#im probably not gonna do that at all i like my name
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gang as after school snacks🫵🫶
i main oreos and milk ANYDAY OF THE WEEK🧍♀️👹❤️
ponyboy:
prob apples or sum shit😭
like something kinda random but also reasonable
ngl apples and peanut butter HIT sometimes
so he’s real for that
6/10 also gives pudding cup guy
johnny:
either doesn’t have anything as an after school snack
#neglected
in all seriousness i feel so incredibly bad for johnny and his home life
OR he makes like a whole meal
no in between
like he’ll come home and just put together a whole sandwich, juice, apple, the whole thing
5/10 i’m sorry😭
sodapop:
just has a can of coke or smth
this is not a joke on his name but it does go very well with it
but i think he just THRIVES off caffeinated sodas
comes home and cracks open a dr pepper, pepsi, whatever
thats enough to fuel him thru the rest of the day
also when he’s had a bad day he’ll just sit in his and pony’s room in the dark and sip his soda ominously LMAOOO
8/10 my mom does this
darry:
yoghurt and granola typa guy
probably calls granola “cereal”
ily darry but this is unacceptable 🫶🥰
he def pressures pony and soda to have healthy snacks which pony listens to but soda…well we know what soda does💀
everyone makes fun of him for his taste but he gets so pressed so fast (trust me he’s mad at me already for writing this)
3/10🏃♀️💨
dally:
religiously has bowls of cereal
or just cigarettes yk
just sits in the dark and eats his lucky charms whilst contemplating everything annoying he !everyone else! did that day
thinks about how much homework he has and how hes not gonna do a lick of it
calls up friends asking them to share their answers to the spanish hw
and on the other side of the line they can just hear him munching away and just like “…what are you eating🧍♀️”
dal’s just like “the bones of your dead dreams now tell me what the fuck a conjugation is and how i do it”
9/10 y’all prob know im an intense cereal lover
two-bit:
gushers or fruit snacks typa thing
prob drinks kool-aid like it’s the water of life
he’s real for that to a degree
like sometimes too many ritz crackers is too much 😭
probably just eats packs after packs of fruit snacks
struggle meals all the way💀
8/10
steve:
just drinks a glass of milk or smth
straight from the carton
just a total scavenger of the pantry
so disrespectful💀
in general i think he steals all the gangs food as a joke
darry just bought some cookies from the grocery store and by the time he gets home from work they’re gone😭😭
4/10
ANYWAYS request hcs, imagines, anything! i do platonic and romantic y/ns too🫶
ILYSM‼️‼️
#the outsiders#dallas winston#ponyboy curtis#johnny cade#darry curtis#the outsiders sodapop#steve randle#two bit mathews#matt dillon#sodapop curtis
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“Can't remember when we walked past the O.R. sign!
(sur-ger-y!)
Can't remember passing out with her hand in mine!
(my-my-mind!!!!)
I remember waking up with my mind repaired.
(A-OK! ^^)
I remember when I realized, she wasn't there...”
Amnesia was her name….. is. so. horrifically. sadly fitting for these two in literally every single line. And I’m gonna NEED ALL OF U GUYS TO GO LISTEN TO IT NOW OK… THIS ISNT A DRILL GO GO GO GO!!!
Anyway… uhh. the fact Betty “blessed” this guy to like. An eternally long lifespan w THIS FUCKED UP OF A MENTAL STATE IS SO SCREWED UP GHGH- Like poor Simon god damn…! u kno he’d rather just keep on not sorting out his baggage and trauma forever too cuz it’d be too complicated… too much… force him to admit things about himself and about BETTY that he really really doesn’t want to… better to just leave it all unexamined.. pack it all into lil boxes so he can just try to ignore it and pretend it doesn’t exist… HE GOTTA LIVE FOREVER W IT THO… *ME BANGING ON SIMONS DOOR AT 3 IN THE MORNING*: “SIMON U GOTTA ACCEPT URSELF!!!! LOVE URSELF!!!! ACKNOWLEDGE N ACCEPT EVEN THE “BAD” PARTS OF URSELF!!!! SIMON PLEASE!!!!! SIMON EVEN PPL WHO LOVE YOU AND WHO YOU LOVE CAN HURT YOU!!!! ACKNOWLEDGE IT!!! ACKNOWLEDGE THE HURT AND ACKNOWLEDGE UR FEELINGS!!!! AND URSELF!!!!! SIMON!!!!” anyway… gGHGH YEA, SRRY. SIMON PETRIKOVS MENTAL ILLNESSES MAKE ME FEEL LIKE IM GONNA EXPLODE. ANYWAY HAVE SOME ART. W a bunch of diff versions cuz I’m indecisive!
#adventure time#simon petrikov#betty grof#petrigrof#doodles#lol at tagging this petrigroff but nah I stand by it man!!!!#being a petrigroff shipper is understanding that I’m actually canon these two need som fuckin COUPLES COUNSELING. OR TO JUST BREAKUP.#like….. gGHG I LOVE BETTY BUT ALSO. ALSO… also…. these 2 have some issues… seperate and together issues. lmao#ANYWAY THO. ANYWAY THO. IM SO FUCKING EXCITED. I SAW THE NEW TRAILER. IM GONNA DIE. MY WIFE I GOT TO SEE MY WIFE#AND WERE ACTUSLLY GONNA GET SIMON MENTAL STATE SHIT YEAHHHHH!!!!#HELL FUCKING YEAH!!!!!!!!!#FIONNA AND CAKE DO NOT LET THIS NERD KEEP RUNNING AWAY FROM HIS FEELINGS FUCKING GET HIS ASS!!! MAKE HIM FACE IT AND WORK THRU IT!!!#pls!!!! if even Simon Petrikovs can start working thru his mental traumas there might be hope for all of us ghghg#uh but anyway yeah. AMBESIA IS HER NAME IS SO THEM.. STRAIGHT UP I FELT THE URGE TO EVEN LIKE. make an animatic for it!! it was so fitting!#im not gonna make an animatic cuz I don’t feel like it but!!! I saw it… I saw the animatic in my brain ghghg-#there’s a lot of typos in these tags but. just do me a favor… and pretend like there aren’t lol#fionna and cake#am I…. possibly…. projecting more mental trauma and issues on Simon. then he ACTUALLY has…#probably. yes. but!!!! he def still DOES have issues. I feel like I’m probably exaggerating the Betty ones cuz he#never really outright expresses feeling hurt by her. but also I feel like!!!! he’s the sorta guy!!! WHO WOULDNT EXPRESS THAT!#cuz he loves her!!!!! sO MUCH!! and she did so much and pushed herself so far and was trying so hard… and also she’s fucking basically d#dead now!!!! it’d be like. disrespectful of her memory…. to feel that. also what’s even the point of expressing that pain she’s gone!!!!!#she did all of that.. for him… how could he…. just. spit in the face of that#im writing those last few tags in the he perspective of simons mind btw… the things he tells himself….#anyway gGHG MAYBE I AM PROBABLY PROJECTING MORE ISSUES ON HIM THEN HE ACTUALLY HAS BUT WHO CARES MAN#I’m allowed ghghgh-#I wanna draw art of Simon having a traumatic flashback to the ‘Dont worry ull be obliterated soon!’ line and hating himself for it#ice king isn’t him!!! it isn’t him! it’s not him!!! why does that hurt it shouldn’t hurt she wasn’t talking to HIM#BUT SHE WAS#SHE WAS… she didn’t think of the ice king as Simon but he IS… HE IS AND JUST. URGHGH
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sbr doodles because cowboys cool
yeehaw am i right gamers *a semi truck collides into my home at high speeds, killing me instantly*
#WOOO YEAHHH COWBOYS#still reading but MAN#im gonna be honest sbr is probably super close to new favorite part because johnny and gyro live in my heart forever right next to#joseph and caesar and they are competing for brain space but i think part 2 still my favorite#SBR IS REALLY CLOSE THOUG#jjba#steel ball run#johnny joestar#gyro zeppeli#i could also tag diego i guess but he’s in like one thingy and i speedran drawing him#do you think he names the dinosaurs he makes#important genuine question i need to know#if he doesn’t I will#i’m naming them all gertrude#sic em Gertrude 2000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#my art !! :]
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Iwaizumi doesn't know what to think when he finds his boyfriend in the entry way of their apartment, soaked from head to toe and clutching his jacket to his chest.
"I'm home." Suga says with a sheepish grin while he clumsily tries to get his shoes off without using his hands.
“You’re soaked,” Iwaizumi frowns, pushing his wet bangs back out of his face and eyeing the barely noticeable trembling of his shoulders. “Why aren’t you-”
Suga’s jacket meows.
Suga frowns down at the jacket in his arms. “You were supposed to let me do the talking first.” He says lightheartedly, his words are met with another slightly more indignant meow.
“Koushi, we talked about this.” Iwaizumi says.
“It’s raining, Hajime. The poor thing was soaked, I couldn’t just leave her out there.” Suga says, his tone soft. “Can we just keep her here for tonight? Until it stops raining? And then I’ll take her to the shelter.”
Iwaizumi wants to stand firm but his resolve slowly melts away when he looks at the cat again. She’s shivering just as much as Suga, the now soaked jacket likely not helping her keep warm. She’s nuzzling into his chest in search of warmth and it tugs at Iwaizumi’s heartstrings.
He glances back at the door to the balcony. Still raining.
“Okay,” Iwaizumi relents. “She can stay for tonight. Until it stops raining.”
He has a nagging feeling that ‘for tonight’ is going to turn into indefinitely but the pure joy lighting up Suga’s face distracts him from this fleeting thought.
“Yeah, yeah. You need to get out of those clothes.” Iwaizumi reaches out to take the cat from Suga’s arms. She's oddly compliant for a stray. “I’ll dry her off and get her some food and water. I think we have some canned tuna in the cabinet.”
“Ooh,” Suga whistles, gently depositing the little tabby into Iwaizumi’s open arms. “You hear that, baby? He’s spoiling you.” He coos.
“It’s the only thing we have,” Iwaizumi rolls his eyes, readjusting his grip once he has the cat safely in his arms. She nuzzles into the newfound warmth immediately.
#hi have this snippet from my drafts that was meant to be part of a longer fic but. im probably just gonna do it in little snippets now#iwaizumi and the cat he didn't want#<- tag for this saga#iwasuga#there was honestly more for this Initial night i wanted to write but i think i like it better like this? short and sweet...#even if it sort of feels incomplete? idk.#anyway stay tuned i will write more scenes for this. maybe#there is a Timeline here. of iwa warming up to the cat and loving her with all his heart#this cat is still unnamed i need to name her
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Do yall think if Danny was in persona all the characters would think hes fused with his persona?
Would they think hes a random persona if they saw him in his ghost for in a palace or mementos? Some weird oddity of someones shadow trying to lay claim to mementos?
What if his lair acted as his palace in a way? Like it’s his lair but they can enter it with the nav so they think phantom is how he sees himself. Oh geeze thats kinda fucked up. He sees himself as a hero? Oh ok. No wait it’s him dead!!?! He thinks hes dead to the world??!? He sees himself as a child who died and is a hero!!?!?!
Lord the implications. Does he join the phantom thieves? I mean he is a phantom. Lmao they probably accuse him of trying to steal their theme. Thats their thing.
Does he even get a persona? Maybe they ask why he never gets one. He clearly has a rebellious spirit so whats up? He just casually drops “maybe it’s because im dead?” And everyone just freezes and it’s a slow turn. Fish eye camera holy fuck wtf did he just say.
#danny phantom#danny phantom persona crossover baby#it’s another crossover#do u guys like getting to see me go thru all my interests#did I ever do the pkmn crossover?#probably not#anyway im gonna think of a name for this then play like phas or draw cici#I wanna call it phantom phantom#ghost thieves?#the phantom theif lmao#uhhh#they gonna steal his core and kill him again
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inyuose siblings yay! (i only got a few things abt them done)
#crow's scribbles#d4dj#d4dj groovy mix#shinobu inuyose#inyuose siblings#<- temp. tag for them until i figure out their names yay#you can see some of my headcanons for what shinobu looks like lol--#im trying to learn how to do different face shapes so i hope it's a bit.... like. visible.#if not then that means im gonna try harder!!!!! anyway sibling lore time yayyy!!#shinobu's sister goes to nagi's university instead of seiho bc.... it'd be funny. she's walking and then she hears “HEYY!!!!” and it's nagi#she works at the music store that the girls check regularly in the mall. shinobu asked for a family discount once but stopped bc her sister#upped the price. her brother i honestly had no idea what he could do as a job so i thought he'd be an office worker bc. he gave the vibes.#the three of them are surprisingly a bit popular bc of their looks but they dont know it. theyre kinda dense w it.#when the three of them are together it's just. hell. for the brother. bc shinobu and her sister bully him even tho he's older.#the way he stops the teasing is by saying “and i thought i was gonna give you guys free food” or something like that then they stop.#he follows up on the promise ofc dw#im probably not gonna design ALL the d4 siblings bc idk what some of them are like bc i dont have info so im only doing the ones i know of.#next up is probably maika....... yeahhhh.#I JUST REALIZED HER BROTHER LOOKS LIKE FUTABA FROM REVSTAR HELP--
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pov you're franziska and you're 11 years old and you just started your first period and papa has NOT been helpful but your brother has conducted extensive research and is handling it surprisingly well
#i am never gonna finish this so have the wip lmao#do you have any idea how difficult it is for me a furry. to draw not only a human but a human with kinda yaoi proportions#by tracing him over eminem's lanky ass. of all people#im honestly amazed it didn't turn out a lot worse#i spent way longer on this than i thought i would#i didn't think it would even result in something i was comfortable posting lmao but here we are#also i thought abt looking up what people use in germany and/or finding the german packaging of products we have in the uk too#but with the god-awful-to-nonexist transparent png's online shops be uploading for their websites i can only assume are ran by boomers#i was like yknow what im just gonna use what im familiar with and consider high end and/or bougie#i would not be caught dead using nurofen and neither would most people i know on account of generic stuff is cheaper + works the same#but i imagine they must make their money somehow. probably from people who are well off enough to not really think abt that stuff#and being the perfectionists they are the von karma household are not gonna use the german equivalent of tesco's own version of anything#so. we've got what in my heavy period having opinion are The Only Acceptable Pads#then we've got expensive ice cream with a european-sounding name bc of course#then we've got the chocolate 11yo me was always craving but could rarely have bc ny dad was a cheapskate so. i assume it's expensive#the nurofen of course#and. i don't know much abt what paracetamol brands are considered bougie and was already soso tired#so i just. grabbed one that wasn't a generic tesco version and went with it#i was also gonna put a hot water bottle in a cute fluffy case but i forgor so just pretend it's there#fanart#shitpost#miles edgeworth#sibling brainrot#my art#my shitposts#im..... not putting this in the aa tag#not bc im embarrassed abt the art itself but bc im afraid that if the cis men catch a glimpse of it they'll clown on me and call me gross#bc cis men do not know how to be normal about periods#it's a fact of life grow up this isn't cursed it is incredibly wholesome and sweet to imagine miles reading several wikipedia articles#in order to better understand and assist his little sister through her first period. it's cute it's not gross fuck you
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fish......
#art#traditional art#watercolour#embroidery thread#oc art#ocs#oc group: unsorted#oc: unnamed#i gotta name him. my guy whos secretly a school of fish pretending to be human#this was another study i made for class along with a few other doodles of this guy. then i got kinda roasted by my TAs lol#wasnt their fault i think they were just tired and stressed. plus theyre like the same age as me. i know what its like being 25 LOL#it did discourage me a lot in the moment because despite the everything about me thats probably apparent both through my blog and irl#i keep my art passions really REALLY closed off irl LOL so at the time i was like just barely stepping my toe out and showing my truth:#that all i do all day is draw dorky oc stuff HDKJSDS i did kinda immediately get called cringe in all but the actual word orz#it was a bummer but i think i feel better about it now. especially because again my TAs are the same age as me or younger than me#and im not gonna let a 25 year old calling me cringe get me in my head HKFSKJFDSd plus again i think they were just stressed and in a mood#because other times theyve been chill even when giving a harsh critiques so it mightve just been like. something in the air#but you know. isnt that a bit of a milestone in its own right. being called cringe in your fine arts class critique <3#but i still like my funny guy from my dream. hes just a normal ass looking guy. who is made of fish :)
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i dont think i should be allowed to name my google docs anymore
#avpswjy#LIKE BRO WHAT ARE THESEEEE#i was just trying to see if i had a doc for my weird machine horror story#i do but im gonna make a diff one. and probably name it smth like this. unfortunately#the worst part is these are all either like life organization things OR genuine serious writing#eeby deeby is a comic script i was working on. bepsi is one of my fave pieces of writing ive ever done. kill me.#aaaaanyway im gonna try to just charge forward and write the machine story#ive been thinkin abt it lately and i want smth short to kind of warm up with#then its cowboy time i think :)#i feel like i should say also that my art files are SO well organized and then my writing files are. this.
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novem-bur day 14: walter crondale !!
i wouldve posted walter on his day but i ended up making it way more complicated than i could finish in time so im just gonna post it whenever i finish it lmao. so in the meantime have a doodle :3
prompt list
#wilbur soot#walter crondale#wilbur soot fanart#art#novem-bur#im probably gonna make this sketch into a thing for my trig project due in a couple weeks lmao#like i was just drawing this then i went OMG THE BG IS LIKE SECANT GRAPHS ❤️❤️#so. it works for my trig project lmao#kinda sad i didnt finish the bigger drawing in time bc it was fwiatc and i wanted 2 explain walters whole deal in fwiatc.....#well whatever i'll explain it here . for anyone reading the tags. bc i want to#so walters whole thing is that hes 1. married to rustbur and 2. a watcher and 3. caused the whole story to happen#like while looking for his husband (who was supposedly dead after crashing in the pacific while fighting in ww2)#he decided to check other timelines as well. specifically other timelines with ppl named 'wilbur soot'#so he accidentally-on-purpose put them all 2gether and then joined after everyone was there. for funsies#i love walter so much hes gay hes a god hes besties with sally the salmon and Jesus Christ Himself he has a cat named after every single us#-president its lived to see his full name is walter herbert oglevee morrison soot-crondale (after the guy who reported the hindenburg irl-#-w the script wilbur read out while doing the og walter crondale bit) hes so so special to me i want to throw him into a trash compacter#<- hed b fine anyways . walk out without a single scratch#i love him#anyways go read party in the [REDACTED] in the fwiatc series it is my favoritest thing ever#thank you forever and ever for that zo#and for the 50% of fwiatc youve basically written for me#ok this is not the right time or place to get sappy i have a chapter to finish
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paper doll by flower face
#yellowjackets#jackieshauna#i started making this. like right after i uploaded isobel (finished yesterday but it was too late to put in on here lol)#meaning in not much time (so that's why it's probably not my best work)#realized i used the same scenes like too often on the third rewatch which is the rewatch i do on here#n i dont want to go back and change it the save it and upload in on here. sorry#tbh im REALLY not sure if anyone is even watching those. mainly doing this for my code of honor#(<- thinking to myself 'omg im gonna edit the whole albim the shark in your water by flower face to jackieshauna#and then acting like I swore my life to that cause)#(more like code of HOMOr amirite)#anyways. considero g how not much time i took in this im still proud of it#mitos incredible life#mine art tag#also I just realized this (or my edits in general) might not make that much sense withiut my thoughts?#like (most of the time) i have MANY thoughts abt the lyrics and I could analyse i think all of my edits very in depth#and it IS THAT DEEP bc im the creator and what i say is true fr#might do an analysis. if anybody likes this i see that as confirmación that ppl want it.#and if it's for the imaginary person thatll find this in ca 5 years (named him jesú.)#anyways jackieshauna brainrot REAL i cant listen to baby teeth anymore withiut thinking sbt them and violently feeling a lot of things#jackieshauna: The Shark In Your Water
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just wanna say im obsessed with your mind and i read your posts about kiryu like the morning paper. thank you for your service
(Sweats) e-even the ones about him laying eggs ?
#Thanks for the ask !#HIIIIII thank you for reading my posts im really a serial rambler so that is no easy feat. i just had a lowkey nightmare that was insect#based so its nice to think about different kinds of eggs once in a while. sorry for the eggs i just learned the word gravid and i cant stop#saying it !!! i literally opened tumblr to make another post about kiryu i was gonna say he was probably antisocial in his childhood which#is really a miracle any girls managed to notice him at all. and i believe that he was very dismissive of his clothing and appearance because#you know when youre young and trans and havent realised it but you just randomly hate everything about your appearance and dont even knowwhy#i think his hair was always too long and too shaggy and he would let nishiki comb it sometimes because he really could not stand his mane#and sometimes when it gets wayy too long and shitty the sunflower caretaker would drag him outside and just cut a chunk of it off with a#knife and kiryu would have shoulder length hair for a little while... anyway i need to give him a little girlfriend like how rikiya had one#when he was in school because all trans guys need a little girlfriend or an all girl group of friends to be his girlfriends when hes a kid#so he can carry their shopping bags and wait for them outside the changing room etc and kiryu cant resist a girl so he gets a letter from#nishiki and he tells him yeah this is probably a prank to have you wait there for hours or there might be guys waiting to ambush you and#beat the crap out of you. and kiryus like Nobody beats the crap out of me except our dad. and goes to meet this girl and he actually agrees#to go out with her and this is the thing that keeps him in school because otherwise he would literally not go. like hed walk with yumi and#nishiki and the rest of the kids at sunflower that he doesnt care about to remember the names of. and he would just wave them off at the#gate and wander the town in his school uniform and then after school he’ll meet nishiki and possibly yumi at the gate (yumi probably makes#other friends but its a Must to walk nishiki home because he’ll get lonely) and when kiryu starts going out with this girl hes obligated to#walk her home so he already broke rule one but nishikis like happy for him But he has to walk home with some other random guys now and#eventually theyll broach the topic of ‘his psycho sister’ and nishiki literally has to beat a few guys up to defend kiryus honour and when#he comes back with news of how unpopular kiryu is with the rest of the guys because he looks better with short hair than they do and has a#girlfriend whos super cute. kiryu is just like damn did you commit social suicide to protect my honour? youre my best friend. but whatever#kids get over it fast. but parents dont!! and kiryu walks his girlfriend right to her front door and soon enough her parents are going to#find out that the boyfriend she keeps gushing about is a girl and straight up take her out of school to make her stop being gay and kiryus#like but ... im a boy ... punches the ground and screams to the sky. anyway enough about dysphoria simulator im here to talk about this guy#when hes a bit older because im salivating and shaking over the thought of his bootyass rip kiryu you woulda loved thongs. i think hed hate#ripped jeans but only because he thinks theyre a waste of manufacturing. its literally better for the world that kiryu decided 2 transition#because can you imagine if she was a girl and needed to wear a bra? like she would literally have an itchy back all the time which would#give her a hair trigger temper which means kamurocho a&e room will be very healthily plush indeed. god my battery is dying i need to take a#shower noww anyway really thank you for the nice message you are so sweet ... hi ...
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me remembering the majority of my first couple of months on this site were defined by people who are no longer in my life anymore :
#like . idk why ive been thinking abt them a lot recently but i have#maybe cuz im working on Something that they don’t get to enjoy because they’re petty and refuse to see anything created by me anymore. idk#maybe it’s cuz im finally doing ok without them. making new friends. having new moots. enjoying life more without their company!!#if you know who im talking abt. you probably do. but if you do just ignore#bc i don’t want my experiences with these two to define your opinions of them 👍 im trying to be more mature than that#but at the same time. so much of me wants to call them out and name drop. but i won’t.#because im moving on and honestly? i hope they’re not moving on from me. so they can see what they’re missing !!#anyways . this was brought to you by a pep talk i needed to hear that nobody’s gonna give me#thank u and goodnight#🫧🪴#wayli vague posts#except it’s Directed at People#edit to clarify : if you can see this post. i am not talking abt you don’t worry#the people im talking abt blocked me so they can’t see if so if you can see this it’s not about you !!#all of my current moots are wonderful mwah <3 💕
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2300 words!! yay!! now THATS more like it. i haven’t even quite reached the end of the opening scene, but i need to go do laundry so i’m going to have to set it down for now :( hopefully i can write more later ;;;;
#i still need a name for it also but i'm TRYING to not RUSH that#since i always end up with names sooooo early in writing#i want to hold off on naming it until i've gotten somewhere with it#we're currently in the beginning - the armistice. then we'll have the middle - the peace treaty. and finally the end - the friendship treaty#im aiming for the end part to be twice the length of the other two#so it's like. first act is the beginning. second act is the middle. and then acts three and four are the end.#not quite sure how the end is gonna go exactly but thats the current goal anyway#idk how long this fic will end up being but i was also aiming for it to be a oneshot.....#so it's either gonna be a very long oneshot or probably ~4 chapters to match up with the acts#we'll see how it goes#i'm gonna try not to post it at all until it's written also#i think maybe around 20k-25k ? would be my current guess on length#so#shrug#gotta go do laundry now tho#shh ac#wip: laurent stabs damen
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So like certified bad day. My grandma died this morning and now I'm sick???? Bro come on
#bonus points for. the only photos of me w my Grandma are from me under 8 years old#so like. i wasnt close to her at all but death is v triggering for me w how badly my parents fumbled the bag w grief when i was growing up#brief context. mum got mad at me that my v close friend died like a week after her dad died bc she couldn't do two things at once#so everyone rallied around her in her grief and i went to two funerals and like ??? rotted i guess.#dad was in his painkiller era lol#anyway so im probably not gonna go to the funeral bc im just gonna be triggered the whole time#im less grieving her as a person and more grieving the fact that i never really. had grandparents.#like i barely ever saw her#even though i lived in the same city as her#i googled her name earlier and found out she wrote a chapter in a book about domestic abuse#and thats really the most ill ever know about her#i wanna read the chapter but idk#if it turns out that my grandpa was abusive and then my grandma left my mum and aunt with him by themselves to move to bali#im probably not gonna be thrilled#anyway even thats basically just closer to learning stories about people i dont know#wouldnt it have been nice to have. a family
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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what
#lolaa.txt#what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa#also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men#and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man#so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face#that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin#you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to#never really have#im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are#if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box#then when would you have any space for self discovery#youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats#and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names#and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy#and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia#tw transphobes
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