Cutely turns into an eldritch horror kirby villain to piss you off

its not a 1:1 but im still thinking about explaining the clamp devilman doujin and vague devilman lore to the holic discord and suddenly being overwhelmed w the urge to draw doumeki as 1980s OVA akira w the eyeliner and half open silk shirt and watanuki as ryo, having ripped apart the world and his beloved before realising his feelings, doomed to repeat an endless cycle where he realises too late and throws his life away for an unfeeling god and a belated love or whatever idk all that gay shit

so I was looking up the tenets for lolth’s paladins and I found this little list. not sure how canon exactly this is but I thought it was interesting -

kind of laughing that shri’iia does the exact opposite in act 1 which leads to her oath breaking. she girlflopped so badly lolth decides to drop her ass then prob hunt her ass down for being an embarrassment and a failure. like girly was not exerting her power at all - it’s her first time in the surface ever and she’s surrounded by people who could literally kill her any given moment (considering all the stories she heard abt how surface dwellers hates drow) not to mention that the tieflings you encounter when you see lae’zel were ready to attack you that just fueled her paranoia. > she was not sowing discord at all she was laying low and keeping her mouth shut …!! she has no allies here! and she doesn’t know where she is! and there’s an illithid tadpole in her head! it would be foolish of her to paint herself as an enemy when she’s already so out of her environment so she keeps her mouth shut … thoughts to herself … bides her time and sees who’s useful to her and who’s not … she can always get rid of the ones that she doesn’t need later but for now she’s seeing what she can work with first …… > have a plan… shri’iia had no plans…. at all. she was following lae’zel around because the crèche was her only lead … but then they mentioned a druid named halsin who’s a very good healer so she turned her objective to that … then a goblin mentions their priestess is a healer too so guess she’s looking for her as well… honestly who thought making the drow who’s never been to the surface and literally does not know where she is or what she's doing the leader of the group a good idea….. in my hc the leader is gale

“It’s like you kicked a big hole in the side of my life.” things even would say if they met the doctor After-

i was so over Noragami but goddamn i keep going back to how Kazuma fucking kills people and tortures people and controls, subjugates, dominates people and he DESIRES his god and he can do all that without them being sins because he's fully convinced in his actions being justified and his insane love for his god overcomes all, gods can do wrong? KAZUMA can do no wrong by the power of his own will. god bless.

If I think about the fact that I don’t have any real friends that I talk to and spend time with regularly for longer than 10 seconds it makes me want to vomit

just.. the blow of my entire chosen family rejecting me at once.. after years.. finding myself alone, talking to myself all day every day for weeks and finding a strange peace in it but also.. they left me :( and they say they like me still but then.. they don't express that, they pull away and away and I hug my dog and look around at all the empty space and it feels.. unspeakable

thoseve yall who were here a year ago might remember that a year ago He was liking tweets like "idk how people can cheat when im in love im obsessed😍" and "the honeymoon stage rlly doesnt die if youre with the right person🥰" and he was liking stuff like that up till recently now shit like this is in his likes something is BROKEN in him

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[[hi hello!!! 

that drabble I posted earlier will probably all you’ll see of my in the next few weeks, so go read i if you can!!  I'm off work for a couple weeks because it’s time for the exams I’ve been preparing for all year long ;-;  

I will hopefully be back in June!! though quite frankly I have close to nothing planned for this blog anymore, but I do hope to get in touch with peeps over here and get plotted, if there’s any room left for my boys anywhere ;w;

In any case, I hope you’re all doing well! Take care ♥ ]]

nano week one wrapup time! (*´꒳`*) frankly a slightly harrowing start, just in terms of spending 3-4 solid days doing nothing but moving the two parts of the intro chapter back and forth and back and forth and also completely overhauling the basic concepts of the meetcute and actual plot setup while I was at it. it’s still a pretty bad chapter (and I think a lot of the info in it is not even necessarily correct vis à vis current plot direction, idk that the description of naga’s actions in it makes sense so we might need another pass to take that out entirely… I was attached to him being the thing that motivates Hyou to take the job at all but since the rest of the setup has leaned into the whole situation being mere’s fault exclusively and naga doesn’t appear onscreen it might be better just to cut him entirely) and at some point I’ll probably go back to move the middle flashback section to the beginning again but At Least It’s Done Enough -_-b I was also hoping to make it to the first crime scene scene today and did not, but we at least got thru the last convo at the base and are on the way there, which is the last point we had to clear to be free of the absolutely minuscule ‘intro’ portion of the outline. large parts of the outline may still have to be rewritten if I keep feeling this iffy abt writing the stupid court martial scene though. bwaaa

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Cleaned up the back yard

Fixed the garage lights

Took the trash out

Made some phone calls

Went and got us dinner even though it was really late

do you ever have to just sit with the fact you are not gonna make it and nothing you make is worthwhile and nobody is ever gonna give a damn about it. that you're so embarrassingly behind in comparison to your peers who can integrate and internalize all the skills needed while they just keep falling out of your brains and hands because it feels like you constantly have to reteach yourself how to just draw or how to do anatomy or how to use perspective. that the art you make is not good and you're never gonna be up to industry standard. and like you just have to accept it. can't be upset about it. like you just have to accept that's how your life is gonna be. you just have to accept you're about to get a useless degree because you don't have the guts to make it useful. you just chased a dream that's gonna fail and you're gonna fall flat on your face into a painful reality of never getting to do your dream job. guys it sucks so bad sometimes and i hate admitting it makes me want to cry. i tell my therapist about it and instead of anything i wish he would say he always says well you can always go back to get a masters in something entirely different. no motivation or reassurance it's still worth my time. i have to tell myself every single time it's worth it. every fucking time. and it's useless. because it will have just been four years of my life wasted and i will end up as one of the people that others use to insult my major because i'm unskilled and i failed and i'm proof that it's useless and won't take you anywhere. just useless. useless degree useless artist with no skills and will never find the motivation to become something worthwhile. it wasn't an insult but sometimes i think about my junior review where one of my professors asked me if i thought i had a style and i just went i don't know. and he told me to keep working towards it. which isn't an insult, just a way to say keep going and you'll find what's really you among all the stuff you glom onto and are inspired by. but sometimes it just reminds me i've just got nothing going for me. i have absolutely nothing going for me. i can't take it sometimes. and i know it's all on me to continue to keep going to work and improve. but it feels so hard when it feels you won't ever reach it and that everything you make is worthless and you don't know how to network or how to find an internship effectively and there's just nothing. just nothing you have to make you feel hope you can make it. maybe if im lucky i'll get to write some someday. but that's just as slim. the only thing i think i was told i was pretty good at was my storytelling and even then it's just so garbage sometimes. i just feel utterly hopeless in a way i can't describe. because i just think im going to get my degree. and im going to fail.

i feel things as my mothers child when she is upset with me in 3 different ways

kid: confused sadness

teen: angry hurt

adult: irritated apathy

none of these are good. especially around holidays when all three resurface and mix so terribly

i forgot how much Split Screen Sadness hurts me!