#it just decided what if fanfic tragedy was also shakespeare
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Reading Othello hit me hard, and for procrastination reasons my brain decided to write the following mock-play versions of very crucial scenes in Among the mountains of everlong, the prequel to Cracking like a dry branch in a westward wind, and a tragedy that I didn’t know was a tragedy until I took a step back and realized that I just traumatized half the cast by putting them through actual warfare. So of course the only correct response was to write scenes from a nonexistent play about it!
A warning for spoilers (out of context) for Among the mountains of everlong (which I haven’t even bloody published yet), an unhealthy mother-daughter relationship, and a person getting mostly assassinated. He’s fine by the end of the scene.
Also they’re inspired by lyrics from the Oh Hellos because of course they are.
Scene 1: Exuent
(Enter Lynette and Katherine opposite each other)
Lynette: O daughter, dear Katherine, why dost thou seek’st
Mine council so late in this day of storms?
Don’t thou know’st that we be in such grave times
So fierce and tempest-tossed that no monsoon
Nor squall at sea would dare fight in the sky?
Katherine: O mother, dear Lynette, why dost thou ask
Such questions that thou must already have
The right crystalline answers of somewhere
Within thy head so cold and circled tight
By that which is frosty and silver there? (She gestures at the Powder Snow Torq)
Lynette: O rogue, o snake, o daughter of my love,
This war, this time, this wind-whipped land o’ mine,
Tis that which makes my nights so long and dark
And drains my light, my mind, my very self.
Tis why thine mother is so dull and grey.
To make it clear, I’ll say it thusly here:
My dear, I am a ship, a great one too
Cannon-heavy, tall and proud, bright as well,
But this here gale, this world’s great gusts,
Do send me top’lin tail o’re teakettle,
Rolling and bounding across wave and crest
Of war and peace and work and rest.
Tis why I still wear this old torq round here (She gestures at the Powder Snow Torq)
As it is what keeps this head on its neck.
Katherine: Lynette, do halt thine tongue and still thy breath.
Lynette: Why so?
Katherine: Why so? Why ask? Why prod and poke me so?
You of all the folk in this castle
Tall and proud upon the mountainside
Should know why I do speak with serpent’s tongue!
Blight me, o mother mine, if thou dost not
Know in thine stubborn heart the reason why!
(Lynette approaches Katherine, and the Powder Snow Torq glows)
Lynette: Daughter mine, thou treadst a line spindly
Thin and glasslike now. Sayest what thou
Darest.
Katherine: Do I sayest what I dare, Queen Mother?
I shall and will, and, like crystal, it shall
Be clear and flawless cut by mine sharp tongue
And teeth. Do listen close so you might hear.
(Katherine leans towards Lynette)
Katherine: I am not the fool I was when I
Was young and sweet like berries on a vine.
Thine crocodile eyes I have seen clear
And clearer still how you hunger right here.
Thine eyes you batt like ashes in the place
Of dying embers dancing ‘bout the log.
Yet thou art warm and bright and eat the branch
As swiftly as thou eats those words spat out
By mourners and the grieving few whomst thou
Allow to weep. No, Queen Mother, I trust
Thou not one grain of sand nor speck of dust.
So sayest I, right here, right now, to thou:
I turn my back for I am off to leave.
(Katherine about-faces and stomps away to her exit)
Lynette: Daughter mine? O, curse this day, o sing
Thine song for mine own sake, great Overture
At Dawn, o lord, do sound strong with trumpets
And horns of brass and pride that rage and reave
So that this storm may pass me by for once!
O once, just one time of good rest grant me
I do plead of you, o great Dawn’s ire made
In flesh and tusk and cape that flaps with wind
No mind the still and silent of the morn!
Away, o pain, o weakness in my heart,
And still mine soul, spirit within this chest.
(Lynette exits clutching the Powder Snow Torq around her neck)
Scene 2: Caesar
(Scott is kneeled and holding Montgomery’s head as the latter bleeds; looking on are Joey, Sausage, and Shubble)
Scott: Dear father mine, slip not into those hands
Of bone and rags that do grasp at thine soul!
Montgomery: Dear son, don’t fret, not now, not here, I beg.
Scott: Not yet, not yet! O Death, not yet! I pray
To you, wingéd Nocturne, do strike Midnight!
O you with feathers dark and bleak who flies
Through clouds, o’re moon and sun, and calls
Your home the stars themselves, may those keen ears
Hear this blight-strewn call from these lands beyond!
Montgomery: Plea not, my son, cry not and waste no shouts.
Scott: Song o’ Dark! Heed my prayer! Do come
Hither and guide my hands so true and sure!
I beg of thee, great wings so shadow-swept
Uproot mine thorns and knot mine brambles here
And there do root my pricks and grow my stems
So that he may breathe again and again! (His hands begin to glow)
Montgomery: Scott, dear son! I feel thee, thine spell
It works and weaves and roots down deep in me.
Stop not! Halt not! A second more, I pray! (He coughs)
Joey: O miracle, this day in June, halt not
Strong prince, weave true and thick those thornéd twigs
Of magic there round blood and flesh that cleft
So quick and viciously by that foul beast
Of Skytouch sent!
Sausage: Speak not so quickly, friend, at this time now.
We know not who might see or hear these words
Slip past our lips when shock’d and frightened are
We here today under this spell of loss.
Montgomery: Speak of me not in tense of past, Void’s sake!
I breathe still and my heart beats now in here! (He coughs)
Shubble: Fair Gilded Crown of Solis dear, rest now
And calm thine racing heart so that your son
May knit your throat and mend your voice to strength.
Another day may you yet see with luck.
(All exit, Montgomery borne on a stretcher)
Scene 3: Hieroglyphs
(Enter Skizzle, Salem, Mini, and Rebels)
(A loud booming noise is heard followed by more explosions above)
Skizzle: Hark! Hear that outside?
Salem: I hear that not.
Mini: I do hear that.
Rebel: What be it, sir?
Mini: It be the song of war.
The cannons hit those notes on high with pride,
And gatt’lers cry the parts of basses deep
While rams of trees and metal wrapped do sound
More like the sweet mel’dies of altos strong
With surety in breath and tone only
Possesséd by the birds of opera stage.
Rebel: Why do they be singing at such an hour?
Skizzle: I know not but much I can guess
From facts gleaned from notes passed between the folk
At watch upon the walls of Cistern Bay.
High there do they see much and hear as well.
Tell me they have ‘bout odds and ends, things nice
And nasty too. All things blood, steel, bones broke
And steeds maimed far beyond the edge of life.
Salem: But what use are steeds maimed, bones broke, and such?
Day by day the same you hear from those
At watch on high from walls and skies above.
Skizzle: True that, but the day before last did change
That same rhythm of war. Said they who watch
That barreled guns and cannons tall did aim
And fire shot without shot true to hit
Those ‘top the walls, to find them out by light
Of powder shine and iron gleam midair.
Salem: They attack, then, now, within this night?
Mini: Most assuredly.
Salem: Why, we must man the cannon here, and take
Up swords and bows to fight against any
Who daréd face these vali’nt Red and Gold! (She draws her cutlass and holds it high)
Up, in arms, all wings and claws, to fight!
(Salem exits, followed by Rebels)
Mini: Join her I shall, and man the comms to keep
This Bay half up and down free from talons
Borne green and sharp ‘longside that banner high.
(Mini draws his sword and exits)
Skizzle: O, my comrades, true to those colors
O’re head and clack beneath mine feet down here.
Fly high, my birds, sing strong and fight til’ death!
For even those great stars above be naught
But dust alight and gilt with light on high
Yet great and bright do they still be, and we
Be like those shapes once fought and loved and died.
(Skizzle draws his sword and exits)
#horizon to horizon au#empires au#empires fanfic#iambic pentameter#dont bloody ask how my brain works#it just decided what if fanfic tragedy was also shakespeare#and ran away with the concept off a bloody flaming cliff#this is one hell of a way to procrastinate#and i started writing among the mountains of everlong to procrastinate on give me back my heart you wingless thing
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im talking about the essay grade again and i got off topic and started talking about the lit analysis potential inthe vast majority of fanfictionbjust. Ignore
i feel like it's such a humblebrag for me to be like "i don't understand how i continually get really good grades in english" because i understand objectively that 1) i am very good at analysis and/or. finding quotes to support whatever the fuck thesis i decided would be easy to support (see: "good at analysis") (i think i honestly just randomly hit the jackpot on "good thesis" but on god i just looked at macbeth and gawain respectively and was like Ah. Women's Wrongs. Easy Peasy) and 2) i know from looking at other people's essays that i am just kind of. marginally-to-a-lot better at grammar and phrasing/understand the very specific madlibs-style layout i have to use and what vocabulary that i need to be putting out. it's madlibs. there's a really technical and specific layout that needs to be followed and i just kind of follow it. it's not hard. it is boring. if i could write academic papers on the shit i'm actually interested in they'd be worthless because it's niche and/or wild tumblr user conjecture. anyone who seriously writes on. hold on i need to generate a thesis. "the cyclic nature of abuse and its direct correlation to homoeroticism in cn's supernatural" could u fucking imagine. that's hilarious. that's some hackjob shit no matter how well i could keep a straight face on the matter because all that people care about is Old Shit. i have no real vested interest in actual literary works beyond "they're important and better than people think". i have extremely strong feelings on a lot of modern works, generally movies and shows and niche dnd webshows, i cannot make a career in that shit, my english prof thinks fanfic is bullshit and i see where he's coming from! i don't think it's bullshit. but. the academic perspective on fanfiction is like "they're not making original work" because the setting/adjacent themes and characters r lifted from another work and there's no real originality in it except that the best fics i've read are like.. an alternate form of literary analysis that is so far from actual essay writing that it's unrecognizable. but people can see the themes and the motifs and rehash them in a way that is absolutely a kind of analysis of the original work, but with flourishes and new ideas and batshit choices that the og media either couldn't make/didn't feel like making/tentacle sex wasn't really thematically fitting but an author decided "hey what if i put themes into this consentacles fic" and like, i want to argue that that's legit. sometimes. but i am not going to do that bc i sound objectively insane and also sometimes it is just not that deep and that will be brought up as an argument and i just don't care enough to explain that it's still an art form even if it's not that deep. is "fun and funky fresh" not a common motivator. if "new interpretations" of works like shakespeare and shit where they plunk the characters into a modern setting and fuck with the phrasing is seen as a viable art form/type of analysis then fanfic is an art form/analysis adjacent to that. not all of it though. some of it is something else that is worse. not that i think that is in itself bad. fanfic is a hobby. can't make a career out of that. but people have made careers out of that by changing the names and setting and publishing books. and that's viable apparently. i just personally am insane and enjoy writing very serious and/or emotionally driven meta on dnd shows. i like themes and motifs and i think that while a quickly written meta post on the tragedy inherent in redemption arcs that hit 50k is absolutely not as academically sound as a cited paper on a similar subject, there's Something To It and there's got to be some kind of potential in it. i like stories. idk if i could make a living out of talking about stories especially from the insane angle that i tend to hit stories at. the possibility of making it a genuine career is driven down below ground after i take into consideration my insanity about modern stories vs my neutrality on older ones. what am i talking abt. bf is yelling for me bye
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One Thought About Each Book I Read This Year
Book Stats: 47 (possibly 48?) books; 60% fiction; 40% non-fiction; 57% female-identifying authors; 12.7% in translation
Sex with Shakespeare by Jillian Keenan: This woman gets me; like, yes, I too have figured out everything from grief to sexuality through shakespeare.
Galatea by Madeline Miller: sometimes we all need to write a caffeine-fueled one-shot piece of fanfic at 2am and some of us have access to professional publishers
I Am, I Am, I Am: Seventeen Brushes with Death by Maggie O'Farrell: Like every Maggie O'Farrell book, I read this, love this, cried at it, and no longer remember what it was about.
Hour of the Witch by Chris Bojalian: I wanted to bite everyone in this book. And not in a sexy way.
The Mirror and the Light by Hilary Mantel: A tale of what happens when the gatekeep, gaslight, girlboss meme reaches its final form.
Notes from the Underground by Fyodor Dostoyevsky: Why I decided to read this when I was so depressed I could barely shower I don't know but I did and it didn't help. 10/10 read though.
Little Weirds by Jenny Slate: A book that is maybe bad but maybe saved my life.
The Testament of Mary by Colm Toibin: oh but this was an interesting one--a refocus on Mary as a mother.
Nomadland by Jessica Bruder: Important topic, bad execution.
Bolla by Pajtim Statovici: this man took every trigger warning that has ever existed and called it a book; jesus christ, my guy. nihilism is just exhausting
This is Water by David Foster Wallace: I loved this! So important!
A Practical Christianity by Jane Shaw: Fine.
The Good Lord Bird by James McBride: Mixed feelings! I'm glad I read it and will never read again; also frederick douglass wasn't a pedophile. i just. for the record.
This Will All Be Over Soon by Cecily Strong: I thought this was a beautiful book and I'm so glad I got to meet Owen through these pages.
How The Irish Saved Civilization by Thomas Cahill: LOL not great history but a GREAT read.
Sprit Run by Noe Alvarez: This was. Not Good. I'm sorry. I was rooting for you.
Tyrant by Stephen Greenblatt: This will be remembered not for being a great book on Shakespeare but for being an artifact of its time and that's alright with me actually.
Snow, Glass, Apples by Neil Gaiman: Fun rainy night read.
Gentleman Jack by Anna Choma; One of my favorites of the year and now I'm horny for a dead woman. Again.
Fludd by Hilary Mantel: I love nuns that spontaneously burst into flame too, hilary.
Blood Water Paint by Joy McCollough: NO
The Abolition of Man & The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis: I'm going to be honest with you, I skimmed The Abolition of Man but the Great Divorce maybe altered my brain chemistry or at least gave me a framework for my brain chemistry to exist
The Silence of the Girls by Pat Barker: If you read this book and don't like this book, I'm going to bite you. Once again, not in a sexy way.
Bluets by Maggie Nelson: What a wonderful little volume about love and loss and color.
Becoming Mrs. Lewis by Patti Callahan: I liked this so much more than I thought I was going to! I would totally read more of her c.s. lewis fanfiction
The Education of an Idealist by Samantha Power: I have a crush on Samantha Power. also, a good introduction to the ideas behind liberal interventionism and the obama administration's foreign policy trajectory
The True Tragedie of Richard III by Thomas Legge: This made me laugh out loud multiple times.
The Essex Serpent by Sarah Perry: a group of lovely characters looking at fOsSiLs. everyone in this book is precious to me.
If We Were Villians by M.L. Rio: guys, it's just a mystery novel and a rather unremarkable one at that.
A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis: I mean what is there to say. beautiful.
Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata: i really want to go to a convenience store in japan.
All the Feels by Olivia Dade: the most heterosexual novel ever
House of Names by Colm Toibin: the first third of this is gorgeous and the last 2/3s are hot garbage
The Lost Daughter by Elena Ferrante: I need to call my mom both more and less.
I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jeannette McCurdy: what a back to back reading experience and i am also glad her mom is dead?!?!?!?!?
Disfigured by Amanda LeDuc: I wanted to like this so, so much and I am so, so sorry that I didn't
Rubyfruit Jungle by Rita Mae Brown: I wish i had this woman's body count.
Endurance: Shackleton's Incredible Voyage by Alan Lansing: THIS IS HOW YOU WRITE NARRATIVE NON FICTION THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT
White Nights by Fyodor Dostoyevsky: Lovely.
Orwell's Roses by Rebecca Solnit: meandering. gorgeous. impactful. nonsensical.
Deathless by Cathrynne M. Valente: it has been probably the book that has impacted my writing the most this year; people underestimate the power of this book, i think
I Was Better Last Night by Harvey Fierstein: i learned a lot about fierstein in this book but mostly about how you must fail to create art
Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman: now a sigyn/angroboda/loki shipper. i'm sorry, they rule my brain now.
Milk Fed by Melissa Brouder: JUSTICE FOR MIRIAM
The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ by Philip Pullman: Who knew that Jesus having an evil twin could produce the most boring book ever
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle: Calvin O'Keefe IS the reason I am still single.
The Swallowed Man by Edward Carey: You need to read the dedication to understand this book.
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Top R&J Adaptation Pet Peeves
Adaptation is hard. Really, really hard. Shakespeare especially knew it; he was one of the best adapters for theater ever, and he himself adapted R&J from Arthur Brooke’s Tragedie of Romeus and Juliet. Since then Shakespeare’s play itself has been given the adaptation treatment and hooo boy, are there doozies, misses, and fascinating failures. Most are published fanfic flops, like the ones I reviewed for my blog, but others tend to be more complicated than that. So without further ado, let’s dive into the Top Adaptation Pet Peeves I’ve personally encountered, or simply tropes and patterns I find annoying.
The two families/groups not being alike in dignity. Yes, I’m looking at all the productions and adaptations that decide to switch the whole rival houses dynamic for a race or class one. The ones who pit a marginalized group against another marginalized group, like Romiette and Julio (Black/Hispanic respectively) are fine-ish. West Side Story also does this, but unfortunately the whole “white ethnic” gang is no longer a thing now, as most non-WASP ethnic white groups are considered functionally white nowadays, so it does become a problem re: the Puerto Ricans being the underdogs to the white ethnics. Some have done a poor/rich, privileged/marginalized dynamic, but you just can’t do it with R&J; it breaks the equality of the pairing. By far the worst of these is the anime Romeo X Juliet, which had the evil Montagues be the corrupt ruling power who usurped the throne from the Capulets (????). Look, the whole point is that the two groups’ differences are superficial and stupid, and that they are more alike than different. This doesn’t work if one group is favored/discriminated against over another. It also leads to disturbing implications—namely, justifying a dangerous and destructive feud and intergroup violence and hatred in general. Another side effect is that it ruins the mutuality of the lovers by bringing in unequal power dynamics where it isn’t needed.
Juliet as a #girlboss/badass/“strong female protagonist”. Many adaptations do some measure of this by having Juliet resist even the first mention of Paris, talk back to her parents and the Nurse, and, for Gong’s These Violent Delights (Juliette Cai as the dagger-wielding daughter of a gang) and the anime Romeo X Juliet, (Juliet crossdressing as the vigilante the Red Whirlwind) actually kick ass and generally “strong female protagonist”-it up. I think this is largely a reaction to Juliet’s canonically marginalized position as a sheltered 16th century maid, mistaking the passivity and lack of agency of her status as a character trait. As a result, we get CrouchingTigerHiddenDragon!Juliet. Just no. The original Juliet, as everyone should know like their own name, was no shrinking violet, but neither was she a YA/anime shonen dominatrix either, and I feel she wouldn’t be even in an AU. Also, by this point it’s so cliché. Juliet is so well-written as she is; why stuff her into this Katniss Everdeen peg?
Juliet as an immature ~bby. Not so much adaptation!dumb, thank goodness, but I’ve seen this small trend in play productions that take the “Juliet-is-thirteen” thing waaaaaay too seriously and either have a tween-looking actress or make the actress play Juliet a facsimile of what a thirteen-year-old is supposed to be like. I especially will never forget the Orlando Bloom production that had poor Juliet deliver her “Gallop apace” on a swing. Awful.
Mercutio being turned into either 1) wacky, comic relief gay or 2) a mystical/sad tragic gay. Mercutio occasionally gets done dirty in either of those two ways and it’s sad. That French Canadian film Roméo et Juliette is by far the most damning offender of the latter take. I don’t like either trope, and I certainly don’t like it for Mercutio, for whom it doesn’t really fit. Also, I feel it’s important to note that as the Prince’s kinsman Mercutio is the most higher ranked and privileged of the three, his being forced into a “sad, tragic gay” mold feels ludicrous. Even his death comes about because he wanted to avenge Romeo’s honor (or, well, more like he really wanted a fight), not because he was Bury Your Gay’ed. Cocciante’s Giulietta e Romeo musical does something unique and has him as an omnipotent narrator, which works a little better than it should, but overall it’s also a miss. Mercutio is Romeo’s foil and a fun side character; outside of that, it’s hard to make him work without changing his character entirely.
Romeo being turned into 1) an immature woobie/“cinnamon roll,” 2) bumbling hero, 3) a himbo/idiot, or 4) evil (!!). My poor boi has been done the dirtiest in so many different ways, it’s hard to quantify or even name them. They range from flattening his character a little to “romantic idiot” to full-on Ron the Death Eater-ing him (yes, that’s a thing, twice!! See Juliet Immortal et al. Or rather not). The last two are mostly in the realms of salty fanfic, thankfully, but the himbo idiot and woobie still inform some actors’ performances. Needless to say, I hate all of this. Romeo is no idiot, himbo or not, and he is as mature as the rest of the youths (he is at least praised by Capulet as a “portly gentleman”). Canonically he is shown to best Mercutio in a game of wits and explicitly restrains himself from revealing himself at Juliet’s balcony. Act 5 shows him coldly but effectively convincing an apothecary in less than a dozen lines to break the law and sell him poison. I don’t exactly know from what stems this woobification of Romeo. Actually, no, I do. Romeo may be climb high orchard walls, playfully roast his friends, talk about how chastity vows are stupid and hope Juliet would cast off that pesky virginity of hers, and kill two characters all he likes, but as soon as he weeps immoderately over being banished/separated from Juliet and the possibility of her not loving him anymore, he renounces his Man(tm) card. Hello, gender roles-based sexism! God, I hate you so much. Please die.
“It’s a dark, ~crazy world!!! Verona is a violent, crass, tacky, dangerous hellhole!!!” Okay, so this is mostly shade thrown at Baz Lurhmann and the Hungarian version of Presgurvic’s RetJ, (the latter more fondly than the former) but it still disappoints me. The whole “fair Verona” thing aside, I think it’s clear that Shakespeare’s Verona is supposed to be a violent, steamy clusterfuck, but with the veneer of wealth and prosperity and genteel good taste that papers over the cracks. It’s the whole appearance vs. reality thing. I still think French RetJ does Verona best, and fortunately most productions and versions get it as a “quaint pretty small town is actually a hellhole” thing (hell, I think even that Gnomeo and Juliet movie made the suburban lawns nice). I just like the contrast, what can I say?
“Benvolio, Mercutio, Tybalt are more interesting than R&J, let’s make it all about them instead!!!1” This is the weirdest thing, but I think there were some web series (at least one, and no, not Jules and Monty) that literally did this, a weird modern Tycutio AU. But in general, adaptations that overdevelop the feud and the whole Benvolio-Mercutio-Tybalt thing at the expense of R&J are a no-go for me. I like the three and they all have their little crannies of character nuance, but they are less developed and the feud drama less interesting overall than R&J. I also don’t like the ships with any of the three, Bencutio and Tycutio being the most popular set-up. Canonically Mercutio and Benvolio spend most of their time either searching for Romeo or talking about him and how much he’s changed. As for Tycutio, Mercutio disdains Tybalt’s dueling skills and overall they don’t seem to know each other well personally. Both ships have no chemistry with each other and are firmly into fanon territory.
“R&J’s love was like a cinnamon roll, too good, too pure for this world…” Some adaptations, uncomfortable with some of the high-scale eroticism of the lovers, tend towards this. They’re teen sweethearts, high school, if you will, so let’s make them as cute and chaste and ~uwu as possible. Romeo X Juliet tends sickeningly towards this, but that just might be the demure Japanese culture informing the text. But I don’t know. R&J are not exactly horndogs, but they’re not dead either (horny bird metaphor, anyone? Also Juliet’s whole famous I-wanna-bang monologue). It’s secretly condescending too, in that it tries to put down and dismiss R&J as puppy love…puppy love that leads them to an uncompromising position and a double suicide, but okay. Sounds fake, but okay.
“R&J was just lust and it’s kinda their fault, actually—” Nothing will make me loathe your adaptation quicker than this. Fortunately most adaptations know enough not to go that far, but Baz Luhrmann’s version definitely has some of this vibe, along with some forced comedy. Kill it with fire.
#romeo and juliet#cristina metas#rj meta#r&j meta#this is so many decades’ worth of salt#i’ll probably remember others i didn’t talk about
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What’s your favourite Hayley moments?
Excellent question! Hayley grew on me a lot as I rewatched the series—especially after what happened in season 5 :( But there’s a lot of noteworthy moments for her!
The first one that stands out to me is in the pilot—when Elijah gives her a crash course on the Mikaelson Family Tragedy, especially how Mikael forced Elijah to bind Klaus. And Hayley responds very eloquently,
x
It’s a little moment, but it gives us a very clear picture of the role Hayley’s going to play in this show. In a supernatural soap opera full of thousand-year-old creatures who talk and act like Shakespeare rejects, Hayley is...us. The audience surrogate in a lot of ways. She’s the one who grounds them with her modern perspective. Instead of treating the Mikaelsons as ancient, unknowable creatures who ought to be feared, she just treats them like people. Obnoxious, overdramatic, insufferable people she must tolerate. Grow fond of. Come to love. Consider family.
Then there’s her little arc in 1x02, with the wolfsbane. I’m just really glad they included it as part of the story. Obviously TO is Klaus’s story—the first episode was centered around his decision to accept the baby. But Hope is Hayley’s baby too, and Hayley’s decision to want her is just as important.
There’s a line she says in 1x17 (I think) after the wolves are freed from their curse, and Jackson is pimping out the perks of the bayou. Hayley responds rather cheekily “then what? We’re gonna play horseshoes?” I’m not even sure why, maybe because it’s what I was thinking too, but I enjoy that line so much. It’s very Hayley.
Her fight with Mikael in 1x20 is just… *chef’s kiss* so good. “My daughter has an advantage Klaus never had. She will never, ever know you.”
1x22, the episode of Mama Wolf. Just, all of it. Her face when she gets to hold her baby for the first time. Her absolute vengeance when she confronts Genevieve. The way she struggles not to break down when they decide what to do with Hope. How she looks away when Elijah pricks Hope’s finger. The deleted scene when she confesses to Elijah she doesn’t know who she is, after her rebirth.
In the same vein, her grief in 2x01. Her heartbreaking expression when she finds the burnt baby doll in the bayou. Her breakdown in the nursery after she kills Francesca. She’s been through so much and she can’t be strong anymore. (It’s not that I like to see Hayley sad; I like when she breaks the tough grrl facade and we see more of the real her. It happens more and more as the show goes on, and my love for her grows and grows.)
Her response to Elijah in 2x03(?): “Where is Niklaus?” “I’ll just check his calendar…wait, no, not his wife.” It gets a chuckle out of me every time.
Not a specific moment, but Hayley working with Marcel a lot in early season 2! It brings me joy. Two outcasts caught up in the circle of Mikaelson Family Drama. How can they not bond?
All of 2x09, but especially the moment she’s reunited with her daughter. The car pulls up, and before it’s even fully stopped Hayley is out, barreling toward the house to see her little girl. My heart.
In 2x12, her confrontation with Klaus (the one before he breaks her neck). She unloads on him, rightfully calling out his paranoia, his prejudice. I don’t agree with everything they made Hayley do in season 2, but I’m with her up to this point. And this is such a good acting moment from Phoebe, too.
Protective!Hayley confronting Dahlia in 2x18. “Come closer. Let’s see how a witch with no magic does against me.” I LOVE how her voice gets so low and dangerous—it’s so wonderful and dramatic (and we can hear a bit of Phoebe’s accent!)
Her fight with Klaus in 3x02. This is the one time her tough grrl act works on me—she’s lashing out with pure, unbridled rage. She lets Klaus have it, and it’s so visceral and real and hurtful. I love angst.
Her breakdown in 3x11. She’s lost Jackson, avenged him, buried him, and now she’s finally allowing herself to mourn him. She drowns in that guilt, that anger she realizes she’s directing at herself, for loving Jackson and putting a target on his back. It’s not explicitly stated, but I see this as a parallel to season 1, her reaction to Elijah and Celeste. She couldn’t understand how Elijah could blame himself for her death, how he could still carry a torch for her after two hundred years. Now she can. Her husband died because he loved her, a Mikaelson, and loving any of them is a death sentence.
Her camaraderie with Cami in 3x18. (This is how the season should have ended! With them working side by side!) It’s cute—she’s supportive of Cami and sympathizes with her fears, but also makes it clear that she needs Cami unafraid and in fighting shape. I wish we’d seen more of this dynamic from them!
Can I get through a list of Hayley moments without mentioning her wolf? Gosh, her wolf-out in 4x01 does things to me. As does her bloodsoaked, vengeful shout when she turns back “you want more? Well come on!” What are they on about, she’s not a Mikaelson. That’s literally a Klaus line.
(I honestly try not to dwell on seasons 4 and 5 too much, so this is literally as far as I can think lol)
I love Hayley a lot—of course I’m bitter they did her so dirty in the end. In this house we love and appreciate Mama Wolf, and we fix her ending in fanfic.
#asks#anon#the originals#hayley marshall#darling mama wolf#thanks for sending this in!#it took me literally weeks to answer since i’ve been so BUSY#and tired#we can’t forget tired
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The Professors - BoRhap Cast
A/N : I’ve been posting a lot of smut lately, so I’ve decided to break that up a little bit with another BoRhap Cast thing. Take this how you want. I know I was supposed to post this after like four more headcanons but I finished this one really early and it’s been sitting in my drafts forever but I swear the rest of them will be done! Don’t be mad at me.
Rami Malek - Mythology
Rami teaches every single type of mythology there is
Norse, Greek, Egyptian, Chinese, Korean, Hindu, and Roman (a rip off of Greek, he has stated several times)
He loves to go on and on about battles of certain gods, sitting on top of his desk, legs crossed and hands gesturing
He also endorses using Wikipedia
“It’s fact checked, damnit. You can scroll to the bottom of the page, click a link, and then you’re at the source. Use it.”
To engage his students, he helps the theatre program put on Greek tragedies and they all have to go or participate
The students were the first ones to suggest it too
Everyone talks to him about ther life problems on campus. He always has a pot of coffee brewing and hot water with teabags ready for any student that needs to talk
In the corner of his room, he has pillows and blankets available for students to use after a test if they’re burnt out
Gwilym Lee - Literary Arts and Creative Writing
Gwilym loves the beauty in words, adoring how a few simple lines of poetry can make someone feel the writer’s own remorse or frustration
He has a few passages of classics memorized, ranging from Dante and Shakespeare to Poe to Golding and Burgess
You know Dead Poets Society? He started one up because he loved the idea so much
He actually has a book of poetry that his students are always trying to get him to publish
He’s the most encouraging teacher ever. You want to write a song? Write it. Compose it. You want to write fanfic? Do it! Nothing’s stopping you. All writing it real writing.
He does the Shakespearean productions and classic productions of the theatre program
Ben Hardy - Physical Education
I know this sounds basic as fuck but listen alright
He coaches football(soccer) and rugby and he’s the most empowering coach ever
He’s like a soccer mom. Oranges slices and grapes? Got em. Mini water bottles? You betcha. Those tiny little rubber bands with the team name? No doubt. You can expect mandatory stretching to prevent cramps.
He always provides constructive criticism and will spend hours with one team member to help them be better at something
He makes all his players take ballet and takes it himself to help perfect balance and coordination
He does some choreography for the theatre program when they need it
He also helps with stage fighting and it’s honestly the coolest thing the theatre kids have ever seen
Joe Mazzello - Archeology And Palentology
Dino man. He has fossils from almost every single period in history where fossils could be formed
He has a map of archeological digs up on the wall with pushpins in the ones he’s been too
Some years he gets lucky with funding and takes some students to a dig site and he’s actually found some stuff with those students and the kids are always like “I found this it belongs in a museum”
He’s a lot like Indiana Jones in that sense
He’s just a lot more dorky and awkward and doesn’t have a fear of snakes
He also has a fossil from the Petrified Forest and he’s like ‘that’s from the Petrified Forest’ and the students are like ‘the forbidden forest?’ And he yells at them every damn time ‘NO YOU NERDS’
Lucy Boynton - European History
She has a map of every goddamn country on there with pushpins in the places she’s been to
She’s very upbeat and talks about the interesting shit in history to get the students engaged
She made a game called ‘Can You Survive?’ And the students played for a whole class period
The goal is to try to not die from The Black Death and if you win you get one of those old bird face mask things (I hope you know what I’m talking about)
When the Shakespeare era comes into play she only speaks in old English
She sets aside one day per week as nap day to give the kids a rest because god knows they need it
In the mornings she brings an electric griddle to school and any student who wants pancakes can have them
She’s basically the mom of all these students in her class because she cares about every one of them
#borhap boys#borhap cast#headcanons#rami malek#gwilym lee#ben hardy#joe mazzello#lucy boynton#borhap teachers
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Video
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I’m shaking right now, I can’t believe I finished it. After many weeks of anger, happiness, excitment, panickines and many more emotions, I decided to do it. I said to myself SCREW IT and here is my special work.
I never done something like this before but I’m so curious what you think.
This one is especially for the Reylo Historical AU fans out there @waterlilyrose. Maybe I read Fanfics about it (would be great from everyone who wants to actually).
You can interpret the trailer like you want but here is my little interpretation:
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Synopsis:
Ophelia is the Queen of Denmark’s most trusted handmaiden. She soon captures the attention of Prince Hamlet and his dangerous half brother Benjamin. Between her and Benjamin blossoms a forbidden love. As war brews, lust and betrayal are tearing Elsinore Castle apart from within and Ophelia must decide between her true love or her own life in order to protect a very dangerous secret that involves the death of the king.
A reimagining of Shakespeare’s famed tragedy 'Hamlet'.
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Little note: Soon there will be German subtitles. And if some of you want, I can also put English subs in. Just say it.
Anyway enjoy and pls COMMENT and LIKE!
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Words don’t come easy to Simon
Here's my attempt at writing for the Carry On Countdown and the prompt "Ways to say I love you". It's my first Carry On fanfic so I hope you like it!
SIMON
I like keeping lists. Like the one I used to have when I was getting ready to go back to Watford. Like the one with all the things I liked about Baz, which I made specifically in order to ignore it.
Baz and I have been together for a year now, so I'm making a new list. I'm trying to figure out how best to say that I love him. I do. (Love him, that is). And I've never been good with words. My therapist says that's all perfectly normal. (That's me. Normal. Apart from the wings and the tail. They're still there. But anyway. Words.) I just don't know. Baz always makes things sound right. I just mess up all the time. He says he doesn't mind. My list of what I like about Baz is so long now, I've actually stopped adding things to it. I don't really need the list now that I have Baz. So my new list needs to help me get my words straight.
1) I love you. It's simple, gets the job done and is probably a classic for a reason. But it also doesn't come near to what I'm actually feeling. There should be more to it than that.
2) You are my world. I've never been poetic, that's Baz's thing. And although he is my world I don't think I could tell him. Technically I've already told him this - at the Leaver's Ball when I said I had nothing but him left. Still, not quite what I'm going for.
3) I adore you. Too sappy. I mean, I like it when we're being soft, but I still feel like this is not me.
4) I want you. I do. But he knows that by now.
5) Te amo. Apparently, this means ‘I love you’ in Spanish. Penny taught me that. She was practicing her Spanish for when she sees Micah again and I thought I could beat Baz at his own linguistics game. Knowing him, he probably already knows Spanish, will reply to me in Spanish and reveal me for the fraud I am, and I will only have messed up. Again.
6) Something Shakespeare related. I know Baz used to think we were doomed, Romeo and Juliet style. I don't think it's a nice comparison. Considering the fact that we've finally gotten to the point where we're actually both alive (no matter what Baz thinks being a vampire is, he is definitely alive), I'd very much like to keep it that way. We’re not a tragedy, at least I don’t think so. We’re more than that. We always were. He’s not exactly comparable to a summer’s day though.
7) I hereby declare my love and affection for you. Too formal.
8) I'm under your spell. Found this on a list of things to say to your significant other. Given the fact that love spells are heavily regulated and sort of illegal, I don't think it's suitable.
BAZ
Simon has been staring blankly into the distance for a good while now. He has these moments where I just can't seem to get through to him. Apparently it's all normal and to be expected, what with the trauma.
Normal. He's so normal. But also extraordinary. I wish he could see that in himself, the way I do.
I sit next to him. We've been together a year now. We're going out tonight - a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant. He doesn't really care about these things but I thought we should do things properly.
I still call him Snow, but more and more I've switched to calling him Simon, because I know he likes that. I could come up with a million ways to say that I love him, in four different languages, but it doesn't matter. I've said it before. He hasn't, though. I try not to let it get to me, but it does. It reminds me of when I never thought we would ever have something like this. When I ridiculed myself for ever dreaming that Simon would call me ‘darling.’
SIMON
Baz is sitting next to me now. He's dressed for dinner and clearly waiting for me to snap out of my thoughts. I still haven't decided on how to say those words to him. If only I knew what he would prefer me to say. I would say all the stupid, silly or pretentious words in the world if I knew they were the right ones for him. I would do anything for him.
He takes my hand, brushes my knuckles with his thumb. "Simon, love? Are you ready?" he says. I'm still a terrible boyfriend, especially when I don't know what to say to him, how to tell him what he means to me.
"Yes, darling" I say. It just kinda comes out of me. It's not something I would normally say - it's not really my style - but he’s called me ‘love’ and I like when he's being soft with me. So I'm soft in return. I turn to look at him, and he has this expression I haven't really seen before. Smiling and... maybe his eyes are glistening a bit?
BAZ
Simon Snow called me ‘darling.’ Crowley I'm living a charmed life.
SIMON
Clearly I said something right. Baz kisses me deeply, and I run my free hand through his hair. Maybe it wasn't so hard in the end. To say I love you. In so many words. Maybe he already knew. I draw away from the kiss and him, resting my forehead against his.
"I love you", I say, just to make sure he knows.
He smiles again, squeezes my hand and drags me up so were both standing. "Come on Snow, don't get soft on me".
"You called me Simon before.”
"And you called me darling."
"Yeah."
"Come on."
And we leave the flat hand in hand.
Notes:
Thank you to @vkelleyart for encouragement and suggestions, you have no idea how much it means to me. Also, the title is clearly taken from F.R. David's "Words" which fits Simon perfectly imo.
#carry on#coc#carry on countdown 2018#ways to say i love you#simon snow#tyrannus basilton grimm pitch#baz pitch#snowbaz#rainbow rowell#basilton pitch#fanfiction#coc 2018#coc 18#fluff#snowbaz fic#snowbaz fanfiction#@vkelleyart
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