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jvdes · 2 years

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baby, just let me bleed in peace ( i just can’t help myself ).

or: what’s better than this? just judes being judes

jude wasn’t usually a woman of indecision, but, in fairness, she rarely found herself in the position where she’d actually think her actions through before executing them. it’s all the stupid adderall’s fault - she should have said no to drugs, after all. stupid. there was something scary about thinking she was the least crazy person in the room, too, and it was worse that she didn’t know what to do.

it’s pointless for her to go back and forth about it, she knows that. maybe it’s better if she doesn’t think too hard about it, ‘cause she’s damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t, and she knows that, so she should stop thinking so damn hard. when’s the last time her brain did her any fucking good, huh?

i wish i fucking hated all of them, she thinks, i am such a fucking sucker. it’s a little embarrassing, that reluctance to leave either group that grows in her chest like roots in her lungs or something. and it’s worse because she’s pretty sure everyone would just as soon leave her or watch her leave, but, like, can she blame them? she’s not some huge loss. but, you know, she is a sucker, much as she hates to admit it, and she gives a shit, and she hates that. but how’s she supposed to leave any of them, you know? how’s she supposed to do that?

without thinking ( thank god! ), she slips off her sock and combs the beach, picking up the bigger rocks she can find and making a kind of poor-man’s nunchuck. there’s something comforting about that gearing up for violence, that physical ritual - leave her mind behind. a relief.

she’s got a problem, and she’s going to deal with it like she deals with most of her problems. no, she’s going to deal with it the way she’s dealt with, when she’s a problem, which is often. ( always such a problem child ). violence, you know? it’s enough.

jude thinks maybe shane was wrong; she thinks maybe they will kill her. what’s the point in keeping her around? it’s a kind of eerie acceptance that falls over her, a fore-knowledge, like she’s psychic: i think i’m gonna die soon. she’s okay with it, now that she thinks about it, now that she’s alone. it’s like she’s known: she was never going to be much. she never offered much, and there’s nobody around to miss her. if anybody should die, then it’s her. she’s tired, anyways, it’s been a long three weeks, it’s been a long 16 months, it’s been a long 18 years. i think i’m going to die today, but she’s not going down without a fight. ( not that she thinks it will help, much. but it’s for her. she’s doing this one thing for her ).

she thinks briefly of odessa - maybe it’s the fact that jude knows she doesn’t have anything to give the world that brings the other girl, the girl who arguably deserved to live much more than jude did, to mind. thinking of her - of odessa’s body, her father, her body, ( you should never mess with someone’s body, not if they’ve got people missing them ) - it brings this comforting surge of anger. it’s good to know that beneath the apathy, the psychic abilities, and the fear - beneath these last shitty twenty days - she’s still essentially herself. she’s still capable of being mad, and fighting, and doing it without flinching, even if she is afraid.

she’s going to do some damage, right? that’s all she can really hope to do as she prepares for whatever happens next. she can’t think of anything, she can’t fix anything, but it will feel good to hurt. it’s way too late to start hating that about herself.

when they start coming down from the boat, and jude starts swinging, it doesn’t last long - obviously. but, she’s pretty sure she gets a few good hits in, and that’s still something, you know? even if it’s just one or two, and even if it does nothing to actually stop anyone from doing anything. it feels good to go down fighting, and it feels good to be right. and then, you know, it’s pretty much over.

#／ JUDE . ABOUT !#wilds.musings

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emjenwrites · 4 years

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2019 Wrap Up

So @deadendtracks and @blueseyforthesoul did this, and I thought it was cool and decided to do it too, which is might be lame, but it was still fun so here we go:

Total 2019 word count: 135,545 words 🎉

And of course tumblr won’t let me insert a read-more link. That’s just typical.

January

Something in the air’s not right today The Raven Cycle 8,405 words (part one posted in 2018) Gansey, Adam, the Gangsey Gansey is not having a good day. Part two in Adam's POV.

February

Miles to go before I sleep The Wrath and the Dawn 1,800 words Khalid, Ava, Aref al-Khoury, background Khalid/Shahrzad Khalid realizes that this sleeplessness thing has officially gotten out of hand the day that he walks into his chambers and sees Ava standing in the center of the room. Or the one where Khalid hallucinates his dead first wife. She's not happy.

March

Feels like we’re on the edge right now The Folk of the Air 3,497 words Jude/Cardan, Roiben The one where Jude doesn’t kill Balekin and Roiben shows up ready to give Cardan a piece of his mind.

Help me piece it all together, darling, before it falls apart The Shadowhunter Chronicles (The Mortal Instruments) 3,585 words Clary/Jace It was done, but that was different than saying it was finished. Or Clary and Jace post-CoHF.

April

Please, don’t tell Ronan about this The Raven Cycle 2,276 words Declan/Adam Written for @toast-the-unknowing‘s Declan/Adam Prompt Festival Someone pounds on Adam's door in the middle of the night. He opens the door to a blood-soaked Declan Lynch. "Don't tell Ronan about this," Declan begs.

May

O Queen of air and darkness, / I think 'tis truth you say The Shadowhunter Chronicles (The Dark Artifices/The Mortal Instruments) 1,824 words Clary/Jace (And I shall die tomorrow; / But you will die today.) Clary and Jace during part two of QOAAD.

Every Step of the Way The Folk of the Air 715 words Jude/Cardan Jude tries to get Cardan out of bed. Written for the prompt "To be honest I could[n’t] care less" on Tumblr.

Business as Usual Six of Crows 1,008 words Nina, Kaz, Jesper, Wylan, Inej [Fightingverse] A building catches on fire. Kaz does something stupid. Written for the prompt "Do you smell something burning?" on Tumblr.

June

One Villain, Two Villain Six of Crows 1,706 words Kaz/Inej [Fightingverse] Kaz and Inej discuss a pair of new threats stalking the Dregs. Written for the prompt “Going somewhere?” on Tumblr.

Ketterdam Stops for No One Six of Crows 843 words Jesper, Kaz [Fightingverse] Jesper tries to convince Kaz to stay inside on a cold night. Written for the prompt “Despite what you think, I am completely capable of taking care of myself" on Tumblr.

It's late and you're still staring at the light Six of Crows 1,791 words Kaz/Inej After Nina and the others leave with Matthias's body, Inej follows Kaz back to the Slat. Written for the prompt "You need sleep" on Tumblr.

Stalemate The Folk of the Air 799 words Jude/Cardan, Vivi Jude and Cardan have a standoff in Vivi's kitchen. Written for the prompt "Don’t lie to me" on Tumblr.

Honesty The Folk of the Air 796 words Jude/Cardan Jude and Cardan late at night. Written for the prompts “It’s late. Shouldn’t you be asleep?” and “I’ve always been honest with you” on Tumblr.

What if I fell to the floor? Six of Crows 6,786 words Kaz/Inej, Anika, Jesper/Wylan [Fightingverse] “[Inej] doesn’t need to know,” Kaz said. “I’m going to be fine by the time she gets back.” Or the one where Kaz gets pneumonia.

Walking With Eyes Tight Shut Six of Crows 4,614 words OCs, Jesper/Wylan, Kaz/Inej [Fightingverse] Ambroos Baas came to Ketterdam to reform it. He may not realize it yet, but he’s in way over his head.

July

Seven Bells Six of Crows 1,303 words Kaz, Wylan [Fightingverse] Kaz and Wylan early in the morning. Written for the prompt “How are you feeling today?” on Tumblr.

The Flaming Skies [M-rated] Six of Crows 2,945 words Kaz, OCs, the Crows [Fightingverse] Kees Van Dijk killed a child to get Kaz Brekker's attention. Kaz Brekker will not stand for it.

Fading out again The Nikolai Duology 3,391 words Zoya/Nikolai, Tolya, Tamar "Genya ran her fingers over the carved surface of the trunk. 'The process won't be easy on him. It will be a bit like drowning every night and being revived every morning.'" Or the one where Genya and David's sedative turns out to have some nasty side effects.

I'm safe inside the light, so go on do your worst The Stormlight Archive 24,797 (parts 1-2 posted in 2018) Elhokar, Dalinar, OC Elhokar was a failure at everything he’d ever done. He’d failed as a son, as a warrior and as a king. He saw no reason to fail as a Knight Radiant too. Or the one where Elhokar swears to the first Ideal at the end of WoK.

A Job Well Done The Grisha Trilogy/The Nikolai Duology 1,384 words Zoya, the Darkling Written for @zoyanazyalenski‘s Zoya Week Thirteen-year-old Zoya is sent to talk to the Darkling after getting her amplifier. Written for day two (badass moments) of @zoyanazyalenski's Zoya Week on Tumblr.

You could never stop Six of Crows 1,776 words Kaz, Nina, Matthias, Wylan "[Kaz] was already dragging himself up the boulders that lined the far side of the gorge. [...] Nina shook her head, caught between annoyance and admiration. Maybe that was what it took to survive in the Barrel. You could never stop." Or the one where Kaz doesn't quite manage to walk off drowning in the Ice Court moat.

Tonight The Nikolai Duology/The Grisha Trilogy 724 words Zoya/Nikolai, Tamar/Nadia, Genya/David Written for @zoyanazyalenski‘s Zoya Week There were a number of things that Zoya hadn’t expected to happen when the war was over. Weekly friend group dinners were one of them. Written for the prompt "found family" for day five of @zoyanazyalenski's Zoya Week on Tumblr.

Truth be told, I never was yours The Nikolai Duology 1,345 words Zoya/Nikolai, Nikolai/Ehri Written for @zoyanazyalenski‘s Zoya Week Zoya and Nikolai minutes before Nikolai's wedding to Ehri. Written for the prompt "romantic entanglement" for Zoya Week on Tumblr.

You'll be the one voice of reason The Nikolai Duology 1,840 words Zoya/Nikolai, Tamar, Tolya, Nikolai/Ehri Written for @zoyanazyalenski‘s Zoya Week Nikolai looses control of the monster again. Zoya finally gets around to telling Tolya and Tamar about the royal order Nikolai signed while in the Fold. Written for the prompt "the Queen of Ravka" for Zoya Week on Tumblr.

August

Thinking too Hard The Modern Faerie Tales 957 words Val/Ravus A glimpse into one of Val's training sessions. She and Ravus both have other things on their minds.

The Least He Can Say The Raven Cycle 1,459 words Gansey, Declan Written for @ganseyweek Gansey and Declan in a hospital waiting room after Ronan's supposed suicide attempt. Written for Gansey Week day one "Out of Time."

No dawn, no day The Raven Cycle 3,451 words Blue/Gansey, Ronan/Adam Written for @ganseyweek Massively overtired Gansey meets his new skating partner, Blue. She doesn't particularly like him. Written for Gansey Week day 2 "Insomnia."

Ask the question The Raven Cycle 2,161 words Blue/Gansey, Blue/Gansey/Henry Written for @ganseyweek Blue discovers something interesting in Gansey's bags. Or the one where Gansey gains psychic abilities. Written for Gansey Week day three "Road Trip."

Dark Shadows The Raven Cycle 1,435 words Gansey Written for @ganseyweek "He was a king. This was the year he was going to die." Or Gansey goes for a drive and tries to deal with knowing he's going to die. Written for Gansey Week day four using the bonus prompt "dark shadows."

Talking to You The Raven Cycle 1,543 words Helen, Gansey Written for @ganseyweek Helen meets up with Gansey in France. Her goal is to convince him to come back to the US. Written for Gansey Week day 5 "Family."

And the damage makes you want to hide The Raven Cycle 2,889 words Gansey Written for @ganseyweek Gansey has wings. No one knows, and that's the way he likes it. Written for Gansey Week day 6 "Wings."

Old Friends The Raven Cycle 1,686 words Gansey, OC Written for @ganseyweek Gansey and Ronan lost some friends after Niall Lynch died. Turns out those old friends only have a problem with Ronan. Gansey is not happy. Written for Gansey Week day seven "Fight."

Troubled by Dreams The Folk of the Air 1,329 words Jude/Cardan “I have too often been troubled by dreams of Jude...her face features prominently in my most frequent nightmare." Or the one where Cardan dreams of Jude. Too bad his subconscious is using her as a voice box.

September

The Fallibility of Memory The Raven Cycle 1,230 words Noah, Gansey Gansey and Noah talk about how they met. This is not the first time they've had this conversation. Originally written for Gansey Week day four "Memories," but turned out to be a fic about Noah, not Gansey.

What are words? Six of Crows 6,147 (incomplete, 4/5 chapters done) The Crows, OCs [Fightingverse] Five conversations which took place before Maxim Vasilyev came to Ketterdam.

Together Six of Crows 1,307 words Jesper/Wylan, Colm [Heavyverse] Modern AU. Jesper and Wylan tell Colm they're dating.

October

Grandstanding The Folk of the Air 2,543 words Jude/Cardan Jude returns to Elfhame with a plan to gain her position as High Queen.

Ace of Cups The Alex Stern Series 6,197 words Dawes, Darlington Written for @fandomaspecfest Anyone’s knee-jerk reaction would be to say Pamela Dawes was into Daniel Arlington. Pamela Dawes was not into Daniel Arlington. Or the one where Dawes is aroace.

Dying by degrees Peaky Blinders 7,770 words Tommy, Ada, Freddie A week before he died, Freddie Thorne asked to see Tommy Shelby one last time. To say it was a complicated experience for all involved would be an understatement.

November

And all of the ghouls come out to play Six of Crows 3,395 words Nina, Jordie, Kaz [Fightingverse] "Greed may do your bidding, but death serves no man." Or the one where Jordie is actually haunting Kaz.

Numb me down to the core Peaky Blinders 6,273 words Finn, Tommy Written for @peakyblindersexchange On Christmas Eve Finn Shelby had three brothers. Now he had one. Or Finn and Tommy in the aftermath of Arthur’s “death.”

A Good Story Peaky Blinders 1,926 words Tommy, Ada Written by @peakyblindersexchange Pre-Series. Tommy, Ada and petty theft.

December

Left Alone Peaky Blinders 1,897 words Tommy, Charlie Written for @peakyblindersexchange A morning during s4. Tommy hates the Watery Lane house. Charlie wants his dad.

How to Save a Life Six of Crows 41,850 words (complete, currently posting) Kaz/Inej, Jesper/Wylan, Nina/Matthias, Kuwei, Jordie Written for @grishaversebigbang "Kaz took a deep breath and tried to prepare himself for what was to come. He’d done this before, in similarly hopeless situations, but it was always hard. Logically he knew that this was just another tool, another trick, but it always felt wrong." Or the one where Kaz is a Grisha Healer.

#mine #2019 wrap up

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phoenix1966sbottom · 7 years

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Physical Abuse Part 1 - The Sam Edition

Stories where Sam is physically abused in a relationship by a significant other, owner or family member (this may go hand in hand with mental and/or sexual abuse, too). Please heed the story’s warnings (there are deathfics in this lot) where it is posted as there is obviously disturbing content, blood, themes, etc. In some stories, the abuse is mentioned in passing; in others, it is the main focus. (abused!Jared can be found here)

Savin’ Me by wincest_whore on Livejournal. Sam/John, Sam/Dean. Unrelated wincest. Sam is a pleasure slave sold to hunter John Winchester. Things turn bad and Sam starts to fall for John’s son, Dean.

Saving Sam by wincest_whore on Livejournal. Sam/John, Sam/Dean. Unrelated wincest. John and Sam have been together for about a year when John becomes violent. Sam then starts to fall for his son, Dean.

Fire and Ice series by kuhekabir on A03. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Sam is abused by a demon who looks like Dean and is forever damaged. John has him institutionalized for part of the series. (you must be logged on to read)

Blood and Bruises by freakn_out on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Post-John's death. Sam tries to get through to Dean, but Dean isn't letting himself mourn. Instead, he lashes out. “You should,” he chokes out, “You should get away from me, Sammy. Bobby’s right: you’re my baby brother... I’m meant to protect you. And I just... Sammy, I hurt you. I hurt you....” He begins to sit up. “I should go. I should... I need to go.”

Threw Away the Sun by LadyJanelly on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. AU. Six months after John Winchester goes missing on a hunt, Dean Goes to Palo Alto to find a psychic.

To Have Worth. Sam/Dean. Wincest AU. Dean claims Sam from a young age to be his omega. Sam wasn’t sure how he felt about that. His feelings changed with time. All he wanted was to be worth something. No matter what Sam offered, he could never have what he was searching for.

The Best Gift of All by Brimstonegold and virtualpersonal on AO3. Sam/OMC,Sam/Dean. Unrelated wincest. Sam and his daughter get stranded in South Dakota, only to be taken in by a cranky, semi-retired hunter just before Christmas. There are sequels to this story, but I think there is switching in them, so read at your own risk.

Hell on Earth series by ShadowBiscuit on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. After Dean became a demon, all of his morals walked right out the door. Sam is now Dean's pet, even though being used by his older brother was the last thing he ever wanted. This series describes their life together, which is sometimes happy, sometimes sad, but mosty full of kinky sex and often, torture.

Talk to Me by darkroses on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. John walked in on the unthinkable. He never wanted this to happen but he needed answers. He hoped this wasn’t true. He hoped there was another reason.

Of Lovers & Nightmares by DirigableBoyKing on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Dean loses his memories. Guess what happens next.

What Doesn’t Kill Us by kroki-refur on LiveJournal. Sam/Dean, Sam/John. Wincest. Heed the warnings on this one! John and Dean use abusive methods to keep Sam in line. (this might be f-locked now)

Take Me Away by wincest_whore on LiveJournal. Sam/Dean. Unrelated wincest. While on a case at Stanford, Dean must pose as a student to get information on a demon he is hunting. As the case progresses, he realizes that a quiet, anti-social student, Sam Wesson, may be related to his case and just might be able to help him blow the thing wide open. The only problem is, Sam refuses to let him get close enough to get his help. After Sam shows up at Jessica’s apartment with a particularly nasty looking bruise and a few scratches, Dean doesn't ask for Sam's permission to help; he tells him he's helping and there's nothing Sam can do about it. Unfortunately, the two of them working together only causes more problems for Sam and could just be the thing that pushes this monster over the edge.

Dark Desires by morganaDW on AO3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. After checking out a ghost in an old sex club, things go wrong when Sam finds himself on the wrong end of what this club really was used for but it’s not only his life on the line. Both he & Dean must not only survive the ultimate sex curse but the fallout.

Too Late by morganaDW on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Sam follows Dean to finally face what was going on between them after his return from Purgatory but misses the clues too late to realize the danger he places himself in until it’s too late. He must try to fight & survive the brutality he endures at Dean’s hands & hopes his brother can fight his own way free or it’ll be too late for them both.

Every Night You Stay by rockstarpeach on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Sam finds out about Ezekiel and doesn’t take it well. He decides to leave Dean again and Dean doesn’t take that well. All Dean wants is to take care of him, whether Sam wants it or not. This is what happens when Dean finally snaps. Or, the one where Dean goes crazy and ties Sam up so he can't leave.

Deadly Innocence by wincest_whore on LiveJournal. Sam/shapeshifter!Dean, Sam/Dean. Wincest. he shapeshifter didn't die and instead kidnapped Sam, taking off with him. Dean at first doesn't realise Sam has been taken and takes him a while to realise who has Sam. The shifter keeps Dean's form and keeps Sam underground as his sex toy. Months pass and Sam learns fighting is useless, and the only way to survive is to obey 'Dean' without question, the shifter is clearly obsessed with Sam and Sam ends up with Stockholm Syndrome, almost falling in love with the Shifter. When Dean *finally* finds Sam, rescuing Sam won't be easy, since Sam isn't sure he wants to be rescued.

Hey Jude by atlas on Ao3. Sam/Jess,Sam/Dean. Wincest. Mary died in a car crash. John spends what little money he makes on drink. Sam can only seem to make enemies at school rather than friends. Dean fights in back alleys and underground clubs to keep his little brother’s belly full and a roof over his head. The Winchesters are a normal family.

Chasing Rabbits by hellhoundsprey on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Unrelated wincest. The yellow wavelength is relatively long and essentially stimulating. In this case the stimulus is emotional, therefore yellow is the strongest color, psychologically. The right yellow will lift our spirits and our self-esteem; it is the color of confidence and optimism. Too much of it, or the wrong tone in relation to the other tones in a color scheme, can cause self-esteem to plummet, giving rise to fear and anxiety. Our “yellow streak” can surface.

I Feel It Way Down by formalizing on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Dean eventually gets out of hell, but angels have nothing to do with it. Sam is willing to make a lot of exceptions to his morals and principles in order to have his brother back. (AU after season 3)

Twisted Needs by morganaDW on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Sam wakes up recalling the attack by a man from Dean’s past only to find his situation is actually much worse now than it was as he discovers just how very different his brother has been turned. He also discovers that the mark hasn’t just twisted Dean’s actions or thoughts but also his needs.

Three Days on the Rack by keerawa on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. It’s been months, but Sam finally found a crossroads demon willing to Deal to get Dean’s soul out of Hell. The Deal sounded too good to be true. Sam took it anyway.

…And The Circus Leaves Town by DownInTheGutter on AO3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Also, it's mostly Dean obsessing over Sam and what he's up to. Just a warning there's not much actual sex, I guess.

When the Cat Caught the Mouse by ShadowBiscuit on Ao3. Sam/Dean Unrelated Wincest. Kidnapped and drugged. Waking up naked and with a blindfold over his eyes, Sam didn't think he'd get out of this situation he has somehow got himself into alive. But he really needn't worry. Dean isn't planning on hurting him that bad...

If You’re Warm, Then You Can’t Relate to Me by gothpandaotaku on AO3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Post S10E22 The Prisoner. "You know what I think? I think it should be you up there." The words keep running through Sam's head, like a song on repeat. The worst part is, he agrees with Dean. It should be him up there. How the hell is he supposed to tell Dean he's pregnant now? (warning: mpreg)

X Marks the Spot by ShadowBiscuit on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Unrelated wincest. Sam Winchester has been preparing for the Apocalypse that John believed was inevitable for a long time. Sam wanted a normal life. He was only fourteen, and no teenager should be locked 24/7 in their house while trained to survive in scenarios that had a very low probability of ever occurring. But that didn't seem to bother his dad, who with his paranoid mentality, militarized Sam's life, giving him little to no chance at ever experiencing what "normal" was supposed to feel like. Then one night, his already strange life takes a turn for the worse when he gets kidnapped, plunged into the world of vile criminals, and if Sam thought he had it bad before...Well, he was in for a gruesome surprise.

Can’t Take the Sky by saucyminx on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Unrelated wincest. Sam’s brought to yet another foster home but this time he finds a friend. Of course, he also finds an enemy and something other-worldy he wasn’t quite prepared to accept.

Gods and Men by dark_shadow85 on AO3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. They’ve taken on the gods before—can this time be the last?

Dark Series by deans_fetish on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. In hell, Dean was taught to torture. After being raised from hell, Dean has dark desires, darker than just an overwhelming lust for his brother. But, somehow in Dean's addled brain this all seems surreal, a world without ramifications. It is only after being 'woken up' that Dean realizes this is the really real world and the real Sam.

And probably the mother of all abused Sam stories...Freak Camp: A Monster by Any Other Name series on Ao3 by Brosedshield, LaviniaLavender, whereupon. Sam/Dean. Unrelated wincest. Our story takes several steps away from canon.Dean Winchester is an only child.Mary died November 2nd, 1983, but neither in a fire nor on the ceiling.Five-year-old Sam is deported to a concentration camp for monsters.But the core remains the same.This is a love story. (please heed all the warnings. Also, this is a WIP, so the sexual dynamics might change before it is all finished).

You may also find abusive relationships in the recs here, here, here, here and here since Jared/Sam is not willingly with his partner in many of them.

#fanfic rec #abuse #mpreg #alpha!dean #blood #injuries #non-con #dub-con #wincest #bottom!sam #omega!sam #violence #wincest au #abused!sam

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solaciummeae · 7 years

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Tidal Waves They Rip Right Through Me; Tears From Eyes Worn, Cold, and Sad | Part 12

MOOD MUSIC

“Sam? Where are the others?” Jude asks in confusion, rising from his seat when Sam rushes in alone. He looks over at Myranda who shrugs at him before they both look at the younger Winchester in front of them.

The taller hunter doesn’t bother with his question, only looking at Jude with skepticism as he notices a stranger in the room with him. “Where’s Emma?” He demands quickly, his eyes scanning for any signs of trouble. His eyes keep coming back to the woman who he doesn’t recognize. “And who’re you?” He questions harshly, already upset with Jude for letting strangers in the house when they weren’t home.

“Myranda–” She barely gets out before Sam shakes his head dismissively. He looks to Jude expectantly.

Jude can’t figure out what has Sam so wound up but puts his hands up defensively. “She’s upstairs in her room.”

Sam doesn’t wait for more information, he immediately goes jogging up the stairs leaving the two behind. He knocks on Emma’s door before pushing it open to find no one in sight. The panic in him instantly skyrockets. “Emma?” He calls into the dark empty room. No answer. “Emma?!” He calls loud enough so that if she is in the house, there’s no way she can’t hear him.

A small voice replies only his own name coming from down the hallway in his bedroom. He flies down and opens the door to find Emma curled up in a ball against his headboard. She looks as though she hasn’t moved from the same spot in days– maybe even as long as it had taken him to get back here. His feet carry him over to her and he pulls her into her arms. “Hey…” He breaks the silence softly. “What’s goin’ on?” He offers, holding her more tightly. He’s already furious. He doesn’t know how she can be in such terrible shape and the idiot downstairs can act so casual. As soon as Emma is okay, he’d make a point to ask him what the hell happened.

Emma shakes her head, hiding her face in his shirt. “Is she still here?” She asks sadly, gripping the fabric in her hands. Most of the time, people don’t scare her anymore– or at the very least– intimidate her. But whenever Myranda is around– which has now become a daily occurrence– she feels small– insignificant.

“Who?” Sam asks, his voice remaining gentle. He has a feeling he already knows exactly who she’s talking about which only causes his heart rate to quicken.

“M-Myranda.” She finally stutters, feeling ashamed that the woman could have such enormous power over her.

“Talk to me, Em, what happened?” Sam urges, pulling away so he can look her in the eyes. He gives her a smile of reassurance as if to let her know that he’s not going to let anything happen to her now.

Emma launches into the entire story beginning to end about how Adam had shown up, that he was her son from the future– an angel vessel, that Jude was his father, that they’d been fighting, and how Myranda had shown up and basically never left. She’s almost too scared to tell him how Myranda was treating her, which was probably the worst part.

“Tell me the rest Emma, come on– don’t leave anything out, okay?” He encourages her, even as his mind swims over all the information that she’s just given him. It was a lot, but he needed to know everything before he could handle the problem properly.

“She’s just done things– I don’t like her–” She tries her best to dismiss it, feeling stupid for even being upset.

“What did she do?” He coaxes, reaching up to comb his fingers through her hair.

“She acts like some kind of angel when she’s around Jude, pretends to be nice to me even– but always treats me like some kind of child– like some kind of patient.” She pauses, finding it difficult to force it all out. “When he left her with me once– it was like she flipped a switch. She just started coming at me about how I didn’t deserve someone like Jude– guys like him weren’t meant to be with little girls like me.” She stops to close her eyes before going on. “She told me I was too sick to even take care of myself and that I was a pretty pathetic excuse for a person– dead weight– a liability–” She recites the very words that had been said to her. “And then– she told me I was just plain crazy and asked me how anyone could love that?” She finishes brokenly.

Sam’s blood is boiling. He’s so beyond angry that he has to remind himself not to overreact. Emma can feel everything he’s feeling and he needs to stay strong for her. Still, he can’t allow this person to stay in their home a second longer. He presses a firm kiss to Emma’s forehead and makes direct eye contact. “Stay here okay, I’m going to be right back. I just need to take care of something first.” He tells her firmly, with a slow nod.

Emma nods back, fully trusting in every word he says. She watches him swiftly leave the room and hears his feet heavily jog back down the stairs. She already knows what he’s doing but it causes more fear within her than relief.

Sam makes it down to the living room where the other two sit laughing about something he’d entered too late to hear. It elicits a bitter laugh of his own, forced and painfully so. He drops his head, giving it a strained shake just as they both look up to him. He makes direct eye contact with Myranda. His face is so calm– save the sneer– it almost makes the dangerously low tone of his voice that much more menacing.

“I want you gone– now. And if you ever so much as set foot in a three mile radius of this place or anywhere near Emma for that matter– you’ll have whole lotta angry hunters so far up your ass you’ll have shotguns coming out of that pretty mouth o’ yours that just doesn’t know when to shut up.” He threatens, not taking her eyes off of her.

“Excuse me?” Myranda asks, giving him an unimpressed stare with her mouth hanging open.

“Sam– come on–” Jude attempts, feeling as though he has an idea of where this was coming from. Emma had tried to tell him that she didn’t like Myra and had made up some pretty awful stuff to boot. He’d of course read Myra’s mind to see if there was any truth to it but had found nothing.

“How dare you? You’ve got some kind of nerve showing up here and prancing around like you own the place. This is her home. You’re an uninvited– matter of fact– unwanted house guest– and Emma? She’s more of a woman than you’ll ever be– and a damn good hunter at that.” His eyes narrow. “Kindly see yourself out and if that door smacks your pretentious ass on the way out– even better.”

“Sam– I don’t know what Emma told you but– its not true.” Jude defends, shaking his head and bringing his arms up to calm the older man down.

“Shut up Jude–” Sam barks furiously before a scoff comes from him. “–I can’t believe you would actually call her a liar… Don’t worry– you’re staying just long enough to see the consequences of your own stupidity.”

Jude’s head is spinning with confusion. He looks at Myranda who doesn’t seem at all taken aback about this nor does she seem to disagree with any of it. “Myra–?” He stutters, hoping she’ll speak up and correct Sam– but she doesn’t.

Myranda smirks, her eyes flashing to the floor and back up again. “Didn’t tell her anything she shouldn’t already know– but don’t worry– I was getting sick of this dump anyway.”

“Get. Out.” Sam orders, pointing toward the door.

Jude just stands there, completely unaware of what he was supposed to do. It was like the woman beside him had switched to someone else entirely. He watches her pack up her things, not at all bothered by the tongue lashing she’d just received. He feels as though his whole body freezes at the thought that maybe he’d been played the whole time. “But how– I read you– there was nothing…”

Myranda snorts as she slings her bag over her shoulder. She looks on him as if he too is just a child so innocent and naive to the way the real world worked. “Oh honey– you’re not the first psychic I’ve encountered– not even the first one I’ve slept with–” She pauses with a shrug of her lips that mirrors the movement of her shoulders. “You’re not as difficult to block out as you think– I changed the truth so many times you didn’t even know what hit you.” She sighs to let him know just how little he’s meant to her this whole time. With that, she walks across the room, halting just a she passes Sam. “Your threats don’t scare me– everyone knows you’re the soft Winchester anyway.” She coos, before walking out the front door with a loud slam.

Jude looks at Sam helplessly. “Sam– I didn’t know–”

“Ya think?” He replies with a snort of his own.

“Please just let me talk to her–”

Sam just isn’t concerned with letting Jude say anything right now. “You don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as her. But I’m gonna let you apologize– see the damage you’ve caused– and then we’ll let Emma decide if you get to stay.” He informs him. “And don’t think I don’t know everything. She told me all about Adam– which makes this even worse…what is wrong with you? You’d go to hell for her but wouldn’t listen when she tried warned you were messing with the wrong person?”

Jude just allows himself to be reamed by the other man. The full weight of what he’d done is starting to set in and he can’t help but agree with every word from Sam. He can’t believe he’d actually fallen for it. The idea that he’d even kissed her seemed so repulsive now– but it had gone so much further than that. He feels dirty– the kind that no matter how many showers he takes– isn’t going to leave him anytime soon. He only nods to show his acceptance. “I promise I won’t stay– I just need to see her.”

Sam gestures toward the stairs to his left. “Well then– by all means– after you. She’s in my room– not hers.” He makes a point to prove just how wrong the blonde had been the whole time.

Jude makes his way around the coffee table, keeping his eyes glued to the floor even as he reaches the second story. He walks down the hallway, knocking on the door as he clenches his eyes shut waiting for her to answer.

Emma– having heard the whole thing from where she was– shies away even as the door opens, letting the light from the hallway into the room. She doesn’t want to look at him because his own potent emotions are too suffocating. Its everything she would hope he would feel to show remorse– but its also enough to cause the tears to fall down her cheeks again.

He knows she doesn’t want to see him. Whereas he’s sure she senses every bit of guilt ridden regret coming from him– he too can feel the restrained pain radiating from her. Its enough to choke him and make it almost impossible to move closer but he forces himself to sit beside her on the bed. “E-Emma?” He tries to speak, his voice all but escaping his control. “I know I messed up– really bad…” He clears his throat, finally bringing his eyes to meet her crumpled up figure sitting a foot away from him on the mattress.

He has to wait before trying to talk again because he’d had no clue that it had gotten this bad. She’s obviously been up here in the dark for a long time, and he’s beginning to realize he can’t remember the last time he even saw her eat.

“I’m gonna go, okay? You don’t have to see me for a long time if you don’t want to– but I just had to–” He falters. Telling her he’s sorry seems a poor amends for this kind of betrayal– something he seemed to have a knack for when it came to her. He’d called her a liar– he’d accused her of being childish and jealous when she’d tried to warn him about Myranda.

“I’m sorry– and whatever she said to you– its not true.” He feels as though the longer he apologizes, the more its just not enough. “I love you– even if it’ll never be enough for what I did– I need you to know that.” He inhales a shallow breath. “I could never love anyone else the way I am so in love with you.” He confesses intently. He just wants to reach out and touch her, but he knows he has no right.

Emma keep her eyes hidden so he can’t see the devastation they hold. She wants so desperately to believe him. Just from reading his thoughts and emotions, she knows that he means every word that he says. Somehow, it still doesn’t fix the damage done. Even her heart that beats so slowly in her chest now seems to ache in a way she didn’t think was possible. Of everyone that had ever left her– no one had been what Jude was to her. Its almost ironic because for a long time she’d never thought she’d love anyone this much ever again after the others. But Jude? She loves him more. Her heart pleads with her mind to just tell him to stay but she can’t.

He inhales a shaky breath, unable to stop himself from leaning over to kiss the top of her head even as she flinches. He stands and makes his way out of the room to go downstairs to gather his stuff– passing Sam at the door.

Sam enters the room just as Jude leaves. So maybe he wasn’t psychic anymore like either of them. However, it occurs to him that Jude really was played and he softens– not enough to let him stay but he feels for him nonetheless. For Emma’s sake, he needed to leave. It was going to take a lot of work to bring her back from this one. He’s just glad that it was him that came back ahead of the other two. He’s not even sure how he’s supposed to explain all of this to his brother or Bobby because they’d cut him off every two seconds.

For now, he focuses on Emma– giving her what she needs. He pads back over to the bed and sits down, using his own strong arms to pull her back to himself. Just as she forms to his body, she begins sobbing violently. “Its okay, I’ve got you. You’re gonna be okay, Em.” He whispers, kissing her temple and keeping a protective hold around as much of her own body as he can manage with his arms.

She doesn’t even make an effort to hold back when Sam returns to her. She just completely falls apart in his arms. Her mind is shooting off thoughts rapid fire even through the ridicule and maniacal laughing above her own voice. She feels as though she’s been holding in this pain since that first day when Jude had outed her to Myranda. Likewise, she can feel the pressure building up to point where she just can’t keep it in anymore. All at once, she releases it like a shock wave of energy and emotion.

Jude, who’d been downstairs making his getaway as quickly as possible, can’t block out the thoughts he hears coming from upstairs. He wants to remain in Sam’s head– the other hunter feeling a much stable place to be, but Emma may as well be screaming in her own. His eyes already burn with tears as he listens to her promise herself that she’ll never fall in love again, that she’d rather die alone, and worst of all– that she doesn’t want to see him ever again. Really, her thoughts alone are enough to bring him to his knees.

A moment later though, he’s hit with a blast from her that causes him to double over in pain– crying out softly. Its enough to cause him to grip at his chest as though he’ll be able stop the destruction in his chest. His eyes squeeze shut waiting for it to subside but it just pulses through him. Something tells him that he might not be so effected if it weren’t for his own feelings for her– for the deeper connection that they shared.

His forces himself to stand upright, opening his eyes even as his own tears spill over the rims of them. He grabs his duffle bag, barely able to lift it from the nuclear bomb of grief that just went through his entire body. He can’t even look back in her direction so he presses on, leaving through the front door. He makes his way over to his bike, even though he knows he shouldn’t be driving it.

He straps his bag into place and straddles the seat, allowing himself to take a few deep breaths before lifting the kick stand and revving the motor. He takes off, determined to find the nearest motel so he can sleep off the fatigue he feels after what he just experienced.

He wonders if he’ll ever see her again. More over he knows– if she can never forgive him– she won’t be the only one who never loves again.

#indie drabble #spn drabble #spn rp #supernatural drabble #supernatural rp #verse: supernatural #series: so this is where the story ends; or have we just begun #drabbles: emma #drabbles: samuelw #drabbles: judah #drabbles: myranda #muse: emma #muse: judah #muse: samuelw #muse: myranda #relationship: could this be out of line; to say youre the only one

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