is it dumb to mess with the timeline for one of the stupidest reasons ever

EDIT UPON LAST READING:

This was written on the 30th of may mostly because I got in trouble with a subset of sansa fans at the time and I felt like I should try to joy in her character again. I am no longer sick, I no longer feel like talking about romance, I no longer feel like talking about Sansa but doing this was fun and I am always curious

For the sake of this post, and only this post, I will refer to the term "ship" or any derivatives of the word as "feeling interested by a dynamic's fanon, semi- or canon romantic connotations".

Can't believe I have to say this but god people can get so unnecessarily mean. Before people start being pedantic about something as harmless as rarepairs, it seems like I really will have to say: I don't believe in any of these options possible canon endgames. Many of these have not even interacted. I deserve to have fun with stuff as trivial as dumb inconsequential fanon ships. 

Under the cut I wrote down my preferences + linked some fanwork simply because I’m in a shipping mood after reading some folkloric myths and I don’t really have any strong opinions on ships, and the few NOTPS I have are more about the way fandom treats the ship than the actual ship on itself, but I am completely ill and not healthy enough to do anything more serious and rarepairs are fun. You don’t have to read it or write one yourself, I just feel like talking and recommending fanfics.

On the other hand, if you do want to recommend me fanwork of any type, or share a prompt or show me a wip or just simply hype your rarepair please do so! Everything goes as long as it's a rarepair (less than 500 fics on ao3).

1. Sansa Stark x Brienne of Tarth

Listen, were it not for Brienne and Jaime being clearly written to be read as semi-canon-going-canon and were this book not written by a straight cis white male US American baby boomer democrat, I would be delusionally screaming this is going to be the one canon ship! This would be my protagonist endgame ship for which I would take the mildest coincidence as foreshadowing and die on that hill.

I am coming for you, Lady Sansa. Be not afraid. I shall not rest until I've found you. - Brienne I, AFFC

(Subversions of lady/princess & knight/prince where both are women and one of them is searching for the other and I'll become her Prince and save her! and-)

I just really love how so many of Brienne's issues are tied to her femininity. She does not fit into the traditional idea of womanhood, she wishes she would, she does not want to, she is rejected by the concept and she rejects the concept. And yet, when she distances herself from every possible reminder of her own femininity and takes up a man's armour and sword, she is reminded of her place as a woman and told to conform to her gender.

And then we have Sansa, who romanticises stories about Ladies and Knights; first out of genuine love and admiration for them, and later as a coping mechanism when cruel reality tells her that those ideals are sadly nowhere near true.

This is her knight. This is her strong, brave knight.

My only problem with Briennsa is how we shippers sometimes tend to put Brienne in a position of servitude to Sansa or the Starks and ignore how she is the heir to an island, has a father whom she loves and wishes to see again, and is still on a quest. Hell, she might be Azor Ahai, with her weirwood dream in which she fights White Walkers + her father's sword Lightbringer, out of all the Azor Ahai tinfoil theories this is the one I think has the most canon support. She is not a Hyle Hunt type of errand knight who is just walking around Westeros for the sake of traveling and finding a job, and once the war is over and she has kept her oath, it would be nice to see her going home and proceeding with her life and independence, maybe taking Podrik with her. I would like her to see her father again and see there being love between them.

My nonsensical fantasies involve Brienne being like "Alright, I found one of the Stark girls, still have to find the other one. I'm taking her to Tarth where she'll be safe and have no creeps around who would bother her." and Sansa just completely falling in love with Brienne on the way there.

Also, I would die for the comedic potential of Brienne of Tarth, mockingly refered to as "Brienne the beauty", having a trail of people fawning over her. This post is one of my favourite posts in the world.

To be honest, while I do enjoy the idea of Sansa going North to reunite with her family, I also have a strong fondness for the concept of her actually staying South. I know this is an unpopular opinion that Sansa fans seem to particularly dislike because of the whole "SaNsA iS nOt A rEaL sTaRk" thing, but there is something about lands of childhoods being unretournable. Stepping out of home means never seeing it again. "I am stronger within the walls of Winterfell" perhaps, but the walls of Winterfell were burned and the one Winterfell native who got to go back to Winterfell didn't get to be strong or safe.

I would like to be wrong though, and I think I will be wrong! But still, it would be nice for her to discover a South that is closer to the dreams of chivalry and court she had and perhaps Tarth could be that place, even if only for a short time.

Well, here is a canon-divergent AFFC fanfic in which Brienne finally makes it to the Vale. It has a lot of fairy tale imagery and an interesting characterisation between the Sansa-Alayne personas.

2. Sansa Stark x Jeyne Westerling

"That's what I'll give you, Lady Sansa. Your brother's head." A kind of madness took over her then, and she heard herself say, "Maybe my brother will give me your head." - Sansa VI, AGOT

You know how Catelyn and Ellaria both at least got to say goodbye to the remains of their loved ones? Jeyne didn't. Neither did Sansa.

My weird fantasy involves Jeyne Westerling (MY Queen in the North) finally getting Robb's head, even if it's just the skull, and showing it to Sansa. A subversion in a way. Joffrey would have done it in malice and sadism, Jeyne would do it it with care, maybe a feeling of responsibility over what remains of her husband's family.

I have a lot of issues with Robb Stark and the way he is perceived in fandom, I keep hating him until I read the source material again and realise "oh wait, fanon≠canon", but I just think his relationships with the women surrounding him are fascinating and they don't get explored a lot. Sansa doesn't know about him cutting her out of the inheritance line and I wonder how she and Jeyne, the other woman who is a Stark but would no longer be accepted as one by a majority of the Northern lords, would feel about him. I wonder how love, resentment, grief and guilt would mix between the two. I don't think Jeyne is pregnant, but if she somehow ends up caring for Robb's heir (be it Jon, Sansa, or an eventual child we refer to as his) I would love that. I like imagining that Jeyne could learn more about Robb, the boy, since she seems to have only gotten to know Robb, the man and King. I like daydreaming of Sansa and Jeyne talking about Catelyn, whom both admire.

I think both of them, based on what we know of Jeyne, share some similitudes in the way they behave conforming to their gender and what is considered a Lady's attitude while still having moments of defiance and I think Sansa could maybe appreciate that. Sometimes, not often, but sometimes, she speaks of "madness taking over her" and, in my opinion, this is usually when she steps out of her own safety to be brave or bold (standing up to Joffrey, trusting Dontos, trying to hide her first menstruation) and I think it could be nice to see her realising these are not things she should be ashamed of. It always reminds me of Jeyne tearing up her clothes and fighting her mother. Jeyne Westerling, like most Jeynes, doesn't get treated very well in fandom. I hate how the interpretation of Robb breaking his vows to marry her is always one putting him as a selfless saint who practically sacrificed himself for a girl he didn't even love when the fact this all plays so mysteriously can open so many possibilities.

And it seems to me people forget how metal she became.

Sometimes Sansa's f/f ships tend to get simplified to "girls being girls and doing girly things together" and I understand why people enjoy that and they are valid for doing so, but in my case I usually prefer to have a little more conflict to it and I think this ship can balance the "girls making flowercrowns and braiding each others hair" and "exploration of complex feelings and estrangement" well enough for me to find it interesting.

Here is a fanfic I'd recommend that takes place in Winterfell with a reluctant Queen Sansa and lots of survivor's guilt + an edit done for said fanfic!

3. Sansa Stark x Garlan Tyrell

When Joff had her beaten, the Imp defended her, not Littlefinger. When the mob sought to rape her, the Hound carried her to safety, not Littlefinger. When the Lannisters wed her to Tyrion against her will, Ser Garlan the Gallant gave her comfort, not Littlefinger. - Sansa I, AFFC

(Yes, I know all those allies are kind of perpetuating her misery too, but she seems to have some affection for them. The reasons behind the affection can be discussed and dissected to examine whether that affection should be there or not, but as of now I don't want to talk about that. People can cherrypick to their own wishes.)

Not something I like to visualise as an endgame because Garlan seems to be quite happy with Leonette and I honestly think Margaery and Sansa's break up/middle school betrayal might not be as easily solvable as we wished, but I like thinking about Sansa & Garlan.

I like Sansa but she is fetishising a gay man who just lost the love of his life when she has a broader shouldered, bearded, straight person who looks very similar to said gay man who is called Garlan the Gallant and how can she be so blind? Why is her unrealistic teenage crush so poorly chosen? Garlan is so humble and his name is so fitting. He is more chivalrous and mature than Lawrence and he is so strong and agreeable and he treats her and Tyrion with respect. He takes her out to dance and makes her laugh and if going by how she describes the Tyrells, then he is so very handsome too and- Why are you laughing? - My father, swooning over Garlan the Gallant on the phone

I do like imagining her having a bit of a very one-sided mild crush sometimes, not something serious but one of those light early adolescent crushes you won't ever act on. Sansa finding moments to daydream and cherish in the hell of a life she is living in King's Landing where se feels cared for, even if it is by someone who is not particularly invested in her. Admiring Leonette and wondering how happy she must be, without ever being truly envious or malicious but simply wishing she had something similar. So, less actual romantic interest but more of a one-sided "I wish" in response to unexpected and (hopefully) genuine emotional help.

I usually prefer gap fillers in fanfiction and I am so eagerly waiting for a gap filler of Sansa's time in King's Landing where she gets to interact more with Garlan and Leonette. Where we see her being wistful and melancholic, longing for her dreams of courtship, chivalry and the sort of love that would be a mix between that which she has heard in songs and witnessed between her parents. Having small moments of joy feeling like a girl again for allowing herself those dreams and realising they can be true.

It's a pity there aren't many fanfics or fan art focusing on their canon or fanon dynamic. I like them a lot.

4. Sansa Stark x Myranda Royce

This is the light to C€rsei x Ta€na's darkness. I love them as friends and I would rather keep them as friends, and for some reason I ship Myranda x Mya, but I enjoy the ship A LOT! Out of the female connection's Sansa builds as the story goes on, I think their dynamic is the most endearing one, and I live in fear of GRRM turning Myranda into Sansa's new villain. I talked a bit about them in the later part of that one post, and I don't have a lot more to add, I just genuinely enjoy their dynamic and how natural Sansa's friendship with her is. I think Myranda embodies certain aspects of Margaery and Jeyne, but until now she is more genuine than Margaery was, and Sansa is also more mature in her treatment of her compared to Jeyne. I just like them.

So, if Myranda gets to wake up the sapphicness in Sansa, I would not complain. She spends so much time flirting with her! I love her for that. "You do turn such a pretty shade of pink.”, "So you're brave as well as beautiful, "I can see how virtuous you are just by looking at those rosy cheeks and big blue eyes of yours."

Sometimes I see this small fraction of fandom being mistrusting of Myranda and I honestly think we are just falling into Littlefinger's trap when we do that. If Petyr tells Sansa not to befriend Myranda, then I will 100% hope Sansa has the common sense to befriend Myranda. Don't take Myranda's derogative comment about Alayne's "Bastard breasts" as genuine, her literal bff/girlfriend is a bastard herself. Nah, but seriously, do we really think that Mya Stone who has been struggling with feelings of abandonment since before we even met her would be "as close as sisters" with Myranda Royce if she truly were a classist evil schemer? I honestly think Littlefinger might be a little afraid of her. She is shrewd, she might not be on board with her father's alliance with Petyr. Maybe that is why she is being threatened by her father to be married to a suitor she wouldn't approve of.

I might be wrong though, who knows. I do understand how her constant bawdy jokes could have also been a method for disorienting and questioning her but the twow preview chapter made me doubt it. For some reason I find her more genuine than Margaery, but as said I'm open to being very wrong about this.

Anyway, here is a small Drabble + art someone made and it's cute and Myranda is funny. I love Myranda.

5. Sansa Stark x Harrold Hardyng

I didn't have a strong opinion on them but then I was sold on them by a fanfic. It seems like this is where canon might be heading and I'm honestly happy for Sansa if she gets to have her high school movie annoyance to lovers romance with a handsome-popular-everybody-wants-him Prep/Jock guy. Good for her. I don't think Harry is an evil person and I hope it remains that way. Depending on which approach GRRM takes to their relationship it could be very comedic while still holding the political plot for the Vale. Their interactions during the Alayne TWOW preview chapter were gold and everything I would expect from the high school AU set in the Middle Ages, this post encapsulates it, I want them to be cringe and weirdly out of place. All the important lords and ladies are talking politics while these two are constantly making everyone uncomfortable with weird one liners.

On the other hand, depending on how long Sansa has to keep up with the Alayne farce, it could also provide for some angst and explorations of identity issues. Lady Waynwood agreed to the betrothal on the condition that Harry himself would agree to it and find "Alayne" to his liking. And I will admit there is something that would be so sweet about Sansa being loved by Harry THE HEIR, as Alayne Stone, some petty lord's bastard.

It is not me she wants her son to marry, it is my claim. No one will ever marry me for love. - Sansa VI, ASOS

I would be so genuinely happy if she is proven wrong. And yes, the Alayne persona is not simply Sansa with another hair colour and name, but it is still part of her. It is a mask of her own face, smoother and only presenting that which she wants to present. It would be interesting to see an actual love story blossom out of this, while she is still painfully aware of their union being a machination of Littlefinger, maybe feeling guilt and insecurity over Alayne being made to play the seductress while Sansa is still underneath that facade wanting to be loved, being loved but not fully aware of it.

Anyway, here is a light angst fanfic about the Sansa-Alayne identity and Harry! It's probably one of my favourite Sansa fics ever, but warning for Petyr Baelish being himself!

+ I think people sleep on the concept of us readers getting to see Littlefinger "losing the girl" for the supposed prep/jock fuckboy again, that would be great.

Not a favourite, because I don't know a lot about Harrold except for that he is kind of a jerk, but I am a very canon person, so I'll probably end up tolerating/liking it if it actually gets to happen.

6. Sansa Stark x Myrcella Baratheon

I feel very weird about this one because I personally tend to distance myself from the captive x captor (including captor's family) ships in asoiaf when they are portrayed as something positive (nothing against those who like them, it's just a personal preference), but maybe because in this case both of them experience the position of hostage/ward and they didn't get to spend a significant amount of time together (two years at most), I am less appalled about possible scenarios in which they meet again in the future. Myrcella being passed off as legitimate when she is a bastard, Sansa being passed off as a bastard when she is legitimate, becoming pawns in political intrigues of others, being isolated from their families at a young age. Dorne treats Myrcella significantly better than King's Landing treated Sansa, but it still is the place where she was maimed and almost killed.

+ The fact that Myrcella is supposed to look almost exactly like Cersei (someone Sansa admired and wanted to emulate only to come to fear and hate her) but has none of her cruelty could be very interesting and torturous to explore if people want to write angst and get into Sansa's psychology. You can make this dark and macabre without having to open the bag with the dead dove.

Here is a (sadly abandoned) post ados fic in which Myrcella travels North as a ward to Lady Sansa, Warden of the North, sent by Queen Daenerys. Othe ships are also tagged, but since it was discontinued they don't appear. It has a very entertaining characterisation for Myrcella and it doesn't bash any of the girls mentioned, so I liked it.

7. Sansa Stark x Lancel Lannister

So, imagine a universe where Sansa chooses Lancel over Tyrion.

At the time, Lancel is still recovering from his wounds, if I remember correctly, and is experiencing his religious awakening. Imagine how different Sansa's arc would have been. Would she be the one seeking for some sort of connection between her and her husband? Lancel would probably have no interest in any possible romance, but he might be less indifferent with Sansa than he was with Amerei given how she aided him when he was wounded even when he had always been a passive participant in her abuse. Would she keep plotting and hoping for an escape with Dontos? Or would Lancel take her away from King's Landing? If he's not marrying Amerei, then he is not getting Derry, but perhaps Sansa could become a claim to Riverrun post-Red Wedding and that would be interesting to see. Sansa in her mother's home, retracing the steps of her parents, but this time differently, as an unwilling usurper to her uncle. Would she meet Jeyne once the Lannisters retake Riverrun?

Would there be a religious conflict between the two? I am an agnostic theology enthusiast, so I really love seeing how religion plays out in the story and since Sansa believes in the Seven Gods and the Old Gods, I think her dual faith would be interesting to see in opposition to Lancel's devotion for and indoctrination by the faith of the Seven.

+ both have Cersei related trauma and I am a sucker for "we share an abuser" dynamics.

I actually really love this possibility, but didn't came up with any of it on my own! What I wrote above is based on conversations between @team-mom-wannabe, @selkiewife and @nosafeanchorage. They created an entire AU for these two, with an astonishing amount of details and care, and then I had to go through the disappointment that is realising no one has ever written a fanfic centred on their possible marriage.

8. Sansa Stark x Val the Wildling

I really like Val. I know some people hate her because they claim she is "not like other girls" or because she wants Shireen to be killed, but I hate the way nlog rhetoric has developed and I come from a continent where 95% of the population was killed by foreigner's diseases (and also by the foreigners themselves of course), so yeah, I will never hold that against her. I understand why that is upsetting to others, but I'm different.

It's weird to me that although show!Sansa was given traits and storylines from many erased female characters and was kind of deprived of her own (and I still hate that show for that and so many other things), they never teased the concept of giving her a wildling partner! Tormund was a completely different character compared to his book counterpart, he was much younger, conventionally attractive and acted as the main leader of the Free Folk after Mance, so I thought they would maybe merge him with Sigorn and tease him and Sansa, but that didn't happen (I don't remember what happened to him. Did he die?). And I won't deny that the lack of a wilding/northerner marriage lead me to have some thoughts about how interesting it could be for her to meet someone from the free folk. And then, because I'm very very sapphic, Val came to my mind, another cool woman they erased. Beautiful and deadly. A subversion of the princess in a tower.

It's fun to see how both, Sansa and Val, are considered the keys to the North/the Free Folk when their titles are practically honorary; Val is not a real princess and the Free Folk wouldn't submit to anyone who forcibly married her, Sansa has been cut out of the inheritance line because she was made to marry an enemy whom the North would never allow into its territory. I think it would be entertaining to see them meet and observe possibly feelings of mutual respect grow and I just really like seeing people from different cultures interact. Free Folk's beliefs around courtship and how romance and marriage are always meant to carry some sort of violence are fascinating to me. The idea of being "stolen" is a concept I initially associated to non-consensual dynamics, but in fairy tales we often have characters saving the female heroine/love interest by stealing/rescuing them. The way women are often made to be objects of conquest or rewards in most folkloric stories and fairy tales conditions their rescue as theft, since they often belong to the villain only to be passed to another male character. This also is somewhat true in Sansa's case specifically with Tyrion and Petyr, although I would argue Petyr is a lot worse for Sansa than Tyrion. Anyway, I would really like to see how Sansa, who has always been on the edge of rape but has managed to avoid it (she has still been mistreated and fondled in situations of dubious consent, but not violated like Jeyne or Dany), would react to their customs.

+ depending on whether you believe in Sansa's possible complicity in the poisoning of Sweetrobin there could be soooo much room for projection and angst if she gets to see Val being motherly and so very loving to "her nephew" (even when it's not really her nephew and she knows) while still advocating for Shireen's death. Oh, that could be very very fun to read.

9. Sansa Stark x Podrick Payne

awwww he is crushing on his boss's wife! :D

I feel weird about this one being so low given how it's the only one in this bunch with some canon support. This is uncommon for me. It's probably simply because I find her dynamic with Tyrion more interesting, but this is cute anyway!

I do wonder why no one has thought more seriously about them in canon given how Pod is Brienne's traveling companion and might come to meet Sansa again sometime soon (if they survive LSH (on that note, I'd love it if he gets to tell her about Catelyn/LSH)).

I don't know. Podrick is a good kid and Sansa deserves good things. I just haven't found a lot of thematics in their possible dynamic that interest me, but I'm open to them.

+ Sansa's weird traumatic dreams involving Ilyn Payne. Someone make something out of this.

Sadly haven't found many fanfics that have sparked my interest, but I really like this gif-set!

10. Sansa Stark x Tristifer Botley

I had been wondering about this concept for a while and thought that in another universe where the war didn't happen or the possible Iron Islands/The North alliance was settled in terms that included more marriages between them, this could have been interesting, albeit improbable since House Botley isn't as relevant as House Stark, but interesting! And then I came across this really sweet post-ados fanfic by @/alleyskywalker in which Sansa is married to him to build bonds with the Islands since all realms are now independent again and I thought it was cute. Tris was lovely and I liked reading him. He is a character I feel conflicted about, but I don't think he is evil, I just didn't like the way he approached Asha. I jokingly refer to him as a nice guy™, but honestly he is just an actual nice guy with a gentle nature and romantic tendencies and I really love how he is a character whom Asha deems "too sweet for the Iron Islands", and still he is part of the Iron Islands and is accepted as one by the other Ironborn. Her claim is never backed on by anyone else.

His courteous and polite ways could probably match Sansa's dreams of chivalry very well. It would also be fun to see her adapt to the Islands, considering the Northerners' mistrust (and also some bigotry) for the Ironborn and how different their culture is compared to that of the southern courts that Sansa dreamed of and idealized. It could be fun.

My honour mentions in no particular order

Sansa Stark x Harras Harlaw

For similar reasons to Tristifer Botley, but although we know less about Harras' personality, we know he is a salt son and a knight, something most of his fellow Ironborn frown upon. To me, that is odd and fun to think about. Does he worship the Seven Gods AND the Drowned God simultaneously? His mother is a Serret of the Westerlands. Could she have been the one to make him be more fond of southern culture? I don't know, but I like to think that is the case and if so, I think him and Sansa could possibly have some things in common.

Sansa Stark x Mya Stone

Not one I'm actively searching stuff for, but I get a visit from my good ol' friend Sarah Tonin whenever I stumble upon it and I can understand why people are into it:

Baratheon x Stark (but f/f)

Bastard x Noble (but f/f + subverted because "Alayne")

Mya's connection to Catelyn (Lady Stoneheart would approve)

There is also the fact that Mya is one of the most honest and frank characters Sansa has met ever since the story began. I will defend Myranda but I think she is shrewd, Margaery...well we know how that ended...Mya is different! She doesn't seem to be hiding any secrets or have any ulterior motives in her friendliness. Her abandonment issues would be interesting to explore among with Sansa's overall introspection + her isolation in King's Landing and her new (and sadly well) founded mistrust for others.

Honestly, my favourite daydream just involves them having a conversation about Sansa's parents and Mya telling her all she can remember and consoling her, while being open about her own issues, but sadly I don't have any creative abilities and can't come up with anything beyond that.

Here is a short, but interesting, fanfic that takes place post AFFC, but was written before the TWOW preview chapters came out. I thought it was lovely.

Sansa Stark x Jeyne Poole

Kind of an obvious one and one I struggle with because I can see the appeal of childhood friends torn apart by war and then reuniting after both went through different hells, but the way fandom treats it often just annoys me. I think there are a few unaddressed issues that make it more difficult for me to enjoy the way it's portrayed in fanon. I guess we could say I like it as a rhænicent that never got truly toxic and just remained bittersweet with a few kneeps of resentment, feelings of inferiority and maybe some misplaced anger coming from Jeyne . There is a fanfic though that I think is unmatched when it comes to what I would like : (1) + (2) but warning for canon compliant Jeyne storyline fucked upness + mild ambiguous Theyne (the Jeynsa is ambiguous too, but in my opinion less than the theyne, and it is just as important, not a side-ship. Overall one of my favourite fics ever).

Rolly Duckfield

"He is as tall as Griff now. Three days ago he knocked Duck into a horse trough." "I wasn't knocked. I fell in just to make him laugh." - Tyrion III, ADWD

I love Duck. He reminds me of my best friend and I think Sansa could use someone like that in her life. I have nothing else to add.

…ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ ◅

<:3)~

(Updated Saturday, December 3rd, 2022, 8:33 AM) - LoM

[Disclaimer: There are a few emojis below, though I've tried to keep them as minimal as possible, as well as liberal use of bold text on important words, to help people with dyslexia and other reading troubles navigate. There is also some censorship to avoid this post popping up when certain terms are searched. I've tried to censor them in the most screen reader friendly way possible, and censored words should only register as being read with a slight pause in-between syllables. There is also some coloured text, though it is restricted to only the bullet points at the beginning of each line. I hope this doesn't cause too much trouble, and if you need me to change anything please let me know!]

Hi there, I'm LoM! I use singular they/them pronouns but may grant permission to use other pronouns to people I am extremely close to. I speak English (🇺🇲/🇬🇧) and conversational French (🇫🇷), and am learning Welsh (🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿), so feel free to talk to me in any of those languages! Taken by my lovely girlfriend, so I'd prefer for people to avoid coming onto me, but I am okay with joking flirting (like "kissing the homies goodnight" or "marriage for tax benefits") as long as it's just for laughs! On principle I won't turn off anon asks ever but if you're a jerk I'll steal all of your left shoes and right socks. My agere sideblog is @thesmallestofall, and I have a fandom sideblog @smallandterriblyafraid (so I don't bombard my followers with my dumb hyperfixations), so feel free to check those out too! That's all I can think of for now but I'll probably update some things later!

Also! Here's the specially coded comma that can go in the tags btw: ‚

(There's a link to the post that my old icon art (the bunny) was from and the post that my new icon art is from at the bottom is this post! Go check it out, the creators are both really talented!)

DNI list below! (In no particular order)

🚫 DNI if you: 🚫

- Are rac.ist, homo.phobic, trans.phobic, bi.phobic, pan.phobic, able.ist, aro/ace exclusionary, or any other form of xeno.phobic

- Think that poly.am people aren't part of the lgbtqia+ community (They are, die mad about it.)

- Are a N.S.F.T blog (Jokes and writing are okay, irl l.ewds are not. I have no problem with you I just don't want p.orn or your nu.des my dash or in my inbox, sorry fam) (art or artistic photography are okay too though.)

- Are a t.erf/rad.fem/etc (Tradwife stuff is fine so long as you aren't pushing it on anyone else. Everyone has a different vision for what they want their personal future to look like and yours is valid too, so long as you're not on "a woman's place" and all that bullshit.)

- Are a practicing M.AP (People with intrusive thoughts can stay, though. It's not your fault that your brain is giving you icky thoughts when all you want is for it to shut up; my only qualm is with people who either see no wrong in the action, or do and go through with it any way.)

- Support J.K. Row.ling and or her works

- Are anti-endo (Specifically believing endogenic systems aren't valid. If you have some trauma or whatnot I'll respect that but I won't tolerate invalidating other's identities and lived experience.)

- Are anti age.re/pet.re, etc

- Vilify mental illness

- Don't support neopronouns (Including emoji pronouns.)

- Are anti it/it's pronouns

- Are a T.rump supporter, anti.masker, c.ovid denier, etc. Your conspiracy theories are not welcome here

- Are an Oni.sion stan (Kind of pedantic I know but the dude sucks to the nth degree, so-)

- Crosstag posts with both strictly N.S.F.T and sfw tags (Mistakes are fine as long as it's just a genuine slip up and you do your best to correct it. We're all human and sometimes accidents happen, but doing it on purpose or leaving it up after being told the issues is a no go.)

- Are anti.-choice/pro.-life

- Are anti free healthcare, food, water, etc

- Think autism and related quirks need a "cure" (I'm all for personal choice if the "cure" was a pill or shot but currently the "cure" is eug.enics which I am not about)

- Think DNI lists are bad or a waste of time

That's all I can think of for now. However, with that said...

✅ Do interact if you: ✅

- Are a roleplay/gimmick/character blog! I love talking to you guys! You're cool!

- Have OCs. Tell me about them! I love hearing about people's characters!

- Post oddcore, liminalcore, weirdcore, dreamcore, nostalgiacore, traumacore, etc. It may be triggering for some but I love to see it so long as it's properly tagged!

- Post kidcore, clowncore, rainbowcore, babycore, toddlercore, toycore, dollcore, cleancore, poolcore, webcore, internetcore, etc. These are a few more of my favourite -cores! If you post them or find some for me I'd love to see it!

- Like geology, paleontology, or history! These are some of my special interests and I could talk about them for hours!

That's all for now! See you later! <3

~ As promised, here's where I got my old icon art from! It was made by Rosu (I believe), a really great artist! Their bunny art is adorable!

~ Here's where I got my new icon art from! My girlfriend is using the other icon!

patrick, i regret to inform you, there will be no need to move any goalpost to the revival. i am sorry to disappoint you and the other needy, homophobic drama mongers. what's happening is happening inside of here, this show, this run. sorry for your loss.

your greatest hope is something like a five episode extension, if that makes you feel any better. Max a year but by then you'll have been destiel edged a few times begging for release of the end of the road, so pop off buddy, if you wanna beg for an accordion go for it. Remember, it's the end of the road and The Whole Point and The End i promised you, not your silly quibbles to pacify yourself in between.

like there's no ifs ands buts or speculation here dude on my fuckin life i'm the one begging you to bet 5k while you won't. i mean it dude, look into my digital fucking eyes, you bet-ducking coward.

it's happening. inside. the winchesters. and you can cope. the end is nigh for all of you beligerent motherfuckers stop hiding, goddamn spineless piece of shit, bet or get out of the pool, you're just pissing in it.

keep telling you dude, jensen will never be who you want him to be, just resume accepting reality and being shrill about it like you were the other day.

if j's your man then why he over here?

no dear, we're not rewriting the ending. i'm sorry your tiny brain can't compute what's happening yet. You're gonna argue pedantics about shit you don't understand till you bottom out and go blue in the face again though, so go off.

genuinely funny when people with small smooth brains go AH HAH, SEE about some shit that isn't even the point oh my fucking god it's like toddlers

not sure why these motherfuckers think they can semantics-argue their way out of fucking REALITY. some genuinely deranged shit in that man's head.

The *point* is that dean wouldn't undo his life for the world, and isn't changing that part, as anyone who i've sent the ending knows fuckin nimrod jesus christ. but you think the world operates in a destiel-no destiel dichotomy and somehow think these fuckin things rule each other out. fucking hell CHILDREN, LITERAL FUCKING IDIOT DUMBFUCK CHILDREN THAT WANT TO KICK AND SCREAM AND YELL TILL THE WORLD DOES WHAT THEY WANT

jesus dude i've even been leak posting about this ultimatum repeatedly like plain as fucking day like hints for toddlers and you're still making confused unga bunga noises and going "BUT NO REWRITE ENDING??? UNGA BUNGA"

LETS TRY IT AGAIN YOU DUMB SACK OF ROCKS

ARE MY LEAKS TOO FUCKIN HARD FOR YOU? CAN YOU NOT FIGURE THIS OUT YOU ANTHROPOMORPHIC BRICK? YOU CAN'T EVEN READ MY GODDAMN POSTS THAT I AM TRYING TO TELL YOU, DIRECT, AND YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA READ AN INTERVIEW RIGHT. HOLY FUCK.

quite possibly the dumbest pink human shaped object i've ever had the misfortune of my eyes crossing, the level of just. mind blowing staggering levels of opinionated dumbfuck that is everything 2p0. just go back to admitting what's happening and being shrill.

HAHAHAHAHAH my boss is such a fucking piece of work. I'm pretty sure I'm a pity nepo hire which is. well.... don't worry, though. the job is not remotely glamorous. I get paid minimum wage on which i will have to pay two (2) states tax and I spend ~20% of my daily earnings on commute, which is unnecessary bc everything i do can be done remotely but whatever fuck my time and money. oh, and it's a two-days-a-week gig. niceee.

so naturally, i am not a priority in this whole operation, which I understand and am fine with. I was brought on to like, do business development marketing shit or some other amalgamation of inane corporate buzzwords. made up shit. this includes social media and email. it's a design firm, so I just do the written copy and the Real Team makes the visuals, which makes me feel bad because they're busy and probably don't need their efforts taken away from doing real work to focus on these stupid projects.

not being a priority, i am infrequently checked on or given direction, which would be fine if they were cool with me having freedom. this is not the case. He's so fucking picky with the shit we post (because our ten followers are gonna think we're SO DUMB for X, Y, or Z) and changes a great deal of what i write, which has me wondering why im even doing this. he also likes to make these changes as close to our posting/sending time as possible. for fun, probably. don't worry--he likes to change the overall concept of the messaging so i have to rework everything and go through the stupidly labyrinthine process of getting approval in a rush. I particularly enjoy when his suggestions (nominally. they are demands.) are just. stupid. like, not good.

he seems to be under the impression that it is not only possible, but deeply intelligent, to micromanage while simultaneously giving me and my work minimal attention.

for our latest email campaign, i suggested modifying the content to work for an instagram story. just a story. to ~628 followers. we average like, less than ten likes a post. low stakes shit. to convey what we could do, i drafted up some images of a sample story.

oooh my guy did NOT like this. let me make it clear, i never suggested that we ought to post these mockups. I explicitly said they were mockups, that the designers would make the real thing, it won't be posted, it was to show how the copy would get separated between posts, etc. etc. but it didn't matter. he gave me some "stop that. focus on the copy" shit which i understand. he has told me as much when i have done similar things, but haa it's so very fun to piss him off, firstly, but also the designers are doing other shit, so if i can minimize the amount of shit they have to do, i feel inclined to do so. im probably being a jerk in this situation but i cannot say that i care.

the first time this went down, he started digging in on how my design was ugly, which it was, BECAUSE IT WAS A MOCKUP. IT WASNT SUPPOSED TO LOOK GOOD. I WAS JUST SHOWING WHICH PARTS SHOULDVE BEEN IMAGE AND WHICH SHOULDVE BEEN TEXT. AND I SAID THIS. like, does he not hear me or does he take pleasure in insulting my shit? both?

and tbh, i think this latest mockup actually looked pretty solid. the designer who ended up reworking said as much and based his shit off of what i did. maybe that's the catch? he doesn't want anything influencing what the designers do? fair enough.

anyways, i was told to wait for the reworks (duh) and when i got them, i posted it and bossman is like "uhhh??? what is this i thought we were going to do XYZ thing that we discussed." i do not recall the thing we discussed. in fact, i recall people discussing what i ended up posting, because that's why i posted the shit. but whatever. so i said something like. my bad, i misunderstood. i thought you wanted to do [what i did and the reason it was chosen] but i can change it [to do what we apparently agreed to] and i shit you not mans says "just drop it" HAHAHA WHAT?? i can be pedantic but i dont think that was one of those times. maybe i shouldve just apologized without doing anything else, but i am sort of tired of submitting to people's shit, and i wanted to make it clear that i wasnt like, being defiant, overconfident, and disregarding what he said.

im tired of this dude treating me like an idiot and like, (trying to? accidentally?) humiliating me. genuinely, truly, not even lying to myself on this, i do not need this job. i after paying for transportation, i am netting 200 gross a week from this. i am here mainly because i am complacent and lazy, but also, i wanted to stick around long enough to see ANYTHING i've made myself get finished up, and that has now happened. i dont care if i have shit lined up before i quit. i can and will find something eventually. hell, i'll sell photos of my asshole, i really am not concerned.

thx for the xp, jackass, but im gonna have to ask you to suck my dick from the back now xxxx

I think...you are misinterpreting my tone. There is no moral high-ground, and I apologize for my coming across that I was making one. Looking back at some of my other asks I can see why you'd think that from the outside looking in. I did come off as cutting, my apologies. This is exactly what I brought up earlier regarding online vs in-person discourse XI.

Even then, I don't see how my saying that your feelings on Robotnik in the first movie were antithetical to your feelings now was in bad faith. I must be misinterpreting something... If I am, that would explain your reaction to me saying that. I would never purposely misinterpret something and then base an argument off of it, trust me. That's lame.

Even then, looking back at your original posts, I really don't see how else to interpret it? :/ With how much animosity you expressed toward Sonic, it really felt like you wanted him to get captured by Robotnik. Especially since you said you didn't see how Robotnik chasing Sonic was wrong. Again, the online tone barrier could be in effect here. If you want, you can re-explain what you meant...or you can block me...since I guess this technically breaks your stipulation?

I can't really block when I answer an ask, anon.

The fact that you misinterpreted the entire asks about Movie!Sonic and my opinions on how the first movie's story was handled as 'him needing to be captured by Robotnik to be experimented on' is why I can't seriously consider you as anything but disingenuous and acting pedantic about people who are seriously clamoring to gruesomely watch Maria die. I've actually made it clear, in multiple posts, that my issues with Sonic in the movie is that the consequences for his actions don't align with how the story tries to portray him.

In the movie, they make Sonic this sad little child that did nothing wrong, looking for a family and be miserable because he didn't have said family... When he technically went against his supposed mentor's warning to not flaunt his power too much, this causing Longclaw to send Sonic off to some other world in order to not be used for his power, sacrificing herself in the process because Sonic thought of his wants more than his situation. Even in the montage of living in Green Hills, Sonic does nothing but cause trouble - Tormenting a crazy guy for the hell of it, possibly stealing people's things from their homes to flesh out his little cave, and (eventually) starting the plot of the movie by causing a blackout so damn big, it shuts down over half of the USA. That type of blackout is the kind of blackout you don't recover from quickly, and it makes sense the movie had the military send out it's top agent Dr. Robotnik - whom, btw, only had the 'crime' of being an asshole to not only his subordinates, but also the people who don't technically have clearance to that point - to try and figure out the situation and get it under control.

On top of that, Sonic is a serial stalker - he watched through Tom and Maddie's window, spied on them doing their daily routine, and had the dumb audacity to believe he could get help from them from the government to escape the actions he pulled. Even guilt-tripped Tom into getting him to San Fran because Sonic had the 'brilliant' idea of opening a Ring gate in Tom's garage, and basically roped Tom to getting the rings back with Sonic. All the bad events that happened in the movie are due to Sonic's actions, and instead of actually looking into this and allowing Sonic to grow into his own character without the humans, the movie brushes it off to make Sonic bond with the guy he manipulated to help.

Instead of reading through my points, thinking 'hey, maybe Aquillis' issues have to do with how the movie was written, and not about Sonic himself', you instead decided to immediately go 'Aquillis hates Movie!Sonic! How dare she!' and started condemning me on a thing you barely bothered to read through, then tried to tie in your feelings about how I 'don't like Movie!Sonic' with the discussion I was currently having - people making jokes about Maria's death affecting Shadow - when they were two completely different points, and the only relation to each other was that I'm talking about the same franchise here.

You did the equivalent of jumping into a canyon without a parachute, then kept hitting weak ledges in order to make me seem like some kind of monster that manipulates people to get them to see the way I want them to see. Instead of asking for a clarification of my opinion in the first place, you put me on the chopping block and wanted me executed, because you already decided I was 'guilty' for not thinking the same as you. I don't see how I wasn't any clearer, considering there's a few posts recently that say 'I don't like the way the movie let's Sonic off without consequences beyond being chased by Eggman'.

Don't let your feelings get in the way of what you're reading, that would be a way to figure out if someone acts like you think they are or not.

I reread the chronicles of narnia over break and...wow is it christian. I do actually like the style which I have seen in other books like Coraline and The Tale of Desperaux. It also has that charm that I think we associate with modern fairytales. It seems perfect for your mother to read to you before bed which is exactly how I first experienced the series.

But now, as an adult, it feels so...simple. The sexism is insane. Not only in little jibes about girls not fighting, but also the strong stance against co-ed schools. And of course what happens to Susan is criminal she loses all of her family in one train crash and they literally laugh at her in heaven and basically imply she deserved it for wearing lipstick. Beyond the sexism, there's a strong stance for corporal punishment and having bibles at school. Of course there's the Calormen which on the audiobook all the readers tried very hard to avoid calling "color men" as that is essentially their prime feature. The implication being that these men are not human because if they were, they'd have every right to rule Narnia as much as the other characters, right? Although I suppose you could say the same for Archenland which is essentially the canada of Narnia world.

And let us not gloss over the strange relationship to imperialism. Narnia is not a land of men but it is a land for a man to rule? But of course, only if he is white and a follower of "Aslan" right? And of course, only outsiders are allowed any real part in the story. The only time the actual inhabitants of Narnia try to break away from their lion bases foreign theocracy, they are treated as dumb and stupid.

It's disheartening really that a series I loved so much as a child is one I would be uncomfortable reading to a child today. I don't even dislike the children so much it feel more like they've been taken in by a cult. Which, honestly, they have.

I still like a lot of elements of the series, but I wonder if it didn't actually damage my faith in some way. I have always been a faithless person. I never really believed in Santa Claus or God and so when I realized I didn't have to pretend to believe in them, I felt relieved. Even now, I practice wicca but I see it more as a therapeutic practice than a religious one. And the core tenant of wicca is "take what resonates and leave the rest", meaning I don't have to agree to something I don’t believe. I wonder if living in a home where there was no forgiveness for confessions of petty crimes and no warmth and a real fear of violence whether physical or psychological was so different from the world of Narnia that everything seemed like a fantasy. And the evil witches seemed more sensible. I wonder if CS Lewis could have understood a child like me, who wanted desperately to be like Lucy Pevensie but who grew into someone a bit more like Susan and even a little like Jadis. I just can't forsake my life on earth to care for a fantasy I have no promise of reaching. And was it Aslan that made the children good and kind and honest, or would it be better for them to have always been those things, for no other reason than that all children have that possibility? I wish the story had not gotten so pedantic, that the bad guys were not all invading brown men and powerful women, and non-believers. I wish that the people of the story were actually allowed to grow into people, and that a happy ending for them did not leave a person behind because she refused to be a child forever.

I don't know, obviously I have a lot of thoughts on the series. I think if I met Lewis, he wouldn't have liked me much, sadly. I am glad I reread the series, and it wasn't unenjoyable, it was just a little disappointing.

So one thing about Web3 NFT cryptobros that annoys me to no end, but that I haven't actually seen discussed in-depth anywhere: the way they talk about "Web1" and "Web2" feels like it's founded in a fundamental misunderstanding of the way the terms "Web 1.0" and "Web 2.0" relate to the history of the web and what defined each era.

Like, the big thing that marked the advent of Web 2.0 wasn't the mid-2000s shift away from smaller, independent sites to large social media platforms. It was the advent of JavaScript, Adobe Flash (then Macromedia Flash) and PHP, and the way that enabled dynamic web pages in a way that just wasn't possible before. The web went from only supporting static documents to allowing pages to be miniature programs into themselves via embedded scripting languages. And this happened in the 1990s. The era that Web3 dorks call "Web2" began about 10 years *after* the advent of Web 2.0

From that perspective—that of the delineation of different "versions" of the web being based on the underlying technology that determines what you can do with a webpage, as opposed to the dominant model for hosting one's content on the web—we are *long* past Web 3.0. Hell, around 12 or 13 years ago, I remember seeing someone clarify that the release of HTML5 does not mean we're on Web 5.0, and that we were arguably on Web 20.0 at that point.

And, like, I can think of quite a few emerging trends in web technology between the advent of Web 2.0 and now that were just as big of a leap forward. You have the death of Adobe Flash thanks to the one-two punch of being unsupported on mobile and HTML5 basically doing everything it could do but better. You have the advent of web apps like Google Drive, Spotify, Discord, etc. You have smartphone browsing and everything that comes with that - and honestly several innovations in that space specifically.

Like, I know this is me being pedantic, but honestly, like, it's me being pedantic about dumb shit crypto bros do so who gives a shit. Plus with the way it plays into the marketing of cryptospace, I wonder to what degree it's less a misunderstanding of the terms "Web 1.0" and "Web 2.0" and more an attempt at historical revisionism.

And I think this sort of revisionism is necessary for the sort of marketing campaign they're pulling. They're trying to push cryptospace as the next big fundamental change to the way the web works, and the advent of Web 2.0 is the only one that really has a defined name that sticks out in the public consciousness. They can't call themselves, like, Web 30.0 or whatever, because their marks don't even know what Web 3.0 through 29.0 were. Every other shift has been more gradual, less immediately visible, and largely felt like a natural progression from what came before.

But at the same time, the web genuinely is a radically different beast from what it was 20 years ago, so if they were to come out and imply that they're the first fundamental change to what a website can be since the invention of JavaScript in 1995, they'd get laughed out of the room, and rightfully so. So they just straight-up came up with new definition terms that nobody has even thought about since the early 2000s and hoped nobody would notice.

Anyways yeah, fuck crypto bros.

Ok. I saw Tenet. I’d say that Tenet is very Tenet-like in the reverse-entropy sense that nothing in the beginning makes sense at all and feels kind of dumb, and as it goes on you forget about that and just vibe with nothing really making any sense at all but making just enough sense to be like, yeah sure, I guess I don’t have to ever think about this again. It occurred to me during some of the fighting scenes that if I thought really really hard, I might get some deeper appreciation for the kind of strategy that goes into predicting what an explosion does in a backwards timeline, but for the most-part, it really doesn’t impact the immediate viewing of the film.

I feel like most of the twists are Chekhov’s guns, if you see something Nolan-y, that’s time travel. With the predictable idea that conspicuous detail will be time travel, you can see where the movie’s going and at the end, you’re done. It’s got me thinking about a new way of viewing movies with a plurality of IQ’s. That’s basically already how movies are written, just by virtue of being written for commercial success. You could say that modern blockbusters are written by committee, by test audiences, but all these things have been internalized by writers and the viewing public already. You produce for fandoms. Obviously Nolan writes for his own fandom that’s going to sit around and decipher his convoluted plot points, which is why he can set a pile of money on fire in this particular way. It speaks to a certain trait of his audience, an obsession with plot logic and consistency. That applies to all fandoms, and what interests me is how this might begin to relate to another trend.

Let’s look at Justice League. Both Tenet and Justice League make references to Tarkovsky. Apparently they’ve been hanging out at college parties. Obviously, these fandom directors have no conception of what “duration” means in the Bergsonian sense. They only understand that time=prestige. So Justice League attempts to recuperate “duration” by running at half speed and taking over four hours to finish. Tenet is also 2.5 hours long. Positively obese filmmaking. But the key to duration is not simply taking forever to happen, it’s the suspension of reason and self. Superman taking a breather to appreciate butterflies has a bit of this meditative quality, but it’s a fucking farce. Tenet is so convoluted, it almost forces you to say “Fuck it. How could I possibly give a shit?” which is an abdication of reason, of sorts, but makes you hate the movie. You either have to be as dumb as a baby or a credulous pedant to get it. In a sense, they are running their own temporal pincher on duration, and failing.

Who are your TOP 4 and BOTTOM 4 DA companions???

😏

Ok so best companion characters

Top 4:

1. Leliana (my love my life my sun and stars my wife my goddess my everything Leliana could do anything ever and we would still stan I'm Obsessed I Will Love Her Forever)

2. Dorian (I adore him so much and his story is so sad and he's the best and why the hell couldn't I punch his piece of shit father???? He deserves the whole world I wish unromanced Dorian got a better boyfriend than Iron Bull tbh but meh at least he's happy at the end and they're cute in Trespasser).

3. Morrigan (you know how people say they would like to romance Morrigan as a female character? I get that too but tbh Morrigan Friendship >>>>> Morrigan Romance. Her romance has some very misogynistic lines because it was written with het guys in mind, same with her character design tbh, but her friendship with her learning to trust other people and when she calls you "a sister" and then says "know that I will always value your friendship even if I don't prove worthy of it????" Hello???? That's the most beautiful shit ever 😭😭😭😭😭)

4. Sera (deserved better!!!! She's such an interesting character and her perspective on things is not only different in a good way but also a lot more complex than everyone gives her credit for (but then everyone treats her like she's dumb D:) like it feels like she wasn't developed as much as the others when there was A Lot you could have done with her!! Because there's a lot of stuff she says which if you look between the lines it could make for amazing character moments. Also first lesbian LI so she's a queen just for that. Bioware doesn't deserve her give her better writers. Oh, and when she tells you that the best gift you could have given her was to not be ashamed to tell everyone else that she's your girlfriend???? ❤️😭❤️😭❤️😭 That shit hurted)

Top 4 WORST:

Since this is limited to companions, I can't put Cullen at number 1, but in my heart it's Cullen I hate him like I have never hated any other character ever and it's entirely for petty reasons and because he gives me the creeps. One time I let him keep being an addict in DA:I just because it's the only outcome you can get where he "dies" (and he doesn't even die then he just maybe-maybe-not-dies and even then the narrative still tried to woobify him, come on game it's possible to kill/screw over pretty much everyone in these games but HE gets the fucking pass?!?)

But, for companions (1 is the worst, 4 is the least worse on this list):

1. Oghren (why ever the fuck does he exist? He's annoying, he's misogynistic as hell, and has some really lesbophobic remarks to make too, the drunk stereotype has been done to death, ugh, and then in awakening they have him become a Warden too??? Go away!!)

2. Iron Bull (the only reason I hate him is bc he's like into bdsm shit and that makes me uncomfortable as hell lol. Otherwise he could be an interesting character tbh esp with his personal quest, which I actually like from a character perspective, but he makes me uncomfy so... #DorianDeservesBetter)

3. Blackwall (I don't actively hate Blackwall tbh I'm just like, I don't see the point of him, at all, he's so fucking dull and boring, like, why? I just hate him because he's boring as hell, at least his friendship with Sera is cute Sera deserves a good friend.)

4. Solas (listen, from a villain standpoint? I love Solas, i think his character is super interesting, I love his backstory A LOT I think his motivations are super cool from a lore point of view BUT the fact that he is incredibly pedantic, that he insults your character no matter what, that he is a love interest therefore the fandom woobifies him and his (which can be considered manipulative and abusive) relationship with the inquisitor and that, due to his popularity, everything is full of posts about how Solas Did Nothing Wrong, just makes me hate him lol like... stop glorifying evil male characters!!!! Also his design is a travesty, he's so ugly)

There's other characters that I'm more indifferent towards like for example Vivienne or Sten or Varric which I'm like "eh? You're there I guess?" but they don't awake strong feelings in me so I can't put them on the list.

WELCOME, NEW GUN OWNERS!

A Brief Intro To The Whole ‘Gun’ Thing Business Stuff

By Planefag

1. So You Bought A Coronavirus Gun and you’re honestly a bit scared of it. What now?

You already know the four rules of gun safety because 1. the guy at the store told you, 2. it was in the users manual, which you read, and above all 3. you’ve not a redneck going “yee-haw BANG-GATTY!” you’re a goddamn sane human being. In point of fact, this new gun kind of scares you a bit and you sometimes have second thoughts.

Congratulations! You’re already becoming a Responsible Gun Owner.

Y’see, what us gun nerds don’t tell you is that we practice gun safety to the point of obsessive paranoia. Guns don’t shoot people, people shoot people – including by accident. The gun doesn’t do jack diddly shit – YOU do. All that responsibility is on YOU. And if you’re sitting there eyeballing the damn thing like it’s a live snake, it means you respect and fear the power, which is the first step in fully accepting the responsibility of gun ownership. You didn’t buy that damn thing as a dick replacement or to kill tin cans in the backyard, you bought it to protect yourself and your family should the worst happen – i.e. you’re already taking responsibility for your and/or your family’s own safety.

Being a grown-ass responsible adult is what qualifies you to own a gun. That’s it. Everything else is just knowledge, and none if it means diddly squat without the attitude, and as a (likely) reluctant owner, you already have that.

Never forget this.

2. What Nobody Will Tell You About The Safety Culture Of Firearms

You are absolutely going to fuck up gun safety a lot and the entire system and culture of firearm safety is designed to deal with this.

It starts with the Four Rules themselves:

All guns are loaded at all times.

Never point the gun at anything you don’t want to destroy.

Keep your finger off the trigger unless you intend to fire.

Never shoot an unidentified target and always consider what’s behind it.

These rules are multiply redundant safeties. Just ONE of these rules can and will save your life. You, as an ordinary mortal human, cannot possibly be perfect all the time, even with well-ingrained safety habits, but with multiple safety habits, you don’t NEED to be. Once Upon A Time a friend brought over her husband’s new gun for us to see, and my whole family handled it and tried it out. I asked to try the trigger pull, and before I touched the trigger, I decided to check the chamber – and a live round popped out.

That’s when I realized that, despite all of us having failed to check the chamber, we had all: 

1. Never touched the trigger 2. Never walked in front of the muzzle 3. Never pointed it in an unsafe direction - only at the floor.

My whole family, my friend, and I all fucked up, and nobody was hurt because while you will occasionally forget one or even two rules of gun safety, it’s effectively impossible to forget all four.

This “multiple redundancy” extends to other gun owners, and it’s why gun nerds seem to be such tiresome pedantic pricks about precise terminology – it all starts with “trigger discipline;” i.e. pointing out when someone else has their finger on the trigger when they’re not about to shoot; in a movie, in pictures, in real life, in a TikTok video etc. Muzzle discipline (don’t point it at things you want to destroy) is a close second. This is how gun owners work together to reinforce each other’s safety habits until they are second nature. This is the root of much gun culture – for instance, “silencer” is a perfectly valid name for the round make-gun-more-quieter-can, but lots of people get uptight and insist they be called “suppressors” because they don’t actually literally silence a gun, and your hearing can still be damaged if you fire a louder/bigger gun with a “can” on it and omit hearing protection (“earpo.”) Safety is serious business and you can expect other gun owners to coach you in it.

This system is formally enforced at shooting ranges, where someone called the Range Officer walks around for the sole purpose of making sure every rule of gun safety is observed at all times. With so many people in such tight confines, perfect gun safety is required, which is beyond the ability of any mere mortal. The range officer’s job is to be your second brain, helping you observe gun safety. They will often show you tricks to help avoid common mistakes in gun handling – one RO showed me how to stand sideways to my bench, so that when I manipulated my pistol in both hands, I could hold it sideways (as one naturally wants to do, to inspect it,) while still keeping the muzzle downrange. It’s natural to feel embarrassed if an RO corrects your mistake in gun safety, but you shouldn’t be – RO’s see every knuckle-dragging moron on Earth and can easily tell someone who is trying to be safe from a simple moron who doesn’t give a damn. RO’s treasure earnest newbies, because its easy to teach knowledge and habit, but difficult if not impossible to instill responsibility.

A final note on safety involves storage. To be of any damn use, your gun must be loaded and ready in your home, but many people also need to secure it against children, dumb-ass visiting friends or in some neighborhoods, possible burglary. What you need is a quick-access safe, like this one linked here. Note how the keypad has grooves so your fingers can find it in the dark, and only has four buttons. These tools are expressly designed to keep your firearm readily accessible and also safe and secure. Avail yourself of these.

3. You Don’t Know Jack Shit About Guns And That Doesn’t Matter.

Everything you think you know about guns is probably complete fucking bullshit – but if you know how to point YOUR gun’s loud end at the bad guy and pull the trigger, that’ll do.

Many in my own tribe will rip me a new asshole for saying this, but its true nonetheless. A TON of what you think you know about guns is total bullshit propagated by Hollywood, and some of it’s dangerous because it could get you killed – for instance, if you think your new shotgun doesn’t need to be aimed because it’ll light up half the living room from five feet away like in video games.

But you don’t own every gun from movies or games, do you? You only own YOUR gun. That’s the only one you need to worry about learning right now. You’re probably stuck “sheltering in place” and all the shooting ranges are closed, but that means you have plenty of time to watch youtube videos, and damn are there a lot of good, informative youtube videos on firearm topics. Paul Harrell alone has tons of excellent, down to Earth videos on every topic you can imagine, and he often caters to fresh-faced newbies, such as this introduction to shotguns and what they do. Full30.com is “gun youtube” and has nothing but informative gun videos.

Watching these videos you’ll soon realize that what sounds like basic newbie information to you is being delivered in videos aimed at experienced gun owners – because we gun owners often don’t know shit, either. Even among gun owners ourselves, a great many myths and legends persist; the classic example being old-timers who think the springs in magazines will wear out if you keep them loaded too long (they don’t, any more than the suspension springs on your car do from just sitting in the garage.) These rumors persist because while their recommended techniques don’t help, they almost never hurt, either. Gun owners pursue these almost mythical rituals for the exact same reason they have such strong opinions (and sometimes bitter arguments) over trivial differences in firearm performance or utility – even though the differences are very minor, when you are fighting for your own priceless life, even slim advantages are worth having. Even though most gun owners keep a simple shotgun for home defense and spend most of their money on Fun Shooty Guns for the range and/or competitions, the entire community is, ultimately, rooted in traditions and lessons pertaining to actual practical use of firearms for community, family and self-defense.

Thus: when fellow gun-owners, in person or online, give your selection of firearm shit and recommended ten billion other accessories or methods to buy or use, do not be fooled into thinking your gun is useless or seriously sub-par; almost anything that you can put lead downrange with, where you want it, will do the job. At the same time, understand that this community has such strong opinions on often trivial differences because you’re preparing to defend your and your families lives, and with infinitely high stakes, no advantage is too trivial to consider.

Sights and slings and magazines and such are all well and good to have, but if you need to make a choice, remember that having the gun, and the skill and familiarity to use it is already 90% of the equation. Paul Harrell demonstrates this very very well in his video on using double-barreled shotguns for home defense, which he opens with the line “not everyone can afford thousand-dollar guns,” and “you don’t need the latest, greatest thing to get the job done.” Clint of Thunder Ranch – a man who has in fact shot people and been shot at – is also on-record as warning people that you can absolutely be killed by the oldest, silliest damn Oregon-Trail looking goddamn Elmer Fudd popgun if the wielder knows how to run it well. Look no further than the return of lever-action Old West guns for home defense.

4. The Right Of The People To Keep And Bear Arms Shall Not Be Infringed AND YOU ARE PEOPLE

YES, YOU, YOU LEFT-WING BERNIEBRO TRIPLE-COMMUNIST FROM SOVIET MORDOR. AND YOU, TRANS-QUEER-POC-NONBINARY OTHERKIN. YOU ARE PEOPLE.

IF YOU ARE PEOPLE, THIS IS YOUR CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT. IT IS NOT CONTINGENT ON YOUR POLITICS, YOUR RELIGION, YOUR SEX, GENDER, OR PREFERENCE OF GAMING CONSOLE. YOU BOUGHT A GUN, NOT A POLITICAL PARADIGM SHIFT. IT CAME WITH A TRIGGER LOCK, NOT A PACKET OF KOOL-AID.

WE GUN OWNERS HAVE FOUGHT TIRELESSLY FOR GENERATIONS TO DEFEND THE RIGHT OF THE PEOPLE PRECISELY BECAUSE WE KNEW TIMES LIKE THESE WOULD INEVITABLY COME. AND NOW THAT THEY’RE HERE, BEING VINDICATED IS ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NO FUN AT ALL, BECAUSE WE’RE ALL IN THIS SHITSTORM TOGETHER.

5. Come Talk To Us – We Don’t Bite

Most gun owners collect guns because we can’t afford to collect cars or old tractors or whatever, and worse, we can’t race them against each other nearly as easily as we can go to an IDPA competition and blap steel pop-up targets. Firearms are exquisite works of engineering, and marksmanship is a science, an Olympic sport, and a true art that was respected as the domain of the experienced and wise even in Antiquity. Most of us were taught gun safety as a case-study in the responsibilities of adulthood, at our parents and grandparents knee, and we find real joy in introducing new people to the joy of firearms ownership and shooting sports.

Gun owners have been subject to non-stop, wall-to-wall abuse for decades due to our views on firearm rights – quite often to our faces, from family members. It makes us scornful and defensive – but it also primes us to welcome fellow supporters of self-defense rights with open arms as long-lost brothers. Hit us up on Twitter or BookFarce or whatever the hell you use. Ask your questions – yes, even the dumb ones. We asked the exact same ones ourselves when we were starting out. We’ll deny it till the sun burns out, but we did, and our guilty memories mock us still.

It often feels like the divides in America are too deep to ever be healed, and even in the midst of this crisis, where there should only be two sides – humanity vs. virus – the bitter recriminations continue. But it’s still the best chance we’ve had to see eye-to-eye with each other, and that new gun of yours, lying in its factory grease still in its factory hardcase, is proof positive of that.

You’re disgusted by this reality, aren’t you? That such ugly measures are necessary? That things have gotten this bad?

Good. So are we. Which is why we need you; you people who wish for a world where guns aren’t needed and people sleep with their doors unlocked at night. People who push forward, finding a way to advance. And this current disaster is why you need us; people who know how bad it can get, how easily the center can fold, who prepare for the worst.

We will need you again in the future. And that is why we are here for you now.

TOP TEN OLDER MAINSTREAM COMICS I READ THIS YEAR

I kept track of all the comics I read this year, and not all of them were new. I have no idea who this will help or benefit but at least the circumstances of me only listing the completely arbitrary older work I read for the first time this year will deter anyone from arguing with me. However, for the sake of possibly being contentious, let me mention two comics that fall outside the top ten, because they’re bad:

Trencher by Keith Giffen. David King did a comic strip about Keith Giffen’s art style on this book in issue 2 of But Is It... Comic Aht that everybody loved, and made me be like, ok, I’ll check it out. But it’s basically just a retread of Lobo in terms of its tone and approach, but without Simon Bisley. I don’t really know why anyone wouldn’t think Bisley is the better cartoonist. Also, those comics are terrible. Thumbs down.

The Green Lantern by Grant Morrison, Liam Sharp, and Steve Oliff. I bought the first year of these comics for a dollar each off a dude doing a sidewalk sale. Found them sort of incoherent? I haven’t liked a new Grant Morrison comic in ages, with All-Star Superman being really the only outlier since like We3. This is clearly modeled off of European comics like Druillet or something, and would maybe benefit from being printed larger, I really dislike the modeled color too. But also it’s just aggressively fast-paced, with issues ending in ways that feel like cliffhangers but aren’t, and no real characters of interest.

As for the top ten list itself, for those who’ve looked at my Letterboxd page, slots 10-8 are approximately “3 stars,” 7-4 are 3 1/2 stars, slots 3 and 2 are 4 stars, with number one being a 4 1/2 star comic. The comics I’m listing on my “Best Of The Year” list that’ll run at the Comics Journal alongside a bunch of people are all 4 1/2 or 5 star comics. This is INSANELY NERDY and pedantic to note, and I eschew star ratings half the time anyway, because assignations of numeric value to art are absurd except within the specific framework of how strong a recommendation is, and on Letterboxd I feel like I’m speaking to a very small and self-selecting group of people whose tastes I generally know. (And I generally would not recommend joining Letterboxd to people!) But what I mean by all of this is just that there is a whole world of work I value more than this stuff, and I’ll recommend the truly outstanding shit to interested readers in good time.

10. Justice Society Of America by Len Strazewski and Mike Parobeck. Did some quarantine regressing and bought these comics, a few of which were some of the first comics I ever read, but I didn’t read the whole thing regularly as a kid. Parobeck’s a fun cartoonist, this stuff is readable. It’s faintly generic/baseline competent but there’s a cheap and readable quality to this stuff that modern comics lack. Interestingly, the letters column is made up of old people who remember the characters and feel like it’s marketed towards them, and since that wasn’t profitable, when the book was canceled, Parobeck went over to drawing The Batman Adventures, which was actively marketed towards kids. It’s funny that him and Ty Templeton were basically viewed as “normal” mainline DC Comics for a few years there and then became relegated to this specific subset of cartooning language, which everyone likes and thought was good but didn’t fit inside the corporate self-image, which has basically no aesthetic values.

9. The Shadow 18 & 19 by Andy Helfer and Kyle Baker. I’d been grabbing issues of this run of comics for years and am only now finishing it. Kyle Baker’s art is swell but Helfer writes a demanding script, these are slow reads that cause the eye to glaze over a bit.

8. The Jam 3-8 by Bernie Mireault. I made a post where I suggested Mireault’s The Jam might be one of the better Slave Labor comics. Probably not true but what I ended up getting are some colored reprints Tundra did, and some black and white issues published by Dark Horse after that. Mireault’s art style is kinda like Roger Langridge. After these, he did a crossover with Mike Allred’s Madman and then did a series of backups in those comics, it makes sense to group them together, along with Jay Stephens’ Atomic City Tales and Paul Grist’s Jack Staff, or Mike Mignola’s Hellboy, as this stream that runs parallel to Image Comics but is basically better, a little more readable, but still feeling closer to something commercial in intention as opposed to self-expression. Although it also IS self-expression, just the expression of a self that has internalized a lot of tropes and interests in superhero comics. If you have also read a lot of superhero comics, but also a lot of alternative comics, stuff like this basically reads like nothing. It’s comfort food on the same level of mashed potatoes: I love it when it’s well-done but there’s also a passable version that can be made when depressed and uninspired. But drawing like Roger Langridge is definitely not bad!

7. WildC.A.T.S by Alan Moore, Travis Charest, et al. I wrote a post about these comics a few months ago, but let me reiterate the salient points: There’s two collections, the first one is much better than the second, and the first is incredibly dumbed-down in its nineties Image Comics style but also feels like the best version of that possible, when Charest is doing art. Also, these collections are out of print now, a friend of mine pointed out maybe they can’t be reprinted because they involve characters owned by Todd McFarlane but Wildstorm is owned wholly by DC now.

6. Haywire by Michael Fleischer and Vince Giarrano. I made a post about this comic when I first read a few issues right around the time Michael Fleischer died a few years ago, but didn’t read all of it then. This feels way more deliberately structured than most action comics, with its limited cast and lack of ties to any broader universe, but it’s also dumb and sleazy and fast moving, and feels related to what were the popular movies of the day, splitting its influences evenly between erotic thrillers about yuppies and Stallone-starring action movies. The erotic thriller element is mostly just “a villain in bondage gear” which is sort of standard superhero comics bullshit but it’s also a little bit deeper than that. The first three issues, inked by Kyle Baker, look the best.

5. Dick Tracy by John Moore and Kyle Baker. These look even better! A little unclear which John Moore this is? There’s John Francis Moore, who worked with Howard Chaykin and was scripting TV around this time, but there’s another dude who was a cartoonist who did a miniseries for Piranha Press and then moved on to doing work for Disney on Darkwing Duck comics. Anyway, Kyle Baker colors these, they’re energetically cartooned, each issue is like 64 pages, with every page being close to a strip or scene in a movie. I’m impressed by them, and there’s a nice bulk that makes them a nice thing to keep a kid busy. (For the record, my favorite Kyle Baker solo comic is probably You Are Here.)

4. Chronos by John Francis Moore and Paul Guinan. I was moving on from DC comics by the late nineties, but Grant Morrison’s JLA was surely a positive influence on everyone, especially compared to the vibe there in the subsequent two decades. These are well-crafted. There’s a little stretch where it uses the whole “time-traveling protagonist” thing to do a run of issues which stand alone but fall in sequence too and it’s pretty smooth and smart. The art is strong enough to carry it, the sort of cartoony faces with detailed backgrounds it’s widely agreed works perfectly, but that you rarely see in mainstream comics. The coloring is done digitally, but not over-modeled enough to ruin it.

3. Martha Washington by Frank Miller and Dave Gibbons. A few miniseries, all of which sort of get weaker as they go, but all in one book it doesn’t feel like it’s becoming trash as it goes or anything. When Miller dumbed down his storytelling in the nineties it really was because he thought it made for better comics, the tension between his interest in manga and Gibbons’ British-comics classicism feels productive. I do kind of feel like the early computer coloring ruins this a little bit.

2. Xombi by John Rozum and JJ Birch. Got a handful of these on paper, read scans of the rest. This is pretty solid stuff, not really transcendent ever, but feels well-crafted on a month-in, month-out level. I read a handful of other Milestone comics, and a lot of them suffered from being so beholden to deadlines that there are fill-in issues constantly. This is the rare one that had the same creators for the entirety of its run. There was a revival with Frazer Irving art a decade ago but I prefer JJ Birch’s black line art with Noelle Giddings’ watercolors seen here. They’re doing an early Vertigo style “weirdness” but with a fun and goofy sense of humor about itself. I haven’t read Clive Barker but this feels pretty influenced by that as well. (The Deathwish miniseries is of roughly comparable quality. I read scans of the rest of that after I made my little post and, yeah, it does actually feel very personal for a genre work, and the JH Williams art with painted color is great.)

1. Tom Strong by Alan Moore, Chris Sprouse, etc. I got bored reading these as a teen but getting them all for cheap and reading them in a go was a pretty satisfying experience. It’s partly a speed-run through Moore’s coverage of the concept of a comic book multiverse seen in his Supreme run, minus the riffing on Mort Weisinger Superman comics, instead adding in a running theme of rehabilitating antagonists whose goals are different but aren’t necessarily evil. It’s more than just Moore in an optimistic or nostalgic mode, it also feels like he’s explaining his leftist morality to an audience that has internalized conflicts being resolved by violence as the genre standard.

Furutod vs Sebastyun

Dear @gisellehexen89,

First of all, I am very happy you seem to be enjoying my blog! And thank you for the interesting ask.

I think the best way to find out what ‘Elisabeth’ is is to read up on it, or watch it yourself; it is impossible to explain everything in a post. After having learned what the musical is about, and you’re interested in how TOHO staged it in 2019, I recommend reading my full art reports:【ACT 1】 and 【ACT 2】. These two reports also show my general thoughts on Sissi (^ω^)

Now instead, I shall dedicate this post to making a comparison between Furutod and Sebastyun.

Furutod vs Sebastyun

When Furukawa’s role as Der Tod was initially announced, most people believed he would be very similar to Sebastian. It is an easy trap: both characters are non-human, have very little scruples, are fiercely attractive, and the theme of obsession is omnipresent.

But honestly, that’s it. That’s all the similarities these two share.

1. Status

The biggest difference between Furutod and Sebastyun is their status. Furutod is the Lord of the Underworld (黄泉の帝王), and absolute authority over life and death of all that is alive. Sebastian meanwhile, is bound to servitude who cannot even wield full autonomy of his own. Needless to say, their difference in power status decides everything in their respective behaviours.

1.1. Sebastian

Let us look at Sebastyun first. All three Kuromyus from the Furukawa era show very clearly that Sebastian is very limited in many fields, but the difference between the ‘mask of the butler’ vs ‘the raving demon’ is clearest in ‘Tango on the Campania’.

In the scene with Edward, we see the boy pulling rank on ‘a mere butler’. Edward was basically threatening O!Ciel using Sebastian, while hiding behind the face of ‘a loving brother’. There was nothing Sebastian could do as a mere servant, so he very explicitly checks first whether Edward had left, before he could show his true reaction: “whatever.”

In the cinematic record too, Sebastyun clearly disagreed with what his master demanded of him, and he only showed his BIG ATTITUDE after the boy had left.

Likewise, as explained in this post, because Sebastian is always bound to servitude, his autonomy (or whatever little he has) is something he treasures a lot. His only outlet of freedom is being pedantic and obtuse. Sebastyun takes it a step further by being passive-aggressive on top, a trait Furukawa has made his Sebastian famous for.

Obviously Sebastyun sees fun in doing so, but this is undeniably the result of a long history of getting his autonomy denied. He is the servant in the shadows who needs to wield power within other people’s boundaries.

1.2. Der Tod

As I mentioned above, Der Tod is the Lord of the Underworld, and as Furukawa himself interprets, represents the authority over both life and death. He never has to ask for a ‘yes’, other people’s consent or opinions are non-consequential to him. He takes lives because he can, and nobody can punish him for it.

Being an existence who never needs to learn accepting a ‘no’, he does not need to put up a face, because he never needs to make compromises. Der Tod is SO used to getting his way, that teasing the possibility of ‘not getting his way’ is even a game to him.

1.3. Comparison

Sure, Sebastian also teases and pushes his limits sometimes, but unlike Der Tod, Sebastian does have to consider having to reap what he sows. If Sebastian fails and breaks his contract, surely something terrible awaits him. But Der Tod? Nah... his Death Angels will clean up his mess.

Der Tod can afford to make mistakes in playing with his prey, unlike Sebastian. In The Last Dance↑, we see Furutod make the biggest miscalculation; scaring Elisabeth. Had he not scared her, then Elisabeth might have been quicker in agreeing to die for him.

Unlike Der Tod who has minions to clean up his mess, Sebastyun does need to make careful calculations.

2. Understanding and Interest

Another major difference between Der Tod and Sebastian is their understanding of and interest in human beings.

2.1. Sebastian

The thing Sebastian keeps saying is how interesting humans are; Sebastyun is the scientist always hungry for more knowledge, and humans fascinate him to no end. In ‘Tango on the Campania’ even with debilitating pain, he was smiling with the excitement at human behaviour.

He also makes use of whatever knowledge he has acquired throughout his centuries on earth to get what he wants or needs. Like I said above, at some point in history Sebastyun learned that fear would cause a human to shut down, so he was careful in not scaring Beast, lest she might not open up to him.

Had Sebas been a bit of a dumb-dumb and scared Beast the way he did in the manga, or the way Der Tod scared Elisabeth, then he would have failed his mission logically speaking.

2.2 Der Tod

Der Tod in contrast, always gets his way, so he does not need to understand humans to achieve anything. But more importantly, he is superbly uninterested in understanding humans. The only reason he shows interest in humans is for himself; he wants to bend humans to flatter his own ego. “If Elisabeth finally begs to die, then I AM the victor. If Rudolf commits suicide, then I manipulated him.” Der Tod’s satisfaction is the goal of his actions.

As such, when Rudolf ‘HAD THE AUDACITY to bore LORD DEATH’, he bitchslapped him before taking his life. When in the end Furutod did get Elisabeth, but not in a satisfactory way that assured his baby ego that he’s the winner, he was disappointed and lost all vitality.

To Sebastyun however, the satisfaction is a bonus: it’s nice to have, but it’s more important to get a job done.

3. Mannerism

Another point of difference is their mannerisms. Sebastian is a mere servant, and therefore needs to keep to the shadows. He usually tries (though fails) to adhere to the Victorian code of ‘servants should be like furniture, speak only when spoken to’. (In truth, Sebastian talks way too much for a proper Victorian servant, but he tries! He tries. Give the butler some cookies for trying.)

Der Tod meanwhile, is the supreme overlord of all and everything, so he does not need to care about anything. Plus, he can turn invisible as he likes. Unlike Sebastyun who needs to suppress his laughter or any other commentaries, Furutod can get away with laughing like a f*cking hyena on crack during an Imperial wedding.

4. Ego

Lastly, another stark difference between Sebastian and Der Tod is their ego and their presentation of themselves.

4.1. Sebastian

In this post I explained how Sebastian is very willing to humble himself, to come in second place, or take whatever disadvantage voluntarily for the sake of achieving something he wants or needs to.

This is because Sebastian is very secure about himself, and the recognition of humans (cattle) means nothing to him. He does not need anybody to know how powerful he is, instead he takes greater pleasure in silently manipulating others, using humans’ own actions against themselves.

Yes, Sebastian does love to flex, but he does not do any of those things to increase his reputation. We can tell from Sebastian never lingering to check people’s oohs and aahs. It’s like how when we impress a toddler with something easy, we usually won’t indulge in the kid’s praise because we don’t feel an increase of social regard. Instead, the fact that the toddler is impressed with something so easy is more interesting to us.

Sebastian’s flexing seems more like an outlet because O!Ciel forbade him from showing his true potential, and it is frustrating to him. It is just like how we as (young) adults we are capable of understanding deep analyses, but get constantly told to read picture books, on top of also having be content with hearing: “how amazing, you can read a picture book! You are astonishing!!😱”

4.2. Der Tod

If Der Tod was not explicitly ‘death’ personified, I would say that Furutod is ‘huge ego and diva complex’ personified.

Despite being a more elevated being than Sebastian (the scavenger demon) is as Lord of the Underworld, Furutod does like being praised. Der Tod is and will always be above human beings, and that is as boring a fact as water being wet. As I explained in Art report act 1, Furutod suffers from ‘lethal apathy’, and in this sense he needs more than to know ‘that mortals are beneath him, that water is wet’. Furutod wants to know that the mortals fear him, and gets a kink out of mortals being on their knees for him. Der Tod is not just ‘death’, he is the personification of ‘human regard of death’; and the fear of death, is what unifies human kind, after all.

Another point in stark contrast with Sebastian is that Furutod does have kin near him: the Death Angels. The regard of mortals is nice, but he also likes keeping his minions impressed, because his kin’s reverence also means something to him. It is almost like Furutod wants to justify why he should be superiour to the Death Angels (even though his position is never challenged). He just gets a REALLY big kink out of praise, okay? ( ´艸｀)

Furutod’s enormous ego also shows itself in his diva-ness. When he is courting Elisabeth for example, he is basically behaving like a peacock. He takes Elisabeth’s hand and runs it through his silver hair, his ivory silken skin. “Look at me, feel me, human, I am SO drop dead gorgeous.”

Furutod also can’t handle being lower than anyone; whenever he has the chance he will literally place himself on higher footing.

Contrast this to Sebastyun who is always very willing to put himself lower than others. This ⇊ would be UNTHINKABLE for Furutod.

5. Conclusion

In conclusion, besides the ‘non-human character in a dark theme’ aspect, Sebastyun and Furutod really don‘t have anything in common.

5.1. Sebastian

The fact that Sebastyun is always bound to servitude whenever he is on Earth, and his lack of autonomy, shape his behaviour. His reputation on Earth has no meaning to him; Sebastyun is confident about what kind of Demon he is, and the opinions of ‘cattle’ are therefore insignificant to him. The only thing one must not challenge is whatever little autonomy he has left, and he will test and find the upper limit to wield it.

5.2. Der Tod

Furutod in contrast, only knows what it is like to be the most superiour being and never getting his authority challenged. He never had to learn to make compromises, nor does he ever have to deal with consequences. As such he is really a foot-stamping-toddler (Foot-stamping Der Toddler? Sorry.) with a toxic superiority complex and too much power.

Furutod’s supremacy is mind-numbingly boring to him, but there is no way to achieve something grander than what is already grandest. He is trapped in his own mind of toxic superiority and boredom, and will live the rest of eternity searching for entertainment. (It is kind of sad if you think about it......wait, I’m feeling bad for Der Tod? Hmm Furukawa, you really did add a whole new page to the history of ‘Elisabeth - das Musical’)

In short: where Furutod is eternally bored and has no prospect of getting sustainable entertainment, Sebastyun will always have something interesting he might run into.

The Chosen One

Rodimus Prime is a better character than Optimus Prime, hands down. No question. Hell, he's probably the better Prime too, but it's not like we ever got to see it. Optimus Prime suffers from Superman syndrome, whereby the character is too perfect to be interesting (yes I know Superman has had a bit of a renaissance lately, that's not the point here). Optimus Prime is the strongest, wisest, most capable, bestest Autobot everest, and therefore infallible. Every decision is correct, every battle is a victory, every word of wisdom is profound. Optimus Prime is never wrong.

Rodimus though? He's put through the wringer. Being the Chosen One by a pretty arbitrary process he spends the majority of season 3 grappling with the awesome burden of having to live up to the legend of his predecessor. He doubts himself. He makes choices he's unsure of. He wonders if he's even worthy of the Matrix, and willingly hands it over when he thinks Optimus is back. By the end of the season, Rodimus has grown, matured, and come to terms with his role as Prime. That's actually great storytelling, even if the quality of the cartoon was always the wrong side of shonky.

Just a pity the writers had to go and spoil it all in the last episodes by bringing back Optimus and kicking poor Rodimus to the kerb. He deserved better. And those episodes were straight-up terrible.

Okay, the toy, part of the Power of the Primes line. It's a contentious one. This is a flawed creation, no doubt about it, and the list of problems is enough to put anyone off. The worst is the shoulder joints for the larger robot mode, which are jointed at the collar rather than the actual shoulder. This hampers poseability a lot. There are the small robot hands just about visible under the chest piece. The large vehicle mode's tabs don't all quite line up properly. The robot mode fists are visible in this mode too. There's a lack of 5mm ports in the smaller car mode. All in all, this speaks of a toy that really did deserve to have another run through the drafting process, to iron out the kinks and make it as good as it looks, and as good as it ought to be. It makes Rodimus Prime feel a bit... rushed.

And yet.

I absolutely love this thing. This is the Rodimus Prime toy I always dreamed might exist when I was a child. I'd watch his first transformation at the end of the 1986 movie and think to myself "Yup, that's just Hot Rod with a load of extra guff stuck to his roof to turn himself into a camper van", yet the few attempts at toys for Rodimus never seemed to lean into this obvious fact until POTP. You can remove the guff and have Hot Rod on his own, or slap it back on him for the full "Who the hell would ever drive this?" Prime experience. And in robot mode you can power him up for giant-ass Rodimus Prime, or leave the small robot on its own as Hot Rod... or a perfectly acceptable Rodimus Prime as well.

(Because here's the dirty secret: Hot Rod and Rodimus Prime always looked pretty much the same)

The Hot Rod portion is the best part. It's a near-perfect Hot Rod in both modes, though pedants might want him to be a bit pinker in hue. I'm fine with the red and orange, to be honest. It certainly looks a lot better in robot mode than the Titans Return version of the character - charming as that is, the miniature spoiler and beefy gorilla arms just don't look great overall. In vehicle mode TR Hot Rod edges it slightly, with the curvy edges and opening cockpit, but it's a close-run thing even there.

As Rodimus Prime the vehicle mode is possibly the best, most comfortable ride to go dogging in that you could ever imagine. Can't really see it being used for much else, the giant wacky flame designs sending very particular signals to passers-by. Ah, but then there's the old problem of having no windows in the trailer. Perhaps not then. It's not exactly an upgrade from Hot Rod's mental sports car mode to a doddering old camper van, but I guess they needed to find some way to bulk him up back in the 80s. And then the robot mode... well, so long as you don't try to pose him, it's pretty spectacular. He stands tall, stoically gazing out like an ancient sentinel, his face lined and angular to differentiate it from Hot Rod's smoother mush (that's how you know he's grown up). Ironically he has pretty decent legs, with ankle tilts even before Siege made it common practice. It's yet another case of the toy being nearly perfect.

Perhaps that's for the best. Rodimus Prime as a character was never perfect. That's why he was a better character, after all. He had flaws, and so does his toy. I can't love this thing because of the flaws, but I can love it in spite of them. Outside Masterpiece (which looked good but kept breaking), this is still the greatest rendition of Rodimus Prime ever made. We'll probably not see another one for a long time, so why not enjoy this one? Now if only Hasbro had had the guts to keep Optimus dead forever, maybe Rodimus would get the respect he deserves...

Right, so that's all of them reviewed, right? The entire principle cast of season 3, over, finished and in the bag! We've had the Fast One, Old One, Smart One, Dumb One, Girl One, Serious One, Heroic One... and Wreck-Gar and Sky Lynx. That's everyone! Hooray! Thanks to everyone who's been reading these, I appreciate all your fe-

Oh no.

Oh no no no.

I missed one.

Oh god...

Lock Every Door

Lock Every Door is an adult thriller written by Riley Sager. It follows Jules a young woman, down on life and strapped for cash, who replies to a house sitting ad. The ad is for an apartment at the Bartholemew, an old, legendary building in Central Park West, and the pay is exorbitant, almost too good to be true. The job does come with a catch; a list of rules like no visitors, no spending the night out of the apartment, and no speaking to the tenants, which Jules dismisses as just unusual. But when another house sitter she befriends disappears she realizes things really might not be as first advertised. I haven’t read the first two books by Sager, because their plot didn’t interest me, though now having read this one I think I might give Last Time I Lied a Shot. This was an excellent, modern gothic thriller, and if the premise sounds at all interesting I suggest you just read it, instead of reading this review. It’s a page turner that I read in a day, and it’s well worth experiencing with as little knowledge as possible. That said, I want to mention some of the highlights. The first thing that most people have noted about the book is its atmosphere. This is a creepy, unsettling book, and if you live alone, or in an apartment building where you don’t know the tennants well, you might find yourself double checking the doors and windows. Sager does an excellent job at crafting this tone on uncertainty; we don’t know if the sounds Jules hears are real or just anxiety over a new place, we don’t know if there is a supernatural force haunting the Bartholomew or a series of unexplained coincidences. The Bartholemew is an old building, and it comes with an ugly past, as well as all the trappings of an old house; creaking floors, gaudy wallpapers, an ancient elevator and dark corridors. When I say gothic I truly mean it; the Bartholemew is a character on its own, and the oppressive, never outright hostile, but just creepy enough atmosphere that permeates it is reminiscent of the best moments in Fall of the House of Usher or Turn of the Screw. Like does examples, the supernatural is a constant, lingering threat. As stated, the building has a dark past, that involves murder, suicide, a cult and the Spanish flu. For a lot of its proceedings neither we nor Jules know if what is happening is real or she’s just imagining it. I myself was guessing constantly what might have been happening, and Sager throws in a lot of subtle twists that might throw you off or lead you in the wrong direction. The other gothic element was the class struggle, and this was what drew me in the most. I have noticed a trend in recent thrillers which is this focus on the upper classes, and exploring the horrible things that occur behind closed doors, beneath this veneer of prestige and wealth. This book does this in a way, but it firmly places its sympathies with the people who get to be trampled by the system that the wealth benefit from. Jules is poor; not only is she in a difficult financial situation after having several bad strokes of luck hit her one after another, but she has had a lower class upbringing and bad luck and the cusp of poverty follow her. I read a twitter thread from someone who commented that there is no cap on the amount of awful things that can happen in your lifetime and Jules is a well written example of that. I loved all the commentary on poverty, and living paycheck to paycheck. Sager really understands the struggle and why it’s so difficult and sometimes impossible to get out of that cycle. He understands and presents both the shame and guilt of being in that situation, the impotent anger of never being able to escape it and the judgement from others who have no idea what your situation or circumstances are but feel compelled to comment on it anyway. I loved so much on the commentary of class both on the micro level of Jules’ own feelings as well as the systematic way society keeps people in a constant struggle for survival. Speaking of Jules, she was by far my favorite protagonist I’ve read in a thriller. There was a lot of humanity to her and I rooted for her the whole time. I’m kind of sick of unlikable characters in thrillers; I want to want the character to survive and make it through and I wanted Jules to make it through. She was driven, resourceful, and flawed; she deffinitely made some dumb decisions out of panic or ignorance. But she was determined to find the truth and find her friend, and when she learned she was in danger she didn’t hesitate to leave. She also does the smart thing and calls the police right away; it doesn’t work, but man was it refreshing to see a character actually try it. I did have some issues in this book, and they were twofold; the first one is more of a minor gripe and the second one involves some spoilers. Let’s get the gripe out of the way first. Call me petty or too pedantic when it comes to men writing female characters, but I genuinely can’t stand when they have to bring in a woman’s sexuality or sexual history for no reason. While Jules is not a virgin, she is very virginal and Sager feels the need to call it out multiple times for no goddamn reason. She’s only slept with 3 guys and she feels GUILTY because her parents apparently have never even so much as looked at someone else. Why did we need to know this? Then after she has a sexual encounter with another character, we have to spend multiple pages on her excusing how it was the adrenaline, how she never does anything like this, how she was possessed by someone else to sleep with a hot guy she likes, how she’s just so plain that this would never happen, how she’s never done a walk of shame (??) It’s unnecessary and completely irrelevant to her character or the plot. Why couldn’t she just want to sleep with this man instead of having this weird focus on assuring us she’s in fact a ‘good, God honoring lady’, as if we couldn’t possibly find a woman who wants to have an active sex life as likable. The second thing is the reason this book is a 4, not 5 stars and it involves SPOILERS. Skip to the last paragraph if you don’t want to know. There are 2 twists in this book that have to do with what is actually happening at the Bartholemew. The first one involves a cult and it’s a red herring; the cult isn’t actually what’s happening, which is kind of a relief because I feel like that would have been a dumb call. The actual reason why the Bartholomew exists is because it’s a front for an organ harvesting operation that has been active since the 40’s. This on it’s own was a good reveal; what wasn’t was Nick having not 1 but 2 villain monologues in which he at length explains to Jules the entire history of the building, his family and why he does what he does. I am not kidding when I say his monologue would make a Bond villain cringe. Maybe Sager has never met a millionaire, but they don’t go around telling you they hate the lower classes and want to use their organs; there’s a lot more subtlety and coded language there. It reminded me of the villain in S.T.A.G.S. who also had this really dumb and badly written villain speech at the end, but at least his excuse was that he was 18. This man is in his 30’s. Overall, I think this was a very enjoyable and fast paced book. I did have some problems with the reveals, but overall I had fun, I was hooked and I had a real hard time sleeping after I finished it, which is how you know it had an impact.

goodreads   

lindsay ellis is great and all but she thinks anti-got folk are either book pedants or hipsters. she recognizes some of got's flaws but her pov seems to be that deliberating excluding yourself from possibly the largest collective fandom event ever is stupid; these are exciting times. most of that is agreeable but it's stuff like this that I'm sure reminds you guys it's not nice being in the minority and in earlier days made you think if you're being biased or blowing things out of proportion.

so you guys have been pretty brave is what i want to say. sure, the hype around got is really exciting, but if only the show maintained the standard of its first season, it wouldn’t feel so hollow. and btw, if anyone had any doubt if your sizing up of got’s writing room was correct, it surely was blown away within the first 5 minutes. immediate on the nose season 1 reference with random kid running around winterfell and arya smirking like “now we’re here” oof this is such a spoof

also, you’d imagine the first spoken words in the opener for their widely anticipated final season would be a result of a considerable amount of thinking. and what did they come up with? eunuch joke. imagine thinking tyrion’s “i have balls B)” punchline is fucking hilarious and then writing a set up for it. it was so obviously worked backward. like this is what they thought people who have watch parties in pubs should be cheering for going “haha omg this show is back”

Yeah, I saw her tweeting a bit of that. It’s definitely disappointing because I do love so many of her videos, and find them very well-researched and pretty sound in her approach to dissecting where something erred, or what its core message is. But then I also feel like she has these hot-takes about every six months that I very much disagree with (like her weird James Gunn shaped hill she picked to die on). I feel like her point here was that people should be allowed to consume problematic media even for ~lesser reasons~ like “aesthetic pleasure” which…sure, so long as you engage with flaws and listen to the voices hurt by programming. But no doubt it was dismissive.

Also the very serious structural problems of the show, misaligned character motivations to the plot, inconsistent characterization, full on retcons, and ultimate audience take-aways you would think would be a bit accessible to the person who tore apart Disney’s Hercules on the same basis, ya know?

My own disappointment aside though, I definitely don’t think what we do is brave. Like wow, I feel very unworthy of that praise. I just sort of accept that there’s a bit of cognitive dissonance people have when it comes to GoT (often the result of book projections, which I was totally guilty of until 4x09), and I’ve gotten good at ignoring the inevitable hype oozing out of every corner of social media, even from people who don’t normally talk about tv shows and movies. 

And I definitely still question myself if I’m blowing things out of proportion, lol. But sometimes the show is just the show! Like your example from the opening line…holy crap. What do people see in this?!

Frankly the dialogue yesterday about Sansa/Dany was one of those situations where I had to check myself. Because sometimes I think that “oh this is probably sexism” (in terms of anyone having issue with Sansa’s tone/words) is so like…basic and kind of dumb, that you wouldn’t think it’d even need to be expressed. But then when I saw people still struggling with what I was trying to argue (I wasn’t conveying it the clearest), I came to that “give her lines and tone to Tyrion” exercise. This is a super super weird show to talk about on the internet.

Finally, I try to avoid the term “gaslighting” with media, since I experienced gaslighting growing up, and “retconning” usually serves the same purpose. BUT. This show actively creates new motivations from season-to-season for characters, and tries to create rationalizations that make people forget how we got to where we were.

D&D talk in their interview about how Dany is doing this really nice thing for the North and is frustrated with the tepid reception, but that’s 100% NOT where we left Dany last year. She was honored at being given the North, and hoped she was worthy of Jon’s confidence in her, clearly thinking about winning everyone over. Not to mention Jon didn’t kneel “for the North” since Dany had ALREADY agreed to fight at that point. He kneeled because he believed his Lords would ‘come to see her for what she was.’

Now that’s all been put into a blender so we get fed cool sentiments like “how can you care about titles now?!” and we can nod and think about how small-minded everyone is being, but no…the actions to which people are taking issue were never particularly justified, and if titles don’t matter, then why was it necessary to kneel at all?

Sorry, this answer was all over the place. The show is…not good, and in a way that makes me need to pull receipts on their own damn writing from just two episodes prior. Yeah, it might be enjoyable aesthetically, but calling critics “hipsters” (even jokingly) just doesn’t feel particularly reasonable.