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#john winchester is a shit dad

shinelikethunder · 8 months

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brain gently vibrating about "you can't let [this job get to you], you can't bring it home with you like that" in Phantom Traveler, and why/how by s1 Dean has cultivated the persona and coping strategies that he has... and also about "you know, when you were a kid i'd come home from a hunt, and after what i'd seen, i'd be--wrecked. and you, you'd come up to me and put your hand on my shoulder, and you'd look me in the eye and you'd say, 'it's okay, dad.' and you shouldn't have had to say that to me. i should've been saying that to you."

#supernatural #spn s1 #dean winchester #john winchester #may have been a domineering drill sergeant of a dad but so many of the bros' s1/s2 conversations about him hinge on the unspoken fact #that he was also a needy grief-wracked messy-ass bitch who brought *all* his shit home to his kids while telling them nothing

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sammygender · 1 day

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trans headcanons of the winchesters are always extremely fun to play around with and i can see most of them. but one that always rings slightly false to me, despite a love for it due to self-identification and the fact it’s definitely interesting, is transmasculine dean. simply because if you’re going according to canon this would require him to have transitioned at some point prior to johns death, probably much prior, probably as a youngish kid. and i genuinely do not think that ever could’ve happened. he values johns approval too much and is too scared of demanding too much of him.

like even aside from whether john is Actually transphobic (i doubt he’s like Cartoonishly transphobic he probably would be annoyed by it slash not care much, interpret ‘not caring’ however you want) just the whole Thing of coming out where you’re like. “Hey dad im actually a human person who has an internal sense of self and such that doesn’t happen to be You 2.0 and am not the gender you thought i was and i feel emotions to such an extent that i actually like need to transition”…….

no fucking way dean would ever be able to do that to john while he’s still alive. please. teenage transmasculine dean would be like Well yeah sure i want to be a guy but that’s not an option for me whatsofuckingever. and crucially he’d be like that even if he knew entirely about trans people. now this is why transfemme dean works so well. because you just know it would take her at least thirty years to even consider it for a singular second.

on the other hand transmasc sam works so well because you can picture teenage transmasculine sam realising he’s a boy and promptly making it part of the whole entirely justified and very cool and fun teen angst rebellion FUCK YOU DAD thing. he could let spite carry him to the point of coming out. dean? he is burying that shit deep.

#Idk there’s still stuff to play with i find really interesting #at the end of the day it’s like. canonly dean buries everything about himself and just takes on the shape of his dad dads music dads car #dads jacket dads anger etc-#dean is expected to be a certain way. and he becomes very good at that certain way #he’s playing the role his father decided for him long after his fathers dead #i think a theoretically transmasc dean while still just as determined to prove himself and like. into hunting and probably vaguely the #machismo of it all too like canon dean. i think he would still very much as a teenager play into the whole eldest daughter mary 2.0 (more #than in canon he’s already mary 2.0 but he’s also meant to be john 2.0)#like transmasc dean would bury it and keep performing badass Tough Chick femininity #obviously after transitioning he’d be just like canon dean but he’d have to get to the point of transitioning first Which would take foreve #dean conforms to the role john expects he does what he thinks is needed of him #hence why it’s so hard to imagine a younger him transitioning. transition is a deviation from that tightly plotted role #Hence why in canon maybe transitioning would save her because it would inherently mean she’s gotten over some shit!#ANYWAY. gender in spn is so interesting #dean winchester #trans dean winchester #I still love transmasc headcanons though ofc #spn #oliver talks

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angelsdean · 1 year

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sorry this is totally unprompted but just something i've been thinking abt and i will also preface this by saying this is just one interpretation and i am someone who loves to entertain many (often conflicting) interpretations of things ok anyways

so i really don't think john in the prequel being friends with carlos is indicative of not being homophobic, like at all. i totally get where ppl are coming from w/ that interpretation and also there really isn't anything explicitly in spn canon that says john would be homophobic however for me he just. is. there's just no world where he isn't in my personal canon. esp when you read into the metaphors abt the supernatural being representative of being Other and people on the fringes of society, and then do queer readings of that. but anyways, back to the my main point which is, i can't tell you how many times i've seen ppl (in my own family and outside of it) talk abt their "dear friend so-and-so who is gay" and they're totally fine with that ! and they love them! and "don't care what they do in the privacy of their own bedroom." and then in the next breath will parrot some stereotype abt gay people. and say something ignorant or derogatory. and when called out they insist they're not homophobic bc they love "so-and-so". but they also can't ever imagine that someone in their own family (esp their own child) could be anything other than straight. and i really think that's where prequel john falls. he's totally "fine and cool w/ it" as long as it doesn't directly affect him. but if it were one of his sons? no way. his kids just aren't like that.

#he'd be like. 'i had a buddy carlos who was queer. didn't change the fact that he was a damn good hunter'#and young dean thinks. ok. dad's cool with it. long as i'm a good hunter it doesn't matter. and he thinks maybe he could tell him #and then john sends him to burn the bones of those nuns. and maybe makes an insensitive comment abt them and dean shrinks in on himself #and this keeps happening over and over again. and maybe one day john catches dean with a guy. maybe it's lee.#and he tells him to cut that shit out bc dean's not like that. no son of his is like that. and again he doesn't care what lee does.#he's praised lee before for his fighting skills. he's a great hunter. but he won't be doing anything with *his* son etc etc #fuck john winchester #spn meta #spn prequel #vic.txt

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jamieontheroof · 5 months

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i love how when we first find out that chuck is god he is holding a "worlds best dad" mug

#LIKE NO #bitch you are not the worlds best dad #i mean john winchester is worse than you but youre still shit #spn #chuck shurley

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superwholockednico · 2 years

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happy belated fathers day to the 'you're not my dad my dad wouldn't say he was proud of me' supernatural scene

#also fuck netflix for not letting me screenshot the screen #wtf #netflix u suck this is why i prefer pirating my media even if i have netflix #supernatural #spn #dean winchester #dean #john winchester #john winchester is a shit dad

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batcavescolony · 17 days

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S1 E11 Supernatural

Sam and Dean and their relationship with John. It's interesting the difference between them, Sam will stand up to John, wants to do what he wants and will fight for it. Dean on the other hand doesn't stand up to John, has accepted that John's way is how he's gonna live and isn't fighting it. look at Sam on the phone vs Dean, Sam is fighting John, wants John to talk to him, want answers and refused to take down the names John was telling him. Then Dean got the phone and he basically snapped to attention, he call John 'Sir' he took the names down and went to where he was told. The difference in them even though they were raised together!

On to the Episode, I liked Deans reaction to Sam stealing a car 'That's my boy!'. Idk about this girl she's after them for some reason but her blood boss told her to not take them. Sam kinda fell for this girls story which is a bit too much like his, like I definitely think she tailored it to get to him. Sam is a bit more empathetic towards people and that's good but sometimes it's bad, like this case she coulda killed him. it's nice to see Dean is competent on his own, we get to see him doing this case on his own and while it's easier with Sam, Dean can still handle himself. He definitely thinks his Dad is the best though with his comments on how John put together the missing people and the town. I wonder if we'll get an episode to see Sam truly on his own on a case to see how he works without Dean. But you can definitely see the brothers know each other, Sam knowing Dean would pick up if he called so he knew something was wrong. Just they're separated this episode so it let's you see them a bit more.

#or something idk. just spewing thoughts.#batcavescolony watches supernatural #batcavescolony watches #supernatural s1 #supernatural #sam winchester #dean winchester #john winchester #s1 e11 #i know people think dean is like jason todd coded but i think SAM is more Jason coded. growing up in the family business but getting away #and coming back mad. wanted to beat the shit out of your dad but also wanting something from him. it might just be that like jason and sam #are younger brothers to thier Dick/Dean older brother so they have the same vibe but Dean also giving Dick Grayson older brotherness #like Dick being the high esteemed batman protage first robin do as Batman says and dean being johns lill hunter boy take over the business #while jason is the one that way and stands up to batman like sam whos not afraid to say their family is fuck up. loke obviously not exactly #the same they are different character but Yeah Jensen voiced Red Hood but Dean is giving Nightwing to me #i can probably think of other reasons Dean is giving Nightwing and Sam Red Hood but thats another post.

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its-alittleobssessed · 1 year

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Guys you don’t understand. Supernatural’s subtext is so rich in lore and character building that we never actually see and it drives me absolutely insane. Like im fucking feral for the shit thats implied and brushed off on this show.

Like that seven deadly sins ep with Dean not being vulnerable to Lust.

Dean getting his GED even though he didn’t have to. Why did he do that? Gives us so much about his character

Saying “too much heart was always Castiels problem” implying a possible past rebellious streak

Sam’s implied torture with Lucifer

Everything implied about John Winchester. Like. Everything. Like i hate the episodes where they say “he did the best he could.” “He was a good dad”. Have we been watching the same show?

Dean’s alcohol dependency.

Like there is so so much under the surface of this shitty show and i wish people understood how insane i am about it.

#supernatural #spn #destiel #dean winchester

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kaleldobrev · 8 months

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It's Okay

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Summary: Dean's a little jealous that Sam still talks to you and not him

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Cursing (4x), Fluff, Slightly angry/jealous Dean

Authors Note: Takes place pre-pilot | If you liked this, don’t forget to like & reblog. I really appreciate it! Feedback is always welcome ♡

“Alright, I’m gonna secure us a room for a few nights and then call dad to see where the fuck he ran off to.” Dean said, his voice slightly full of worry, even though you knew he was trying to hide it. A million thoughts were running through his mind, all of which were worst case scenarios. These thoughts were ones that you knew he would never share because of this wall he had built up in order to protect himself, in order to make him not appear weak, vulnerable. You had told him time and time again that it was okay to be vulnerable, that it's okay to let the wall he built up to come down - even if that vulnerability was just around you. But you knew how hard it was for him, because the wall he built up had become hardwired or programmed into him - something you not only blamed John for, but the traumas that he dealt with growing up. As much as you wanted to tear the wall down, you didn't want to push or pry; it was something that he needed to want to do.

"Sounds good." You agreed. As he opened up the driver's side door to leave, your hand went to his thigh. "Hey." You said very softly, but stern. "John is fine. I mean, it's John for Christ's sake." You tried to reassure him in one of the best ways you knew how.

“I know but…” he sighed a little. “He hasn’t gone this long without checking in.” You sighed too, knowing that he was right. Although John wasn’t good about checking in, he would at least check in every two or three days - at this point, it’s been almost four.

“I’ll tell you what. When we get the room I’ll run us a nice bath. How does that sound?” You smiled, slightly patting his thigh.

You saw the slight hesitation in his face before he answered you. “Okay.” His response sounding weak, unsure. “Do you have the -“

“Yes I have the lavender shit.” You stated. Your hand moved from his thigh to his cheek now, and you looked him directly in the eyes, looking at him in that loving type of way you knew he loved - like you were admiring him. “I love you.” You said, rubbing his cheek gently.

He smiled at you weakly, trying his best, despite the amount of worry that he was currently feeling. He may not tell you all the time, but he was lucky to have you, lucky that you seemed to love him just as much as he loved you. “I…” he had wanted to say it back, but he struggled to get the words out. “You too.” He said, taking your hand that had been placed on his cheek and kissed your palm.

To some, it may have hurt their feelings that their significant other didn't reciprocate their feelings of love, but it didn't bother you that he didn't say the three little words that you so desperately wanted to hear. But, despite him not saying those three little words, you knew that he loved you just as much as you loved him; maybe more. He may not show that he loved you with his words, but he did show you through his actions - and that was enough for you.

As Dean was securing the two of you a room for the next couple of days, you decided that you were going to call Sam, hoping that he had gotten his LSAT score back. Going into the exam, he had expressed to you how nervous he was, but you had reassured him that he was going to do great. “You studied a lot and have worked so hard to get to this point.” You had told him.

Finding his name in your phone, you dialed it; the phone ringing for a bit before he finally picked up. “Hey Y/N.” His said, his voice sounding a mixture of calm and happy - something that had made you happy to hear. “What’s up?”

“Just calling to check in. I wanted to see if your LSAT score came in.” You said, trying to keep the same kind of calmness that he had.

“They did come in. Finally.” He chuckled a little. “I uh, you were right. I did do great. Well, better than great actually. I, I got a 174.”

“A 174! Holy shit! Sam! That’s amazing!” You genuinely were proud of him. “Isn’t 180 perfect?”

Sam nodded, even though he knew you couldn’t see him. “Yeah. 180 is the perfect score so, I was only six points off.”

“With a score like that, you can go to any law school you want to.” You stated.

“Yeah. Um, actually, I have an interview here next week.” He said.

“At Stanford? That’s amazing.” You smiled. “Think you could get a full ride again?”

“Jess seems to think so.” Sam said. “But you know how she is, she tends to see a more positive side to things than I tend to do.”

“And this is why you need to keep her around.” Although you had only met Jessica once, you genuinely liked her and thought that she was insanely good for Sam. There was such a positive energy about her that was honestly infectious.

“That’s the plan.” He began. “I…I started looking at engagement rings a few weeks ago.”

“Holy sh-Sam!” Again, another positive thing that was going on in his life that you were genuinely happy about. “When are you going to do it?”

“I was thinking about doing it after my interview.” His voice sounded so nervous. “So, in a few weeks.”

“Can’t believe Sammy is going to be engaged soon.” You couldn’t contain the excitement that you were feeling for him.

“I mean, that’s if she says yes.” He chucked nervously.

“You know she’s going to.” You said. “I know I only met her once but, I could honestly see how happy you two made each other."

He sighed, and it almost sounded sad. "She really does make me happy. I don't know what I'd do without her."

"You should...you should call Dean and tell him the good news. I know he'd be happy for you and...insanely proud." Your own voice sounding just a bit sad now. You hoped that this suggestion would go somewhere, even though it would probably fall on deaf ears.

"We aren't exactly the Brady's Y/N. You know that." At least you didn't get your hopes up with your suggestion.

"I know but...that doesn't mean they don't still care about Sam." You sighed, wishing that the two of them would talk to each other, as it's been over two years since one of them had said anything to each other. "I mean your dad -" before you could finish your sentence, Dean came out of the motel lobby waving the motel key in his hands, in addition to two candy bars. "I'll talk to you later Sammy." You said, before hanging up the phone and stuffing it into your pocket. "Hey," you said, jumping off the trunk of Baby.

“How is he?” Dean asked, knowing that you had just spoken to Sam. This is when you always spoke to him; when he wasn’t around, as if it was some kind of secret. But he knew why you did it - you didn’t want him to feel bad, to feel jealous.

You sighed. “He’s…he’s doing great. He got his LSAT score back today. He got a 174.”

“That good?” Dean asked, walking over to the trunk.

“Scary good.” You stated. Dean popped open the trunk and started gathering his things. “The perfect score on that test is 180.”

“Huh.” He grinned wide. “Such a nerd.” You could tell that he was just as proud as you had been when he told you the news.

“You should call him. I know you two miss each other.” You knew your statement was probably out of line, but at this point you didn’t care. It has been over two years since the two of them had talked and you were getting tired of playing mediator.

“No.” Was all Dean said as he slammed the trunk, the sound making you wince. “If he wanted to hear from me, he would call me directly. It’s a two way street Y/N.” His voice was frustrated, angry. He started walking away from you now, making his way toward the motel room.

You quickly jogged after him, your bag slung over your shoulder. “Have you even tried calling him Dean?” You asked. “I mean, have you actually, seriously tried?”

As soon as those words came out of your mouth he stopped dead in his tracks and spun around to face you. The stopping was so abrupt you almost slammed your body into him. He looked down at you, practically towering over you - something that honestly scared you. “You really think he would pick up the fucking phone if I called?” He scoffed. “Don’t be stupid.” As soon as his words left his mouth your face fell, your lips turning into a slight frown. He started walking away again, but you didn’t move; you were frozen in place slightly staring at the ground.

You hated this side of Dean. It was a side you’ve seen numerous times but rarely was it ever directed toward you. “I’m sorry…” you trailed off, your voice incredibly low, almost as if you were talking to yourself.

Dean stopped again, and he sighed a frustrated sigh before turning around. “What did you say?” He asked, walking back toward you again.

You didn’t look up at him when you spoke again. “Was just…I was trying to help…I’m sorry.”

He sighed again. “Hey.” He said, his voice sounding calmer than it did before. When you didn’t look up at him, he tilted your chin up so you were forced to look at him. "I'm the one that should be sorry Sweetheart, not you." His tone apologetic. "I know you're just trying to help I just..."

"It's okay to miss him." Your voice still low.

"I know. I guess...I guess I'm just jealous that he talks to you but he won't talk to me." You could see the slight sadness in his eyes.

“Dean,” you began, taking his hand and giving it a slight squeeze. “He’ll come around.

“I doubt it but…” he trailed off for a moment before speaking again. “But it sounds believable when you say it.” He smiled weakly.

“Want to go take that bath now?” You asked.

“Yeah. And after can we…” He was slightly struggling to get the words out, and you weren’t sure if it was because he was embarrassed to ask or because he was emotional in this moment and was trying to hide it from you. He sighed. “Can we…cuddle?” He whispered.

You smiled, almost finding it funny that he had struggled to get the question out. "Of course we can. You know you don't have to ask." You leaned up on your tippy toes, giving him a quick peck on the lips.

"Sweetheart?" He asked.

"Mmm?"

"I uh...I love you." A kind of warmth ran through your body, finally hearing the three words that you had desperately wanted to hear for a while.

"I love you too." You replied back.

Tag List: @roseblue373 @beansproutmafia @queenie32 @deanwanddamons @missy420-0 @jackles010378 @syrma-sensei @k-slla If you'd like to be added to a tag list, let me know!

#dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #spn #supernatural #spn imagine #supernatural imagine #spn one shot #supernatural one shot #dean x you #dean x reader #reader insert #female reader

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shinelikethunder · 2 months

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the family drama and backstory gets a lot of play as being the best part of 1x08 Bugs, but what I don't see people talking about as much is that the punchline of the whole thing is when they're in the car near the end and Dean "Filial Piety" Winchester hears Sam telling that kid very earnestly over the phone "you have to tell your shitty dad the truth about the danger you're all in! just try to get through to him!" and immediately goes "are you crazy? gimme the fucking phone. okay, kiddo, it's time to tell your dad what's known as an 'expedient lie.' how good are you at faking appendicitis?"

like give me all the backstory on Dean learning to "manage" John while Sam was standing up to him, i know that shit went crazy and got toxic as hell

#supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #john winchester #bugs #spn s1 #something something winchester family values

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that-sarcastic-writer · 2 years

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A Good Man (Dean Winchester)

Pairing: Dean Winchester X Wife!Reader

Summary: Dean never wanted kids. Until he married you, and now he's changed his mind.

Warnings: 18+, minors dni, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it children, you don't want kids) p in v, brief fingering, creampie, breeding kink, bit of dirty talk, established relationship, cursing.

WC: 3.4k I'm sorry

A/N: Idk what has gotten into me lately, but it's just filth all up in this head. Just one thought, dean and kids. That's it. He wouldve been a great dad if the writers didnt hate him, fight me. If this flops I'll cry myself to sleep. Kay enjoy the not soldier boy filth

Comments and reblogs are highly appreciated!

Dean never wanted kids. Not really. How could he? He could never be selfish enough to bring a child into his life. His way of life wasn't the life any child deserved. He knew he didn't. But he didn't know if he could ever give up hunting, it was all he had ever known. All he was raised to do. And deep down, that's exactly what he didn't want, he didn't want to be the father he had, and in so many ways he and John were alike. So he promised himself he would never bring a child into this world, into his life.

And then he met you.

The sweetest girl he had ever met. You were the prettiest, too. The second he laid eyes on you when you served him at a local dinner in Lebanon, he knew you were something else. And the minute you flashed him a smile, he was done for. He wanted you. And good thing you wanted him too.

Dean never thought he would want to marry anyone, settling down, going to bed and waking up next to the same person for the rest of his life, he never thought he would have any of those things. But then, he fell in love with you. And much to his relief, you loved him too, exactly the way he was, hunting and all. Though that was a conversation that took weeks of processing before you were fully on board, but you moved past it. You would even, at times help them, or more like Sam, research. Hunting was a big part of who Dean was, it was his life, and you wanted to be part of it. How he was ever lucky enough to deserve someone like you he didn't know. Sometimes he wondered if he had died and had gone to heaven, you being a vision of the bliss and happiness he so desperately wanted. But no, he was alive and you were real.

So he married you.

Kids were never in the equation though. It was brought up here and there, the possibility, the fantasy, the what if, but you both figured it wasn't right. Dean thought it would be for the best, he would just ruin their life like his father ruined his and Sam's.

Until your sister gave birth to a baby girl.

Dean wasn't in the picture when your nephews had been born, they were in elementary school now. But when your sister got pregnant again, right around the time you and Dean got married, you were thrilled. You loved your nephews, and you were going to love having a niece now. You had shared your excitement with him, but he didn't see the hype. What was so exciting about a crying red-faced shit dispenser? But alas, he at least tried to share your excitement.

Until he actually saw you with the newborn in your arms.

Dean had driven you a few states over to your sister's, so you could help out with the boys while she got settled back home that weekend. He wasn't around much, he felt out of place and like he was intruding, he had only met your family a handful of times after all. But on the last night you stayed at your sister's, he found you in the nursery, the red-faced baby peacefully cradled in your arms. He was speechless. He had never seen you with a baby before. The way you held her with care and gentleness, the way you said loving words to her, the way you smiled at her. It was like his heart had stopped and he was frozen in place.

You heard the floorboards creak behind you and you turned around. You saw, Dean, standing by the door, face pale as a ghost. You raised a concerned eyebrow at him.

"You okay Dean? What are you doing just standing there?" You asked him softly, as not to disturb the almost sleeping newborn in your arms. Dean blinked twice, swallowed and nodded.

"Yeah I'm.. I'm fine, sweetheart." He gave you a nervous smile and half pointed at you, "I was just watching you. Not— Not watching like that, just y'know—"

"Oh jesus. Just come here, would you?" You giggled at his nervous rambling and nudged him in your direction. He looked at you with apprehension, but nodded regardless. He walked towards you and stood behind you. He was at least a head taller than you, so he could easily stand behind you and look over your shoulder. And his heart definitely stopped then.

"She's the cutest little thing isn't she?" You said to him, smiling at her as you rocked her in your arms.

Dean let out a long breath as his eyes landed on the tiny being in your arms, "Yeah she uh, she's somethin'." He met her eyes and he only smiled awkwardly. She giggled and lifted her tiny arms.

You laughed softly when she did and looked over your shoulder at him with a smile, "Baby, I think she likes you." You said to him when she kept her arms lifted and even fisted her tiny hands in his direction. "I think she wants you to hold her."

"Wha-what?"

You turned around to face him and his eyes were wide and his eyebrows were knitted into a nervous and confused expression. He was cute, sometimes he melted your heart without even trying.

"Do you know how to hold a baby?"

"Yeah but—"

"Okay then hold her. I'm right here, you'll be fine, she won't like, gauge your eyes out or anything." You reassured him, teasing him a bit. He pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes at your comment.

"Hilarious." He rolled his eyes. He wanted to say no, but there was something about you, holding the little girl that made his stomach twist and turn. He couldn't even describe the feeling, but he knew he liked it. "Fine."

Dean tensed up the second he had the newborn in his arms. He didn't know if he was holding her too tight, if her head was supported enough, if he was holding her steady enough. He looked at you with panic for a second, but when the little girl reached out her tiny arms and her tiny fingers touched his jaw, he felt like his heart stopped. He looked down at her, his eyes finding her big ones and his face softened. And he smiled, he actually smiled.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean couldn't take his mind off it. You with a tiny being in your arms. He thought about what it would be like to see your belly grow with his child, to see you hold a baby with his eyes and your nose. He thought about doing all the things his father never did with him. He thought about being a better father.

The entire ride back home, Dean was absent, he said very little and you knew something was on his mind. You knew he could get lost in his own head and it'd be damn near impossible to get him to talk about it. You hoped he would eventually. Though you had the feeling neither of you were in much mood to talk. It was late, Dean was probably tired from hours of driving and you were exhausted from days of babysitting, though you loved spending time with your nephews and niece, you were exhausted. So whatever was on Dean's mind, you could wait until morning to try and beat it out of him.

You were already in bed, drifting in and out of consciousness when Dean walked in the room. He had been gone a little while, probably talking to Sam about how much he hated being at your sister's. He turned the light on when he walked in, but he immediately cursed to himself when he saw you on your side of the bed, deep under the covers. You lifted your head, looking around the room a bit confused until you found him.

"Sorry sweetheart, didn't know you were in bed already." He flashed you an apologetic smile as he undressed himself, only leaving his boxers and plain black t-shirt on before he turned the light back off and joined you in bed.

"It's okay," You mumbled, happily sighing when he wrapped an arm around your middle and pulled your back to his chest. "You know I have a hard time sleeping without you anyway."

He nodded and pressed a kiss to the back of your head. He laid there, his nose brushing against your neck, happily taking in your scent as his fingers unconsciously rubbed circles over your flat stomach. He didn't know what the fuck was going through his head. But he just couldn't get rid of that image of you with your niece in your arms, how peaceful and happy you looked. Maybe you did want it, a family, and he was being selfish by not allowing you to have that because of his insecurities and past trauma. It terrified him, the idea of messing up like his father did, the idea of being just like his father.

But maybe, maybe he was a better man than John Winchester. Maybe with such a sweet and gentle wife by his side, he had grown softer. He could be better.

"Hey baby," He mumbled against your neck. You half opened your eyes, not quite asleep yet and you hummed at him, letting him know you were listening. "Are you still on the pill?"

You opened your eyes fully at his question. Confused, you rolled over on your back and looked at him, "Uh yeah, why?"

"Have you thought about, you know, not taking it anymore?" He asked, clearing his throat a bit as his fingers stilled their patterns on your stomach. You looked at him even more confused.

"Unless you want to try abstinence, or you're missing wearing a condom, no, I haven't thought about it." You answered with furrowed brows as you looked at him in the darkness, trying to read his face. "Dean, why are you asking me this?"

"Do you want kids?" He blurted out, not being able to control his rambling thoughts. He could've been more subtle. He sighed and continued, "I mean, would you ever want to have kids.. With me?"

"I uh.. I mean, yeah at some point I thought about us having kids but," You paused, running your fingers up his arm reassuringly, sensing he was on edge and nervous. "I thought you didn't want kids."

"I didn't. Not before," He sighed, his hand sneaking under your shirt to lay on your flat stomach, his wedding band feeling cold on your skin. "I honestly thought I'd be a shitty dad. I'm all kinds of fucked up. My life is a mess and I thought I'd be cruel to bring a kid into this life, raise 'em the way I was raised."

"Dean, you're not fucked up, your life isn't exactly normal but, that doesn't mean your life is a mess. You're an amazing husband, I'm happy to be living the life I'm living with you. And you already are a good dad," You told him, your hand coming to run through his short hair. He frowned at you, like he didn't know what you meant, so you continued. "Who do you think raised Sam? Who do you think raised him to be the good man that he is? You did, you took care of him when you were just a kid, you taught him everything he knows, and he turned out well didn't he? You're a good man Dean, wouldn't that make you a good dad?"

"God I love you." He sighed, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he leaned down, capturing your lips into a kiss.

His hand lingered on your stomach, blunt nails scratching the skin even so slightly as his mouth covered yours. His lips were soft at first, but when he shifted so that he was hovering above you, he slipped his tongue into your mouth, taking as much as he could until you were pulling back for air. In the process, his hand had lingered further down your stomach, until his hand was slipping into your sleeping shorts. You gasped softly, feeling his middle finger brush over your clit.

"You know it's probably not gonna work if we try tonight, right?" You asked, your voice breaking when you felt one of his fingers rub small circles on your clit.

"No, I know. But there's nothing wrong with a bit of practice." His pink lips twisted into a small smirk as he dug his teeth into his bottom lip before he dived into your neck.

His lips ravished your pressure point, sucking and slightly digging his teeth until he felt a pool of wetness coat his fingers. His lips curved upwards and he moved downwards, leaving a trail of wet kisses until he found the hem of your shorts. He pulled back, pulling his hand with him. You squirmed slightly under him, face warm when his green eyes found yours just as he pulled your shorts down your legs. He shot you a wink before his face was between your legs. You gasped softly when you felt his warm breath fan against your core, but he pressed his lips to your inner thigh instead and squeezed the other between his fingers.

“Dean,” You exhaled heavily, trying to fight the urge to just push his head where you wanted him. He looked up, a playful glint in his eyes and his lips were curved into an equally playful smirk.

“Yeah I know baby.” He started to move up, hearing the urgency in your voice. He pressed his lips to your hip bone and trailed up. Though his lips lingered particularly long when he found your stomach, the idea of your belly growing with his child making his cock strain against his boxers.

Your fingers found his short hair and you pulled him up, crashing your lips against his with fervor. He settled between your parted thighs, you could already feel him against you, he wanted this as much as you did, hell maybe more. He pulled his shirt over his head before he kissed you again, his tongue slipping into your mouth and he tugged his boxers down his hips, his cock springing against his stomach. He held himself up on his forearm as he guided himself to your entrance. He groaned how wet you were, your slick walls taking him with ease.

“Fuck.” He cursed under his breath as he looked between you, watching himself disappeaar into your walls.

Dean didn’t waste much time. His hips found a pace, and he found it quick. It was hard and it was deep. He made sure you felt every thrust he gave you, every time he drew his hips back only to slam back in. But he wasn’t just fucking you, no. He was making love to you. He had a reason to. And fuck did he have a reason. He was fucking with you with purpose. And now that you were feeling it too, you were just as insatiable as he was. At some point, you weren't even quite sure when, Dean slipped your sleeping shirt off, which really was just one of his old t-shirts. For some reason, that habit of yours only got him off. The idea of you, his pretty wife, in his clothes. Fuck he often wondered when he ever got so lucky or if he even deserved it.

He pulled back a little, jaw slightly hanging open as he ran a hand over your breast, kneading one between his fingers. And then he was leaning down. His mouth found one of your breasts, the nipple already hard as a rock, and he suckled, giving the bud attention until it was red and puffy. And then he switched to the other. They would get bigger and plump with substance for his child, he thought. And maybe you realized that too, because as your body arched under his, your hand came up to cup his head, fingers threading through his hair.

“Fuck, Dean please, please don’t stop.” You trembled, your voice breaking as a broken moan left your lips. He could hear the desperation in your voice, that aching need for release, he knew you better than he knew himself.

“Come on, let me see it, let me see you fall apart,” He coaxed as he pulled back, hiking one of your legs high on his torso. He buried himself so deep it made your eyes roll into the back of your head when he brushed over your most sensitive spot. And he did it, again, and again. Until you were crying out. But what really sent you over the edge was his thumb brushing over your clit. He rubbed quick circles over the sensitive bud until your walls gripped him so tight it made his eye roll back. “Fuck, that’s it. That’s my girl.”

He held you as you trembled, his hips slightly faltering and his thrusts became a bit erratic as he chased his own release.

“Gonna fill you up,” He groaned in your ear, your juices allowing him to bury himself just a fraction into you. You held him, arms thrown over his neck and his name leaving your lips like a faint praise. Though you were still a bit hazy, you felt him press a hand to your stomach, cold wedding band sending slight chills down your spine. “Right here.”

You were trembling under his, thoughts barely coherent, but you breathed out, “Yes, please.”

Your lips found his jaw and your fingers pulled his hair so hard it made him groan. And suddenly he was still, buried deep inside you as pleasure overtook him. He spilled himself inside you with a groan, the muscles in his back tensing as his head fell over your neck. He sat still inside you, his pants and your own mixing in the air. He had come inside you many times before, hell, he didn’t remember the last time he didn’t, but fuck, this felt different. It felt so goddamn right, the idea of what this meant of it felt right.

Dean moved eventually, probably when his arm got tired of holding his weight. He pressed a wet kiss to your lips before he slipped out of you, the loss of him making you hiss softly when you felt your mixed juices drip down your thigh. Though you expected him to lay down beside you but he moved down instead, and you gasped in surprise when you felt his lips on your stomach. And he pressed his forehead against your belly, his ringed hand rubbing your side gently. You felt him sigh, and you heard him mutter something you couldn’t quite make out. He kissed your belly again, for a bit longer before he was on feet, telling you he would be right back as he tugged his boxers back on.

You were too tired to question him, you were fucked out and sleepy, so you simply nodded. You didn’t realize you had closed your eyes until you heard Dean say your name and you felt his hand on your face. You opened your eyes, squinting slightly as you looked at him. He had a wet rag on his hand, so you let him clean you up. He was silent the whole time, not a single sound came from him. And his expression was unreadable. You sometimes wished you could see what was on his man's mind. Even after being married and him opening up to you about a lot of things, the man was still impenetrable.

He found his spot beside you eventually, the room dark as you settled on his chest. He threw an arm around you and held you while his other arm was behind his head. You shifted, head tilted back and you brought a hand to his face, palm flat on his cheek as you planted a soft kiss to his lips. He hummed.

“You’re a good man Dean.” You said softly, catching the adoring look in his eyes, even in the darkest they were still bright. “And you’re a good husband, and there’s no one else I would rather have kids with some day.”

A smile tugged at his lips, “Some day? That means we gotta keep tryin’ right?”

You could hear the insinuation in his tone, and you could see the suggestive smile on his lips, even in the darkness, “Yes, yes we do.”

“Awesome.”

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