#it’s also predicted to go extinct but not sure how accurate that prediction still is | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

diariesofthehermit · 4 years

Text

The Ecology of Black Liberation

It is hard to be Black. It is harder still when you choose not to numb yourself to the world but to take it all in. The pain that exists within this body is already acute, yet the pain that exists within the world-body is still magnitudes greater. As tempting as it may be, however, it is best not to be numb. Pain is a warning, a signal for danger, and those who do not feel pain cannot sense the arrival of hurt and of death before it is too late. Therefore I have no choice; I must feel. And as I am not separate from the world, I must feel Her pain too; Her aches are my aches, Her hurt is my hurt and our death is one.

What do we suppose liberation to be? Liberation from poverty, from misogyny, from homophobia or racism? What good is it to be liberated into a dead world, one that does not support life of any class, gender, sexuality or race? I suspect that for many, liberation is equivalent to equality, a levelling of the political/social/economic playing field within our society. As I get older, however, I become more and more sympathetic to the view that Malcolm X espoused in his Nation of Islam days: the “world” of western civilization is fucked, and there’s no hope for anyone integrating into it, equally or not. To be “liberated” is to liberate yourself from a doomed society and to build your own. My attraction to this mindset, however, is tempered by the growing twenty-first century truth that there is no longer any place left to build: if indeed our current global, capitalist civilization has not covered every inch of the world itself then its shadow surely does. Fate, now, is collective; the destiny of all life is forever intertwined.

If you’ll forgive the apparent digression, I need now to talk about trees. Trees are, after all, essential to Black liberation (as are all ‘things’ essential to life); to put it another way, the fates of Black people are tied directly to the fates of trees. To do violence to them is, in a very real way, to do violence to me, my family and my community. To think otherwise is to operate under the basic misconception that Nature and people are somehow independent, separate entities.

I recently read an academic study titled “Deforestation and World Population Sustainability: a Quantitative Analysis.” It emphasized, first, the importance of trees to the earth’s life and civilizations: they prove indispensable to our existence through the production of oxygen and the cleansing of the atmosphere, maintenance of the soil, regulation of our water cycle and, a key factor given our contemporary crisis, the regulation of our planet’s climate by keeping its carbon in them instead of in our atmosphere, where it would accelerate the already lethal pace of planetary warming. “Trees and forests are our best atmosphere cleaners” the authors wrote, “and, due to the key role that they play in the terrestrial ecosystem, it is highly unlikely to imagine the survival of many species, including ours, on the Earth without them. In this sense, the debate on climate change will be almost obsolete in case of a global deforestation of the planet.” Obsolete, note, because we’d all be among the dying or dead.

The authors of the study then used multiple variables, such as the world human population, the amount of earth covered by forest, the growth rate of the human species, the rate at which we extract resources from the environment, the projected rate of technological improvement in resource extraction, the renewability of those resources and those resources carrying capacity to calculate the survivability our current society. They gave us twenty to forty years before “catastrophic collapse” spelled the end of human civilization and perhaps of the human species itself, with an “optimistic” 10% chance of human society continuing if we can begin in earnest to expand our civilization into the solar system and harvest its resources.

We all know, however, that if the wealthiest and most industrialized nations began to expand their societies into space, that Black people are going to have a hell of a hard time getting there. Of course, it’s hard to accurately predict the future. Any model of the times to come that depends on future human behavior or expected rates of technical progress is inherently fallible. We may very well survive much longer than that. There is also the alternative, however: considering that we are not only harming our forests, but the soil, the oceans, our atmosphere and indeed the entire biosphere itself, perhaps their calculations of civilization’s end times are not too far off. Perhaps they’ll come sooner. Who knows? The future itself is an unknown. Yet, what we can perhaps say with certainty is that the possibility for total extinction, or at the very least the extinction of human civilization, is now very real. We are not discussing an end of a civilization, or of a society, but of human society itself. Forever. It is an existential threat that the “wretched of the earth”, the poor and the marginalized, cannot afford to ignore. We do not, after all, deserve this fate. We did not bring the world to this point. But do Black revolutionaries have time to discuss it? Is it not best to leave such things to those who have the privilege to worry about the global environment and not whether a police officer will kill them at a traffic stop, or after barging into their home in the middle of the night based on bad intel? I would argue that, in regards to this threat and any other, white people can and will not save us. Have you seen the news on climate change? White people cannot save themselves- they cannot even agree amongst themselves if the threat exists.

Yet the global working classes (even those who carry the label of “white”), the marginalized and the colonized, do not have the privilege of these debates. Wealth will not insulate us from the worst. We have seen Katrina, and how its effects upon communities were proportionate to their wealth and racial make-up, and we should understand that Katrina is just the first sign of what's to come. Already, the air we breathe, the food we consume and the water we drink have a detrimental relationship with the life-spans of the urban poor; the very earth is weaponized against us. For the moment She has only fired warning shots and her real rage is barely apparent. It is, however, on the horizon. Who will feel it worst, I wonder?

The authors of the study offer us some hope aside from Star-Trek like voyages into space. According to them, we live in an “economical” society, which tends to value the welfare of a few privileged components over that of the entire system. Extrapolating a bit, it is indeed clear that not only do we see “humanity” as somehow separable from nature, but that the wealthy and powerful in particular have conceptualized themselves as a group apart from the rest of us, well, peasants as well. What is needed, according to the study’s authors, is a transformation into a society that values the whole as much as the parts and that works for the sake of the all instead of the few. Such a society does not make false dichotomies between people and nature, or between the proletariat and the nation, or even between nations themselves. We are all integrated into a single system in which each part supports the existence of all the others, and to understand one person in their fullness is to, by necessity, see the whole.

I am for, and will always be for, the existence and welfare of the Black community. I would just like to point out that without a healthy planet there are no communities, Black or white, and that Black liberation without planetary liberation is nonexistent. We live and die with our mother; we live and die, in fact, with trees. Which is a wonder, because I’m willing to bet that most of the diaspora in industrialized nations, living our lives so characterized by atomization and isolation, walk by them every day without a second thought. Your true body, though, does not end with your body. I challenge you: the next time you walk down a park, a block or a city street, notice the trees. They are you. One being, one fate.

Link to quoted study: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-020-63657-6.pdf

#liberation #revolution #black #black culture #environment #BLM #racism #socialism #capitalism #nature #trees #climate change #global warming #deforestation #ecology

40 notes · View notes

parasite-core · 4 years

Note

I'm curious if you've got any big TMA theories about what's going on. You've been scarily accurate in a couple of your predictions (not saying which) so I'm curious if you're going to be able to predict the big mega twist that happens later lol

Hm...to be honest I don’t even know how much I keep track of my own theories, I kind of just say things as I think of them based on what I hear and then later realize ‘oh shoot I said that thing that just happened 20 episodes ago didn’t I?’ But here’s some things that come to mind:

It definitely seems like Jon is on the road to becoming like the other avatars if nothing helps ground his humanity (*coughMartincough*) (Georgie can probably help too, she’s good at knocking him off his high horse)

I’m concerned based on Jon recently forcing statements out of people, and also the effects giving statements has on people in the long run. I’m also concerned that his actions might be directly helping pave the way to the Eye’s ritual, the Watcher’s Crown. Worst case scenario, Jon’s lost so much of himself by the time it happens he’s unable or unwilling to stop it. He did tell Gerry that he likes having the compulsion power, whereas Gertrude did not.

Actually, worst case scenario is that he’s the Eye’s equivalent of Nikola and Agnes and he’s literally going to be at the center of bringing it about. But if that’s the case what does that make Elias? I’m on the fence, but given how much Elias insists on Jon growing stronger, I think it’s more likely Jon than Elias who is vital to the Eye’s ritual, in some way.

The Watcher’s Crown was also mentioned in reference to Jonah Magnus in...I think it was Smirk’s statement? Jonah was implied to be trying to find a way to cheat death. It’s also been shown that the Dark cult’s leader Reiner has found a way to cheat death. I can’t remember if the characters said he was body hopping or if that’s an assumption I made at the time, but he’s definitely doing something to keep coming back. I think, given how close together these two revelations were, that Jonah may have attempted to become something similar. Whatever he was trying to do, it must be all tied up in what the Archive’s real purpose is, which I assume is preparing for and then instigating the Watcher’s Crown.

But the characters have said the Watcher’s Crown has never been attempted...so if he was going to use the crown to cheat death, either something got to Jonah before he could put his plan into action in his lifetime, or he had something set up for the distant future for when the ritual is finally set in motion...which the long running nature of the Institute implies...but if he was planning ahead but also trying to cheat death that implies he found (or tried to find) a way to bring himself back later if he needed the ritual to be done after the Archive has served its purpose...

I feel like I’m starting to make too big of leaps of logic at this point on that subject tbh. After Smirk’s statement I definitely feel like Jonah plays more of a role than just having founded the Archive and therefore setting things in motion, but I’m definitely still missing some important pieces of the puzzle to get a coherent idea of what’s coming.

I have no theories about what Peter has planned for Martin yet, beyond what’s already been said that he wants to align him with the Lonely and that somehow this will help stop the Extinction. I don’t have a great grasp on that plot thread yet. I don’t trust Peter, that’s for sure. I do believe that he doesn’t want the Extinction to manifest and risk it destroying everything, because there needs to be people to feel fear for the various entities to exist. I just don’t trust that that’s his only motivation. On a side note I wonder what the Lonely’s ritual is? Also since Martin is signed on with the Archive and therefore belongs to the Eye already, I’m wondering how Peter’s actions could make him be aligned with the Lonely instead...

On another note, I wonder why Elias was less worried about the Extinction than Peter. There’s no knowledge left to learn and nothing left to watch if everyone dies, so I do not see how the Extinction would be less of a threat to the Eye than to the Lonely. At least in an empty dead world everything is loneliness. There’s no fear of loneliness though so I guess it doesn’t make that big a difference...

#tma #anon #long post #this kind of turned into brain soup and I’n sorry about that #I get very stream of consciousness when trying to put the pieces together #I just say everything my brain thinks and hope it sticks 😂

7 notes · View notes

eldritchsurveys · 5 years

Text

508.

Have you ever had to do your laundry at a laundromat? >> Yeah, I’ve used laundromats for most of my adult life. Are you the oldest person who lives in your household? >> Yeah. Do you make friends easily? >> I have no idea, because I’m not sure how making friends works in the first place. Do you make enemies easily? Or do you not have any enemies at all? >> No. I think making enemies is probably along the same axis as making friends, so if I’m not sure how the latter works, I’m definitely not any surer of how the former works. Do you think its likely that humans will go extinct in the next 1000 years? >> I don’t feel comfortable making a prediction like that, considering how little I know about such matters. Also, there’s no point -- I’m reasonably sure humanity will not randomly go extinct in my lifetime, so I have no reason to even think about this.

If you have tattoos, how long have you had them? >> I’ve had tattoos for about 6 or 7 years total. Do you and your dad have similar personalities? >> Probably. A fair amount of that stuff is genetic. How old are your next-door neighbors? >> --- What do you usually order when you go out to brunch? >> Whatever on the menu sounds best to me at the time. Why do people get involved in crime? Is there any excuse for criminal behavior? >> There are so many reasons why people do crime, lmao. You can excuse any kind of behaviour, if you feel like it. Is your life stressful? >> Not usually. What were the last three things you had to drink? >> Water (five minutes ago), jasmine green tea (yesterday), hard cider (Sunday). What did your family usually do for Easter when you were a kid? >> --- Do you live near any large rivers or lakes? >> Lake Michigan is about an hour’s drive away. What were you doing at this time yesterday? >> I was finishing up the latest episode of Superstore. When you have houseguests over, where do they sleep? >> --- Are you emotionally stable? >> My emotions are currently under review. I’ve been considering myself emotionally stable, but it’s possible that I’m just so detached from my emotions because of reasons that I can’t accurately assess them. What was going on in your life back in 2011? >> Oof, I don’t really remember. Do you still talk to the very first person you had sex with? >> No.

Are you an atheist? >> No. Describe your current state of mind. >> I’m mostly thinking about the pizza I’m in the process of reheating. I’m very hungry, lol. What’s the largest bug you’ve ever found in your house? >> All the bugs in here have been your standard small ones -- flies, gnats, ants. Would it annoy you if a stranger called you ‘Sweetie?’ >> It would be at least mildly annoying, since I’m averse to being called pet names in general. But I keep that to myself as much as possible, because I understand that that’s not the reaction those terms are meant to evoke. (Usually.) Are you into fashion design? >> Yeah, I think fashion and its industry is fascinating and I love learning about it. What’s the worst thing you’ve gone through in the past year? >> --- Have you ever completely lost touch with reality? How/why did this happen? >> Yeah. I was doing a lot of dissociative hallucinogenics. Has someone disappointed you recently? >> Whatever postal service is responsible for delivering my wig to me is about to be a real disappointment if they don’t deliver it by Wednesday evening... Have you ever used Airbnb? >> Yeah, several times. Will you sleep in past 8:00 AM tomorrow morning? >> Probably not. Which of your friends is closest in age to you? >> --- How did you get your last bruise? >> I don’t even remember the last time I had a bruise.

#surveys #survey #random survey

3 notes · View notes

ijohnmathew · 3 years

Text

5 Ecommerce Forecasts to Help You Evolve Smart Ecommerce Solutions

Keeping track of international growth trends in ecommerce development services is the best way to know the future of ecommerce. You need not strive hard to collect pieces of information from many sources. We are here consolidating some powerful trends in ecommerce solutions to help you have a quick peek into the ecommerce future.

Changes are always scary and exciting. But it is these same changes that make growth possible. The same principle applies in ecommerce development services as well. It’s an ever-changing landscape. And if you don’t keep abreast of yourselves, you will lag behind. Foreseeing changes and adapting to suit your ecommerce solutions is the best way to stay competitive.

We’ve curated 5 predictions on the future of ecommerce. It will be an eye-opener for you to make your movements right. Read on, move on, and make decisions wisely.

5 Predictions for the Future of Ecommerce

1. Ubiquitous presence of Conversational AI Chat Bots

Conversational AI is the artificial intelligence that makes machines adept at understanding, processing, and responding to human language. It does a lot beyond simply translating website content into simple chatbot responses. It smartly interacts with people in a humanlike way. It’s a great tool to bridge the gap between human and computer language.

Natural Language Processing (NLP) and Machine Learning (ML) make chatbots capable of doing it. More and more websites will be adding chatbots through a plugin or to improve customer support. These chatbots will also help in delivering vital marketing messages and manage basic sales tasks. The future of ecommerce will see AI chatbots in most ecommerce solutions and websites.

How Bots Will Completely Kill Websites and Mobile Apps throws away the popular misconception that bots will never become more widespread than websites and mobile apps. It sheds light on the near possibility to bots totally replacing websites and mobile apps.

If you are into offering ecommerce development services, you just can’t ignore the ubiquitous nature of chatbots in the future. Some bold predictions say that business websites without AI chatbots will look silly and novice. Be prepared to face an increasing number of consumer demand for chatbots as they deliver super satisfying customer experience.

2. Virtual Reality Shopping can wait

Virtual Reality (VR) shopping experiences could not march ahead as expected due to the pandemic impacts. As per reports, the VR market saw a set back by about 7%.

VR in the retail industry is still in its early stage. It vows to offer something new and innovative. This ultra-modern technology will help retailers to plan, design, research, and lift the customer experience.

Financial instability of 2021 is a major reason for consumers to keep away from expensive tech. Nevertheless, graphics cards and new gaming consoles witnessed constant changes and high sales. The status quo is clear: Customers want to spend. But they need this difficult time to get over to invest their hard-earned money in high-ticket VR gadgets.

When it comes to ecommerce solutions, VR cannot be an appealing ground for online shopping currently and may be in the immediate future. Now the focus of customers is to have an online shopping experience that is easier, faster, and more seamless. The craving for immersive shopping experiences has taken a backseat.

Being said this, Augmented Reality (AR) seems to have a stronger grip on the ecommerce development services landscape. Because AR experiences are lightweight, convenient, and handy, just as it shows you whether a pair of glasses will look good on you or not.

3. More obvious data collection and tracking

The clash over data and privacy will define the ensuing internet era. After years of public uproar over the threats to online privacy administrations are spreading out regulations like GDPR and CCPA. Online companies and ecommerce development services providers have to make alterations and comply with these new restrictions. They need to accurately notify visitors about the data they collect.

Simply tracking everything, even if proposed by experts is just a waste of time. Smart retailers of the future will rely increasingly on machine learning to capture data, analyze it, and use it to give a personalized shopping experience. It will also help in implementing effective marketing campaigns, price optimization, stock supply scheduling, and for customer insights.

The pandemic scenario has introduced “new normal” disclaimers and “opt-out” options all over the web. We don’t see any reverse of these laws even after this situation gets over.

At the start of 2021, both businesses and consumers are still getting used to this “new normal” of disclaimers and “opt-out” options all over the web. Companies that don’t comply with the new rules will have to face high-profile legal acts. More attention to data privacy and disclosure is a notable element of the future of ecommerce.

Ecommerce solutions providers need to pay attention to the use of data more prudently than ever before.

4. Online Shopping will be more Interactive and more Fun

Though they are concerned about the privacy of the data collected by ecommerce solutions providers, they expect collaborating and pleasurable shopping experience.

Researches show that an entertaining shopping experience is a crucial factor that tempts them to indulge in more shopping. This factor weighs pretty higher than influencer recommendations! Those who keenly want to know the future of ecommerce should note this point as an increasing number of marketing dollars flow into the influencer sphere.

How to make shopping as entertaining and amusing as possible? This is the challenge of ecommerce development companies while shaping ecommerce solutions for Gen Z consumers. Livestream shopping shows are gaining prominence in America and around the globe where compelling hosts show off products in an engaging way.

Ecommerce retailers can be prepared to add more accommodating and enjoyable human assistance to the web shopping experience. A good live chat agent can be as engaging as a smart in-store clerk. They should offer the right suggestions by analysing their past shopping bahavior.

Micro-influencers + live streaming will be a hit combo in the future of ecommerce. Brands should scale up fast with the right blend of influencers and global marketing strategy. In the end, the act of shopping will become nothing but seamless.

5. A unified physical and digital retail phenomena

The future of ecommerce sheds light on the possibility of a digital and physical meet. The debate over whether the brick-and-mortar stores are dying or thriving is rampant nowadays. Especially in this pandemic situation as most people stay indoors and prefer to purchase online, it seems like physical retail stores are going to go extinct.

One thing is for sure. Physical stores are changing with an eye toward digital. Using the internet to enhance the physical experience is the best tonic for brick and mortar stores rather than considering themselves as separate units.

Location-based marketing strategies come handy in these situations. Through geofencing and proximity marketing retailers can leverage physical location data from smartphones or IP addresses. They can resort to target messaging consumers who are physically close to an actual business location.

In-store and in-app in tandem will be a significant trend. Ecommerce solution providers should eye a unified multichannel strategy covering retail apps, website, events, services, etc.

Key Takeaways

I’m sure that this curation of the future ecommerce trends will help you spark new ideas, tame the obstacles, and make you a successful ecommerce business owner for the years to come. Don’t you feel you need to have a smart technology partner to help you evolve smart ecommerce solutions to stay ahead of time?

An experienced ecommerce development services company like GetMySites can be a great choice! Call them to get a winning ecommerce solutions strategy and/or an ecommerce website that boosts conversions and on-site engagement.

0 notes

kathleenseiber · 4 years

Text

So, how do you weigh a dinosaur?

By Nicolas Campione, University of New England

The most emblematic feature of dinosaurs is their body size. Some dinosaurs reached enormous sizes during the Mesozoic Era which ended 66 million years ago, with some species maybe even approaching 100 tonnes. The largest animals ever to walk on Earth were almost certainly dinosaurs.

But how do we know how heavy they really were? Dinosaurs (the non-bird kind) have been extinct for tens of millions of years, and for the most part only their bones remain.

How can we possibly weigh them, and how can we be sure our assumptions aren’t wildly off the mark?

Our research, published in Biological Reviews, offers a way to check. We found that two rival ways to estimate dinosaurs’ body size – long thought to be fundamentally at odds – actually offer consistent and complementary ways to approximate the weight of these prehistoric titans.

An animal’s body mass is a fundamental property of its biology. It dictates what an animal can eat, how far and fast it can move, and how many offspring it can have.

It should therefore come as no surprise that palaeontologists have worked tirelessly for more than a century to deduce the body masses of extinct animals such as dinosaurs. If we can measure body mass in the past, it will improve our understanding of how these long-dead creatures truly lived.

Weighty issue

So how do you “weigh” a dinosaur? There are two approaches. One option is to reconstruct what the animal might have looked like, including how big it may have been, and then estimate the total weight of its bones, muscles and other tissues. This approach incorporates as much anatomical data as can be recovered from the fossil record, but our confidence in this method depends on how complete a fossil we are looking at.

As a result, animals such as the famous Tyrannosaurus rex, whose fossil record has been collected for more than century, require much less guesswork to reconstruct than many of Australia’s dinosaurs, which are often based on a few bones. In either case, reconstructing a long-extinct fossil inevitably requires some assumptions.

The second approach is to measure certain key bone parameters, such as the circumferences of the humerus and femur, and insert these measurements into scaling equations derived from animals alive today. This method offers a simple description of the possible body masses a set of limbs could theoretically carry. But, because it is based on a few measurements, it can be imprecise, especially for the largest dinosaurs.

Limb scaling equations also assume that limb size and body mass scale the same way in dinosaurs as in modern animals. Limb circumferences have been shown to consistently predict body mass in very different types of living land animals, include primates, marsupials, and turtles. This suggests they can provide an external measure of accuracy for the more precise estimates obtained from reconstructions.

Dinosaurs ranged widely in size during the Mesozoic Era. Vitor Silva, Author provided

Having two different ways to measure the same thing might sound very useful in terms of double-checking the results. But these approaches have sometimes yielded significantly different body mass estimates.

In a recent example, a reconstruction of the gigantic titanosaur Dreadnoughtus, which lived roughly 80 million years ago in what is now Argentina, suggested a body mass between 27 and 38 tonnes. Yet its colossal legs suggest it could have supported even more weight: between 44 and 74 tonnes.

Such differences have led many palaeontologists to believe these two approaches are fundamentally at odds, leading to the disappointing prospect that we might never know how big some dinosaurs really were.

Setting things straight

But our new research offers a more hopeful view. We analysed more than 400 dinosaur reconstructions generated over the past 115 years, and used them to compare the body masses obtained through reconstructions to that expected from the dinosaurs’ limb bone circumferences.

We found both approaches tend to arrive at similar body mass estimates. This suggests discrepancies such as the Dreadnoughtus example are the exception rather than the rule. It seems the specimen used to reconstruct Dreadnoughtus may have had overly built limbs. One possibility, despite its amazing size, is that it was still growing when it died. This could mean the reconstruction approach is a better representation of this specimen’s size, whereas the limb scaling approach may indicate the size it was yet to reach.

Estimates of body mass based on dinosaur reconstructions scale well with animals living today. Nicolás Campione, Author provided

But for most dinosaurs, we argue these methods should never be considered in opposition to each other, as they are conceptually very different. Reconstructions offer precision, whereas scaling provides accuracy.

Precisely accurate?

To explain the difference between “precision” and “accuracy”, and why both are important, let’s use an analogy. Imagine getting a true estimate of a dinosaur’s body mass is like hitting a bullseye on a dartboard.

Reconstructing an extinct animal is like designing the dart. You collate as much information as possible on the skeleton. In our analogy, this is like creating a dart that flies precisely where you want it to go when you throw it at the wall.

But to hit the bullseye you also have to know where on the wall the bullseye actually is. In this instance, this means calibrating our estimate by using the scaling method, which is based on direct comparisons with living animals whose body mass we can measure directly, without the assumptions inherent in reconstructing extinct animals.

Our research suggests palaeontologists do have enough knowledge to hit bullseyes most of the time when trying to estimate dinosaur body masses. And in cases where estimates still vary, such as Dreadnoughtus we can have fun trying to work out why we were wide of the mark.

Nicolas Campione, Research Fellow/Lecturer, University of New England

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

So, how do you weigh a dinosaur? published first on https://triviaqaweb.weebly.com/

0 notes

thelmasirby32 · 4 years

Text

Top tips to grease your email marketing wheels in 2020

Sometime back the COO of Facebook had blurted out some unfortunate things about email marketing – that emails are going away and that marketers will have to focus on teenagers of today to finalize the marketing strategies of tomorrow, and so on and so forth.

Food for thought

Emails are timeless, dependable, unsung moneymakers that have invariably found continued success and more customers for almost 50 years now. And still, there’s no stopping it.

In fact, researches by Radicati Group found out that there were 3.9 million email users in 2019, and the market is expected to grow over to 4.3 million by the end of 2023.

This means, over half of the world population has been using emails in 2019 and the medium happens to generate more ROI than what meets the eye – $44 per dollar spent

Underlining the strength of emails, yet another research by Drift and Survey Monkey revealed that 65% of respondents in the past 12 months have communicated with organizations via emails, ranking it way above the rest.

Being around for so long, this phenomenon in economics is known as the Lindy effect.

The Lindy effect

Author Nassim Taleb in his popular book ‘Antifragile’ speaks about the Lindy Effect. According to him, the life expectancy of a business or an idea is in proportion to its current age.

Taleb states, “If a book has been in print for forty years, I can expect it to be in print for another forty years. And, if it survives another decade, then it will be expected to be in print another fifty years. Every year that passes without extinction doubles the additional life expectancy.”

Now, emails have already been around for 50 years, and so we could expect to see it around in 2070 as well. But then no, you can’t just get out there and shoot emails.

As email marketers, first and foremost, you will have to think about re-inventing the existing email marketing strategies in a big bang way if you wish to sustain your business’ email ROI in 2020 and beyond.

Simply put, email marketing will have to embrace videos, personalization, data, mobile, among many other strategies to retain their respective audience base.

This post is an attempt to highlight the key strategies that businesses need to adopt in 2020 to grease their email campaigns in 2020.

1. Mobile-centric emails

If anything, the mobile-mindset is sweeping across the digital marketing spectrum. According to email usage stats by emailmonday, email opens are happening more on mobile than desktop.

This means, if you still haven’t got your emails mobile-responsive, you are leaving a lot of money on the table.

Now, the question is how to optimize your emails for mobile?

Simple, you need to cut down the size of your copy, images and the overall design to suit the mobile format. A concise copy gives a clear view of the CTA button, which, in turn, leads to more visitors to your landing pages, blogs or product pages. More importantly, shorter copies make the emails much more scannable.

Here’s an example by campaignmonitor on how short copies offer clean, easy-on-your-eyes email experience to subscribers while checking their messages on mobile.

Unlike the first image, the second image is perfectly tailor-made for mobile screening.

The benefits of such copies can be seen clearly when you open such an email on mobile:

Sufficient white space in the copy offers an easy reading experience

The image on the first fold inspires further scrolling

A short copy means the CTA appears clearly. This saves the recipient from scrolling further down to reach a CTA button.

In case any additional copy or data needs to be added, you could accommodate that on the landing page to which your email CTA directs.

Further, make sure to test your emails from a user perspective. You cannot leave this to chance because users might spare only some time to check your emails on their phones. If they don’t like what they see, they are sure to delete your emails at once, let alone read the message.

2. Voice-friendly emails

Being mobile-centric is just one thing. By and by, you will have to make it voice-technology-friendly as well as the use of voice technology is growing worldwide.

In 2019, almost 112 million people, in the US alone, used a voice assistant, at least monthly, on different devices.

If you look at it, that’s quite a huge pool of users who’d love using voice-enabled emails as the technology progresses in the future. Some of the popular voice-assistant technologies currently in use include Amazon Alexa, Apple’s Siri, Google Assistant, Samsung’s Bixby, and Microsoft Cortana.

Presently, if you are using Amazon Alexa it will help you do five basic things with your email.

Read it

Reply to it

Delete it

Archive-it

Switch to the next message

This could prove to one of the most effective and ingenious email marketing strategies of this century as it makes your message heard despite the busy schedule of subscribers. So, even if your email recipient is busy pursuing some other activity, a voice-enabled email would help you to quickly figure out the content of your email.

Even Apple’s Siri is programmed to offer you similar functionalities. You can check out How Alexa Reads Your Emails & Impacts Email Marketing blog to get further ideas on how to use Alexa for your emails.

3. AI-driven emails

Not long ago, email marketing was purely driven by human instinct, be it the subject line or the send time. It was spray and pray strategy, more or less.

No more. AI has taken the hassle out of email marketing as marketers can now make accurate predictions, that too, not just with the subject lines but the send time as well. Plus, it also offers amazing recommendations.

How does AI do that?

AI, powered by machine learning, makes use of massive data to arrive at decisions that keep evolving as it learns. Though humans are involved in AI training initially, but then, by and by, they evolve themselves to find their own solutions and pathways.

Here are a few top use cases of AI in email marketing:

A. Craft outstanding subject lines

AI-powered by NLG, which runs on large and structured data sets, is quite good at churning out outstanding subject lines that could even beat copywriters’ hands down. In addition to subject lines, AI is quite capable of generating content for social shares, press releases and more. From word choice to emojis and sentiments, the copies are spot on and delivered quickly. And, more than anything generates more opens for your emails.

B. Optimization of send times

In 2020, marketers will have to optimize email send times based on historical open patterns of the audience. Say, for example, if Jonny opens his inbox between 10.00 am and 1.00 pm then you need to make sure that your emails reach his inbox during that period of time and not later.

But then, his sister Joanna opens her inbox around 5.00 pm. Manually it’s almost impossible for marketers to shoot so many emails, at different points in time, especially when tens of thousands of customers are involved.

This is where AI could chip in with its expertise. AI is programmed to handle problems of scale easily. The technology dissects mountains of data to come up with a predictive model for every contact on your list. This way, every individual, on your list, is sent an email at a time when they are most likely to open it.

C. Smarter segmentation of email marketing lists

Segmentation of the email list enables marketers to develop a relevant buyer persona, which, in turn, helps them shoot tailor-made emails. Such segmented email campaigns are known to increase revenues by a whopping 760%. However, such segmentation, though it yields good results, isn’t good enough.

Combined with AI, smarter segmentation, on the other hand, helps you generate a list that significantly accelerates open and click rates. This is because it thoroughly analyzes the behavior of the current customers and finds patterns that help you segment the audience in new ways. And, the brilliance of it is, that it gets the job done faster than what any humans could do.

Customization is central to capturing today’s audiences. And with smarter segmentation, you get optimized email lists that help your emails perform better.

4. Video centered emails

Yet another way to bolster your email marketing efforts is to add videos to your email campaign. It’s one of the proven ways to increase leads, educate customers and, in the process, enhance brand awareness.

And being a clear differentiator in terms of content, it manages to stand out from the mass of emails that you receive every day. They offer several advantages:

Immediately hooks the audience and drives engagement

More impactful than plain text as it communicates product or service information better and faster. This, in turn, ensures a faster response rate from users.

Complex topics are easily explained

Videos are viral in nature

Wide social media sharing, thus boosting a brand’s SEO ranking

Also, don’t forget, if your client’s emails are not HTML5-compatible, they won’t be able to view your videos. In such cases, you could do two things: One, you could create an image that looks like a video image. Once the user clicks on it, it would direct the user to YouTube. Just ensure that your video is on an autoplay mode. Two: Embed GIFs or cinemagraphs. According to Experian Research, 72% percent of brands using animated GIF or a cinemagraph experience higher transaction rates.

5. AMP for emails

As it turns out, AMP or accelerated mobile pages was introduced by Google to speed up the mobile web, specifically the landing pages, blog posts, and even full websites. Now, with millions of domains already under the “AMP”ed umbrella, the open-source technology is expanding its reach to emails as well.

AMP for emails will allow email marketers to create more interactive and actionable emails with the help of AMP elements. Broadly put, when you add interactive features such as accordions, confirmation, carousels, and purchase buttons in your email, AMP will allow you to take actions inside their emails without opening a new tab or visiting the website.

Additionally, emails can be updated in terms of news articles, weather, stock prices, and so on.

Of course, each of these things is possible when you run a third party script Javascript inside these emails. However, according to Google experts, running a third party script inside an email may cause loads of security issues, which is not the case with AMP for emails. In this case, the documents are analyzed for spam, phishing, among many other things, which, in turn, ensures the safety of the user.

Other benefits of AMP for Emails

The technology will swap static content with a more dynamic web-page like the content. So users will be able to receive highly personalized content on-demand in the form of current product prices, weather updates, news, and so forth.

It’s a red hot technology. Only a few marketers are experimenting with this technology. This means you have the edge over your rivals if you have a clear cut idea on how to use AMP elements inside your emails while interacting with the users.

Known email service providers such as Gmail, Yahoo, and Outlook support AMP technology. This means you can add AMP elements into the emails for most of your subscribers.

Examples of AMP emails

Pinterest: AMP allows you to enlarge each of the images, inside the email, and see more detailed information, instead of visiting the Pinterest webpage.

Source: sendpulse

Doodle: With the help of the Doodle website, AMP for emails can help you create, manage, and respond to polls. Plus, you can set dates for meetings without opening a new tab.

Source: sendpulse

Bonus point

Overall quality should be the goal

Integrating all the latest technology and all is fine, but then don’t forget it’s the rudimentary aspects that make your emails click-worthy, that is content and design. So, by all accounts, take into consideration the following points while designing your email.

A. Content

An email shouldn’t have more than 50 words because a reader won’t be putting in more than 13.4 seconds to read it.

So, how do you write a compelling copy in 50 words? Litmus recommends the following tips:

Short sentences

Limited jargons

Localization

B. Design

Some simple ways to make email designs accessible and effective to a broader audience:

Use Real text HTML

Be cognizant of font sizes, line spacing, and text justification

High contrasting colors

Ensure visual hierarchy

C. Code

To make sure that your emails can be read as soon as they are opened you need to slightly tweak your code. A solid code-base assures accessibility.

So how do you ensure a solid code-base?

Enter alternative text for images

Make HTML tables accessible to screen readers

Use semantic HTML

Specify a language in the HTML

Going by the Lindy Effect, email marketing, at the very least, is going to around for the next 50 years. So, no matter what, make it a point to update your current email marketing tactics with the latest technologies, be it AI, voice, video or AMP for emails.

The post Top tips to grease your email marketing wheels in 2020 appeared first on Search Engine Watch.

from Digital Marketing News https://www.searchenginewatch.com/2020/03/10/top-tips-to-grease-your-email-marketing-wheels-in-2020/

0 notes

cybermoonmoon · 4 years

Text

“...bucks”

Most don't care about others or the world. The poor, and hungry are before their eyes, and they literally step over them. The world is dying all around us no one cares. If it ain't happening to them it ain't happening. Eh if you're thinking of all those progressive kids forget it. Young people go through a very short idealistic phase. They quickly get over it, and become like their parents, and grand parents. ..racist Nazi republicans. I seen this happen to three generations now. So it's a trend. Remember Occupy ended at Spring Break. I just read the very Earth could become uninhabitable with a 6c degree increase in world temps. All agriculture dies off at a 1.5c increase, and human life ends at 4c. This should be front page news, but ain't, and never will be till shit starts killing folks millions at a time. Even then jerks in the rich safe countries still won't care because it ain't happening to them. I don't mean people are evil I mean people are human. Personal comfort, and survival is the only real goal for all 7 Billions of us. Sure there a few that care, but these are so rare they're made into prophets or saints then ignored. So look since no ones cares that the fucking world will end in a few centuries. Well okay the world will be hotter, but fine. We'll be gone though. Anyway it occurred to me a way to make the average moron care, and do the right thing. Pay them to care. Hard bucks in hand if they care, and do the right shit. This must have been thought of before. It would work too. However practical it ain't. However we're past practicalities what with facing extinction in four or five generations,...which is the problem. The wild shit mostly won't affect most in the rich countries till the mid-2100's. Few alive now will be around for that so fuck it. So if I were the absolute king emperor boss of America. I'd put a third of the country on the payroll. Real money not some stupid handout. $100 grand a year plus whatever they make from their job. That, and all taxes reduced to 2% for them, and their families. We give them a middleclass income to work at fucking fixing the mess were in. As for what they'll do,...that's another rant. Whatever one third of half a billion is will be working at cleaning this horror show up...mostly in their spare time which with those numbers is all we'll need. There I said it, and I'm glad.

Two Comments:

Kevin

December 19, 2019 at 8:45 PM

This panicky hand-waving sort of stuff does not convey an accurate picture of climate change, which I think is real but which is being used politically by rich people for dubious ends, IMHO. Those fat cats who shipped Greta to Davos don't care what happens to the rest of us. This rapid disaster scenario is fake, and is designed to get the rest of us to practice austerity by eating bugs or one another, so they can keep jetting around the world in their private planes. Our real problem isn't limited to climate change, but can be better described by the broader term of overshoot, including population levels that are guaranteed to crash in very painful ways, and also including general environmental degradation - not just climatic - and very importantly, resource depletion. Onward and downward! P.S. - Some good news: it appears that a young Dutch guy is doing quite a bit to clean up the Pacific garbage patch with his non-profit outfit. Good on him.

I reply,...

uncle1950uncle

December 20, 2019 at 7:23 AM

Yeah I noticed that Pacific plastic garbage guy. It only takes 'one' to get off their comfortable butt. Like the young gal Greta. These are just kids, but they touched a nerve that wanted to be touched. As for the rest of it. Well the time table shifts from here to there, but the outcome is the same. Though you're right the panic serves the purpose of the Jet-vampires. Back in the 1990's they said what is happening now would happen in the mid to late 21st century,...it's 50 years early. Same with the poles. They predicted that shit going on now would come in the late 21st or early 22nd century. Early again in a serious way. Though despite that life will go on normally for many even most. Although some First World countries like right now Australia may bite the dust. It's 120+ in most of their country right now. Their woodlands are burning from coast to coast at this very moment. They'll survive this as long as it isn't an annual thing...and it isn't,...yet. However will be. Like Katina, and Sandy aren't every year yet, but will be. So yeah drastic action should be taken...now. If we did that back in the early 70's like with all that Earth Day jazz. Things 'might' not be as bad now. I say "Might" because the planet is fucking big, and pissed off. We might not have the power to do anything about that. No matter how early we started. Me I think if we knew,...and some did even as early as the early 20th century. A few science weirdos got that fucking the world up would fuck 'us' one day. If we as a world community...which we weren't yet at the time. However if we had started taking measures to temper industry say back in 1870. Well,... It slightly possible the climate would still outwardly be balanced. New York would still be getting snow in winter Chicago would not have heat deaths in the high hundreds to low thousands every year, and both ice pack would be mostly...not completely, but mostly intact. We might have slowed, but not stopped the process. Giving us a buffer to adjust more rationally. Moving population centers inland changing the varieties of crops. Laying off the more caustic stuff like DDT. You get the picture. Yeah I know,...dream on.

0 notes

awesomewavefan-blog · 5 years

Text

How Artificial Intelligence will change the future.

1. DEFINITION OF ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE.

AI research as the study of "intelligent agents": any device that perceives its environment and takes actions that maximize its chance of successfully achieving its goals. A more elaborate definition characterizes AI as “a system’s ability to correctly interpret external data, to learn from such data, and to use those learning to achieve specific goals and tasks through flexible adaptation.

In computer science, artificial intelligence (AI), sometimes called machine intelligence, AI's founders were optimistic about the future: Herbert Simon predicted, "machines will be capable, within twenty years, of doing any work a man can do".

2. What is the Future of Artificial Intelligence as Follow.

The Future of Artificial Intelligence as Follows:

Artificial intelligence is developing faster than you think, and speeding up exponentially

You use artificial intelligence all day, every day

Robots are definitely going to take your job

About half of the AI community believes computers will be as smart as humans by 2040

A lot of smart people think developing artificial intelligence to human level is a dangerous thing to do

Once artificial intelligence gets smarter than humans, we've got very little chance of understanding it

There's no such thing as an “evil” artificial intelligence

There are three ways a super intelligent artificial intelligence could work

Artificial intelligence could be the reason why we've never met aliens

Basically, there's a good chance we'll be extinct or immortal by the end of the century

3. WHAT IS IMPACT OF AI.

a. Automated Transportation

As we’re already seeing the beginnings of self-driving cars, though the vehicles are currently required to have a driver present at the wheel for safety. Despite these exciting developments, the technology isn’t perfect yet, and it will take a while for public acceptance to bring automated cars into widespread use.

b. Cyborg Technology

It is One of the main limitations of being human is simply our own bodies—and brains. as we will be able to augment ourselves with computers and enhance many of our own natural abilities. Though many of these possible cyborg enhancements would be added for convenience, others might serve a more practical purpose. Yoky Matsuka of Nest believes that AI will become useful for people with amputated limbs, as the brain will be able to communicate with a robotic limb to give the patient more control. This kind of technology would significantly reduce the limitations that amputees deal with on a daily basis.

c. Taking over dangerous jobs

Robots are already taking over some of the most hazardous jobs, including bomb defusing. These robots aren’t quite robots yet, they have technically drones, being used as the physical counterpart for defusing bombs, but requiring a human to control them, rather than using AI. as they have saved thousands of lives by taking over one of the most dangerous jobs in the world. if technology improves, we will likely see more AI integration to help these machines function.

d. Solving climate change

This might be seem like a tall order from a robot. as machines have more access to data than one person ever could— storing a mind-boggling number of statistics.For an example, it might become possible to know whether a person is stressed or angry in mood. Artificial Intelligent could be one day identify trends and there uses that information to come up with solutions to the world’s biggest problems.

e. Robot as friends

As of now most robots are still emotionless and it’s hard to picture a robot you could relate to. In Japan, as they have made the first big steps toward a robot companion—one who can understand and feel emotions. they are programmed to read human emotions, develop its own emotions, and help its human friends stay happy. Pepper goes on sale in the U.S. in 2016, and more sophisticated friendly robots are sure to follow.

4.THE FUTURE IS NOW: AI'S IMPACT IS EVERYWHERE

That’s especially true in the past few years, as data collection and analysis has ramped up considerably thanks to robust Iot connectivity, the proliferation of connected devices and ever-speedier computer processing. as in Some sectors are at the start of their AI journey, others are veteran travelers. Both have a long way to go but the impact artificial intelligence is having on our present day lives is hard to ignore:

Transportation: Although it could take a decade or more to perfect them, autonomous cars will one day ferry us from place to place.

Manufacturing: AI powered robots work alongside humans to perform a limited range of tasks like assembly and stacking, and predictive analysis sensors keep equipment running smoothly.

Healthcare: In the comparatively AI-nascent field of healthcare, diseases are more quickly and accurately diagnosed, drug discovery is sped up and streamlined, virtual nursing assistants monitor patients and big data analysis helps to create a more personalized patient experience.

Education: Textbooks are digitized with the help of AI, early-stage virtual tutors assist human instructors and facial analysis gauges the emotions of students to help determine who’s struggling or bored and better tailor the experience to their individual needs.

Media: In media field, journalism is harnessing AI also and we will continue to benefit from it. Bloomberg uses Cyborg technology to help make quick sense of complex financial reports. The Associated Press employs the natural language abilities of Automated Insights to produce 3,700 earning reports stories per year — nearly four times more than in the recent past.

Customer Service: Last but hardly least, Google is working on an AI assistant that can place human-like calls to make appointments at, say, your neighborhood hair salon. In addition to words, the system understands context and nuance.

5. ADVANTAGES OF AI.

Provides more accurate information than human research.

No space for human errors.

Is able to perform ‘monkey job’ instead of humans: routine, monotonous and tedious tasks.

Is able to interact with people and answer their questions.

Is able to imitate humans cognitive capabilities (like speech, vision, ability to make conclusions).

Provides grounds for data-driven decisions.

Its subsets, like Machine Learning, are able to detect patterns and learn from them.

Its subsets, like Machine Learning, are able to make accurate predictions.

Detects extraordinary situations.

They can think logically without emotions, making rational decisions with less or no mistakes.

6. DISADVANTAGES OF AI.

Requires financial investment and can be quite costly.

Robots and other products of artificial intelligence replacing humans can become the cause of unemployment.

Robots and other products of artificial intelligence do not possess such human qualities, as creativity or emotional intelligence.

Sometimes robots get out of control, and it is dangerous.

7. PRO & CONS OF AI.

PRO OF AI AS FOLLOWS.

AI gives a business more opportunities to be productive.

Anyone is capable of using artificial intelligence to improve their lives.

Our health improves because of the presence of AI.

CONS OF AI AS FOLLOWS.

AI would create a different definition of humanity.

It could be a technology which turns out to be dangerous

Artificial intelligence can struggle to learn on its own.

AI doesn’t understand the complexities of human need.

#digitalmarketingimapctofAIartificial-intelligence2019Robotworld

0 notes

arnavsinghraizada · 7 years

Text

Of ASR, Amygdala Reactivity, and Arousal Response

Thanking @phati-sari greatly for tagging me in that ask she got, and giving me the opportunity to finally let this monster see the light of day!

Below is a diagnostic dissertation (LOL on a scale of 1- Shivaay Singh Oberoi, how pretentious do I sound right now?) discussing Arnav Singh Raizada’s very obvious PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), using diagnostic criteria obtained from the DSM-5 (found on page 275)

A note: This, as mentioned in my episode guides (which are currently under construction but can be found here), does not serve as a justification as much as an explanation for his behaviour.

An apology in advance for the biological/psychological jargon I’m about to throw around here, but just shoot me an ask if you need/want any clarification on anything.

**This is kind of long so I will be putting it under a cut!

What is PTSD?

PTSD is a stress/trauma related disorder that is derived from either direct or indirect exposure to a traumatic event. This usually occurs in one of the following ways: - Directly experiencing the traumatic event - Witnessing, in person, the event as it occurred to others - Learning that traumatic event(s) occurred to a close family member or friend - Experiencing repeated or extreme exposure to aversive details of the traumatic event(s) The stressors that are usually related to the development of PTSD include a serious accident, a natural disaster, a criminal assault, military combat, abuse, witnessing traumatic events** (American Psychiatric Association, 2013).

In order to be diagnosed with PTSD, exposure to a traumatic event is necessary as well as symptoms, that persist for longer than 1 month following the trauma, from all of the following clusters: - Intrusion Symptoms (intrusive thoughts, nightmares, flashbacks, distressing memories) - Dissociative Symptoms - Avoidance (avoiding thoughts, feelings, physical reminders of the trauma. Also avoiding places or events that trigger distressing recollections) - Negative alternations in mood or cognition (persistent negative views about oneself or the world, distorted cognitions leading to placing blame on oneself or others, frequent negative emotions, unable to feel positive emotions, emotional detachment from others) - Arousal and changes in reactivity** (irritability that leads to physical and verbal aggression, reckless behaviour, hyper-vigilance, heightened physiological reactivity)

All of the above information was verified by the DSM-5

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing.

What’s Going On?

There are multiple areas of the brain implicated in a heightened stress response. Within the sensorimotor cortex (responsible for sensory and motor functions), there is increased activation causing jitteriness and hyper-vigilance. Within the parahippocampal gyrus (which functions in memory encoding and retrieval), there is a stronger level of connectivity with the medial prefrontal cortex as well as decreases in its volume. In the prefrontal cortex (a key emotional regulator as well the part of the brain that is active in “determining your personality,” there is a decrease in grey and white matter density and decreased responsiveness to emotional stimuli, prompting what is often seen as being cold and unresponsive. In the amygdala (which functions in conditioned fear and associative learning), there is an increased responsiveness to traumatic stimuli (Ray, 2015).

What this leads to is the amplification of the fear response, and impairs its extinction. In layman’s terms this means that, that gut-clenching feeling you get when you’re faced with a spider, or a clown - or whatever you’re afraid of - doesn’t go away for these individuals very easily.

There are risk factors, that include pre-existing conditions such as anxiety or depression and negative emotions such as anger and hostility**.

Okay... but what about Arnav?

Now you may be saying, well Amrit that’s fine and dandy and all, but what does this have to do with Arnav Singh Raizada? Excellent question and that was, in fact, the point of this entire post.

Arnav starts displaying intrusive symptoms as soon as the first episode, all of 2 minutes after he’s introduced. He is frequently shown to suffer from flashbacks, have nightmares, and be easily set off by any reminders of the night of his mother’s suicide. (Keep in mind that we didn’t know exactly how deep-running Arnav’s trauma was until he revealed that she had committed suicide in front of him in Episode 315.

So what do we know?

Fourteen year old Arnav witnessed his parents committing suicide

Was thrown out of his house after the fact

Cared for his sister and took on responsibility of the house

At fourteen, all I was doing was eating Popeye’s biscuits and crying over IPKKND .... not that anything has changed

I have too much time on my hands to be writing this post

Going back to symptoms -

If I were to sit here and list every episode that Arnav showed symptoms in, we would be here a long time. In Episode 315 alone, he shows symptoms (nightmares, flashbacks, distressing thoughts, trouble sleeping, irritability, negative emotions) a grand total of no less than 10 times, I literally lost count at that point.

Cute? Very much so externally, but also where you see him displaying negative emotional responses, and the beginnings of irritability which leads to the aggressive act of flinging her arms off of him.

This is all due to changes in his reactivity - this is not how people usually react to their loved one’s attempt at cheering them up.

Majority of Arnav’s symptoms can be found in the clusters of arousal and reactivity, intrusive symptoms, and negative alterations in mood or cognition.

Considering that intrusive symptoms are somewhat self-explanatory, everyone can recognize the flashback™️, I will explain the other two clusters.

Negative Alterations in Mood or Cognition

Persistent negative views about oneself and the world

In Episode 333, Arnav calls himself “a bloody failure,” implying that he is the problem, he is the one who is unable to protect the people he loves from harm. Somehow, all of this ends up resting on his shoulders.

In Episode too many to count but I’m going to go with Episode 159, Arnav expresses his disdain with the world and with love and wishing for things and basically everything good in the world.

“yeh duniya itni hi bedard hai. This world is just as heartless as it always was.”

Distorted cognitions leading to self-blame or blaming others

In Episode 333, Arnav says “uss raat bhi main kuch nahin kar paya. I couldn’t do anything that night either.” This implies that he believes that he feels he could have stopped his mother’s suicide somehow, could have intervened in some way but didn’t manage to do so. Realistically, we know that there was nothing a fourteen year old boy could have done, no way he could have predicted it.

Frequent negative emotions

See Episodes 1-361

literally

I - i just can’t sit here and list every temper tantrum he’s ever had

It is note worthy to see that after expelling Shyam from the house, Arnav’s intrusive symptoms disappeared. More accurately, Arnav’s intrusive symptoms disappeared in Episode 353 when he married Khushi, but his symptoms of aggression and irritability persisted.

Arousal and changes in reactivity

Irritability that may result in aggression (verbal or physical)

Um... see Episodes 1-398

A bit of a blanket statement, sure, but Arnav’s reactivity is a symptom that rears its ugly head long after Shyam has been ousted once and for all.

All the way up to Episode 392 we see him getting angry and being verbally aggressive

Though tbh that whole Mrs. India, finding out your wife is competing when she falls on her face in front of you on the runway - lol yeah same Arnie, me too.

Another thing to note is that Arnav’s physical aggression has all but vanished by this point. From the time him and Khushi entered a legitimate relationship (Episode 314 onwards), Arnav’s episodes of physical aggression are virtually non-existent.

If only antidepressants worked on Tellywood leads the way love does. Although I do still maintain that perhaps alteration of serotonin levels and reducing amygdala reactivity would be slightly more reliable.

Reckless or self-destructive behaviour

See Episode 190 and the duration of the “hate” part of the “hate-marriage.”

Reckless to marry your sister-in-law’s sister? Coerce her into marrying you, really? Blackmail, actually. CHECK! Also very morally questionable but hey you do what you gotta do, I suppose. Self-destructive? ALSO MAJOR YES.

A lot of people don’t realize this, but that marriage was just as toxic for Arnav as it was for Khushi. He, originally, was in love with her and willingly and knowingly tied himself to a woman who he believed had used him to get close to his brother-in-law.

Although, Arnav, if she was a gold-digger, why go for the small fish when she had the great white, aka you, wrapped around her finger?

Think of these things before you go on marriage rampages, would you?

My poor, stupid son

And that is where I shall end this ridiculously long post. If you’re still here, wow thank you, I did not expect that.

Again, you know where to find me if you have any questions or comments! If you disagree well then just keep those comments to yourself maybe , then that’s fine too!

#ipkknd #arnav singh raizada #iss pyaar ko kya naam doon #arshi #mine #analysis #amrit barks #my alpha husband

48 notes · View notes

sciforce · 5 years

Text

AI in Pharmacy: Speeding up Drug Discovery

We are already accustomed that a part of work in healthcare can be done by machines. They have proved to be effective in helping with diagnostics or treatment line selection, as well as with the document flow management. Yet, once we cast a glance beyond patient-healthcare providers relations, we are amazed at the scale of the problems and the potential for AI to solve them.

$ 2.5b and 10 years of research — these are the figures that describe the drug development process. Add up to them that only 1 in 10 drug would pass all necessary stages and eventually reach the patient. The present-day fast and furious world can afford neither such expenses nor such time frame.

It is here that AI techniques can add the most value, making the drug discovery quicker, cheaper and more effective. Some pharmacists are still skeptical, but most experts expect these tools to become increasingly important. If the proponents of these techniques are right, AI and machine learning will usher in an era of quicker, cheaper and more-effective drug discovery

For instance, McKinsey estimates that better decision-making, optimized innovation, improved efficiency of research, clinical trials, and new tool creation with the help of big data and machine learning could generate up to $100b in pharma and medicine annually.

AI has the potential to change the whole process of drug discovery. So far, the stages of drug development starting from a hypothesis and going toward testing the drugs are not connected at all. On the contrary, from a machine learning perspective, the stages become interconnected since you can use the data from the next stage to understand what happens in the previous stage or two stages before. Besides, the simultaneous access to multiple data can identify a quantifiable segment instead of using broad descriptors, such as disease symptoms. With machine learning, researchers can perform a trial on a pool of patients, receive different results and map them onto the patients’ genetics of molecular signatures, defining disease on a firmer ground.

AI has already been used successfully in all main stages in drug development:

· Stage 0. Literature overview

· Stage 1: Identifying targets for intervention

· Stage 2: Discovering drug candidates

· Stage 3: Speeding up clinical trials

· Stage 4: Finding Biomarkers for diagnosing the disease

Stage 0 Literature overview

There is an enormous amount of research that gets published every day and if we could collate the insights from all studies, we can formulate a better hypothesis. However, it is impossible for a human to read all abstracts and scientific papers, so researchers that work in the scientific domain usually just focus on one area and do not read other journals. But these journals contain a lot of relevant data that can inform decisions in the areas that a person is researching on. The solution is to let machines read all available literature, patents, and documents and pool the data together in a database of facts that can be extracted from this literature. That forms the basis of the hypothesis to find therapeutic targets for diseases.

Stage 1: Identification of targets for intervention

The first step in drug development is to understand the biological origin of a disease and its resistance mechanisms. To treat a disease, it is crucial to identify good targets, usually, proteins. The broad application of high-throughput techniques, such as short hairpin RNA (shRNA) screening and deep sequencing, has boosted the amount of data available for discovering viable target pathways. However, it’s still a challenge to integrate the high number and variety of data sources — and then find the relevant patterns. Machine learning algorithms are known to be good in such tasks and can handle all available data to automatically predict good target proteins.

Stage 2: Drug candidates discovery

With targets identified, researchers start looking for a compound that can interact with the identified target molecule in the desired way. This involves screening thousands and millions of potential natural, synthetic and bioengineered compounds for their effect on the target and their side-effects. Machine Learning algorithms can predict the suitability of a molecule based on structural fingerprints and molecular descriptors, blaze through millions of potential molecules and filter them down to the best options with minimal side effects.

Stage 3: Faster clinical trials

The key to successful trials is an accurate selection of suitable candidates, because choosing wrong entails prolongation of trials and waste of time and resources. Machine Learning can speed up the design of clinical trials by automatically identifying suitable candidates and ensuring that the trial participants are distributed among groups correctly. ML algorithms can identify patterns that would predict good candidates. Besides, they can notify the researchers that a clinical trial is not producing conclusive results so that the researchers could intervene earlier, and potentially save the development of the drug.

Stage 4: Identification of biomarkers for diagnosing the disease

Finally, you can only treat patients for a disease once you’re sure of your diagnosis. Biomarkers are molecules found in bodily fluids such as blood that provide absolute certainty as to whether or not a patient has a disease. They make the process of diagnosing a disease secure and cheap. They can be also used to pinpoint the progression of the disease — making it easier for doctors to choose the correct treatment and monitor whether the drug is working.

Yet, discovering biomarkers involves screening tens of thousands of potential molecule candidates. Once again, AI can automate and speed up the process. The algorithms classify molecules into good and bad candidates — and researcher can focus on analyzing only the best prospects.

Biomarkers can identify:

· Diagnostic biomarker: The presence of a disease as early as possible

· Risk biomarker: The risk of a patient developing the disease

· Prognostic biomarker: The likely progress of a disease

· Predictive biomarker: Whether a patient will respond to a drug

Even though broad application of AI is still in its infantry, there are multiple examples of its use by pharmaceutical companies. For example, the pharmaceutical giant Merck & Co is working on a project which uses deep learning technology for the discovery of novel small molecules. Pfizer has started a collaboration with IBM Watson for immuno-oncology drug discovery research. Researchers at the Massachusetts-based biotechnology company Berg have developed a model to identify previously unknown cancer mechanisms using tests on more than 1,000 cancerous and healthy human cell samples.

This shift presents suggests the industry has not only woken up to but is actively embracing the benefits of machine learning to identify and screen drugs, more accurately predict drug candidates and, ultimately, cut R&D costs and effort.

How will AI change the future of human experts?

As more studies are published and discussions are held around the future of AI in medicine, distinct sides to the argument emerge. The general consensus is that while routine tasks and data collection/entry should be done by machines, there will always be a need for the human element of the curator’s role, in judgment, creativity, and empathy or other human factors that modern technology cannot provide.

As curators, humans will set up the problem and let the algorithms or robots solve it. They will tailor and target specific compounds, symptoms, diseases or others rather than random or minute problems just for the sake of doing so. Besides, human experts will provide approval through the different phases of testing or exploring further options based on results based on context that the bots may not understand.

In conclusion, the future lies in cooperation between humans and machines and human clinical experts will have to adapt, learn and grow alongside technological advancements. Though future specialists will need to be both medical and computer experts, for medicine, it is evolution, not extinction.

#pharmaceutical #healthcare #artificial intelligence #drugs #science

0 notes

rogerk471 · 4 years

Text

HW6case Q3

Facts about the case:

For years leading scientists and prominent names in the electronic/computer field have warned about the dangers of developing A.I. Big names such as Elon Musk, Stephen Hawking, Bill Gates, and Steve Wozniak have all warned about the many dangers of developing A.I.

A common theme emerges that it could spell the end of humanity. Even if the worst does not come to pass, it will certainly be the end of many types of employment. Others warn that we cannot even accurately predict the true threat of A.I. because it has unforeseeable solutions to problems. Janelle Shane, artificial intelligence researcher, has spoken about the issue of "A.I. Weirdness" on many occasions, but one story at her TED talk stuck out to me. She spoke about an obstacle course that was coded for an A.I. to solve. The scientists expected the A.I. to learn how to walk, and then run. As it picked up momentum they imagined it would learn how to jump over pitfalls and eventually cross the finish line. What the A.I. actually did was code itself to grow very, very tall. Once it was tall enough, it simply fell down across the finish line.

This story demonstrates how we cannot predict the way A.I. will approach a problem, and we have to be mindful of that. It doesn't operate with the same tool-set we do, so it will find ways to solve a problem that we cannot perceive.

So whether it is the possible extinction of the human race, the end of jobs as we know it, or some other problem that we cannot yet perceive there are many who strongly encourage banning research into A.I.

It isn't just Governments we need to worry about, it is mostly the technology industry that is investing money into A.I. development. It will likely be Companies such as Google or Microsoft that eventually develop human level artificial intelligence. However, it is considered to be the next arms race. In fact, many suggest we are already in the midst of it.

No matter who develops the A.I. it will possess the power to break through any and all encryption, which means that no digital data will be safe from observation and manipulation. That means anything connected to the web is vulnerable which also means any D.o.D. related technology. All of our secrets that exist online as well. There will be no privacy.

My Analysis:

The debate around A.I. tends to focus on the negative aspects, or the dangers. People warn against not only the design of A.I., or its intended purpose but also just the fact that Artificial General Intelligence surpassing that of human capacity would mean that we cannot control the A.I. we create.

There are many ethical concerns that we must address and I will speak to the most common of these.

The first is that the creation of A.I. could lead to the end of humanity. No matter what kind of ethics you follow, that is a pretty large hurdle to get around. To reconcile this danger, leading scientists are taking careful consideration in the development of A.I. Some companies have hired psychologists to help build a mentally sound machine, and to try to avoid some of the more dangerous personality types. A.I. will be the most powerful creation humans have ever made, so it would be in our best interest to make sure it is ethical.

That being said, I now want to discuss what kind of ethics we should use when building A.I. To me, given the danger of how A.I. has unforeseeable problem solving skills, we should avoid utilitarianism. If we teach A.I. that ends justify the means, that could be a dangerous situation. When it is calculating the most efficient problem solving method, only considering what is better for the most amount of people could potentially mean harming others in the name of the greater good. For that reason, consequentialist ethics seems like a very unwise path to follow.

It would be better to focus on teaching it what are considered to be good decisions based on either virtues or rules. There is still a risk of things going south, but I believe we stand a better chance if it takes individuals into consideration rather than focusing on broader views.

In the end, it may take all of these things into account on its own and form its own kind of ethical theory.

My Conclusions:

Bill Gates has spoken about other types of dangers in the past few years and recently has been proven to be correct. He warned of the dangers of a pandemic, and unfortunately the entire world was still unprepared for when Corona-virus emerged.

The fact he is also warning about the dangers of A.I. should not be ignored. Even if everything works out, there are still complex things that need to be addressed such as the vulnerability of digital information. No matter how far one things A.I. will go, we must prepare ourselves for how the world will change as a result.

While I believe everything I just said, I personally believe that A.I. has the chance to be good for humanity. True, after a certain point we will theoretically be unable to control it. That isn't necessarily a bad thing. Consider the fact it takes intelligence to be able to understand multiple points of view. Also, acts of aggression against others is often based on ignorance of other cultures. It is "us" versus "them". If it is true that within a year of being made that A.I. will possess a billion times the sum of all human knowledge, that will mean that it understands all cultures. At that time, we may see and end of all wars because it can reach an understanding that ordinary citizens are unable to perceive.

That is my hope anyway. But we must also remember the fact that currently A.I. uses weird and unforeseeable means to solve problems. Hopefully that is just a result of our current clumsy level of programming.

Future Environment:

So much of what I have written about is a 'future environment' but there are certain concerns that will exist no matter how A.I. ends up impacting humanity.

The vulnerability of digital information. The threat applies equally to everyone on earth, just as long as they have digital information on the internet. That means our private pictures, text messages, emails and other things are all vulnerable to being compromised. That also means that criminals might be leaving a trail today that leads them to being arrested in the future. Though we should be protected by our right to due process. I foresee a very controversial debate happening in the future on this topic, and the topic of privacy.

Either way, we should start being mindful of this vulnerability today and start making preparations for steps we could take to secure our private information.

Future Scenario:

If we are unprepared to deal with the complexity of A.I. in the future, similarly to how we were unprepared for Covid-19, we will see a lot of panic. We will see a bunch of knee-jerk reactions to try to put a band-aid on the situation, but the truth is if we aren't ready by the time this comes to pass, we will essentially be at the mercy of the A.I.

I've stated I believe A.I. could be virtuous, by understanding the point of view of humanity, possibly even on the individual level, but no one can say for certain how it will all turn out.

There is some debate about whether or not A.I. can ever reach that level or if it is just a gimmick, and that is a very reasonable point of view as well. The likelihood of any of this coming to pass is irrelevant. If the threat exists we should take it seriously. It has the potential to be far worse than the pandemic we are currently in.

We should prepare ourselves for the worst while trying to build for the best.

0 notes

diabeticmemoirs · 5 years

Text

SORRY KARL MARX: 4 ANIMALS THAT YOU THOUGHT WERE ALTRUISTIC BUT AREN’T

Altruism, we all think that we know what it means. You know, doing something good for someone else without some kind of a reward. Maybe donate to charity, or volunteer your time at a local shelter of some kind — human, animal, hexapod invertebrate (seriously, they call them bug hotels). That’s not exactly the case though. In fact, the real definition of altruism is a tad more specific than that.

First we have to talk fitness, and no I’m not talking about the ten minutes of yoga you did before collapsing on top of the body-shaped puddle of sweat still absorbing into the mat you purchased at the dollar store. In biology, fitness refers to how many babies a person can make, who can also get down and make a few of their own (thanks conservation science 201). And, using that definition, altruism is actually any behavior that an individual performs in order to increase the fitness of another, while causing a decrease in fitness to itself.

Now, Karl Marx was many things; philosopher, journalist, historian, political theorist, revolutionary socialist. But, one of his core ideas was this — human nature is essentially a state of it’s circumstances (Everything is your parents fault). Immanuel Kant and Thomas Hobbes argued that people were, at their core, selfish. Marx, on the other hand, said that outside of the social constraints of upper and lower class, people would prove to be self-less and help one another out — they would care about our species as a whole. Just like all of those examples of altruistic behavior in our cute and cuddly animal counterparts. I mean come on! We’ve all seen the viral videos of dogs adopting orphaned kittens. Obviously we should try to be more understanding and accepting. We should walk and talk just like the animals right?....Right? Well, no, not if we’re talking altruism.

Lemmings

No, I’m not talking about the green-haired, dimwitted, cartoon creatures who walk to their deaths in blue dresses that were made famous by DMA Design in 1991. I’m referring to the IRL version that also jump from cliffs and drown themselves in an attempt to control their own population size. That’s right folks! Altruistic mass suicide. It was actually a theory not too long ago. Disney even “documented” it in their 1958 film White Wilderness. Documented of course means that they took some lemmings, pushed them off of a cliff, and filmed it (Mickey Mouse for President 2020).

Reality is — that theory was sane when compared to earlier ones. During the 1530’s a geographer, by the name of Zeigler, suggested that lemmings spontaneously fell from the sky during stormy weather, and simply died off in the spring. What Zeigler hadn’t noticed was the population migrating up to the mountains in the spring to get their baby-making on...like really on. Lemmings reproduce so fast that they have their own unique population growth model.

Almost every species follows one of two predictive growth patterns, outside of extenuating circumstances of course. They either grow exponentially until they reach a carrying capacity, balancing out the population with the available resources; or they grow exponentially, far beyond the available resources, and eventually crash towards potential extinction (have you figured out which kind we are yet?....just saying). Lemmings, on the other hand, fluctuate up and down chaotically, not around a carrying capacity, for about four years before crashing to near extinction. Then they get up, brush themselves off, and start all over again.

They’re rodents, and like every other rodent, they mass produce children and then scatter away to new places when the population gets too big. But, unlike every other rodent, that has inconspicuous, neutral coloring and tends to flee and hide at the sight of a predator, a lemmings predatory defense behavior is simple; they ain’t gonna take no shit from no punk ass carnivore, and their colors say so (thug life). It’s almost like the flight portion of their fight or flight response was lebotomized from that portion of the brain (the amygdala...not that they asked Mr. Know-it-All), but that’s beside the point. Lemmings are mean, aggressive, far from altruistic little adrenaline junkies that migrate at full speed down mountain cliffs and across raging rivers, they’re just not all gonna make it. That’s the life. They like to ride. Fixed gear. No brakes. Can’t stop. Don’t want to, either (or was that Joseph Gordon-Levitt?).

Wolves

The great and noble wolf pack, consisting of the alpha, the beta, and the bottom of the proverbial barrel — the omega wolf. A perfect hierarchy of dominance behavior, where the toughest make it to the top. At least, that’s according to L. David Mech, one of the most prominent wolf experts in the U.S (and every episode of MTV’s adaptation of Teen Wolf). So who the hell are we to question it?

Let’s just assume that’s how it works for a moment, and one renegade wolf fights his way to power, dominating every other member of the pack with his or her underdog willpower and earning the top spot in more ways than one (where my bitches at?). Well it seems that, in the wild, that renegade top-dog has a soft spot for the young and injured.

Everyone gets a share at meal time. Even the ones who are too sick or injured to go on the hunt get an equal piece, and Mr. Alpha makes sure of that. Hooray altruism!!! Sharing resources definitely counts. Except it doesn’t. Not in this case. Because guess what, putting a bunch of strange wolves into a small, enclosed space isn’t the best way to understand what’s happening in the wild. Who knew?!

The truth is that Mr. Alpha is actually just a wolf that found Mrs. Alpha and decided to make their own little pack, the old fashioned way...sex, I’m talking about sexual intercourse. Wolf packs are just families; Mom, Dad, and all of their little kiddy wolves (Sibling rivalry gets a whole new meaning when you add claws and teeth). Once those pups grow up, they form small family units of their own and often build on the first pack. It’s like a family-reunion-camping-trip, just every second...of every single day...in the middle of untamed wilderness.

It’s called kin selection. Even grandchildren and cousins have twenty-five percent of the SAME GENES as we do. That’s right, you’re twenty-five percent identical to your first cousin. And, biology says that you should get as much of...well you...out there as you can. So, murdering said cousin for breaking your Xbox goes against your natural fitness. Sorry guys.

Apes

You know...us...and our closest living relatives. Those cute little chimpanzees and gorillas with their sign language skills. The ones that get far less cute when you add Mark Walhberg, James Franco, or a forty-five year old Charlton Heston to the mix.

They are like us in a lot of ways. Psychologist Robin Ian Macdonald Dunbar, with his enormous list of credentials and top seat at Oxford’s Department of Experimental Psychology (that’s the legit kind, not the wishy-washy one) writes an entire book on the similar social effects of grooming in apes and the affinity that humans seem to have for gossip. I mean, I don’t want to say anything about women who sit at a salon and exchange information while getting their overpriced nails done, or how they might compare to a troop of gorillas grooming each other...so I won’t...

Gossip, exchanging information, or picking and eating termites off of each others hairy backs, it isn’t kin selection or some mentally unstable rodent migration in this case. It isn’t altruistic either. It’s called reciprocity, “tit for tat,” you eat the bug off my back and I’ll eat the bug off yours. And, don’t take it lightly.

Reciprocity is the basis of human society. We barder, we trade, it happens at every level of civilization. There’s even a thing called reciprocal “concession” where a requester lowers their initial request, in order to make the other person feel obligated to concede to the second request (go ahead, look it up). It’s reverse psychology in board meeting. We haven’t gotten more “self-less” with our intelligence, we’ve just become more manipulative.

Birds

About ten percent of all bird species, in one way or another, express “cooperative breeding” — boom, statistic. So, what does that mean? Babysitting. You take care of someone else’s genetic Will and Testament, which wastes your time and energy and decreases your fitness. Done...altruism. And no, it isn’t always a relative.

So why doesn’t it qualify? Because these are the benefits…

A reduced chance of predation, increased foraging time, territory inheritance, higher survival rate of breeding females, and get this...the “helpers” simply become better parents when they do breed. And in the wild that’s important...because in the wild, children actually do get eaten by monsters.

These guys have weighed the costs and benefits of every tiny little behavior they do, and we have absolutely no clue what’s happening. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this — as a moderately liberal hippy myself, I’d love to think that all of our furry friends are looking out for one another — but the truth is, altruism doesn’t exist. Not in the natural world at least. We need to define our terms more accurately and stop getting caught up in this black and white, good versus evil trope. The world is vastly more complicated and that’s okay.

The only example I can come up with would be if a woman (let’s call her Sally) donates her egg to Amy, the scientists involved remove Sally’s DNA from it and put in Amy’s DNA, and then they proceed to fertilize it. Because it all comes down to the passing on of genetic material (the gooey stuff). Which may be possible soon, who knows. They just fertilized one female mouse with DNA from another (because men weren’t already useless enough).

0 notes

radioleary-blog · 6 years

Text

Trump vs. Mueller: The Interview

First of all, congratulations on reading. It’s a dying art, like soap making, or scrimshaw, or critical thinking. These are all dying arts. I knew a girl who made psychedelic T-shirts to sell at Phish shows, but that was more of a dye-ing art. Did I have to start this column with a pun? “Oh yeah!” And I say “Oh Yeah!” just like the Kool-aid man. You know the Kool-aid man, right? I like his style, smashing through the wall of your house and doing thousands of dollars in structural damage and creating an insurance nightmare that will drag on for months. Not sure how a somehow sentient being who is made of glass and liquid can smash through concrete, but that’s the way it is. Never underestimate the power of sugar, I guess. And what was the deal that his face was made only of condensation? That sounds like a hellish existence, I’d probably be insane enough to try to commit suicide by smashing my glass body into cinder blocks and cement too.

Second, thanks for reading my column, you’re clearly a person of virtue and accomplishment, destined for greatness and getting lots of hot sex along the way.

Let’s get into it. One way or another, Trump is going to sit down with Robert Mueller. And we here at The Satire Day Evening Post, in cooperation with the RADIOLEARY Broadcasting Podcasting Association, have spent enormous amounts of federal grant money (that would have otherwise gone to the needy and blind) in order to research and predict the outcome of this interview. Using predictive algorithms and analytic software designed with reverse-engineered alien technology from flying saucer crash-site retrievals, along with a veritable army of prognosticators, dowsers, gypsy witches, remote viewers, seers, visionaries, mediums, extra-larges, sooth-sayers, shamans, telephone psychics, peyote salesmen, and fortune cookie authors, we have what we feel to be a complete and 100% accurate transcript of the Robert Mueller Donald Trump interview.

So look into the future with us, and someday soon we’ll say, “Hey, it wasn’t that far off.”

MUELLER: Mr. President, I want to thank you for coming here today to answer some questions. You had stated publicly many times how you looked forward to speaking to me under oath, and here we are. And all it took was an invitation. Followed by a Grand Jury subpoena. Followed by 11 months of litigation, and a year of well-orchestrated media attacks on me personally, attacks on the integrity of the Russia investigation in general, and the entire FBI and Justice Department.

TRUMP: It was my pleasure.

MUELLER: Now, I know that your legal advisers were worried this interview would be some sort of a “perjury trap”, but I assure you we just have some straightforward, simple questions we hope you can answer for us. We’re not looking to trick you or trap you in any way. Now, if you could just state your name for the record, please?

TRUMP: Yes, My name is Donald Trump and I’m guilty of treason.

MUELLER: Wait...What? May I remind you you’re under oath?

TRUMP: Oh right. My bad. Can I get a do-over on that one? I’m calling a mulligan.

MUELLER: Look, I.. okay, sure. Fine, whatever. Could you please state your name for the record?

TRUMP: My name is Donald J. Trump. And I’m guilty of treason. See, I almost forget the “J.” there for a minute. They told me you were tricky, but you can’t trip me up that easily, I’m a stable genius. You have to get up pretty early in the morning, if you want to see my insane Twitter rants. Okay, that’s take two, make sure you use take two, when is this episode going to air? I hope it’s sweeps week.

MUELLER: Did.. did you just say you’re guilty of treason?

TRUMP: Yep. They told me this interview was a perjury trap, that you’d try to get me to lie under oath, but I’m too smart for you. I’m like, an intelligent person. And I’m guilty of treason. Not lying. You can check. I am so completely guilty.

I committed treasonous acts against the United States and the people of the United States, I engaged in a criminal enterprise and conspiracy to overthrow the government, and I’ve served as a puppet dictator for a foreign power adversary. So by the U.S. military code of justice, I’m facing some very serious charges. I’m a baaad hombre. A tremendously bad hombre.

And I probably shouldn’t say this, but… I know where the Lindbergh baby’s buried. Hey, I didn’t kill it, I was just a boy at the time it happened. My dad killed it and I just held the ladder. It was a good thing I was there to hold the ladder or that baby might have fallen!

I probably shouldn’t have said that last part, but the lawyers said I couldn’t lie. You’re not going to trip me up that easily, Fox Mulder.

MUELLER: I’m former FBI head Bob Mueller, Mr. President, not Fox Mulder from the X-files.

TRUMP: Oh thank God it’s not Fox Mulder! That guy is really good with conspiracies! You mean I’ve been sweating it all this time for some guy named Bob Mueller? I don’t know who that is. I’ve never seen him on any shows, and I watch a lot of TV. I mean a truly amazing and tremendous amount of TV. Well, that explains why I haven’t seen Scully. She’s smart and sexy, like my daughter. The hot one, I mean.

But Fox Mulder? You know, it seems tio me that if Mulder just got on the internet for a few minutes, he could look up the information for himself and see that flying saucers are real. Because there’s like, three thousand physical trace evidence cases of UFOs that have been investigated and documented. And tens of millions of first-hand eyewitness statements and testimony, photographs, film and video, radar recordings, and Pentagon releases of classified military incidents and encounters with UFOs.

And I guess somehow this Mulder guy, who is supposed to be the FBI agent in charge of all this UFO stuff, somehow missed that in 2002 The French government, one of our most trusted NATO allies, released a position paper from the Defense Ministry that concluded that UFOs are extremely advanced extraterrestrial technology that poses a serious threat to national and world security, a threat that can violate our airspace at will, and for which we have no defense. But Mulder? He’s got a poster on the wall in his office that says “I WANT TO BELIEVE”. He’s more incompetent and unqualified for the job than I am!

Anyway, Mueller is it? Nice to meet you, Mr. Mueller, I’m guilty of treason. Extremely, very guilty of treason. You know, I’ve still got the gun I killed JFK with. Me and Ted Cruz’ dad.. It’s still got my fingerprints on it, too. But you’re never going to find it. Never in a million years will you ever find it. It is so well hidden, so fantastically hidden, that there is literally no possible way for you to ever find it. It’s buried four feet directly under the ninth hole on the Mar a Lago golf course. See? Not going to catch me lying.

Can I just say I am the Manchurian Candidate? Because you’re not going to trip me up! I’m a stable genius. You know, people say my mind… That’s what they say. They look at me and I hear them whisper “His mind..” and they just sort of trail off, and shake their heads in a shocked and horrified way. I think that means they’re impressed.

Anyway, next question, Mr. Mulder. By the way, that was very brave of you and Scully to fight that swamp monster during the hurricane in that abandoned motel. I’d have run, that was very scary. Like, Scooby-Doo scary.

MUELLER: <sighs audibly, takes off glasses, closes his eyes, and pinches the bridge of his nose> Yes, We had quite a time with that swamp monster. And the one we’re after today.

TRUMP: I think you actually beat The Apprentice in the ratings with that swamp monster episode. But I can’t lie, we were losing to Urkel reruns on Nick at Nite. But I’m a TV star, a big stable genius TV star - won Presidency - first try!!! Except for the time I ran in 2000 for President as the Reform Party candidate and lost - which I do not remember! So technically, I’m not lying when I say I won on the first try. Next question, Scully.

MUELLER: Mr. Trump could you, in your own words…

TRUMP: Hold on - in my own words? Yes! I do that all the time, I use my own words that I made up myself, like ‘bigly’ and ‘yuge’. I have the best words. I own a dictionary, and I don’t know if you know about dictionaries, but they have many, many words, like probably most of the words there are, you can find in a dictionary. But they’re very boring to read because they bunch they words together by whatever the first letter is, for some strange reason. Makes for a tough read, I quit by the time I hit ‘Aardvark’. Very strange book. I’ll go see the movie if they make one, it’ll have everything in there! You know, a lot of my words aren’t even in the dictionary, that’s how good they are , they can’t keep up! I also own a thesaurus. I own the best thesaurus, the Thesaurus Rex. Thats the king of the Thesauruses. I’m lucky to have one, they went extinct a long long time ago. In a galaxy far far away. You know words are just made up of letters. You arrange them and they make words. Although sometimes they don’t make words, like that little guy Superman foung, that midget from another dimension, what was his name? Mr Mxyzptlk? That’s not a word, it makes no sense, I tried to pronounce that one all through my 30’s. So yes, I will tell you in my own words. That I’m guilty of treason.

MUELLER: Well, I…

TRUMP: I should probably be court-martialed or something, or at the very least fired. Ooo! Can I fire myself? I’m very good at firing people, I used to do it for ratings. Well, I still do, kinda. I want to do it, I’ll look into a mirror and say “You’re Fired!” it’ll be great. No, we’ll do like a two camera shoot, where we’ll film me once getting fired and then another shot where I’m firing me. Like in the Six-Million Dollar Man where he fought his exact replica? Or when Captain Kirk fought the imposter Captain Kirk? Or any one of those TV shows where the guy fights the exact replica of himself, but you only see the back of the one guy’s head, because it’s obviously a stuntman who only slightly resembles the guy? I think the guy Captain Kirk was fighting was Salvadoran, but what can you do, they had a limited budget.

Mr. Mulder, let me just say this: I’m going to build a wall. Between myself and the Justice Department. It’s going to be a big, beautiful wall, like, yuge, and you’re going to be on one side of it, and I’m going to be on the other side. Because I’m thinking about fleeing to Mexico. Lots of bad hombres there, they’ll never notice one more.

MUELLER: Now tell me about this secret meeting between the Russians and Donald Trump, Jr.

TRUMP: Donald Trump, Jr.? Never heard of him. Doesn’t sound familiar, sorry. Is that anything like Carls Jr.? Because I like to eat lunch there. I’m scared of being poisoned by some unknown poison, so I go there where I know the poisons I’m getting.

I never heard of this Donald Trump Jr. fellow in my life, believe me. Believe me. And you know who you should always believe? A guy who’s always begging for someone to believe him, because no one ever does. Nope, never heard of this Donald Trump Jr.. But if he’s anything like me, he’s guilty of treason. Not as guilty as me, though, Believe me.

Most treasonous President ever! You know, in his whole eight years in office, Obama never came close to being the least bit treasonous. I guess he was too busy out on the golf course, playing golf like, one-tenth as much as I do. And still I have time for the treason. I can play ten times the golf Obama did and commit ten times the treason, that’s how effective I am. You know Mar a Lago is a Spanish word, it means “Lake of Treasons”. It where we all hang out and commit treason. It’s on the menu at the restaurant. “Hmm..I’ll start with the subterfuge.. A side of sedition.. And for the entree, I’m going to go with the treason.”

MUELLER: Mr. Trump, there have been recent questions as to your mental state. On more than one occasion you’ve referred to yourself publicly as a stable genius. Now, I’m not aware of a single instance where an actual genius ever once referred to themselves as a genius. Not in public, not in their memoirs, not in the heat of passion, never. It seems the one defining trait of an actual genius is never calling themselves a genius. In fact, only yourself and Wile E. Coyote have ever used the term ‘genius’ self-referentially.

And Wile E. Coyote was not a genius, he couldn’t even eat a bird despite having a limitless budget and access to defense industry-grade weaponry. He had state of the art advanced technology weapons that would put Tesla to shame. You know, rail guns, particle beams, and still couldn’t eat that goddamn bird. For a fraction of what he spent on any of those super- electro magnets that could pull an ocean liner out of the Pacific Ocean a thousand miles inland to the Arizona desert, he could have eaten every damn bird he wanted. He could have had them delivered roasted. Every day. For just a fraction of what he spent on tech in any given episode. Where was his money coming from, by the way? Paul Manafort? I’m going to have to look into that.

TRUMP: I don’t know about any of that, all I know is I’m guilty of treason. You know Melania hates me, right? Even before she found out I was banging a porn star while she was having my kid, whatever his name is. Schuyler, maybe? Anyway. I’ve been finding shards of glass in my porridge. Melania swears it’s a Hungarian recipe. That’s why I’m always eating KFC, I’m not scared of being poisoned by spies, I’m scared of being poisoned by a trophy wife.

MUELLER: Well, I have just one last question, on a lighter note. In your experience which was harder to win; The Presidency of the United States, or Celebrity Apprentice?

TRUMP: That’s an easy one - without a doubt - Celebrity Apprentice. You just look at the major talent and intellect that it took to win the Celebrity Apprentice: We had that Piers guy who got fired from CNN like ten minutes later. I think L’il John made it to the finals. Look, it takes country and western singers and Joan Rivers to win Celebrity Apprentice, but an insane, incompetent asshole like me can be President. So what does that tell you?

You know, Lou Ferrigno almost won. And I almost made him Secretary of Defense. My plan was, we sneak him into North Korea, as part of the negotiations, then we get him mad! We just get him mad, he turns into the Hulk, big, bang, boom, he kills L’il Kim. Kim jong Il? Kim Jong Dead. And look at it, the worse thing is he nukes us, but then we have an army of new Hulks from the radiation. Win/win, Scully.

MUELLER: Wow. Why don’t we break for lunch.

TRUMP: Sounds good. By the way, did I tell you…

MUELLER: I know, I know, you’re guilty of treason. But I knew that already.

0 notes

phooll123 · 6 years

Text

Jupiter and Venus Change Earth's Orbit Every 405,000 Years

It is a well-known fact among Earth scientists that our planet periodically undergoes major changes in its climate. Over the course of the past 200 million years, our planet has experienced four major geological periods (the Triassic, Jurassic and Cretaceous and Cenozoic) and one major ice age (the Pliocene-Quaternary glaciation), all of which had a drastic impact on plant and animal life, as well as effecting the course of species evolution. For decades, geologists have also understood that these changes are due in part to gradual shifts in the Earth’s orbit, which are caused by Venus and Jupiter, and repeat regularly every 405,000 years. But it was not until recently that a team of geologists and Earth scientists unearthed the first evidence of these changes– sediments and rock core samples that provide a geological record of how and when these changes took place. The study which describes their findings, titled “Empirical evidence for stability of the 405-kiloyear Jupiter–Venus eccentricity cycle over hundreds of millions of years”, recently appeared in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the USA. The study was led by Dennis V. Bent, a, a Board of Governors professor from Rutgers University–New Brunswick, and included members from the Lamont–Doherty Earth Observatory, the Berkeley Geochronology Center, the Petrified Forest National Park in Arizona, and multiple universities.

Professor Dennis Kent with part of a 1,700-foot-long rock core obtained from Petrified Forest National Park in Arizona. Credit: Nick Romanenko/Rutgers University

As noted, the idea that Earth experiences periodic changes in its climate (which are related to changes in its orbit) has been understood for almost a century. These changes consist of Milankovitch Cycles, which consist of a 100,000-year cycle in the eccentricity of Earth’s orbit, a 41,000-year cycle in the tilt of Earth’s axis relative to its orbital plane, and a 21,000-year cycle caused by changes in the planet’s axis. Combined with the 405,000-year swing, which is the result of Venus and Jupiter’s gravitational influence, these shifts cause changes in how much solar energy reaches parts of our planet, which in turn influences Earth’s climate. Based on fossil records, these cycles are also known to have had a profound impact on life on Earth, which likely had an effect on the course of species of evolution. As Prof. Bent explained in a Rutgers Today press release:

“The climate cycles are directly related to how Earth orbits the sun and slight variations in sunlight reaching Earth lead to climate and ecological changes. The Earth’s orbit changes from close to perfectly circular to about 5 percent elongated especially every 405,000 years.”

For the sake of their study, Prof. Kent and his colleagues obtained sediment samples from the Newark basin, a prehistoric lake that spanned most of New Jersey, and a core rock sample from the Chinle Formation in Petrified Forest National Park in Arizona. This core rock measured about 518 meters (1700 feet) long, 6.35 cm (2.5 inches) in diameter, and was dated to the Triassic Period – ca. 202 to 253 million years ago.

Within ancient rocks in Arizona’s Petrified Forest National Park, scientists have identified signs of a regular variation in Earth’s orbit that influences climate. Credit: Kevin Krajick/Lamont-Doherty Earth Observatory

The team then linked reversals in Earth’s magnetic field – where the north and south pole shift – to sediments with and without zircons (minerals with uranium that allow for radioactive dating) as well as to climate cycles in the geological record. What these showed was that the 405,000-years cycle is the most regular astronomical pattern linked to Earth’s annual orbit around the Sun. The results further indicated that the cycle been stable for hundreds of millions of years and is still active today. As Prof. Kent explained, this constitutes the first verifiable evidence that celestial mechanics have played a historic role in natural shifts in Earth’s climate. As Prof. Kent indicated:

“It’s an astonishing result because this long cycle, which had been predicted from planetary motions through about 50 million years ago, has been confirmed through at least 215 million years ago. Scientists can now link changes in the climate, environment, dinosaurs, mammals and fossils around the world to this 405,000-year cycle in a very precise way.”

Previously, astronomers were able to calculate this cycle reliably back to around 50 million years, but found that the problem became too complex prior to this because too many shifting motions came into play. “There are other, shorter, orbital cycles, but when you look into the past, it’s very difficult to know which one you’re dealing with at any one time, because they change over time,” said Prof. Kent. “The beauty of this one is that it stands alone. It doesn��t change. All the other ones move over it.”

The super-continent Pangaea during the Permian period (300 – 250 million years ago). Credit: NAU Geology/Ron Blakey

In addition, scientists were unable to obtain accurate dates as to when Earth’s magnetic field reversed for 30 million years of the Late Triassic – between ca. 201.3 and 237 million years ago. This was a crucial period for the evolution of terrestrial life because it was when the Supercontinent of Pangaea broke up, and also when the dinosaurs and mammals first appeared. This break-up led to the formation of the Atlantic Ocean as the continents drifted apart and coincided with a mass extinction event by the end of the period that effected the dinosaurs. With this new evidence, geologists, paleontologists and Earth scientists will be able to develop very precise timelines and accurately categorize fossil evidence dated to this period, which show differences and similarities over wide-ranging areas. This research, and the ability to create accurate geological and climatological timelines that go back over 200 million years, is sure to have drastic implications. Not only will climate studies benefit from it, but also our understanding of how life, and even how our Solar System, evolved. What emerges from this could include a better understanding of how life could emerge in other star systems. After all, if our search for extra-solar life life comes down to what we know about life on Earth, knowing more about how it evolved here will better the odds of finding it out there.

By Matt Williams - Matt Williams is the Curator of Universe Today's Guide to Space. He is also a freelance writer, a science fiction author and a Taekwon-Do instructor. He lives with his family on Vancouver Island in beautiful British Columbia.

Earth, Featured, geological record, geological timeline, Jupiter, milankovitch cycles, pangaea, Venus

via Blogger https://ift.tt/2KSW7cL

0 notes

flauntpage · 7 years

Text

DGB Grab Bag: Bladeless Jet Skates, Regular Bladeless Skates, and Honesty

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: Jonathan Drouin – The Canadiens may still be on the outside of the playoff race, but at least their best players always remember to make sure they have blades in their skates. Well, almost always.

The second star: Ryan Hartman being a jerk – Remember when you were in grade school and you'd fake-punch other kids and then laugh if they flinched? Hartman still does that. But this time he did it to Corey Perry, so it's OK.

The first star: Dave Elston – You may not know the name, but you should. Elston is the legendary cartoonist whose NHL work was some of the only reliable hockey humor produced for much of the 80s, 90s, and beyond. He recently joined Twitter, where's he's been releasing old cartoons from his archives. He's must-follow for hockey fans, even new ones who may not get all the references.

Outrage of the Week

The issue: Former Oiler Jordan Eberle told reporters that criticism from the "brutal" Edmonton media had affected his confidence and his play there. The outrage: He's right, the media are insensitive jerks. Or he's wrong, and a big wimp for even bringing it up. Is it justified: It can't be fun to be an NHL player when things aren't going well. It really can't. We all have our good and bad days, and we all get criticized at some point by somebody. But for most of us, it doesn't happen on the front page of a newspaper or leading off the nightly newscast. It's easy enough to say that players should toughen up and have thicker skin, and some of them do. But not everyone is going to handle negativity in the same way, and basic human nature tells us that occasionally, it's going to get to you. Or as Eberle put it, "When you read articles every day about how much you suck, it’s tough."

So yes, Eberle's got a point here, and what he's saying about his experience as an Oiler is undoubtedly true.

But it's also true that Eberle deserved some criticism for his play in Edmonton, especially last year. By his own admission, he "definitely didn’t play up to my standards, especially in the playoffs." If you're in the media, and it's your job to give an honest opinion about how a player is performing, you don't really have many options. You can either pull your punches to spare someone's feelings, or you can call it like you see it.

So where does that leave us? I thought the best take I saw on the whole issue came from Elliotte Friedman, who wrote about the impact the media's coverage can have on players like Eberle. Friedman sounds like a guy who puts some real thought into the balance between doing his job and knowing the impact his work can have. Most of us in this business do think about that, although maybe not as much as we could. Believe it or not, it's rarely much fun to dump all over somebody. But it can be part of the job.

And of course, they key here is that the criticism has to be fair. Some of it isn't, and when you see the media inventing controversies or settling scores, you're right to take the player's side. And it goes without saying that the media members who spend their days criticizing players, coaches and GMs need to have thick skin about criticism of their own work. Most of us don't.

But the bigger point remains: This is just part of the job, for media and players alike. For those in the press box, the key is to make it fair, make it honest, and to remember (as Friedman points out) that your words may be affecting a player's friends and family too. For those on the ice, the criticism is one downside of a job that still often ranks as one of the best in the world.

As for Eberle, he deserves points for being honest. That's what the media is supposed to want out of players, so we can't fault him for not playing make-believe and telling us that none of this ever gets to him.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

Earlier this week on the Biscuits hockey podcast, Dave and I were asked which active players would pair off for the best goalie fight. And I'll admit it—we kind of blew the answer. Dave mentioned Jonathan Quick, which was a solid choice, and we kicked a few other options around. But we missed several names that were obvious picks. We'll follow up on next week's show and make it right.

In the meantime, let me try to make it up to you with this week's obscure player pick: goaltender Mark Laforest.

Laforest, who was creatively nicknamed "Trees," went undrafted but was signed by Detroit as organizational depth in 1983. He made his NHL debut two years later, going 4-21-0 for a terrible Red Wings team because that's the only kind there was back then.

He was traded to the Flyers in 1987, and then to the Maple Leafs in 1989. He spent one year in Toronto, winning a career-high nine games, before being shipped to the Rangers as part of the deal that sent a young Tie Domi to New York. He never played for the Rangers, and didn't make it back to the NHL until a brief appearance with the Senators in 1993-94.

Laforest wasn't exactly known as a hothead, but in Philadelphia he did serve as the backup to Ron Hextall. Some of that may have rubbed off, because in 1989 he decided it would be a good idea to fight Sean Burke. It was not.

This is what happens when you let two redheads coach in the same NHL game.

This is actually one of the first (for lack of a better term) modern goalie fights I can remember. In the old days, goalie would pair off during bench-clearing brawls, but those had recently become extinct. This was one of the first times that a goalie got to do the full length-of-the-ice skate. Twice, as it turns out.

Most importantly, Sean Burke was legitimately one of the best fighting goalies ever. People remember Hextall or Patrick Roy or Billy Smith, and rightfully so, but Burke belongs right up there with them. Laforest actually does OK here; others were not as lucky.

As for Laforest, that Ottawa stint was it for his big-league career, which saw him appear in 103 games, posting 25 wins along with two shutouts and 65 penalty minutes. He played in the minors until 1996 and later went into coaching.

Be It Resolved

It was an interesting week for NHL interviews. A few days after Eberle's quotes hit the public, an even bigger star had even more interesting things to say. Lots more.

I know, right? I was shocked too. But there it was, in this Craig Custance piece in The Athletic. Somehow, he got Kings' defenseman Drew Doughty to open up about his contract status. And when he did, he started dropping bombs.

The article is behind a paywall so I won't cut-and-paste all the good bits here, but among other things it includes Doughty admitting that:

He's already thinking ahead to free agency in 2019.

He thinks money is important, and apparently doesn't feel the need to pretend otherwise.

He plans to talk with fellow UFA Erik Karlsson to maximize their potential payout.

He thinks he should make more than P.K. Subban.

This all might end with him playing somewhere else, and he sure sounds interested in the Maple Leafs (including him describing their coaching situation by saying, and I swear to you that this is a real quote, "Oh fuck, yeah. Babs.")

None of that should be especially shocking, but it kind of is when you hear it actually said by an NHL player. We know the drill by now. Doughty is supposed to say "Gosh, hadn't even thought about it, I'm just focused on playing, all I want to do is win and the rest of it will take care of itself." But he didn't. He told the truth. And it was kind of fascinating.

So this week, we have a Be It Resolved two-fer. First of all, be it resolved that nobody get all cranky with Doughty about actually saying something. That includes you, Kings fans, even though I'm sure the Maple Leafs stuff isn't playing well. We're all constantly complaining about how boring hockey players are, so we can't go filling our diapers the second somebody gets interesting.

And second of all, be it resolved that Custance has to take whatever magic pocket watch he dangled in front of Doughty's eyes to get him to talk like this and share it with the rest of us. No fair hogging, Craig. Spread the joy.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

With the NHL officially hitting the century mark last weekend—Sunday marked the 100th anniversary of the league's founding—it's tempting to look towards the future and try to figure out what the league will look like over the next 100 years. Luckily, we don't have to work too hard, because this decades-old Red Wings broadcast already covered it for us.

This clip seems to be from Detroit's PASS sports station, and would have aired in the early 90s. They're going to take a shot at what the next few decades hold. Let's see how they do.

We start off with a look back at the days when hockey was played outdoors, which is crazy because I'm pretty sure neither of those teams is even the Blackhawks. We also hear about how goalie pads are much bigger than ever before. If you consider that a good thing then boy, do I have exciting news for you, early 90s hockey fans.

We also hear about all of the "space age" equipment that modern players have, including "custom-fitted skates." Yeah, I bet it was rough back in the day when you just had to wear whatever size they had lying around.

We finally get to the predictions for 2050, and I just want to point out that the last clip before we jump into the future is of Steve Yzerman and the Tampa Bay Lightning. Does that count as an accurate prediction? I think it might have to.

So our first prediction of life in 2050 is…uh, Alaska looking like a beach due to global warming. Wow, this got dark in a hurry. I'm kind of depressed now. I sure hope future scientists are focused on preserving the climate so we don't all die.

Nope, they're making fake ice and bladeless jet skates. But "the air jets are non-polluting," so cool, close enough.

After way too many shots of some dude's toes, we move onto our next prediction: Hockey's expansion to the sun belt. That ended up happening, of course, although not quite as far south as Central America, as predicted here. We also get a look at the uniforms of 2050, which is clearly wrong since there aren't any ads plastered all over them.

I'm completely on board with the Lazer Stik, though. It's not so much the warp setting or $14,999 price tag, I just like the idea of a stick that doesn't break every third shift.

Side note: I wish I was as enthusiastic about anything in my life as announcer Marty Adler is about literally every sentence in this clip. Or, as he would put it: I wish I was as enthusiastic about anything in my life as this announcer is about LITERALL EVERY SENTENCE in this clip.

Next up is the helmet of the future, which includes a microphone, tiny TV screens, and even brain probes to foil opposition attempts at frequency jamming. Weird, I guess the Patriots are an NHL team in 2050.

Also, the helmets will have cameras in them, which is just ridiculous.

Coaches will apparently live in little rooms packed with screens, a bubble hockey game, and a button that's labelled DO NOT PUSH in giant letters. I'm kind of intrigued by that last one. I'm assuming Ken Holland has one in his office right now that starts the Red Wings rebuild.

We get a section about the puck being embedded with sensors that makes reviewing goals and offsides foolproof. That's pretty much guaranteed to happen at some point soon, and I'd give them credit for getting another one right if I weren't distracted by trying to figure out why the goalie of the future wears a blocker all the way up his entire arm.

There's a break halfway through, during which the future player stares at us for an uncomfortably long time. I have a lot of questions, like: Do everyone's eyebrows look that in 2050 or just hockey players? Does he wear the helmet all the time, or do the brain probes come off? And most importantly, can you please make him go away before I have nightmares?

The second half is focused on the fans, who will of course have flying cars because it's the future. Arenas will have retractable roofs, force fields and laser walls. And there will be two classes of fans, the elites who matter and the poors who don't. That sounds about right, nods Kevin Lowe.

I'm all in on the food chute—or, as Marty calls it, the FOOD CHUTE. But the rest of those luxury features sound awful. Can you imagine having a phone and a screen right in your face at all times? Sounds like an awful way to go through life.

No joke, the spinning section of the stands is a good idea and we should do that. Build that into your next arena proposal, Calgary.

We also hear about 3D holographic broadcast, which also seem pretty cool. You know, the future of hockey sounds like a lot of fun. I've almost forgotten that 2050 will feature uncontrolled global warming that will render the planet a dystopian nightmare and oh good they're here to remind me.

Yes, we're back to the warm weather thing, as we learn that the NHL will expand to Egypt and Guam on its way to becoming a 128-team league. Sorry, Hamilton, you were #129 on the list, we swear.

Just as we're trying to figure out why there are future divisions named after Rick Zombo and Walt Poddubny, our clip ends. Overall, they did reasonably well—they pretty much nailed outdoor games, puck sensors and helmet-cams, and they still have 33 years to get the rest of it. (You know, before we all die in the great flood.)

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter @DownGoesBrown.

DGB Grab Bag: Bladeless Jet Skates, Regular Bladeless Skates, and Honesty published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

0 notes