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reflections-in-a-critical-eye · 2 years

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In 2019 I discovered kpop and bts. I really fell in love with jikook. Realllly. I had very important entrance exam in my dream University on July 16. I had shivers all over my body the morning I woke up, I was nervous so much I felt like I could throw up. So to distract myself I checked twitter and *BAM* next second Jimin published the video with JK, them showing hearts behind the stage of Japanese concert. I thought they are my lucky charms. I don’t have many people supporting me in my life so I very naively considered jikook as my support. I was soooo happy, I was receiving my paper exam with smile on my face (maybe I looked crazy to other poor kids lol). So the exam was success and I started my 1 year... Along the journey I became...it’s really embarrassing to say..like obsessed? I think Uni caused so much stress for me plus I was far from home, like kilometers away seeing my mum once-twice a year. So nobody controlled me and I just couldn’t stop scrolling through twitter, YouTube, instagtam consuming every content bts (mostly jikook) put out daily for like endless hours. I found unhealthy escapism from it. Now I’m on 3d year with 2 failed exams because I couldn’t concentrate and just study it properly... I mean when I study I end up in top10 in my class but for the past 1,5 year I just procrastinate watching silly kpop shows. I study design in architecture it’s difficult profession and I done nothing useful. I started to get really mad at kpop industry, I think they tricked me somehow lol. I am their best victim. Tho I perfectly understand that I can’t put blame on it but...I just can’t break that parasocial relationship. Therapy/psychological help in my country basically doesn’t exist and I can’t imagine myself going to one saying ..what?..I’m kpop addict? I need someone telling me that’s not okay. But you know I was a good girl I got so confused in the past seeing trolls hate comments. now I can see why someone would became one. Like these anti nasty accounts on twitter what is happening in their heads? It must be more miserable than my situation. But I think I know what they feel ..relief? Making somebody angry as you are makes them satisfied.

I love reading you. You sound educated and sophisticated. Please just say to me “go and study, Jul” I need to find any mili piece of motivation to study and quit fucking kpop. I just found that ironic that jikook was my lucky charm in 2019 but now I feel like they down falling me.

Go and study, Jul! And jikook, hey jikook??? you need to be held accountable for this anon's situation, come on!

Sorry, they're not hearing me. I guess they're busy with other stuff.

Look, it does sound like an addiction, not gonna lie. I mean, when you end up failing your exams because of K-Pop, that is a big sign that we have a problem. I'm not saying this to judge you because I understand what obsession looks like. Back when I was 16, I discovered that I really love movies. And not just the regular stuff that you see at the mall when you go with your friends, but the deep ones, the artsy ones. So I thought, fuck school, this is what I'm going to do. I need to do my homework fast so I can focus on my own stuff which is so much better. But I also knew that I need to have some limits, you know? And k-pop addiction is even worse and it gets to you, especially when you find yourself in a situation just like yourself and I also know a thing or two about that, but we're not getting into that. Thing is, it really sucks to be away from your family and if staying up at night watching kpop on youtube to make yourself feel better, then it's understandable.

But please think of your studies as well and don't miss your chances. Jikook are still going to be here anyway. Everything stays up on the internet.

Take care of yourself!

#asks #school sucks but we also kind of need it

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dark-and-kawaii · 6 years

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(1/2) Imagining both Toga & Dabi wanting me, platonically at 1st, sounds nice. Toga obsessing over being friends w/ this nice quiet girl & determined to break me out of my shell, always showing up where I am, getting clingy w/ me when I'm friendly w/ others. I'd enjoy having a close female friend & trust her when she wants to introduce me to Dabi, even tho he intimidates me. He takes advantage of that & likes to see me squirm when he corners & approaches me w/o Toga. Both having fun teasing me.

(2/2) Gradually they become possessive of my attention/maybe develop romantic feelings & kill my other friends to push me further into their arms. Eventually they snap & threaten my family if I don’t like them back (lol is that too yandere?). They like taking turns fucking me, Toga w/ a strap-on, or making me service the other when they do. Lots of dirty talk & praise. Covering my neck w/ their marks & bruising my lips w/ their endless kisses. 👌🙏

*makes a paper fan and fans my face* Well then… Not only did that escalate fast but………. that escalated fast *continues to fan self*

(⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄

She kept showing up everywhere… so loud and obnoxious. You knew who she was and what she was apart of, but you didn’t want trouble so you never ran… After awhile though it was fine, she just wanted to get to know you. To become your friend.

“My names Himiko Toga! Nice to meet you!!!!”

Her hand was awaiting yours, “____, and I guess it’s nice to meet you too…”

You shook her hand.

After that she clung to you everywhere, even using her quirk to follow you into school. Of course she couldn’t be there with you twenty four seven, but she damn well tried.

You had other friends besides her, but whenever you met up with them, Toga would cling to you as if there was no tomorrow.

“___ belongs to me!!! Go get a new friend!! Besides I’m cuter than you girls!”

“Toga! You can’t-“

Crashing her lips to yours she cuts you off before finally releasing your lips from her own.

“____… you know we have more fun anyway! Besides I over heard them calling you names! Let’s go” taking your hand in hers, Toga skips away with you from your other friends… and when you weren’t looking, toga turned around and gave your friends a menacing look.

You don’t know what’s going on, but every week another friend of yours went missing… It was starting to freak you out, was it Toga? She is a villain after all… Nah, she cared about you too much to do something like that.

On your walk home from school you run into Toga, she was coming out of a dark alley… Maybe she would know what’s going on and the reasoning behind your friends missing.

“Oh! Yeah! About that! There’s this new villain on the lose hunting down girls!!! Don’t worry!!! I won’t let the villain get to you!!!! I’ll always protect you, ____!!!” She waved one of her arms up and down… the other still hidden behind her back… So you wouldn’t see the bloodied up knife…

Eventually one day she tells you how she wants to introduce you to her other friend, Dabi… Due to trusting Toda, you followed her to the hideout so you could meet the one named Dabi.

Your first thought when meeting him is ‘Bad boy who probably smokes…’ and you hide behind Toga. Something screamed danger, but you were shit out of luck because Toga was about to leave you alone with him.

“I’ll be back!!! I gotta shower!! I stink!! Enjoy yourselves!!” Waving you off, she vanishes.

“Toga wai-”

“Well she did say to enjoy ourselves… right?”

Standing directly in front of you, Dabi smirked down at you… “You’re pretty cute, got a name?”

You were backing up slowly, but he followed your every step till you were finally pushed up against a wall.

“Don’t be afraid, i won’t burn you too badly babe.”

Dabi caged you in with his hands against the wall and you in between them. His face was close to yours and you could feel his hot breath on your cheek… You were squirming around, but the second you felt his moist tongue on your neck you let out a staggering moan.

A month has gone by now since meeting, Dabi…. You thought he was okay, you would run to him each time you discovered a friend had came up dead… but honestly…. it only made your suspicion rise. It was no longer your girl friends who were vanishing, now it was your guy friends as well… You didn’t want to believe it was Toga and Dabi, but the black haired male slipped up… Turning on the news you see they are talking about a newly discovered deceased male. It was another friend of yours… However… He was burned alive… You needed to confront Dabi and Toga, now!

Heading towards the hideout you find Toga and Dabi at the bar talking, she looked happier than ever, and Dabi had that damn smirk on his face…

“I know what you two have been doing! This whole time it was you guys! Every time i ran to your arms crying… It- It was you both… Ho-How could you! They were my friends! All of them! Now i’m alone!”

Toga came to your side, she was smiling wickedly, “You aren’t alone though!!! You have Dabi and i!!! How much better could it get!!! Those people were only slowing you down anyway!!!” You went to touch your shoulder but you slapped her.

“Don’t touch me! You betrayed me, Toga!”

It was Dabi’s turn, walking over to you he spoke, “Ya know… You’re lucky it was only your friends. We could’ve killed your entire family as well.”

Toga was silent… Her head hanging as Dabi continued to speak.

“Let’s make a deal, i’ve seen you and Toga kissing, and you and i both heard that moan come out of you the last time i had my fun with you… Stay here with us, and we won’t kill your family.”

You were in utter shock… Who did this bastard thing he was?!

You didn’t have time to respond to his offer, Toga immediately slammed you to the ground with her knife inches away from your face, “Come on, ____!!! Let’s play!!!” Stabbing the knife to the ground next to your face she attacks your neck with her lips.

Dabi’s brow arched, not because he was enjoying the scene, but because he noticed you still had your clothes on…

“The hell, hey psycho, hold on a minute. She still has her clothes on, at least let me get rid of them first…”

Sitting up, Toga leaves a trail of saliva from your neck… “Well hurryy!!! I can’t wait!!!! I want her now!!!! OH! Wait!!! I need to get something first!!!”

Once again you were alone with Dabi and expected the worst….

“Now then, let’s burn those clothes off.” Using his quirk, Dabi burned your clothes to ash leaving you naked before his eyes.

Smirking devilishly, Dabi roughly flipped you over so your face was pressed against the cold wood floor. Propping your ass in the air, Dabi spreads your ass with his large hands… You can feel the cool air his your exposed ass, but you keep your face hidden under your hair… You don’t want him to know you’re enjoying this treatment, not after he threatened your family, but the minute you feel Dabi licking the rim of your anus… A loud moan finds its way out of your mouth. It only causes Dabi to make haste with his plans, spitting into your spread hole, it bubbles back out as your ass clenches tight.

”Damn, so filthy.” You could practically hear the smirk in his sentence… Dabi has thought about doing this before…

Grabbing you by the hips, Dabi leans back so he his back can lay against the floor with you on top of him. You don’t know when he did it, but his dick was hard and out, all that was missing was you on top of it… Lowering your lubed up ass on his cock, Dabi takes your virgin asshole. It hurts, god does it hurt, you have to bite your lip hard to keep your screams at bay…

”Just relax babe… It’ll feel good after a minute. I promise.”

Toga now enters the room completely naked with a large, flesh colored dildo strapped to her. Your eyes widen, it must be at least ten inches long.

Dabi has you bouncing up and down on his cock, your asshole completely breaking apart. You lean back a little over Dabi, hoping that will help ease the pain with his cock still deep in your ass, and it does. You’re finally getting used to his thick cock in your ass, but Dabi reaches over the top of your loins and grasps your thighs, pulling them apart. Keeping your thighs apart, Dabi then spreads your pussy lips wide open, wasting no time, Toga slams the strap on dildo all the way into your tight pussy. Climbing on top of you, Toga begins licking and sucking your nipples, as she thrusts her strap on deep into your pussy.

“Oh fuck!” You finally let your screams lose, you need this! You need them! They may be villains but dammit you needed them right now!

Embracing Toga in your arms you make out and lick each other, while her large dildo fills your pussy along with Dabi’s cock in your ass. You feel full, at first you thought you were going to split, but now you feel nothing but pleasure, you didn't want this to end.

“Damn you’re such a fucking whore, i knew that shyness was an act. There’s no way a filthy girl could be so pure.” Dabi thrust hard into your ass so he could hear you moan out his name.

“Dabi! I don’t mind sharing, but don’t call, ___ such dirty names. She’s beautiful, and i love the way her pussy get’s all wet for us.”

Together they ram themselves in and out of you! Your neck arches back tilting your head, you scream out as your first orgasm hits you like a brick wall. Your entire body shakes between Toga and Dabi.

Ramming himself harder as you cum, Dabi cums along with you, painting the inside of you anus white with his milky seed.

You were theirs, and you were okay with that…

Even though in the end, you come back home to find the inside of your house covered with your parents blood… You were theirs, and no one else could have you…

~ Love kiwi xoxo

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chaoticrayne85 · 5 years

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Tornado plus fibromyalgia equals major pain

March 3, 2019 started like every other normal Sunday especially the ones that we get to spend with my family 2 hrs away. We had gone to my parents the day before so we could see everyone before my brother's deacon ordination at his church on Sunday. Every thing was going great until we got back in the car after the service. Our phones were in the console so they wouldn't be going off in church. My hubby checked his phone and had multiple calls from his family. He got his mom on the phone and was told we had been hit by a tornado. We made other calls to find out if all the family was ok, was the trailer we live in standing, how much was damaged, could we even get home. So for the most part everyone was fine just shook up, trailer was standing, we definitely had damages to the property, and there was no way possible to get home that night. Sitting in the restaurant eating with my family the news channel was on the t.v. and showing towns around ours who were pretty much leveled or had massive damage. Stress levels were already through the roof not knowing what we would find when we could finally get home; seeing the destruction from neighboring towns just made the tears roll.

Being a spoonie during a natural disaster kinda sucks. I have fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, anxiety and depression issues, PTSD, migraines, and spine issues. When my emotions get messed up it gets difficult and painful to move around. Driving 2 hrs in constant pain both physically and emotionally is an experience I prefer not to relive often.

We get home there's trees down everywhere, power lines across the road and laying in the yard, power's out of course, porch roof is missing part of it and the missing part is in a tree behind the trailer, a tree narrowly missed our master bed and bath, the carport moved despite being staked down, underpinning on the trailer is well it's very much messed up. We got lucky or rather we were very blessed. Our family members across the road from us had trees on their roofs. Down the road from us looked like a bomb went off. Between our fence line behind our house to the end of our road which is about 9/10s of a mile maybe was the damage zone width. Looking at the destruction made me realize just how blessed we were. The emotions triggered a migraine which triggered my fibro. The temperature didn't help things either because with the tornado came a cold front that dropped the temp to near freezing from being in the mid-70s. I'm very sensitive to temperature and weather changes like most spoonies are.

We got to start cleaning up some the day after the storm when we was able to get through the roads better. My hubby and other family members got busy cutting trees off homes of other family members while I went in our house and packed another bag to go to my parents. Our house was without power for 48 hrs. so our house was extremely cold which didn't help the pain level. We stayed with my parents for 2 more days mainly because it took me 2 days to recuperate from the first trip back home to check on the damages.

We finally got to come home to stay on Wednesday once they got the power back on. It was 58°F in our house! It was COLD! I turned the heat on and me and the dogs cuddled up under a thick blanket in the recliner. When I get cold my body feels like I have knives stabbing me from head to toe, my hands swell and get a slight purple tint to them, putting pressure on my feet sends pain radiating through them and my lower legs which doesn't matter if I'm cold or just tired. When I'm in the amount of pain I was in that day it gets difficult to concentrate kinda like brain fog but a little worse in my opinion. Fibro fog I'm still able to semi-function but that day there wasn't much functioning in my brain. I couldn't process anything whether it from the pain or just the shock of reality I'm not sure. Not knowing what you're coming home to after a storm is very stressful and the stress causes us spoonies a good deal of pain, brain fog, tears, and exhaustion. Once the clean up starts even tho we still have our home when many others do not; it's still exhausting. We started getting a better look at the damages on Saturday when we started really cleaning up instead of just making it passable. I tried to help clean up by picking up limbs and things like that. I lasted til about lunchtime before I was hurting so bad I had to take something for the pain and chill in the recliner. None of you know me very well but for me to break down and take pain meds my pain level is to the point of tears. I hate pain meds with a passion because I can't function or think straight on them in other words they make me incredibly sleepy. So yeah chillin in the recliner means I was out for a few hours.

Not being able to help clean up the place I live or help with family members's homes that were damaged makes me feel like I'm being lazy or like other people view me as lazy. It really bothers me that I can no longer hold out as long as other people. It hurts my feelings and self-esteem to think about how others view me and my lack energy. Most of the time I can push through the pain if I have to but once the exhaustion starts kicking in I'm done. I can't fight through both severe pain and exhaustion together. Other people who don't live with chronic pain and chronic fatigue issues don't always truly understand what we go through on a daily basis. I know I'm probably a bit paranoid about how people view my limitations because I'm actually very hard on myself when everyone around me is working hard like they've been bthe past 2 weeks yet I can't hold out for more than a few hours before I have to rest. It's frustrating having a body that rebels on you at every turn.

#spoonie #spinalstenosis #spinal fusion #spoon theory #spine #chronic fatigue #chronic pain #chronic fаtiguе ѕуndrоmе #fibromyalgia #fibrowarrior #fibrofighter #tornado #storm clean up

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