#it's also the checklist for the fix-it I'm writing so really I should go and work on that
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Writing A Story Part 2: So... What To Do With A First Draft?
Well, What Is The Importance Of A First Draft?
Hey Zeeba!
Oh, a first draft is really important! You can't just go out there and write anything and then post it.
...Well, you can, but like, it would be way better quality if you did write a first draft first.
I'm not telling anyone to write in a specific way, this is just my experience and research! I hope it helps you.
* * *
You start your writing process:
Like they say, starting is the most essential yet challenging aspect of any project – including writing.
I want you to dive in without nay research. Writing down everything that comes to your mind creates a pattern you can follow as you proceed.
The ideas you type will lack quality in punctuation, grammar or presentation. However, when you actually write them down, you can say that your writing process has begun.
2. It lets your creativity do it's job.
When you know your writing is allowed to look its worst as a rough draft, you become willing to give your creativity free rein.
You become free to explore characters and writing styles because you understand that the planned book or content can take a different turn in the course of the writing refinement.
As a writer with a rough draft, it is okay to make mistakes. You should make mistakes, actually. It feels fantastic when you go back and fix them the next day or hour.
3. You can feel and touch your ideas.
With a rough draft in your hands, you have a better understanding of your ideas: what to add or remove, how to proceed, if you should follow the structured outline or create a new one.
The story may even change totally because you are now more aware of better ways to present your idea.
Creating drafts will help you visualize your book, article or fanfic, and understand how much more work you still need to do.
You can also have a beta [if you write fanfics] or an editor for your story! Someone with a fresh point of view. If you want, I'll even be ready to beta-read something for you! It's fun.
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Okay fine, A First Draft Is Important, But... How Can I Exactly Write A First Draft?
Ok, here is a checklist of everything that I do in a first draft!
Obviously, things are gonna be a little different for you guys, but I think my methods would be a good starting point for you.
I've learned these things from experience, and I know that you might be like,
'Why does writing a first draft need to be this complicated?' but the act of writing itself is incredibly hard for a lot of writers out there. And I wish to help you with that!
1- Listen To Music:
I usually do this a day before writing, or a few hours before it.
Music inspires me a lot, and it is a big part of my life and my writing process.
Scenes flow to my head easily, and my mind feels free to explore different scenarios and options with the sound of the beats in my head.
Whenever I write fanfics, I walk and listen to music for a few hours before doing so. It helps my brain think: I'm not sure if this is scientifically proven, but it helps me a lot!
2- Write Everything Down On Paper:
I type my fics and stories on a computer, but I always enjoy writing an outline or rough ideas or literally anything that comes to my mind on a scrap of paper.
I might doodle, and I might write some sentences. It eventually helps me in the long run, but I totally get it if that's not your thing!
3- Get Infront Of The Computer:
I sit in front of my laptop, munch on an apple and think about what I'm gonna write.
Imagine scenes, characters, anything. Just it Infront of the laptop and stare at the empty google document to get myself emotionally ready.
4- Write Sentences, Not Paragraphs:
Write the beginning of sentences, not the actual paragraph. Like, Write something like this:
He stared out of the window.
The sky was bright.
He bit his lip.
5- Add To The Sentences:
Then, add to the sentences in a way that doesn't make you stressed out. Make it a simple rough draft, baby!
He stared out of the window. His face was ashen with fear, and he knew what was about to come.
The sky was bright. He knew it would be unbelievable to anyone he said this to, but it wouldn't be so clear and bright after tonight.
He bit his lip. He wished he could will the fear away, but it was not possible.
6- Write Anything That Comes To Your Mind:
The right order? Who the fuck cares.
Write anything that comes to your mind, anything. Just write the whole thing in under an hour and get away from your computer.
7- Go back the next day and finish everything up. Don't be ashamed of anything you've written, they were meant to be terrible pieces of writing! Your finished draft is much better
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What Are Some Dos And Don'ts Of Writing A First Draft?
Again, my opinions and experiences, and other people's experiences pulled into this Article! I hope this works for you:
DO:
Just Write.
Many writers make the mistake of revising their work as they go—fine-tuning each sentence and reorganizing thoughts at every step.
Leave in typos and misspellings. Allow yourself to ramble and write nonsense. Go on tangents. You may be surprised with where they take you.
Keep an Open Mind.
Remember that often the end result of an author’s work hardly resembles their original intentions at all.
While your first ideas for your book may be wonderful, try not to get overly attached to that initial vision.
I write a bunch of things that don't even make it to my AO3 account to get published, they just get used in another story. It's okay! It's great actually.
Explore your options.
Think of revision exactly how it sounds, as re-vision—envisioning again. Reflect on your original goals for the book.
Then, take a close look at the pieces you have and discover how they can be manipulated; to either reinforce or improve that original vision.
Consider what new directions you might take.
Trust your instincts.
Write as many drafts as it takes for you to feel your book is complete. Generally speaking, the more revisions you go through, the more organized your ideas will become and the clearer your message will be.
However: Just because revision is important doesn't mean you’ll have to revise everything. Trust your writing and your voice, but be honest with yourself about what’s not working and what could be made better.
Be thorough.
This is the time to delve into the technical details. Comb your writing with comma splices, track down typos, and break out your dictionary.
.***.
DON'T:
Don't Worry About People:
What would my friends think if I tell them I’m a writer and then show them…this piece of garbage? What would my mother say? What would Mrs. Mcwhatever who I have never spoken to think when she sees this?
The good news is, I don’t need to worry about any of that.
You don't have to show your first draft to anyone, babe.
When I write my first draft, it can be as secret as I want it to be. And I never let anyone read a draft as I’m writing it. When it comes to novels, that sometimes means that no one can even look at it for about a year until it’s finished.
You're the one in charge. Don't worry about what people think.
Don't Write the First Draft for others
This may sound selfish at first, but the reason I first start writing a draft is because I came across an idea that I wanted to explore for myself, and only for myself.
Yeah, I see a prompt online and get excited, but that's because I wanna see where I take this story idea.
It’s not so much the destination as it is the journey that excites me.
Of course, once the draft has passed from the first draft stage to the revision stage, it’s important [if you want] to think about ideas that others have given you or to look at the story from an angle that you would never have thought of before.
As an example, doing multiple revisions can become a slog if the main character only knows what you know.
It’s fun to do research, and start incorporating different things into your story. But for the first draft, this is all you really need to worry about: Does this story excite me, the one whose writing it?
Don’t Think About It Too Much
Those who swear by writing with an outline will tell you that you can’t start even a rough draft without some sort of guideline.
And those who prefer to fly by the seat of their pants will say that outlines are a nuisance to society. I recommend finding someplace in between. I’ve had draft that went well without any sort of outline and drafts that were never finished when I had a step-by-step guide, and vice versa. It all depends on the story and on you.
But you don't have to think about that right now, when your writing the first draft, Zeeba.
You Don't Have To Know Where You're Going.
Hey! I hope that you enjoyed reading this, and that it helped you with your writing!
I'm still learning a lot of things, what with being a new fanfic writer and all, and this is going to be a big archive of the tips, the tricks and the hacks that helped me through my writing journey!
Again, let's all write with Gore <3
#fanfic writing things#fanfiction#how to write#how to write a novel#writing advice#writing problems#writing is hard#writing stuff#writing tips#writing help#first drafts
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Constructive Criticism: A Guide
Hey everyone :)) Here's a quick guide that I've created for giving others constructive criticism. This is by no means 'all inclusive' and you should of course use your own judgment before sending anyone feedback of any kind, but here a few general rules that I use when writing con crit (as a professional editor) <3
For those wondering, don't worry, I'm still working on another SoC rant and some more poetry but this is just an interesting aside I thought I might post :DD
So without any further ado, the concrit rules:
Firstly and most importantly, don't provide constructive criticism unless the writer has explicitly asked for feedback. If you're asked by a friend to 'let me know what you think' -- this is generally an opening for support, rather than concrit
Be sure to read the text as an objective piece of work, with a clear frame of mind. These may seem like obvious stipulations, but avoid reading anything for the couple of hours before you read the work to prevent your mind being swayed to a particular judgment (e.g. reading a famous poet's work might make you more critical of a novice writer's first poetry). On that point, remember:
You are not here to give judgement! Avoid stating any terms like "Overall, this piece of work is good enough for ...." or "I think that I would rate this work a ../10". Your job is to provide an analysis of the text in front of you, not its value or worth
Okay, so now to the actual concrit. Lets say you've read this person's work and you're ready to give your feedback:
Always open up with your interpretation of the work so that the writer can see what exactly you are thinking as you are analysing. This statement could be something as simple as "The poem that you've sent me was an evocative teenage love story intersected with romantic poetry to show the everlasting nature of love". In the case that you have mis-interpreted the text, this allows the writer to take your further evaluations with a grain of salt and also gives them a subtle nudge to perhaps improve the clarity of their message :)
List your points in size order. What I mean by that is start with the easiest thing that the writer can fix (e.g. your basic line edit including spelling, punctation, grammar, word choice, etc.) and then slowly work down your edit as you reach the bigger ideas (e.g. major themes, overarching concepts, etc). There are a few benefits for doing it this way. Firstly, as a reader, it makes logical sense to evaluate the themes of a text after you have finished reading the entire work; this way you have a greater appreciation for the text as a whole (which is required for a concept) rather than the text as a collection of small parts. Secondly, for a writer who may be using your edit like a checklist, they can quickly 'tick-off' the easy fixes and then work the bones of their text more thoroughly (also its often hard to start editing your work and simple fixes are a good early motivator).
Afterwards, I always like to go for the 'one for one' rule. For every one feature you 'criticise', give one place where the writer as done well. These should generally be linked if possible. I'll give an example, say my friend who is writing the teenage love story has a really compelling plot that falls short due to flat characters....you'd state something like "You create a touching story that could be enhanced through better characterisation." So this way, you acknowledge the work the writer has done and also introduce your feedback. Notice how instead of criticising, I posed the above statement like an improvement. Give the person something concrete to work on!
Expand! Apart from the judgemental trope, the other trap that editors often fall into is writing wishy-washy statements that don't really have a solution. I'm sure we've all been in that english class with that one teacher who circles entire paragraphs with the overly descriptive term 'vague' and not had a clue about what to fix. Don't be that teacher! Try and list as many clear examples of what the author could touch up on and fix (without sounding too domineering of course). For example: "The characterisation of your protagonist Sue falls a little flat because it's hard to have empathy for her. You portray her as an extremely beautiful young woman who is bullied for her good looks but is still really popular....I'd suggest reconsidering how realistic this may be. You have an amazing connection built up between Sue and Alex however, perhaps a greater focus on that rather than so much description about Sue might be more effective :)"
Finally, wrap everything up with a nice (generally uplifting) conclusion. My advice is that no matter how terrible the text you have just read, the writer has taken the steps to go out and send you their work! This is much more difficult that it seems! Congratulate them for their effort, perhaps point out some of the nicest parts of their work. I like to add short quotes from the work that I found particularly interesting at the end. This not only leaves them on a happier note but also makes them feel comfortable and safe about sharing their work and moving to improve it! Remember, you have had plenty of time to talk about the flaws, this is the time to build up their morale and let them work through everything.
Okay, so now you've written out your concrit. Here are a few things you should do before sending it to the person:
Give the text another read! I cannot emphasise how important this point is!!! Often themes or concepts that might not have made too much sense the first time become a lot clearer now that you are in the world of the text. Also you can make sure that your critiques actually match the work :)
Give your concrit a read. Try and avoid basic spelling and grammar mistakes and make sure you don't sound too patronising or rude. Perhaps sprinkle some other nice things in there too :)
Remember, a piece of writing is often someone's baby! It can be personal and vulnerable for someone to hear its criticism. Be kind and supportive in your work!
If everything is good, send through your concrit to the person. Generally I like to wait a few days or until the person themselves reaches out to me again before talking about the text anymore. Give them some time to process; allow them the space to decide what they want to do with their work.
Sometimes, your writer might not take all of your edits on board. That is perfectly okay! You, like any other human being, can be flawed and have opinions that don't align with someone else. At the end of the day, it is not your work that you are giving concrit to and it is entirely the writer's decision of how they want to shape their work. Try not to take ignored concrit too personally :)
So there you have it; a relatively comprehensive guide to giving concrit. Whether it be for the next literary journal you edit or for that fanfiction you've read (with a writer specifically asking for concrit ofc), I hope some of these tips and tricks help you in your editing work :) If you have any questions, feel free to ask me (I love asks, comments and DMs) :))) I might consider doing beta reading here in the future and if you have requests you can also contact me as above!
Concrit is welcome for this article (ironic, isn't it?) cos I've literally written it all in one sitting and not even had a glance over it before posting (terrible writing advice...don't do that) :) Reblogs and likes are also extremely appreciated!!! Anyways, happy editing out there folks :)
Until next time,
Hics <3
#words#creative writing#my writing#writblr#writers on tumblr#constructive critism welcome#constructive criticism#writing advice#writing help#writing tips#writing resources#writing characters#how to write#idk how to tag this#writing problems#writing is hard#being a writer#artist problems#fanfic things#editing#poets on tumblr#proofreading#writing tools#academia#academia tag#light academia#dark academia#rant
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love following you for the occasional "you absolutely can do this. you can work out why you aren't and you can fix it and if you're not doing that shut the fuck up and wallow somewhere else i ain't helping you". i find it really motivational like goddamn it you're right i CAN solve this and if i'm not trying why should anyone else? it's like... get your shit together (affectionate). that said do you have any tips for ADHD besides flowcharting executive dysfunction
that's it lad. pick yourself up, dust yourself off.
what works or doesn't work for you is gonna be personal depending how your adhd affects you (flowcharting works basically all the time as a general checklist but the specifics of remembering to take care of those things in the first place are gonna vary)
the first step to finding, or devising, an adhd lifehack is knowing what problem you're actually trying to solve. "i don't remember my meds" isn't the problem. why? what's stopping you? is it more a time blindness issue (i don't notice time has passed until whoops it's afternoon and whoops) or a noise/visual blindness issue (do i stop paying attention to my meds being there or stop noticing reminders)
those are linked of course and most of us struggle with both but you gotta understand what you're trying to fix first
that said. for me:
i know things becoming visual/background noise is a problem for me. this means that any kind of external reminder (that isn't from an actual human being) like alarms, post-it notes, leaving things in obvious locations, or signs will only work for a limited time. at some point i'm going to stop paying attention to it and it will stop working
so then switch to something else. move or change the visual reminder. set a different alarm sound at a different time. there's an app somewhere that i don't remember the name of that lets you set alerts that go off at a random time within a window (like... somewhere between 2 and 3pm) which is better than the same one all the time.
change them around as necessary
i know routine is important in adhd and one of the biggest reasons it often goes undiagnosed until adulthood is that children have external routines and tasks set by teachers & parents so the problem isn't apparent until you move out and suddenly find yourself woefully unqualified for the position of zookeeper
i don't have a job so there isn't actually any external structure to my life at all which is very hard for adhd. i don't have specific times to do things at (because as we all know if you're doing it at 7 and then it gets to 7:01 you Obviously Can't Do It) but i do have a routine for my housework. the bed is made and dishes done every day, but other tasks fall on a specific day of the week and eventually it all gets done
i know what day it is by which thing i cleaned yesterday. ask my friends what day i change my sheets and do my laundry.
getting up and going to bed at the same time(ish) every day is, groan moan moan yeah i know, unfortunately annoyingly effective and important. but it's also good for me to have a specific "get up" and "go to bed" routine.
i don't take my meds for about 3 hours after i get up because they don't last as long as they should and i don't want them to kick in before my physical form arrives on the scene. so in that window if i sit down it is Game Fucking Over.
as soon as i get up, i make the bed before i even leave the room. i go and put the kettle on. i fill the sink with hot water to do the dishes. i go and wash my face and do the first step of skincare. the kettle is done, so tea is started. go back and do more face stuff. now tea is brewed. more hygiene stuff. do the dishes whilst tea cools now they've been soaking a lil bit. last bit of hygiene stuff. drink tea and write list for the day. cross off "dishes" and "make bed" as soon as you write them. brush teeth. NOW i can go to the sofa of death.
i take a bath at night bc it helps my muscle pains so whilst that's running i clean the kitty litter, and tidy away anything in the wrong place (mug back to the kitchen, trash thrown away, shoes in the shoe rack, yarn in the bag etc)
if i don't Know what i'm doing i will do nothing. i will be confused john travolta. there's a reason you see people at the gym with little notebooks occasionally - if you go in there with a plan you're not aimlessly wandering wasting time and don't forget anything
to that end, i need a to-do list. physical works better than digital because forming the words in writing with my hands is more distinctive than typing and also there is an (ever changing) physical reminder of it on my table next to me.
i don't get the "ticking a thing off the list" dopamine thing that people talk about. crossing things off brings me no particular satisfaction. but it keeps me grounded to what i want to do and stops me wandering off and forgetting things. i write "meds" on it every morning as a secondary reminder to take my pills and you wouldn't believe how often i still forget but at least i normally get reminded before it's too late.
how big or small you make the tasks on your list is up to you. too many, and you might get overwhelmed by it looking like too much (or running out of room on the paper). too few and they might be too vague so you still get stuck, or be too large to reasonably accomplish in one go. for example "clean kitchen" is too big - i might forget a part of that, and also i can't do the whole thing at once which runs the risk of it not being finished. but listing every task separetely is ridiculous. it would be really long, and some things only take a minute or two.
so it gets split into 2 or 3 tasks. "clean counters / oven" "wipe down cupboards & clean out fridge" (i sweep and mop on a different day bc the bathroom and hall also need swept and mopped so they all get done together as a separate task)
"vacuum" although not too vague is too big to do at once. it hurts my back and it's exhausting so i do the living room and bedroom separately. 2 tasks.
and if all that starts failing and i'm struggling to Get My Shit Together, i ask my friends to give me 20 min and check in on me.
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diary144
2/5-6/2024
monday - tuesday
will have to work tomorrow.
and i worked today, but on stuff i like. i edited something, for something, a piece of writing, very fun, been a while since i've been handed notes and thought over them and proceeded from there, it's usually all internally done. very excited about that, whenever it happens.
i also wrote lyrics last night, half of a song, the other half i have kinda written kinda not, need to figure out where/how to make them sit. but i basically recorded half the lyrics today and that's pretty exciting i think, so this song is what i've mostly been doing today, and then i think after i get this next test export out on the mix, hopefully if it's good, i'll go onto the next song on the checklist and get that ready, and thennnn, idk. i might have some more fragments that can inspire lyrics, after that, god knows i need to get some more stuff down, some actual ideas for things to say. doing 1 more export on this, just trying to get the vocals to sound right, bright enough i suppose, and there's too many low freqs, i need to shelf them out i think, so that's what i'm trying. i might also be wishing i did these vocals differently, idk, relistening will help me figure it out though , so it's good to do this anyways, getting the mix there roughly is just all around a good idea.
anyway, i figure this is going to be a short entry today, because the next song i need to fix i think has relatively minimal issues, the song needs to be louder, one sound needs to be brightened, and the snares need a little more presence. i shouldn't really mess with anything else, i should also maybe port the rough vocals i have in for that to the main song and get that sorted.
beyond that, check this out:
youtube
i don't really care for television but that might be wrong of me, i need to go back and listen, but i will say, i love this recording of them when they still had richard hell playing bass, super fucked up sounding band, love it a lot, the guitar stuff is very inspiring but so is that attitude, i first saw this vid a few years ago, it kind of blew me away totally.
yayy okay, that's one more song knocked off the list, one song with some vocals down, and lyrical ideas for the other half, now i'll see if i can figure something out for another song maybe, and that'll be a good day, it'd be one even still. hopefully tomorrow i can try and record something before work too, that'd be the bestttt.
okay, i did write some lyrics, good, and i think i like them, the issue is they're screamy but maybe i try that tomorrow, test the water, idk.
anyway, i am sleepy now, so:
byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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oshdkfj HELP? we're seriously telepathic at this point it's kind of scary... even more so because i've noticed this is Constantly happening to me and it's like, i'll tell someone we're telepathic as a joke at first, and suddenly it's not a joke anymore LMFAOO i think i'm the problem 😞 (fun fact: i'm really good at accidentally manifesting it's like midas touch but with words)
i've been well for the most part though n i hope you have too! i've just been preoccupied with school, playing the sims 4, or decorating toploaders...! i will literally do anything and everything except write; which sucks because i was really excited about this idea and i wanted to finish it by this month, but i haven't made any real progress with writing the storyline or mundane scenes so i don't think that's happening unless i suddenly get a burst of inspiration turned motivation. also, i know some people say that if you get stuck you should work on something else entirely or write a different scene, so i did both of those and here i am again... with two unfinished fics but complete ideas.
the ideas never stopping but the motivation does is actually so real and True though like omfg? i think with myself and my writing style in particular, i absolutely can't let myself get distracted, otherwise my source or motivation is entirely lost and difficult to get back again. i'll constantly get super immersed in a story, outline every last detail and write bits and pieces here and there, but actually writing/finishing and posting it seems to always end up being my problem and . idk how to fix it ?! like i have way too many story outlines in my notes that at this point i think i should just rebrand my blog and make it an idea bank for writers seeing how my own writing does Not want to see the light of day Ever
anyways, sorry i didn't really mean to talk so much about myself but i hope you find your motivation soon! you honestly have a lot more perseverance than i do when it comes to writing and getting your drafts done, so i don't doubt for a second that you'll get over this block soon and tackle all four...? fics 🙏🏼 boxer tae and loser gyu are here to stay ! – ml
We literally share one mind at this point bc it’s like we summoned each other or smth 💀
I’ve been well also! Life’s been a bit busy these past few weeks, but I’m finally getting some free time again,, hopefully this means I’ll have more time to write too
but omg I totally understand what you mean! Sometimes writers block is so intense that nothing helps, and now I’m stuck with so many more drafts it’s actually driving me insane..
And yes!! Mundane scenes are soooo hard to write!! It’s literally whats keeping me from my boxer tae and loser gyu fics, like they need to be there for character development but oh lord is it getting boring for me to write ! I’m also the same way with writing— I need to stay in one place and remain focused or else that fic is not getting touched again 😭 and if I don’t stop writing at an interesting scene it’s over for me
I usually avoid outline my stories in detail it’s insane 💀 the only one I’ve done a full outline on was OYD, and most of it was a voice recording of me incoherently throwing ideas out; after that I took the key points and wrote them down (then I added important details i needed to remember as I wrote)
I always wing my stories which is why I always have to go back and add stuff in LMAO it’s not the best method but it works most of the time…! Then when I’m about to stop a writing session I leave a vague checklist of stuff I wanna write (like scenes and stuff) and hope I touch it again </3
Making ur account an idea bank is such a mood I have so many good stories that are just gathering dust bc my inspiration is dried out 😭 I also hope you’re able to find motivation and inspiration for your stories, it’s such a frustrating feeling to have writers block and I’d love to see your stories !
#the fight to finish my stories gets harder everyday#I’m gonna go write some drabbles I got and see if that fixes anything 😭#Lord I have so many stories I can’t wait to share#but I’m literally my biggest enemy#rambles#koqabear asks#masterlist anon!
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Series 15 gives all of the characters you could ever care about their worst possible endings, but presents these endings as somehow good or satisfying or acceptable. Here's a list.
The short version: they're Chuck's endings, and Chuck is a bad writer.
None of the characters can escape the fate set out for them or break the cycle of trauma begun by Chuck. The show itself doesn't even realise how truly awful these endings are - it dresses up a tragedy in pie gags and pretty colours and calls it a happy ending. And in order to inflict these worst possible endings on its characters, the narrative has to be twisted and contorted in the most absurd of ways.
So, onto the list:
Adam: Forgotten and left to languish in the pit, he's finally freed, only to suffer an anticlimactic offscreen death and be forgotten again. Michael, his only companion for so long, is also killed off. In the finale, blood family seems to be all that matters - and yet he isn't mentioned.
Alternate Kaia: She helps rescue Kaia from the Bad Place, but chooses to remain there to face certain destruction rather than return to earth with Kaia, Dean and Sam. This world is so hostile to her that death is preferable. Her horrible, pointless death stands as a powerful statement about the real harm caused by exclusion, but the text doesn't seem to acknowledge the full horror of this. Her death isn't remarked upon; it seems to suggest that both Kaia and her double are returned to their rightful places. It's just one example of the show creating awful endings without seeming to understand how awful they truly are. (I rant a lot more about Alternate Kaia here.)
Amara: After being betrayed and locked away for millennia, we see Amara's initial impulse for revenge and destruction transform into an admiration for creation. She becomes an advocate for humanity and the world. And yet she ends up being betrayed (by both the Winchesters and Chuck) and locked away again. She's absorbed by Chuck in a way that doesn't fit within the logic of the show. Chuck and Amara are equals - it doesn't make any sense that Chuck could overpower her. Wouldn't they become a blend of the two of them? And, since their separation caused the Big Bang, wouldn't their unity end the world? Anyway, having the cosmic feminine be voiceless and invisible is the worst way for Amara's story to end. Having Jack speak for her, saying that they are 'in harmony' tries to make this an acceptable fate for her, but only makes it worse.
Benny: Another offscreen death, and this one feels particularly spiteful. It really seems like he was killed just to be a conversation-starter for Cas and Dean. However, if his fate can be sealed by a line of dialogue, then it only proves that confirmation of the fates of Eileen, AU Charlie and the other hunters could have been given in the same way. Just one line could have done it - "I just spoke to Eileen, everyone's back." Instead, at the end of 15.19 we're in the absurd position of having Sam and Dean toast the people they've lost without them even bothering to check who that may or not be.
Billie: The bizarre thing about Billie being revealed as a villain at the end of Season 15 was that she was supposed to be acting in self-interest - that she wanted to be the new God. It made no sense. What would make sense to me, though, would be if Chuck was controlling her (as Lucifer bound Death in Season 5). Season 15 has strong echoes of Season 4 - and Billie took on both the role of Ruby (feeding Jack hearts rather than demon blood, but nevertheless making him into a weapon, with the price being the loss of his sense of self and ultimately his life) and Heaven (persuading Dean that it had to be this way, and telling him to go along with the plan). We only have the Shadow's word for Billie's motivation, and we know she wasn't responsible for the deaths of the AU hunters, so in the end her status is ambiguous - she really seems to be a victim of Chuck's bad writing. She's erased from the narrative along with Castiel, when really she should have been freed from Chuck's control and fighting on the side of nature and free will alongside the Winchesters. Supernatural also concludes with nobody in the role of Death, which is a crazy loose thread left dangling.
Castiel: His confession was a thing of beauty, perfectly summing up the truth of both his and Dean's characters. Both of them are made of and motivated by love. And yet after speaking his truth, he is silenced. He never gets to hear that he is loved in return (when the previous twelve seasons have made it abundantly clear to the audience that Dean loves Cas just as much as Cas loves Dean). His capacity for love made him the only thing that Chuck could not control; as an agent of free will, he should have had a central role in Chuck's defeat.
In 15x13, when Cas is in the Empty to see Ruby, the Shadow says: "funny thing about [Death's] plan, though... she didn't say anything about needing you. Baby, you can't just traipse in and out of here. It upsets the order of things." To me, this sounded so much like 4x22's "you're not in this story" that I saw it as a pretty clear indication that Cas would play an important part in Chuck's defeat. Because Team Free Will wouldn't follow the plan, would they? They would find another way, wouldn't they? Wouldn't they?
However, after the confession, he's never seen on screen again. He's barely mentioned. Eventually we're told he "helped" Jack, so he ends up where he started: as a servant of heaven. He deserved to complete his fall, to become human, to live as well as speak his truth. Making him a silent, unseen instrument of heaven undoes his entire arc. Erasing him from the narrative requires the extraordinary warping of that narrative: nothing about his death suggests that it should be accepted as a permanent 'sacrifice', when we know that there is a spell that can return angels from the Empty (and, thanks to the handprint, we have his blood for it) and that Lucifer was brought back by Chuck in 15x19. And the idea that Sam, Jack and Dean wouldn't try everything in their power to bring him back is utterly ludicrous.
Cas' confession scene to so closely mirrors 4x01's barn scene that the narrative is crying out for the parallel to be completed by Dean rescuing Cas from the Empty just as Cas rescued Dean from hell. However, we're never given that narrative closure - just like we are never given the reunions demanded by the scenes of Sam losing Eileen and Charlie losing Stevie.
Chuck: Okay, so he might not make your list of characters you could ever care about, but my point about his ending is that while it's fitting, for it to really work we also needed Cas to become human, too. For Chuck, being human is a punishment, but for Cas it would be a reward. We really needed this balance, otherwise all we have is humanity as the worst thing that could happen to you, which is not exactly a great parting message for the show. (Also, how precisely is it possible to make him human?) Not only is being human the worst fate possible, but, specifically, so is growing old and being forgotten. Again, this is a punishment for Chuck, but it would have been a reward for Dean: growing old when the story (and his own self-loathing) constantly told him that he would die young; and being forgotten, not in a negative sense, but in terms of not being a character in a story any more: remembered fondly by his friends but no longer a legend, just a man living an insignificant little life exactly the way he chooses.
Dean: Where do I even start. Let's be clear: ending the story with his death (by any means and in any scenario) was always going to be the absolute worst possible ending for him and for the show.
In 15x19 we have the glorious moment when Chuck calls him the ultimate killer, and Dean (heeding Cas' words from 15x18) says "that's not who I am". Now, I mean no disrespect to Dean here (because he is, canonically, a genius) but I don't think that he was in any way necessary to the Michael double-cross plot that eventually saw the defeat of Chuck. Honestly, if he had died in 15x18, then 15x19 could still have played out in exactly the same way. It's as if he wasn't saved so that he could save the world - he was saved so that he could have this moment of self-realisation. He was saved so that he could stand up to Chuck (God, and the author, and parallelled with John) and tell him that he's not the person that he tried to force him to be.
And yet by the next episode, this revelation is entirely forgotten. He doesn't get to continue his self-actualisation by speaking his truth to Cas. Instead, 15x20 presents Dean as almost a caricature of himself. Dean loves pie. Dean loves his brother. Dean loves his car. All of his complexity (present right from Season 1) is stripped away.
Finally free to write his own story, he ends up giving Chuck the ending he always wanted: one dead Winchester - killed, you could argue, by his brother (Sam fails to call for help and instead tells Dean to "go".) Told by Cas that he's not "Daddy's blunt instrument" and accepting that he's not "the ultimate killer", Dean goes right back to killing (even threatening torture) and following his father's words (in the form of the journal).
For Dean to die exactly as the story has always told him, and as he's always told himself in his worst moments of self loathing, is brutal and tragic. What makes it truly appalling is the way in which both Dean and Sam accept his death and say it's "okay". For Dean to say "always keep fighting" at the very moment when he gives up and when Sam gives up on him is bitterly ironic. (Interestingly, when Cas said "you have to keep fighting" in his 12x12 death speech, exhorting Sam and Dean to save themselves and leave him behind, Sam replied with "we are fighting. We're fighting for you, Cas" and Dean followed with "and like you said, you're family. And we don't leave family behind".)
Dean has always been the symbol of humanity in Supernatural: he stood for earth against the forces of heaven and hell. He'd rather live with pain and guilt than exist as a "Stepford bitch in paradise", and yet that's exactly what he becomes, driving mindlessly through Jack's new heaven where everyone is "happy". Dean previously dismissed heaven's happiness as "Memorex", and after Mary's death he was the only one not consoled by the confirmation that she was in heaven and happy. Having Dean being content in heaven is utterly out of character. He's always fought for free will, and in heaven - where there's no agency, where he's cut off from the world - this is the one thing that he does not have.
Eileen: An interesting, complex, kickass character, Eileen deserved so much better than being erased from the storyline. A Men of Letters legacy, I imagine her working with Sam to share the knowledge contained within the bunker whilst also dismantling the patriarchy, elitism and colonialism of its past. Her disappearance from the narrative makes absolutely no sense - 15x09, 15x17 and 15x18 confirm just how significant she is to Sam, and yet we never see them reunited or see Sam mourning her death. The audience's love for Eileen is totally disregarded, too - she's ripped away from us with no further explanation.
Emma: Okay, so she wasn't actually in season 15, but that's sort of my point. I have a lot to say about Emma, but here I'll just say that her significance has grown massively since Season 7. The narrative has shifted from Team Free Will being sons to being fathers. Even if she wasn't brought back, just a mention of her would have been significant. (I can't stop thinking about the massive potential of a conversation about Emma between Dean and Jack.) She didn't deserve to be forgotten.
Season 15 was Supernatural's last opportunity to bring back characters from the past - such as Meg, original Charlie, Crowley, and Bela Talbot - and give them better endings. Sadly this opportunity was wasted.
Garth: He actually seems to get his happy ending, on several levels. He finds a family; he finds happiness; he's acknowledged as a hero by the Winchesters, who had previously mocked him. Dean's words to him about embracing happiness are powerful. Garth lives as his full, authentic self - monstrosity now included. It's that monstrosity that's the issue here, though - as werewolves, Garth, Bess and little Sam and Castiel are doomed to go to purgatory when they die. Mia Vallens said to Jack that "it doesn't matter what you are - it matters what you do", but in this case the opposite is true. It's hideously unfair, but again the show never acknowledges this. It would have been simple to change in a line or two - just a quick mention about how purgatory has been fixed, so that only truly monstrous beasts like the leviathan are kept trapped there - but the injustice remains.
Jack: From his birth, his destiny was either to be the monstrous destroyer or the divine saviour of the world, which is precisely why he should have side-stepped it and found another way. He deserved to live without the weight of the world on his shoulders. Instead, he was forced to take on the power of God - and since when has someone suddenly taking on a huge amount of power ever ended well for Team Free Will? Then, he repeats the exact same pattern set up by Chuck. First, he abandons his creation by walking away and disappearing off to, in the words of Bobby, "wherever he went". Like Chuck, he ignores earthly suffering: if he's now omniscient and omnipotent, is he in fact complicit in Dean's death? Secondly, he's controlling: he remodels Heaven as he sees fit, making it a place where everyone's together and everyone's happy, with its inhabitants given absolutely no choice in the matter. There's also no reason why Jack had to vanish from the story - Chuck was capable of spending time on Earth.
The mechanics of the bomb plot also irks me no end. We're told by Death that the bomb will kill Jack. However, their plan fails, and Jack survives the blast. In 15x19, Dean tells Chuck that all the work done to turn Jack into a "cosmic bomb" has turned him instead into a "power vacuum." It makes it seem like a side-effect, and also that "sucking up bits of power" has been charging him up to the point where he's "unstoppable". He's able to both absorb and appropriate Chuck's power. However, in 15x17 Adam and Serafina explain that the bomb will create a "metaphysical supernova" that will make Jack into "a living black hole for divine energy" - which suggests that, actually, the bomb worked as intended.
But if the plan worked, why is Jack still alive? Billie made it clear that Jack wouldn't survive. And "nothing can escape" a black hole - so how is Jack able to use Chuck's powers to bring back Earth's population? Besides which, didn't 15x17 reveal that Chuck himself had "orchestrated" the entire thing? Which makes the theory that Chuck possessed Jack really the only outcome that makes sense. (Particularly as Serafina talks about Jack making his "vessel" strong. Jack is a nephil, not an angel - he has a body, not a vessel. Also, the bomb is made by fusing his soul with his grace - so, the two things that make up Jack, his humanity and his divinity, are annihilated.) Deliberately making Chuck win, however (with no tease at the end that this might be the case), makes no sense either. My head hurts.
Kevin: As if he hadn't been treated badly enough by the story already, we find that Kevin hasn't been in Heaven since we last saw him, but rather hell. He ends up as an untethered ghost, presumably just wandering about for all eternity. His fate comes courtesy of a bizarre new rule that souls from hell can't go to heaven - when previously both Bobby and John have done exactly that. Again, just one line telling us that he's now in heaven could have changed his ending.
Michael: Bringing back Adam and Michael was a brilliant move, and this version of Michael was utterly compelling - struggling with his faith in his father after being abandoned, torn between his loyalty to Heaven and his relationship with Adam. I thought that his handing over of the spell was very similar to Cas' "just so you understand … why I can't help" moment, and it seemed the precursor to Michael becoming an advocate for humanity, even a member of Team Free Will. However, instead Michael was doomed to play out his father's narrative: killing his brother and repeating the cycle of sibling conflict and trauma that Chuck began when he betrayed Amara. (And we'll credit Chuck's bad writing with the fact that the battle between Michael and Lucifer that was once predicted to wipe out millions and scorch the globe can now happen in the bunker without so much as a chair being knocked over - and without wires as well.)
Rowena: She seems to be relishing her reign as Queen of Hell, but the way she's so casually condemned is jarring. Surely her previous good deeds and her final act of self sacrifice would be enough to tip the scales in a heavenly direction? (It worked for Lily Sunder - another woman who vowed never to be powerless again.) They could easily have said it was Chuck's fault that she had to remain in hell - but instead it just seems like a foregone conclusion. She deserved better.
Sam: If we're supposed to believe that having a "normal" life is Sam's idea of writing his own story, why doesn't he do it as soon as Chuck is defeated? Instead, his suburban "apple pie" life only happens after Dean dies, which makes it seem more of a grief arc than a happy ending. (Just as he escaped into a self-professed "fantasy" life with Amelia after Dean's death, or when he succumbed to the comfort of a fake married life in Charming Acres after the trauma of losing all the AU hunters).
The idea that he'd keep hunting for Dean doesn't ring true - Dean had been the one openly craving retirement and domesticity for several seasons. After all, the idea of Dean as a hunter and Sam as the brother who wants to be normal is Chuck's story. Dean wasn't the "ultimate killer" that Chuck wanted him to be, and Sam too had been forging his own identity as a leader, a Man of Letters, and a powerful witch. He'd also found love - and with Eileen, he could be his full, authentic self. The idea that he would leave her is absurd, as is the idea that he would abandon his entire extended found family, who seem to have no part in his new life. When Dean returned from purgatory, he was furious that Sam had failed to help Kevin. Would Sam really do the exact same thing again - walk away from Jody and the girls when they are mourning both Cas and Dean and need his support? Would he just abandon Rowena's entire witchy collection and leave the huge store of knowledge in the Bunker locked up in the dark?
The Shadow: again, dubious on a list of characters you care about, but hey - all they ever really wanted was to go back to sleep, and can't we all relate to that? Anyway, they made the list for being one of the most frustrating open endings of the show. What did it mean for the Empty to be "loud"? Who is the Shadow, anyway? Just how did this cosmic entity fit in with the mythology of Chuck and Amara? It's maddening that the Shadow and the Empty were made central to several seasons only to be suddenly dropped.
The Wayward Sisters: my beloveds. Such a brilliant cast of characters and such wasted potential. They're an important part of the Winchesters' family and Team Free Will, but, in the end, they're forgotten. Claire may have gotten her happy ending with the return of Kaia, but this happens off screen. We never see her reaction to the deaths of Castiel or Dean.
The final few episodes seem to be about stripping away all of the characters except Sam and Dean, so they are completely alone by 15x20. Phrases such as "just us" and "just you and me" and "it's always been you and me" seem to suggest that this is a good thing, but previously the idea of them being isolated and alone has seemed like the worst case scenario (for example in Season 8, when Sam and Dean are forced to give up Amelia and Benny, respectively, or in Chuck's vision of a future in which the brothers lose Eileen and Cas along with Jody and the girls, give up hope, and end up as vampires, killed by their remaining friends).
Anyway, the whole idea of just Sam and Dean going wherever the road takes them is Chuck's story. It's on the cover of his books. By making Chuck the villain, Season 15 itself makes it impossible for a return to this idea to be a satisfying conclusion to the story.
In fact, Supernatural was never about just Sam and Dean. It was always about family. Season 1 was about Sam, Dean and John. Bobby introduced the phrase "family don't end with blood" in Season 3 and Dean coined the phrase "Team Free Will" in Season 4. It's an ethos that has spread into the fandom, too. Didn't the SPN Family deserve a finale that celebrated that idea, of banding together, of caring about the whole world, of love being the ultimate expression of free will?
You can't help but pick up on a theme: characters that were forgotten are forgotten again. Characters who were locked away are locked away again. The same narratives and the same traumas play out again and again. No-one escapes their miserable, predestined fate. It's Chuck's ending. And it's Chuck's spiteful ending.
It's the ending that kills off its beloved characters, and also destroys their whole world. The bunker is left in darkness. Time has moved forward by so much in order to accommodate Sam's natural death that we can't even imagine the ongoing stories of other characters like Garth or the Sioux Falls family (ironic, given the episode's title).
It's the kind of ending you get when a show is cancelled and the writer decides to kill off their characters and wreck their world so that there's no possibility of another network or another writer taking over their story. (And yet outside of the show, there's no evidence to suggest this - you would think that the ending had been designed to make a reboot impossible, but it has already been talked about.)
If we were not going to get a sense of the world continuing, then we could have been given a more radical and satisfying ending. We could have had Death collect on their promise to one day reap God. We could have had a world freed from the supernatural entirely: heaven, hell and purgatory obliterated, and Team Free Will finding peace in life on earth.
Because Chuck has been the author and the narrator the entire time, it makes no sense for the story to continue past the point of his defeat. (It makes even less sense for that story to revert back to Chuck's ideal narrative.) So, really we should have been given a more open ending: Team Free Will triumphant over Chuck and their future left open, the author dead and the characters' stories entrusted to the audience.
Instead, in the end, it's a bizarre mix of needlessly closed-down endings (killing off Cas, Sam and Dean, and vanishing Jack) and frustrating open ones (the loud Empty, there being no Death, Kevin wandering, the ambiguous fate of Eileen, Adam, Donna and the AU hunters).
And the final two episodes are also objectively bad. The double-cross plot in 15x19 is lame when the resolution of the Chuck storyline should have been profound. (It invites comparisons with the Season 11 finale, which was excellent.) 15x20 feels weirdly empty and flat. Dean's death is unrealistic; it echoes Sam's death in Season 2 and Dean's in Season 9 (which, if you think about it, would only be possible if Chuck was still writing it), but lacks the emotional punch of either. Dean's "I'm proud of us," in his Season 9 death scene is so much more powerful than his "I'm proud of you" in the finale. And let's not even mention that wig.
In conclusion: every single character deserved better. The actors deserved better. The audience deserved better. Because the ending we were given was not the ending that the season, or the entire series, had been building towards.
The ending tries to destroy every good thing that Supernatural has ever given us - vibrant characters, the fight for free will, the value of found family, the power of love - but it fails. Ultimately the characters and themes are too powerful to be contained by that terrible, flimsy ending. So now I've gotten all of that off my chest, I'm going right back to finale denialism.
#so I've been compiling this list for quite a while and now seems as good a time as any to get it off my chest#it's also the checklist for the fix-it I'm writing so really I should go and work on that#supernatural#spn#spn 15x20#spn 15.20#tw dean's death
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job ranting under the cut but
idk how to deal w ppl not liking me lol. there's these two coworkers I have that I'm in charge of and I try my best to be nice when I'm correcting and not like. place blame. and I'll usually try and add in smth similar that I've made a mistake on and emphasize that I understand but moving forward please do xyz. I'll admit w one of them last time I had to speak w her abt smth I got a lil irritated bc it's smth I've talked to her about multiple multiple times. but she disliked me long before that. and like. on one hand I feel like. I should just let them dislike me and that in some cases they're just plain being disrespectful assholes but like. what if I am simply the asshole 😭
like what if my autistic ass is being meaner and harsher than I realize? I've worked w kids for ages so I know how to be nice and give correction nicely to kids but I'm very new at managing adults and finding that balance between being respectful, not infantilizing, and not being harsh.
but like I've heard feedback from my bosses and other trainees that I'm doing good at giving corrections and training and being nice about it so I'm like. is it Truly just that these two people suck? and it's not like they suck at their jobs, they're both good baristas, they're just not good at taking corrections or criticism bc they have a kind of like. idea that what they're doing is Always correct. and idk how to approach that bc like it's My Job to correct them on shit that needs correcting but I also hate the idea of people I'm in charge of disliking me and not thinking I'm a good leader
but this one girl for example will constantly question and undermine everything I do bc she's worked at a different coffee shop before and thus thinks she knows everything about coffee. and she only backs down when the owner comes over and I clarify with him that I'm doing what our procedure is. and any time I try and correct Her on things, she argues with me and doesn't fix it until the owner talks to her about it. like I truly think she just thinks I'm stupid lmfao. and that bothers me a lot. bc I'm not, I'm very good at my job. and ofc I'm willing to take corrections, she corrected me on smth abt milksteaming that she wasn't right about either but it did lead me to talk to my manager and figure out what Was the correct way to go about it but like...... I really just wish she had enough respect for me to at least be willing to listen to what I have to say and not wait for our owner to say smth.
and the other coworker I don't work with often but him and 2 other girls were doing a really bad job on closes and I was told basically to figure out what was going on. and it boiled down to they'd been trained when we were short staffed so they hadn't gotten to fully close on their own so they didn't know all their duties. and when I closed w him I like nicely let him know hey so I know there were some gaps in your training and I know I definitely missed some stuff too when I got trained but jsyk here's what you need to do and soon we're going to be writing up a new and better checklist to help everyone else out. but I think he took that correction Personally bc he's barely talked to me since and is incredibly annoyed w me every time we work together.
and ik I've struggled in the past w my autism making me nitpicky and bossy and I just worry that I'm doing that without realizing :/
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I would love some more mean advice, I'm taking notes because this is a goldmine
lol honestly, the advice about not starting a fic with Life Story Infodump or Daily Grind Infodump is the most important thing I can think of. Since nearly all of the times I back out of a fic, it’s because of one of those two things. Just about everything else I can think of is pretty minor and won’t make me quit reading. But here’s a few things I think might be helpful just for giving a story some extra shine.
1. Minute detail of a process is rarely necessary. Gloss over how something works unless the details have something to do with plot. For instance, if Dean is making tacos for dinner, just say Dean gets to work preparing tacos. Don’t talk about warming up the shells, or browning the meat, or slicing the veggies. Unless it’s plot related. If Dean makes checklists and crosses things off to soothe anxiety, then those details are important, but make it clear that he’s self-soothing. Or if Cas is allergic to onions, bring up that Dean sauteed them and added them to the meat, because Dean LOVES onions, and it didn’t occur to him to check if Cas has allergies before he started cooking, and they can’t be picked out, and oops the date ends with Dean rushing Cas to the ER, etc. Otherwise, just say Dean had an hour left till Cas showed up for dinner, so he hurried to prepare all the taco fixings, and it took too little time so now he had to figure out how to occupy himself till the doorbell rang.
(btw, I would LOVE more first date ending up in the ER stories, everyone who reads this is free to adopt that idea lol)
2. Please don’t write an entire story in 1-2 sentence paragraphs. This is rare, but it’s an almost instant nope out for me. There’s this one story that I reeeeeally want to read, because it’s right up my alley, and other than the short paragraph issue, it’s well written so I keep trying but getting stuck. I’m gonna have to copy it into a doc and edit the paragraphs and squish some stuff together to make it legible to my brain. Like there’s a long stretch in the first chapter where every sentence is its own paragraph, and just.... why. When you’re putting a paragraph break, there’s a mental pause happening in the reader’s mind. And too many short paragraphs in a row makes it more like a really long poem rather than a typical story you’d read in a book. A lot of advice says to not attack your readers with a wall of text (WALL OF TEXT CRITS YOU FOR OVER 9000!!!) and to break things up, but the opposite is also true. Too many super short paragraphs is like Damage Over Time (THROW MORE DOTS, MORE DOTS!) and either one of those will defeat your reader’s interest. Short paragraphs are a very useful tool, I use them myself for emphasis, but it can’t be your whole story. Try to limit it to no more than 3 in a row. If you’re going past that, take a minute to read those sentences and see if they’re related to each other. Squish them into a single paragraph if they are. Varying your paragraph length IS an art form. Like writing music. Paragraphs build a cadence, and staccato cannot sustain a whole song. This can be mitigated by creating long compound sentences though, so keep in mind that the length of the sentence, which should vary, can make a paragraph feel longer, even if it is only 1 or 2 sentences.
(haha she gives advice on how to break up paragraphs while critting you with a wall of text! good job, Carebear.)
3. The art of breaking up dialogue is just as delicate as the art of paragraph construction. Too much back and forth without breaking it up with an action or an internal thought can make it confusing who is talking. The rule of 3 comes in handy here too. After 3 back and forths, put in something non-dialogue. So it would go Character A says thing, Character B says Thing, Character A says thing, add some action/internal thoughts. And just a he/she/they said tag isn’t enough. IT IS BETTER THAN NOTHING, and depending on the cadence of the conversation it’s the right tool. But adding some physical movement or a stray thought would be better. That being said, don’t put too much action/thought between sections of dialogue. If you put too much info in there, it can make your reader forget that there’s even a conversation going on, and they’ll get to the next piece of dialogue and be like wtf is this pertaining to again? and they’ll have to scroll back to the last line of dialogue to remember what was last said. Remember, thoughts fly at the speed of light, so if you’re pausing the dialogue for some internal character thought, it’s happening in a matter of seconds, but your reader needs minutes to read and parse what’s going on. Again, rule of 3, try not to do more than 3 paragraphs between dialogues. And if you’re still not sure, or you feel like you need more so you keep going, read out loud from the last dialogue through the next dialogue and it’ll give you an idea of just how much time is physically passing for your readers, and you’ll start to feel the true size of things.
(WRITE ALL THAT STUFF DOWN THO. If you need to get it out, then by all means, get it out. It’s your first draft, and it’s important for YOU, even if a lot of it isn’t important for the reader. Trim it in the edit. FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS, TRIM IT IN THE EDIT.)
(And the rule of 3 is a guideline, not a rule. It’s just a good measuring tool that you can use until you’re comfortable enough to eyeball things on your own.)
Anyway, those are the only things that come to mind while I’m calm and not in a frothing rage over writing errors that are not mine to correct. I feel like a huge asshole for vague-bitching about other people’s writing, and I profusely apologize for anyone’s hurt feelings if they read this advice and realize this might apply to something they’ve done. PLEASE KEEP WRITING, DON’T LET MY WHINGING DISCOURAGE YOU, I LOVE YOU.
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Hi Guppy! I'm May, an Admin for CHVRCHESrp. Would you be willing to give us an opinion? Thank you for your consideration!
I’d be glad to give you an opinion, May! DISCLAIMER - everything said in this is just an opinion, if something seems insensitive I’m just trying to give my opinion honestly. Alright, let’s start with the icon (which I can see as the favicon on the blog). From what I can make out it is a wing with text over it. I think that you could take out the overlaying bar of text, and just write the initial of “churches” as a “C” in a dark colored, bold text over the wing. This would make icon much more simple and clear up what it is. Now for the main theme, I like how simple it is, but the detail of the church in the header, and the white, gray, red color scheme makes it feel heavenly or even hellish with the red. The only thing that bothers me is the embossed stroke effect and the transparent red. I would prefer, personally, for it to be a darker, straight, non-embossed stroke that is closer to the maroon you have set as an incorporation of you color scheme already. Red is such a difficult color to work with in graphics, and it looks a lot more professional and beautiful (to me at least) when it is a darker maroon/deep red, and when it is not embossed out. Otherwise, the theme is very organized, I think you could shorten your timeline (even though it does show each of the milestones of the story, maybe there could be a better location where they’re listed?), this also applies for the event dates, because it goes all the way back to 2016, which it’s always nice to update and keep things tidy with spring cleaning. You could always create an archive sideblog that has a page of events and what occured, the progression of the storyline, and leave the main to the most current updates and upcoming/past events?
For now I’ll be talking more about the plot of the rp, the organization of information, and pages that contribute to that. Your navigation is very well put together, and I think all the links are very fitting. It allows players to click through links for every step of the rp. Now to touch on the plot, which I love that you’ve separated it into seasons. It gives a full detail of what has happened, and lets new players in on what’s happened in the past. While the plot is very interesting and full of details, it does feel a bit diluted. By that, I mean that there are so many details and characters to keep track of that by the end I had more questions than answers. I think maybe before the plot (in another tab section) you could have a list of terms, people, and character information that is important to understand the plot. For example, it would’ve helped to clear up if Lucifer and Satan were the same person because I did not understand that well. And also, because the characters were very specific to the group, it would have been helpful to add their descriptions beforehand so I wouldn’t have to go searching through the blog for their information/bios/players. Another question I had was about the Church of Saints and Sinners. I’m guessing from the names that the Saints revere the God that died from illness/angels and that the Sinners revere Satan/Lucifer/demons, but this is something that is not made clear in the plot. Or if it was made clear I missed it. You have something really good going for yourself because the plot is very original, but I feel like it was a little confusing to follow or understand some points that are not gone over in much depth. I should be able to understand most if not all the rps components without having to go onto several different pages. However, your powers page helped me gain a lot more understanding with each of the character types and how they fit into the story line. I still think it would be worth it to add short summaries at the beginning of the plot, so if you happen to click the plot first, like I did, you won’t be confused continuing to go through the links. Similar to the power types page, the churches page gives more information, but still I want to know if they worship a specific deity in each of the churches, that is still unclear to me at least. Continuing on, I love this unique style of Events and Tasks you’ve created, as well as the way you’ve developed your point system. I’ve never seen this done before, and I applaud the admins on this idea. Nothing bad to say there. Your page for characters is also very organized and easy to get around. I like the way the page is set up so that the players will have plenty of open opportunity to develop their character because there is no full restricting bio, but the characters still have pieces that make them standout! I can say nothing bad about the characters. I like your use of diversity in faceclaims, both underused and frequently used.
Let’s talk about the rules and the application. I’ll start with the application, which . For your rules, I think that you should move this rule “Once accepted, please adhere to game canon, including bios, posted information, and your accepted application,” into it’s own bullet point. It doesn’t quite relate to the section before about the OOC blog. I also think it would be nice to move the OOC rules you have on the checklist over to the main rules page anyways (that way it’s note broken up and if it’s left in the checklist it’s just an important restatement of the rules). If more of the OOC rules were on the main rule page, I think it would feel a lot more complete, otherwise all your rules are very clear and helpful to players. I think the application is fine, too, it’s in basic form!
I’ll wrap this up with the other pages and sidenotes. As for the checklist, it was very nice to include all the needed links. It’s also very organized, but I still think that the OOC rules (and even maybe the IC rules) should just be on the main rule page. That way it keeps everything a bit more organized and, unless you’re restating important information to the players, makes it feel like less information to sort through. This is more of a sidenote, but I see that your main tag to track is just “chvrchesrp”, which makes sense to keep everything in one place, but it’s a personal thought that it might get cluttered with starters, tasks, activities, admin posts, etc., and therefore get very hard to sort through. So, it might be nice and more organized to develop separate tags for specific information. And let me know if I just missed the other tracked tags, but I swear I went through your navigation several times for a page! Otherwise, checklist looks good. I really love the cohesive themes from each of the pages, I think that the locations page is really lovely, the way you set up your masterlist is wonderful, too, and I like the admins page which gives us more detail into you as admins. The only page that I take issue with is the weather page, which while an important detail seems insignificant and like something I, as a player, wouldn’t want to have to go into the navigation to look for it. I’d suggest replacing that page with something else, and just adding another sidebar place with widgets you can just incorporate into your theme. If you end up going through with this idea of moving the widget to another section of the main theme, I can suggest a few websites for that. Otherwise, the worldbuilding you’ve created is relevant (especially with the other blogs of the radio, the musing blog, and so on). This is just another personal sidenote, I think you should call the “customs” tab on the navigation “custom roles”, take it off when the roles are all filled, move the link to the top of the application/rules, or possibly something else? When I first read it I thought it might be some kind of etiquette or traditions section of the blog, but I was surprised to find out that it was actually targeted towards player-created characters.
So, before signing off, I’ll give my final thoughts. I think that this roleplay is fixed up with extremely dedicated admins who have most likely spent days and restless hours trying to formulate each piece of this roleplay. For that, I commend you and congratulate you for keeping a roleplay open for this long and for creating a unique property. The main points I struggled with when going through the blog is just how complicated it seemed and how much information there was. I am the kind of person who gets overwhelmed as a new player if I join in the game a bit late, or it there is already a lot that has happened. So, I think that the plot and the terms and keeping track of all the pages did become a bit engulfing and overpowering. So, I think it would be very, very helpful, if you as admins kept the main page as organized and tidy as possible, it would help new players feel more comforted in joining and allow old players to more easily look through past accomplishments. I had so much that I really didn’t get to talk about in this opinion, but I hope what I focused on helped to organize my thoughts a bit more and got through to the admins.
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Hi (again? I think I closed out the tab before my earlier ask sent, so if you got the first one just ignore this) I'm a pre-med student and saw your book recommendations on that post that was circulating a few days ago. I was just wondering if you had any more book/article recs that you consider mandatory reads for anyone about to enter the field? Good luck on your latest rotation!
Hi! I did not get the first ask, so sending it again was a good call! Thank you for asking about MY FAVORITE SUBJECTS TO TALK ABOUT IN THE WORLD, my opinions and medical school and reading!
I really, really think The Social Transformation of American Medicine and Money-Driven Medicine should be required reading; Social Transformation can get dry, but I have not found any other books that cover the way medical education got the way it is now in the same kind of depth and detail. And I think it helps to know–it can seem baffling and arbitrary that things are the way they are, but there were reasons behind the initial decisions, and then things didn’t change when they probably should have, because Tradition.
And Money-Driven Medicine is a solid, meaty read that gives you a vivid appreciation for where the money goes in the modern US medical financial market. It doesn’t go to doctors, nurses, or any other providers; it goes to insurance companies, drug companies, and device manufacturers, and the rest of us are so far distant in fourth place that our costs are trivial by comparison.
As far as other good books to read to understand what you’re getting into, that kind of depends on what fields you think you might be interested in. It’s a question all medical students start getting immediately, even before your first interview, and yet a lot of students don’t have a good answer until partway through third or even fourth year. Which sucks, because if you’ve always thought you wanted to be a surgeon and then you don’t get to take your first surgery rotation until the end of your third year, wow are you boned! You could easily find yourself on a career track–a sub-internship in Surg lined up for your fourth year–when you discover you hate surgery.
So I’d recommend finding biographies of providers in different fields. Emily Transue writes about, IIRC, going into internal medicine. There are more surgical and emergency medicine memoirs because they tend to be the pulse-pounding ones, but Hot Lights, Cold Steel was a good one in my opinion for conveying how soul-crushing surgical training can be, and The Year They Tried To Kill Me is an accurate and entertaining read about a surgeon’s intern year. Something for the Pain is an ED doc’s memoir, and he’s up front about a lot of the shittier aspects. Another Day in the Frontal Lobe is a memoir from one of the rare female brain surgeons; she avoids talking about gender inequality, but you need to know it’s a very real problem in medicine–the higher up you get in prestige and pay, the fewer women there are. And brain surgery, with four years of medical school followed by seven years in residency, is one of the most prestigious.
I don’t actually know any good memoirs from family med docs or pediatricians or OBs, so if you guys know of any, chime in.
And then there is, of course, the ever-present Atul Gawande. Complications was one of his first, about his field, surgery, and how he navigates its emotional minefields. There’s Better, which is about how educating doctors inevitably harms patients. There’s Being Mortal, about death and dying, which will make you cry. The Checklist Manifesto is a wonderful account of trying to bring evidence-based practice to life while taking the human error out of the equation as much as possible–while humans fight any possibility that they might be error-prone tooth and nail.
House of God is a classic from the 1970s. If you work with any doctors over the age of 40 (which you DEFINITELY will), they will reference this. It’s brutal. It highlights all the things modern residencies like to think they’ve fixed. They have not fixed these things.
Med School Confidential is more of a hands-on guide. Unfortunately, it was designed and written for the “old” curriculum–I’m still in the old curriculum, which is where the first two years are exclusively classroom and the second two years are exclusively wards and clinic, but more and more schools are switching to a different timeline where students start clinical rotations earlier. How well this new curriculum works is up for debate, but this book will prepare you pretty well for the old curriculum in terms of having a schema for how it works–but then not at all for the new.
How Doctors Think shows up on a lot of med school curricula but I’m kind of eh about it.
Those are kind of the big ones! You can read up on things like medical ethics if you want, but those books tend to end up not really feeling all that applicable to your day to day life, especially as a med student. Many of the Big Profound Questions are answered for you: as a med student, it’s not your place to have many of the discussions; once you’re a practicing physician, what you do is limited by law. And discovering how you react under pressure is a continual and sometimes shocking part of medical education–the first time I walked into a clinic room thinking I was going to have a conversation with a patient about chronic pain and she started screaming and cussing at me before I was even all the way in the door, for instance, taught me that my first instinct is to back away slowly. Which, when it’s your patient, you don’t get to do!
Medicine is a hell of a field. It’s huge and sprawling, and there are so many different ways to be a doctor. But getting to the point in your training where you’re allowed to practice independent of supervision makes 25% of medical students clinically depressed and 10% of us suicidal. (There was a study earlier this year! The Surgeon General had to talk about it.) So! There’s a LOT that’s fucked-up about the process, and I think it’s good to have some idea what you’re signing up for before you throw a couple hundred grand at the process, because once you get on this merry-go-round, you can’t get off until you retire or die.
I wouldn’t necessarily recommend medicine as a career to anyone right now, but I also know that once people get to this point they’re pretty invested. So! Be informed, since it’s literally impossible to be prepared.
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(1/7) so i'm really mad about what has been happening these past few days, but i'm siding more towards the girl who wrote the letter. in no way do i think shitting everywhere was a good idea, but i understand where she's coming from. my family can't afford tutoring either, and we were all so relieved when i found out i was coming here because at least then i'd be able to have a good education.
2/7) turns out my old school was much better in terms of the teaching there, and numerous times i have thought of leaving this school because not once has a teacher taught me anything (i have had to go home and learn everything myself), but i have not told my parents about how much i want to leave because they’re so much happier now and i would not do that to them.
(3/7) obviously i feel bad for the school and the staff and the years 12s (especially student voice) for having to deal with this issue, but i’m getting really annoyed because it seems like they’re sweeping it under the rug. yes, the staff and student voice are addressing things in meetings with the year levels, but they’re not focussing on the main point of the letter: the teaching quality.
(4/7) it’s as if the staff are all saying ‘student voice will deal with it’ which is bullshit because these are students they’re talking about that have homework and their own lives and can’t do this on their own. and student voice seems to be saying ‘we’re sorry about what’s happening and we’ll try to fix it’ but what i want to hear (and probably many other students do too) is ‘we’ll try do something about quality of teaching’.
(5/7) I’m annoyed because so many people are angry at this girl for going against the school in order to help HER FUTURE, just because they’re either hurt over what she did, or it’s wounded their pride. yes, some people are mad about how she shit everywhere, i honestly don’t know what that achieved, but i wish people would think again about how she must be feeling, and how stressed she must’ve been to resort to this.
(6/7) in the meeting student voice had with my year level, they said that they think this whole ordeal was a joke to the girl. A JOKE. that makes me so mad, because obviously just by reading the letter you can see how stressed and angry she must’ve been. and the teachers say ‘we want to offer her support’ (as if she needs some sort of mental help). THAT IS NOT GOING TO SOLVE THIS ISSUE.
(7/7) she obviously wants a better education, a better future. so do i, so do many other students that are scared to voice their opinion. and i think all these people who are going against her and are siding with the school have never been in my position, or the girl’s position, and it honestly hurts, because everyone seems to forget that not everyone has the luxury of tutoring and we NEED a good education.
Hi there,
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and yes we can relate to this to an extent. We get where she is coming from - being in a difficult economic situation is really tough especially as we go to a school where most students are tutored. We get that it puts her at a disadvantage in terms of learning, and that our school needs to address the needs and support all of our students, especially those from poorer families. Her future is important to the school and that’s why they’ve attempted many time to try and reach out to this person. Her own personal circumstances are not something we’re trying to dismiss, and many of us can actually relate from being from poorer backgrounds. Many families in fact live with just enough to feed themselves and to provide their children with tuition, knowing that a good education will get them to a better economic situation. Our point of disagreement with her is the same as yours, her method of voicing these concerns - i myself am not in the greatest financial position, not to undermine this person’s own situation though, but I feel other ways are way better to resolving those issues.
Yesterday at the year level meeting we had, the SRC Presidents did say that they were going to do something about it. They emphasised on the long term, because change does take some time if it is going to be good. They are trying to get students on teacher interview panels, and something our cohort believes will work which is teacher trials when they first come into the school, so they aren’t already on a fixed contract that we can’t do anything about. To call for the firing of teachers also actually does nothing to address the problem of teaching quality, and only works to harm the livelihood and security of those teachers. What we need to work towards is collaborative and communicative effort to solve this problem, and quick fixing like kicking out teachers is a poor quick fix. It’s not at all easy for them to implement these changes and they are working on it, it’s going to take time yes, but they’ll come. The process to changing the school for the better and improving teacher quality is not simply a checklist process, but takes trial and error, and an exploration of various methods to overcome these issues. But this isn’t a process that they have been saying you can’t be a part of, and have on multiple occasions encouraged the girl and others to seek them out and talk openly about their problems with the school - which of course there are many.
The teacher do want to offer some help, and it’s not assuming that she has a mental issue. She, as you said, is clearly distressed and in a really unideal situation, which is exactly why we want to support her. I think it is fair to say that we all have been in that position at MacRob at least once, where we feel like our learning in the classroom isn’t adequate. We do feel the same frustration you do, even those who do get tutored.
Another FAM Leader: Hi love, I think what we need to accept is that MacRob is just like any other school. That whilst it is really hard to get into it’s also just a normal government school with limited funding at resources, it is by no means a ‘posh’ or ‘elite’ school and a lot of people have that preconceived notion in mind before they come to MacRob, so when they experience a ‘bad teacher’ they are shocked, angry and don’t know what to do. I honestly think I am someone who can relate to you, I’ve had my fair share of ‘bad’ teachers at Macrob and there has been times before where I feel hopeless and not sure what to do so the only resort is a tutor. However, I promise you this is not the only way.
This year I was actually able to talk to Dr Meath about a teacher and their progress and I promise you Dr Meath is very open, she wants to listen to what we have to say. She told me that we can knock on her door anytime and we should never feel nervous about going in - so I encourage you to talk to her if not your coordinators or teachers. Because you have complaints about this school and you need to be heard in the right way, this does not mean writing anonymous letters but instead taking ownership of your learning and your voice. Talk to the SRC presidents, go to the open forums, talk to the teacher themselves - and i know this can be awkward or daunting but do this in a manner that is respectful. There are ways to be heard - I am sure even talking to Gillian can help, the SRC told us that if we ever want to talk to a teacher but are too afraid to just approach them and they will go with you. After everything that has happened this week and upon further reflection I did not deal with my ‘bad teachers’ the right way - no one is going to hear my rant with my friend, I should have actively made an effort to approach Dr Meath, the SRC or the teacher themself earlier. After approaching Dr Meath, there has been a few changes in the classroom that there was complaints about and this didn’t involve me moving classes I have the same teacher and I know this teacher is changing, they are trying and I can see that.
I want you to know that no teacher is bad at macrob - some may not suit your teaching style but they are very educated and smart so approach them during class, schedule a time to talk to them before and after school. Maybe their one on one teaching is better than their whole class teaching - please do something about your complaint because I promise you that Macrob is amazing and that if you make an effort to seek change, change will happen. I know how you feel and I felt the same hopelessness as you and sometimes I still do. But things get better if you try, form study groups with friends, get their notes from other teachers, approach subject teachers and tell them your problem so they can help.
Even though I have experienced bad teachers I still side with Macrob over this issue, I love macrob and I think that what students don’t realise about this whole situation is the way it is affecting all teachers - we can’t just always think of ourselves. We need to think about the teachers, I am hurt over this because of the way ALL our teachers have been portrayed, I am angry that the media has decided to turn this into a joke, they have distorted the story and if anything they are hurting the girl who shit at school because people are now speculating about her. The focus has shifted from teaching quality into making her a joke and i feel sorry for her because imagine how she must be feeling.
Good luck with sorting out your problems at Macrob and I cannot stress how important it is to do something constructive about it, I have listed some options above so please please try one of them.
FAM xx
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... I had a bad habit of asking out store customers or anyone not in my circle who I thought were cute & kind, but they were nothing but intimate flings. Of course getting into Uni on scholarship and working hard during the academic year. Gave me time to breathe and respect myself. I feel that I'm more mature and in retrospect I've put myself in some dangerous situations. I absolutely agree with you I'm going to avoid the friend group and try elsewhere and also make a cross checklist.
After you explained it, I do think your current housing situation is valid but again maybe consider a different environment when the lease is up.
“He actually said to me asking me out was a joke you were a back up if things workout with her”
Look, that is just a dick move. I understand that you feel down that this guy did that to you but you need to understand that for someone to do that, they have to be a completely self-centered person. He did you a favor by not dating you. It’s also a blessing that you don’t have that original toxic friend group anymore.
It’s great that you have perspective on everything. If you are in a university right now, you should definitely check out your campus’ Student Health Center and get into therapy. Its a golden opportunity to do that (usually its free too). So many people I’ve talked to (including myself) are so happy they went. Really, therapy is hands down the best way to fix your interpersonal relationships and such a great experience.
I wish you the best with things and feel free to write in again if you have anymore questions.
Posted September 24, 2018
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