#im so fuxking stressed
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im stressed cuz i have so much to do, but i cant do it cuz im stressed cuz i have so much to do
#stress#im so fuxking stressed#i dont know what to do with myslef#help help help#this is a cry for help#i am stressed#mental instability#mental stability#lol#idk lol#funny
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Maybe someday I'll do one of those ask memes again
Or just interact in general
#fate rambles#things have been rough lately#stress and allergies are fuxking with me badly#and i feel bad for not talking to yall much lately#and tbh im kinda in a low spot with how i feel about myself bc im exposed to so much anti-lgbt crap everywhere#so I've been kinda leaning into some fos for comfort#and i hate asking for comfort from others bc then i feel like im being needy and overbearing
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oh my heads gone bad again
#like an old banana left out in the sun#i feel so full of shame and im dysfunctional and questioning everything like ive thought about quitting my job (which i still LOVE but i fe#el like i dont belong there cos im nowhere near as good as yhe rest of them and budgets are being cut our fuxking director got made redundan#t and i am the newest person on the lowest hours so im gonna be booted first for sure so thought hey ill leave them before thy can chuck me)#i dont know who i am or what i want or if im right or wrong about anything im fucking not doing so good in the head rn#yes i have taken my medication im just tired and stressed and have not been at all productive this week and im just not a huge fan of myself
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vent vent
#tw i dont even know anymor#tw bad mental health#fuck absolutely fucked#i feel sonfrustrated about not being able to sleep that i cant tell if im crying or laughing right now#everything is fucked#and it just feels worse now that i havent had any sleep and my sleep pattern is SO BAD#and the fuckeign restless leg sybdrome and the stress and the mourning and the ed and FUXK
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Oh no guys I read about adhd symptoms to see if I had it and now I've made myself sad :c dang these things be affecting my life :c
#rant#i was like: well i probably have ahdh but i have a fuckton of coping mechanisms so doctors probably wont help me#then i reflected on my coping mechanisms :c#guys i spend 8 hours prepping for a doctors appt. im not kidding. i hqve to schedule reminders on my outlook calendar#that i must look at constantly for work (so i dont forget). then sit for a couple hours to focus and dontemplate on the goal#of the appt. then write everything i need to tell them. then think some more. then write things i forgot in another few days#then in anothef few days. then after several hours and a few weeks i have a LIST OF STUFF TO TELL DOCTOR and then i always put calendar#appts EARLY on them by 1 hour so i freak out when i hear alarm and get ready then have time to get there extra.#and i do this for. taxes. oil changes. license renewal. any appointment of any kind. any work situation that isnt super routine and quick#all this shit takes me hours to WEEKS of prep. taxes take me 2 weeks of ONLY TAX WORK so like 20-30 hours whenever im nog working to slowly#prep then calm down then concentrate then prep. but i also do this for shopping for so much basic shit#i have calendar reminders to pay bills. i have a whiteboard on fridge to remind me of chores#i CANNOT remember any convo or task without gratuitious written reminders and notes so i write EVERYRHING down. college was hell#i threw out my planners from college so many bad memories and stress. byt like. goddamn some peiple...#onlt take 1-3 hours to prep for a#doctor???? or even less?!!!! some people GENUINELY only need 8 hours/a#sunday to do taxes???!!!! some people can plan appointmenrs without 1 hour buffer early time on their alarms? hell without NEEDING alarms#to remember the appt exists??!!!! i cant even follow a conversation thats 5 minutes without asking what they said. my mind blanks and i#space out. like... :c quite sad how much time is wasted by all this prep to cope as well as others. its all that CBT therapy strategies i#learned combined with just. so many fuxking notes.#i also do SO much to have normal convos. i practiced hard to focus ish and respond better and write things and have#the correct expressions and even now i know my talking speed upsets some ppl. which stresses me out :/
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the.. grinnd don't.. stop
#i say thiafter dissociating the whole car ride home#i dont#remember#like half of it#im so stressed#but i gott a keep going#no breaks#just ignore ot til it goes away#osuggh i feel weird fuxk#okay#monnie rambles
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#man im having a terrible time with life and its so frustrate#frustrate isnt even the correct word lol cant even rant on my own blog without minimizing my feelings and expression lol#anyway im wildly depressed and depressed and i feel like ive wasted rhis entoee fuxking year trying to finish my degree and being poor and#stressed when i couldve been working and doing not whatveer the hell this is#like i havent even DONE shit this semster istg. ots just been me staring at my comp and pacing anf crying and accomplishing jack shit#idk excited to talk to my therapist on friday i guess cuz i wanna fuxking die
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Spoke to my therapist about taking and after months of saving I'm going to finally be able to take the entirety of November off of work to recover from depression. Going to do my best to find meaning in living by using all the little energy I have in areas I never put energy into anymore like my art and hobbies.
#Very excited to grow and REST#good god i need a fuxking break#im taking a gap semester from school too so its now or ever#*never#I want to be more passionate and creative and alive#right now i feel like my existence is to be sad and stressed about money#the future is terrifying without a safety net#im being my own safety net and focusing on what makes me feel good#because scrolling endlessly and watching youtube before and after work day after day isnt living#and if im not working im cleaning or cooking or fixing my car or something#i cant be productive 365 days#i need to rest and dilly dally and be in nature and move my body in ways that feel good#mental health#text
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#i dont think i can be saved anymore#ill just.. continue until i degrade myself to nothing#its not like theres much i can do to stop that#i wasnt ok even before i started being depressed. no amount of therapy could fix me like that#i cant do anything anymore#i cant study i cant enjoy games i cant sleep properly#i cant even kill myself#or self harm for that matter#theres no reason why i should exist#i already wasnt supposed to exist 2 times before my birth#and since then i shouldve died several times#im trying to hope that this is stress talking. tgat im thinking this because of how we were fucked over graduating#over how much i despise most of my classmates and my highschool#of how i have exams this year that are really important and at the same time not relevant for my situation yet i have to stress over them#of how ill have to survive for another summer with my parents#how ill have to mask and hide evey single thing from them#because theyre too arrogant to accept that their kid might have mental problems and too homophobic for me to feel safe coming out#I WANT TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY CRY GOD FUXKING DAMMIT#im tired#im so fucking tired#of everything#i cant read my own thoughts anymore#i dont know what emotions im hiding#all i know is that im miserable and depressed#and everything that i can currently do is making me at least incrementally worse#tw depression#tw suicide mention#green bear rant#green bear spam
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Hate when people say some shit like "if you're stressed out just go outside and yell!" to some kind of repressed freak. I've been containing my emotions in me for the past like 15 years. You think I can go outside and yell for five seconds and feel better. I'm like will Graham, if I start I'm not gonna fucking stop
#jay jabbers#when i get stressed out i start screaming in my brain and its so loud it hurts my ears and by the time im done#actual me is out of breath because i start breathing super hard where im trying so hard to be normal#people with healthy coping mechanisms i envy you#people with mental health and support systems i hate you i envy you i want what you have so bad#sitting in the car cause my leg hurts and if one more fucking thing happens i swear im going to start screaming for real#i can only be called stupid so many times in one day.#AND IM FUCKING NOT!!!!!#i graduated with a 3.98 of 4.0 GPA. i am not fucking stupid i am not fuxking stupid i am fucking not fucking stupid fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!#i wish people would stop treating me like im a fucking imbecile i speak two languages i can critically think im not fucking stuoid#i swear to god im gonna go postal#jay fucking rambles i guess#im gonna kill myself. i swear im THIS close to just shooting myself
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Im gonna scream so- work mean i get to listen to sherlock and Co. An im on thr cyclist part 2, first off.
The bandaid Sherlock gives John is a thomas the tank engine.
Again I can not stress how much I love how active John is in this version. Because we get qoutes like John saying sherlock should be more invested in the case. Because if the brother does kill the stalker. "Do you know how many one stars that'll generate?"
JOHN LMAO what type of sociopath take is that my guy!!
Also John giving sherlock the cold shoulder and Sherlock instantly freaking out. Plus just the imagine of Marianna and Sherlock standing in their living room watching as John put red string up on a borad. Like hes fuxking charlie day from always sunny.
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✨ episode 5 - running commentary✨
- this episode better be the one to Alter My Brain Chemistry, I NEED AN explanation for the too fast for me scene pls
- THEY BETTER KISS I S2G
- right okay hi shax I hate you 😘 but Miranda is killing WAIT TEN THOUSAND WHAT THATA OVERKILL ITS ONE SILLY BILLY ANGEL AND A DUMB ASS DEMON
- "can I watch" crowley TONE IT DOWN KINKY BOY
- "there will be sandwiches" LOL IM IN BABES
- DOCTOR WHO lmao harpischord guy get fucking SERVED
- HES JUST TEMPTED SOMEONE AND GIVEN AWAY A BOOK??? my guy going through some ROUGH character development
- hell is literally so understaffed wtf
- MAGIC SHOP AGAIN YES
- ERDNASE REFERENCE ERDNASE REFERENCE
- Crowley is so proud of his husband BUT THAT FEZ NEEDS TO GOOOOO
- neil if you ever read this pls can we have aziraphale be a permanent party planner bc he does the mostest and pls ignore my criticism of ep1 and 2 I take it all back pls pls more aziraphale planning tf out of shit
- SHAX MOMMY YES💅💅💅 ALSO ERIC MY BELOVED My sweet baby boy
- FRENCH AZIRAPHALE YOU NEED TO STOP crowley is FED UP he looks like a kid whose mum got caught chatting at the supermarket
- aziraphale pls stop
- NINA KNOWS WHATS UP GAY SPOTS GAY
- no crowley don't make that face no why why why WHY YOU LOOKING LIKE THAT😭😭😭✨ he loves you CROWLEY YOU BLIND FUCKKNG IDIOT and you love HIM you emotionally stunTED APE
- the glasses and sideburns are still BUGGING ME someone explain did he go shOPPING OFF SCREEN????
- ERIC NO BYEBYE MY LOVERRRRR
- wow that was a long pre credit bit wtf
- DATE???? oh no crowley is pulling away no no no
- "SMUT?" fucking OKAY??? DO IT THEN YOU PUSSY ASS BITCH✨💓
- fuck they're about to have a Conversation aren't they and get drunk and it's about to get EMOTIONAL
- Crowley FUCK
- CROWLEY BOO
- "friend" ok lol
- he's about to throw mf HANDS but goob is so innocent NO WAIT CROWLEY NO DOMT DO THAT oh thank fuck
- matchbox ajamakajalam sns
- lmao the growth that Crowley just did in 30 seconds gave me WHIPLASH
- Muriel no pls don't do it bbygirl💓💓 OH GOD YOUVE GONE DONE IT NOW
- ah Jim's mug
- DECORATING MIRACLES YES BABY
- WAIT AND SEE ✨✨✨✨
- oh aziraphale I love u so MUCH 😭😭😭
- Mrs sandwich I LOVE HER no aziraphale don't ask pls bby
- CROWLEY WHAT U SNIFFIN HONEY UR LIKE A BLOODHOUND FOR TROUBLE WHAT A POWER
- GOOB YOU ARE FABULOUS DARLING I LOVE JT✨
- "you young people"
- F BOMB FUCK YES
- oh no Maggie no not you CROWLEY YOU HERO GOD BLESS tell em babes
- lmao are they even gonna get to dance this is so stressful
- Mrs sandwich just chill out honey you are a madam SEX WORK IS VALID REAL WORK I said what I said
- "have a vol au vent" SO MARRIED💓
- omg am i now liking Maggie and nina hmmmmmmm AZIRAPHALE'S FACE crowley you could have that IF YOU EVEN TRIED MY GUY
- I HAVE SUCH JACKET ENVY LMAOOOO goob you are the only valid character
- WHAT no stop goob stop
- fuck OFF THEY ACTUALLY SANCE FUXK KM SWEATINF NOOOOOOK💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓
- AHHHHHHHHHHHHH BOYS PLEASE
- well fuck that's put a spanner in the works
- aziraphale go fucking NAILS GET THEIR ASS oh that's not good✨
- GOOBY NO BE QUIET SHHHHHH
- GOOB NO
- NO GOOB
- the mf coat is SPECTACULAR ✨✨✨✨ did they spend the whole budget on it???? HES SO FABULOUS AND FRUITY
- oh my god the miracle is working against them fuck
- the fact that the humans are just chilling lmaoooo
- NEIL WE NEED CROWLEY AS A LAWYER PLS THANK U they just got SEVRED✨💓
- lmao IT WAS FAKE HAHAHAHAHA
- Mr brown shut up pipe down back in your box
- see that's what you get when you run your mouth
- IS THIS EVERY
- CMON GIVE ME EVERY
- oh my god crowley is the PATRON VIRGIN saint of sex work I LIVE FOR IT god bless or maybe not
- IS THAT A PRAISE KINK I SEE
- "rescuing me makes him so happy" FUCKING DECEASED
- Muriel lmao we know this it's ok bby take HIM TO HEAVEN IN THE ANGEL-ON-THE-ASS TRACKSUIT
- the MUSIC OKAY ITS GOOD NOW YES YES YES✨
- GOING UP
- I'm dead
#good omens#good omens season 2#go2 commentary#good omens spoilers#good omens 2 spoilers#not a shitpost but its good omens babyyyy
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Can i have some nonsense on Austria and Hungary?? Im Hungary for more of these two ✨
Aushun nonsense leets go. Also amazing pun, just yes. Pure fluff, diabetes inducing
Theyve both known eachother for so long and it means they know almost exactly what the other needs during certain times, austria can always tell when Hungary is stressed and needs a hug and she can always tell when the dudes boutta have a nervous breakdown and comforts him better than anyone else can.
Austria can not cook, but he can bake like a fuxking god and therefore has a sweet tooth larger than England, meaning they bake together a lot and their neighbour's get lots of baked goods from them.
Hungary can cook, very well in fact, and they both sit down at the dinner table gossiping about whoever and whatever, being all lovely dovey and I like that for them.
All this food has made Austria, the dude who can barely run a hallway, a bit chubby, Hungary does not mind whatoever, but does tease him a bit about it and makes sure to limit his food intake, but when snuggled up on the sofa and Austria is the best pillow she's ever encountered, and he is probably already asleep too. She has that sappy smile that says "I fucking love this bastard of a man."
When sleeping in bed, hUngary ties up her hair into a plait and if he is not already knocked out, which is rare I must say, he loves fiddling with her hair and stroking it and "lamenting" (really just gushing) about how pretty and strong and amazing she is.
Also Austria hogs the blanket while hungary snores like a jackhammer.
They both act like an old married couple, and to be fair they are, but not in the fruk type old married couple, I mean the soft "I've lived you since the day we met" kind of old couple. They sit inside in woollen jumpers sipping hot chocolate and looking out at the rain in silence just enjoying eachothers vibe.
They knit eachother things and I love the idea that the flower in Hungarys hair was crocheted by Austria, and that Hungary without fail makes a new scarf for him every winter and he has wayyy too many scarves now but cant bring himself to throw them out or to donate them
Behold my Aushun fluff dump essentially
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i fuxking stressed myself into a migraine
i’m gonna snap
i took two fucning tylenol and four god damn ibuprofen my forehead feels so tense it’s insane
i need to put my phone down now but hopefully i can tolerate the office playing in the background
god im literally going all the way through it right now
i always have these breakdowns and then i’m able to suppress the pain again for the most part for awhile and then i have this breakdown again and then i can suppress it for awhile and on and on
this is my life.
i have no idea how to begin from the ground up. i never learned how to be a good friend to someone. i never learned how to be good to myself. When i was younger, i remember i was a lot kinder and sweeter, and even gentler in a lot of ways. I don’t know how to do that anymore. i also used to be really friendly and outgoing and like excited to meet people and was super free spirited and almost even self confident when i was 12.
i feel like i’m full of so much anger now. not just because i’m PMSing, but i mean i’ve realized how much anger i truly have pent up inside me, and it comes out in every single one of my relationships, and it always has, all my life. but when i was a little kid, i also still had this light in me, this undying optimism and love for life. I was angry as a kid, because of what i was going through at home. and i’ve carried that anger into adulthood, and tacked on a lot more anger from all the other times i’ve been hurt since then.
that hurt and anger has always been there but i spent a lot of my life trying to be in denial of the anger part… Because of the belief that if I’m an angry person then that means i’m like my dad.
there’s so much to unpack. god im dissociated after crying and freaking out and i’m a little high and my meds are kicking in. i’m finally going to set my phone down i just really needed to vent some more i guess but my head is killing me bye
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nightmare + desire + free
Doing this for vianney and rodrick, might throw in a couple others if im feeling feisty
nightmare: What does your OC have nightmares about? How do they deal with their nightmares? Do they tell people, or keep it to themself?
Vianney: they dont often remeber their nightmares, but its usually either about being trapped one way or another, or its about blood that they cant rid themself of. They dont so much deal as wake up and try to movc on best they can. No one really hears about it.
Rodrick: before cora, he mostly had stress dreams, confusing and weird. After cora, its a mix of her, and of people walking away from him. He doesnt cope well with it, but it does help tjat since it isnt often outwardly visible, he can just tuck himself closer to vianney and take the comfort. He doesnt talk about it, doesnt mention he has nkghtmares at all.
desire: What's one thing your OC wants more than anything in the world? Are they open with that desire? Why or why not? What would they do to fulfill it?
Vianney : vianney wants peace. They want home, they want a doover of their life so that it wouldnt be so fuxked up in so many ways. Its something they keep close to their chest and dont let themself think too much about lest they lose it.
Rodrick: he wants a hallmark movie. He wants it all to be simple and easy. He wants to be loved, often no matter the cost.
torture: Has your OC ever been tortured? Would your OC ever torture someone else?
Vianney: no and no. Not to say theyve never been hurt physically, only that it doesny truly fall in the torture category.
Rodrick: yes and no. Cora was SHIT. He had no interest in doing the same to anyone.
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this is shaping up to be yet another horribly stressful aries season and i'm over it!!!!!! it's supposed to be my favorite time of the year!!! today has been so unbelievably stressful!!!!!!
i had to go to pt where my physical therapist just droned on about the nervous system in really basic terms 😭 and i am a lot beyond basic terms but i couldn't bring myself to tell her that. then i had to have regular therapy which SUCKED today. then i had to file a complaint with the better business bureau because the stupid hyundai place hasn't contacted me back for TWO WEEKS despite multiple attempts to reach them AND a review on google. then i had to file a police report about my car being attempted stolen because the only way to get money from the class action settlement is if u file a fuxking police report WELL OKAY WHAT IF I HATE THE COPS AND DONT TALK TO THEM AND CAN I NOT JUST SHOW U FUCKING PICTURES??? but i also can't just let thousands of dollars go down the drain and also fuck hyundai. then i had to send another fucking text that i didn't want to send and aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhggggggggggI AM ANXIOUS I AM STRESSED IM SICK OF DOING YHINGS I NEED A VACATION TYVM
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