Regarding the whole "Fandom Is An Escape, so why should I have to care this much about misogyny/racism/ableism/transphobia/etc." thing. Idk about the rest of you, but it gets kind of hard for me to "escape" when I keep seeing people say the same vile things about characters who share aspects of my identity that I hear all the time in real life.

My Nico Psychological Analysis

I’m interested in psychology, I don’t study but do analysis fictional characters like Nico Kim. Once take you a deeper took Nico’s character, analyzing many serious scenes, you could you have a better understand of this characters 

Nico is a classic Grey’s Anatomy character. I put him in a category for characters who suffer life long of trauma and abuse before Seattle Grace Mercy Death. The others include Jo Wilson, Alex Karev, and Meredith Grey. Characters like Callie Torres, Arizona Robbins, Lexie Grey, Mark Sloan, Amelia Shepherd, the others aren’t in this category because they didn’t suffer life long trauma and abuse. 

Let start the beginning of Nico’s time on the show, to back the episode, season 15 episode 1, With a Wonder and a Wild Desire. When Nico was of the 2 new hot ortho surgeons. The episode where sweet Levi started to fall in love with him. How he got nervous around him. From Joe’s Bar to the odd Ortho case to the kiss the in elevator.

When the poor boy said that was this was his first kiss with a man,  said Nico “ I done my coming out already, I can’t go through this again”. Many people think that this is the same as Ms. Arizona Robbins but Arizona never connected Callie being a newborn lesbian or bisexual to her coming out. This could’ve mean that he came out fairly recently but it didn’t go well. 

Then next, he said this, “ This is exactly what I didn't want, I don’t need the drama, the hurt feeling, the freshly coming out, I don’t need the shame spiral”. Maybe this to could be implied to how he felt himself.  He also said “ Look your sweet, I can’t you guide to of the closet like a gay Sherpa”.  When he said that he can’t guide him out of the closet, this could heavily mean to his parents which he does not have any experience or willingness to do for his.

 Dr. Grey narration are very inspirational. Like where Levi is trying to put in contract, she said this, “we’re afraid of look of not being of tough”. This could mean to Nico too.

 Okay, Nico got mad when Levi didn’t tell his mom but didn’t he never said anything the sounds like push him to come out. Many people understood this said Nico doesn’t want Levi to hidden from his mom. It’s true these thing also depend the type of family you have. When Levi told him his reason Nico understood because the reasons are good.

Just like how Levi collapse when in sight of blood, Nico’s things could two thing could causing patient death like to Josh in one. You could see the fear, the guilt in his eyes. Something like having a nail get stuck in brain, it cause neurological problem. This could mental and emotional problem for Nico.  Dealing with that you he think he’ll okay. The song they delivered the news the Josh’s grandpa, it sang i’m feeling so small, small could mean helpless and weak, something Nico might’ve felt. When  Just like how Levi collapse when in sight of blood, Nico’s could two thing could causing patient death like to Josh. When he could see the fear, the guilt in his eyes. Something like having a nail in brain, it cause neurological problem. This could mental and emotional for Nico. If dealing with that you he think he’ll okay. The song they delivered the news the Josh’s grandpa, it sang i’m so small, small could helpless and weak, something Nico might’ve felt. When told him Levi told him that the saved the dying fire chief life it made how he would react to that. Remembers Levi just surgical intern saved a fire chief life while he, a fellow/attending killed some college student to do the math. 

I don’t Link knows anything about Nico but it seem that Nico needs time to process things. When Helm and Richard made jokes about dude breaking ass, that is funny but remembers that Nico’s did that he doesn’t want to kill patient again. Link mention his attitude it’s there pretty obvious wrong. When was that patient that gain her the ability to move her again everyone was while he lowkey seem  to experience FOMO. When mentioned it to Levi it’s like he never experience the kind of thing his life. Asian including my people, emotionally reserved. While watching that sad movie, he said to your amazing. He finally felt with he wanted to feel. His clearly who strong-spirited told his mom all his own. That cry also guilt being for as strong-spirited as Levi is.

Season 16 has very nice Schmico until the trial. I have this theory reason his was in his phone is because of the text. His parents visit could’ve planned at that point, but since gonna happened later Nico was very loving to Levi. When after his mom house Nico acted little for like off. I would if your parent are coming the boyfriend that they didn’t know. 

When he did told him the truth, the shame spiral doubled he seemed more ashamed now because he didn’t tell him.

He when said his parent are critical, pretty much mean strict, which Nico second thing. That two thing that mention Nico isn’t that egoistical. it’s seem more like trigger effect anything else.

The snowstorm where it all went to hell.  Jo Wilson is kinda of bitch to Levi, Levi tries to patient who could’ve killed someone, and oh yeah, the on-call scene, not a scene to for Nico. Nico just sex doesn’t describe his the depth of his character. Callie also wanted to sex after the plane crash incident while Arizona is still recovering. The family seem to go hell too. People are saying Nico emotion abusing Levi. That talk about like self-worth and if it is emotional how you think Nico would that. Nico probably emotional abuse himself. But he remain somewhat civil even during the break up his words were respectful.

Season 17, he didn’t see much of Nico’s character this season, but had better understand of him. Nico seemed hesitant to talk to Levi. he is always the guilt and fear in him. 

But clearly understood that Levi wasn’t doing well, the closet it was for Levi more and something to him feel better.

The episode things are very awkward, yeah in just blown him, not if he’s proud of that. 

Don’t listen to  Jo she was worst as Nico back in during her domestic abuse drama. Put Jo seem to have impact on Nico. She said might’ve him as in his worth as partner. Seem like he went outside to break things before could get worse. But when Levi made the right decision, seemingly assured the he isn’t a bad partner. 

The day of Deluca’s memorial, Nico said said his go to feelings for things like in numb. Numb means not feeling anything which feel focus habit caused by family or trauma.

Levi changed, we didn’t see much, but how many times have they hooked up? how many time did Levi give a monologue? There could’ve plenty of offscreen character development going. 

When Nico ask Levi move to it’s because he gotten to point Levi made feel comfortable. 

I’m glad Levi chose Nico, he deserves him so much, he deserves ever good and health in life. I hoping Mason Post is gone because having a triangle would break Nico mind and love in million pieces it’s gonna for Levi the get again if  this happened.

Orientation Talk

Alastor realizes he and Telly @usedhearts have, in fact, never discussed with each other how they see their sexualities. Which seems like a rather important thing to know about the person you're dating.

From there they segue into talking about their experiences with antemortem queer communities and drag.

Alastor

The door slams open. “SEXUALITY!” Apparently this is how Alastor is saying “hello” today. “That’s the word of the decade, isn’t it! Everyone wants to know what everyone else’s sexuality is! There’s thirty new labels and all of them are color-coded!” A wave of his hands and a bunch of magical miniature pride flags flutter around like confetti and then disappear. “And for all that, I’ve made the ghastly error of just—taking for granted that I already know yours! So!” He looks around. He got through that monologue confident that Telly is, in fact, in the room, without actually checking.

THERE he is. “So!!” Alastor crosses the room to plop a hand on Telly’s shoulder. “You... what do you consider yourself? Anything in particular? You ARE inclined toward both ladies and gentlemen, aren’t you?”

Sir Pentious

At the slamming door and the sudden shout, Telly's hood flares and he lets out a mighty hiss!! Look at him, how scary!!!

Oh, it was just Alastor. Alastor asking about his.... sexuality? Well, alright, that was new.

"Yes, of course. I thought that would be plain to see? I think the modern term is 'bisexual'? Yes." His head tilted. "Why the sudden interest, darling?"

Alastor

“Well, I thought you were!” A shrug! “But your alternate thought you’re only inclined toward men, so...!” ANOTHER SHRUG. “I thought I ought to check.”

Sir Pentious

There was a slight, momentary BWUAGH at that revelation-- Penny had thought he was only into men? How? But he shook away the thought to focus back on the conversation.

"For a while I thought I might, honestly-- be just into men, that is. But well...." He smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "Ladies...."

Alastor

Alastor nodded slowly in comprehension.

Then shook his head slowly. No. The nod was a lie. He didn’t comprehend. “I’ll take your word for it.”

Sir Pentious

"I always liked ladies, but the only one I truly fancied before I died was Olivia. But well we....you know. And then I fell for George." A shrug. "So until I died, I didn't really think of it. And then after, it wasn't really important for a good, oh, decade or so."

Another shrug. "What about you?"

Alastor

He nodded again, taking mental notes. So that was attraction without the full-blown romantic feelings? Outside of Hollywood, attraction was such a mysterious, malleable thing—

—oh, but now Telly wanted to know about *Alastor’s* mysterious malleable thing. At least Alastor’s was a lot smaller. “Well, that depends! Would you extrapolate an orientation from a sample size of one?”

Sir Pentious

Telly tilts his head, thinking about it. "Not really? If there's only one, than that's an outlier and shouldn't be counted."

Alastor

"That's generally what I think about it! And going by that, my preferences are for none of the above, thanks, I'm just fine—which these days I'm told is called 'aromantic and asexual'—you need both those terms, apparently—which, sure, fine, they get the job done. But you *do* have to throw out that outlier."

Sir Pentious

Telly thought a moment. "Am....I the outlier? Or, rather, Sir Pentiouses?"

His head tilted, his claw tapping at his chin. "Hmmm..."

Alastor

"Yes, sir, you are." A crooked smile. "So, count the outlier, and I'm stone cold gay. All the people I've ever been attracted to have been men, all one of 'em. So, it depends on the qualifying criteria for all the different terms—and that's out of my hands. The terms belong to other people, not me."

Sir Pentious

"Well, the terms are there for you to slap on yourself and say 'this is me'. But if you don't wish to slap any on, then, who can _make_ you? No one!" Telly smirked, leaning closer to kiss the tip of his nose.

"It'sss none of anyone elssse'ss business anyway! You don't want anything with anyone but me, that's fine by me." He snickered.

Alastor

Alastor shakes his head. “No, no—the terms don’t exist for slapping on yourself, they exist for showing off to other people. That’s the *only* reason they exist. It’s like a soldier wearing a uniform—you don’t wear one because you like it, you wear one to ensure your side doesn’t shoot at you and that you get let into the mess hall for food. The terms tell other people which groups you belong to. It’s the business of the groups to decide which criteria qualify individuals for membership, and the business of the individuals to learn the criteria and whether or not they qualify. So that’s the question, see. Not ‘am I gay’ but ‘would the gays consider me gay.’” He slings an arm around Telly’s neck—not for any particular reason, he just feels like hanging off of Telly. “Personally, I don’t much care, but! You asked about me, and those are the closest labels I can get without knowing how the population at large handles outlier cases.” He shrugs.

Sir Pentious

"Perhaps more research is required. I'm _sure_ you're not the ONLY person to ever exist who's been like this when it came to romance and sex." He flicked his tongue against Alastor's cheek. Get licked.

"I find the term bisexual works for me. And I say that whatever you are, I like it. The terms change so much, who's to say if we will not have new ones in a few decades anyway!"

Alastor

“What, a man who fell for one man but nobody else? Oh, I’m sure there’s been more! There’s certainly enough pulp novels about them. Although they’re usually about repressed men having their gay awakening. I don’t think that applies to me—I considered that I might be inclined toward men long before I considered that I might be inclined toward no one.”

He gets licked. That shouldn’t make his heart flutter, *and yet.* Just ignore how goofy his smile looks for a couple seconds, he’s TRYING to focus here. “Oh, I’m sure we will! They’ve got to reshuffle all the categories every couple decades or so, haven’t they? In my time I would have gone by ‘confirmed bachelor.’ Told people exactly what to expect from you without telling them a thing about what you got up to. Category X was my favorite descriptor, though—it sounds like something out of a science fiction horror picture show.”

He leans more heavily on Telly while he gestures with his free hand, like he’s indicating the words on a movie poster: “‘The Mystery of Category X!’ ‘The X Category from Outer Space!’ ‘You can run, but you can’t hide, from... Category X!’” He laughs, then glances up at Telly. “I suppose you haven’t always gone by ‘bisexual’ either?”

Sir Pentious

"I like that one, too. Category X has pizzazz!" He let out a hissing laugh, squishing his cheek into Alastor's.

"Oh, certainly not, I don't think they had a term for it in my day! I started hearing it sometime in the 1900s, I'm not sure when exactly." Telly shrugged briefly.

"I never really encountered anyone else who was like me, at least not one that I wasn't ensconced with at the time! I never had that sort of 'community', I suppose."

Alastor

“Really? No one?” Had Telly died thinking he and George were the only men in the world who wanted to sleep with other men? No, that couldn’t be possible—he was an upper-class gent, surely he’d at least read Greek poetry and such? Homer? “Never crossed paths with Oscar Wilde’s crowd?”

Sir Pentious

A slight BWUAGH at the mention of Wilde and Telly blinked rapidly. "Wilde? No? He was an artist, I was an engineer. We hardly ran in the same circles. I was also a recluse and generally only socialized, when forced, with people that my mother approved of, and she certainly did NOT approve of him."

He snorted and shook his head. "Probably thought he would've queered me up even more, if we had crossed paths."

Alastor

“Hah! I suppose that makes sense. Inventors and and entertainers aren’t frequent bedfellows, are they?” A wink; yes, he realizes the irony. “I suppose I’m the lucky one—I fell in with the *theater crowd.* From 1922 on, the only straight people I knew were my mother and my coworkers, and I’m not sure about my coworkers!” He laughs. “No, that’s an exaggeration. Not by much.”

Sir Pentious

"Ah yes, _actors_ the bane of my parents' existence! How they loved to talk about how _actors_ 'corrupted the youth' and all that hogwash! Looking back, it's funny to think about." He laughed again, leaning against Alastor.

"But tell me more about it, I'm dreadfully curious."

Alastor

“And they were *right!* Why, I hung out with actors in my youth, and look where I am now!” He gestured around himself. At Telly’s room. “... I meant ‘in Hell,’ but our present surroundings don’t quite convey that, do they.” He laughed.

“What, the theater crowd? Or the queer crowd? Granted, there’s a lot of overlap...”

Sir Pentious

"And yes, I, who never did, am also here! Though perhaps that is more because of the whole murder and blowing up half of London thing." He laughed more.

"Oh both! Or either! I don't know much about either one, both sound fascinating."

Alastor

“Well, if you weren’t hanging out with *actors,* I guess all that murder is the only explanation left, isn’t it?”

Oh, if only they had the time to sit together while Alastor told Telly every single detail of both his theater career and the queer scenes he’d been involved in—and then the rest of his life—and then get Telly to share every detail of *his* life. But for now, he’d have to narrow it down.

“When I first got involved in New York City, the scene was a little bit of both—theater *and* queer! The crowd I fell in with was very performance-oriented. You know, drag balls, that sort of thing. They started drawing in tourists, even! Straight folks would pay money to come to the balls and be entertained by the men in dresses—that was how we were referred to then, ‘female impersonators’ they were called. If I ran into the souls I knew back then today, I think some would still consider themselves that, but others by now might consider themselves transsexual women who decided to make a show out of their transformations—but those weren’t different categories yet. All of us wore trousers at our day jobs and wore skirts at parties, and that made us the same as each other, even if our private reasons for putting on a skirt were different.”

He’d let go of Telly and started pacing around as he spoke, gesturing, playing snips of party music, briefly summoning up shades wearing the silhouettes of elaborate gowns, dancing with them for a measure or two. “It was such a big tourist draw that if you showed up with a skirt and an Adam’s apple, you could get into a ball at a discount! It was a *thrilling* party scene, but... well, it was a party scene.” The energy of the music and shadows started dying, like a wound-up music box slowing down. “It got exhausting. New York wore me out. Or I wore myself out in New York—one or the other.”

Sir Pentious

Telly watched the show-- and what a show it was! Alastor was always the entertainer, even now, with an audience of one. He settled onto his coils, eyes following Alastor's every gesture, smiling when he twirled with shades.

"Yes, it _does_ sound like that would get exhausting after a while! I could hardly stand the stuffy balls that I went to in my day, I can't even imagine what ones intended for FUN must've been like, especially doing it all the time." He set his chin on his hands, now resting on his tail.

"What about New Orleans? What was it like there? More parties?"

Alastor

“No! Well, *some*—it *was* the twenties—but it wasn’t like New York’s scene. All the masculine women and feminine men sort of clustered together in the *Vieux Carré*—now *there* was where the *artists* hung out—and you’d have your speakeasies and your rowdy nights, but it wasn’t a *spectacle.* New Orleans was very laid back, always had been.” And just talking about it, Alastor looked more laid back himself—less frantically energetic and more comfortable. Like he’d actually *come* home instead of just talking about it. He even stopped waltzing around and plopped down on Telly’s coils.

“They were very French about the whole thing, which primarily meant ‘mind your own business.’” He laughed, conjuring up a shadow pantomime of a couple of gossips whispering to each other. “Try to tell one neighbor about spotting another with his tongue down a man’s throat, and the neighbor’s more likely to be offended that you’re spreading this around than they are to be offended at what the other neighbor’s been up to.” One of the gossips silently scolded the other for bringing up the subject, and then the shadows dissolved. “It wasn’t wholehearted *love,* by any means—but you get a little extra privacy when nobody wants to know about everyone else’s affairs. That’s what New Orleans was like.”

Sir Pentious

Telly hummed, nodding along. "Yes, that sounds better to me too. I like the New Orleans way, but then again, I always did like the French!"

He laughed a little. "That's not very English of me, is it? I should hate the French! But here I am, with a French lover-- or at least, French adjacent. How scandalous!" Another, louder laugh, as he wrapped his arms around Alastor's waist.

Alastor

“A *French lover!* Me!” He laughed loudly. “Well, aren’t we a pair fit for a saucy short story! You could be the unworldly English student studying abroad in Paris, and I’d be the pretty French girl who keeps throwing you come-hither looks. You’d fall for my mysterious sexual allure and I’d fall for your... you know, none of those short stories ever explain what it is the French girls see in the English students. Probably because they tend to be written by British men.”

He tapped Telly’s chest, “Did they have those stories when you were alive? There’s this *one* author I read who only wrote two things: bone-chilling horror, and artists falling in love with nubile young French girls. I couldn’t *stand* when he wrote about French girls.”

Sir Pentious

Telly couldn't help laughing at that. "Oh, sounds like every young man I knew who went to spend a year abroad. They _all_ wanted a French mistress, or an Italian one, though those seemed to be harder to come by."

His head tilted as he thought. "It's not ringing a bell, but I'm sure if I saw his name I would recognize him. I've always been a fan of horror." He flicked out his tongue. "But back on topic! You joined in with the balls and such in New York, but what about in New Orleans?"

Alastor

Alastor dragged his head back from trying to remember the name of a war story by the same author and an entirely unrelated book about a *male* French lover—to be continued later, maybe—and back to the question at hand. New Orleans balls?

“Oh, New Orleans didn’t have balls, not like New York. Not that I got invited to, anyway. There were *professional* ‘female impersonators’—they were on stages all across the country in the twenties—but that was show business. In the *Vieux Carré* bars, anyone dressed unusually was doing it for themselves rather than for an audience.”

Sir Pentious

"Did you ever join in there?" His head tilted, and he flicked his tongue at Alastor. A fully captivated snake, that's what he had on his hands right now.

Alastor

“In *New Orleans?* Goodness, no! Far too close to home! It was Prohibition! What if the Mabel men came knocking? If my mother had to see me locked up in a cell, I wanted to give her as few questions to ask me as possible!” He laughed. “Anyway, the New York scene burned me out for the next couple of decades. Once I left the North, I didn’t pick it up again until I’d been dead a while.”

Sir Pentious

"What, the 'female impersonation'? Or just generally being more openly a part of queer spaces?" Cue a head tilt, but this time in the OTHER direction. Such versatility.

Alastor

“Female impersonation—although I don’t like to call it that when I do it. I’m not trying to impersonate a female, I’m... well, whatever I’m doing.” A vague shrug. Thoughts. “I prefer ‘drag.’ It... implies less about one’s motivations, I suppose.”

Sir Pentious

When Alastor said that, something finally clicked in Telly's mind and he sat up suddenly, letting out a loud "Oh!"

"SO _THAT'S_ WHAT DRAG IS! I'D BEEN MEANING TO ASK YOU AT THE BALL BUT WE GOT, WELL, DISTRACTED!" He laughed.

Alastor

“Y... you didn’t know—?” Alastor blinked at him, then wheezed in laughter. “Telly, *mon roi,* YOU were in drag!”

Sir Pentious

Telly rolled his eyes (all of them) and crossed his arms, giving a huff. "YES, I KNOW THAT _NOW_. BUT AT THE TIME, I HADN'T HEARD THE TERM BEFORE! OR I HAD AND JUST NEVER CONNECTED IT TO THE WHOLE SUBCULTURE OR SOME SUCH THING!"

A couple more huffs. Huff huff. And then he settled. And he pouted.

Alastor

Oh no, not the pouting. Alastor tried *very hard* to stop laughing. “Well—“ a giggle escaped, “—you know now.”

Sir Pentious

He huffed again but then relaxed a little more, reaching to take Alastor's hand and play with his fingers.

"Well, you've seen ME in drag, when do I get to see _you_ in it, hm?"

Alastor

“Oh?” THAT got Alastor to stop laughing, although it didn’t do a thing to banish the mischievous sparkle in his eyes. “In ten minutes, if you want.”

Sir Pentious

Telly's tongue stuck out and he blinked, before grinning. "Really? Just ten minutes? Doesn't it usually take a long time to get into drag? I mean, it took me _hours_ to get fully ready, and that was before the paint!"

He chuckled.

Alastor

“It depends on how you do it. I’m a bit more minimalist in my approach.” He was going to take that as a request to see. He winked, slid off of Telly’s coils, and ducked into the false bathroom to change. He slipped of his shoes and used them to wedge the door a couple inches open so they could keep talking. “It’s why I can’t get into the whole drag *scene.* It gets so competitive! Even more than it was in the twenties! Some crowds are laid back about it, but other crowds treat you like you’re going to get scored 1 to 10 on how feminine you are and your objective should be to hit a 12—and then other crowds still actually *will* score you. And oh, it’s a fantastic show to *watch*—but that’s not why I do it. And not how I want to do it.”

Sir Pentious

"Hmm. Yes, I think I agree with you there. I wouldn't want to be scored on something like that." He made a face-- not that Alastor could see. Telly leaned against the bed, chin resting on his arms.

"I do think it would be fun to watch, though-- maybe we can see if there's ones to watch here in Hell sometime!"

Alastor

“Oh, sure, there are drag shows and balls all the time! Competitive and otherwise. Just let me know what kind you want to see, and if I don’t know where one’s happening within a month I’ll know somebody else who does.”

Sir Pentious

"Perhaps sometime in the future, both our schedules are fairly full currently!" He chuckled.

"I never thought of drag as a performance before, but after the masquerade, I can see why some would want to put on a show! It seems fun..."

Alastor

“Maybe in a few years you’ll be the one getting on stage!” Running water sound~ He’s got to wash out and restyle his hair. In the sink, apparently. “When did you start doing drag? Surely the masquerade wasn’t your first time?”

Sir Pentious

He hummed again, giving a soft sigh.

"I wanted to, in life, but of course, Mother and Father would never allow it. They'd punish me if they saw me trying to try on any of my sister's gowns. And my elder sisters would tattle on me, too. So I stopped trying.

"But then, once I got to Hell, I realized that not only was it easier now, but also more practical, considering I don't even wear pants anymore. And there was no one around to tell me no! I had a few dresses commissioned-- they're still in my closet. But I only ever wore them in private. It was still the late 1800s and early 1900s at the time, after all, and I had a reputation to keep.

"I got more and more as time went on, and started wearing them casually whenever I didn't need to wear my suit. But still, I only wore them out a couple times before the ball. And I'd never worn one as extravagant as that costume!"

Alastor

Oh, he’s got to ask to see those older dresses sometime. “You certainly wore it well!”

The running water stopped as he got to work combing out and styling his wet hair. “And... what does it *mean* to you, when you do it?”

Sir Pentious

Telly fell silent, thinking on the question. He puzzled over it for a good bit before he answered.

"I'm not sure, really. I just like wearing them! But they're just clothes. I'm as comfortable in them as I am in my suit, or even nothing at all. I _do_ enjoy the way they swish around me, though."

Alastor

Alastor wasn’t sure what he was expecting—or even if he’d been expecting anything at all—but somehow the fact that it was that simple disappointed him. What *had* he wanted to hear?

He could wonder about that later. He kept his disappointment out of his voice as he asked, “So it’s just another fashion option, nothing more nor less?”

Sir Pentious

"Yes, I suppose. They make me happy, though, and that's what's important! Though, honestly, so do my novelty snake themed tee shirts!"

He hissed out a laugh.

Alastor

“I *am* a fan of those shirts!” And not just because he’d started stealing them to serve as his undershirts. What was he wearing now? He pulled out his collar to check. Ah! The bananaconda. One of his personal favorites. “I especially like the ones with puns! Some of them are... *hiss-terical.*”

Sir Pentious

Another, louder, and hissier laugh!!! "Oh yes! I adore them! They're so comfortable and give me a good guffaw!!"

Alastor

Okay, he was on the finishing touches. He slipped his shoes away from the door and back on, and... “Ta-daaa!”

Not a whole lot changed. He redid his hair, added eyeshadow (he was already wearing lipstick), removed his coat and bow tie, unbuttoned his top a little, and switched his pants for a skirt and his socks for stockings. Most of his time in the bathroom had been spent on rinsing out his hair, combing it into a slightly more feminine bob, and gelling it in place. It was, as he’d promised, very minimalist drag.

Sir Pentious

Oh, but the changes, no matter how small, added up to a lot in Telly's eyes-- which were currently blown wide like a cat seeing a new toy. He got up and slithered over, cupping Alastor's face in his claws.

And he just leaned in and kissed him.

Alastor

Alastor returned the kiss, then leaned back and winked. “You know, I *thought* you might say something like that.” He had a very convincing Southern Belle voice he used when fully dolled up.

Sir Pentious

Oh. _Oh._ That voice. That voice!! It did things to him. He grinned lifting Alastor off the ground, arms wrapped tight around his waist.

"Madame!!! You are lovely and charming, and I am filled with adoration!!"

Alastor

“Well, aren’t you just the most *flattering* gentleman!” Alastor pulled out a fan (the ray gun fan) to “cool off.” “You’re going to put me in a swoon, talking like that!”

Sir Pentious

"Of course! What gentleman _wouldn't_ be caught up by such a darling belle!"

Telly leaned in, kissing all over Alastor's face and neck. He simply couldn't get ENOUGH.

Alastor

*Oh—* Alastor returned as many kisses as he could, peppering them across Telly’s face and hood. When he finally started laughing, it was in his usual voice. “Amazing the difference a little eyeshadow and re-parting your hair can make, isn’t it?”

Sir Pentious

He needed a moment to come back to himself, his grin face splitting.

"Oh, yes! It's quite amazing!" And he's going to nuzzle right into the neck and start purring. He lives here now.

Alastor

Alastor will waive the rent if Telly keeps paying in purrs. It’s like a free neck massage. He laughs. “Do you like it that much?”

Sir Pentious

"Well, I think if it wasn't you, then I don't know. But it IS you and so, yes, I like it very much." He pressed kisses to Alastor's neck, still purring there against him.

"The accent is very cute, too."

Alastor

Alastor slung both arms around Telly’s shoulders to keep himself steady under the barrage of kisses. “Oh, the accent was a hit in New York, let me tell you! I never was decorated enough to turn heads, but if I could get someone in a conversation, I’d have a whole crowd hanging off of me in five minutes! It’s even better now that I can **play with my voice.**” Radio Demon, bass boosted.

Sir Pentious

Telly laughed at the bass boosting, his hood flaring out-- this time with delight! That's a new one, but a good one.

"Yes, I bet you can do all SORTS of things with your voice now, can't you?"

Alastor

Most people were freaked out by the sudden bass boost. The fact that Telly laughed gets a wide smile that crinkles the corners of Alastor’s eyes. “Truth be told, I mainly use it to discourage fights or sing a little better. Not *that* much better, mind. I’ve always been pretty good.”

Sir Pentious

"I _do_ like it when you sing, you should sing more!" He leaned in to pepper more kisses onto Alastor. Mostly on his neck. Smooch, smooch, smooch, and then....his mouth opened and he scraped his fangs against his skin. Time to be a tease.

Alastor

“Oh, *should* I!” Dangerous words around the Radio Demon A musical backing track started up...

And sputtered, and started and stopped again, as he was distracted by the teeth scraping. “... Gladly, when you’re not giving me something else to do with my mouth.” He tries to catch Telly’s mouth so he can get those teeth on his lips.

((And after this they get raunchy, so part 2 tomorrow))

bi baby

alternative title: rock a bi baby. both of these titles made me laugh, you’re welcome

"So, uh, I'm bisexual, by the way. Hope that's not a problem."

Alex looked over to the man who was in his bed, laying on his back and still catching his breath. He smiled and turned onto his side.

"Michael, we just had sex–that was a pretty clear indication that you weren't straight," he laughed. The guy huffed a laugh as well and closed his eyes for a minute.

Alex had decided pretty early on in the night that he was obsessed with staring at him. He was the academically gifted brother (that's how Maria had described him) of his best friend's girlfriend. He'd met Isobel a handful of times and liked her well enough, even if 90% of the things she spoke about were anecdotes of her brothers. Michael, the one she called her baby brother even if he was apparently the same age, had come to visit her and them by proxy. They'd all met at Maria's bar and it took one handshake for Alex to set his mind on the idea of getting him into bed.

Only about 50% of him thought it would work.

"Some people have a problem with it," Michael admitted after he opened his eyes, still smiling that easy smile that he turned on Alex. "That I'm doing it for attention or something, that it's not real."

"Ah," Alex said, tucking the pillow beneath his head, "I think it's real. Honestly, I think anything under the sun could be real because who am I to tell people how they feel about themselves?"

Michael laughed softly and turned his whole body to face Alex. His chest was hairier than Alex usually went for in a man, but he couldn't deny the fact that he was into it on him. Alex wanted to reach out and touched. He almost didn't, but he remembered that they were in bed together and having a conversation about a serious topic so what better way to keep it light than by stroking his chest hair? Michael smiled wider.

"You're special like that. I usually tell people that right away because I like to weed out the assholes,” Michael hummed, scooting a little bit closer and giving Alex free range of his body.

“You didn’t tell me right away,” Alex pointed out, his thumb tracing over Michael’s hip bone. Michael shrugged and then tucked his arm beneath his head. His skin was hot despite the fact it was easily dipping below 35 degrees outside. It made it hard not to move closer.

Then he remembered he was totally allowed to move closer so he did.

“I liked you and I was really hoping you weren’t going to be a dick about it,” Michael said, smiling so wide that his cheeks had to hurt when Alex moved into his space to hide away from the cold, “I wanted to be a little self-destructive for once, I guess.”

“Oh yeah? For once?” Alex asked, “Isobel says you’re pretty regularly self-destructive.” Michael scoffed and his hand pressed to the small of Alex’s back, pulling them chest to chest.

“I don’t know what she’s told you, but I haven’t been self-destructive since I got out of college.”

“She said you quit your job without a backup plan only two years ago because your boss kept staring at you,” Alex pointed out. Michael gasped dramatically.

“Excuse you, I think me taking precautions to avoid any unwanted sexual advances was very self-productive of me,” Michael teased. Alex shrugged slightly, slowly becoming more aware of just how close they were. Those lips of his became intoxicating all over again, but Alex remained strong enough not to kiss him just yet.

“So, you’re bisexual,” Alex said softly. Michael took a heavy breath, nodding his head. “How old were you when you figured that one out?”

Michael laughed slightly, nudging his nose against Alex’s. “Uh, seventeen, but nineteen before I had a label. Like I’d always known I was attracted to men, but I thought it was just normal for straight dudes because I was attracted to women.

“But then there was a guy in my APUSH class and I was actually attracted to him. That was the first time that I’d met like a real-life man that I  wanted to kiss and not just some fictional character like before. So I basically had a small crisis thinking I was gay and had been lying to myself for years which wasn’t fun. I cried, like, way too much about and I felt stupid then and I feel stupid about it now, but I know that it was just because I was really confused. I felt the same way about this guy as I had previous girlfriends and I couldn’t figure out which part I was faking because, obviously, I had to be faking some part of it. Or I thought so. Even thought I was faking all of it for a while and that I was an asexual who had just been brainwashed.

“But when I was nineteen, I went to a gay club and got really drunk and ended up crying on the shoulder of a very kind drag queen who told me bisexuality wasn’t something to be scared of and I was like ‘oh’.” Alex laughed lightly at the mental image of a young Michael crying in a gay club to a much older, much wiser drag queen.

“You really had never heard the word before then?” Alex asked, reaching up and fiddling with the curls at the name of his neck. Michael hummed into it.

“No,” he said, then paused for a moment, “Well, yeah, but no one ever told me what it really meant or anything. I’d only seen it in movies or online where it was a guy using it as a cover to be gay or a girl using it to sound hot or something. I didn’t know it was like a legit thing. I really thought it was a joke.”

“Well, I’m glad you figured it out,” Alex said. Michael nodded, rubbing his back gently and moved the centimeter it took to steal a kiss. Alex grinned.

“Me too, made it a lot easier to talk to you,” Michael said, rolling Alex onto his back and laying on top of him. It quickly engulfed him in a sheath of warmth that Alex loved. “If you would’ve approached me when I was 17, I think I would’ve had a fucking meltdown because you are so hot and so nice and I would’ve been so fucked.”

Alex laughed a little louder, his eyes closing as Michael started pressing kissing over his jaw and down his neck. “Nah, I was really emo in high school, you wouldn’t have thought I was hot.”

“Oh, no, you would’ve been exactly my type back then,” Michael chuckled, dousing him in further kisses.

“Then maybe we really are meant to be.” Alex almost regretted saying that, but Michael gripped his hips a little tighter and he remembered who he was talking to. He didn’t really need shame here.

“Yeah,” Michael said, “I think maybe so.”

This is the comment I woke up to on Friday morning. The amount of bigotry hiding behind the almost polite and seemingly thoughtful wording is astonishing. 

I’ve responded to it already, informing the individual behind it that I won’t be discussing the points of the comment with them, as they’ve resorted to personally attacking me, which is...dumb. I mean, attack my work all you like, it either helps me grow as an author by learning from my mistakes or as a person by growing a spine and defending my work. But coming after someone who has no connection to this and can’t defend themselves because they are no longer with us? Low and disgusting. (Also wow, they’ve taken the time to find the only truly personal post I have on tumblr, and it’s more than a month old, what a commitment to come off as pathetic, really)

Anyway, while talking to that particular individual is out of question, I still kinda wanna address the certain things in the comment because wow, my first queerphobic comment and an excuse to talk more about “Nothing and Everything”, my boys and myself? How can I pass that?

(this is like... a long-ass one... prepare yourselves)

(I’m gonna refer to the commentator as “Fox” and, probably, “them” because well, I don’t know what their preferred pronounce are)

NB! I’m using the term “queer” as an umbrella term to mean everyone who isn’t strictly straight and/or cis-gender.

Let’s start from the top

1.

The best part about slashfic writers is that when they write about child abuse, child sex abuse, and drug and alcohol abuse while including gay characters, is that they’re really writing about the lives of gay men without realizing it. To you, gay men being abused and that being the arbiter of their homosexual identity is too homophobic to fathom. But you still confirm it in subtle ways, and that always brings a smile to my face. 

Now, English isn’t my first language, so I might be missing something, but If Fox meant being the arbiter of as in defining, being the reason for, than no, it’s not homophobic. It’s just dumb. One, there isn’t a single relevant scientifically accurate study on the abuse causing someone to “turn gay”. Two - there might be a correlation (and it’s not necessary there, I’m just guessing), but the cause and effect will be the other way around, queer kids get abused more because they are queer, not become queer as the result of the abuse. And, most importantly, three - in terms of sexual orientation, you can’t turn someone queer, as well as you can’t turn someone straight. It’s something you are born with and discover as you go along. 

And also the other two queer characters, Rob and Penny, weren’t abused by their parents and/or other family members, but we will touch on that later. 

2.

“The Brotherhood had no problem with homosexuality” - Of course not, and neither do the Templars. It’s the Current Year. You can marry/have sex with whomever you want, whatever you want, whenever you want.

Ignoring the fact that this was taken out of context, and the whole phrase has a slightly different meaning, there are two things that are factually wrong with this statement. First - even in the Current Year, there is a ton of places where being openly queer is dangerous, from the countries that have “anti-gay” laws (ranging from “you can be gay, but stay quiet or go to jail” to “die a horrible death for being gay”), to certain, let’s say, traditionally oriented places in the US. Second - this is not Current Year. The bulk of the story takes place between 1998 and 2003, this phrase is taken from the chapter taking place in 2003, 16 years prior, things were, let’s say, slightly different.

Also, I don’t understand why Fox tried to make this sound sarcastic, we are talking about two societies, with one canonically being for freedom and choice and the other one relying on public favor to propel their agenda, of course, none of them will have qualms with the GRSM community, 

3.

“Honorary gay parents of a gay kid” - Well no wonder the kid is gay. Look at the environment xe/xim/xer grew up in.

I like how Fox uses the non-binary pronounces referring to Penny, when the only thing that has been said about her/them is “I’m into girls.” Also out of 16 kids on the Farm, only 3 are confirmed to be queer. They’ve all grown up in the same environment, so that statement is... meaningless. And in case Fox was referring to Rob and Des turning Penny “gay” well, they’ve also been close with Sam and he’s - what a shock - straight! So again - meaningless.

I’m gonna skip Fox shitting on my friend’s art, again - such remarks are low, pathetic and not worth discussing, let’s get to the juicy stuff. 

4.

It’s amusing, no, to have a pansexual – an individual who is attracted to ‘all genders’ - writing about gay men so much? How many genders are there? Thousands? 51? All on the spectrum? Regardless, tumblrinas are as big on their sexual identities as they are on their activism. In this case, we have a person – presumably female – getting wet over two dudes banging. I’m simply wondering if they packed enough lube and had their enemas. Maybe it was hidden in their stash?

Well, as a matter of fact - they didn’t have lube in their stashes because the only way to get it was to essentially ask one of the adults going to the city to get it for them, can you imagine a 16yo asking something like that? Death from mortification would be the most likely outcome.

Seriously though, I write what I like about whom I like. The only thing it has to do with me being pansexual is that I have more confidence in writing non-straight characters and relationships because I know it’s fine, and my queerphobic background can’t silence me anymore. Also - Desmond isn’t gay, he is bisexual. Rob is gay, true. 

The amount of genders is still up for debate, in my personal opinion it’s all on the spectrum, and the only reason gender issues don’t come out in fiction as much as sexual orientations do is that gender in a lot of cases is a more personal thing than orientation, that’ll inevitably reflect on the inter-character dynamics. A lot of genderqueer people are fine with using male or female pronounces, which to an outsider would put them in respective categories. There are, of course, androgynous people, trans people, non-binary people and others for whom gender and the perception of their gender are important in day to day life - and there are more and more stories featuring them.

Also, on the note of pansexuality - it’s not “attraction to all genders,” it’s having an attraction to the person regardless of their sex or gender, those labels play an insignificant part in me deciding to pursue a relationship. (Also also there might be like a ton of things to discuss in regards to how sexuality relates to gender identities, but not here, not now)

And yes, I’m afab, so yeah, “female” and I do “get wet over the two dudes banging”. Fox got me. Now what? Shame Fox seemingly can’t conceptualize that I “get wet” because I wrote those boys in a story that contains a hard emotional journey full of heartbreak, and I do revel in the short happy moments they’ve got together. The sexual/sensual part is hot because it’s those particular two guys, not just random two guys. 

Oh, and the last thing here - I don’t know if it’s news for Fox, but not all people in a homosexual relationship engage in anal sex. Especially teens in their first relationship. Just saying.

Let’s skip another personal attack part, here we go, sorry that the phrase is broken up

5.

she educated a pansexual SJW into confirming every negative and dirty secret in the gay community: a brutal, abusive father, societal ‘homophobia’, drug and alcohol abuse, and feeling inadequate compared to heterosexual people.

Tbh, this is the part of the comment that had me confused for a moment, as I mistook Fox for one of the “hardcore gay” people, that think that with letters added to LGBT and by putting everything on the spectrum we somehow affect negatively the “real” gay community. The next paragraph cleared this shit for me tho.

Right off the bat - SJW isn’t a dirty word, Fox shouldn’t try to sell it as one. And I won’t label myself as a SJW, because as of now, I lack the commitment to the cause. 

For the next part, I’d really, really like to quote a line from one of my fav vines “Bitch, where?” but for the sake of politeness, I’ll go with “Citation needed,” because from all of the things mentioned, the only one that is really prominent in the text is the “brutal, abusive father”. Societal homophobia isn’t exactly in the text (pay attention, teen Rob is cautious about adults being homophobic, it’s a valid fear a lot of queer teens have prior to coming out, but the general atmosphere isn’t homophobic. If I wanted it to be, adding a scene of public shame/shunning for someone caught in the act wouldn’t be hard), no drug and\or alcohol abuse (1 scene of teens trying drinks for the first time doesn’t count - surprise, teenagers try drinking), and feeling inadequate is mentioned once as a fear of a nine-year-old Penny, who has no frame of reference other than heterosexual behavior of the others, and is corrected almost immediately by Rob.

6.

Was this about Assassin’s Creed? No, not really. Despite you being a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE fan, you don’t really respect these characters. Miles is a douchebag, it’s true, but he’s respected even by Otso Berg. That should tell you something. 

(I’d like to see an example of Fox-approved, really-about-Assassin’s-Creed fanfiction, for a future reference, but alas, they’ve commented from as guest)

Interesting how me not liking or respecting Bill, canonically abusive douchebag known for alienating people because of how cold and manipulative he is, translates into me automatically not respecting every other character in the series. 

Also, I don’t see how Otso Berg respecting William as an opponent should sway my judgment. I’ve mentioned here on my blog that I like Garnier de Naplouse as a villain - how self-assured he is, and how much quiet intelligence he has. Do I like him in general as a person? No. Do I respect him? No. He tortured people. I relished in seeing Altair murder him. 

With Bill, him being a douchebag and abuser is a deciding fact for me, I do not respect abusers, no matter how great they may be. But tbh, on the leadership front, I can’t quite decide if Bill is a fine leader given the circumstances, or if the number of instances of him being canonically shitty as a leader is big enough to call for his removal. 

7.

You crafted him into a predictable homophobic dad, albeit he isn’t Christian. I was waiting for the Bible to be thrown at Desmond.

Again - citation needed. One instance in the text of Bill being homophobic. Not abusive, not overly-demanding, but homophobic. 

(Spoiler alert - there isn’t one.)

As for the Christian associations - well, it’s in the tags. Literally. In this story, the Brotherhood is a cult, like the JWs, or the LDS church, but with Creed instead of a holy book. And I guess I succeeded in conveying the feeling.

8.

In another Tumblr post, you wrote about how William is very abusive to Desmond, and how that is inexcusable. You bring up Nikolai and putting his child out in the cold as punishment, and earlier, cited Philosophy Tube in regards to solitary confinement (which really shows a lot). How do you explore this concept?

I wonder what me citing Philosophy Tube shows, except for maybe that I find Olly to be a very pleasant narrator and that the themes he touches on are rather interesting (Olly is precious, protect Olly).

I think I was rather unsubtle with showing what exactly abuse, inflicted by Bill, did to Desmond. And not, not “turn him gay”, about that in a moment. I don’t delve like deep into what was happening in Desmond’s head because this story is from Rob’s perspective. Not Desmond’s.

This story isn’t about the relationship between Bill and Desmond. It’s about Desmond not living in a vacuum all those years on the Farm.

Write William being SO abusive he turns his son gay. You make him so homophobic Desmond reacts by engaging in self-destructive behaviour and, in turn, becoming your average gay man. Your OC, Richard, Robert is merely the bridge.

“Bitch where?!“ (c) 

1. Desmond isn’t gay. He is bi (because I’m keeping it as close to the canon as I can and I love Elijah to death). It’s in the tags, and it’s in the tags rather than stated because Desmond’s sexual orientation isn’t the point of this story, 2. Bill isn’t homophobic, at least not openly. There’s a different issue within the Brotherhood, the fact that they expect everyone born into the Brotherhood to have kids of their own. This is the source of Rob’s unease and perceiving adults as not reacting positively him or any other kid in a queer relationship.  3. If I wanted Bill to come off as homophobic, I’d portray him like that. Using slurs, for example.  4. Bill abuses Desmond not because he thinks his son is gay - he thinks his son is weak. In general. Not related to orientation. Like in the fucking canon. I’m merely turning the abuse factor up to eleven. 5. No one abused Rob, his father is shown in the text to be one of the best parents on the Farm - and Rob is gay. No one abused Penny, her family is mentioned briefly, but I specifically did it in a way that shows that they are nice - and she is a lesbian. Another boy, Colin, got abused by his strict mother - and he is straight. Desmond got abused by his father - and he is bi. There is no correlation between abuse and being queer.  6. Desmond's self-destructive behavior came from him being abused on a daily basis for most of his life and having no way out. Again, if it was linked to his orientation Rob would do that stuff too. He doesn’t.

9.

You make these characters gay because, as a ‘queer pansexual person’ you can. But you don’t really make them human. In fact, every single negative stereotype you want to protect yourselves from our oh-so-bigoted society are confirming them, while simultaneously denying that they exist.

In short, everything and everyone acted the way I expected to, and was written the way I expected a queer pansexual to write them: meaningless, with only the sexual identity taking place. Funny how that’s the only identity politics that’s allowed. Everything else is oh so bigoted.

I’m not denying the existence of the stereotype, I’m just not acknowledging it as valid, because it’s not. It’s like blaming violence on video games - you’d be hard-pressed to find a youngster who doesn’t play a semi-violent game of some kind, with blood and murder, but every time someone brings up that another shooter was playing those games, they forget to mention how many youngsters play and don’t commit murder as a result.

The same way Fox keeps bringing up the “abuse turned Desmond gay” without acknowledging that there’s a ton of straight teens that get abused worse than Desmond in this story, or the two queer kids right in the text who weren’t abused.

It’s also funny that Fox is adamantly holding to the “sexual identity” thing, despite the fact that it came up only in 5th chapter (with 4 chapters before that having nothing to do with sexual orientation) and it’s not even an identity/orientation thing. It’s the “relationship between Rob and Desmond” thing and “Desmond is clinging to as much happiness as he can because he has none” thing. The only time orientation comes up in term of identity it’s when Rob talks to Penny and thinks of himself as a closeted gay man, but it immediately switches back into the “relationship between two people” again. 

10.

You call yourself an AC fan? 

Yes. Yes, I do. Ain’t nothing some bigot on the internet can do about it ;)

(If you read this through to the end, I applaud you, thank you for your time <3)

🌸   :  meet the simblr

i came across @hurtsim‘s post of this and he indirectly tagged everyone reading, so: here! (i also thought it would make a good first post) rules are to share your simself, traits, aspiration, anything you want to!

i tag everyone reading that wants to do it (+ also @simending because he just followed me and i’m nothing if not excitable)

i also answered the same 125 questions that you can find below the cut

happy simming! i look forward to my new life of attempting to be a simblr

1. what is your full name? dana marie [redacted]. 2. what are your nicknames? dani, red. just call me dani. 3. birthday? july 22nd. 4. what is your favorite book series? probably the percy jackson series. it was a big part of my younger years. 5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts? both. 6. who is your favorite author? rick riordan i guess? or rainbow rowell. 7. what is your favorite radio station? i don’t really listen to the radio often enough to have one. 8. what is your favorite flavor of anything? in general i like almost chocolate anything. fruit-flavored wise my favorite is blue raspberry or strawberry. 9. what word would you often use to describe something great or wonderful? in a meme context or a more serious one? bc i’ll say that something is ‘lit af’ but i’ll also say it’s fantastic or wonderful, etc. 10. what is your current favorite song? i can’t narrow it down to one, so a few are “play it cool” by monsta x, “the eve” by exo, “killing me” by ikon, “bellyache” by billie eilish, “youngblood” by 5sos, and “high hopes” by p!atd. 11. what is your favorite word? to be honest, probably ‘fuck.’ 12. what was the last song you listened to? "promise” by ateez. 13. what tv show would you recommend for everyone to watch? avatar: the last airbender or steven universe. 14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? spirited away. or coco. 15. do you play video games? not as often as i would like to, but heck yeah. 16. what is your biggest fear? being alone/forgotten. oh and holes. 17. what is your best quality, in your opinion? i can be funny sometimes. and my eyes are a nice color? 18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion? i can be really moody. also i’m anxious and sad like 25/7 so that’s not fun. 19. do you like cats or dogs better? cats. 20. what’s your favorite season? fall. spring would be alright, but it’s too rainy and also allergies. 21. are you in a relationship? i am, yes. 22. what is something you miss from your childhood? not having responsibilities. 23. who is your best friend? one of my first friends i made in my short college stint. (and also my ex-girlfriend) 24. what is your eye color? green. 25. what is your hair color? strawberry-blonde, ginger, whatever you call it. 26. who is someone you love? i love my handful of close friends. 27. who is someone you trust? my girlfriend. 28. who is someone you think about often? like forty different korean boys, i don’t even know. also my girlfriend. 29. are you currently excited about/for something? a convention i’m going to next month. 30. what is your biggest obsession? i don’t even know. it’s a tie between kpop and sour gummi worms. 31. what was your favorite tv show as a child? arthur! living that pbs kid life. 32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? no one. 33. are you superstitious? i can be, yeah. 34. do you have any unusual phobias? i’m trypophobic which is kind of unusual? i probably have others that i can’t think of though. 35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? i take 99% selfies, so both. 36. what is your favorite hobby? spending hours downloading cc and constantly remaking sims instead of actually playing my game. 37. what was the last book you read? i have no idea. i haven’t been able to finish a book since high school. 38. what was the last movie you watched? i really don’t know, yikes. 39. what musical instruments do you play, if any? i can play the opening of ‘welcome to the black parade’ and that’s about it. 40. what is your favorite animal? sloths. i love sloths. 41. what are your top 5 tumblr blogs that you follow? they’re all amazing so i dunno. 42. what superpower do you wish you had? shapeshifting. 43. when and where do you feel most at peace? probably asleep. or just lowkey chilling with my friends. 44. what makes you smile? tons of things; the moon, stuffed animals, my friends, a comfy hoodie. i might be a sad bitch but i’m a smiley sad bitch. 45. what sports do you play, if any? i don’t. 46. what is your favorite drink? i only really drink water, sprite, or lemonade. 47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? like two years ago? 48. are you afraid of heights? i’m afraid of falling. 49. what is your biggest pet peeve? customers being rude to people in the service industry. 50. have you ever been to a concert? mhm. 51. are you vegan/vegetarian? vegetarian. 52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? an artist, a pop star, or an actress. 53. what fictional world would you like to live in? ugh probably the harry potter universe but only under the conditions that i am magical and get to attend hogwarts. (based on my location i would be at ilvermorny but no thanks) 54. what is something you worry about? everything. 55. are you scared of the dark? absolutely. 56. do you like to sing? constantly. 57. have you ever skipped school? of course. 58. what is your favorite place on the planet? i’d say my room but i currently hate where i’m living so i dunno. 59. where would you like to live? a bigger city. not sure where exactly. 60. do you have any pets? i have three fish. 61. are you more of an early bird or night owl? night owl. 62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better? sunrise, even though I rarely see them. 63. do you know how to drive? not really. 64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones? earbuds. 65. have you ever had braces? no. i need them though. 66. what is your favorite genre of music? kpop isn’t technically a genre, but that. along with pop punk and alternative. 67. who is your hero? i don’t really have one that i can think of. batman? 68. do you read comic books? i used to. 69. what makes you the most angry? injustice? tons of things make me angry and that’s not a list i’m about to get into. but also terfs. 70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or a real book? it depends on how long the book is or where i’m reading. 71. what is your favorite subject in school? it was history. i’d go become a history teacher if i wasn’t so bad at college. 72. do you have any siblings? yes. 73. what was the last thing you bought? a nasa hoodie. 74. how tall are you? 5′10 or about 177cm. 75. can you cook? vaguely. 76. what are three things that you love? the sound of rain when i don’t have to be outside, being asleep, and lgbtq+ rights. 77. what are three things that you hate? going to sleep, screaming children, and biphobia. 78. do you have more female friends or male friends? female. 79. what is your sexual orientation? bisexual. 80. where do you currently live? the usa. 81. who was the last person you texted? my best fren. 82. when was the last night you cried? last night. 83. who is your favorite youtuber? probably lavendertowne. 84. do you like to take selfies? yeah. 85. what is your favorite app? probably youtube? or spotify. 86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like? my relationship with my dad is pretty good, and i don’t really have a relationship with my mom, nor do i want one. 87. what is your favorite foreign accent? um, southern brit? i also just enjoy listening to other languages even when i can’t understand them. 88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but want to visit? literally anywhere outside of the usa. i’ve never left the country. but especially rome. 89. what is your favorite number? 4, 7, and 35. 90. can you juggle? absolutely not. 91. are you religious? not really? 92. do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? space. 93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? not really, no. 94. are you allergic to anything? i’m lactose intolerant and i get seasonal allergies. 95. can you curl your tongue? nope. 96. can you wiggle your ears? nah. 97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something? i’ll admit it when it’s a friend or when the person hasn’t made me mad. 98. do you prefer the forest or beach? the forest. i can’t stand sand. 99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? “just, you do you, and fuck everyone else.” from my dad 100. are you a good liar? yeah. 101. what is your hogwarts house? ravenclaw. 102. do you talk to yourself? constantly. 103. are you an introvert or extrovert? ambivert, but closer to the introverted end. 104. do you keep a journal/diary? no, i’ve tried and i can never keep up with them for more than a week. 105. do you believe in second chances? depends on what they’ve done, but usually no.   106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? turn it in. keeping it would cause me too much stress. 107. do you believe people are capable of change? once again, it depends on what they’ve done. 108. are you ticklish? sometimes? 109. have you ever been on a plane? not one that was off the ground. 110. do you have any piercings? yes, seven.  111. what fictional character do you wish was real? steve rogers. 112. do you have any tattoos? not yet, sadly. 113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? staying alive. 114. do you believe in karma? yes. 115. do you wear glasses/contacts? yeah, my eyesight is awful. 116. do you want children? no. 117. who is the smartest person you know? i really don’t know, 118. what is your most embarrassing memory? every moment of middle school. 119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter? so many times. 120. what color are most of your clothes? black. 121. do you like adventures? i love them. 122. have you ever been on tv? i don’t think so? maybe in the background of my local news or something? 123. how old are you? twenty. 124. what is your favorite quote? “sometimes i can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives i am not living.” from extremely loud and incredibly close by jonathan safran foer. 125. do you prefer sweet or savory foods? sweet!

if you actually read this far, thank you for being interested or at least bored enough to read!

TLDR: i’m a disaster bi.

(credit for the lovely traits overlay goes to @/cupidjuicecc)

Hi Immi. I'm new to the fandom--joined around the drop of ch107. Since then there's been a big buzz about historia, regarding her sexuality, her character regressing and her relationship with ymir. i'd seen snk s2 and honestly never occurred to me to ship yumikuri because i hate ships but being on tumblr, well, it's everywhere. I see people get hate on shipping her with males but i'm not sure where i stand. Is she explicitly lesbian? If not then why is it so bad? Is the tumblr fandom just toxic?

Hi.

Uh.

Hell, dude, you pretty much summarized all the reasons I stopped checking the tags. I’m not exactly in the fandom anymore. I do my stuff, but I am actively avoiding mostly everyone, and that’s just because of the immediate aftermath of the chapter. So uh, welcome, I guess, I’m not here.

I answered–well. No, I covered a bit of what I’m going to go over here in my chapter post, aka the unfun section of it. Making this a bit of a rehash, but most things I type are anyway.

The most obvious thing is that people should not be getting hate. That is a general statement, disconnected from anything that’s going on. It is applicable in every fandom, in every situation. Even in the cases where someone is doing something that poses a very real danger, the solution is not sending hate. Sending hate is exactly what it sounds like, and people should behave themselves better.

Where you end up standing on any of this does not make the behavior magically okay.

And again, I basically left the fandom. I have no idea what’s going on, and frankly, I do not want to, so none of this is based on anything that’s happened in the past three weeks.

My perspective on fiction is that it is entirely selfish. People want what they want from it. While I don’t like most of what other people like, the fact that they’re capable of enjoying things should be celebrated. Go them.

That doesn’t mean I think stories are beyond reproach, or what happens in fiction can’t be offensive or damaging.

Fandom is not the same as canon. A personal pet project is very different from something being consumed by millions of people. Fandom currently has a very black and white style of thinking, and so it neglects that difference.

For an easy and relevant example, Kurt and Rachel from Glee getting it on in a fanfic is not equal to it happening in the show. One is someone’s random fantasy, the other, unless it’s handled with the kind of respect Glee has never dealt in, is going to be very inflammatory.

(See: Blaine and Rachel (for different–-but still relevant!-–reasons))

A lot of people do not agree that the difference between fanon and canon is relevant to some of the things people end up enjoying. The reason being that stories never feel that different to the individual experiencing them. Who creates it, or how wide its reach is, is not automatically something that matters to the emotional experience. It will hurt in roughly the same way, so often the argument that one is excusable and the other isn’t is done before it starts.

I’m meandering a little because I do not really know how to handle this delicately. So far this is all just foundational. stuff.

I guess I’ll go with blunt.

yumikuri is a canon romantic bond. Ymir is implied to be a lesbian because one character says she looks like one, Historia is a complete blank slate outside of that relationship because Ymir is her sole love interest.

The status of Historia’s sexuality is that she is romantically interested in Ymir, a girl. That is the entire sum of what the manga’s covered.

107 heavily indicates that Historia is coerced into having sex.

That should never have opened up a discussion into what her sexuality is. Someone being forced into sexual intercourse is indicative of nothing except that they are being forced into it. That is the exact opposite of desire.

Yet it opened the door to people reminding everyone that it is absolutely okay for a character to be bisexual.

That is a true statement.

(Editing in emphasis, because it really is.)

I do not know how to adequately describe why the context makes that statement so tone deaf and infuriating.

The manga has been running for almost ten years. In that time, there has been no indication of Historia having interest in anyone outside of Ymir, a girl. That could cover a lot of different sexualities, and there’s nothing wrong with someone wanting any of them.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t incredibly insulting ways of going about introducing them.

Historia’s first major appearance after her girlfriend is killed off-screen (if you believe that, which all but three people reading this and the person writing this do) is all about forcing her to fuck a guy to make babies.

Even in some hypothetical where her pregnancy is the result of a happy relationship, it would be insulting. As far as we know, it isn’t, so we are dealing with the full brunt of how disrespectful that summation is.

There is this common thing that happens in stories, where you have the gay relationship, one dies, the other lives on to go have a happy life with someone of the opposite sex. The subtext is that this weird one-off sexual thing may have happened, but don’t worry, they’re still normal.

I don’t know how to say that convincingly, because it’s a subtext that I’ve picked up on throughout hundreds of different stories. I don’t know how to cram that history into one post.

Girls liking girls is seen as an aberration, even in stories about liking girls. The relationship will be an exception. The more femme character won’t really like girls, just this one. The concept of a girl liking another girl as a normal facet of her sexuality, which exists outside this relationship, is commonly disregarded, or given to the non-POV partner.

This should be a problem that it’s easy to agree on. Lesbians like girls as a rule. Bisexuals like girls as a rule. Not exclusively, but Likes Girls is still very much a part of the identity (unless we get into discussions of bi covering multiple genders but not necessarily binary ones).

Then there’s fandom.

I can’t count the number of times I have seen the argument that Historia only sees Ymir as a friend. I have been invested in her character and that relationship for five years. Barring the last month, which I don’t want to know about, probably at least once a week, someone would make the case that okay, maybe Ymir likes Historia, but Historia doesn’t like her back.

Many, many times before I left the tags last month, people were saying that Historia’s pregnancy isn’t an LGBT issue, because Historia’s interest in Ymir was never canon.

I get twitchy when people are staunch supporters of her being bisexual. Because as much as I want to trust people, and as much as I know that every marginalized identity is desperate for scraps, the conversation about Historia has always felt like, “it’s important to remember you can’t prove she doesn’t like men.”

When it’s not full on, “it’s important to remember her liking a girl is in your imagination.”

Because she’s the pretty one in the girl on girl couple.

I want her to be gay or ace. Nothing disproves that, but I feel like an idiot for wanting that, because the classically pretty one isn’t going to be a lesbian, and years of consuming anime and manga should have taught me that. Beyond the first sentence, none of that perspective is particularly healthy.

Queer fandom can be really complicated to navigate, because some of the things people want to see–-which are fundamental to their identities, and that’s why they want to see them–-run exactly counter to what other people want to see.

There’s a post from Yuri on Ice fandom that I think encapsulates this. I don’t know the background, or what has been shouted back and forth since I saw it, but here’s the gist. Someone suggests that one of the figure skating gays could be ace. Dozens of people go, “bad post op,” and it’s treated humorously.

Asexual representation sucks. An episode of House, noteworthy for using the word and having someone quote the statistic occurrence of asexuality, ends with one half of an asexual couple having a hormone imbalance, and the other lying about her interest in sex so she could date him.

Yeah.

Gay guys also have a hard time with their sexuality being policed. Holding hands is okay (sometimes), but kissing? Sex? The dirty homosexuals are depraved for enjoying such things. Gay women can have degrading sex because it’s hot.

People want their identities respected.

That is not an unreasonable thing.

What tends to happen on Tumblr is that people forget that they aren’t the only ones being treated like crap. There are layers of pain and anger they bring to every fight, and over and over again, people who should know what that pain is like, and help each other through it, sharpen theirs until they can use it to chop off someone’s head.

107 is insulting in a lot of ways. The aftermath was worse for me. From what little I saw, many people were very eager to say that the part where a queer woman was dealing with a coercive pregnancy shouldn’t be judged for the queer part. Because there are people issues, like war and tragedy, and then social justice issues, which aren’t about people. They don’t really matter in a war story with internment camps and genocide.

I’m being glib, but… that’s what it felt like. That’s what a lot of people I liked shrugged and agreed with.

I want Historia to be a lesbian (or ace), but for right now, we do know she’s queer. That is a part of her character, and it is one that people have been talking over for years. Having post after post reminding everyone that her being queer does not matter to the story? That her being queer is not a lens worthy of being looked through when it’s clearly not about that?

I don’t agree with… basically any of the fandom behavior I’ve seen touching this. I think people should behave themselves better, and treat each other more kindly, and pain is no excuse for bleeding all over everyone.

But where that pain comes from has been repeatedly dismissed, and where it comes from is not insignificant, no matter what route you want canon to go.

…And as far as Historia’s character goes, this is a regression, and the writing should be ashamed of itself. It violates the themes of her arc with such direct intent that it’s painfully easy to believe there’s a twist to it, but for now it’s just infuriating, because the girl who fights fate has been made its tool, and Ymir, aka her love interest, is very relevant to the whole arc where we covered this. 107 is bad and should feel bad, and I am extremely not happy that I think that is exactly the feeling I am intended to have, because being emotionally manipulated is much more annoying when it works.

Hopefully that gives your questions an answer.

Honestly.. I feel like sometimes Jensen doesnt actually get his character at all what he "gets" are the traits he conincidentally happens to share with Dean and those traits of Dean that align with in his favor, everything CANONICAL about Dean he dislikes he seems to dismiss lol

Hey there! I guess this is in response to my frustratred tag the other day, because Jensen said Dean only likes classic rock or something, but the truth is, I don’t really know enough about Jensen, or acting, to give a competent answer to this. I think it must be strange to play the same person for years, and I guess that, depending on your approach to the profession, it could influence you and change you quite deeply; as for how you influence and change the character - that’s a fascinating discussion. I’m assuming you know that famous Charlton Heston anecdote - how he managed to film the entire movie Ben Hur without noticing the glaring gay subtext everyone else (screenwriter, director, his fellow actors) was working into it - a fascinating insight in how on some productions everyone’s doing their own thing, and some can’t see the full picture until the very end (or, in Heston’s case, until someone points it out to him). I guess the same is true for child actors - depending on the movie, child actors aren’t told much about the scenes they’re filming, and they aren’t allowed to know what else is going on if the subject matter is not age-appropriate; yet they can still offer beautiful, outstanding performances - something that seems to negate the idea that you have to truly understand your role to do it well. And as for how much thought and preparation is given to a character - I seem to remember, but I may be wrong, that when Marlon Brando turned up on the set of The Godfather, he hadn’t even read the script - unlike Al Pacino, who’d basically been to Sicily or something - and yet he immediately felt he couldn’t perform as they wanted him to - that it wasn’t right - and so he raided the make-up stand, filled his mouth with cotton balls, and then proceeded to blow everyone’s socks off by showing them how the role was meant to be played.

So, you know - I don’t keep up with the actors, and I really don’t know how they like to work. I seem to remember Jensen saying he’d thought about Dean’s past, and that he’d refused to play some scenes with Jared in the way they were written because the gay subtext was off the charts and he didn’t like it, but other than that - from my humble corner of fanfiction writing, I know what it’s like to write a story where one person controls everything, and how even that is a sad illusion, because you think you’ve crafted this well-planned structure of drama and feels and you pat yourself on the back because it’s exactly what you wanted and then you re-read it and you realize there’s a lot of stuff in there you never intended to put in but sounds right, all the same, and next someone leaves you a paragraph-long comment about how clever you’ve been with colours and you’re like, dafuq, I didn’t do anything with colours, so you read it again and yep, the reader was right and you were wrong and that’s your brain doing things when you’re asleep or being horrifyingly self-aware or some shit. And when I think about the work that goes into a movie, or, worse, a TV show, my head legit hurts. There are just so many bloody people involved, and of course there are directions, there’s an idea of what they’re filming and why, but all the same - when you hear about Wanek picking things because they remind him of his hometown and Richard directing in a certain way because there was a specific thing he wanted to achieve that he’d seen somewhere and he’d never forgotten, and of course Jensen and Jared with their own pasts and presents and baggage and everything else - that’s why I sometimes say I don’t know if we should (if I should) write metas at all, because when you analyze books, you can just about do the thing - you can read the author’s biography and their other novels and their love letters and take a class on the historical period they lived in and whatever else - but with TV and cinema, how are you even supposed to know if the choices that are made are relevant to the story they want to tell, happy accidents influenced by someone’s personal life or something reality is forcing them to do (illnesses, pregnancies, budget constraints). Like, I guess we can write and write about Derek dying in GA and how that makes sense with the story, was even hinted at three seasons in advance or some shit, but the truth is, there was a RL disagreement there, and if GA had have been a novel - paper people and not actors - Derek would most probably have survived. So what’s the point, really? And that goes for Jensen’s performance and opinions too: they’re relevant and important, but they’re not everything, and they’re certainly not the ultimate explanation of what and who Dean is.

As for Jensen ‘disliking’ parts of Dean - sometimes I see him as the well-meaning father who accepts and loves his gay kid but will also tell him not to act ‘too girly’ outside the house because he’ll get beaten up, because, come on - Jensen must be aware of how his character is perceived. If he wasn’t in the beginning, there’s no way he doesn’t know by now. And while at cons he sometimes cracks down on, as you say, those things he dislikes about Dean, on screen he cheerfully plays the hell out of them, including making choices that, I’d bet half my liver on it, where not in any script - like pretending he had a boner after seeing Cas back in S8. So, well - I don’t know if it’s a personal thing, a not-being-allowed-to-discuss-some-issues thing, or if he just knows they’d lose half their (GOP) audience with a bisexual character in the lead, but - my feeling is that Jensen knows full well what he’s doing, and he’s okay with it, but he’d rather it wasn’t too obvious because real!Dean, like fictional!Dean, can be hurt by coming out - if not physically, then in the ratings. 

(But, as I said, I don’t really know much about that world, so this is just my personal view on the matter, and I don’t have any presumption of being right.)

I guess i wasnt very clear. Easy to seem angry over the internet unintentionally. I mean to say; rebs url (a small thing) represented something to us. Xe left and we all really miss xer. Xe mattered to us and was a special part of tjlc. 1/8

In many peoples eyes this is an aggressive act. Im sure that you can see at least a little how we would see it that way. 2/8

I wasnt implying that you are not queer or that i hate queers. i was saying that, this is the internet, im not going to always believe everything everyone tells me. 3/8

Most queers i know, try and stick together despite our differences. And the fact that you seem very angry (could be reading into it) at a group of people who are predominately queer tells me that you COULD be something other than queer. 4/8

As you yourself said this is just a tv show...but its more than that isnt it? Why you spend so much thought throwing shade at rebs or the tjlcers or whoever, tells me that theres something else going on and that it is important. 5/8

banding together with like-minded people is the solution to the political shitfest we are in. I'd like to think that we could work thru our differences to reach our common goals assuming, we have common goals. (if im wrong, please let me know) 6/8

I dont see myself as a victim, im only sad. not in a pitying way. Its hard to describe. You were probably the victim of an angry tjlcer on here or witnessed the chaos and theres really no excuse for hatefullness (im admonishing my own camp here). 7/8

debate, yes, but never being mean just to be mean. That doesnt get anyone anywhere. I hope this makes sense and im not trying to offend you. I just think life is too short to hate. And its sad that there has been much on here. 8/8

I’m actually not angry, I think it’s all kinda funny. Though I do try my best to respond seriously to serious messages. The “go fuck yourself”s will always be met with a “sounds good,” but when someone takes the time to send a message like this, I tend to pay attention. Anyways...

First you say you’re not going to always believe everything everyone tells you, then you turn around and say that the tj//lc group is predominantly queer. Who’s telling you that? Hard evidence? Demographics data? A census taken by a neutral third party to determine age range and sexuality, and what direction they believe the show should go? As I answered someone before: anecdotal evidence is inadmissible in science and court for a reason. Of course since you’re a lesbian (a factoid gleaned from your profile, but if this is inaccurate, please inform me. But I could easily say you’re not, but I don’t, because when someone tells me they’re queer, I believe them, who the hell wants to be in a [most places on the globe] hated minority? [by “hated,” I mean high risk of murder, bullying, and homelessness, and possibly being a criminal act depending on where you live]), your experience is going to be skewed towards finding other queer people. You think the group is predominantly queer people, but from the outside looking in, even as a queer person, I’ve mostly seen a bunch of straight women geeking over two middle aged white dudes possibly touching dicks, and using “representation” as a mask. I haven’t mingled with your community — I’ve got my own, who are and aren’t queer all the same.

And again, I say that with full knowledge that it is anecdotal evidence from my viewpoint and experience. I could be wrong. But that doesn’t mean you’re right either. 

Moving on. Most queer people (I don’t like the term “queers” personally, but as a queer person, you can reclaim that word however you want) you know stick together despite the differences. Okay. But if our difference is that you don’t think I deserve rights, or that my life is somehow worth less than a straight person’s (voting Dump/Pence, specifically Mike Pence, who would rather a gay person go to a conversion camp — where the risk of suicide is nearly 70% — than be gay), then that’s not a “difference.” That’s almost a hate crime (and it actually is in some countries). 

I assume you and I have similar goals — stop the carney-handed mango. I assume all but the 14% of LGBT people who did vote for that cheeto in a wig, do. Hence why I make a point of saying I don’t hate Rebs as a person (although the fact that xer Patreon is still up, and xe’s still collecting money, despite the fact xe’s publicly declared xe has no intention on ever making videos again, and even taking the existing ones down, is a little less than the perfect angel everyone is insisting that xe is). 

Tbh, maybe I tend to befriend more queer people irl, but you know what else is important? Straight allies. To me, being LGBT+ is a description of where I put my genitals/my gender identity, and I don’t exactly bond with people over that. A shared struggle, yes, and if I see a queer person being bullied, I will step in. I can support a gay man’s rights, even if that gay man is going out there campaigning for the orangutan in a suit (and some did). I’ll say he should be allowed to get married to whoever he wants, and when his Nazi buddies turn on his ass, I’ll be helping him find a visa out of here, but dear Ahura Mazda, I wouldn’t be caught dead having a beer with him. In fact, they most criticism I’ve ever gotten for being trans, is from other trans people. Yes, they should have rights, but fuck them as individuals, holy shit, don’t tell me how to transition. You can be trans (or any LGBT+) and still be a shitty person. 

But like... about 10%-15% of people are queer. 10%-15% of people couldn’t have voted for our rights and won. Meaning we have a ton of straight people on our side. And that’s what we are: we’re people. I love Steven Universe and pizza. I’ll find people that love Steven Universe and pizza that didn’t vote for literally satan. 

I’ve personally never been wronged by a hateful tj//lcer. But as you pointed out, there was a lot of hatefulness that was slung around. I watched as people attacked Mark Gatiss for not making their ship canon, or call him straight (they really care about representation, don’t they? /s), attacked other queer ships, tags, bullied some other queer shippers into self-harm, etc. 

No, that wasn’t you doing any of that, and that wasn’t anything you participated in... This blog really isn’t about you, I don’t know why you’re so sad about it. This is about everyone’s actions that I’m starting to suspect we both found deplorable. Though I guess if you were a close follower of Rebs, you hated Mary from second one, which was really uncalled for (hate her for shooting Sherlock — I don’t, but it’s a reason — but that didn’t happen until we knew her for two whole episodes, half of a third, and she was just a lovely person until that exact moment). 

The thing is, it IS just a show to me. I’m just responding to hate until I get bored with it. But tj//lc it became so much more to a bunch of people, and that’s why it got so toxic. 

Again, THE PROBLEM is tj//lcers were demanding representation from a show, and writers, who were always honest that they weren’t going to give it. At least not in the way they wanted (and when it wasn’t in the way they wanted, they had tantrums, which is why I say: it was never about “representation” for some of them.). Rebs, even if it started as just a hobby, quickly became, and fed into this mass conspiracy that ultimately did end up hurting a lot of people. Possibly including xerself. That’s why I don’t feel bad taking your symbol: it is just a show, everyone had prior warning that jxhnlock wouldn’t happen, so the conspiracy was always just going to be fanfiction, and Rebs did some shitty things. 

The way people are freaking out... they need to get over it. Or if not, okay, soak in grief forever over a fictional ship, but there’s probably better ways of dealing with all this besides sending me hate. Because honestly, what does anyone hope to accomplish by sending me hate? Me to delete? Sure, let’s say I did that. Jxhnlock isn’t going to be any more canon, and Rebs isn’t going to be any less wrong, and all of the hate xe encouraged is still going to be out there. Oh, and I’ll keep responding, which really just makes it worse. 

Had people just ignored me — never sent any messages — there would be precisely one post on this blog, which was my original announcement that I had it.

Also — what have I said that’s “hateful?” Yeah, okay, I called rebs a “twat” for being a misogynist, I thought it was delightfully ironic, having a misogynistic slur juxtaposed next to that observation (like saying, “don’t fucking swear”), but no one got the joke, so I took it down. But otherwise? Saying John Watson is Straight is just a fact. Jxhnlock never happened, and since it didn’t, the insistence that he’s bisexual has no standing. He’s always said, “I’m not gay.” I never took that to mean he was saying, “I’m not gay, but I like men, I’m bisexual/pansexual.” Jeez, no, if he was part of the community at all, I imagine he’d let it pass, rather than get angry about the assumption (like Sherlock does, who is, said by the writers, to be neither gay nor straight. In fact, I’ve often heard that if you’re a good straight ally, it means not being upset if people assume you’re gay for standing up with them — so in some interpretation, he’s actually a bit homophobic). I’ve also pointed out that xe was wrong, which xe is. My banner is of Gatiss confirm jxhnlock wasn’t happening again — this is a thing that happened. Are facts “hateful” now? 

Also... “life is too short to hate.” I mean... I think I’ve got enough life left in me to hate the sentient tire fire that uses too much fake tan cream, and the apparent resurgence of Nazis in America. Don’t you? Shouldn’t you? 

tj//cers are definitely not on that level, but I don’t hate them, is the thing. I said this before: I hate no one in particular, just what the legacy produced.