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marciaillust · 1 month

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How long does it take for you to finish drawing?

I'm an artist (beginner) and i unconsciously set unrealistic goals for myself and need a reminder of how long it takes to complete a drawing, Thanks.

Hi! In the context you presented it in, that is a really interesting question, so I'll try to approach it thoroughly. I hope I won't make you roll your eyes too much.

Where to start, where to start... I guess the first thing I should say is that there is a difference between time I spend preforming the action of <drawing>, and the time I spent <working> on a particular piece. The first would be counted in hours, the second one - days. I'm a big believer in slowing things down, and giving things time - going through options, gathering research and references, taking breaks every 1h of sitting and drawing - and seeing things through until I achieve the goal I set at the beginning of the process.

The goals are usually different each time: "quick design", "character exploration", "analysis of an artist's linework and experimenting with the knowledge gained", "creating an aesthetically pleasing image", and so on and so forth. Of course I don't write these down like it's a school assignment, but knowing in the back of my head what I'm actually doing helps me manage my expectations. I also enjoy being conscious of why I create - when I was younger regardless of what I was doing I had the thought "AND IT MUST LOOK GOOD AND PRESENTABLE! BECAUSE PEOPLE WILL LOOK!" ...and I think that obsession is the cancer of creative process.

Since the goals for each picture are different, the time I'll spent on achieving each one will be different as well, because the "satisfactory results" lay in different places. For example, the Marcile sketchpage was created in one afternoon, and took approximately 3 hours. The goal was to play around with a brush that has no opacity forcing my lines to be more decisive. I did that and so it is "finished". There's nothing else I want from it.

On the other hand, the cover of Asterism took about 10 days to create, the goal of which was to make "an aesthetically pleasing cover picture taking colour inspiration from the works of (specific list of artists)". I took my time designing it so that it looks aesthetically pleasing, made sure the anatomy is "correct" (a nebulous statement when it comes to stylised humans), took my time masking, and picking colours, and shading. I wanted it to "look good" to my own eyes so if something was not working I would go back, change it, alter it, move it around... that's the wonderful thing about personal art, you can take as long as you like making something satisfactory.

The funny thing is, with what the Asterism cover actually is (a cellshaded image), it could have been done probably in 4 days by the me 4 years ago. But that person was willing to sit 8-10 hours a day to draw with no breaks, she had little social life, and treated herself as a little circus seal performing tricks so that people clap around her, and the clapping was soooo nice because it meant that people remembered her and she mattered. And it worked for her! For long 10 years! Until her arm gave out, and the reality of never being able to draw again became more tangible than ever, and it's been following her like a fog ever since for the past 4 years. The me today works about 4 hours a day and every hour I take about a 30 minute break. I also don't post half the stuff I draw. There is also another aspect that dictates the speed of creating and that is familiarity with the subject matter. The less you know something, the fast you'll draw it! But as you get to know the intricacies of the process, and see all the building blocks, it will start taking *longer* because you will start accounting for every block. But then you'll eventually get familiar with the blocks and so the time spent on a picture will go down again! The cool yet overwhelming thing about art is that, there are always hundreds of building blocks. Form, composition, ambient occlusion, saturation, hue, light balance, line form...... and those are just the *some* of the generalised *categories*. And each category will have it's own subsection of building blocks! And then those blocks will interact with each other to create completely new area of expertise! This is crazy! Marcille sketch page took me only 3 hours to create because I am already quite familiar with linework - I have drawn 3-4 comicbooks worth of linework. This also means I am familiar with believable anatomy, more or less, which got utilised in the Asterism cover - the main bulk of linework got created during a 3h livestream. So.... what's the answer.... "It's all relative" is so unsatisfactory and probably not what you looked for. But you can draw something in 3 days and kill your body over it. Or you can become an expert in a field and dish the same picture out effortlessly in 8 hours. You can also split that 8h block over multiple days bringing you back up to 3 days. You could even add a whole day of visual research which might make your picture only marginally better. And even if we calculate it in terms of raw working time, pen-to-paper, like a self-inflicted capitalist tumor, that time can fluctuate still due to personal visual library and knowledge base. If I asked Tom Fox how long it takes for him to create his sketch pages his answer would probably be downward of 30 minutes. Yet I need whole 3 hours to create something *less* anatomically correct than him. And so here we are at the end of this perhaps unnecessary essay. And all we learned is this: it depends. Dry, not nuanced tl;dr, my personal timings: single sketch - 30mins; single linework pic 1-2h; Cellshaded illust - 16h; Rendered illust: 20-25h.

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bteezxyewriter12 · 4 months

Text

Choreo

Pairing- Seonghwa x Named Reader

Word count- 2k

Includes- Seonghwa chair dance and outfit🔥🥵, chair sex, cock riding, dirty talk, multiple orgasms, fluff

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxminnie @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@yeosxxx @seokwoosmole @jjongsbebe @wisejudgedragonhairdo @meowmeowminnie @woo-stars @borntowalkaway @usagionthered @san-realblkwife @seonghwasstar @jejeyeppeo @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @prayerofthehaim @realisticnotes @pinkies-things @insomniacatiny @stephy-nicole13

Gif Credit- M0de43

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Masterlists 📝ATEEZ Masterlist 📝Seonghwa Masterlist

Apparently it's Seonghwa week on my blog 😆. I just had to write it after I saw the gif

J POV

"Holy shit", I whisper as I watch Seonghwa dance the choreo from a monitor backstage

Some piece not fabric is in his mouth as he drops to his knees and I gaped, so turned on

"Oh my fucking god", Binna gasps next to me, "Seonghwa is fucking hot"

I just nod, having no words to say

The outfit the stylists put him in is insane

Tight black leather pants, short leather jacket and just...I don't know...a ripped up shirt, his body exposed

I had such a hard time doing his makeup when he sat down in the chair with that fucking outfit on

I had less than two minutes to darken his eyeshadow before he had to go back on stage and my hand was shaking the whole time

And he was just smirking at me

But watching this, I doubt anyone is looking at his makeup

Everything on the stage changes quickly and suddenly Seonghwa is in a chair, dancing on it while he sits

My mouth drops as he does some kind of slow hip thrust, then another quick one right after before standing up

My brain is malfunctioning as I watch this and I just hope some ATINY gif-ed this moment so I can see it again and again

As it is it's burned in my brain but I think I need it on video too

My panties are uncomfortably wet and it's so frustrating because I don't think I'm going to see him tonight

We just have casual sex together

It started months ago when we were in the dressing room alone together and he just kissed me

I knew it didn't mean anything to him, it's just sex

I don't even know if he's sleeping with other women but I wouldn't be surprised if he is

He's Park fucking Seonghwa for Christ sakes

Any girl here will drop their panties for a quickie with him

And I don't want to know if he sleeps with anyone else

I don't need to know

I know he'll never feel for me like I do for him and right now, I'm not willing to give up sex with him

I'll take what I can get and not complain

I hurry to get Seonghwa's make up ready

He's coming off the stage now and has some time as now the guys are doing their subunit songs

Hongjoong and Seonghwa are performing later on

But he still needs to change and get everything touched up

Seonghwa comes in, walking straight to me

He takes the makeup out of my hands and tosses it on the table

He grabs my hand, then pulls me with him, leading me away from backstage

I'm so confused and I just follow him, wondering where the fuck we're going

We're in the middle of a concert

He pulls me into a dressing room, flicking the light on, slamming the door closed, locking it

He wordlessly turns to me, his mouth crashing against mine

Fire races through my cells from his kiss, his hands pulling down my sweatpants and panties

"Off", he says between kisses, shrugging out of his jacket as I step out of my bottom clothes

His warm hands slide under my shirt, pushing it up

Breaking the kiss, he pulls it over my head, drops it to the floor then gets my bra off, his shirt following

Taking my hand again, he leads me to a chair in the room, which he sits on

"Ride my cock", he asks, looking at me with lust

"Uh what?"

"I know you were watching the choreo backstage. I know you saw the whole chair dance with the hip thrusts", he says, undoing his pants, "The whole time I was doing that all I could think about was you on my cock. Bouncing hard, thrusting into you, your pussy creaming my dick, coming on me. And I want it now"

With that he pulls his pants and boxers down, his hard cock standing straight up, cum leaking from his slit

I can't help myself, I immediately climb in his lap, sinking down on his cock right away

We both moan at the contact, his thick length forcing me open around him as my pussy sucks him inside

"Oh fuck, yes", he cries, "Yes"

I move my hips in a circle as he bottoms out, grinding on him, getting his head right against my spot

He grips my hips hard, slouching down in the chair, sitting half off, half on it

"Bounce jagi", he whimpers

I lean on his shoulders, sliding up his cock all the way to his head then drop down, taking all of him in one shot

"Oh god, yes", he groans as I move faster, bouncing hard and fast on his perfect cock

Pleasure explodes in my body as I ride him, moaning like a slut

"Fuck, you're so wet for me", he pants, his eyes roaming my body, "Did my dancing make you this horny?"

"Yes", I confirm, grinding on him as I take him in, his head rubbing my spot, my cunt clenching him repeatedly

My god, it feels so fucking good

"Mm baby you don't know how horny that part of the choreo gets me. Every time I had to practice it all I thought about was you, on my cock, just like this"

"Me?", I ask in shock

"Yeah you. You're tiny cunt crushing my cock, you're sexy body on display for me, your gorgeous face in pleasure because of me, you're pretty moans that are all for me. Fuck", he groans, "I normally daydream about you but this choreo amped up the day dreaming"

Did he just say he daydreams about me?

Is he serious?

Or is it just sex talk?

"I just fucking want you all the time", he murmurs, "Wanna see you impaled on my cock just like this, see these pretty tits bounce in my face. Watch this pussy cream my cock just like you're doing now"

I know I am, I can feel how utterly soaked I am, drenching his lap as well as his dick

"Wanna kiss you all the fucking time, want to be around you, want to have you in my arms", he whimpers, "I just want you"

I meet his gaze, saying, "You have me Hwa. Anytime"

He bites his lip nodding, "You have me jagi. Always"

I smile, even though I know it's just something he's saying right now

Once he cums, it'll be back to normal

His hands rub up my back, travelling to my boobs, squeezing softly, his thumbs rubbing my nipples sending pleasure straight to my pussy

"Mm yeah fuck, get tighter baby. Fuck", he begs

I oblige, clenching his cock as I fuck him, his breath hitching

"God, you're so fucking pretty for me, riding my cock like you belong on it"

"Mmm hmm Hwa", I whimper, his cock bringing me closer and closer

He's so fucking big, filling me to the brim with no room to spare, spreading me open so fucking wide

So pleasurably

I lean my forehead against his, pumping his cock in and out of me, wanting to cum all over him

"Kiss me", he asks and I press my lips against his

He kisses me eagerly, hungrily, his tongue against mine, his fingers tangling in my hair

As I come down his cock again, he thrusts up, going in so much deeper and I'm thrown head first into a mind shattering orgasm

"Seonghwa", I moan in his mouth, moving my arms around his neck, my fingers buried in his curly hair, pleasure wracking my body

"Yes baby", he murmurs between kisses, "Cream my cock just like that baby. Fuck yes"

As I finish, his hands slide down to my hips, his hips slowly roll up, meeting my bounces, plunging so deeply inside my pussy

We break the kiss, both of us moaning loudly as the pleasure increases

His hips keep moving, slowly rolling, thrusting into my cunt as I come down his length, just like in the choreo

We move together like that, clinging onto each other, our sweat mixing, our moans loud

The utter wet sound of his cock sinking into my cunt again and again is so pretty, a sound both Seonghwa and I love

As of on cue he moans, "Mm do you hear how loud this pussy is for me?"

I nod, his eyes moving down, watching where we meet

"Fuck, I wish you could see how perfect your cunt looks around my cock. Like you belong wrapped around me"

In this moment, I wish I could see it too

"Do you feel how hard I am for you?", he asks, rolling his hips up, his head rubbing my spot, stars blasting in my vision, "Do you?"

"Yes", I whine, shivers running up my spine

"Only get this hard for you", he murmurs, shocking me again, "I've never fit inside someone as perfectly ask I fit inside you. You feel it don't you? Like I was made for you. Like we were made for each other?"

I nod, the pleasure reaching a fever pitch

A few more thrusts and I'm coming

"Cum for me jagi and I'll fill your pretty little pussy"

"Fuck, Seonghwa!", I cry as he buries his cock deep inside me, pure ecstacy slamming into me, my body shaking on top of him, pussy throbbing around his fat cock

"Yes jagi, oh fuck", he cries, holding me down on him, his warm cum spilling into me, "Yes Joanne, fuck baby. Yes"

His cum fills me right up, feeling so satisfying

I lean my forehead against his as his body shakes slow down

We both breath hard as the pleasure leaves us

I press a kiss to his forehead then I climb off him, his cum leaking down my legs

There's no tissues her and I can't do anything about it right now

So I just get to my clothes, pulling my underwear on

I hear him moving as we both get our clothes back on

I feel him behind me, his fingers holding mine and turning me to him

I look up at him as he presses a soft kiss to my lips

"Can I come over after the concert?", he asks

I blink in surprise

"Uh really?", I ask

I assumed since he got sex he'd be good for awhile

At least when it comes to me

He nods, "I just want to be with you"

My mouth drops, confusion taking over, "What? Why?"

"What do you mean why?"

"I uh...I mean why do you want to be with me? You just had sex with me. Why not another girl you sleep with?"

Shock enters his face and I wonder what I said that was wrong

"I don't sleep with other girls Joanne"

He doesn't?

I am so fucking confused

"You don't?"

"No! Of course not!", he exclaims

Of course not?

How the hell am I suppose to know that?

"I know we never made anything official and I have the fuck boy image but I don't sleep around. I have sex with one person. You"

"Oh", I say stupidly

"Jo, look...I don't know what you were thinking about me but I'm not a player. I don't have multiple women I sleep with. In fact you are the second person I ever slept with"

Only second?

"The first was with my high school girlfriend"

He's only had one girlfriend?

It's kinda blowing my mind

"And I didn't feel for her what I feel for you"

My heart beats harder as I raise my gaze to him, "How you feel?"

He nods, "I love you"

What?

How?

When?

What?

"I'm completely in love with you Joanne. That's why I want to be around you all the time. That's why I think about you all the time. Everything I said during sex is the truth", he confesses, "I just didn't think you'd think I was sleeping with other girls"

"I just...you and me...it doesn't make sense", I blurt, "You're everything, a popular idol who can get anyone you want. Why would you want me of all people? I'm a nobody"

"You're not a nobody to me", he says softly

"I...I'm sorry I thought badly about you", I apologize

He smiles softly, "It's ok. It comes with the image. But now you know it's not true"

I nod, "Oh and by the way, I'm completely in love with you too"

An even bigger smile bursts on his face and it is fucking gorgeous

"Yeah?", he ask shyly

I nod, "Yeah. Like a stupid amount"

He laughs, "I know what you mean"

I guess he does

Which blows my mind

"So we can be together?", he asks shyly

"Of course. I want you Hwa. You're the only one I want"

He smiles, coming closer, leaning his forehead in mine, "You're the only one I want Jo"

"Good", I tell him, moving my arms around his neck, "And yes, you can come over after the concert. Tonight and every night"

"Perfect", he whispers, his lips pressing against mine in a soft kiss full of love

#park seonghwa fanfic #ateez seonghwa fanfic #seonghwa fanfic #ateez seonghwa smut #park seonghwa smut #seonghwa smut #ateez fanfic #ateez smut

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chiriwritesstuff · 1 month

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constellations; from the vault

the first of the many short drabbles i wrote while deep in my writer's block.

pairing: lucien flores x f!reader

rating: E (18+, MDNI)

word count: 831

warnings: allusions to rough sex, reader talks about the bruises from rough sex, infidelity, reader and Lucien just can't quit one another, this is rough but so am I, not beta read at all

a/n: here is a drabble I wrote around the time ::that:: video came out, I knew I wanted to write something but eventually abandoned it. this is really rough, probably doesn't make any sense but I hope you like it anyway? I have a few more of these drabbles with other Pedro boys so if you would like me to release them, let me know!

"Where are you going?"

As you ask, you catch a glimpse of his dismissive scoff in your peripheral vision. He retrieves his crumpled slacks from the floor, sliding them on without bothering with his boxers. Flopping onto the nearby lounge chair, he buries his head in his hands, reaching for the pack of cigarettes on the nearby table.

His spend is still leaking out of you.

Balancing the cigarette between his lips, he mutters, "Why does it matter where I'm going, huh? Didn't you say this was the last time?"

"Well, you certainly didn't fuck me like it was the last time," you bite back, staring up at the ceiling. "Not unless you didn't mean to force me to say that I would never leave you."

He looks up at you, his expression a mixture of frustration and resignation. For a moment, silence hangs heavy in the air, punctuated only by the soft click of the lighter as he ignites his cigarette.

Finally, he exhales a plume of smoke, his gaze meeting yours with a hint of vulnerability. "I don't know, okay? I wish I did, but I don't."

You watch him through a haze of conflicting emotions, each flicker of the cigarette casting shadows across his face. Memories flood your mind, unbidden and unwelcome, of all the times he's shattered your heart with his constant infidelity. It's a cruel dance you've performed too many times, the steps familiar yet no less agonizing with each repetition.

"Why do you do this to me, Lucien?" The words spill from your lips, heavy with the weight of all the pain and betrayal you've endured. "Haven't I given you enough? Am I not enough for you? What else more do you want from me?"

Your voice trembles with a mixture of anger, hurt, and desperation, each word punctuated by the ache in your heart. You've poured everything into this relationship, sacrificing pieces of yourself along the way, only to be met with deception and disappointment time and time again.

Lucien's gaze flickers with a shadow of remorse, his own pain reflected in the depths of his eyes. "I don't know," he whispers, his voice strained with emotion. "I wish I had the answers, but I'm just as lost as you are. I'm a fucking monster."

You think back to the countless promises made in the aftermath, the hollow apologies that echoed in the silence of your shared space. Each time, you swore it would be the last, that you'd finally find the strength to break free from the cycle of pain and betrayal.

"They don't know me as you do, baby," he groans into your ears as he fucks you from behind, his hands harsh against your hips, clutching your skin so tightly you swear that he'll leave a mark.

His mark. Branded across the expanse of your skin, like a constellation of stars that eventually fade, only to appear again and again and again, each time more painful than the last.

But here you are again, caught in the gravitational pull of his presence, unable to tear yourself away despite the scars etched deep within your soul. It's a masochistic pattern, one you know all too well, yet you find yourself powerless to resist its allure.

As he takes another drag from his cigarette, you're reminded of the fragility of your resolve, the delicate balance between love and self-preservation hanging in the balance. The truth is, you're tired – tired of the heartache, tired of the uncertainty, tired of clinging to a love that feels more like a curse than a blessing.

His words hang heavy in the air, a confession wrapped in a shroud of resignation. "I can't quit you," he murmurs, his voice tinged with a vulnerability you've rarely seen. "I know that I'm fucked up. But I can't quit you."

"If you don't love me, then why do you even bother with me?" The question hangs from your lips, edged with frustration and a hint of resignation. "Surely those other women are much more appealing to you."

Lucien's gaze softens, his expression betraying a hint of regret as he reaches out to touch your trembling hand. "It's not about them," he murmurs, "It's about you. You're the one who sees through the façade, who knows me better than anyone else ever could."

His words offer a fleeting sense of reassurance, a glimmer of hope amidst the storm of uncertainty raging within you. But deep down, you know that words alone are not enough to mend the fractures in your relationship, to bridge the chasm that divides your hearts.

But as his gaze meets yours, a silent plea hidden beneath the smoke and shadows, you realize that some part of you still yearns for redemption, for the possibility of a love that transcends the pain. And so, with a heavy heart and a weary soul, you resign yourself to the dance once more, knowing full well the risks that lie ahead.

#from the vault #this probably makes no fucking sense and im sorry #lucien flores #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fandom #pedro pascal characters #lucien flores smut #lucien flores fanfiction #the uninvited #lucien flores x reader #lucien flores x you

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zzoguri · 11 months

Text

[TEASER] of boundaries and secret glances (i'm lucky to be loved by you) ➵ kim sunwoo

idol!kim sunwoo x ex-idol!reader

as a well-respected independent producer in the industry, you get requests from different companies for collaborations. when you accept to work on chanhee and sunwoo's unit track for their upcoming album, you are left to your own devices as you work closely with sunwoo. who is to say what can happen over the days?

genre/warnings ➵ strangers to friends to lovers (though sunwoo has always had a crush on you since your debut), music & lyrics au, fluff, angst with happy ending, afab reader (they/them pronouns), drinking, kpop mistreatment, mental and physical abuse done by companies, closed proximity, sunwoo is a FLIRT!!! and also obsessed with you, LOONA IS FREE HERE!!!, iz*one sadly does not exist </3, boundaries are definitely crossed in the sense that you should not be flirting this much with a co-worker turned friend...

word count ➵ 29.3k words

where to read ➵ [1] [2]

a/n ➵ finally publishing this fic after it sat in my drafts for so long... i hope you enjoy this piece of work as much as i did writing and reading it once more! i would really appreciate it if you could take time to like and reblog this.

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! masterlist

It has been two days since that meeting, and you regret agreeing to the set deadline. It feels as if you have not gotten any wink of sleep in the last 48 hours as the stress and anxiety got to you. As you entered the building with a cup of coffee in your hand, you informed the woman at the front desk that you were expected to attend another meeting with Sunwoo and Chanhee.

“Please make yourself comfortable and wait here. I’ll just ring up their manager–”

“They’re with me!” You hear someone shout from behind you. As you turn to look, you see Sunwoo walking towards you and greeting you with a bow which you return.

“It’s nice to see you again,” He says, making you smile.

“I’ll bring them up, just inform hyung.” Sunwoo signals you to follow him as he makes his way to the elevator.

“So, how are you? I’m guessing you managed to think of something within the two days?” He asks as you two wait for the elevator to arrive.

You laugh as you shake your head. “I wish.”

“Did you get any sleep?” You shake your head in response which he laughs at.

“Well, if you pass out, I’ll be there to cover for you,” He says only for you to get shy.

“Oh god, you don’t–”

“I was just kidding Y/N, sorry if it wasn’t obvious.” The elevator doors finally open and you both get in.

“Oh, that’s my bad,” You say as you let out a nervous laugh.

“Hey, it’s no problem.” The elevator doors finally close and you two go up. As silence engulfs the two of you, you somehow think it’s your fault.

“I, uhm, tend to be very shy around new people. I’m not usually like this,” You say to break the silence. He looks at you with a smile and nods. “No worries, Chanhee and Heejin said the same.”

You were surprised to find out that he’s talked about you to others. As you continued to look straight forward, you would only hope that Heejin or Jiwoo did not mention anything embarrassing to the two.

“I never got to ask, but how are you?” You decided to finally ask him.

“Oh, well it’s been alright?” He says in an unsure manner which has you raising an eyebrow at him.

“Well, the guys and I have been practicing the choreography for our comeback, and I’ve been kind of nervous about how Chanhee and I’s track is going to turn out. Not that I’m trying to say I don’t trust you, but I am nervous about how well I’m going to execute your vision,” He admits.

“If it helps, I think whatever you do will perfectly execute what I see.” You smile at him to which he smiles back.

“Oh, so you trust me that much? How much have you seen my performances to say that?” He asks as he faces you and leans against the wall, a smug look on his face. Something about how he keeps the conversation going makes you less shy than before.

“Well, I had to do my research,” You admit with a smirk.

“Oh, the famous Y/N has done their research on me? What do you know about me?” He asks to which you decide to face him as well. “That’s for me to know and you to find out.”

He chuckles as soon as the elevator doors open. “Well don’t think I didn’t research you,” He says and walks out with you following.

if you enjoyed this, please do like, reblog, and leave a comment!

#zzoguri works #the boyz #the boyz x reader #the boyz fluff #kim sunwoo #sunwoo #sunwoo x reader #kim sunwoo x reader #kim sunwoo fluff #kim sunwoo angst #kim sunwoo fan fiction #angst #the boyz angst #i'm so excited for you guys to read this!!#of boundaries and secret glances (i'm lucky to be loved by you)

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riplever · 4 months

Text

[Translation] Translating my favorite moments from Shapolang

/*SPOILER WARNING*/

This is my prep work for future fic-writing.

Gu Yun suddenly goes, "Shall I leave the army to Chang Geng in the future?"

Shen Yi is stupefied. "Just how badly do you want him dead?"

From the look on his face, Shen Yi is very much taking pleasure in his suffering. Gu Yun reaches for the back of head and shoves him face-down into the blankets; then he drifts away listlessly, thinking it might be time to hang himself with a waistband of sorts.

Gu Yun knows the human heart all too well — he knows the more you avoid some things, the more heinously taboo it becomes; like what happens when poison reaches the bone — in far too deep to be removed. So it's with that logic in mind that he decides to show Chang Geng all he has to show — it's just his body after all, what else is there to it?

"If I were born a decade earlier..." Chang Geng suddenly starts.

Liao Ran's eyelid twitches.

Word by heavy word, Chang Geng finishes his sentence: "This world would be a different one."

And he never would ever let Gu Yun go.

Gu Yun does feel that he has the bigger responsibility in this whole affair, and for that he even feels guilty. Under ordinary circumstances, Chang Geng never would have gotten this close to him were if not for his unspoken approval. And even if he hadn't had enough wits to react on the spot back then, thereby leading to their "accident", he still should not have procrastinated... and allowed things to get to their present state.

"That's why..." Gu Yun could only utter those two words. His voice is cracked beyond recognition, and it was physically taxing for him to clear his throat enough to finish the sentence. "So that's why you prescribed him tranquilizers."

(T/N: I find it so interesting that 安神药 is translated as "tranquilizers" in the fandom. It's not the first thing I would have thought of, but it's quite fitting for the wild wolf analogy and is a very chilling word to see.)

At the end of his flute performance, an extremely self-satisfied Gu Yun turns around with a face full of expectations and prompts him. "Wasn't that just lovely?"

"..." Chang Geng hesitates not for a short period of time, and in the end answers sincerely. "It invigorates one's spirit and... will definitely keep our enemies at bay."

Chang Geng couldn't resist any longer. He leans down and plugs Gu Yun's lips with his own.

"My general," his thinks, heart at once sweetened and sorrowed. "Throughout history, how many have been able to shed their armors and retire in one piece from the battlefield? What was that promise for, if none other than to break my heart?"

Unlike the parting kiss on the city wall all those years ago, this one contained much less desperate passion. All of a sudden, a section of Gu Yun's armored heart caves inwards, revealing its softest and most vulnerable underbelly. It's this heart that thinks, "From here on, this person is mine."

That look in Chang Geng's eyes, that expression — Shen Yi's eyes are blinded, and he gravely regrets stepping foot in the manor at this time. Gu Yun, for his part, is just as mute — his waist was pained simply from hearing the word "Stepfather".

Gu Yun wipes the salt from his mouth, reeling from the accusation at being called an "animal". He felt so grievously misunderstood that he could do no more than sit mutely in his corner, unable to plead his own case.

As he chewed on the salted yellow fish, a thought occurs to Gu Yun and he puts half of it in Shen Yi bowl. "How about you finish up dinner and get going soon? You were born with eyes, surely with them you can see how busy he is from having worked so hard all day long. Don't impose here."

An insulted Shen Yi very nearly chokes on the damned salted yellow fish bone. He retaliates lowly, "I come all this way here to play counsellor to your worries, and this is how you thank me? Gu Zixi, you would rather lust for sex than be loyal to our friendship — so this is what they mean when they say time reveals all colors!"

Gu Yun hasn't even gotten the last syllable out of his mouth when he feels a sudden warm wetness on the side of his neck. It's Chang Geng — taking advantage of the present chaos to lick a strip across Gu Yun's skin.

Through the cacophony, he could hear that low voice murmuring right inside his ear. "It's fairly romantic to die for love in this manner, wouldn't you say?"

Gu Yun is speechless.

(My favorite #2)

Perhaps the most unpredictable thing in this world is not the ill intents of one's enemies, but the heart of one's lover — oftentimes sincere, yet still, at times — fleeting.

Chang Geng pleads, "Zixi..."

"There's no need for Zixi," Gu Yun responds evenly. "You may continue addressing me as 'Stepfather'."

Chang Geng smiles without shame, and kisses him with the intent to please. This is something he'd recently discovered — that Gu Yun likes these sticky little kisses, a kind of light pressure between lips. And if he tops this off by staring at him with a careful and attentive expression afterwards, then Gu Yun will say "yes" to just about anything he asks for.

(My favorite #1)

As he said this, there is an almost imperceptible furrow between his brows, his expression practically bleak. Chang Geng has only ever seen this expression one other time, and it was during that new year's eve when they were aboard the Yuan. The Gu Yun of then had toasted three cups of wine to a legion of departed souls, his face etched with this exact same stinging loneliness — as though not even the combined might of all the lanterns in the city could bring him into light.

Chang Geng's eyes flash, and seeing that no one on the cart was paying them any mind, offers in a tantalizingly low voice, "Let me again tonight and I'll show you the blueprint for the railroad."

Horse whip in hand, Gu Yun leans back. "Let you? How many times have I let you? You've used your injuries as an excuse countless of times and you've never let me have my way. Forget it."

Liao Ran raises his eyes to meet his gaze.

Chang Geng's expression is inscrutable. "Ask Chen Qingxu for all the Gu Zixi secrets she's been keeping from me."

(My favorite #3)

Chang Geng's grip tightens as he holds Gu Yun almost protectively. For the first time in his heart, there's none of the dependency he feels towards his little stepfather, and none of the desire he feels towards his beloved. Instead, he feels as though he's cradling a young and delicate child in his arms.

In all the time he's spent ruminating on impossible what-ifs and what-could-have-beens, Chang Geng often tried to imagine what their relationship would have been like had he been been born ten, or even twenty years earlier.

And today, on the bitingly cold frontlines of the Jiangbei warfront, the missing time that he yearned so wretchedly for shrinks to a few tiny inches, left to the dust as he crosses those decades in a single step.

From head to toe, Gu Yun's body is soft everywhere. There seemed to be an invisible wound on his chest, aching dully at the lighest of efforts. He fumbles around blindly by his side, finding his monocle glasses with some fluster. "Let me..."

His head lowered, Chang Geng ignores him. He gently grips Gu Yun's wrist and pushes it back down.

(My favorite #4)

Chang Geng takes the blade and leaves.

To show that he had most definitely kept his word, and had not even so much as tip-toed past the flap of his tent, Gu Yun stood by the entrance as he waited for Chang Geng. He didn't care for any of the blood, sweat or dirt and immediately pulled him into an embrace.

It's only now that Chang Geng feels that bone-deep fatigue. Wobbling ever so slightly, he grasps Gu Yun by the waist and mutters into his ear: "I'm never letting you fight another battle again."

In his ear, Chang Geng whines "pitifully": "I don't have any money to give you. My man took all of it and spent it on wine and women. Why don't you take my body instead?"

His accent is impressive for having spent those few months between the two camps — though Gu Yun doesn't know from whence exactly he'd picked up this wet, nasally cadence from. The syllables for "my man" were especially exaggerated, drawled so petulantly long that it seeped deep into Gu Yun's ears and sent a shiver running straight down his spine. He's hapless against the guiles of a beauty like this one, and can only hand over everything as demanded.

But without any avenue to share his joy, the Yan King could only satisfy himself in secret guilty pleasure. After sending Miss Chen away, he crept back to the manor at night, and wrote a letter to Gu Yun from his room. He didn't post it, and instead tucked it under Gu Yun's pillow when the words had dried.

That still wasn't gratifying enough. Retrieving his treasure trove containing all of Gu Yun's letters, he laid on the bed and re-read every single one of them until each and every last handwritten character and turn of phrase was freshly etched into his brain. With all that in mind, his next move was to craft a "reply" from Gu Yun by imitating his love's handwriting and prose to the letter. His one-man performance only felt deserving then.

In an instant, the General's tent falls quiet — while Gu Yun alone was silenced out of fear, the others were shocked speechless to see the "new emperor" mentioned in the letter standing right here in the flesh.

Only a man like Shen Yi would break an ice this thick. "... Don't even think of blaming me for delivering the message slow."

#sha po lang #stars of chaos #gu yun #chang geng #changgu #my translations

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radioactive-earthshine · 11 months

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Hiii!! I love your KonBart content ♥️ Any thoughts about Bart and Kon in a Stark Trek AU?

vibrates violently. i love you.

Yes. Yes I have.

So.

I haven't seen a whole lot of Star Trek AUs for them (and I get it) but how I would approach it personally is two different ways;

One is where Kon and Bart both join Starfleet and more or less have their canon backstories (Kon is a clone, he broke out etc and Bart is from 1000 in the future). The world is more or less a hybrid of modern continuity DC comics and Star Trek during TOS era.

Kon joins in engineering - his TTK is extremely helpful. People look at his arms and think he should be in security. This annoys him greatly.

Bart is in the science division, and engineering, and communications, and navigation, and medical (once). Every time he shows up he's wearing a different uniform. This is purely a gag. There's a lot of whispers about what Bart is actually primarily focused in - everyone can just look it up of course but that just defeats the fun. Starfleet allows this because of his unique abilities and eidetic memory allowing him to perform multiple stations and fill in where needed.

The other iteration take both Bart and Kon in a more Star Trek-weird direction while being faithful to DC and I am more attached to this one as it feels more like a Star Trek AU rather than a Star Trek meets DC AU (we have those in canon actually, read them!).

In this Kon is a clone, but he's a relic of Krypton and is the Last Son instead of Kal-El. A ship found him in cryostasis and dated him as being over 200 years old. Doing DNA analysis they discovered that he was in fact half human but the other half of his DNA was a mystery entirely. The writing on his capsule was eventually deciphered, but the technology housing him is completely unknown.

There are a lot of mysteries about Kon that they slowly piece together, like his name, and about Kryptonians having made contact with 20th century Earth enough to obtain DNA samples to mix with theirs. Why he exists, what his purpose was, the soul crushing truth that Krypton no longer exists and all of its people are gone, extinct, all of these are slowly answered.

He does have his TTK in this, and one of the more hilarious things is Kon did not even know that being away from a yellow sun impacted his powers that much because he used his TTK for nearly everything. He just thought he had 'space sickness' when he was away from 'a planet' too long. The connection wasn't discovered until his TTK 'went weird' due to Romulan flu and while on a planet with a yellow sun he perked up amazingly fast and was still strong. It was a whole thing.

In this I'm leaning more towards him being in communications - because it gives him the best chances of finding out more about himself. He wants to study as much about other people as possible for anything he might be able to use to answer questions about himself.

Also, he was sent to Earth when he was found and he spent a little bit of time among the officers who found him in the first place. Commanders Jonathan and Martha Kent. They give him the name Conner and essentially adopt him, and it doesn't take him long to join Starfleet Academy himself.

Bart in this true to weird-Trek lore was a space anomaly. He appeared one day on Kon's ship and people thought they were at first just seeing things. Then they thought the damned holodeck was acting up. Because people would see him very often in holodeck programs over anything else. It's how Kon and him first met - but Kon of course thought he was an NPC that was just malfunctioning. It happens! But then he started appearing in other places of the ship as a bright yellow glowing sprite.

Bart has very little memories of who he was or what he's supposed to be doing, but he has a feeling he should be 'in the real world' but everything just is going either too fast, or too slow and he just... can't... stabilize.

Eventually, Kon is able to use his TTK to 'trap him' because he is the only one FAST enough to do this. Through shenanigans involving the transporter, science and Kon they are able to stabilize him and he is no longer in that strange speedforce entity state.

Bart sort of wavers in this between being physical and a speedforce being - is much less human and more fey. In fact, even when he does give them physical samples to analyze it is unlike anything they have ever seen and nothing in the known galaxy comes close to him.

Q doesn't fuck with him.

I just think it would be funny if he showed up, saw him, and turned around while saying "Nope!"

It's one of those mysteries that frustrate Starfleet High Command.

Because Bart is in this awkward state they had a plan to take him to earth for study and asylum, and even Vulcan was interested as well, but Bart despite wanting answers about himself and what he was supposed to do wanted to stay aboard the ship because of Kon.

Captain Cassandra "Cassie" Sandsmark fights for his case and Starfleet higher command approves it - she has a way of getting what she wants.

Kon and Bart bond because Kon knows what it is like to be confused about the world and who he is, so he acts as an anchor for him and reminds him that 'it doesn't matter who you were, it's who you are now and who you want to be that's important' .... He says it for Bart but he also says it a lot for him too.

I might write a little more on this odd AU but I have like 30 other projects.

#bartkon #konbart #bart allen #kon el #kon-el #conner kent #star trek au #bartkon star trek au #anon you made my fucking day i was waiting for an opportunity to talk about this au #mine

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girlfriendsofthegalaxy · 1 year

Text

tuesday again 5/16/2023

used up all my words writing fic this week, this is uncharacteristically short

listening

the last time i listened to this song, i was in a rental car on the way back to umass from seeing The Last Jedi with some friends. real oldheads: do you remember the mustang we all made fun of with lights that projected a little running horse onto the ground? that was the rental car.

this is a perfect feelgood summery song. no notes.

youtube

how'd i find this: listening to the s/tar wars rewatch podcast A More Civilized Age reminded me of how i cried in sheer rage at the end of The Las/t Jedi lol

reading

this is one of the coolest textile/data/activism projects ive ever heard of.

Even with natural dyes, for the most part, people don’t think about their water quality. They don’t understand that the invisible things in the water can affect the outcome of the color. You know, it’s just like, “Oh, madder is red, so I’m gonna get a red textile.” But there are so many more steps in dyeing a piece of fabric with a plant dye, or an insect dye. It’s not as easy as just putting some plants in a pot and turning the water heat up.

The goal of using color was to be able to visually demonstrate that not all water is the same. I was hoping to see if I could sort of pull out the pollution, but then what I figured out was that it’s very complex. It’s very possible that I’m demonstrating pollution, but I think I need to gather and do way more tests in order to prove something.

watching

a bunch of stuff, but a lot of surface level critique.

Symphony for a Massacre (1963, Deray) is a french noir i picked somewhat at random bc it was on my library's streaming service. this is a film about a drug shipment, counterfeit money, and multiple double crosses (but none of them overlap in interesting ways) that takes you by the arm and drags you along, unwavering, toward the end. i want to sound less complimentary than i do there, but i can't be bothered. wanted to like it, it didn't grab me. i had some difficulty telling actors apart, and i don't think anyone's performance stood out except for the wife of a club owner, who flings her jewel box at someone's feet to pay her husband's debt.

Maverick (1994, dir. Donner) is full of guys i love to see (Molina, Coburn, Garner) but committed the unforgivable sin of reminding me that there were two much better movies i could be watching instead: Silverado (1985, dir. Kasdan) and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989, Spielberg). Jodie Foster is extremely fucking hot and more than holds her own. i think my big beef with this film is that i don't care for mel gibson as an actor or a person. also, this film cannot decide if it wants to be a comedy or an action-adventure (even though there are many funny action-adventure films) and as a result does neither genre well. i said "oh come ON" out loud at the final twist.

also rewatched The Batman (2022, dir. Reeves). i don't know why either. i think if it ended on the roof of gotham square garden and we didn't have the following goodbye scene with catwoman AND the following arkham scene, it would have stuck its landing a little better. wish this movie wasn't visually so fuckin dark, bud. throw some contrast in there.

playing

friday afternoon, remembered i had a code for Powerwasher Simulator, and since then i have played almost twenty hours. i've also almost caught up with A More Civilized Age, a podcast in the Austin Walker extended universe about rewatching all of star wars. five star podcast five star runtime

most importantly, BIG FOOKIN DISH

it is so very seductive to open this game and have my brain turn off. it is SO seductive to feel like i am actually accomplishing tangible things. unfortunately, i need to do many things with no tangible results (or no tangible results i will see for many months, which is almost as bad) and i seem to have fucked up my shoulder by playing too much viddy gaem.

the writing in this game (mostly in the form of text messages from your clients that pop in as you hit certain cleaning milestones) is so goddamn funny. this is a job sim game. there are eight billion of these games. they didn't have to be funny at all

making

read my pornography. it has math jokes. you do not need to have read anything else i've written.

#tuesday again #tuesday again no problem #having a bit of a Brain Week but im like. doing dishes again so things are improving #Youtube

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thetempleofthemasaigoddess · 1 year

Text

The music of the forest (part 2)

Adar x reader. This is part one of two. NSFW!

*****

In the following months, an unspoken friendship develops between you and Adar.

You spend every afternoon of leave with him, if nothing else, you keep telling yourself, because you wouldn't know what else to do in the little free time you are granted, and you used to go walk and play in the woods even before you met him.

You don't need to formally make arrangements, and the small glade where you first saw each other becomes your meeting place. Every time you reach it, on time or slightly late after watchwarden Revion has assigned you a task to complete before you can go, he is there already, patiently waiting while sitting on a rock or on the grass. He doesn't smile, but as he stands and says, every single time, "I am glad to see you." you know in your heart he is sincere.

You walk together in the woods you have grown to know like the back of your hand during the last half century. Adar teaches you to recognize the footprints of the various animals who live all around you, and sees how happy you are when a timid doe or an elusive fox approach and let you pet them.

You play for him every time. You have assured you he doesn't need to keep asking to make you happy, but he insists he enjoys listening to your violin; you have never had such an attentive, loyal audience, and on your part you do your utmost to offer a valido performance, choosing your best pieces as well as your favourite.

Adar asks you about your life, the family you left at home when you enlisted and the events and the circumstances that made you the person you are today. You doubt to be a particularly interesting topic of conversation, but he seems to really care, so you gladly accomodate him.

On his part, he never tells you anything, to the point that months and months after the two of you first met, and while he could almost write a book about yours, you know absolutely nothing about his life. You have no idea where he lives, how he occupies his time when he is not with you, what caused the terrible burns and scars, decades old but still painful-looking, that disfigure his body.

You don't even know his real name, you keep thinking one night as you lie in your bunk in the barrack two full hours before Arondir will come call you for your guard duty; you have gotten used to the absurdity of Adar as a proper name, but that still doesn't sit well with you. There is nothing wrong with being reserved, you can respect his privacy and obviously your friendship -because this is what you call it in your heart, a very different relationship from those you share with Arondir and your other comrades or the Elves back in your village, but one that is important for you nonetheless- doesn't give you the right to demand to know every single thing about his past, but you can't help fearing his silence and reluctance to share his life with you are due to something terrible that has happened to him, or maybe something he has done, and that could take him away from you...

Or perhaps he simply doesn't trust, or care about, me enough to be honest and share his secrets; that would be a simpler, and less dramatic, hypothesis, but that would break my heart nonetheless.

There is one thing you know, obviously; he told you he is a father, and he has mentioned his children more than once. He clearly cares about them very much, which is something you can approve of, but he never told you their names, how many they are, or actually anything else about them. He really is a most mysterious person, and maybe it's because you have always been curious, but you find yourself more and more attracted to him, spending your days waiting for the moment you will meet again, and when something unexpected happens, or you find some simple joy in a savory dish at the mess hall or when you and your comrades improvise a ball game between a scouting mission and a patrol shift, you wish you could share it with him, with that melanchonic, introverted Elf victim of a dramatic and painful past whose testimony he still carries on his skin, but who is still gentle, and thoughtful, able to appreciate the simple pleasure of your music and, you like to think, of your presence and friendship, just like you appreciate his.

"Has something happened to you?" Arondir asks one day, as he sees you reporting for duty after a leave, your violin as usual by your side.

"Oh, no; I am all right, thank you."

He smiles. "That is good to hear, but I meant something good. For a while you have seemed... happier, more serene, as if your life has changed for the better; what is your secret?"

You simply smile, privately lamenting your comrade's intuition; but maybe, you reflect some days later as you see him steal away to walk hand in hand with Bronwyn, the two of them enveloped in the kind of silence where words are not needed because each of them can understand what the other thinks and feels with a simple look, no one better than him could understand and empathize with you, knowing that we do not decide who our hearts care about, and that feelings can force us to make the hardest choices.

One night, after a pleasant afternoon spent with Adar, gathering mushrooms in the woods -he has found more, but he has made you take most of it, since his children don't eat them- and then sitting next to a clear stream listening to the susurration of its waters, you feel yourself suddenly inspired; you need to sleep, in anticipation of the long patrol duty tomorrow, but instead you silently leave the dormitory, and reach the watchwarden's tiny office. Then, at the light of a solitary candle after you have found a piece of parchment, quill and ink on his desk, you write a new musical piece, quickly and more easily and more happily than ever in the past, and in the end, as you look at the lines of notes -Revion obviously didn't own any manuscript paper, but you have made do- you know that this is your best composition ever, and that nothing you have ever written, or will write in the future, will ever make you feel what you feel right now, because it is known that nothing inspires better than what is important for a musician, and nothing and no one has even been as important in your life as the Elf who for almost a year now has filled your heart with his presence, and who has dissipated loneliness and melanchony from your life.

A few months pass, and the timid sweetness of a new spring paints the Southlands; green and brown of every gradation colour the woods, tree branches bend with the weight of fruits, and you and your comrades receive unexpected news.

"We are going home." Revion announces to the soldiers gathered around him "Orders from the High King arrived, the occupation of the Southlands is to end in a forthnight. We shall all pack our bags soon."

Many of your comrades are happy, and an impromptu celebration is organized in the mess hall; a somber Arondir leaves without uttering a word, while you return to your duties, wondering what this will mean for you, and suspecting you already know.

A few days later you are free to leave the barracks again; you happily take your violin and your new composition, and run to the small glade you have come to love as much as your old home in the Greenwood.

It is an unexpectedly warm day and you have worked hard all day with your comrades building a sturdier wall around one of the smallest settlements in the region; because of this, you feel unpleasantly hot, perspiration on your forehead and back. You have lived as a soldier long enough not to care about fatigue or its effects, but knowing that Adar will see you in this state saddens you. Not that he ever gave you the impression he notices what you look like, your clothes or the way you wear your hair, but still...

You have arrived a bit earlier than usual, and for the first time Adar is not there waiting for you. Not far from there is a small waterfall, clear and cool waters falling from a steep drop among the mountains into a small lake surrounded by bushes and wildflowers. You could use the time before your friend's arrival to bathe and make yourself presentable, you decide, and without wasting time you walk in the direction of the waterfall, the rumble of its waters reminding you of a predator growling to scare away a rival.

Your clothes lie on the grass among the bushes next to your violin and its bow, the only things you have carefully laid on the ground instead of simply letting it fall. You stand under the shower of cool water, happily cleaning grime, sweat and mud off your skin and hair, taking your time and relaxing like you rarely can do. Even though you have no soap or other toiletries, it is really pleasant, since at the barracks you have to make do with a bucket of water and before that, at home, you had to fight your siblings for the tub...

So pleasant, actually, that it takes you a while to realize you are not alone. Someone is nearby, close enough to look at you through the water screen, someone whose gaze is way less innocent than that of a deer or a fox made curious by your presence...

"You can come closer, if you want." you offer, without looking behind your shoulders, where you know he is, hiding among the trees all around the lake; some, including watchwarden Revion, think you are too brazen for a soldier, but you wouldn't have dared to utter those words, not unless there was something so important at stake. Still, you are shaking like never before in your life "I don't mind, truly; I'd be happy if you came."

Adar hesitates for a whole minute before stepping closer. No matter how long he lived outside Elven society, he knows spying on someone who is bathing is shameful behaviour, and he does feel guilty, even now that you are deliberately letting him see you, but he couldn't help it: when he passed by the waterfall to reach the glade and he saw you... It was as if he had lost control of his body, his deafening heartbeat, his hands that suddenly need to touch, to caress, to explore, to feel, to savour, to worship...

"Do you want to bathe together, Adar?"

You receive no answer, and you wouldn't hear him approaching anyway because of the rumble of the waterfall, but soon you perceive his presence behind you, and then his hands are on your shoulders, and then one arm encircles your hips, pressing your body against him. He is as naked as you are, you realize, and then you feel his voice in your ear.

"You are shivering."

"And whose fault is it, you think?"

"(name)..."

"I am fine, Adar. Actually, I am... more than fine. I... I really want..."

You have no words to describe what your heart yearns for, nor the courage to utter them, but fortunately Adar understands it anyway, and what's more he is of the same mind. You tilt your head to the side to allow him access to your neck, that Adar kisses reverently, the feeling of his mouth on your skin as delicate as that of a butterfly's wings, even too delicate for your liking, even though you can perceive the desire, the hunger and the greediness under that.

A moan, a sound unlike anything you have ever uttered in your life, escapes your lips, and Adar appears to -rightly- interpret it as approval and encouragement. A moment later his hands start moving on your body, caressing and stimulating until you are a mess, breathing hard and moaning his name as his agile fingers play with your nipples or explore the warmth between your legs. Your legs are shaking so hard you would probably fall were it not for him, and please, you are about to plead, please, I cannot resist anymore, I need it, I need you..

And then, suddenly, Adar stops; his hands fall by his side, and he takes half a step back to separate your bodies.

"No...!"

"I could..." Adar hesitates "... blindfold you, if you wish?"

"... why would you do something like that?"

"So... you wouldn't have to look at me."

It takes you a while to understand the meaning of those words, but once you do, you feel your heart shatter. You have enjoyed his ministrations without even looking at him or touching him back, and because of this he must have thought...

He couldn't be more wrong, and, you decide, as pleasant it is to have him spoil you, you will do your best to convince him how much you desire him. You slowly but confidently turn until the two of you are eyes to eyes, and you let your gaze wander over his body, and while pity fills your heart seeing the extent of the abuse and torture he must have suffered -by whom? Why? Did he escape, or was he let go? So many questions, but none of them matters now- you know you have never seen anything more beautiful and perfect than Adar, standing there in front of you, his naked body glistening in the afternoon light, rivulets falling from his dark hair along his chest. There is so much you still don't know about him, but right now, in this fleeting and precious moment, you know he is letting you in, closing the distance he has kept you at, and for that you are grateful. And happy.

You give him ample time to look at the front of your body and then "I do want to look at you." you state, looking him in the eyes "And do much more, and... I don't want to look at anything but you."

No other words are needed. As you are still face to face your fingers interwine in the manner of lovers holding hands, and you wordlessly offer Adar your mouth to kiss, which he does eagerly. He is awkward at first, as if so long has passed since his last time he doesn't quite remember how to do it, but soon the uncertainty slips away, and a fierce, almost brutal desire blooms between you. His tongue slips between your lips as Adar holds your face in his hands and you, determined to make him forget his earlier doubts, move yours all over his body, driven by an hunger that is inflamed, and not quenched, the more you discover the beauty of his skin.

It is less than a minute before you feel his desire pressed against your belly; you move your hips, and you hear him moan your name - the most erotic sound you have ever experienced, and it is enough to make you wet between your thighs. Part of you would like to make him desire you, to make him beg for the sweet release you also crave, but you cannot - you cannot resist your own impulses, and your impulses tell you to move a hand between your and Adar's bodies to gently cup his manhood. He sighs and whimpers when you pull, and then groans feeling you stimulate the tip, and soon the water falling above you is no longer the only thing soaking your fingers.

"Lay with me." you ask, barely separating your mouth from his. Adar doesn't answer, but given the eagerness with which he takes your hands to draw you towards the meadow, he clearly doesn't disagree.

You lay under him, under that perfect, abused and for this even more beautiful, body, Adar's hair falling around your face like a dark curtain; you smile as you welcome him between your legs, and he lifts one around his hips to find the right position.

"You are..." he begins, and then stops, suddenly bashful.

"Yes?"

"I... I don't know; it may sound presumptuous, but you are a gift I never thought I would receive. You are something I didn't know I wanted until I couldn't do without it."

You simply smile while you still caress him the way you have already learnt he likes, and you see pleasure and arousal colour his handsome face. "I am here for you." you promise "Do what you want to me, I am yours as long as you are mine."

Adar obeys. Your lovemaking lasts hours - or at least this is what it appears to you, as if time has stopped to make you both give and receive your pleasure without any urgency or preoccupation. He sucks on your chest as you hold his face in your hands and moan his name, and then lets you return the favour when you kneel next to him and take his manhood in your mouth.

The first time you see him reach the pinnacle of ecstasy you stop and stare, trying to engrave in your memory the beauty and the genuineness of it, the perfection of an emotion lived to the fullest, unrestrained, uncontrolled, too intense to hide to himself and to you. When instead you are the one to take your pleasure, your control shattered by the simple pressure of him inside you, white stars explode behind your eyelids, and Adar's arms are quick to hold you so that you don't fall.

You lay together on the grass, not far from where you left your violin and your clothes; Adar welcomes you in his arms, and you rest your cheek against his shoulder while you both listen to the birds' song, and the waters' susurration, and your heartbeats slowing down.

You don't know who he is, not yet; but you have fallen in love with him, and you accept it, the sweet and the sour of it, whatever road it will lead you on.

"Thank you." you whisper in the end as you search his eyes with yours; you are still caressing his skin, not with pity or compassion but driven by the awe of one who sees a miracle taking place before her eyes - and even better, becomes part of it "It was beautiful. And sweet."

"It was. More beautiful and sweet than I remembered it could be."

Hearing him mentioning a -or more?- previous lover should put you in a bad mood, but it doesn't; it is hard not to feel content, and happy, with the way he affectionately kisses your brow and plays with your hair and presses his hips against yours, as if he is not yet sated with your lovemaking. You would like to give him the melody you have composed for him, and you will; but unfortunately there is something important you have to discuss first.

"I have to return home soon." you quietly say as your fingertips run along the scars on his chest and legs; at first he had stiffened, tense like an animal who smelled a predator, but now you know he likes it, and you intend to give him all the pleasure you can, all the pleasure in the world "New orders came; the Eldar must abandon the Southland within a fortnight."

It is unexpected news, and Adar reflects on it for a while, his fingers idly running through your hair, especially the strands closer to your chest; there is no selfishness in him, and he knows how much you love and you miss your friends and family in the Greenwood, but he knows that if he doesn't open his heart to you now, he will not have a second chance, and he will regret it forever.

"I don't want you to leave." he states in the end "I want you to remain here. With me."

"Why?"

"Because it will make me happy. Because you have become a parte of me I cannot live without."

"All right. Then, I will." you answer simply with a smile, and Adar smiles back at you, but there is sadness and uncertainty in his eyes; it is too soon yet for him to fully know your heart, and to know that you love him, truly and deeply, enough to leave everything you know and you hold dear to be with him, if he asked you to.

He will know; he will learn to know your heart, and he will discover it beats at the same rhythm as his, but for now he decides to trust you, and that is enough.

"Come." he says in the end as he stands, and he offers you an hand to help you do the same "I want you to meet my children."

You do not return to the barracks; not that night, at the end of your leave, nor the next day or the one after that. Your comrades fear something terrible has appened and look for you until the day they are to return home, but find no trace of you. Arondir keeps his ideas to himself, but he is the only one who suspects you have left of your own free will: everything you own is at the barracks, including your bow and dagger and all your clothes and your coin, but you must have your violin with you, and you can be content with that.

He had noticed you seemed happy.

Unlike your other comrades he elects to stay in Tirharad with Bronwyn. He never meets you again, but he starts hearing voices, fragments of stories whose veracity no one can attest and that soon pass into legend; stories of an Elf maiden who has left her people to be with her beloved, and who now lives with him among the Uruks she once had fought and considered enemies. An Elf who has learnt to respect the sparkle of life in those wretched creatures; to call them her friends, her people, her children, and who together with her lover protects and attempts to educate them, to teach them the beauty of the world, kindness, peace, and music.

Naneth, they call her.

Mother.

Tagging @starlady66 and @elvenenby !!!

Raise your hand if you would like to be blindfolded by Adar.

#The Lord of the Rings #The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power #The Rings of Power #Rings of Power #Adar #Adar x reader #Joseph Mawle #Bellona's stuff

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toujokaname · 1 year

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Get Along / Episode 1

Author: Kino Seitaro with Akira

Characters: Hokuto, Kanata, Tatsumi, Arashi, Hiyori

"My wish is: "I want to make this the best broadcast in the history of the program.""

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Location: Old Seisoukan Building

Season: Winter

Time: An hour later.

Hokuto: So this is the room where ALKALOID spent time in the old building.

It's very neat and clean. I expected something more old-fashioned from the name of the old building. It's a fine place to live in for a few days.

Kanata: The water from the "shower" is running too~ It looks like I will not have trouble "bathing" from now on.

Tatsumi: Fufu. What kind of room were you both imagining?

Even though it's an old building, it's still occasionally used for programs such as "Bogie Time". It seems to be cleaned frequently by a cleaning company.

Arashi: Ufufu. Then it's perfect for our training camp ♪

But I was in a hurry 'cause you just didn't give us enough time to prepare. I had to rush to bring my make-up and beauty products from my dorm room.

Hiyori: Though that's also an important attitude to keep in mind when performing "Princess Kaguya"! The reading drama is a story about making a friend's "wish" come true right on the day of graduation―

As a part of fleshing out the characters, we need to be able to handle these kinds of unreasonable demands[1], don't we?

Arashi: Oh my. It seems like Tomoe-senpai quickly went into work mode.

Tatsumi: He's quite strict. It appears we won't be able to relax from now on.

Hiyori: Really? I think this much is to be expected of an ES idol―

...I know. I have a good idea, will you listen to it?

Tatsumi: A good idea, you say?

Hiyori: Yup. Since we're going to live together to prepare for our roles, why don't we all write our "wishes" on a piece of paper?

We will make everyone's "wishes" come true one by one―this way, we can deepen our relationships through resolution!

So, there you have it. I've already written it down on a notepad, so I'll announce mine first!

As the leader, I want to make this Shuffle Project a success. That's my "wish" ☆

Tatsumi: Hm. It's a good initiative. It will help us make the most of the short time we have before the performance.

Well then, here's what I wrote―"I want to help grant Hokuto-san's wish." How's that?

Hokuto: My wish...?

Tatsumi: Yes. I did terrible things to you during the SS preliminaries in Hokkaido. It would make me happy to be able to atone for them.

Hokuto: No need, Kazehaya-senpai. Don't worry about that.

It was a competition. For ALKALOID to beat us Trickstar, you needed to use any means at your disposal.

I'm in favor of granting wishes, but I don't want you to make assumptions about my feelings.

Even though we're in a temporary unit, we're all working toward the same goal now, aren't we?

Tatsumi: Hokuto-san―I appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Then, shall I come up with another "wish" for myself? Of course, I'd like to take this opportunity to do good deeds, without taking advantage of Hokuto-san's kindness.

Kanata: Fufu. Tatsumi and Hokuto seem to be "good friends" already, I'm envious.

"Shuffle Units" are made up of people who have less "interaction" with each other than in regular "units"~ So granting each other's "wishes" is not a bad idea.

I'm used to making "wishes" come true, aren't I?

Tatsumi: ? Somehow it feels like there might be a hidden meaning in your words... Perhaps you have some experience in volunteer work?

Kanata: Fufu. I do not ♪

Well then, my wish is to "take a "bath" with everyone" ♪

Arashi: A bath in the winter...? It'd be better to do it in, like, a hot spring or something, or else we'd catch a cold.

Hiyori: But even that kind of unreasonable thing is fine! Compared to Princess Kaguya's unreasonable demands, it's not unattainable―

Does anyone else want to share their "wish"? Don't hesitate to speak up ♪

Arashi: Ufufu. Alright, I'll announce mine next.

"I want to dress everyone up in cute matching outfits"... How's that ♪

Hokuto: Matching...?

Arashi: Yup. It's better to have a wish that can't be easily granted, isn't it? I really wanted to take this chance and make everyone look pretty.

I think all the seniors and Hokuto-chan have the potential for it ♪ So please please pleeease ♪

Hokuto: U-Um, I see. I don't want to imagine it too much, but I suppose it's all for the sake of the role.

Hokuto: Then, I will also announce my "wish".

My wish is: "I want to make this the best broadcast in the history of the program." After all, I want to devote my utmost effort to doing this.

Hiyori: Mm~ That's a given, don't you think? Since we're going out of our way to imitate Princess Kaguya, you should make it a more challenging "wish"!

Tatsumi: Fufu. I think it would be challenging enough just to get the five of us to be in sync.

Mutual understanding is not easy―that is why we find joy in communicating with each other.

Therefore. My "wish" is that we all "become friends who are able to share our feelings and worries with each other" ♪

Hiyori: Hmm. That's pretty vague... Welp, it's fine, there's nothing more unproductive than forcing people to create problems they don't have―

And like I said, my wish is to lead this Shuffle Project into success.

Fufu. Let us live together from today forth! My dear friends of Getto Spectacle!

The phrasing of "unreasonable demands" is a reference to Princess Kaguya, since in the story, she gives her suitors impossible tasks to complete for her hand in marriage.

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#kino seitaro #akira #event story #princess kaguya #hokuto #kanata #tatsumi #arashi #hiyori

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copperbadge · 2 years

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I have zero experience with Adderall but I wanted to ask if you feel any, I guess, momentum for accomplishing things even when it wears off? One of my major "tasks I can't force myself to start" is my bedtime routine (washing my face, brushing/flossing my teeth, a couple of other steps), so I don't end up falling asleep in my work clothes with my light on sometime between 8 and 10pm, but obviously I wouldn't still want the Adderall to be fully in effect at that point because, well, I need to sleep. Does the relief of having ability to accomplish things while on Adderall give you any kind of boost even when it's wearing off?

Yeah, the bedtime routine can be rough. I used to have a list of all the steps tacked up on my bathroom mirror, so a) I wouldn't forget any and b) they'd seem more manageable since I only had to do one at a time. Ironically, I found the more elaborate I made the routine the less I needed this, so for the last few years it's like a half-hour performance art piece before I crawl into bed. Bananas.

The short version of the answer is "Yes, but not how you think." Here's the longer version, with a few caveats: I have only been taking Adderall for a month, my diagnosis is inattentive-only and mild to begin with, and drug interactions can vary greatly from person to person, so this is my experience, not a universal constant.

For me, the primary impact of the medication isn't more energy; there is some increased mental clarity, but the biggest effect is that I see a task, I think "I should do that", and then instead of going "I can't, I don't feel like I can" for an hour before managing it, or forgetting to do it, I just...go ahead and do it. Sometimes I'll even see a task, go "I can't, it's so unpleasant, I don't want to" and decide not to do it, then find myself doing it anyway without consciously deciding to. Which is awesome but also quite the trip at first.

The effect wears down after about three hours and wears off completely in about five. After it wears off, I don't retain that "okay but I'll just go ahead and do it" sensibility, but I do have more energy than I would normally have at that point in the day, because I haven't spent the last five hours fighting my own brain. Two doses over the course of a full workday leaves me way more energy than I would normally have at the end of the day. So I eat a better dinner, I do more hobbies, I can read or answer email in the evenings. I can work during the day and write in the evening instead of putting off work during the day so that I can write before I get tired.

So it's not that the drug's still doing something, but that the drug basically gives me the equivalent of a free four-hour nap. On top of that, I feel better about myself overall because I did my work and my chores, so usually nothing awful is looming over my head.

Thinking on it, I was also already living in a way that was optimized for this kind of medication, so this is bonus material but may help you out too. I get up very early -- my normal rising time used to be 3, it's now edging closer to 5 -- which allows me morning time to eat an early breakfast, goof around, and do as I please until it's time to get ready for work around 8am for an 8:30 start. At that point I take my medication on an "empty stomach" (at least two hours after eating) and then go straight into the shower, after which I dress, feed the cats, and fix myself a big jug of icewater to keep at my desk. This is timed out so that right as I'm sitting down, the meds kick in and I can answer email, square away anything left over from yesterday's work, and get a jump on the day.

Because I ate breakfast so early I usually eat a snack around 10am, which means when the Adderall is wearing off around 1pm I can take another one on another "empty stomach" and then have a second snack at 2pm. That all sees me through the end of the workday and I have a handful of evening hours for chores, hobbies, etc after which I go to bed early enough (7pm-9pm generally) that I'm not entirely worn out when it's time to start the evening routine.

It's not a perfect system (evening socializing doesn't really happen, and I never really eat a full meal during daylight hours) but it works pretty well for me, and the Adderall slotted right in there very easily.

In any case if you're looking into medication, good luck! I was shocked at how well the meds work for me, and I hope they work as well for you!

#sam has adhd #one month followup with my psych today!#not actually going to send him a link to the sam has adhd tag but i bet i use a lot of material from it

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corneliushickey · 1 year

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dear @shinelikethunder tagged me to post eight tv shows to get to know me ~

under a cut because a) i did this with director’s commentary and b) i got too into this and it’s embarrassing

this exercise also made me wish that the tag was about eight movies because i really struggled to think of eight tv shows... i have definitely WATCHED more than eight tv shows in my lifetime, but it’s hard to name eight that have had a significant enough impact on me that i would show them to someone as a get to know me exercise, whereas i can think of like a dozen movies off hand that like, showing them to someone else feels like cutting my chest open and letting them root around in between my organs

okay, on to the tag! it’s organized by year the tv show came out because i am incapable of ranking things by how much i like them/they mean to me

good omens (2019); amazon

do you know how embarrassing this is to admit?

i fully didn’t like the majority of this show because newt and anathema mean nothing to me and i hate being made to look at children

but crowley and aziraphale did something to me, man. on a molecular level. i got got. extremely got. i’m moving this week and tonight had the pleasure of taking everything down off my walls and a solid 30% of my wall space (which is a full coverage collage of stuff) is aziraphale and crowley prints... they inprinted on me in a way that i simply cannot justify nor explain. i have watched the intro to episode 3 more times than i can even attempt to count. it’s heinous. i’m serious.

the terror, season 1 (2018); amc

says tumblr user cornelius hickey...

the terror is a show i feel very comfortable telling people about because while i love it dearly and it means a lot to me, it’s a great example of craft and technical accomplishment, but it doesn’t hit any raw emotional wounds the way a lot of my most cherished media does. it’s just so technically well executed, an absolute masterclass of horror. it says and does so much in such a tight run. it is emotionally devastating and brilliantly written. it is hopeless and painful and dense.

i have a 3ft x 5ft print of an oil painting of cornelius hickey custom framed in my room. its haunting eyes will likely be moving to my office in the new place. he is a character that like very singularly stands out to me as one of the most incredible combinations of writing and performance i have ever seen on film.

i want this url buried with me when i die like digitally encoded onto my corpse

mindhunter (2017); netflix

this is another example where the show is just really really technically well crafted. beautifully written, acted, and filmed. i loooove a period piece and this one really captures a very specific time and place. plus it scratches my thomas harris itch because hannibalverse made me fond of quanitco stories at a young age

bill/holden is a whole ‘nother level

i want to study holden like a bug, and in fact i have!! the fic i’m most proud of is an intense play by play pov of his psychosexual hangups and while i only got halfway through writing it before the hyperfixation left me forever... i am still very proud of its concept and execution

true detective, season 1 (2014); hbo

another absolutely incredible example of television as a craft

this one though does get a little personal so while i recommend it to people often i am needlessly touchy about how people receive it because it hurts my feelings if they’re stupid about it

rust cohle you will always be famous!!

seven of its eight episodes really really really satisfy my need for hopeless, nihilistic media that wallows in its own despair and then episode eight always comes and bites through both my kneecaps with the blinding light of hope, the beatific face of god, the soul barring power of faith

hannibal (2013 - 2016); nbc

what is there to say, really?

if i loved it less i could talk about it more

the borgias (2011 - 2013); showtime

i literally almost didn’t submit my college applications because i was in a horrific depression hole watching and rewatching this show alone in my room in the dark for weeks on end.

another show i watched at a very delicate time in my life but i have rewatched it since then and it 20000000% holds up, once again, as an exercise in the craft of television

a lot of the themes in this show really helped shape my own interests in media going forward

micheletto corella is really really really precious to me and the one thing i will never forgive this show for is how they handled his and cesare’s divorce because it is thematically inconsistent that cesare’s reaction to finding out micheletto was keeping a long line of secret curly haired brunette boyfriends half his age was anything other than scathing jealousy and extremely loud protest. like it’s just unrealistic that his reaction would have been anything but “why have you been fucking me by proxy when i have been desperate to fuck you for years” and the fight would’ve been really ugly and cesare would have lost because he’s not very good at fighting and then, well :) then

house m.d (2004 - 2012); fox

absolutely humiliating

i was nine when this show premiered and watched it at a very delicate time in my development

the fucking unreal levels of 2000s homophobia did a psychological number on me as a very very gay child living in a violently homophobic environment

literally one of the worst shows ever put to television, and also, of course, one of the best

hugh laurie can still hit me up whenever

the twilight zone (1959 - 1964)

obviously didn’t watch this one while it aired lmao but back when it was on netflix in its entirety i watched it a few times start to finish

one of the all-time greats of american tv and a lovely comforting thing to have on in the background

rod serling is also welcome to hit my line

this show is still very much a cornerstone of how a lot of sci-fi and horror that came after it are done, and for good reason! being as those are two of my favorite genres, this is of course a staple of my tv loves

i tag @vincentpriceofficial @thegleamoftheknife @daemons @coweyed @awildwickedslip @voxceleste @intomyth @coffeeandorange

#roach.txt

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moorishflower · 1 year

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hey this is a pretty embarrassing ask (to me, logically it shouldn't be at all) but I was wondering if you had any tips for someone writing a sex scene for the first time? I would try to draw from experience but I'm a sex repulsed ace so that's not really a viable option. Thank you!

No embarrassment sweet anon! I will try! To help!

So I am also on the ace spectrum, and though I am not sex repulsed I also have not ever had The Sex with any genders! So when I write sex scenes, I don't tend to focus on visceral things and on actions, I tend to focus on feeling and thought-oriented descriptions. This is easier to do when you have less personal experience, because you DO have experience with things that are roughly sex-adjacent! The feeling of a hot shower after a long day, a really good chocolate cake, a back massage, a weighted blanket, all of these are sensations that can be evoked to approximate sexual feelings. So that would be my first advice, which is "you don't need to have had sex to understand Good Bodily Feelings." You just take those feelings and crank them up a notch, or several notches!

My second piece of advice, and this is the one how I learned, is...read a lot of smut. Read it from an academic standpoint! "These words are used to evoke a specific feeling," rather than "these words make me horny." Take note of repeated phrases, and the physical descriptions of body parts, and try to think of how they SOUND to you, rather than how they make you feel. Which sounds better, cock or dick? Hole or entrance? The type of sex scene you want to write will influence the words you use, but also, your preference for the words will determine what you're willing to write more than once.

I would say, also, if it would not make you uncomfortable, to watch actual real life human porn. Not for the sex, which is performative and not real (unless it's like, an amateur vid, but yknow), but to see how bodies move when they're fucking, and what genitals look like at various stages of arousal, and how people sound when they're horny. But this step is not necessary! We are, after all, not writing about real people, and so the sex does not have to be real. If it evokes emotion, then it has done its job!

Last bit of advice: try not to get too bogged down in where someone's hand is or what their feet are doing or whose leg is tossed over what! You are allowed to keep positioning vague enough to be suggestive!

#ask response

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macleod · 1 year

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I am starting to come around to the idea that there aren't 'too many' remakes of anything, but that there just aren't enough of them.

In terms of historical accuracy, there are likely less remakes per popular item than perhaps ever before in the professional realm of storytelling — with stage plays you have a 'remake' every time it's performed, or when a new (or old!) crew takes over they tend to change the sets, the music, the dialogue, just about every time its presented.

I think overall remakes are a net positive for inspiring creativity and individuality within the confines of a source material, allowing different presenters offer different views and expand the overall experience.

Sure, a remake can be absolutely distasteful, unoriginal, uncanny, or just absolutely revolting — but the art and possibility of a remake being possible never really demean the one you prefer, in fact it can make one believe in its power just a bit more for how truly great that one experience was.

How many stories have been told through the ages that would be considered a remake of a remake until it inevitably becomes an original, how many stories could be expanded with a clean beginning and a new world to discover? A new perspective with the change of the guard, if you will, or a new perspective given to the next generation of dreamers.

How does one create a community around a one piece medium, when there isn't any new content to explore? With remakes you offer that chance for finding and developing communities around preferences, the rights and wrongs of the program, and the characters and producers who helped change the story or environment.

This doesn't just talk of movies, this should be expanded to music, to writings, to everything. Remaking has been the test of time for excellence since the dawn of storytelling, remakes precede capitalistic intent, and will exist long after its inevitable demise, perhaps (and most assuredly) even better once that happens.

Remakes are a powerhouse of idea generation, creative explosions, explorations, and excavations into the mind. Remakes are for the public by the public. They are a love letter, a distasteful review, and a form of homage rolled into one for their source. They are a public commons, a recipe that could be made sweet, or bitter.

They are the original creative commons of media.

#remakes #mine #philosophy #media #movies #blog

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sanstropfremir · 1 year

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I'm really enjoying reading through your blog, and of course it has to do a lot with the fact that I also love to bits everything Taemin puts out. Unfortunately tumblr makes it really annoying to try and get to older posts, so sorry if you've already spoken about any of this T-T

A big part of why I love Taemin's solo work so much is his unique style, which shines through both technique and performance.

Taemin has many times spoke about how he's heavily involved in everything concerning his work: styling, picking out the samples, lyrics, themes, choreo, you name it he took care of it at some point. "The taemin genre" couldn't have emerged simply out of him being an above average dancer, his signature is on everything.

But surely, very often he can't do much more than express his opinion on something, and a lot of the end product is still created by other people? It would be silly to expect him to dance, sing, produce, write lyrics, style all at once, right? Or would it?

I very, very often hear people take pride in the fact that their fav is an "all-rounder", that presumably does most of the "creating" purely by themselves, or at least can shine all alone, even without the support of a group. But does that imply that artists that only do the performing part are somehow less "authentic", or worthy of praise? Or that idols comfortable in their position as a team player aren't talented or into what they do? To call yourself a master you probably have to spend a decade on just one skill, so why expect teens and young adults to be Da Vincis?

Now, of course it's still amazing when an idol puts in the work and branches out. Taemin's vocal improvement undoubtedly gave him more creative opportunities and made his stages that much more impactful.

But even just being an idol and maintaining an attractive appearance (for criteria as harsh as it is in k-pop) would easily count as a full-time job, so I would go as far as to say that this expectation of total creative control is a little delusional.

haha it was really funny watching you go through everything! yea tumblr is really bad about that, but if you go to my blog on desktop/not the mobile version you should be able to page back through ALL my asks, which are all tagged by 'answers'. there are like probably around a thousand of those now tho.

i have kind of talked about this before, but i'm very happy to talk about it again, because i always think it's worthwhile to clarify what the actual process is like for creating a collaborative work.

you are right, taemin and every other idol who says they're 'involved' in the process in some way is most likely just picking options and expression opinions about things that designers and stylists have already curated for them. it is physically impossible for a single person to do EVERYTHING involved in something like creating a kpop cb, because there are just too many tasks. and if one person DID try to do it all on their own, it would take probably 100x as long to finish. let me use styling as an example: lots of idols have professed to have input on styling choices, but this can range anywhere from bringing in moodboards and having discussions about what styling they're interested in at design meetings, to just picking which thing they like best from a selection of clothes already provided by the designer. in NO fucking world is an idol:

taking measurements

shopping for fabric

shopping for clothing

sewing and altering clothing

doing the budgeting

labelling and collating all the pieces together

taking fitting notes

these are all extremely specialized skills that 1) take TIME to learn how to do and how to do well, and 2) just take TIME to DO. you want to know what i spend probably 40% of the total production time of a show doing when i costume design? fucking SHOPPING. an idol may contribute ideas to a design and make executive choices, but in NO way are they solely responsible for everything about styling. the only idol that i would believe to have a heavier hand than most in this regard is kibum, who does actually have a good knowledge of fashion and fabric and i could see him going shopping with a designer. but if you think that man is sewing anything? cmon.

and this is just for ONE aspect of a cb. you think an idol is also painting the set? shopping for props? setting up the lighting? most idols that are known for dancing aren't even choreographing their own work, INCLUDING taemin. it is absolutely and unquestionably delusional to say that an idol has total creative control over something. this whole idea doesn't originate in kpop (it's auteur theory's fault), but kpop does suffer from an acute version of it, because there's a general collective concensus that devalues the creative work of the labourer. basically, people will only classify you as a "true artist" if you're the one who comes up with the ideas, because ideas and concepts are given more importance and weight. it's a type of because 'being in charge'/'at the top of the food chain that's been perpetuated by capitalism and western postmordern art theory that intentionally places value of conceptual skills higher than those of craftspeople. no type of person is a ''true artist'' and most art takes many people with many different skills in order to create. i find it unintentionally very funny that you use da vinci as an example of an 'allrounder' (or 'renaissance man' as they used to be called) because he, like every other famous painter from the era, used apprentices to help paint his paintings!!!!! he was even an apprentice himself for verrocchio!! da vinci's legacy would not have been possible without all the other people who helped him create the work that he did!

what is the real kicker about this whole mess is that downplays the beauty of the fact that art is made collaboratively. an 'ideas' person cannot realize those ideas without a craftsperson there to help them. everyone who takes part in creating something is important, and it's fucked to only acknowledge specific people in that process.

#like i dont think people realize that even like big contemporary artists have studios w ppl doing fabrication for them #that's VERY common #but none of them will actively recognize it because it takes the perceived value of their monolith artist brand away #i've almost never done a full sweep design on anything and i've worked on some tiny ass shows bc its just too much work #like when i say its impossible i fucking mean it #kpop questions #im not going to get into more of an anticapitalist rant than i already did but its literally capitalism's fault #craftspeople were literally some of the first unions btw #text #answers #like it's very fine that someone just does performing. thats ok. performing is its own set of skills #you dont have to expect or gas up idols for doing other stuff like there are literally other people whose jobs those are!!!!!!!!!!!!#auteur theory and capitalism ruined fucking everything fr #dont even get me started on the authenticity stuff again god knows i hate that shit

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dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram · 11 months

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What did you think of that Matty Healy New Yorker profile? 👀

I've a lot of thoughts about this profile - and another ask where I'll talk about him more generally.

The article came out late evening New Zealand time - so I had an experience I've had a few times of seeing stuff as I'm going to bed, before anyone has reacted to it - and knowing I'll wake up to the reaction.

And in this case I was fascinated by the profile - but also could very clearly see how bits of it would be understood and the negative response that's coming. I want to focus on what was to me the most interesting part of the interview and which I could see that people were going to hate:

“But it doesn’t actually matter. Nobody is sitting there at night slumped at their computer, and their boyfriend comes over and goes, ‘What’s wrong, darling?’ and they go, ‘It’s just this thing with Matty Healy.’ That doesn’t happen.” “Maybe it does,” I said. “If it does,” he said, “you’re either deluded or you are, sorry, a liar. You’re either lying that you are hurt, or you’re a bit mental for being hurt. It’s just people going, ‘Oh, there’s a bad thing over there, let me get as close to it as possible so you can see how good I am.’ And I kind of want them to do that, because they’re demonstrating something so base level.”

I am much more sympathetic to this than most commentary I've seen, but before I explain why I'll say the ways that I think is not true - and also not a reasonable thing for Matty Healy to say.

Because my very first thought when reading this was - 'Matty Healy, who are you to call someone mental?' And more than a statement about how he navigates the world (although it's not not that) - by that I mean - he is obviously someone who is fascinated by the fan performer relationship. He is fascinated with and his whole career is based on the way fans give meanings to performers. He's talked a lot about that feeling himself. Of course Matty Healy has meaning to people - of course there have been people (with and without boyfriends) slumped over their computers, because they have an emotional reaction to what he said. It's both childish and absurd to pursue stardom and a fandom for decades and then respond to people having a problem with your actions by claiming that nobody should think you're that important.

But the other way to take 'who are you to call other people a bit mental Matty Healy?' is to take the sting out of the idea. If I'm a little bit mental, and so is Matty Healy, and his fans - if the assumption is that everyone is a little bit mental in one way or another (which is certainly a basic assumption to how I navigate the world) - then I read what he said in another way. I think that Matty Healy was saying something that is interesting, resonant, and not always articulated.

What he is saying about false outrage - of people wanting to get close to and claim a personal stake in certain sorts of controversy - that resonated with me - as I've watched the different ways on-line dynamics play out.

I first thought about this in terms of amplification. I remember when the first Hunger Games movie came out and Jezebel ran a piece about people (none of whom had very many followers) who tweeted about caring less about the Rue character, because she was black. Writing that article greatly increased the number of people who saw these tweets. I think that decision can be defended (although I suspect it was made on clickbait terms - rather than principled ones). But what I found indefensible was that afterwards the journalist tweeted something like 'Oh no I really hope Amandla Stenberg doesn't hear who don't care about Rue'. I thought then you can't have it both ways - you can't bring terrible things to a wider audience and then act as if the fact that more people know about them now has nothing to do with you. (I thought of this when I saw people blaming Taylor for the fact that teenage girls knew about the porn site mentioned in the podcast)

But it's not just about amplification - the dynamic Matty Healy names is a very real and human one. I've always been very suspicious of the politics of designating an individual man 'a sexist' or an individual white person 'a racist'. It suggests that they want to treat racism and sexism as things that are rare, unusual, and reside in the individual. And often this is part of erasing and denying their own racism. I think there's some of that going on here - particularly at some of the hyperbolic reactions from white people. Such as claiming Taylor was making them unsafe by inviting Matty Healy to Eras shows (the idea that what we know of Matty Healy's behaviour would make him stand out as dangerous in a crowd of 70,000 Americans - is totally disconnected from reality).

One of the reasons I find what Matty Healy said so interesting - is because I think it and don't say it. I often get anons who express very strong emotions that I just don't believe. They'll say they're outraged or offended or something, and it just doesn't ring true. I wouldn't frame it the way Matty Healy does - as getting close to the bad thing. I have always thought it in stan terms - anons are performing outrage as part of black and white thinking of standom. But I really like Matty Healy's framing.

If I was being generous with myself I'd say the reason I don't say anything is that I could be wrong - and for me 'what is the impact if I'm wrong' is quite a big factor in how I behave. Taking a risk that I'm telling people that their offense isn't real is something that I'm cautious about. But what this does mean is that I am part of creating and promoting something really false - and I do think that promoting that false idea of the politics of being offended is damaging - it's not something that I want to do. (For those who are new here and haven't seen me link to it dozens of times before, I think Racism is a system of oppression not a series of bloops by Gary Younge is a really important articulation of what is at stake here).

But as well as finding it interesting that anyone says things that I find myself not saying - I think it's particularly interesting coming from a celebrity. So much of what celebrities say about fans is just baby food - totally pureed and anything that might be interesting removed. 'Blah, blah, blah I have a really special relationship with my fans.' There's nothing true or real about any of it - because in general for a celebrity to say most things that are true is too high risk.

I do think what Matty Healy was saying was mostly true - particularly if you take away all the connotations of 'a bit mental' (if you take that to mean overinvested in - or even just fan). And there is something to be explained here - there is a gap between what he has done - and the response over the last few months. Some of that gap is about stan culture - but not all of it something else is going on.

I also think he's hiding behind the fact that some people are being outrageous. The people who are declaring him the worst people in the world, or suggesting that he's a danger to fans, or writing ridiculously long threads about their own accountability - they are lying and I like that he says so. But if some people are criticising you in an unjustified and absurd way that's not a good reason to ignore everything that is being said to you.

I find myself returning to the idea of standing - and asking if I have standing in a particular issue. I can have an opinion on things - whether or not I have standing. But if I don't have standing then there's no reason my opinion should matter to anyone else. (There is something in here that I haven't fully unpacked about the individualisation of all this).

There are plenty of people with standing here - Ice Spice, Rina Sawayama, fans of the 1975 who listened to the podcast and heard people like them talked about in degrading ways. The fact that someone who has never listened to the podcast and is misrepresenting it - doesn't change what was said on that podcast.

That's a lot to say about 116 words - so I'll stop. But I would love to know what Jia Tolentino said yes. And I'd want to push on the implications of a popstar believing that people who were invested in what they say were 'a little bit mental'.

#I do think part of the reason that I have responded to everything that is happened #with interest #(besides the fact that the last few months have been a time of illness and injury for me)#Is that after following 1D for 8 years #Someone who says things is such a contrast

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