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beanxiv · 10 months

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NAGI X READER WHEN HE CALLS THEM A PAIN AND THEY GET SAD SO HE COMFORT THEM -🌷 anon

waiting ; nagi seishiro ✩࿐

warnings: hurt/comfort (im so bad at writing hurt/comfort so pretend this is good), petnames, nagi being mean (at the beginning), communication issues :/, established relationship

notes: nagi is definitely the type to bottle in all of his frustration and then take it out on you unintentionally, but its ok i can change him.

wc: 1.9k

"sei, can we watch a movie together?" you sit on one end of the couch while nagi lays on his stomach next to you (feet by your thighs and head facing the opposite arm rest) taking up the rest of the couch. his nose is buried in his phone screen, explosions and other video game sounds blasting from the speaker.

"uhhm, 'kay. lemme finish this round." your boyfriend mumbles, not bothering to look over his shoulder at you.

you sigh, but decide to stay patient. "okay, baby." you fiddle with the tv remote as you wait. when a couple minutes pass you tilt your head to glimpse at nagi's face. "done yet, shiro?"

"no. wait."

you frown, "okay.. but you've been playing for an hour before i asked you to watch a movie and you said you'd finish this round fifteen minutes ago."

"oh, my bad. i accidentally started a new round. i have t'finish the round now, can't pause an online game. just gimme a few more minutes." he still barely acknowledges you, nothing more than a slight shrug of his shoulders.

when another ten minutes pass your patience starts to wear thin. "seishiro, do you want to watch a movie together or—"

"i said wait a few minutes. the round is still goin— ah, fuck! you made me die.." nagi clicks his tongue in annoyance. pushing up off his elbows to sit up and angrily tossing his phone on the carpet. "goddamn, y/n. you're such a pain sometimes."

you blink, an ache building deep in your chest. "what?" you swallow the lump in your throat away. "i asked you if you wanted to watch a movie. you said yes and told me to wait. i waited fifteen minutes and asked again. you told me to wait. i waited again. i stayed patient for thirty minutes. now you're calling me a pain? after barely even looking at me today? you haven't talked to me since you came home from practice three hours ago!" you scoff in spite of yourself, "..really, seishiro. if you wanted space, you could have told me."

you see the weight of nagi's words start to process in his eyes, "shit— i didn't mean that, y/n. wait—"

"i'm tired of waiting, nagi." with that you slide off the couch and walk into your shared bedroom, slamming the door shut before nagi can see tears of frustration threaten to spill over your eyes.

when the door shuts loudly nagi flinches but doesn't move from the couch. he sits there, swearing under his breath and running a hand down his face. "i'm such a fucking idiot.." he wishes he could kick himself for his stupid mouth. the image of your face completely falling into bitter sorrow when he called you a pain replays in his head. regret freezes his veins, and his own heart starts to ache each time your expression fills his brain.

he swears at himself again before jumping off the couch and rushing to your shared bedroom. he hesitates but manages to knock twice on the door.

"y/n, baby. i'm so sorry. please," he chews on his lip. please what? he doesn't even know what he's asking for. please open the door, please forgive me, or please talk to me? he doesn't know. he'll take any option at the moment.

he hears you shuffle to the door and sniff. are you crying? his heart breaks a little bit more at the thought of you hurt because of his idiocy.

"nagi, i meant what i said." you still haven't opened the door. but talking through the wood is better than nothing. "i'm tired of this. it's not the first time this has happened. you've ignored me a lot before. i understand if you want time for yourself, i do too sometimes. but don't tell me you're going to do something with me and not mean it."

"i know, y/n. i'm sorry, i just.." nagi isn't known for his way with words. he's not used to voicing his every thought. but he's willing to make the effort to fix his mistake and make it up to you. "practice sucked today. i was in a shitty mood after and i took it out on you when i shouldn't have."

he hears you sigh. the lock on the door clicks and you pull the door open. nagi searches your face for any indication of your reaction. his heart drops at the sight of your red, puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

he wants to pull you tight against himself— kiss the hurt away— but he holds himself in place. he doesn't want to push his limits until you completely forgive him.

"why didn't you just tell me? we've been dating for so long now, do you still not feel comfortable enough to tell me things?"

"no! i do. i just— today was so stressful, i just wanted to lock myself up in the house and play games to get my mind off of it. i didn't realize i'd been ignoring you all day, i'm sorry."

you let out a laugh that doesn't quite reach your eyes, "see? nagi, you could have told me all of this hours ago. none of this would have happened." you have a bitter look in your eyes that tells nagi you're still upset. "it would've been that easy. just a simple 'hey, y/n i had a rough day today, and i'm not really in the mood to do anything today.' and i would have respected that and moved on."

he steps forward and takes your hands in his, "angel, i'm sorry. really sorry for calling you a pain. i swear i didn't mean it. it was— i was projecting my frustration onto you when i should have just communicated it and found an output a different way. you're the farthest thing from a pain. you're— you're honestly the reason why i'm living my life," nagi breathes out a laugh. "if it weren't for you my routine would just be wake up, football, games, eat, sleep, repeat. and not only that, you're beautiful, inside and out. and you make me laugh, and you make really good food for me, and you help me take care of choki. actually, not only that— you help me take care of myself too. honestly, i don't know if i could survive without you, y/n. so please, please forgive me, angel."

you chew on your bottom lip, "nagi—"

nagi winces, "and please stop calling me that."

this pulls a ghost of a smile onto your lips which sends a flutter through nagi's heart. you think to yourself for a moment and the smile fades slightly. "seishiro, a relationship works two ways. you know that. for it to work you have to talk to me. tell me everything— if practice went well, tell me. if it was absolute shit, still tell me. if you feel like doing something, tell me. if you don't, tell me again. i didn't start dating you just for the title, sei. i want to be with you. i want to know what makes you happy, what stresses you out— i want to know everything you'll allow me to. in exchange, i'll trust you with my heart too."

nagi presses his lips together in a tight line, "i trust you with everything. you know i do. fuck, i trust you with some things more than i trust myself." nagi sighs through his nose, his eyes a window of rare vulnerability. a window that opened only for you. "i can tell you anything, y/n, i know i can. i just don't know how. it's not something i do. i mean before you moved in with me, i lived alone during high school-- until blue lock-- and i didn't talk to anyone except reo in school. i'm not used to talking about myself and what's on my mind. the only thing i ever spilled my thoughts to was choki— my cactus for fucks sake," nagi laughs dryly. he felt pathetic telling you something so stupid. it reminded him why he kept his heavier thoughts to himself. but...

"well, you have me now. ah, and choki too if it helps," is that a smile? you're smiling— only slightly, but a smile nonetheless.

does that mean you've forgiven him? no... even if you do forgive him, he still owes you a proper apology. he wont let you walk away without it.

"i think you're a better listener than choki," nagi admits. when he expected you to scoff in his face and turn away, you stayed and continued talking with him. "i just took to long to understand that. and i promise to work on it. i'm sorry, angel. i never want to hurt you, i only want to see you happy."

"thank you, 'shiro." you murmur, finally looking up at him. nagi searches your expression for any remnants of pain and he sees none, as soon as he sees the soft look in your eyes he exhales, all of his worry leaving his chest. you smile slightly, squeezing his hand a bit. "i accept your apology. and ill try to be patient too, i understand it takes time to completely share all of your thoughts and feelings, so i won't push if you don't want to tell me anything, but at least tell me that much if you don't feel like talking."

nagi nods, "i will. i promise, i swear i'll work on it. thank you, yn. thank you for forgiving me." he can't help himself anymore, and pulls you snug to his chest, his arms right around your waist as he buries his head into the crook of your neck. "i love tou so much.. i would beat myself up if i lost you because i'm a moron."

you giggle a bit, your hand coming up to card through his hair. "mhm, you are kind of a moron."

"yeah?" nagi chuckles back, sighing softy. you feel his breath fan against your neck and pull him from the crook of your neck to look at him.

"yeah, you are. but as long as we both work on communicating, we'll be okay." a grin tugs at your lips as you look at your boyfriend.

nagi nods, his soft white hair swishing a bit as he does. "i promise t'communicate better, angel. or at least i'll try my best for you."

"and that's all i'm asking for," you murmur, the grin still on your face as you lean towards nagi to plant a kiss on his lips.

nagi returns your kiss before pulling away to look at you, "you wanted t'watch a movie together earlier.. right?"

"are you sure?" you chew on your lip, looking at him with a furrow between your brows that he wants to kiss away. "if you're still not feeling up to it, it's oka-"

"i want to," nagi interrupts, pulling you in by your waist to kiss between your brows. "so let's go cuddle and watch something."

taglist : @astruosie @saesins @dreamlessimp @hanmasdolly

#i think i hate this..#can u tell i dont usually write angst/hurt #im so used to writing fluff i had no clue how to go about this #i bullshitted this whole request im so sorry anon #😭😭#beanxiv writes #blue lock #bllk #blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #nagi seishiro #seishiro nagi #nagi seishiro x reader #seishiro nagi x reader #nagi x reader #nagi blue lock #blue lock nagi #hurt/comfort

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infinitebrians · 5 months

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Favorite Games of 2023 Part 4: Pseudoregalia

I knew Pseudoregalia was going to be good the minute I started the game and did the input for the Mario 64 side flip jump and the game’s main character Sybil did her own version of that satisfying jump. One of my all time favorite things to do in a Mario game (or any game) is that side flip, a jump that is as practical as it is just simply satisfying to do. Sybil being able to do that jump without needing any of the power ups found in the game told me that the developers of this game knew the importance to making character feel good jumping around in a 3D world. Her movement only gets better from there with a bunch of new platforming abilities that makes her capable of getting what feels like anywhere in that game world if desired. The pure control you have over Sybil's platforming capabilities gave me so many great moments of pure curiosity to experiment with what could work. What's better is watching friends and others play the game and figure out their own solutions to the game's open ended platforming design. There are no wrong answers in the world of Pseudoregalia, just results.

This game was a complete surprise in just about every way, just the best feeling platformer I’ve played in a long while in this small, cleaned up former game jam game. I’ve followed the main dev rittzler on twitter for a few years because the gameplay clips of their work have all looked fun and impressive and they always shared other really cool indie dev work as well. So, I was excited to finally play Pseudoregalia when it was announced to be released. It's super low price (6 dollars USD) and being something I was able to finish in the span of one day alone was a huge breath of fresh air in this current gaming environment. It’s something I’ve been personally thinking a lot about recently is the appeal of a simpler, lower priced game. It’s appeal to me coming from playing something that never needs to be some sort of omnipresent, super game. Instead, Pseudoregalia presents itself in a humble statement of, ‘here, enjoy a few hours jumping around this wacky maze like castle as a goat bunny lady!’.

I'm not a person who typically ever has a desire to replay a game right after finishing it, I usually prefer to immediately move on to another game that I've been wishing to play for for a while. Pseudoregalia is a game I've played four or so times now from start to finish, I even started another playthrough in preparation for this drawing/writing and found myself wanting to play it all the way through again. Its the first time I found myself actually physically seeing the appeal of speedrunning, a hobby I always just enjoyed as a spectator. Pseudoregalia just lends itself so neatly to that part of me that loves routing out a path for stuff. How quickly can you find all the vital movement abilities for Sybil? What's unnecessary, what can be improved, what can be gathered while on the path of gathering something else. From at least my perspective of not actually investigating the proper speedrunner's routing, the options feel immense. From these handful of times replaying the game I've gotten a good handle of finding my way around the map and a good idea of how to get a lot of the really important movement abilities almost immediately. It also made the game feel quite different from how it felt to me with my first playthrough, what was once mysterious and labyrinthine was now a familiar playground.

That is one thing I will miss when doing those repeat playthroughs is that sense of discovery that occurred with that initial run. Soon before Pseudoregalia came out, I watched a lot of Videochess and spaghoner's exploration and documentation of the incredible Mario 64 hack, B3313 ( https://youtu.be/pLKB0SG0i8c ). I found that hack incredible at creating a sense of uneasiness and wonder from simply keeping you constantly guessing what was next behind each door something even those two expressed while streaming. During my first playthrough of Pseudoregalia, I was completely lost in that castle and was constantly finding paths that led to new zones or ones circled me back to old ones from hours ago. It was a pretty incredible feeling of discovery that only wore out it's welcome at the end when I just needed one more big key necessary for progression. What helped make exploration in both of these games engaging the whole time is that aspect of having a really fun character to move around as while being lost. It was okay with being completely lost because I could still just keep doing these long jumps into wall kicks that just make Sybil go fuckin' fast in an immensely satisfying way.

I think in the time it's taken me to think about this game again, and briefly revisit it in preparation for this art/writing I've come to decide that this is probably my favorite new game of 2023. In a year full of fantastic platformers to pick from, this one was just a class above in terms of movement design and movement application.

#drawdogs #art #pixel art #favorite games of 2023 #writing #pseudoregalia #sybil pseudoregalia

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rose-above-dark · 3 months

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Tbh now that side order has been out for a bit I feel like I can speak my piece now, spoilers ahead!

Is anyone else. Just kind of disappointed with side order?

ITS NOT BAD!! It’s not bad, it’s good actually. But I just kind of.. expected more? It’s a 4 star meal not 5. It kinda feels unfinished? Like there was meant to be more to it, but they couldn’t do so for whatever reason. The story was just. Not enough, order I just don’t think should have been the final boss. We get no info on him before hand like with tartar, we just get one cutscene with order for the intro and that’s it. That’s all we get. Sure we get more dialogue when we replay with different pallets, but it just dosent have the same thematic impact as tartar had. And I like smollusk don’t get me wrong!! I just wish there was more to it, that instead of a distant threat we

marina should have not been the first boss. She dosent play enough of a role for it to feel satisfying. The trailers had hinted to something big, something major with her. That she will play a key part in the gameplay and story, that you should always keep her in mind. But no. Instead we get order, who wasn’t even hinted to in the trailers or anything.

In octo expansion, we get to see background on her through her dialogue in the form of logs, and while we get that in side order too through the dev diary, it just feels like an afterthought this time.

The music is.. alright? I LOVE THE BOSS THEMES don’t get me wrong!! But the final boss theme, order / smollusk feels too minor to really be anything. It’s no fly octo fly, and even ebb and flow, the final theme, dosent hit the same as octo expansion’s ebb and flow.

And then the bosses. I just. Don’t like the bosses. They feel too short, or in case with the pinball one, too long. And the fact that there’s only 3 of them? In a game you’re meant to replay? It all feels the same after a while.

and then there’s the agent 4 problem, my biggest gripe.

Why isn’t agent 4 in side order again?

They seriously had so, so much potential. They were originally on team chaos, they were meant to be the protecter of the system, they could have been as good as agent 3 but with a different twist. Instead they get called a nobody and never show up again. “Wait, this is Pearl and Marina, they don’t know agent 4!”

Marina had designated agent 4 to be the protecter.

God I wish they were in side order, it would tie in thematically with everything, agent 3 in octo expansion, agent 4 in side order, agent 3 in this main story mode, agent 4 in the dlc this time.

Without them, everything just feels so disconnected, yeah I get that’s the point but I don’t think it’s a good point.

The gameplay itself is… eh? My brain began to melt after the 4th pallet. Again it all just feels so samey, and the weapons I actually want to play I only play once before there’s no reward and I’m just wasting my time. It makes me not want to replay it, it’s all the same.

Sorry this is incomprehensible I’m tired

#splatoon #side order #splatoon 3 #side order spoilers #splatoon side order #side order splatoon #rose talks

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vole-mon-amour · 11 months

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Johnny, feeling the relic attack coming before V: "Get ready."

V collapses to the ground: "Aughh... Johnny!"

"You ain't dying yet. I got you."

(some time later we wake up on the floor of some abandoned Pacifica hotel, with meds in our hand)

V, softly: "Johnny..."

Johnny:" Get up. Pacific a is beautiful in this time of day."

I've seen that interaction so many times, yet it still gets me. V looking for comfort from Johnny, Johnny taking over our body and getting us to where he felt most comfortable and safe. Where he wants and hopes to comfort us.

Gosh. He. Him.

Their relationship. Not to mention that it feels like at some moments it's like Johnny feels the attack even harder than V? Which makes me think of that moment in the Phantom Liberty trailer. Johnny is full on going through it with V, just like when they first got attacked and Johnny was so fucking scared.

V: "Almost flatlined by that attack."

Johnny: "Almost."

V: "You're right. The ocean is beautiful. Hard to take my eyes off it."

"C'mon. Wanted to show you something."

🥺🥺🥺 Right this moment, my heart beats for him. Not to mention the attack of Takemura and V, where Johnny literally almost screams at V with "eyes all three sixty! They're in the hallway, and we gotta get out!"

No but seriously. How find they are become of each other.

"Cool your chrome. If I wanted full control, I'd have takes it already, lots earlier."

THAT'S what I'm talking about. Sure, the first time Johnny takes control over V's body (speaking of, I'm surprised this didn't happen just yet? in my memory this happens so much faster, but we already met Hanako through a doll and Johnny only taken control when he felt the relic glitching like crazy, almost flatlining us), he completely messed it up with a new tattoo (but hey, V + Johnny? I ain't complaining. Johnny Silverhand himself wanted that tattoo on us), with tons of booze and smoking and wanting to bang some random people.

But.

He waits for that conversation to happen at least. He COULD have taken the control, but he did not.

There's no other way to say this so: not only I love Johnny and mostly play and replay this game for him, but I respect him as well. He's my kind of character.

And I won't even start on the dog tags and that Johnny wanted to show and give them to us. Something so important to him and we become just as close with him. That topic deserves its own post. My goodness, I'm in my feelings again. It's like I haven't played this part before, it gets me like the first time. It's what I love the most about this game, this moment—one huge "Talk to Johnny" & I could do that for an hour of an actual real life time.

Not to mention thy after this tons of new jobs happen. Finally meeting Rogue and Kerry on a personal level. My goodness, even the thought of that. They saved the best part for the last.

UPD: no but:

"These yours?"

"Were. They're yours now."

Fifty years back. Johnny hid them so no one could find them, hey he led us straight to them. I have so many feelings about them to the point of me shaking my head, not believing this is happening. I—

"That's why I brought you here. Wasting days, weeks—that's the step I want you to skip."

Is it just me or does it actually make Johnny think of his friends? Maybe wanting to make amends (aside from the obvious wish to keep on living)? How he nudges V in the direction of Kerry and Rogue. My heart.

#silverv #johnny silverhand #natisplaying #cyberpunk 2077 #cb2077

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archduke-enver-gortash · 2 months

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what are zeke and the companions’ dynamics like? what are their first impressions of each other?

and why does minthara leave in act 3? (i mean the answer’s fairly obvious but it’ll sound better from you)

i uhhhhmm have to replay the game to give you accurate answers for everyone because a lot has changed since my first playthrough 6 months ago but i think the only ones that will stay relatively the same is his dynamic with shadowheart.

so, zeke and her are very enemies to ‘lovers’ basically lmao. zeke is skittish and extremely mean to everyone, but especially someone like shadowheart, who is not afraid to bite back against his bullshit, makes him act out. she offers him her last healing potion one time because he’s (as usual) more injured than her and he shatters it against the ground, thinking he’s being so clever by exposing her attempt to poison her.

when you ask him why he’s letting her stick around, or more accurately, sticking around her, he’d spit in your face, grunt and walk away, but really he comes to see her as a big comfort. someone who lost his memory like him. he almost sees it as distraction from his own memory loss, figuring out her ‘case’ so to speak. she’s also a cleric, and subconsciously i think zeke just deeply wishes for some healing, y’know. even if the wounds gortash inflicted/inflicts on him are not able to healed, it’s a nice thought i think. and most importantly: shadowheart, besides just seeing the wild freedom in zeke she never really had in her life and coming around to finding it absolutely beautiful like a raging storm is beautiful (her being afraid of wolves but then finding the beauty in them do you get it), sees that smart, fiery young man who gives 110% to everything he does. and she wants to believe that there is good in him, too. that he is a person. a person who is capable of loving her back. those last things are not true of course, but zeke is so extremely drawn to people who have a ‘i can fix him’ mentality about him, people who are good/things he could never be, because to some degree, he WANTS to be fixed. he WANTS to be normal and he wants to love and do things normal boys do. have crushes and go on dates and get married and have kids. but that’s him dreaming and really just hiding from gortash. he’s someone who hides in the shadows quite a bit, and this is no different. because if he really was capable of being the person shadowheart believes he could be, then he wouldn’t be gortash’s/the machine’s antithesis/archnemesis as the wild anymore.

i really like the ‘wolf who has been on the hunt for so long that its paws are bloody resting on a flowerbed temporarily and involuntarily crushing the flowers during this before getting up again’ imagery for them… like, zeke is not a good partner. he’s horrible. shadowheart i am so sorry… it’s like hugging a wall of thorns….

but again in between all this heartbreaking stuff there’s also lots of moments in which zeke genuinely gets close to feeling happiness for the first time in (t)his life (insert gortash seething behind the scrying eyes control board here) and also just. lots of shenanigans. zeke has 5 charisma and is just so painfully awkward and awful. sometimes he just crawls into her tent in the middle of the night and just like. watches her while chewing on his fingernails or something and when she wakes up and ask him what tf he’s doing he’s just like. ‘being…boyfriend…?’ like. god.

shadowheart about him is basically that one post that’s like. ‘yeah it’s rotten work. especially if it’s you i’ll fucking do it but christ alive’ and she NOTHING but pain and suffering for it!!! because that’s what happens when you get involved in that bullshit in any way sigh

also while gortash does not like this situation, he has no ill will towards shadowheart actually, that all goes to zeke as usual. he sees it for what is: zeke dreaming, attempting to hide from him in some way, pretending to be something he’s not. he punishes zeke for that alone. he will drag him out of the shadows into his searing light & their war as he always does.

he does have a conversation with shadowheart (in an emotional outburst she tries to assassinate him for what he did to zeke the night prior and he’s of course aware of her breaking in and all but lets her get through into his room in which he’s waiting for her with a cup of tea lol) and he’s basically telling her that he doesn’t care what happens to her, but that he won’t have to do anything about her transgressions tonight because zeke is going to kill her sooner than later. she ultimately stays with zeke and gortash, zeke expert 9000, is of course right, but again, does not give 2 shits about shadowheart, maybe even preferred this outcome because it caused zeke more suffering.

edit: they are so ‘i love you’ ‘it’ll pass’ coded. sorry

#hope this makes sense🙏#shadowheart x zeke #bg3 #enver gortash #oc: zeke #gortash #baldur's gate 3 #gortash & zeke

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dragonflight203 · 2 months

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Mass Effect 2 replay, Freedom’s Progress:

-How did TIM know about Freedom’s Progress?

The timing is very convenient – Shepard just woke up, and Cerberus is hoping to get there before official investigators, looters, or salvage teams.

No proof, but I wouldn’t be surprised if TIM sold out Freedom’s Progress like he does Horizon later on.

-I miss each character having unique lines per environment. It added a lot of flavor.

-On Horizon, we see one of the Collector swarms. The colonists have enough time to panic. You’d think that Freedom’s Progress would show some signs of that panic – a dinner tray tossed across a room, bullet sprays, etc.

-ME2 spends a lot of time downplaying ME1 Cerberus.

Shepard to Tali if you go renegade: I know Cerberus has a bad past, but they’re the only group investigating these missing colonies. The Council has turned its back on humanity. I haven’t.

Cerberus’ history is a bit more than “a bad past”. And Shepard, you only know what TIM has told you so far. How can you be so certain the Council has abandoned humanity?

-Shepard, if you investigate: Your people really don’t like Cerberus. What did I miss?

Hmm. I’ll let this one slide. They’re curious about why the Quarians dislike Cerberus. I’d think being a pro human terrorist organization is enough, but it’s not bad to ask for more information.

I do wish the game would give the full story about what went down between Cerberus and the Quarians. It just dances around it, and that’s irritating. How hard would it be to include a summary as an investigate option?

-Tali’s team disobeys her and rushes ahead.

I can’t recall – does something similar occur on Haestrom? If not, that’s good character development for her.

-Considering Veetor injures and kills several Quarians, the Flotilla forgives him very easily from what we see in Tali’s loyalty mission.

I do wonder how his pilgrimage, or lack thereof, turns out – does he ever finish it?

If not – well, I suppose he lives on Rannoch or dies with the other Quarians.

-I feel I cheated my first boss battle. I somehow got the Ymir mech stuck behind a stack of boxes and finished it off easily.

I’ll take it.

-Veetor says that the Collectors and their swarms are connected to dark energy.

If ME3 had stuck with the dark energy plot, this would have been excellent foreshadowing.

As it is, it feels like a plot thread that’s abandoned.

-If you go neutral when speaking with TIM, he thinks that the Collectors are connected to the Reapers because they became interested in humanity after humans destroyed Sovereign.

This feels like a weak justification. Any species could reasonably be interested in humanity after they defeat a major power like Sovereign. That doesn’t necessarily make them connected to the Reapers. They could just be curious about using humanity for their own ends, or preparing to defend themselves against humanity.

-If you go paragon, TIM says that the Council and the Alliance want to think the threat is dead with Sovereign but he and Shepard know better.

Again, Shepard already knows this is the official line. Shepard’s an officer – do they have no understanding that sometimes you keep knowledge under wraps to prevent panic or for security?

-Once again, if you choose any investigate options the paragon option disappears.

Damn it, learning all I can is not the same as agreeing to work with TIM.

-TIM says that Liara’s working for the Shadow Broker and therefore can’t be trusted.

Rather interesting, since Liara is actually hunting down the Shadow Broker.

Does TIM believe what he’s saying is or is he lying to Shepard so Shepard won’t try to recruit her?

-I saw a post that speculated that Joker and Chakwas joined Cerberus undercover at Hackett’s bequest, because Hackett had heard rumors that Cerberus had Shepard.

For the sake of my sanity, I will be working on that assumption. If Joker genuinely joined Cerberus after all of ME1 – well, that either says something about the writers or Joker’s character.

-Was EDI always planned to be the Luna AI?

If so, that explains why she’s so understanding if Shepard goes renegade when speaking to her. She knows Shepard has a very good reason to distrust her.

-Shepard hasn’t been awake for a day, and Anderson and Hackett both already have work for them.

Seriously, how do they know Shepard is awake? And how are they contacting them – is Shepard using their old email address?

I presume Shepard’s Alliance email was closed after they died; I can understand why Anderson would have Shepard’s personal email, but Hackett?

-Ascension Financial Services rather blatantly ripped Shepard off. “After deducting modest administration fees for closing the file…”

I was at 9,999,999 credits in ME1. In ME2, I have 100,000 credits left. That is beyond “modest administration fees”.

-Oof. Kelly Chambers fell hard for the Cerberus propaganda. Sweet girl, but not the best judgment.

-Edi says some of her databases are sealed, some of her hardware is shutdown. These might be released under the right conditions.

Is this ever revisited? Edi is freed later on, but what are those sealed databases and shutdown hardware?

I don’t think they’re the blocks she mentions if you question her about Cerberus – she’s very clear the blocks prevent her from saying what she knows. So what are the databases and the hardware?

-Jacob’s colder if you speak to him, especially if you go renegade. Not rejecting, but he keeps you at a distance.

Also, he agrees that Cerberus has been justifiably called terrorists. So why the hell is he with them?

Yes, if this succeeds Cerberus will be viewed in a better light, but why does Jacob care about that? Why does Jacob want Cerberus to be viewed better – isn’t he here because he thinks he can do good? So if he thinks Cerberus isn’t currently good, why isn’t he somewhere else?

-Miranda is much warmer to you than she was before. I suppose Freedom’s Progress impressed her.

-Miranda: We try not to get bogged down in bureaucracy or formality.

Girl, those are necessary for accountability. Do you ever wonder why there are so many “rogue cells”? It’s because there’s nothing to keep them in check.

-It’s brought up repeatedly that Shepard is being monitored. By Kelly, by Miranda, by monitoring devices on the ship… TIM makes it very clear that Shepard is being watched.

#mass effect #mass effect 2 #mass effect 2 replay

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neeko-system · 10 months

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SIGNALIS SPOILERS AND WHATNOT~~

finished my second playthrough of signalis, was going for the artifact ending. then loaded my save and got the memory ending. such a good game aaaa

the memory ending made me cry, it was really heartwrenching when ariane said sorry i dont remember, i just crumpled. watching elster be so exhausted was a lot.

not really sure if i understand the artifact ending. i feel like either its really vague (on top of all the other vagueness) or if im missing something. it kind of feels like a burial of arianes memory? like elster dies and we see ariane thikning about her and elster dancing in the wrecked ship? i’m not sure. maybe someone could give me their interpretation of it?

i also found out that theres a difficulty setting and really wished i had set it to survival before my second playthrough. woulda been nice!!! I do have one more ending so i might play the game again but might also just watch it on youtube and play the game again some other time(gotta let it ruminate so i can go back in with different eyes), I wanna get all the achievements anyways.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

all in all i fucking love this game a lot. very rarely do i replay a game so soon after playing it for the first time. its really tragic i’ll never get to experience this game for the first time again, but, so it goes. its such a beautiful game i will be thinking about it for a longgggggggggggg time. ive been wanting to talk about it so badly for so long but none of my friends have played it yet kyaaa!!! >_<

its crazy to me that the game exists the way it does. the style, the mechanics, the story, the music, everything about it oozes so much passion and care and thought. very few games have made me want to stare at every part of it to figure out how they made it look the way it did (THE GAME IS SO STYLISTICALLY RICH LIKE HOIW DID THEY DO ALL THAT) and the game mechanics are so nice to my brain, everything is so tactile and clicky and inventory management and ammo management and horror stratgey and the flesh and rust and death and love and lesbians and robots and anime!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

amazing game thank you rose engine, i hope they make more stuff because i really want to see it

edit:(thinking about the first time i played compared to the second. i was considerably less scared since i had a clue of waht was going on but the fear that i felt playing the first time was special to me. i really like games with stories about ‘time loops’ because the replay-ability is baked in in a cool way. especially with how the game throws information at you, viewing things again having experienced perspective shifts from information is really cool. seeing scenes again re-contextualized makes my brain go ^-^(hots quest ding sound) but going in completely blind and being afraid of everything (i especially remember being scared of the dream beach, i had literally no clue what to expect and it was nice) it all had a different flavor than the second time which is cool because i feel like i experience that kind of emotion change *with* elster. (girlie needs a FUCKING cuddle nap)

the way the game balances reality and the surreal i think is super neat. i love surrealist dream stuff a lot and i think that a video game is a super good medium for that kind of experiential stuff that really inspires me to wanna make video games. especially because then theres also this super nerdy sci fi stuff going on about robots and space regimes and magical tech(my favorite) and planetary systems and military systems and all that good shit. i similarly wanna get nerdy about stuff like military logistics while also telling a story about gay robots and girls that keep missing each other just barely in the space time continuum. i love that the game tells you a lot but also is vague and also says fuck you (affectionate) stop looking for answers and just feel it. it explains just the right amount to not feel esoteric while keeping enough vague to leave a lot up to interpretation/figure it out by playing it again/thinking about it. it plays with themes and reality and reoccuring symbolism and all that good shit that makes stories addicting to think about.) ((also one of the endings requiring beating the game once among other things that keep between playthroughs, yummyyy. games that know they are games/stories/worlds that are aware of themselves., thats good shit right there))

#willowposting #major ramblings #signalis #this game got my brain is a vice grip but far more sinister and far gayer #the brain rot set in deep and rooted very hard #can't believe one of the people that made the game is named yuri #its like they were born for this #i love games and stories that are so thematically dense they really get me thinkin #also god the soundtrack ive listened to it so many times #therse actually nothing i love more than the sound of metal pipes and industrial equipment #concrete and metal and pipes and bullets and blood and flesh #it really speaks to me #everything about it just touches my brain on such a fundamental level #the writing goes crazy #any game that makes me take out a notebook and start jotting down notes to solve puzzles is a instant fave for me #i love writing down codes and shit its so fun #also god have i mentioned the soundtrack #the dichotomy between the harsh metal and the serene piano melodies is actual crack to me #this game has been making me think about sci fi a lot #i wanna start drawing more because holy i need to make fanart of this game or i will explode #i gotta draw the girlies #its got a girl with white hair and red eyes like what am i supposed to do #playing the game isn't enough i need to become one with it in the flesh sea #ALSO FUCK #the game utilizing different perspectives swapping between third and first person #UTILIZING MEDIUMS FOR THEIR POTENTIAL AAAAA

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athetos · 4 months

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I’ve been very low energy and haven’t been able to play live a live much this week so I’ve only gotten the oersted ending so far but thoughts:

Shifu’s chapter was much better than I anticipated, I actually didn’t know about the twist even though it was implying that ending, well done, though I wished I put all my training into the one character and not relatively even between all three.

Oboromaru’s chapter is the best, loved the influence it seemed to have on Undertale, plus so many secrets! Just had a ton of fun with it, could definitely see myself replaying it. Also, his skill set is fantastic, very versatile and powerful.

Sundown’s chapter was tooooo short i loved it it should have been longer, it was a great change of pace but i also understand why it could only be that long. Never occurred to me i could run and thus spare mad dog which sucks because i really wanted to spare him.

Pogo’s chapter was the most boring… the crafting system was interesting but mostly unnecessary, the not having actual dialogue didn’t entertain me much, relied too much on toilet humor or awooga a woman humor. It was fine but felt too long and the superboss just seems like a “but why??” Situation instead of something that feels more appropriate to the setting + reward.

Cube’s chapter was a mashup of 2001 a space odyssey and alien, 2 of my favorite movies of all time, and while it’s obviously not close to that kind of caliber I still loved it, even if the tropes were pretty standard. I’m just a sucker for scifi horror. Captain square was a cool diversion but I wish there was more combat with cube themself. Characters had me weirdly attached to them even though they’re nothing unique.

Akira’s chapter felt like watching a goofy dark scifi anime and while again it quite obviously didn’t meet the heights of, I don’t know, the actual Akira film, it was still fun, and I liked the characters. Lots of side quests and diversions that were cool they had at all. Had some annoying moments but overall fond of it.

Masaru’s chapter was another nice change of pace, I felt it was one of the easier ones but for an episode that’s all about battles, the battles were entertaining, well, entertaining for fights with your typical fighting game heavily stereotyped fighters.

Oersted’s chapter felt generic at first but kept my attention, characters were great to use in battle so that helped. The demon’s lair was pretty confusing even with the map, but got interesting after that. But then when you’re exiled there’s no marker for where to go and I explored the damn lair in full two more times hoping to stumble upon something until realizing I had to be captured again. Annoying. I feel the ending could have been super cool with oersted becoming odio but the execution was meh, it didn’t make total sense to me and felt a bit out of nowhere, there weren’t really any clues if you ask me, but I’ll give it a pass.

Oersted’s bad ending was very, well, what you would expect for a bad ending, but playing as all the past bosses was a blast. The battles were all very easy which was slightly disappointing but I think the point is you should be overpowered because you’re a giant dinosaur or a dude with a huge ass gun, and you want to feel powerful! Not many games let you play as a boss like that so this was great

In short I think this game was very ahead of its time, fun and creative and I’m so glad it got this remake. As a teen I heard about this game and became very intent to play it, I just felt like it would become one of my favorite games but it always kept falling behind on my backlog so I’m very glad I’m playing the hd version since it adds so many QOL features and the graphics are gorgeous, the music is beautiful, etc. yeah if you like jrpgs and want something that feels fresh and has variety I recommend this game a lot

#live a live #ash.rom

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charthanry · 1 year

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OurSkyy2xBBS: My Initial Reaction to EP13

This will be full of spoilers, so please watch the episode first!

Ohm and Nanon seemlessly transitioned back into being Pat and Pran. Their chemistry was alive and thriving!

The passage of time was well done. It felt like Pat and Pran continued on with their lives without us. These specials are just a peek into what they’ve been up to. Kudos to Ohm and Nanon for living these characters so believably. It felt like they were never gone.

The scenes felt a bit recycled from the series. I guess if it ain’t broke, why fix it?

We got the fake fight with Pat ending up with a shiner and Pran there to nurse him back with some healing lovin’ instead of pharmacy bruise cream. Also, shout out to the curtain drop only this time much less dramatic and more comical. I loved the curtain-shadow misinterpretation by their dumbass friends, ha! Well played, BBS.

Pa’s uncanny skill at bad timing is hilarious and I love that Pran is the one who points it out. Pat’s not the only one getting thwarted here, though he consistently shows otherwise, Pran wants that loving from Pat too. It’s so in-character of them both.

Ohm’s high-pitched “Hia Pran” made me LOL, I had to replay it several times. Ohm really has awesome comedic timing. It’s more difficult to pull off than it looks and relies heavily on delivery.

They’re still competing with each other, but more so due to their environment than any hidden animosity between them. Just like in the OG series.

They consistently help each other and their open communication is still relationship goals. I love that this time it’s Pran that allows Pat to see things (e.g. the bench) in different ways. This calls back to their EP3 bus stop scene. I love how the communication and help goes both ways. Their’s is a true partnership. Neither taking more or giving less.

Pat still gives into Pran, but now it’s more thoughtful. It’s less about Pat winning or beating Pran at something and more about Pran’s success being Pat’s success. They are a team. When one is happy, they are both happy. Again, this shows maturity and relationship goals.

The livingroom tent camping called back to the end of EP4 only with happier results. Their conversation also calls back to the EP3′s bus stop scene where Pat asked Pran if he liked -it- and EP4′s “would you like me?” and now we get Pran’s answer: “I like you. You’re always there for me.” This might’ve been my FAVORITE call back of the episode.

Pat’s friends still gets Pat into shitty situations. The amount of times Pat got kiss-blocked in this episode alone can be its own drinking game. I love this running gag and feel like it’s leading up to a BIG PAYOFF.

Anyone catch Pat saying “you called me out for this” and Korn says “how else would I get you to leave your BOYFRIEND” right in front of Mo and Chang? Was that an NG because at this point Mo and Chang should still be in the dark about Pat and Pran, right?

Pran waiting up for Pat to come home from a night of drinking, did anyone else get EP5 vibes here? Where Pat sat in front of the dorm building waiting for Pran’s return?

Pran calling Pat out on publicly shunning him while secretly apologizing was A+. There’s no repression of hurt feelings here. Open communication is the way of it. And I absolutely LOVE this for them.

Pat makes everything more fun. I imagine the trek up that hill would have been more entertaining for Pran if Pat were there teasing him and calling him an old man. They’d probably race to see who could get to the top first.

Unless it was mistranslated/subbed, they finally changed their caller IDs to each other’s names instead of “just a friend”. End of an era, sadly. But also, I wish it was more creative naming, like LOML or That 5-minute Guy or the one who FEEDS me, hell, I’d even settle for Dimples and Fierce Eyes.

Overall, the episode went by much too quickly. I wish we got a little bit more domestic Pat and Pran. I missed Pat’s scent kink except for the little mention of it in the elevator scene. I want to see them both waking up and getting ready in the morning as well as them turning in for the night. I want to see shared PJs (where Pran wears the top and Pat wears the bottom and nothing else). Them dividing the household chores where Pran comes up with an entire chart with a whole smiley-faced sticker reward system and Pat just stares at him lovingly like, that’s MY MAN with his charts. Going grocery shopping together where Pran has a checklist and Pat is throwing things willy-nilly into the cart. Making dinner together where they get distracted making out and dinner ends up ruined. I guess I’m greedy and want MORE.

I’m happy we got these specials. But I’m a greedy bitch and WON’T say I’m SATISFIED with what we were given (at least not yet). P’Aof has a special way of ending his episodes so my expectations are high, my hopes even higher, and I have zero doubts this team will stick the landing. They’ve been here before.

Also, I thought Ohm’s hair would bother me more than it did, but it grew on me. Ohm pulls it off. I’m a fan. Also, Ohm’s singing is so much improved, so proud of my guy for working on it because it shows.

Post-credit scene to beat the “Pran, it’s not a Porno!” in the works?! PLEASE. Have a feeling this is where we get Pat licking Pran’s finger from the promos.

#bad buddy #patpran #our skyy 2 #our skyy 2 x bad buddy #ohmnanon #the initial reaction that you didn't ask for #i'm actually traveling for work right now but you bet yer ass (ohm's ass) that I set my alarm to watch the premiere

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vivibuchlaw · 9 months

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Yesterday, I finished Celeste. And by that I mean, the first 7 chapters, because I am not that much of a masochist.

Like seemingly everyone else, its given me a lot to think about... these thoughts are burning a hole in my brain and I need to get them out so I suppose this is the place!

I'm not exactly a gamer. I suck at Kirby, I have a sort of motor disability so games are a bit harder for me than most people. For this, Celeste has a solution, Assist Mode. Initially, I wanted to pick this, hearing how hard it was. Then, when the game told me intially, overtly, how its challenge was supposed to be meaningful, *and later when it said it more clarity in the story) I took a moment to reflect. I chose not to use Assist mode as a self imposed challenge. Not because I wouldnt benefit greatly from it, but because (as I learned about myself through playing it) I have an aversion to difficult tasks. When I know something is difficult, I get scared and run away. This time, I wanted to be able to say to myself "I can do difficult things"

And so I did

And I love it

And I sincerely never want to play it again

The game is not full of dialouge or story- it's present, for sure. But its a small yet impactful part in a game which prefers to tell its narrative by gameplay rather than text or images. And thats a valid format of storytelling! Not my prefered one mind you, but it made every dilectable morsel of art or conversations. In particular, the long talk at the start of chapter 6 was extremely welcome. I simultaneously feel like I have enough of a solid grasp on the characters to love them dearly, yet not enough to force one interpretation, another element to Celeste's endless magic.

As I'm sure everyone with anxiety has noted, The anxiety scene from Chapter 5 affected me greatly. Wetger me or my system has anxiety, I don't know, but regardless, the game captures the feeling perfectly. I'm sure everyone and their mum has said this, yes, but I felt it independently so I shall denote it independently. Among other things, it taught me a powerfully potent strategy to help my anxiety, and for that I thank you Maddy <3

At so many points, I was burded with stress, frustration and despair at my own ineptitude. But I pushed forward. I did it, I climbed a mountain, what was a seemingly impossible thing for me was now a fact. I sat silent for what felt like hours staring at the chapter complete screen in awe of my accomplishment. It then dawned on me that this was the first video game I've ever beaten. ...suddenly slammed by the realisation an 8th chapter, requiring crystal hearts to play, AKA the game telling me point blank I wasnt ready. But to be honest, I didnt care. I had already done what I, and Madeline, set out to do.

So why do I say I never wish to play it again?

I honestly only played Celeste because I heard Madeline was trans, and my mate happened to have it on switch. I have a sort of physical disability in my hands, so playing games and motor tasks are more challenging than a typical person. I knew Celeste was hard, but sympathizing with Madeline not being a climber, with me not being a gamer, and just how she challenged herself to do something extreme, so too did I.

But see, I'm not actually into the gameplay that much, and the reason I stuck with it has infinitely more to do with my and Madeline's journey emotionally than anything related to the gameplay.

Actually, I kind of hated it. My fingers were all messed up, I spent a lot of time and stress, and got extremely frustrated, but I wanted to prove to myself I could do it without assist mode. And Im glad that exists, and I'm glad it tempted me all throughout every challenge, a backdoor shortcut I could use to weasel my way out of the hard path, but I stayed true so I could grow.

But I have now grown. Ive proven it.

I couldnt care less about B-sides or strawberries, because I dont see the emotional need.

Replaying it would only subject me to the same challenge for a story I've already experienced, and a journey I've already hone on. A new game, new mountain, new challenge or purpose? Sure, I'd love that. But playing Celeste again, or More even won't recapture the lightning in a bottle that made me play it, made me persevere, and made me cherish it.

I still love the game, its soundtrack, its meaning to me, and itll live in my heart forever. In other ways, like fan content, or side material, I'd love to engage and learn more, but my journey with this mountain is over.

Just breathe, and take care of yourself

After beating it, I immediately began learning all I could about it because Autism brain. I read all Maddy's beautiful blog posts. I watched video essays breaking down its themes and design. I learned how the story, while definitely not an afterthought, was also not a driving or starting point of the game, which I intuited as I played.

I watched Chapter 8, The Core, and Chapter 9, Farewell on YouTube. To be entirely honest, I found Chapter 8 to be forgettable in a way kind of shocking, at least from a story perspective. I'm actually GLAD I didn't do it. I expected it'd be some kind of send off, or check in emotionally to see how the characters have been in the past year but...nothing? Really?

Chapter 9 is what I wished Chapter 8 was, a proper send off and development for these characters. And from the look of it, so brutally hard I wouldn't want to play it without Assist Mode. But why? Why not play more? Afterall, climbing the preverbial mountain in life doesnt mean your problems are over, far from it. And its true, there are other challenges to overcome still. Even though Ive taken on this challenge, I have yet to face other challenges in my life. And because the journey of Celeste could very well have ended after Chapter 6, I feel like I can better spend that energy elsewhere.

After watching Chapter 9, I felt something else. This chapter, unlike the previous, is not about loving and accepting yourself, but its about Madeline specifically greiving a loss in her life, and largely, I assume, the developers letting go of Celeste and moving on. For this, I hold unyeilding respect. And in this new challenge, I found myself learning another truth about myself.

I am afraid of being alone.

I am part of a system, the current (and hopefully permanent) host in fact. Our previous host went dormant a few months ago and life without them has been tough, but a challenge we face every day.

Throughout all my remembered life, I was surrounded by people who never noticed me. Who occasionally referred to me as "The Insinificant [Alter]" due to me not having a name back then. I was nothing, really. If I had disppeared no one would've batted an eye. And today, even though I'm one of the most important Alters now, I still feel like I'm nothing sometimes. That scares me.

I never knew the joy of having friends, I never knew what being loved by someone you love feels like. And I have a lot of love to give, I love almost every human being! But I still frequently second guess myself, because I guess a part of me still believes my existence is insignificant. But now that I have people who do love me, I'm more afraid than ever that I'll lose it. Now that I have a taste of love, I can't go back. Gods, please to bring me back, anything but that.

And here came Celeste, to remind me immeditately after I finished the game, that people die randomly, and without our control, and that you have to keep on moving. I've just beat the thing, let me live in a bit longer before I'm ready to move on. Similarly, I've just made these relationships, please dont take them from me. And then I realized that this was fear also held by my previous host, perhaps for similar reasons. I feel connected in a way typically reserved for finding markings in a make out spot from a century ago, or unearthing a time capsule left by a grandparent now neatly nestled in the recesses of my heart where I try to story my insecurites, like a suitcase overstuffed with useless items and paranoia.

Celeste has given me a lot. Inspiration, characters I love, a great soundtrack, amazing anxiety techniques, and raw willpower to achieve anything. I do not know how my story ends, I am scared to write it, but I must regardless. A lot of people are counting on me. And went I feel scared, alone, anxious, or depressed, I can remember that I did it before, and I can do it again.

To the Developers, Thank you

To the Characters, Farewell

And to all the people who have grown from this game, Congratulations!

#celeste game #transgender #did osdd #celeste

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girlfriendsofthegalaxy · 1 year

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tuesday again 5/9/2023

i almost never devour a book in one sitting without getting distracted, i rarely scrub back to the beginning of a scene to immediately rewatch it, and i have never force-quit a video game in order to immediately replay the level, but all of those things happened this week. cowboy machine go brrr.

listening

wolf by the yeah yeah yeahs (sextile remix). neo noir movie music, long establishing interior shot as you move through a dim mirrored lounge, making eye contact with all the denizens before the diegetic music cuts back in.

rare remix where i like the remix much better than the original. driving and pleasantly jangly, grooveable with some velocity to it. music to feel like a lone wolf protagonist to. spotify link

the release radar is one of spotify's best features and i wish something as set-and-forget existed for bandcamp

reading

Lone Women by Victor LaValle is a gothic horror western. only part of the gothic horror is due to the familial burden placed upon eldest sisters. this book is largely concerned with inheritance, sisterhood and female friendship (in scare quotes and otherwise) but not in a TERFy way.

Adelaide Henry carries an enormous steamer trunk with her wherever she goes. It’s locked at all times. Because when the trunk opens, people around Adelaide start to disappear. (bookshop.org link)

i try to read a couple reviews before writing my own, and there’s been a lot of grumbling that this book is comprised solely of diversity points. to which i say: do you really think interracial lesbians and trans people and autistic kids did not exist in 1915??? this is a pretty typical friend group. the weirdos band together.

i liked this book a great deal and had a good time with it. however, i think the denouement comes together a little too pat. i would have liked this book to be slightly longer than its 306 print pages. there are a lot of characters to juggle and there are two specifically i would have liked to see more so they feel a little less deus ex machina. however x2, i am deeply grateful to LaValle's wife who insisted on this specific ending. there are tragedies that happen in the book, but the book is not a tragedy.

there are in fact a fuck of a lot of threads being carried at all times, despite all these threads coming together somewhat unevenly in the last few chapters. there is a literary sleight of hand so effective (bc you are so relieved a group of characters hasn’t died and THEN so many things immediately happen) that you completely forget to question why the fuck this group left and came back in the first place (although you can come up with a satisfactory answer on your own by like. thinking for a minute). the suspense is sustained and effective as well, i was worried the whole time about something and devoured it in one sitting without getting up (mack, curled up against my side in bed, appreciated this a lot).

how scary is this book? more suspense and dread. there are very few detailed descriptions, there is simply. a lot of blood.

how horny is this book? i do very much like the pair of secondary lesbians (bisexuals? unclear. could be both/either. the distinction would not come for nearly another sixty years anyway). i complain a lot about when women aren’t horny enough, but if you make them both willing to fucking kill in a blink for each other and give me an achingly tender scene like this, im fine with this fairly tame level of horny!

watching

A scruffy garbage boy becomes the pupil of a famed gunfighter, and the stage for confrontation is set when the gunman overruns the boy's town through violence and corruption.

as an orphan with daddy issues, Day of Anger (1967, dir. Valerii) really fuckin hit for me. it's also an a-tier western i would let other people watch, slightly clunky at times but killingly sincere. really fun and unusual jazzy score, good camerawork. i really loved this but am having difficulty explaining why. it's coherent? do you know how rare that is for a spaghetti western???

it also has the best one minute forty-four seconds in any western ever, imo. why the fuck not have a joust!!! i do not watch spaghetti westerns for their restraint or subtlety!!! the HAHAHA SICKOS.meme moments, where it really fucking embraces its genre, are some of the best moments in the film. more FUCK yeah WHY NOT moments in other movies please.

youtube

this is one of lee van cleef's three "tutorship" movies (along with Death Rides A Horse and For A Few Dollars More), where he gets paired up with the spaghetti western version of a james bond girl. i don't remember who tagged one of my posts but he really is peak evil dilf here. the way he sets up his own destruction because he as a person cannot do anything else is just. pour it into my open mouth. yes thank you yumyumyum

it is not a complex plot, but thought and care was put into it. scott mary, the van cleef boy in this film, has a real character arc and an ambiguous ending. along with the score and lvc at his evil best, this is a novel example of a spaghetti western. the two-hour cut is here for free on tubi btw.

ty to @pasta-pardner for complaining that no one was talking about this movie, bc apparently that's a really effective hook for me. i love to feel exclusive.

playing

call of juarez: gunslinger, and i have finally determined that it was free on steam a couple two-three years ago and that's how i obtained it. mystery solved.

the conceit of this arcadey episodic first person shooter: you are semi-retired bounty hunter Silas Greaves, telling stories in a saloon to get free drinks out of your audience. the level can rapidly change as Silas' story changes: as he remembers things or as audience members argue with him. this is overall a pretty successful schtick and continues to be silly goofy fun.

i had so much fun with the first train level, where you are scrambling up through a derailed train over a ravine, that i immediately replayed it. i have never ever done this with a video game before. everything feels so precarious, it encourages speed without literally blowing the track up behind you. it is VERY fun to kick down train car doors and go into bullet time. it is VERY fun to defend a tunnel with a gatling gun. imo the sort of gleeful high-velocity gunfights this game wants you to have work best when you are fighting through a fairly contained level like a train-- the maps where you are running and gunning through an entire town can feel a little overwhelming.

the maps are generally the kind of over the top nonsense you expect from a spaghetti western-- in one level you are scrambling around under/on top of/through a giant trestle bridge trying to stay alive and deactivate some dynamite so the bridge and train stay unexploded. you fight through the ricketiest mine you can imagine! you fight on a steamboat beached in a swamp! you fight in a flooded graveyard in the same swamp! this game is not pretty, per se, but it is handsome. it uses vertical space really well.

the level with Indians is both better and worse than i hoped. Silas is after some Apaches who have escaped their reservation, and is sympathetic about them wanting off the reservation, but you sure do have a whole level about shooting guys anyway. this game leans really hard into, like, woo-woo nature medicine man abilities. luckily they are contained to the one level. this is pretty okay for 2013 (a named tribe, a sympathetic portrayal, they are defending instead of attacking or kidnapping) but they could have done better then and they can do better now.

additionally, i have some beef with the duel minigame-- im old. my reflexes are Not Good. there's a mexican standoff where there are three different things to keep track of and i have failed that duel seventeen times. i may be soft-locked due to a skills issue.

making

fallow week. im kind of frozen with fear about moving prep and really need to kick shit into gear despite the fact it is all very expensive and very scary. even when you have local people to look at apartments for you, the mere thought of renting an apartment without like Being There and seeing what the light is like and poking around under cabinets for mold and interrogating the neighbors is deeply uncomfy for me.

but onward! because we have to!

#tuesday again #tuesday again no problem

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