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cult-of-the-eye · 20 days

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Ok I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna make the new hyperfixation post:

CRIMINAL MINDS:

I started watching it cause I was on the internet during the Dr Reid thirst trap era and let's just say a scrawny motherfucker with autism is the surefire way to get me to watch something

Especially when everyone is going through the horrors

I am in love with the format of the show, with the whole quotes and then different characters saying the quotes and the isolated cases with the slight hints of more background for each of the characters it's really keeping me going

I'm not great with gore and shit but like it's got shitty 2000s CGI so like it's easy to tell myself it's just actors with fake blood

Also listen I had to tap into my 9 yr old undiagnosed autistic obsessed with psychopaths phase at some point

It just tickles the right parts of my brain

Anyway the characters are why I stuck around

Gideon <3333 I love that strange walrus looking man I love how he's simultaneously such an emotional rock for everyone in the BAU but also dealing with his own things, he goes into each of the crimes with such calmness and compassion and I just love that weird old man especially when he introduced himself as Jason to the little girl he was saving in that one episode, i was like HE'S MAKING HIMSELF SEEM LIKE LESS OF A THREAT BY INTRODUCING HIMSELF WITH HIS FIRST NAMEEEE, HE'S TRYING TO PUT HER AT EASE

Hotch oh man it was one scene specifically that literally started my brainrot for this guy, I wasn't that into him in the first couple of episodes and then it was revealed that he was horrifically abused by his dad and actively chose to go into a pathway that would catch people like that and people who get abused and then go on to abuse others and I just. AH. i am such a sucker for any character who has endured things that no one ever should endure at the hands of another human being and then instead of becoming completely bitter and taking the eye for an eye mindset, they vow to make sure the cycle stops with them and they may not be all sunshine and daisies and instead rough a lot of the times but they do it and they do it realistically

He's got a wife and a kid!!! He did it!! He made a better life for himself and it makes me feel like I could too, he's so strong and I feel like my strength can one day be used for more than just survival

Elle!!!! God I love her I feel like she's so realistic for a woman in her field, she's smart and strong and capable and she acknowledges all the things she has going against her, she's compassionate to the female rape victims, she gets furious at the people targeting women in particular what i would do to be this woman's friend

Reid. Oh lord. Listen I'm not on the thirst trap train but I do understand the love for this guy. My love for him however stems from the autism. The whole wanting to be useful and only knowing how to through interests and hyperfixations and feeling like he's missing out on some things cause he's different

It was the hostage situation on the train that got to me he was just so REAL and it's so awesome to see autistic people succeed in stuff like this

It's also nice to see him accepted by the team for who he is

I do also like him cause he's cool but it's easier to explain the autism stuff

Garcia - wonderful amazing spectacular I love me a confident woman in stem

Morgan - i like how he's sort of the "cool guy" archetype but his whole thing is getting into the mind of the UnSub I feel like it gives him more depth

JJ - god she's so cool and calm under pressure I love her

So yeah. The BAU is my new comfort character crew I'm taking Elle with me everywhere

But also do I have major issues with the idea of behavioural analysis in crime? Absolutely. It is so insanely subjective the way they're going off of probability, the way their precedent probably lacks temporal validity and also population validity with both the androcentrism and ethnocentrism it does feel wrong to be coming to such a conclusion about the UnSub so quickly and decisively, even though I understand their whole thing is getting there quickly. I just know that categorising human behaviour is never as simple as it seems.

Do I think they tackle some of these issues in the show? Sort of. Am I also aware this is a fictional drama TV show and it may not be that deep? Yes.

Anyway

#rant over #i am so fixated on this show #its so bad i have exams this week #criminal minds #hyperfixations #aaron hotchner #jason gideon #elle criminal minds #derek morgan #penelope garcia #spencer reid #jennifer jareau

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hammill-goes-fogwalking · 2 months

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I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI.

#not dislike. its hate #it made me cry several times today #thinking of how my classmates manipulate our teachers #and chatgpt AIs can EVERYTHING #its so painful to think of it #today I broke down in the bus and cried #idc what people think. hiding my feelings any longer would destroy me from the inside #maybe youve also seen how people use freakin AIs in their exams #the thing is that:#we wrote an exam for which Ive studies for like 2 whole days #this week we finally got the exams back (w the grades ofc)#and ok Ive got a 3 (C in America syste #*m)#my friends who used chatgpt throughout the exam got way better grades (I didnt expect it otherwise)#PLUS #the most provocating messages from the teacher:#“10/10 POINTS :)” “YOURE ROCKING THIS” “YEAH”#💔#seriously #this breaks my heart #dont the teacher see something suspect in the exam?!#why cant they open their eyes and get modernized to reality.#& they KNOW- the students Im talking of. they usally have bad results.#once our teacher came to a chatgpt student and said the most miserable thing:#“youve been using duolingo a lot lately hm? thats where your nice grades come from 😉🥰”#you get it?#no- this peoson didnt learn.#no- this person isnt even interested in the stuff we learn in lessons #AWFUL feeling to hear the praisings of da teachers when *I* gotta sit among the gpt-students and look like Im a worse student than *them*#[writing this at almost 1 at night] still have some tears. this topic really has the power to destroy someones day. 💔💔

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jaedecayed-inactive · 1 year

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uhh stanley day I think

#i have exams and a ceremony at s festival this week so im jittery #bad quality but its stanley day i had to 😔😔#tsp stanley #employee 427 #jae's funky art #he looks like he has jaundice :(

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sleepy-vix · 1 year

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WHO THE HECK put my life on hard mode all of a sudden??

#im so stressed i hate school so much #i have an english draft to write by tmr and i pulled an all night yesterday for it but im wayyyy over the word count and no matter what i #do it just WONT shorten!!!#and in maths im falling behind so bad because whenever i try to do my work #this girl next to me keeps talking abt dumb bs and asking annoying questions like IM NOT THE TEACHER LEAVE ME ALONE #i need to revise for maths and science bc i have an exam NEXT WEEK #and i also have to do my languages speech whichbis being assessed by the end of this week AND revise for the languages writing test #while at the same time i have to make a powerpoint presentation for my hpe theory work (i didnt chose hpe its compolsory :(((()#the only subject not killing me rn is my business class bc i finished the exam yesterday but im pretty sure we have to prepare for this #career expo we're doing soon so AGHHH #im dying pls help

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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months

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#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol #this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable #im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work #property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me #like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well #and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for #Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too #like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and #down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy #last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just #feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b #put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back #down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then #that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her #i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better #on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out #dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really?#ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious.#i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles #but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol #unrelated

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radio-sepia · 5 months

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god my current theatre classes at the local centre turned out to be kind of a bummer. I cannot back out now since I have a role but I'd really want to... fortunately in less than few months it should be done

#txt #euuuugghhh #idk im tired i dont wanna go there this week but like i have to cause everyone is frustrated and wants to just get this play that we've #been dragging around for far too long to finish #just get it over with #good thing that there wont ba any lessons during the winter break hehe #but like. my exams are also a thing and i hope they dont expect me to be there every week. as callous as this sounds #like i see many problems which result in this situation #but if people arent coming regularly which tbh i understand why #and im there every week #then yeah #let this be a lesson for the future: we need to go into theatre of movement and dance more. the classical old type method #that we are taught with #is so fucking exhausting to me beyond comprehension #damn. now thats a rant amirite #it did give me some good things too so its not all bad and im glad i got to have this shitty experience #the only way out is. painfully through the fucking thing

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reneeub · 6 months

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The Greek gods really went off with punishing Sisyphus huh

Like we all get that pushing that boulder uphill over and over is a hard job and also gets boring pretty quickly but it's cruel in a more complicated way than that

It's the growing frustration with failing the one simple task you've been doing for so long.

It's getting angry at yourself, why can't you learn anything from from what you just did.

It's always second guessing yourself if the problem is you, are you the reason you fail every time?

It's the loneliness when you have no one to ask even for smallest hints to make your work easier

It's seeing the boulder down the hill again and wondering if there is any end to this or is it just like that forever?

#greek mythology #sisyphus #sorrry i get tons of homework every week and have no energy to do them and when i try they take me hours for some reason and when i finally #do half of them it's the deadline already and next day i have another ton of them to do and cant finish the first pile #and then its exam wednesday and i didnt even study bc i feel like i spend my whole time over this homework so i know what it looks like and #i cant even look at the text book bc just looking at it makes me feel bad and guess how the exam goes...#its been two months i thought it would get easier by now but its the same #and it propably will be the same for the next two months until the semester ends and then for the next few years until i graduate #and knowing life after uni there will probably come another task that's exhausting in this way #the grind never stops

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homuncvlus · 1 month

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Pmdd is actively fucking ruining my life fuck fuck this shittt

Why do I have to live with the consequences of things I do when I'm like this and why do i only get one good week a month if I'm lucky

#ive messed up really bad bc now my teacher just thinks im making excuses when i want to explain everything and why its not so easy for me #well i didnt say anything but i said i will send her an email and i left in a hurry so now shes worried abojt what it is im going to say #its related to when i was posting about how i tried to be truthful about the situation but again it was only half #and i dont have an official diagnosis i havent beem abck for a checkup yet fuck this #i left in a hurry and now im in bed i didnt mean to but my default is reaction is flight and i had to get out #this whole day i thought i was going to die the anxiety got so bad i almost cried at lunch arghhhh #tldr i deleted a bunch of work when i got too overwhelmed and just wanted to see it again and now deadline is wednesday #i dont have time for this my exams start in 2 weeks #and i got my period this morning #i need to kill someone why do people not understand the difference between an excuse and an explanation when im literally trying my best to #be honest here #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #pmdd posting #lasar being incoherent

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squishious · 3 months

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list of my grievances in the tags bc this has been the most miserable week ever and the only person i could conceivably complain to is also going through it

#starting strong with at least 2 midterms/papers due every fucking day except monday #moving on to daylight savings happening when i am already sleep deprived as fuck #and then university wide power and internet outage <3 #also general malaise and sad vy the time we reach halfway through the week #fucking evil [redacted] midterm #where i study my ass of and flop so bad #in a truly unifixable way i fear #was supposed to be my fun class to goddammit #and its so fucking windy today which i actually hate #gale wind warnibg = cannot sit outside in the sun and forget abt wverything #THEN #i go to cafe for a pick me up and fi ish bibliography #and the internet will not connect no matter what i do #AND #friend is coming to visit me tmrw but its actually just to pic up an ikon pass and she isnt even gonna hang out for a bit #no fault of her own but #its annyoninh on top of all this :(#genuinly the grade thibg is fucking with me so much i had to have done TERRIBLY to go from a 100 to what i have noe #and i thought i did bad but like. not thag bad #anyways i simply want to curl up into a ball and ignore everything for a couple days but ! i cannot #bc paper due tonight and exam tmrw and then saturday i have to go see my brothers performance which #notmally would be rlly fun #but after this week i want to dissapear for a day #and then sunday rehearsal #and then wednesday midtemr again ! fuck me !!#and then friday quiz but at least its onlinr #and then stayrday holi then break which like fun but also means going home #and im already miserable #so not twlling anyone abt grade flop And generally being home = ultra misesable????#squish speaks

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masterbaiting · 7 months

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exam almost over i hope you can taste the the thick of it posts im about to make

#‚how are you posting from ur exam‘ oh its untimed unlocationed open book and you have a week to do it u wish u were me #shut up ulrike #sorry i keep posting about posting i MISS IT SO BAD

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possiblytracker · 1 year

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just over 24 hours til i never have to think about my dissertation ever again

#im going to deliver such a mediocre presentation but i think the euphoria of Almost Finished will carry me through #then i have my exam on monday but im not thinking about that. im throwing rocks at it. at least its an easy one but ourgh #in better news i got a little money from family over the weekend and scrounged together enough for a totk preorder last night #since i really thought abt it and. though i feel guilty for Indulging. having to watch everyone else i know play and enjoy it #for several weeks while i can't and am just constantly avoiding social media/throwing myself into work will be WAY worse on me #and i need to be nice to myself for once my Inner Voice is getting very mean again recently #idk. i havent so much as opened discord in a While bc i just feel Bad if im not doing work rn especially after the party this weekend #or maybe its just some Loud social anxiety translating itself into that who knows #but i was working on this damn presentation on public transport yesterday!!!! i cant ever do ANYTHING on public transport #but the nausea was less intimidating than a failing grade dkjvd #ill get better. i dont know how much of the pressing guilt ill be able to shake until after exams. but im working on it #its Almost All Over #vent/#?

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minglana · 1 year

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i think after tomorrow i will try taking my allergy pill if it gets too hot to see how tired it actually makes me and if it's viable for me in the long run or not.... we'll see

#since i don't have exams in the coming two weeks i will try at least one day just to see #bc yeah its not viable that im tired all day every day but its also not viable me being constantly breaking out in hives bc of the heat #and if its not as bad as i remember i can then stockpile on the pills bc the allergy doctor made my prescription so i could get #a pack a week lol. i would never be able to take all of them of course but it's nice to know that realistically i cant run out of pills #xarraire

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opens-up-4-nobody · 4 months

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