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kenlvry · 1 year

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reader as kennys, tweeks, and butters older sibling!!

an: someone requested this but i accidentally deleted the request i panicked so bad and im sorry!!! butters colour is only on laptop and my laptop is at home rn so for now butters is

gn btw!

kenny mccormick

you and kenny were inseparable even though you were a year older than him you would still talk to him during recess, even sometimes dropping by his class to annoy mr garrison. when things got tough at home esp when mom and dad is fighting you and kenny would always protect kevin and karen, you two are the most sane people in that house fr.

you were always protective of kenny and would travel to the world and back for him, when he introduced his friend group to you, you were..... shock to be honest. esp the one whos a disrespectful racist sexist person who mocks the jew friend. the others was decent, the most normal friend out of the three of them is definitely kyle, you'd trust your little brother anywhere with kyle. but with cartman? you might have to spy a little.

you sometimes hang out with them! just to protect kenny of course, they dont mind tbh. but you were worried on how stan thinks of you because whenever he sees you he pukes, you tell your little brother but he says to not worry and laughs abt it, you wonder whats so funny about it??

sometimes kenny also follows you around with your friend group, they dont mind, they think hes the most cutest thing ever. they would surround him and compliment him, he definitely likes it.he was protective of karen and you were protective with kevin, you two always try your best to support your other siblings. doing extra shifts just to buy them toys they never got as a kid.

whenever kenny wants to do something you were always there to support it, it doesnt matter how stupid and dangerous it was, you were there to help him no matter what.

you dont remember when kenny dies so whenever he does you'd go livid, you'd cry all day and mom wasn't helping either. who was going to help you support the other two now? who's gonna accompany you when you feel like getting food? you were crying 10 buckets but then just like that you were okay, you didnt even know what you were bitching about.

in conclusion he's definitely your bestest friend. even if he kills someone you'd defend him with your life, you'd do anything for your little bro.

tweek tweak

ever since tweek was born you'd swore with your life to protect him, he was the cutest thing ever, everyone calls you the perfect older sibling. you were two years older than him, 6th grade.

you were really famous amongst the school, everyone liked and respected you. anyone knows that if they mess with tweek, they mess with you. you'd act all tough infront of your friends but then your lil bro came along and you were all soft petting his head comforting him, giving him coffee candy to calm his nerves. almost every 6th grader loved tweek bc of his older sibling.

at home if he had a panic attack or would get really anxious you'd calm him down with coffee (that you bought yourself so no weird shit in it) you knew what your parents put in his drinks thats why you always tell him to only drink your coffee and not to drink them, he doesn't get it and would still drink it but only if he is realllllyyyy stressed out, he trusts your opinions

he trusts you alot, if he gets worried about north korea attacking again you would def help him.

every morning when he buttons his buttoned up wrong you wanted to help but he'd freak out, boy hasn't had his morning coffee of course he's freaked out. you'd forget to fix it by then so you just let it be.

you love him so much and wouldn't ask for any different younger brother, and he is very grateful to have a older sibling as nice as you.

leopold "butters" stotch

butters was the sweetest angel and the best younger sibling you could ask for, although you hated your parents you cared for him so much.

whenever your troubling with something he'd always try to help out anyway he can even though he cant help but he'd try anyways. you hated how unfair your parents was towards butters, he'd get grounded for the stupidest shit and you always argue to your dad about how unfair he's being but instead you'd get grounded too.

you always took the blame for him because he's still a kid and needs to enjoy the outside world, not be cooped up in his room. everytime that eric cartman tricks your sweet angel brother to do something stupid, you hold in the urge to murder some 4th grader, you try talking him out of it but he insisted saying cartman was a good person and hes a good friend, oh how naive butters was

he was very grateful to you and whenever he had doubts about something you are the first person he'd go to, it didnt matter how stupid the doubt was you are always trying to help your sweet younger brother <333

#sp kenny #kenny mccormick x reader #sp kenny mccormick #kenny mccormick #south park kenny #tweek tweak #south park tweek #sp tweek #sp tweek tweak #south park tweek tweak #south park kenny mccormick #butters stotch #leopold butters stotch #south park butters #sp butters #south park x reader #south park x y/n #south park x you #south park

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sheluvv-gambino · 9 months

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okay before i start i just wanna say how much i love your fics. they got me giggling, twirling my hair, yelling at the characters, all of the above. love you!!!

(my first time typing a request i’m so sorry if it doesn’t make sense 😭🤚🏽) do you think you could do a fic with 1610 Miles and black fem reader who are in a happy/stable relationship, but Gwen tries to break them apart/get miles to hookup with her? then reader finds out and doesnt stand for that shit? like, we beat her ass. i’m tired of seeing so many fics where we just brush it off or yell at Gwen. LIKE, BEAT HER ASS GIRL.

"Oh word!?"

A/N : Yes I added Hobie in just because I absolutely love the man but I didn’t add him as the next romantic partner just because i feel like using hobie as a rebound is so icky.

pairings : Aged up!1610!miles morales x black fem!reader (aged up to 18 because what 15 year old his sleeping with someone under his parents roof.

summary : If it’s okay for Miles to cheat and hurt you then it’s okay for you to proceed with anything you want to do, no matter if a certain blondie with a bad bob gets in the way.

warnings : violence, cheating, weed, gw*n ( Yup she’s a warning in itself especially after the way she did my man dirty.)

There was nothing that Miles could do that would lead you to thinking that he would ever cheat on you until hangouts with Gwen became more frequent.

You’re not a jealous person by any means and you’ve never restricted Miles from having any female friends, you just weren’t built to have a pit of hatred here for another woman that has a friendship with your man.

You would be a hypocrite to not let Miles have any female friends considering how close you and Hobie were. Hobie has never and would never overstep on any boundaries, he respected you and Miles way too much to do that.

But what you were built for was not tolerating when another girl attacks your relationship like a pigeon finally getting access to bread after begging from strangers just to get food.

It wasn’t your fault that Gwen couldn’t find a man nor keep a man.

She took the only genuine friendship she had and used it against Miles just because of how naive he was in that friendship.

Miles had always been sweet to you.He never skipped out on dates and always made you a priority in his life even though he juggled being Spiderman, a son, and your boyfriend.

Miles truly let him be himself when he was around you. He put his full trust into you like you had done with him.

But with Miles being the most perfect boyfriend he thought he could be, he also realised the second he screwed up what he had with you just by entertaining Gwen’s antics which ultimately led to the two of them in bed together heavy breathing.

Of course you realised the second Gwen started acting different with Miles.

You had even talked to Miles about setting boundaries so that she understood her place in Miles life and not to cross a bridge she couldn’t come back from.

“Ion like the way Gwen’s been moving with you lately. It’s like she went from totally platonic to flirting with you with no care in the world.” You said whilst massaging Miles’ scalp as his lay on your chest.

“Are you sure? I’m pretty sure I would’ve seen it.” Miles responded.

“That’s because my love, you are not a woman nor do you have the mind of one. You don’t see the way woman move behind closed doors.” You looked down at him lovingly.

“Maybe your just overreacting. I mean Gwen would never do that. Do you not trust me or something?” Miles questioned with pure disbelief in his voice.

“Nah I didn’t say that and you know it. Of course I trust, why else would i be with you. What I am saying is that right now I don’t trust her and her intentions. I’m telling you now if you don’t dead that shit she’s gonna use that as her way into snake this relationship and hurt us.” You told him now sitting up to have direct eye contact.

“Okay I hear you, mi vida.”

He obviously heard you he just clearly didn’t understand you.

You were walking home from Miles’ apartment when you realised that you left your purse that had your keys inside as well. So you decided to just walk back to Miles’ as you knew he wouldn’t have mind.

You were just there thirty minutes ago what could’ve changed in half an hour

Apparently a lot.

Walking back into Miles’ apartment you took your shoes off to respect his parents rules even when they weren’t here.

You knocked on his door before opening it and walked in.

You weren’t ready for what was in front of you.

They obviously didn’t hear you as they kept up the action on his bed.

“Oh word?! That’s what we doing now? You got that bitch in your bed after I told you how i felt about what she was doing. How incompetent do you have to be to loose a three year relationship over a girl that clearly doesn’t even respect you or me!” You said calmly, you weren’t going to let them know the bubbling tension you felt in your heart in that moment.

They quickly gathered themselves and Miles pulled himself from Gwen and made his way over to you.

Before he could even stutter a half assed apology you launched over to Gwen who was putting her pants back on and dragged her by her brittle hair down to the floor.

You couldn’t even hear what Miles was trying to say, you pounded Gwen’s head in numerous times .

Although she was stronger than you due to her spider powers she clearly had never been a fight without her suit before.

She on the ground trying to cover her head looking like a cockroach that had just been found.

She was bleeding from so many holes that you had given her.

You pulled her up just to slam how by the ridges of Miles’ bed to make her back hurt.

All whilst this was happening Miles was just standing in the corner having no idea what to do.

Sure he had just had sex with Gwen but that didn’t mean she didn’t deserve that ass beating since she was the one to initiate her and Miles’s interaction after you had left.

Finally you had come back to your senses and let go of Gwen.

You booted her with your foot just to be sure you left Miles to deal with a bleeding mess.

“That’s the bitch you put over me, just remember that. We’re done you dumbass nigga!” You looked a Miles as you dusted of your hands and darter out the Morales residence. Even though Jeff loved you like his own he was still a police officer and you had just broken up with his son so the odds weren’t particularly in your favour since you had just beat up Gwen in his home.

As you walked back to your house from Miles’ for the last time you decided to text Hobie.

——————

“I am so bloody glad I popped over to your dimension.” Hobie laughed as he took in another drag of the joint the two you had lit up.

“Ha ha Hobie, yes me getting cheated on is very funny.” You glared at him and snatching the joint back into your hands.

“Nah I’m sorry lov’ i just weren’t expecting that is all, as cheesy as it sounds I’ll always be ‘ere for ya.” He said genuinely, slugging his arm around your shoulder to pull you in closer.

“Yeah, thanks Mr Hobart Brown!” You giggled, the weed finally hitting you.

“Oi!”

#across the spiderverse #spiderverse #miles morales 1610 #1610 miles x reader #earth 1610 miles morales x reader #earth 1610 miles fluff #spiderman 1610 #1610 miles morales x black!reader #1610 miles morales #miles morales x reader #miles 1610 #hobie brown #spider gwen #hobie x reader #hobie brown x reader #1610 miles morales x reader angst

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canvasbaby · 2 years

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high heels- eddie munson x fem!reader

warnings: smut!! just fingering and fem receiving oral- and perv!eddie

a/n: second real fic and so far ive only written smut lmao.. anyway all feedback is appreciated!!!

summary: eddies girl usually doesnt wear such... seductive clothes.. especially not to school

eddie loves you. and trust me, you know it. he never misses the chance to tell you. and he did fall in love while you wore your usual style. bigger cardigans, jeans or long skirts, and ballet flats. but of course it being your and eddies senior year your style is starting to grow. you noticed eddies... appreciation for the kind of clothes you wear at the house or at your friend groups hang outs. tank tops, shorts, and his personal favorite: your cute little pink kitten heels.

he doesn’t even know why he likes them so much. the cant be more than two inches tall, but god do they make you look good. he adores the way your legs look, your calves flexing as you walk, the way your skirt sways more than usual.

but, like i said, he does love you no matter what you wear. and he understands that you’d rather wear more conservative outfits in public. and he definitely doesn’t hate it! he loves the cute button-ups and big jeans with iron maiden and metallica patches.

but that’s why he was so surprised to see you today. see, he woke up late, and neither of you have any morning classes together, so he first saw you at lunch when you were walking towards the ‘geek table’ (name curtesy of gareth). he WAS listening to jeff talk about some new character he was developing. some teifling cleric or something. but as soon as his eyes locked on you he tuned everything out.

there you were, talking with chrissy, wearing a yellow short sleeve button up with flowers on it and a cute long pink skirt. but those items weren’t what he was focused on (though he did adore that shirt) no, he was more focused on those cute pink kitten heels. god you looked so hot in them.

“heyyyy earth to eddie!!!” dustin was calling for him, waving hi hand in eddies face.

“henderson, i wouldn’t expect you to understand with all your little fake girlfriends, but the love of my life looks really good today, and id like to appreciate her beauty” the table was in a state of ‘ooo’s and ‘haha he got you’ and dustin was going on about how ‘suzie is real and you’d know that if you’d ever agreed to talk to her on the ham radio’ but eddie didn’t really care because now you were saying bye to chrissy as you walked towards the boys, taking your seat next to eddie

the rest of lunch was filled with you helping jeff develop his character and eddie staring at you. eddie already had a habit of pda, always putting his arm around you or laying his hand on your thigh. but today he kept to himself. you didn’t really think much of it because maybe he was tired or just not in the mood today. that’s fine, everyone has those days.

but you finally understood right after lunch, when the final bell rang and the hallway was cleared out and you were shoved into the nearest broom closet.

“god, princess, been thinking ‘bout you all lunch” eddie whispered in between kisses. they were harsh, mostly teeth and tongue as he desperately pawed at your skirt, trying to lift it up.

“eddie! what’s gotten into you?” you pushed him off of you. not that you weren’t enjoying it, you loved it when he got all desperate, but you were curious more than anything.

“babes, you know i love those little high heels, they look so good on you” he complimented “they’re kitten heels” you complained back

“ yeah yeah, whatever you want, love” he got down on his knees (a sight you’d never get over) as he bunched your skirt up, throwing your leg over his shoulder

he moved your cute black panties to the side, licking up your slit. he started to move his hands up to your pussy, groping your thighs on the way up. as he licks and sucks your clit, he started to slowly push a finger into your hole.

“ooh oh my god- eddie~” you started to moan a little too loud, ending up having to cover your mouth with your hands.

eddie was starting to get real into it, as he usually did while giving you head. he was now on two fingers, curling them to hit the right spot.

he felt like a man starved, like he’s never had any liquid in his life, lapping at your clit, moaning more than you. he got even more into it the closer you got, letting him know by tugging his hair, cumming with a quiet, breathy moan of his name.

he let your leg down, moving your panties back and fixing your skirt. and as he moved to stand up, you were about to move down to return the favor, but-

“uhm, eddie did you...?”

“cum in my pants? yes.” he admitted. “now can we go back to your house?”

you had fun that evening.

#eddie munson #eddie munson smut #strangerthings #strangerthingssmut

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axelsagewrites · 1 year

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Lucerys Velaryon*Date

Pairing: Modern!Luke x Gn!reader

Other charecters: Jace, Aegon, Aemond, Bran, Jojen

Summary: Luke finally goes on his date with his study buddy but realises as he's walking round the mall he's being stalked

Word count: 2041

Part two to Study (here) but can be read alone as just a highschool Luke going on his first date with his crush

Masterlist Here

A/N: You can't tell me modern Aegon doesnt make mean girl references and is a himbo

Luke spent every minute of the rest of the week counting down the time till your date. When he told his friends about it the pair didn’t believe him at first. Bran and Jojen had gave Luke all the advice they could think of. Bring mints and gum and brush your teeth first and make sure to use mouth wash. However, none of the three had any clue what to do after that.

This didn’t matter because luckily, or perhaps unfortunately, his uncles and brother had been there when he had secured himself a date. And none of the three had stopped talking about it. at first it was mostly just some banter and teasing but the day before the trio all joined to lecture their new protégée on how to date and how to do it well.

“Don’t let them pay for anything or you’ll look cheap,”

“Don’t go on your phone too much but enough that they think you have friends,”

“Pull their chair out for them,”

“Wear nice shoes. It’s the only thing they’ll notice,”

“Make sure you kiss before the dates over or its basically went bust,”

If not for all three of the boys long dating history Luke would have thought their advice was crazy. But it had worked for them? Hadn’t it? is this just how dates are? Jace even gave him a list of topics to bring up in the conversation died. But it was things about sports and indie music artists which Luke knew nothing about.

“If it comes to it just smile and nod,” Aegon told him. “You just need to look like you’re paying attention,”

Jace had insisted to their mother about dropping him off at the mall where he had agreed to meet over text. These texts were all drafted by Jace and Aemond however, even they didn’t trust Aegon to do the talking.

When they arrived Luke’s legs suddenly felt like jelly, and he sat staring into space. Jace put a hand on his shoulder, “Hey, you got this,” he said, for once being sincere, “Text me if you need me,”

“I know what im doing,” Luke mumbled as he clambered out the car to look for you.

It didn’t take too long for Luke to find you inside just by the entrance to The Red Keep shopping mall. Luke was already on the verge of blushing when he saw you. In school you had always been wearing a hoodie or comfy clothes but just like he had you had spent the whole night before picking your outfit, “Hey,” You greeted when you saw him, walking over and giving him a quick hug that made his heart flutter. “I was starting to think you got lost,”

“My brother took me,” Luke said with a faint flush. Jace had taken so long to actually get out of bed this morning he was now 10 minutes late. “I really need to get my driving licence soon,”

It wasn’t much of a joke, but you laughed anyway which made him smile. “Laughing is good. It means they’re into you,” Aegon had told him. “Well, when you do get it, I expect to be the first person to get a ride,” your voice snapped him back.

“Of course,” Luke grinned as you began to walk the mall, “As long as you promise to tell me what turn to take. I get lost easy,”

“Okay,” you said, your voice light with a hint of laughter, the sweet sound of it swimming in Luke’s head, “Left turn in three, two, one,” you said before grabbing his arm to steer him into a store so you could look at a few things.

However, when you walked in Luke felt his phone buzz in his pocket.

Ur doing great dude – JoJo

Luke looked up with narrowed eyes before he started to try scan the mall to see if his friends were in fact stalking him. That’s when he saw Bran and Jojen sitting at the opposite side of the mall at the fountain, waving at him to turn around.

When he did, he was met with your confused face, “Are you good?” you asked.

“Um yeah sorry I thought I heard something,” Luke said with a sorry smile as he turned his attention to the novelty sunglasses you were holding, “You suit them,” he joked.

“They’re for you,” You grinned as you placed the martini shaped sunglasses on his head. “I’m more a flamingo person myself,”

“Nah if you get to pick mine, I pick yours,” Luke said as he scanned the stall before handing you the cactus ones and gently placing them on your face. He blushed when your soft skin brushed against his fingers, “Perfect,” he grinned.

“Let’s take a picture,”

As Luke and you continued window shopping around the mall he sent Jojen a text telling him to go home but they clearly didn’t listen since Luke kept getting them snapping him pictures of himself on snapchat, “Is everything okay? you’ve been on your phone a lot,” you asked causing Luke to blush bright red.

He’d broke one of Aemond’s rules, “Nah its just my friends being weirdos,” Luke tried to play it off, slipping his phone away and praying he hadn’t come off as an asshole.

Luckily you laughed, “Don’t worry mine are the same. I’ll be getting interrogated when I go home,” Luke couldn’t help but chuckle since his brother was defiantly going to do the same, “Im shocked they didn’t follow us here,” you joked.

Luke’s eyes widened before he quickly tried to act cool again and failed, “What that’s crazy who would do that?” Luke blushed as he looked around the mall for a distraction, “Hey wanna get food?”

Changing the subject had worked since now Luke stood beside you ordering in the food court. He had made sure to get his wallet out before you could grab your own money and he thought it was adorable the way you blushed when he paid for you. at least he had finally started doing this date right. “I’m gonna go grab us a table,” you said while Luke stayed to wait for the food.

“I was gonna pull your chair out for you,” Luke mumbled without thinking and blushed pink when you called him out.

“I can pull my own chair out,” you rolled your eyes with a playful smile before turning to find the table.

Luke spent the next couple minutes trying to remain calm as he checked his messages from Jo and Bran and waited for the food.

I actually think it’s going well btw they’re amazing guys

Luke carried the tray of food over however he stopped in his tracks when he saw the table a couple behind yours. Three shit eating grins were facing right at him. Luke swore under his breath as he took his seat across from you, but you looked none the wiser to the fact his family had managed to track him down and were now intently staring at his every move.

He had sat his phone on the table which had turned out to be a mistake since the thing kept buzzing. “Someone’s popular,” you joked as it lit up again, “Who’s texting so much?”

When he looked at his phone he rolled his eyes, “Just a couple idiots. Ignore it,” he said tossing his phone into his jacket pocket, “I wanna spend time with you not my screen,”

The blush that spread across your cheeks almost made him not see Aegon mouthing at him to look at his phone. “I’ve got an idea,” you said, standing and taking the tray over to the bin.

“What’s that?” Luke asked as he helped you throw everything out.

“How about we run up and try catch the next screening of the Mario movie so that way we can shake off your stalkers?”

Luke’s face suddenly grew a bright shade of red, “What stalkers- “

“Please are you kidding me?” you laughed as you began to walk away with Luke towards the elevator, “We’ve got like 5 people tailing us. Bran and Jojen were staring at me while I ate,”

“I didn’t even see them,” he admitted as he got into the elevator with you, “Why not the stairs?” he asked as he pressed the 3rd floor button.

“So, they can’t see us,” you grinned.

Your friend had been on shift at the movie counter and with the promise of copying your math homework agreed to tell Luke’s family and friends the movie was sold out if they came up. Luckily the movie was loud enough to drown out the complaints of the mouthy unlikely group trying to sneak in.

Luke knew the classic yawn stretch over the shoulder trick from movies but despite how well the date seemed to be going he just couldn’t muster up the guts to do it. Aemond would probably be internally screaming if he could see Luke’s constant awkward glances as he debated trying out the trick during the prequals.

When you glanced back, and your eyes met Luke’s face flushed and his eyes shot back to the screen to pretend to watch the weird comedy advert that was on. He didn’t see you roll your eyes, but he did almost shiver when he felt the soft skin of your hand touching his. Luke glanced at you with a shy smile as he took your hand properly into his. The way your lips curved so perfect made him forget all about his stalker situation. Then the lights dimmed, and Luke’s attention went back to the screen. That was until your head moved to rest on his shoulder and he internally melted.

“That songs gonna be stuck in my head for the rest of the week,”

“How about the rest of my life?” You laughed along with Luke as the lights in the theatre brighten up so you could try stumble out of the tightly packed seats. Your hand still in his.

As you walked out of the theatre and to the elevators Luke couldn’t help but think how lucky he had gotten and how many more of these dates he craved. It was cliché but he noted how perfectly your hand fit in his.

“Do you think they’re still here?” You asked. Luke hadn’t realised he was rubbing his thumb back and forth over your skin, but the feeling made it hard for you not to flush and keep your smile cool.

“Well, Jace is my ride, so I’d hope so,” he said, “Do you need a lift home?”

“Nah I’m getting picked up by my folks. Can’t wait for the interrogation,” you joked, and Luke grinned.

“At least they didn’t stalk you,” he said.

Your sweet laugh was still magic to his ears, “Yeah but they text me five minutes ago to say they’re close by,”

Luke didn’t want the night to end but truthfully neither did you. “I guess I should walk you to the parking lot,”

“Suck a gentleman,” you teased.

On your walk the conversation flowed easily and luckily without interruption from Luke’s stalkers. When you arrived at the glass doors that led to the parking lot you stopped him suddenly and walked to the side, just out of view of the car park. “You good?” he asked.

“Yeah um” You said, glancing at the door, “I just didn’t want my parents to see me yet. I had a really good time today,”

“Me too,” Luke smiled, eyes only on you, “We should do it again sometime,”

“I guess this is me,” you smiled back at him but didn’t move.

Luke didn’t feel nervous anymore as he looked into your eyes. That was until he noticed your eyes glance at his lips. He swallowed a slight lump in his throat when he glanced at yours. they were so perfect. When he looked back at your eyes, he noticed how your smile had reached them. With one last deep breath Luke started to dip his head.

He was fully prepared to be hit or slapped or kicked as he closed his eyes, lips brushing onto yours. but instead, he felt you step closer, your lips moulding to his for a soft but sweet kiss. It only lasted a couple seconds but Luke had got drunk off your touch in that time, your hands still in his.

You pulled back with a shy grin, having to bite your lip to contain yourself but that just drove Luke wild, “We should do that again sometime,” he mumbled, still in a dazed.

“Maybe on our next date,” you grinned, “Just maybe somewhere more private,”

“I’m sure I can figure something out,” he smiled. Your phone buzzed and you pulled it out to see a text from your parents, “Should I walk you to your car?”

“Walk me to the edge of the car park and wave otherwise they’ll haul you in with us,”

Luke did as he was told without complaint despite his hand suddenly feeling empty when you had to let it go. He waved with the same hand that had been blessed with your touch and his eyes were glued to the car when it drove off.

A car honk brought him back from his bliss. “Get in loser,” Jace yelled from the front seat.

“We’re going shopping,” Aegon pipped up from the back with a grin as he leaned over and opened the door for Luke to clamber in.

Aemond sat in the passenger seat up the front, because he could not fathom letting anyone else control the music, “Someone looks happy,” he said.

Luke rolled his eyes as he buckled into his seat and Jace started to drive off. “Did you see where my friends went by the way?”

“I gave them a lift to the Starks’s,” Jace said as he turned the music down much to Aemond’s protest. He was a bit surprised, but Jace had been used as Luke’s and his friends personal taxi service for the better part of a year since his parents got him his car.

“Enough about they virgins,” Aegon said causing Luke to roll his eyes. “Tell us everything,”

“Spare no detail,” Jace added with a grin as they set off home.

Luke was in for a long night, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was you.

Taglist: @justrybca @clairacassidy

#lucerys velaryon #lucerys targaryen #lucerys valeryon #lucerys velaryon imagine #lucerys velaryon x reader #lucerys velaryon fluff #game of thrones #game of thrones imagine #house of the dragon imagine #house of the dragon #hotd #modern house of the dragon #modern lucerys velaryon

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thehopelessexception · 1 month

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how can a person know everything at 18 but nothing at 22 (almost 24)

warning: im writing this while im on my period and eating ice cream.

i've been dissociating for what now? half a year maybe more. i dont recognize reality. i feel im floating in this sea we call society and i've been feeling the wilson of the story here. i assume everything that's happening around me is real, ofc. but that doesnt make it any less a convenient arrangement i build for myself to try to act like a real person and not freak out. i am feeling out of reality. like the part of the game where you let the sim on auto-mode. i am the sim on auto-mode. and i don't know how to stop this stage of oblivion.

to make a vague introduction, the thing with me is that im a living paradox of a full time contradiction. i am flamboyant but i hate being perceived. i like to speak up for myself but i hate people thinking about me because of it. i have my own process of how i understand things. i trust logic and i question everything. im quite skeptical over things when there's no empirical evidence. i seek for knowledge. critical thinking, data analysis and the whole stuff. i know myself. i sometimes look like i am too obnoxious, frivolous, morally corrupted (people have told me that), when i obsess over something —because i sometimes treat people like they are stupid (not my intention really)—; but probably the only thing im completely sure of is myself. i tend to be a confident person, to have an ego, to not let the guard down, to calculate every single move. and lately i am noticing myself being impulsive, insecure, nervous, weird, saying stupid shit, nonsenses, feeling small. and i don't know how to make it stop. the thing is i put my whole self-esteem backed up by my intelligence, however im not sure of anything anymore. i don't know if the reason behind not recognising myself lately is the fact i have somehow a new crush —or a new hyperfixation for that matter— or just the natural act of growing, also known as the quarter life crisis.

i have this thing where i hyperfix on random stuff, i've been like this my whole life. one of my friends even made a powerpoint of all the things i've been obsessed with over the years. and the issue here is that this things never last that much, or maybe they do? i actually never though about it. the most random ones i remember are probably me buying ice-cream cakes of this specific brand every week for two months. i also got obsessed with eating too many scrambled eggs all day every day for a very long time. then it was that turkish telenovela on an airing channel. then ofc succession, and it grew into watching every single movie kieran culkin was part of. the world cup. mbti —im intj by the way—. red white and royal blue (i watched it five times in a day), then nicholas galitzine —did yk he has a lineage that comes all the way from the romanovs?— and his entire filmography. and also politics, i got way into politics; election campaigns, follow up candidates, history, economy, the law, etc (my candidate lost tho) (we're succumbing to disgrace) (like literally we collectively, as a country, haven't had any kind of good news since then) (please help me). and etc etc. but the thing is, i also hyperfix on random people, or not so random i guess. it doesnt happen very often tho, im quite picky, but the procedure is this: i meet someone, they draw somehow my attention, i want to know everything about this person, i talk to this person a lot (medium to long term) (week to months), and then this person becomes my friend or i get bored and completely ignore them for the rest of my life and move on.

but this time is different, or im feeling it different. i find myself questioning everything i know and i was convinced of. i dont know if it has something to do with the fact that i met someone, probably the first person wise enough to make me question if i was ever correct about anything. maybe i am hyperfixating on this person, idealizing them. but it's truly amazing how much more data this person has about everything i know of. and right now i feel way too insecure, because even if this person told me they find me smart and they enjoy talking to me, i am always thinking that if i say something not completely fact-checked they'll think im stupid. it's absurd. it's a boohoo situation, i know. and it's a process im having about who am i, or what am i supposed to be. some months ago the whole context around my life changed or i think it changed? i dont know how to explain it, —i mean i know how but i would have to talk about other things not related to this (politics stuff, things happening in my country, etc). i'll probably will make a new post about it someday—. but the whole issue is, i dont know myself anymore. and everything is crumbling.

im afraid the person i build for myself it's a fraud. or doesnt exist anymore.

i remember myself at 18, and i was this marvellous whole person. independent, smart, focused, driven. that girl spent their whole days outside her house. did everything she wanted to. wasnt scared of anything. and i look at myself now and think how? the pandemic has a lot to do with it i guess, but when i first heard taylor saying that in nothing new i thought "that wont happen to me". guess what, i was wrong.

for my fellow girlies being 23 —in my experience— is exactly how they say it will be. the worst age of your life.

next month is my birthday and im pushing 24. and i have to say my life is a mess. but i dont know if i can call it a mess because it is truly a mess or because i am a complete drama queen. because people probably have worse problems than mine, and i am what you call a white girl, only poorer —and a third world country citizen—. the issue is, i am almost 24, almost 25. almost 27. ALMOST 30. and i did nothing with my life. absolutely nothing. my mom had me at 29 for god's sake.

and by nothing i mean everything i do is not enough to feel it worthy of a life well-lived. should i look for a job and work while studying just to say i am extremely occupied because i have somehow a life? just to feel something? even if that makes my stress situation and anxiety even worse? should i somehow save enough money so i can move from my parents house? even if for my whole generation it's close to impossible? is studying something i (kinda) like enough to not feel like shit about myself? i've never had a boyfriend, nor girlfriend. shoud i look for one? get myself one? even if i dont think any of that would make me happy? i dont think i know happiness as a state of mind, nor the concept of it.

i dont feel like i have many anecdotes to tell in my future. should i measure the life-worth by anecdotes? my friends feel the same way i do, but they have a more organized life. jobs, boyfriends, careers, plans for the future, one of my closest friends move to the other side of the world with her boyfriend (!) in the blink of an eye. but they aren't much happy nor they have many anecdotes either. and i dont have the money or the guts or the available friends to create any.

every day i understand fleabag a bit more.

my favourite anecdotes about my life are from when i was about 13 and 15 years, also known as the worst time of my life. i didnt appreciated it back then, probably none of us did. but when we were teens everything was possible and we didnt have a care on anything other than mundane stuff or rebellious stuff but nothing more than yelling at people, drinking and smoking weird shit (i never had weed tho). not a real responsibility. being careless, free, avoiding consequences that mattered. i think that girl hates me right now. and i am not sure if that's the feeling i should have or if it's just utterly pathetic.

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dykesagainstgojo · 8 months

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Been seeing talk about Orpheus and Eurydice and thinking about satosugu being like a dark version or subversion of them. Like Kenjaku forcefully bringing geto back from the dead to force gojo to look back and have a moment of weakness, of hope, even despite his better judgement and dooming him in an even more tragic way than how Orpheus was doomed (because at least it was their choice). Idk...but I feel like there could be something in thinking about the parallels and also the differences.

hello, sorry for taking so long to answer but i was kind of busy and i wanted sooo bad to sit and think properly about this wonderful concept before saying anything. (BTW THANKS FOR THIS ASK IT RUINED MY LIFE)

to get started i have to talk briefly about orpheus and establish my point of view on his act of looking back. this scene is, in some interpretations, about a lack of trust or defiance of hades' orders. i am, however, much fonder of the more popular interpretations (and the same as yours) about how he looks back not in rebellion, but in wistfulness. so thats the route im taking here. this is ironic, because even though stsg is in my brain 24/7 i've never put gojo and orpheus together, and i feel particularly dumb because whats gojo's story besides him keeping looking back again and again even though he knows he's not supposed to?

"[eurydice] now, who must die a second death / did not find fault with [orpheus], for what indeed / could he be faulted for, but his constancy?"

when it comes to the differences between those stories, what i like the most is the details of what they had to lose and gain, and how many chances they got to do so because, as you said, gojo's dooming is even more tragic than orpheus'. orpheus reward for obeying this rule was gaining eurydice back. when he looks back too soon (in most of the tellings by mistake), it's because he considers that moment the greeting of their new start, a greeting he simply couldnt wait to have in front of him. im most definitely sure that, if given another chance, orpheus wouldnt make the same error. whilst gojo, by not looking at geto, doesnt have anything to win, he only has something to avoid losing. his choice of glancing back whenever geto is there doesnt have any other meaning behind it, its just looking at him for the sake of remembering what he is grieving for. and not only that, but gojo has multiple chances to stop doing so, but he doesnt. he never goes forward. geto dies his premature death when gojo lets him go in shinjuku. then he dies the second time in jjk0, hearing something so kind that he has to ask to be cursed, he has to ask gojo to stop looking back. and now he's "back" again, to his third death, because kenjaku knew gojo would still look back. because gojo's worst fault (when it comes to geto) is his constancy. and this connects to the last point, which is the possibility of kenjaku using this against him again. my opinion is that, if gege plans to keep the coherence of gojo's arc, you're totally right and that'll surely be part of his ending. yes, the main point of his fight with sukuna (from a plot relevance perspective) is obviously weakening him before he fights kenjaku. but this, to me, is much more about laying the groundwork for a heavy and final fight, than to actually being the reason why it'll be special. gojo is a man equivalent to a deity, whose only real weakness is his heart, so if he gotta lose, it'll be through that. it'll be because no matter what he has to give up, he cant keep his eyes from going back to geto. and thats not only if he is to lose, obviously. if gojo survives, he needs closure. we need to see him freeing himself from the mourning of his lost days and make the conscious choice of keeping his head forward.

also, this is just an obs but i really hope we get to see geto at least once again, so we can have his perspective on this whole situation. as much as gojo is similar to orpheus, i can see geto being similar to eurydice. while i do think he will be furious at gojo for being captured because of him (we already saw how he thinks gojo should hate him by now), i cant help but also see him being quite understanding. in jjk0 geto gets to hear gojo expressing how important the days they were together were for him, so his view of that has changed a little now. what could geto say about gojo, but that too well he loved?

#satosugu #jjk #i thought i would calm down a little in these weeks without jujutsu kaisen #but look at me spending almost an hour typing an analysis of stsg as orpheus and eurydice lol #ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK I LOVE YOU

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pocketramblr · 4 months

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I want to know how all might reacts to reincarnated afo!aizawa

Like I think All Might would understand that Aizawa doesn't remember his villainous past, and has essentially been reborn, but the fact that afo somehow managed to get away with it (in a matter of speaking at least) must be like one of those forbidden itches from another dimension: forever vexing him

So All Might doesnt find out about this until Aizawa goes to him himself a few months after the worst of it, which is important because the reaction is defintely something that would vary based on when and how he learned it.

As it is, Aizawa goes to Might Tower and is like "Hey, I'm a UA student, Nedzu emailed All Might and said why he needed to see me, if he hasn't checked it tell him its about All For One." and is quickly sent up to talk. All Might is confused about the why- this kid is like, sixteen, AfO could have been dead before he was born.

But then Aizawa sighs, and says "I was born on the day you killed All For One," which means he knows way more information than he should, and All Might listens even when the kid immediately seems to go off topic by explaining that he's always wanted to be a hero, even though erasure is a weak quirk, and he knew he wouldn't be able to be a hero like All Might. Then he gets to the Garvey fight, and very quietly says that when he tried to erase the villain, he stole one of his quirks instead. All Might looks at the boy's palms, and sees.

But he doesn't quite see the truth yet.

"You're All For One's son." He breathes.

Shouta shakes his head. "No. Worse. I was born the day you killed him, right? Well, the hospital I was born at, there was a doctor that worked for AfO. Tried to save his life. Couldn't. So AfO ordered him to grab a baby, and transfered his quirk... to me." All Might relaxes, because that is tragic, but easier to deal with- "And then, I guess, they lost me? Not sure, but um, after Gravey, i went to the hospital and the Doctor kept messing with me. He was giving me more of All For One's quirks... and his memories. And i- it was so stupid, I went in there alone, and now... it's all there. in me."

All Might is no longer relaxed. He stares at the kid. Miserable, Aizawa holds out a hand, and a spike shoots out from it. One All Might remembers going into his chest, and he flinches.

Aizawa puts his hand down.

"I can't figure it out."

"Can't figure what out?" All Might asks.

"I can't figure out if I'm more me or more him now. I mean, I feel like I'm in charge. But he's been alive a lot longer, even if so much of those memories a blur. And, logically, even if he isn't in my head, his memories have to affect me. I mean, i knew going alone was stupid, but all those memories of his power, his pride, i ignored it and went anyway. I can't figure out what it means to know all of this now, who I am or what I should do."

All Might nods. He feels such pity for the boy, such grief he didn't prevent this. caused it, even, really. "And you came to me?"

"Yeah. You're the person alive who's known All For One the longest, except Gran Torino and I didn't know how to find him." The teen shrugs. "You'd be the one to know if he's... you know, if i'm him. You'd be the one to stop him."

All Might stares at him, not moving, not speaking. Aizawa beings to twitch despite himself.

"You trusted me to fix this." He finally says. "Yeah, there's no way in hell All For One's in charge of your brain then. You're safe, kid. You might have the memories, but i take it you hate the guy in them?"

"More than anything. You're sure? It makes sense that i could be influenced-"

"Young Aizawa. You're safe. I am sure. And if that changes, i'll make sure to help you. I am here."

Aizawa goes nearly boneless on the couch. "Thanks."

"No problem. I'm guessing you'd feel better if you were doing something about it, though?"

"Huh?"

"You're a hero. You feel better when you're doing something."

"Yeah. What do you have in mind?"

"Let's see if any of your new old memories can help us weed out anyone else who could be planning something like the Doctor was, and then come up with some plans to use all those quirks in you now for good."

Aizawa smiles for the first time in weeks. It is a terrifying smile, but it is absolutely nothing like All For One's too-calculated smirk. All Might smiles back.

#see the thing is. aizawa does have lot of the memories unlocked after the doc is done with them #not as bad as it couldve been and afo is super not in charge #(since he got afo-quirk as a baby his body kinda overwrote the vestige in the same way the original stockpile vestige got overwrote by ofa)#(and there wasn't enough time to even start transplanting another afo vestige in to take over)#but it is a lot. and aizawa is both a depressed teenager and someone who tries to cope with logic #and what is the difference really between having memories because you did it or because they were planted?#so he's not having a great time #(note: he did not got to garaki alone because of afo influence or anything like that. that was just dumb teen moment and not wanting anyone #else hurt again)#but yeah All Might is going to be very uneasy for a time #not because of shouta specificlly (tho pleeeenttty of guilty feelings there)#but also because it *could* be done. so how does he know there isn't another person it's happening to and afo will really take them over an #be back?#he doesn't #like shouta he'll feel better over actually doing stuff about it #meanwhile shouta is. look he's gunning to dump a lot of those quirks asap he does not do great with ghosts in his head #but they'll figure things out thatll help both of them. have a weird dynamic. closer but also kind bitter. not 'bitter towards each other'#but 'bitter together' ig #anon #pocket talks to people

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bonesandthebees · 5 months

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help, I am starting to lose myself in my glass ch28 brainrot note and I really want to finally put it together so I can shift into rose mode so im just gonna start putting my finished subsequents here

that being said dont expect any logical order whatsoever

1. wilbur vs the pythia + 2. others learning wilburs name

1. there was not a single slip into the pythia this is huge, didnt even get close to it and hes been so much more comfortable in his "wilbur", the progress just from before the palace is huge, like he told phil, it really did help him a lot to be able to move and and kill the pythia, leave it behind for good

and not just that, even his relationship with the title got better as a consequence of all this so when being called that while it did feel wrong it doesnt make him flinch, doesnt make him spiral or anything

its so satisfying to see it finally come to this, this is what the story has been going towards this whole time basically, or at least its the representation of wilbur finding himself which is the point of this story

2. I wonder if tommy felt a bit sad about wilbur telling his name to other people. bc it is losing a part of wilbur he only had for himself. and im sure that being happy for wilbur overweights it, but did he feel a sting of jealousy when he heard niki or tubbo use the name? I like to think he did, crimeboys unhealthy possesivity/dependence bond and all that. I like to think hes not perfect, even in his feelings about wilbur. feels fitting. and it shows that thoughts dont actually matter that much its how you act upon them/bc of them. nobody ever only thinks the right thing.

finally going to start working through your glass asks but don't expect any consistency with me answering these lol, I love hearing your thoughts though I promise!!

oh yeah I always knew from the start that I wanted the final chapter to be entirely 'wilbur' without slipping into 'the pythia' once. the pythia was left behind when the palace burned. wilbur is the one who survived. and now that he's finally accepted that he is a person, it's easier when he does get called the pythia because he knows that's not what he is anymore.

tommy was definitely a little bitter hearing others use wilbur's name. he's extremely possessive of wilbur's trust and liked being the only person who knew all these things about wilbur for the longest time. tommy's love for wilbur was never a proper healthy thing, and the dependency the two still have on each other is bound to cause problems in the future, but it works for them and tommy is able to put his jealousy aside for the time being because another part of him is still happy that wilbur has finally accepted his name and identity as his own

#ask #jiksvokrat #glass ch 28

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compassionatereminders · 8 months

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hi, i hope its okay if i vent here cause i know shits been rough for you lately (wishing you the best btw, which ik simply saying that doesnt magically make things better but hope yk what i mean)

i sent an asks a few months ago about having empathy for someone for the first time and really struggling to come to terms with it, how to deal with new overwhelming emotions and the like (i believe i also mentioned them being in an abusive situation at the time, which was a whole other complicated feeling to empathize with someones pain and to take it internally on levels i had never experienced or was capable of fathoming before in my entire life)

currently struggling with that person again, they left their original abusive situation but have entered a new complex one, as this person isnt intentionally shitty but they're rich, white passing and extremely privileged and out of touch, like truly they don't grasp my friends trauma and why it makes things hard for them (friend has gone through severe abuse and childhood trauma, neglect and homelessness just to say the light ones, its truly awful what they've been through) despite having some trauma of their own and i truly fucking despise them with my entire being

my friend is abusing alcohol and debating killing themselves due to this person dangling ending their relationship over my friends head --- (which is another thing thats complex and hurting, my friend never told me they were dating which like they totally dont have to obviously!! but they continuously insisted to me they were only friends, before suddenly revealing through a screenshot of their partners text that they were together, which they did with their previous abuser so like having it happen twice was icky feeling for some reason despite the fact ik they don't owe me that information at all, i dont care they hid it i just feel hurt and confused if i had done something to warrant not being trusted with that information but thats a whole other can of worms) --- due to them struggling to do something the person wants, because my friend has trauma what the person is requesting is hard and my friends explained why its hard and hurts them, they've thrown up daily from the stress and this person knows that but somehow doesnt grasp why its causing my friend such distress

i feel utterly suffocated by the entire situation and its put my life on full stop because i cant just leave my friend to deal with this themselves, but theres nothing i can say or do that can help them because they're deeply in love and won't break up with their partner even though the stress is physically ruining them. i feel hopeless and unable to do anything, i encourage them to talk to me because really i wanna be there for them but i feel so scared all the time that somethings gonna happen to them which makes me need to listen even more because their other friend is horribly abusive and contributed to their trauma, so i don't wanna leave my friend alone. i don't know how to deal with empathizing with their pain and not being able to stop it feels like its killing me cause now im also throwing up multiple times a day, genuinely debating drug relapse to cope with it all and i can't sleep properly anymore and only sleep on specific 4 hour intervals throughout the day next to my phone so i can be on constant standby for the friend and i know its not healthy and if they knew it was like this they'd never tell me whats wrong again (which i really dont want i truly honest to god wanna be there for them), i feel like no matter how i go about it theres no winning in this situation and honestly i wanna die from it all which sounds so silly cause my friend is going through SO much worse and here i am going waaah this hurts me!! i just eugh, i don't know what to do. which i guess i know what to do, but i don't wanna do any of it i've never cared about someone like i care about them and the thought of leaving them to sort it out themselves feels like the end of the world, even though i know they're also a sociopath and don't feel empathy towards me which is also a new shitty feeling cause now i know how people feel around me. this is exhausting i don't know how people with empathy deal with it especially you kat!! if i remember correctly you mentioned being very empathetic, it's amazing you're able to handle having empathy and running a blog where people often dump stuff in your inbox (which uh is the very same thing im doing now, sorry!) ok i got it all out of my system i'm gonna go take a nap and hope the problem is solved tomorrow (it wont be but a bitch can hope!!) thank you for being a space where i could word vomit my brain out, i really hope things get better for you and that your eye gets sorted out <3

No matter how unwell your friend is, you're allowed to have boundaries and limits. And while I get the desire to be there and do everything you can because you care about your friend, you will not be able to continue pouring from an empty vessel. This is not a sustainable situation. You neglecting yourself and not sleeping and getting physically ill and wanting to die is not an acceptable consequence of your friend being in a toxic relationship without being able to change their situation. I know you didn't ask for advice, but I strongly encourage you to establish some boundaries here and stand by them. You do not lose your right to have boundaries when a loved one is mentally unwell and if you do not prioritize your own mental well-being, you will not be able to continue being there for you friend

#chat with kat #abuse tw #alcohol tw #trauma tw #addiction tw #suicidal ideation tw #suicide tw #vomit tw #drugs tw #homelessness tw

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thisdreamplace · 1 year

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How did you reach a place where you can be happy and full of love no matter what? I hate feeling like I’ll be unsatisfied if my desires don’t manifest. I wish I could feel totally complete without them.

honestly by being willing to totally allow myself to surrender and let go and... allow. allow in general. you have to start to value yourself more than you value whatever manifestation u think will be the trick to fixing ur life. i will be completely transparent in saying i experienced a lot of heartache and pain on this journey as a whole, mostly from the fact i was the same way for a while. i put my wholeness into the manifestations without even realizing i was doing so. so i feel for everyone who gets stuck there bc sometimes u truly think ur doing things for urself but deep down, ur still living for the hope of a desire materializing. through all this time, i cried a lot but i also broke new heights of love, peace, and beauty. and i feel so much more stable and trusting of myself than i ever have. accept that this is a journey and you're just gonna have to be there for yourself, along for the ride ! <3

to be specific, on what i actually did, i firstly took a break off tumblr as some of you know. and i immediately started questioning everything and asking myself for the answers. things that didnt feel right to me i started to reject, and i started to accept things that everyone in the community made fun of. because i didnt care about anyone's beliefs anymore, i just knew it was time for me to live a life i actually wanted. and what was popular in the community was hurting more than helping. so i went all in ! i also allowed myself to revisit topics like deattachment and letting go, which actually helped a ton. after a couple months of starting to challenge my old belief system, i started to actually live again. (yall got a light taste of this energy when i did "love me february" earlier this year bc i slowly started doing new things) i started to push myself out of my comfort zone and go do things in real life, rather than sitting in my room telling myself "i dont have to lift a finger ! if i just sit in here in my mind it will surely happen" (i got tired of telling myself that after 2 years of a rather stagnant-feeling life) so i said fuck it and started doing things. which only snowballed because then i got comfortable doing things. and now ive had so much fucking fun in my life in just the past couple months. i only say that because it still blows my mind n i am beyond thankful for my experiences this year !

what i would like to help yall understand more than anything is this life was meant to be lived and experienced, period. without even realizing it, a lot of us do put life on hold because we're too busy worrying about our manifestation arriving because we put so much weight into that being the thing that will finally be the pinnacle of happiness for us, we ignore everything else already in front of us. its truly a thing like. take it step by step, little things that are out of your norm and you will see the way life responds to you so beautifully ! i love experiencing myself through others and life as a whole n not just thru my mind sitting on my bed everyday !! its great !! but it wasnt some manifestation that got me out there, it was me being done with waiting on shit to change. i just went out there to see what happens, while also keeping my spiritual practice important to me, and it was like magic tbh.

so to simplify. challenge what doesnt feel right. allow what feels right. and allow yourself to actually live and experience life along the way. nothing that is in front of you at this moment, is an obstacle or something you need to pretend isnt there. take what you have and let it be part of what guides you. make that your goal. feeling complete. (or whatever you want, really) when that is your goal, instead of your desire, you wake up everyday and make decisions based on your true self. not that egotistic urge for results.

i hope this helps ! <3 you so deserve to live a full life, no matter what is in front of you. and the thing is that what the greats say is so true. you dont need to be so focused on a desire to force it into being. life responds to you perfectly when youre just busy loving yourself and making the most out of each day. :') things just happen with ease and so beautifully. <3

idky but this q also gives me this post’s vibes hehe ;-;

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clanwarrior-tumbly · 2 years

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hm i was looking over your masterlist, and was wondering if i may request a part 2 of https://clanwarrior-tumbly.tumblr.com/post/184908864863/the-word-i-got-was-accidental-so-maybe-something ?

maybe something like the reader recovering from literally being stabbed like it was nothing and yan doubting if they'll ever be safe around him/trust him?

ofc the reader forgives him but he doesnt know if he can forgive himself because oh god. thats his s/o who got sliced-

Ohh I remember this one! Yeah </3

.......

Hearing the clinic’s recovery room door slam shut made you jump a little, wondering who barged in. But you calmed down as you realized it was only Yan standing there.

“Hey.” With a gentle smile, you covered your stomach with the white blanket, sitting up. But it faltered when you saw his hesitance to approach you, alongside his disheveled appearance. He looked like he hasn't slept in days. “Yan?”

Part of him wanted to turn around and leave, even as you tried coaxing him over to you with open arms. As much as he wanted to run into them and smother you with love...he remembered who put you here in the first place.

That’s right.

It was him.

He did this to you. He almost killed you.

Dark made sure to remind him of that when he heard the news and screamed at the red-headed ego for his carelessness, leaving him already badly shaken. So he expected you to act the same, especially when he seemingly startled you awake.

What was he doing visiting you? He didn't deserve to be here and breathe the same air as you.

“S-Sorry sen..[y/n].." He forced himself to say your actual name. "I didn't mean to wake you...I-I’ll go.”

“Yan, I was already awake. You don't have to leave.” You pouted as he turned back to the door, before getting an idea. A surefire way to convince him to stay. “What if Illinois comes in and tries flirting with me?”

Freezing, his eyes widened in horror at that prospect, and he immediately went over to the chair beside your bed, sitting down. But he frowned, looking at the blanket.

“Let me see.”

You shook your head. “It’s not that bad-”

“Not bad? I stabbed you, [y/n]..” He whispered brokenly, his voice already wavering as his hand hovered over it. “I..I-I need to see how much hurt I caused.”

“Yan..” You started, pausing as his pleading gaze met yours. He really wanted to know how bad the injury was, even though it will definitely make him breakdown even further.

At his insistence though, you finally uncovered the blanket. The tears instantly fell from his eyes, his hand shakily hovering over your bandaged stomach while the other remained cupped over his mouth in horror and guilt.

In his mind he saw that wound he accidentally inflicted on you, bleeding red and staining the steel of his katana.

He couldn’t imagine what the scar was going to look like.

A scar that will forever remind you of just how awful he could be.

Of how he used to be.

You should be scared and distrustful of him now. It’s only a matter of time before you begged him to stay far away from you. Yet for you to be so calm was...off.

Why were you so calm?

He’s a murderer. A monster.

Why would you want him near you anymore?

He started to weep as you pet his red hair comfortingly, hushing him. He lowered his head down to press a few kisses on the bandages, specifically where he stabbed you. He was an absolute wreck, sobbing apologies and holding your hand in a death grip.

“I-I did this to you..my only love. I ruined your body...your perfect body! I-I'm so, so sorry.." His voice remained muffled against your stomach, but you understood him and knew he felt undoubtedly guilty.

“Sweetie, it was only an accident. I know you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose. You didn't ruin anything. It's okay. All the bleeding’s internal, where it’s meant to be." You attempted to joke.

However it was ineffective as he just shook his head, sniffling. "No! I-It’ll never be okay! Unless I...”

"Unless..you what?"

Suddenly he went quiet, before looking at you. "I atone and inflict the same pain on myself. I just..n-need your permission."

"..what? No. Absolutely not.” Your heart sunk as you knew exactly what he was talking about. “You are not gonna commit seppuku over this."

"I-I won't do it fatally. Just..enough to match what I've done to you. S-So you aren’t alone in your suffering. Please, let me atone..”

"I don't give you permission."

"Please, senpai..let me!! If it’s the only way you’ll forgive me-”

"I already have. You don’t need to hurt yourself to earn my forgiveness."

“...y-you forgave me?” He sniffled, blinking with astonishment.

“Of course I did.” Your voice softened as you brushed away one of his tears. It pained you to know he considered doing that at all.

But he swore to hurt whoever dared bring you harm.

How ironic. It was him who ended up doing that, nearly killing you. So he should be punishing himself. And yet...you still loved him enough to press a kiss to his cheek, refusing to let him do that.

That made Yan shudder with quiet sobs as he laid his head back down on your stomach. You just rubbed gentle circles into his shaking back, murmuring comforting words.

At that point he had dozed off, exhausted and still holding your hand.

He couldn’t tell you how he almost went through with the punishment when he sat alone in his room, thinking over everything he’s done. He was so convinced that you’d never trust him again and you were better off without him...and had the katana’s clean blade pointed at his own stomach.

But he stopped, coming here as soon as Edward mentioned you were in stable condition. He just wanted to confirm if you hated him or not.

And you didn’t. Even after what he’s done to you, you still loved him and forgave him

Maybe he was worthy, after all.

#clanask #iplier egos x reader #yandereplier #yandereplier x reader #angst #hurt/comfort #tw suicide mention

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waterparksdrama · 2 years

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man i know yallre just worried for them and it comes from deep appreciation for what the band has done up until this point but, why all of the nihilism??

sure funeral grey and fuck about it are.. pretty vapid in a few ways but, they each have a least a lyric or two worth something and sound generally catchy? rsd and self sabotage are pretty good imo, and seem genuine/vunerable even if they showcase Bad Stuff for awsten. and we havent got to see really *any* of the record thusfar because theyve been so busy, so there can be hidden gems. no ones gotta deny the clear appeal to general audiences, but i dont think we have to shit on it *so* heavily. ultimately they seem to want to keep growing and making music. they are probably pretty wealthy but its likely not enough to drop everything after one last poorly performing album. i especially can’t imagine that awsten would want to “let Them win” by leaving from feeling miserable due to ending up the same as every other artist or “failing” to play the industry game.

it would be ideal if they took these next few months before ymas tour to take a genuine break (minimal writing, no studio, nothing) and let fans know a vague release date but that its for the best so that they can put their all into it. i know realistically that probably wont be how it goes, but i trust them to recognize their own burnout and take *somewhat* of a break before their art suffers for it. even if they were planning on this being the last album before a hiatus, i cannot imagine theyd want to flop hard instead of going out on a bang. this doesnt have to be “the end of a good band” etc, awsten has openly talked about how much criticism theyve gotten from the start even on black light.

how hard is it to take the bands experimentation at face value or at least give awsten the credit of knowing when enoughs enough?

wow this is long and im not even sure if my response will encompass all of this but i'll try

i think the nihilism is reasonable tbh. it's not like awsten changes his bad habits online and it's not like this fanbase gets any less annoying and the songs don't get stupider etc etc. everything and nothing ever changes with this band at the same time. they get older, but habits still stay and never leave.

i think the new songs for the most part are passable but aren't really "parx songs" in the classic sense meaning "playful, but with some serious passion entwined in it that really gets you hooked". it just feels really edgy yet somehow generic when he tries to push some of these sex lyrics in and it just feels awkward especially coming from him of all people. and the complaining songs (as i call them) about shit he always complains about (fans, music critics, being a d list internet celebrity at best) is so fucking tired and also some of the things he complains about are usually his fault and something he can stop.

i do think they want to keep growing and making music but i also feel like they're trying to convince themselves that they are in the first place bc things just don't flow the same anymore especially now that they don't even all live in the same place. i don't think they're sticking to whatever plan awsten had in his head for this album from the looks of it bc i have a feeling it's been reworked a lot and he's kind of stalling its official announcement to rework it in the first place.

as of taking a break, while that is a good idea and you know they probably won't anyways, have you seen awsten? he barely takes breaks and even when he says he does, it just means he's lurking without saying anything because he doesn't wanna say shit. he legit has not taken a real break since goddamn 2010 because even after he finishes something, he's always onto something else. in fact, i'm pretty sure the only reason there's such big gaps between the eps was just to gather the resources and promo they needed to record them in the first place bc they're always making some shit no matter what. i don't trust him to take a break even if they're burned out bc he'll always have something to say and write as stupid as he manages it.

it's ironic you use the term experimentation considering they're really just relapsing into that modern distilled pop punk sound when their last album was experimental one. i feel like if awsten's trying to go mainstream on the radio, let him; it won't necessarily mean it's the best they've put out. and awsten never knows when enough's enough; he'll take things too far every time (love, internet jokes, etc etc) and won't jump back until he stops posting (only for a little while of course and he'll still lurk himself in that time) and come back so that everyone tells him they love him and he'll believe it until he takes things too far again and the cycle repeats like it always does - iz

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taeyungie · 7 months

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i thought i would be in a Better space when the guys come back but i haven't done anything. it's like when i try, my depression hits and it messes everything up. even now i want to be Productive but i fall out of the fake motivation i try and get and back into sulking that my life is not how i want it to be, all the while having to be around people who actually have lives. they're about to start a family, theyre going on exotic trips, they have new chapters in their lives and i kid u not im still where im at 10 yrs ago. sad, depressed and nothing more than a homebody that has nothing going on for them. to the point i dont even want to hang out with these ppl anymore, i just feel so Bad around them. it doesnt help they kinda acknowledge i have nothing going on besides bts :( esp with yoongi leaving now and he was/is my main source of comfort and i feel like im never going to be able to walk through that closed door like he did. it feels so far away

first of all thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me, i appreciate you trusting me 💞

i'm so sorry that you feel that way sweetheart, but i think it's also something you shouldn't feel guilty for, or to blame yourself for. when depression is around it disturbs our sense of time and so many other things in our life, and it's not because "you aren't being good enough" or "trying your best". you are, you are trying your best and being good enough, even more than that, you have to acknowledge that you are giving out everything you are able to AT THE MOMENT. you have to be nicer to yourself, love, you have to be understanding to yourself as well, because no human is an emotionless machine designed to work and achieve, and nothing else, life is not about that.

i know many people have set a goal for themselves after the announcement of hiatus from BTS, we all probably felt "yes, this is the time for me to get my shit together", and this has put a really giant pressure on us all, which immediately causes stress and our bodies shut down, which mixed with the pain of the boys not being around anymore, made a whole mess we now need to deal with. even though we technically know they WILL be back soon - after years of being used to their constant presence, having it taken away in such a short time could have cause a simple shock to our bodies. now look at this situation as you would look at someone grieving, you know that they would need A LOT of time to work through their pain and sorrow, you wouldn't expect them to move on very fast. when someone we love, care for, depend on when it comes to our comfort and well being, just leaves - no matter the situation or reason - we just feel worse, and that's normal.

you could look at your life from a different perspective, but what i want you to do first is to stop comparing your life to others, this can really destroy every last good thought you have about yourself, so please, don't think of yourself by placing yourself in the shoes of other people, because everyone is different, everyone goes through different things and deals with the same things differently. that doesn't mean someone is better or worse, baby. you have to give yourself time, to give yourself a chance. another advice i have is that you should definitely drop the deadline you hope to reach your goal (in this situation 2025, when the boys comeback). that causes a lot of stress you might not even be aware of and you're focused on just getting to your goal as fast as possible and not actually gaining something valuable from it, when you focus on "WHAT" instead of "WHEN" you will notice that your effort and work you put into getting better will actually start making you feel different. you have to break your pattern and try to be completely alone with yourself for some time, to get to know yourself better, to find out who you are and what you want to do, exactly, because maybe you're not moving forward because you aren't sure of what you exactly want? so please, give yourself that chance. life is not only about constant achievements, of experiencing events that cause intense emotions, of trying to be the best. it's also about being alone too, and feeling good while being in that state, that is what's the most important to be honest ❤️

don't do things you don't feel good about, don't force yourself to reach expectations that OTHER people have set for THEMSELVES, you have to set your own, step by step, even if it means that your first step to feeling better means trying to develop a new routine that will make YOU feel better. your own door are waiting for you, and you have to remember how much yoongi went through to get to the point to where he is now, while also being a wonderful person, and i'm sure that you are just like him too ❤️

#i love you ❤️ please take care of yourself. everything is gonna be okay ❤️#anonymous #answered

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iwannabeastarstarrockmann · 9 months

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i dont fucking know if my thoughts are my own or if ive just been so emotionally and verbally abused each day that im starting to internalize someone elses idea of me. idk what to think lately. im so fucking depressed and anxious and sad like every single day, it hurtsso much, and it fucking sucks that there are people in my life who just view me as a sad sack of shit with no aspirations or value. i never get more than a day to get better from anything before someone in my life is pressuring me to get off my ass and do something productive. dont you know tht there is something seriously wrong with me. idk why i cant do things, i just cant. i wan to be so productive and social, i just cant bring myself to do it right now. i feel so trapped and overwhelmed. do you realize how exhausting it is to wake up everyday with a mind attacking itself, with a body that aches, with a hope that this will be your last day of suffering, with no sense of what it is you need in order for the suffering to stop. i want to scream but i have no energy to. i want to die one minute and then hope to save my own life the next, contradicting every word or thought with an action that is not my own. theres days where my health anxiety is practically non existant and then something will happen, it could be something so nonsensical and somehow ill get triggered or worried and there i go absolutely obsessed with some strange pain or weird tension, or god forbid i actually get infected with something. thats all i could focus on 24/7 until i find some way to make it better, but the worry from the thing that im feeling and wondering about my health, this shit brain decides its so stressful and scary that i should just starve myself, cause if i were skinny, these prooblems wouldnt feel so big, or maybe id be able to go to the doctor if im 2 sizes smaller. that doesnt make any sense. i know it doesnt so why do i do what i do. and then theres the cutting that i feel i have to do or else i wont learn from my mistakes but if i cut myself whenever i impulsively feel like it, then that makes my immune system too weak to fight off whatever i think i have this week so im trying to recover from that as its only making everything more complicated, but its all i can think about, especially in this self loathing state im in now. im such an idiot, im just a sick fuck who cant stop thinking to herself that maybe im faking all this and im actually okay. i think its all my fault for being this way, i dont remember what started all these unhealthy coping mechanisms but it has to have started with a thought right? i feel so ashamed for being this way, it was stupid of me to ever adopt such habits restriction makes me more confident but the constant exercise makes me too weak to go anywhere to show that confidence, and great! now i actually am sick, and my immune system is shit, and my emotional state and self hatred is making it worse, and im too overwhelmed to see anyone in my life who thinks they love me, because i dont want them to see me like this. they wouldnt believe me if i tried to explain that im struggling and need help. ive tried. they dont listen. they dont realize whats important. i know i put em through hell, im selfish, im self centered and dramatic and lazy and gross and undeserving of any love they think they have for me. i dont trust it. dont tell me you love me, you barely know me, the real me, the one i keep locked behind a closed door each night, to contemplate what im going to do about this shit life ive curated for myself. im so tired, im so fucking tired all of the time. i dont know how to keep going. i dont know how to do anything for that matter. im not even going to revise this shit post, im too tired, i just need to announce somewhere, somehow, that im so fucking lost that i dont even know if my thoughts are my own, or what it means to be a person. everyday with this bullshit, now im getting into existential dread territory, im just so sick of my own shit! im sick of myself. why cant i function like everyone else???

i want it to be over, i wish my problems could just be solved without any external help. i just want to wake up tomorrow and for everything to just be okay. i want to feel okay again. i dont need anything fancy, please let me wake up tomorrow with hope of brighter days. its so hard to see the beauty in my life when im being suffocated and pinned down by something invisible. i dont have the capacity to love or care for anyone or anything, and no one can see that i just need a break?? how can you not see me? no one can see, ill show them and they still wont see! they refuse, simply because, they cannot see inside my head and dont care enough to want to. they think they do. i tried to tell them time and time again but i think its just that when i am feeling okay, they dont like the choices i make. when im okay, i make sure i make the most of that time by prioritizing my own happiness over everyone elses, and that really pisses people off! to the point where they want to tear me down and take that light away from me. i didnt ask to be here, now, with all this pressure on my shoulders to be more than what i am. im simply existing. i can feel it. tomorrows gonna be so shit. i can always sense the storm before it comes, i wish i could prevent it, or ease my pain in some way. these substances are nice in the moment but eventually the buzz will wear off and ill just be me again, with nothing to offer. i dont have anything to offer. life is too hard, i gave up so long ago and didnt even realize that is what was happening at the time. i just go through it day by day without fully processing that ill have to wake up the next day. i wish my life was a dream i could wake up from. my brain isnt working right. i dont recognize myself. i hate how alone we all are. every sensation, thought, visual, sound, and taste. you are completely isolated from everyone around you.

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introspectionofaqueer · 2 years

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well shit

i missed ONE singular T shot and got my period. i guess thats what happens when youre on low dose! i was cramping really bad last night n i guess this explains why. it was just a light spotting and im hoping thats all i get, cuz i did my shot on wednesday. i missed the one before that. im hoping having taken the T that recently is enough for it to not be a 'real' period. i get the feeling todays gonna be another lazy day, but thats okay. i spent the last week in go mode trying to keep myself busy and distracted and it worked okay, ive enjoyed having these couple days to finally relax. ive finally stopped worrying about checking in on my ex when and where i can (which was not much, i was checking her snap map location and spotify activity almost RELIGIOUSLY until yesterday). i finally went a whole day without doing that and it honestly feels freeing. i really hope i can get over this shit soon, i want to be friends again. i feel like thats a bad reason to want to get over it tho and doesnt really lend itself to getting over it for real, but in the mean time its a start. i feel pathetic that we've been broken up for nearly a month and im just now finally starting to let go even a little bit. it still really hurts, i thought she was 'the love of my life', or some sappy bullshit. but if it was meant to be, then it would be. i have to focus on feeling whole and complete myself before i can entertain dating, it puts wayy too much pressure on my partner to keep me satisfied and supply my self worth. that has to come from within, unfortunately. i do think our love was real and powerful, and i am still so grateful for having that time with her. even knowing id be suffering like this for weeks, possibly even months, id still run to her again and again to experience a love like that. it felt pure and genuine, i think my earlier fears of being a rebound were simply a reach to have any shred of a reason to get over this quicker. I don't think Niko is capable of a love that isn't genuine. She is calculated and loyal in the way she handles relationships, and i respect that. i just wish i had considered myself and my capabilities concerning love before putting us both through this. i guess i know its not totally my fault we werent able to make it work but i am definitely accountable for my half. i guess we both just wanted it to work so bad we thought the issues wouldn't be issues....until they were. red flags dont look red when youre wearing rose colored glasses. i dont mean to say there were any red flags about each other we should have been aware of, neither of us are like, toxic or anything, but perhaps we should have noticed those red flags in ourselves and surrounding our capabilities of engaging in a loving and healthy relationship. either way, the past is the past. they're still a really important person to me and im so glad i met them, but i cant help but have this fear that we wont connect again even as friends. i guess thats my anxious attachment acting up, worrying that my lack of presence will be enough for her to forget and stop caring about me. she said she would be there for me when im ready though and i have to just trust her, and i do. i trust them more than anyone i've met, despite how little we've known each other. never met someone so honest and genuine. i hope one day we can be the best of friends, and ill get to love her still, even in a different way. because i'll never truly stop loving them, they're an AMAZING person and i really hope i get to keep her in my life. its so rare to find someone who vibrates at the same frequency as me, and i don't want to lose that because i fell head over heels and couldn't realize we needed to stay friends. this ended up being a way longer post than i meant for it to be but i needed to write this because i haven't been writing a lot about how i feel about the situation, even though its the most pressing matter in my emotional world right now.

im having a hard time forgiving myself for taking so long to get over this. like, if i could jsut get over this then we could be friends already. but this has to be about me and my healing, and not what brings me back to her sooner. i have to be okay without her before i can let them back into my life. i can't rush the process and its OKAY that its hurting this bad and taking this long. i really, really loved her. you cant just erase that, even in a month....

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