hihiihhuiiiii hello I’ve been wondering if I’m autistic since mid august and I wake up solely to consume knowledge about autism and I think that in itself is a sign because I believe this is a hyperfixation and I looooove psychology sm I’d consider it a special interest. I’m just rambling sorry- onto the list!!! 🤭

• SPECIAL INTERESTS: I absolutely have special interests specifically in psychology, ANY form of art (drawing, painting, movies, music, ETC.), nature, animals, and colors I guess?? That’s a new one but they’ve always fascinated me.

• sensory issues: ah yes, throwing a fit and crying because my church dress was too itchy. “It’s made of cotton???” I DONT CARE MOTHER, THE STITCHES ARE P A I N F U L. Strong smells and tastes/textures immediately overwhelm me, like head aches, gagging, flappy hands, body wiggle, sometimes crying. I seem to hear things that other people don’t ahahahhahahaha- I literally hate that blazing ball in the sky that we call the sun 👹 some days it’s burning my eye balls the next it’s not bright enough idk it’s weird

• echoing: I’m literally a human mocking bird. If you said something a certain way or someone on TV did then I am going to repeat it. It’s an uncontrollable action 💀

• stimming: I can and will break into song at any given moment, mostly physically but mentally if I have to (like in class). I will shake my leg, rock back & forth, chew the inside of my cheeks, flap my hands, aggressively wiggle my body, kick, compliment people or things if I feel like it. Bouncing and spinning too <33

• hyperfixations: I’ve had like a billion of these and they vary with how long they last. Could be hours, days, weeks, months, and years if I’m lucky. I will consume every thing I can about it and sacrifice my sleep for it. I love buying merchandise like FUNKO POPS!!!!!!!!! I only have one but I’m trying to expand my collection.

• social interactions: ARE FUCKING EXHAUSTING. When I first learned what masking was I had an identity crisis realizing that I have no real sense of self because I’m just MIRRORING PEOPLE. ALL THE TIME!!!!!!! I’ve always felt like everyone was better at socializing, and that I “missed that class” as if it really is a class. In elementary school it was awful, I was so obsessed with mine and other people’s behavior, and I was very sensitive and judgmental. I started doing that because when I tried to be myself I got bad reactions, so masking was kinda like a safety blanket, a very unhealthy and depressing safety blanket. However, thanks to the internet and probably a cartoon, I realized it’s better be myself so I started doing that…but only with people I’m close with. Which is two people (not including family members), another autistic person and the “quiet kid”. I still mimic other people, but now I’m just very passive and quiet to hopefully avoid social interaction as much as I can.

• eye contact: I can maintain it…I guess. When I think about doing it, it’s either very excessive or just “yikes eye contact im gonna look at their hands, the wall, or literally anything but their eyes” ahahahwhhsha

• social rules: I’ve never really understood these but I thought I would get in trouble or something if I didn’t do them.

• development stuff: according to my mother, I hit all of my milestones on time but I was a very quiet baby and I knew how to self soothe since birth, idk if that has anything to with autism but yeah. I sucked my thumb and used sippy cups until I was like 8-9. Apparently I was the only one that liked Frozen after age 7. Anyways

• rules: I was a snitch in elementary and people did NOT like that. I told my mom about it and she explained to me that “there’s just some things you don’t tell on people for” and it stuck with me for the rest of my life. Now that I’m a teenager I have trouble accepting that I can’t be in control of my own life 👹 I lie a lot with is normally not on autistic trait but I do it out of fear of punishment…pretty sure that’s normal.

• executive functioning: my executive functioning skills are such ass that I literally can’t function EXCEPT ORGANIZATION. I LOOOOOVEEEEE organizing and will GLADLY take time out of my day to organize things. When my mom is waiting in line for groceries, I’m happily sorting out the candy and making sure it looks nice and goes where it belongs. Ironically, my room usually ends up as an absolute mess but I like cleaning it.

• I don’t always understand sarcasm, it has to be a phrase I’m used to or said with an extremely obvious tone otherwise I won’t get it…I think.

• repetitive noises make my want to tear my brain in half…LOL!!

• I remember when I finally started being myself and suddenly I was “too much” for everyone. I had low empathy, no filter, very blunt, and SOOOOO much stimming.

OKAY I think im done, I’ll lost more about it later.

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

(Across the Spider-Verse spoiler)

this is the closest you can get to experiencing a jumpscare on social media

had a fucking hilarious dream that tumblr replaced the "block" function with the far funnier "glock" function, which did the exact same thing except whenever anyone blocked you a random bullet hole, like a png of a bullet hole, would appear on your blog. discourse blogs were unreadable bc you'd go to the page and the sheer amount of bullet hole pngs stacked over the blogs obscured everything. I woke myself up laughing

at the end of the day it's not that you hate your job - actually, you like working, you like routine, you like feeling like an adult - it's that any time you fuck anything up, you feel like you're fucking dying.

because you could be actually fucking dying. because if one day you wake up and you misunderstood something - you could lose your job, and nobody is hiring, and nobody is paying, and nobody takes people like you, and that job you want hasn't gotten back to you. and what exactly are you going to do without insurance? good luck with those meds. you should have thought of that before being a person.

so it's not just that you forgot to CC someone on an email, it's that if you don't have this job, you can't afford rent. it's not that you misread a comment, it's that if you get fired, you will be in massive amounts of unpayable debt. it's not that you are bad at your job, but here are the stakes as they have been decided for you: be perfect or fucking die. like, literally, die. that is how much safety net you have: none.

it's not burnout, technically. but you literally just had two typos in your work, and you're already picturing the ending. you want to throw up & curl up & make it all go away. it is two typos. if he decides he is mad at you, you lose literally everything.

your mom says that you seem stressed. the thing is that you have never known a job that isn't stressful. welcome to capitalism. there is no other road, only this one. what the fuck is a career. you come here, and we hold your life against the barrel of a gun, and somewhere someone is spinning the chamber and pulling. eventually the bullet will come.

you live in a mugging. your boss owns three cars and has four kids. you worry about having enough to feed your dog. good luck. beg for forgiveness. CC the right people next time and be grateful, kid. somebody has it worse than you. someone, probably, has it worse than you. so what if you can't sleep or eat or focus. your work chat sound literally makes you panic. you had to change the sounds of computer notifications so you'd stop having such an upset stomach.

welcome to the real world! the rat race! the dog eat dog circus!

your doctor studies the results and frowns at you. "it's bad for your heart," she says. "try to reduce your levels of stress."

last night i had a dream that i was playing minecraft and i noticed i had 77 blocks of cobblestone in one slot instead of it being capped at 64 and it was so jarring to me that it literally booted me out of the dream. like sure you can fly now and your childhood home is a pharmacy but 77 pieces of cobblestone? unthinkable. wake the fuck up.

When Izzy first walked out I was worried that he would be made into a joke that the crew would laugh at

but then he started singing and the dancing began and I realized that he wasn’t meant to be a joke at all. This is the most open and happy we’ve ever seen Izzy and the show treated it that way. Not mocking him but instead celebrating this moment.

When we talk about queer representation it’s usually just focused on queer relationships, but what I love about this episode is it shows other sides of being queer. That moment where Izzy saw Wee John doing his makeup and had a realization that he wanted that too? That is what being queer means to me. The crew singing along and cheering for him? That is what being apart of the queer community means to me.

What i love about this show is that it shows queer joy, not in a sanitized way, but in away that is messy, beautiful, and without any mockery or shame.

Prime Video: So, Good Omens Season 2 

Neil Gaiman: Yes

Prime Video: What‘s the Story? 

Neil Gaiman: No story, just vibes.

Prime Video: Neil, we need a little more to work with. 

Neil Gaiman: Okay, do you remember Sister Theresa Garrulous and Sister Loquacious from Season 1?

Prime Video: Yes?

Neil Gaiman: They‘re in a coffee shop AU.

Prime Video: Aaaand?

Neil Gaiman: And they need to fall in love. 

Prime Video: But Neil what about Crowley and Aziraphale?

Neil Gaiman: Oh, don‘t worry. They‘re already in love. 

Common car drive in the FNAF universe

Who made trig I need to kill them

[⚠️The Amazing Digital Circus SPOILERS] This episode was interesting!

people cosplaying on public transit are the backbone of our society and i am SO serious. there is no greater omen of good fortune than seeing hatsune miku on the bus.

"You'd be living in a castle with food and medicine and trained squirrels to tend to your every need."

bonus ver w/o text and extra doodle:

Ohh look, it's the dead boy detectives!