My name is Ariel. I'm the first ever person to be recognised to have a PDA profile (of autism) without autism. And I've realised recently how much the random stuff I do on here, is what I want to be doing for the rest of my life.

So much of my existence has been spent masking, hiding who I really am. And how could I not? When there is no representation of a neurotype anything like mine. When there is no category for it in people's heads either, and so the way they perceive me--and I see it in the way they communicate with me, in their language and behaviour--tends to be a facet, a side, a view of the real me that never shows the whole picture. It's exhausting, never really being known. Existing in fragments of myself to accommodate for people who genuinely do want to know me, but I don't have the language to explain the extent of who I am to them and as a result, the first thing they see becomes everything, in their mind. After that's happened it's hard to explain how it's always not been the case. How I didn't mean to deceive them. I didn't ask to be this way.

I relate to late-diagnosed autistics in this, the confusion of people around them as they unmask. But they often will say they get to fully be themselves in autistic spaces. I don't experience that relief. I feel the kinship of being neurodivergent, and I share the experience of hyperfixations and overload in the ways they present for me. But it's like communicating with neurotypicals, only different. I don't feel a sense of home. I'm like you in some ways. In other ways, not so much. Just different ways. And it's exhausting living in fragments. But this weird partial dual citizenship has superfinetuned my communication skills. My empathy. My ability to understand brains and experiences which are wildly different--and when I'm taking in all of this information all of the time, feeling all this empathy, shifting gears in my brain for every neurotype of every person I lose myself in the experiences of a little--it gets overwhelming. I get overloaded, yes, from the volume of it, and I wish I could relate to empaths more on these things, that I didn't have to expose myself to problematic takes to try. But I also see patterns and trends. I'm hyperaware of authority structures and power and hierarchies as a PDAer. And so some of these patterns concern me. But who can I debrief what I'm seeing, what I'm exposed to every day I interact with people (and I always am interacting with people) with? No one sees it from the vantage point I do. And it's exhausting to have to explain it.

But a silver lining, I guess, is the sense of purpose it brings. The sense that maybe little by little, I can be a part of putting some of the things I see right. There are many areas I'm passionate about, and I talk a lot about them on this blog. It's good to have the outlet. There are many ways of addressing them that I can see, and imagine playing out from my unique perspective, predict how every stakeholder will interact with them. See whether they work, or it's time to return to the drawing board. I'm a PDAer, I'm a natural problem solver. And every effort I make takes a weight off my chest. I'm processing things and doing what I can for them. I can rest knowing I've done my part. I'm not ignoring the injustice, the elephant in the room or in my vision, the thing that when I'm involved with gives me sensory overload (or the closest thing to it) and I'm so empathetic to the people involved with at all times, I can get overloaded from feeling how it must be for them.

I have to look after myself. Manage my energy. But it's hard, because the accounting formulas we're given don't work for me. Even common profiles of neurodivergence--I'm energised by novelty. By connection. By creativity, not by routine. I need each of the carefully constructed tasks in my routine to regulate me in order to be able to do the next, which will regulate me for the next and so on. It's a hard system to put together. I don't know anyone else who has to do the same. And I know a lot of people.

I think my neurotype only assists me with my biggest form of art, the main thing I want to do with my life. I like to joke that every urban planner/designer who graduated from my high school is a PDAer. I don't have a large sample space for that observation. But I'm usually right. We see the big picture. We care about justice and we're good at finding it among fake claims of it. We're natural problem solvers. We're empathetic artists. We're practical at our core. We hyperfocus. And perhaps most of all, we're communicators.

I've heard the main thing an urban designer is is a communicator. No wonder. I shuffle through information and perspectives like a deck of cards I'm trying to sort by colour, number, and shape. I match up people's opposing perspectives and I unpack their fears in front of me. And then I draw. I write. I compose melodies--anything to get this constant stream of ideas out of me and doing something productive. So of course I'm going to be standing up against power abuses in religion, unpacking every way this infiltrates into our lives and all of its impacts. Of course I'm going to dissect colonialism and present ways we can do better. Face and push through the fear that has us trying to lord over others without realising. Of course I'm going to reach out to anyone even vaguely like me that they might not have to be alone in it. I might not have to be alone in it as well. And of course I'm going to understand them perfectly.

Is it a skill? Sure. Is it a neurotype? Absolutely. It's myself, the 'me' I never understood how to be until I understood everyone else. Is it a disability? It disrupts any ability I have to do anything else I or anyone else might want me to do with my days. It tires me out. It overloads me in ways there aren't really any normalised ways to explain and I can't say no to it when I feel compelled to do something. It impacts my mental health. It limits me. But it's who I am. Why would I want to try to be anything else?

‼️ hazbin s1 finale spoilers ‼️

some text posts for the finale, what a ride!

swordmaster fashion

A Persuasive Argument - dpxdc

"Great!" Danny says, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention. The dinner table falls silent as everyone looks towards him. It's a full house today and, honestly, Danny's a little nervous. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today."

"It's dinnertime. In our house." Duke mutters, while doing a very bad job of concealing his yawn. He holds his fork poised over the braised beef, but, just like everyone else, still looks towards Danny before tucking in. It's intriguing enough to wait.

"Yeah, no one misses Alfie's dinner." Dick says, with a brilliant smile that Danny can't help but return.

"Precisely! What better time to talk to you all than when you're all actually here!"

"Wait, I thought you came round to work on our English essays?" Tim asks, blinking owlishly.

"I'm afraid I've lured you here under false pretences, Tim."

"This is where I live."

"I would still really appreciate help on that essay though, I mean, what the hell is Hamlet even about? I just don't get that old time-y language, like 'Hark! A ghost hath killed me!' - absolute rubbish, what does that even mean?"

"The ghost never kills anyone in Hamlet, he's there to tell Hamlet that he was murdered. Have you actually read it?"

"No, but it sounds like you have. Tim, I want this guy to help me with my essay instead. I know for a fact that you haven't read Hamlet, either."

"So? We don't need Jason, I've read the Sparknotes."

"Hi Jason, I'm Danny, pleasure to meet you, summarise Hamlet in three sentences or less."

"Am I auditioning to help you write your essays? I can't believe you’ve gone through your whole school life without reading it, it’s good!"

"Hamlet, along with a number of other classics, was banned in our house because it portrayed ghosts as intelligent and sympathetic beings rather than evil, animalistic beasts. I didn’t even get to see The Muppet's Christmas Carol until last year with Tim! It was surprisingly good, and I hate Christmas because everyone always argued and it sucked. But we're getting off topic. I—"

"No, no, please go back to that, because what the fu—"

"Boys, please." Bruce interrupts, looking to the world as if he wants to hang his head in his hands. "Danny, you were about to say something?"

"Oh, yeah, Mr. Wayne! Thanks!"

"Please, call me Bruce."

"Well, that very succinctly brings me to my point, because I'd actually really like to call you dad."

Nobody says a word. Nobody even blinks, all as shocked as the other, watching open-mouthed as Danny pulls his laptop out from beside his chair. Bruce can definitely feel a headache coming on.

"Before you say anything, I've prepared a 69 slide PowerPoint presentation on why you, Bruce Wayne, should adopt me, Danny Last-Name-Pending. Please save your questions, comments, and verdict until the end, thank you."

welp, didn't manage to get everything out before season 10 started, but i gotta post it one way or another so here we go! heard there was a fandom swap game going on, wanted to do a couple promts of my own :D

Good Morning, World.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

Tubbo: What was wrong with the timing?!

Pac: You did it in the worst possible timing! Everything was–

Bagi: I think we ruined the kiss.

Everyone:

Pac: It– it wasn't the kiss, more– you know? It was– *mumbles*

Tubbo: IT WAS MORE?! IT WAS MORE?! ON THE FIRST DATE?!

Bagi: WE DON'T NEED THE DETAILS!

Fit: That's not what he meant!

*Battle of the Heroes intensifies*

One and Poptart outfit swap :] @dianagj-art

Not depicted: the absurd amount of knifes that feel out of Ones outfit when Poptart was putting it on, and the knifes that remained in the outfit that he found out about later.....

Disability headcanons

Hylia is a Lake

Do you see my vision

Poly+ ACOTAR Week - Day 3 Secrets (Feyre/Tamlin/Rhysand) @polyacotarweek

I'm weak for 'two enemies put aside their differences coz they love me more than they hate each other' trope and I was somewhat sad that's not where Feyre's love life went. Just think of the possibilities.