#it's like. i hate (romantic) love. i love love. i cant survive without it. ill be fine alone | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

soulsam · 2 months

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Ask game!! For Sam and Dean both:

What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

OMG HELLO TUMBLR USER SPNTRUNK???? WHAT AN HONOR

I will ramble about my samdean thoughts ANY TIME so thank you for indulging me lol

1a. for sam, I loooove when the fandom acknowledges and magnifies his obsession with dean. he's slightly quieter about it (he doesn't go around yelling YOU TOUCH MY BROTHER AND ILL KILL YOU the way dean does) but that doesn't make him any less codependent or any less freakish!!!!!! he is JUST as insane about dean as dean is about him, and I LOVE to see that explored

1b. for dean, I love fandom discussions of his experiences with romance and sex and what they mean to him. I feel like the show mostly goes "dean sleeps around lol" and leaves it at that, but sometimes you get a glimpse of something else (cassie, lisa), and I always found those parts to be extremely intriguing. because dean can be such a hopeless romantic!!! he just doesn't let himself have good things, he holds them at arms length so that when he inevitably loses them it might not hurt so much. it's so heartbreaking and I could write academic essays about it probably. (as a sidenote, this aspect of his character is part of why I love samdean so much. he and sam have their moments, they've been separated by thousands of miles and death itself and it hurts dean terribly, but they always find their way back to each other. sam is the one person who dean has never really lost, not forever. and now that they're in their shared(!!!!) heaven, he never will.)

2a. I am going to have to try so so so so so hard not to write an essay about this one. the way the wider fandom treats sam makes my blood BOIL. tossing him to the side, pretending he doesn't exist, saying dean would be better off without him, etc. I hate all of it. I hate the way he gets sidelined in his own story, and the worst part is that THE SHOW ITSELF DOES IT TOO. SO I CANT EVEN BLAME THE STUPID FANDOM ENTIRELY. but if I had to pick one thing that I hate the most about the fandom's treatment of sam...I think I would be unoriginal and choose the purgatory debacle. there are just so many reasons why he shouldn't be blamed so harshly for the way he handled that time period. like. 1. he had JUST gotten hallucifer out of his head. he was having psychotic episodes so bad he nearly DIED, he barely even knew what was real and what was a hallucination. 2. he was ALONE. bobby was dead, dean and cas were, by all accounts, dead. his whole family was GONE. I can't even imagine the grief he must have endured in that time. I wouldn't be surprised if he had been suicidal, or if he'd had another psychotic break. and 3. WHERE WAS HE SUPPOSED TO GO LOOKING? he had no reason to think that dean SURVIVED the dick-splosion, and even if he was certain he had, sam KNOWS how dangerous it is to open the door to purgatory. and he couldn't exactly ask cas about it, could he? what was he supposed to do, summon crowley? yeah I'm sure that would've gone great. plus, 4. he and dean AGREED not to look for each other. sure, they make and break those kinds of promises often, but come the fuck on. how is it fair to ask sam, hopeless and alone and barely even functional enough to stand on his own two feet, to defy the promise he and dean made in order to bring him back from the dead and probably let something else nasty out along with him? that hardly seems reasonable to me.

um. I got heated about that one. anyway everyone lay off sam about purgatory okay. including dean. I get why he was upset but man cmon.

2b. this one's going to be shorter because I'm pissed about purgatory now lol but I hate when people make dean out to be some kind of. horrific wifebeater (and sam his battered, trapped woman). like. yeah. he's got anger issues and violent tendencies. yes, he often fails to break the cycle of abuse. yes, he lashes out at sam, and that's bad. but like. sam doesnt need protection from dean??? sam doesnt need liberation from dean???? dean isn't some horrible monster who belittles his brother for shits and giggles. he's a man who's seen way too much, lost way too much. it hurts to look at the ways he's changed, but he's doing the best he fucking can. also, pet peeve!! I HATE HATE HATE when people point to the behavior he exhibited while he had the mark of cain and go "see!! see!!! it was inside him all along!!!! he's a terrible person!!!!" LIKE. UM. HES LITERALLY BEEN SADDLED WITH AN ANCIENT CURSE. I DONT THINK ITS FAIR TO PROJECT ITS EFFECTS ONTO HIS CHARACTER, ACTUALLY. it annoys me soooooo bad. like did they miss the parts where he tried everything he could to keep his urges under control? did they miss the horrified look he'd have on his face after he went on a killing spree he couldn't stop? it's willful ignorance, and I hate that shit!!! I hate it!!!!!

genuinely though. and maybe this is silly to say after all that rambling. I don't want to be negative here. I love my (our!!) little corner of this fandom and I genuinely unironically love this show with every fiber of my being. it's my favorite piece of media ever and maybe that's partly just recency bias but like. I had sworn off live action TV for weird personal reasons (if you go looking, I have a personal post saying I refused to reblog spn posts because I didn't want gifs of real people on my blog. lmao) and yet here I am. I love this show. I love the wincest fandom. I love my mutuals. and as soon as I finish the finale I'm probably just going to start the whole damn thing over again.

oh also SPNTRUNK I LOVE YOUR ART !!! WTF!!!! HI???? IM STILL KIND OF IN AWE LOL

#ANYWAY. theres that #lol #sam winchester #dean winchester #spn #ask game #keithposting #;

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sad-exhausted-iceboy · 1 year

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now that im alone here..

i really feel like you probably have me muted or something. you dont like any of my stuff anymore, never reply to me, i just want to know what i did. am i too weird? too overbearing? do you feel like we just dont mesh? you can fucking tell me if thats the case. just tell me youve been busy, dont lie to me or ignore me.

its prolly my fault for not saying it but i feel like im in that weird survival mode like i was with my exes. like im just constantly wondering if you even like me at all. i guess explosion and kz were right, i shouldnt have kept going with talking to you. even though you talked to me first.... i should have just left it at that conversation. im too pushy.

im also just sad bc would it fucking kill anyone to tell me any feedback on anything i do? i just hate wondering if people are liking ANYTHING i do. i dont like to do stuff for myself, i like to share what i do with people in hopes itll make someone happy. and when they like it, thats what makes me happy. simply making things isnt what makes me happy. i think about how it could make another person feel.

im sorry. i just dont think its worth it to be pushing so much anymore. ill probably just stop replying and stop liking things and itll fizzle out like it always does. i know thats bad, not healthy, but shit if you dont fucking like me just SAY IT. bc i cant just sit here wondering all day. i dont have a life!! i dont have many other friends, much less anyone else ive found that likes many of the same things we do. but i dont want to have another situation where i make so much effort and i just get nothing back. and shit this isnt even a fucking romantic relationship!! id be in fucking hell if it was. im just so tired. i feel like i try so hard for people and nothing happens.

shit. even in my own relationship. i moved here for him. moved 1000 miles away. i dont feel like much has improved for me at all. i make more money and drive a car i love, started T and all that... but it just feels like im watching every day go by from somewhere else. im not present in my life ever. ive helped him build a whole life pretty much. but i feel like ive accomplished nothing. i cheated my way through college bc my mental health was a fucking shitshow and i tried to kill myself over it. i have a completely useless degree and i can barely remember anything from it. unfortunately that SH fic i wrote has really stirred up those feelings again and i wish i could cut again without him seeing, but he sees my whole body every single day. i cant hide it.

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722alycat · 3 years

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Face Down

pt i pt ii pt iii pt iv

Masterlist

an: sorry for the wait, i rewrote this like 6 times

Summary: Levi takes a job without you, and well, if that’s how it’s gonna be, you’ll show him you can do just fine on your own.

You’ve been alone for a year.

Kenny never really bothered to come back to say goodbye, and Levi tells you the last time he saw your surly guardian was for a moment. He was a face in the crowd, surveying the gutted body of Vic, the beaten and stabbed corpse of the tall boy whos name you never caught.

You and Levi did what you could do. You returned to your home built through ill gotten gains, your sanctuary constructed from trust and growing up side by side. You improved it, at the will of Levi the Dictator, who constantly bullied you to fix this, and clean that, and for the love of god dust that shelf.

Days turned into months, turned into years, and eventually you stopped waiting for Kenny and started scrambling for higher ground, for better weapons and thicker clothes. You bullied your way through marketplaces by day, and raided them by night. Things never got the chance to get harried; not since Levi's first kill. Now he led you, sneaking through shadows and striking through smog, always knowing just what to do.

You had laughed, frantic and aching and triumphant when you realized that the Ackerman Instinct Kenny had so fondly spoke of wasn't another lie. You watched as Levi danced around opponents, slipped behind enemy lines. He massacred men twice his age and skill level. He was invaluable even if you had only ever wanted him to be safe happy warm.

Naturally, this behavior would begin to attract attention.

Attention finds you in the form of a tall blonde man, looking as young and fierce as you and Levi tend to. His teeth are bared in a semblance of a grin as his eyes track you through the marketplace. You catch him watching you and Levi as you wander, wrist in hand, through the crowded market.

You twitch, once, and sidle in closer to Levi. He doesn’t stiffen, but you can feel his muscles bunch beneath his coat as you lean into his arm. You swipe a nail across his palm. His eyes flick lazily in the direction of your signal, and he finds the blonde boy in record time. Levi hums, tugging you closer and draping a lazy arm around your shoulder. It's more territorial and threatening than romantic like you hope dream want believe some may view it. You know his eyes will be too cold and too dark to whisper of love, know all you'll find in that gaze is a cool possession you know the people in the underground get love mixed up with possession sometimes and you remind yourself again and again you wont make the same mistakes. The knowledge strikes you again, of your circumstance: he is yours, and you are his, even if its not quite the way you're starting to want. He tucks his head into your neck to whisper in your ear. A young guard blushes crimson and shyly and looks away from you both. You blush too, and sternly remind yourself he’s just pretending to be in love with you.

Still, not much is romantic about what your pseudo-lover is saying.

"You have that knife I got you, right?"

The hand you have resting on his hip taps once, and you feel his smirk against your neck, and god are those his teeth? You shiver, feeling goosebumps crawl up your back as your heart bursts to life behind your rib cage. Surely he knows the effect he has on you. He has to. Levi doesn’t bother asking if your knife is sharpened and ready. He knows. He takes it from you nightly, looking over the blade, sharpening it if you had recently used it. You protested at first, telling him you could do it yourself, and he needn't trouble himself, but the look of annoyance and fond exasperation he had sent you left you winded and compliant, even as he called you stupid for suggesting he would ever go to any trouble for you.

Never mind that he always did go to trouble for you. Never mind that he always pushed himself between you and an aggressor, always took the larger opponents and left you to mop up the stragglers; that he would corner you after every fight, steady hands checking you over carefully. You hadn't known that the Ackerman instinct could leave him so gentle, so human, even as it changed him into something other; Not until you had felt his hands softly brushing over your cheeks, your arms, your stomach, searching for any sign you might have been close to being taken from him.

You were forced back to the present as he curled closer to you.

"Is he still looking?"

You giggled, leaning into Levi more. You shyly ducked your head, eyes searching until-

You tapped twice, and he nodded, separating himself from you just as easily as he had latched on. You tried not to feel bereft at the absence, but losing his warmth left you inexplicably chilled. Your arm fell to your side, feeling heavier than before. Your fingers tapped out against nothing. You felt wrong, jittery, like when your knife wasn't in its sheath against your hip.

You didn't know when you began this game of faking intimacy with Levi. The people in the underground who cared enough to form an opinion figured you were an item, practically sewn together at the hip for how little you were apart. Those who didn't put too much thought into it figured you were a hired lady who was very good at her job. Either way, you reasoned sensibly, it made them think you were a bystander, prey, a victim ready to be made. They didn't see you as the loaded gun you were, the livewire life had made you into. It worked to your advantage plenty of times, and so you supposed that's why Levi kept doing it. Why else would he keep you so close?

But rationality didn't reason away the skip and jump in your pulse when he pulled you close, the longing in your chest when he hugged you tightly to get a view on what was behind you. It didn't remove the way your mind ran in circles, caught between wishing it was all real and knowing it was just-

Just Levi. Levi the Survivor. Levi the Strategist. The boy who knew just what he had to do to survive. He reminded you so much of Miss Kuchel. Your heart ached at the thought of her. Of how proud she would be of her son.

You chased away the cold of his absence with the thought. He'll never be alone, you had promised her solemnly. The vow had become a prayer, had become a touchstone, a whisper to Miss Kuchels ghost and your weary soul. Never alone, never again.

Levi led you cautiously out of the market, constantly looking over his shoulder for that mop of blonde in case he was tailing you. You trailed along behind him, happy to linger in the silence of the walk home beside him. For once, Levi seemed the one eager to talk.

He called your name, slowing his pace so you could walk side by side. "I've gotten a job offer, from a local boss. Wants me to help him defend a merchant on their way through the underground... It pays."

You considered his words, slowly. "And?" You asked, feeling unbalanced and unsure of how to continue. Something felt wrong, felt off.

"I'd be gone, probably for a week."

You were confused, now. "Well... I would be coming with you, of course."

He pursed his lips, narrowed eyes checking behind you once more. "No, not on this one. His group... They don't work well with women."

You scoffed, feeling tense and confused by his rejection. "Neither does any other bastard here. Why should that stop us?"

He opened his mouth, closed it, reopened it once more. He was unsure, for the first time, of what to tell you.

"I don't think you should come along." He finally decided on, and you puffed up like a kicked cat.

"The hell do you mean? Levi, we're supposed to stick together," you hissed, "protect each other."

He shook his head sharply, becoming aggravated, and you became jittery. "I need to start taking real jobs, then we can stop stealing shit like we're still kids."

You were angry. He was leaving you behind. He was ignoring your history of saving each other and leaving you in the dust because some crime ring out there had decided he was the one they wanted, and you were a woman so you were only good for lying on your back. You shook your head in disbelief. "So what? We split up because some asshole cant see past my tits? You wanna work for someone like that? You know I'm more than capable!"

He gripped your shoulders, looking you dead in your eyes. "This group is little better than rabid dogs. I don't want you near that filth. Not until I have them trained."

You looked at him, pained and wary and more guarded against him than you'd been since you were six years old. But still, you knew this was a losing battle. He would leave you, regardless of your reaction, and take this job. Levi never gave an inch, but he always took a mile. And this was the part of him you would hate, if you had it in you to hate anything about him. The fragment of him that treated you like his ward, like he couldn’t trust you to tie your own shoe, let alone keep him from being stabbed in the back by some gutter rat.

Fine, you decided. If he was gone.. You'd show him you could care for yourself, without him. You shouldered past him, pushing away your mounting anxiety at being separated from him for a week.

You sighed, sharp and frustrated with the hand the day had dealt you, and finally bit out a "fine, but you had better come back to me".

He looked relieved at your surrender and ruffled your hair. "I will, brat."

You growled, smacking his hand away. "I might as well not turn it into a fight. God knows how either of us would feel if... If something happened while we weren't together."

Levi grimaced, "Stop worrying." He ordered, words clipped as he began to herd you back to your house. He reached for you again, oddly enough, but you skittered away. You couldn’t let him think this was something that didn’t bother you, didn’t hurt you.

You remained tense as you laid in bed that night. You would force your muscles to relax, shoulders to unhunch, teeth to cease their grinding, and then moments later find yourself doing it all again.

You felt like you were being left behind. Outgrown. And what stung the most is that even before Levi became a one man firing squad, you would've never dreamt of telling him you didn't want him on a job. He belonged by your side, you thought.

You gazed at his sleeping features, long since racked out and peaceful in sleep. You felt a flutter in your chest.

He clearly didn't feel the same.

Levi left in the middle of the night half a week later. You vaguely remembered his form hovering over you in your sleep, pulling you close and tight against his chest and pressing his lips to your forehead. You had figured it was just another wistful dream and went back to sleep.

When you awoke and he was gone, you fought the urge to either break something or blush ten shades of red. That little fucker hadn't told you when he was leaving. You weren't ready. He knew you weren’t ready. Probably thought you would try to follow him.

You languished in your bed the first day, huddled in blankets and feeling pitiful. The second day, hunger and frustration forced you out, and you neatly robbed a vendor of bread and some thick broth. You stole another a few minutes later to drop to the dirty street urchin you noticed huddled in an alley way.

You toyed with the idea of asking around about Kenny, for old times sake, but decided against it. Either he was dead, or he wanted to leave. Either way, there wasn't anything for you to do about it. So, with a full stomach and more melancholy, you headed home.

You toyed with your knife, you tested the weight of it as if you hadn't learned it's center the night Levi had given it to you. You threw it cleanly and precisely into the wall. You withdrew it, and repeated the action, again and again.

Kenny would be proud, really. You hadn't practiced one of those pretty tricks you used to be so proud of since you and Levi had killed those boys.

The knife struck the wall again with a satisfying thud. Then the voice came.

"Impressive."

For half a moment, you thought it was Kenny, peering at you from the rickety second floor overhand, watching you train. But Kenny had taught you not to believe in any miracle that wasn't Ackerman blood, and you lunged for the hilt of the knife sticking from the wall.

A gun racked behind you.

"Please don't."

Your fingers froze, clutching the blade so tight the skin on your finger tips broke on the edge. You took a deep, rattling breath. Okay.

You really hoped he didn't want to shoot you.

You released the knife, turning. Your hands were held out in submission. You blinked, looking at the tall blonde before you in surprise.

"You're that motherfucker from the other day!" You snarled, "how long have you been waiting? What do you want from us?"

He grinned at your descriptor of him. "I don't see an us here."

You bore your teeth now, furious, "so you waited until he left? For what? You gonna try to sell me?"

He laughed, then, shaking his head, gun wobbling.

“Nah. I don’t trade in little girls. But I do have an offer for you. If you’re interested?”

You considered your position, and figured that you would be damn lucky if he didn’t kill you and leave your body there to decompose until Levi finally made it back. Fuck, Levi.

“I don’t negotiate well under pressure.” you finally said, nodding at the gun he had loosely grasped in his hands. He chuckled, and lowered the weapon.

“I think I can work with that.”

Half an hour and two cups of weak tea later, you felt like you could trust Furlan. He was chatty, and friendly in his own point-a-gun-at-you way. You hadn’t talked this much in a while with anyone besides Levi. It was odd, but not unwelcome you supposed.

“So, there’s a cargo transport through the underground, and you have no idea what’s in it, but you think its worth stealing? And you want to recruit Levi and I?” you recapped.

He grunted, shaking his head, and set his tea down with a clank. “No, not Levi. We’d have to leave tonight, or tomorrow morning at the latest to cut it off. We don’t have time to wait.”

“Levi and I are a team.” you told him sternly, and Furlan raised an eyebrow at you. You fought the urge to throw your cup at his stupid smug face.

He stayed silent for a moment (probably sensing your bloodlust), deliberating the cost of his next words, rolling them in his mouth, before deciding to speak. “If you’re a team, why are you here alone?”

The statement hit its mark, and you flinched. “I... he just didn’t think I was right for the job.”

“Well, I don’t think he’s right for this one. I can’t wait for him either. So, are you in or not? You can’t spend your life waiting for him to think you’re the right one.” these words, too, hit home.

You thought, for a moment, about how you never wanted to be without Levi. Thought of how he left you behind, how he clearly didn’t mind you being left alone. You considered what would have happened, had Furlan been a trafficker, or just wanted you dead.

Levi had left you, was outgrowing you. For once never alone didn’t calm you. It felt like an empty promise. Levi wouldn’t be alone. He would always have someone who wanted him now. You, however... you needed security. Before he decided carrying you wasn’t worth the weight. Furlan was tall and strong and he was offering you a chance, ignoring your gender and age.

You thrust your hand across the table.

“I want whatever cut it is that you give yourself,” you demanded, “I won’t be paid like a rookie. I know I’m worth more.”

Furlan grinned, slapping his hand into yours and shaking it. His teeth were sharper in the light, even if his smile was warmer, more pleased.

“y/n, you and I have a deal.”

“Christ, Furlan, you didn’t say we’d be travelling for three days,” Ponye, a tall brunet boy griped. Furlan shrugged, sipping from his mug of warm tea.

Amaretto, or Ma, a portly sharpshooter, shoved Ponye, nearly knocking him over. “Quit gripin, brat. We’re gonna be rich after all this craps over. Walking for a few days ain’t worth that to ya?” she scolded, and the boy hunkered down.

“It’s just, I woulda bought new shoes if I’da known.”

Furlan grinned, “You don’t have the money for that, Pon. But you will when we’re done here. C’mon, break time’s over. Time to scramble. Cartel should be through the bottleneck in a couple hours. We gotta set up.”

You heaved to your feet, still observing the small group. There was Ponye, who was younger than you expected him to be, but still strong and angry. There was Amaretto, who had a gimp leg but could shoot out someone’s kneecaps from blocks away. There was Jakobs, who had more knives strapped to him than some vendors had in stock, and who had a wit about as sharp as the blades on them. There was Kur, a small dark haired boy who you forgot was there half the time. Then there was Furlan, who was far more stoic in front of the team he had chosen for this robbery, who seemed to look to you before anyone else for your opinion. You found it odd, to be looked at without lecherous intent by someone other than Levi.

You began to trail behind the blonde, following him through alleyways even as the group began to disperse to their assigned locations. He had insisted on having you with him, for some reason, and you tried to not be too suspicious. You just couldn’t understand how he valued you as a right hand over Jakobs or Ma. You didn’t feel so far away from the skinny girl who stole bread for her dark haired friend, from the one who needed to be held and carried everywhere by your mother or Miss.

You didn’t ask questions, reminding yourself that this job was an in, a way to make more money than you’d seen since you sold all that medicine back when Miss Kuchel passed. Walls, maybe you could even get out of the underground. Then you and Levi could...

Well, you didn’t even know where to start.

You fingered the hilt of your knife on your hip. You hoped Levi was ok, that wherever he was he was safe. You hoped no one had a heist like this planned against him. Not that it would make a difference. Levi was a one man army, and you had faith he would come back to you.

You followed Furlan up a ladder onto a roof, settling beside him.

“You ever been out of your corner of the underground?” he asked, and you shrugged.

“Once. When I was younger. Stole some medicine.” you carefully chose your words, deciding what information to dole out to him.

He hummed, looking at you, through you. You got this unnerving feeling that he knew what had happened, without you even saying. “I had a sister. Had to steal medicine for her too.”

You looked at him. “I’m sorry.” you finally decided on, not missing his past tense. He had a sister, like you had a mother, and had Miss to take care of you.

Furlan shrugged your words off. “It’s all over now. All that’s left is to wait to get to see her again, I suppose.”

“Hopefully you make it a long one. I doubt she’d want to see you again too soon.”

He laughed, and nodded, “She’d probably kill me if we meet again before I’ve gone gray. She always had such high expectations for my life expectancy.”

You grinned, trying to picture a girl like Furlan. Tall and blonde and quick to smile, sternly telling her younger brother that he’d better live a long and good life. “What was her name?”

“Frannie. She was always chasing after me and mothering me. I guess that’s what I get for being the younger one,” he sighed, wistful, “I hope that she would be proud of me, you know?”

You thought of your mom, of Miss Kuchel.

“Yeah, Fur, I know.”

Furlan was an easy man to pass the time with, and soon enough you heard the hooves of horses clicking on the battered cobblestones lining the alleyway.

You knew the plan, had been repeating it for three days. You and Furlan and Jakobs go in, work on distracting the guards. Ma keeps an eye from her snipers perch, ready to shoot if things get too harried. Ponye runs interference on the otherside of the bottleneck. Kur has the quick job of stealing the cart while everyone’s distracted.

You didn’t realize how quickly things can go wrong.

Furlan takes down one guard relatively quick, knocking him to the ground and kicking him cleanly in the head so he goes limp and quiet, incapacitated. You deal with yours in a similar manner. You turn to look at Jakobs when you hear a gunshot.

At first, you think it’s Ma, saving your ass, but-

-fuck.

You hear her shout, and see Jakobs slumped against a wall. It takes you half a moment to figure out what you’re even looking at. Half his face has been blown away, bits of blood and viscera splattering the brick behind him. The wide brimmed hat he wore is in tatters, hanging limply on his slumped shoulder. You watch the blood trickle down from the cavity in his head cover one of the hilts of his knives.

The guard turns to you, and grins. She raises the gun again. You hear a shot.

Levi, you think, I’m so sorry.

Blood splatters your face covering. Ma, bless her, has shot her stomach wide open with a bullet the size of your finger. She gurgles, and it reminds you of the wet sloshing sound of Vic’s entrails before she hits the ground.

Fuck, Jakobs.

You hadn’t known him well. He rarely spoke to any of you. But... he had been kind. He had complimented the knife Levi got you. You showed him a few of your tricks and he had laughed and told you they were impressive. He had been kind.

That was so rare, down here.

You wished you had been the one to kill her, for him.

Furlan stooped down to look at Jakobs. He fixed his hat as much as he could, murmured an apology, and stood.

“Let’s go. His cut... it’ll go to his family.”

Here, too, Furlan was better than any boss you had known. Usually, if a man died, it was a bigger cut for everyone else. But Furlan...

You didn’t bother with being quiet anymore. After those gunshots, the guards had to know what the fuck was going on back here. Either they chose not to help, or they thought you were both dead, and either way their nerves would be frazzled.

You clutched your knife. It hadn’t been sharpened in days, not since Levi left. You couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

You look through the alley opening to the cart. Old hickory wood and green fabrics and crates make up your objective, and you take stock of the guards surrounding it. Two, but you know there should be at least one more. The driver is there, looking ready to shit herself, and you almost feel bad for her. One of the guards had a dirtied MP logo on his shoulder, and you wonder briefly why he defected to come down to the underground of all places.

You twirl your knife and lunge at him, vowing to make him regret it. Furlan follows you a beat too late, left to mop up the remaining guard. However, you are intercepted midway.

The third guard is there, battering you away from the MP, and two others behind him swiftly advance on Furlan. Ponye is tied up and gagged by the entrance of the bottleneck, bleeding from a slash across his eyebrow, and you snarl.

“Fuckers!”

You attack him, fueled by anger and the bitterness of a plan gone wrong. Furlan cries out behind you, but you refuse to turn to look, remembering how the first man you had killed almost got the upper hand on you due to your worry for Levi.

You duck a punch from your hooded attacker, skitter back from a swipe of a blade to your ribs. The knife catches your arm from where you stretched it to counterbalance yourself, and you hiss, bringing your knee up sharply to nail him in the gut. He lets out a wheeze, hunching over himself, and you lunge to kick him over.

He twists out of the way, looking furious, and plunges his blade towards you. You screech and wheel backwards. You lash out, knocking one of his legs out from him as his knife catches your face, your head covering, and rips skin and fabric alike. You yowl, half blind from the blood running into your eye, and the fluid drips into your mouth. You try not to gag. Fuck, Levi is gonna be so mad when he sees me, you think.

You’re right.

You hear him snarl your name, and you think you’re going insane. You lunge at the guard again, and he smacks your hit away, clutching you around the waist. You snarl and fight against him, until the voice from under his hood calling you a stupid brat, and a dumb bastard filters into your ears. Holy fuck, you think, no fucking way.

“...Levi?”

He hisses, furious, shoving you away from him, and turns. He lunges at the guard holding Furlan hostage and drives his knife into his throat, clearing the windpipe easily. The man gurgles and drops, and Furlan splutters and nearly drops with him.

You think you’re actually going insane, now. Confused and probably concussed and halfway to blind from steadily clotting blood, you watch as Levi turns into a bloody whirlwind, hacking and slashing and destroying every guard in sight. He watches the driver run away screaming and doesn’t pursue her.

Furlan finds you in the middle of this, grabbing you hastily around the waist and hauling you into the cart. You try to speak, to tell him that this was Levi. But you felt so tired, and your head hurt so much, and...

You don’t wanna say you blacked out. In fact, you refuse to. You just lost track of some time. You don’t know how you end up back at the safe house with Ma and Kur and Ponye exactly, but you were awake for it, by the walls. Kur ties a strap around the gash on your head, and part of you wants to pretend its Levi but...

“Did you know?” you ask Furlan, and you can feel the dried blood on your lips, can taste iron on your teeth. You feel like an old woman and an old god at once, staring down the tall blonde.

He blinks at you with his one unblackened eye. “I was unsure.”

You stand unsteadily, wobbling to your feet. You feel nausea roll up your throat like the tide. “And you didn’t tell me?” you asked, calm and covered in the blood of Jakob and the woman who killed him and you, all mixing together into a dried and tacky river of red.

“I didn’t think it wise to worry you,” he tries, but his eyes are panicked and flickering between Ma and Ponye.

You snarl, and punch him in his unbruised eye. Kur moves to pull you away, but you shove him off. “Bullshit! You knew this score inside and out. You knew he was here. You fucking knew!”

Furlan picks himself up from where he stumbled into a table. “I wasn’t sure. The possibility of him being there wasn’t enough of a deterrent. Not from this big of a score.”

“Ma could have killed him!” you rage, now completely unhinged in your anger, “He could have killed me! We could have been left alone!”

“Guys,” Ponye tries to interrupt.

Furlan bowls over him, unwilling to lose this argument. “Whatever is in those crates was worth the risk!”

“Guys!” Ponye tries again.

“Was it worth Jakob’s life, though?” Kur murmurs.

The room falls to a hush. You feel eyes on you, on your blood stained skin and still sticky clothes. You feel like you’ll be sick.

You hear footsteps.

“So, you got the gear? I was hoping you would get my messages. Didn’t think you would bring her along though.”

Furlan stammers, coughs, and you turn towards that familiar voice.

You want to scream and lunge at him, to hug him until everything goes away, until you’re both safe and warm but something in his eyes keeps you at bay. You’d never seen him look so... empty, before. He looks at you, and you feel like he can’t stand the sight.

“That was you? Giving me the intel?” Furlan finally manages, and Levi huffs, tearing his eyes from you to look at the badly beaten Furlan.

He hums an affirmative, finally, “I’m sorry about your friend. I didn’t know they had a gun.”

“His family will be taken care of,” Ma promises, looking stern and determined. “I’ll see to it.”

Levi nods, seemingly pleased by the news, and walks past you to stare into the crate Ponye had cracked while you were arguing.

He makes a startled sound you hadn’t heard from him since you’d gotten your revenge for that worm on your pillow, and Ponye is practically vibrating.

“Guys!” he finally breaks, slinging an arm around Kur and nearly shaking the boy, “We’re gonna be fucking rich! Look at this shit!”

You walk up and peer over Ma’s shoulder. You feel your heart skip a beat. Now that old MP made sense.

“Holy walls,” you murmur, “Is that...?”

Levi smiles then, a cruel and sharp little thing, but he still won’t look at you. It feels wrong.

“Yeah. We were transporting eight crates of Three Dimensional Maneuvering Gear.”

72 notes · View notes

lampoest · 3 years

Text

Unfiltered thoughts watching mission impossible rouge nation inspired by @chaotically-cas

(sorry its so long my brain is all over the place)

this is also part 14 of me watching it every day :/

CURSING WARNING !! ALSO SPOILERS !!!

why is brandt first to speak

starting out with "shit" good call benji

brandt man we get the package is on the mcfucking plane

badass luther 10/10

nervous benji 10/10

that one sound effects sounds like the discord notif

why he in a fancy suit

*jumps on a plane with almost no plan on getting inside*

why did tom cruise think this was agood idea?

but like why would benji even open the ramp?

how is he not winded from that?

classic ethan

THE INTRO 1000/10

SOLOMON LANE !!

wait you can already see lane in the record shop.

how do they tell the agents these little convos?

also damn way to give it away

what if someone just looked in that room and saw the secret message?

also how did the disc get changed? because the imf definitely didnt make that

and how did lane know where he was going?

speaking of lane---

dang that man is pretty

he always sets guns down carefully

i can only see alec baldwin as trump from his snl skits so i dont take hunley seriously ;-;

damn brandt needs to step it up. man keeps letting himself be inturrupted

bruh the imf is only luck

why did no one resrict his legs?

also why is janik such an asshole?

dang she cool !!

why does it take janik so long to get that gun?

bravo-echo 1-1

this man is bleeding but decided instead of taking care of his wound he calls brandt.

i like how you actually see ethan worried and confused trying to plan his next moves. he is rarely caught off guard so it's refreshing to see his more human side

hunley spitting accusations damn bro

also a big fuck you from ethan to hunley

dang ethan is good

brandts little hidden smile

and ethan leaving trails

bitch how you sketch that good???

STAN BENJI !!

youve won, your way out of a job

benji is good

my little brandt x benji shipper in me is happy

simon pegg is such a good actor

the first time i saw this i was like: aww noooo

all dunn with that

TO THE OPERA !!!

TUX BENJI TUX BENJI

i cant tell if that was ethan

it just looks like youre talking to yourself thats more sus than using a phone

want drama? go to the opera

ok but like if you look like that im sorry you are a bad guy. thats like a stereotypical bad guy face

benji-

you can see ethan in the background of that scene

flute gun flute gun

oh no benji is in the closet. dont worry man we love you

if i were there and i just had a good vantage point i could find lane in an instant

ooh ilsa pretty

pipe gun

also pamphlet computer

those key things are cool and plausible

spiderman spiderman does whatever, ethan hunt can?

a W O M A N

what W O M A N?

reminds me of a marshmallow gun i made out if pvc pipes.

why does she not put that thing back?

also the dude loads it and then later it is unloaded

dang that guy is pretty tall.

ethan is so tiny

dis bitch is like uhh gimmie a sec to catch my breath mate

why he only dropkick people?

only 30 mins in ?!?!

the cinematography is exquisite

yes benji goin sicko mode

*gets shot* just a flesh wound

bruh i would've been so startled at that

i love how confused he is at that

ilsa saves ethan once again

they did this on the first day of filming

skdjs

ah yes random package in car = not bomb totally

if she tried to shoot benji then yes she is a bad person

but she didnt try to, she could've easily but didn't

benji being paranoid

she could just say the dude's name

benji being scared

hunley jumping to conclusions

brandt actually cares yeey

why di they approach from different sides of the street they were in the same car.

benji was far away from the sparks why he flinch?

friendship goals

oop plot dump that only mission impossible can get away with

ok...

why this mf's voice so smooth

lane is struggling with chopsticks

also lane :))))

ive chocked on my water so many times watching this scene

lanes voice :))))))

SHE RUINED HIS SUSHI WHAT THE FUCK ILSA

this man dont know what personal space is

gotta look up these peeps mbti types

casablanca references

also benji is wearing dollar store lookin glasses while ethan is wearing some fancy glasses

luther is top notch

as much as i dont like jeremy renner he delivers these lines really well

because atlee is a bitch

oh honey please, impossible is a walk in the park

benji just wants to wear a mask

id be so nervous walking through those

yes...

personal wellbeing who?

why not bring a plastic bottle full of air?

tom cruise can hold his breath for 6 minutes and he learned to do so for that scene

luther big brain

damn cctv

why did they need to break in while benji was going in?

das sus but ok

also isnt et voila french?

she just randomly tapping the ipad

benji being stressed

if he missed the exact center

i want one of those to open my locker's lock

if he just went with the current and didnt try to force his way against the water ilsa wouldn't have had to save him

imagine if he put the wrong one in-

she is breathing heavily to over saturate her body with oxygen so she can hold her breath longer

see ilsa makes it out without well and she went with the current

BENJI'S OUTFIT YESSS :))))))

no you didn't

you gave her a false sense of security

ethan's confused face for the next like 10 mins is great

liar

why does that one man look like sean ambrose?

parkour

skdjdksjdjdkfjs

the facial acting in this

STAIRS STAIRS STAIRS

the glare yesss

vrrrm vrrm

hey its you !

drivin like a grandma

shit !

benji just screaming

im convinced that ethan is indestructible

no you didn't survive that

bonk

dskfh

ethan didnt just-

also why didnt benji just tell ethan he made a copy ???

dont shoot and drive kids

high speed motorcycle chase with no helmet or leather. tom cruise, how?

i wanna learn how to drive a motorcycle

HOW THE FUCK IS HE NOT DEAD YET ?!?!

the lighting

ofc brandt would be the person why sits backwards on a chair. fkn bi vibes

benji to the rescue

fuck off atlee

i am so proud of us ...

the lines are done so well here

benji lookin like how i look when my parents argue

YES THIS SCENE

LANE LANE LANE LANE LANE

im too fucking gay for this movie-

once again no personal space

*inhales* :))))))))))))))

ive like memorized the entire script of this including the music

1 man performance of m:i5 ???

benji's outfit

also i love how youre able to see the characters in the background. props for the attention to detail

i need that haircut because his hair is lookin A+

fuck you atlee

ilsa spitting straight facts

uhh ilsa he still loves julia

NO BENJI NOOOO

EW FUCK OFF JANIK NO ONE LIKES YOU

speak of the devil-

betrayal--

WOULDNT YOU LIKE TO KNOW WEATHER BOY !??

actin sus

BENJI LANE BENJI LANE

his posture shdhskhsj (i cant be talking though)

0 personal space whatsoever

why does everyone have the same haircut in this???

simon mcburney pretending to be hunt prentending to be atlee

manipulation !?

the syndicate you say ? i know a thing or two about them 😼😼😼

damn though renner delivers these lines really well

a black tie? how informal. ..

complimenting hunt right infront of him

but he really didnt

i never realized that they were on the clock for this

huh...

the lil head nod though-

HAHA YEAH FUCK YOU ATLEE

is it bad that i hate atlee more than i hate lane?

ethan big smart wrinkle brain

janik just reading a fucking magazine

ethan has a photographic memory

oh look its benji :)))

lane :))))

ethan being tough

it must be aquward to get the low angle shots

lane is running out the clock to put pressure on ethan hmmm big brain

it isnt working though :\

damn he so cocky that hes telling the villain his plan

ill give you 1/5 of the money you wanted to get my bf back

ok but like does tom cruise just not age?

kill the woman

ugh i hate janik

the trust that is shown between those two is great

yes the score and the chase are so great

also this man really hates windows for some reason

fuck off janik

sneaky sneaky

EYY ITS LANE !!!

yeyy janik is dead

once again dodging bullets and hating glass

couldve killed him but needed him alive

the glass box

badass ethan

all the pretty men assembled

lane really let himself go aster this

dang though lane is my favorite villain ever

i like how for once the girl and the guy just are friends instead of romantically involved

eyy the callbacks to how the movie started.

welcome to the imf

#benji x brandt #mission impossible rogue nation #mission impossible #ethan hunt #benji dunn #luther stickell #ilsa faust #william brandt

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wolfsmist · 4 years

Text

OC Interview

I was tagged by @slothssassin, thank you <3 Tagging anyone who wants to do this!

Doing this for my Inquisitor Pip!

name ➔ Piper Trevelyan

are you single ➔ Nope

are you happy ➔ Yes, i’d say so

are you angry ➔ Not right now. I don’t get angry very often

are your parents still married ➔ Yes

NINE FACTS

birthplace ➔ Ostwick

hair color ➔ Red

eye color ➔ Blue

birthday ➔ 8th Firstfall, 9:16 Dragon

mood ➔ Right now? Calm probably

gender ➔ Female

summer or winter ➔ Winter

morning or afternoon ➔ Ooh thats tough, but i’ll go with morning

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

are you in love ➔ Yes

do you believe in love at first sight ➔ I like to think so, yes. Personally I prefer to know someone before I date them, but I like to believe that it happens and works for some people

who ended your last relationship ➔ The only other relationship I’ve ever been in ended after he was killed. If he had’ve survived, who knows what would’ve happened

have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ Maker I hope not

are you afraid of commitments ➔ No

have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ Haha, yes

have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ After the ball at the Winter Palace I did recieve a few letters, some secret some not to secret. It was flattering for a while, but then it got tiresome. I didnt get half as many as poor Cullen did though

have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ With Blackwall I almost did, I’m sure you heard the details. But we pulled through and everythings great now

SIX CHOICES

love or lust ➔ Love, definitely

lemonade or iced tea ➔ Iced tea probably

cats or dogs ➔ I like both, but I prefer dogs

a few best friends or many regular friends ➔ A few best friends. The friends ive made in the Inquisition I consider to be my closest and probably only friends

wild night out or romantic night in ➔ A romantic night in, but it is nice to go out now and again

day or night ➔ Night! Its so peaceful, and I love stargazing

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

been caught sneaking out ➔ Unfortunately yes. I used to sneak out of the house regularly when I was younger. I only ever got caught once or twice though

fallen down/up the stairs ➔ Oh yes. I never got seriously injured though, it was usually just down the last few steps.

wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ I remember when I was very young wanting to enter the Grand Tourney but of course my parents wouldn't allow it. I still do

wanted to disappear ➔ During the first few months as Inquisitor, all the time, but that would've been selfish of me. With time and help from my friends ive settled into the role.

FOUR PREFERENCES

smile or eyes ➔ Cant i pick both?? Eyes, Ill go with eyes

shorter or taller ➔ Taller

intelligence or attraction ➔ I think both are very important. Intelligence itself is quite attractive, at least to me anyway, so ill go with that.

hook-up or relationship ➔ Relationship! I've done hook-ups and they weren't for me

FAMILY

do you and your family get along ➔ I dont not get along with my family, but we aren’t close either. We exchange letters once in a while, but other than that we dont have much contact

would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ Considering all thats happened, id say yes

have you ever ran away from home ➔ Its how I got here! I was planning on running off after the Conclave but that didnt work out. When I was younger I would sometimes sneak out and go camping by myself for a few nights to get a break from my parents or sisters

have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ No. Considering how wild I was when I was younger i’m surprised my parents didnt honestly

FRIENDS

do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ No, of course not!

do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ Yes! They've all helped me so much, I couldnt have done this without them

who is your best friend ➔ Blackwall of course, but aside from him Dorian or Varric

who knows everything about you ➔ Blackwall again, and Dorian as hes usually the one I go to with my family problems. Leliana and Bull probably too, thats their job

#oc interview #piper trevelyan #dragon age #my ocs #thanks for the tag!

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palukoo · 4 years

Text

so a couple months ago i relistened to w359 and made a 18000 word document while doing so containing iconic quotes, my reactions, feelings, et cetera. heres some highlights with varying amounts of context. (theres lowkey spoilers for the whole series btw)

""""i empathize too much""""

crazy how i still vividly remember walking outside [my old job] and to starbucks while listening to the spider ep... trauma

i mean i dont love it but it makes me feel things

GABRIEL THATS TOO ON THE NOSE

"let me have my badass space chick victory cocktail"

god like i AM team what wrong with handcuffs but I WOULD NOT HESITATE to kill hilbert for hera

the girlssss are fightinggg

THE SAD W359 MUSIC IS KILLING ME

like memoria who maxwell who jk jk

i love you renee minkowski marry me

local idiot's heart is in the right place

HARPOOOOOOONSSSS

lovelace lovelace lovelace loveLACE LOVELACE

"maybe she's some kind of clone thing" EIFFEL... this is day 1!!!

i hate these self sacrificial idiots

no no no not this music again ill cry

yall are so emotionally stunted it fucking hurts but damn if you dont care

literally how are they still alive

i want to hug her so much omg

alan rody shut the FUCK up im crying

rip zach valenti's throat

face the death reality via math

jacobi being a piece of shit

maxwell said lets kill hilbert rights

this is a kepler hate blog

minkowski thinking her emotions dont matter to the mission oh ho ho

"youre gonna straighten up" cutter they cant theyre not straight

maxwell and jacobi show up and blow up lads

"and you should really be more careful with your queen" KEPLER WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

wolf 359 stop making me stan these literally terrible people

FUNZO FUNZO FUNZO

i am caring about men tonight lads

theyre both awful sure go ahead have history

hilbert you interrupted their emotional moment they wouldve had a MOMENT

hera said im gay

ohhhh nooo interpersonal conflict makes me sad

hug minkowski rn

FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC jacobi and maxwell are iconic

minkowski how did you not kill him

how much do yall use the words "good enough" and "cant"

"are you an alien" GOD the Hints

"one of our... sexier jobs" vs "this is gonna said less sexy after that"

eiffel stop cockblocking them

y'all's choice of pronouns IS illuminating

PROTECT HERA AT ALL COSTS

aw eiffel... minkowski... communication is KEY

oh yeah THATS what the psi wave regulator is for.... SURE

hilbert read the room

JACOBI you can't just describe minkowski like that without giving me a heart attack

how many times have all these bitches almost died

SORRY ANYTHING THEY SAY I LOSE IT

oh minkowski finally flipped (VALID)

oh wait that fact isnt fun at all and im literally crying

LIKE sometimes you save someone's life at great personal risk only to kill her a little while later

minkowski cries to “back to before” from ragtime

i feel to many things about the gals here idk what to tell you i love them thats the problem

its gay and it hurts!

lovelace laughing at people who can and will kill her... hot

OH WERE STARTING LOVELACES SELF SACRIFICE ALREADY

they let lovelace say FUCK

OH WAIT NO I FORGOT ITS WORSE

THANKS FOR MURDERING ME WITH YOUR TEARY ANGRY VOICE

ouchie anyways gay or no but also gay

hilarious and sad at the same time?

MAXWELL dont be a bitch... i expect this from jacobi and honestly i actually expect this from maxwell too but i dont like it

NO NOT THIS MUSIC

BROTP BROTP BROTP

i cant say anything else im too busy crying

UGH I COULD WRITE ESSAYS ON MY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS THE MESSAGE THE TAKEAWAY BROADLY THE PERSONAL EMOTIONAL ANGUISH THE DESIRE TO HUG HERA ITS

im mad but thank you... all of you... explain...

stop stop stop im literally so tense gone straight from sobbing to freeze instinct

GOD I HATE ALL THESE SURVIVALS GUILT IDIOTS

OH theyre all about uncertainty... the what ifs... okay... ouch ouch ouch

give everyone awards for bolero

eris are you gay

she said gay rights and AI rights

like i know i know we been knew but goddard really is so awful

Hera stop narrating Lovelace’s ongoing existential crisis

HOW IS THIS NOT GAY (I know how it’s not gay but. Let me have this)

KEPLER stop giving Lovelace insecurities and existential crises

Team back off lovelace for the win

like not to be dramatic but her arc is beautiful

oh boy thats my girlsssss

THATS FLIRTING MINKOWSKI

god i love that concern for your gf keep it up minkowski

COMMUNICATION? WITH THIS CREW? BOLD

GOD angrey hera is great

you know hera is having the time of her life witnessing it

eiffel you just ruined their romantic moment

minkowski is gonna kill them

a much better gayer more altruistic light

WE’RE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT COMMUNICATION

WAIT I WAS BEING CANON DAMN I THOUGHT I WAS BEING CREATIVE AND PERHAPS OOC BUT IM IN THE CLEAR I GUESS

god hera has needed to snap at eiffel for so long

i can already feel myself about to get hit with the tears... the emotions

that shit hits different renee

The implications that Goddard like destroyed global warming omfg

it’s the moral grayness babeyyy

when it hits you with minkowski's shaky sigh first thing you know its gonna hit different

MINKOWSKI i need you to. love yourself as much as i love you

GOD the mutual concern they always have for each other is touching whether or not you think its gay. i think its gay

HERA WOULD YOU ASK A COW TO NOT BE A COW

oh of COURSE they cut coms first

lovelace is man, butterfly is quote, it says "is this flirting"

jacobi i need you to chill

but jacobiiiii thats lovelaces schtick

oh eiffel... you fucking idiot who gets really lucky sometimes

this game of chicken where theyre both chickens and kepler doesnt know any of that and each of them only know half

minkowski said im an ethics teacher now

who taught minkowski empathy in high stress situations?

yeah so i stay hitting the nail on the head

“kepler SHUT UP” is what brings everyone together

this is, como se dice.... kinda gay

this statement does not bode well for that

“Maybe less talking to yourself” he says to himself

ugh, to be Pop Culture Man™️

RACHEL i love you even tho I also hate you

Rachel if you make one more hand joke I’ll lose my mind

HER NAME!!!! IS HERA!!!! And I love her!!

i have a vivid mental image of post-series eiffel doing stand up like chris fleming style

"my crew has made it very clear through a series of looks and gestures that one more slip up and i am out, thats it, so im taking this job very seriously"

"minkowski is very overprotective in a weird, erratic way, like when your seat belt randomly locks and its like i appreciate what youre trying to do but im going 4mph in a drive way."

"so when something like this happens you have to at least consider going away for a long time and living on a cursed space station"

"you know how when maxwell and hera are talking ive never felt less needed, you know, like ‘cause you guys would be totally happy alone on a rock in the middle of a lake"

"this is the kind of body you look at and go he'd probably be ok in space without a space suit"

the whole "theater kids" video is actually him going off about minkowski

minkowski is too swole for her own good

jacobi im gonna need you to take the redemption arc more seriously

i love my crazy crazy bitches

this FUCKING music

GOD HOW DOES PRYCE JUST ALWAYS GET WORSE

she just like mutilated that man he is doa absolutely destroyed one hit ko

can you tone down the gay, sweetie

you did it you broke rachel and Goddard down to their bare essentials

GOSH shes so AWKWARD

so damn jacobi was just IMMEDIATELY ride or die for maxwell

this is too much for my poor baby heart

pryce & carter literally are just like lets do eugenics, lets do genocide

when hera says ill pull a yall and sacrifice myself for minkowski and lovelace

god like cant believe KEPLER got a redemption arc (well not arc but you know)

ah yes the most tragic scenes all take place at once :)

I HAD TO STOP LISTENING TO BRAVE NEW WORLD CAUSE IT MADE ME TOO CRAZYYYY

THE SCRIPT SAID IT NOT ME

i love space moms!

this fucking music ALAN RODY IM SUING FOR DAMAGES

like the document also does have a lot of like deep thoughts and meta and parallels and discussion of motivations but this is just fun random things i said

#wolf 359 #w359 #i think im funny #im not gonna do character tags lol #my post #gotta love my trend of telling the music to fuck off

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midnight-circus · 5 years

Text

alphabetical OC meme

filled this out for Lord Asshole bc i cant write anything so i may as well fill in questionnaires instead

also numerous numbers and at least one section were missing when i copied it so idk what happened there

under the cut bc its Long As Hell

A: Aptitude 1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young? // Independence lmao. He could get through his whole life relying entirely on himself if need be. He wouldn’t be happy, but he’d survive. He’s also naturally intellectual and has never had to try very hard in academia.

2. what activities have they participated in? // literally what does this mean. Safe to say he’s not exactly playing team sports.

3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for? // He’s had to work extremely hard to shed the bad habits learnt whilst growing up in a white aristocratic dysfunctional family. Other than that, he’s a talented pianist – the only thing his mother was ever proud of. Also sending work-emails that don’t make him sound like a total dick. still working on that tbh

4. what things are they bad at? // Honestly, anything creative. He’s very intelligent but has absolutely no artistic talent, and he’s not at all imaginative – creating something out of nothing when it doesn’t have a logical or scientific basis is pretty beyond him.

5. what is their most impressive talent? // In his original AU, and any fantasy AUs I force him kicking and screaming into, swordsmanship. He’s pretty untouchable with a blade.

B: Basics 1. what is their hair color?// Dark brown, close to black.

2. what is their eye color? // Also dark brown.

3. how tall are they? // 6’2

4. how old are they? // He fluctuates depending on the AU, but his default base-age is 34.

5. how much do they weigh? // Generally between 150-180lbs, depending on his age, eating habits and mental state. When he’s going through stress, his eating and sleeping patterns are the first to nosedive.

C: Comfort 1. how do they sit in a chair? // His posture leaves a lot to be desired. He slouches pretty badly, and to be honest his height makes it difficult to get comfortable in most regular chairs. He also manspreads, though to be fair his legs are about 3 miles long and it’s hard to know where to put them honestly

2. in what position do they sleep? // Either on his side or his front. Never on his back.

4. what is their major comfort food? why? // oh man sugar. His eating habits aren’t good at the best of times, but when he’s feeling Mentally Ill he’s prone to 4am binges of as much sugar as conceivably possible in one sitting. He then goes for a 5am run until he throws up, so yknow. all nice and healthy.

5. who is the best at comforting them when down? // Elrick. Gross. Also Kat, to be fair.

D: Decoration 1. how would they decorate a house if they had one under their name? // He’s very fond of Nordic design and tries to keep vibrancy to a minimum, because he’s a boring bitch. Light walls, dark woods, pretty stylish furniture but no chrome Thank You Very Much; accent colours would probably be dark blues or greens. Plants, but only if he doesn’t have to water them because he Will forget and they Will all die. He’s also anal as fuck and despises mess and disorder, which makes living with Elrick fuckin interesting to say the least.

2. how would they decorate their child’s room? // however they wanted as long as it wasn’t pastels bc a man has to draw the line somewhere

3. how do they decorate their own room? // muted, calm, maybe a little regency – he accessorises more in the bedroom than he does in the rest of the house, gold accents here and there, that sort of thing. Less austere, more opulent. At the end of the day, he’s from an aristocratic background, however unhealthy his upbringing was – he can never quite shed the appreciation for luxe.

4. what type of clothes and accessories do they wear? // He dresses well – very put-together, if very monochrome. He doesn’t do casual very well and will avoid jeans unless he has no other choice. He would quite literally rather die than wear shorts. As for colours, generally blacks, greys, dark jewel-tones (maroons, dark greens, dark purples, etc). Very rarely light colours, and if he does wear light tones he layers them – a white shirt under a dark leather jacket, for example. As for accessories, he stays simple with a decent watch (Patek Phillipe, thanks, none of this Rolex bullshit) and two rings (wedding ring and onyx signet ring – family heirloom, the only one he has). He knows how to dress to suit himself.

5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends? // >:[

E: External Personality 1. does the way they do things portray their internal personality? // For the most part. How he behaves has been moulded over many years by how he thinks and feels, and it’s hard to shed the habits of a lifetime. EG, he’s very neurotic and it does have an impact on his organisation – if his mental state slips into decline, so too does his command over his surroundings and his ability to keep things on track.

2. do they do things that conform to the norm? // Again, for the most part. A key element of his upbringing was the overbearing sense of being watched, being judged, being on display; one behaves the way one is expected to behave, and one never deviates from that path. Obviously he fucked that one right up when he started putting dicks in his mouth, but it still remains something of a mantra.

3. do they follow trends or do their own thing? // Neither, really. He doesn’t follow trends because he’s actually 70 years old and doesn’t know what they are, but nor is he particularly unconventional. He does his own thing because he has no idea what anybody else is currently doing.

4. are they up-to-date on the internet fads? // oh god no. he has a twitter account but the last time he used it he got drunk and tweeted at jeremy paxman that he was a cunt so he doesn’t really engage with it very much

5. do they portray their personality intentionally or let people figure it out on their own? // People are left to figure it out. He doesn’t go out of his way to make friends or advertise his personality – he’s friendly when he needs to be, but is not the sort of person to go out actively socialising.

G: Gorgeous 1. what is their most attractive external feature? // His height makes him pretty popular and he knows how to dress well. He also has that particular ‘tall, thin, dark hair, pale skin, heroin-addict-esque’ chic that some people tend to go for. He doesn’t really get it, himself.

2. what is the most attractive part of their personality? // He’s witty in a very dry way – a little sharper than run-of-the-mill sarcasm.

3. what benefits come with being their friend? // Ok honestly? Money lmao. idk man you’d have to ask Kat bc she’s the only one who’s lasted this long

4. what parts of them do they like and dislike? // Though he projects an aura of self-assurance, he really doesn’t like very much about himself; his upbringing and unhealthy relationship with Catholicism did a number of his self-esteem. He’s proud of his intellect and knows he is smarter than the average person, but other than that, not a great deal.

5. what parts of others do they envy? // General happiness. He’s a melancholy person by nature and doesn’t tend to feel a swell of positive emotions for no reason – he can’t help but feel there’s something inherently wrong in his brain.

H: Heat 1. do they rather a hot or cold room? // n e i t h e r bitch his internal temperature must remain on an even keel at all times. Probably cold, if he was forced to pick.

2. do they prefer summer or winter? // Winter because it means he can wear layers

3. do they like the snow? // yes but he’ll never admit it. he finds it romantic. that must never be repeated.

4. do they have a favorite summer activity? // lying in front of the fridge cursing God

5. do they have a favorite winter activity? // coffee dates. Independent coffee shops, mind you – fuck Sbux.

I: In-the-closet 1. what is their sexuality? // Gay

2. have they ever questioned their sexuality? // he spent more than half his teen years wishing he was straight

3. have they ever questioned their gender? // No

4. would/was their family be okay with them being LGBT? // mother denies it completely, father kicked him out, brother doesn’t give a shit bc he’s bi as hell himself

5. how long would/did it take for them to come out? // He was forced out at 16 when he was caught with a boyfriend in the boathouse of Darlington estate – it marked the end of an already abusive parental relationship. To be honest, it’s hard to say if he would have ever had the courage to come out himself.

J: Joy 1. what makes them happy? // Feeling loved. He got very little of that in his youth.

2. who makes them happy? // Elrick has an uncanny ability. Who’d have thought it.

3. are there any songs that bring them joy? // He particularly loves Dancing in the Dark by Springsteen, and All Along the Watchtower by Hendrix. Neither are very joyful songs, granted, but they’re two of his favourites.

4. are they happy often? // He’s contented often, and he enjoys his life. ‘Happy’, though? Not sure.

K: Kill 1. have they ever thought about suicide? // More than once.

2. have they ever thought about homicide? // Not with any real intent. In a modern AU, anyway – can’t say the same for any of his other incarnations.

3. if they could kill anyone without punishment, would they? who? // Way deep down somewhere, he’d be tempted to say his father.

4. who would miss them if they died? // More people than he knows.

5. who would be happy they died, anyone? // lmao the tax agency probably. His father wouldn’t be happy, per se, but perhaps it would solve a problem.

L: Lemons 1. what is their favorite fruit? // Black cherries.

2. what is their least favorite fruit? // fuck bananas, honestly

3. are there any foods they hate? // Peanut butter can die, and also asparagus can also die.

4. do they have any food intolerances? // Not that he knows of.

5. what is their favorite food? // Probably Thai or Korean.

M: Maternal 1. would they want a daughter or a son? // He technically has a son already. Kat wanted a child and she trusted Logan above an anonymous donor, so one stressful jack-off session, a weird experience with a baster and eight months later, Rowan showed up early. Logan technically has no parental responsibilities or rights, but he’s involved in Rowan’s life nonetheless. And then there’s Bastian, whose own father leaves a Little To Be Desired in the emotional department, let’s say, so ultimately he winds up taking on that role as well.

2. how many children do they want? // One’s enough, ta, and that one doesn’t even live with him. In seriousness, he’s always idly thought about children in his life, but not with any real seriousness – he plays his role with Rowan well and he’s a great uncle to Bastian, but kids wouldn’t suit his and Elrick’s lifestyle.

3. would they be a good parent? // Yeah, he probably would.

4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter? // Demetrius or Victor for a boy, Ophelia for a girl. How else will people know he’s a pretentious bitch?

5. would they adopt? // Nah

O: Optimism 1. are they optimistic or pessimistic? // Total pessimist.

2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others? // No and he cannot stand it when other people force optimism into entirely inappropriate situations.

3. are they good at giving advice? // lmao not unless it’s legal advice. Then yes, absolutely. Just don’t cry on his kitchen floor.

4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them? fukkin Katherine. She’s the only one allowed to get away with it.

5. were they always optimistic/pessimistic? // Yeah, he was a pretty dour, anxious little kid from the start.

P: Personality 1. what is their best personality trait? // From a professional perspective, he’s extremely clear-headed and analytical, and it serves him very well as a criminal prosecution lawyer – there’s not much that slips by him, and he can spot a loophole coming a mile away.

2. what is their worst personality trait? // He’s … difficult to get along with, for a lot of people. Not nasty as such, but he’s sharp-tongued and quite quick to anger in situations outside of his job, particularly when stressed. He also has a tendency to look down on people (particularly people who aren’t considered ‘smart’ by his standards) and let’s be real, he’s pretty classist – it takes him a long time to come to terms with Bastian’s relationship with Fabian. Elrick is more than happy to call him out on this.

3. what of their personality do others love? // Didn’t we already do this?

5. do they hate anything about their personality/about other’s personalities? // god he cannot abide people who aren’t punctual oh GOD he hates people who aren’t punctual

Q: Questions 1. do they ask for help? // Not unless he’s literally dying

2. do they ask questions in class? // to be honest, he generally didn’t need to

3. do they answer questions that make them a little uncomfortable? // Depends on the context, but he generally tries to avoid giving out personal information.

4. do they ask weird questions? // He keeps his weird questions to himself and Googles them later.

5. are they curious? // By nature. It was curiosity that got him into the godawful mess he ended up in re: his source material.

R: Rules 1. do they follow rules? // Generally yeah, aside from the occasionally joint now and then. Although saying that, he does run very much on his own moral code, so I suppose he follows rules as long as he agrees with the sense and logic behind them.

2. would they be a strict or laid-back parent? // It’s odd, his instinct is to be strict but he would also loathe the thought of being anything like his father, so he might swing entirely the other way in an attempt to avoid that. Hard to say. He definitely wouldn’t be like … a fun, playful parent because that’s just not in his nature, but it’s possible he’d relax his own rules significantly. Although he is fairly strict with Rowan, it’s for Rowan’s benefit - he needs rules and boundaries to be comfortable, and Logan’s not a traditional ‘father’ in that case anyway.

3. have they ever been consequenced for breaking a rule? // he was ‘consequenced’ pretty fuckin badly for daring to kiss a boy

4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking? // oh god probably, he has more regrets than he can count

5. do they find any rules they/others follow absolutely ridiculous? // He’s not got a lot of time nor respect for people who follow rules totally blindly without having some sense of self-critique.

S: Streets 1. are they street-smart? // Depends on the AU, but for the most part he’s too privileged.

2. would they give money to someone on the streets? // no because he’s actually horrible

3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets? // No, but he has gotten in a fight in a bar. Kat will not let him forget it.

5. are they cautious when out? // A little paranoid, perhaps, but it doesn’t stop him.

T: Truth 1. are they honest? // define ‘honest’

2. can they tell if someone is lying? // Yes, it’s literally his job.

3. is it obvious when they’re lying? // Nope. He’s a consummate liar.

4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about? // he lied and told Elrick that yes, he’d had sex before their first time, and then regretted it twenty minutes later when they were forced to stop because he almost died. it's fine. they worked it out

5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will? // not really – he plays his cards very close to his chest. Nothing gets out if he doesn’t want it to.

U: Underdog 1. have they been bullied? // Only by his parents.

2. have they bullied anyone? // Not directly to anyone’s face, but he’s definitely made some unpleasant comments.

3. have they been physically attacked by a bully? // If his father counts, yes.

4. have they ever been doubted? // Only from ages 2 to 34.

5. have they surprised people with being good at something? People don’t tend to expect the piano-playing, somehow.

V: Vomit 1. do they vomit often? // what is this question set. Incidentally, yes – he has a problem with running until he’s exhausted and tends to vomit after that.

2. do they get lots of stomach aches? // no?? I guess not???

3. are they good at comforting someone ill? // lol he could be better. His levels of sympathy leave a little to be desired.

4. what do they like as far as comfort goes? // he doesn’t, really. He generally dislikes being fussed over too much and denies he is sick until he’s unable to stand up, at which point he’s forced to accept it whether he likes it or not.

5. do they burp, cough, or hiccup most when nauseous? when vomiting? // what is this question ASKING

W: Water 1. do they drink enough water? // Actually probably yes – it’s one of the few healthy habits he has.

2. have they learned to swim? // yes

3. do they like to swim? // ehhhhh he can take it or leave it

4. can they dive? // he went to an expensive private school of course he can dive

5. can they swim without holding their nose? // yes

X: Xylophone 1. what is their favorite genre of music? // Classic rock – nothing after 1989, thanks.

2. do they have a favorite song? // Hendrix’s Watchtower is up there, as mentioned, along with Don’t Fear the Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult. He has favourite playlists, rather than favourite songs.

3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer? Blue Oyster Cult in general is a favourite, as is Black Sabbath and Springsteen.

4. can they sing well? He does ok. His voice isn’t fuckin Grammy material or anything, but he can hold a note.

5. can they rap? lmao

Y: You 1. how old were you when you created them? // lol

2. what inspired you to create them? // LOL

3. were they different when they were first created? // oh god yeah. Prototype!Logan was a fucking mess, he’s undergone some serious reworking since the early days.

4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters? // he’s my comfort-zone, honestly.

5. what’s your favorite thing about them? // his internal monologue of disdain suddenly being interrupted by Oppressively Gay Thoughts

Z: Zebra 1. what’s their favorite animal? // He likes watching birds, but only from a distance.

2. do they like animals? // Nah, he’s really not much of an animal person. Loud and messy, for the most part.

3. cats or dogs? // Cats, if he has to pick.

4. what’s their dream pet? // A taxidermised one.

5. do they have any pets at the moment? // A Birman cat named Saskia. It’s the only animal in the entire world that he loves. He doesn’t like cats – he likes his cat.

#logan1

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terescs-blog · 6 years

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( ana de armas + cis female + she/her ) — there’s a rumor running around about a survivor called TERESA HENDRIKSEN, NEE MACHADO. they are said to be thirty one years old, from havana, cuba, and have been labeled the maven. fitting, considering that they are reported to be relentless + intelligent, as well as bemused + anxious. they reside in fisherman’s wharf and are a healer. apparently they are a bisexual + gemini. fidgety fingers & stacks of research.

name: teresa rafaela hendriksen (nee machado)

nicknames: tessa, tete, terezita, t. she loves them all and is not picky, becoming a fan of even mean ones.

age: thirty one

orientation: bi (romantic and sexual)

languages spoken: spanish (native, mother’s tongue), english (native, first language)

origin and location: havana, cuba; later miami, and prior to the virus, washington. currently, the fisherman's warf camp

occupation: phd student of biochemistry & researching staff at the university of washington; currently, a healer at the camp.

family: jose ricardo machado (father, unknown state), luciana aguillar (mother, deceased), bram hendriksen (husband, alive), josephine amalia hendriksen (6 year old daughter, alive).

personality type: enfp-t (the campaigner)

hair color: dark brown. she was blonde for quite a while, but it became a hassle after a few months in the epidemic. it stands above her breasts, flatly, with bangs above her eyebrows to match.

eye color: hazel, of the shades of golden and green.

height: 166cm

her father was the first of them in the US. like many cubans post revolution, he came in with the operacion pedro pan, still as a child. he only returned to cuba when he was grown, under the US navy. there, josé met luciana, and not with much delay, teresa was born.

truth to be told, she doesn’t remember cuba all that well. she was about two when they managed to save enough to get to miami, so that’s where she grew. life by the beach had always been a constant in her life, and teresa was the most excited toddler when the marines officers’ ship came to bay.

( TW: PARENTAL DEATH) the childish excitement was never put to rest. the characteristic would become a defining trait to teresa, much to the chagrin of some, and the delight of others -- but for her, it was a way of survival. the blind optimism and bubbliness was what kept her going through the long days of wait with no word from her father, or the life with a immigrant mother and little means & it was what kept them all going through her mother's sudden illness and demise.

she was still fairly young when her mother died, so her father had to apply for a transfer. america had changed, he had changed, but he had a young daughter and they needed to be there for each other. there was a lot to adapt, but they made do. teresa would go from school to work, from work to home, get her share of housework done and take some time with her dad. on the remaining time, she buried herself in her school work -- it was the only way out, she had always been told.

turns out she had a knack for it. while girls her age dived in parties and boys, she was the last of labs during college, but her name was the first in every internship and fellowships. her mother's illness was the instigator to her curiosity, which had always ran high, and stimulated her to the field. she had a biology and a biochemistry degree by the age of 23, and, when she was 29, was gunning for a spot in the washington cdc facility. she was pretty high on the list too but DONT REMIND HER THAT.

that was when all hell broke loose. there was no time to pack or think, and teresa relied heavily on her husband bram and on his instincts to get them and their daughter to safety. lbr she still relies on bram a lot bc ya know hes your broody post apocalyptic poster boy while she is this wide eyed enthusiastic scientist who stands at like 5'6. dont ask me how they still workin i dont fucking know!!!

she found some use for herself as a healer on the wharf, despite not having a medical background herself; she still was willing and very prompt, and her knack for research and laboratory work was a saving grace. she's easily found on the medical building (tent? space???idk), but she's helpful and will double as any profession and be anywhere someone is needed.

tbh, restless. can't shut down wont shut down, catch her up at 5 in the morning running on 2 hours of sleep and enthusiastically greeting every single camper by name. she looves the wharf, loves being by the beach and she considers every single person her family and bc of that she will be that nosy mom friend that cant shut up. she has always been pretty bubbly and on the edge, and even without coffee, she has managed to keep that up by running on sheet anxiety! fun!

the personification of michael in that the good place episode when he finds out about death

extra:

though hesitant and very anti violence (deadass laughed about when would she need to use a gun to her husband prior 2016) she does know her way around survival. she hates getting out of thr camp but is always well packed with a mace, some surgery knifes and a gun, which is her preferred method of putting down walkers bc it's what damages the brain the least (and she needs those to study). catch her being that crazy scientist who begs fellow survivors to be careful with the "infected species".

(TW: ANXIETY, SELF HARM) like many others, unhealthily copes with her anxiety. (non) sleeping pattern already mentioned, she is also always carrying something to twiddle with, squeeze and, on bad days, she snaps a elastic band around her wrist. as of late she is getting a lot of bruises bc of that so if ya game, hold her hand instead

has like....no boundaries. is always calling people to visit and inviting herself into people's lives and acting like a mother hen. also probably likes to ask people for blood tests bc she's a god damn weirdo that won't rest until there's some sort of vaccine

while she is not in a proper leadership position in her camp, she is somewhat outspoken about her beliefs and what is good for the camp and she is very big on education. it has always been quoted as "a way out" for her so that's what she keeps repeating, even in a dead world (dont tell her it's dead)

she has not been in contact with her dad for over 6 months so that's an Extra Source of Stress right now, and a reason she tries to take peeks at the beach and at new survivors whenever possible

Listen i wrote this Twice (bc my browser is shit) so dont judge this bad intro so badly and pls plot with me and this crazy sunshine like b! thanks!!

#intro.hell #am i on the tags yet??? get your shit together tumblr!!!#tw: parental death #tw: anxiety #tw: self harm #very light mentions but better safe than sorry!

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deeeelightfuldee · 3 years

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How many cats and dogs have you had as pets in your lifetime? oooo boy. ok lets see. 5 dogs, 9 cats?

Can your mom and/or dad play any instruments, or how about anyone else in your family? My mom doesn’t play anything. My dad is a drummer

Have you ever colored in an adult coloring book as a stress reliever? Yes. I’ve done it this week alone, just to try and calm down a little.

Can you crack crab legs without a tool? i have no idea. I don’t eat crab or anything in the sea for that matter.

How many light sources are in the room you’re in? ooo good question. umm, eight? lol

What’s your favorite thing to put on bagels? uhhh cream cheese.

Who’s your favorite director? i really don’t know, i don’t follow who directs what.

Bats: cute or gross? i mean, I don’t really care.

What was the last really intense pain you felt? lung pain during this whole nonsense.

Would you rather vacation by a beach or a lake? either.

How would you feel about traveling abroad alone? I would love to, but I don’t see it happening with the travel restrictions these days.

What is your father's middle name? He doesn’t have one. he’s got a family name and the men who have it do not have a middle name. Where did your last kiss take place? uhhh I believe on my driveway

Which movie villain do you find the most terrifying? no clue, tbh. none that come to mind

Do you stick your tongue out often in pictures? I don’t think ive ever done that.

Which one of your family members are you closest to? My mom. one of my brothers and my sister.

Would you rather have name brand shoes or name brand clothes? brand names just don’t matter to me, but if i was forced to choose i guess shoes?

Are you a good liar? no. not at all.

Are you proud of your parents? Im super proud of my mom.

Which is better: orange or grape soda? orange

Was the last thing you ate hot or cold? hot. so yummy.

Who was the last person in your house who isn’t family? uhhhhhhh, idk who was here when I wasn’t in town, but prior to that I would imagine em/nathan

What color was the last swimsuit you wore? green

Can you remember the last song you listened to? something from the toy story soundtrack lol. I’m binge watching all four today... I am using Kile’s disney+ for as long as he has it. I don’t think he watches it ever, so I imagine it’ll cut off soon.

Have you ever been dumped really harshly? once. it was horrible. every other time I’ve done the break up.

Can you do a back flip, or anything else of that sort? heck’n no. unless im going into a pool maybe.

Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? yes

What happened to cause you to feel that way about them? he sexually assaulted me

Are you more of a phone or a computer person? my preference is laptop,

Do you have a job, and if so, where do you work? not currently.

If not, do you want one? yeah i’d like to have income.

Do any medical afflictions run in your family? yes. a few.

What’s your favorite Mexican dish? pork tacos from mama marias omggggggggggggg.

Have you ever been to a professional sports game? yes. bulls games, bears games

Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? of course.

What months were you and your siblings born in? january, july, august, august

What did you have for dinner last night? nicks.

Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows? absolutely. to keep the shape n such.

Has your town ever flooded? uhhhhh to my knowledge once. it had rained SO heavily for like a week and the local ponds and lakes were over-flowing. a car literally floated down my road. it was so weird.

Have you ever played at the McDonald’s play place? when I was a kiddo yes. not often tho cus I didn’t like the smell, it was always sticky, and there were always bratty kids.

Have you ever taken a picture of snow? only every single day it snows

Do you cry easily? i notoriously do not cry in front of anyone. I am not a crier. when I lost Kile I cried for weeks.

Are you happy with where you live? I love it.

Do people ever mistake you for being a different race? No

Do you hate the last person you kissed? no, i’m not a hateful person

What genre is your favorite movie? drama, romance, kids lol

Who was the last person you were in a car with? Mom. she picked me up from the airport.

Do you like the picture on your license/I.D. card? yes. I always seem to get the nice workers and they help so much.

When was the last time somebody hit on you? yesterday. blegh.

Was the last person you met a male or female? hmm. Iiiiiii wanna say male.

What brand is your underwear? I think the pair im wearing is hanes.

What’s your favorite Thanksgiving food? usually green bean casserole.

Do you have a TV in your room? yup. watching TS1 right now.

Are any of your electronics charging right now? my phone. of course it was on 2 percent.

What was the last video game you played? acnh on the switch.

What’s the biggest promise someone’s ever made to you? Did they keep it? that they will be there for me forever and always take care of me. no.

Google, Bing, or Yahoo? Google.

What was the last song you had on repeat? more by bobby darin

Who is your favorite person to watch on YouTube? froggy fresh

How many college degrees do you want? i have two. I’d like my masters and/or phd

Can you wink? yes but I dont think it looks good lol i have to get better

Do you own any jerseys? I did, I dont know if I have any still

Have you ever tried to snort Pixie Stix as a child, or even an adult? No. i wasn’t a dumb child and i certainly wouldnt do that as an adult

Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake? not really no.

Has there ever been a time in your life, you felt sexually undecided? no.

Do you think tattoos and piercings are sexy on the opposite sex? im not into piercings on guys. tattoos are fine if they arent trashy

Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? all the time.

What color are the headphones you have at this moment in time? kind of a creamy taupe-y color

Ever choked severely on something during lunch at your school? no

Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie? i probably consume more fruits? but i love both.

What would you say is the color of your favorite bra? white

Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? no. sadly

What do you usually buy when you go to the dollar store? i cant even tell you the last time i went to a dollar store.

Ever peed in the pool? Be honest! I would have been murdered lol no i dont do that. it grosses me out.

When you’re older, what kind of house do you want to live in? something on a lot of land, big front porch.

Where do you want to get married? probably a courthouse. maybe outdoors?

Do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? no. just mom.

What is your favorite childhood TV show? recess

Honestly, do you like school? no. i looooooooooooooooooooooooove it.

Last thing that made you cry? probably dejavu.

Honestly, are you keeping a big secret right now? sort of yes.

Last person you took a walk with? liza, em, dutch, della

Have you ever liked someone who didn’t like you back? i think currently to be honest.

Who was the last person to actually pick you up in the air? lol either mario or an old friend david

Does any part of your body hurt? yeah. my muscles have been weakening sooooooo bad it is so painful.

If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a regret what would you do? Million bucks. noooooooooooo question.

Can you keep a secret? Sure.

Your favorite romantic movie? sleepless in seattle probs.

How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? I loved it for the longest timeeeeeeee. i dont think ill love it as much this next year, but maybe by then ill have met someone new who knows.

Who was the last person you took a picture with? uuuuuhhh probably one of my nephews/niece

Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? Some do, some dont.

Do you celebrate 420? Nope. verrrrrry much not my thing.

Have you ever kicked a vending machine? i think so lol

How do you eat Oreos? with milk.

Do you wear your shoes in the house? sometimes. my preference is slippers. we usually wear something on our feet because gram needs to and so does mom.

Would you survive in prison? probably not, tbh.

Ever been to Georgia? the state, yes. many times. the country? never.

Do you get your hair cut every month? gosh no. my dream is to get my hair done professionally again sometime, but its so daggum expensive.

Current relationship in detail. I am single. i will probably start casually dating soon.

If you were kicked out of your house, who would you call/go to? i dont even know. I always imagined I’d go to kile. but who knows now.

List things you spend money on in an average week. i can go several weeks without spending.

Rate each of your sexual partners (if any) from 1-10. ooooooohhhhhh, id rather not.

Would you parents be mad if you were in a relationship? i am convinced bill would not give a fig whether or not im in a relationship. mom, however, would probably be EEEEEEEEXXXXXXXXtra cautious now.

Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you? oh im sure.

Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to? yes. even if we don’t talk anymore... theres just always a connection.

What board games are you good at? oooo, i’m very good at board games.

Is there a sport/hobby you keep thinking about taking up, but that you’ve never quite gotten around to starting? quilting. its expensive and im not wanting to get it all cvid-y

Do you think pranks like egging/toilet-papering someone's house are funny or immature? Immature.

Do you think “sleeve tattoos” are a good idea? there are people who can pull it off, but it is notttttttttt my style.

Is there anything in particular that your parents argue about? What? debt bill put my mom in. they don’t speak tho.

Do you ever actually read the “Terms and Services” when you sign up for websites and such? the first couple years.

If you have a handheld games console (a DS or GameBoy, for example), how often do you use it? I don’t use the switch handheld, despite really wishing i could. the controllers are broken and beyond what I can afford. so I just use the tv dock.

Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for, what do you say? i’d pick it up 1000000000000000% , I just would be so curious what they would say.

If your best friend was kicked out, would your parents let him/her live with you? absolutely.

Are you afraid of falling in love? I am. I don’t ever again want to feel the way ive felt with my two heart breaks.

Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now? yes, but the feeling is lessening. I responded to him for the first time in... idk how long. thinking he’d be eager to talk and be responsive. he wasn’t. it just pushes me further and further from feeling those feelings.

Have you ever kissed someone & wished you didn’t? no, i dont think so.

Did you get kissed last night? goodness no.

Do you enjoy going through a carwash? I love it.

How did you get most of your scars? benny. by far.

Ever had to take an inkblot test? I have taken 2. One for a fellow student in a classroom who had to administer it for a project. another time in a psych class the prof asked me to for a demonstration

Have you ever been in trouble for something you honestly didn’t do? yep! the only time ive been grounded.

Have you ever seriously slapped someone in anger? no. I do not get physical in my anger. I withdraw.

What/who woke you up this morning? Just me.

Who was the last person to be in your bedroom besides you? My mom. dropping off ice water and benny.

What’s one of your locked text messages? I don’t even know if this phone locks messages tbh. I used to do that all the time on my t9 phones.

Have you ever finished a game of Monopoly? I think maybe 1 time.

Is there anyone you know who’s in any way paralyzed? Yes.

The truth all comes out when someone is drunk, true? I wouldn’t say alllllllll, but i do think inhibitions are lowered so it makes it easier

When was the last time you felt disappointed in yourself? messaging kile and realizing he isn’t interested in responding. makes me feel so dumb.

How about feeling disappointed in someone else? something a family member did to me this past week.

For you, do you commonly feel more jealousy or envy? ummm. lately it’s been jealousy. i dont like people taking what was mine. but i’m learning if they had access to it, that likely means that it is best to let it go. so maybe im now leaning towards envy of like beautiful relationships.

Do you rely on the heads/tails flipping of a coin sometimes for decisions? uhhh, not unless its like in a joking, light-hearted manner.

Do you have any specific chores you do around the house? when im not sick... i vacuum, dust, do dishes, wipe counters and table, do laundry of others, disinfect, etc.

For you, does comfort or fashion come first in dressing? I would say 51% comfort and 49% looking nice

Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other? yes. lots of jealousy due to their feelings toward me.

Do you like Laffy Taffy? No. not my style of candy

Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners? manual.

Are your biceps at all noticeable? hardly.

Have you ever seen a walrus? absolutely!

Did you ever have one of those Easy Bake ovens as a kid? no. one time moms friends daughter (who was significantly older than me) lent hers to us... but there were no mixes of anything. so I didn’t know what to do with it.

Does your bathroom have a theme to it? nope.

From inside of your house, how many doors lead outside? uhhhhhhhh 3 if you dont include the garage door.

Are there a lot of trees in your yard? i wouldn’t say a lot. I wish.

Have you ever liked someone that treated you like crap? treating me like crap cuts down my interest like immediately.

Have a best friend? meh.

Does it bother you when your best friend does stuff without you? no.

Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents? yes. I dont need to concern them or worry them.

Does anyone hate you? kiles ex(?) i am sure does.

What’s the one thing you regret more than anything? hm. i dont really have any.

Do you remember important dates? yes. almost always.

What’s some lyrics from a song that means a lot to you? “what if we could put the world on hold and finally meet somewhere inside of the world? I would meet you... would you meet me?”

Who gives the best advice? mom

Who do you usually see in your dreams? :) It varies. depends on who I think about.

What type of cake did you last eat? graduation cake.

How many of your friends are gay or bisexual? I have like 4 casual friends that are, but my closest friends are all straight.

What’s your favorite type of sandwich? buona chicken one. bless it.

When was the last time someone asked you out? Did you accept or decline? tonight. I said maybe once this quarantine business is over.

Do you like The Offspring? I know a couple of songs but I definitely can’t call myself a fan. << same

One pillow or two? 12

Do you like Mad Libs? not really no.

Are you suicidal? no. I mean there are moments where I think wow, i dont want to be here. but not like let me put together a plan.

Where do your grandparents live? my fathers parents were killed by a drunk driver bout ten years ago. My mothers father passed away maybe 12 years ago. My gram is fine and lives in the room down the hall.

Do you cut yourself? not purposely

What is your pet’s name? benny and lottie.

Have you ever been to Canada? not yet.

Aren’t babies overrated? no, no. theyre expensive af though.

Have a built-in pool in your backyard? i wish more than anything but no.

Ever won yourself a stuffed animal? maybe once or twice. I one time had a guy win me an animal at a carnival and i found that sooooooooooooooooo attractive.

Ever had someone else win you a stuffed animal? woops. yes. lol

Ever been to a circus? i think when i was really little.

Ever shot animals? I have not. i couldn’t.

Do you consider yourself intelligent? I do. It is something I have some confidence in.

Have you ever run away from home? when my dad was abusive, yes.

Do you put family first, friends, relationships, school, or something else? faith, family, friends, school, relationships (only cus im not in one)

What’s something you’ve stood up for in the past? my faith.

What’s something you worked extremely hard to get? my degrees and honors.

Are you satisfied with your body image? no. I am honored to have a body that is capable of all that it is.. that has been my “home” all these years. the body that still breathes life every day, thats all incredible. I dislike having the fat that I do, as I worry it could be off putting to others. but then I realize im fine being single, so then my body imagine is fine. its a weird cycle.

Have you ever been labeled negatively or otherwise been called something extremely derogatory? yes. when I worked and a customer didnt like a policy or whatnot.

Have you ever seriously taken advantage of someone or been taken advantage of? never to my knowledge have I taken advantage of someone else seriously. I have been VERY seriously taken advantage of.

Have you ever been seriously ill? trying to get over it now tbh

Have you ever befriended a former enemy? uhhhh, not that I know of. I tend to be friendly to everyone, but I can’t think of a situation where it was an enemy.

If you’re not religious, would you ever pray as a last resort? If you are religious, do you often pray for other people? I do pray for others quite often. it’s important to me. I sometimes will see strangers and immediately start praying over them. I actually almost started my GRE late because I was praying over every person I saw in the room lol.

Have you ever dated someone, then after you dated they came out of the closet or switched (for lack of a better word) sexual orientation? no. not to my knowledge anyway.

Has a boy/girl ever walked a ridiculous distance just to see you? How about vice versa? yes! like 8 miles lol. I have not.

When was the last time you felt really uncomfortable? this past week.

Is there anything that your mom is really known for as to how she is as a person? shes everyones favorite. shes kind, funny, sarcastic, down-to-earth, warm.

Who have you been talking to the most today? mom lol

Are you nosy? I think it could be perceived as nosy but I love to make people feel ridiculously special. So I will sit and ask questions just to get them talking about themselves. If I recognize the personal questions are not working, I’ll keep it totally light.

What’s the meanest thing you have done to a friend? i really dont know.

If your ex called you crying, what would it most likely be about? if we consider kile an ex, it would probably be that he feels overwhelmed and feels alone because he doesnt have me or his ex anymore. :(

Who was the best kisser out of all the people you have kissed? ooooo thats hard to narrow down.

Have you ever been told that you have an annoying laugh? no. everyone comments on how they love when it turns wheezy.

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mylittleannoyingthots · 3 years

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I thought I was finding myself becoming what I fear the most: a tumblr emo.

After my “intense” breakup and all that, I was dming the cheatee and I told her “btw, I love your poetry” or something along those lines.

I hated her poetry. It lit a fire inside me because of how much it fucking sucked. Tbh it didn’t really suck, but I’d probably seen the same thing i read in her stanzas 11,000 times in quotes in 2013, not to mention the use of all these stupid ass greek god metaphors and literary prose that half her following probably can’t even understand aside from “i sad my gf broke up wif me sad face”. I hate poetry.

And more than I hate poetry, I hate tumblr poetry—I hate rupi kaur type poetry, aka the poetry of barely-legal kids thinking they’re “broken”. I hate the redundancy of heartbroken words of people who are too fucking caught up in love stories that lack depth. You see someone who is quirky or lonesome and you fall in love with them. Others want what they have because they drank a milkshake with two straws in a picture. You want to get married and be bonnie & clyde. You wanna shower them in material affection and gifts so much ,haaaa typical couple shit, and don’t wanna stop talking about yourself for five minutes to get a real look at them. You’re so caught up in the imaginary idea you have of someone, labeling them as pure and soft and sweet because you don’t want to look at them. You don’t /see/ them. They aren’t transparent to you. That’s why the shit goes over your head so easily. Even if you break the glass layers there will always be a stone wall where you just cant break through as you don’t fully examine them both inside and out. Months later (or years, if lucky) they break ur heart. Someone comes along and the cycles repeats. These tumblr poets can’t break the curse. I also can’t because I’m mentally ill but that’s besides the point. I mean these bitches think taylor swift is the epitome of spoken word so I have to be at least a notch above. They will not listen to anyone else because they were “promised to be by their love’s side”. Vomit. Who cares fr it happens. Yeah u can be hurt but this bullshit aint cuttin’ it.

These kids don’t know what love is. I don’t either but I know I don’t want bullshit that hurts me, and I sure as hell won’t find myself wanting to crawl back into the arms that caused me pain. I get that people suffer that, but the sick culprit is constant over-romanticization of people wanting to frolic in the meadows, feed each other strawberries, live in a cottage together, smoke each other’s cigarette in a puff-puff-pass motion to get the romantic saliva off each other’s butt. Though i’m also guilty of it, it all makes me sick. Not only the blatantly robotic actions that kids have grown to shallowly know because their favs did it in a music video once, but also how much it is causing people to realize...they’re not in love. They don’t want to be lonely. They don’t want to hurt alone, and when rhey realize they don’t feel a spark they keep losing, they still seem to crave the feeling of someone needing them. Someone not being able to live without them. They crave strange destructive tendencies and causing pain to others.

Sometimes this bullshit that media caused makes me want to revert to primitive measures. Ya’know, sex for reproduction and hunting to survive and feed the young the whole damn nine. I wouldn’t mind as the mind games of feeling like you’re supposed to fall apart at the realization you’re being cheated on because GUESS WHAT??? YOU HEARD IT IN A FUCKING SONG are really fucking annoying. I don’t like my brain being wired to think the end of the world is someone being a fucking idiot, as we are all fucking idiots. Stop putting other fucking idiots on pedestals.

Instead of seeking out thrilling, short-lived relationships and one of the two writing and self-sabotaging it all away as a result, get a fucking therapist how bout that? You can google shitty tattooists for every heartbreak you face so why cant you just do the same for rebuilding your shattered pride??? I just don’t get it.

Of course, I say all of this not to discourage those who want an emotional outlet, but all of this needs to be nipped in the bud straight from the source, which is romanticization. Seeing the world through rosy lenses in A-OK, but seeing it that way because and ONLY because of how one person makes you feel constantly is a recipe for disaster.

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ju1ian · 7 years

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evens for julian and odds for your legion courier (b/c i hate you)

thanks im on my way to your house to kill you !!!!

evens are gonna be for my Sole Survivor Julian who has a tag on my blog i dont feel like linking but its OC: Julian if yall wanna read up on thatand odds are gonna be for….. Julius, the worst ever!! i regret giving them similar names now !

Which Fallout game are they from?-Fallout: New Vegas !! a real trash courier !!

Which faction(s) did they join and which did they destroy? Why?-Julian joined the Brotherhood of Steel and also the Minutemen and he destroyed the Railroad, because he didn’t like them, and The Institute, because he was pissed the hell off at his son. He joined the Minutemen because he wanted to do something nice, and he joined the Brotherhood of Steel because he needed that familiar military aesthetic.

What is their S.P.E.C.I.A.L.?- S 10, P 2, E 7, C 10, I 2, A 5, L 1 (something like that i cant remember and im not looking at it rn)

Give us a summary of their backstory.- Julian gets discharged from the army for an injury in his shoulder two weeks before the bombs fall, he’s suffering from depression when he returns home and his marriage is sort of going south. He’s also really afraid of being a father because he thinks he’s a bad person incapable of doing anything good.

What’s their full name and does it have a meaning? Do they have any nicknames and how did they get em?- Julius Septimus is his full name and Caesar gave it to him because he didn’t know what his name was and was just going by Courier. He doesn’t have any friends to give him nicknames but Vulpes calls him Degenerate a lot and he likes it.

What’s their sexual, romantic, and gender orientation? Do they feel comfortable telling other people?- Julian is Bisexual and Biromantic, he identifies as a male and before the war he was closeted and was very afraid of telling anyone but after the war he is out and proud !

Do they have any mental illnesses? How do they cope?-Julius suffers from Bipolar Disorder and he does not cope very well.

Do they have any medical conditions? Is medicine/ treatment available for them?- Julian has a bad shoulder but it doesn’t bother him too much. He has depression but there isn’t any real medicine to help him besides chems.

How much do they care about their outer appearance? What’s their “beauty routine”? How often do they shower/ bathe?- Julius bathes when Vulpes bathes. he likes his hair to be combed without knots but thats all. His outer appearance doens’t mean very much to him.

What do they fear the most?- Julian fears himself the most.

They’re biggest flaw? Do they recognize it as a flaw?- Julius’ biggest flaw is his stupidity, and he does not see it as a flaw.

What are they most insecure about?- Julian is insecure about his lips, they are large.

What Wasteland threat do they fear the most? (ex. Deathclaws, super mutants, raiders)- GOD JULIUS IS TERRIFIED OF DEATH CLAWS AND CENTAURS

What’s their zodiac sign or which one do you think they relate to the most? What are their placements (if you know them)? (ex. Aries sun, Taurus moon, Aquarius Venus)- Julian is a taurus because im a tuarus and i dont know who he would relate tot he most because i dont know that much about zodiac signs

What’s their Myers–Briggs Type? (ex. ENTP, ISFJ)- i have no idea what this is tbh.

What Harry Potter house would they be in? (ex. Gryffindor, Ravenclaw)- i didn’t real harry potter !!! all i know is that i myself took the sorting hat thing and got slytherin and since i project onto Julian A LOT he is probably also a slytherin.

Which Pokemon Go team would they choose? (ex. Instinct, Valor, Mystic)- Julius would have chosen Instinct.

Out of the nine forms of intelligence (rhythmic, spatial, linguistic, mathematical, kinesthetic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, naturalistic, and existential) which one(s) are they really good at and which one(s) is(are) their weakest?- Julian is good at: rythmic, inguistic, mathematic, and kinesthetic and weak at all the rest.

What natural alignment are they? (ex. Lawful Good, Chaotic Evil)- Julius is chaotic evil without a doubt.

Do they have any hobbies? What are they?- Julian collects magazines, and also dogs. He loves to spend time with all 8 of his dogs, he also loves to build things with Danse.

Do they have a favorite holiday? How do they celebrate it?- Julius has no idea what a holiday is.

What’s their favorite season?- Julian likes winter time.

Do they have a temper or are they level headed?- Julius has the worst temper out of anyone in the Legion and that is a statement.

Do they express their emotions freely or hide their true feelings?- Julian has a hard time expressing his emotions and tends to let them pile up until he has a breakdown.

Are they a leader or a follower?- Julius is a follower for sure. But only if he likes you.

How do they come off to others? What first impression do they usually make?- Julian comes off as a good person because that’s how he wants to come off. People tend to take a liking to him really easily.

Do they prefer to travel alone or with company? Who have they traveled with if any? Current companion if any?- Julius preferred to travel with Arcade who was his only companion in the whole Mojave until he tried to leave him and had to die so now Julius stays alone when he’s not at The Fort with Vulpes.

Would you describe them as selfless or selfish? Does it depend on the situation?- Depends on the situation.

What do they find most attractive in others? Name at least one psychological and physical trait. (doesn’t have to be romantic attraction)- Julius likes pale skin, and smooth thighs. He also likes bossy, and thin.

Do they flirt often? How easily do they fall in love?- Julian doesn’t exactly ‘flirt’ often but he does end up having a lot of sex. he didn’t really fall in love with anyone besides Danse though.

What’s their love life like? Are they interested in anyone or in a relationship?- Julius is obsessed with Vulpes and would do anything for him. He hasn’t even thought of being romantically involved with anyone else

Do they prefer to solve things diplomatically or using violence?- Julian resorts to violence more than he’d like to admit.

What is their combat style? What range do they prefer? Do they sneak?- Julius’ combat style is hard and loud. He doesn’t sneak or really plan he just sort of barges in swinging.

What weapon(s) do they always carry with them?- Julian always has Righteous Authority with him and also the Railway Rifle

Their most prized possession?- A Light Shining in Darkness

Their thoughts on power armor?- Julian loves to wear Power Armor.

Favorite armor/ outfit?- Julius likes to wear the clothes Joshua Graham gave him but Vulpes always gets mad at him for wearing them EVEN THOUGH Caesar told him he LIKES when he wears those clothes and he doesn’t even care. (he wears the boomers outfit too)

How’s their aim? Do their hands shake while pointing a gun?- Julian has super good aim from his military training. Could probably be a sniper.

What are their thoughts on having to kill on a daily bases in order to survive? Does it take a toll on them? Or do they shake it off rather easily?- Julius has no problem killing on a daily basis. He gets agitated if he goes too long without violence.

Thoughts on death if any? (ex. Fear it, accept it)- Julian accepts death.

Do they move around a lot or prefer to have a place to call home?- Julius moved around a lot until he got his own tent at The Fort.

What’s their favorite location?- Warren Theatre in downtown Boston !! nice and quiet !! also Starlight Drive-In becuase that’s where he lives !!

Their opinions on ghouls, feral and not feral?- Not Feral are fine, Feral are scary and gross to him.

Do they scavenge for their supplies or simply buy them?-Julian has more caps than he knows what to do with so he buys supplies.

Are they the type to get distracted and go off to an unknown nearby location or do they stay on track?- Julius gets distracted and wanders off and Vulpes has to go find him.

How do they sleep? Are they picky about where and how or can they sleep basically anywhere?- Julian isn’t picky but he prefers to sleep in his home at Starlight. He can make-do anywhere though.

What’s their favorite radio station and song? (post-apocalypse)- Mad About The Boy because it reminds him of Vulpes.

What’s their favorite post-apocalyptic food? Are they a picky eater? Do they know how to cook?- Julian don’t know how to cook !! he likes Dandy Boy Apples because he’s a fool who isn’t bothered by radiation poisoning until its severe !

What’s their favorite beverage? Do they drink alcohol?Julius will drink 30 Sunset Sarsaparillas in an hour and not even be bothered by how unhealthy it is. he isn’t supposed to drink alcohol but he does it in secret !!

Do they have any tag skills?- i dont think so?

Anything they like to collect? (ex. Unique weapons, Bobbleheads)- Julius collects eyeglasses. like really, he has so many. he doesnt even wear glasses he just always picks them up.

Are they good at disarming traps or do they constantly miss them?- oh my god Julian is shit at disarming traps. like so shit. he just sets them off and he doesnt even care.

#long post/#long fucking post my god !!!#oc: julian #courier: julius

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