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wind-becomes-lightning · 6 months

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Bye to Wind and Lightning

TLDR: I AM WHINY AND IM GOING TO MOVE BLOGS TO A SMALLER ONE WHERE NOBODY KNOWS ME. EITHER @kikuneesama FOR GENERAL STUFF OR @konohamaru-sensei FOR ANIME STUFF.

Did you know that in 2020 when the pandemic held us all in a chokehold I decided to reread One Piece and Bleach, but consciously decided not to touch Naruto, as if I knew that I'd be sucked in real bad if I read it again? I was right. In 2021, I randomly thought "No, I will read it now" and then I did and boom I talked about nothing else for that summer and to channel my thoughts I made this blog right here separate from my main and not as a sideblog. I wanted to start completely over at a different place.

I had a terrible summer in 2021, constant mental breakdown. I don't want to bore you with the details because you don't care, but just being back doing the stuff I loved when I was 16 was such a blessing. I was truly happy in the first months here, especially with the discord servers and the oc talk and the friends I made. My boyfriend commented on it all the time, that I looked so very happy. And I was! But these things never stay.

The problem with me is, I want community, I want to talk headcanons and to bitch about characters I don't like and promote ships I love and cry and laugh and hug all of you for liking the same things as me and at the same time I'm terrified of rejection, of people hating me, of people spreading lies behind my back. I guess school does traumatise you in some way.

I can't survive in a cutthroat fandom like this one, I take things too personally too quickly. I don't understand that if you, a normal person with your own wishes, likes a thing I don't like or dislike a thing I like it doesn't mean you automatically hate me. You are just a different person and that is ok! It's not you. It's me. NO I'm not just saying that. It really is me.

Did you know that when I started out here I didn't tag my stuff? Especially not my OC stuff (and I still rarely tag it). The fear that someone might find it, hate on it, send me hate, make fun of it etc, sits so deep that I rather have my work not be seen at all. Yet, I need the attention to keep going because without the reblogs and likes and asks I feel like an utter failure.

My boyfriend says I am not good with the public eye on me and he is probably right. I envy those of you who can stand their ground and be self confident in their arguments. I envy those who don't care what others say, who can block and move on, who don't get a knot in their stomach when someone they had nice interactions with unfollows. I shouldn't care, but I do.

On my first tumblr blog I never looked at my followers, I never got asks either or was deep in fandom or anything, but I reblogged my stuff and posted my thoughts and was feeling good. I love tumblr, its the best social media out there for a reason. Yet, with this one, I got so self conscious about my followers, about what I can and can't say. If my presence would offend or not etc etc.

I was kinda looking forward to 1000 Followers because it is an insane number, but now at 997 I'm throwing in the towel. Isn't that like giving up before the finish line? Maybe, but I'm so tired and I want to be unknown again. I want to be nobody again. I want the naruto fandom to move on and forget I was ever here.

So I'm leaving! Sorry, I guess! At least for a good while. I might be back to finish the requests still pending on this account and then disappear again, but I don't know if I'll ever permanently come back. If you by any chance really, really really care about my presence, you can find me under @kikuneesama as a general spam blog with all sorts of things and under @konohamaru-sensei for anime-only stuff. This is also where my Naruto posting will be moving.

If you are a moot I will follow you from Kikuneesama again.

Thanks, I guess, for over two years of hanging out. I'm sorry I am such a lame loser.

One thing is for sure: Though I am moving to a blog named after Konohamaru, Kakashi will always be my love.

tschüss und auf wiedersehen, ~Nisi

PS: I'll q this a couple of times so I'm sorry if you have to see it a few times in the next few days. I swear I'll be gone after that.

#nisi rambles

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shaaaaaaar · 10 months

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god i don’t think loneliness has ever felt as bad as it has this summer.

ive had more intense feelings of loneliness in my life than i feel now, but this sensation of loneliness feels worse. it’s the pain of being given all you could ever want but having it be taken away before you can truly relish in it.

across the past year i’ve built and developed such meaningful connections with people. for the first time irl i had a group of people i was close to that actually shared hobbies with me. people that made me realize just how touch-starved i am and to understand my needs better, people that taught me how to say “i love you” because they showed me how strong platonic love can be. people that loved me for all of me.

i had never been told before that someone loves all of me including my best and my worst. i had never been told thank you after rambling for like an hour about something. ive had genuinely amazing people in my life before, kind and funny and that are cool as hell. but i never had the type of friend group i formed in the past year.

but then i had to graduate. before i was ready to be gone from everyone. and they’re all right on my phone, but it’s not the same because a lot of what made it special was having people that are right there with me. and we still haven’t found our footing online, our little discord server we use still hasn’t found its footing (which if i said i wasn’t part of the problem i’d be a liar), i’m not as connected with people and i’m not doing things with people and i was supposed to be doing more than i am, that’s what i told myself and what i told other people and what other people expect from me.

i’ve stopped trying to plan things online because trying to do so was making me so stressed i was physically ill constsntly, to the point i was literally told to stop for my own sake. so i haven’t done things with people.

i’ve barely seen people outside of school over the summer because i’m already so exhausted from things online, making plans irl makes me so sick i freeze up at the thought of trying. so i’ve seen people twice and one of those two times i was having a breakdown for half of it because i was so scared.

i can’t manage it. nothing has happened.

and i’m pretty sure i’m taking this worse than anyone else is, i feel like i’m living in a nightmare. and i know about self fulfilling prophecies, that’s been something i’m scared of and conscious of too, but i don’t think anyone truly gets just how much i’m losing here because i’ve never had this in my life before. sometimes my inaction is because the fact that i have to take action to begin with makes me feel horrific.

i’ve fought my ass off this summer, fought against this beautiful disaster of the culmination of my mental illness and neurodivergency and my interests and my queerness and everything that makes me atypical making it hard to find my tribe. i’ve kicked and screamed to be able to hold on, hold onto something, one thing with this one fucking group that can stay normal and undamaged and not at total risk.

i don’t want to call out for help anymore because i feel like if i let myself cry i’m only putting things more in jeopardy. i still have but either with the safety and stability of my online friend group, vague because i’m scared to actually say anything, or if i do actually talk about things transparently it’s very sporadic.

today was a breaking point for all of this. where i’m so stressed and so exhausted and so scared that i was this close to removing everyone and running and praying that somehow that’d make things better (despite knowing it’s stupid and counterproductive) purely because i can’t handle this anymore and i don’t know what to do because i feel like i’ve tried everything.

i just want this shit to be fucking over.

i don’t want to be alone anymore.

#vent #9 pm rule #shar rambles for way too long

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intothevrains · 2 years

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here it is. the legendary kiyoshi kogami coma analysis ive been bothering several discords with. possibly also just a Part One

prefacing this with a general content warning. this will cover topics including a lot of medical jargon, including a whole lot of brain injury talk. i also want to mention i am not at all a doctor and this is merely a product of much research: please feel free to add on or ask any questions, even provide corrections where you see fit. please ask about sources and ill provide, one is just an essay paper that’s downloaded onto my computer.

three main topics i want to cover:

coma patients in general (and how it relates to kiyoshi)

a general very messy analysis of link vrains and its functionality

kiyoshi kogami & lightning

first things first; coma patients & similar have four states of consciousness, those being minimal consciousness, coma, vegetative state, and brain death. patients can also go between the first three states, but as far as i am aware there is no coming back from brain death, depending on definition (brain stem death and specific parts of the brain dying are different and vary in danger, AFAIK).

i believe kiyoshi is in a minimally conscious state, or was, likely even going between a minimally conscious state and a coma, however never into a vegetative state. I also don’t believe he’s braindead as he is still functional, and here’s why;

first off, i’ll provide a definition of a minimally conscious state; “The minimally conscious state is a condition of severely altered consciousness in which minimal but definite behavioral evidence of self or environmental awareness is demonstrated.”

minimally conscious patients are shown to respond to external stimuli, even possessing the ability to answer questions through brain activity. more on that; the study conducted that discovered this state of consciousness found that many patients in a minimally conscious state could respond to yes/no questions, even control parts of their body at will instead of only on reflex, like a coma patient would. the way that patients would respond to yes or no questions would be through spiking their brain activity. an example: someone asks the patient a question such as “is your name [name]?” and the patient would respond by thinking very hard of something, thereby spiking brain activity and declaring a “yes”. a no would be concluded by the patient not thinking of anything.

all of this has to be done with MRI scans which... ryoken just has in his home, apparently. I mean, have you seen the care setup he has for his father?

...yeah. a lot.

keep in mind, different reasons for brain damage happening also factor into how severe a conscious state is impaired. a stroke inflicted coma may put you into a minimally conscious state, whereas severe brain damage would put you into a coma, or worse. this relates to something i’ll cover in a bit. a complete (sort of) list of things that are common factors of comas: Severe head injuries, brain infections, brain damage from lack of oxygen, drug overdose, stroke, chemical imbalances due to illness, such as low blood sugar (hypoglycemia). keep in mind severe head injuries and brain damage.

anyways, this leaves a good segue into how exactly link VRAINS works. as things are at the moment any possibility or ability to plug ones mind into a computer or even import a HUMAN brain into a computer is basically impossible. for example... putting a nematode brain into a computer is the only thing thats been done, and even that took an insane amount of technology (nematode brains have 20K neurons, humans have a billions). link vrains is basically impossible, but i’m just going to go ahead and ignore that and put together what i can.

the only way a fraction of a human brain could be in a computer is through a host server that uses quantum computing which is..... fine for soltech but the kogamis? having a quantum computer? a device that requires temperatures a bit above absolute zero to work? No, almost certainly not. (soltech which is almost certainly founded by and supported by billionaires because its only billionaires and millionaires for the most part funding studies dedicated to putting brains in computers and thats for immortality's sake, by the way)

so, soltech uses quantum computing and a whole lot of nonsense im not smart enough to put together for vrains to work. but what about kiyoshi? well, kiyoshi only actually has an avatar in vrains, meaning its not actually himself. the lieutenants created an AI replica of kiyoshi, which asks kiyoshi commands throughout the series... or, maybe it only did at the start. this is where my theories start to converge; is kiyoshi in a minimally conscious state throughout vrains season one, or in a coma? was an AI developed on his input before the series began and did he fall into a coma afterwards, or is he always in a minimally conscious state? almost like his "input" (basal, subconscious IDEAS of direction) goes through a translator to become his speech/avatar movement.

i think the only fully human detail about vrains kiyoshi is that he transmits the actual kiyoshi's vitals and responds to them. ie cant manifest after his body dies. and then even that could be fake, there couldve been a separate little string of data that just shut him down if those vitals ever dipped too low.

there’s also something frustrating that is like a worm on my mind: using this information the kiyoshi that we see in vrains may be very inaccurate to how he actually is. he may be an AI build off of input from the lieutenants and ryoken, but that may not completely mirror how he actually was as a person. yes/no commands from kiyoshi himself can only do so much as well. it certainly leaves a lot to be considered. maybe he’s more of an ai than consciousness data of a person and exists as a moral compass/guiding figure for ryoken who felt guilty about his father's death, because at the end of the day, ryoken was 100% the one calling the shots for the hanoi and kiyoshi's seen multiple times just totally deferring to revolver and doing stuff on the side for him instead of really leading the charge

kinda like that trope of people making ai that closely resemble deceased people and are ALMOST the same thing but Not Exactly

also, kiyoshis in vrains avatar takes on the same appearance of the one he had 10 years ago. this could or couldnt have implications, who knows. i dont know.

and finally.... kiyoshi and lightning. lightning is an interesting case in himself i want to eventually infodump about BUT i want to talk about their relationship for a moment or how they relate to each other. or, just how lightning put him into a coma in the first place. same with miyu.

its never fully covered in vrains how much the ignis can interact with the real world, but im assuming to a very basic degree they can be touched and interacted with. i also want to bring back three possible coma causes that’re most common that i brought up earlier: Severe head injuries, stroke, and brain damage from lack of oxygen. any of these are possible, but i believe a stroke is the most likely. a stroke can be caused by an irregular heartbeat... it very well could’ve been lightning just electrocuting a specific part of him to force him into a coma. that’s just the best of what i can come up with with my extremely limited data on lightnings abilities and general ignis weirdness. my friends and i have come up with a lot of theories on this particular facet of kiyoshi and lightning and as much as it pains me, i might have to just chalk it up to ignis weirdness i dont know how to explain.

... i know the whole “it was probably electricity that caused a stroke that put him into a coma” argument becomes almost immediately null if you bring up that miyu came out of her coma after lightning died but, hey, i’m doing my best here.

anyways thanks for reading. thats all... i will return soon with more. please let me know thoughts and theories or anything i missed im dying to talk about vrains with people

#vrains #yugioh vrains #radon post #ping!#radon rambles #yugioh #long post #maybe someday my vrains is post arc-v ramble will come to fruition #none of this is proofread #some of it is also old or thrown in last second #i also want to write more on uh #lightning.. soooo badly.#soon. soon you will all see.#kiyoshi kogami #ryoken kogami #lightning vrains

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kkthefrontbottoms · 11 months

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hey it’s anon again i’m very very self conscious about having nf1 and i really find it hard to reach out. hence why i’m on anon rn lol.

none of my friends apart from a very select few know and when my confidence is up i just wanna make friends with some nf1 ppl. i’m 24 and the last i spoke to anyone with nf was when i was 8. my parents took me to the NF society thing which i have some pretty happy memories off.

i just want to relate to people instead of having just myself. like nobody gets the anxiety of getting a neurofibroma or worrying when something isn’t totally 100% okay and i just wanna feel included in this very lonely club :( i’m the only one in my family that has it too.

i’m from the uk btw

Sorry if this response is a lot, anon. You are the first adult with NF1 I've been able to talk to about these things so I'm going to ramble. I'm 22.

I'm also the only one in my family that has it, and the only time I've met someone with the condition was in the waiting room at the neurologist. It can be really isolating because no one, even those closet to you, can understand what its like to have a body riddled with tumors. Sure, they're benign but it's still anxiety-inducing.

I remember when I learned that something made me different from all the other kids, I was nine and there's some sense of community that I haven't been able to access sense. These lumps on all over my body have always separated me from my peers, the way they ache, and the way I fear what could be growing somewhere inside me, without my knowledge is terrifying, and it's not a fear anyone can relate to unless they have the condition. Plus, when I talk about it, it sounds like I'm paranoid and my friends can't understand. Knowing you are different, and not having any who is that same type of different is a terrible feeling. I've been thinking about trying to make a discord server for people with NF, but I need to find enough people first.

Since I turned fourteen, my mom has been pushing for me to get surgery to get my fibromas removed. And while it would be great to be free of them, it often feels like she just wants me to be "normal." She's never asked if it's something I want to do with my body. Sometimes, I don't mind it, the being different, but then I look at myself in the mirror for a second too long or I imagine my body and all the ways my life would improve without these bumps and lumps all over.

Plus, there's another added element being trans and starting hrt, not knowing what can happen because there's no research on a body like mine or yours that is also a trans body. But, unless you're also queer, I don't want to get into that. There's so little information about NF that I considered studying neurology just to understand my own body. Sure, we're only one in three-thousand, but isn't that still a large enough amount for people to care?

But, there's gotta be humor in this somewhere. I don't have a fear of needles or MRIs because I never was able to, there's some humor in that, I think. I don't know what your experience was like growing up, especially as a teen, but I want to think there's something about having sat through a dozen MRIs before I was fifteen that made me stronger. There has to be something about all the blood work and exams that will make the rest of life easier, right?

Once again, sorry if this was a lot. It was very cathartic to be able to know someone else might understand what I feel

#anon #nf1

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keiarchived · 3 years

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Come To The Back | 18+

bodyguard!Dabi x rich spoiled!Reader x bodyguard!Hawks

warnings: dubcon/noncon, drugged, intoxicated, somnophila, breeding kink, split roasting

words: 1.6k

note: Decided to take part in BNHA Degeneracy discord server’s 9 to 5 collab last minute 👀 one of the nastier stuff I’ve written 💦 scummy duo ahead, read with caution ⛔️

Babysitting spoiled brats like you can never be less annoying, all you ever really wanted to do in your spare time is to party, get wasted and high. Whilst the duo have to follow you around all day because it is your daddy’s order after all, ‘Keep my daughter safe or I will have your heads.’ He made sure the consequences were known if they failed, Keigo and Touya were merely bodyguards send to protect this spoiled brat daughter of this billionaire. They have no influence like he does, sure they could run but they can’t hide forever. You are supposed to be good for your daddy, stay out of danger since his rival is out to get him and his family.

Getting only a few hours of sleep each day because of you had begun to wear their patient, it wasn’t as though they could talk to you about it. Believer me, they tried. But of course, your spoiled brat ass went running to your daddy and complained about how Hawks and Dabi were being mean to you which results in their first warning; wedges cut for a month all thanks to you. They simply don’t get paid enough for this, for putting up with you and your father’s bullshit.

But a job is a job, they needed the money. Let’s just hope this issue your father have between him and some of his acquaintances resolves quickly before one of them snaps out of bitterness.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” The taller male huffed heavily, palms resting on either side of his hips as he stared down at your unconscious form. Your so-called friends were long gone after the party at this particular club has ended, leaving you out cold in the VIP booth before moving on with their night. You were mumbling none sense as Keigo went ahead and sat you upright with a soft coo, “Hey, you okay? Just drunk, stupidly high or both? Know where you are an angel?” Of course, the only responses they managed to get out of you were mumbles and grumbles that made absolutely no sense. “She’s definitely out of it.”

“You don’t say, let’s her out of here.” Touya bites back with a sigh, cigarette between his fingers. Seems like tonight will just be another night of them carrying your unconscious form back to the mansion, tugging you back into that warm and cosy cover of yours — or at least that’s what they should and suppose to do.

But rather they end up stripping those slutty clothes of yours, that’s what you want right? For men like them to use this body of yours, just admit it. You had been tempting and playing around with the duo for long enough, wearing these short skirts whenever they are around. Swaying your hips and batting your eyes at them whenever you pass them, you know fair well they cannot touch you because if your daddy knew; they would be gone. Good thing the man himself is gone for a couple of days due to a business trip, oh and they are going to have their fun with you.

One cock in your mouth and another buried deep inside your pussy, the duo wasted no time in stripping you naked after all. With your intoxicated and drugged-out self, it was easy for them to move you around, passing you between the two of them. “Fuck me, this pussy is good.” Keigo chuckled breathlessly, snapping his hips into that tight cunt of yours. Surely this is just an act right, pretending to be asleep so that they can continue to use you and let out their pent up frustration on you.

A cloud of smoke slipped between Touya’s lips has a low groan rumbled at his chest, stroking that slightly bulge neck of yours whilst a sadistic smirk tugged at his lips. You look much better like this, with cock at either end of your holes and being used them. “You should try these pretty lips too, given if you can last another round.” Touya taunts, earning a grunt from Keigo as he merely rolled his eyes at the other. “Fuck off.”

Just as the two began to bicker at each other, noises begin to come out of you. “Looks like our princess is awake.” Slowly, Touya slipped his hard pierced cock from those pretty plush lips. Allowing you to take a gasp of air whilst being as confused as ever with those hazy eyes, “Wh-what you doing?” There was a sense of panic in your voice and honestly, either one of them can blame you. Waking up to your bodyguards fucking you into cloud nine doesn’t happen every day and god knows how long they’ve been at it, “Oh don’t worry dove, we’re just taking good care of you. Right Dabs?” It was hard to keep his voice level without cracking as your ridge walls clamps down so tightly around his cock, even harder to hide that shit-eating smirk. Your jaw feels sore from how Touya been using you roughly, pussy feeling full, nice and stretched by Keigo’s cock.

“Exactly, you should be grateful, your highness. We don’t do this often, not free of charge at least.” Dabi’s voice was dangerously low as he mocked, reaching behind your neck and forcing you to take a look at the way his partner in crime’s cock disappearing into your slutty cunt. Even when you were passed out, it didn’t stop you from moaning and gushing slick between your legs. “This is what spoiled brats get when they tease too much.” A desperate whimper fell at those words, now that you are slightly more oriented you could feel the pleasure that comes with every thirst of Keigo’s hard cock. It would be a complete lie if you said you have never fantasied the duo take you like this before, they are handsome and attractive after all. Keigo with his witty charm and Dabi with his mysterious charm, it is hard to say no.

“That’s it baby, take it all! I-I’m cumming!” Keigo unloaded yet another ropes of cum deep inside your cunt, right up against your cervix adding to the growing mess. This totals up to three for his scores, Touya had been keeping track. Your lips hung open with drools tickling down the side of your lips, body reaching its own high whilst Keigo pulled out from your soaked pussy.

“Aw look at you, so pretty and all fucked out.” The sandy blonde man coos almost sympathetically, tugging those loose strands of hair away from your sweaty forehead. Seems like Touya had been doing quite the number on you too whilst fucking your throat open, it must be sore from those smooth metal rubbing and nudging along your velvety walls. You could feel your conscious fading in and out from that orgasm alone, swallowing on your own drool thickly as Keigo’s cum seeps out from you. Too bad this is far from over, Touya’s smirk widens as he leans down to capture those swollen lips. Exploring every inch he possibly can, warm metal swapping across your inner cheeks and lips. After all, you deserve a reward after taking Keigo’s load so good with your well-bred cunt.

“Don’t pass out on us just yet princess, you can take a few more rounds can’t you? For us hm?” Touya coos softly, cigarette scent lingering as he traces over your chin with his rough fingers. Keigo and his partner in crime exchanged a look; the look with a same shit-eating smirk stretched across their lips before switching places with Touya running his cock back and forth between your swollen slit and Keigo nudging at those pouty lips of yours. “Good girl.” One of them praises but you weren’t so sure who it was from, head spinning from the alcohol and drugs you had consumed hours before.

Touya is much rougher than the blonde when it comes to pounding you, with a merciless pace as the tip of his cock continuously hammer at your cervix. Pressing all of the right buttons inside with those round metals of his piercings, “Fuck.. you are good.. should’ve done this a long time ago.” He can barely count the number of time he had wanted to put you back in your places with his hands, forcing them to stay up all night just so you can get home safely — thrust, railing them on purpose — thrust. But Touya managed to hold back, that was until now where the final line has been drawn. It is a risky bet but Touya bet on that you wouldn’t tell your daddy how good your bodyguard fucked you, filled you to the brim with cum and made you into their own personal cumdump. You wouldn’t, why would you when you could have them do it all over again?

Keigo had you choking on a mixture of your own saliva and his essence, quickening his pace once as you could feel the way your throat burns deliciously around him throbbing cock. Maybe you shouldn’t have teased them as much as you had, maybe you should’ve listened to Dabi’s warnings of this dangerous game you had been playing with them. But it’s too late now, they had caught you by your cunt and lips. “Fuck... gonna breed you, see how your daddy likes it when he finds you all swollen with some unknown child.” Touya grunts, letting out a breathy laugh before it turns into something sinister. “You wouldn’t even know who’s the baby daddy would you?” Touya hissed at the way you suddenly squeezed around him when he mentioned it, “Oh you like it huh?” Which only made him grin wider as his climax approached and without a second warning — ropes of warm cum painted both ends of your walls white.

Your bodyguards are now a panting mess as they withdraw from you, sitting on the edge of your now white stained bed whilst a faint chuckle escaped Touya’s lips. “Liked the idea of bearing our kid that much? You slut.” The night is still young and it will be a few more days before you daddy comes home from his business trip, you couldn’t help but wonder what other ways the two of them would use you. Licking over your lips hazily, out of focus eyes gazed towards the two male. You want more, don’t you?

#bnha imagines #bnha smut #mha imagines #mha smut #hawks x reader #dabi x reader #dabi x reader x hawks #hawks x reader x dabi #collab #hawks smut #dabi smut #takami keigo #takami keigo x reader #tw’dubcon #tw’drug #tw’intoxicated #tw’somn #tw’breeding #tw’split roasting

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violnst · 4 years

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i sent this to the discord server but realized i never put it here sooo OLI'S FERAL ANTONIO HEADCANON LETS GOOOO warning for some self-harm (not in depth) and violence mention :>

ok so i was thinking about what i said before with them being relatively calm when outside of matches. but i was also like... i think it depends on exactly who it is they’re with, or if they’re alone. when alone, they grow restless and angry, since they feel the need to perform or portray themself as being very talented and perfect, so when it's just them, they become super critical of themself, finding flaws and imperfections in really minor things

they probably have moments where they have to be stopped from tearing at their limbs or hair if they get in the way/they’re not moving fast enough, all that good stuff. very specifically they can be caught hitting their head against things (hints at the skin sewn together along the bridge of their nose, probably wounded themself from constant blunt force trauma, and would just end up keep reopening the old wound)

and then cut to like. being with other people. this one is very dependent on who they’re with. we already know with luchino they’re more relaxed, definitely calmer and more like how they’d been in his past. they’d be the same with a few other hunters, such as leo or robbie i'd think. (specifically robbie i like to think of him really liking antonio's music, and having been a child he's not very critical or aware of any mistakes that antonio might make, therefore more compliments and admiration happen). so the hunters that most likely still have some amount of humanity, or ones that are simply more laid-back are the ones they’d be the most calm with uvu

the reason i started thinking of this was because of peyton giving me jack so like. antonio's very impressionable and very easily persuaded by the mood and personality of the people around them. with hunters who are more monstrous/evil or strive for perfection themselves, they becomes very performative, always wishing to impress, going as far as to be borderline clingy. they’re also sorta like when they’re alone, where they become critical of themself and feel the need to perform, yet there's less anger behind it more just. purely fueled by the need for an audience, people to applaud them or want them. which leads them to willingly do cruel things while they’re more conscious outside of matches. they have the need to impress.

with survivors its the same way, depending on how they react to them or interact with them, antonio will react accordingly. by default they seem very tired and worn, but not really fueled by malice or hate to attack anyone. and often times if they encounter a survivor, they’ll ask them if they would like to hear their music, or be their audience. that of course can go horribly if they assume antonio’s going to hurt them when in reality they would literally play for them, wanting these fresh ears to admire and adore them! if the survivor reacts badly (insults them, says they don't care about their music, all that), they become violent, and it's best that survivor gets as far from them as they can because they would absolutely try to attack them, screaming about how they are undeserving, how they offered them to hear something so few were blessed enough to experience only for them to spit on it. those survivors are often targeted out during matches with antonio :') with survivors who would stick around and actually agree to their performance, it becomes similar to when they’re with hunters who are laidback, where they are calmer, and would treat the survivor kindly, thanking them for listening and asking them if they enjoyed it. if they were shitty about it, return to the 'gets attacked and singled out'. if they actually applauded or said they enjoyed it, then antonio becomes a bit more sparing during matches. they’re still not fully present, but if they’re fighting against that survivor and downs them (especially if they're the final one), they will stay by them and offer they guide them to the dungeon so that they can escape. if they down the survivor early on in a match and chairs them, they’ll apologize, hoping they would still enjoy their music. BUT. after that survivor is eliminated, their control over themself is completely erased, and they can be even more violent towards the remaining survivors. because that old antonio, wherever they are trapped within them, is just. broken, confused by the fact they’re hurting people that are their audience, who enjoyed what they did. and their puppeteer doesn't want them fighting back. so they’re completely shut out their actions are based completely on their 'audience,' being whoever they’re around at any point. and it's only with those that just. don't care for how they present themself, or remind them of their love for their music, that you can kinda see that old antonio, the one who's first passion was their violin, not the hurt and torture they’re forced to cause

thanks for coming to my ted talk

#♫ [ about antonio ]#♫ [ saved ]#// since i always think about this #// its a lot to read but!!! please its worth it i promise #// please look at this stupid shit #self harm mention /#long post /

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bennguinfest · 5 years

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Spring 2019 Fan Fest Prompt List

Hey fan-festers!

We’re happy to say that we received 81 prompts this time around, and we spent the last few days distilling all those amazing and creative prompts down to a list of 63 prompts! (If you’re keeping count, that’s far more than last year’s 48!)

As with last year, we had some repeat prompts and prompts that were similar enough that it made sense to condense them under one item. Additionally, most of the prompts we distilled down to a few words for the sake of having a concise list! Again, like last year’s fest, we’re providing the full text of the original prompts under the cut, in case you’re looking for more details to get started!

You’re free to create any kind of fanwork based on the below prompts! There’s no minimum word count and no rules on what to create, or even how many - if you want to combine prompts, that’s cool! If you’re called to make more than one thing, that’s awesome too! The only limit is that this fest runs from now until April 15th - so if you’re creating something, make sure you post it and tag it with #bennguinfanfest so we can share it to this tumblr! If you’re posting to AO3, the collection is now open for submissions as well, so make sure to include your work there so everyone can find it!

One final thing: even if you didn’t submit prompts, feel free to participate and join us on the discord! We’ve set up a discord server here: bennguinfest on discord to stay connected, inspire each other, and have fun! It’s a great group and really active, so don’t be shy!

That’s it! On to the prompt list!

Matchmaking dogs

Space AU

Birthday gifts

Coming out/being together in the NHL

Acting like a couple (but they’re not actually a couple)

Tyler as a WAG

Transported to a parallel universe

Abducted by aliens

Superhero/Superpowers AU

Amnesia from an injury

Soulmate AUs: Color-based, name-on-wrist

Thirst follow/Met online

Drag AU

Time loops

Alternate histories

Cop AU

Reality show AU (Survivor, the Bachelor, Married At First Sight)

Jamie Poppins/Single dad AU

Supernatural races (vampires, werewolves, shapeshifters, etc.)

Omegaverse: Courting

Delivery boy/Uber driver AU

Tyler gets traded back to Boston

Breaking up & making up

Omegaverse: Bonding drama

Boring office desk job

Road trips

Protective Jamie defending Tyler

College/University AU

Tyler tries to be Jamie’s wingman

Lites’s comments affecting the boys

Taking care of a sick hockey player

Cuddle pile/team bed fic

Harry Potter AU

Fire alarm meet-cute

DnD/Hockey Mashup

De-aged after a fight

Bakery/Tattoo Artist AU

Friends with benefits - and then with feelings

Zombie AU

Homeless AU

Nerds are hot/competency kink

Omegaverse: scents

YouTube channel AU

Bridal shop meet-cute

Beard appreciation

Tornado warning

Figure skater mpreg

Self-conscious Jamie

Wing!fic

Winning the cup and a kiss on the ice

Lifeguard AU

Haunted farm

Animal daemons

Surprise/sudden parenting

Jealousy from dating/flirting with someone else

Secret relationship and almost getting caught

Long-lost childhood friends

"Come here."

“Close the door.”

“I feel like I can’t breathe.”

“It’s three in the morning and you want me to do what?”

“You could’ve died.”

“I thought you were dead.

Full text of the prompts under the link! If you have any questions, feel free to send us an ask - and as always, happy creating!

1. Matchmaking dogs: Tyler’s dogs want to get their human with a certain cow-eyed captain

“well this is really awkward considering the last time we saw each other, i was screaming at you to never talk to me again, but like, my dog recognized you all the way across the park and literally dragged me over here because she misses you so hi” AU

2. Space AU (ex. Star Trek, Firefly, or something else entirely)

3. It's Tyler's birthday and at first Jamie gives off the feeling that he's forgotten and this hurts Tyler but it turns out that that Jamie wakes Tyler up at midnight on his birthday with two tickets to an offseason trip

4. I want a fic that REALLY captures what it would be like if two NHL players were to come out in 2019. I'm talking teammate reactions, press reactions, social media, family, the whole shebang. I wanna see the real raw reactions and the struggle the guys would have to go through. I would also loooove if you could fit Jamie proposing to Tyler in there somewhere but it isn't a necessity.

Jamie has a hard time dealing with how public Tyler’s life is, with the insta stories and with random people filming him all the time. It feels like it’s only a matter of time before their relationship is exposed because of how much Tyler is in the public eye. Jamie doesn’t want to break up but it seems like that’s the only choice he has. He doesn’t want to do this so much that he calls a press conference and comes out of the closet.

Jamie and Tyler have been dating since 2014 and he’s tired of hiding it. So with Jamie’s consent he posts a cute photo of them being a couple and writes a heartfelt monologue about their story. And the whole hockey community blows up about it. And it’s kinda about how they deal with being and out couple and Tyler posting obnoxiously cute couple photos on his Instagram. Sorry this prompted is a mess I just want Tyler to be a troll and post cute cliche couple photos on Instagram of him and Jamie and the world loading their minds about it.

Jamie and Tyler come out to the team about them dating. Management wants to keep their relationship secret so they make Jamie fake date someone. And him and Tyler struggle with the stress that puts on them.

realistic consequences of being together with the team

5. Tyler and Jamie are super close but super oblivious to the fact that they act like a literal couple. Jamie has a gf and she hates the fact that it seems like Jamie cares more about Tyler than he does her.

6. Fluffy fic where Jamie still plays hockey, he meets tyler and they fall in love and tyler becomes an nhl wife/husband/boyfriend.

7. Parallel universes -- somehow Tyler (or Jamie) finds himself in an alternate universe where his life is radically different (for better or for worse) which makes him realize how much his relationship to Jamie (or Tyler) means.

waking up in the future/alternate reality fic

8. Jamie and Tyler are abducted by aliens and taken to a faraway planet where they are prisoners in a bizarro planet. Is it real or is it a nightmare though?

9. jamie and tyler are in danger and major trouble when their identities as superheroes are revealed and bad guys are after them.

powers/mutant AU (as in pick one, not all at the same time) One hides their ability from the other, and when the other finds out, its...not good

Superhero AU! Are they superhero partners? Is one of them a superhero and can't date the other because he has to keep him safe? Are they both trying to keep their secret identities secret from each other while simultaneously dating in both iterations? Up to you, or anything else!

10. Amnesia angst for the win - Jamie gets a particularly hard hit, wakes up and can remember everyone except for tyler (maybe not explicitly, say they can *remember* them, but not remember that they've been dating for eight months now) cue tyler avoiding jamie because its too hard him to be around him

11. soulmate au! people are born with blackmarks - on their hands, their faces, their skin in general - the black marks is the first place their soulmate would touch them. Jamie was born without a mark. Tyler was born with two pitch black palms. Years after tylers been traded to the stars, Jamie falls asleep, and tyler can't help but run his fingers through Jamie's hair, just once, and then he looks down at his hand and the tips of his fingers are colored, and so are the few strands of Jamie's black hair.

Soulmate au- either abo or name on wrist. No drama, just fluff!

12. Tyler thirst follows Jamie on insta. This can be hockey or non-hockey, but Jamie follows back and they start talking.

13. Rupaul’s Drag Race au. Tyler and Jamie are competing against each other but are constantly talking about how much they like each other/are attracted to each other in the confessional. They’re both single, so why not go for it? Alternatively, one is a queen and the other is a member of the pit crew.

14. groundhog day au (aka, tylers/jamies day keeps getting reset, again and again until they get together finally and wake up the next day)

15. alternate history, tyler is never traded to dallas, but they still somehow meet and fall in love anyway

16. cop AU, where in tyler the rookie transfers and get stuck with Jamie the sorta senior to show him the ropes. Jamie gets attached. And that’s...a problem, in their line of work. Or at least it is for him.

17. Survivor au- same or different tribe, as long as they’re the “showmance”

"The Bachelor" AU

Married at first sight au- either within the parameters of the actual show, or they literally get married the day they meet

18. Jamie!Poppins - tyler is a single father with a new baby and no clue of what he's going to do. enter Jamie Poppins!

19. Minotaur Jamie

The Dallas Stars are a pack of werewolves, and Tyler is the vampire that’s been traded to their team.

Shifter verse!! and ive got nothing else for this other than wanting to see tyler as a tiny lab puppy pls and thanks

20. Alpha Tyler and omega Jamie: “usually when I meet an omega I wanna bone, but with Jamie I wanna fucking hold his hand and feed him bonbons all day, what the fuck”

21. Jamie the delivery boy. Kay hear me out. Like he keeps delivering huge quantities of food to this particular house and it always seems like there should be more than one person. But there’s not. And Tyler orders. All. The. Time. Hopeful it’s jamie. But they’re both too dumb to ask each other out. Lots of pining

Uber driver! Jamie picks up Tyler from a one night stand

22. Tyler gets traded back to Boston AU - Everything hurts and nothing is okay. (except that at least one of them is retiring at the end of the season so it's actually more okay than they think) (also a future fic)

23. breakup and makeup but spanning over seasons - no cheese plots

24. Bond drama (abo) either they bond too quickly, like at the all star game or something and dont know ehat to do because theyre on different teams, or they really want to bond and its not happening as fast as they think it should

25. Boring office desk job

26. road trip to Montreal to visit Jordie

27. while out chilling at a bar celebrating a win, jamie and tyler are having a couple of drinks and when jamie gets up to go the bathroom, a drunk stranger and a couple of his friends decide to harass Tyler, upsetting him. A furiously protective Jamie intervenes and despite holding his own, Jamie is beaten up and him and tyler end up in a dumpster.

28. A University fic where Tyler is out and proud and gay and Jamie is still trying to figure out his sexuality but he's having a hard time. No homophobic Jamie tho please, just a guy trying to figure himself out. Would love if he would rely on his family throughout the fic for advice.

I’m always a sucker for college au, or masters/PhD students etc

COLLEGE AU BECAUSE WE ALL NEED MORE OF THAT IN OUR LIVES

'the cops showed up to a party we were at and chased everyone away. You and I happened to run in the opposite direction of all our friends and got lost in some dark and creepy street.’ - College AU

29. Tyler finds out Jamie is gay (outed/comes out/whatever you prefer) and embarks on a wild but good-intentioned quest to find Jamie his perfect man.

30. Tyler is hurt by Lites' comments more than one thinks and Jamie is worried when he sees Tyler crying in private.

31. sickfic? jamie taking care of tyler is- like just how pathetic is a sick hockey player?

32. team bed au omg someone pls

33. Harry Potter au but not as high school student, just something in the magical world

34. "3am and the fire alarm in our apartment building went off and you look cold here is my jacket"

35. Hockey AU but they’re all dnd races. I would love to see half-orc Jamie, and goliath Bishop, and tiefling Tyler. Please be as creative as you want with this!

Hockey AU where instead of going out, a core group of guys plays dnd in their hotel rooms while on the road. Tyler and Jamie’s characters are getting flirty in game, and it’s starting to translate outside of it as well.

36. Tyler and jamie fight - a *big* fight, and the next day Jamie suddenly got a deaged tyler on his hands and no idea how to fix it

37. Jamie owns a bakery and tylers the new tat artist next door plsplspls gimme that slow burn bullshit with this one

38. ty/jam used to have a whole friends w benefits thing that went oh-so-wrong because one (or both of them) caught feelings—as one does—and the fic is kind of that aftermath and trying to repair the broken relationship.

39. ZOMBIES

40. Homeless AU w/tyler

41. Tyler is smarter than he leads people to believe, and Jamie is into privately nerdy Tyler

42. Abo verse surrounding scents. Tyler smells like the most delicious thing Jamie has ever smelled, but he thinks he shouldn’t bond with a teammate

43. Youtube channel

44. Designer and single friend of client at a bridal shop AU

45. Beard appreciation

46. a tornado warning hits dallas and everybody is ordered to seek shelter. jamie follows tyler back to his house and hide in the basement with the dogs, frantic and terrified.

47. Tyler is a figure skater, Jamie still plays hockey. They meet and fall inlove but whoops tyler ends up pregnant. The world still isn't 100% accepting of LGBTQIA+ people and even less accepting of men getting pregnant. Tyler feels down at some point cause he has to put his career on hold. but it all ends up great in the end.

48. Jamie feels self-conscious about his ass after some chirping from opposing players and it's up to Tyler to comfort him

49. Wing!fic

50. They win the Stanley cup and kiss at centre ice

51. Jamie's a lifeguard. They meet after Tyler basically drowns himself. (It's not an excuse to have Jamie kiss him. Its *not*.)

52. Haunted farm au- Tyler is a witch that lives on a farm where extremely weird things happen. He ends up rescuing Jamie and Jamie pledges his services for one year in exchange for his life. During that year, they fall for each other hard, but there are outside forces in the farm trying to keep them apart.

53. Animal daemons

Goose daemons

54. Marshall, Cash and Gerry turn into human kids (temporarily or not), Bennguin handle being sudden parents

55. Tyler having a serious boyfriend for a while and Jamie is jealous because he wants to date Tyler but he’s not ready to come out. And he’s also upset because everyone is taking it so well and nothing has changed and he realizes he really missed out. But in the end they still get together.

56. secret relationship and how they almost get caught - many many times

57. Childhood pen pal / long distance childhood friends?

58. "Come here."

59. “Close the door.”

60. “I feel like I can’t breathe.”

61. “It’s three in the morning and you want me to do what?”

62. “You could’ve died.”

63. “I thought you were dead.”

#bennguin #bennguinfanfest #bennguin fan fest #hockey rpf

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ariadnelives · 5 years

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Chapter 15 -- The Recovery

[Missed earlier chapters? Go catch up here! Otherwise, welcome back! Oh, and make sure to join our discord server! Chapter can also be found @ ao3”]

It had been two and a half weeks since ViLaz had come aboard. Deathsbane had kept her on a steady drip of her regenerative catalyst, which was a world of help integrating the new cybernetic parts Ariadne and Alicia had built to replace what she'd lost in the fire.

It was physically easy to treat her. She seemed conscious, but somewhat unresponsive. She stood when left standing, she sat when offered a chair, she would take no initiative to feed herself, but when food or water was placed in front of her she seemed to know what to do with it. She offered no resistance and followed instructions when Ariadne attempted to recalibrate her new legs, or when Sasha attempted to sponge-bathe her.

She did not speak unless spoken to, and when giving a response, she didn't waste words. Her tone was flat and vacant, as though her mind had left her body to attend to some other business, and in her place was a completely thoughtless AI who'd been given the sole directive to keep her from dying, so long as it wasn't too much of an inconvenience.

After a few days, she seemed to come out of her shell a bit. It was clear that she was, in fact, present and alert, although she was also experiencing some of the most profound grief imaginable, and the consensus on the ship was that “on this ship, that's saying something.”

She was cautious and guarded, and she wouldn't talk about herself, but she found something comforting about eating next to other people, especially other teenagers. There was an energy that came with being around people her own age that she didn't realize she'd been craving until she was surrounded by it. She'd spent pretty much her entire life eating flavorless meals alone, and she only had her father for company.

She avoided this line of thought. Her father was probably furious with her for defying the will of the Red God. She hoped he believed her to be dead, because she figured if he knew she was alive, he'd be along any minute to finish the job.

Deathsbane had been shocked, when examining her, to find a piece of cybernetic equipment that they had not installed at the base of her skull. It was no larger than a fingernail and had been heavily damaged by the flames, but Ariadne and Alicia were hard at work trying to divine its purpose.

Sweettalk had been a great help in showing her around the ship, getting her well-acquainted with the crew, and getting her settled in her very own quarters. Her condition had improved enough that she would no longer need to stay in the infirmary, and they'd made it clear she was welcome to a bed and a roof for as long as she needed one.

Of course, Sweettalk was one of the few people who could comfortably have an entire conversation with someone who didn't respond once, so ViLaz felt more comfortable around her. It helped that Sweettalk was close with the girl who'd healed her burns as well. ViLaz had never experienced people being so welcoming before. This was a group who took shock and offense when someone was ashamed of themselves, and not one of them ever told her that she deserved it for being a sinful, wicked child.

The sight of her cybernetics was still somewhat jarring. The serum managed to prevent scarring on the parts of her body that had not been removed, but her prosthetics were not at all subtle.

To start, Ariadne had improved on the life-support system they'd initially developed and constructed new, more stable, permanent replacements for her vital organs. Then, she and Alicia moved on to replacing her lost limbs. It was easy to use the tech behind Ariadne's mechanical legs to make metal skeletal structures that responded to ViLaz' thoughts as well as her original limbs, and bionic eyes were common enough that she could be fitted with one almost immediately. They even knew how to synthesize self-repairing fibers that could be woven into new muscles, and with some effort, they even developed a form of synthetic skin with artificial nerve endings, so her prosthetic limbs had a sense of touch.

The problem was the appearance of these modifications. They were sleek and modern and they felt so organic that if she couldn't see herself, she might have never realized she ever lost a part of her body. They were also a stark, metallic white and had electric blue accents.

“I'm sorry about this,” Ariadne said the first time she saw herself, “these are just prototypes so you can get a feel for them, we didn't have time to make them look realistic. We're working hard to get you a better model, okay?”

ViLaz told her not to rush, and that she wasn't really concerned with her prosthetics looking realistic. She didn't tell her that her whole life her appearance had been strictly controlled. The acolytes who cut her hair would actually measure the length, before and after, every single time, and she had no say in how it was cut or styled, or what she wore, or whether or not she wanted intricate red patterns drawn on her face. She actually kind of liked looking like she was half-machine, there was a certain freedom in knowing she was so far outside how the acolytes wanted her to look.

When her mind went down this road she was struck with a pang of shame. She'd disappointed the acolytes. She'd failed her father. She'd committed blasphemy against her lord. She had sinned and she had escaped the flames of righteous punishment the Red God had intended for her and he would be at her doorstep any minute to cast her into the pit of fire where she belonged.

She often wanted to hit herself, quite literally as she'd been taught self-flagellation as a form of penance her whole life, for having such sinful and rebellious thoughts. Ariadne and Pilar, however, would often sit with her late into the night just to make sure she was okay, and for some reason she couldn't stand the thought of hurting herself in front of people who'd gone to such lengths to ensure her safety.

There were other days when she found relief in the idea that the Red God made it clear that she'd failed her final test, lost any chance of salvation, and that she'd be sent to hell no matter what she did now, so she might as well have fun in the meantime. These were the relatively good days, which Ariadne found incredibly disheartening, because that's still a pretty negative outlook on life.

“You know,” Sweettalk pointed out from the next bed in the infirmary, popping red candies into her mouth while Sasha checked the progress of ViLaz' burns. There was absolutely nothing medically wrong with her, but she was off-duty and liked to spend her downtime with Sasha. “You fit in here a lot better than you think you do. I mean, we've all got some pretty heavy baggage.”

“I didn't bring any baggage,” ViLaz replied, confused.

“Emotional baggage,” Sasha explained, “she means that you're not alone, and everyone here knows what it's like to be in a hopeless situation or they wouldn't have ended up here. Lift your arm, please.”

ViLaz lifted her arm.

“Yeah, exactly,” Sweettalk continued and ate another candy, “I mean, hell, my shitty past is strapped to the bed right over there.” She gestured across the room at Prescott. “Yeah asshole, we're talking about you.”

“Hey, how come I don't get fancy bionics like her?” asked Prescott, who had long since given up struggling against his restraints.

Sweettalk spat back, “she's a teenage girl who got set on fire through no fault of her own and needed life-saving treatment. You're a 20-year-old conman who lost three fingers when you got caught robbing a church.”

“Also you tried to bite the doctor after she reattached your original fingers,” Sasha added helpfully. “If you wanted bionics so bad you should've left them on the ship.”

The side of ViLaz' face that still had organic skin turned red. “It was my fault,” she muttered.

“Hey, I don't want to hear that,” Sweettalk said flatly, “that's my friend ViLaz you're talking about and she's done nothing to deserve being set on fire, you hear?”

ViLaz did not agree with this sentiment but it was clear that Sweettalk could argue that water was dry and win, so she didn't press on it.

“Anyway,” Sweettalk went on, shaking a handful of candies out of the bag, “if you're worried about those church guys coming to find you, you're in the right place. This place was made for kids who need to hide from bad people. Like, literally. You should've seen the people Ariadne was hiding from. Oh, and what happened to them when they tried to track her down? Basically what I'm saying is, if someone tries to hurt you here, they're the ones who are gonna get hurt. Candy?”

Sweettalk offered her the handful of red candies and ViLaz saw that they were in the shape of small fishes. They were made of a gel that looked medicinal to her, but she politely took exactly one and popped it in her mouth.

It was overpoweringly sweet and sticky. “It's delicious,” ViLaz gasped, “is all candy this good?”

Sweettalk sat up sharply. “Shut up! You've never had candy?!”

“Shut up” was not a phrase ViLaz realized could be said in a friendly tone of voice and she flinched upon hearing it.

“I'm sorry!” She whimpered, “I'm sorry, I'll be quiet, I'm sorry.”

Sweettalk was shocked by this reaction and adjusted her voice to be almost too friendly in an attempt to compensate. “Hey, it's okay! It's just a figure of speech, I don't actually want you to be quiet. I was just surprised you'd never tasted candy before, okay?”

ViLaz sat silently, embarrassed beyond belief.

“I think I know what we've got to do,” Sasha said, placing her hand softly on ViLaz' shoulder, then turning to Sweettalk. “Call Cookie. Get her to send up three of every kind of candy we've got. We're having a tasting.”

“Can I—” Prescott began to ask from across the infirmary.

“NO.” Sweettalk and Sasha snapped in unison.

“I'm hungry,” he whined, “and you won't let me go to the mess hall myself.”

“Yeah, we tried that and you tried to steal all our food and hijack a shuttle.” Sasha replied.

“So, what, everyone's allowed to come and go as they please but me?” Prescott asked incredulously.

“Awww, you've finally grasped the concept of being held captive!” Sweettalk crooned sarcastically, as though she was talking to a baby. “But, we technically shouldn't let you starve, so I'll tell Cookie to whip you up a nice bowl of plain oatmeal and a glass of water in case it's too spicy.”

Several minutes later, Cookie filed in with two full carts of various candies and a single bowl of lukewarm oatmeal. Prescott's restraints were loose enough that he could move his arms to feed himself, and he briefly considered throwing the oatmeal against the wall to prove a point, but upon considering how many people in the room he'd thrown under various buses, he decided they would be unlikely to provide him with a replacement meal and opted instead to eat it.

For the next hour or so, Sasha took a break from inspecting ViLaz' progress and the three girls all sat on the same bed, trying different kinds of candy. It was the first time ViLaz had ever truly felt what it was like to have friends, and for a moment she forgot about all of the grief and shame she'd been carrying since she arrived. It was, up to that point, the single best experience of her life.

It was to be short-lived. In the drowsy, saccharine haze of their candy feast, known to most as a “sugar crash,” they heard Ariadne’s voice crackle over the intercom.

“Sweettalk, Deathsbane, you’re gonna want to get up here on the double. Bring ViLaz, she should see this too.”

After checking that Prescott’s restraints were extra-tight, the three girls hustled up to the War Room and found Ariadne and Spacebreather sitting around a hologram of a young girl standing on a stage in flowing robes.

“Is that me?” ViLaz looked puzzled. “Before… you know…”

“Really seems to be you, doesn’t it?” Ariadne asked, “problem is, this hologram was taken an hour ago.”

“I don’t understand…” ViLaz struggled to process this news.

“Sweettalk was right,” Deathsbane muttered.

“Confirms a working theory we had before your rescue. You’re not the only girl they’ve been using as a mouthpiece. One of your sisters, or half-sisters—”

“I don’t have any sisters,” ViLaz couldn’t make sense of what she was hearing. “I’m the sole scion of the Zealot.”

“What do you mean?” Pilar asked.

“My father’s bloodline was chosen as the vessel of the Red God on our plane, but his body was flawed and impure. He couldn’t contain the power of the Red God, and he was to be the last of his bloodline, but by His providence, a daughter was born. I was to be the Red God’s vessel, but in my weakness I rejected his glory and he…” ViLaz could not continue.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

“Honey,” Ariadne said, “did your dad tell you all of that?”

“No,” ViLaz responded, “the Red God did.”

“Come again?” Pilar asked.

“The Red God. He appeared to me regularly in my chamber, to prepare me for his coming. He spoke through me and spread his word to the people of Mars.”

Pilar and Ariadne exchanged a glance and Ariadne shuffled through a few papers. “Your chamber, suge, did it look anything like this?”

Ariadne held up the schematics of the immersion pod they’d picked up from La Pesadilla.

“That’s it. How did you get this…?”

“Did the Red God ever appear to you outside this pod?” Ariadne asked.

“No, we’d converse in the chamber and he’d speak through me when I left it.” ViLaz was shocked to see her chamber, where she’d grown up, laid out as a blueprint in front of her.

“Hon, this chamber is a highly advanced piece of technology. They use it to put thoughts in your head, control your dreams. I suspect the Red God was nothing more than one of those Acolytes trying to program the hell out of you, pardon the pun.”

“You’re wrong,” ViLaz said, knowing somewhere in the back of her mind that Ariadne was not wrong.

Ariadne tried to keep her tone slow and gentle. “We got these schematics from a lady who’s had run-ins with your daddy before. He uses these pods to show people visions of whatever it took to get them to join his church, be it dead relatives or Jesus himself—”

“Who’s ‘Jesus?’” ViLaz asked.

“I… have no response to that,” Ariadne said calmly, “but I want you to think rationally for a moment. What’s more likely, that your dad bought up a bunch of brainwashing beds and mind control chips, then you just happened to grow up in a bed that showed you visions of god, and occasionally someone else took control of your body? Or is it more likely that those things are connected?”

ViLaz knew the correct answer but felt unable to acknowledge it. “You’re wrong, I can’t explain it, but—”

Ariadne looked exasperated. “If you can’t explain it then why do you believe it?”

“Vi,” Deathsbane cut in as calmly as she could while still making it clear it was her turn to talk, “we removed a computer chip from the base of your skull when you got here. It was too damaged to recognize at first, but I’d bet it lines up to the schematics we’ve got for this mind control device.”

ViLaz rubbed the back of her neck, knowing that any surgical wounds were healed by now. “There … was a chip in my skull?”

“Occam’s razor,” Pilar pointed out. “Someone else was able to override your free will. The Zealot is known to be in possession of mind control devices. You had an unknown device lodged in your brain. Seems silly to assume those three things are just coincidence.”

“It does…” ViLaz sighed. “But I never knew about any sisters. He told me I was his only child… the only hope for the Red God’s rebirth …”

“Pressure trick,” Ariadne offered. “He made you think everything was riding on you so you’d be extra scared to fail.”

ViLaz looked ashamed.

“Frankly,” Ariadne said, “I admire you for finding the courage to do what you did. I know you might feel like a failure as a daughter right now, and believe me, sugar, I’ve been there, but I hope you know we’re all very proud of you for asserting your free will, and I want you to know that we will do whatever we can to win the freedom of every other man, woman, and child under his control.”

ViLaz looked at Ariadne, then around at a room full of friendly faces, which was something she’d never seen before arriving at Ship Trap. “You’re proud of me?”

“Of course we are,” Sweettalk said, “you totally saved our butts back there, and you had everything to lose. You’re a badass.”

ViLaz gave a hint of a smile, but then furrowed her brow. “What’s ‘badass?’”

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botseeksbot · 5 years

Note

sorry 4 a lot lol but spy/heavy/sniper/soldier

im just gonna answer all of them here bc bruce repeated the same characters other people sent me but ty everyone who sent one ily

also read more bc i fucking cant shut up

spy

favorite thing about them

ghfkldjshkj i have a soft spot for trying dads :pensive: also he’s so fucking funny and i love how he talks ?? he’s such a fucking asshole but also he’s like sweet when he needs to be [like to Miss Pauling in the comics and when Scout was dying. also just the whole thing he says to Scout when he thinks hes dying makes me so fucking emo i fucking love one dad]

least favorite thing about them

ok real i like never get angrier playing in game than when im constantly being backstabbed by spies / my shit it getting sapped [but playing engie makes me so aggressive to begin w gfdghlksdhg] . about his actual character though ? uh . IDK REALLY LKJGHLKSJG

favorite line

god he’s so fucking funny sometimes but really the whole speech he gives to scout in the comics when scout’s dying . also whatever he tells that baby in the smissmas comic is good . thats a dad !

brOTP

i was gonna try to pick out my fave buddies for him but i was really just listing all of the rest of the mercs glkhfdsjk but if i must limit myself Miss Pauling and Scout [his lesbian daughter and gay son]

OTP

SNIPERSPY ! close second is . literally like everyone else except pyro [and obvs anything deplorable]

nOTP

ok ignoring anything deplorable [including Pyro] . uhhh nothing rly . Spy ships are good

random headcanon

his first name is Léon ! and he’s in stealth abt being trans except to Sniper [obvs], Scout, Medic [Medic knows bc hes . the medic], and Heavy . also he learns tht he actually likes doing “dad” stuff with Scout [and Miss Pauling] through doing stupid shit with both of them . he also enjoys singing [and gets drunk during the holidays to sing holiday songs + play the piano] . also he’s half Japanese + wears colored contacts [bc i’ll die the day i give any of the mercs natural blue eyes]

unpopular opinion

UH idk many opinions about Spy bc i try to avoid most fandom spaces [despite running a discord server kjglhl] but i think . most of the time he’s overhyped [along with the other skinny white characters frm tf2] and theres a lot more interesting characters

song i associate with them

fuck idk man Love by Of Monsters and Men or Killer Queen by Queen

favorite picture of them

im not looking for anything new ths is just what i have saved .

heavy

favorite thing about them

sweet giant russian man . also a bear [thank god] . also i love his family ?? and he’s just a cool dude ?? what’s not to love GOD I LOVE HEAVY

least favorite thing about them

not enough fan content for him :[

favorite line

he doesnt talk much but tht one line where he’s like “in russia, if hand is sick, you cut of hand, etc” tht ones so funny lkfdshlkjh i love heavy

brOTP

again literally everyone all the mercs are best friends =__=

OTP

BABEY YOU ALREADY KNOW ITS HEAVYMEDIC

nOTP

again nothing weird [Scout or Pyro and obviously Miss Pauling]

random headcanon

autistic legend . he’s really bad at reading the room / people’s feelings and he feels bad about it sometimes . really bad at displaying emotions too . also in stealth about being trans [only out to Medic and Spy] . he smokes with Spy when he’s stressed and doesn’t drink that often . also one of the neater mercs [he was the oldest sibling !!] and had one of the cleanest rooms on base .

unpopular opinion

heavy is NOT just Medic’s bear boyfriend PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD give him more solo content @ the fandom . also he’s trans and theres like no art of it even tho he’s like . trans man legend.

song i associate with them

lemon boy - cavetown . shrug .

favorite picture of them

idk HOW i dont have ANY pics saved of Heavy besides pride icons but here you go

sniper

favorite thing about them

stinky australian man . he has such creepy voice lines lgkjlkj . what is not to love ? also sexy .

least favorite thing about them

stinky . and creepy voice lines gkldhlkjds NO i love sniper sm again what is there not to love

favorite line

god his voice lines are so fucking good . all of them .

brOTP

SNIPER SCOUT BABY ! but really him w the rest of the mercs is good

OTP

SNIPERSPY . but again everyone else is good too . DemoSniper ?? very good .

nOTP

SPEEDINGBULLET . ITS SO FUCKING POPULAR TOO I WANNA DIE

random headcanon

he likes walking around a lot !! cant sit still very well . always smells like the outdoors [though not always in the best way .] can sleep almost anywhere . also not really good at picking up social cues but can wing it . cant socialize for very long periods of time without getting tired . really affectionate to people who know him . can catch any animal with his bare hands . sunglasses make it harder to see [esp in the base] but he wont admit it . really self reliant . has a lot of weird talents he just picked up while he was growing up . also he’s maori bc fuck canon .

unpopular opinion

THAT MAN IS NOT 30 YEARS OLD AND ALSO SPEEDINGBULLET IS SHIT . also like i said abt spy overhyped bc he’s white twink .

song i associate with them

UH vagabonds - misterwives or the wanderer - dion dimucci or rose colored boy - paramore

favorite picture of them

idk if i have it saved but theres that one sexy panel frm the comic

i just have ths edit but u get it . sexy .

soldier

favorite thing about them

STUPID RACCOON MAN !!!! he’s so fucking funny and i love him so much he’s so sweet .

least favorite thing about them

UH not popular enough and some of his voice lines are dumb

favorite line

literally everything Soldier says is comedy gold esp the comics w Merasmus

brOTP

again literally anyone

OTP

DEMOSOLDIER !! and also his 2nd boyfriend is Merasmus . soldier has two hands

nOTP

soldier/engie makes me wanna die

random headcanon

he’s really as dumb as rocks but has a heart of gold . he’s smart in where it counts [THE HEART] . he likes helping people even if he fucks up . he collects different things but eventually gets bored of it and moves onto something else . kinda shy about his appearance ?? hence the helmet . one of the more outspoken mercs, he’s not afraid to speak up if someone needs him to . doesnt understand any of Medic/Engie/Demo’s inventions/work but he admires them for it anyway . a beacon of joy for the base . they all love soldier even if he gets violent accidentally

unpopular opinion

HELMETPARTY IS NOT GOOD . idk much else about what the fanbase thinks of him

song i associate with them

god im running out of songs frm character playlists i made months ago tht arent tf2 related at all but We All Die Young - The Decemberists or Buzzcut Season - Lorde

favorite picture of them

HE HAS SUCH A GOOD SMILE

pyro - bruce sent me another ask w pyro on it but im lazy so im doing it here

favorite thing about them

LITTLE ARSON BABY !!!! I LOVE PYRO SO MUCH

least favorite thing about them

??????????? idk people hate pyro a lot for gameplay reasons but i could never be angry :]

favorite line

all of pyro’s lines are good esp the ones where it has multiple interpretations

brOTP

ENGIE !! THATS HIS DAD !! also Scout . and really the rest of the mercs

OTP

none .

nOTP

really anything except ig Scout . engiepyro ? exceptionally bad imo

random headcanon

the youngest of the mercs !! self conscious about his appearance . looks up to Spy bc MASK BUDDIES . gnc nb trans man [he/they pronouns] . sees engie as a dad figure and uses the muffledness of his speech to call him “dad” sometimes >:] !! really affectionate . doesnt have many talents besides setting things on fire but willing to learn any . hates talking about his past . has the worst sleep schedule out of the mercs [medic being a close 2nd] . speaking of medic, medic is the only one who knows what he looks like [secret buddies !!] . also calls spy “dad” sometimes .

unpopular opinion

im so fucking sorry i dont know how to play pyro besides wm1 but also i really dont give a shit if other people do it . let people play however they want .

song i associate with them

little pistol - mother mother / machine - misterwives / lost boy - ruth b

favorite picture of them

#im doing this whilst i wait for minecraft to update #c.txt #ask #long #tripleprey

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