#it was silly it was a little bit shit but it was fun!!
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today was a fairytale | alexander holtz
pairing : alexander holtz x fem!reader
warnings : one of my first fully written fics, swearing, use of y/n, switch of pov (will be written in italics!)
summary : when reader goes to a devil's game and decides to make a sign asking #10 for a puck in exchange for a lego set and he actually notices her and the day turns out to be like one in a fairytale.
word count : 1.6k
y/n pov
“Girl, it’s a stupid idea, there’s a bunch of signs around the rink why would he choose yours?” your best friend says looking at the sign you made for your favourite player.
She always knew how to ruin the mood.
You slightly adjusted the sign in your hands which read, ‘Can I trade you a Lego set for a puck, #10?’ in a goofy font. The white card had been something you picked up from the craft store on your way home from work, an impulsive decision as always.
“But but but there’s barely any with his name on it, plus who cares, it’s fun okay, and if he actually spots me it’s a bonus,” you smiled clinging onto that little bit of hope that he would see your sign.
“Yeah, I guess,” your friend shrugged as a smirk grew on her face.
“What is it?” you asked knowing that when that smirk appeared there was always a plan brewing in her head.
“Oh nothing, just the fact that you are a beautiful hot girl who likes lego oh and he’s a guy who likes girls and lego, get his number girl,” she said jokingly nudging your shoulder.
In what world would ALEXANDER HOLTZ notice you?
“Okay get out of your Wattpad-loving brain, let’s just enjoy warmups and the game,” a smirk forming on your friend's face, “but no high hopes of anything more than the game.”
The lights started dimming in the arena, the colours of the devils shining bright with the booming voices from the speakers announcing the players would be entering the ice soon.
Your friend slapping your arm, “Look how cute they look, they’re Disney princesses with pads.”
“Yes, yes, I know to calm down, we don’t wanna look like the crazy ones,” you replied, being conscious of when #10 entered the ice.
Then there he was, gliding smoothly across the ice.
He could easily be on one of the top lines but he gets treated like shit from the shitty old coaches.
Warm-ups went on like normal, the silly superstitions, and pucks across the ice in every direction.
“He’s good at skating I guess,” your friend said smartly, “he plays for the NHL dipshit, of course, he’s good at skating.”
“I know but I looked at his stats and his ice time is really low and like that means he doesn’t have any chance to get good plays,” your friend shrugged, her eyes following his every move.
All she said was true, he dealt with the game. all he cared about was that he was in the league, the best league in the world for hockey.
Being a player's biggest fan came with the depression of the issues at hand, their places on the lines, their falls and other setbacks that come with being an NHL player, and every day you wish they could be the best and biggest player in the league.
Even harder being on a team with two top first-round picks and a bunch of other players who are raved about all around the league.
“Girl snap the fuck of out, he’s looking at you, right at you holy shit,” your friend said slapping your shoulder, pointing at him skating around in circles, locking eyes with you.
“Oh my god, no way he’s looking at me,” you said, jumping up and down not knowing what to do, stay weird or keep calm and try your best to look hot.
The Lego Ferrari car shook in your hand, the other shaking against the glass trying to keep your cool as he skated towards where you were situated.
—
alex pov
Skating towards such a pretty girl was scary, but the sign caught his eye. he didn’t get many signs, trades even and Lego is his favourite thing, so why wouldn’t he be excited?
The white, red and black sign with the pretty girl holding it couldn’t pass his way, maybe he’d even get a point this game.
Going home after a win but with little ice time and no points didn’t help with his mood. he’d sit on his couch in the dim room questioning why he could never be enough for the team and the league.
He has tried so hard.
—
y/n pov
“No way he’s gonna actually want the set. no way you are getting a puck, oh my god y/n this is crazy ahhh he’s coming towards us,” she said, slapping you repeatedly in the same spot, it was starting to hurt.
“Okay just stop, calm down and look cool girl,” you said, wanting to look as normal as possible for Alexander Holtz.
Tap, tap, tap on the glass.
A red glove right in front of your face, the culprit of the tapping noise.
His adorable smiling face looking at you, signalling to get ready for the puck to be thrown over the ice.
You smiled back and nodded, pulling the sign down, holding your hands ready to catch it, not believing what was going on.
You almost wanted to keep your eyes on him even when the puck had been thrown from his hands, but you obviously couldn’t.
The puck weighing in your hand, your eyes fixated on it.
"Y/n, y/n, y/n the lego set, stop googling at the puck and hand him the bloody lego set,” your friend said, slapping you once again.
“Oh fuck yeah wait, hold the puck while I chuck this thing over the glass,” you said, questioning if all those years of skipping gym were back to bite you.
First try, failed.
Second try, failed.
Third try, failed.
Fourth time, WE GOT IT.
He grinned at you one last time before turning around and skating to the bench to place the set down.
A weird feeling flowed through your body. Almost as if you’d just lost something, a presence and a sense of comfort just poof, gone.
But that thought quickly got taken away when the stadium filled with screams of die-hard fans, with you being one of them.
Somehow you’d made it to your seat already getting ready for the game to start.
You realised your head couldn’t stop thinking about the interaction with him, the puck clinging to your hand.
“Hey hey y/n, maybe loosen your grip on the puck, your knuckles are turning white and we don’t want to leave before the game even starts,” your friend said, nudging you to get your attention.
“Oh shit sorry, it’s just he’s so ahhhh, like oh my god he’s got something in his possession that I bought, with my own money,” you grinned, immediately the wave of regret of spending that much money on a lego set, washing away.
“Well let’s just enjoy this game and hope for a win and a Holtz point,” she said, holding up her overpriced drink to yours.
“I’ll toast to that, to Holtz getting a point and maybe a devil's won.”
—
“AND THE DEVILS WIN THE GAME WITH ALEXANDER HOLTZ AS THE STAR OF THE GAME”
The shock on your face shouldn’t have been that big but when a fourth-line player gets chosen as the star of the game it is huge.
“Girl he did it for you, you are his good luck charm, you need to give him something every game,” your friend yells beside you jumping out of her seat.
“Okay, I get hockey players are superstitious but girl there’s no way, let’s just leave it,” you sighed, your life couldn’t be all butterflies and rainbows.
It was not a Wattpad story, and you couldn’t treat it like it was. He probably just threw out the Lego set, you thought you were insane thinking there was a chance he actually remembered who you were; there’s no way he did.
—
alex pov
He couldn’t stop thinking about her smile, how it was the prettiest thing he had ever seen. and he got a goal, points, the fucking star of the game.
yeah, he laughed at people saying hockey players are suppositions and yeah he was a tiny bit. he had his routines but it was never that serious, the only thing different about his game was seeing her, locking eyes with her.
The Lego set sitting on his living room table was a reminder of how her smile made him feel, all bubbly inside like he could rule the world.
“Bro stop zoning out it’s scary, you just got star of the game let’s celebrate,” Luke said as he walked past you, he had invited himself in like he did every other night. win or lose he was there.
“Sorry sorry just trying to figure out what happened today that made me play so good.”
“It was totally that girl you were spying on from the start of the game to the end,” Luke joked, “this is the Lego set she gave you right?” he questioned picking it up off the table.
“Hey, don’t touch that,” he yelled, running towards Luke.
“Shit, sorry didn’t think it was such a big deal,” he said dropping the Lego set onto the table again.
“No sorry I just can’t seem to get her out of my head, and the thought I probably will never see her again,” Alexander said slowly sitting down on the couch.
“Okay don’t think about it that way, be happy you’ve somewhat met her and that you are the star, be present,” Luke replied sitting down on the couch like it was his own home, grabbing the remote and flicking some random show on.
“Never say something like that again, it's weird hearing advice from you,” Alex replied, shocked by the words coming out of his mouth.
“HEY,” Luke yelled, slapping him in the process.
It wasn’t like Luke thought, he still felt her presence somewhat, a faint smell of grapefruit which you would only notice if you really paid attention.
He couldn’t get away from the thought of her.
He couldn’t stop wondering when he’d see her again.
a/n :: hi guyssss sorry i've been lacking motivation so this took... a while to publish and stuff so i hope u like it!! tysm for all the love on if i could tell her <33
also i might be making this a series? maybe? don't hold me to that though :}
#mira⌇🌷#alexander holtz#alex holtz#new jersey devils#nhl fanfiction#nhl imagine#nhl x reader#nhl fanfic#nhl fic#alexander holtz x reader#alexander holtz imagine#alexander holtz fanfic
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hi soph, i‘m writing this just because i feel like you oftentimes feel as if you owe anyone an update? i saw ur post rn and i wanted to tell you that you.do.not.owe.us.an.update, it‘s not as if anyone is paying you for your work on ao3, or as if you have some type of obligation, if you wanted to you could take a 3 month long hiatus and still no one would get to tell you „hey when’s the update coming!! hurry up!!“ that’s fucked up and i hope you realise that you‘re worth more than you put out on the internet, you don’t owe anyone SHIT
first and foremost you should be writing when YOU feel like it and when YOU are inspired and motivated to
sorry for the rant ❤️❤️
Thank you this is very nice!
Honestly, it doesn't bother me usually when people either ask for updates here or if they comment on the fic they like and say "update when?" because cool, it's nice that you're invested! it means a lot that you care!
it's just when they're going into other fics to be like "why not update something else?" that it starts to feel kind of shitty.
and i DO get it. really i do. i am a feelings writer not a planner and so dealing with that as a reader i can imagine is annoying cause like. where is the schedule? what are we doing here? it is truly based on the whims of my tiny scatter brained heart. and i really do want to try and update as consistently as possible because i know it gets hard to follow a story if there are month gaps between chapters.
BUT also. im just having fun y'know? and i feel a little bit like people are forgetting the fun silly goofiness of this space
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Probably a controversial opinion but I really enjoyed season 19
#do i count it in my brain as what really happened? idk probably not#but for a final send off i really enjoyed it#it got me excited about rvb like no other season since 14 has#and there were some fucking great moments in it#shotgun simmons ? yes please#there was a lot i thiught could have been done better and some choices felt very fucking strange#but i enjoyed the fuck out of it#theres plenty of potential for wash angst if thats ya cup of tea#and red team was great!#it was silly it was a little bit shit but it was fun!!#i do miss donut though#b's ramblings#rvb restoration
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the topic is Trapper and the army as foils, you have three hours, go
In no small part the satire of Mash, particularly in the first half of the show, is tied up with gender performance.
The army represents traditional, stifling and violent masculinity. This is shown through everything from freudian jokes about guns (eg Frank and Margaret's flirtations in The Sniper or The Gun), to Margaret trying to cajole Hawkeye into performing a more traditional standard of masculinity while treating him like a soldier in Comrades in Arms Part 2, to many jokes and comments about (usually) Hawkeye not being a real man in contrast to army standards and various specific army personnel (eg Lyle in Springtime, Flagg in White Gold), to Frank and Margaret's worship of the masculinity of the army ("He's twice the man you'll ever be," re: Flagg and Hawkeye, Margaret's lust for MacArthur, Frank pursuing the sniper in The Sniper in an attempt to be a "real man" in Margaret's eyes, etc) to many jokes positioning the military as a sexually aggressive man pursuing Hawkeye ("Sure, the sun the moon the stars, your high school letterman jacket. Same deal I promised nurse Baker." "A receipt please, and promise you'll go out with other doctors," etc.)
In contrast, the main characters all fail to perform traditional gender in some way, from crossdressing to immaturity to indecisiveness to peacefulness to Margaret's masculinity and Frank's pathetic failure to live up to his own masculine ideals, to just about everything about Hawkeye. His cowardliness, his jokes about not being a real man, his jokes about taking the feminine role in sexual encounters with men and women, even multiple double entendres about his average at best penis size.
Trapper is the most traditionally masculine of the main cast. He still subverts masculinity in some subtle ways here and there, such as the occasional feminizing joke and mentions of not being in great shape, but overall he's the more butch counterpart to Hawkeye's fem. He plays the role of boxer while Hawkeye plays the role of diva in their respective manager/star roleplaying episodes. He's broader and buffer and plays football, often seen playing catch with someone while walking around the compound, while Hawkeye disdains sports and doesn't participate. He reads Field and Stream which Hawkeye derides in Alcoholics Unanimous while making a wry comment about shaving his armpits. A past lover nicknamed him Big John.
And there are many, many jokes about Hawkeye and Trapper being sexual partners. The recurring Uncle Trapper and Aunt Hawkeye gag, if my father sees this you'll have to marry me, for me? only if you put those on, your father and I will tell you what we did to have you, that's when I fell in love with him, etc etc etc. It's constant. In these jokes Hawkeye usually takes the feminine role, though not strictly every time ("Me and the missus," is one exception in As You Were, the dance in Yankee Doodle Doctor is another).
Trapper's masculinity is differentiated from traditional military masculinity in a few ways. Most obviously, Trapper abhors the military's violence. He never uses guns and mocks Frank's obsession with them, he's a healer rather than a soldier, and he's disgusted by the results of military violence on the men on his operating table.
He's also secure in himself. The military's brand of masculinity is strongly characterized by insecurity and overcompensation. Frank is the main representative of this military insecurity - a coward who insists he's brave (The Army Navy Game), a man who clings to a phallic gun to compensate for his sexual and gendered inadequacies (a main theme of The Sniper, perfectly mirrored when the army itself comes in with a vastly disproprotionately powerful automatic machine gun on a helicopter to shoot down one sixteen year old), a homophobe repressing his own attraction to men (As You Were, the original script of George), etc. We also see this in Flagg, who implicitly sublimates sexual urges into violence (seen when he suggestively caresses his gun while describing how he wants to torture a boy in Officer of the Day).
Trapper doesn't need to overcompensate. He's well-endowed physically, he's portrayed as a competent and considerate lover, he's a brave man who doesn't mind being seen as a coward, and he may or may not be attracted to men but either way he's not a homophobe (George) and he doesn't express his sexuality through violence. When Margaret proves herself stronger than him, his response is to be impressed rather than offended (Bombed). When he dances with Hawkeye for a gag, he doesn't mind letting Hawkeye lead.
He's also differentiated in terms of tradition, with the mliitary representing a more propagandic 50s traditionalism, and Trapper representing a 70s, countercultural freedom from tradition. We see this in the way Trapper has plenty of sex despite being married, while adultery is a court-martial offense in the military. It's notable that he's open and carefree about it, while Frank and Margaret are surreptitious and hypocritical in their affair. This lack of traditionalism is also shown in his disrespect for authority, often in direct contrast to Frank and Margaret's worship of it, and his allyship to George who the military would persecute for his sexuality.
So ultimately we can see that while Trapper and the military are both examples of masculine performance, Trapper's masculinity differs from the military's in being more flexible, less violent, less traditional, and more secure. The military's masculinity is far more toxic than Trapper's, particularly in the context of 70s counterculture media, which aligns womanizing with sexual liberation rather than a lack of respect for women, accurately or not.
This contributes to their respective dynamics with Hawkeye.
Hawkeye, we've established, is usually more feminine, and there are a myriad of jokes characterizing Trapper as his sexual partner, as well as the military as a sexual pursuer.
The jokes Hawkeye and Trapper make about their relationship tend towards cozy domesticity. They're Radar's "aunt and uncle," they directly roleplay marriage ("Martha, we're going to have to move, the people upstairs are impossible,") and less directly behave as though married (the bickering in Alcoholics Unanimous, the discussion about naming their pony in Life With Father). Occasionally they're treated as a healthy couple in contrast to Frank and Margaret's toxicity ("While I'm gone, promise you'll go out with other doctors," vs "Touch anyone else and I'll cut off your hands" in Aid Station).
In some instances the jokes lean towards predatory - "If you're trying to get me drunk, it'll work," or "Who is this man in bed with me?" "I followed you home from the movies," but they're always playful, always fond. If Hawkeye takes on a submissive or victimized role in these jokes, it's one he has fun with and discards just as easily in the context of the rest of his relationship with Trapper.
So, it's important to note that Hawkeye and Trapper support each other and look after each other in an equal, enthusiastic friendship. From Trapper ensuring Hawkeye gets to sleep in Doctor Pierce and Mr. Hyde, to Hawkeye supporting Trapper when he wants to adopt a child, to Trapper right at Hawkeye's side as they attempt to procure an incubator, they are there for each other every step of the way. If their relationship is a marriage in some ways, it's a healthy, strong, and non-traditional marriage, an equal and open partnership free of jealousy and insecurities.
Compare that to the military's relationship with Hawkeye. In jokes it's characterized as powerful and predatory, far from an equal partnership. Sometimes it approaches positive - in Carry on Hawkeye, much of the humour is derived from Hawkeye and Margaret's gendered role reversal as she assumes military command of the unit. Hawkeye playfully calls her sir, seductively lies on her desk like a secretary in a porn film, and most notably treats an immunization shot as sexual penetration in a prolonged gag about sexual role reversal. Hawkeye has fun playing a sexually submissive role to a representative of military authority in this episode, but it is a submissive role.
Several of the one-off jokes have a similar sensibility, such as the double entendre of "My bellybutton's been puckering and unpuckering all day," in response to a representative of MacArthur assuming their excitement over the general's arrival to the unit, or Hawkeye's "Okay, take me, I'm yours," to Colonel Flagg. They demonstrate a willingness to play the receptive role on Hawkeye's part, but they also, pointedly, disturb the object of the jokes.
When Hawkeye makes these jokes that sexualize military authority, he's attempting to be provocative as well as defiantly drawing disruptive attention to his own powerlessness as a drafted surgeon. The power dynamic between Hawkeye and the authority of the military only goes one way, and Hawkeye gets a kick out of pointing it out in ways that perturb the representatives of that authority, but it's a power dynamic that takes its toll on him.
Many of Mash's plotlines revolve around Hawkeye rebelling and attempting to seize some scrap of agency back from the military. Adam's Ribs, for example, in which he starts a mild riot over the food he's being fed and spends the episode attempting to procure barbecue ribs from Chicago (which Trapper procures for him), or Back Pay where he tries to charge the military for his forced labour. A particularly notable example is Some 38th Parallels, in which Hawkeye complains about being paid the equivalent of a nickel per operation, and his frustration manifests in impotency until he can perform a gesture of rebellion against the military.
One unfortunate consistency of these episodes is that the army ultimately retains its power. When Hawkeye achieves his goals, it's only in small ways that do little more than satisfy his own need to assert his sense of self. Often, Hawkeye doesn't achieve his goal at all, but is thwarted by the army, such as in For Want of a Boot. In every instance he remains powerless in comparison to the authority of the military.
So the context in which Hawkeye makes these sexualized jokes about the military literally fucking him is one of abject helplessness. In a sense, all he's capable of is pointing out what the military is doing and putting it in his own, audacious terms. He's not capable of preventing it. His jokes usually have an edge of bitterness to them in delivery, and when they don't, that tone is imparted anyway by the greater context.
With Trapper, Hawkeye can play-act a marriage or an assault, but in either case he's an enthusiastically consenting, equal partner. Trapper's performance of masculinity allows for Hawkeye to take any role from victim to wife to husband, and enables Trapper to respond in kind from a position of equality and respect. The military, in its insecure, domineering performance of masculinity, is a dictatorial authority, never allowing Hawkeye perform any role but a feminized, victimized one, and only ever giving him the choice of whether to perform with a wry smile or a sneer.
In short, Trapper is the cool, considerate service top to the military's insecure domineering boyfriend.
I'm tagging everyone who enabled this lol, share the blame. @beansterpie @majorbaby @professormcguire @rescue-ram
#mash#this was dumb but writing it was somehow cathartic for me lol#i should've done this with frank and hawkeye as foils wrt subverting masculinity bc i think that would've been much easier#but i got caught up in this honestly. it's incredibly fun to write this kind of shit#maybe i'll post a round 2 sometime#marley on mash#ship ht#mash gs#and like... it's a little bit parodic but also sincere to an extent lol. this is absolutely one way of reading all the freudian#undercurrents in the show. it's definitely silly to contrast trapper and the military to make a point about how the show depicts#masculinity especially for like 1800 words lmao but it's a very fun angle#trapper mash#hawkeye mash#long post
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might sound weird to say as a person with a couple ocs who have Big Horrible Event(s) in their backstories or as a person who has like 3 ocs total bc he sucks at writing and as a person who hopes their ocs arent too Boring with [the thing im about to mention] but the thing about writing [characters] and [people] is that like.
any little thing a person experiences can take up their whole existence... its actually something "fun" to experience as i meet new ppl and do more things. My friend had something happen that she'll be talking about forever. I had several things happen last year that ill never stop talking about, some of which other ppl think werent that bad actually. In the same way I'll forever remember about the way my sister accidentally insulted me almost 10 years ago, it's really interesting and Fun to find and assign smaller things like that to characters...its really Real. some people's dealbreakers are other people's solvable problems etc etc
#(as well as the opposite: Big Event that maybe shocks everyone around em but they genuinely werent shaken by)#though this one is more common and leads to those ''ohh i didnt know that was normal oops'' moments#talkys#inspired by recent me and friend events#and also recent events where i told sum ppl more stuff about Thing and they responded as if it wasnt a big deal. but it was to me.#and also how i thought a part of al's childhood backstory was kind of maybe dumb and not realistically as impactful as id expect#but i saw someone on reddit almost word for word write that as their experience and how its shaped em as a person#and thats it like... the small things are boring and hard to keep track of sometimes#its not like you'll include every single little event your oc was shaped by in their bio#but idk. its like Fun to piece together for fun. to mold a human being#ykwim? wld be silly to tell everyone ''oh my oc struggles with self image due to many instances like... when their sister called em ugly''#or write it anywhere but it is fun to Know and have in your head. and its real !#just like if a friend told you about something that happened to em#long post#delete later#sorry i keep saying stupid obvious shit lately ive always been bad at oc making AND socializing so im learning everything late#but anyway yes. idk even as i keep making ocs that are ''similar'' its like. every person so different#people can react to anything in any way for any reason. i love people#this is why i struggle a bit with keeping ocs to archetypes i guess bc like. what is ooc for an oc. people contain contradictions all the#time. you can change yourself at any time.#ok nobody will read this far so ill go to the real insane rambling#part of this has been a part of my chats with talon while trying to get him to share more info#like. yeah ok you're 400+ years old the things that happened to you were such a comparatively small part of your life#but humans dont live as long and think about small things until they die. i dont think time would heal all wounds actually. not all of em#some thoughts just always come to gnaw at your brain. its ok to not be over things. i feel ill never be over some things#and also complainerism can be fun but thats something else entirely wee hee ^_^
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Everyone Introduced in Dimension 20′s Mentopolis episode 6 (finale)
#dimension 20#dimension 20 spoilers#d20 introductions#mentopolis#mentopolis spoilers#d20 mentopolis#HOT DAMN............. what a season#that was unbelievably goofy and looney toons level silly but like. what a fun ride#i feel like the kids on bikes system really opens the door for a lot of those moments from what i've seen it's so great#also having a secret narrative stat that uses the fucking d100 as the die roll was like VERY silly but also like.#it has me going a little bit insane about like ways that could be used in like other genres or things or whatever#like god damn that's a good way to represent some aspect of character that is just so impossibly strong that like......#when they tap into that they just cannot fail#which kinda sucks in terms of balancing for gameplay but like god damn‚ narratively?#and like restricting it so that stat only sort of becomes awakened or usable when that sort of deeply rooted personal growth comes into pla#this might be kind of a weird stretch but like.... the crests from the og digimon adventure?#like if they managed to tap into those aspects of themselves and their crests glow‚ that's their d100 stat‚ their crests#and all sorts of astronomically powerful shit could sort of come about from them acting within their strongest parts of themselves in turn#i don't know. maybe i'm just too digimon brained maybe i'm just a little too hooked on that digimon ttrpg show that uses kids on bikes too#but like...................................... fuck.#i don't know‚ it could be something!#anyways i really enjoyed these sort of lightly animated scenes of the real world that elias hodge got to star in as the pov#very VERY fun how they played across the dome in game too#also oh my godddddd anastasia and fawnbrooke......... bro i'm gay#was this season sillier than fantasy high? or escape from the bloodkeep? probably#like the lore and worldbuilding was unabashedly bonkers due to it all existing in the mental manifestation of the human brain#and VERY funny at that#probably the silliest d20's ever been! but i loved it#alright‚ guess that's it for this one#see y'all next season!!
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did you know what watching a show you really like is actually pretty good for your brain just a fun fact
#invader zim#invader zim comics#invader zim oc#iz dib membrane#iz zim#dib membrane#zimvoid#i fuckin missed this show like goddamn#all of it is up on the internet archive and you know what im having a great time#serotonin is stored in the silly cringe fail king#gotta reconnect with the part of me that's obsessed with space and shit lets go fellas#okay anyway uh missed invader zim i fuckin' love this little bug aline#fun fact my dnd character tic is lowkey inspired by zim just a little bit#also missed my ocs they're fun!#okay BYE BYE NOW SEE YA LATER
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Me to myself: Please, you have to stop being weird about this fictional dude.
Me, defiantly: NO, absolutely not, & now, as a matter of fact, I'm getting even weirder about him as we speak JUST TO OFFSET ALL THIS SOUL CRUSHING DOUBT♡
#i keep reminding myself#i tag everything with ship stuff#& hell my entire blog is blockable#this is my little oddball safe space#i need to be silly & allow myself to be a bit deranged for my fictional husband#no one is forced to see me or look at my shit#just have some fucking fun is all i want yeah you know???#nok talks
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sometimes i read some takes on this website and just think 'it's not that deep'
like.. people are SO quick to jump to conclusions about other people, it's wild
#life#especially in the bg3 fandom#it's like 'you are modding this character so that means you don't like them' and i'm just.. people just want to have fun sometime yaknow?#just do silly little things trying something new#or when it's like 'you made this oc look too young or too sexy or xyz so it means you are bad'#or the classic 'why'd you give this character a *insert traumatic event or past* give us your whole personal history! what are you hiding??#the speed with which people assume ill intent or make their own conclusions about other people is fucking WILD in all honesty#not everything has to have some secret hidden meaning especially a negative one#and it's even worse when they ping pong those opinions in their little groups#shit like that just makes the fandom space hostile where everyone has to feel anxious#because it breeds an environment where you feel forced to either over-explain something and still be misunderstood#or not share anything to begin with just to avoid this shit altogether#just chill a little bit yaknow? this isn't high school anymore
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Things I need in bg3:
let me pet Us at the camp with Scratch and Cub
Let me kick ulder’s ass. Just a little bit
Please let me come back to camp and gossip with withers. PLEASE let me rock up and talk shit. Like he a million percent already knows all this but I want SO BAD to show up for the night and go oh my GOD kahga gets on my NERVES-
Also um. The same with astarion. I think he’d also be funny to talk shit with :3
Oh also lemme see how dyes r gonna look before I use em so I don’t have to save and then test everything out reload and start all over again
But mostly petting Us and throwing punches and gossiping :P
#this is a very fun game I like sometimes sitting down and going hm I’m deciding events r happening :3#I need to do another sillies run tbh#take t’ev’s vibes and run with em a bit but like. no replaying for better results allowed. gotta take what I get the first time#do y’all even KNOW they were asking withers to braid their hair (he said no) (they went SIGH FINE and go gossip to astarion while HE braids#their hair. and then gets Sippies about it. and then t’ev turns around and gossips to withers over breakfast anyways#like YES this is like talking to a brick wall sometimes. but I like to imagine he’s at least a little amused by all the dramatics u see#OH ALSO I WANNA GLASSES THEYD B SO FUN#I’m sure there’s a mod for this shit but um. I’m scarwed of mods for no reason lol
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Maid dress Gray should be canon I think
#north's art#block this tag to make north stfu about zero#Gray zero#Your honor it was for the bit#I say that like this is really that different from the shit I usually draw#maybe I should post some of it and not just shitposts so you can tell what I mean by this lmao#also fun fact: the little bunny in corners is... my mascot? my oc? I don't know but it's a little guy I made and I think it's silly#I guess it's not really a mascot if I don't use it but that kinda what it was made for#also also DOUBLE fun fact: this is technically the partner piece to another drawing I haven't posted#I say technically because I random decided to make it in the middle of the sketch#I post the other one if someone ask 👍
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Bout to sit down to watch DW with the folks already internally cringing bc I saw it this morning and they are gonna haaate it
#I'm not even sure I liked it!#i like bits of it#but it's definitely upped the Silly Factor in ways that often feel more clunky and cringey than fun and camp idk#I feel like I'm being the fun police but is it too much to ask that my silly campy spacetime fun also be good???#i feel like it used to be#it was stupid and we had farting aliens and shit but like#very little 'oh i am actually kind of embarrassed to be seen watching this'#believe me i do not WANT to ve cringing about it I'm all for 'cringe is dead'#but I just think there's a difference between low budget surreal but grounded and deceptively well-made/written silly TV#and high budget cgi saturated awkward dialogue fest that barely hangs together and keeps making me wince#it's like I'm getting the wincing feeling from that one awful clunky 'like some kind of volcano' line from fires of pompeii#but ten times an episode minimum#i want to like it!!! i want it to be good i want ncuti to have an absolutely killer era!!#and it defo has its moments!#but bro....... so much tv is just. Bad now.#and it's probably a mix if factors#effects of writers strikes and producer meddling and whatever else#but I'm sick of tuning in to watch a new thing and finding them all riddled with the same brand of very fixable clunkiness#things that could have been fixed with very minor revisions more often than not!!#anyway not posting this in the tag bc i do NOT wanna be a hater or start fucking discourse about this#I just miss feeling excited about tv#i miss having some flimsy sense of trust that things might feel well put together even if i disagree with how they take the story#mr. bees speaks
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i need to draw my narrator design like a lot. i need to draw him to death or until i truly get sick of this guy. proper narrator burnout
#crow thoughts#gonna delete the tags later on this probably#but sometimes i feel kinda insecure about my design#despite knowing he's not rlly that complex he just doesnt fall under how most designs look#and i think that makes me feel a bit nervous showing him off. cause i wonder like man am i doing too much?#even despite the whole gimmick with my design is that this is how i imagine he would design himself. not rlly how he actually looks#so imma just beat it into my thick skull that no one gives a shit about that except my dumbass#cause rlly. i need to just have fun with it. why must i worry about following the method and approach everyone else does?#and even then im not even straying that far lol.#i was also not drawing him cause i was like man no one rlly does parable stuff without involving designs these days#not an issue. i just wanted to see more stuff without design involvement.#and also because like tbh. he will always just be a voice to me. extremely silly and evil voice#but yeah. shrugs. sometimes i feel like maybe im too far off the beaten path. even tho i should be having fun forging my own little path#okay. time to kill this guy with the power of artistic expression <3
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oh god okay i understand that maybe not everyone is as indecisive/comfortable with saying "it depends!" as me, but like, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, but i just can't take people who call izzy a villain seriously
#he's a little annoying dude. i swear to fuck#'the real villain in the show is the system and izzy is siding with the system' babygirl he's a pirate 😭 he really isn't 😭#he could NOT more clearly be -- he literally IS -- that kind of gay man who wears his leathers and anger as an armor because being scary ha#been his way of fighting The System => being consumed and destroyed by it; and who looks down and feels disgusted by flamboyant#and effeminate soft-handed gays because if they're this soft then they clearly haven't experienced this kind of abuse that would make them#harden up. ....you know what i mean.#like idk this show in general like... doesn't have a 'villain'? it's about stede (and ed's) journey and their development. not necessarily#about their Conflict With Someone/Something. i guess it might change in s2 but idk. there are just Situations in which they find themselves#and because of/md is a comedy no one really... holds things against other characters in a long-term way? izzy stabs stede and sells him#out to the english and ed punches him for the latter (which he says 'ok fair' about!!! like!!!) but does he go 'and for all the shit you've#done i'm Firing you as my first mate? no! he slams him against the wall and feeds him his toe but he's like. ok get up and back to work#and he doesn't seem particularly disgusted or upset with him in that final blackbeard's flag 2.0 moment. (nor manipulated; inb4)#like. it's a workplace romcom. the workplace is a pirate ship but it's a workplace and izzy is that annoying coworker who's a bitch and#often ruins everyone's fun but no one like... Seriously ostracizes him. more like applies some light bullying BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY.#COMEDY. do we remember that?#and like. it seems he's going to have a bit of a larger (?) role in s2... it really doesn't seem like the show sees him as a 'villain' or#even an active 'antagonist' either. like ok let's agree 2 disagree and may both sides block each others' asses into oblivion because god#knows both sides have some annoying people but mannnn sometimes... insisting that things Can be divided into Good and Bad... is worse?#shrimp thoughts#once again i wrote a tag novel about an incredibly silly thing. welcome to leatherbookmark
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i LOOOVE thinking about fantasy disabilities!!!! i love figuring out what people would have to do to accommodate them! it's literally awesome!
#fun after-comic joe facts time yayyy so joe's soul got a little bit fucked up#its just this small crack. which makes him entirely unresponsive to anything for like 5 minutes max#at seemingly random intervals. it slows down and doesnt last as long as it heals but its still like#not good lol#and its just gonna keep happening the rest of his life because souls fuckin heal weird#its one of many problems disorders he has to deal with this ones just special because doctors have#NO clue what to do with him so he and his friends just gotta figure out how to cope with it themselves#after a while he can kinda tell when its about to happen a few seconds before it does#so because he's rarely left alone anyways because he. cant take care of himself much anymore#he can give them a warning and they will make sure nothing dangerous will come from it and just wait for him to come to#as it heals and becomes less of a problem it kinda becomes more of a problem ironically#he does reach a point where he can mostly handle himself. but he cant do shit when that happens#except try to sit down asap. so while it happens less often it causes More Incidents. alas#i think kiara's way of dealing with it happening in particular is so silly#cause she just. grew up with him like this. this is just normal to her she's never questioned it#like oh ok dad's blanked out again i will just wait so patiently for it to be done so i can keep showing him#my mlp toys and explaining mlp lore to him#it happens and she just stops what she's doing and waits for him then continues as if nothing happened#everyone else gets so fussy about him when it happens but kiaras just#are you done? ok so pinkie pie is the laughter pony#he thinks its awesome he loves her so much
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mac i am so sorry to enter ur inbox with more qsmp but oh my god. qcellbit update. so he talked to bagi. his sister. he still doesn't remember her. he still needs time to process everything but she said she's waited fifteen years so she can wait a few more days. i'm crying and sobbing rn. also he doesn't even fucking remember what he did to get thrown in prison, all he knows is that he was killing people to survive one day and another he was behind bars. i'm UNWELL!!! he got called in to talk to cucurucho (the fuckin THING that's kind of the federation mascot and it tortured cellbit with a chainsaw months ago FUCK CUCURUCHO ALL MY HOMIES HATE CUCURUCHO) and he was just. fucking tired. yesterday he messed with the feds quite publicly and cucurucho questioned him about it and he said "i don't care what you do to me, you can torture me, i don't care. i just want my family back, i want a future with them. just give me peace. let me rest." HE SOUNDED SO FUCKING TIRED. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE WAS SAYING UNTIL SOMEONE POSTED A TRANSLATION BUT HE SOUNDED SO SO SAD. AND NOW CELLBIT HIMSELF IS GOING TO TWITCHCON SO QCELLBIT IS TAKING A WEEK LONG DEPRESSION NAP. MAC CAN U HEAR ME. I'M UNWELL. I'M LOSING IT. THIS IS ME RN
anyway. hows ur day. i might go watch some steven universe bc i have been meaning 2 rewatch it (or adventure time!!!! one of the two for sure) take a short break from binge watching hannibal 2 watch a silly funny cartoon :3 also still trying to make my way thru marble hornets again it's just such an insane series 2 rewatch u know but i'm getting there!!! sorry i am just currently lying on the floor in my brain thinking about qsmp i had 2 tell u what happened 2 ur blorbo in law today
NEVER APOLOGIZE TO ME ABOUT PUTTING STUFF IN MY INBOX I LOVE GETTING MAIL I LOVE LEARNING THROUGH OSMOSIS I LOVE LISTENING 2 PPL TALK ATBT THINGS THEY LOVE
that sounss aboslutely DEVASTATING btw. oh my god. so the whole thing is like.. she remembers him but he doesnt remember her ?? GODDDD thats so upsetting. im glad hes getting 2 take a nap even if it is a depression one sigh. oh man oh man i love this.
my day was! good i think! i have not had a day to reat since my whole job shadow debacle last week so im kimd of running on fumes BUT . i have off work tmw so im gonna get a haircut and feel all good about everything. and maybe work on some art bc im now caught up to my pre prepped invertober images and i have a couple other time sensitive things like that. ougah. we keep truckin. ive got a huge backlog of youtube videos to watch from last week + beginning of this week i cannot Wait to get thru those and also watch more adventure time !! bc i have offically gotten to Stakes (a marcelone centric mini series) and it is one of my favorite eras ever. i love you vampire lore!!!
#im like... skooo tired rn. i dont have ANY more words left in me.#but like i also dont want 2 sleep yet#i didnt shower this morning bc our gas lines have been down for like 3 days and we ran out of hot water#BUT theyre back up now. but also its like 11pm and my family is asleep and i dont want to wake them up#but i feel soooooo gross and greasy#+ my hair is at that point where its like. Uncomfortably Long. getting back into oh fuck i look like a girl territory. eugh#but its FINE bc im getting it CUT tomorrow. my favorite place had one (1) opening tomotrow afternoon so i snatched that shit up RIGHT away#uhhh what else. i watched some scary movies today those r always fun.#every day i yearn to be a) a man covered in blood or b) a vampire bite victim but like in a fun homoerotic way#those two things are not mutually exclusive but you know what i mean. i need 2 look like will graham#asks#friends!!!#anachronistic-falsehood#i am also revisiting an old blorbo rn and the nostalgia is hitting sooooo badly#i will not name this blorbo bc im not into public humiliation like that but ohh my god. favoritest guy ever.#fundamentally changed my life type character.#category 7 insane person moment. we stay silly !!!#im like. sooooo sleepy and rambly but also i feel a little bit like an oyster rn
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