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nerves-nebula · 1 year

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a gift i made in like an hour don’t judge it too harshly it’s like midnight and i’m procrastinating studying for my finals 🙏

⚠️TW⚠️: CSA, incest, child abuse

*throws this and runs away*

the day started badly.

it was warm, and for the first time in a while there was some food in the fridge, leo wasn’t throwing a bitch-fit and the lair should still be clean from his duties last night.

but none of that mattered.

because dad was upset.

and when dad was upset, everyone was upset.

he tried to ignore it, tried to let the droning, mindless creature take control of his body, take control of his mind so he didn’t have to, so he could relax. but he couldn’t. every time the man’s footsteps dragged across the cool concrete floors, raph’s shoulders would tense.

his ears would tune in to any move, any noise that would clue splinter into a sudden rage so he could be a step ahead of him. the presence would drag him back to consciousness every time.

just another thing he’s forced to do.

the steam from the pot below him warmed his cold hands, defrosted the ice buried in the grooves of his fingers as he added ingredients and stirred with precision so natural, it might as well have been mechanical.

twice left.

once right.

the liquid boiled beneath him, softly bubbling against the confines of the walls the pot held it in. the heat pricked his fingers uncomfortably.

twice left.

once right.

someone was making noise. voices. the familiar words from his siblings were muffled behind the lairs doors.

mikey and leo. donnie wouldn't be out of his room yet.

twice left.

once right.

a heart beat quickly in the chest he resided in, pumping adrenaline through his veins. the voices were getting louder. they’d be yelling soon.

twice left.

…

how many times right?

green hands shook around the wooden spoon, no longer circling the pot. the soup bubbled fiercely beneath him, hypnotic to his eyes as he stared at the concoction.

one.

two.

pop.

the corners of his vision flickered hazily to static. his gaze didn’t move.

one.

two.

pop.

“-god, you can be such a dick sometimes!”

“don’t get upset because i take training more seriously than you!”

one.

two.

pop.

“training? you think this is about training?”

“what else would it be about? it’s not like you can contribute anything else of worth to this clan!”

one.

two.

pop.

“maybe i don’t wanna be a part of the clan! maybe i should just take MY brothers and leave!”

one.

“oh, cause that worked so well last time! i know you have the IQ of a goldfish, mikey, but don’t you remember you got caught?”

two.

“because you don’t want us to leave, but you don’t want us around either! leo, what the fuck do you want us to do? it’s not our fault you’re fucking psychotic! if you weren’t such an asshole then-”

“can you two SHUT UP!”

pop.

silence fell in the sewer. the air was still, charged with a current of anticipated anxiety. his breath left him in pants, hands shaking under the white knuckle grip against the lip of the counter.

his veins flooded with ice, jolting through his fingers and toes, melting down the nerves of his legs. his face was flushed red earth radiated from his cheeks.

he heard a door close somewhere in the house.

his breath caught in his throat, a quiet, struggled whine leaving his lips instead as the oxygen cut itself off.

a pair of footsteps dragged slowly closer, agonizingly slow. patient, like he had all the time in the world, like no matter how long he took, what he was looking for would still be there when he arrived.

he would. he knew he wouldn’t run even if he could. his feet stayed planted against the concrete.

“red.”

his blood went cold.

“follow me.”

he could see leo and mikey in the corner of his vision, peaking around the corner of the door frame. mikey’s breathing was strained and subtle, watching with panicked eyes.

leo was silent.

he desperately tried to wrangle a breath into his constrained lungs, as he turned off the heated stove with shaky hands. splinters back was to him. somehow that made everything more demeaning.

he lowered his gaze to scowl at the ground. splinter walked casually, almost nonchalantly towards the dojo, and raph felt his heart freeze again.

the door slid open with a creaking ‘whoosh’, and raph obediently closed it behind him, much to his dismay.

splinter walked to the head of the room, his usual place in front of a faded mural depicting the hamato clan through the ages. the paint was dull and chipping, the faces too worn down to make out anything other than initial basic features.

it still made him feel watched.

“kneel.”

raph knelt at his father's feet, face hot with rage and shame boiling under the surface of his skin.

he tried to let the parasitic creature in his mind dig it’s claws into his frontal lobe, stabbing a razor sharp tail into his hippocampus to blind his memory from whatever was about to happen.

he stayed in control.

“what,” splinters voice was low and dangerous, a facade of calm masking the brewing storm beneath the words. “was so important, you had to disturb me with your pointless whining?”

was raph supposed to speak? was that his cue? was this a trick question?

he opened his mouth to stumble over a useless explanation, but he was cut off sharply before anything could leave his beak.

“well? i’m waiting!”

“i just- mikey and leo were- “

a sigh quieted him instantly, his mouth snapping shit with an audible ‘click’.

“red, you understand you’re lucky, yes?”

“…yes sensei.”

“do you know what my father would have done to me if i did the same stunt you just pulled?”

trick question.

“he would have been much crueler with his punishment, sensei.”

“good.”

a thin, clawed hand landed on his shoulder, the grimy fur felt rough against his skin.

the hand rubbed gently, back and forth on his scales, and he cut his airway off, closing his throat to stop the anxious, distressed churr from leaving his mouth.

“red. you’re a good student.”

…

what?

“you’re strong, you have potential to serve this clan well. you could be a ferocious ninja one day.”

raph stayed silent. there was no manual for how to navigate this.

“do you know why i’m so hard on you?”

“…no sensei..?”

like a switch, the clawed hand dug into his flesh, and a whimper bubbled in his throat. he fought it down, along with the vomit churning in his stomach.

“it’s because while you have physical qualities the hamato clan prides themselves in, you are a disaster mentally.”

i wonder who’s fault that is.

“you are disobedient, your self control lacks anything of worth, you’re too quick to anger, and you are nothing this clan stands by. why haven’t you fixed this yet? why do you cling to the resolve of your flaws so desperately?”

“…sensei i- “

“and that’s another one of your issues! you’re impatient and disrespectful.” the grip on his shoulder loosened a fraction, sharp claws retracting from his skin. a shallow breath escaped his lips.

“look at me.”

the hand trailed lower.

no.

ice clotted in his veins, his muscles tensed under pale, flushed skin.

“dad i don’t- “

“that’s your problem,” the rat hissed through his teeth, eyes narrow and daring. “you think you get a say.”

his claws hit the ridge of his plastron, and he lightly trailed his hand along the ledge.

raph was gonna puke.

he couldn’t do this again.

“you think you’re in control of things you can’t even comprehend,” splinter seethed, running his finger through the dip down the middle of his front, roughly where his chest would have been.

acid green eyes stayed locked on the ground, and he prayed splinter couldn’t feel the frantic drum of his heart in his chest. the man shifted, crouch down closer to the ground.

“tell me,” he demanded. “tell me who’s in control.”

…

“you, sensei.”

“tell me who you owe your life to; who gave you a roof over your head and food on your table, who you would be dead without?”

“you sensei.”

“and yet you act so ungrateful. all i want is one day of peace and quiet, but you can’t go one minute without whining and complaining, can you?”

“…”

“i asked you a question!”

he angrily blinked the tears out of his eyes, face flushing in shame and humiliation as his body lit a distressed fire through his skin, the furry hand landing roughly on the skin of his thigh.

“…no sensei,” he whispered. his voice broke pathetically as he futility attempted to steady his trembling breath.

his eyes caught sight of his other hand in his peripheral vision, before it settled on his chin, aggressively ripping his chin up, forcing their gazes to meet.

“i’m feeling generous today. you get one more chance.” his breath was hot and acidic where it hit leathered green skin. “don’t waste it. if you pull shit like this again, i’m going to pull you back in here, and show you who really has the poser here. is that what you want?”

he fought desperately to keep his eyes dry and connected with his fathers, pitifully steadying his shaking breath.

“no, sensei.”

“yeah, that’s what i thought. are you going to be good?”

“yes sensei.”

all at once, the hands left him, and his lungs took a greedy breath of grateful, relieved air.

splinter didn’t give him the time of day, casually walking towards the doors of the dojo. “i expect dinner on the table when i get back out there. you have five minutes.”

the door shut, locking the room in an oppressive silence.

his feet were shaky and unsteady beneath him as he stumbled back onto his legs, patting towards the door.

mikey didn’t meet his eyes when he saw him on his way towards the kitchen, but the sight of tears glistening along the path they dropped off his face set in an emotion raph couldn’t name a light in his chest.

leo glanced at him from the couch, expression blank and untelling. he said nothing, just pursing his lips and looking away from him, a fleeting, subtle look of guilt flashing through his eyes.

the soup was already dished out when he got to the kitchen. the dishes were drying on the rack.

he could have sworn his bowl was more full than it should have been.

he didn’t take the time to linger on the thought as the skittering sound of footsteps hitting the concrete floor bounced off the walls.

the rest of the night passed in a haze. only blurry images whipping through his mind at any chance of recollection he attempted to take.

the mattress under him was ratty and old, but the cotton inside of it provided a familiar comfort as he lay in the dip his body had worn over time.

the day started badly. the lair was warm with sunlight; the food was fresh in the fridge.

but the feeling of grime under his skin was just as present, and it would last far longer than some fucking food.

i don’t know how to write splinter man, all i know is that he’s a piece of shit who craves control cause he lost the control of his own life 😭

uh. ur welcome?

HEY. HEY. LOOK AT ME. WHEN I FINISHED THIS I SAT BACK AND ACTUALLY SCREAMED "AAAH. FUCKK" OUT LOUD. THIS IS. THIS MAKES ME FEEL. AUGHSAUGHAH ??? I HAD TO ILLUSTRATE HOW THIS MADE ME FEEL CAUSE THERE WAS NO BETTER WAY TO DO IT I. I. AUGHHHHHH.

#nnstuff #ask #teenage mutant neglected turtles #neglected fic #FOR REAL THO THIS CAME AT A PERFECT TIME IREALLY NEEDED THIS THANK YOU #csa tw #incest tw #sa tw #child abuse tw #abuse tw #tmnt raph #tmnt splinter #nnart

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zurazakis · 3 months

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WAITTT i wanna hear abt the 3h or engage s/is if ud be willing to talk abt them !! - @dmclr

omg HI! !!! ! ! !! ! ! ! my sillies! okay i will put words under the cut teehee (trying to not pass out while typing)

unfortunate news this is gonna be a huge ramble that makes very little sense i'm a few paragraphs in & it's so... um.

so ! korn is. kornseide elfenbein eryn. note the last name. i like the multidimensional fuckery fire emblem likes to do here & there so this one's essentially a chrobin fankid that's been sent to the three houses universe as a child lmao. & he's a cat beast unit! which do not exist in three houses much to my chagrin, but this is my way of changing the facts. & no one can stop me. also yes this does imply in my version of events robin is a catboy. he's also transgender. but that's a whole other story for another time

korn was found & taken in by seteth upon landing in fodlan, like... very dramatic scenario of the terrified child running for his life from an unspecified threat & running into this guy who instantly becomes a father figure. not intentionally. seteth just suffers it bc this kid has Latched onto him hard & he has a good heart

he gets to travel a fair bit for enrichment as he grows & ends up meeting a fair few members of the cast during said travels, notably raphael (the #bestie!!!!), dorothea, ashe, & of course lorenz & claude. back at garreg mach he doesn't really get to associate with seteth too much publicly not bc seteth doesn't want people to know he adopted this kid but bc this kid did a 180° & now finds his dad whom he chose himself deeply embarrassing so he pretends he's just like... a kid who works there. hangs with the ashen wolves. finds deep kinship w constance. thinks hapi's the coolest fucking person to walk the planet. so on so forth.

back to the main topic. um! when we get to the point of the game he kind of. he doesn't enroll! he uh, can't really. seteth won't let flayn in & he certainly won't let him in either. it's fine though. he sneaks into classes constantly or pretexts really urgently needing to clean the classroom so he can listen in on what's going on & learn more about the history of the world, as well as like. combat theory. he can't really get into practice so he practices by begging raphael to fight him every so often & yes he gets his shit rocked everytime

basically he's a silly guy who makes friends pretty easily. he doesn't really think. he has no clue he's from another world. hapi gave him a beaststone once & neither of them realise that's what's making him transform into a big fuckoff kitty creature she just gave him an item that made her think of him. he also lies a lot & he does it horribly bc he's not good at lying & he doesn't like lying but he feels like he'll get in trouble if he doesn't so he does. one thing that's i have failed to mention thus far though is that he has a strong sense of right & wrong so he kinda gets harsher during the timeskip? he can still be silly & jokies & whatnot but he's also like... a lot less lenient & forgiving. very one track mind. needless to say there's a point in time where he can't help but be heavily upset with seteth

now delfin... beast unit 2! !!! admittedly i do not have a lot for him in the way of backstory aside from "yea he worked at firene castle most of his time alive" but he is so personality... something about my s/is is that they tend to be guyfailures which says a lot about Me. & yeah he is no exception. clumsy bastard man who hides a lot. he can be found cowering in horse stalls whenever he messes something up. saddest soggiest cat around

he's pretty good at handling manual labour all things considered & gets along great with the horses. he's generally pretty good with animals but horses just Get Him man. he definitely bonds with amber over their connection to animals, & thinks zelkov caring for children as much as he does is "way too cute". he wanted to be upset with hortensia for a bit when she joined the party but. he could not. lmao. yunaka & alear are such #thebestie characters for him, but louis is like. THE childhood friend. louis will peoplewatch while he's just sitting there loafing next to him glaring at everyone but actually he's zoned the hell out. chloe is like a little sister to him

he doesn't, really have much stakes in the plot aside from like, "oh this is bad we should stop it"? he's here to hang out & do his job & also yearn horribly. yunaka & louis have found him hiding in a barrel after he interacted with boucheron once.....

oh also do NOT give him an emblem ring he will treat it the way cats treat laser pointers & probably land himself in the pool with a miserable yowl

i . .. realise i have nearly entirely avoided elaborating on the selfship dynamics specifically . um . i know why (worried what i will come off as if i do that) & it's a shame but i am not fixing that .. yet

#asks #dmclr #femblemposting #selfship tag #<- new guy!!!!!#i Do want to elaborate on the selfship dynamics but i think they deserve their own posts.. maybe #i also didn't want this to get even longer #thank you for the ask i . ;; ireally need to get better at talking about my s/is & ocs & whatnot... this helps a lot

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