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#it’s not good
cjoat-boost · 2 months
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March 4, 2024 Edit of this still relevant post from February 27, 2024
For those that view any of my online presences (including my blogs)…Um, this is something for you to know.
Please save this post so it doesn’t get buried by queue.
My& Current Health Situation
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I wish to communicate this to y’all now so that…I don’t end up worrying anyone when this happens. It may have been noticeable by some folks that I’m dragging, heavily. I’m not having a good time right now with my body. With this comes with an onion of issues detailing certain aspects of what I’m going through.
I know I have a lot of obligations. Not only as a creative and content creator; but as a friend, a mentor, Guardian or even older peer, and myself. I’ve neglected myself for too long. I have been noticing my vitality decrease; and my CFS and POTS flaring up further.
Social Justice is something I’m always perceiving and sensitive to; and as such, the strain I’ve noticed too late has been worsening. Includes many emotional meltdowns and outbursts from me that I can no longer control or hold back.
Trying to figure out how to exactly sort through the mass tangles of my traumatized emotional and mental state isn’t as simple as I hoped for me. While I’m creatively burned out, I am suffering Autistic burnout. A double whammy of all things.
I’m finding myself getting “stuck,” unable to physically move for hours at a time. I’d move upstairs to eat something but end up being there for what’s normally an half hour task…for nearly 2+ hours. Even so, trying to force movement to do tasks that is considered “everyone can do these” is mentally painful and physically locking. Even if I have to desperately use the bathroom when I’m about to fall asleep, my headmates (AKA alters) have to switch to co-front or “snatch me back” in order to get my body moving. That’s with the sudden rocket spike in heart rate and blood pressure, and loss of balance (at the very least).
I’m already struggling to cope with many things due to the fact that I haven’t been able to draw much at all; or create anything and write anything. Especially trying desperately to fulfill my word on things I had the energy to do, but no longer do. So much of my struggles I can’t properly transmute. It’s so upsetting.
Thus, there’s going to be a sudden and abrupt shift in posting or messaging. I don’t know when. But it is coming.
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(Especially since I’ve been feeling mania over the weekend. All weekend, Saturday and Sunday, I manic cleaned large portions of certain areas I occupy as well as my housemate. Today I’m feeling the aching in my joints badly, with my calves swearing hell at me. I’m wearing my wrist brace too, I just…I’m rambling.)
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I wish for you to know what’s happening if you don’t see or hear from me, my headmates, or any of my online presences (as depicted here: https://cjoatbysamwise.com/cjoats-links ) No one is being forgotten. I’m not abandoning anyone. I’m not ghosting anyone. What I do know (still coming to terms with it ngl) is I need to stop, fully stop, and recover. It’s looking like my body is going to do that for me by force. It’s going to be abrupt and sudden to the inconvenience of many, including my housemate, unfortunately.
I don’t know how long this will last. But I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep “hustling” like this. Does this sound repetitive? I wanted to communicate before suddenly I’m unable.
Does this sound repetitive? I’ll end it here. I wanted to communicate before suddenly I’m unable.
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I’ll end it here with how you can support me while I’m down, only able to and wish to (I’m aware financial situations are a big struggle at the moment, there is no pressure to.)
Provide support by these links:
Thank you for reading until the end; have an awesome week ahead. Please remember to hydrate and eat. 🫶🏽❤️‍🩹
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kays-artstuff · 1 year
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Katherine isn’t the happiest to see this development, but oh well what’s she gonna do?
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ierofrnkk · 5 months
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he’s the only good part about this movie sorry not sorry
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I’ve said it already but I’ll say it again, the Soap is a traitor theory is not interesting nor would it ever be a good plot point
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lasagnaisoverrated · 3 months
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I firmly believe that mlp gen 5 is the tf rid15 of mlp fans
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tweekytweaker · 4 months
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guys stop liking my old art. 🤬 it. SUCKS!!!!
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rowanthestrange · 5 months
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The Gang is ready
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bohemian-nights · 5 months
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what each team wanted: alicent and rhaenyra vengeful towards each other
what will we receive in the final episode of the second season: Alicent going to dragonstone to meet rhaenyra who knows the seven hells why? What will Alicent do there? apologize for aemond killing her son by accident? Is rhaenyra going to say that it was never her intention to kill her grandson? WTF!!!
This series is a joke, I thought the plot was between Rhaenyra and Aegon, the two main characters, not between Rhaenyra and her ex-friend who became her stepmother
I have hope that it’s better than it sounds, but the showrunners making this into the Women who were wronged by evil men show instead of the Two inept children of a lazy king who almost got their entire family killed in a civil war show really is a tragedy.
Alicent is an important character, but her relationship with Missy Anne should not be like this. Aegon was Missy Anne’s true rival, but they are wasting him to turn this into a “feminist” show.
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lordkairos3626 · 4 months
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My heart goes out to all the queer folks who haven’t come out not only or at all because they think straight people won’t accept them, but because of the queer community being so divided and gate-kept they don’t think they’re “queer enough” or that they are “too weird.”
It goes out to people who if they were to come out, would face backlash or hate from not only straight people, but queer folks who don’t like them for reasons that should be unrelated to their sexuality or gender identity but for some reason was decided are.
Closeted people who are religious/famous/politicians/farmers/live in a place or do something that is associated with heterosexuality and/or being cis. I may not see you, but I love you.
And to the Queer HOA. Stop It. You suck.
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I drew a hermit crab on the beach. Enjoy
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nikkicross22 · 12 days
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I’m having a rather bothersome flare up, so here’s
My top 10 favorite fics
In no particular order!
1) Count Your Blessings by MadMothMadame
Fandom: Naruto
Status: On-going, near complete
Summary: “All war is fratricide, and there is therefore an infinite chain of blame that winds its circuitous route back and forth across the path and under the feet of every people and every nation." -Louis de Bernières
The war is over. Tobirama ended it when he put his sword through Izuna's center mass. But where war had united the Senju behind their leader, peace threatened to tear them apart. And who better for the warmongers to look to as a leader than the greatest killer of Uchiha they had ever seen?
There were only two problems with that plan. One, Tobirama would never, ever, betray his elder brother.
Two, he may or may not have a surprisingly not dead Uchiha Izuna in a coma in his guest room, hiding the secret of resurrection that Tobirama needs with everything he is.
Now if only he would wake.
2) No Paths Are Bound by Cataclysmic_Calamity
Fandom: MXTX - TGCF
Status: Complete
Summary: Xie Lian found something in himself that he thought was gone—worn away with every mistake he had made.
Faith.
His arms opened, and the child was hesitant—but eventually, he fell into them, his body trembling with silent sobs.
"I remember you," he whispered again, voice breaking as Hong-er clung to him.
I remember you.
I remember you.
I will always, for as long as I live, remember you.
(A re-telling of TGCF where Xie Lian has his cursed shackle placed in his eyes, blinding him. And yet, through all of his struggles; there is always someone watching over him.)
3) A Dangerous Game by Cybrid
Fandom: Harry Potter
Status: On-going
Summary: Tom Riddle opens the Chamber of Secrets in Harry’s fifth year at Hogwarts. After a botched attempt to extract the Horcrux in Harry’s scar leaves their souls tied together, Tom is forced to kidnap him when he makes his escape.
A story of Horcrux hunting, adventure and unwilling attraction.
4) Falling Leaves of Evergreen Trees by QuillQ
Fandom: Naruto/Harry Potter
Status: On-going
Summary: She is a nameless girl with no past and no future. A test subject at the mercy of Orochimaru. This place will kill her, but there is more to her than meets the eye. She was once someone else, and though no one here knows it, Harry Potter has never been able to stay dead for long.
“The only survivor.” Danzō tells his old friend with appropriate solemnity for the situation. After all, it was Hiruzen’s student who did this to the girl.
5) All’s Fair by Lovely_Elbow_Leech
Fandom: AtLA
Status: On-going (technically a series, but both books are phenomenal. Summary from book 1)
Summary: Book one ends with two major diffrences: 1. Sokka went on the mission with Hahn (it did not go well) 2. Zhao survives the North Pole and that proves unfortunate for everybody (except Zhao, obviously)
Imprisoned on Zhao’s war ship, Sokka and Zuko have to work together to survive. They are not very enthusiastic about this prospect.
And they argue.
A lot.
6) Fire in the Mountains by EllaBesmirched (El_Bell)
Fandom: MHA
Status: On-going (technically a series, but the books are phenomenal. Summary from book 1)
Summary: “I’ll do it.”
Enji froze, fingers curling into a fist at his side, and didn’t turn around.
Shouto froze too, feeling his own eyes widen in shock at the words that had come out of his mouth, at the fact that he had actually stood up, followed his father out of the room, and dashed after him all just to say… he’d do it? He would do it? Him. Shouto Todoroki. He would--
Enji finally turned around and fixed Shouto with an expression so scathing, Shouto had to fight to keep his chin raised. “You’ll marry the Barbarian King.”
Shouto blinked. “Yes.”
7) Ear to Wall by Vodkassassin
Fandom: Naruto
Status: On-going
Summary: The Minato-sensei beams at him, and replies, “Kakashi! I’m glad you’re awake,” and, yup, that’s Minato-sensei’s voice.
Kakashi falls back down against the bed, closing his eyes. It’s too short of a way down, and he clenches hands that are too tiny and feeble and not his in dog-print sheets he hasn’t owned for decades.
8) Consuming Shadows by Child_OTKW
Fandom: Harry Potter
Status: On-going
Summary: His attention skipped passed the students and moved to the politicians’ pavilion. His gaze locked with crimson, and he nearly faltered under the sheer hunger in those eyes.
It unnerved him how fixated the man was on his dirtied, exhausted figure.
But what troubled him more was the slight smirk he could make out on the man’s lips. It was almost pleased.
On the night of the attack, Lily managed to escape with her infant son, but at the cost of her husband’s life. Distraught and distrusting of her friends, she fled to France with Harry, to raise him away from the corruption in Britain and the rising influence of the Dark Lord. She trains him to the best of her abilities, shaping him into a dangerous, intelligent and powerful wizard.
But when Britain re-establishes the Triwizard Tournament, and Harry, now known as Hadrian, is forced to return to his once-home, he finds himself questioning whether he really wants to kill the Dark Lord. Voldemort finds an unexpected challenge in the child, and as his intrigue and amusement grows, so too does the desire to possess the spark in those defiant green eyes.
9) New Recruit Universe by butter_peanut
Fandom: Naruto
Status: Complete (A series, but all books are phenomenal. Summary from book 1)
Summary: He looked like a particularly stupid civilian. He looked like a sharp burst of wind would blow him over. He looked like he’d answered their advertisement thinking the Akatsuki was a cat appreciation society.
“Are you kidding?” said Hidan, voicing what everyone was thinking. “This guy is supposed to replace Sasori and Deidara?”
“Sukea is qualified,” Pein said in a tone that brooked no arguments. “And will be paired with Tobi.”
10) On My Love by RikoJasmine
Fandom: Yuri!!! on Ice
Status: Hiatus
Summary: For the second time, the Sochi Grand Prix Finals arrive, and with it a reborn Yuuri Katsuki. “Viktor,” Yuuri thinks over the pounding of his heart, the crowd going silent as the music begins. “I’ll show the world what you meant to me.”
Yuuri often thinks of his life as Before and After Viktor Nikiforov, the marking point being the day Viktor swept into his life and turned his world upside-down. After many years together, an accident leads to Yuuri suddenly waking up in the Before—back in Detroit, before the GPF, before he ever knew Viktor as anything other than his childhood idol.
As if it had all been just a dream.
And there’s 10! Honestly there’s so many absolutely fantastic fics out there, but those are the ones that jump to the front of my mind. I’ll definitely add more later. Please reboot and add some of your own favorites for me to check out!
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Anyone else feel like while they aren’t human their body is? Like, I, me, I’m not human. The closest approximation I have to who I am lies within lovecraftian horror and dark matter beyond known space. But my body? The thing I reside within? That’s human. It is human, and it lives and moves and exists as a human. So every decision I make regarding my body, from eating to clothing choices to medicinal decisions, I make knowing that it is human and perceived as human. Idk if anyone else feels this way, but it’s how I do.
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ugliestbimbo · 1 year
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I got writers block again yall, can’t write this mf to save my life. Everytime I try I keep projecting trauma onto him, can’t give this guy a moment of peace istg 😭😭😭 (Kalim, not Jamil. I mean Jamil too but not as bad, he just gets half-cucked)
Anyways read my smut 🔥🔥🔥 -> https://archiveofourown.org/works/45586828
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I finished reading Priest by Sierra Simone earlier today and I want to rant about this mediocre book. This book is a prime example of why "growing up Catholic" doesn't mean you're able to write an interesting story regarding Catholic characters or relay any accurate information about Catholicism nor does being a “former librarian” mean you’re going to be a competent writer. I’m already forgetting some details about the plot and characters so I’m making this post before I completely forget everything about it.
I read the prologue and it immediately foreshadowed the overwhelming blandness of the novel and its characters, with its poor prose and corny exposition with info that the reader was already going to learn throughout the book. If I was Simone's editor, I would have made her rewrite it entirely or scrap it outright. Creative writing classes should use this prologue as an example of what not to do in your introduction.
So the novel is written in first person perspective of Tyler Bell, a young Catholic priest. I don't buy for a second that this dude is actually a Catholic priest who went to seminary for several years and has served as a priest for three. His voice in the story feels entirely inauthentic and he's not a believable character. The author may have been a Catholic but I honestly don’t think she ever retained any understanding of Catholic priests, the priesthood and the experiences of priests or ever bothered to look into these things. A little bit of research in this area probably would have helped in creating a more believable, and likeable priest.
He meets and eventually falls in love with Poppy Danforth; a white woman born in immense privilege with a good education and (here's the kicker) she's a former dancer in a gentlemen’s club. She comes to Tyler within the first few chapters for counsel and she’s sultry, sexy and openly sexual so of course Tyler starts lusting after her. She feels like the stereotypical “worldly woman” that pastors warn men against and I don’t hate her but I don’t like her either.
Both Poppy and Tyler are bland, uninteresting and unlikable people so I honestly could care less about their relationship and whatever supposed love they had for each other. He leaves the priesthood for her and they get married, which is nice I guess.
I'm kinda tired of the male hard dom/female submissive dynamic you see in a lot of mainstream romance novels so a lot of the smut wasn't my cup of tea. I did, however, enjoy the blasphemy and sacrilege featured in a lot of the love scenes they had together admittedly.
I think Simone just wanted an excuse to write smut starring a priest from her former religion, and that's fine, but she barely managed to string together an interesting story or develop her characters all that well. This novel is forgettable but I suspect it could have been executed better with a more skilled writer.
I wasn't expecting a masterpiece of fine literature or an informative brochure on Catholicism but if my Catholic Church hating self is calling your bluff on your portrayal of Catholic characters, settings and beliefs, you have a serious problem. I enjoy some light reading from time to time where I don't have to think too deeply about the plot and characters but this book was only somewhat entertaining. I only finished reading it out of a stubborn refusal to let any book go unfinished.
Other noteworthy things:
The Bishop comes across as a bumbling fool and was sheepishly asking Tyler to go to a conference in the first act and.....I don't think Simone understands that priests have a vow of OBEDIENCE to their bishops. If Bishop Bove wanted Tyler to go to a religious conference, he would simply tell his subordinate to go and Tyler would have to go. The dynamic of a Bishop and a Priest is not one of equals, especially with how easily that relationship can turn extremely abusive and toxic.
Tyler claimed that the Liturgy of the Hours is almost obsolete and.......I don't think that's even REMOTELY true. It may be less common among laity but I wouldn’t say the Liturgy of the Hours is completely an absolete practice. It just feels a little baffling for a Catholic priest to make that claim.
Poppy's ex boyfriend leaks photos of her and Tyler together in the third act and Tyler (of course) becomes a famous internet hot priest meme and has a fanclub called the Tylerettes 🤮🤮🤮🤮. This fact damn near killed me with cringe.
Tyler does this thing in his narration where he’s oh-so-worried that his sexually dominant, aggressive way makes him a bad Feminist Ally and anytime he mentioned this, I could imagine the author nudging you, the reader, and smugly saying “See? He’s not a misogynist, he’s a Nice Guy!” It’s nauseating and it made me instantly dislike Tyler and nothing could ever redeem him after that.
In their first tryst together, Tyler makes her orgasm twice and she just gets up and leaves him in the church after their done with each other and I can’t stress enough that you should never do that to someone???? Like ever?????
At first there isn’t a lot of aftercare or discussions of boundaries, which really rubbed me the wrong way, especially since they engaged in impact play, degradation, face-fucking, some light somno and rather rough sex in general.
I’ve read better romantic and smutty stories regarding Catholic priests here on Tumblr and over on Archive of Our Own and Wattpad and a lot of those stories were written for free and on the writer’s spare time. If you enjoyed this book, that’s fair but I’ve read far superior works and I can’t get myself to really like Priest all that much, which is disappointing.
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fangirlfreak08 · 1 year
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And when your fantasies (“one day this will be one of the best agency’s in London”)
Become your legacy (“the Anthony Lockwood gallery”)
Promise me a place in your house of memories (35 Portland Row)
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scales-of-stardust · 6 months
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I think the funniest thing I’ve ever done to myself is that I’ve pavlov’d myself into only being able to draw good when I listen to five nights at freddys fan music
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