#its just stressing me out so much idk . im upset .
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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]
saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS#REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT#NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS#THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of#another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her#idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had#when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think#i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that#AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE#I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME#THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE#WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL#in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad#this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi#gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show#i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM
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The argument for guilty/unforgiven Amane is not just to prevent her from hurting Shidou.
Sorry (｡•́︿•̀｡) I really don't intend to change your vote or anything, but it's been stressing me out that some people seem to believe that's it with our argument.
Amane has "warned" Mahiru, which to me reads like a threat. Even if she couldn't actually kill Shidou, Mahiru here who is an easy target, who can't move properly, could easily be hurt or killed by her.
And on the other hand Amane doesn't have to kill Shidou, she just has to hurt him, and that could honestly be easy with a surprise and quick attack. She could incapacitate him and prevent him from giving health care to others. And this is important because Haruka is gonna try to kill himself, and he's gonna need urgent care afterwards.
And I've got a feeling some way or another we are gonna get some more people harmed in between t2 and t3.
So yeah we care about Shidou, but we care more about him being the only doctor and what that means to the others. That's why I posted this whole trial feeling like the trolley problem lol.
(there is also the argument that worries me the most that is Amane trying to convert Fuuta, but that's another post that someone else already made)
I love Amane and I honestly don't see her killing her abuser as something wrong, but she sees her murder as something supported by the cult. So I believe neither verdicts will be good for her, I feel since she got voted guilty on t1 she was doomed. But either way whether she ends up forgiven or unforgiven, I'll still be excited to see what happens next. I just don't like people missinterpreting our arguments.
So whether you are an inno or a guilty voter, don't forget to vote <3 and hope you all have a good day
#when i finished watching her mv i yelled 'YOU GO GIRL' it was 4am on a weekday#i just needed to get it off my chest because its something that stresses me out way too much. people missinterpreting what im saying#also amane reminds me of myself when i was her age? and that's really concerning#also i was gonna put the letters in red but when i saw it it felt to aggressive and i started panicking. i so dont want to offend anyone#milgram#amane momose#shidou kirisaki#mahiru shiina#tw abuse#tw cult#tw suicide#i am panicking as im typing this because im so scared of making someone upset. i wouldn't post it but idk why it stresses me out so much#when i feel like i cant get my point across properly and that has made me overexplain myself for years... sigh... here goes nothing i guess
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🧸🧃⛈️
#so like late last night i started to get rlly panicky nd upset#bc it's v much looking like im gnna fail my english class. i need to be done next wednesday which means i need to work rlly hard#nd go to school extra to have a presentation nd do tests etc etc#nd im still in pain after surgery nd im rlly depressed bc of my physical health so i just dont think i can be strong nd make it this time#in my almost breakdown i wrote a self referral to the clinic/psych department for personality disorders....#it usually takes them around 2 days to answer you but this time at like 8am they sent me a message AND called me#(i think. im not certain it's them bc i havent checked the voice message or the reply lmaooo. but it should be them)#the thing abt having avpd is now im immediately stressed af nd i regret sending it. i donr wanna check their reply#also it might be bc i wrote a lot abt killing myseld etc etc nd now im worried theyre gnna be like girlie get checked in!!!! lol T-T#i just needed to be very clear nd act frsutrted nd desperate bc i have never gotten treatment in 10yrs nd im TIRED!!!!#my initial reaction is to avoid at all costs nd just pull my covers above my head nd pretend like i dont have to check their reply lol#i dont wannaaaaaa. i take it back i dont want help!!! its fine i dont wanna try or work hard let me rot#why did i do this!!!!! fml. anyway... i'll check later today bc since its early i can still use the excuse of sleepinf thru the days#many ppl working w mentally ill ppl understand that it's normal actually to switch the day around nd sleep during the days sksksk#but also i have no idea how many typos r in here bc im not wearing my glasses whoopsie#yeah.. anyway im gonna try to go back to sleep nd not think abt it#hopefully it wasnt even them calling 🤡 i know i HAVE to check later but not now i can take a few hours#then today i need to figure out if im gnna make one last attempt w my eng class or give up idk what to do
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i have 7 assignments, total, left in school. once i finish those i'm going to be done- i graduate in may which is WILD to think about. i just have to fucking do them
#im not getting anything done today so far and its like. midway through the afternoon already#and i realized how close i am to graduating and how i have no idea what comes after that and now im just kind of directionlessly panicked#which is. really helping the situation as you could imagine /s#im really close to finishing a couple of things rn. could get at least one done today#i REALLY need to get to work on my essay bc that largely determines whether i get honours and im pretty behind schedule on it#and i havent looked at at least one final assn and i do NOT have much time left to start it. its not small#theres barely any time left in the semester at all#i just need to finish Smth today#levi.txt#i cant make myself do anything and im panicked abt that which makes it impossible to do anything#and taking breaks makes me feel guilty AND panicked so i cant even reset w a short break and come back#my parents Consistent response to my anxiety has been. poor at best. and they dont believe i have adhd at all#so if i talk to them abt either of those things they get upset w me and claim i just dont want to take their 'advice' so i cant be helped#and the advice is shit like 'dont feel that way' and 'simply go do your work'#like. i talked to my mom abt how stressed i feel bc im behind and her response was basically 'thats what you get for falling behind'#i havent seen my friends in a while either or at least not in an environment where we can actually hang out and talk#idk man. i just really wish i could stay in bed and watch a show and not feel sick bc of how anxious i am abt it all#i want to write again. i miss it a lot i havent been able to write in months now
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I'm so tired of being mad and tense all the time man I dont think my shoulders haven't permanently been up by my ears in like a full decade by now
I'm so tired so goddamn tired
#marquilla#this isnt ab anything specific im just really fucking feeling it rn and am trying so goddamn hard not to completely burn out but it#feels like every time i try i get smacked down by SOMETHING like the world. needs to remind me its not okay for me to not be stressed#oh you feel stable for once? not anymore now your family is falling apart. oh you were feeling happy and like your job?? not allowed.#oh sorry you actually thought your happiness was meant to LAST?? go fuck yourself. oh you dared have hope and optimism? dont you know thats#not allowed?#like god im so tired my body hurts so goddamn much#i know my chronic pain is mostly genetic but also being constantly stressed since the point of consciousness forming#has to have done something to exasperate it... like for godsake i have white body hair now WHITE. BODY. HAIR. one gray hair on my head#and everywhere else is patchy with white bc my body is too stressed to make pigment anymore#this kinda is triggered by something specific but it's more like... a mindset that keeps getting forced on me by others i think?#like one that pretty much says 'no you cannot be happy you have to be selfless 24/7 or you will be a disappointment to EVERYONE'#idk im just upset and god forbid but i would like NOT TO BE and apparently thats the wrong choice#didnt you know you're SUPPOSED to be a husk? thst you're SUPPOSED to be near burnt out 24/7?? didnt you mar??? didnt you??#i mean my direct family gets it but... apparently that's it
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#me doing field work with someone cool: look at me im so normal. im fine. idk why i was crying so much yesterday lol#me after opening my email and checking comments on manuscript: i... i want to say and do so many upsetting things rn#i want to spit and bite. i want to wander out into the woods and vanish. except its the middle of the fucking desert and there's no woods#i shouldnt even be looking at this stuff bc i spent fucking like 9hrs doing fieldwork and my brain is fried#but my fried brain hates me hhhhh i have so much bullshit to do. i dont fucking care about any of this#and yet tomorrow morning im gonna get before fucking 6am and im gonna get field supplies together for Friday and im gonna meet a fucking#collaborator at fucking 4pm bc i cant fucking stop. but if i can manage go to the fucking health and wellness center bc im not healthy and#im not well and idk how tf it works bc im staff and not a student but i assume they have some obligation to help if i wander in off the#street. then idk well see how the middle of my day turns out bc ive got 90 million things to do#but god i hope i go in tomorrow like i just want to not have to live like this anymore i dont wanna lurch around full of bitterness & pain#i dont even like field work that much. i cant convince my brain im not just wasting time so it stresses me out#but fucking everything stresses me out. tho today it was more useful in avoiding the things i dont wanna do#hhhh im just sick to death of all this#unrelated#also fucking shout out to my sp0tify wrap list. i forgot that i used to listen to crumb radio to fall asleep so im apparently in the top 2#percent of crumb listners lol. also my genres were german indie. iclandic idie. indie rock and alternative rock lol#i dig the idie music
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hii how have you been?
i miss my family 🧍♀️
#my mom sent me a video about once your child leaves the mom also needs them#to like be there for them when their mom is stressed when their mom misses them#and i cried for a bit bc i argued with my mom a lot#we didnt see eye to eye but i really do think my mom still thinks of me as her little girl#bc despite not being as close i am to my mom compared to my dad i felt like i had so much burdens for being the eldest and girl#so sometimes i would get upset that my brother would get some special treatment from my mom#idk now i just rlly miss her cuz i miss actly waking up to have brekkie w her#i rlly missed cooking w her b4 i didnt like it bc i thought it was bothersome but now i miss it a lot and her cooking !!!#one of my roommates are husband and wife and i helped cut up the onions and garlic for her bc she started crying from the onions#and then i just completely rmbrd how many times my mom would ask me to help her cook and it makes me miss jmy family !!#i dont rlly get homesick often but i have been in a few arguments w my husband but its like those small quarrels where we're both#tired stressed n feeling defeated like there was no wrong but mentally tapped out#i feel hella lonely tbh ion have many friends outside from me talking to my roommates or my coworkers#and i go once a month to my friends thats an hour and half away but i never mind the travel bc their family treats me well#im supposed to go today but our plans got cancelled and since the travel is far i usually sleepover we were gonna watch a movie !!#we were gonna go watch the mario movie but i might go by myself w my teddy bear#or i'll ask my coworker maybe#but yeah other than that im just trying to survive xoxo im so tired#im also getting so much free cosmetics skincare and fragrances at work that i cant even use all of it#tha shit is displayed on my shelves just cuz#but so excited for my smau heheheheh#༊*·˚ koca has heard your wish#༊*·˚ a kiss of blessing#༊*·˚ a wish upon a goddess#༊*·˚ freddie <3
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man idk if its depression or hormones or what but ive been crying like a little baby the last like 5 days. last night i cried so hard i passed tf out in my jeans 😭😭
#SORRY VENT POST#ive been SOBBING like full on gasping for air groaning and mouth breathing about fucking. tlou2#and it is genuinely upsetting to me. so much so that im wondering if im really crying about just that?#its like im grieving a real person bro its been 3 years since i played that idk whats wrong with me#idk maybe i am really crying about that specifically and i just really connect to that story#idk why i feel the need to psychoanalyze every single emotion i feel like maybe i should be allowed to cry about this. idk full on sobs is#just a little concerning#in middle school i used to cry every single day and im not sure how much of it was like hormones and how much was just a routine of release#if that makes sense.#like id be watching sad movies in order to cry#also tbf i am stressed out lately. my birthday is this week and it always makes me feel weird+ im starting to move out and the thought of#being responsible for caring about myself and taking care of myself really terrifies me im just afraid ill abandon myself GAH so dramatic#but that is the root of all my anxiety for real :/
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#you need help#thats getting too bad#diary#personal#drugs tw#*sigh* i really wanna get high as shit rn.#i found out today's fathers day so now im stressing bc i dont know how to act happy and congratulate him#like. i dont want to touch him and in not sure if i can force the words out.#...and my mom said to me earlier at least i have a better dad than her.....#haha. i feel like shit.#im just. everything is really too much.#ive been frozen for like at least the last 30-45mins bc my dad interupted me to show me that he assembled my longboard#but like. that really upset me bc 1 he made me stop what i was doing. and 2. he touched something i was going to do#and like i have to fake a smile and be happy but i was super upset so its like. hard not to cause a problem.#idk i need to look up if he put it on right and its stressing me out.#and he started talking about how i need to weed the garlic bc the weeds are big and itll hurt my garlic (obviously)#and just. it stressed me out so much.#like. everything hurts so much and its too much.#and when i told my mom i cant just go back to what i was doing before without doing a routine shes said something like#or well no shit but i dont wanna hear that from you.#also its not even fully ocd. i usually cant go back to what i was doing when i feel interupted.#i rly hate when dad does things and makes me come see when i dont need to bc id rather he just tell me#AND IVE BEEN TOO OVERWHELMED LATELY TO EVEN BOTHER LEAVING THE HOUSE.#suicidal ideation#self harm#ugh. i hate when its like this bc i feel like im faking and then i supress everything and feel like i wanna die.#and like the only way im gonna be able to get through weeding the garlic (or maybe even staining dependimg on how i feel)#is through fucking just hitting myself or something. god i feel so fucking stupid. and im just upset.#...and how the fuck am i supposed to calm down??? and how the fuck am i supposed to act alright n say thank u dad for stressing me out#like. it shows on my face if im really upset. and i sure as hell suck at lying.
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is there any worse feeling than when you feel like someone is mad at you bc they literally are mad at you
#i came into the living room and my dad was yelling abt how he basically hates everyone in the whole family#bc nobody got around to reqding the latest chapter of his book yet#but he was really upset and mad#i get being hurt by that but it literally is not a personal rejection people are just busy idk#he didn't let on he was upset at all until he completely flipped out#now he doesn't want anyone to read it anymore#he's really hurt tho bc we all always read my mom's stuff#and my brother and i talk abt what we're writing together all the time#and i get there's a special kind of hoy sharing your writing with someone but only when they're really interested and engaged#unfortunately the two people most likely to care abt hia book are my two oldest brothers and they dont live w us#so they cant really give him that feedback#he did send hia chapters to them but they arent around to talk abt it and havent responded yet#basically nobody actually cares abt his book#he's been talking abt writing one for like ten years or more and only started in the past few months#its a zombie book and full of his really weird and controversial political and religious takes tho sp its a stressful read#i dont really agree w him on certain issues and we're ok abt it usually but it makes reading it more stressful#anyway#he's really upset tho#and he can only express unpleasant emotions through anger so i shut down and cant interact#and he specifically said he doesnt want people do do the thing he's so hurt that we didnt do#so there's no real way to set things right to alleviate my anxiety#he's a very difficult person to love with sometimes but he's really generous and has done a lot to help me#so i can live my dream and start a business and he's not really pressuring me abt my job seaech and rent and stuff#so it does make me feel guilty that i basically didn't care abt his book#it wouldnt be as bad if literally everyone in the family hadn't also done that#when he does to much for everyone#he's mad at everyone but im the only one having a panic attack and im the only one he didn't yell at#he's not handling his emotions well but neither do i so we usually just dont acknowledge things like this until everyone is over it#but i hate that i literally need conflict to be resolved immediately or i go insane
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so anyone else feel like a ticking time bomb recently or is that just me
#not in like im going to lash out way#but in a everything bad keeps happening to my friends way and i cant do anything#so even though all i do is nothing all day always Im still stressed out#because im like. idk if paranoia is the right word here?? but paranoid that something bad is going to happen to them#and i cant do anything about it#and ive lost all of my ability to comfort people anymore#so now even if im resting im not fucking resting!!!! because im about to throw up from stress constantly#even though nothing is happening to me for me to feel like this#so it feels like im doomed to lose it but I cant lose it because im meant to be holding it together#so im just in fucking purgatory of feeling like the world is ending around me while also just. sitting there.#and people can tell#and the thing is i feel like if i cant provide good enough comfort for them#then theyll leave#so i keep on trying to comfort them when i dont know how#and everytime i have to explain that i cant provide much comfort i want to rip the organs from my stomach#because i know they deserve so much better than me in terms of comfort#but if i tell them they cant tell me about their issues thatll just seem like i dont care#when really the issue is i care too much and hearing them even get slightly upset makes me freak out for like. WEEKS.#even if the issue gets solved/is solved#so its not like i dont want to hear about bad things that happen to them because i dont care#its just that even hearing about it makes me stressed enough#that i can barely get out of bed some days#or bring myself to do basic tasks#or do anything ill enjoy#all because they were upset about something#and ive tried everything except drugs and believe me. none of them have worked and i have not stopped being stressed#and i know its not like i can do substances because. im genetically prone to addiction from both sides#and if i did do that and my mom found out. she already kicked my sister out over dealing drugs. i think she would kill me on the spot#plus i could mess up my body badly and its already messed up and painful to live in enough i dont need more of that thanks#so yeah not having fun here tonight
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:/
#ugh. i was supposed to go to the store an hour ago#my sister was out so i cant get there and im v upset cause i couldve been skipping around the garage while they were gone#im glad the main thing i have been coping with for the past 7 years is daydreaming and that i skip around while doing it#exercise tends to be difficult bc im hypermobile and a lit of excercise tends to make it worse which is really really bad#like. no amount of control and feeling good vc im starving myself is worth making my joints even worse#one of my shoulders already likes to partially dislocate just whenever and like. it hurts and sucks and i dont wanna make that worse#well. ill have lots of time to skip around soon bc the person with the car is gna be gone for a few days so the garage will be empty :D#i can use it at night when they are here but its less fun and i burn less calories so i prefer when its empty#i usually use it while both ppl are at work but they dont work friday and saturday so it tends to be bleh those days#idk. im glad that my favorite thing to do also burn calories bc i enjoy it unrelated to my ed so its less stressful#i was debating not eating till 7pm but i have such a headache ao i think ill eat some fruit. idk. my sister knows im relapsing so she might#suggest we eat something while were out. idk how she does it but she usually convinces me to which is good i guess#im not happy abt it bc i wanna starve myself but that is objectively a bad thing to be doing and even if im not happy abt it its still good#when i eat stuff. id be more fussed abt it if i knew how much i weighed but i dont have a scale#part of me is like. i dont wanna restrict until i have a scale bc then i cant watch the numbers go down#i know for a lot of people qhen they first start dieting they see quick drop and then it goes very slow and i wanna see that#im just. i dont even care much abt being skinny rn im mostly looking for the nice feeling i get when i watch the number drop#idk. maybe my sister will catch on to how bleh im doing today and suggest i buy something yummy but hopefully not although i do appreciate#when she does that. it feels nice to have someone care abt you
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a few people have expressed shock when I like.. say that I've never actually gone to anyone when I was feeling bad 😅 like.. a friend saying having a break down alone is extremely difficult for her.. man idk, never in my life have I felt bad and wanted to talk to a person! and someone at the hospital who was shocked that I didn't seek help till I was 18 when I told her abt my childhood.. how I attempted suicide for the first time when I was 11 and didn't tell anyone till I was 20.. and even then it was just my therapist, only other place I've talked about that was here, a place where I strictly avoid people and pretend that nobody follows me.. cause I can't talk to people!! I cannot express how much that is never an option to me!!! and I wonder sometimes if the reason why it's so relentless, why I never seem to be able to relax and catch a break, why Ive just been on the run constantly for years just trying to manage my erratic moods and paranoia, how much of that is bc I keep myself totally alone with it? I think the only time I've cried around someone else other than when I was very young was in high school, and I hid the fact that I was crying and nobody noticed.. tho tbh I don't really cry at all anyway.. just once or twice a year, usually after I've had too much weed lol. but yeah. I think this is probably why my therapist is so insistent on seeing me so often even tho I know she doesn't really have time for it. she saw me 2-3x a week even while she was on break. that's insane! and I wonder why a lot, bc she knows I'm not gonna kms or anything. I realise now it's probably bc she knows I'm not talking to anyone else...
but this isn't really the kind of thing I can change.. idk.. the thought of speaking to someone I'm not paying literally makes me want to throw up. I would genuinely rather die, that sounds awful to me. if I got emotional or vulnerable around someone I wouldn't be able to control what I say, and anything they said could make things worse, and.. I think I'd just hold it against myself later. I realise that keeping myself isolated like this is probably a huge part of why I can't heal. but I'm not sure it's possible for me to exist any other way. I want to say I can learn better how to get used to it. but I don't know... lately every way I try to solve the problem of how to stop being a nutcase for long enough to get anything done.. every way I could handle it ends in.. hm
#ed mumbles#its gotten so much worse too#lately ive been unable to cope even with my housemate being around#if another human being is near me i just feel so tense#tbh i dont even feel emotions properly around other people#if someone wants to talk to me about how im going#all my emotions just go under#if im really upset and someone comes to talk to me#they go under#tho if its really bad then ill usually.. get mad at them#and then isolate immediately cause i cant be mad at anyone ahah#i only relax when im on my own#i can relax while hanging out with some people sure#but.. not fully#idk how to explain this to people#that i cannot physically talk to anyone when im any level of stressed#tbh... even my dog is sick of me lol#i think i push at his boundaries bc im so loonelyyyy#so i keep trying to hug him and he gets annoyed and goes to my housemate#oh no i am suicidal again sigh. gotta go manage this bye
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#the burdent of not being understood. its annoying and i dont like it. also its my fault#because if u say something serious in a light tone ppl dont kno wtf to do. prob bc they dont kno if ur delusional or not and like dont#wanna upset u. but then its like annoying bc they still walk away worried and im like ok neither of us r happy bc u dont get how serious#thjs is but i cant tell u how serious it is without making u worried. and y should i make u worry if u can't fuckinf do anything abt it?#so its just annoying. which is to say i went to a retirement lunch today and it was as awkward as i imagined#bc it was me and my boss and a couple professors and i dont do well in these group situations anything so i spent a lotta time spaced out#not hearing anyone bc the noise in the room was messy and my brain was peeling away from my body. but whatever i was there. and my boss#drove us both and on the way back she started the. im worried abt u talk. which i feel like she was too hesitant abt it. which like i get#bc its awkward to bring up but like i dont give a fuck so idk i feel like u gotta start those conversations like. this is how watching u#makes me feel. idk whatever. and i was honest but like it was a 5min car ride so i didnt have thr time to be like ok heres the deal. ya#kno? so now im all annoyed bc my brain is fucking unbearable when i feel like i havent made my thoughts clear. and now its like. do i bring#it back up? or just let it go? whats to be gained by talking abt it? all that i have to say is upsetting bc im very aware im being self#destructive. thats the point. i get boried and my brain only lets me do like 2 things so i use those things to make myself insane. bc at#least then i can observe the symptoms of the stress im exherting on myself. and i kno that not good bc idk how to stop and ppl r always#like u gotta relax. what will help u relax? and im like u dont fucking understand. i cant regulate thr amount i like things. if i like#something i like it so much it becomes stressful. and i like drawing but its not relaxing. its a thing i have to do and its stressful bc im#constantly thinking abt making things perfect and never meeting thst mark. my happiest memories arent even happy moments theyre just times#where my brain stopped for a second and i could just breathe for a minute. so like i cant relax. i dont like anything a normal amount so#the solution must be medication. but my brain has decided im not allowed to fix this problem until i move away so like 🙃 and like i was#giving little bits of this in the car but its like lady i kno its a problem. ive known its a problem for years. the self awareness doesnt#help. except that it keeps me from doing anything extremely bad bc for me if i at least kno where it comes from i can b like ah yes. this#is fucking stupid lol. but i dunno how me sharing all this helps bc im sure it only raises the worry. but like its fine. i mean its not but#like ya kno. and i was kinda explaining how upsetting it is for me to have my schedule changed without warning even if its for things other#ppl would see as good and i wasnt thst firm abt it so it was: but i can't just do nothing for u! and i was like ugh fuck it fine whatever.#and like do i bring that back up bc it is like a respect my boundaries thing but like i feel like if i were anyone else it would be good#to drag someone out of their comfort zone but im being dragged into situations i find profoundly isolating bc i cant seem to function in#groups. ugh its just fucking annoying bc i dont want her to feel bad. i appreciate the effort but like ugh its exhausting. whatever. it was#anyway. im just annoyed thst i should have explained things better. also im annoyed thst i constantly forget most things taste bland and#then im annoyed when i hsve to eat bland things. i think my nose doesnt work right bc i csnt smell much either#unrelated
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HI there, hate to bother you but i was wondering if you could do the amazing digital circus head canons for a gn! reader who acts a lot like ena
if you have never heard of it you can check on the ena wiki but i would really love if you did something like this so thanks
TADC x ENA type!GN!reader
typically i would do all the characters in one post, but its starting to get late and tumblr wont let me save half answered asks in my drafts for some reason TToTT
so im gonna split the cast in half, if you want the rest of the characters you can send in a second ask so i can remember to do everyone else :0!
also my apolocheese for any personality mistakes, i think i watched ena a long time ago but was confused/didnt watch the whole thing so uh uh!! relying on a character wiki for this (on that focuses on season 1 so uh uh, idk if that will impact anything)
little bonus bonus incorporating enas color thing into this cuz uh
we can say its digital world stuff
ooo that gives me an oc idea; oc whos like the mayor from nightmare before christmas who has a spinny head/face thing that relates to their emotions
CAINE:
caines is going to be shorter because hes just your number one fan regardless of your personality, in fact he probably has a silly shirt with your face on it somewhere
will do everything in his power to make sure youre happy and content, and will do everything to cheer you up when you switch over to your sad side
takes you to wherever it is that he 'sleeps' when you get overwhelmed by stuff and keeps you there until both of you are sure that youll be okay and your blues are long gone
you and him easily match energies, sometimes he will even try to one up you with using fancy intricate words
POMNI:
writing pomnis part first but oh funny is it that pomni and ena have the same VA
anyways
absolutely loves you, but she is so so worried about stressing you out and switching to your 'sad form', tries to (often times unsuccessfully) cheer you up
honestly you both need a break, things in the circus are hectic and insane, and considering pomni just got here she is going to need your help to get used to things
not much to be said since i think pomni is another character i struggle to write
JAX:
initially teases you for how fast you switch up, its almost like gangle being more upbeat with her comedy mask and more sad when its broken
tones it down a little when you explain you cant really control it whereas gangles case is just her being more confident with the comedy mask (at least thats my hc)
sometimes give you weird looks when you use an unnecessarily long set of fancy words to describe something mundane
bro is fighting the urge to mimic it
surprisingly does the kind thing, he takes you off to the side when something stresses you out so you can have a minute to compose yourself
RAGATHA:
optimistic sweetheart meets ray of sunshine, you two are an unstoppable force of good and kind of rub off on some of the others
similar to jax when you get stressed out or upset about something, usually when its an in house adventure, she sweeps you to the side and helps calm you down. she probably knows some breathing techniques, i think
ignoring the fact they probably dont need to breathe but thats asides the poin
#tadc x reader#the amazing digital circus x reader#digital circus x reader#caine x reader#jax x reader#pomni x reader#ragatha x reader
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Okay so early my Dumas was chewing on a glowstick idk why I like the crunch and my brother tells me to stop before I krill myself and I looked him dead in the eyes and bit tf out of the glowstick breaking it and green chimalcs are just coming out of my mouth,and while I was trying to clean my mouth I was wondering what if mammon had an s/o who's very playful and he'll just find them throwing those little tiny ass demons in the air or just straigh has a fucking tea party with them
(I think their called underlings)
Idk why I'm requesting this I'm just very eepy and want to chew on a glowstick anyways have an amazing day
Ps funny pictures
HELLO!! SORRY I DIDNT RESPOND TO THIS RIGHT AWAY I NORMALLY DO I WAS SICK
also LMFAO IM CRYING I HAD TO SHOW THIS ASK TO MY FRIENDS CUZ IT WAS JUST ABSOLUTELY CRAZY, I HOPE UR OKAY PLS DONT DIGEST GLOW STICKS!!
I do absolutely love this idea though, so here u go!! I'll do HCs but if u want me to write like, a one-shot for this just leave an ask! :D
- Mammon is very playful himself, so i think thats definitely where the attraction lies between you both! He can get so serious at times, but its always easy for him to unwind when you are there, joking about and toying and laughing with him.
- You are absolutely, completely and utterly crazy but he adores it so so much.
- When the two of you first met, he thought it was an act, much like his touchy-feely friendly jester persona. He thought that you put on this entertaining personality for those around you, and it worked, clearly, as it drew him in so intently.
- SO, when he quickly found out that it wasn't an act, was he GLAD.
- You both definitely play pranks on the other sins or royals.
- Nothing too serious, it wont get you in trouble! But, a pail of water on Asmodeus' firey head is sure to get a rumble going. Honey in the pillows of Beezlebub. Just enough to have them angrily shaking their fists as the two of you giggle and laugh amonst yourselves.
- However, though he can bounce off of your playful personality well, there are moments where you catch him off guard.
- The time he caught you eating a glowstick was utterly HORRIFIC. He wasn't sure if the chemicals could hurt you the same way they did with humans on Earth, but he was NOT taking that risk.
- Que him chasing you around like a dog with chocolate.
- His underlings both love you and fear you, because how you treat them depends on your mood;
- If your happy, your playful personality will leave them joyous and replenished, a nice addition to the stressing job of serving Mammon.
- You throw tea parties for them a lot! Mammon didn't know about this for a LONG while as you mostly did it when he wasn't around, knowing his keen nature for work.
- These tea parties however aren't the fancy kind most royals would be into. The kinds that, as Mammon's partner, you're supposed to be into. No these are more like that of a mad-hatters tea party; the table is too small for you because most butler imps and hellborns are tiny. Tea is being spilt. The food is on fire. It's just absolute chaos.
- The shock on Mammon's face when he found out these things were occuring under his manors roof was something you wish you could have taken a picture of.
- But he couldn't stay angry at you.
- On the other hand, when you're upset, those poor underlings are being THROWN.
- It's not even like an accidental, in the moment thing. You just enjoy throwing them. Mammon has even bought you a few personal underlings that are specially used for throwing. He really cares about your hobbies.
- Now then... this playful personality of yours is very helpful when it comes to flustering Mammon.
- You tease him a lot, flirtatously.
- He's all bark no bite. Great at dishing out commente that'll have you flushed but so horribly bad at taking it.
- So, just one little comment; maybe mocking his accent seductively, will have him looking away all shy and meek.
- All in all, it's your playful personality that draws Mammon toward you, he loves how easy he can get along with you and how you always know how to bring a smile to his face. Being a Royal Sin is hard but knowing that you will always be there for him is what gets him through each Hellish day.
I hope you like this!!! :D feel free to leave me more reqs i rlly like them! ur my no.1 fan forreal
ps. that picture is both really funny and horrifically scary omg 😭
#mammon hb#mammon hb x reader#hb mammon#helluva boss x reader#mammon helluva boss#i love him#i need him so bad#he is so cute#and silly#i hope he has a lovely day#and i hopd you have a lovely day
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