He’s daydreaming instead of doing his fkn job 💢

:^)

making fucked up nahida art is absolutely instrumental to my wellbeing

"But you died at my hands because I didn't love you."

Scar cusped Grian's cheeks in his hands; his eyes were filled with sympathy, filled with sorrow, filled with softness. "Grian I died and you grieved me. Yet here I am standing in front of you, alive, and you still grieve me. You do love me, you always loved me. I forgive you, and I always forgave you. Grief is love, and now its time to put your guilt to rest."

When the (formerly) unconcious robot whose ‘Ice Emperor’ programming you accidentally enabled while rebooting him is kinda cute so you strike him a deal he cant say no to

been making pizzas at work and thinking about Him

me and the besties

This past week has been .A Lot!! but I finally managed to break out of some artblock I've been having with the help of these two goobers!

Satan as the Allegory of Astrology by Lorenzo Greuter

i have decided I will just post whatever, like I did on my old art account. woe 🫳 gay satan be upon ye

i think the funniest neal relationship is when he's dating sara because 90% of it is 'we both like to be dressed to the nines at all hours of the day and night, we should fuck about it' and the instant they have any disagreement whatsoever they're like oh right our expensive and impractical taste in clothing is the only thing we have in common

the thing about chronic migraines that they dont tell you is the lingering terror of the long stretches in between them. bc you know you'll have one again. its inevitable. its just a matter of time.

but then you desperately try Not to think about it because you dont want to jinx it / somehow psyche yourself into one

Spamton noelle friendship forever 1000 years

the horrifying implications of Cinderpelt as a pawn of Starclan- trying everything she can to unsuccessfully stop her apprentice from leaving because she's terrified of the internalised idea of "failing" her clan and her job due to her impending death, while unaware that the entire Crowpool situation is intentional by Starclan for their own benefit to initiate the Power of Three prophecy and that her death in itself is to be Leafpool's motivation to stay- the idea that the stars, the ancestors and family and friends she devoted her life to always meant for her to die young and hopeless and were willing to manipulate her emotionally for the best outcome for them- is alone a piece of her character that's infinitely more heartwrenching and tragic and interesting than "she actually had a crush on Firestar and she's sad she can't date him :((" and I'm so mad that the latter is her primary legacy instead of any interpretations of her as a character that go beyond boring forbidden romance #17 that was barely even implied to begin with

LITBC: Jaehee, and why she matters so much to me

Ok, I don't have a lot of time, so this is going to be messy, apologies in advance

When you're queer and living in a country that is generally homophobic, the default expectation one has is for people to be homophobic, hence Young's shock when Jaehee doesn't seem surprised or disgusted when she finds him kissing a guy. The two of them bond quickly due to their mutual status as social piranhas, and I can't stop thinking about why Jaehee matters so much. To be honest, Jaehee is everything one could want from a straight friend in a conservative country. Not only is she completely fine with Young being gay, I want to stress how important it is that Young can talk to her about his flings and one night stands openly. In asian society, it's typical for queerness to be something that people know about but never acknowledge, and for openly discussing it to be taboo. I've had experiences where friends that know I'm queer simply don't acknowledge the fact, choosing to act as though I'd never come out to them. That's the standard for 'acceptance' in asian society; tolerance. People don't stop associating with you, they simply act as though your queerness doesn't exist (and get visibility uncomfortable when you bring it up). That's why Jaehee is so important. Jaehee talks with Young about sex, his flings, and sizes up his dates from behind a coffee shop counter. She doesn't treat Young's queerness as something she has to tolerate and ignore.

It's not to say that Jaehee is the perfect ally. She still doesn't fully understand Young's queerness, and she outs him to her fiance, saying that he's basically a girl because he likes men (there's a whole host of issues to unpack with that, but as much as i'd like to, I don't have the time). But it remains a fact of the matter that Jaehee is incredibly progressive by asian standards, for the simple reason that she doesn't treat queerness as a hush-hush topic. And, I think, that's part of the reason that Jaehee outing him to her fiancé hurt Young so much. Young says it himself, his anger and feeling of betrayal was funny if he thought about it, because he'd never really cared about being outed before. He says it himself, the only explanation that he has is, "Because she was Jaehee". He says that he wasn't used to feeling betrayed because he expected so little of others. But his situation with Jaehee was different because Jaehee was different, and unlike the others, he'd come to expect her to understand him, to stand with him no matter what. Because Jaehee wasn't like the others, so Jaehee shouldn't have done what others would have. It hurt him when he realized that Jaehee was choosing to fit fit into society's expectation of her over him.

But that's something I can relate to so much; expecting people to understand you, especially those you hold close, until reality hits. Mistaking tolerance for acceptance, acceptance for understanding. I mentioned that the default expectation for I have when meeting people is that they will be homophobic, and I learned that through finding out, over and over again, that people I held close to me simply did not accept me, or understand me. And even if you do your best to not care about it, once you've figured it out, the crack in the relationship only widens with time, because you simply can't bring yourself to think of the person the same way as before. And that's what happened with Young and Jaehee. Because Jaehee accepted Young, he expected her to stand with him no matter what. But she didn't, and that's what hurt him. Jaehee accepted Young, yes. But she also chose to fit in with society's expectations over him, which ultimately caused the two to drift apart.

To me, Jaehee is a bittersweet character. She's loud and unapologetic, and she accepts Young in a way that seems almost too good to be true; because it sort of is. Because she also represents how people in asian societies have a long way to go before they understand queerness, and how queer people lose friendships because of it, which is something I know painfully well.

yippeeeee

@zifey

The last couple of months I've been watching a whole lot of Drawfee. It's super fun and funny, the hosts are great and they're especially good artists. I've been feeling like I'm pulling at the leash of my art as of late, trying to like, grow and develop but not really knowing how or where to start, or being scared to do bad art. I want to push my ideas BEYOND the realm of fanart, and that's hard, bc that requires more actual practice and stretching ideas conceptually than what I usually do. I've generally been feeling really bad about my art, feeling like I can't draw or what i wanted to draw was stupid or lame or "out of my league." And none of that has been helped by the time of year, other elements in my life that I'm frustrated by, and the general everything of the world. It's been really hard to even pick up my pen and doodle, even badly.

But a few weeks ago I watched the Drawclass hosted by Jacob Drawfee on how to practice when you're not good at keeping a schedule or routine. And not only is he a really good teacher, all of the points he made clicked in my head. The schedule worked. I'd been wanting to get better at interiors, and I have. And more importantly, picking up a pen and opening my sketchbook doesn't feel as bad anymore.

The past few days I've been watching Nathan Drawfee's Drawclass grab-bag, and this part stood out to me:

He was talking about how a lot of the times when you're starting out, or somewhere in the middle of the beginning of your art journey, all you wanna do is accurately draw a guy. And that's what I've been doing for lime 2 years. All I wanted to do was accurately draw my guys. Then I wanted to do more composition-y representations of my guys. Then I wanted them to have more mood. And now I want to move beyond doing all that and accurately drawing my guys and into telling stories. Maybe inspired by music or my guys or concepts or characters or shows or movies or from my own roster of OCs that have gone untouched for too long. I wanna do series and big illustrations and backgrounds and lighting and characters. I wanna look at more real life professional illustration work and pick it apart. I wanna read and get more art books. I still don't wanna monetize my hobby, but I feel like my art has just been plateauing for a really long time and it's finally hit a growth point. And Drawfee has made it fun to think about that. It's a lot less scary when its fun.