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#is there anything im forgetting to tag hmmm

polyhexian · 4 months

Note

i see youve been reblogging a lot of angel hare stuff lately! what are your general thoughts on the series?

oh have I lol? i have a queue so that means i binged the angel hare tag a couple weeks ago and shoved a bunch in there.

i love it! its so unique and creative and I genuinely think its refreshing to see religion used in this kind of narrative as a positive force rather than a sort of generic Evil. its so boring when stuff just uses like. demons or christian aesthetic without anything specific in it. stuff that will talk deep about demonology and angels but pretends jesus isnt relevant because its Secular Religious Aesthetic. its boring! its uninspired! its SAFE. angel hare is unique in that not only is it very specific but the supernatural element in the story IS the force of good and the force of evil is the mundane human element, the every day horror of abuse.

and also how fucking dope is the idea of an angel, a genuine angel of fucking god, talking a little kid whos probably like, three, through disassembling and reassembling a gun and shooting his abusive father dead with it. holy fucking shit. holy shit. what. that fucking rules. the nuance of the rules of god here not being the generic strict rules that murder is bad, forgiveness is good, blablabla. i love the bit where we see the video version of the lying episode has gabby and the viewer forgive francis but the recorded version tell him no, you dont have to forgive someone who hurts you. remember that the sun can be warm, but never forget the times that it burns you. your dad might sometimes seem kind but dont ever forget what he does to you. you do. not. have. to. forgive. and even as far as you SHOULDN'T forgive. and that is the opinion of the positive force angel of god.

its great. its creative and unique and theres nothing quite like it. and the presentation! i mean the text parts can be a little much at times but the animation- the first episode. holy shit. when she flew away in the taped version i was like hmmm where are we going with this. she goes into her house and im still like hmm. then she picks up the chair and says "this will be our strength" and puts it under the door and i was fucking floored dude. i straight up had to pause because of the lightning shot of ice that went up my spine. the genuine fucking real world horror of understanding. thats how you do a fucking horror reveal dude, she never says it out loud but you KNOW. just from that one moment you know EVERYTHING you need to. it all unfolds right then in a fucking instant. holy shit. thats fucking storytelling dude. thats incredible.

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localcanadiancryptid22 · 10 months

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hello i hope your day is swell this time around too. I have no clue where you may have gotten even the slightest idea that i have any connection whatsoever to the individual tagged in your response, but total loss of my dignity aside, yes, we're mentally ill. If you write "william afton x reader" into the sites search bar and you can freely observe all those who dare admit their love for the ourple dude in their natural habitat. its a little crazy out there. don't ask how i know this. For slenderman i actually have a weird(?) theory. i think for many it helps that he doesn't have a face. many neurodivergent individuals struggle with looking at faces for one reason or another. i think tall tentacle suit-and-tie guy might just have an advantage in that regard. also he has a suit. and tentacles. no comment. (+ lets not forget creepypasta culture(?) in general iykwhatimean)

i send my regards to you for having to see NSFW to conduct your study. i think it comes with being involved in this field or reasearch. i am also sad(?) to announce that i highly doupt any of us like these evil dudes without any sexual attraction being involved, tho this is just a theory (not to exclude aces tho, im sure there are some fucked up fellas in there too, that attraction might me more complicated or fanon-based maybe?). Belos (and maybe Bill?) excluded cuz he luckily got relatively lots of screentime and backstory, he is like a legit person, not just a cardboard cutout that does evil things/fanon ver.

Well anyway thank you for sacrificing your free time and sanity for lil ol' me. greatly appreciate it. its nice to talk about weird stuff like this without feeling like a demonspawn lol. In case you find anything new/intresting or have anything to comment about my observations, i'd love to know. Sorry if i said anything weird/offensive

Love, -🌿

Yes it is actually thank you. Hmmm of course you're not @annathesimp,obviously /joking. Thanks for the advice,i'll take a look at that tag some time. Huh yeah i guess it is related to that and yes i know what you mean (i have seen some things scrolling through the slenderman tag. also i've participated in jeff x slenderman stuff before so that explains how i know). Thank you,it's appreciated. Yeah it's indeed truly sad,there's not that many platonic simps in the william afton/slenderman fandom which forces me to look at nsfw of them whenever i look them up on here. I agree. You're welcome :] and yeah it is,i enjoyed my time researching stuff for you (i like belos and bill in a platonic way so it was quite fun for me). Nah you didn't,you're good man :].

#lmao #fave #asks #anon asks #🌿 anon #annathesimp

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theshadowedqueen82 · 4 years

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one of my favorite lotr facts is that gondorians speak sindarin as a first language and yet when faramir was talking to frodo and sam about cirith ungol he was like “we don’t know what’s in there.” like faramir. cirith ungol is sindarin for “pass of the spider.” do the math

#lotr #faramir #frodo

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ggukseoulcafe · 3 years

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— sea shells | pjm

pairing: park jimin x reader

genre: fluff, established relationship! au

rating: pg-13

summary: A day at the beach and Jimin by your side, can it get any better? Yes, it can. Why? Because it's his birthday.

word count: 3.1k

warnings: tooth rotting fluff, jimin being very cheesy because he L words her, slight hints at insecurity, quite a few pov shifts, jimin's duality makes a brief special appearance

a/n: first of all, happy birthday jimin! (i know im a little late im sorry) this is a little something i wrote to celebrate but tbh, im not sure how i feel about this one but it might just be me being 🥴 anyway, i hope you enjoy!

"What do I do? I need to get it together," you mumble to yourself as you pace around the office cafeteria, having waited for the space to clear up to have some privacy.

"You act like I can't hear you, babe," you hear Hoseok say, glancing his way to find him sipping cola with a raised eyebrow.

Of course, when you say privacy, you mean privacy from the co-workers in your office who are not Hoseok. Perks of being the best friend, as they say.

“And?” you retort, “I know you’re here, Hobi and that’s sorta the whole point.”

“And by that, you mean what?” Hoseok sighs, as if your turmoil is draining his energy as well. And that’s not completely wrong either.

Hoseok always gets dragged in to your problems; in fact, he’ll be more surprised if you didn’t tag him along on your misery adventures.

“You know what I mean, Hobi,” you pout, “Jimin’s big day is in like….six days now and I absolutely do not have any ideas on anything special I could possibly do for him, all that comes to mind is too overdone and I don’t want that. I want him to feel special.”

Hoseok’s expression softens. “You know….maybe you won’t have to do anything.”

You look at him in confusion, “What do you mean by that?”

Hoseok contemplates his options. Should he just tell you? Or should he keep it to himself? He weighs the options in his head. But a single sigh from you is enough for him to come to a decision.

He chooses the former.

After all, he is your best friend and watching you struggle over this isn’t something he wishes to see any longer. Besides, it’s not like Jimin asked him to keep this from you.

He sits up straight and clears his throat, “___, the thing is, Jimin’s planning to take you somewhere on his birthday- ”

Before he could finish, however, you gasp out, “What? Wha- When did this plan happen?”

“Shhh! Please keep it down, ___. And yeah, he’s been planning this for awhile now,” he shrugs.

“And how do you know that?”

Hoseok gives you an unimpressed eyeroll,

“Babe, did you forget that I’m his close friend too?”

And that was true.

Hobi has been your and Jimin’s close friend since before you started dating Jimin. Now, three years later, it’s still the same. Your friendship just as strong as it was back then.

“He told you that, huh. Is it okay though? For you to tell me this? Because Jimin never mentioned it so maybe he was planning a surprise?”

Hoseok just shrugs, “Nah. If it was something like that, he would’ve said that and made it clear. But he hasn’t so no worries,” he smiles.

“Hmmm, that’s true I guess,” you hum.

In the few years you’ve been with Jimin, you’ve come to understand many aspects of him. One of them being his perfection. He goes out of his way to make things perfect. You always assure him that he doesn’t have to but he just smiles. You’ve realized by now that it’s just a part of him.

So maybe it just slipped from his mind.

You reach home by late evening. The days getting colder as autumn makes its presence known more each passing day. Closing the door to your apartment, you toss your shoes and bag aside as you breathe in the comforting scent of home.

“Jimin, I’m home,” you call out.

Getting no answers, you frown. You step inside the living room and try again,“Jimin? You home? Where are you, baby?”

You hear a small muffled voice say something but the sound is too low to comprehend. You realize it’s coming from your bedroom.

Pushing the already open door with a light nudge, you find Jimin sitting on the bed, propped up against the headboard and busy typing away on his laptop. Probably work, you guess.

You move to sit beside him. “Are you busy, Jimin?”

He hums in response.

“Ummm okay,” you say as you move to take some clean clothes from the closet.

However, before you can leave the room, he begins, “It’s just a little work that came up suddenly. But what’s up?”

He’s smiling at you with a curious expression.

“Oh I just wanted to talk about something but it’s okay, it can wait,” you try to wave if off.

“Talk?” he goes slightly wide-eyed but softens quickly, “I’ll be done in 20, I think. How about you take a shower in the mean time? Then we can talk all you want, hmm?” he wiggles his eyebrows.

You snort in response to his antics but agree anyway because a shower sounds great right now.

As he hears the sound of the water hitting the floor from the shower, Jimin wonders what possibly would be the reason for the sudden need to talk. Of course, you both talk everyday (duh) but you never state it like that. Or at least, he can’t remember the last time you asked him about it.

Words flowed naturally in your relationship, both of you comfortable to share most concerns with each other without any problems. So, place for misunderstanding was small. Sure, you had your own share of fights but it never got to a point where it seemed unsolvable. Even silence had its own meaning when it came to your relationship.

So Jimin was finding it difficult to stop the thoughts from running in his mind.

As he wallows in his overthinking, he hears the bathroom door open.

You enter the room wearing one of his oversized shirts with your sleep shorts; a calm expression on your face, surely the happiness from taking a warm shower seeping in.

"Hey, ____," he starts, "What did you wanna talk about?"

Turning your head, you watch him looking at you nervously.

"Oh, actually I heard," you pause. Chewing on your bottom lip, you wonder if it's a good idea to ask him about it.

"Heard?" Jimin's holding his breath now.

You decide to just say it, "Uh, you're taking me somewhere on your birthday, Jimin?"

You look at him with a curious expression.

"Is that what you wanted to talk about?"

"Umm, yeah....," you trail off.

Jimin lets out a long sigh.

"____, you had me for a minute there," he looks at you with a small curve to his lip, "thought something was seriously up."

"Hmm? I was just wondering what was up with you planning an outing by yourself," you tilt your head as you look at him.

Jimin shakes his head as laughs, "Where did you even hear that? Hobi?"

"Yeah, he said you didn't mention about it being a surprise or whatever so he just let me know," you answer as you shrug, "Are you mad?"

"Of course not, baby. It's okay," he ruffles your hair, "I thought you wanted to talk about something else. Like maybe a misunderstanding.....," he trails off.

You don't miss the way his voice gets smaller at the last part.

"Jimin, it's nothing like that. You know we're okay," you say as you wrap your arms around him.

He squeezes back.

"But it's your birthday, Jimin. Why are you the one giving me gifts, hmm? I should be planning surprises here," you pout.

He coos at how cute you are as he takes your hands in his warm ones, "____, this is somewhere I always wanted to go with you. So think of this as me asking you out as a gift for my birthday."

And just like that, you feel yourself melt. As if he could get even more perfect.

"Hmm, dunno if I agree with that but okay. Where are we going?"

"You really wanna know? Don't want surprises?"

"Nah-ah," you wiggle your pointer finger in front of his face as a 'no', "I've already had one and that's enough. Tell me," you whine lightly.

He chuckles in response. "____, we're going to the beach."

Instantly, your eyes light up.

"Couldn't ask for a better place. I love the beach so much-"

"-And I know that," he answers, "I also know how much you love collecting sea shells, baby. I hope you'll have fun with me."

How on earth did you find someone so perfect?

"Jimin, you're perfect. You know that?"

"And I'm not, you know that. You're just too kind, baby," he kisses the top of your head, "let's get dinner and have a good rest, yeah?"

Wrapping your hands around his waist once again, you bury your head in his chest as you nod your approval.

"Jimin, did you see my sunblock? I swear I left it on the table yesterday....," you sigh as you look around the living around.

"Baby, I think I saw you put it in your bag after you wished me yesterday night?"

You turn to look at him and immediately feel weak in your knees.

He looks gorgeous. With casual clothes on and freshly showered, Jimin is the epitome of dreamy. Not to mention, the way he stands out from the rest of the room with that alluring presence has you breathing a tad bit too fast. It's like he's the art that makes the room look beautiful and lively.

You find yourself admiring the sight when you hear his voice.

"____? Did you hear me? I think it should be in your bag, babe. Check it once, hmm?" He's smirking.

"Oh, umm yeah, right. I think I forgot," you awkwardly reply, still lost in your thoughts, completely filled with him.

You get the rest of your morning routine done in a daze as you get ready for heading out.

Checking yourself in the mirror one last time, you move to the living room where Jimin shamelessly checks you out.

"What?"

"What? I can't stare at my beautiful girl?"

You instantly feel your cheeks go warm, "Right. You look amazing yourself," you smile at him.

"Not as good as you."

You snort in response, "Stop it, Jimin," you laugh.

He joins in, laughing loudly, as he holds your waist to lead you outside.

"You set?" He asks as he gets behind the wheel.

You hum in response, already vibrating with excitement at the prospect of spending time with him on the beach.

Jimin reaches out and gives your thigh a gentle squeeze to which you reply with a light peck on his cheek, both of you giggling like it’s so new to you.

It isn’t. You know that better than anyone as your thoughts wander to all the less than innocent things you do together.

But there’s always another time to think about that, you tell yourself.

Moving your attention back to the present, you watch as Jimin starts the car. On instinct, you turn your head away. There’s no way you’ll be able to handle the sight of him driving.

Looking outside the window, the weather is clear today. Blue skies with just some fluffy clouds visible. The perfect weather for a day on the beach.

By the time the ocean comes into view, you’re letting out 'wows' every other second.

Jimin watches as you open the door as soon as he parks, getting out and taking a deep breath in. As if you want to savour the ocean air, he thinks.

“___, shall we get changed? Then we can do whatever you like,” he smiles, holding your hand.

You nod your head in answer as you move to get changed.

Till you come back, Jimin looks around the beach. His own sore eyes getting soothed as every second passes, the waves calming him down.

Time seems so slow here, with the buzzing city life far away.

You poke him in the waist when you see he’s distracted, laughing out when he lets out a loud yelp.

But as his eyes settle on you, you can’t help biting you lips.

He’s looking at you like he’s never seen anything more mesmerizing. Eyes flitting up and down over your figure, continuous in their obvious ogling.

And then, he lets out a whistle. Teasing as always, it’s Jimin after all.

“You look like every man’s dream come true, baby,” he purrs.

You look away, “That’s not true, baby,” you try to hide your smile.

But he can look right through you, “Oh, but it is and you know it too, baby. But you know what else is true?”

You look at him in confusion, “What?”

“That no matter how many people’s dream you may be, they can never have you,” his gaze darkens, “You’re only mine, aren’t you? Hmm?”

Okay, that was out of nowhere. You were not ready for that.

“Answer me, baby,” he lets out, voice all rough.

“Of course, Jimin. Only you.”

He seems satisfied with the answer as his expression completely shifts to give out a cute grin as he squeezes your hand. As if he wasn't a completely different person just seconds ago.

This man is going to be the death of you.

“What do you wanna do, ___,” Jimin questions out loud as he looks around the beach.

“How ‘bout we eat cotton candy? I saw a store selling it earlier.”

“Sure,” he smiles as he leads you towards the stores.

As you stroll around the beach, cotton candy in one hand and Jimin’s warm hand in the other, you think back to all the times you’ve visited the beach together.

Jimin watches you with a soft smile on his face, the sight of you eating and being lost in your thoughts, humming to yourself makes happiness bloom in his chest. Watching you be happy around him makes his heart soar.

He comes to a halt when he sees something he's sure you'll love to see. Tugging your wrist, he points in the direction opposite of your trail.

"____, look over there," he points.

You direct your attention to that direction and instantly light up when you see so many sea shells collected at the edges of beach.

"Wanna pick some?"

"Is that even a question? Let's just goooo," you take his hand and almost run in the direction, making him laugh.

As you get busy looking around the area to find shells, Jimin lets his mind wander back to when you first met. So grateful he was for that encounter that day.

"____?"

"Hmm?" You look at him in question.

"Do you remember the day we met?" He tilts his head as he smiles.

"Of course, I do," you grin, "How can I forget that?"

You giggle and he joins in as he laughs along with you.

Jimin still remembers that day so clearly.

He had been walking around the university campus when he noticed the girl walking in front of him drop something. But she didn't notice and walked away. He remembers picking up the fallen belonging and looking at it, it was a keychain shaped like a sea shell, blue in colour.

He vividly reminisces how you reacted when he returned it to you. You looked so relieved, like it was a treasure worth millions; thanking him again and again and rambling about how much you liked sea shells, blue ones in particular. When you realized you were going off, you had sheepishly smiled at him, mumbling a small "sorry."

That was the day he first learned that you loved sea shells. And more importantly, that was how he met you- a coincidence that he couldn't be more thankful for.

You watch him zoning out and throw some sand on his hand trying to tease him, "What's up?"

He snaps out of his thoughts, "Oh, I was just reminiscing about the day we met. The sea shell keychain....," he trails off.

"Yeah, so glad I dropped the keychain that day," you smirk.

"Are you looking for a blue shell again?"

"You know me too well," you pout, "But yeah, you know I am. No luck yet though," you sigh.

"Hmmm....that's true," he looks around for blue shells, "I can't see any either."

"It's fine. These are pretty enough," you smile honestly.

"____, just wait for me here for a bit okay? I'm just going to the washroom. Will be back soon."

"Okay," you nod at him.

When he returns some time later, you wave at him to reach you faster. "Took you long enough," you try to act pissed but it doesn't work as you end up cracking a grin.

"Hmm, I'm sorry," he looks at you with so much fondness in his eyes.

"____? Can you close your eyes for me?"

"What?" You smile at him curiously.

"C'mon just do it, baby," he whines lightly.

You laugh, "Okay, okay sure," you laugh as you close your eyes.

And then, you feel it- something against your neck.

"Open them now," he whispers.

You immediately look down and see it. A chain having a beautiful blue shell as the centerpiece. You can feel tears welling up in your eyes as you look at it.

Closing your eyes, you bite your lip. And when you open them, you see Jimin smiling at you radiantly.

You can't help the tears as you take him in, feeling so much love for him, it makes you feel like you could burst.

Moving forward, you wrap your arms around his waist, sniffling into his chest. "Why are you so good to me? You're too perfect, Jimin. I don't deserve you," you mumble in one breath.

"Hey, that's not true. You do so much for me but you don't realise it, baby. And don't ever think that way again. You deserve everything," he comforts you, rubbing warm circles up and down your back.

"Really....whose birthday is it, huh?" You question as you look at him, "Because I'm the one getting all the gifts," you whisper through your smile.

Jimin touches your nose with his in a cute eskimo kiss as he breathes, "Like I said, your presence is enough for me- the biggest gift I could ever have."

"But that's not fair. You really think I'll take that? We're going straight home after this, I've got something to show you," you look up at him, eyes shining with happiness.

He nods as he tugs you back to the car, hands intertwined the whole time.

And as he drives, he looks over only to watch you sleeping soundly. Your soft snores the only sound ringing in the car but that's all he wants to hear.

As the ocean disappears from the car sight, all he can think is how good it would be if you would accompany him on all of his birthdays like you did today. And he would accompany you on yours.

And he hopes that he'll always get to gift you blue sea shells, every year. As a reminder of his love for you, now and forever. The idea of not being able to do that makes him feel uneasy but he shakes it away.

He sighs and looks over to you again, only to find you smiling in your sleep.

And just like that, all his worries lift away. With just a glimpse of your smile, his heart is at peace again.

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purplegirl20 · 3 years

Text

Tranquilo

Pairing: Damian x Self Insert (Me)

Summary: Damian tries to convince me to not overwork during labor day weekend.

Warning: FLUFF!

Tagging: @omg-im-such-a-masochist @ghoulsister1 @theworldofotps @babiidee28 @vintage-pvssy @priestparty @alicejoaquin1990 @ziasaph @ashkrystal @sparkleva25

Don't forget to like and reblog my story and send me feedback.

The next morning...

It was a quiet morning at Damian's house. Me and Damian were in his master bedroom, sleeping on his California king-sized bed. Damian slowly wakes up from his slumber.

Damian:(yawns) Morning already?

He rolls over to find me, still cocooned under his comforters.

Damian:(chuckling) Mi Princesa dormida.

He smiles and slowly caresses my cheeks with his thumb.

Shaynell:(groans)

Damian:(chuckling) Despierta, princesita.

He leans toward me to kiss me, causing me to wake up. I slowly open my eyes to see him smiling at me.

Damian: Good morning sleepyhead.

Shaynell:(yawns) Good morning.

I smile and get closer to him to cuddle. He smiles and wrapped his arms around me and holds me tight.

Shaynell: You're so warm.

Damian:(chuckling) I know. I'm always warm for you, baby.

He slowly removes my silk bonnet and ran his fingers through my box braids.

Damian:(chuckling) You have such beautiful hair, Mija.

Shaynell:(blushing) Thank you.

He smiles and kisses me again. I smile and giggle.

Shaynell:(giggling) I like your kisses so much.

Damian: Aw. What a sweet thing to say.

He smiles and continues kissing and biting my neck.

Shaynell:(whimpering) Papi...

Damian: You have any plans today?

Shaynell:(whimpering) You know I have work to do.

Damian: Aw, during labor day weekend?

Shaynell: Yea. I make the most money during labor day weekend when it comes to dropping people off at the airport and doing grocery deliveries. And besides, I needed more money to deal with my car insurance payment.

Before I could move away, Damian tightens the grip on my wrist, preventing me from leaving the bed.

Damian: Mija. Stay with me.

Shaynell: Stay?

Damian: Yes. Spend more time with me.

Shaynell: Damian, that is a sweet offer, but what about--

Before I could say another word, he pressed his fingers against my lips to silence me.

Damian: Shh, shh, shh. Don't worry about anything.

Damian smirks and continues kissing my neck, making me gasp and moan.

Shaynelll:(moans) Papi...

Damian: Don't worry about your money issues. Papi's going to take care of everything, my little Reina.

Shaynell:(blushing) Papi.....

He let out a deep chuckle and nibbles my ear.

Shaynell:(giggling) Papi. Stop. That tickles.

Damian: How about instead of overworking yourself, we spend a nice day, soaking up at the pool and have a little BBQ?

Shaynell: Hmmm. I don't know about--

Before I could finish my sentence, he kisses and licks my neck, causing me to giggle and moan.

Shaynell:(giggling) Ok. Ok. You win.

Damian: Good. Don't worry about anything. Papi will take care of his little Reina. All I want is for my baby is to have a stress-free weekend.

Shaynell:(chuckling) Thank you for always taking care of me.

Damian: You're welcome.

He smiled and kisses me on the lips, making me blush.

Shaynell:(smiles) I love you.

Damian:(smiles) I love you too.

He smiles and nuzzles against me.

Damian: How about we have a nice breakfast to start our day, relaxing?

Shaynell: I would like that.

He smiles and picks me up from bed.

Shaynell: Damian. You know I can walk, right?

Damian: I know. But my queen ain't doing walking all day.

He smiles and gave me a passionate kiss, making me smile. He smiles and takes me to the kitchen to start our day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Translation:

Mi Princesa dormida: My sleeping princess.

Despierta, princesita: Wake up, princess.

Reina: Queen.

#damian priest #puerto rican papi #damian priest imagine #damian priest oneshot #wwe fanfiction #wwe oneshot

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thosch3i · 3 years

Text

Fic Writer Interview Game

was tagged by @extraordinarilyextreme <3 thank you so much! was out all day and only got around to this now lol

name: emmy/thosch3i whatever u wanna call me, it’s all good lol

fandoms: currently, only dmbj but previously also zhenhun. most of my fics on my ao3 are still weilan but maybe one day i’ll kick my ass into gear and write more pingxie LOL.

two-shots: ......I only write one-shots i’m sorry LOL

most popular multi-chapter fic: ............i really do only have one-shots man im sorry. most popular fic in general is going viral, at 840 kudos. shen wei vs technology in covid-era online classes lol. glad all 840 of you were coping with this pandemic well(?????)

actual worst part of writing: getting ideas from brain onto paper. talking about fun angsty ideas in dms? awesome! actually writing them? uhhhhhhhhhhh [sweats] also lol finding time to write. i feel like i never have time these days but maybe my time management is just...terrible.

how you choose your titles: i write the entire fic and then panic throw a random line that sounds vaguely related as the title. idk what im doing, ever, dont ask me things. *lies down*

do you outline?: usually yeah. most of the time my writing goes horribly south from the actual outline anyway though. (everything’s fine folks i promise--) though sometimes for short fics i’ll just have a general idea and start typing. and then it turns into like 15k words and i despair

ideas you probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice?: all of my old weilan fics lol. i had a huge 20k outline for a weilan x dbh crossover with android shen wei and Plot and Twists and Betrayal and Revelations and whatnot and honestly i was rly hyped to write it, i got 50k for nanowrimo two years ago but ehhhh i just dont have the brain for guardian anymore....im only capable of fixating on one fandom at a time. looking through my guardian wips i also have multiple other soulmate AUs, a literal ghost!sw + human!zyl AU with a whole other plot, urban fantasy demon!sw + human(?)zyl again with....more plot. lol i give up on life *shrugs*

callouts @ me: write faster and also read more fics in english instead of chinese because you’re forgetting how the english language works at this point, dumbass

best writing traits: i legit do not know. descriptions? fluff? pining? lol help

spicy tangential opinion: hmmm...mainly, i dont read much eng dmbj fanfic bc i dont vibe with most popular eng fandom fanon/characterization, sorry 😅 uhhhhh i also really hate it when people forget that xg & pz have their own friendship and relationship independent of wx......pz tends to bring out xg’s playful side at times, which un showed w their last couple eps and also there’s a novel extra where xg pranks pz (&wx but mostly pz bc wx sees through it p quickly) with a fake zombie turtle and it’s rly cute lol. anyway t3j’s relationship is the heart of dmbj and it can’t be intruded upon or broken up by others, esp by chongqi/rain village. uhhhh another spicy opinion: i vastly prefer huaxiu to hei///hua, sorry guys orz i blame tlt2...huaxiu are too cute ;;;;;; anyway ill stop there before the entire dmbj tumblr fandom blocks me LOL. (i also have too many Opinions(tm) about characterization.)

but anyway, so like im definitely a cranky judgy bastard at times, but in the end fanfic is fanfic so u can write whatever ooc crackship crack premise stuff you want, have fun with it. i certainly do too. as long as you’re having fun then that’s all that matters. tangentially related, dramas don’t have to be Objectively Good/Amazing or anything for you to like them. i definitely have very strong opinions on dmbj adaptations for example re: how they respect the novel and characterization of t3j especially, but they all have their own problems....(some far more serious than others). i could write an essay about that but i wont, to save your eyes LOL.

(i mean at the end of the day i unironically love time raiders and that is like an objectively terrible movie.)

tagging: im so inactive on tumblr im sorry idk anyone anymore. i think lots of dmbj writers have already been tagged but also i dont read much dmbj fanfic so im not sure who else there is OTL @laireshi ik u already got tagged but if u choose to do this i wanna see :D otherwise if you’re a fic writer and you see this please feel free to tag yourself~

EDIT: im a clown sorry laire just saw u already did it lmaoooo

#shouting into the void #tag meme #i have strong opinions on dmbj #honestly in terms of like novel fans i think im one of the more lenient ones....#especially compared to the people i follow on wb ahahaha #its frankly wild how different cfandom and western fandom is #i stay lurking in the xieping corner and call it a day #if i was more confident in my chinese i'd participate but alas #im illiterate as fuck #pingxie fic though.....#well sometimes i find good ones on l0fter but most of the time im like 🤨 what did yall do to xiaoge?#AND WU XIE FOR THAT MATTER.

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bubsdolan · 3 years

Note

PEGGING GRAYSON BUBBA OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU🥵🥵🥵

“on your hands and knees for, mama,” after grayson had made it very vocal to you one evening that he wanted to try arseplay, accidentally dropping it in his deepest slumper, a wet dream like no other, it was time to finally unleash your dominant side.

grayson was always the dominant, extremely kinky one in your relationship. his always put your pleasure before his own, attending to your needs the best way he knew how. however tonight, he was your cum slut, you were going to use and treat his tight forbidden arsehole, the way he always used yours.

“not a sound ok, baby. the more noise you make, the less likely ill allow you to cum.” your voice stern, showing you mean business. normally if you were to instruct grayson to do anything sexually where you take control, he would shush you by plunging his fingers so deep into your pussy, that it made you forget even bringing it up. but tonight, the way his arsehole was aching for you, begging to be touched and played with- he obeyed.

“y-yes, mama. please..please.” grayson begged for you, his eyes mastering the best puppy ones that he knew you could never resist. the way his rough hands were stretching out his arse cheeks made your pussy juices drop down your inner thigh in anticipation and lust.

“gotta prep you first, yeah? bet you’ll like mama’s tongue licking your little hole. my naught boy.” you coo, soothing your hands across the delicate skin of him arse. licking your lips for moisture and preparation to go to town in the area he so desperately craved.

you situate yourself behind him, dropping your head to his crack as you blow warm air around his hole. slapping his hands away before you replacing them with your own. grabbing tightly onto his arse, spreading his cheeks as far apart as possible so you can fit yourself perfectly in between. instantly your tongue is swelling around his tender hole, spitting on it in order to help the lubricantcation.

“oh-oh fuck,” Grayson whimpered below you, dropping his head to the pillow and moaning into the material. his hands gripping the bed sheets in order to help him through the newfound pleasure he soon became addicted to.

you pull away abruptly, sending a hand smack onto one cheek of his arse, which sends his body jolting forward from force. “i told you not to speak, slut. now you deserve to be punished,” you say through gritted teeth. raising your hand and joining it back to his skin was a harsh slap. your hand print visible under the redness forming over his skin.

after many spanks and cries and whimpers leaving graysons lip, you resume your position face between his legs. your tongue pushed deep inside of him, penetrating his hole. he was in such a state of euphoria that was he was subconsciously rocking his hips back agasint your tongue. sweat dropping down his forehead, muscles tensed as he bit down on his lip in order to contain his moans.

pulling away once again, causing grayson to whimper and whine at the loss of the sensation, you reach for the bottle of lube saved for this special occasion. pouring a substantial amount onto your thumb and forefinger, even tipping some of the liquid around his tense muscle for good measure. you bring a delicate finger to his hole, pushing in slowly and allowing him time to adjust to before you begin to stretch him out.

“you like that, hmm? tell me who you belong to.” you growl, adding more pressure and thrusting faster at the encouraging sound of graysons deep breathes, breathes thay only increase the more you mercilessly fingerfuck his tight hole.

“yo-you, mama. it’s yours.”

“damn fucking right it is. my little arsehole to ruin.”

grayson moaned and fidgeted his body the entire time. rubbing his crotch against the fabric of the bed sheets as his cock grew panful hard, the tip leaking pree cum due to the unimaginable acts you were performing.

grabbing the foreign object from beside you, you strip yourself completely of your clothes. strapping the abnormally large and tanned silicone cock around your waist and making yourself comfortable.

“relax, baby. tell me if you want to stop,” your caring, protective side came out. knowing this was going to be a first for both of you and wanting grayson to be extremely comfortable as you could make him. wanting him to experience all pleasure and the bare minimum pain.

“holy fuck!” grayson screams. feeling the tip of the strap on rub around his clenching arsehole, leaking and dripping with a mixture of your saliva and lube. at the sound of his whimpers and begs for more, you wiggle the toy inside. starting with the tip as you feel it stretch out his hole to the extreme.

“my little sex toy. such a pretty arsehole, gonna destroy it,” with that being said, you trust deeper into him. causing grayson to cry and grunt at the feeling, his head eyes rolling to the back of his head when you hit sweet spots inside him he never knew existed. his body automatically adjusting to the pain, quickly turning it into pleasure as you try and move against his constricting arsehole. you balanced your hands on his hips. using his body as a guide to thrusts your hips in a perfect rhythm.

“oh fuck, fuck, oh fuck, fuck!” profundities leaving graysons lip only enoourged you to hit harder, deeper hit faster, hitting his prostate as your skin slaps hardly against his own. the wet sounds leaving his arsehole only adding to the intensity of the arseplay. graysons mouth gaped open, his knuckles turning white due to the amount of pressure and strength he used to keep his face down, arse up.

“taking mama so well, sweetheart. know you wanna cum, cum all over my big thick cock.” your tease, hand colliding with his arse once more, pulling and teasing at the skin as your hips never give up. using all your energy to fight through the tightness of his dripping clenching hole.

“so good, mama. more- i want more.” your cum whore begs, lifting his head up to face you. his eyes filled with tears and whole body shaking due to the penetration. his cock leaking even more cum as he started to release the tension and get himself off. his wrists working in time with your heavily trusts.

“use me, mama. use my tight little hole. hmmm- fuck!” grayson belts out, his voice cracking slightly due to the fast pace of your movements.

with one finally push through his walls, you watch his arsehole swallow the toy whole. sinking every last possible inch as you continue fucking him into oblivion. his screams, whimpers and moans heighten with each and every thrust. grayson has never experienced pleasure like it before. it felt exhilarating, anotherwordling and so incredibly intimate. there would never be another soul alive that he would let peg him, that he would trust with such a foreign yet submissive feeling that he grew to desire.

you can feel grayson’s walls clench and unclench around you, promoting you to bring your small soft hands to wrap trigly around his neck. pressing your fingertips deep into his skin as you lift his head up straight, his neck bending as he arched his back further into you. almost immediately he reaches his climax. a mixture of your thrusts and fingers choking him out, sending him over the edge.

“good boy. all fucked out for mama,” you bring your lips to his ear, your breath hot on his skin as you praise him. graysons body is decorated in goosebumps, his stomach littered with specks of his own cum as his hands and your hips fuck him through his orgasm. his legs tremble beneath him, the tight grip of your hands around his throat being the only stability to keep his body upright.

your pussy clenchs at the sight, your own cum spilling out of you as you watch grayson whimper and cum all over himself. his body glistening from sweat, a beautiful jaw dropping sight you captured perfectly to mind. an image you never wanted to forgot and definitely knew you wanted to experience again.

“you made quite the mess, baby boy. maybe mamma should clean you up hmm. lick your cum off you, yeah?

“oh fuck- yes please, mama. made a mess,” he uses whats left of his energy to flip himself over on his stomach. you finding your place perfectly between his legs as your tongue licks strides up and down his torso. collecting as much of his cum in your mouth as you could hold.

you crawl your body further up his own, straddling his bare abs as you moan softly at the feeling of grayson pulsating member slapping against your dripping sweet core, driving him crazy.

you press your fingers roughly to his cheeks, squishing them together in order for his lips to part and allow your access. you spit into his mouth, transferring a mixture of his own cum and your saliva from your lips to his.

“swallow it, slut. taste how delicious you are.” you watch his wide eyes as he swallows every drop you had to offer him, a pit of jealously as you urged to drink him yourself. you gawk at him licking his lips im content, smirking to himself as he tasted the saltiness of his cum. his eyes turning dark with lust as he watches you roll your nipples between your nimble fingers above him. eyes fixated on him tasting himself, your arousal leaking onto his stomach.

“we’re definitely doing that again, but right now, mama needs a reward.”

{tag- @lovingdolans @ohdolans @fallingfordolans @voguekristens @guiltydols @randomxstuffx @babyboy-cody @lovingdolans}

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asterism-os · 3 years

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hello! this is a... memory dump? canon-call? little bit of both, i think i really miss my family and i dont wanna forget anything, so im gonna dump it here and also tag it this technically isnt a canon-call, but if you recognize it PLEASE dm me on this acc or @asterism-of-spades so we can chat! (also i have an enderman typing quirk normally, someone’s helpin me type this so nobody has to translate) So I’m Origins!Ranboo! Well... sorta? My canon is a mix of DSMP and OSMP, but I’ve found myself more comfortable with saying I’m OSMPBoo. I used to use he/him prns, shifted to he/void, and pretty recently, outside of my canon, I completely omitted he/him, using voi/void as well as a few other ender-related neoprns. I was married to Tubbo, who was a shulker/bee hybrid, and our relationship was really dubious, nobody but us knew whether we were romantically involved or not (I don’t even remember lmao). We would call each other Bo and Boo! We had 2 kids! I remember we had Michael, and we had another kid but I can’t remember anything important about them, I’ll update this when I do. As of right now, I’m pretty sure they were either another zombie piglin or a child enderman. I have a few small memories, like the sound of their laughs, Michael holding flowers up to Tubbo, and the feeling of two kids laying on me while I told them stories. They would usually call Tubbo Dad or some variation and they’d call me Boo. We also had a dog that Tubbo brought home, even though he was super allergic, and had named... Ray, I think? I had really bad memory issues and derealization episodes in my canon (I do now as well) and I remember Tubbo waking me up every morning and making sure I knew the important stuff (where I was, who we were, that we loved each other, stuff like that) Also????? Tubbo was super strong??? Like. He could EASILY pick me up and just fly into the air with me. He also liked to gross me out by making super cursed noises when we walked through flower fields.... All he Needed to do was touch the flowers but he liked to make gross noises to accompany that- Tommy was a raccoon/shulker hybrid, and Tubbos biological brother! Don’t ask me how that worked because I’m not sure myself! I don’t have many memories with Tommy, but I do remember that he would stay with us a lot. Shroud was there as well, he was Tommy’s son (spider/human hybrid) and Tubbo and I were his uncles! Hmmm.... Phil! Phil was basically everyone’s dad, even though Ghostbur was his only Actual kid. He was a safe space, and he practically radiated peace! He had really cool wings, the outer layer of feathers were like a metallic blue and waterproof, and the inner layers were a super deep black and really soft. When he gave hugs he liked to wrap his wings around people as well, and it was just really cozy and safe. He’d protect me from the rain, and knew basic Enderian so he could communicate with me when I had bad anxiety. Dream was in my canon, and he was a real jerk to me. Uh... I’d go into more detail if you ask, but it’s not really something I’d want to post. I also have a Lot of food-based memories I remember eating Blaze rods, and there were two variants! One was more yellow, and that one tasted like licking a metal spoon after eating apple pie (so a cinnamony-sweet metallic taste), and then a more reddish one that tasted more like cayanne pepper! I’d put the powder from the reddish ones on chicken every so often. Glow berries had the texture of grapes, but tasted like what a glowstick looks like All of the gold-infused foods (gappes, glistening melons, golden carrots) made me really sick because they were so sweet, I really only ate them if I needed to.I would give golden carrots to the kids every so often though, and they’d be bouncing off the walls for the rest of the day I also remember eating chorus fruit! I rarely had it because we never really went to the End, but it had the texture and visual of a dragonfruit (but purple), and tasted like grape juice! The leaves on nether vines tasted like pasta spices, so Jack once got the idea to try and take the bases and make pasta out of it, since nether vines had thick bases It... didn’t go well, we’ll just say

I also have some more smaller memories with people: trying to high-five niki and her hurting me on accident because she was wet jack and i scrambling to find shelter during a sudden thunderstorm and laughing once we werent actively getting hurt anymore ghostbur showing up behind me randomly and scaring the crap outta me also! heres some more memories about me! i had a Really bad stutter when i was speaking english lmao, it was definitely a struggle the enderspeak in my tl was really similar to the language that people are learning irl! eye contact was only uncomfortable if the person was a stranger/a threat! in my culture, eye contact was viewed as a threat unless it was from someone who you cared for! I had a Victorian-esque aesthetic! My eyes used to both be green, but my red eye got damaged. I’ll talk more about that under the cut! CW/TW for blood and injury

So my eye is red because I got shot with an arrow like... directly above my eye. My blood had a chemical reaction with the fluids in my eye and turned it red! Also my blood is purple, looks like grape fanta.

#so idrk how to tag this #uhh #dsmp fictive #canon calls #origins smp fictive #spades memories #🗝

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bringingglory · 3 years

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thank you so much for the tags @hanamuri @fullmetalscullyy @megthemighty @nightofnyx8 @tsaritsa !

How many works do you have on AO3? 11! some are botw, one is tdiapt, some are fma, and some are haikyuu! i mostly just write for whatever im interested in at the moment/whichever fandom inspiration strikes for

What's your total AO3 word count? 101,939

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Keep Your Friends Closer But Your Enemies Closer - T: ahhhh my miraculous ladybug fic! ive literally been working on her for FOREVER and i swear to god im going to finish it, i literally know how i want to end it and i know all the events leading up to it. hell, i even have a vague idea of what i want to happen in the middle, i just need to know what order the middle stuff happens in and also i just have to write it. It's an AU where Ladybug and Chat Noir are actually enemies but then Chat Noir accidentally befriends Marinette and then drama etc etc etc.

rain - G: first zelink fic babey! set Pre-Calamity and basically link and zelda get stuck in a cave because of the rain and there's just a lot of quiet pining, etc etc.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Oikawa - T: HAHAHA this was a crack fic inspired by my roommate but then i forgot it was supposed to be a crack fic while writing it and there are accidentally real emotions alkjdfalksdf but anyway it was very fun to write lmao. it was based off this meme and basically it's an AU where Oikawa is Spider-Man and Iwaizumi doesn't know but they still like hang out and stuff. It's a lot of fun, or at least I think it is, haha.

stolen moments - T: first royai fic!!! just a series of "stolen moments" (mic drop) where roy and riza like cant be together but yknow, they try. lots of pining. etc

a secret weapon of sorts - T: 5+1 edwin fic inspired by the Simple People OVA where instead of ed giving winry earrings to get out of trouble, he gives her kisses.

Do you reply to comments, why or why not? Yes! I try really hard to!!! Sometimes I get overwhelmed and I don't respond to comments for a while, but I absolutely do my best to when I remember because I feel like it's my way of saying "thank you" for them reading my fics in the first place, haha.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? Uhhhhh, sleepless I guess? But it's more open-ended/not explicitly positive more than anything, though even then I feel like I've got a hint of hope in there. alkjdfhalsdk idk man I just, I can't write *pure* angst, there's gotta be some light, and thus I could never end anything angstily

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending? LMAO most of my fics??? I guess??? bc despite being an anxious piece of shit, I am an optimist by heart

Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've ever written? When I was younger! Idk, I guess the Rise of the Brave Frozen Tangled Dragons fandom??? if anyone remembers what that is lmao

Have you ever received hate on a fic? Not exactly? Maybe some weird comments on KYFCBYEC but even then, it wasn't that often.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? No no no no no no no no. I am telling you, I physically cannot write smut. I don't think I actually have the capacity. Absolute fucking kudos to every single smut writer out there bc it truly is an art form capturing that intimacy and emotion and etc, but I literally get flustered from writing mildly detailed kiss scenes. If I ever wrote smut, I would burst into flames on the spot.

Actually lies, I technically wrote smut once, but it was at the request of my roommates and they wanted me to write a crack smut fic of Y/N x our uni's mascot and I wrote that thing in like 3 hours with so many silly memes to keep myself sane (not like other girls, tongues battled for dominance, etc), did not edit it, and because it was so, like, not serious, I was actually able to get through it. But even then, when I wrote "thrusting" I literally had to put my laptop down for 20 minutes.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Nope!

Have you ever had a fic translated? Not yet! Someone commented on Your Friendly Neighborhood Oikawa and asked if they could translate it and I said yes! They haven't gotten around to it yet, but I would love to see it if they do!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not yet!

What’s your all-time favourite ship? Bro it changes day to day. You can't ask me this lmao. The current ship I'm most fixated on is Iwaoi, but I wouldn't say they're my all-time favorite.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? I'm not answering this energy. On god, I'm going to finish things. I want to.

What are your writing strengths? uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh very good question lmao. I don't really like thinking about "strengths" in my writing bc who am I to say? akjdslakfjdf idk, instead, I'm just gonna say some things I like/try to do in my writing, which are: conversational prose/having a lot of voice in the narration, I try to add humor wherever I can, and recently I've gotten better and metaphors and describing things bc I picked up writing poetry a year ago!

What are your writing weaknesses? hmmm, a thing I dislike about my writing/the writing process is that I'm slow to publish things and slow to finish things because I'm such a messy first drafter and I also take forever to edit. I would like to uhhhhh get things out faster. Also I tend to repeat myself a lot bc I forget the details of things I write sometimes lmao.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? Hmmm, I dunno, I guess I don't have any strong thoughts? The only other language I know is Mandarin but even then, I suck ass at that, so I'll prolly never write dialogue in another language simply bc I like to try to portray things semi-realistically and I don't think I have a good enough grasp on any other language the same way I do in English to produce authentic enough dialogue.

What was the first fandom you wrote for? Fablehaven I guess? But Idk I was in fourth grade an didn't even know what fandom was yet. Rise of the Guardians, maybe?

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

AHHHH idk??? maybe hold your hand out in the dark because i really experimented with my writing on that one and im sort of proud of the result, just like the fact that i wanted to try something new and it turned out alright. that or Sunset Wheeling which is an iwaoi fic where they just skate, and like it's prolly one of the most self-indulgent things i've ever written because it's silly and they just. skate. but aljdfalsjd idk i loved it and i churned it out in 6 days and it was a lot of fun lol

ahhh a bunch of people have been tagged already, so sorry if im tagging you again, but for now im just gonna tag @niconiconina @notkorras @thatisadamnfinecupofcoffee @firewoodfigs and anyone else who wants do it!

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yeoldontknow · 3 years

Text

❧ check in tag

tagged by the sweetest angel @propinqxity to do this little tag. this is such a cute list of questions, and some of these i dont think ive been asked before. thank you so much for the tag and the tumblr crush mention lovely. you truly are a bright spot on this website and i mean that sincerely <333

going under a cut because im certain i will ramble ~

1. Why did you choose this url?

its sort of like a pun between yall dont know and the fact that, hopefully, sincerely, chanyeol does not in fact know that i run this blog lmao i changed to this after a long time of being bread-jinie and i wanted to rebrand. i will, however, do my best to never change URLs again because the masterlist switch over was a complete hassle

2. Any sideblogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them

i have a fic recs blog called @yeoldontknowiread. as to why i have it, i know it hasnt been updated in ages since ive been kind of on hiatus, but i think reading and sharing work on this platform is immensely important. i actually read quite a lot of fanfiction, and i try my best to share the things i read. im very very behind on recs at the moment cause i try my best to write something substantial for every recommendation i make. as a writer, i know exactly the kinds of thoughts and feedback on fics that make my heart soar so i try to put in the same energy to my recs. community is only fostered when there is reciprocation

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

hmmm since april 2017. i actually had my 4 year anniversary this year and i did have plans for things but i got roped into real life things and couldnt celebrate the way i truly wanted to :(

4. Do you have a queue tag?

no but sometimes i think i should. i view tags as a library on top of my knee jerk response to things. most of my tags are just my initial thoughts or feelings at any given moment, so those take precedence over a specific queue tag

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

when i was getting into exo, i was reading fanfiction like crazy. i used to write fanfic quite a lot in other fandoms, but at that time i hadnt written anything in about 2.5 years. exo was the first re-introduction to that feeling of excitement and inspiration. after about 3 weeks of straight reading, i decided i wanted to write again. i wrote the prologue to hero in about two hours and tried logging into AO3 to post it. sadly i forgot all of my log in information because it had been years, and was getting frustrated. i really wanted to put it somewhere out of fear that id lose interest if i didnt do something with it, and everything id read had been on tumblr. so i made a tumblr just to put hero lmao i didnt have any mutuals. it was a blog with straight 0. i hadnt even created an account to interact with writers before that moment, i really thought id be a silent reader forever. but exo woke me back up and for that i am eternally grateful.

6. Why did you choose your icon?

the yours music video is...so stunning? like the colour theory throughout the whole thing is truly so inspiring and gorgeous. and this shot of chanyeol looking at the painting took my breath away, truly. tulips and the color of peach, like do you know how evocative that is? ugh

7. Why did you choose your header

my header was made by @jamaisjoons for my birthday this year because shes literally the most talented person when it comes to graphics. and this was so kind of her to do, i cried a lot

8. What's your post with the most notes?

uhm....either the body through time or truth i cant remember which but i checked recently and its one of those

9. How many mutuals do you have?

honestly at this point im not even sure. i know ive lost a bunch while i was on hiatus because i was basically a dead blog, and some people do dash cleanses. and im certain others have left, too, for their own reasons. still, i have a good core of friends though who are active and that is enough for me

10. How many followers do you have?

more than i probably deserve

11. How many people do you follow?

399

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

uhm i guess? there was a time when nng was not updated and every wednesday id post the days go by music video in sadness and grief but im not a big shitposter. if i make a text post its usually a life update or me crying about chanyeol, theres no inbetween lmao

13. How often do you use Tumblr every day?

tbh i havent used tumblr that often, not since march i think. i used to use it many times a day, checking in on friends and stuff, but once i started focusing on my phd applications i was only here sporadically. i didnt make an announcement either, just let my blog run on queue so i wasnt totally gone. i think i was checking in twice a week or maybe once every two weeks to refill my queue and check mentions etc. but now that my interviews are done im trying to get back on here daily to reconnect

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

ive had my share of disagreements with people and any details about those situations shall remain as they are meant to: private

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

in what context? like, you need to reblog this or your wish wont come true? or like, please reblog this to spread the word/spread awareness, etc? in the case for the former, i scroll right by. in the case of the latter, if im around and see someone raising a go fund me or some major event is occurring and i find a post with good sources or charities i will reblog. mostly though, the full extent my activism isnt really on this blog. its my escape from reality. my activism is usually placed on other platforms.

16. Do you like tag games?

i doooo!!! theyre so fun i love learning about my friends

17. do you like ask games?

i love those too! theyre so cute and usually a nice way to have interaction immediacy with people in the community

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

no one. can we please abandon this notion of fame on tumblr? arent we all here to write about some dick and some smut and some fluff and then hang out together and log off? lmao tumblr isnt reality and followers/fame is so arbitrary on this platform, no one has any control over any of it

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i am in love with so many people here. let me name a few:

@yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @inkedtae @kookdiaries @yoonia @dulcetvk @kithtaehyung @imdifferentshadesofpurple @ditzymax @sugaurora @sahmbtsficrecs @junghelioseok @yeojaa @augustbutwinter @joonscore @btssavedmylifeblr @cutechim @sunshinekims @kimtaehyunq @ouvuo @delhyun @exo-stentialism @sooibian @softyoongiionly @jinseunie @zibermuda @bratkook @1kook @luffles424 @xjoonchildx

and so many other people and mutuals that i am certainly forgetting. love is such an expansive feeling, and it encompasses platonic ardor and creative desire. i admire every single person listed for so many different reasons, and cherish and treasure them or what they provide to the community. love is such an important and broad experience. truly, i hope they feel adored every single day x

#check in tag

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sunshinetoshi · 3 years

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1K 😳😳😳 omg is this my bug sis' world domination agenda bcz yes i support 👍 ahem i got a bit sappy here so :")

*inserts read more*

lol ok where should i even start from hmmm anyway cONGRATS ??? 1 THOUSAND OMG DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I ANTICIPATED THIS MOMENT BECAUSE YOU DEFINITELY DESERVE THEM, AND EVEN MORE 🥺 everything about you and your blog is fascinating like, every time i read one of your works, the first reaction is 'wow'. they're all so 😌👍 amazing, omg how am i even mutuals with such a talented human </3

oH AND i'm going to steal this opportunity to talk a lot more bcz i won't be online for rest of september because exams :(( starting with your outfit that you posted aND OMG YES YOU LOOKED SO PRETTY !!! also ik you love ushi but that outfit really gave me kuroo vibes yk like, ice cream date with kuroo ?? or just a beach day with him ?? it could be either one of the boys tbh <3

and i saw ur reblog about why did you follow me ask game or smn but uhh lmao idk, not like i remember since i don't have a good memory but i'm pretty sure it's your wonderful works ( also you because yes i wanted to be friends with you ) aND I DO NOT REGRET IT AT ALL YES <33

and i was playing furries my beef oven yesterday evening, what a glorious song, tchaikowhiskey could never <3333

ALSO I PROMISE THIS IS THE LAST PARAGRAPH SKDJFDSF your soulmate drabbles from your 900 event skjhdf they're so cutee aaaaaa ik i haven't been interacting but they're all in my drafts. ( i mean, i learnt it all for you ) exams better end asap because i want to read them all over again and scream in the tags 😩

aNYWAY CONGRATS AGAIN !! I'M SO PROUD OF U BUG SIS TARA, YOU DROPPED THIS 👑

stop my lul sis literally wrote me this love letter my heart is full akjdjdjd you're the best inez 🥺🥺💖💖 thank you so much im sobbing in the best way wow <33

ice cream date w kuroo you know i'm down yESS!! this thought will now carry my whole day and i love it HAHA

:(( you're the sweetest ahh!!! pls you're one of my longest and beloved moots you know that <33 im so so happy we're friends (I THINK YOU STARTED FOLLOWING AROUND MY EMBARRASSING MOMENTS W STRANGERS FIC LMAOO BC I WILL NEVER FORGET YOUR CONTRIBUTION AJDHHD POOR FROG GUY)

bestie he may not be beef oven but at least tchaikowhiskey has walnuts of hours !!

YOU ARE ONE OF MY BEST SUPPORTERS PLS YOUR TAGS ON MY FICS ASCEND ME but plsss if there's anything to learn from me it cant be the drafts amount nooo BAHAHA

thank you again bb you dont understand how soft this made me. and i'll wear it if you wear yours 👑

#good luck again on exams!! you got this!!#wow literally the best lul clown sis eVER #☀️tara talks☀️#inez 🖤#lul sis bug sis things 🖤

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im-fairly-whitty · 4 years

Text

Title: Forget Me Not by @im-fairly-whitty (Ao3: im_fairly_witty)

Fandom: The Witcher (Netflix/Books/Game)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Wordcount: 11731

Summary: You meet up with your soulmate in dreams once or twice every year your whole life, giving you the chance to grow up together and befriend each other no matter where you live. The catch is you only remember what happens in those dreams if you’re currently in one, or if you meet in real life and you BOTH want to be with each other, meaning your waking lives carry on as they would have otherwise with you none the wiser as to whether or not you have a soulmate out there.

This leads to unexpected and wonderful tearful reunions between soulmates discovering each other in waking life, but if your waking selves don’t get along or have emotional constipation (cough, Geralt, cough cough) you and your soulmate can only watch helplessly from your dream meetings as your waking selves make things terrible for both of you without even realizing it.

Additional Tags: Geraskier of course. Instant friendship, but a bit of a slow burn romantically, because Geralt's had five year old Jaskier for fifteen minutes (and if anything happened to him he'd kill everyone in this room and then himself) but romantic feelings don't start until later when they're both adults. Hurt comfort, wump, First Kiss. Happy Ending because RIP season one but I'm different. Also young Jaskier is a national treasure who must be protected at all costs.

For @geraskierweek: prompt 1, Soulmates

Geralt is eighty five years old when he meets his soulmate for the first time in a dream.

He knows it’s a soulmate dream too, he’s never dreamt anything nearly so vivid or calm, only ever having had muddled nightmares if anything at all. But now he finds himself standing in a field of wildflowers, a slight breeze brushing over the loose black shirt he’s wearing. An unseen sun warms his skin in the perfect pleasantness of a calm summer’s day.

And Geralt feels sick to his stomach. Because he does not want a soulmate, had been convinced that he didn’t have one after decades of nothing.

But as he walks across the field he hears the soft gurgling of a brook and sees exactly why it’s taken so long for his first dream to come. Sitting on the bank of the stream, shoes and socks stripped off with his feet splashing in the water, is a five year old boy.

Geralt’s sick feeling doubles as he silently watches the boy from afar, suddenly far more furious at destiny for what it’s just done to this poor child. Matching him up with a monster. The boy should be meeting someone his own age right now, a childhood friend seen fleetingly in dreams once or perhaps twice a year as they aged together. Not a witcher.

Geralt jumps as the little boy looked over his shoulder, spotting him. For a moment Geralt considers just turning and leaving, just walking away and out of this poor child’s dreams for good.

But then the boy’s eyes light up in a look of eager happiness and he waves excitedly, jumping up and running over to him before he can get away.

“Hi! My name’s Julian! What’s your name? Do you know what this place is?” The little boy asks excitedly, jumping up and down with seemingly boundless energy. “There’s so many flowers, I love them!”

“I’m Geralt.” Geralt says a little stiffy, mind reeling a bit. Because he can’t remember a single time in his life that a child has greeted him with anything other than fear, and it’s stunned him as easily as Axii.

“Hi Geralt! I’m Julian!” says Julian brightly, having apparently already forgotten his previous introduction in his excitement. He grabs Geralt’s hand before he can react and pulls him along. “Come see the stream I found!”

Geralt swallows as he lets himself be tugged along, at a loss for words or thought. Instead he finds himself listening attentively as Julian drags him to stand in the shallow water, proudly showing him wet rocks and pebbles of slightly different colors.

It’s only been a few minutes when Geralt feels the dream already starting to fade, they never last long for the first few years he’s heard. But by the time Julian disappears from sight Geralt is absolutely heartbroken for the child, having already come to love him in the kind of way that would have him burning a village should he come to harm.

And Geralt is absolutely furious to know that he will have no memory of the dream once he wakes up. That neither of them will remember their encounter until the next time they meet.

***

Julian is eleven when he finally realizes why he can never remember Geralt when he wakes up.

“You’re my soulmate aren’t you.” Julian not so much asks as simply states, looking up at Geralt.

The two of them are sitting cross legged in the wildflower field they always meet in, braiding long strands of grass to see who can make the longest one. Sometimes they explore together, sometimes they sit on the bank of the stream to splash around, sometimes Julian manages to get Geralt to tell him a story. They’re always very exciting stories.

“Hmmm.” Geralt grunts, not looking up from his grass braiding.

“My mum says if you meet your soulmate in your dreams not to bother telling them your name, because neither of you will remember when you’re awake.” Julian says, reaching over to pick a flower to weave into his grass braid. “That’s why I only remember you when we’re here, isn’t it?”

“Hmmm.” Geralt says again. But Julian knows it’s the “yes” kind of hmmm. They’ve met enough times over the years that Julian knows what all the hmmm’s mean now.

They continue to braid for a few quiet minutes, the soft breeze rustling through the wildflowers.

“How come you’re so old?” Julian asks, looking up at Geralt. “Aren’t soulmates supposed to be the same age?”

There’s a kind of almost smile on Geralt’s face which means he’s supposed to be chuckling, but then a little bit of a sad look too.

“It’s because I’m a witcher.” Geralt says, not looking at Julian as he plucks another long blade of grass. “It means I’ll live for hundreds of years and still look about this age.”

“Oh, like elves.” Julian asks, nodding sagely.

“Yeah, a little bit like elves.” Geralt says with a shrug, but now his little smile stays.

Julian’s nose wrinkles, “Does that mean it’s not going to be until I’m like fifty that we meet in real life? So I look as old as you do?”

Geralt actually laughs at that, reaching over to ruffle Julian’s hair. “I do not look fifty. Thirty at most.”

“But you’ve got white hair!” Julian says defensively, warming to his argument. “Only really old people have white hair, everybody knows that Geralt.”

“A fair point, little lark.” Geralt says. His smile dims a little. “And I don’t know when we’ll meet in real life. I hope we don’t.”

“What?” Julian cries, jumping to his feet, throwing his grass braid into the air for emphasis. “But we’re soulmates! We gotta meet in real life too so we can be real life friends! How else are we gonna remember each other when we’re awake?”

“My life isn’t one that you want to be in.” Geralt says gently. “I’m always in danger, I’m always having to fight monsters and travel hard. You wouldn’t be able to come with me, it would be too dangerous and I would be too unkind.”

“But you’re always nice. You’re my best friend!” Julian insists, crossing his arms.

“It’s easier here.” Geralt says simply, going back to his braid. “I don’t have to worry when I’m here. But if we meet in real life you’ll be frightened of me, I’ll have two great swords on my back and be in dirty armor and look angry all the time to scare off people who want to hurt me.”

“I won’t let anyone hurt you.” Julian says seriously. “I’ll make them be nice to you, I’ll tell them how great and kind you are and then you won’t have to worry.”

“I’m sure you would.” Geralt says with a sad smile, holding up his finished grass braid to Julian as they feel the dream start to fade.

***

Geralt is ninety five the year that Julian’s mother dies. He holds the fifteen year old on his arms as the boy cries bitterly into his shoulder the entire dream they’re together, having had no other shoulders to cry on when he was awake.

***

“I ran away from home last month.” Seventeen year old Julian says.

Geralt looks over at him where they’re both lying in the grass, hands behind their heads as they stare at the blue nothing sky.

“Did your father finally throw you out?” Geralt askes. “Or did you finally hide enough money for Oxenfurt?”

“A little of both.” Julian says, voice deceptively easy. “Got caught sleeping with a maid and figured it was time to get out while I still could. I didn’t fancy being beaten within an inch of my life like Mother.”

A long moment of quiet passes between them.

“Are you safe? Where you are?” Geralt asks, looking over.

“Not really.” Julian says quietly, reaching down to pluck a blade of grass and starting to slowly break it apart in his fingers. “I’m pretending to myself that I am, but I know I’m going to get stabbed if I hang around much longer. I’ll probably wise up in a day or two, once I get over my pride.”

“Did you buy a knife like I told you to?” Geralt askes, knowing perfectly well how futile giving advice of any kind is, but having to try anyway.

“I didn’t.” Julian says, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “I was even looking at one in the marketplace, thinking how much I wished I knew how to use one properly.” he looked over at Geralt, sharing the moment of sad irony with him. “It’s utter rubbish, this not being able to remember business. At least when we meet I’ll suddenly have the knife wielding skills of a bandit from what you’ve taught me.”

Geralt chuckles a sad kind of chuckle that ends in a sigh.

Another minute of silence.

“And don’t say we’re not going to meet, because I can feel you thinking it and we are.” Julian says, raising up on one elbow to glare at him more easily.

“We aren’t going to meet.” Geralt said, shaking his head tiredly. “You’ll see me coming a mile away and be too terrified to even get a look at my face. As you should be.”

“I won’t!” Julian insists. “We’ll end up in the same seedy tavern someday, soon too now that I’m traveling, and we’ll see each other across the crowd as I’m playing my lute and suddenly I’ll remember how to wield a knife and you are going to remember you owe me a drink.”

Geralt only keeps shaking his head. “You only get your dream memories back if you both want to be together Julian. You know I don’t want a soulmate. My life isn’t the kind that’s supposed to be shared, there’s not a chance that I’m going to see you in real life and want you around me. Neither of us will remember.”

“You can’t convince me I’m unattractive Geralt, I have an extremely healthy self image.” Julian says, stretching in a comical attempt at a sexy pose.

“You’re a child.” Geralt scoffs.

“Not for long.” Jaskier says, raising an eyebrow. “Give me a few years and I’ll look as old as you, and then when I find you I’ll keep badgering you until you let me stay, and then boom. Soulmate memories.”

Geralt snorts. “If I had an entire week I could not explain to you all the ways in which that is extremely unlikely.”

Geralt closes his eyes, but he can feel Julian watching him from across the grass.

“If we already remembered each other, would you come get me?” Julian asks quietly, the barest hint of a shake hidden in his voice.

Geralt opens his eyes, looking at him steadily. “If we already remembered each other I would have come to get you the day your mother died, and then killed your father for good measure.”

“Okay.” Julian says, voice still quiet as he curls up a little in the grass, still laying on his side.

Geralt can smell the fear starting to seep off the boy as he feels the dream start to fade around them, pulling them back to real life.

“You’ll be alright.” Geralt says, reaching over to grip the boy’s shoulder comfortingly. “You’re stubborn and you’re quick on your feet if nothing else, you’ll survive.”

“Geralt, I-” Julian’s hand grips his.

And then the dream fades.

***

Geralt is ninety nine the first time he finds himself in a soulmate dream where he finds that he’s even more upset than the very first time he found himself in the wildflower field.

“Geralt!”

He looks over and see Julian...no, Jaskier, sprinting toward him. The young man slams into him at top speed, grabbing him in a hug that is buzzing with energy and excitement.

“We met!” Jaskier cries, his eyes actually filling with excited tears. “We met! We met! I can’t believe we finally met, and Gods Geralt you never once mentioned how lethally attractive you are in real life! I thought I was going to die when I saw you! And-”

There are too many things in Geralt’s head that need to be said, too many competing emotions warring to get out first.

But Geralt does the most important thing first and wraps Jaskier into a protective bear hug, holding him close. Jaskier returns the hug eagerly, quieting for just a moment despite practically humming in excitement.

“We didn’t remember.” Geralt says quietly, pulling out of the hug enough to look Jaskier in the eyes, then anger surfaces for its turn out in the open. “And what are you doing Jaskier? Why on earth are you following me around? You nearly got slaughtered by elves on your first day! Do you have a death wish?”

“But that’s the thing Geralt!” Jaskier says eagerly. “I can tell there’s something special about you! I saw you in the tavern and I could tell!”

“You know we’re soulmates?” Geralt demands.

“No, no, no memories at all, but still it feels like...” Jaskier bites his lip, searching for words, which doesn’t happen often. “I’m not sure what it feels like, but it just feels like I’m supposed to be around you, I feel like you can keep me safe. I haven’t figured it out yet obviously, but maybe I will soon!”

Geralt feels his heart ache, remembering the disgust and irritation he feels toward Jaskier in real life without his true memories to assist him.

“I’m sorry for hitting you.” he says quietly.

“Oh that’s alright.” Jaskier says with a grin. “I supposed I deserved it, but I did warn you I was going to be stubborn!”

“Jaskier there’s no way this is going to work.” Geralt says, shaking his head. “I’ve already decided to shake you off when we reach town tomorrow, you’re too slow on foot and you sing too much.”

“You are so grumpy in real life, you know that?” Jaskier says, narrowing his eyes and jabbing a finger at Geralt’s chest. “Like, unbelievably grumpy, and mean! Do you have an entire witcher mutagen dedicated to being taciturn in real life that doesn’t affect you when you’re asleep? I swear you’re like a whole different person!”

“I’ve only known you for a few days in real life.” Geralt said, dropping his arms to his sides with a sigh. “You’re seeing what the world sees of me. I never let that guard down, ever. I can’t afford to. That’s the reality of being a witcher, I can’t ever be vulnerable or that’s the end of it for me.”

“I’m sorry.” Jaskier says, his eyes dropping. “I’m sorry your life’s been like that.” He looks up with a flame of anger in his own eyes. “I hate the way people look at you, the way you save all of them and then they treat you like garbage. I’m going to make them see who you really are Geralt, I’m already working on songs to do it.”

“Your songs that are already changing the truth of what actually happened to us?” Geralt said with a smile.

“Yes! And they’re going to be fantastically popular.” Jaskier says, absolutely convinced.

“Also,” Geralt says, his smile disappearing and raising an eyebrow as his grip on Jaskier’s shoulder tightens. “You are utterly shameless. I can smell you constantly reeking of lust around me when we’re walking around together, have you ever once in your life tried to be subtle? That’s the biggest reason I’ve decided to shake you off tomorrow.”

Jaskier grins sheepishly, “In my defence you haven’t told me how old you really are?” he tries. “I’m still out there assuming you’re a foxy mid to late thirties.”

“Will it really make a difference when you find out I’m ninety nine?” Geralt asks flatly.

“No.” Jaskier says, his grin no longer sheepish. “Oh, and happy hundredth by the way if you haven’t told me by then.”

“No changing the subject.” Geralt says sternly. “We’re likely never going to see each other again in real life after your obnoxious performance, so I hope you’re satisfied with our one death outing together.”

“Oh, we’ll meet again.” Jaskier said happily.

“And how can you be so sure?” Geralt says dryly.

“Because I’ve already decided I’m going to stalk you across the continent like a lovesick schoolboy.” Jaskier says proudly. “And my awake self decided that all on his own.”

“That’s because you are a lovesick school boy. One who’s going to get himself killed by following me.” Geralt says, shoving at Jaskier’s shoulder as they begin to walk across the meadow to their usual spot by the stream.

“Honestly though Geralt, why have you kept me around even this long? You have to like me at least a little.” Jaskier asks, looking at him curiously as he follows.

“You’re the first human I’ve ever met who doesn’t smell like fear when they look at me.” Geralt says with a shrug. “It’s intriguing. Novel.”

Jaskier makes a sad kind of noise, looking at him and then wrapping him in a second hug.

“Geralt, here I was fishing for compliments and you have to hit me with that?” Jaskier mumbles against his chest.

“Well I’m never ever going to say it in waking, so I might as well.” Geralt sighs.

“Just you wait, we’re going to make it, I know we will.” Jaskier says, looking up at him with a smile full of determination. “I’ll track you down again, you’ll see.”

***

Only nine months and one dream pass before Jaskier manages to find Geralt again in real life. He is extremely smug.

“Just you wait, Witcher.” Jaskier says, using the name he’s picked up from using in real life. “By the end of the year we’ll both have remembered.”

***

If Geralt had known three years passed without a single dream he would have been worried, but of course he has no way of knowing that until he finds himself standing in the field of flowers again.

Jaskier is standing a ways off, arms folded tightly as he stares off into the nothing distance, his shoulders tense.

“Jaskier.” Geralt calls, and the bard turns, a look of sheer relief breaking through his worried expression as he runs to Geralt.

“Why was it so long?” Jaskier asks, face buried against Geralt’s neck as they hold tightly to one another. “Why haven’t we seen each other in so long Geralt?”

Geralt takes a long moment just to breathe in Jaskier’s scent, which is riddled with fear and unease, then kisses his forehead, aching because he knows there’s no good way he can apologize for how he’s acted in waking life. Because of course they have seen each other, quite often in fact, but Geralt hates seeing it with remembering eyes. His gruffness, the constant shoving Jaskier away both figuratively and literally. The way that Jaskier puts up with it all with a smile.

Things aren’t always bad, they’ve had good times too, but not nearly enough to make up for it in his opinion.

“I don’t know.” Geralt says slowly, almost having to remember how to use long sentences again after so long in his customary waking gruffness. “Perhaps it’s because we’re together often in real life. The dreams don’t feel like they have to pull us together any more.”

“It’s been three years Geralt and we haven’t remembered a thing yet.” Jaskier says, his voice sounding a little hoarse against Geralt’s neck. “I, I guess things are pretty normal for us only having known each other three years though, right? Loads of people probably act like we do. With me hanging on and you hating everything...”

Geralt bites his lip, realizing that Jaskier had gotten so used to glossing over his emotions around Geralt in real life that he’s even doing it here now.

“You scare me in real life.” Geralt said, being the first to be honest. “I keep thinking I’m going to break you or scare you off like everyone else, I don’t understand what you see in me to keep following me and being kind and it frightens me. That’s why I still have so many walls, I’ve never had a real human friend, and I’m afraid of how fragile I think you are.”

Jaskier makes a small choking sound, nearly a sob as he looks up and Geralt sees tears in his eyes. “We are friends then?” he asks, voice hoarse. “In real life I mean, I always keep hoping we are or, or will be, but I just don’t know what you think about me really so I just keep joking around it and-”

“You’re the truest friend I’ve ever had Jaskier.” Geralt said firmly, putting a hand gently to his cheek. “You just picked the worst possible person to try befriending. I promise.”

“O-okay.” Jaskier said, tears sliding down his cheeks as he gasps for breath a little. “Okay. It’s just so hard to tell with you sometimes.” He wiped fiercely at his eyes. “Gods, sorry, I swear I’m not this distraught in real life, honestly I’m alright, I’m perfectly pleased to keep worrying away at you for the long haul. It’s just so...so disorienting to be back here I suppose, to remember. I just wish we both remembered already.”

“It’s alright little lark.” Geralt said softly, sitting in the grass and pulling Jaskier down into his arms. Holding him tight, as if it could make up for three years of only rough and brief touches in passing. “This is my fault, I always told you I’d be miserable company in real life.”

“It’s not all bad you know.” Jaskier swallows, resting his head against Geralt’s chest. “Really it’s not. You’re always so kind to people who really need it, and you make the worst jokes when we’re alone on the road together, and you’re so soft with Roach, and you’re terrifying at Gwent. And I know you really do care about me, because you’re always saving my skin every single time I need it, and I know you make sure I get the best parts of our food when we’re running low, and I know you bought me those boots last month because mine were falling apart so don’t even pretend it was because they were cheap anyway. I know they weren’t. I know clothes Geralt.”

Something warm gently flickers in Geralt’s chest as his bard lists so many things Geralt hadn’t considered as being good. They were just things he felt he needed to do. But coming from Jaskier they did sound good. It almost makes him feel better.

“So you’re not miserable then?” Geralt asks hesitantly.

“No! No, not by a long shot.” Jaskier says, wide-eyed as he looks up at him. “Geralt these are the best years I’ve ever had in my life, I get to go adventuring with you and see sights no one in Oxenfurt’s ever seen, and then I get to go hole up for the winter in a warm classroom and write songs while you hibernate up at your witcher castle. This is the dream Geralt.”

“You should have better dreams.” Geralt says softly. “These years are the prime of your life, you should be spending them doing something else.”

“If you remember to tell me all that again when we wake up I’ll do it.” Jaskier says, a mischievous glint in his eye.

“Speaking of better dreams,” Geralt says flatly. “would you actually die if you didn’t jump in bed with everything that moves? As glad as I am that you appreciate me dragging you out of every fire you light under yourself, I sometimes forget I’m supposed to be fighting monsters, not cuckolded husbands.”

“Do you have any idea how much sexual frustration I deal with on a daily basis just from being around you?” Jaskier replies seriously. “When you walk around looking like a marble statue in black leather and a loose ponytail? And that’s just when you have clothes on.”

Geralt rolled his eyes. “Well, good to see you’re feeling better.”

“I’m serious Geralt.” Jaskier says, curling closer to him, looking down at the grass. “I’m not just sticking around for the song material anymore. I’ve...really fallen for you. You could at least pretend to notice.”

“You’re still so young.” Geralt shakes his head, resting his chin gently on Jaskier’s head. “You get obsessed with things all the time, I know you’ll get bored and move on eventually.”

“I won’t. Not from you.” Jaskier says firmly, one hand holding tightly to the front of Geralt’s shirt. “And you can’t keep using my age as an excuse either, I know for a fact that you don’t sleep with prostitutes your age when we visit the Passaflora, so you can stop pretending that’s a valid excuse not to be attracted to me at this point.”

Geralt only chuckles. “I’m only telling you what I really think in waking life Jaskier, you can’t get mad at me for it here.”

“Well, what do you think here?” Jaskier asks, looking up at him, their faces only inches apart now.

Geralt thinks for a moment, looking into the young man’s cornflower blue eyes. He can’t deny that in waking life he has considered more than once how attractive the bard is. But even in waking it’s not something he’s considered at length, far more concerned with the constant challenge of keeping his curious human companion in one piece than anything else.

“What I think here is that you are still young.” Geralt says gently. He kisses Jaskier’s forehead and the bard heaves a sigh.

“You’re the worst soulmate ever, you know that?” He says, squinting up at him accusingly.

“I’ve never claimed to be anything else.” Geralt says, a little too soberly.

“What if we don’t see each other again for another three years?” Jaskier asks, smelling nervous again.

“That’ll probably mean we’re still traveling together fairly often.” Geralt reasons. “You know, if you leave me alone maybe we’ll see each other here more again.”

“Not a chance, witcher.” Jaskier says. “Not a chance.”

***

By the time they’ve traveled together for the better part of twelve years in waking life they’ve seen each other four more times in dreams. Which is not nearly enough, and somehow far too much.

“I’m going to ask you to escort me to Cintra tomorrow night for the betrothal feast, I got invited to play at it.” Jaskier says quietly against Geralt’s shoulder. The two of them are standing in the field of wildflowers together, simply holding each other after years of distance.

“I’ve been gone three days after a selkimore.” Geralt says with a smile. “How are you so sure I’m even alive?”

“Well now I know you’re alive.” Jaskier says, looking up at him with a grin. “I’ll remember.”

“You won’t.”

“I will.” Jaskier says, as if it’s a fact, not a wish. “And when you’re back you’ll probably be covered in all kinds of filth like usual and I’ve got a bath and everything all planned to butter you up to make you come with me.”

“I won’t like it.” Geralt warns.

“You don’t like anything.” Jaskier points out.

“I like you.” Geralt says.

Jaskier looks up at him with his thirty one year old eyes and tilts his head a bit. “How do you mean?”

“In waking life.” Geralt says simply. “I’ve started to really...like you. Unironically, I love having you around me.

“You absolute bastard! I knew it!” Jaskier cries in delight, taking hold of Geralt’s shirt collar. “And yet you still pretend we aren’t friends, but you do like me. I see you listening to all my songs from the back of the tavern, and the way you smile just a little when I talk too long even though you aren’t listening, and you are going to agree to come to Cintra with me aren’t you?”

“I probably will.” Geralt sighed. “When was the last time I told you no?”

“You tell me not to do things all the time, I just don’t listen.” Jaskier says with a smug grin.

“When was the last time you asked me for something and I didn’t eventually do it. Even if I didn’t outright agree.” Geralt corrects gently.

“Do you think...do you think we’ll remember soon?” Jaskier says, eyes wide in hope.

Geralt thinks they might, he really does. Even when awake he’s taken to being far more protective of the bard, keeping him close whenever he can, wanting him to stay. Wanting him. Even if he can’t even admit it to himself while awake.

But he just can’t bear to get his bard’s hopes up when he knows he can’t guarantee anything upon waking. For them to remember both of them have to want to be together, and for years now they’ve only been waiting on him.

“Perhaps.” He says with a shrug. He rests a hand against Jaskier’s face and the bard leans into his touch. “But I hope so.”

“Geralt, can I kiss you?” Jaskier asks, as calmly as if asking whether it was raining outside.

“If you like.” Geralt says.

Their first kiss is as gentle as the breeze whispering through the wildflowers at their feet, as calm as the small brook that flows past them.

The dream fades before they have the chance for a second one.

***

Geralt is sitting in the wildflower field with his head in his hands. Even in dreams his constant waking headache hasn’t left him, in fact it almost seems worse.

Because it’s been five months since Cintra, and everything has gone exactly wrong.

He hears Jaskier appear behind him but doesn’t move. Footsteps through the grass, and then the pleasant warmth of Jaskier draping himself over Geralt’s back, slim arms wrapping around his neck as the bard kisses just behind his ear.

“Well, I assume it’s safe to say that neither of us saw that coming.” Jaskier says with a tired chuckle. “You left in a marvelous huff before I could ask, why did you claim the law of surprise? Really Geralt, after seeing all that, what on earth were you thinking?”

“That you would think it was a terribly funny joke when I inherited a new second hand crown or a fine jacket from it. That we’d both get a laugh from it after such a trying night.” Geralt says hoarsely, having no reason to lie.

“Geralt...” Jaskier says, at a loss for words.

Geralt doesn’t move as they sit in silence, because they both already know that if he hadn’t invoked the law of surprise then he wouldn’t have stormed off on his own, that he and Jaskier would have stayed together, that they just might have remembered each other by now.

And instead they are now alone in waking life, who knew how far apart. For who knew how long this time.

Geralt feels his hair pulled loose out of its half ponytail and Jaskier’s long fingers begin to comb through it. It eases his headache a bit and he closes his eyes.

“But why did you run so fast and so far?” Jaskier asks quietly. “You’d disappeared before I’d even gotten to my feet Geralt, you were long gone by the time I got back to the inn. No one says you have to actually take the child for your own, you could just be a sort of godparent couldn’t you? Just visiting every now and then like a kind uncle, they won’t even be born for-”

“Because I can’t stand it when destiny gets her hooks in children, and this time it’s my fault.” Geralt growls. “When that baby is born they’re going to be caged in at every side by destiny. No matter what they do, they’ll never be able to escape being a child surprise. They aren’t even born yet and their choice is already stripped from them. Because of me.”

Jaskier’s fingers go still in his hair.

“Is that why you hate the idea of soulmates so much?” Jaskier asks quietly.

“This, no, this isn’t about that.” Geralt shakes his head, but Jaskier is already gone from his back.

The bard moves in front of him, sitting down in the grass and looking at Geralt, trapping his gaze. “Is this why we haven’t remembered each other in waking life yet?” Jaskier asks, and Geralt can’t quite tell what emotion it is flavoring the bard’s voice this time, but it’s something sad. “Because deep down you think I’m trapped in this, so that’s why you keep pushing me away? That I have no choice but to be herded back to you by destiny? Is this because I was a child when we first met?”

“That isn’t what I-”

“No, you know what? It’s my turn to talk.” Jaskier says, and the sadness in his voice is so close to anger now that Geralt wishes he was anywhere else but here. “You always say that you don’t believe in destiny and that everything’s up to chance, but we both know that’s not true. I don’t love you because destiny told me to, I love you because you’re the best man I’ve ever met, here or awake. You’ve been the only person I can always rely on, even when you pretend you hate me.

“And think of Urcheon and Pavetta! They had it exactly the same as us, he was already grown when Pavetta was born too, and they still loved each other and remembered their soulmate dreams when they met in person. And now they’re together despite the greatest odds all because of destiny, and after what we both saw at that feast don’t you dare tell me that their love for each other isn’t real.”

“And now they owe their unborn child to a witcher.” Geralt says sourly.

“And why is that so terrible?” Jaskier cries in frustration. “You’re a lovely man Geralt, why is being connected to a child such a terrible concept to you?”

“Because I was a child surprise Jaskier!” Geralt shouts, he doesn’t remember getting to his feet, but now he’s standing over the bard. “Where do you think all the old wives tales of witchers stealing children come from?”

“But those are just tales, they don’t-” Jaskier says weakly.

“Every witcher was a child surprise.” Geralt says hotly. “That’s where we all come from. A life is saved and the law of surprise is demanded in return, and when the child is old enough to walk they’re whisked away, no matter how hard the parents beg. Because it’s destiny. And then seven out of ten of those little boys dies in terrible agony. Because it’s their destiny. My mother couldn’t have kept me back if she wanted to, I don’t even know if she wanted to Jaskier. My entire life has been set by some great unseeing hand and I hate it, and now it’s used me to get its claws into the unborn heir of Cintra, all because I couldn’t keep my idiot mouth shut. Do you perhaps, in all your sage acceptance of fate, see how that could perhaps possibly upset me?”

“Geralt, I didn’t know.” Jaskier says, face pale.

“No, you didn’t.” Geralt snaps. “Because as lovely as things are in this bloody field while we’re asleep, in waking my life is a terrible, dangerous, dark thing. Destiny decided before I was even born that I was to face pain and death every second of my unnaturally long life. I’m always going to be at the end of a blade, and the only thing that’ll keep me from being on the wrong end is if I treat everything around me like a threat. That is why we haven’t remembered each other in waking Jaskier, because you don’t belong in a life like that. I refuse to trap you in that with me.”

The breeze that is always brushing across the wildflower field has disappeared, leaving things unnaturally silent as Jaskier stares up at him. Wide blue eyes gazing at him, mercilessly soft. Geralt wishes that Jaskier would jump up too, that he would start yelling back at him, shove him, give him something else to react against. But he doesn’t.

“Do you love me?” Jaskier asks, watching him.

“What do you mean?” Geralt says.

“Do you?” Jaskier asks.

“Of course I do.”

“Good.”

“What do you mean, good?”

“Because I love you,” Jaskier says simply, picking a pale yellow wildflower from the grass by his knee. “and if we both still love each other that means we’ll manage to find each other again once you come to your senses.”

“Jaskier, I-”

“You don’t get to bad mouth destiny for supposedly taking away my choice and then go and try to take it away yourself.” Jaskier says, getting to his feet.

Geralt finds himself powerless to move as the bard tucks the flower behind his ear and kisses his cheek. Jaskier wraps his arms around his neck.

“I’ve been in your life for twelve waking years witcher,” Jaskier says gently in his ear. “And I’m not a child anymore. By now I know exactly what I’m getting myself into every time I tag along you know, I choose to be around you. I want to be with you. I’ll see you again.”

Geralt closes his eyes, gritting his teeth. Then he sighs, resting his head on Jaskier’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” Geralt says.

For yelling at him? For trying to force Jaskier’s hand? For abandoning him without a word in waking life? Or just for destiny tying them together in the first place? Maybe all four.

“Everything will be alright.” Jaskier says, kissing the corner of his mouth. “With us and with your child surprise. Even if it takes a while to get there.”

“Don’t you ever get tired of me?” Geralt asks. “How can you stand to be around me, even when I try driving you away?”

“I can always tell you don’t mean it.” Jaskier says, looking serious. “Deep down I think I know it’s not the real you when you act like that. But you’re lucky my waking self is convinced we’re soulmates and that we’ll wake up any moment, because sometimes you really are a prick Geralt.”

“You really think we’re soulmates when you’re awake?” Geralt asks, looking him in the eyes.

“It’s a ridiculously optimistic wish I can’t manage to make myself let go of.” Jaskier says with a shrug. “But we both know I’m a bit of an idiot.”

“Hmmm.” Geralt agrees.

“Not nearly as much of an idiot as you, but we make a fine pair I’ll admit.” Jaskier says with a grin.

Geralt moves to kiss him, but the dream fades before he has the chance.

***

The next time they meet he kisses Jaskier before he has the chance to say anything.

“Well. Hello, you.” Jaskier says, breathless but smiling as Geralt finally releases him from the kiss.

“Didn’t get to kiss you last time,” Geralt says, burying his face against Jasker’s neck and breathing in the bard’s scent. “Wanted to get it done first this time.”

“Well I certainly have no objection to that.” Jaskier hums. “I miss you you know, it’s been a few years. I’ve started courting a countess in your absence if you can believe it.”

“How terribly unfortunate for you.” Geralt says. He laughs as Jaskier smacks him.

***

“So. Yennifer.” Jaskier says quietly.

The two of them are curled up together in the long grass, Jaskier’s back against Geralt’s chest. The bard traces his fingers aimlessly over the arm Geralt has around his waist.

“Hmmm.” Geralt says, burying his nose in Jaskier’s hair, as if that will somehow keep them from the topic. But this is the first time they’ve seen each other since the djinn, so of course they’re going to talk about it.

“You know for not wanting people to be attached to you through cosmic means, you’re terrible at it.” Jaskier says.

“I really don’t need a reminder.” Geralt grumbles, closing his eyes tiredly.

“Why did you bind yourself to her?” Jaskier asks, words crisp. As if trying his hardest to keep them unemotional.

“She saved your life Jaskier, I couldn’t let her die.”

Geralt nearly whines as Jaskier pulls away from him, sitting up to look him in the face.

“She framed you for something that nearly got you executed, and then she tried to rope me into a dark ritual that went so badly it ripped an entire manor to pieces.” Jaskier says flatly. “You’d known her all of a few hours. You absolutely could have let her die.”

“Jaskier.” Geralt sighs.

“Is it because she’s older than you?” Jaskier says, his tone back to the flat clipped tone that means he’s hiding his emotions. “Is it because she’s powerful? Because she hates you? Everything I’m not?”

“Jaskier, no.” Geralt says, pushing himself up with a frown. “Yen is a good person, she’s just very old and hurting.”

“So you want her as your soulmate instead because she’s like you.” Jaskier says. “Because you can’t want things for yourself if they don’t involve something dangerous enough to kill you. That’s why you really like her isn’t it? Because chasing after her gives you the same rush as hunting monsters, it’s all you know how to do.”

“This is not about replacing you.” Geralt says, reaching for his wrist. “You’ve been with plenty of other people, that countess of yours kept you occupied for several years, why am I not allowed the same?”

“Because I don’t bind their souls to me with a djinn wish!” Jaskier snaps, yanking his arm away and getting to his feet.

“Jaskier, please, I’m sorry.” Geralt says, kneeling in front of the bard, hands up in surrender. “A djinn can’t kill its master, the only way I could think to save her was by binding her to me. It’s magic that can be undone, it’s not the same as destiny. I couldn’t let her die after she saved you. I would have broken if you’d died because of me.”

Jaskier crosses his arms, swallowing hard as he looks away. But he doesn’t say anything.

“And you’re right,” Geralt says, pressing on in the way he only ever manages when he’s not awake, when there’s only Jaskier to hear him. Where not even he will remember what he said in a few hours. “I am attracted to her because she’s like me. We have a lot of the same pain, a lot of the same fears.”

“Oh? And what is it that Yennefer of Vengerburg is so afraid of?” Jaskier says hotly.

“That she’ll never truly be loved, that’s she’s so far from human that no one will ever be able to need and care about her.” Geralt says.

“You can’t honestly believe that about yourself.” Jaskier says, looking at him with an expression of sad anger.

“I do when I’m awake.” Geralt says quietly. Because what else can he say?

Jaskier clenches his jaw, making a muffled irritated sound as he turns and stomps a few steps away, rubbing his face before turning back.

“How can you be so thick?” he cries, sharply gesturing at him with both hands. “How Geralt? How can you possibly be this dense? Why must you always see something simple and think to yourself, how can I make this as complicated as possible instead, hmmm? Is that something they taught you in Witcher school, all those apparently eons ago since you’re sooo old that you’re beyond the reach of human love and reason? You drag yourself into every terrible situation you can find, and then you have the audacity to be shocked when it has less than optimal results. Every single time.”

Jaskier is rambling. Which Geralt knows by now means less that the bard truly means what he says, and more that the man is trying very hard not to cry.

Geralt silently gets to his feet and catches Jaskier, pulling him into an embrace despite the bard’s protests and struggling. Jaskier hisses and pushes at him, hitting his chest, but then the bard goes limp in his arms, beginning to cry into Geralt’s shoulder.

Geralt says nothing, having nothing he can say. So he just holds Jaskier as the man sobs, looks up at the blue nothing sky.

“I hate these dreams.” Jaskier says thickly, face buried against Geralt’s neck. “I hate them. Everything is simpler when I��m awake, I hate remembering that things could be better, I wish I could just forget.”

“You don’t mean that.” Geralt says, his heart breaking.

“Don’t I?” Jaskier says, looking up at him with red rimmed eyes, tears running down his cheeks. “When I’m awake at least I have the luxury of thinking you’re an unrealistic fantasy, I can think every second I have with you is the best I’ve ever had. When I’m here I’m reminded every minute of what I don’t have, and even worse that you do care. It’s like having two hearts to be broken instead of only one Geralt.”

“Jaskier...please...” Geralt says helplessly, words failing him as surely as if he were awake. “If I knew how to fix this I would, you know I would.”

“I don’t know that anymore Geralt, that’s the problem.” Jaskier cries. “Because all I’ve ever heard you say in waking is that you don’t want to be needed, and when I’m here all you ever talk about is how much you don’t want me in your life with you. What am I supposed to think Geralt?”

“I...”

I’m not good at this.

I’m only pushing you away to protect you because I really do love you.

I need you.

But Geralt can’t figure out how to get the feelings from his brain to his mouth, leaving him stumbling for words as Jaskier watches him.

Geralt feels the dream fading around them and it only blocks his speech worse as he panics.

Jaskier disappears from his arms.

***

The next time Geralt finds himself in the wildflower field he is immediately consumed by a prickling feeling of guilt and panic that curls in his gut. Because even in waking he’s been consumed by uneasy guilt for the last two weeks, convinced he’s made a truly deep mistake but not quite knowing why underneath all his justifications.

If life could give me one blessing, it would be to take you off my hands.

...I’ll see you around Geralt...

And now he knows exactly why, with excruciating clarity.

He sees a figure in the distance, watching him. Jaskier’s shirt is whipping in the stiff wind that races across the wildflower field, stronger than it’s ever been before, ripping petals off stems. The blue nothing sky has become a dark grey nothing sky above them, and sharp, dangerous shadows stretch across the field from nowhere.

“Jaskier!” Geralt shouts, starting toward him. He has to reach him, he has to make things right, fix what he’s done. He’s messed up far too badly this time, he has to fix this.

Jaskier doesn’t move, just watches him approach as the wind picks up even stronger, ripping up blades of grass and dirt that pelt against Geralt as he picks up speed.

“Jaskier, I-!”

Jaskier turns away from Geralt and walks away.

He takes two steps and vanishes completely into thin air.

Geralt stumbles to a halt, shielding his face as he shouts Jaskier’s name, not even hearing himself above the howling of the wind. He tries to push forward but is knocked to his knees. He squeezes his eyes shut against the gale, hunching down to dig his fingers into the ground to try and anchor himself, but everything feels like it is slipping, being ripped away from around him as he tries desperately to-

***

Geralt jolts upright, already half to his feet in a blind panic before the sleep clears from his head. He looks around and sees his camp. He’s awake. He’s alone. His pulse is racing from his dream.

He pants as he sits back down on his bedroll, forcing himself to take deep breaths as his heart beats far too fast for a witcher.

The noises of the forest night gently ease back into his senses as he rubs his face. The chirping of crickets, the whispering of a night breeze in the tree branches above him, the soft noises of Roach, who is watching him with worried interest from where she is grazing a few yards away in the dark. His campfire hasn’t even burned down to embers yet, so he gets up and throws on another log for the flames to eat at, trying to ignore the cold sweat covering him as he shakes slightly.

Because he hasn’t been able to sleep for three days now. Not even meditating helps for long.

Because every time he truly slips into unconsciousness he ends up in the same nightmare, and he doesn’t even know why it’s a nightmare. He’s always standing alone in the middle of a torn up field cast in a dark reddish light, strewn with the dead wreckage of uprooted grass and flowers. There is a dried up streambed and the air is dead still around him, feeling nearly suffocating.

And that’s all there is. Geralt’s never even seen the field before that he knows of, but every nightly visit fills him with such a sick feeling of loss that he wakes up shaking.

The night before it all started he’d actually woken up crying.

Though he doesn’t remember what it is he dreamed of that night.

“It’s got to be a warning.” Geralt says to Roach as he pulls a waterskin from his pack, voice not shaking. “If it’s the same vision repeated. But I don’t know what for, I never see anyone or anything. There’s not even buildings...just...dead flowers...”

He sits heavily on a log near the side of the campfire, drinking from the waterskin as he tries to pull his thoughts back together. But as he does his mind turns immediately to the other thing he’s been desperately trying not to think about.

Because he may be haunted by a dead field in his dreams, but when he’s awake all he can see is the back of a red doublet. All he can hear is his own angry words ringing in his mind. Jaskier’s unsteady ones in reply. Playing over and over and over and over-

“What am I supposed to do?” Geralt growls, throwing his hands up at the sky. Roach startles a little at his near shouting but Geralt isn’t even sure he’s talking to her anymore. To himself? Maybe. “I can’t sleep, I can’t think, I’m alone...”

Didn’t he want to be alone? Isn’t that what he’s been claiming his entire life?

“He was going to get hurt.” Geralt says lamely, his worn out excuse sounding pitiful. “He’s already spent too much of his life around me...he should be somewhere else...”

Nevermind that after so many years of company Geralt is always miserable without the bard beside him, no matter how much he tries to deny it. No matter that he knows for a fact that he’d hurt Jaskier worse than any monster they’d faced over the years when he’d shouted at him on that mountain.

The part that really hurts though is that Geralt knows he hadn’t even blamed Jaskier for things that were really his fault. He’d targeted Jaskier knowing he would take it, that the bard was the one person in the world who always stuck by him no matter how he treated him.

And it made Geralt sick. He’d finally crossed the line. Crossed the line and lost what he hadn’t known he had.

No, because that was a lie too. He knows he loves Jaskier, has for years. He’s just too much of a coward to accept it. Not when there is so much love bursting out of the bard, a frightening amount of care and affection waiting right in front of him. Something that Geralt can’t stand to lose, and therefore couldn’t risk touching, in case he harms it.

Geralt snarls at himself, starting to gather up his camp. Roach knickers curiously as he saddles her and packs everything into saddlebags, then goes over and stomps out the campfire. There was no use hanging around if he wasn’t going to be able to sleep anyway. That and he needs to get on the trail before he loses his nerve.

“Come on Roach.” he barks, pulling himself up into the saddle and digging in his heels.

Roach winnies and starts off under the light of the moon as Geralt steers her back to the main road.

If Geralt rides hard they could be back to the mountain in a day or two and he can track Jaskier from there. On foot the bard won’t have made it too far in three weeks, Geralt knows Jaskier prefers staying days or even weeks at a time in each town when Geralt isn’t with him. If he’s lucky he might be able to track him down in three or four days time.

He only hopes he won’t be collapsing from lack of sleep by then. He still has no idea how to treat his nightmares, should probably contact Triss or Yen about it before he goes mad, but Jaskier at least he knows how to find.

He has no idea what he can possibly say to the bard when he does, but even riding in the right direction makes him feel a little better. He just tries not to think about how long he’s been riding in the wrong one.

***

Jaskier has been bleeding for three weeks, but it’s the kind that no one else can see.

He bleeds into his lyrics, he bleeds into the notes he sings. Late at night he lays in bed, staring blankly at the wall of his inn room, feeling his sadness seep down into the sheets under him. Leaving him feeling hollow and cold.

The coin is good. People are moved by his music. The inn rooms are good. Paid for by the coin.

He supposed he could have found himself good company as well if he’d been able to look anyone in the eye.

Instead he is sitting outside in the dark. Alone. He sits under a tree near the empty market square of the town he’s been staying in for a week now, only the low flickering glow of hung lanterns to keep him company as he watches the night around him. It must be close to midnight, but he’s been sitting here since sunset, his lute laying silently in his lap, watching the night with him.

Because Jaskier does not know why it hurts so much, why being chased off by Geralt of Rivia has cut him to his very core in a way nothing else ever has. Especially since, despite the cheerful face he wears, Jaskier is no stranger to grief and disappointment.

Jaskier had longed after Geralt from the moment they met, back when he was practically still a child. They’d become good friends, despite what the Witcher often claimed, and Jaskier had always thought something was different about them. There must have been with the way Geralt allowed him closer and longer than anyone else in his life. Jaskier knew that Geralt cared about him underneath all of his emotional barriers, in recent years he’d even thought...had even suspected that...

Jaskier takes a slow, deep breath of the cool night air. He has been still so long that his body feels a step distant. As if he is merely a spirit watching invisibly with the trees as the night air brushes through the sparse grass in the empty marketplace. He wonders if this is how Geralt feels when he meditates.

He’ll never know now. Not now that Jaskier is finally realizing that it’s over. That he will no longer track down the Witcher, can never again follow behind him. Because if after all this time, after all these years, Geralt truly wants him gone...then Jaskier will finally give up.

So why does it feel like something deep inside of him has broken?

Jaskier watches as a figure makes its way down the street toward the square, a large man who is moving slowly. Jaskier watches with a detached kind of interest, this is simply the latest passerby to wander through the square this evening and Jaskier sits in the deep shadow of the tree, tucked safely out of sight.

But as the man moves closer Jaskier feels a prickle of unease. The man is moving more strangely than he’d realized, slowing every few steps as if...smelling the air...

Jaskier’s pulse quickens as his brain starts flipping through his mental catalogue of beasts and monsters, one that is quite extensive after decades of traveling with a witcher. He suddenly feels very foolish for indulging his dramatic side by staying out so late alone, his warm inn room with its lovely lockable door feels as if it is on the opposite side of the continent.

In the dark of the night Jaskier makes out the creature stopping, as if it can hear his pounding heart, and then Jaskier breaks into a cold sweat as whatever it is heads directly toward him, eyes reflecting unnaturally in the weak light of the lanterns.

Jaskier stumbles to his feet, clutching his lute in one hand and drawing his silver dagger with the other. A gift from Geralt he’s worn for the better part of twenty years now, having been taught to use it after a life on the road.

“Stay back.” Jaskier says in as clear a voice as he can manage, brandishing the dagger. “I’m armed with silver and I have no interest in a fight tonight. Take yourself elsewhere.”

The figure stops, hands held up. “Jaskier, it’s me.” Says an all too familiar voice.

Jaskier feels a raw place inside of him ache as Geralt cautiously edges a bit closer, enough to be illuminated by the light of a lantern.

Jaskier’s hand trembles on the dagger, and then he sheaths it. He turns and walks away without a word, feeling a clawing sense of deja vu as he walks toward his inn.

“Jaskier, please.” Geralt’s voice says, and of course the Witcher keeps up easily, walking by his side as Jaskier refuses to look at him.

After three weeks of bleeding he just doesn’t have anything left to give. He is drained, he can’t even look at Geralt.

“Jaskier-”

He jerks as he feels a hand close on his wrist. He feels tears start to prick in his eyes as he yanks his arm away, turning to look Geralt square in the face.

“Why are you here?” Jaskier demands, his voice nearly a snarl as he looks up at the witcher. “What do you want, Geralt?”

Geralt stops, looking stung. Good, as he should. The brute probably hasn’t even given what he did a second thought the whole time Jaskier’s felt like dying.

“You shouldn’t be out here alone.” Geralt says, sounding gruff and oddly off balance.

“Go back to whatever contract it is you’re working and leave me alone.” Jaskier snaps, struggling to keep down the hot tears he can feel rising. “I left, just like you wanted, alright? Now go.”

“I didn’t...I...” Geralt struggles for words, huffing in frustration as he rubs his face.

Jaskier can’t tell for sure in the dim light but he thinks he sees dark circles under the witcher’s eyes, as if he hasn’t been sleeping. He’s...never seen Geralt look this worn out before...

He swallows, trying his best to push away the concern rising in him as he starts to notice signs of distress all over Geralt. Bags under his eyes, his hair loose and unbrushed, armor dusty with hard travel but clean of the viscera that would mean he’d been getting work. Things that perhaps only Jaskier would notice.

“You didn’t what?” Jaskier asks, hating himself for still caring enough to be worried, his voice losing a bit of its heat.

“I didn’t...mean it.” Geralt says, his voice sounding a little hoarse as he gets the words out.

“Didn’t mean what?” Jaskier demands, folding his arms as tightly as he can, as if that will shield him from this distressed witcher who has tracked him down in the middle of the night. Who doesn’t look at all like he’s working a contract. Who looks as tired as Jaskier has felt for weeks.

“What I said.” Geralt says, swallowing as he looks away, as if unable to meet Jaskier’s gaze. “On the mountain. I was angry. I was unfair to you.”

Jaskier feels stunned, unable to say anything.

Geralt...is apologizing.

“I know I’m a terrible companion-” Geralt says, continuing in the silence.

“You are.” Jaskier says, his voice higher than it should be.

“But...everything feels wrong without you.” Geralt looks up, catching Jaskier’s gaze with his steady golden amber eyes. “I’m not good at this. I’m not good at words like you are Jaskier. But I’m sorry, I didn’t mean what I said.”

Geralt looks like he is biting the inside of his cheek, as if he’s scared. Jaskier has seen Geralt upset, uneasy, surprised, hesitant, even startled. But never scared, and he finds it scares him.

“I...” Geralt swallows, looking like he is bracing himself for something painful. “I need you Jaskier. And I know that I’ve made things so difficult, and I know that you have no reason to forgive me, but I don’t think I can pretend anymore that I...that I don’t care for you. Even if that means you might be in harm’s way. Because you’ve been by my side for decades, and I don’t want to continue without you.”

Jaskier feels as if the ground has dropped out from under his feet, as if he’s been slammed back against the wall behind him. His head is an overwhelming mess of fragmented thoughts and emotions, because what on earth is happening?

He presses a hand tight against his mouth as he turns away from Geralt, unable to handle his gaze a moment longer as he tries desperately to think, to pull together some of those words he’s so well known for. He can do this, he can come up with some scrappy, witty reply. He can shrug all of this off with a joke that will clear everything up and they’ll be on their way again.

Just like he has for the past twenty two years now.

But instead Jaskier’s chest shudders and he feels hot tears spill down his cheeks as he begins to cry. His shoulders tremble as he tries to stifle the emotion down behind the hand he has painfully tight against his mouth, his other arm still held against himself as if it could hold him together.

Because he’d thought he’d been bleeding for three weeks, in a way no one else could see, but suddenly he thinks perhaps he’s been bleeding for far longer than that...that perhaps he’s been bleeding for years. And he suddenly doesn’t know if that’s something he can go back to. Because Geralt says that he cares for him, which Jaskier knows for this vocabulary sparse witcher means love.

And if Geralt loves him, can Jaskier really chance losing himself entirely should things go wrong again? Because if he forgives Geralt this time, if he allows himself to want the witcher this time, Geralt will have all of him. Jaskier won’t be able to hold back, he knows it, he won’t be able to keep the vulnerable parts of himself safe anymore.

And that scares him more than he’s ever been scared in his life.

He braces his free hand against the wall as he shakes. It feels as if some secret part of him, some reservoir of extra years of sadness and longing and hurt he hadn’t known about have come loose, flooding him with an overwhelming wave of unexpected emotion. But where is it coming from? He wildly wonders if perhaps he is dying. Because this is what he imagines dying would feel like.

“Julian. I’m sorry.” Geralt says, his voice full of so much pain and concern that it makes Jaskier cry harder. He feels the faintest pressure ghost over his shoulder, as if Geralt had nearly reached out for him but then pulled back. “Do you want me to go? I’ll leave if you want me to. I’m sorry, I don’t, I didn’t mean....”

“Don’t!” Jaskier says, the word coming out in a teary panic. “Don’t leave.”

Because as much as he wants all of this to somehow disappear, even if he can’t bring himself to turn around just yet, the one thing he knows that will not be able to stand is if Geralt leaves him like this.

He bites his lip hard as he feels warm, hesitant hands on his arms. And then Geralt pulls him against him in a tight hug, arms wrapped around Jaskier’s chest protectively. Jaskier leans back against him, holding onto Geralt’s arms like a lifeline, fighting to get his breathing under control as the physical contact anchors him, somehow making everything seem less like it’s spinning out from under him. Geralt has never held Jaskier like this, but it still somehow feels familiar, it feels safe and right and has Jaskier wishing it could always like this.

“I’m sorry.” Geralt says again quietly, his voice right next to Jaskier’s ear. “I just don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t want to lose you either,” Jaskier says, his breath finally under control. He feels a cool breeze sweep past them. “But it’s so hard to keep this up Geralt, I can’t stand only remembering how much I really love you when we’re asleep, when we’re waking it’s like-”

Jaskier’s breath catches as the same instant that Geralt’s does, memories of a wildflower field rushing through him. Years of friendship and love and trust revealing themselves like a flower unfurling. His fingers dig into Geralt’s arm in shock as the witcher’s embrace tightens almost painfully, because of course if Jaskier is remembering, they both are.

“W-we’re awake.” Jaskier chokes. He turns in Geralt’s arms, looking up at him. “We’re awake.”

“We’re awake.” Geralt says, his voice thin with shocked wonder.

“We’re awake!” Jaskier cries, throwing his arms around Geralt’s neck as his tears begin anew. But this time he is laughing through them as Geralt crowds him up against the wall, kissing him hard and desperate.

“I haven’t slept in a week.” Geralt says between kisses, his voice raw with emotion as his hands roam Jaskier’s body, as if checking to make sure it’s really him. “I thought I’d lost you, the field, it’s all ripped up, I didn’t know where you’d gone.”

“I’m sorry.” Jaskier gasps, carding his fingers through Geralt’s white hair even as he pulls him closer. “I’m sorry Geralt, I was so hurt and angry, I couldn’t stand it anymore when I didn’t think you cared anymore. But you’re here, we’re both here and we’re awake and we remember. You really want me with you then? If we both remember?”

“I’ve always wanted you with me little lark, I just took too long to realize it.” Geralt says, burying his face against Jaskier’s neck and breathing in his scent.

“I can’t believe we aren’t trapped in that wretched field anymore.” Jaskier says giddily, nuzzling against Geralt’s temple as he runs his hands down the witcher’s sides, just because he can. “We can get something to eat together, we can see a sunset, we can sleep in a bed, we can be around other people.” His eyes light up. “I have my lute! I can play you songs instead of only singing!”

“We’ve already done all of those things.” Geralt says with a fond smile, kissing stray tears off of Jaskier’s face.

“But now we can really do them. Together. Because we’re finally both here.” Jaskier says, taking Geralt’s face in his hands and kissing him softly.

“I’m sorry it took me so long.” Geralt says, eyes closed as he rests his forehead against Jaskier’s. “I’m sorry I hurt you, little lark.”

“Hush. No more apologizing.” Jaskier says, stroking his thumb against Geralt’s cheek, his heart flutters as the witcher leans into his touch. “This is all I’ve ever wanted, you’ve already given me the best proof you can that you really mean it.”

“What do we even do now?” Geralt says with a chuckle, shaking his head a bit with a smile. “We won’t fade away in less than an hour, what do people even do with so much time together?”

Jaskier smiles as the witcher’s last last words are drowned in an enormous yawn. He wraps his arms around Geralt’s neck, gently kissing down the side of his throat.

“First you are going to carry me back to the inn and we are going to sleep until tomorrow evening because you look ready to fall over, darling.” Jaskier says softly. “And when we wake up we’ll still be together, and we will still remember we are together.”

“Mmmm.” Geralt hums appreciatively, hoisting Jaskier up into his arms with little effort. “And then?”

“I’m sure we’ll think of something to occupy ourselves.” Jaskier says, resting a hand on Geralt’s chest and leaning up to bite at his lower lip. “I’ve got some very time consuming ideas we can try. I have the room paid for through the end of the week, fresh heartbreak sells very well you know.”

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” Geralt says soberly, holding him closer as he begins to walk toward the inn.

“You already have.” Jaskier says softly, resting his head against Geralt’s shoulder.

There are so many things that must still be discussed, how this changes things. But Jaskier can’t find himself quite caring at the moment, instead closing his eyes he basks in the warm feeling.

Because he feels that he is home. A home that he will finally never have to leave again.

#the witcher #geralt #jaskier #dandelion #geraskier #wit writes #apparently my 'oh let me write a quick little thing' ideas come in 500 words or 10k #no inbetween #I wanted to see if I could make a soulmate au that had plausible reasons for not recognizing each other right away instead of relying #on bad communication #and here we is #and geraskier weeks has been so fun to read I figure I might as well throw mine into the ring too

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