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feistypaants-archived · 4 years

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Biscuit in the Basket

Rating: T Words: 2764 Pairing: Kristanna Summary: Anna doesn't know why she's been so sick, but when she finds out, she has a different problem to worry about. [Set in my Between the Pipes AU] [cw: pregnancy]

Notes: I was missing this AU hahaha. Written to satisfy an itch but I hope you all enjoy! :) YEAH THE TITLE IS ANOTHER HOCKEY JOKE. It's fine. I know who I am.

[AO3]

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

Anna looked up from the toilet to see her husband’s worried features staring down at her. His brows were furrowed, lips twisted to one side as he leaned up against the sink, a glass of water in hand. She nodded only once before deciding it was too much movement and lowering her head back into the opening.

“I’ll be fine,” she mumbled, pressing her forehead against the porcelain. “Just a bug.”

She felt his hand spread out over her back and rub in small, soothing circles as he knelt beside her. “I can see if they can put Nemo in for tonight, join up with them in Buffalo tomorrow…”

“No, no.” Anna sighed with relief as a cool cloth settled against the back of her neck. “It’s really…” She scooted back up onto her knees as she retched again, panting for air as the nausea shook her. “It’s okay.”

“Babe…”

Reaching blinding to pat at his knee, Anna did her best to look up at him for just a moment and reassure him. “Honestly. I promise. I’ll be good as new tomorrow.”

She could feel the hesitation radiating off of him, so she crossed her arms over the toilet and rested her cheek against them. “Kristoff. Seriously. I can handle a bug.” His hand stopped moving against her back. “I’ll call you tonight after the game and I’ll be good, I promise.”

Kristoff sighed and leaned forward to press a kiss against her sweaty forehead and nodded, giving up way quicker than she thought he would. “All right,” he said as he stood up. “But if you need anything, you just call and I’ll be on the first flight home, okay?”

“Okay, honey.”

“You’ll call?”

Anna nodded, and reached over for the glass of water he left beside her. “I promise I’ll call.” She shrugged once. “Also, don’t forget my sister is here. And Honeymaren. If I need something I can bother them, too.”

That seemed to ease his worries enough, and he started backing out of the bathroom. “Please call though.”

“I will.”

“I love you.”

Anna smiled, and swallowed the bile she could feel rising in her throat. “I love you, too.”

—

“It keeps hitting in waves. Like, I’ll be totally fine and then out of nowhere, I’m curled around the toilet again.” Anna pouted as she pulled the blankets up to her chin. “And I can’t do anything, I’m so tired.” She heard Elsa humming on the other side of the line and frowned. “It’s been going on for a few days and I’m trying not to worry Kristoff, but I’m feeling all blegh.”

Her sister was too silent for her liking. “What are you thinking?”

Elsa sighed. “Mom used to get really awful periods like this, when we were little. Remember she had the hysterectomy?”

Anna frowned. “... Yeah…”

“When are you supposed to get it?”

She… honestly didn’t know the answer to that. “Hang on,” she mumbled, pulling her phone down from her ear to pull up a tracker app she had started using.

Except that it said her current cycle was at 57 days.

“That’s… not right…”

“What’s wrong?”

Anna tapped it, trying to remember. “When did I have my last period?”

Her sister let out a chuckle. “We’re plenty close, but I don’t track your cycle, Anna.”

“No, I…” Anna refreshed it as she thought. “I must have missed tracking it last month. It says fifty-seven days. That’s…” She was trying to wrack her brain, trying to remember what happened almost thirty days ago. Did she have it? Did they go somewhere?

Wait. It was Elsa and Honey’s wedding.

She definitely didn’t have it then.

The stress could have delayed it… But Anna honestly couldn’t remember having it at any point between then and now, either…

“Hey, Elsa?”

She made a noise of acknowledgement.

“Can you go to the store for me?”

—

Anna was pacing as she listened for the sound of her sisters’ car. As soon as she told her what she needed, Elsa practically ran out the door, promising to be there within the hour.

This couldn’t be right. It couldn’t be. She was on birth control. Sure, it wasn’t one hundred percent effective, but she did her best to take it consistently.

But with everything going in the fall, it was very likely she had gotten lazy about it, or forgotten altogether once or twice.

There was no sense panicking yet. Nothing was confirmed. She just couldn’t remember her last period. And it was possible she was four weeks late. And she was throwing up for three days. And she was sore. And tired. And shit shit shit shit shit.

Elsa let herself in, and power walked through the house to find Anna in the living room. “All right, I got five different tests.” She dug through the bag and produced them one at a time. “Some digital, some regular, this one is supposed to be very sensitive and can detect it earlier, this one is fast, and this one they said is the most accurate and --”

Anna grabbed the closest one and ran towards the bathroom, hollering “I will take all of them!” as she slammed the door shut, and ripped the box open. As she read the directions, her sister came in with all of the tests back in the bag, and a clean cup for her, offering that maybe dipping would be easier since Anna wanted to do all five.

So she did, box by box, test by test, marking which ones needed how much time, and set a timer before sitting back on the toilet and hugging her knees to her chest.

This wasn’t the plan. This wasn’t what they had decided. Before they took the step into marriage, they had a long and emotional discussion about everything to do with children and family. Kristoff had been working on things with a counselor, doing his best to unpack some of the trauma he had bottled up, but he was still hesitant - still so afraid of being like his father.

Anna had known from the beginning that this was a fear of his, and she had agreed from day one that they would wait until they were both one hundred percent ready to start the family. Together they decided that Kristoff would be the one to open the discussion, as it was mostly his worries that were holding them back.

But he had just signed another four year contract.

The timer blared, snapping her out of her thoughts as Elsa looked at her, lip caught between her teeth.

Anna pressed her forehead against her knees and sighed. “I can’t look.”

She heard Elsa gathering up the tests, taking a moment to look at them, and placing them back down. “They’re all the same.”

Okay, so whichever it was, it was probably right.

“What does it say?”

Elsa hesitated before tapping Anna’s hand, and placing one of the sticks into her now open palm. Anna covered the screen with her thumb, sat up, placed her feet flat on the ground and took a deep breath before removing her finger.

Two lines.

Pregnant.

“They’re all the same?” Anna could hear the tightness in her throat as her free hand rose up to cover her mouth.

Elsa nodded, a smile tugging at her lips. “Yeah, they’re all the same.”

When Anna fully looked up to her sister, with tears welling up her eyes, she saw the same joy she felt reflected in Elsa’s expression.

“I’m pregnant?” This wasn’t real.

“You’re pregnant.”

Oh. Maybe it was.

Anna practically jumped off of the seat and threw her arms around her sisters’ neck, sobs pulling from deep in her chest as Elsa rubbed at her back. She knew Anna’s reasons for not actively trying before, and It was as if Elsa could sense the conflict burning through her veins. “It’s okay, you’re all right.”

“I…” Anna whimpered, letting her whole body slump. “I’m so happy. What if Kristoff isn’t?”

“He will be.”

“But --”

“He will be.”

Anna nodded, letting go and wiping at her face. “I guess I should make a doctor’s appointment.”

—

It was day seven of his roadie, and Anna had been ignoring his calls for three days.

“Hey baby, I hope you’re still feeling okay. I’m sorry I missed you. It’s late so you’re probably asleep. Sven wanted to go out and celebrate. I’ll call tomorrow?”

It’s all right! We’ll talk later!!

“Hi beautiful. I can’t believe I keep missing you. Should we set a time later? I miss you.”

Sorry! Elsa was over and I didn’t hear my phone. I miss you too.

“I’m starting to feel like you’re screening my calls. Is everything okay?”

I’m not! Just bad timing. I never want to just call you though because you’re way busier. I love you. Everything is okay!

“I texted Elsa. She said you’re still feeling kind of sick. Do you need me to come home? Just say the word.”

No babe, don’t worry.

Okay, just… let me know. I love you.

After that, it seemed like he had stopped trying. Anna felt guilty, she did, but this wasn’t over the phone news… and she didn’t think she’d be able to stop herself from telling him if she actually talked to him. Besides, he’d be home in two days and she could tell him then. And… well she wasn’t quite sure how that conversation would go.

She watched his remaining games and made sure to text him about how proud she was and how much she loved him and that she was going to bed before he would be out of the locker room.

He didn’t even bother to reply tonight.

Anna told herself it was because they were mourning the loss and probably on their way to the airport immediately after the game. It would be well past midnight when they landed, and even later when he would finally get home. She would definitely be asleep, and hoped that a night of rest would put him in a better mood for the discussion that they would be facing tomorrow.

But anxiety kept her awake long into the night.

Long enough that she heard him come through the door, drop his keys, throw his gear into their laundry room, and head up the stairs as quietly as possible.

Anna had the lights out, but she pulled the blankets over her shoulder and squeezed her eyes shut, hoping he would believe that she was asleep. Sometimes, if he came back late enough, he would just sleep in the spare room to not disturb her.

Maybe he would do that now.

He opened the door. She heard his steps stop, heard him sigh, and then noticed the light receding behind her eyes as he shut it again. It took a moment for her to decide if he had left or not, but just a few minutes later the door was opening again, and he was making his way quietly to his side of the bed.

Kristoff climbed in, and immediately wrapped his arms around her, pulling Anna flush to his chest.

Oh. She hadn’t realized how much she missed him.

Anna could feel the tears coming as he pressed two soft kisses against the back of her neck.

A small stir, to pretend she was just waking. “Kristoff?” she mumbled, doing her best to fake sleep-slurred speech.

“Hi baby,” he whispered, pressing another kiss behind her ear. “I missed you.”

She swallowed, her throat tight, as she pulled his arms tighter around her. “I missed you, too.”

Kristoff was silent, just breathing softly behind her as she cuddled into his embrace. How did she go five days without talking to him? How had she ever? But then his voice broke through the darkness again, strangled and upset. “Why were you ignoring me?”

“I… I wasn’t…”

“You were.”

Anna started to twist around to face him as he let go of her body. “I was not!”

“Okay.”

He slid away from her and moved to get up, pausing only when her hands tangled into his shirt. “Wait, please, just…”

She could hear the tears in his breathing, could feel all of the agony radiating off of him.

Would he understand?

Would he be angry?

“Can we talk about it tomorrow?” She wanted one night of him holding her close before she had to deal with it.

He shook his head. “I’d rather talk about it now.”

“But we’re both tired, and I missed you and --”

“Okay. I’ll sleep in the guest room.” Kristoff was swinging his legs over the side of the bed, gripping at her hands.

No, no no. She needed him here. “Wait, please, I…”

He froze, giving her a chance. Just one. She had to say something. She had to tell him.

“I’m pregnant.”

This was the longest silence of her life.

“I just…” She sat up, and cupped his jaw with her palms. “I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t know if you’d be upset or… I just… I didn’t want to tell you over the phone and I knew I’d blurt it out if we talked and I…” she ran her fingers across the stubble on his cheeks. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I just… I’m really happy but also really nervous and I just didn’t want to talk about it on the phone I… I shouldn’t have ignored you. I’m --”

“You’re pregnant?”

Anna held her breath. “Yes.”

The barely there moonlight was all that illuminated his face. She couldn’t read him, couldn’t see well enough to know what he was thinking. All she had was the silence that was dragging on and on.

“I know this wasn’t the plan. I know that we’re not there yet. I… I know you’ve been working with Yelena, working on it but I…” She hesitated before wrapping her arms around his shoulders and leaning into him, letting out a small sigh of relief when his arms circled around her waist in return. “Babe, please say something.”

His grip tightened around her, his cheek pressing against hers and his breathing erratic before he practically whimpered out an “I’m gonna be a dad?”

“Yeah, honey, you are.” Anna felt him bury his nose into her neck, felt his whole body start to shake. “Is this good crying?” He nodded, and Anna felt her whole body relax, the whole last week of stress melting away as he sat back just enough to look at her, eyes still wet.

Kristoff lifted his hands to her jaw, stroking soft thumbs over her skin before he began peppering kisses across her face; her nose, lips, eyelids, forehead, and Anna felt herself start to cry, too. She couldn’t begin to put into words the immense relief she felt as he kissed her full on the mouth, a small laugh bubbling out of him.

“I…” he let out another breath and pressed his forehead against hers. “I was going to bring it up at the end of the season.”

Anna felt her stomach swoop. “What?”

“I told you, right when we first… started…” another short chuckle. “That I wanted a really big family. I meant it. I could…” His palms slid down the length of her arms before taking her hands in his. “It’s been so hard to wait, Anna. But I knew it was for the best. For me…” He laid gentle kisses against her knuckles. “We’ve been married for three years now, and… I’ve already proven to myself that I can be a pretty good husband.” He paused and kissed her fingers again. “Right?”

“The best,” she agreed, nodding enthusiastically.

“I didn’t think I could be that.” He swallowed and fiddled with her engagement ring. “But if I can be… I think I’ll be able to be a pretty good dad, too.” He shrugged. “Even when playing.”

Anna laughed and laid a palm against his cheek. “You definitely will be.”

A new silence, one filled with hope and love and excitement stretched between them, before Anna darted forward and threw herself into his arms, kissing him wherever her mouth landed.

“I love you so much.”

Kristoff laughed, held her close, and returned her kisses with just as much fervor.

“If you don’t stop,” he mumbled against her, his hands roaming freely, “we’re going to get started on number two right now.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” Anna laughed, pulling him closer. “But why don’t we give it a try?”

#btpfic #feistypantswrites #kristanna

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serialreblogger · 3 years

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I was casually scrolling and linden the tags of the ask game are you okay?

n e wayz I can't remember what the label was but the dot was black

❤️💜❤️ Thank you so much for your concern!! djfjjdj it. genuinely means a lot to me i don't think i can properly convey how much right now but. yes. thank you 💜 uhhh well on the bright side i have parents and sisters who have my back! And. A very wonderful gf and a nice new apartment, as well as many general social advantages that I am grateful for

having said that. i don't think i can. honestly say i'm okay. given the amount of pain i'm in pretty much every day? which also really spiked over the last week, wound up going to emergency at my sister's insistence where the doctor said it was probably endometriosis (and actually explained all my options and made them accessible to me, unlike my GP, who's like two centimetres away from getting accused of medical negligence at this point) and prescribed some actual birth control meds to stop my periods (instead of going radio silent for three months and then prescribing something that was cutting-edge in the 1940s and significantly more carcinogenic than your average combination contraceptive, which made me violently ill after a week. Thanks, GP). Unfortunately i took the first pill last night and four hours later was awake for the day, emptying my entire digestive system out and catching naps in between bouts of nausea. Still feeling a bit nauseous now fourteen hours later, and pain's worse than ever, so lowkey feel like i'm back at square one :/

But i do know that's not true. Now I've determined that birth control isn't a feasible solution for me right now (either I'm allergic to a particular compound that's used in most modern birth control meds, or my insides are just too inflamed to tolerate any such nonsense right now, or something funky in my biological makeup makes them work wrong on me - why doesn't really matter just now), and have finally convinced some key people to advocate on my behalf (if only because i physically can't at the moment). and i can probably get fasttracked for a laproscopy, and maybe get the blegh stuff excised once and for all - either just the endometriosis or the problem organs themselves, at this point i don't care which. Not like i need them for survival.

So. Things are looking up, even if they don't feel quite that way just now, and even if i'm not okay right now, i will be. Hopefully soon.

#thank you so much for asking friend #i saw your post about goin through a related blech time i'm so sorry :(#i am.. realizing that the amount to which i related to chronic pain descriptions was. not coincidental #chalked it up to weird depression for quite a while but nope that's chronic pelvic pain babey!#anyway i currently can't walk #or stand up for long periods of time #also more recently i've been having trouble thinking straight #i really need to stop saying 'this is fine' until i'm on the brink of death (or in this case ig total incapacitation)#growing up with one emotionally abusive parent and heaps of sensory issues REALLY does a number on your ability to gauge pain #i'll be okay though #i'm.... not. right now #but i will be #and maybe after that i'll sue my doctor #we'll fucking see #endometriosis #personal #chronic pain #nausea #medication

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heartslogos · 3 years

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newfragile yellows [1088]

"They've spelled philanthropist wrong."

Bull glances towards Ellana with a fond, if exasperated, once over before returning to doctoring his morning coffee with a generous amoung of whiskey. “That would be because they’re spelling the word narcissist.”

Ellana gasps, all mock offense and outrage. Her eyes dance into crescent moons as she smiles at him over the edge of the paper.

“Is that so?” She hums, paper crinkling as she turns a page. “How hurtful. I don’t think I’m a narcissist, do you?”

“Spoken like a true narcissist. No. You aren’t. But you’re very good at pretending to be one. Sometimes I even I get fooled by your whole rich heiress bit.” Bull considers pouring some whiskey into Ellana’s morning tea but she’d probably dump the entire cup out. “Speaking of your rich heiress act, it’s been a while since you’ve been seen at any social events. Maybe that’s why the papers are drudging through your old photos and trying to spin a new story.”

Ellana sighs. “Maybe I wouldn’t come off as a narcissist if every single form of media out there wasn’t so intent on talking about me in what appears to be scheduled shifts. Do they get that bored? Surely there’s something more important they can be reporting on. I’m not the end all be all of the news cycle. There’s the Hawke’s. I’m sure the Hawke’s have done plenty to report on.”

“The Hawke’s aren’t you.”

“Well clearly they aren’t, look at today’s paper. They’re not the ones being called narcissists on it.” Ellana hums, voice sliding away from playful into the more serious one Bull’s come to associate with her true face. “We have further yet to go on our current investigation, no? How long until you think Grim can report back?”

“You have time to show your face at a few functions,” Bull answers immediately. “And you did want to consider sending Rocky out to check on some of our informants.”

Ellana glances at him before her eyes slide back to her examination of the newspaper.

“And you? How soon until you think you’ll be ready for a full night out?”

“The ribs are fine. I’m more worried about you pulling your stitches.”

“That’s what I have the man nicknamed Stitches for.” Ellana closes the paper, setting it to the side and immediately picks up another newspaper. She tilts her chin towards the one she just set down. “Have Dalish follow up on the news story on page ten, bottom right corner. It’s too similar to the case we investigated a month ago. I don’t like the feeling of loose ends. Or this may be a copy cat, but the timing is off.”

Bull frowns, sliding the paper over to his side of the table and flipping it open to the mentioned page. She’s right. If it’s a copy cat either it would have started closer to the time period of the serial killings or it would overlapped. A month later?

“Could be practice,” Bull says slowly.

“It could be something more. I don’t like it. Have Dalish do a sweep of the area.” Ellana frowns at whatever article she’s reading. “And send Rocky out to check on our network in the southern parts of Haven. It’s getting loud there and I’m worried.”

“You’re always worried.” Bull hums softly. “Have you considered Hawke’s offer further?”

“To team up?” Ellana sighs. “I’m amenable to it. You know I am. But I can’t just leave Haven to go saving the world with good conscience.”

She lightly smacks the newspaper, causing it to crinkle and fold backwards. “I mean look at this. I can barely keep up as it is. And I’ve already got you and the rest of them helping me when they can. It’s ridiculous. You’d think Haven was some kind of trouble magnet, as though Kirkwall weren’t bad enough. Which reminds me — what’s the story on the delay for the new hospital wing? I thought the budget was settled. Why is that stalling now?”

“That’s a question for one of your more official aides, boss,” Bull says. “You know I’m not handling your philanthropy projects.”

“No, but you’re very nosy and a naturally suspicious person. If something’s wrong you’ve already looked into it.” Ellana sips her tea. “So. Tell me. What’s gone wrong there?”

“Argument over contracts,” Bull shrugs. “The usual. I can have Aclassi keep an eye on it if you’re worried about anything truly foul but I don’t think there’s any point. It’s a classic bidding war pissing contest.”

“Disgusting." Ellana clicks her tongue. “Why are things so much easier to deal with in a cape and mask, Bull? I bet you if I walked up to the project managers in my full kit and used my extra scary voice they’d have this hospital wing built within the week and fully functional and staffed.”

“Yes, but the entire place would smell like piss,” Bull teases. “Gross. Are you putting in an appearance as Ellana the socialite heiress or not?”

“Fine, fine, sure. We do what we must.” Ellana waves her hand, attention returning to scouring the newspaper for unusual stories or possible leads. “Maybe I’ll pick up something interesting while I’m out. The gossip you hear at these things — it’s like these people have no sense of shame at all. I do wonder if they can even hear themselves talk sometimes. Sometimes the things they say make me want to just crawl into a hole with second hand embarrassment. I’m ashamed on the behalf of every rich person out there. I can’t shovel out the money fast enough to make up for it.”

“Definitely not for a lack of trying. I’d like to see you try telling that to your accounts that you aren’t spending your money fast enough. They’d cry.”

“If I’ve somehow still got money to spend then I’m clearly not spending it fast enough. Who needs an account with that many zeroes? Blegh.” Ellana wrinkles her nose. “If I could help it I’d ditch the stupid mansion, too, but unfortunately I built a secret base underneath it so that’s a lost cause right there.”

#heartsfic #gather your party and venture forth

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thesportssoundoff · 4 years

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“This is a bad show and yet....” The UFC Blachowicz vs Anderson Fight Night Preview

Joey

February 10th, 2020

A week after chaos and controversy in Texas, we stay in the Southwest as the UFC heads to Rio Rancho, New Mexico for a little bit of a weird ass fight card. The UFC has a tendency to just put together shows in weird locations to fill their schedule and a show from the Santa Ana Star Center in New Mexico sort of just fits that mold with a very blegh card. There's good fights on here but for some reason, most of them lurk on the prelims while the main card is pretty much a big ball of fluff and weird Jackson-Wink style matchups. Corey Anderson vs Jan Blachowicz is a fine enough headliner I GUESS while Diego Sanchez vs Michel Perreira is one of those fights you have a morbid curiosity for live but eventually will turn to disgust once it happens. Names like Jim Miller, Scott Holtzman, Ray Borg and John Dodson lurk on the prelims if you're willing to dig around for them and any card with Tim Means on it probably warrants viewing. IF ANYTHING it feels like this card is really a more painful reminder of the downfall of Jackson-Wink and how most of the name fighters they've relied upon have either left, retired or fallen off the map completely. It's a dying gym and it's sort of brutal to see it go this route even if you found Greg Jackson and Mike WInklejohn to come off as perhaps arrogant and condescending at their peak. Either way, there's live fights and I'll be here so it's my duty to settle in, strap up and get ready to guide us through what is a very weird helter skelter-y fight night from New Mexico.

2020 Stat-O-Matic:

Debuting Fighters (3-2): Daniel Rodriguez, Brok Weaver Main Event Exemption:

Short Notice Fighters (2-2): DeQuan Townsend, Daniel Rodriguez Main Event Exemption:

Second Fight (2-2): Rodrigo Vargas Main Event Exemption: Vs Debutantes: Rodrigo Vargas

Cage Corrosion (Fighters who have not fought within a year of the date of the fight) (5-0): Yancy Medeiros Main Event Exemption (1-0):

Undefeated Fighters (2-4): Main Event Exemption (0-1):

Fighters with at least four fights in the UFC with 0 wins over competition still in the organization (2-1): Mark De La Rosa, Tim Means Main Event Exemption:

Weight Class Jumpers (Fighters competing outside of the weight class of their last fight even if they’re returning BACK to their “normal weight class”) (1-3): Ray Borg, Dequan Townsend Main Event Exemption ():

Twelve Precarious Ponderings

1- So does this main event not matter anymore? Regardless of how you might've felt about Corey Anderson and his streaking success or Jan Blachowicz's second half career resurgence, the fact of the matter was that IF Jones beat Reyes convincingly like most expected then Jones vs the winner of this fight felt like a lock for July or August. Consider that the UFC originally brought up the idea of Jones vs Jan in MSG to both camps but Jon passed on it or requested a new deal for it or whatever the case. Corey Anderson has some semblance of heat to him these days after smelting Johnny Walker and trying to develop or rabble up some sort of counter UFC fanbase. This WAS a #1 contender fight in theory but now? Is anybody going to want to see any fight at 205 lbs BESIDES Jones vs Reyes 2? I'm betting that's going to be a hard no. Now it is worth remembering that Jones once turned down Gus 2 (which the UFC thought would be a 1 million buy PPV) so that Glover Teix could get a title shot. This is also the UFC's rise of the champions era where champions can dictate their opponents. That said I bet it's going to be borderline riot territory if the UFC goes with the winner of this fight over a Reyes rematch.

2- The first fight featured a ton of wrasslin' as Jan couldn't stop Corey Anderson takedowns to save his life. The problem repeated itself vs Pat Cummins as well. This has been LESS of a problem for Jan since hitting this insane run he's been on since the Cummins' fight but Anderson hasn't gotten worse as a wrestler and if anything he's rounded out some of the holes in his game as a striker. Feels like a toughie for Jan to win BUT if Jan can take solace in anything, it's that Anderson has been KO'd twice since that fight and got his head bounced off the turf by Shogun Rua in a contested split decision loss. Jan also has rediscovered his kicking game which has been the catalyst for this renaissance run. There's some intrigue here but in all likelihood, this is Bader vs top 10 LHW territory where he can outgrapple dudes en route to the eventual fight with a big hitter who sleeps him.

3- Who WOULD win in a fight between Ryan Bader vs Corey Anderson?

4- Is it fair to just want Diego vs Michel to happen just so you can say you saw it happen?

5- At the risk of opening myself to critique and sassafrass, the main card fight I'm MOST looking forward to is Mara Romero vs Montana de la Rosa. I still think there's plenty of upside for Montana de la Rosa as she's very young but also pretty experienced with a 3-1 UFC record and a sole loss to Andrea Lee who is pretty good. She's got some discomfort on her feet that makes me worried about the ceiling but her grappling, positional awareness and fluidity is well worth seeing if it develops. For Mara Romero, I'm just sort of not sure what she is as a fighter. She debuted, upset the Titan FC bantamweight champ in her UFC debut, lost a close fight to Katlyn Chookagian, upset an undefeated Brazilian prospect in Brazil and then got swamped by Lauren Murphy in her next fight. Like Montana de la Rosa, there's a clear lack of comfort on the feet for extended periods of time but when the fight hits the mat, she's a lot of fun to watch usually. Kinda digging this fight on paper.

6- Jim Miller vs Scott Holtzman is weird because this is a fight that both guys tend to find a way to lose. Miller rolls into this one on a modest two fight winning streak which means he's one more kinda good mid tier guy away from getting thrust into a violence fight vs some sort of stylistic nightmare. Holtzman is still riding his "look great one fight, shit the next" rollercoaster as he comes into this one off violent smelting of Dong Hyung Ma after a loss to Nik Lentz after violently finishing Alan Patrick. So much of Holtzman's game seems to be broken down by whether or not he is "in" the fight after the first round since he seems incapable of grinding out those close brutal fights, especially when he doesn't have a pronounced strength advantage. Chances are this one ends poorly for Miller (who was rocked by Clay Guida twice in a minute) but this is Jim Miller and we are obligated to root for a dude who fought for years with lyme disease and had no idea.

7- Lando Vannata vs Yancy Medeiros in a battle of guys who can best be described as violent enhancement talent should be fun. It's worth remembering that fighters who have taken a year or more off and come back are at a ROUSING 5-0 in the early stages of 2020 and Medeiros hasn't fought since Jan of last year.

8- If Ray Borg makes weight, he's got a REALLY winnable fight against Rogerio Bontorin who is super powerful and hits hard but doesn't bring much else to the dance. How quickly can Borg ascend up the ranks with a win?

9- A bit ago, @theanticool and I discussed the plight of Jon Dodson; a super athlete who probably should've rounded out his game more en route to what is now the end of his athletic peak and the start of what would be the crafty veteran portion of his career except I don't think he's particularly crafty. Powerful? For sure. Still plenty fast? Yep. Lacking a change up to his game? Feels pretty evident. Dodson has a chance to pretty much stem the tide of irrelevancy against Nate Wood in another one of those low key great bantamweight fights. Wood was/is a bit of a wild man all action fighter but since coming into the UFC, he's settled down a bit and really refined his game to the tune of a 3-0 record all by stoppage. He's less frenetic, smarter and looks like a dude benefitting from UFC paychecks where he can probably train more/better. Wood vs Dodson should be awesome and especially in the first round where I can see Wood having trouble if Dodson comes out hot early.

10- I'm still not off the Macy Chiasson bandwagon but this fight with Nicco Montano is going to be pretty damn important for her. Nicco got off to a really strong start in her bantamweight debut vs Julianna Pena before she tired out or got sucked into prolonged grappling exchanges or whatever happened. I still think her weight class is down 10 lbs but she's got the stuff to really challenge Chiasson. This feels like a case of two women living in two opposite weight classes and having to meet in the middle to be honest.

11- Speaking of Nicco, she went from the first ever women's flyweight champion to the follow up fight to the curtain jerker. That's tough.

12- I've been a pretty damn bad judge of talent off of the Contender's Series but I really think that Brok Weaver is going to be a big time bust.

#MMA #UFC #Anderson #Jan #Fights #LHW #Macy Chiasson #Jon Dodson #Diego Sanchez #Michel Pireira

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insvisiblestrings · 5 years

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A Chat About Mental Health

So if you didn’t know it is mental health awareness month and I happen to be diagnosed with a few of the most stigmatized illnesses as well as a few that typically aren’t stereotyped as belonging to people like me. So I want to.. talk about it. In hopes to break some stigma, break some stereotypes, and maybe even inspire someone to hold on? That’s asking a lot, so, let’s just see where this takes us.

I was a sad anxious lil kid. I was praised for being so polite and mature and in reality I was being hit at home and I wasn’t shy, I was anxious. When I went to my grandma’s after school I would eat and eat until I could feel anything at all, anything other than the shame of having no friends. I will skip the triggering details but I eventually saw a psychologist who did horrible things to me, I was seven. So at the age of seven I was anxious, I was traumatized, and I had been engaging in disordered eating for about 3 years. I also had the perfect storm of genetics and a bad home life where my brain just went bad. Not bad like evil, more like an avocado you forgot about in the fridge. I was a good kid, a good thing. But the mush inside was not good. I had violent, angry outbursts. I started self harming when I was 9, banging my head into walls and touching radiators too long. At 10 the panic attacks started and to cope with them I would count anything and everything, obsessively. If I was interrupted I would panic even more. At 11 I graduated to other types of self harm, mixed with too many pills, and at 12 I went on my first diet, which involved a sticky note on my bedroom door saying “do not go get food”. Looking back I see my diagnoses plain as day, a neon sign above my childhood memories of “this is when you started!” and other times just a question mark of habits I don’t ever remember living without.

I do not remember my teenage years. I remember bits and bobs, but not the way I remember my childhood, which is so cleanly divided by year. It is a blur of “why are you like this” and “maybe this time the treatment will work.”

Things I do remember: the first time I threw a fit in the school cafeteria because my friend put her cheese into my salad (14), passing out and hitting my head on the stove on christmas morning (15), having a heart attack in 4th period english (16), long nights of texting my friend how scared I was the blood wouldn't stop (17), crying as I walked across campus (18), the onset of kidney failure from dehydration (19), and lying to my loved ones (14-19).

My teenage years were a blur of waiting rooms and bathrooms and my bathroom scale, the nutrition facts of my favorite foods and the taste of Kim K’s diet pills (grape, blegh). I saw a lot of people who didn’t do a lot to help. I got diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, Bulimia, EDNOS, and social anxiety. When I got to college I tried to commit suicide... four times. I got hospitalized and tried so hard to do better, to be better, to get better. It did not stick. I saw a psychiatrist on campus, we tried on a lot of diagnoses. I drank a lot of Ensure, I cried a lot. I screamed at her for daring to tell me what I did not want to hear.

She diagnosed me with: Anorexia Nervosa (purging type), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, ADHD, and the cherry on top: “Parker I’m afraid you’re on the path to becoming an alcoholic.”

Life with these is not easy. For one, people are annoying as hell. Joking about having OCD when you mean, “organized.” Thinking that people with personality disorders are “abusive and scary.” Or, and this is maybe the worst one, thinking that only combat veterans get PTSD. Eye. Roll. Also the “you’re not thin enough to be anorexic” and “you don’t seem crazy.” But what is life actually like when I am, lowkey, crazy? It is listening to Taylor Swift while eating a meal I really do not want to eat. It is learning to plan for down the road, because I will be alive many years from now. It’s trying my very best to put kindness into the world despite the horrible things in my mind.

I saw that psychiatrist last in June of 2018. Since then I went off my meds, attempted suicide twice, contemplated suicide a thousand times, went through another traumatizing event and got PTSD: The sequel, and also I relapsed with my eating disorder like, a billion times. I made a post on here in August about being 10 months into recovery. I relapsed the very next week. Then again. And again. This is when my kidneys almost failed, and I was told “you’re going to treatment” and my insurance said “no he isn’t” and I had to not die at home. and also it was Thanksgiving. Anyone else in recovery from an ED: you feel my pain on that one. I also celebrated a very happy christmas, I baked a lot of treats and I actually ate them!! I went vegan for the best reasons and I did not lose weight doing so. I cried in a very fancy restaurant but I ate my whole freakin meal and that became a favorite spot for us. I stopped telling people “I’m bipolar, not borderline” and admitted that I am, indeed, borderline. OCD is still a bitch, I need to be back on prozac. My room is a mess, just saying! But I think that my loved ones will die in a crash if I do not say “drive safe” and close the door 3 times and count the minutes until they get where they are going.

In short: Life went on, and had very happy moments. Life dragged on, and left me feeling miserable. At this point in time I am 3 months into recovery from my eating disorder and I am struggling but I want to get better, truly, and that’s something. I am kind of suicidal lately, to be honest. I have angry outbursts and I cried in public the other day. But I’m about two months clean from self harm, and I told my boyfriend that I was feeling rough and needed extra support. I got told the other day that I look like I’ve lost weight and I tried so so hard to stay off the scale. I caved. I have lost a little weight. I can recognize that isn’t something to be happy about, even if I am a little bit happy. I am still struggling, that I can say. PTSD is here to stay, as is BPD. Manageable but not curable, that’s just my life. I am moving forward beyond the years of waiting rooms and hospital walls. I smile every day. I struggle, but I am miles away from where I was at 10, 15, 17.

That’s my mental health story. It’s still in progress, but I hope it can show that some form of upward movement is possible. I am both a “it gets better” moment and in need of some “it gets better” inspiration. Thanks for reading if you did :) If you ever have questions about how I try to get better, or about my illnesses please send me an ask! I love talking about it, I needed someone to tell young me that I wasn’t ok and there were answers and help out there.

#mental health awareness month #anorexia recovery #borderline personality disorder #actuallyocd #ptsd

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terresdebrume · 5 years

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A blergh day

Right—first time I’m siting down for a proper update in a couple days (although I am surprised to note I didn’t really miss a day, despite the short updates. It’s a pleasant surprise, because even though I’m not working on making journaling a daily habit, I like habits. They’re nice, comforting and reassuring, so having some is always a plus to me), but I don’t think it’ll be a very long one either way.

Bit of warning: There’s a mention of gore in the second paragraph where I talk about Black Sails (it’s also a bit of a spoiler for season 2, in case you haven’t seen it). Fair warning, if you find that upsetting.

Today was mostly uneventful: students have started returning to class, although they still aren’t full by far, which means at least part of my classes have gone back to the program and I can start thinking about correcting essays again—yeah, honestly, I enjoyed a couple days of not thinking about that, knowing that my students wouldn’t worry about it either. I didn’t work with the kids’ class at all because only two out of six kids from Level 3 were present, so I couldn’t go ahead with the program, and I can’t decently have a group do work while the others are coloring or something like that so, we finished watching Kung Fu Panda and then moved on to the second opus of the trilogy.

(They asked for Spiderman: Into the Spider-Verse and honestly, I was tempted, but I don’t want to watch that movie for the first time in 10 to 30 minutes chunks, thank you very much.)

The good point being that my class is all set on Friday, and since the teens’ class has a cinema outing tomorrow, I’m on to a fairly light end of week, yay!

Honestly I’m glad it was a light day again though, because I’ve felt blegh most of the day. This is probably just the stress and sleep deprivation catching up with me, idk, but I just got stuck in this weird place where nothing is really all that enjoyable and you don’t quite feel like crying but you know you could easily get there...and of course, these are the days where everything seems worse than it is.

When ‘alright I probably could and should put a little more effort into learning khmer’ becomes ‘ugh why am I too lazy to actually learn the fucking language’ and ‘what if my colleagues and friends secretly resent or scorn me for not putting more effort into learning their language’ which then either goes into ‘seriously you’re giving them such a bad image in your head you’re a terrible person’ or ‘do they even like me anyway I feel like we never know what to talk about with them or where I stand and its probably my fault but they have to be feeling it’. And then there’s the fun moment when these two things combine.

I don’t know. I don’t know what, if anything, triggered this, or if I’m just overdue for an episode like this. For all I know my period starting could be at the start of it all which, if that’s the case a fucking ridiculous menstrual syndrome and whoever thought of that should be fired.

Oh well. I guess at least it was just a blergh day and not an outright depressed day so like. It could have been worse.

In different but not entirely unrelated news, I’m still watching Black Sails (moving on to episodes I’d never seen, now) and tonight I was forcibly reminded why I stopped watching: Ned Low, the captain that reaches Nassau at the beginning of season 2, freaks me out in his first few scenes. I’m fairly sure I stopped watching the first time around when he gets to his...shipmaster? Crewmaster? The name escapes me and I’m too lazy to look it up right now.

Anyway, Low finds that guy in Eleanor Guthrie’s inn, and you can tell it’s gonna be bad and then you keep watching after over a year of break and it turns out the guy gets decapitated with, essentially, a kitchen knife. In the middle of the inn, in the middle of the day.

And I mean, if that’s the worst that happens (it's not like it was as graphic as it could have been by far), well, it sucks and seeing it without warning freaked me out but I can handle it. My problem is, these things can and do go crescendo sometimes, especially in today’s television, and I’m a little worried of what more disturbing things will do to me, to be honest.

Oh well. I guess I’ll either find a trigger warnings list for the show or I’ll just brace myself and have supplies ready to soother myself in case of trouble x)

#My Posts #Matt has a life #Shit from work #Matt watches #out #of #the #tag #Black Sails

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clarz · 6 years

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gosh i feel so blegh. this is the second day in a row i’ve woken up with a headache, and then i’m just fuzzy and unfocused all day, and my mood’s been kinda all over the place and my feet have been swollen for a while, and i’m pretty sure i’m making myself feel worse by obsessing over it because my brain has decided that either a) i am dying, or b) i am pregnant, which would be VERY BAD (even though i had my period like 2 weeks ago and hence i’m pretty sure i wouldn’t be showing signs like that yet but OH GOD it just occurred to me that something like over half of people continue to menstruate for a couple of months after becoming pregnant AS;DOFIUAS;LKDJ).

anyway i’m spiraling and i’m doing it to myself and i’ll pull out of it, i’m gonna go design some primers (which i REALLY don’t wanna do. designing primers usually is fine, but these ones are SO complicated and i know most of you don’t know wtf i’m talking about but primers are incredibly dull and hence are really not worth explaining except to say that i am basically creating a way to break a ring of dna into like 7 different pieces, modify very specific sites on those pieces, and then stitch them all back together in a tube. and i have to make these for 3 different experiments. eventually 4?? or actually 5, oh jesus. but i can leave the last two for a little bit. but anyway so each one of those experiments will require like... 14 primers? i think? THIS IS GONNA TAKE HOURS WISH ME LUCK.) at least it will distract me from my brief annual bout of hypochondria.

#none of ur beeswax #i'm just whining and being self indulgent it's ok

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m0shete1 · 5 years

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Jan Something. 11? 14? 15. Thank’s Google.

Today I will discuss why I didn’t do my laundry, Pleasing Terrors, and my aversion to responsibility.

Feelings: First and foremost, I feel stressed. The state testing madness is getting to be A LOT and I’m sick of it. I don’t like teaching boring test shit, I don’t like making a group of good kids sit through boring test bullshit, I don’t like being the person in charge of organizing the boring test shit for others... It drains my soul to have people ask me questions about a test that’s entire existence upsets me on a moral level. Why are we making kids sit through hours of standardized testing? Why am I being asked to teach to a test that measures NOTHING? It grosses me out to be the vehicle of torture. blegh. Plus, ALL of my prep periods are now full of actual prep. I barely ate lunch today which is very unlike me. (lol)

I also feel a little let down with myself-- I was going to do laundry, and I have not. I just stayed on the sofa. I’m not as tired today as I thought I would be after the gym, and I’m sitting here thinking like, did I really work out hard if I’m not sore? I know that’s all my brain, but I’m feeling the pressure. I took a selfie to see if I drew my eyebrows on evenly (loll- I did not) and it was not a flattering photo.

Victories: Today, despite the crazy test prep schedule, my classes went well! At least, my 10th grade classes did. My second period class regularly fills me with an intense amount of joy. They are THE BEST. Today, the lesson was not great. As we were going through the Do Now, I realized that without reviewing the previous day, finishing the worksheet wouldn’t make sense. So, we had to trash the plan and try something on the fly. While I was setting up/ buying time, we reviewed the structure of a counterclaim paragraph. We wrote the order on the board and I asked if anyone would be willing to do a dramatic reading while I quickly set up the new slideshow. E suggested that R take us “to Jamaican church” (Both students are of Jamaican heritage). At first, R was enthusiastic, but then when he was standing in front of everyone, he got a little nervous. E came up to support, and the two of them read the notes as if they were in Jamaican church, even holding a fake bible. Some of the other Jamaican American students got in on the routine and everyone was laughing (but not in a make fun of them way, in an omg this is hilarious way) and enjoying the moment. What I love about them is that they allow each other to be silly or vulnerable, but no one turns it into bullying or negativity. I said, “No phones, no filming, let’s just enjoy this,” and most of them listened (R’s best friend filmed under the desk without me knowing ><). There are always volunteers in that class, always students who are willing to step outside their comfort zone. They make mistakes because they know it’s ok and I love being in that space with them. My current goal is to get my 4th period class to that level by March.

Other victories:

I did dishes

I ate healthy-ish.

I took out recycling (been waiting on that for a week).

I started a new podcast called “Pleasing Terrors.” It’s like, ghost stories meets true crime. V. cool.

There are 5 gudetamas displayed in my living room.

#goals

#textpost #text post #personal #feelingsandvictories #healthpigreturns #healthpig

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