I think a lot about how vale would rather k*ll himself than cry in front of a camera, like nobody ever saw that man shedding a tear. he really wants to be THAT though guy 🤨

i get it thoughhhhhh!!!!!!! like imagine EVERY aspect of your life since you were literally a TEENAGER has been exposed to the public for consumption and interpretation and worship and ridicule!!!! imagine loving the place you're from SO much, but refusing to live there for yearssss because you get mobbed by press and fans who want a piece of you. literally every time you step foot in the country. every time you go on a date —or simply dare to exist in public— there are news articles and pictures in the tabloids and people commenting on social media....

like after #TAXEVASIONGATE he felt the need to build a self-sufficient ranch slash mansion where he can practice privately (no paps !) and where he only invites people to come to him if they wanna hang out. like NAUR he wouldnt want to afford people any access to his soft little underbelly and the things that make him feel vulnerable, because he knows that they will be broadcast with a MEGAPHONE to every person with an internet connection on earth !!!! (which even HIS FATHER DID TOO). like. it would color a person's relationship with their emotions in all contexts of their life methinks !

I love it when people talk about things they're passionate about, tell me something cool!! Anything you want, just something you find interesting or want to talk about :D

hello anon my beloved, I am in a bad mood so you will be receiving a passionate, yet lowkey of pissy rant about why villainizing bakugou makes me wanna vomit and its NOT just because I'm a dumbass kinnie :)

tws: child abuse (emotional and physical), near death expierences, bullying, kidnapping, suffocation, lots of trauma in general tbh. if you've seen bnha then basically just keep all the general triggering plot stuff in mind incase i missed any warnings

also, note: I havent caught up on bnha in a minute, I'm at like the start of the war arc but I barely remember shit there tbh so like. probs missing new stuff. also bnha spoiler warnings lol

so, for starters, the homie bakugou has like,, a good handful of issues that come from his childhood that explain why he's an ass. he was always praised and never actually reprimanded for being a twat which led to him having a huge ego that ended up fucking him over majorly. this ego was something that his mother acknowledged him having, but literally didnt try to fix it with anything other than violence. see here:

like, instead of trying to help him, she hits and insults him, which is probably what led to his weird inferiority/superiority complex. being constantly told by others that you're outstanding and one day you'll be a top hero because you're rude and aggressive and then going home and being hit by your mother for those exact same behaviors is bound to fucking confuse a child.

so like, now that we've established that its definetly canon that his mother (parents? I think he said parents at some point but masaru doesn't seem like the type so 🤷) hits him though we don't know how much or how often (though if bakugou was as much of a little shit back then ((which as far as we've seen- he was)) then it was probably often), lets talk about how regardless of all that 1) hitting your kids as "discipline" not only doesn't work but is abusive lol like idc if it's spanking/popping them on the mouth for talking shit, slapping them across the face "on occasion", etc. shits not okay 2) hitting your kids!!!! does not work!!!!!!!! it is literally PROVEN not to work!!!!!!!! hitting a child who has done something wrong doesnt teach them to stop doing something it teaches them to be scared of you, which will cause the child to withdraw, removing part of their support system (assuming said abusive parents would even offer that up) and will most likely lead to them thinking they're a bad person, not that their actions were bad, which are two different things. so, ya know, that would clearly have an effect on a kid. like, as someone with a mother who reminds me all too much of mitsuki: I have acted like a complete shitbag and taken my anger out on people to feel better in the past because of the way my mother treated me. though it was nowhere near what bakugou did, I still know first fucking hand what a mother hitting and insulting her child will do, especially if they have no proper outlet for that (friends, a safe place to vent) which bakugou never fucking had.

theres also the fact that just talking to your kid the way mitsuki does (saying it's his fault he was kidnapped because he's weak, all while hitting him) is not??? okay?????? ive seen people arguing that this was just a joke in poor taste but like her son was KIDNAPPED and even if it was a "joke" there's literally NO WAY that would EVER?? BE FUNNY??????? she just sounds like the kind of parent who at the very least says shit without thinking that would traumatize bakugou (because being told right after being kidnapped it's your fucking fault by your mother is absolutely traumatizing) but it comes across as her being emotionally abusive.

mitsukis character as a whole comes across as a shitty mom who doesn't realize she's a shitty mom and thinks bakugou being an ass isn't at least partially her fault even though she's admitted to realizing he has always had an ego problem and doing nothing to fix it except for hitting and yelling which obviously did nothing but make him just as loud and violent as she is.

this is obviously not the entire reason why he's a dick but he was never properly taught that the shit he was doing wasn't okay and people not stopping it and/or praising him endlessly even tho he was a bully is basically the same as encouraging it, thank you very much.

moving on from that, let's talk about bakugous other traumas and how he naturally responds to them. hint: it's with either full blown panic or a fight response (verbal or physical, though usually physical. also sometimes it's the panic followed by the fight response.)

so far in bnha (keep in mind that I am not caught up, I've only read up to the beginning of the war arc and i barely remember those bits so) bakugou has...

nearly died via sludge villain (he was unable to move and was being suffocated to death- keep this in mind)

lost for the first time ever and against deku of all people (this nearly sent him into a full blown panic attack, likely because of that sexy little inferiority/superiority complex combo. think of this as like. gifted kid burnout lite. he has always been the best of the best and now suddenly he is being beaten by somebody who has always been weaker than him, which immediately makes him start thinking he was never actually that good, he's actually a fucking failure, a goddamn fraud)

won the sports festival by default (bakugou counts this as yet another failure because todoroki didnt try his best. had bakugou lost to todoroki full strength, he would've taken 2nd place with a bit of bitching, but he still wouldve taken it rather than refuse the medal as it would be a reminder that he failed. instead of accepting that like UA shouldve, the staff chained and muzzled him on live television and then had all might, his fucking idol, force the medal into his mouth. remember the sludge villain incident and how he couldnt move and was suffocating to death? yeah.)

been kidnapped because of the way he reacted to winning during the sports festival (he was aggressive and tried to refuse the medal because he felt he didnt deserve it and was then retraumatized by being chained up and muzzled. his "villainous attitude" was a fucking trauma response, do not tell me otherwise)

was then chained up once again by the LOV after being kidnapped,,, do we see the "retraumatize bkg" theme yet?

"ended all might" (he literally blames himself for all mights retirement because had he just not have been weak, all might wouldve had more time, right?)

my point with all of these is that bakugou has been severely traumatized and has then had his trauma responses (aggression, fight) used to further demonize him. not all people with trauma react the fucking same and the way the fandom just refuses to acknowledge anger as a valid form of trauma response is gross as hell.

moving away from that topic, bakugou has literally never had any actual friends, they all just used him and didn't care about him which absolutely will fuck up a kid, especially one who already has all that other shit going on. bakugou deadass never had a support system or people to help him grow as a person, let alone properly work through his fucking emotions so it's not surprising that he would take out his bullshit on the one person who tried to help him especially considering he saw dekus actions as him thinking he was weak. bakugou was raised to not seek help, he thought somebody strong shouldnt ever need it, so for somebody like deku (who bakugou percieved as weak and helpless already) to offer up help? deku must obviously think bakugou is even weaker than him, what other explanation could their possibly be!

speaking of which, there's his heaps of insecurities that he basically hid by being a twat and bullying others for most of his life. kid was so insecure he bullied deku for fucking years cause he thought deku looked down on him, thought he was better than him, etc. and that only got worse bc his idol then decided to take deku in, train him and even give him his quirk. there's probably some shit im missing but still he's got issues and always has had issues. that being said, he's actually improving and working them out now which is what makes him a really good, interesting character. it's also nice to see a character who is a dick without some tragic backstory (like his backstory is sad but its not the classic "my family was fucking slaughtered and i turned into a raging bitch who murders people" type shit) bc that rarely happens and it's like most assholes don't actually have a story like that they're just assholes lol

now lets talk improvement! lil bitch has been getting better since he got into UA and im so happy abt it!! he had a rough start what with deku suddenly having a quirk and all but like he is really improving now and it highkey shows that bakugou just mostly needed people who 1) didn't constantly praise him and actually criticized him instead 2) actually fucking punished him doing stupid shit and 3) some motherfucking friends

Since going to UA he's gotten actually feedback from teachers about his weaknesses and how to get stronger, he's lost against others, hes been told he has a shit attitude and is a dick, told he should be nicer and leave deku alone, etc etc. He hasn't gotten in trouble too much with teachers but others give him shit for what he does and aizawa has punished him too, while still acknowledging that bakugou is an amazing and dedicated student, something which no one else had done up til that point. and uh???? homie actually has friends who like,,, don't use him and also call him out when he's a dick. like specifically kirishima has done this shit and him and bakugous relationship is clearly very healthy and beneficial for the both of them. makes me feel all happy n shit, ya know

bottom line is: while it is absolutely valid to dislike or even hate bakugou because he is a massively flawed person who has been very cruel to others, villainizing him for the way he acts which in large part seems to be from a lack of guidance, a shitty mother and heavy amounts of trauma, is fucking awful. his actions cannot be fucking excused, he needs to apologize and continue to grow, but he is also a fucking teenager, who is just now being told that the way he acts is unacceptable by people who dont fucking abuse him (and I swear to god if any people who think mitsuki isnt abusive interact with this fucking post I will fullstop hardblock you, I do not fucking care) and actually treat him like a normal person instead of some prodigy child or someone who needs to be fixed.

people are free to debate my points or whatever bc I know some of this stuff is up to interpretation but like. dni if you're just here to say you hate bakugou for xyz reason or that he's irredeemable. also especially dni if you compare him to fucking endeavor yall bitches make me gag.

anyways thxs for the ask anon <33 sorry this is a kinda messy info dump lol

SO here’s a handful of hc’s with no particular relation to one another. 

-- jeralts lowkey that dude from dodgeball who throws a wrench an tells u ‘if u can dodge a wrench u can dodge a ball’. can’t imagine him being as intense as that, maybe, but like...he def gives off a “YOU KIDS HAVE NO UPPER BODY STRENGTH! STREET SMARTS!” vibe. anyway, what im saying here is, he probably gave byleth like a whole lotta firsthand experience and training lol. *drops a hammer by accident, bends over to pick it up* Y-yeahh....STREET SMARTS. 

-- this is sort of a bigger one and one tht i wanted to supplement with caps from supports and canon dialogue but i dont really care to atm, but, (i fold my hands together) ferdinand can definitely be interpreted as a person with autism and theres a lot of evidence to support my reasoning. also im partial to believing so bec of personal reasons. but. ANYWAY. take into consideration his difficulty to read social situations and properly respond to them like...every time he talks to his classmates; difficulty interpreting the tone / body language of his classmates and professors; strong affinity and fixation on historic events and recounting them / fixation on minutiae of weapons, weapon development, armour, and independent histories surrounding each of the former (which greatly strays from the ‘noble etiquette’ that the other students r necessarily taught and trained to know; like, its clearly a very big interest for him that goes beyond just ‘having’ to know it as a noble). like i think its easy to mistake a lot of what he says pre-timeskip as his huge ego impeding everything but i don’t think thats entirely a fair read of his character; like yea that plays into some of it, of course, (even tho i think theres reason to question just how big his ego is in the first place. ie., i dont think its that simple, given how insecure he is, but i digress), but licherally in 90% of his supports ppl dont get angry bec hes talking abt things that concern even himself its more like frustration with how he cant entirely ‘read the room’, as it were, lol. and coupled with that! he has a large amount of trouble understanding ‘what’ he does wrong when he annoys people; which, again, yeah you can probably just chalk up to ‘oh he doesnt pay attention to the ppl he talks to bc hes so full of himself’ which isn’t an invalid interpretation of his character but i think that it misses the mark just a little. if anything, i think that ferdinands biggest flaw is that he pushes his own methodology and ways of thinking on others before he comes to understand their side of things (but never fails 2 apologize and try to come from a more empathetic / understanding point of view after the matter...anyway, im getting away from myself lol). like i could go on in greater detail abt the other points ive made but at this point im like...does n e 1 care, is it just me reading this, who thinks this hard about a certified himbo named ferdinand. i really wish i didnt. 

-- i have a metric tonne of thoughts about dedue and his family pre-duscur but this post is already getting so long but tl;dr i feel like having been the son of a talented blacksmith, he’d know a lot about the finer things re: weapons and smithing, and see the refinement of them and the artistry in making them but i feel too like that side of smithing is sort of stained for him now. in a lot of ways dedue is a person who values practicality, too, like why would you want a beautiful weapon, a thing of death and instrument of war, it’s almost like it glorifies the tool that kills us; weapons honed in beauty almost belie their meaning, and is that a good thing or a bad thing, or is that simply a thing? i think it’s unfair, though, to solidify so much of his personality in a tragedy that happened. he probably respected his father and admired the skill and discipline that hailed from being a blacksmith, but clearly dedue values artistry more so than such practical vocations. he likes gardening and cooking and art and beautiful things and it’s actually really saddening that he’s classed into this stereotype of ‘gentle-but-stern-faced-giant’ bc its so much more than that. anyway stan talent, stan dedue.

Hawks of course! (Or Shiggy if you've already done him!)

oooh. Okay time to perhaps lose some followers?

HAWKS

I like: I like his dedication, his ability to see the thing needs to be done. I love how driven he is and yet he’s not driven by fame or prestige. He’s heroic but he doesn’t exactly enshrine the ideological naivety that many heroes seem to have. I like that despite all the fronts he presents, he seems to be a genuinely good person struggling with himself and his desire for freedom and to make his own choices.

I dislike: His inability to let others help, to slow down, his ‘do it myself’ nature. It does read as dismissal/ego to others, but it’s far more complex, borne of old wounds. He’s a perfectionist and I think this might be what might end him. Also, his inability to say no to a task when it comes to his life, to his freedom, his willingness to let himself be a sacrificial pawn (and for what? Why him is what I want to know? What allows a man to be okay with being used as such? What happened to him that his self-worth is in the hands of others?).

“A society where heroes have more free time than they know what to do with. I will make it a reality, as fast as I can.” - My favorite quote

Tokoyami&Hawks, Natsuo&Hawks, Mirko&Hawks, Fat Gum&Hawks are brOTPs, and I might ship him with Fat and Natsuo. 

DabiHawks, ShigaHawks has grown so fast on me, ShigaDabiHawks as an ultimate OT3

For NOtps, anything with the kids, even if they’re aged up to 18 because I’m currently an RA with a six year difference myself and that’s a huge gap in maturity and generally experience. I don’t care for En//awks (but I don’t wish to bother fans in the tag so)

Random Headcanon: Hawks has a nictitating membrane! That’s the thin membrane birds and reptiles have that protects their eyes, especially for birds during flight. I think his goggles are probably better protection but also shield people from noticing the fact his eyes just got covered by a semi-transparent film. I’m sure it’d be unnerving for a lot of people, a not so ‘cute’ mutation, and not work in favor of his image so he hides it.

I don’t think he’s anywhere near as sexually active as the Hawks standom seems to think he is due to his workload. My unpopular opinion is that he’s probably had several sexual experiences with mostly strangers, and probably never been in an actual relationship. but he sad and lonely thirsty tho. Also I don’t think he’s actual best buds with Miruko. I don’t think he’s allowed himself to have many friends tbh.

Domesticated Animals by Queens of the Stone Age is another song I associate with him.

favorite picture of them - I have too many! But here’s this one I made my background:

SHIGARAKI

I like the fact he has shown so much character development. I know there are people who seem to think that he hasn’t, or he’s very much being cunning for his members, but I strongly feel that Shigaraki is growing in emotional intelligence - I’m excited to see what sort of villain he’ll be by the end. I also do find the man-child thing hilarious and watching him throw tantrums is wonderful. Also the scratching thing - but I’ll get to that in Headcanons.

Yet I didn’t care for him when I got into the manga in May. I thought he was immature, lacking conviction and ideology (which he did and still somewhat does), and that annoyed me - not the type of villains I generally cared for. But he’s grown on me. I guess I dislike the perceived lack of self-reflection when it comes to his own upbringing (or what we can gather given AFO).

“I’m angry at this world that categorizes the same violent acts as heroic or villainous, deciding what’s good and what’s bad. “symbol of peace?” Ha. you’re just a device to repress violence. violence only breeds violence.” - My fave quote

brOTP - shigaraki x LoV!!!!!!

OTP - Shigadabihawks!! and the pairings that make it up : 3

nOTP - I feel like ShigaHaul would be a bit too much neurosis in one pairing lmfao, it’s not for me. Any ships with the kids or Toga. I think he’s in his late teens/20 but he clearly differentiates between himself and the children when he talks about them, so even if there’s a three or four year difference, I’m very ‘no’.

My head-canon is more an explanation of canon behavior: Shigaraki clearly has Dermatillomania, a type of Body-focused Repetitive Behavior. BFRBs are not exactly OCDs but appear like them and there’s no conclusive cause - I have several BFRBs and I’ve heard the theories go from genetic components/neurological disorders to links with PTSD and Anxiety and back to neurological reasons. Seems to be a mix of both, lol, and we’re given antideps for treatment. But yeah, his skin picking/scratching is named Dermatillomania and I wouldn’t be surprised if he made his face scarring worse with it. But it’s like the first time I’ve seen BFRBs in anime, so I find this cool!!!! (should I make this a separate post??)

Not sure if this is unpopular, but here’s an opinion:. While I don’t think he’s exactly the nerdy loser, no matter how much I want to joke about basement-dwelling, I do think he’s never had sex?? i have no opinion on him being a top or bottom, I just think the closest he’s gotten to any sex is 2-D and on the screen, so far.

Vicarious by Tool

Okay, every time Hori draws him in detail is magnificent. Hori should have been a horror mangaka. But also this:

[2/7/17, 10:30:15 AM] Ruthie: (*) WILL YOU BE TRYING TO SHOWMANCE ANYONE THIS SEASON? (*) [2/7/17, 12:11:14 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): trying to showmance is hard because no one woukd want to with me so I probably won't try [2/7/17, 4:17:13 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): also I don't know what to dr about except that I am not winning hoh for my clique lol [2/7/17, 6:18:04 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): dr: Daniel told me to shut up so if he gets put up his ass is grass [2/7/17, 9:59:50 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): when Nicholas won and I am safe, plus safe in bbdarkness so yay safety

[2/7/17, 11:03:56 PM] Ruthie: (*) NICHOLAS WON HOH.  HOW ARE YOU FEELING ABOUT THAT? (*)

[2/7/17, 11:11:12 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): I feel I answered this, but I am glad because I am safe and I am glad for that. [2/8/17, 10:14:01 AM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): so Daniel is digging his own grave I think like he started a fight at 6 am with matthew henning he is so extra [2/8/17, 10:24:47 AM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): there was no personal attacks ruthie :P I am sure Daniel doesn't mean it he clearly is trying too hard to be funny week 1 that's it lol I mean It makes me not want him in this game and if he goes up I want to vote him out but personal? this wasn't really he is just being  extra to be iconic or something [2/8/17, 1:30:40 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): Daniel is so arrogant lol like I got he was trying to be funny it just wasn't funny I- [2/8/17, 1:31:36 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): no one was offended though matthew henning doesn't really get offended we just made it clear that it wasn't funny shrugs [2/8/17, 1:33:28 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): no like I am saying he thinks people were offended I was in a call with people they weren't [2/8/17, 1:33:34 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): they just found him really annoying [2/8/17, 1:34:04 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): and matthew hennings skype is as matthew henning so why would he need to make a new one [2/8/17, 1:34:55 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): no like I am saying I was on call with these people they weren't anyway I am more talking about that bull apology [2/8/17, 1:35:33 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): it wasn't real he knows matthew hennings name matthew henning is matthew henning on skype so to me he is just being arrogant [2/8/17, 1:37:02 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): but yes it has gotten offensive not because of what he thinks that people are "sensitive" but because he has over done it to the point where it's not funny [2/8/17, 1:40:51 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): On 2/8/17, at 1:28 PM, da Divine Damned Daniel wrote: >  i'll call u by ur name but idk id recommend a new skype if u don't wanna be called icemystic1216 like it's matthew henning on skype like does he need proof or something? [2/8/17, 1:42:15 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): On 2/8/17, at 1:29 PM, da Divine Damned Daniel wrote: > and the other girl i forget ur entire name but i'm soz for whatever i did i dunno lol but u were sticking up for ur friend so and I feel like this is referring to me and he knows my name he seems to just want to start fights with people even [2/8/17, 1:43:03 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): i am sure it's for drama in this game but like it's week 1? and he isn't safe from eviction [2/8/17, 1:51:34 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): yeah idk him at all I met him in the bbglee vl i thought he was nice at first but idk if he's ever played big brother before but he can't do this week 1 when he is not safe that's probably why no one is fighting him because I am sure Nicholas will be putting him up [2/8/17, 1:53:09 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): no I get that I love newbies but newbies need a big brother do and don't for week 1 lol [2/8/17, 1:53:20 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): clearly he does anyway [2/8/17, 1:54:06 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): he reminds of this housguest from house of shade 9 who we banned from house of shade because he went really personal on someone after being voted out week 1 hopefully he is not like that after we vote him out if he goes this week [2/8/17, 1:55:24 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): also he just sent a holocaust joke meme and that's not funny at all like andie just said [2/8/17, 2:07:55 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): so he called me a foot infection interesting I only told him matthew hennings name like [2/8/17, 2:08:57 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): On 2/8/17, at 2:08 PM, Matthew Henning wrote: > WHO TF IS CHRISSA IS THAT A FOOT DISEASE IM THE BIGGEST GLEE FAN U BLISTERING FOOT ZIT Daniel said this earlier Mathew henning sent me I didn't see it because I was sleeping [2/8/17, 2:10:20 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): I never personally claimed I was the number 1 glee fan I just said I really love it like what? [2/8/17, 2:24:28 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): I also think the apology about calling me a foot disease was fake but I am not fighting him because he is just gonna be voted out, he seems to have a huge ego [2/8/17, 2:37:34 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): tbh he can do that all he wants I love him ruining his game week 1 lol [2/8/17, 2:41:47 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): a lot of people on the detention call already wanted him gone and Nic wants him gone Ncholas was on that call he will put him up as I said this is like that houseguest from house of shade 9 who was messy week 1 lol [2/8/17, 2:42:36 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): I hope this atleast teaches Daniel a lesson if not I don't feel I can be friends with someone like him [2/8/17, 2:43:10 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): i am never easily offended either to be honest he is a different case [2/8/17, 2:44:27 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): it didn't teach houseguest a lesson as he still went off on people after being voted out and houseguest was 23 sometimes the egos are too big [2/8/17, 2:45:24 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): like if Daniel thinks this is a joke he probably doesn't care how his words affect people [2/8/17, 2:47:24 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): whew I love this game though [2/8/17, 3:31:03 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): On 2/8/17, at 3:28 PM, da Divine Damned Daniel wrote: > ok I'm gonna leave so you can all celebrate and what not, but quite frankly i don't want to be in a group were people get hurt over small things, and i don't wanna be the one to cause people pain and hurt, so I'm sorry if ive offended you in some sort of way but i feel its best and I'm sure some of you will agree if I'm not around, i hope someone replaces me who you all get along with much better and is less 'intense' as me i guess but just letting u know theres a certain person here u all love thats just playing u so i hope u don't make the wrong decisions and no its not christa, emily or connor its someone i haven't fought with or whatever this is anyways i wish u all luck and i hope u love glee as much as i do by the end xxxxxxx ps. elizabeth better get my spot he really wants to be this extra [2/9/17, 10:47:24 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): I don't have anything to dr about except dom and Zach are on the block and that's crazy but I am split on who to vote at the moment lol idk

[2/9/17, 10:53:19 PM] Ruthie: (*) HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE PEOPLE IN YOUR CLIQUE? (*)

[2/10/17, 7:00:19 AM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): so I can't sleep but that's not new lol so I am just here lol thinking about how I am jesse st. james trash but Sydney got him first lol [2/10/17, 8:19:12 AM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): also I will answer: I love my clique honestly I get along with all of them.[2/11/17, 2:08:45 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): Also the best part of that recap is the meninist alliance being the most short lived alliance in bb history we did that

[2/12/17, 2:00:08 AM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): DR: I love Matthew henning zack ruining his chance ata possible hoh sad I hope his week 2/3 curse is broken though, Matthew henning always gets screwed over and it makes me honestly sad. [2/12/17, 2:02:21 AM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): also Julia Roxy is an icon that is all [2/12/17, 3:15:15 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): IS JAY ALIVE CAUSE I HAVE NEWS IF JULIA ROXY KISSES ELIJAH I AM HOH AND I AM TERRIFIED that is all [2/12/17, 3:16:15 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): i love after i wasn't kissed though nic said hi to me [2/12/17, 6:10:41 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): is hoh ever going to end? or will it just go on forever [2/12/17, 6:10:43 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): :P [2/12/17, 6:12:08 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): did Julia pick or is she still too busy [2/12/17, 6:12:11 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): :P [2/12/17, 6:24:10 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): she told me she sent her kiss don't be keeping me waiting :P [2/12/17, 6:34:28 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): I was so close I knew she picked him already for some weird reason she wants nic to be safe [2/12/17, 6:44:15 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): I came in here to cry at how I never get hoh's this is genuinely the saddest I have ever been about losing a comp [2/12/17, 6:45:18 PM] AshleySarah ~Glee Host~: It's ok!!!! U were close!!!! There will be other ones that you can win!!!! It's only week 2!!!!! [2/12/17, 6:45:34 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): no you see [2/12/17, 6:45:42 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): this is the only type of comp I can win [2/12/17, 6:45:51 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): i can't win flash games and other types of comps [2/12/17, 6:46:43 PM] AshleySarah ~Glee Host~: That's why we included a variety!!!!! I promise there are more like this!!!! No skill or knowledge of anything!!!! [2/12/17, 6:51:06 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): i hope so i honestly wish i could win competitions i honestly don't get why i am not good at any of them but then i remember how bad I've been genuinely all my life at games maybe it has something to do with having no hand eye coordination or my autism in general i was never really good at anything ever so why do i get my hopes up that i am now [2/12/17, 6:54:54 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): unless it's something like the kissing one I might not usually if it involves a score I never get higher than anyone else [2/12/17, 7:56:19 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): the issue with comps like normal ones I have at winning I figured it out so I really an inept at math if studied science i'd get an A but if I studied math all I would get is a B, um and so most normal comps somehow involve math so my brain goes into shut down mode because it's not ready for math lol [2/12/17, 7:59:53 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): it's like that episode of spongebob when he became the waiter and cleared his mind and all the spongebobs are freaking out because thy threw out his name but for me the name is math anything [2/12/17, 8:10:32 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): I can't technically even tell time that's how bad I am [2/12/17, 8:10:44 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): 20 minutes when is that idk [2/12/17, 8:11:06 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): yesss [2/12/17, 8:14:34 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): I also can't believe the lit detention chat started because someone added jeff week 1

[2/13/17, 12:08:12 AM] Ruthie: (lips) HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ELIJAH WINNING HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD? (lips)

[2/13/17, 12:09:34 AM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): you know how I feel honestly but I hope he is being honest and I am safe this week, I am kind of more over it now and I am happy for Elijah [2/14/17, 12:06:20 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): I truly want my valentine to be my husband Jay, that is all. [2/15/17, 7:20:38 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): people are fighting it's so extra my mood is now now revived [2/15/17, 10:32:31 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): Elijah is so stupid, so stupid because I have a really huge chance of not staying thanks to Julia rae being on the block beside me like who'd vote out Julia rae? no one. and if this backfires on him I will never forgive him he told me I was safe this week, why did he have to take a shot at Julia rae? like she isn't aligned with everyone he is such a bad hoh. [2/16/17, 8:05:23 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): yep Elijah is dumb that's confirmed lol

I remember many years ago, someone (and for the life of me I cannot remember who, but I think it was a commentator) called Vale "the man with the golden mask", basically saying that the Vale we see on TV and in interviews is only the person he wants us to see and that only a few people know the real Vale, and for me this has always explained why he is the way he is with Marc and why it went way from the ranch.

Unlike with people like Biaggi, Stoner, Jlo etc, he clearly genuinely liked Marc (I think possibly because Marc reminded him of himself lol but that's a whole different topic) and I always got the impression he let Marc see a bit of the real Vale behind the mask bc he trusted him, then when Marc rocked up at his ranch with his whole team, he saw it as Marc trying to outdo him and broke that trust. Vale then sees trusting Marc as a mistake, overanalyses everything Marc does on and off track from that point on (rightly or wrongly), sees a lot of it as Marc deliberately sabotaging him, even though it's just his usual demon behaviour, and then 2015 cements his view that he's made a huge mistake in ever trusting Marc with the real Vale. And that's why still now, even though he's had fights and crashes with a lot of other riders, he can't let 2015 go, not just because of the 10th, but because the others were just battles on track; Marc hurt him on a personal level and he blames Marc as much as himself for allowing that to happen. I think the "the mask" went back into place the day Marc left that ranch and has stayed very firmly there ever since, and had it not, maybe things would be different today. Or at least, that is how I've always seen it (sorry for the essay!)

i COMPLETELY agree.... ive already talked like. truly so much about how i think that marc bringing his mechanics to the ranch was seen as the first shot in their little war by vale... like marc transgressing on vale's territory and bringing the smoke to a fun friendly ranch day was spun in vale's brain as MARC being the one to throw the first stone here... like yeah vale has a pattern of icing people out once they become real rivals but i actually think he came into being competitive with marc still open to being friends (or at least thinking that lol) !! and then marc shows up at his house like remember i want to destroy you on track! :3 which for marc's insane brain (mechanics are my familyyy and what happens on track stays there) is fine ! but not for vale lol. and then there's insecurity and ego and marc being an annoying crazy person et cetera blah blah blah so it goes = divorce

i also think ummmm. literally every day about when marc had to introduce valentino to the audience in his documentary, and the first thing he said was "to me, valentino is SHOW." and then also literally immediately identified ranch day as definitively when vale started icing him out... like even if he was in denial during the 2015 season, i think in hindsight he is PAINFULLYYYY aware of exactly when that mask went back up AND when he was unceremoniously removed from the small circle of people who ever get to see vale without it. like there was a shift. and it hurts his feelings lol.

and youre so right! marc IS different than those other guys bc they had a really good relationship before... vale's ability to show the press only what he wants them to see is one of his most effective mechanisms of self protection. (SO effective that he apparently does it in his real life relationships, like with his dad)... if no one sees the real you, then you never have to be vulnerable. if youre never vulnerable, its a lot harder to get hurt. unfortunately for vale it also makes it a lot harder to build meaningful connections ! so i think when he let marc in and then was "betrayed" by him, it was a) a rare occurrence for him to get that close with another racer (academy boys are a lil different obvs. like he thought marc was his equal, which i think compelled him AND freaked him out) and b) deeply effecting when he felt like that trust got betrayed... so even though hes the aggressor in the sepang drama i think he felt pretty victimized at that point. which like yeah is delusional ! but is also just sometimes how emotions work. especially when you have trust ego and vulnerability issues lol