elect to explore Wizarding France as a group, Hermione Granger is thrown together with a girl named Fleur Delacour due to some bizarre idea that they will somehow magically become friends. Even though they have nothing whatsoever in common and Hermione doesn't like Fleur at all!

In which two of the brightest witches of their age become very good friends.

pairings: fleur/ hermione

tags: fluff

warnings: none

riding up the wrong path by ashen_key

summary: When Lily is eighteen, she cuts her hair and joins the army. The British Army.The British Muggle Army.

Despite what the gossip papers say, she leaves her wand at home. She's not a complete idiot.

– –

Oh, right.

Maybe take a few steps back.

pairings: none

tags:

warnings: none

there will come a time, you'll see by aloneintherain

summary: They have Shepard’s pie for dinner. Ron and Hermione watch Harry fill up his plate and only start serving themselves when he picks up his fork and starts eating. Neville laughs into his wine glass.

“How are you dealing with their mothering, Harry?” he asks.

Ron opens and closes his mouth for a minute, groping for an excuse. Eventually, Ron says, “He’s just so small, Nev.”

“Hey,” Harry says. “I’m seventeen. I’m an adult.”

Ron shakes his head at Neville. “My best friend is an infant.”

A curse regresses Harry to his seventeen year old self, physically and mentally. He doesn’t recognise this strange peaceful wizarding world, but there are two people he does recognise: Ron and Hermione.

Based off this tumblr post.

pairings: romione

tags: fluff, hurt/comfort

warnings: none

call it a badge of honor by dirgewithoutmusic

summary: In those halls, they faced down Death Eaters under the guise of teaching robes. They faced them with raised wands, raised fists, or just raised chins, these children who kept telling stories in the dark about Harry Potter, who was going to save them.

pairings: none

tags: angst

warnings: none

Hogwarts, to welcome you home by gedsparrowhawk (FaceChanger)

summary: “You understand, Professor,” Harry began, after a moment, “that I don’t have my N.E.W.T.s. I never even finished seventh year. Between everything, I never had a chance the first time around, and then afterwards there didn’t seem to be much point. Hermione argued for it, of course, but I was so tired of Britain. So technically, I am completely unqualified for the position.”

“Quite a way to begin an interview, Mr. Potter,” McGonagall said, dryly.

Or, three years after the war, Harry Potter becomes Hogwarts' newest Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.

pairings: hinny

tags: fluff, humor, angst

warnings:

THERMOS!, or, How a Muggle-Born Brought a New Age of Spell-Making to Hogwarts (Entirely by Accident) by susieboo

summary: Muggle-born witch Phoebe McDevitt just wanted her tea to stay warm during class. She didn't expect to accidentally start a spell-making craze among her classmates.

[Oneshot. Next generation. Based off a Tumblr post, which I will link to in the notes.]

pairings: none

tags: humor

warnings: none

and ready to suffer and ready to hope by irnan (locked to ao3 users)

summary: or, the one where petunia evans is a witch.

pairings: jily, hinny

tags: angst

warnings: character death

a very nice thing to say by LullabyKnell

summary: Chamber of Secrets AU: Harry and Ron miss the train to Hogwarts. Luckily for them, they're not the only ones. Harry's not sure what's going on, what they're going to do, or who these people are exactly, but Ron seems to know these Lovegood people and it's not like there's anyone else to help them get to Hogwarts.

tags: fluff, humor,

pairings: none

warnings: none

yesterday we were just children playing soliders by girlmadeofstars

summary: What if, when Harry heard the Slytherin portion of the Hat's song, he payed attention when the Hat sung perhaps in Slytherin, you'll make your real friends? Imagine this: a little boy- beaten, and ignored, for his entire life. A little boy- friendless, and lonely. A little boy- desperate for the kind of friendship he had read about in books, seen on the television screen.

When the Hat offered him Slytherin, imagine that Harry said yes.

pairings: hinny, romione, astoria/ draco

tags:

warnings:

The Transfiguration Incident, Or Pettigrew's Problems by Kyra_Neko_Rei

summary: The lesson is transfiguring rats into teacups . . . only Ron Weasley's rat is actually an Animagus, which has dire consequences for the spell, for Peter Pettigrew, and for the Dark Lord's prospects for resurrection (and rather better consequences for Minerva McGonagall's reputation). Cross-posted (finally!) from Tumblr.

pairings: none

tags: humor

warnings: none

In the Name of the Brave* by LullabyKnell

summary: “Who’s that teacher talking to Professor Quirrell?”

“Oh, that’s Professor Black.”

- A slow-paced, self-indulgent, canon rewrite Philosopher's Stone AU.

pairings: none

tags: fluff, angst

warnings: none

Take Two* by Bundibird

summary: Never let it be said that a Slytherin doesn’t know to take hold of an opportunity when it’s presented to him on a silver platter.

[A Fourth Year AU in which Draco makes the most of Potter and Weasley’s fight and takes a second shot at befriending Harry. For the Greater Evil, obviously.]

Cross-posted at ff.n

pairings: none

tags: fluff, humor

warnings:

Percy Weasley and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by LullabyKnell

summary: Pre-Philosopher's Stone AU: In which fourteen-year-old Percy Weasley is very stressed, does not get enough sleep, and accidentally and unknowingly saves the Wizarding World because of bad aim.

pairings: none

tags: humor

warnings: none

beautiful enough for the both of us by dirgewithoutmusic

summary: “You know Professor Lupin was a werewolf?” Hermione said, ten minutes into a very awkward lunch she had asked for in an equally awkward letter.

Lavender pushed a sauteed carrot through a little puddle of pasta sauce. “I think everyone heard about that one. Someone told the papers, or something, right?”

“Er, yes,” said Hermione. “Snape did. Which is what I– I mean, it’s related. Oh, I wish you’d gotten to talk to Remus about this. He was a lovely man.”

“Not as lovely as Lockhart,” Lavender said and she and Hermione spent a moment in wistful remembrance. “God, I feel old,” Lavender said.

“Anyway, Snape,” said Hermione. “Snape and Lupin. When Lupin was at school, Snape would make him a potion that would… tame him, on full moons. He could just curl up in his office and sleep by the fire. If you’re interested, I’m trying to learn how to brew it myself.”

Lavender shook her head. “We’re not friends,” she said. “Never have been. So why are you doing all this?”

Hermione looked like she was trying to say “we’re friends,” but she couldn’t get it out.

Werewolf!Lavender, post-canon

pairings: lavender/ parvati

tags: hurt/comfort

warnings: none

#hp recs #my fic recs #hp #rape tw #kidnapping tw #character death tw #racism tw #becca answers #anon

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secret-engima · 4 years

Note

So in your Naruto FF cover where Noct/Yoru is believed to be a god, what are the reactions of the families of the Chocobros? Cause their Clan member just got poached but they've also been really strange ever since their near death experience that woke up their memories (or did they always remember)? Especially the Hyuuga because they basically had Hikaru/Ignis enslaved and branded. Or even some povs from the Chocobros. (Poor Prompto, being an Aburame lol)

Ooooo tricky. Kinda depends on the family?

Lemme see- Ignis’s family are Most Displeased. They are super possessive of their eyeballs and treat their branch members as slaves anyway so they see it more like theft than a powerful man claiming a friend. Of course, there’s not much they can DO about it considering it’s Yoru and he burns Ignis’s seal off in .05 seconds and also threatens to burn the rest of the main branch to the ground if they touch Ignis again (not in so many words, but his magic does flatten a few of the members with its intensity when they got too close to Ignis.

Tbh that’s probably a blood grudge the Hyuga hold until Naruto’s time even though they stay in Konoha and Ignis is known among the hyuga not only as the blind member but the Stolen Hyuga. A warning to all hyuga of what will happen if they are not careful with their eyes and other such nonsense that only works because younger Hyuga don’t interact with Yoru enough to know that he’s a really chill dude and Ignis is happy where he is.

The Inuzuka are not too thrilled at first, but more laidback about it? Gladio still visits and they can tell that he’s Super Happy about being reunited with Yoru, and Yoru is polite and respectful to them and their dogs like him and you can never go wrong with the opinion of dogs in an Inuzuka’s eyes.

The Aburame ... are honestly the most chill about this? They aren’t too thrilled at first, but Yoru already has a Hyuga and an Inuzuka by then, so there is a precedent, and after a bit of watching it’s clear that these four are basically a Hive unto themselves and Prompto is happy to be there, is healthy and well cared for so they just kinda- shrug and move on. Maybe use the fact that one of their own is “Favored by Yoru” to their advantage during tricky Council meetings generations later.

The oddness and memories thing were long commented on, but ... mostly unnoticed in Hikaru’s case? Among the Branch Clan it was noted, but no one said anything or really thought about it because honestly I doubt the Hyuga have never had an Incident where Branch Members get a bit ... weird post Sealing and post a traumatic experience. That’s a chakra doohickey tattooed to your SKULL, side-effects are not impossible. The Inuzuka noticed it too, but Gladio was still ... himself, just a big more jaded and mature so they let it slide.

The Aburame maybe spent a good few years trying to figure out what the freak happened with Prompto though. Because they’ve never had a bug-a-phobic member before and it’s weird. They love him tho. He’s their disaster child.

Tbh in the Warring States Era nobody was really focused on mental health. If you were loyal to the Clan and could fight that was all that really mattered, weirdo personality changes aside.

Uhhh POVs but only short snips, and pls forgive any inconsistencies with previously establish AU lore my brain is tired and I may not keep all the details 100% straight. Just roll with it.:

Ignis:

After a lifetime of being blind, being able to SEE everything, all around, at any given time is unnerving. This entire era is unnerving and Hikaru has bitten his tongue more than once to keep from railing against it. Against sending CHILDREN, some not much older than toddlers out into the field, against the brand on his head and the heads of so many others that burns on the whim of a Main Branch member.

He keeps his head down, but inside ... he hates. More than a little bit. He is a fractured piece of glass and he knows too much pressure with make him snap, so he does his utmost to avoid those situations (because if he snaps children will get hurt even more than now and nothing will change in the Clan).

Then one day they go to meet Hashirama and Madara, to speak of peace, and of course Hikaru has heard of Yoru, the mysterious forest spirit that supposedly watches over the new village and ensures no fighting happens, but he does not actually think this Yoru will be all that impressive.

He never expects it to be NOCTIS. Noctis, who looks at him with hope and wonder in his eyes, who looks so very unchanged despite lifetimes, who rises and calls him brother and Ignis and friend and CLAIMS him in a way the Clan Head cannot dispute. No one can dispute against Noctis, because he is still a Lucis Caelum and a king and to him, their chakra is pebbles in an ocean.

And for the first time in a long time, Ignis is happy. Ignis has hope.

...

Gladio

Gladiolus loves his new family, and he knows they love him back. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t miss his old life like a wound in his side. Iris’s presence makes it a bit better but also not, because war is cruel and no one cares that she is still so young (older than the other Clans children sent to the field, because Inuzuka treasure their puppies, but still far too YOUNG to the mind of a Shield and Crownsguard). He loves his canine partner and the Pack, he loves that they don’t really question his memories, how his personality has matured and changed since the incident that woke him up.

Even so...

Even so, the absence of his brothers is a bleeding wound in his heart, and when the Clan Head looks at him, Gladio knows the man can see that in his heart of hearts, Gladio is not part of their Pack. He is family, but he has another Pack, another Alpha he swore to a lifetime ago, and that loyalty still howls in his soul far stronger than even the ties of blood and Pack and love that binds him to the Inuzuka.

So perhaps that is why the Clan Head does not look as outraged or surprised as he could have been when Yoru finds him, when NOCTIS looks back at Gladio from an eerily familiar yet not face. That is why, while the Hyuga sputter in shock when Gladio hugs Ignis tight and spins him in a circle for joy, the Inuzuka just watch with comprehension dawning in their eyes. Gladio looks to his Clan Head and says he’s going with Yoru and there is not request for permission. Just a courtesy of announcement. Because THIS- this is his Pack, his Alpha, his Beta, his brothers and littermates. He will follow them above all.

And the Clan Head lets him go.

...

Prompto:

Prompto wants to know who he ticked off in his past life that had a say in the next, because he HAD to have ticked off someone. Why else would he have been reborn into a clan of LIVING HIVE PEOPLE???????

He thinks he distresses them- no, he knows he does, when he flinches from the clan techniques and hives, from the little insects and their pheromones that the Clan uses as essentially an insectoid, chakra-based texting system amongst themselves. He knows he stresses out his hive for a long time, flinching from the feel of them inside him, from the skitter of their legs and wings and the whisper of their tiny, simple little thoughts in his own when they talk to him.

It .... it’s bad for a while. A WHILE. Bad enough the Clan won’t let him fight (which is fine with him) but also bad enough he loses weight and can’t sleep from the hive buzzing buzzing buzzing under his skin from his distress toward them.

It’s his great great grandma that saves him, quite literally, because an Aburame that rejects the hive is an Aburame who dies, not by any malicious intent on the Clans’ part but just- biologically. Just like starving to death will kill him, rejecting his Hive will kill him too and he KNOWS that but he can’t just- turn off his fear.

Then one day Elder Maya, the oldest living Aburame, sends for him. He comes to her private house with shivering skin and jumping senses and the hyper-awareness of the things inside him buzzing buzzing buzzing trying to remove the source of his distress and making it worse because they WERE his distress-.

Elder Maya takes his shaking hands and leads him to her garden.

It’s- it’s beautiful. It’s so beautiful he could cry for his long lost camera of another life. There are colors everywhere, blues and greens, reds, pinks, whites, and mixed splashes of yellow and purple- flowers that stand tall, flowers that droop, flowers dangling from the vines growing up tree trunks.

And everywhere there were flowers, there were butterflies. Butterflies and ladybugs, the two insects he wasn’t completely creeped out by because they were so pretty and photogenic, and for a moment Prompto is so awed his shaking stops, the Hive inside him goes quiet. A butterfly flaps lazily over to him, a glorious thing with vivid blue wings the color of magic and black dots and swirls that remind him of fire. It settles on his hand and he doesn’t flinch from it like he does the kikachu of the clan, just stays quiet and watches it with a bit of awe.

“You are not scared of these ones,” Elder Maya hums.

“U-um ... no,” he whispers as he watches it, “they’re ... pretty. Cute. They don’t ... they don’t look like they’ll hurt me.” And that’s not really his issue with the Kikaichu, but he can’t explain a phobia to ninja, not well anyway.

“Good,” says his great great grandmother, but not with her lips, with the soft splash of impression-scent-sensation from the butterfly on his hand and he gapes as he realizes THIS is her hive. These ladybugs and butterflies are Elder Maya’s hive. He stares at her and she adjusts the dark glasses she wears, “I will give you some of mine. Why? So you can cultivate a new Hive that you will not be afraid of.”

And she does. And it’s CREEPY, but also ... kinda not? It’s ... it still freaks him out to have bugs under his skin, but these ones ... he knows these ones. He chose them, he hatched them, he raised them. They are beautiful and deadly and soft looking and can strip flesh from a target in seconds and he wishes he had a camera because it would be so cool to have butterflies that can pose on command.

It’s a rocky road, but his shaking stops, and his weight goes back to normal, and his sleep schedule returns, and all the Clan breathes a sigh of relief when they see Prompto ambling around, not flinching from the glittery blue butterflies flitting on his shoulders.

And it’s not like his old life, his brothers he misses so badly, but its kinda nice to never be alone. Wherever he goes, his Hive goes, and his new Queens are kinda ... bossy almost and its endearing in a creepy kinda way. The only thing that would make life better, make it perfect (other than to not need a Hive in the first place) would be to have his brothers again.

And then they go to the new village of Konoha, and he meets the famed and terrifying Yoru, who isn’t terrifying at all, but is instead old and tired and blue eyed, and a fish lover and when he smiles, crooked and shy at Prompto all his Hive SINGS under his skin because he KNOWS.

And suddenly the world is perfect again.

#SE asks #spideypoolalways asks #Not Everyday is a Good Day (Live Anyway) verse

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perseusjackson-jasongrace · 4 years

Text

Kingdom Collisions II

I've just finished a book and it made me cry so happily I thought I'd post a fanfic to commemorate it. Also I'm probably going to start an AWAE/AoGG account soon because I cannot fathom living my life without a space dedicated to my darling loves. Anyway that isn't relevant to the post. This is just a fun little fic I've been writing on the side to try incorporate more descriptions into my writing (I'm a known dialogue whore). I see fit to write it whenever I feel like, so updates may be far and few between, however I do hope you enjoy whatever does come out. I adore this moody ansgty side to jercy. It's been fun to explore.

Masterlist, cat-eye aquamarine

Leave me alone.

[we have known loneliness forever]

Why did I ever agree to this?

[so we do not quite know what it is like]

I never asked you to say yes!

[to want]

Fuck you.

[one another]

-lonliness is a two-sided conversation//badpoetry

Percy doesn't even look at his husband. Doesn't acknowledge his perfect hair, or blazing eyes, or how close they're sitting. He just stares directly out the car window, arms folded across his chest. The rolling hills and wild lavender dance past his vision as the car bounces along the gravel road. They are almost to their destination, to solid ground and quiet, peace. Despite the circumstances he is excited to be back at the cabin his family has owned for so many years. He relishes in the fact that he can escape somewhere that is untainted by the rest of his life. Throngs of people, and public demand, and never ending scrutiny.

He is nothing short of pissed that he has to share his safe place with someone he despises so sweetly it is honey on his tongue to talk to them. But his mother had insisted if they were to act like a married couple they would have to go on a honeymoon and he had only agreed if he could choose the place. She wanted to send them to some private beach in Spain where they could pretend to be alone, oblivious to the paparazzi that were sure to follow, and the people who wanted to meet not one but two crown princes. It was his final stance that if he were being forced to spend time with his husband, it would at least be where he could enjoy it.

"Prince," A crackling voice says through the speakers.

Percy clicks a button on the arm rest, "Yes Mr James?"

"The security team has secured the area, would you like us to drop the bags off before you head inside or after?"

"Whenever suits you Mr James, I'm going for a walk."

Jason who had since then, fallen asleep, jolts awake as they go over a particularly bumpy area.

"And your husband Prince?"

"Ask him yourself, I'm sure he has much to say on the matter." Percy huffs, turning away.

"Prince Grace,"

Jason glares at Percy unimpressed with his dismissal and his rudeness towards the driver.

"Yes James sir?"

"Would you like your bags dropped off before or after you enter the area?"

"Before please, I feel it will help me settle in much easier if everything is already there."

Percy wants to scoff, who talks like that? This pretentious, stuck-up, goodie two-shoes is who. He wants to stick his tongue out, settle their rivalry like five year olds battling to see who can scowl for longer. Mostly, desperately he just wants to get out of this damn car. His leg bounces in time with the bumps, and his hands fidget in his lap. For all his princely training nobody ever managed to get him to sit perfectly still. His mother had finally given up and started carrying drawing pads and pencils wherever she went.

"Can you stop moving!" Jason growls.

"If it bothers you so much get out and walk." He spits back.

An eye roll is the reply but by then the car finally rumbles to a stop and a security detail is opening their doors.

"Princes,"

"Thank you Madison, Arlo." He manages to grit before he stomps off down the path and disappears into the woods.

"Where are you going?" He hears his husband yell. He doesn't bother to reply, someone will tell the Prince.

He kicks at the dark soil and pulls breath after breath into his lungs. He needs to calm down. Just then his ears catch the soft bubbling of a stream and he heads in the direction of the noise. The woods are quiet and cool. A soft breeze flutters between velvety leaves and needled pines, stirring the undergrowth. He wants to become one with the trees, become a branch that sways in greeting and grows friends, and feels the wind wrapping around it every evening. He just wants to stop being human for a little while.

And then the stream is underneath him, soaking his fancy shoes and fine thread socks. He laughs, tugs them off and sits down in the middle of the cold, flowing water. He can feel it run into him like ice in his veins. He dips a finger in, then another, his whole hand and shudders at the smooth caress. It has been so long since he just got to be. Here in this little stream, pants soaking, hands turning blue he has never felt so faraway, out of his body. The world narrows to his fingertips, to the bead of water running down his ankle and joining its family once more. His brain is far and long forgotten, simply taking up space in his skull. He decides right then and there that if he ever comes back to this world he'll come back as a rock in the stream. To live in this beautiful, ever-moving world, where the cold is a kiss and you can never meet the same drop of water twice seems a good life indeed.

Just then he hears a rustle behind him. In an instant he’s on his feet, pulling a dagger from his suit jacket, a white-knuckled grip on the hilt.

"Whoever you are come out right now. I am not in the mood."

"Relax," A deep smooth voice says, "It's just me."

"Oh," He pulls his lips up in half disappointment, half relief it wasn't danger. "What do you want?"

"Mr James wants to know if you want five or ten of the guards here for the remainder of the time here."

"I want zero." He frowned, "I just want to be left in peace for the next few days."

"Well it's not an option so choose." Practical, always so practical.

"Leave five here, there's three other cabins about half a mile out on either side of ours that should be enough space. Everyone else can go home."

"Of course, I'll leave you to it then." Jason nods, stands there awkwardly for a moment longer and then disappears into the greenery once more.

Percy doesn't know what to do, doesn't know whether he should scream or cry or laugh.

He hadn't let himself think too hard about the events of the last few weeks. He had shoved every feeling but contempt and general dislike deep deep down into his cage and threw the key into the deepest parts of his ocean of thoughts. He wasn't sure he had the strength to unpack everything that had happened. When his mother had came to him all those weeks ago a heartbroken look in her eyes he knew whatever had happened would be nothing short of a disaster. Within the week he was promised to Crown Prince Jason Grace of Caelum and had been shoved into endless, meetings in which wedding arrangements and economic agreements had to be made.

He didn't even meet the Prince till the night before they were to be wed but by then Percy had despised the whole ordeal so intensely he hadn't any happiness or hope left in him to be kind to the Prince. And even if he did gave some it would have vanished completely upon their introduction. Jason looked at him with such calculating authority he had reminded Percy of an old tutor who thought children should be seen and not heard, and learn whatever was given to them without question. Jason had been stiff, and unyielding, and looked just as unhappy or even unhappier to be meeting him. At dinner Jason only spoke when spoken too, he didn't fidget even once, and worst of all he somehow still managed to charm his mother in about five seconds. One dimpled smile, and a cute story about his first time riding a horse and Queen Sally Jackson had accepted him as one of their own. Percy on the other hand was ignored the entire dinner, and on the walk in the gardens, at the insistence of his advisor, they hardly said two words to each other. Whether it was because Jason was lost in his own world or letting his displeasure for the whole ordeal simmer and burn into their company as Percy was he would never know. Either way the walk ended with a gruff, formal goodbye before they headed to their rooms.

Percy shuts out the politics of the arrangement and how his life has turned into this unrecognizable hurricane of chaos. He cups some of water in his hands and drops it over his curls. Letting it drip down his temples and catch on his collarbones. The coolness soothes him, as water has always done. Finally when his blood is no longer boiling with hidden anger he steps out of the stream, picking up his discarded shoes and socks and sinks into the earth with each step.

The cabin has a soft orange glow in the windows, and the many cars that escorted them have disappeared. He throws his belongings by the door, shucks his pants off and steps inside. The interior is just as he remembers it. Where the castle was dripping with opulence and royalty, the cabin was simple and stripped to the bare essentials. He had always loved the place. Even when he was little and his mom would whisk him away for a secret weekend. She would pack hoards of cookies and ice-cream and light the fire immediately. They would sit on the soft, fleece rug, her with a book and him with his sketchpad, sipping cocoa and spooning ice cream straight from the tub. Then he didn't have to be the prince one day inheriting the crown and she didn't have to be the Queen dealing with every problem under the sun. They hadn't been back in a good few years and he misses everything about the space. He is silently grateful that Jason has lit the fire. Something familiar to hold onto.

"You're back." The Golden Prince says.

"Astute observation." He rolls his eyes but the blonde doesn't look up from whatever he's doing.

Percy walks into the space, shrugging his suit jacket off and unbuttoning his wrinkled white shirt. He hears a sharp inhale and glances up to see a red cheeked Jason staring at him.

"Why aren't you wearing any pants?"

"Oh," He laughs softly, "Yea they were wet so I took them off before I came in."

He sputters and blushes, glancing down and then peaking back up again.

"You alright there Prince?"

Jason clears his throat, and Percy watches that golden Adam's apple bob. His skin prickles with heat and he knows its time to go.

"I'm going to shower. I'll give you a tour afterwards if you want."

"That would be great."

With a nod in which they both avoid eye contact and general pleasantry he disappears into one of the three rooms of the cabin.

His shower is scorching, water pummeling against tired muscles. His mother always says a good shower and steaming cup of tea can fix more problems than a board of professionals. So far she hasn't been wrong.

"Hey," He walks back into the lounge sometime later, looking down as he ties the string on his pants, "You ready?"

The house is dead quiet, save for the crackle of the fire and the soft wind that whispers in the grooves of the floor.

"Jason?" He frowns, moving to stand in front of him.

The Prince is fast asleep, head lolling forward, book still clasped in his hands. Percy takes in his husband for the first time. Unobstructed by either of their waking emotions, or the general hustling that had shrouded their lives. Jason, he grudgingly admits, is beautiful. His hair looks soft and golden, and when it catches the light of the fire he's sure it's made from sunshine itself. And his skin is such a startling contrast to Percy's rich brown colour. The Prince's body, now folded into an awkward bent angle as he lay across the velvet-cushioned chair, is lithe and graceful. Corded with muscle but somehow still smooth in a way only an uptight Prince with a personal trainer may ever achieve. At least, he thinks sordidly, if I'm forced to marry someone he is as darling as Jason.

The blonde stirs softly, hand twitching, before he settles back into his position. As awkward and unhappy the two are with each other Percy can't leave him here. He's sure the Prince will bend into a chair himself if he slept like that all night long. So he gently taps his husband's shoulder, waking him almost immediately. Jason has never been a particularly heavy sleeper, and it is worse when he finds himself in a place he doesn't know. He blinks up at the world, blue eyes bright. They reminds Percy of the cat-eye aquamarine, the gemstone sat at the base of every crown ever made for his kingdom. He wonders what it says that the colour of his husband's eyes are also the colour he most associates with home. Just as quickly he expels those thoughts, content to bask in his clear dispassion and irritation for as long as this should last.

Jason scrubs a hand over his face, "Sorry you wanted to take me on a tour?"

"No, no there's time for that tomorrow. Why don't you head up to bed."

"Oh, okay. Goodnight then,"

"Goodnight Prince," He says stiffly.

"Sleep easy."

A nod in return and they both retire to their rooms, content to put the last week far behind them. Bury it under dreams, and hopes, and the promise of a tomorrow where nothing has tarnished it yet.

Percy left his window open, watched the tree outside it sway gently. Maybe tomorrow he would climb it and become acquainted with the birds in the nest.

He falls asleep, finally, to the chirp of crickets and the soft rustle of whispering leaves.

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darknessisafriend · 5 years

Text

Since the beginning

Pairing: Arthur/Joker x Reader

Warning: rough sex, bloodplay and very long fic XD

Prompt: Where the Reader has been in a relationship since before his decent into madness and she is at the apartment when Arthur is on the Murray Franklin Show. She watches the whole thing and is terrified, too scared to even move. When she does find the strength, she decides to pack everything and get the hell out of Dodge. Then, as she finishes and is getting ready to leave, Arthur comes home. He manages to escape the cops and comes back to get her? He's still post-car accident. He has blood all over and his makeup still on. Arthur is all creepy and everything as he tries to get the reader to go with him, saying "you love me, don't you?" And all that shit. In the end, the reader submits, and they have rough-ish sex?

You have more empathy than most people, not very talkative, introvert and nervous in crowded places, you always saw details and noticed thing others didn´t see. The homeless grandma, trying to sell little knitted objects to have food, a warm and safe place to spend the night; the sexually harassed student in the subway not daring to move or say anything, that nobody see or feign not to see. You often thought that it´s probably because people don´t see you either that you notice these details.

You had recently graduated from university but you couldn´t find a job related to your background, and you had your student loan to pay back. You wondered, `what’s the point of studying for this kind of result? ´, so you took the first job you found, cashier at a porn cinema. Most of the time it was ok, but as you worked on the night shift, you could meet pervs, asking you to do all sorts of things as if working at a porn cinema included prostitution; you didn´t feel safe either when your shift ended at 5:00 am, it was still dark outside, most of the streets were desert, except for some criminals, you were just lucky nothing had happened to you yet.

You met Arthur in the streets, the day when he got beaten up; you were passing by, going to work. Your boss had asked you to do extra hours, you couldn´t refuse it, you will be able to buy yourself warm clothes for winter. It was going to be quite a long day; it was around 3pm when you approached from your place of work. You were looking to the ground while walking, lost in your thoughts. Suddenly on your left your heard muffled noises, to realize it sounded like a mix of punches and groans. As you turned you head in the direction of the sounds, you saw a group of kids running, leaving someone lying still on the floor. `Shit´ you thought as you started to walk rapidly towards the victim. The man was dressed as a clown, breathing rapidly, curved into a ball, his sign broken into pieces. He slowly moved onto his back, making his prank flower throw a spurt of water, as if he was trying to cheer himself up. He quailed as he saw you approaching; he probably expected another series of beating. Poor man, you crouch down, your hands in front of you.

“I mean no harm” you told him as softly as you could, giving him a reassuring smile.

“I´m Y/N, what´s your name?” you asked him, he looked at you in the eyes, like you were an alien, what happened to him to end up so surprised by such question?

“I´m Ar…Arthur …” he stuttered; his voice broken. He sounded like such a sweet guy. You could feel anger rise in your chest, why did everyone were so mean these days? But now wasn’t the time to get pissed.

“Arthur, are you okay? Can you move?” you asked him, extending your hand for him to take. He seemed to hesitate as if it was another sick joke. You gave him an encouraging smile. He gently took your hand, you squeezed it reassuringly.

“I´m alright” he answered, still looking at you, wonder filling his blue eyes, they were one of the most beautiful you had ever seen. You helped him stand up, he rolled his right shoulder, he probably took a heavy punch there, and one of his legs seemed to hurt him as well. He was about to bend to reach the pieces of his sign, you were faster than him.

“No, don’t worry, I´ll pick it up for you” you added, gathering them, and giving them to Arthur. He was throwing you quick glances.

“Thank you, Y/N, I´m… I´m sorry to bother you…” he said with a guilty tone, looking on the ground. You automatically reach for his gloved hand.

“You didn’t! Wasn´t gonna leave you like this. Nobody deserves to be treated like that, believe me” You said with a smile. He seemed awestruck; your heart skipped a beat as a small shy smile formed on his lips. You will arrive late at work this day but it didn´t matter, for the first time you had met love.

And it was love at first sight. Only a few days after meeting him, you were dating. You liked your relationship with him, the both of you took things slow, there was not rush, for now kisses, cuddles and holding hands was all you needed from each other. Arthur, was perfect for you, he was not afraid to have fun, just like you; it was nice to share this with someone, because most of your friends and family would often tell you to stop having fun the way you did because `it´s not of your age anymore, dreaming is for children not adults´. Your imagination was the only place where you were happy, until Arthur entered your life.

His life wasn´t easy either, worse than yours, but you were there to support him, make him smile and laugh; laugh of fun and joy unlike his condition which was painful and caused him to be rejected even more by society. When he had one of those laughter outbreaks, you would hold him, caressing his back, whispering soothing words in his ear. You were doing your best to share moments with him, comfort him after a bad day where people would be rude to him, making fun of him.

“I hope my death makes more cents than my life” you had read out loud one day, as you leaned over his shoulder, you chuckled, wrapping your arms around him, your chin resting on his shoulder, kissing his jaw. “I like that one, but please don´t die too soon”, you added, it made him smile, he kissed your hand “As long as you love me, no chance” he had answered sweetly.

Days went on happily. One day, as he came back from work, he had told you he carried a gun with him, he knew he wasn’t supposed to but a colleague of his, Randall, had insisted, telling him it was essential to keep him safe. It was a nice gesture of him, it could at least serve a dissuasion if some thugs were to attack Arthur.

And unfortunately, you didn’t have much time to see each other during the week as you mostly worked at night, but you did your best. Over the weeks, you started to bring some of your belongings to his apartment to spend more time with him. You would spend your day sleeping on his couch, to be woken up by his kisses as he came back from work and you had to start your night shift. Despite his exhaustion, he always insisted on escorting you to work to make sure you were safe. To this point, you could say that you were living with him more than at your home. His mother Penny was very nice but very sick. And Arthur had so much weight on his shoulders, sacrificing his own health for her, so when you could, you insisted on helping them financially. Sometimes you would accompany him to watch stand-up comedy and honestly you didn’t understand how people could laugh to such sexist and stupid jokes, it was nothing like Arthur’s dark and sophisticated humor, which you absolutely loved.

Despite the happy moments you shared with him, life continued to push him down. Just like this day you’d remember your entire life. He left for work, all excited because his gig was to happen in a children hospital, he loved kids so much, and they loved him too, never mocked him in anyway. You had a day off, staying at your flat, preparing yourself for a date night with him. However, when he came knocking at your door that night, he was panting, his nose bleeding, his hair disheveled. He had told you everything, how he got fired whereas he didn’t do anything wrong but carry something to protect himself; then how he got beaten up by those assholes, and he shot them. It was self-defense, these jerks only got what they deserved, you had told Arthur. He had come to you, knowing you’d be there for him. You will cover him, and support him. It was also the night were the both of you made love for the first time, as a sign of trust and love you had for each other.

You learned how to hate Wayne, when the next day, all he had to say was that the less fortunate people in this city, were stupid, not able to make decisions of their own, clowns that needed guidance from some fucking rich guy like him. It made you happy that people were reacting to this and were supporting Arthur, maybe that’s what Gotham’s need after all.

Still, since that day, Arthur changed, he was different; it felt like he wasn’t sharing everything with you. One night, he came back from therapy more upset than usual, angry even. “Arthur, you know you can talk to me, right?”, but that night, he didn’t.

Life went back to normal. He had decided to do his first stand up comedy, you wouldn’t miss for any reason. He had entered the stage smiling, but the laughter attack came, you just wanted to stand up and soothe him, but you knew he wouldn’t want that, because he wants to perform; he just had to get through this outbreak first. So, you smiled encouragingly, hoping that between his gasps for air, he would see you and that it would help him. And he did, it gave him the strength to push past his nervousness, and he was good, very good, each of his jokes made you laugh, even though you knew them by heart. As he finished the show, and people were clapping, you hurried backstage, and greeted him with a passionate kiss.

“I’m so proud of you, you were the best” you had told him between kisses. The lovemaking after that had been incredible, passionate; Arthur was becoming more confident taking the lead, you liked it and did not hesitate to tell him how good he was. You probably had an impact for sure, but you didn’t know he wasn’t taking his medication anymore and that had deeper impact on him. The following days he continued his show every night, despite how much you wanted to be there you couldn’t, still working at night.

One particular day, you went to see him and Penny, but he wasn’t there, and his mother was in a worst emotional state than usual, cops were there, what was going on? and then everything happened fast, Arthur was still missing. Until the ambulance came.

As the doctors took Penny to reanimation, you were waiting outside with Arthur; he was pacing back and forth, anxious.

“Arthur! Come sit here please.” He seemed to come out of his trance, and sat next to you, you passed one arm around his shoulders.

“She´s gonna be alright, they´re going to take good care of her.”

As they brought her in a room, the doctors explained she had a stroke, the both of you stayed by her side.

“Arthur, where were you? What happened? Looked like a fight happened there” You asked him, keeping your voice down, he looked to the opposite of you.

“Nothin´, just went for a walk.” He answered tiredly.

“Arthur…why aren´t you telling me the truth? You´re lucky that I was passing by to talk to you, I found her unconscious with those cops…”

“I don´t wanna talk about it Y/N…” his tone final, you sighed, you felt hurt that he didn´t trust you enough to share whatever happened.

“I´m gonna get a coffee, want one?” you asked him, standing up, he nodded, you gave him a kiss on his temple and went to the cafeteria.

The following days got worse, you just felt Arthur slip away from you, and you simply didn´t know what to do, except to be there for him. When Penny died you were there too, for the burial he wore a red costume, smoking a cigarette; that´s when you saw him smile in front of the grave, a big smile, this disturbed you, was it some kind of nervous reaction? Then, he flicked the cigarette onto the tomb making you gasp.

“Good, now let´s get out of here.” He said on a joyful tone, walking away, he is showing no signs of caring about his mother´s death, he looks happy.

“What´s wrong with you?!” you exclaimed, maybe it was his way of coping with the shock of her death, but it wasn´t a reason to show her disrespect.

“Nothing´s wrong with me!” he yelled, pointing a finger at you. You froze; it was the first time that he raised his voice on you.

“I´ll just leave you alone for now. You know where to find me…” You answered, swallowing down, trying to suppress the tears prickling into your eyes, it´s probably for the best that you give him some space. He doesn´t even try to go after you. So, you went back to your place, `I guess I´ll be spending the rest of the week alone…´.

You were truly worried for him, he was behaving strange for the past weeks, and for some reason he refused to open up to you; you feared that he was really going crazy and that he would end up harming himself.

Two days passed, without any news from him, this was eating you up. You were so used to his presence. Today you had to go outside to run some errands. As you opened the door, you spotted something on the floor, a bunch of synthetic flowers and an envelope. You instantly recognized it was from Arthur, he had showed you his magic tricks where he would pull out these flowers. This made you smile; you took both item and retreated back in your apartment, excited to read the letter.

My love,

I´m sorry for my behavior last day,

Please be at my flat for Murray Franklin show, you will watch me on TV, I was invited!

You´re going to like it, it´s going to be so much fun!

Never forget that I love you,

Arthur

Your excitement slightly came down when you finished reading the letter. You had seen the video, you were with him when Murray played his video on TV and mocked him. Arthur was devastated this day, he cried for hours, the only thing that made him happy had betrayed him. If he was going there naively, thinking that people will be nice to him or that Murray will show him sympathy for everything that has happened to him in the past few weeks, he was wrong. If only you had money to afford a ticket for the show, you would have joined him right away. You prepared yourself to go to his place, there was 2 hours left before the show, you had time to buy what you needed to cook dinner, he surely will need it after the show.

On the way to his place, you felt nervous, people outside were getting excited, wearing clown mask or paint, felt like seeing Arthur´s `Carnival´ clown on every face. You totally supported this upbringing, you simply hoped this wouldn´t end in a blood bath, you didn´t want anyone to be killed, this could not legitimate your fight.

As you entered his apartment, you realized that it was a mess, for some reason, the food and compartments of the fridge were thrown out. You noticed that the doorframe of the living room was damaged like something had violently hit it, several times. You assumed that he had been very disturbed by his mother’s death and he took out his anger and helplessness on the flat itself.

You hoped that being at his place will enable the two of you to talk at open hearts, you wanted to know how he felt, what happened…

As you finished setting the table, you sat legs crossed on the couch, wrapped in Arthur plaid, holding a mug of hot cocoa. You were feeling a mix of excitement and pride to see your lover on this show, it was his dream after all; but you also felt scared because knew that he was certainly invited for the wrong reasons, and this was going to break him even more.

The protest was getting stronger outside, you could hear people screaming, and chanting slogans; from time to time you were hearing firecrackers exploding, and well you hoped it was firecrackers.

“You gotta see our next guest…” that’s Arthur! He was going to appear on TV!

“I’m pretty sure this guy could use a doc”. You winced at his mockery, Arthur wasn’t even there that they were already making fun of him. To make things worse they showed the video again, “bastards, you’re only showing his laughter attack.” You said to the TV already irritated. Your mind goes to your lover watching this backstage…

“Joker!” You hear Murray calling. A figure comes out dancing, that’s Arthur?! He’s spiraling, confident, shaking the hand of Murray like he sees him every day. ‘Why is he wearing his makeup?’ He has a very flashing costume similar to the one he had for Penny’s burial. You had to admit that it suit him very well, it reflected his personality. Then he kisses the doctor, ‘wait what!?’, you can’t believe it your eyes, almost dropping your mug, it’s so passionate and…provocative, the crowd is cheering.

As he sits down, the camera zooms on his face, he is beautiful like this, he even looks younger; despite the weirdness of the situation, you can’t help but feel pride at knowing him, he is being so brave in this moment. He pauses, Murray asks him if his ok “Yeah, this is exactly how I imagined it”. You smile at this, it was his dream to be invited on the show.

The interview starts, Murray refers to his look, Arthur cleverly answers almost mocking himself “I’m just trying to make people laugh”

“And how’s that going for you” replies Murray mockingly making the public laugh, Arthur’s reaction was also laugh like one of those he has during a laughter attack, but it feels forced, ‘was he mocking himself?’ you wondered, slightly frowning at the scene.

“Wanna tell us a joke?” the public is cheering “Yeaah?” ask Arthur, you can tell he’s excited, he has a bright smile, he’s even playful as he gets out his book of jokes, now was the time to show them his talent.

“You got a book? A book of jokes” the public his laughing, ‘fucker’ Arthur goes through the pages, he seems lost in it “Take your time got all night” another mockery from Murray.

“Ok, here’s one, knock knock.” He’s smiling like he’s eager to hear people laugh at his joke.

“And you had to look that up?” comments Murray, the public and guest burst into laughing, mocking him once again, you find yourself pleading for them to stop this free nastiness. The smile Arthur had since the beginning faded, his mask of confidence is cracking, he adds “I wanted to get it right”, you are starting to feel uncomfortable, how can people watch this and mock his situation.

“Knock, knock” repeats Arthur. “Who’s there?” asks Murray.

“It’s the police mam, your son has been hit by a drunk driver, he’s dead” Finishes Arthur, chuckling, the public is outraged, you’re surprised, you never heard this one and for once, it wasn’t funny.

Arthur apologizes “Yeah, I’m sorry it’s just, you know it’s been a rough few weeks Murray”, he chuckles again, you can tell it’s nervous.

“Ever since…I killed those 3 Wall Street guys” he says looking at the crowd, you froze, why is he confessing! ‘He didn’t plan on coming back home’ you start thinking, maybe all that happened is too much and he wants end it, you see it in his eye, he ‘s speaking like it’s something surreal that happened, you start bouncing your leg, ashamed that you weren’t enough to help him get through all this.

“There’s not punchline, it’s not a joke” the public is dead silent.

“You’re serious aren’t you, you’re telling you killed these 3 young men on the subway? And why should we believe you?” investigates Murray, ‘why aren’t they stopping the live?’ you wonder.

“I got nothing left to lose…nothing can hurt me anymore… my life is nothing but a comedy” he said smiling, but you can tell by his eyes and the way he moves that he is suffering, not far from crying actually, you pinch your lips together, your eyes watering ‘what about me?’.

“Let me get this straight, you think killing those guys is funny?” asks Murray.

“I do, and I’m tired of pretending it’s not, comedy is subjective Murray, you know what they say ‘all of you, the systems that knows so much, you decide what’s right or wrong, the same way you decide what’s funne-eh! or not” You can feel Arthur growing tired of hearing about those guys, those exposed as martyrs whereas they were the criminals who abused him. You know he’s right.

“Ok…I think, I might understand you did this to…start a movement, to become a symbol?”

Arthur scoffed “Come on Murray, do I look like the kind of clown to start a movement? I killed those guys because they were awful” he clenches his jaw. ‘tell them Arthur, tell them what they did to you!’

“Everybody is awful these days, it’s enough to make anyone crazy” he sounds bitter, eyes filled with hate.

“Ok, that’s it, so you’re crazy, that’s your defense? For killing 3 young men?” Arthur smiles again.

“No, they couldn’t carry a tune to save their lives” he says mockingly, somehow doing a reference how people treated him because they don’t like his jokes. The crowd gasps. Arthur lets out an exasperated moan “Oooh, why is everyone so upset about these guys. If it was me dying on the sidewalk, you’d walk right over me! I pass you everyday you don’t notice me! But these guys because, what Thomas Wayne would cry about them on TV!” He is starting to lose his temper; his eyes are wet.

“You have problem with Thomas Wayne?” Murray keeps pushing him.

“Yes, I do…have you seen what it’s like out there MurRAY? Do you actually leave the studio? Everybody just yells and scream at each other, nobody is civil anymore! Nobody thinks what it’s like to be the other guy…you think that men like Thomas Wayne ever think what it’s like to be someone like me? To be somebody but themselves? They don’t! They think we’ll just sit there and take it like good little boys! That we won’t werewolf and go wild!” Adds Arthur angrily. Despite being dead worried for him, you can’t help but nod, because it’s what’s happens every goddamn day of your life.

“You finished? I mean there’s so much self-pity Arthur, you sound like you’re making an excuse for killing those young men, not everybody and I’ll tell you this not everyone is awful.” You huffed, probably the only smart thing Murray said today. Arthur shot him a deadly glare, squeezing his lips together, he’s was betrayed by Murray, he hated him now.

“You’re awful Murray”

“Me? I’m awful? Yeah and how am I awful?” was Murray so stupid that he didn’t realize the harm he’s done?!

“Playing my video, inviting me on the show, you just wanted to make fun of me, you’re just like the rest of them.” Arthur growled, keeping eye contact with the host.

“You don’t know the first thing about me pal, look what happened because of what you did, what it lead to, there are riots out there, two police men are in critical condition, someone was killed today” You took a deep breath, Murray was being way too provocative right now, he shouldn’t, you feel Arthur is close to break, you feel he could do anything; he laughs.

“Someone was killed today because of what you did” Joker scratched the back of his head, you know he does that when he’s under strong stress.

“I know! How about another joke Murray?” ‘Shit, he’s not gonna make it’

“What do you get, when you cross, a mentally ill loner, with a society that abandons him and treats him LIKE TRASH! I’LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU GET!” his voice broke making you tear up, “YOU GET WHAT YOU FUCKING DESERVE!”.

Then, there’s a loud bang, it takes you several seconds to realize what just happened, he shot Murray, he’s bouncing his legs, he laughs, you understood better than anyone else how Arthur felt but why did he killed him, it’s not, it can’t be the solution! Right? He gets up and shoots him once again, this makes your blood run cold, you don’t recognize the man you love, your Arthur. He comes towards the camera, looking directly into it “Goodnight…and always remember, that’s…” the show cuts.

You lay your head on the back of the couch, passing a hand though your hair. You feel like shit, for being the closest person to him and not having been able to protect him ‘no I wasn’t part of this, I didn’t make him like this, fuck that’s my fault’.

You stayed in front of the TV for what seemed an eternity, everything had happened so fast, you are staring into emptiness. What now? You had just witnessed the person you cared the most about, give into madness, kill someone out of anger; this wasn’t self-defense anymore. He had become uncontrollable. You’re blaming it all on yourself, your breathing is starting to become frantic, and you feel a panic attack rising, kicking the plaid out of your shoulders, you try to calm yourself ‘I’m not worthy of him I failed him’ it’s so hard to breath, you can only hear the heavy beats of your heart ‘why did I leave him alone, I should have skipped work, been there for him, even if he didn’t want me to’. Then a darker thought crosses your mind ‘Is he going to kill me because I didn’t see how bad he was doing? he loves me right?’ you want to say yes but your instinct is screaming the contrary ‘what if he told me to come here to make it easier for him to kill me?’

“I have to leave.” You to say to yourself. You quickly got up, looking around. You need to pack up things you had brought here, the police doesn’t have to know.

You hear in the background the news repeating the same thing over and over again, Arthur heartbreaking words, that he was arrested.

You enter the bedroom, looking for a book you gave to Penny. From the corner of your eyes you spotted one of Arthur´s cardigan, you took it in your trembling hands, burying your head in it, inhaling his scent; you burst into tears, hugging the piece of clothing. You love him so much, now you lost him. Taking the cardigan with you, tears continue to run freely as you gather your things. You go back to the living room, to get some of your clothes in the closet.

“What the…!” you scream, falling to the floor. In front of you lies the corpse of a man, a pair of scissors in his eye, blood everywhere, you frantically crawl away from this horror `I have to get out of here! ´, getting back up you take your bags, and run to the door.

As you opened the door, you came face to face with him, `shit he´s supposed to be under arrest! ´. He was panting like he ran to come here and get you, drops of sweat were prickling on his temples. The first thing you see is blood, his face covered by his own blood coming from the gash on his forehead and his mouth, the painted smile is different, darker, you realized it´s made with his blood. He laughs openly, pupils dilated, he´s excited like a kid on a fair.

“Wasn´t I amazing?! Y/N come, see outside!” He reaches for your hand, you take a few steps back, you´re searching his eyes, trying to find Arthur in this man, you´re scared, your heart beats widely. His laugh dies immediately, he doesn´t understand, why aren´t you jumping in his arms? Then, he sees the bags you’re holding, were you leaving him!?

“Y/N what are you doing?” he asked, his voice low and dangerous. He walks inside, closing the door and leaning on it. You were trapped.

“Arthur…there´s…there´s a dead body in the closet…” you say with a trembling voice, finding the strength to look at him in the eyes, he chuckles passing a hand through his green locks, marching to you.

“Yep, that´s Randall, I wasn´t gonna leave him the middle of the room, could have used your help to move him by way.” You couldn´t believe it. Was that the only thing that bothered him?

“That´s all you have to say? You can´t just kill…Arthur you can´t do that!” you whimpered frantically agitating your hands around.

“Oh, come on Y/N you´re freaking out, besides he deserved it” he muttered, pouting like a child being scolded. You throw your hands in the air and let out an exasperated noise, tears started to run down on your face again, this was too much to handle.

“Just let me go please.” You pleaded softly. To this, his head abruptly shot back up.

“No, you´re not leaving me…you´re not leaving me!” he groaned almost shouting. He angrily took out a cigarette, lighting it and taking a quick drag. He returned his attention to you, pointing his cigarette at you.

“You love me don´t you?” this destabilize you, you weren’t expecting this question. Still you already knew the answer.

“I do Arthur b…”

“But what? You loved me out of pity, to satisfy your need to help those beneath you? You seemed to like me recently! But no, you actually prefer poor pathetic Arthur huh!” he cut you off, losing his temper. His words hurt you, what if he was right, no he wasn’t…

“I didn’t mean for this to happen!” you whined. If only you could fix him, bring back the man you knew. “We didn´t have much but we still had something” you add, wiping away the wetness of your face with the back of your sleeve.

“I´m doing this for you, wouldn´t you want to be free, not struggle, have more than this?” he asserted, looking at you intensely. You don’t answer, looking at your feet, of course you would like it.

“Don´t you want me to be happy, don´t you want us to be happy?” he prompted irritably. You shake your head “Of course I want you to be happy, but killing like this is not…”

“Don´t say that, you covered me for those 3 guys remember? what did you say? `Assholes like them deserve to be shot´. The others hurt me too, I am the victim here.” His voice breaking, his eyes watery, he’s standing at arm’s length to you. You frown, you don’t know what to say, because he’s making sense…

“Tell me how it made you feel hmm?” he pushed, circling around you.

“Proud…” you fretted, still not meeting his eyes.

“Louder Y/N” you startled at his raised voice.

“Proud! You were finally fighting back against the world.” You add, shivering at your own confession. You heard him chuckle as he came to stand in front of you, slightly bending to meet your lowered head.

“You said Randall deserved to die for what he did to me” he dramatically gesture his arms in the direction of the closet. “You did well, there’s nothing wrong with that baby…you said Murray, didn´t have the right to mock me, that you hoped something bad happened to him, wish granted…” he claimed. You don´t move, trembling, you don´t dare to look at him in the eyes, he is so right, you’re feeling angry, how could you be so blind?

“Don’t act so shocked, I know you liked it, this whole show your giving me, it´s a comedy, you´re just too scared to admit it, to become what you´ve always been, deep down you were like this since the beginning, you were just suppressing it.”

He pushes you strongly against the wall, arms next to your head, blocking any chance of escape. He´s very close to you, his nose brushing against yours.

“Tell me you didn´t like to see me shoot Murray” He seized your chin, forcing you to meet his eyes. He’s grinning like he already knows the answer. He doesn´t need to know that right now, so you try to find as much conviction as you can.

“I hated it.” You dared. He chuckles darkly.

“Liar” He purred, leaning in to kiss you. You don´t like what he is saying about you, you feel naked. You bite his lip; licking yours, you taste his blood, salty, throwing him a dark look. He laughs “oh you, I like it when you´re wild like that, you know what they say, truth will set you free but first it will piss you off.” You answer with a sneer. His face is deadly serious.

“Now…you made me upset Y/N, don´t you deserve to be punished?” He buries his fingers in your hair, this makes you gulp, even though you’re still scared, another feeling emerges in your chest, excitement, anticipation…it´s wrong you shouldn’t feel this…

“I do deserve it Arthur…” his grip on your hair tightens, his eyes growing darker.

“Arthur’s dead, call me Joker.”

“I deserve it…Joker” you repeat, the name feels strange on your tongue. The clown release an excited breath, he’s smiling.

His mouth goes to your neck, nibbling your skin, sucking it to leave hickeys; then his mouth goes right under your ear, his warm breath gives you goosebumps.

“I am going to fuck you. I’m going to fuck you so hard, and it’s going to hurt.” He purrs into your ear, slightly biting your ear lobe, your heartbeat increases.

His other hand slides across your body to go between your legs, caressing you over your clothes, applying more pressure from time to time, you can already feel the need for more rising. And you want to touch him too, your hands go on his torso, he immediately pushes them away, smashing painfully your arm on the wall, blocking your hand above your head.

“Did I say you could touch me?” he groans, he stops touching you. The hand that was in your hair goes to your throat right below your jaw, he squeezes, not much, just enough for you to feel it, his mouth crashes against yours in a painful kiss, his tongue sucking yours. It feels good, being under his mercy, you can taste is blood again, metallic, delectable. You like his passion, his new-found confidence when he kisses you. As he run out of air, panting, his mouth a few inches from yours he orders “Face down on the couch. Now.” He’s dangerous but you want to push it, because you’re starting to like it, you want to see how far it can go, defy him, so you just smile, a sweet smile but your eyes are provocative.

“You’re going to regret that sweetheart.” He chuckles menacing, he yanks you on the couch with a force you never suspected. Before you can react, you’re facing him, he’s onto you now, sitting on your hips, straddling your legs with his, holding your arms above your head with one hand, he kisses your neck again but this time hard, he stops at your most sensitive spot, making you gasp as he increases the pressure of his teeth, a sharp pain spreads in your neck as you realized he’s biting you, you moan, it hurts but you never thought you’d like it this way. You can feel a few drops of blood coming out of the bite, then his tongue, smooth and warm, hungrily licking the liquid, soothing.

Then, he looks at you, laughing loudly, “You like that don’t you”. You can feel blush creep on your cheeks, you want this to continue. You nod to him. Out of his pocket he takes a knife, your breathing increases, wondering what he was going to do with this knife. Still looking at you, he slowly slides the knife under your shirt, the cold of the blade making you jump. He clicks his tongue, ordering you to stay still. The blade continue its way until it reaches the top of your shirt, you feel the tip of the knife tickling your chin; in one sharp motion, Joker pushed the knife back to him, tearing up your cheap clothes. He does the same with your bra but this time he’s almost considerate like a craftsman working on his sculpture.

“So fucking pretty”, he flattered looking down on your exposed breast. Releasing your hands and setting the knife aside, he takes off his jacket and throws it away. Now he slowly opens each button of his shirt, taking pleasure in seeing you hypnotized, your eyes hungry. But impatience is growing in you, you want to play too. As soon as the last button is off, you quickly sat back, taking him by surprise, yanking him beneath you, kissing him hard and messy, caressing his naked torso.

You lift your head looking at him in the eyes, you can tell he’s intrigued. Your hand comes to slowly caress his cheek, a small grin appears on your face as you think about what you’re about to do. Then, you slap him with all the strength you have, he groans ready to return the favor “That´s for pushing me out the other day” you cooed, finishing with a grin. He burst into laughing, you shut him up by smashing your lips against his, his moans muffled in your mouth.

Taking advantage that you´re distracted, he makes the both of you tumble off the couch, your back and head landing hard on the floor, his hands go to your pants, taking it off, you help him by lifting your hips and pushing the clothes out of your legs. You can feel his erection hard against his fabric rubbing along your spot. His hand slides along your body to arrive to clit, he’s being teasing circling around your lips, alternating the pace but never going directly to your soft spot, gosh you hate him right now, you can’t help but move your hips to lead to more satisfaction. “shush, don’t think that I’ll give you satisfaction just yet…”

His mouth goes to your jaw, your chin and never to your mouth, your craving for him to kiss you, feeling his tongue play with yours. He gradually increases his attention between your legs, finally taking care of your sweet spot, even sliding fingers in your wet pussy. You can feel yourself coming close, closing your eyes, your whole-body trembling. But then Joker stops his marvelous work, your body twitches, looking for more, you were so close. He giggles at your state.

“I’m going to remind you exactly who you belong to”. He whispers, nibbling your nipples, sucking them, tightening his teeth around their tip.

“Then mark me” you find yourself asking, panting. You were always his, time to make it official. You see him reach for the knife, planting kisses on your chest, he chooses the area below your left breast. As he applies pressure, you feel the blade piercing your skin, slowly sliding like dancing on your body, he is carving his name in your flesh, you close your eyes, biting your lip, the soft burning is relieving, forgetting your frustration. Your mind follow your senses, first the J, then O, K is making you wince a little, more painful, E, finally R, you release a shaky breath, satisfied by the sensations it gives you.

The clown collects some of the dripping blood on his fingers, licking them with his tongue, then putting them in his mouth, tasting you one more time, closing his eyes in delight. His fingers dance once again on your sensitive marks, almost burning. He accumulates more blood on his thumbs, and lay them on the corners of your mouth, painting a smile on your face. You want to kiss him so bad, you straighten yourself to reach his lips, griping his hair roughly. But this time the kiss is tender and longing.

“Scar me; I am yours as much as your mine.” He asks you against your lips, his pupils dilated, he’s looking at you intensely, determined and serious.

You position yourself to be sitting on his lap, you take the blade, his hands are resting on your hips, caressing your butt cheeks, you brush your lips against his torso, posing wet kisses on his collarbone, yes, the perfect spot. Gently you engrave your name, he closes his eyes, rejecting his head back, softly moaning your name. It looks perfect, your name on his skin, until the end.

When you’re finished, he lays you down, a devilish smile appearing on his lips. Unbuttoning his pants, he lets out his throbbing erection, you gulp in anticipation. In a sharp movement of his hips, he penetrates you, making you gasp of pleasure, your frustration surging back.

Then, his hands are in your hair, yanking them so tightly. You arch your back underneath him. He gets hold of your bottom lip and bites it, hard; you drag your nails even deeper in his shoulder blades, trying to leave marks for him to wince tomorrow. His thrusts inside of you are fast, hard, violent, his breath coming in big ragged gasps. You wrap your legs around him, gripping his hair, pushing him further and deeper into you, you bite his lobe as you breathe and moan of pleasure in his ear.

“You belong to me you get it?” he groans, his voice husky, reinforcing his statement by rough thrust, making you cry out.

“Y…yes Joker…” you manage to articulate, you were coming close again, this time he doesn’t stop, increasing his speed, his fingers gripping your thighs.

“I’m gonna come, fuck…” he moans is head buried in the rook of your neck, muffling his groans of pleasure, you reach climax before him already overstimulated, your body jolting, he follows you a few seconds after, breathless, he collapses on you, his head resting on your breast. The both of you are laying like that for a couple of minutes, trying to gain back your senses. ‘Well that was something’ is the first thing that comes to your mind, making you giggle, you kiss the top of his head.

“We can’t stay here…” you say after a while. His answer comes out as a sleepy groan, you smile, he already had a plan, for the first time you felt free, free of the world, of your own rules, and happy.

#joker #joaquin phoenix #arthur fleck #arthur fleck x reader #joker x reader

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mrstifastrife · 4 years

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Why I Shipped CloTi Based Off of Advent Children

Before I start, I figure that I should add some background to explain why I chose ACC in the first place and not any other installation. I don’t know if the “Keep Reading” will show up, but know that my reasons start after the 5th paragraph and the line break.

So I was born in 1999, 3 years after the release of the original Final Fantasy 7 game. I didn’t really grow up on video games. I had a PS2, a PSP, and a Nintendo, but I normally played the games that were popular for younger children at the time. My only source of Final Fantasy was through Advent Children due to exposure from my sister. Based solely off of that, I was under the impression that Final Fantasy was a series of movies following different story arcs. Final Fantasy 7 was the only one that really stuck out to me story-wise.

I should add that I am caught up on the story of Final Fantasy 7 by watching gameplays, of which include FF7 OG, Crisis Core, and Dirge of Cerberus. I have also finished playing the first installation of the Remake, with full intention of completing it throughout.

Let it be known that much like many others, I was a very impressionable child and most of what I loved back then still carries on to this day. CloTi, or as I see people calling their ship now “The Stargazers” (which I love), was probably one of the first, if not the first, ship that I had ever become obsessed with, as I’m sure many of you have as well with any of the FF7 ships (which I fully support despite not being an avid fan). Perhaps some of my statements may be biased, so if you do not agree with what has been said, that is okay. We are all entitled to our own opinions. Also, most of what I say has most likely not been proven, but it is a post about my personal opinion and experience with FF7: ACC.

Without further ado, here is why I shipped Cloud and Tifa together based off of Advent Children. Remember that these are my personal opinions and that this is my personal interpretation of the movie. There will be pictures as well because I will never get over it!

1.) Cloud and Tifa have their own little family together.

When I first watched the movie with my sister, I actually thought Cloud and Tifa were a couple that was struggling to make amends, not only with each other, but with the past. While my perspective of this movie may not be accurate, this was what my mind interpreted back then.

Even if Tifa and Cloud weren’t married, even if Marlene and Denzel weren’t related to each other or the latter two biologically, they were still a family. They were all each other’s home. Did Cloud find solace in Aerith’s church while he suffered with geostigma? Yes, he did. She was a big part in his life, just as much as she was a big part in everyone else’s lives. Does that mean Cloud doesn’t value Tifa, Marlene, or Denzel? Absolutely not, and that will be explained in another point I will make.

Tifa and Cloud may not have been together in ACC, but you have to admit that their relationship was fairly close to domestic if they were living under the same roof providing for each other and two children. Even if they were just two friends, they essentially carried the responsibilities of a married couple.

Also, might I add that every couple runs through problems, so the idea that they couldn’t be together for having disputes is invalid. Not to bring up personal experience, but my boyfriend and I are in a very loving, supportive, and healthy relationship. Despite that, we still have arguments and moments of vulnerability.

BONUS:

(Peep the picture of the four of them + the flowers for Aerith and Zack I’m assuming!!)

2.) The little ways Cloud cares for Tifa and Tifa cares for Cloud.

A lot of people liked to believe that Cloud didn’t care about Tifa, or anyone else, in favor of Aerith because he stayed at her church while he had geostigma. I have to admit that my first time watching, I was under the impression that Aerith and Cloud were in a relationship before she passed away and that he was trying to move on from her with his new family. (Disclaimer: The first time I watched the movie, it was out of context and I had no idea it was a continuation of a game until after I researched it).

HOWEVER, upon watching it over and over (as it was my favorite movie back then), I started to see that he may have had feelings for Aerith or a special connection to her, like he did with Zack, that made it hard for him to move on because he personally felt responsible for their deaths. I will not dismiss that Cloud most likely had feelings for Aerith, but that does not mean he cannot move on with Tifa or be with Tifa otherwise. Same way that people like to argue that Aerith could move on from Zack with Cloud, right? Do we see how it can be contradictory to say that but not allow it for Cloud with Tifa?

Anyway, I digress.

If Cloud didn’t care for Tifa, or anyone else for that matter, why would he bother listening to voicemails? The excuse that he only does for delivery jobs seems a bit dismissive of Cloud’s character. Yes, he seems cold and distant, but he cares for people, even if he doesn’t say it out loud. You’re purposely ignoring his character development if you choose to use his aloofness for the sake of your ship.

Think about it this way: there’s a voicemail to Cloud from Barrett that’s basically updating Cloud on how he’s doing. Cloud wouldn’t have bothered to listen to it if he didn’t care. Which brings me to the point that he wouldn’t have listened to both of Tifa’s voicemails all the way through if it was just for the job either.

I know this post is meant to talk about how I ship Cloud and Tifa, but I have to add in the fact that Cloud does care for her despite what others may think. Just because he ran away and just because he doesn’t call her back, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care for her. Have you ever felt so guilty about something that you felt like you didn’t deserve anyone’s company? In Cloud’s case, he shut people out because he cared so much for them that he didn’t want them to get hurt by him or be burdened by his guilt or his geostigma.

ALSO, the CloTi church scene??? I’m talking about that in the next point, but that’s a major giveaway of Cloud’s feelings for Tifa and in this case, how much he cares for her.

As for Tifa, her way of caring for Cloud is more obvious because her personality is more transparent. I’m not saying Tifa is known for being completely forthright, but in comparison to Cloud, she is more direct. For example, the voicemails I mentioned earlier: she asks him how he’s doing and she tells him to be careful.

(Voicemail #1: “You got a call from Reno. He’s in Healen. Says he’s got work for you. Cloud, how have you been?”)

(Voicemail #2: “Reno called again. He says to hurry, and he sounded kind of strange...Be careful, okay?”)

She may be upset with him for running away from his problems but she’s not heartless and she still cares.

I want to add as well that she adds each line almost like she’s expecting a response. Yes, she sounds defeated in the beginning when she mumbles, “He’s not here anymore” BUT the way she leaves voicemails makes it seem hopeful that one day he will answer her phone call back. I know, I know, it’s a little heartbreaking, but it’s evident that she’s not going to give up on him even though he’s been running away from her and their family.

Also can we talk about her and Marlene in the church when she replies to Marlene’s “We can’t [go home]! Cloud’s not here yet!” with “I know, sweetie. I miss him too.” THIS MOMENT just screamed family to me. (I do have to admit though, I wish Denzel wasn’t left alone, but his story arc was well worth it.)

Last but not least, I know Tifa’s lecture ends in her getting upset with him (which I get into later), but at the very beginning, before Cloud tries to pass off the children to Reno and Rude, she’s very gentle and hopeful. She wants to fight with him but becomes doubtful that they’re a real family after a lack of response. HOWEVER, Cloud still admits to them being family after, although, it’s included with him admitting his shortcomings.

(Tifa: “We can help each other, I know we can. [No response from Cloud] I guess that only works for real families.” Cloud: “Tifa...I’m not fit to help anyone. Not my family, not my friends. Nobody.”)

If you’re upset with Tifa over how she responded to Cloud later on in this scene, you need to look at it deeper in context and take into account their conversation when they first wake up (the one I mentioned above), where she’s concerned for him and trying to help him.

I know there’s more scenes where they show that they care for each other, but please bear with me because this part was just their little moments and I’m getting to specific scenes where they express their feelings for each other in grander, more obvious gestures.

3.) THE CHURCH SCENE.

THIS SCENE IS SO IMPORTANT FOR CLOTI SHIPPERS. I really don’t think I have to explain its significance, but I’ll just dig a little deeper since I’m sure this is one of the biggest scenes for CloTi in ACC.

If you don’t think that he cares for Tifa, you missed the entire part of the movie where he sees her at the church and runs to her. I thought that was a really pivotal moment because it was ONE of the first times in the movie where he expresses any other emotion besides indifference. (I’m emphasizing “one of the first times” because 1.) his face changes when Rufus references Marlene and Denzel and 2.) right before Tifa fights Loz, he has a flashback of Zack and feels anguish/regret)

When I was younger, and of course now, this scene was so important to me. From the beginning of the movie (at least out of context when you watch just the movie like I did), you're given the impression that Cloud doesn’t care much for anyone on the surface of the planet with how indifferent he is. When he sees Tifa semi-conscious on the floor, however, he’s straight up terrified that he may have lost someone precious to him like he had countless times before. The look on his face says it all.

If Tifa wasn’t at all important to Cloud, he wouldn’t have had such an emotional reaction to seeing her unconscious. He’s quick to call her name, run to her, and pick her up. This is the woman he wanted to be a hero for and this is a woman he swore he would protect, but when it came time for it, he came late. Imagine the feelings he has swirling inside of him at this point.

I am by no means romanticizing the anguish that Cloud is feeling at the sight of Tifa hurt, I just think that this scene is very telling of their relationship at the current time. He took so long to get to her that he was almost too late. Unfortunately, I think that this scene made him feel like he was even more of a burden, which was why he was so willing to run away before going to the Forgotten City for Marlene and Denzel.

Also, we know now that the flowers shown in this scene are a symbol of reunion, as explained in the Remake. It’s unfortunate that the first time they are reunited in the movie, Tifa is injured and Cloud suffers a geostigma attack, but given their situation, this scene is just a perfect representation of the hurt they’re feeling at seeing each other.

(CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW THEY’RE FACING EACH OTHER BY THE WAY?)

4.) After Cloud gets a “lecture” from Tifa, he starts to understand the error of his ways and it becomes a stepping stone for him to confront his feelings.

Let me start off by saying that Cloud waited for Tifa to wake up, instead of leaving her while she was unconscious. Does that seem like something he would do if he didn’t care for her?

Tifa’s words mean more to him than one can comprehend. If you think that she too harsh during the scene where she’s telling him not to live in the past, you have to realize that when she was hurt immensely by Cloud leaving, so she shouldn’t be expected to act like nothing happened at all. I don’t know how long Cloud had been gone for (because the timing was not specified), but it was long enough to leave an impact not only on Tifa, but Denzel and Marlene. She’s not only speaking for herself, she’s speaking on behalf of the others in their family that were hurt by his actions. You can’t blame her for being upset either because Cloud was telling Reno and Rude to save Denzel and Marlene instead of stepping up himself.

I hope you realize that Aerith and Zack didn’t want Cloud to keep feeling guilty over their deaths. If they were able to, they would be having this same conversation with him (which they did, might I add!!! Aerith quoted “Dilly dally, shilly shally” herself!!!) Yes, he is allowed to grieve for as long as he wants. Feelings are complex when you lose people close to you, but does that mean he can abandon his family at a time when they need him too? I know he also left because he felt he would be a burden because of his geostigma, but the conversation I’m focusing on is “Which is it? A memory or us?”

With all my rambling, you’re probably wondering “Why is Tifa getting upset with Cloud one of the defining moments of CloTi for her?” Well, my answer is that this whole conversation is just so raw and real. I’ve always been a sucker for domestic and realistic couples, where either character isn’t afraid to be honest with their partner. (SEE: Jackie Burkhart and Steven Hyde, Amy Santiago and Jake Peralta, Crowley and Aziraphale, Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt, and SO many more) It cannot be said that Cloud wasn’t being honest with Tifa because she was the first one he admitted all of his thoughts to. He opened up to her first, which helped him later on to confront his inner demons. Notice how he was able to talk to Aerith after he talked to Tifa.

Before you decide that Tifa is insignificant to the plot of both OG and ACC, remember that she is the reason that Cloud retained all his memories through the Lifestream and for ACC, as I mentioned before, she was the reason he was able to be honest about his thoughts, which helped him slowly come to terms with Aerith and Zack’s deaths, along with the insecurities about himself. She’s making him admit it and put it out there, so that it isn’t stuck inside himself.

A lot of you may have seen this as another reason to hate Tifa, for putting Cloud in his place, but this made me love her even more. Instead of allowing him to continue moping, she reminded him that he can’t be stuck in the past. Cloud needed that wake-up call more than anything.

Imagine if his geostigma hadn’t been cured. His last moments would be of him wallowing in his guilt instead of living life to the fullest with the people that were trying to be there for him.

That’s why I thought this scene was so important for CloTi. It was eye-opening and real and it reminded Cloud that there was more to life than himself.

5.) The fight with Bahamut Sin where Cloud acknowledges Tifa’s “dilly dally shilly shally” shows that he really took her words to heart and actually used it to confront his inner demons.

I know that the two scenes mentioned above were probably the most notable CloTi scenes in ACC, but let me bring this one up. In terms of favorites, this by far surpasses any other scene in the movie. Not just because of the CloTi content but because it’s when the group comes back together to defeat Bahamut Sin (and yes, I’m including how Aerith was there to give Cloud a boost as well!!)

Why is it my favorite? Let me break it down for you.

So Cloud comes at the last second to rescue both Tifa and Denzel. As Tifa hops onto the back of Cloud’s bike, he responds, “Sorry that it took me so long.”

Why is this important? Because it’s in response to Tifa saying, “You’re late” when he found her at the church. He never got to say that to her with everything going on, but during one of the most important battles they had and after forgiving himself, he immediately references it without a second thought. This scene just shows that he’s starting to take every lesson thrown at him to heart. Not just Tifa’s, but Aerith’s, Vincent’s, Marlene’s, and even Reno and Rude. He’s starting to acknowledge his mistakes and take responsibility for them, and most importantly, he’s not running away anymore.

Cloud: “Marlene will be safe. I took her home.”

Again, another reference to the church scene. Whether it was intentional or not, his first words to Tifa were a reply to her when she calls for Marlene.

THEN, it ends unprompted with Cloud saying, “I feel lighter. Maybe I lost some weight. All that dilly-dallying.”

I feel like I don’t have to explain that one. Who’s the one who told him that in the first place? Of course, he would bring that up to Tifa because she was the one who said it and believed in him all along.

I know, I’m probably overreacting from this scene, but I think it’s just powerful to have heavy references to the church scene because there were so many unspoken words between them at the church scene. So many missed moments and unfulfilled promises that were lost after Cloud ran away. He may not have made up for it, but by acknowledging her pain, he’s actively trying now. Even though things aren’t perfect, progress is just as important.

I always thought the message of this movie was moving forward, and forgive me if I’m reading too much into this, but I always interpreted geostigma as trauma.

How is everyone able to move on from all the repercussions that came from fighting on the planet? How is EVERYONE able to move on healthily from Aerith’s death? How can Cloud cope with Zack’s death? What happened to Sephiroth, Loz, Kadaj, and Yazoo when they failed to move on from the bitter feelings they felt? How is anything going to be solved if you aren’t able to move on and forgive yourself?

I personally think that even in the OG FF7, I had the belief that Tifa and Cloud had strong feelings for each other (that surpassed Cloud’s feelings for Aerith), but that’s my opinion of course. Even so, if the argument is that Aerith was meant to be the love interest for Cloud in OG FF7, I don’t see why ACC couldn’t be him moving on with his family after everything that’s happened. I keep hearing that “Aerith is allowed to move on from Zack because he died and she needs someone too,” but does that mean Cloud is forced to live in perpetual guilt, sorrow, and longing for her? I personally think that’s a major reason why ACC was created: because Cloud has every right to move forward in his life without feeling guilty and that’s okay (and I’m not just speaking in a romantic sense either). It’s obviously not confirmed that Cloud and Tifa are together in ACC because Square likes to keep it ambiguous, but the numerous times I’ve watched it, I’ve always just been under the impression that they were.

However, romance aside, I really think this movie is a great addition to the FF7 compilation. It deals with acceptance, forgiveness, coping, and moving on.

Anyway, I don’t know if any of this post makes sense, but I wanted my first post to be an explanation on my CloTi stance, especially based on one source that I consistently go back to. Please hop in my ask box with your thoughts on ACC, CloTi, the Seventh Heaven family, etc.

Any hateful comments will be addressed with accordingly, and may be deleted.

I don’t remember if Tumblr is anything like Twitter, where the names show up despite not being tagged, but please let me know! I’ll censor names that don’t have to do with CloTi if it’s clogging up posts for other ships or people.

Let it be known that I am NOT an anti for any character in the FF7 compilation other than Hojo.

All love is welcome!

#cloti #cloud and tifa #advent children

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agentofship · 4 years

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One last game of Tag? Agents of Shield #PartingShot

With this tag game, I want to know the answers to these five (5) questions and then tag 5 or more mutuals. Wasn’t tagged but want to join? Join in ! Everyone is an essential part of this fandom! Name from @ agent.of.shield_ on Instagram ( @agents-of-fangirling ) who had a great idea to post a picture of yourself with a drink (or just a drink) and tag it #partingshot as a finale goodbye to the show (which I also am going to post tomorrow on IG).

I was tagged by the wonderful @ofitzsimmons and @2minutes2midnight <3 Thank you for thinking of :) And of course I’ve waited for the last minute to do it! :D

Where were you in life when you first started to watching AoS?

My life wasn’t that much different from what it is now but it’s still nice to think that I’m still in a slightly better place now. I started almost from the beginning. My friend who’s a big Marvel movies fan started watching from the beginning and pestered me for months, knowing I love the movies too. So I think I started around the mid-season break of season and quickly caught up. I came for Coulson and Ming-Na that I knew from other shows and I really liked the show from episode one but it’s FZZT who stole my heart and made me go “Oh, so this is going to be my new obsession, isn’t it?” I’ve always been a fangirl but I hadn’t been this in love with the show since X-Files from 14 to my early twenties. Back then, I was struggling a bit to make a living out of being a freelance graphic designer and illustrator and living in a tiny apartment I still have nightmares where I have to go live there again! So it was nice to dive into AoS and have a little escape from reality. To the point where it made me want to write my first fanfic ever, back around the end of season three, which was also my first step into the fandom. I really started interacting with fandom after the end of season five thanks to the wonderful @libbyweasley who was the first person who came to talk to me because I was way too shy to go and talk to people myself <3 And I couldn’t thank her enough for it.

Where are you now?

For a few years now, I’m finally able to make enough money as a graphic designer/illustrator and I even make a tiny bit of it thanks to my writing. And I think part of what has encouraged me to write more of my children’s book stories (in French) and send them to publishers is the fantastic reactions I’ve been getting for my fanfics :) I’ve also moved from my tiny apartment to a much nicer one about a year and a half ago and that has made a big difference in my life. I’ve also been able to travel a lot more and finally see the Northern Lights which has been one of the most magical experiences of my entire life. Now, traveling is what I miss the most even though I’ve been lucky to go Norway in January before this whole mess that is 2020 happened. But once again, AoS got me through the worse of lockdown and my anxiety issues. Writing and reading fanfics all with the promise that at least, we’d have new episodes in May, made things a little better. And chatting with my fandom friends on a daily basis had been a real breath of fresh air when I was locked at home for two months with only my boyfriend :D And now here I am, totally unable to focus on anything not AoS and having knots in stomach about the finale :D The last time I was this stressed out was for the season five finale. Now I have no doubt I’ll be crying my eyes out just as much but let’s hope it’s not for the same reasons :D

What character development arc (or storyline in general) did you love the most?

It’s too hard to choose so I won’t :D Fitz and Simmons. Because their storyline is so often entwined but not only. They’re typically the kind of characters I get attached to, awkward tiny geniuses who are too adorable for words and both their stories have been incredible. And I was attached from the beginning but boy, if I had any idea how they would evolve during the show. Jemma was this sweet, incredibly smart and awkward SHIELD Hermione who was always confident despite an hilarious incapability to lie or flirt. And we saw her go undercover, survive on an alien planet and become this badass boss lady and field agent. But I also loved how she went from being scared of her feelings and wanting things to be neat and compartmentalized to embracing it all. I loved seeing her ruthless in her search for Fitz because she so often pushed her feelings and needs to the side and for once, she decided to go after what she wanted and refused to be told otherwise. Fitz was the cute, comic relief of season one and ended up being probably the most dramatic character on the show. From his brain trauma to becoming a badass man on a mission to find Simmons. And then adding more layers to the character as we finally learned his backstory and got to discover the dark side of him. Of course, the writing for this character is fantastic but it wouldn’t be the same without Iain and his beautiful, subtle and always incredibly consistent way of interpreting him. I am very attached to both these characters and I’ve been wanting to give them a hug since the end of season one. Hopefully, they end up in a place where they get to enjoy each other’s hugs all the time but just because they can, not because they need it.

What will you miss the most?

Everything! Looking forward to new episodes, watching new episodes and being too excited too sleep on the night before a new one. Crying my eyes out over a very emotional scene. And also all the fandom stuff like going crazy about a tiny bit on a blurry picture and overanalyzing every interview. Coming up with ridiculous theories just for the fun of it (Hello evil LMD Jemma :D) or more realistic theories and seeing them being true. And in general, I regret not joining the fandom sooner cause it has been so much fun these past few years <3 But I know the fandom won’t die and I also look forward to many more years of fanfics and fanart and I’m looking forward to meeting some of you next year <3

Favourite quote?

I will have to go with Jemma’s quote about the first law of thermodynamics in the pod scene in 1x22. It’s a beautiful scene in a beautiful setting and the way Jemma says it in such a soft, almost peaceful voice is as heartbreaking as it is heartwarming. And it’s also very representative of my personal views on life and death and it’s really kind of reassuring. I like to think about the first law of thermodynamics, that no energy in the universe is created and... none is destroyed. That means that every bit of energy inside us, every particle will go on to be a part of something else. Maybe live as a dragonfish, a microbe, maybe burn in a supernova ten billion years from now. And every part of us now was once a part of some other thing - a moon, a storm cloud, a mammoth. A monkey. Thousands and thousands of other beautiful things that were just as terrified to die as we are. We gave them new life. Good one, I hope.

Lots of people have been tagged already but I’m gonna tag: @libbyweasley @sunalsolove @blancasplayground @accio-the-force @valentinaonthemoon @clementinewhy @springmagpies and all my mutuals who want to do it and haven’t been tagged yet, I’d love to read it :)

#partingshot #aos #aos finale #goodbye aos #i'm emotional now

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alongthoselineswrites · 5 years

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You against the World

Senhaku (Senku x Kohaku) from Dr. STONE fic. ~3000 words. Written for kissing prompt #11: “I almost lost you” kiss. Manga spoilers up through Ch. 127 with slight canon divergence. Cross-posted to AO3. Enjoy!

It was dark.

So, so very dark.

Kohaku had no idea how long she had been encased in stone, but she had been having the weirdest sensations since she had been petrified. Tingling sensations, throughout her lower torso and legs, almost as if she still maintained some sense in them. She had tried moving them a few times, but had no way of knowing whether or not she had been successful.

Look at her, conducting her own scientific experiments, rudimentary as they were.

She had eventually given up on trying. She couldn’t tell whether she was moving, or even whether her bottom half was petrified, but the last thing she wanted was to draw attention to the fact that she was still alive, because until Senku and the others came to save her and released her from this stone prison, she had to assume she was among enemies. If what she had seen done to Ginro was any indication, she had no doubt they would simply hack off any limb that was still moving. She didn’t even know if she’d be able to feel it at this point.

She knew Senku had counted seconds during his imprisonment. For literal millennia he had counted seconds. Kohaku kept getting mixed up around the 10,000 mark, and then she eventually would start over hoping to do better the next time. It was mind-numbingly boring, and as she had no practical reason to count the time like Senku had had, she eventually just stopped counting and instead counted on her friends to tell her how long she had been out of commission when she woke up.

Instead of rote counting, Kohaku filled her time thinking of her fellow members of the kingdom of science. Everything had changed when she met Senku, in the best way possible. Ruri was no longer sick, the lives of her people were infinitely easier, and they all simply had more fun. For many years, Kohaku hadn’t really been able to consider fun, with hunting and training and going to get water for Ruri. But she was glad she had time for it now, in and around the endless work Senku had for them to do.

Goodness this was boring. How did Senku and the others do this for so long. She felt like she would almost rather die than spend another second encased in this sightless, soundless world.

She still had some sort of sensation in her legs and torso, but no feeling at all. She could still be sitting on the master’s roof where she had been petrified for all she knew.

She really hoped her top half being encased in stone didn’t have a bad effect on her lower half. After all, Senku had mentioned once that your heart and your brain are essential to keeping the rest of the body moving. If both her head and heart were encased in stone, could the legs survive?

For a few minutes, Kohaku began to panic. What if her legs didn’t work when they brought her back? She was one of the village’s strongest warriors! Being stuck at camp doing mindless science work intended for Gen or the children would be torture.

But Senku will find a way. Her deeper thoughts gently reminded her, and this thought calmed her like nothing else. In the three years she had known Senku, he had told amazing stories of people gaining back lost limbs through science. Maybe he could make one for her if things went poorly.

The remaining time of her petrification was spent thinking of comforting science stories Senku has told her. Usually around a campfire or even on the Perseus on the way here. She felt warm and comfortable, even in her petrified state.

And she quietly thought to herself that if she had to stay encased in stone for several more years, she had plenty of stories of Senku to keep her company, and the assurance that someday, even if it takes him a lifetime, he would save her.

Some time later (Kohaku wasn’t sure how long exactly, she was only sure that she refused to count), light returned to her eyes, and sound to her ears. She felt the distinctive thump thump of her heartbeat return, and drew her first breath in who knows how long. Tears sprung to her eyes in relief. All of her friends stood before her in some sort of underground bay. Ginro was alive and depetrified next to her, currently ensconced in a teary-eyed, crushing embrace from Kinro.

And right in front of her was Senku. He was holding a small clay jar over her head, and he seemed to be frozen in place. His facial expression was part shock but overwhelmingly full of relief, and Kohaku wasn’t sure, even with her incredible eyesight, but she thought his eyes were shinier than normal as he turned away to continue fiddling with some sort of device made with what looked like feathers.

Before she could register much more than that, her legs buckled beneath her, and she collapsed to the floor. Chrome was the first to reach her to help her up, and he slowly helped her wobble over to a chair.

Looking down at her legs, she could tell even in the dim lighting of the cave that her legs were the wrong color. They looked nearly as gray and dark as the stone that had once encased her top half. She couldn’t seem to get them to work the way they used to, but she hoped that was simply a side effect of not using them for so long.

“How long was I out?” She asked Chrome, who was still standing beside her.

“Almost three weeks.” He grimaced, “ we had planned to get you guys back much sooner, but Ibara stole your earring and figured out our drone plan.” He pointed over to the device Senku was still fiddling with. Senku paused to wipe something from his face, maybe even his eye, before returning to work, “So we had to turn tail and figure something else out. We ended up having to build infrared binoculars, which took longer than expected. Senku hasn’t slept in almost a week and a half.”

Kohaku had no idea what binoculars were, nor what infrared meant, but the drone thing looked complicated enough all on its own. The comment about Senku’s sleeping patterns was really what caught her off guard though. For as long as she’s known him, he has always preached the values of getting a good night’s sleep. For Pete’s sake, one of the first conversations she ever had with the man was him telling her to go to sleep. If what Chrome said was true, what could have had Senku so on edge that he felt the need to sacrifice his sleep?

Over the next couple of days, color slowly returned to both Kohaku and Ginro’s legs. Regular bowel movements returned, and movements that had been so natural before the petrification were becoming easier by the minute. A few times since reawakening, Senku had come to her and given her body a very clinical appraisal, mainly to make sure all of her regular bodily functions had returned. Despite the fact that she was technically seeing him and talking to him, Kohaku could feel the distance Senku was placing between them. And even when she didn’t particularly want to see him after an especially awkward questioning regarding her monthly cycle, she still missed him. Although she had nothing on Taiju, she had spent the last three weeks basically sustaining herself on thoughts of him, and now that she was reanimated, she was having to come to terms with the implications of that fact.

When several more days passed and even the excruciatingly clinical checkups had ceased, it became glaringly obvious that Senku was avoiding her. What was especially disarming was that he didn’t share the same attitude towards anyone else, least of all Ginro, who logically, since that was Senku’s thing, should have been receiving the same treatment as her because they shared the exact same circumstances. Except that oh wait, Kohaku saved Ginro’s life!

Senku’s behavior made no sense. And so after nearly a week with no words spoken between the once close friends, Kohaku chose to act.

The mobile lab was still parked up the beach from the coast line, absurdly high to be honest, since the entirety of a camp of nearly 50 people were positioned far from the tide’s reach between the lab and the ocean and the lab was still out of hearing distance from the camp… maybe even for Ukyo.

Amaryllis and several of her friends from the village were visiting before the kingdom of science shipped off in the next couple days, so the entire crew were engaged in campfire storytelling and drinking, and generally having a good time. But as per usual, a certain green-haired man that couldn’t hide if he tried was strangely absent.

Approaching the lab, she heard sounds of science coming from the mobile building. Even to her own non-Ukyo level ears, however, the rustling and clanking sounded more agitated than Senku’s usual amount of frenetic energy.

Approaching slowly, she leaned on the door frame and knocked lightly to alert him to her presence. He started slightly, which she couldn’t help but find adorable, obviously not having noticed her approach.

“Kohaku!” He said tightly, before quickly averting his gaze and returning to whatever he had been working on, “what do you need?”

Kohaku wondered whether she should just come straight out and ask him why he’s been avoiding her. Then she wondered where this newfound timidness came from. Pre-petrification Kohaku wouldn’t have even wondered whether to come right out and say it, she just would have.

She realized she was hesitating for too long right around the time she realized her new found shyness comes from her recently discovered feelings for their resident head scientist.

Feeling a flush start to crawl up her neck, she stammers out, “N-nothing. You just weren’t at the party.”

“Oh,” he still hadn’t looked at her again, instead peering into his microscope critically, “ I just didn’t feel like it one millimeter, had more important things to do. You should go though. Have fun!”

Kohaku may not be a mentalist like Gen, but she can recognize a dismissal when she hears one. She doesn’t take the bait though, instead she stays silent before finally just getting it over with, “Senku, why are you avoiding me?”

Senku froze. He stopped twiddling with the stubby knobs of the microscope. He stopped twisting his finger in his ear. If Kohaku didn’t know better, she would think he had been hit with the petrification weapon.

He seemed to have no intention to answer, but Kohaku was no quitter. She waited him out.

It couldn’t have been more than a few minutes, but Kohaku could have sworn it felt like 3700 years passed again as she leaned against the counter with her arms folded across her chest to wait out this stubborn man.

Finally, Senku let out a humorless chuckle, still not looking up from his microscope, “Ha, I don’t know what you’re talking about Kohaku, I’m not avoiding you.”

Kohaku felt a flash of anger surge through her, “Look at me, Senku.”

Senku froze again, but this time he came to sooner, only taking a couple seconds to recalibrate before turning and looking her dead in the eyes, daring her to look away first.

Normally, Kohaku was intrigued by Senku’s eyes, as they normally had some sort of gleam in them, whether it be the gleam of a scientific breakthrough or the gleam of a madman. But these eyes were not those eyes. Senku looked at her with a blank expression, almost cold in its inexpressiveness. She held her ground.

“Yes, Kohaku?” Senku said with heavy sarcasm. There wasn’t quite venom in his tone, but he was obviously growing frustrated with this conversation. Kohaku hadn’t the slightest idea why, but she wasn’t leaving until she had an answer.

“Why are you avoiding me, Senku?” He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off, “And don’t tell me that you’re not. You haven’t spoke more than two words to me in over a week, and I’m tired of it. I miss you.”

There was a flicker of something on Senku’s face before he pulled himself together, “I’ve been busy, that’s all.” His gaze dropped to the floor. Not in an attempt to avoid her eyes, but it appeared, in shame. Kohaku could only guess what for.

“That’s a lie and you know it, Senku. You’ve had plenty of time to talk to everyone else this week, and you even went scuba diving with Taiju a couple days ago, completely for fun!” She paused, realizing that in her hurt and anger her voice had risen.

Senku looked thoroughly scolded, and it was honestly a welcome relief to see emotion enter back into his eyes. Senku claimed to be immune to emotion, but Kohaku knew that was just a façade. He cared deeply about everyone under his command, he cared about his science, he cared about the natural world and food and Sagara the wild boar. He tried to maintain an air of impartiality but Kohaku could see through it.

“What’s wrong with me all of a sudden, Senku?” She could hear the tears forming in her voice, and it broke as she said, “was there something I did that we’re not friends anymore?”

As she watched, Senku’s face morphed slowly from shame and sadness to anger. He didn’t seem to be angry at her per say, but he was definitely frustrated, “Nothing! You didn’t do anything.”

“Then why…”

“Look, Kohaku, I…” he took a slow step towards her, “I don’t…” another step, “I can’t…” and another, bringing him within arms reach of Kohaku in the small confines of the mobile lab. He froze once again, but it was different this time. While last time he froze because he had been caught, this time he froze because he was caught off guard. Senku and Kohaku were mere inches from each other, eyes locked on the other, barely breathing.

Several seconds passed before Kohaku breathlessly asked, “You can’t what?”

For the first time in her life, Kohaku fell victim to a surprise attack, because the next thing she was aware of was the press of Senku’s mouth against her own. He was warm and solid, despite his lack of physical strength, and Kohaku melted.

It lasted far too short. Kohaku had barely begun to respond, reaching her hand tentatively upward to hold his jaw, when he was pulling away. He began to pace the floor in the small room while desperately tugging at the roots of his hair.

“I’m so sorry, Kohaku. I shouldn’t have… I didn’t even…” he groaned heavily, leaning against the counter facing away from her and hanging his head.

He seemed so distraught, like he didn’t know what to do with himself.

“Senku?” She asked gently, wanting to give him the space he so obviously needed, but also needing answers for the way he was reacting. Regardless of whatever just happened between them, Senku was her friend, who obviously was going through something.

He murmured something under his breath, and Kohaku wasn’t able to quite catch it. She still wasn’t Ukyo after all.

“I can’t hear…”

“I said I was scared to lose you!” He turned halfway around so that she could see the tears clearly forming in his eyes, and her heart broke. She knew Senku experienced emotions, but she had never in her years of knowing him seen this caliber of feeling on his face. She waited for him to continue.

“Getting you and Ginro back was such a rough patch with several failed plans along the way, and I knew we’d win with science but I hated you being in enemy hands. And then when I saw that your legs and lower torso weren’t petrified I didn’t know whether the two of your would ever be able to walk again, because according to science, limbs are ten billion percent useless after around six to eight hours without blood supply, and it had been nearly three weeks. And when you were able to stand again, and came out of the petrification with no problems, I felt such a huge sense of relief that I didn’t know what to do with myself.” He paused, finally meeting her eyes once again, “I’ve never felt as intense of emotions as I do when it comes to you, Kohaku, and I don’t know what to do with them. Psychology is such a lame science.”

He chuckled slightly, and Kohaku followed his lead despite not getting the joke. There were a couple moments of comfortable silence as they contemplated each other, before Kohaku slowly stood up from her place leaning against the counter, and came to stand next to Senku. She gently placed her hand atop his where it rested, and when their eyes met again, she knew that their friendship wouldn’t suffer from this, everything could go back to normal, at least for now. “It’s ok that you don’t always know what to do, Senku. The important thing is that you did save Ginro and I, and I know we can always count on you to save us with science.”

She averted her gaze, still not quite brave enough to meet him head on as she said the next part, “And it’s ok that you don’t know what to do about your feelings either. Someday it will get clearer, and if it doesn’t,” she met his eyes again, “you always can come to me for help.”

Realizing how self-centered that sounded, she tried to backpedal, “Or Taiju. Or Chrome. Or Gen. Or even Ryusui for all I care. You really can ask whoever you…” She trailed out because Senku was laughing. She removed her hand from atop his, happy to see him in good spirits again.

“You’re too funny, Kohaku.” He smiled at her for a long moment, before nodding his head towards the door of the mobile lab, “Come on, let’s go celebrate with our friends.”

Smiling, she nodded, and together they walked back towards the bonfire where their friends were drinking and telling stories, the two of them laughing and talking like the friends they were the whole way.

#alongthoselineswrites #senhaku #kohasen #senku x kohaku #dr. stone

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badwolfwrites-sometimes · 4 years

Text

Drawn Together: Chapter 19

Posting the longest chapter so far on The Longest Day, it might have been a bit too planned out...

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18923374/chapters/59353231

Time is passing. Sometimes, it passes slowly, like it's stuck in the middle of a math class as the teacher proceeds to slowly discuss everything written on board. Sometimes, it passes faster than the blink of an eye, like weekends when one doesn't have to study. Time is indifferent to the world's issues. It just moves on.

And time moving on was the last thing Feliciano needed.

"Just pack the essentials, you don't have to bring an entire art studio." Grandpa Rome complained, standing in front of Feliciano's door.

Feliciano rolled his eyes, packing what would hopefully be his last sketchbook. "You said it yourself, Nonno, we don't know how long we'll stay in Germany. I want to be prepared." He attempted to squeeze a full pencil case into the suitcase.

"You can buy paper and pencils there. If you keep it up like that, they won't let us board the plane because of how heavy your luggage is."

"Don't worry. I packed less clothes."

Grandpa Rome gasped. "You packed an entire art studio but only packed 2 to 3 changes of clothes? Where is your priority, Feliciano?"

"Art is my priority. Besides, Ludwig has classes for most of the day which means I won't be leaving their house all that much for sightseeing." Feliciano raced across his room to pack a portable canvas stool. It would come in handy for his poor back. "Also, they have a washing machine in case my clothes get dirty."

"That's it, you're doing it all wrong." Grandpa Rome said, having had enough of Feliciano's chaotic packing. He picked everything out from the suitcase, laying it nicely on the bed. "I don't mind you packing all this art stuff, but at least equalize it." He examined the pile in front of him, placing the clothes back in the suitcase. "Bring more clothes, first of all. Second of all, you don't need half of this stuff. You can store the pencils, brushes and paper all in your canvas stool."

As Grandpa Rome counted off all the possibilities, Feliciano realized how much more sensible they were. He was just so used to having everything in their special boxes, he forgot how space consuming it all was. However, there was still one more problem he had to solve. "And what about the paint?" Feliciano asked.

Grandpa Rome glanced at him like he had just been asked where the dinosaurs went. "Don't you still have that package of acrylics I brought to you a year ago?"

Feliciano's face was almost drained of all color. He had somehow misplaced that package a while ago and his grandpa still had no idea. "Well," he tried to think of something. "I had it and I used it and, you know-"

"You ran out again, didn't you?" Grandpa Rome asked, thankfully not picking up on the lie. Feliciano nodded shyly. "If you ran out, you could have said something. You know I'd buy you a new one if you asked." Grandpa Rome sighed.

"I didn't want to be selfish..." Feliciano said, bringing some more clothes to pack as his grandpa told him to.

"It's not selfish, Feliciano. I love you boys and I want you to have nice things. Asking for something you like every once in a while isn't selfish." Grandpa Rome hugged him, brushing Feliciano's hair with his fingers, just like grandma would do.

"I guess..." Feliciano said. "But I like it better when you buy me something because it reminded you of me and not because I asked."

Grandpa Rome smiled, breaking the hug. "You grew up really sweet, didn't you? Just like your mom." There was a pained expression behind his eyes. He raised these boys instead of their parents, work having taken them away from each other, away from their children. Life is a cruel game.

"I wish they'd visit us..."

"Me too, Feliciano. Me too..."

Just as Grandpa Rome reached for another hug, a buzz of the phone interrupted him. Feliciano giggled, he knew who was the conversation intruder. He had been as eager to see Feliciano as Feliciano was to seeing him. "Ludwig... he ruined the mood." He commented, leaving his grandpa aching for another hug as he went to answer the phone.

"Hi!" Feliciano said, nodding to his grandpa that it was his cue to leave the room. Grandpa Rome rolled his eyes, but did as he was told.

"Hey..." A strong voice came from the phone. "I am guessing you are still in Italy since you are answering my call."

"Yup! Have not moved from my room yet, Captain, stuck a bit on packing and stuff." Feliciano giggled.

"I see. I realized I forgot to ask if there was a specific place your grandpa has business in. Because travelling might be a problem..." Ludwig said. Feliciano noted the worried tone in his voice.

"Well, as long as you're close to Berlin, it shouldn't be a problem." Feliciano answered. "How are you doing though? Are you excited?"

"I am doing well. I am really excited for you to come, although the book isn't really finished." Ludwig said. "It is a good thing we moved to Berlin for my college." Feliciano swore he could almost hear a chuckle coming from Ludwig, but it was so faint he thought he imagined it.

"Yes! That means Nonno can do all the work and we can go sightseeing together when you're not busy."

"Thank the universe you aren't coming during the exam month otherwise we wouldn't be able to do that."

"Why thank the universe?"

"Just an expression I use."

"Oh, I see. Well, I'm almost packed. Will you be at the airport to meet us when we land?"

"Of course. Berlin isn't like Venice, you would probably get lost if you didn't know the exact route."

"Coming from someone who has never been in Venice, I think I have some chance." Feliciano chuckled. "I can't wait to come to Germany, Ludwig. I'm so excited, I think I might cry!"

"Don't cry, just pack."

"Oh, you're right! I'm not done yet. Oh and," Feliciano rushed his packing, but paused as he remembered something. "What kind of pasta do you have in Germany? I was thinking of bringing some of ours, but Nonno says they won't let me at the airport. That's so mean, what if I get hungry and they don't serve pasta?"

"It isn't like you could cook it on the plane..." Ludwig trailed off, Feliciano's brain sometimes confused him so much. "I think we have decent enough pasta. Every store has some imported goods from Italy so you should probably be good. Barila, I believe, is Italian?"

"Yes! But you're saying it wrong, it's Barilla."

"Barila."

"Barilla."

"Bariila."

"No. Double l, not double i. It's like that German s, the one that looks like b."

"Barilla."

"Yes! Perfetto!" Feliciano rejoiced when Ludwig finally said it right. "Barilla is good enough. I can live with Barilla."

"I hope you can, but you should also try some German dishes."

"Oh, I will. Will you make me some?"

"Well..."

"Pleaseee."

"If... if you insist."

"Yes! Thank you, Ludwig! I can't wait to meet you for real, but I have to go now. Packing..."

"Yes, go already. I hope to see you soon, but with this speed it won't happen before the next Millenium."

"Why so cruel? I gotta go. Bye bye, Ludwig. See you soon."

"Goodbye, Feliciano." With that, Feliciano hung up, returning to his packing.

That night, Feliciano could barely get any sleep, tossing and turning with expectations of what the next day will bring. He had to be up early for the day, the way to the airport was long after all. When sleep finally took over Feliciano's body, he dreamed of his friend. One he was just a few hours from meeting.

"If you want to go to Germany, maybe wake up first." Someone's voice moved around the room, before Feliciano felt the early May sun gently brushing his face, but boiling his eyes to death.

He rubbed his eyes awake, almost ready to complain at whoever, it was Grandpa Rome, woke him up so early. Remembering he had to go to Germany stopped him in that action, rushing to get ready for the trip. Feliciano quickly brushed his teeth, swallowed a smaller piece of bread and got himself dressed up.

Parting from Lovino and Romeo was harder. Feliciano never spent too much time away from his brothers, a couple of days at most, and he was never away from home for long. This was all completely new to both him and his brothers.

"Don't cause too much trouble." Romeo said, arms squeezing the breath out of Feliciano.

"I'll try not to." Feliciano mumbled with what air he had left.

"If he robs you or something, it's your own fault." Lovino commented, a sardonic expression clear on his face. "I warned you."

"We'll be fine, but thank you for your kindness." Feliciano replied as sarcastically as it was possible for him. So not too much. It still earned him a pinch on his shoulder by Lovino, somewhat playful in nature.

"Boys, we will be back as soon as possible. I want you on your best behaviors and no bringing girlfriends or boyfriends after 9 p.m. in the house. Do you understand?" Grandpa Rome parted from Lovino and Romeo as well, holding Lovino a bit tighter that he usually would.

Lovino and Romeo nodded, closing the door after their grandpa and brother left, returning to their normal lives. But mostly, they went back to bed.

As much as Feliciano was looking forward to this trip, he felt sudden waves of nausea. He wondered if it was a good decision, if he should have just stayed home with his brothers. He already missed them. Yet, at the same time, Feliciano was really on fire for this trip. Years of wishing just to catch a glimpse of Germany were now finally coming to life. And his best friend will be there, waiting for him. Feliciano didn't know hot to describe this feeling. He was finally fulfilling his dream, but he felt anxious about it. Despite it all, he refused to let Grandpa Rome notice, afraid that if he did, he would send him back home. And Feliciano could not take that, determined to see the infamous Germany no matter what.

Only that travelling by Vaporetto to Marco Polo Airport took ages.

"Well, this is boring." Feliciano complained, about halfway on their way.

"I can't help you there." Grandpa Rome chuckled. "I've gotten used to this view by now. Take it in as much as possible, Feliciano."

"I can't. I'm just-," he stumbled over words, "excited." Managing out, Feliciano attempted to look around. Sure, the sea was beautiful in the Venetian Lagoon, although not the cleanest, but right now it held no meaning to Feliciano. His body was shaking on the travel boat, so much so that he believed the boat itself shaked.

"Well, your generation is always on the phone. Why don't you play with it as well?" Grandpa Rome asked sarcastically, although he appreciated Feliciano's tries to spend as little time as possible on the phone.

"It didn't charge a lot last night so I'm saving my battery."

"You spend the whole night on it again?!"

"What?" Feliciano jumped at Grandpa Rome's sudden change of tone. "No, I just couldn't sleep so I listened to some music. And it's been draining out a lot more quicker..."

"I see. Perhaps you need a new one then."

"No." Feliciano whined. "Transferring stuff from one phone to another takes a while. I don't have that much time."

Grandpa Rome rolled his eyes, but said nothing for the rest of their ride.

Upon arriving, they stopped shortly to eat their premade breakfast. Feliciano complained at the lack of coffee, but he knew better than to take one from the vending machine. Never trust vending machines. Sometimes they give you some absolutely disgusting tea instead of milk coffee. Feliciano tried it one time, it was just tea with coffee 'flavor'. Needless to say, he would never repeat that mistake again.

Before they knew it, they boarded the plane. Grandpa Rome made sure he brought their tickets at least a thousand times before they left home and on Vaporetto, so everything run smoothly at the airport. And their plane was huge, not really pretty on the inside, but so big you could fit their entire house in it. Unfortunately, Feliciano was too tired to admire the plane's size, falling asleep soon after they took off. He had about two hours to catch on his sleep, which he so desperately needed for Germany.

Feliciano slept through most of the landing and everything, but it took every little bit of willpower not to storm out of the plane. Grandpa Rome laughed at his enthusiasm, never understanding why Germany was a big deal to Feliciano. It was just another country after all.

As they stepped out of the plane and looked for their luggage in the Schönefeld Airport, Feliciano remembered he still had to let Ludwig know they landed safely. Pulling out his phone, he entrusted Grandpa Rome to take care of their luggage, with how decorated Feliciano's suitcase was, he should have no problems with it.

His phone rung, a sound that was always bound to get Feliciano's heart racing with either anxiety or excitement. Today was the first time his heart raced with both of those feelings, until-

"Hello?" A familiar voice answered.

"Hi Ludwig!" Feliciano greeted, nearly bouncing and falling on his nose. "Guess where I am?"

"Hopefully not stuck in Italy." Ludwig answered stoically, but Feliciano could hear the faint excitement in his voice.

"Nope! I'm in Germany!" Some people turned their heads to stare at Feliciano, something he failed to notice. "By the way, will you be picking us up or?"

"I assume you left the plane so when you pick up your luggage, head for the exist. There you will see a parking lot with a lot of buses. Gilbert and I are waiting for you by the only green one."

"Alright! Nonno knows the way so we'll be there shortly. See you, Ludwig." Feliciano didn't hear Ludwig's reply, quickly telling his grandpa where they should go. They picked up their luggage and were walking together towards the exit.

Well, Feliciano dragged his grandpa towards the exit. This was, in no way, a 'let's look around' situation, Feliciano had his friend to meet.

When it came to weather, Germany was nowhere near as warm as Italy, but that late morning had a warm feel to it. Lovino would probably complain that it's freezing, but he wasn't here so it didn't matter to Feliciano. The Sun was shining, but it wasn't the same burning shine as Italy had it. If it weren't for the clear sky, Feliciano would believe it would rain. That's the kind of shine, Germany's sun had.

It didn't take him that long to spot the only green bus in the parking lot, it was bright green after all, too much even by Feliciano's standards. But neither the bus nor it's color mattered now. What mattered were the two large men talking by it's rear, one standing tall and proud and the other casually leaning on the bus. Feliciano was willing to bet Ludwig was the stiff one, as he gave him the same awkward vibe as Ludwig did.

He dragged his grandpa towards the two men more, before the one leaning on the bus spotted him. Feliciano couldn't see it clearly, but it looked like his face lit up brightly as he smacked the other one in their direction. Feliciano couldn't resist the smile, walking just a bit faster than normal towards them, finally releasing his grandpa from his clutches.

As he drew closer to them, Feliciano noticed that he was, indeed, right about his assumption. Ludwig was the stiff one, somehow growing stiffer than a statue with every step Feliciano took, and Gilbert was the relaxed leaning one. When Feliciano was finally able to see Ludwig's bright blue eyes in person now, he felt the air leave his lungs.

But that could also be because Gilbert was very close to crushing his ribs.

Feliciano was so distracted by the sight of Ludwig in front of him that he failed to notice Gilbert had run up to him and was now casually holding him hostage, squealing the entire time. "You're so cute! Oh my myself, you're so cute and small! Ludz, look at him! So adorable!"

It had taken Ludwig a couple of seconds, or minutes, time is strange, longer to register what his brother had said. He had seen Feliciano so many times on video calls, be it Skype or WhatsApp, but in person, he was... Ludwig could use a dictionary right now, having lost all words imaginable at the sight of Feliciano in front of him. Feliciano was something else entirely, his heart told him.

He had been so captivated by his friend that he barely noticed a hand in front of him, one belonging to an older version of Feliciano. "Augusto Vargas, nice to meet you." He said with a stern expression, shown even in his handshake.

"Likewise. I am Ludwig Beilschmidt and my older brother Gilbert." Ludwig responded, nodding to the white haired man now attempting to spin Feliciano around.

Feliciano still had the issue of peeling his eyes away from Ludwig. All those pictures and video calls didn't do him justice. Sure, Ludwig was good looking in them as well, but Ludwig in person was incredibly handsome. "Hi Ludwig." Feliciano finally said. Staring at the man in question would get extremely awkward if he didn't say anything.

Ludwig nodded to him, a shy smile peaking through his sealed lips. "Hello Feliciano." He managed out.

"Isn't he the cutest, Ludz? Can we keep him forever?" Gilbert barged into their awkward conversation, but neither of them answered him.

"Is this your bus? Are we going to your place with it?" Feliciano instead asked, pointing at the painfully green bus. Ludwig held his laugh.

"No. We came by car, we just stood here because it was easier for orientation. Follow me." Ludwig said, already on his way towards their car, followed by Grandpa Rome with their luggage and Gilbert and Feliciano, with Gilbert still holding Feliciano.

For the first time since he met the two of them, Feliciano could finally breathe properly when he sat in the car. Gilbert was driving them and Ludwig was boarding their luggage as Feliciano and his grandpa sat in the back of their car. Gilbert and Grandpa Rome were talking about some things, possibly some introductions, but Feliciano didn't hear all that much. His mind was elsewhere, focusing on Ludwig's bright blue eyes like the cornflowers he could see out of his window. Feliciano's blue was mostly the sky and the sea, but they didn't match Ludwig's eyes. They were both stronger blues, ones that struck fear into people. Ludwig's eyes calmed him down, so much so that he forgot where he was.

On the way to their house, very few words were exchanged, none of them between Feliciano and Ludwig. They both struggled with words as it is and the company of Grandpa Rome and Gilbert didn't help in the slightest. Those two did most of the talking. Grandpa Rome asked how exactly did the two of them meet and Gilbert gave him a bit exaggerated version of the story, as well as some details on how he knew Antonio. That got Grandpa Rome interested for a while.

Feliciano, seated behind Gilbert, kept staring at Ludwig, sitting on the front with his brother, for most of their trip. Ludwig knew of this, occasionally stealing glances at Feliciano as well to show him he noticed. It was the only communication they had the entire time. That and Ludwig's ears casually growing redder every time he looked at Feliciano, something Feliciano thought was cute.

When he wasn't staring at Ludwig, Feliciano took in the sights of Germany around him. Sure, it wasn't nothing spectacular, but he absolutely enjoyed the green grass covered in poppies, daisies and cornflowers. Daisies he loved to death, the small flowers brought him so much joy, enough to casually mumble about them on the way, thinking no one heard him. Poppies confused him, from what he knew, they usually appear after rain, being the earth's version of a rainbow.

It was at time like this, when Feliciano was distracted by the flowers outside, that Ludwig enjoyed stealing glances at him. Something about Feliciano's pure passion for them was intriguing to Ludwig. He even noted Feliciano's quiet little speech about the daisies, but Feliciano didn't need to know that.

About an hour later, they made it to their house. It was really small in comparison to Feliciano's, only having two floors, but it looked cozy and friendly. It was then that he noticed the dog houses, immediately asking where the dogs were.

"Betty and Rod are watching them today." Ludwig answered shortly and Gilbert gave him a not so brief history of how he bought them this house after the wedding, before the pair could afford to buy their own. Gilbert also kept pointing out what a selfless act it was, considering he hated his cousin's guts.

Ludwig rolled his eyes at his brother as he let their guests in and Feliciano's assumptions were once again confirmed.

It was a smaller house, so the living room looked a bit cramped, but the kitchen was wonderful. It looked like it came straight out of the vintage Pinterest. Feliciano didn't really fancy the color brown, especially after that incident with his Adriatic sea painting, also known as the painting that got him there in the first place, but the brown shelves of the kitchen and its green walls looked stunning together. Separating the living room and the kitchen was the hallway and the staircase, Gilbert already intended on showing Feliciano his room and introducing him to Gilbird, his pet canary. And here Feliciano thought Gilbird would be a pigeon...

"Can I get a cup of water first? The trip was tiresome." Feliciano said.

"You slept through most of it." Grandpa Rome rolled his eyes.

"If you're still tired, you can take a nap in my bed. It's big and soft. I can sleep on the couch." Gilbert said, showing off his toothy grin about which Ludwig complained so much about to Feliciano.

"No. I'd rather you keep your bed. I'm fine sleeping anywhere as long as no one sleeps on the couch." Feliciano shook his head, heading towards the kitchen, followed closely by Grandpa Rome.

After Gilbert gave them a complete tour of the house, from bathrooms to their rooms and the main room no one used, which Grandpa Rome quickly claimed he and Feliciano would be staying in, they all settled in the living room. The atmosphere was still really stiff, especially between Feliciano and Ludwig, and to break from it, Feliciano went outside for some air.

He sat on one of the chairs in the garden, staring at the flowers once again. There were a lot of Hydrangeas and Heliotropes, both beautiful flowers. Heliotropes held most of his attention, being one of his favorites. Eternal love, so it said.

Feliciano was so invested in the flowers that he failed to notice Ludwig approach him until he sat down. "You really love flowers." He said.

Feliciano smiled, knowing he wouldn't be able to peel his eyes away from Ludwig, he kept his focus on the flowers. "Yeah. Painter's soul, you could say. They are very colorful and so..." He trailed on.

Silence washed over once again as both of them watched the flowers. It wasn't exactly awkward, but Feliciano wouldn't say it was the most comfortable silence of his life.

Just as he began thinking about it, Ludwig broke it. "Feliciano?" He called.

"Hm?"

"This might sound weird but," Ludwig's eyes were looking anywhere but Feliciano. "Are you actually here?"

Indeed, the question was weird, but Feliciano understood. He had been having a hard time believing he was here as well, mostly because Ludwig's eyes distracted him. They were too beautiful to be real. "Yeah. I'm here. I'm here in Germany, in your garden. And we're flower watching."

Ludwig smiled. It was a small but genuine smile, the one that showed happiness more intense than any other. He reached for Feliciano, hugging him closely to convince himself of things no words could. Feliciano was so warm and welcoming and Ludwig was melting in his touch.

Feliciano felt the same, although Ludwig's chest was as hard as bricks, he found comfort in it. He finally got the hug he so desperately wanted. "Your chest is hard. Will mine be like that?" He asked.

"Only if you exercise." Ludwig smiled, releasing Feliciano.

The talk continued, lasting well until nightfall. Everything they held back saying during the first hours of their meeting was spilled out, like water to flowers.

#GerIta #Germany x Italy #APH Germany #hetalia GerIta #gerita fanfic #aph gerita #APH Italy #hws germany #hws italy #aph ancient rome #APH Prussia #hws ancient rome #hws prussia #hetalia #hetalia axis powers #hetalia world stars #hws #APH #drawn together story

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har-rison-s · 4 years

Text

heaven: 17

never let her go

request/plot: Stan x Reader where they were together back in Derry and kind of forgot about each other after moving away but they always had a void in their lives. And then when Stan is just about to do it after Mikes call his phone rings and it’s you and you’re crying after just getting off the phone with Mike to come to Derry. You both end up going back and seeing each other at the restaurant and you guys just catch up after all these years that passed and old feelings come back.

A/N: Well hell to the low to you guys! I've missed being on here, and I'm so fucking glad that I'm back to writing and I actually have nothing else to do, really, except write. Oh, and fight for justice online, get to packing and moving and go to work. But other than that, I'm free as of right now. I came back to the document for this fic, and turns out I have material enough to post 2 whole chapters in a row. So, let's go. I'm glad you're all still here and I welcome every new-comer with hugs and kisses! So, happy quarantine reading and stay safe! Don't you ever forget - #BlackLivesMatter!

A/N: Also, quick note: if you're uncomfortable with me posting another chapter of Heaven or posting any writings at all, please don't hesitate to let me know. Writing, especially during times like these, and when I don't get any positive income from the real world or social media, writing is what helps me, and I think reading fics means you dive into another world, sometimes a better world, and you can live another life in them and feel better; I also know writing has helped some people fall asleep. That's why I'm posting. Again, if that makes you uncomfortable/you think I'm injust with posting, please let me know!

warnings: shorter than usual, water, over-thinking (lots)

word count: 2.2k

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A/N: Where are my more gifs and pics of Andy Bean rights huh??

gif credit goes to owner, which isn't me!

Oh, is clean water good. Clean, warm, soapy water. Better than sex, she even dares to think. She smiles to herself at the thought. Stanley looks at her, a soft question in his eyes. Not the sex she has with him. She shakes her head, and then rests it against his wet chest. The shower’s water streams down onto them, warm and welcoming, warm and soothing, warm and healing. It collects their hair into dark, thick locks. The shower’s floor shines with water that is now filthy from all the dirt on their bodies.

Bill collected all their dirty clothing and went to wash it in the hotel’s washing machines. He’d get to shower the last, but he didn’t mind. All of them using water at once wouldn’t be useful, either, but that he’ll leave it to their concern. Mike offered to use his washing machine at the Library, but since he lives quite far from the Derry Inn, they all decided to pass this suggestion.

Y/N’s palms are flat against Stanley’s bare back. It’s littered with birthmarks all over, Y/N discovers when she feels small, almost unnoticeable bumps under her fingers. Stanley, instead, opens the shampoo bottle the hotel offers and squeezes half of it out into his hand. He then runs his shampoo-y hands into Y/N’s hair, against her scalp. She hums. Stanley moves the shampoo into her hair, massaging circles into her scalp. She smiles softly at the gesture.

He does the same to his own hair, and Y/N chuckles at how weird he looks with his hair slicked back. “Reminds me of your Bar Mitzvah hair.” She says and Stanley gives her an airy chuckle in response. He remembers his mom’s effort and frustration into gelling his unbending acorn curls down neatly to his head.

“That was horrible.”

“No, no, that was a statement.” She corrects him and they both laugh. Her arms around him, hands on his back and his arms around her waist, hands interlocked to keep her intact in his embrace, they look up dreamily at each other. The water frustrates their eyes a small bit, making them blink more than usual.

Gazing into each other’s eyes transmits more emotions between them than they could muster to say in the same amount of time. Words really are hard to find to say all that Stanley could say to Y/N, about how much she means to him, about how he can’t breathe without her, how he needs her, how he wants to cherish her and love her for the rest of his life, and how he wishes they never parted. He also wants to say a big thank you for giving his strength, courage and self-belief back simply by talking, by being with him. He could not have gotten into this shower-bathtub, for example, without her help, without her words. Let alone Derry or Neibolt House.

Y/N would like to tell Stanley how grateful she is for his love, and that it is he who loves her. She would want to let him know that he’s the most important person in her life, that he means the most to her, and that she’d do anything to turn back time and relive her—their both’s—life differently, together. Happy.

How happy, how much more happier they’d be if things had turned out differently. And she wants to tell him how grateful she is for him to be here, right now, as well as tell him how privileged she is to love him, and to have him love her back, how privileged it is to hold his hand and look into his eyes.

But to not waste any emotional and physical material, they suffice with a simple—

“I love you.” She tells him in a quiet whisper. It almost drowns with the water in the dark drain of the sewer pipes. She leans up to kiss his lips. She can taste the coffee he drank earlier still, and the water. She smiles, and she kisses him again. And again. She chases his lips with hers, her hands pushing against him slowly, not at once, but slowly, begging. She kisses him, and she almost melts.

Stanley moves her rogue hair strands out of her face, and holds her cheek while looking into her eyes. His orbs move back and forth only the slightest. A corner of his lips raises ever so slightly. “I love you.” He assures her and kisses her again. He then kisses her forehead and pulls her into an embrace against his chest. Even his chest hairs have flattened down from the water, she can barely feel them against her cheek. She closes her eyes, and so does Stanley.

Something about the way he holds her, something about the way he shuts his eyes when he does. Thoughts of what is to come creep into his mind now, despite how badly he wants them not to. What if this is the last time I have her to myself? Selfish to think of her like that, but… She’s the most beautiful angel I’ve met in my life. I want to spend my entire life with her, I want to give her what I did not for the twenty years spent apart. What if, when I go back home, my mind will be changed about her? What if we’ll forget each other again, like last time?

But what if you don’t go home, Stanley? Maybe go to her home, or go home with her. Not your home, but one that would belong to you both. And Patty? What of her? Do I not call her or visit her? Do I just leave her in the dark? I can’t do that to her. After all we’ve been through, after loving one another for so long… After being married, and happily at that, after her trusting me so much…

Do you still love Patty as you did before Mike called you? As you did when she helped you pack clothes and essentials for this trip? How will you tell her you’ve met the love of your life, the love of your childhood again and made love to her in another city, another state? Another place, or void, completely foreign and strange to Patty and her whole life, and how she knows life in general? It will break her. Would it be better if you didn’t tell her at all? No, no, I can’t leave her wondering in the dark.

What if you love them both? What do you do then? Marry Y/N and live together as three married people? That’s complete craziness, Stanley. You can’t do that. But if I can’t choose… If I can’t choose between the two women I love most, what do I do then? Leave them both and live alone? Or should I choose? Which option would be better for everyone involved? Do I choose to be selfish and choose Y/N or Patty for the rest of my life? That’s only fair to me, and I can’t stand by that. But…

Stanley can’t live without Y/N. Maybe it’s just what he thinks now because he’s met her again, but then again—there wouldn’t be these feelings if there wasn’t an old cause for them, old roots grow out of something, not nothing. And they do have roots. Childhood. High school. Before college. The first year of college. Then it faded away�� But these feelings are still here, they’re still real, present and true. They’re as intense as before, if not more. It is beyond love and belonging and craving, it is far more than they as mortal humans can understand, can know that they feel. He can only give her the tip of the iceberg that is his whole love, emotions and feelings for him. He can only do so much with his human mind and body.

But Patty… He loves Patty so much. They’ve been married for more than ten years, and found solace in each other. They loved each other even when they could not get children, they loved each other when they’ve woken up to a sour day, they loved each other even when they drive each other nuts (which is rare in their earthly, calm marriage). What fun have they had in these happy, peaceful years… Stanley would not trade it for the world. Ah, then and there, maybe. But here and now...

He doesn’t know. He can’t decide.

But somehow… The marriage ring that lays in the drawer of this hotel room’s nightstand, it feels like an anchor. And it feels old, as well, as strange as it sounds. Old, as if Stanley had lived in a past life with that ring and the person who carries the other ring, the rigs a promise to be man and wife until death do them part.

But it’s not death that will do them part. The happy, peaceful years he lived with Patty were simply years and time that fed on forgetfulness of crucial things such as childhood, and friends, and dreams that little kid Stanley Uris wanted to achieve in life. They were years of tunnel vision, of ignorance, but not his own. His self-consciousness’ ignorance caused by the magical curse IT laid upon Stanley and his friends once they left the town of Derry.

It’s best to think about it on the flight home, not now, about choosing the best option. Shower, heal and spend time with her. Heal together. You’re both still here, so right now you might as well use it selfishly, while you have that. Stanley opens his eyes and looks down at Y/N. The water runs in his eyes a few times. She moves back to look back at him, feeling a slight change in his position. She blinks, because the water gets into her eyes, as well, but she smiles. Stanley does as well, and then he reaches behind her to turn off the shower stream.

Naturally, they both shiver out of loss of warm water, but then hurry out of the bath-shower to wrap themselves in towels. Stanley helps Y/N not fall over on the slippery surface, what with having as many fears as she does. It’s a bath, after all, and he feels they’ll always frighten him a little bit from now on.

They both reach for the towels hanging on the heating pipes, and Y/N hums at the contact with her towel. It’s better than nice, and it’s better than perfect. She feels like falling asleep in this towel. Surprisingly soft for hotel towels.

They dry their hair out as much as they can with single towels, and then wrap the towels around their bodies. Non-verbally, maybe telepathically, they decide to wash their teeth. Stanley uses his own toothbrush and paste, but Y/N uses the tools their hotel provides—in the rush to catch the first flight to Maine she forgot to pack her tooth essentials. How silly and unhygienic of her, you might think. Not in her situation, not this time. Tooth cleaning essentials were really the smallest and most unimportant thing then.

Nor Stanley, nor Y/N speak much. There’s silence between them, tense but peaceful. So many questions nag at both their minds, so many questions they want to ask each other, mostly many uncomfortable questions. Answers to them would be too painful, too frustrating and hard to deal with, in general. Hence the questions are not asked. Many things they’d like to say to each other, but neither of them want to make this a book or movie scene, understand, with confrontation and dramatics. They just… They just really want to be here. They want to live and breathe and move without any complications or heavy-weighing anchors.

Y/N steals a shirt from Stanley, he’s already used it in this trip, and he had folded it to pack into his bag. He snatched his hand after her, but she’d already pulled the shirt over her head and naked breasts and stomach, too late for him to get it back. He looks at her, defeated, and she gives him the tip of her tongue sticking out between her lips. Now he can’t help but smile at her, she never fails to make him smile. With her simple enchanting grace and comedic mannerisms. Sometimes Stanley thinks her funnier than Richie Tozier himself.

Stanley now straightens up in his other button-up and underwear and watches her gracefully waltzing back into the bathroom, only in his shirt and her knickers. He can see wet spots on the shirt’s shoulders and over the breasts and back from her free-falling wet hair strands.

How magnificent is she. Arms like feather wings, legs like intertwining ribbons that dance so easily to their own beat. Hair of a color that reminds him of sunny summer and spring days, as well as dark winter afternoons, autumn mornings. Hands with the pads of cotton, cheeks plump and full of color like bright red roses. Her weight almost non-existent, so light and bird-like she carries herself. Her eyes of eternal kindness, the smile of a thousand little suns. And when you add all that together, it seems unreal, doesn’t it? She does. A fantasy only staying for a few moments until it swims away, to someplace else, to someone else. Stanley sighs.

He cannot let this fantasy go. He cannot let her go.

Permanent tag-list: @gabiatthedisco @v0idbella @inlovewithmiddleagedcelebs @works-of-fanfiction @destiel-stucky4ever-loki-queen @stfxlou @ur-gunna-h8-ths @betweenloveandfire @but-legendsneverdie @deardeacy @thewinchesterchronicles @mavieesttriste16 @langdonzvoid @intrrverted @the-freak-cassie-131 @eddie-spaghetti-boi @anxiousanakin @terratori812 @urban-dreams @beverlyparkerr

Stanley Uris tag-list: @nightbu-g @sadhwstudent @shawni-h @gothackedalready @seasidecrowbar @starred-river @raspberryacid @facelessbish @tozierskaspb @plum-duels @whereyoustand @kimseungminsgf @stanstan-the-manman

Heaven tag-list: @lovvliies @kaspbrak-uris @happy-at-home @jars-of–jupiter @violetzendaya @veronicapuff

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