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trash-can-sam · 9 months

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Ive finally made a sandrock OC (KIND OF) I havent just stolen the design of and put somewhere else. and I really want to talk about her. So here she is.

I wanted to give some lore to this character Qi mentions 3 times

AND now shes in my brain, so Ill say some things about her:

She wanted to be a biologist but ended up going into the same type of research job Qi's in because it paid more

Qi and Bugs went to college together and ended up working pretty closely on a few projects, maybe even had internships/jobs at the same place for a while before Qi moved to Sandrock.

She got the nickname Bugs because she would always pick up random bugs in elementry school and the name just kind of stuck. She prefers it to her actual name (which I have not thought of yet because names are hard)

Qi says that they are rivals, but I dont think thats actually true given how much they talk. I think its a lot more like a one sided rivalry where Qi has decided shes his rival and she just kinda plays along because its fun, but theyre actually just friends (not that Qi would admit that, but Bugs refers to and thinks of him as a friend)

Although she still works in Vega 5, she doesnt particularly love it there. To her, she just has nowhere else to go and the pay and lifestyle of Vega 5 is too much to resist, especially for someone wihtout that many goals.

Qi managed to get her into Gungham and so they have amazing conversations that only come from ADHD-Autism friendships where both people have the same hyperfixation. (I speak from experience when I say its the best thing)

She visits sandrock sometimes because she doesnt know where else to go when she has stacked up vacation days.

She gets very annoyed whenever people dont know what they're talking about, hence her friendship with Qi not really being an issue, because both of them are like this and they both thrive off of each others intellectual energy.

ALSO. Some things about her personal relationships to people in Sandrock:

Her and Grace are dating, mostly because I want Grace to have a girlfriend so bad (I am so starved for sapphic relationships you dont understand). They have been rotating in my brain SO MUCH, so I'll talk about them. This is largely because it would be SO FUNNY.

Their relationship started because Bugs would regularly visit Sandrock, so she would see Grace a lot. Since the Blue Moon Saloon isnt really that busy, they would talk to eachother quite a bit. After a few trips of both of them talking, Bugs decides it would be funny to mess with Qi whenever her and Qi eat dinner later that night, and she thinks the funniest way to do that is by Grace hitting on her at this dinner. Make it real awkward for Qi. I plan on making a comic for this actually SO we will see if it actually gets done. If it does it will be so funny you dont even know (it definetly will not be thats the brainrot talking.)

After that, they meet up outside the Blue Moon Saloon to toast to their success of making Qi extremely confused, they walk around sandrock and sit at the oasis a while. Nothing happens that night, but they both come away from it as deeper friends and a little crush. Not in like, a way that is that noticable, or a way either of them intend on pursuing, but a way that definelty exists. Neither of them are stupid, and both of them tend to do a good amount of introspection, so they both pick up on this and it changes the dynamic a little, but in a good way.

As time goes on, Bugs makes more and more visits to Sandrock, to see Qi of course, but the reason increasingly becomes to see Grace as well. They both flirt with eachother a bit here and there, until Grace asks her out on a date and it ends up becoming a thing. Still thinking of details there BUT! They will be thought of, dont worry.

NOW, For what this relationship means for them both and their similarities and a couple differences:

For both of them, this is the first romantic relationship they have had that really feels like the other person can keep up with them. Both of them are super smart, and they both sort of have unfollowed dreams.

They are also both workaholics discontent with the circumstances they're in, and I feel like they bond a lot over that.

BOTH OF THEM ARE VERY SILLY. Grace, especially if youre dating her, uses a lot of very silly language. Like whenever youre dating, her greeting is "Hey good lookin, what ya got cookin?" She has many many silly lines and I would reccomend reading her dialogue page if you havent already read it all the way through like 3 times. Bottom line is, shes goofy. And Bugs is also goofy. Not in exactly the same way, but like she calls Qi a chatty cathy, thats goofy. AND SOMETHING GRACE WOULD DO IF HER AND QI WERE FRIENDS IN THAT WAY. They would be a very annoying couple and I find that extremely funny especially in the context of them spending a good amount of time with Qi, who probably doesnt pick up on it half the time.

Both of them are the type to distract from their inner turmoil with humor. If you have gone on a playdate with grace or read her entire dialogue page, you would know she does this a non-zero amount of times, quite commonly in fact. Bugs does the same type of thing, but she does tend to talk a lot less than Grace.

Bugs is an introvert unlike Grace, but she can read people surprisingly well. Not anywhere near as well as Grace, of course, but still pretty well.

Both have jobs that end up with them being relatively isolated from personal connections. For Bugs, shes working in a team with a lot of people she doesnt really like, for Grace, she has to keep quiet about her job for the most part. This leads to them having an interesting dynamic in which both of them dont really know how to navigate personal, unguarded relationships super well. Bugs hasnt had any close friends in a long time, and Grace cant turn off her agent brain, oftentimes getting a lot more from Bugs than Bugs would want her to. I have a real thing for relationships where one person is quite guarded and the other person can read them super well, and Bugs and Grace fit this dynamic very well in both directions. Bugs tends to read Grace more than she expects too, not by a crazy amount or anything, but she does catch Grace offguard occasionally, just because Grace tends to drop it more often without realizing it around Bugs.

They have the same sort of (aspiring) archeolegist and researcher dynamic Grace and Qi have (That I touched on here) but romantic so. I think thats fun personally, because its a cool sort of combining of forces. It also hits a bit different from Grace's and Qi's simply because Bugs is a lot more like Grace personality wise.

A couple other relationships in sandrock:

Her and Zeke get along. She visits Zeke sometimes, because of her interest in biology. And I just think they would get along. Not just because she likes plants but I also think she would appricate how Zeke is very knowlegable on what he does as well as desert farming in general.

She doesnt like the church very much (for the innate ideological differences that come with being a researcher), but she still has a laugh with Dan-Bi occasionally.

I like the idea of her getting along with Fang a bit. I think she has at least looked at some of what she uses to make medicine and is like "oh wow thats genius!"

I think she would have a very fun time messing with Yan (because Yan is literally so funny idc what anyone else says I love him so much) I dont think she would like him, but I think she would have fun talking to him every now and then just to prod him (which Yan ofc doesnt notice) for goofs.

I love the idea of her getting along with Unsuur. I cannot explain why. But I think they would be drinking buddies.

Some design notes and how she dresses when shes not in a lab coat:

I had to give her a long lab coat because thats a demographic severely underepresented in sandrock

Her shirt color is pretty similar to Qi's undershirt, it just felt like it fit. Its also half untucked like Qi's, but Bugs does it because she thinks it looks good while Qi does it because hes tired. I dont really know how to draw that sort of distinction, but just know that its there.

Her belt buckle is gold while Qis is silver

Her hairtie is dark blue, Qis tie is light blue. Theres not a whole lot to that I just thought it was neat personally.

Her fashion sense tends to be pretty casual, usually hoodies and shorts while shes in her apartment and pretty normal streetwear outside of it. I dont think that she wears as many belts as the average Sandrock or Portia citizen. Since we havent been to Vega 5, I cant say for sure what the normal fashion sense is like, but based off of Qi and Petra, who are more like the average Vega 5er, and what is known about the culture, I assume regular dress tends to be more busniess casual-formal. I dont count Merlin, who was so eccentric she got kicked out of Vega 5, Or Mint, who seems overly casual, in this assesment. However, Bugs dresses in whatever is slightly more casual than the normal Vega 5 streetwear. Not as casual as Mint, but definetly not formal. She's kind of done with Vega 5's general busniess culture, not done enough to leave, but done enough that she doesnt really care what she wears off the clock if that makes sense.

That is all for my unhinged ramblings. I have a lot of ideas about her and maybe I will actually do something with those, so I thought I should introduce her.

#my time at sandrock #mtas #mtas qi #A little bit. Idk if I can count it BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IM GOING TO #not like stuff gets posted in that tag that often anyways #and her existence is entirely based off of 3 of his lines #mtas grace #mtas oc #my art #innane ramblings #I feel like I talked a lot about her but also not a lot at the same time #BUT YOU KNOW WHAT.#theres plenty of time to talk more about her in the future #Its all in the mind palace.#Also im sorry if this writing makes no sense or if I use the same words too many times #this is a first draft so #its not well thought out

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psychewritesbs · 6 months

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hi! i didnt have much success when looking through ur blog to see if uve addressed this alrdy so apologies if u have.

i was curious to know ur thoughts on jjk's portrayals of gender, esp women/femininity. if u have particular insight from a psych or philosophy bg, id be interested in hearing that (warning, i have a v feminist critique lens)

ik u love gege's writing 😅 but his handle on female characters/femininity has given me such a difficult relationship w jjk, and its v difficult to have discourse on it. on one hand, we're introduced to sm interesting realistic women, tbh i actually never stanned a woman in manga before jjk. but imo it cant be denied that gege is a sexist writer. despite how realistic jjk women r theyre all .. halfwritten? i cant think of a single one who isnt underwritten, not fully explored, not utilized substantially in the plot, etc. and there r sm ex's of extremely minor male characters in jjk who r given more thematic relevance than frequently recurring women that just underscores that gender gap imo

this isnt solely a gege problem ik but what bothers me in particular about jjk vs other mangas is how gege addresses strength, even in the light of nb/androgynous characters, and how it feels as if gege's def of strength is inherently masculine? even despite going so far as to give us a philosophical battle shonen w diverse reps of gender and emphasizing individuality that encompasses both femme/masc traits

how a reader interprets whether a jjk woman is strong or not is obv subjective. like, i think shoko is strong but shes not depicted as such bc she doesnt have a combative technique whereas yuki maki nobara or mei r depicted as "strong" bc of their battle abilities. but it also feels as if those women r strong bc they take on "masculine" traits/mindsets whereas there r no clear depictions of "femininity" making women or men stronger. even utahime who falls into v classic shoujo girl tropes is seen as weak despite teaching her students v proficientally in battle strategy (mechamaru v mahito is a good ex of that imo), as compared to how gojo teaches his (ie dumping them into missions for experience). but thats not what gege ever chooses to highlight

femininity also doesnt even seem to make men/nb characters stronger. the ex's i can think of r naoya as a vagina (lmao), geto as a mother to curses, yuta as highly attuned to his emotions, kenjaku as yuji's mother -- those r things that support these (mostly) men's strong sense of individuality but like, those arent really the things that lend those characters their "strength", u know? like geges just sprinkling in androgyny for the spice 🧐

what is feminine vs masculine, how an individual embodies those traits in their gender identity r already complex topics. im obv generalizing a lot here, but i just, idk despite how many other nuanced philosophies gege explores, what is strong/desirable in jjk still falls down to all-out fighting abilities/physical prowess, emotional detachment, isolation, extremism, etc -- all things we harp on toxic masculinity for. and even when he critiques that, theres no cogent counter solution/way to be strong that gege provides, much less one that incorporates "femininity" and women

maybe im just asking for too much from gege after having read so many great representations of women and gender by female (and male) mangakas/writers but.. i shouldnt be 🙄 he can utilize his female characters more imo, esp when he can clearly set them up so well. and im sure theres things ive misread about jjk and its portrayal of femininity, theres plenty of holes in my thoughts ^^ anyways, this is obv not a great topic to bring up in a fandom that is so polarized between dudebros and women w unaddressed internalized misogyny.. so i welcome any and all thoughts and interpretations on ur end! (also omg im rlly sorry this got so long)

I love you feminist anon, if I may call you that lol, I just always name my anons 😂. I am so grateful that you sent this.

I feel like you've very eloquently explained the deeper reason as to why I personally can't relate to the female characters in jjk. If I'm honest, I like them and think they are fun and good enough representations or attempts at depicting the archetypes that rule their personalities.

As you say, however, some of them remain rather superficial and underutilized... and please forgive me anyone who loves them, but some of them feel like they are basically dudes wearing skirts.

No offense to dudes who wear skirts or people who like men who wear skirts or anyone for that matter. It's just that, as a personal preference, I like female characters that wear skirts, pants, leggings, etc and have equal amounts of masculine and feminine energy.

So, even if I find they are good enough, I've never necessarily loved jjk female characters, because, as you also say, I've read/seen one too many amazing and iconic female characters by other authors...

And it's not like I think you're asking for too much from Gege in wanting better female characters, it's just that, as you also said, I like his writing and I read jjk precisely because of what it's doing for my masculine psyche. Like... quite literally.

So perhaps I'm more forgiving than you are because of it? Because in all reality, there are female character moments in other manga that I have to give the bombastic side eye to, and jjk isn't one of them.

Let's taco'bout it more under the cut.

So, that said, I have to admit that you might not find a lot of "feminist oriented" content in my blog because my feminist lens is reserved for dealing with lame dudebros in my real life, and also, I honestly do not know how to wear the lens on the same level of depth as you do.

Also, since my blog's lens is depth psych, I very much focus on femininity and masculinity as psychological qualities that exist on opposite ends of a continuum regardless of biological gender. You'll see me refer to femininity and masculinity like this throughout my answer.

So because of this, I'm coming at the whole issue from a slightly different angle than you are. The way I see it, I think the way the jjk female characters are written and thematically utilized (basically everything you said), ultimately comes back to how Gege's exploration of femininity is limited by his own sense of self, and very much likely biased by the sociocultural landscape he grew up in.

I don't know how much you know about Japan, but Japan has one foot in the future, and one foot in the past...

And like... ok I'm totally oversimplifying the whole thing. All I'm saying is... Gege is a man who grew up in a man's world, sharing his view of the world through jjk, which is a story about initiation of the male psyche that is published in a magazine for young boys.

Do you see the pattern there?

So If you feel like his female characters are underutilized and underexplored, and that thematically jjk focuses way too much on masculinity and masculine definitions of strength at the expense of the feminine archetypes he does present (like Naoya as a vagina LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL)... well... to me, we're basically looking at the limits of his own relationship to his femininity, which, this relationship is in turn an imperative precursor for psychospiritual development in depth psych. More of this in a bit.

Anyways, that's my anticlimactic reasoning for why I am more forgiving about the issue than you are. To be honest, I've been so consumed exploring my masculine psyche through jjk (because personally my feminine psyche is more developed in certain aspects) that I just never focus on the female characters (that is not to mention what I shared earlier).

ANYWAYS, I fucking love what you wrote about Gege's exploration on power from a masculine perspective because you're 100% spot on. What I'll say to that is that, to me, from a depth psych perspective, that's kind of the whole point.

I invite you to look at it from this other level of perspective (in addition to the whole "Gege's psych is a product of his upbringing"): the whole idea of individuality and focusing on the sense of self as a measure of "The Strongest" is being shown as an incomplete part of the equation...

... that leaves "the strongest" ultimately feeling dissatisfied.

This is a sentiment echoed by several characters because ego strength (masculine definitions of strength) is ultimately an unbalanced measure of strength precisely because it ignores feminine values and measures of strength.

Who knows where Gege is taking jjk at this point, but I will admit I am hoping he is going to explore this in more depth because, central to Jungian thought and depth psych is the idea of the Buddhist middle path and union of opposites.

In Jungian psych this means that, when you have an unbalanced ego attitude like that, something has to give so that the pendulum swings in the opposite direction, which gives the ego the experiences it needs to integrate the "opposite" attitude. This ultimately results in a more holistic and balanced perspective for the ego.

That to say that I'm wondering if Gege is going to make the pendulum swing in the opposite direction with the whole "individuality" idea since self-preservation is a "masculine" trait. Again, psychologically, it's all about balance, and right now, the story is out of balance in favor of the masculine traits you mention.

But... to bring it back to Gege's possible limitations around his perception of femininity and how developing a healthy relationship to his anima (femininity) is a precursor for psychospiritual development... what if, on a meta level, jjk is depicting part of Gege's journey towards integrating and deepening his relationship to his femininity and what you're seeing is the beginning of that journey?

Hint hint Tsumiki! maybe I'll write about it someday

This is the thing... In depth psychology, more specifically what is called "the psychology of fairy tales", fairy tales and myths are stories that depict the thinking patterns of a peoples through metaphor and symbol. The characters in these myths and stories are thus characters playing out dramas in our own psyches. So basically, think of jjk as an objective exploration of Gege's subjectiveness (psyche).

Admittedly, even if the pendulum swings in the other direction (more feminine definitions of strength), you might find that his exploration is rather shallow or that it falls short of your expectations for what you'd like to see from a feminist perspective. And you wouldn't be wrong for it, it's just that Gege is probably not on the same level of understanding that you have about femininity because he's, like you and I, a human on a journey of self understanding and growth reflecting on how his environment has shaped who he is.

The same goes for women with internalized misogyny. Sometimes you don't know what you don't know, and coming to an understanding of it is a process that doesn't take place overnight.

So I think the only part I'll disagree with is that Gege is a sexist writer. But that's perhaps because I'm being a bit too technical in what sexist means? i.e. masc supremacy or hating women and perpetuating stereotypes. I think that rather than being sexist, his unconscious biases are showing, which is why someone like you can pick them out.

I do understand where you're coming from though, and admittedly perhaps I am being too forgiving of him.

Last thing I'll say is that I've said a couple of times that wanting for jjk to have these iconic female characters feels like an exercise in futility. In retrospect, I now understand that it's not that anyone shouldn't want for jjk to have iconic female characters, but that doesn't change the fact that jjk will probably remain the wrong manga to look for them, and that's something to make peace with because it is what it is.

So, here's to hoping we get a chance to see a deeper representation of feminine values in jjk or Gege's next manga. Because, if he's done such beautiful work with the masculine psyche, like you, I'd be curious to see what he makes of a deeper exploration of the feminine psyche.

Between you and I, I'd actually love reading a proper battle bl from Gege. And I mean proper. Like... gays so canon that even the dudebros can't deny it.

ANYWAYS... giiiiiiiirl what an ask 😮‍💨. I don't think I've done it justice tbh. But hopefully I made sense? I really do love what you wrote. It was very eye opening to see this age-old argument spelled out the way you did it. So thank you again for sharing your thoughts!

If you over have any other thoughts on the topic I look forward to hearing from you!

I rambled too so... hopefully I made sense 🤣.

#ask the mental gymnastics anime girl

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shslpookiebear · 8 months

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What is your fav ship for buki buki?

You always have such amazing takes btw shjdkdskakskka

AHHH TYSMM

my favorite ship for ibuki is probably ibuki x hiyoko or ibuki x chiaki but recently ive been much more partial to the former so ill write about that one

i started shipping these two mostly as a joke at first because i was like “murder girlfriends” because the two of them as ultimate despair did world tours of destruction

and then i started thinking about their characters more and i realized like NO WAIT THIS IS ACTUALLY FIRE

ibuki is the ultimate musician but she doesnt perform music in the “correct marketable way” shes a rockstar she wants to sing metal not pop ballads and so she breaks away from her band in favor of going on her own path

hiyoko is the ultimate TRADITIONAL dancer her art form is about beauty and grace and not straying from the path and with her grandmother breathing down her neck its not like she has any other options

ibuki looks straight out of an avril lavigne music video but shes bubbly whereas hiyoko would much rather pull on your pigtails and call you names. though they both definitely lack a filter

another thing is that hiyoko LOVES ibukis music, shes the only person on the island who doesnt think its hot garbage (even though i hc sonia totally loved it because sonias such a sweetheart she needs more love OKAY)

i think hiyokos reaction is indicative of how she in many ways admires ibukis freedom for being capable of forging her own DESTINY

post sdr2 is also interesting to examine because as i previously mentioned… murder girlfriends

i think its compelling to think about how you could spend 2 years with someone, seeing each other at your very VERY worst but now you live together so you have to deal with it

at first i think hiyoko would avoid ibuki not wanting to confront her own crimes or the very real feelings that wouldnt just dissipate because as much as the ultimate despairs were terrible they were also vulnerable people who were manipulated into thinking despair was something very real and meaningful (brainwashing video is voided as always get used to it)

but ibuki is persistent and doesnt take things personally and she is healing but so is hiyoko so they might as well do it together instead of making every interaction painfully stilted

and ibuki still a lovable idiot and hiyoko still doesnt fully understand if you dont have something nice to say dont say it

but theyre making baby steps and thats got to count for something

and ibuki serenades hiyoko in her own totally metal way >;3

#danganronpa #sdr2 #hiyoko saionji #ibuki mioda #idk their ship name #ibuki x hiyoko #there you go

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quodekash · 1 year

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its 1pm and im finally well-rested enough to watch last nights episode of abaab, wish me luck (im rly excited for more threezo pls gimme more threezo)

im eating a pomegranate while watching so my commentary may be slightly limited

NOOO CHER WHY ARE YOU SAD ITS GONNA MAKE ME SAD

i just accidentally sprayed pomegranate juice everywhere

this is my first time eating a pomegranate and im sitting on my bed

i have a towel on top of me just in case and im glad i have it

otherwise my funky hufflepuff blanket would look like a crime scene rn

anyway back to the show

awh :[

comforting kiss

im gonna cry

“its not a company owner and an intern. its just you and me.” GHEIBRHGERH THATS SO PERFECT and also makes me feel better cos i was still feeling a little weird about the power imbalance/age gap so yay

THEY HUG

NO, BC YOU WONT BREAK UP

THIS IS THE HAPPIEST FLUFFIEST SHOW, I WILL NOT ALLOW IT

JACK, YOU AND YOUR PERFECT HAIR, HELLO

THREEZO

LOOK AT ZO’S LITTLE HEART JUMPER

I WANT IT

THE ARM THE HAND ON THE ARM LOOK AT THEM AAAAAAATYFYTUUVJ (ft jacks perfect hair on the left)

OMG

THATS AMAZING

IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU JACK

GJERKDGBKRHEBGKJREBJGRE

ah shoot

wait hang on

what the hell

ive been wondering whats in that folder since day one

ohhhh okay its a groupchat

props to that one person for saying its none of your business

yOU HAVE ONE OF THOSE??

i nearly dropped my pomegranate

why was i surprised to learn he has a mother

a lot of people have mothers

thats exactly what she said, isnt it?

bc theyre actually in a drama

its gonna cut to a scene of her saying exactly that

damn i was wrong

thERE’S A HUG QUOTA???

damn then i guess im going to jail

my hands are covered in pomegranate juice this feels like a murder

hey, does pomegranate juice wash off?

MY BOY AND HIS EYEBROWS

HAH, SUCKS TO BE YOU (checks notes) oregano?

i do love that and that’s very sweet, but bro needs his coffee

already at two kisses and were not even halfway through the episode. if only tinngun could live up to their standard.

(this is mostly a joke, im just really salty because tinngun COULD have kissed SIXTY-SEVEN FREAKING TIMES and they DIDNT and no i will not shut up about this i spent way too long combing through the show counting every single time they didnt kiss to not mention it every single time any characters kiss. shameless self promo here)

no wait hang on what the hell

WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN???

“drunk or not, i love you” i see now why that line was significant

and also the slight breakup foreshadowing earlier

i understand it now

they wont break up tho bc (i pull out a sword) i will not allow it

(just kidding)

(i dont have a sword)

(if i did have one tho i would absolutely take it out of its sheath right at that moment)

FRIENDSHIP COMFORT TIME

YAY FRIENDSHIP

they make me happy

HIS PERFECT HAIR

I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH GFYTDFYTFCUTVJHV

oh yay we get some tub time!! i cant wait to learn more about him so that i can pick him apart and do a character autopsy on him to find out how he works!

is he speaking from experience? tub, what do you have going on in life? what have you gone through? tell me all about it :] 📝📝

is it texas chicken or is it kfc?

MY BOYS

IM GONNA CRY THEYRE SO FREAKING CUTE

ilysm three

RIGHT????? he gets it

THREEZOOOOOO

i love them so much

NOOOOOO

CHE???

something good better happen

(eret son of eret voice) is tha’ who i fink i’ is?

it might not be

if anyone knows who plays this man, pls lemme know

NOOOOOOO NOT THE GAMEBOY

OH IT GOT WORSE

sir do you have the technical skills for this

i know hes the head of a game developing company thing but the actual physical insides of a gameboy are an entirely different thing, right?

i was waiting for the thoop situation to come up again

the MOOD that this is-

i have finished my pomegranate and can confirm that the juice does in fact come off of human skin, which is nice bc i looked like id murdered someone

👀

and how are you gonna do that, gun?

idk man, i reckon id appreciate you as my big bro

yayyy that was really good, a little bitter at times but really sweet overall. 7/10, would try again

oh and the episode was also really good

huge lack of threezo tho

theyd better make up for it next week

still good tho

bye bye everyone! have a good day!!

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goodfully · 10 months

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a little delayed but i wrote most of this in my notes app waiting for internet access hahaha i finished reading the third book yesterday, mostly in the car, im in the middle of a trip with family and relatives so this might be more vague/disorganized. mm okay thoughts on "those who leave and those who stay"!

i mean all of this in a lighthearted way! but wow idk what i was expecting with nino, i was lowkey hoping he wouldnt be a major character in the third book. oh my god, i swear every time ninos name was revealed (the author of some article, somebodys friend, some babys father, etc..) i mentally rolled my eyes.. i get that hes an important character and its great how he encourages lenu with her academic work much more than pietro ever did, but wow, tbh ive had enough with this guy hahaha

okay! i think what i liked most about this book is that that while the first two books were centered on lenu and lila looking towards their future and escaping their neighborhood, the third book was so much of them both looking back on the past. by that i mean, both their own lives in that neighborhood in naples, as well as history and politics globally.

anyway im glad we got more political history in this book, it just makes sense to i think. lenu and lilas lives are very much affected by it, and always had been, but it becomes much more clear to them now that theyre older, altho ig in different ways. mm like understanding the connection between the violence in the neighborhood they grew up in and the systems of exploitation that exist globally (like imagine finding your first boyfriend is the leader of some fascist thugs that beat ppl up in front of the factory your friend works at). i think its important bc ever since the first book im sure that we've been hearing from both lenu and lila that they feel as tho something beyond their grasp and comprehension is keeping them from escaping from the lives they had/have. and like.. maybe theyve known it was the patriarchy, fascism... before they even knew what it was. ahh the stuff that lenu said in the beginning about how we cant really escape bc the world is poisoned everywhere. its a bleak view, but that part in the very beginning was ahhhhh...

oh god, lenu having daughters.. like.. more mother/daughter relationship things... the things girls learn from their mothers (dede and elsa in front of the mirror acting dissatisfied with the way they look.. i know it was a short, insignificant scene but i would have cried) and also. when lenus mother came to take care of her, and she said "i was afraid she would never return. but she always did"... ahh!!! and then when elena told her daughters about leaving their father and both of her daughters asked if she would take them or begged her to stay. screams. oh oh oh and every single time she notices that one the younger children resembles their father???

as much as i do adore lenu, i find myself attached to lila.. so when there was that big chunk of just purely lilas part of the story, i was excited (despite the very distressing events)... anyway thoughts on that lila part:

i was thinking about how much this part showed how revolutionary movements arent that straightforward, esp between the actual working class and the intellectual students, like when revolutionary movements arent led by the ones the revolution was made purposefully to liberate? ohh actually i have a lot of thoughts on this and the events that happened, i like how much ferrante talks about it, but ill keep it short.. the part with lilas speech in the pamphlet, the fight in front of the factory, pasquale and nadia disagreeing with lenu helping lila, local and state armed fascists, union organizers not truly representing the workers, its relation to the patriarchy etc..

also so heartbreaking, seeing lila lose her mind over her child, believing that the closer he is to her, the more likely he'll break.. like her. god god i understand that feeling, but i imagine its so much worse for lila when its her own child. that thing about feeling trapped in the same fate as your parents is just so so sad. ive literally never wanted to have my own children bc of this.

i know im projecting onto lila, but tbh the idea that lila is aroace is...!!! haha.. like when she was crying and telling enzo that she loves him and wishes every night to hold him close, but "beyond that i dont want anything." and hhfhrh idk i feel this way for a lot of ppl and know i risk being left if im unable to give what the other person in a relationship wants and they suffer for it. hh

oh! i think its cool that while the revolutionary/workers rights movement was a bigger thing for lila, the feminist movement was more significant for lenu.. god pietro was so??? idk why he was so insistent on following traditional husband/wife roles. i thought something was off about him since they first got engaged and he didnt care of her novel. tbh i am happy for her and hope she gets to be content with her self and her life in the next book. oh and the new thing that lenu writes is so interesting... i think maybe the women in the books would find it the truth for them, except probably lila. so it was interesting when alfonso tells lila that he wants to if he was a woman, hed want to be like lila.

oh some other random parts i keep thinking about: when she and lila were talking excitedly like when they were children, and the talk finally inspired something in her to write a second novel. and when lila read it, and cries. and they both say they dont know who they are without the other.. and when lenu starts rambling about how she believes lila has the intense capacity for apocalyptic violence like she did at the start of the second book, i go crazy i love that hahaha. hmm and gigliola... i remember not thinking much of her yet in the first two books, but really i like her and feel a lot for her.

mm there might be stuff i forgotten to mention, but ill end this here for now! i cant believe its only one book left already...

#finished reading #those who leave and those who stay #neapolitan novels

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abimee · 11 months

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hi i never send asks but i need to tell you how much your art means to me. i remember seeing it years ago when u were drawing ut/dr stuff and i loved it back then, but to come back years later and see youre into ffxiv is like, miraculous. i absolutely ADORE the way u stylize the characters, their stories seem so interesting, and its such a breath of fresh air to me, like straight up inspirational it makes me wanna go ham drawing my guys the way i want bc ive felt so self concious since most fanart i see sticks pretty close to the source. anyways keep doing what ur doing im /cheerjump'ing at you from the distance 💖

NO IM THE SAME WAY REAL getting into FFXIV after being into UT/DR had a long period of like embarassment following it because i wasnt used to being surrounded by artists who stayed pretty on model and like, didn't ''mess'' with the designs of both like specific characters and just general overall character types like m'iqote. Coming from UT/DR where the art style and the general ''theyre monsters'' gave me a lot of leeway to do stuff like anteater dreemmurs and draw frisk in a frilly flower pattern skirt, so coming over to draw ff14 art and never see people even like, give a character a haircut or draw elezen eyes slightly differently made me feel.... not scared, but i felt ambarassed that people wouldnt like my art or not recognize the characters, or find my art incoherent like a few people used to mock me for back in UT/DR days.

I eventually got over it but i still someyimes feel that shame, especially when the art isn't particularly well recieved, mostly with stuff like my butch menphina or how i draw hades, and i begin to wonder if my art would ''do better'' if i stuck closer to the style/design of the FF14 game down to the eye shape and exact clothing patterns

this isnt smthn i think about too often though thankfully, and i feel like a swell of love whenever people do react positively to how i interpret characters into my art :,] ive noticed a few people respond to really liking how i draw Zero even though i never considered her to differ far from her original design, but looking at it side by side i think i sometimes cant tell when im fucking with a design myself until i stare at them next to each other LOL

BUT GO FOR IT!!! there really is nobody stopping you from messing with the designs in the game, FF14 is a million dollar successful MMO ran by one of the biggest gaming companies in the industry so unless yoshida sends a cease and desist directly to our doors there is NOTHING stopping you from taking characters into your own hands and molding them to your liking. Draw Miqote looking even more like cats than people, draw vieras more anthro than humanoid, make your wol part sahagin and give them funny fish gills, give your favorite character a fatter head or a buzz cut, there is an endless possibility as vast as the people in the world are!!!! \o/

#cheerwaving and flower showering you anon i hope youre enjoying the game and having a lot of fun #:] its also really funny how many people from UT/DR days are now into ff14.... gravitate towards the funny mmo

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courfee · 2 months

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20 Qᴜᴇꜱᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ꜰɪᴄ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇʀꜱ

Thank you for the tag @snarky-magpie <333

1. How many works do you have on A03? 14 published, 1 hidden.

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 315,642

3. What fandoms do you write for? harry potter (mostly marauders and back in the day on ff.de also next gen, tho there is a golden era one happening atm), les miserables, and i used to write a handful of doctor who drabbles

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? 1. Operation Walburga's Arbitrary No Kissing Ever Rule 2. blindspot 3. All My Theory Complete 4. Borrow My Name 5. If you ask nicely

5. Do you respond to comments? Usually yes, though I am very very bad with responding (in general, not just ao3 this is a all messages kinda problem) and sometimes im off of ao3 for a solid 3 months before i check my inbox again. i am so sorry for all that, i do read all the comments when i get email notifs for them, i just often dont have the spoons to reply then and there.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Probably On Lies And Spies since it's a canon compliant peter fic, tho i think my prongsfoot fic might also be up there for competiton... (if we go off of ao3 i am currently writing a basically everyone dies fic and have written an angsty fred&george os on my first fic account)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I'd say operation wanker, probably

8. Do you get hate on fics? mm yeah.. amtc specifically... idk what it is with that fic but ive had all kinds of things said there... people who hated the ending, people who thought no one should ever forgive james, people who said no one should ever forgive sirius, people being just in general mean (and not even in english??).. especially the comments in the bookmarks suck, ive had several people rate that fic out of 10, have had people write an entire list of what i should have done different etc etc... it sucks cause i still like that fic a lot, the first long fic ive ever finished, but its reached a point where im scared when people tell me theyre going to start reading it :(

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yeahh ive written one jegulus smut fic. it was supposed to be a one shot for practicing purpose of seeing if i can do it and got slightly out of hand....

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I've started writing one chronicles of syntax hogwarts au before and i did a comic forever ago where the 10th doctor and rose end up in hogwarts meeting the next gen crew

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? someone started translating amtc

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I've had plans, but we haven't yet gotten beyond the planning stage. would love to try it some time tho!!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? whatever the fuck james and sirius have going on, their relationship has been my favourite for all eternity

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? My jegulus Krabat AU. I so badly want to have it written because i want to read it, but unfortunately the world is just not something i like writing in all that much

16. What are your writing strengths? Writing (un)healthily codependent friendships (aka james and sirius, (or the triumvirate)) and probably also consistency with little details

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Plotting. I suck at it. i am very much a paper thinker, so if i dont write i cant think

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? depends on the context? it has to work with the story line and characters and id rather use it sparingly

19. First fandom you wrote for? harry potter (my first published fic was next gen, my second marauders all the way back in 2011)

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? probably either operation wanker or on lies and spies

no pressure tagging @messymoony @static-radio-ao3 @otrtbs @iceprinceofbelair @alarainai @delicris

#hp #tagged #mine

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toadstool32 · 1 year

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its the sextuplets birthday! in celebration im ranking them based on personal preference <3

karamatsu < i like him

osomatsu < i like shitty older brothers when theyre not my own

jyuushimatsu < i dont even think he knows how baseball works

todomatsu < hes such a bitch i love him

ichimatsu < cat

choromatsu < at his best when insane

the nature making numbered list make it so that they all have a rank but if anything it would be like > 1 karamatsu >2 osomatsu / jyuushimatsu >4 todomatsu / ichimatsu > 6 choromatsu

now im gonna proceed to rank them as combinations <- insane behavior

i got the names from this list!

im mostly ranking them by how funny they are but comedy is subjective feel free to send me anon hate ovr this i dont care

doing this in a five star format! ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

choukeimatsu: starting out strong! i love shitty older brothers! they suck <3 five stars ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

sokudomatsu: its ok, i like they more when they act out as other characters than themselves, they either do a funny skit or their manzai act, this one is a toss up for me! ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ➖➖

parkamatsu: their shittyness and cuteness level gets balanced so evenly... its precious to see truly..... however!!! its cute to see oso treat ichi like a cat / a future ward of the state but alas its not tickling my funny bone as much ⭐ ⭐ ➖➖➖

bakamatsu: i like stupid idiots, i want more of them ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ➖

benimatsu: oso n todo are such shitheads fr, they enable eachother to be the worst version of themselves, which is both cute AND fun ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

suirikumatsu: i read this one comic where they both get bullied by everyone else and then get revenge at the beach, (ill find and reblog later) other than that i dont think they really have that many skits together? booo. its rough out there ➖➖➖➖➖

iromatsu: its mid, it makes me cringe more than laugh, well, thats a lie sometimes i do laugh, its a toss up really, (i do like the bazooka scene tho) ⭐⭐⭐➖ I

musclematsu: while iromatsu its ichi using kara as a chew toy karamatsu is like, a chew toy with spikes, and fire and hurtful things, so ichimatsu receives psychic damage by that. Yeah that does not happen with jyuushimatsu this is like a uno reverse, these two are made or way harder stuff, and way dumber too, five stars ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

woodmatsu: theyre sweet :3 its a good balance between karamatsu being a chewtoy and todomatsu being the tsukkomi fishing with love letters and falling in love with the same cashier? pretty solid gags ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ➖

middlematsu: funniest gag they ever did was the fact that they never talk to eachother, nobody has a good time here, four stars only bc its a rare one ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ➖

wakabamatsu: are u fucking kidding me ok this one is interesting bc when jyuushi is the boke i feel like the skits run way to long, i still laugh but whatever not the point. but when they make jyushimatsu choros tsukkomi??? insane behavior honestly. ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ➖ ➖

cybermatsu: funniest shit ever, choromatsu shines with todomatsu as his pair truly, funniest shit ive ever seen ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

numbermatsu: top tier! what do i ever have to say here they just work ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

110matsu: catty bitches, ichimatsu gets to be weird in new ways here such is the curse of being a good straight man! hang in there todomatsu!! ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ➖

youngestmatsu: they r so fucking cute, cant remeber any skits with them tho, oh well ⭐ ⭐ ➖➖

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

ok now im gonna do groups!! but not really just the ones i care about, fuck the list im doing numbers now:

125- i like idiots, i want more of them, jyuushimatsus fun day with his big brothers (goes wrong) <3

456- shitty little brothers represent! u cant be mad at them theyre just little guys and its their birthday :3

346- catty bitches but more toxic, this one rulez, the self awareness has left the room

146- i think theyre neat

126- this is just my dream blunt rotation lets move on

246- i thought abt girlymatsu for a bit and passed out for a sec imagine this with me

thats all!!! get out of my post!!!

#osomatsu san #ac #long post

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skeetlebeetle · 11 months

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haha i hav 69 followers nice. N E WAY look. i meant 2 save this 4 after the apply fic came out (way 2 long xplanation under the cut) but im impatient n i j made all this cool art so i think u shuld see it

(DONT MAKE ME TAP THE SIGN!!! if yr gonna use my art [don’t repost] u gotta credit me!!)

so i shuld probably start w this: im rlly tired its 1:30 am n this will mostly b incoherent i think.

OK. 1 of the 1st social medias i evr got as a kid wuz wattpad. ive made n deleted so many accounts.. the memories r craz,,, n e way, its mostly behind me now but i still check back on the website sumtimez n i check my notifs or whatevz. n sum1 i followed a while back is doing an apply fic that is basically like 6 percy jackson ocs.

now heres the thing.. i dont actually rlly kno what an apply fic is. but based on the description n other oc entries in the comment section its a thing where u giv the writer yr character n then they write it into a fic. which is p cool!! n i do luv 2 make ocs.

heres the other thing: i dont hav n e percy jackson-esque ocs so i had 2 make sum. n where did my mind immediately go?? ace attorney ofc cuz thats my obsession. so i decided 2 make sum ocs based on ace attorney characters. they were gonna b reeeeeally obviously ace attorney @ 1st but i didnt want it 2 b super easy 2 figure out so i changed up their names n gave em different designs n stuff. but basically they all hav the same backstories n personalities other than all the god stuff

turns out tho that i rlly like making knock-off percy jackson/ace attorney ocs so i made em like supa separate from their original ace attorney source n now theyre j kind of their own oc guise. i rlly luv how theyre turning out actually

N E WAY all of this 2 provide context 4 me 2 say that i wanted 2 save these designs n this ace attorney xplanation bc it was kind of a silly lil harmless prank way of me being able 2 say i snuck ace attorney characters into a percy jackson-esque fanfic even tho i didnt rlly cuz, once again, these r basically my ocs now. also idk if n e of em will actually make it into the fic yet. n i didnt want the writer of the apply fic 2 stumble upon my carrd (which is, yes, linked in my wattpad) n accidentally find my tumblr n see this post n then like. idk. disqualify me. "but beetle u didnt hav 2 tell tumblr n e thing abt these ocs!!!" well sumtimez u j wanna post art dude!!

BUT WHATEVER MAN!!!! im paranoid n the writer finding my tumblr let alone reading n e of this is highly unlikely. even if they did they wuldnt fucking care. so heres sum ocs i came up w. n in case its not clear (which it probably isnt 4 at least 2 out of 4 of these designs/names), rich is gumshoe, jay is edgeworth, phoenix is phoenix (woaw), n spyridoula is maya

note that 'rich' n 'dick' r both nicknames 4 richard, jay's name is basically 'scales of justice' n also his dad died, phoenix is so lazy that his name is actually j 'phoenix,' n spyridoula is i think j named the word 4 'spirit' in greek. also shes a hippie

FINALLY: i think i got locked out of my old pinterest which was fine cuz i wasnt rlly using it n e more but 4 this apply fic i had 2 make either a moodboard or pinterest board 4 each character n y wuld i put in the effort of making a moodboard?? so heres my new pinterest which is j boards 4 these characters:

#aaaaaaaaand goooooooooodnight tumblr #skbeetle art #ace attorney #oc #greek mythology #hatsune miku thomas jefferson coded

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deafeninggardenerpanda · 8 months

Note

if we’ve covered some red flags, what are some of your green flag ships? like of those “fuck yesssssss” ones that you really enjoy

AYO SELF CARE HOURSSSSSS. i do genuinely like talking about the controversial ships but thank you for the positive vibes anon! love that

under the cut, just because the post is a little long:

actually im not super into shipping i think? i definitely value being able to imagine a dynamic for even the nichest pairings and have a lot of fun stretching or emphasizing certain parts of each characters' personalities to get them to work the best while opening up the potential for some development on each characters' side (thats exactly why im doing the ship bingo! its a ton of fun!), but theres very few things i actually like. Ship beyond surface level thoughts tbh. and recently the things i actually do ship have gotten increasingly niche. so enjoy this ramble that mostly pertains to specifically me and only me LMAO /lh

metadede ofc is the big one. not niche obviously. extremely beloved by me hiiiiiiiiii. they just have so much to work with in canon it makes so many varied interpretations which are a blast to see honestly. in general i love seeing how people portray their friendship too. an idiot whos smart to smart guy whos an idiot communication. enemies to friends to lovers..... their personalities bounce off of each other really well and the content the community makes is always a+. actually im going to take the opportunity to share my favorite mtdd fic ever. this is like pretty much peak metadede to me if anyone wants to know what i hope my personal interpretation will live up to [link!]

people might be able to tell ive been getting very into dametaberge. oh my god im so insane. no one look at me. dmk+jambacult found family Real. i have like three comics in my drafts for them. its mostly dametaberge thoughts rn but i like to think susie joins them later to make a poly ship. dmk and susie are a little tense at first but susie is, "like so over her knight phase," as she says, which dmk is extremely conflicted about whether to be offended or relieved at. and then they learn how to relax around each other and are always the two in the relationship to have awful destructive ideas, which flamberge vetos or approves of on a case by case basis. they get very happy and excited when flamberge approves of their awful plans

and of course my beloved gsa ships.............. theres falsgato which i am incredibly insane about thanks to my friend dragging me into it and now its a thing in my animeverse. enemies to friends to lovers I KEEP SAYING IM SO WEAK FOR THAT. dragato was a huge asshole to falspar for Various reasons regarding the nature of the gsa and perhaps dragatos own personal insecurity, but once they lost the war they got to bond since dragato like, realized how little the shit he antagonized falspar for actually mattered in the first place. and falspars a guy who really sees the best in people and ahahahghdjk its a whole thing its a whole thing i wont go into it rn LOL

theres also metarthur which is my very very beloved longtime rarepair. which i um. uh. ahahahah............. i get very slightly nervous talking about on main because a lot of people hc arthur as meta knights dad or parental figure but i shouldnt be nervous about hc differences really....... anyways theyre supposed to be like parallels of each other. people who are opposites thematically (arthur being leader of the gsa; mk being a former deeply infamous demon beast) who find themselves in similar positions in that they both kinda struggle with their sense of purpose vs their sense of self. meta knight sees his past struggles in arthur and so he finds himself drawn to him. he cant really Solve his situation, but (during their war-time relationship specifically) he hopes to offer some solace to him which functions as a form of catharsis to mk himself too. the two get to connect and understand each other in a unique way. i wont get too into this one right now either lol since the dynamic changes a lot depending on if its their during-war relationship or post-war relationship but theres the basics. i have a comic expanding on their general relationship in my drafts too but its at the bottom of my to-do list tbh. maybe someday though

im only into this one casually nowadays but morphogala... you really cant go wrong with "knight of death saves the greatest warrior in the galaxy from their torturous fate". something something the themes of wishing for the release of death being subverted into yes, death itself releasing you but in a way that actually Saves and rescues you instead. the hope and love in spite of all of the hopelessness AHHHHGH the themes of this one make me so weak. theres so much potential...... i really love this one on an aesthetic level too

you know i take my comment on "not super into shipping" back i think my multishipper ass has disillusioned myself into thinking being insane about like 4-5 ships isnt enough or isnt the norm. maybe i am insane about shipping......... oops

ships that make my thumbs up list in that i like them in concept but dont ship myself would be: marxolor; any of wave 3 x each other tbh. i have them as just besties in my hcs but paired up in any way is very fun; i kinda like shadow metadede but im really particular about the dynamic of that one; fransoos gets a very big thumbs up from me for themes and concept+enemies/rivals to lovers; metagala is. i dont super get it myself but the aesthetics alone are absolutely on-point enough to put this one in the thumbs up category. yayyyyyyy. im sure theres more that im missing but i think that covers any that arent too niche

#asks #anonymous #ask to tag #im not tagging all those ships lmao #thank you for the ask!!!

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upsidedowngrass · 1 year

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reading your and jaspers posts about bryce with silent admiration because im too scared to contribute but i really love bryce so much hes my girlfriend and my husband and i like hearing u guys talk about him because youre Right. especially as someone who struggled from grief and trauma and being abused i think bryce's case interests me more than any of the other characters (even though liam is my favorite, and it says a lot because i find all of them interesting) because there is so much to him. i doubt he has processed a single thing about what happened. i think stellas death was recent too honestly, within the last few years at least, and he copes by... not coping. burying himself in work and drinking in the hopes to forget about it. not even to mention the fact that in episode 7 it showed him driving home drunk personally i feel he was past the point of caring to the point of engaging in risky/dangerous behaviors (this speaks for itself, i dont think i need to say why). i think that the plane impacted him so much that within those 7 months after leaving he got his shit together. i cant speak for if hes totally sober or not but at the very least he doesn't drink as much as he used to and i doubt he's putting himself in danger anymore. to be honest i think bryce is one of the characters who has changed the most because of the plane, which makes him being rejoined all the more interesting to me. im probably just making shit up but i like to read into it a little more than "bryce and liam were getting along but now theyre separated and liam has to fix it oh no". sorry this ask is kind of word vomit im not in the headspace to tidy it up but i hope you get what i mean

i think if one had continued for longer than it did it would have been interesting to explore bryce finally accepting and coming to terms with his past (him not seeing his childhood home in the wr anymore kind of representing this). i love bryce and he deserves to heal

TY!!!!!!! im glad my thoughts warrant admiration to you :D!!!!!!!!!!! (i will say tho that every time uve ever posted YOURE thoughts i am like ohhhhh.... ur SO RIGHT. i think u have some of the BEST interpretations of the one characters ive seen!!!!!)

(talked SOOO so much .so there is a readmore :) )

brcye really IS such an interesting character???? ik ive said it before but i AM biased towards protagonists so i usually focus on liam but like ...... bryce really IS probably one of the more. indepth ? characters in one in terms of like. background and how he Acts. i think ALL of teh characters are written really incredibly but i think, given how much of his bg is clarified (esp in contrast with how little is shown of the other characters lives pre-one) his motives, personality, emotions all end up being SUPER super elaborate and i REALLY love how he was written ??

(that said i think the reason he IS elaborated on sm is bc like. one doesnt elaborate on character backgrounds like MOST of the time. even charlotte is mostly left up to interpretation, bc one is more about the HOW people respond rather than WHAT made them respond that way. but charlotte and bryce are both outliers, and bryce ESPECIALLY so. because both obviously have Things they havent worked through properly, but bryce is directly just. Living in it. its the fact that he WONT acknowledge the actual Things that hapepned enough to heal that warrants the elaboration. while the other characters stop acknowledging ANYTHING about their lives , save for charlotte, who gradually works out her issues themselves, because THATS whats effecting her, bryce is CONSTANTLY just. he Needs to go back, but his problems ARE about what happened, and the fact that his life outside of the plane was what MATTERED to him, but that even then, he just Wouldnt acknowledge that life when he Needed to. idk if that makes sense but ohhh i think about the decision to elaborate on some characters and to not on others bc it feels Important)

hes so. he mirrors all of the contestants in some ways, but he mirrors amelia a LOT in that both of them respond to trauma by Setting It Aside. like That Trauma Cant Affect Me If I Dont Look At It. like. ur right bryce has NOT processed ANY of his trauma. which like it makes SENSE bc. it prob feels so much easier to him to not think about it by drinking instead, because its a Lot to think about. its a Lot to come to terms with. but bc he WONT acknowledge it but its still AFFECTING him he just gets More and More miserable (the detail about him driving home drunk and not even caring is so. :( )

what IS one of the most. compelling? aspects of his character to me is the way he responded to Everything after getting eliminated. bc it just feels So Real. because he IS healing, not completely, and not in the best way, but he clearly like. started putting SO much work into improving his life??? (the detail of him finally getting an end table for his bed instead of just... using a cardboard box ALWAYS gets to me. and that + the fact that the photo of stella is put up makes it seem like. THATS what was in that box. he LITERALLY started Unpacking thigns. its like poetry to me.) because it IS hard, and i think hes still putting things to the side, shoving the trauma from the plane to the side now instead of all his other grief and trauma. and the removal of the cans from his room yknow?? that hes getting up for work on time now?? its like. yeah i agree idk if hes necessarily SOBER yet but he really does seem like hes working really hard

its not perfect, but its BETTER and it feels. correct?? (and tbh? trying to brush off the plane as a dream isnt even teh worst thing he couldve done with that, i think, bc reasonably what WAS he supposed to do w that experience?? i dont think there WAS a good answer) bc the plane was a whole new kind of trauma. and i think surface level, one would THINK hed get WORSE after further trauma but like. i think he DID in some ways but in the ways that actually affected how he acknowledged and responded to his pre-existing trauma DID get better bc, as he puts it, hed Thrown his life away before, and didnt want to do it again. bc this time, he very well couldve died. and while he was on the plane, being home, on earth was SO much better than the plane, and it recontextualized Everything. hell, maybe after that, the earth finally felt Less daunting, like somewhere he Wanted to be, because for once, he WANTED to be back, and rationalizing That and the fact that he got Lucky, that something Worse couldve just full on Killed Him Forever really DID mean he didnt WANT the worse to come, at least not as much as before. but that meant he HAD to start actually Working on improving things, and i think he may not have Intended to acknowledge Worse things, but simply because the things he had to do to improve his life, like drinking less, making his house more Livable, they all Forced him to think about things More. hes still certainly not thinking about them as much as he Should, hes still not Processing things, but hes Heading in the right direction . he really was SO changed by ONE

and then liam showing up forces him, once again, to think about something he tried to push to the side. aaaaaaaandd then he rejoins and its so. it feels thematically fitting and IS so so SO interessting. because for once in his life hes REALLY facing his trauma head on. but then is brought straight back into it. and i need to think about that aspect more bc those thoughts are a bit less Focused than my other thoughts but given how complex his writing is after he gets OUT, its. SO interesting to think about how being BACK affects him

esp bc like. him starting ep 18 Pissed Off- which historically his responses to trauma are to either just Be Shocked, as depicted a LOT in ep 14, or to get Very Vocally pissed, as shown through the first half of s1, esp ep 6, and ep 11, and ep 13, and ep 18. ive seen it written as 'he doesnt have anywhere to direct the sheer amnt of STRESS and fear so he just. ends up yelling at people bc what else CAN he do' and i think thats?? probably fairly accurate. i dont think hes as Constantly Irritable and Irrationally Angry as fanon presents him , bc it tends to be. excessive. but he DOES get reasonably angry in response to stress !!! i always think abt how his body language in the 'credits' scene of ep 6 look like hes yelling at airy. and im. lays on the ground. i dont even know if thats ever as much 'just anger' as it is Fear and it FUCKS ME UP

but the way i see it, that ties to ep 18 a LOT. because he was really Getting better. hell, what he thought was the WORST that could happen HAPPENED (dying) but he. came out OKAY? its like he was being forced to think about and work through his trauma and he survived and was ok. but being sent back is like. 'oh god i did that all for nothing.' but i think it also sort of?? serves as the Last Push for him to really, REALLY acknowledge the plane (which is why it makes sense so thematically for him to be the rejoiner. he WAS the only contestant whod Chosen to ignore it all. but that has nothing to do with the plane, he cant choose if the plane ignores Him.) past talking about its affects, how its affected people. because after everything hed worked toward, hes Back. hes back, and everyone else is STILL HERE. liam had said they were all still There but seeing them there is a whole other thing. hed SEEN the effects of making it out after 7 months. but he never saw what it was like to still BE there after all that time. and bryce CARES about them (fanon sometimes treats him as if he is a bit. coldhearted? but i think people misattribute him being unhappy with liam as him not caring. i think the problem is that he maybe cares too much, and was affected a LOT, but didnt and doesnt know how to handle that. so he WANTS to ignore it, because it was all he could do, and haaving to backtrack on his haphazard healing from the plane is. highly daunting and uncommfortable and terrifying. thats not being cold though, thats VERY different) and now he HAS to acknowledge Everything, has to be a part of it Again. and i think its a combination of 'liam was here for 7 months after we all thought itd only be a few weeks. Anything could happen. who knows how long ill be here for?' and 'liam didnt have anything when he came back. will I have anything when i come back?? will i have worked so, so hard to heal and fix my life for Nothing?' and 'i dont WANT to be here again.' and 'oh my god all of them Really Really Are Here. Theyve been here the whole time.' and i think all that culminates in an appropriate amount of horror, and that prompts him to do what hes STARTED doing, which was All He Can. and hes pissed off cus hes terrified, so he spurs everyone into pulling out the plug. and then. it doesnt work. it doesnt work and thats the LAST of what he had, and i think iirc hes the LAST one to close his eyes afterwards. because hed BEEN off the plane, hes the one of them who had any hope to give them anymore. and it didnt work

(i also think a lot about how it mustve felt seeing the contestants all so. resigned. because bryce was like that before all this, but ever since one began he was stubborn, and didnt WANT to give up. and i think finding out that these people youd seen try so, so hard just to Handle Any Of This be SO resigned would be. so fucked up. he knew amelia when she was so determined to leave, and while charlotte seems a bit saddened by her resignation, bryce was there BEFORE that happened. he wasnt there like liam or charlotte was to see it gradually develop, and to develop that despair alongside them. all hes seen is that amelia was so determined. and that he may not have known her THAT well before, he knows shes different. he knows she Gave Up and like. GOD. and also i think abt how he mustve Felt seeing the plug for the first time because ehs the only one of them who hadnt seen it before (given its likely all the other characters had, since they casually refer to it). and given the short time frame between him getting there, and the contestants trying to pull the plug? it almost seems that that was like. the last straw. and ive never posted it but i once drew stuff abt it bc. the damage to it is noticable. and i think hes already aware liam was fucked up, but this is like. a tangible, permanent record of that on the plane. and he cares about liam, and has been grappling with all the things liams told him, but thats. thats something he can See. And i think it all of it culminates in him deciding that what hes been avoiding is doing Soemthing about all this, because before he couldnt, and then it was. an awful idea to, and then he didnt have many choices BUT to help. but now theres hardly anything to do, but he has to try. he doesnt want to give up. and it makes me soooooooooooooooooo. head in hands.)

anyway that was a LONG tangent the point is. YEAH. i think rejoining would be. very very significant for his character i dont think youre making shit up its DEFINENTLY a topic w a lot of things to discuss about it

but god. yeah it wouldve been SO nice to see him come to terms with everything hed been through before one. i think the show purposefully included what it did and ended when it did because it makes more sense thematically for it to go unresolved, because the point was that NOTHING was able to be resolved nicely because unfortunately, many things are Out Of Their Control. things COULDVE resolved almost perfect but enough things went wrong at just the right (or more fitting, wrong) time for all of that to not work. i think him no longer seeing the suburbs may have signalled more that maybe, just maybe, he could Do something to help the other contestants even if HE was Dead, that now he finally HAS a goal, if that makes sense (though i think even in the timeline of the series it still wouldve taken way longer for him to process everything Fully, they WERE only in the waiting room for probably about a day) but the idea of finally seeing the waiting room as it is bc hed finally worked through everything .... man.............. man

ik ive already said it though but i DO think it is sooooo so possible for him to heal post canon. im a firm believer that no matter what, at LEAST bryce and ameliaa get home (liam and charlotte have more room for error but i DO generally interpret the ending as them both getting home too, theres just less room for things to go wrong w amelia and bryce). and i think after everything? hed be able to heal. it would SUCK but i think hes, shockingly, in a better place Logistically for things to improve, because he has a support system, he has what hed already worked on in those 7 months, he has so much to aim for. it would be rough and take long but i think ultimately? hed be able to heal :) and its what he deserves

#ask #got SO rambly in this answer . this ask made me think SO MUCH #man tho. the theme of people responding to Trauma in one is legitimately so.#it feels so significant and i think it was done SO well #like. fun fact but ep 6 was what REALLY sold me on the show when i first watched it #which SOUNDS morbid but it was the post credits scene that Got me #because it jsut. sounded so much like how trauma is discussed irl. when liam like #says 'i was riding home on my bike when it happened' i remember i was so. Ohhh My God #bc i was. oh this show is just. having characters naturally respond to and discuss trauma #like it wasnt just an element of the series anymore it clicked that the show was developing a literary THEME and it made me sooooo emotiona #like it esp hit hard bc . discussing trauma is a LOT and seeing them Talk Abt It like that hit me so hard.#and to this day that scene is just so. emotionally impactful #AND sidenote its so. at that pt in the series nothing has been Revealed abt bryces life before one #but the fact that hed Been Through Shit Before makes the scene feel so important.#because bryce has been through a LOT of trauma already. and bc of that? of course hes the one talking to liam. because he *gets it.*#of course he talks about it so naturally. he may not have really worked through anything but he KNOWS this #and whether or not liams been through stuff before doesnt matter here. because this isnt something he knows how to live through #but bryce has experience with living through things. hes the only one able and willing to talk eith liam through it because he Gets it #and it makes me so. AUUUGHGG #alcohol #ask to tag #(also as silly as it is liam abruptly cutting the convo off to talk abt the grass is like. yeah. yeah #emotional convos with friends abt trauma can very often end abruptly for completely unrelated reasons #at least in my exp #which is prob bc eventually theres nothing TO say bc the topic sorta. speaks for itself?? and that feels like what happened in their convo #though i think liam prob ALSO mentions it bc. id imagine its unnerving to notice . like this place would just FEEL so abnormal #and it was prob on his mind bc the two of them were already talking abt fucked up things about the plane #and its a small detail but. a detail about the plane nonetheless)

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