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soldrawss · 3 years

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Sol i need headcanons for the brothers, please im begging you

BRUH I GOT YOU

I’m currently working on some little fics for them BUT I CAN GIVE YOU SOME DETAILS BECAUSE I’M DYING TO SHARE

(Warning, gets a little dark towards the middle, but overall fine. Sorry for the long read. I went for a DEEP dive on the Age Gap Au)

Ace was put into foster care 4 hours after his birth. His father died before he was born and his mother died during childbirth. Ace had nothing to his name but physical traits of the dead (Like his father's sharp eyes and his mother’s freckles) He grew up with a need to prove himself and to gain something that truly belonged to him all on his own.

Sabo was placed in foster care when he was 5 because of an altercation with his abusive and possesive parents, involving him having broken ribs and running away.

Ace and Sabo met in a halfway home for troubled youths when they were 6. (They both had issues with authority and past placements in foster homes, so they quickly bonded over that, and decided to stick together ever since)

Their bond was so strong that ‘honorary’ brothers didn’t really fit them. They were brothers. And they stuck together and stood up for one another like it was them against the world (which sometimes it was)

They would often run away from the halfway home they were at, trying to earn a living on their own on the streets, and often commit petty thefts in order to survive.

These little runaway trips wouldn’t last long though, because they were always caught by Officer Garp, a police officer that happened to have a knack for catching little runaways.

However tough Garp acted though, he had an incredibly big soft spot for these two little brats that were only trying to make their lives better. These two kids, barely 8 years old, who had so much hatred for the world because of adults in their lives that failed them. Adults that hurt them, giving them scars and bruises on their hearts just as easily as the scars and bruises on the little frames.

After a particular runaway incident, Ace breaks down and confesses about all the horrible placements he and Sabo had been in before. How social services always judge Ace’s sharp eyes and label in a problem child, how Sabo’s quick wit always get him in trouble with the adults, how they both have scars and bruises from past foster homes they were placed in, and that's why Ace and Sabo runaway. They’re tired of getting placed in bad homes. They’re tired of having adults try to separate them. Ace is all Sabo has and vice versa because that's the only person in the whole world who they trust to not hurt them. And Garp thinks that’s the last fucking straw.

Garp, much to Ace and Sabo’s but nobody else’s surprise, adopts both the boys, and takes them into his own home. Because dammit, if they’re just gonna runaway, they might as well stay with someone who will at least love them enough to always look for them and bring them back to a good home when they do.

And it’s weird at first, because Garp is the rough and loud and nosey officer that used to grab them by the scruffs of their shirts and drag them back to that awful halfway home kicking and screaming. But then it gets better. Because he still yells at them, but it’s with a tempered and fiercely protective love it when he does. He still grabs them, but it’s just to pull them into a rough bear hug that they fervently pretend they don’t like. And every dinner is spent with tears of laughter in their eyes and cheeks warm with delight at the stories he tells them. (They call him old man with affection and he’s their father figure even though they treat him like their grandpa.)

Sabo joins his school’s baseball team! Which is so freaking cool! He’s a really strong batter, can weild a bat like it’s an extension of his own arm, and Ace and Garp are always the loudest cheers on the bleachers every home run hit Sabo makes.

Garp makes Ace take up boxing, because the kid’s got a lot of pent-up rage and aggression, and he figures it’s a good constructive sort of therapy for the rowdy brat.

The two still get up to mischief every now and again, though. Nothing illegal, but Garp is still having to wrangle up his two little idiots before they do something stupid. (They get into a lot of fights with local gangs because they have smart mouths and are still a little reckless)

Garp has a biological son that Ace and Sabo never met due to Garp’s and Dragon’s strained relationship. Garp had always bad-mouthed him whenever his son was brought up, but it was always with words that had no heat behind them, and Sabo and Ace could tell there was a sadness behind his eyes whenever he looked at the picture of his son in his wallet.

The boys were 10 when they got the news of Dragon’s death a week after it happened. Garp had gotten the phone call when he and the boys were watching some late-night trash tv on the weekend, and he had all but strangled the phone in a grip that turned his knuckles white. He didn’t say what had killed his son, (he never did), but he had told the boys he needed to take care of something, told them to pack up some of their things, dropped them off at his friend Newgate’s house, and got the quickest flight out that night.

He came back 3 days later, and when he did, he had a tiny little baby with him.

Ace and Sabo were no strangers to babies. There was always some snot-nosed kid that would get dropped off at the halfway home (and then adopted that week, because everybody loved babies), and they were pretty sure this baby wasn’t gonna be any different. Because babies were loud and gross and never stopped crying, and Ace and Sabo were prepared for the absolute worse.

But then they stood over the baby’s crib to get a good look at him, and the baby looked back.

And smiled the biggest and happiest smile Ace and Sabo had ever seen.

And Garp had said “His name is Luffy,” and Ace and Sabo had been hooked around his little finger ever since.

Luffy was barely 6 months old, and was a bundle of chubby cheeks and contagious giggles. With big brown chocolate colored eyes that melted all the sharp corners and edges of Ace’s and Sabo’s hearts.

Because Sabo and Ace were the same age, and neither one of them felt like the older or younger brother. They were equals in every way. But it was different with Luffy. Because Luffy was tiny, and soft and could barely wrap all 5 of his little fingers around one of theirs, and it hit Sabo and Ace like a bullet train because oh.

Oh this is what it was like to be an older brother. This was what it was like to have a little brother. And Sabo and Ace have always looked out for each other, of course. But Luffy was something they had to protect fully and with their entire being. His smile, his laughter, his heart. All of it. Sabo and Ace knew all the horrible things in the world, knew all the hatred and fear and heartbreak the world could throw at you and it was like a silent promise to each other they never verbalized, that Luffy should and would never have to go through the things they went through. He would never feel unloved. He would never feel unwanted. He would never feel like he had to prove his worth or reason for existing. (He was worth more than any price anyone could give anyway)

Sabo and Ace stopped getting into trouble. They got good grades, excelled in their respective clubs, and didn’t give Garp any reason to chase them down in his old cop car and bring them home. (They were always at home anyway, giving Luffy piggyback rides and teaching him how to ride a bike and do one-handed handstands and cartwheels, and basking in the warmth that was Luffy’s endless love) And they lived in peace like that for 5 years.

Then the fire happened.

Garp was a good police officer and an even better Deputy Chief, and for almost 40 years, he served on the Foosha County Police Department. He had put away a lot of bad guys and saved a lot of people in the process and was an honored and highly respected man. However, this also made him a big target and earned him quite a few enemies. He was 3 weeks away from retirement and spending most of those weeks staying at home, playing with Luffy, and ingnoring the last of his paperwork left on his office desk.

When the fire broke out, Ace and Sabo had just turned the corner from the bus stop on their way home from school. They had seen the smoke, but didn’t know where it was coming from till they saw the towering blaze of fire that used to be their 2 story home and the group of neighbors surrounding the outside.

They managed to push their way to the front, hands shaking and eyes wide and absolutely breathless, because that was their house! That was their house that was one fire and where was gramps?! Where was Luffy?!

The only thing Ace heard Sabo whisper among the roar of the fire and the loud murmur of people around them was “Do you hear that? That... crying?” Before Sabo surged forward.

Ace didn’t have time to reach out and stop him, and by the time he could, Sabo had already disappeared into the open front door, which was covered in flames. He had screamed out, tried to race in and follow his brother into the flames, but the neighbors around him were quicker than he was and pulled him back.

Edward Newgate, one of their neighbors and close personal friend of Garp’s was in the crowd, and he was holding Ace to his chest with an arm like an iron bar, as he was on the phone with the local fire department. (Newgate was also the Foosha County fire chief, and was shouting at his lieutenants to “get your asses out here now!’) But Ace didn’t hear a word he was saying. All he could do was struggle to get out of the older man’s grip, reach out for his brother and best friend, and scream his lungs out.

What felt like hours went by, and Ace felt like his heart was shattering into a million piece, the glass shards falling around him, as he sobbed into Newgate's chest, thinking he had lost everything. His home. His family. His only purpose and reason for living.

And then some of the neighbors were shouting again, only this time in surprised alarm and Ace looked up with hazy eyes blurred by tears, to see something was coming out of the front door.

And it could only be Sabo. Ace knew it was him before he could even register it, and bolted out of Newgate's grips that had slacked at the surprise and towards his brother.

Ace met Sabo only a few feet from the door, Sabo collapsing into his arms, and Ace had to pull him the extra few feet away because the flames were still too much to bear even at that distance.

And Sabo’s skin was hot and red and covered in smoke and ash alike. There was a giant welting red burn against the side of Sabo’s face that looked like it would leave a scar forever, but Ace was having a hard time focusing on it because he was too bust focusing on the bundle of blankets that Sabo was desperately trying to push into Ace’s arms.

And Ace was already crying before, but he began crying even harder when he removed the fold of blankets to reveal a muffled Luffy, covered in ash but unharmed, crying his eyes out.

Sabo had a coughing fit that rocked his whole body, and burns that looked like they'd hurt forever, but he was smiling when Ace broke into a sob, clutching both Sabo and Luffy into his chest.

The firefighters and paramedics came a few minutes later, and they had to physically pull Sabo and Luffy from Ace’s arms to check and treat them. Luffy only ended up with a few mild burns and cuts on his arms and legs and some burning of his throat from inhaling so much smoke, but Sabo had to be taken to the hospital immediately for his burns, especially for the one on his face. Ace pleaded to let them all ride in the same ambulence on the way to the hosipital, and held on to Sabo’s shirt sleeve with a grip that would take the end of the world and then some for him to let go.

Sabo had to get some surgery and treatment to save his left eye, but he was all in all ok, and Ace and Luffy were allowed to visit his hospital room for as long as they needed.

When Ace finally confronted Sabo on why he had ran into the house in the first place, it was on the first night of their hospital stay. Sabo had a giant white gauze wrapping half of his head, and he looked at Ace with tired blue eyes that looked a little fuzy, still a little drugged from all the medication he was on to ease the pain.

And Ace felt bad about it, he really did, because Sabo didn’t derserve to be grilled on the matter. Not after he had sacrificed himself and saved Luffy. Their little brother. Their little brother who they wouldn’t even have anymore if it weren’t for Sabo.

But Ace had to know. He was so mad and heartbroken and scared out of his mind when Sabo had rushed in without word or warning. Because they had lost Garp. They had almost lost Luffy. And Ace could have almost lost Sabo too.

But Luffy was tucked underneath Sabo’s arm on the hospital bed, and Sabo just smiled at Ace with a patience that only Ace and Luffy could pull out of him, and patted the other side for Ace to join them. Ace climbed onto the bed beside him, and even with the two 15-year-olds and one little 5 year old, the bed didn’t feel too small at all.

Sabo explained that he could hear crying from the door and he just moved. Knowing it was Luffy before his mind could really think about the implications behind that. He confessed how the flames hurt at first. Hurt so bad, and it was so hot, and everything, from the floor to the ceiling, was on fire and he could barely see anything through the smoke. But he could hear Luffy’s little rough and horse scream, coming from one of the back rooms that used to be Garp's office, and suddenly all Sabo could afford to think about was Luffy’s crying.

Sabo would tell a watered-down version of this story to the cops in the morning, because they were Garp's friend and companions, and they only really needed the broad details for their report anyway.

He’ll tell a heroic version of this story, lacking any horrific graphics, to an older Luffy whenever the eternally curious kid wonders and asks about it.

But he only ever told the whole story right then on that night, one arm tight around his baby brother in a toothed and protective love, while the other one gripped his best friend's hands with shaking and bandaged fingers hard enough to leave bruising.

Garp was long dead when Sabo found him. The smell of his skin burning off is something that will haunt Sabo for the rest of his life. (Sometimes certain smells will set him off. Uncooked bacon is not allowed in the house anymore after one traumatic morning when Luffy is six. Campfires are viewed and enjoyed from a distance.)

He was lying on his stomach, clutching something to his chest. Sabo knew it was Luffy by the cries, bundled up in a few quilts and one of this office rugs, and Sabo knew he had to get them out of there before the smoke killed them off like it had a personal agenda against them.

The heat was unbearable, Sabo had confessed, but it was nothing compared to having to drag Luffy from underneath Garp’s grip. The old man was built like a brick house, sure, but even in death, his grip on Luffy, protecting Luffy, like he was daring the world to take anything away from him, was steadfast and almost unbbreakable.

It was the hardest thing Sabo had ever had to make himself do.

He didn’t look at Garp’s face. His body was burned black and bloody and raw, and Sabo couldn’t live with himself if his memory of Garp’s face was replaced by anything other than with the one of his scruffy beard and the shit-eating grin that he always wore.

When he pulled Luffy out, he didn’t look back, and raced out of the house as fast as he could. Something along the way fell and smacked him in the face, knocking him down at one point, but Sabo couldn’t pay it much mind. He got back up, and continued towards the door. He could barely see, barely breathe, with all the smoke and the ash, and the pain from the fire was almost numbing against his skin, but he didn’t stop.

All he could think about was Luffy, still struggling and crying against the blankets wrapped tightly around him. Next thing he knew, he was outside, and looking up at Ace’s snot-covered face.

Ace had never seen Sabo cry for the almost 10 years he knew him. He didn’t cry when he was 7, and the Anderson family had called him a freak and had sent him back after a failed foster home placement. He didn’t cry when he was 9, and broke his arm falling out of the tree in their backyard that Garp had told him not to climb, so of course he had to climb it. And he didn’t even cry earlier that day, at 15, when he was off medication and feeling the full extent of his painful burns.

So when tears started pooling out of Sabo’s pale blue eyes, falling down his cheeks and staining the cotton white blanket he was under as he told his story, Ace pretended not to notice, wrapped an arm around Sabo’s shoulders, and held him like it was the only lifeline in the world.

Garp’s funeral was held the following week. Closed casket. All the police departments in the county, and even some outside of it, showed up to give him a full send-off. Ace cried for both Sabo and himself. Sabo spoke a few words for the both of them. And Luffy stood between them, holding both their hands. They explained the night before that gramps was gone, but they don’t think the notion of death really got through to Luffy. He was crying, but only because Ace was crying, and when he asked ‘can gramps come out of the box to give me a hug before he goes away?’ everyone has to clench their teeth and hold their breaths to stop their hearts from breaking. Sabo kneeled down to wrap Luffy in a tight hug. Ace covered his face with his arm and cried harder

(They never bother asking Luffy about how the fire started, or what happened that day. Luffy doesn’t remember, and they don’t push it further. The truth isn’t as important as Luffy’s mentality is, but Garp’s old squad promises that they won’t rest until they get to the bottom of it. And as much as Ace and Sabo want justice and revenge, they have Luffy to think about, so they leave it up to the police)

Sabo and Ace are almost 16, and they suddenly have no parental figure, no home, no anything, and suddenly they’re faced with the horrible notion that even more can be taken from them when a blast from their past threatens to take Luffy away from them too.

They’re no stranger to the foster care system, so when social services show up at the motel they were renting with Garp’s savings, they feel their hearts drop to their stomach for fear of the very real possibility that Luffy will be placed in immediate foster care, and possibly, so would they.

Ace and Sabo jump into action then, because no way, no fucking way, were they gonna lose Luffy. They had lost everything else. They almost did lose Luffy. They weren’t gonna risk that chance again.

Ace was only a few weeks older than Sabo. Sabo hadn’t paused a second to jump into the fire, risking life and limb, to protect what little they had. It was Ace’s turn to be the heroic older brother. And on the day he turned 16, Ace petitioned legal guardianship and parental rights for Sabo and Luffy.

And it was hard, because of course the courts felt sorry for him, the grandson of one of the best police chiefs in the county’s history, begging the courts to let him keep what little family he had left together. The courts wanted to give it to him, wanted to help him. But Luffy was a child. And Ace and Sabo were practically still kids themselves. Asking kids to raise themselves was something no one should ask them to do.

But Ace and Sabo fought for it. Ace was 16, and Sabo would be 16 soon enough. They could get GED’s, no problem. They’d get jobs, get a little apartment near Luffy’s school, attend any parenting and child service meeting required of them. They’d buy all the necessities over again and they’d love Luffy where no other foster family could even compare. They’d do everything, everything and anything, to keep Luffy. To let them stay together.

With a couple of vouchers from Garp’s old police squad, including one from an overly enthusiastic Edward Newgate and one from the boy’s homeroom teacher, Makino, the courts ruled in Ace’s and Sabo’s favor, and Luffy was officially theirs until they proved that Luffy was better off somewhere else.

Ace and Sabo were never gonna let that happen.

They got a little 2 bedroom apartment a couple blocks from Luffy’s elementary. They quit school, and worked extra hard to earn their GED’s within the following months. (With the help of their old teachers and a few of their overly enthusiastic neighbors)

Ace got a job at the local fire department, as a rookie in training under Newgate.

Sabo got a job at the local news station, writing reports on top of his interning duties.

Ace eventually got a motorcycle that same year, which scared Sabo half to death and delighted Luffy to no end. It was cheaper than a car, and easier to travel to and from work on, and no matter how hard Sabo tried, he couldn’t come up with a valid reason why Ace shouldn’t use it to their advantage. So Sabo made Ace promise to always wear a helmet when riding it, and that Luffy wasn’t allowed to ride it until he was much older. (Which Luffy pouted about to no end)

And it’s hard at times, both of them working overtime just to make enough to support themselves and keep them afloat, but it’s good, and it’s theirs.

Luffy makes a friend on his first day of first grade named Zoro Roronoa, another kid that lives just across the street from them, and when Ace and Sabo know they’re gonna be late in getting home, Luffy goes over there and hangs out until they can pick him up (Which is totally fine with Zoro’s father Koushirou, a kendo teacher and single father of 6-year-old Zoro and 9-year-old Kuina. Zoro has a bit of a personality problem and often has trouble making friends (because the child doesn’t see a need to) so when little bright-eyed and endlessly joyful Luffy pops into their life, Kushirou jumps at the chance to have him over as much as possible, because the two small children seem to bring out the best in each other, and are best friends attached at the hip) Sabo and Ace are eternally grateful to the kind man)

A few years go by, and Luffy is 8. Ace is still working at the fire station and is now legally allowed to join them on calls and emergencies. (Fire used to make Ace nervous, because he almost lost everything to it. Now he has a personal agenda with it, to make sure it doesn’t take anything from anyone else)

Sabo has moved up the ranks now, and when he turns 18, confronts Ace with a rare job opportunity he was offered.

“It’s a year-long internship for this really cool company that reports and delivers high-class diplomatic information around,” Sabo starts, rubbing the back of his head like he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. “I’d be working as like, a cool undercover spy with diplomatic immunity and a messenger bag. It’s not dangerous at all, and pays almost triple my paycheck now, which would really help us out. But it’s overseas, and I’d be gone for a whole year. You’d be raising Luffy all by yourself, birthdays and holidays and skinned knees, with just the two of you, so say the word, and I’ll totally turn this job down on the spot.”

And it’s scary to Ace. Because he hasn’t been alone since he was 6 years old, and he can’t possibly remember a time when Sabo hadn’t been by his side. His best friend and brother. It was always the two of them. Two little runaways that found a home, lost that home, and then built a new home all on their own despite it all. And neither of them had ever been away from Luffy for longer than a weekend, so Ace was sure it would kill Sabo to be away from them for so long.

But he also knew that Sabo was only playing this off like it wasn’t a big deal, when in fact it was the job opportunity of a lifetime for someone like Sabo, a kid who breathed adventure and freedom with every breath. And that when he talked about it, his eyes sparkled with a joy that Ace would hate himself forever for taking it away.

Sabo was giving Ace the choice, and Ace knew that Sabo would go along with whatever Ace decided without a second thought or complaint. But Ace knew that Sabo would regret it for the rest of his life if he didn't go, so he slugged Sabo in the arm, gave him his best shit-eating, confident grin, (the kind he used to give him right before they were about to steal some food as kids, or about to get into a fight when they were teens) and said, “You let me have a motorcycle. The least I can do is let you go road tripping abroad.”

Because Ace and Luffy would be fine. They’d miss Sabo like crazy, and Ace was pretty sure Sabo was like, 90% of his impulse control, but they’d survive. Sabo had the burn marks to prove how far he was willing to go for their family, and Ace had never thanked him for that. Ace was never gonna live that down, and was going to spend the rest of his life making it up to both Sabo AND Luffy, and prove just how good of an older brother he could be. This was the least he could do for them.

#my work #one piece #monkey d. luffy #Portgas D. Ace #sabo #asl brothers #age gap au #oh ho look at me #my fics all start after this moment when sabo is overseas #so this is just context for that.#enjoy please and sorry in advance #i've thought too much about this au #it lives rent free in my head always

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bangtanger · 3 years

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CONTENT CREATOR YEAR IN REVIEW

was thinking for 84 hours where should i post it but as its my creator blog i m doing it here <3 i was tagged by @taemaknae @suhdays @ynki @honsool @jjeongukie @taeyungie @dearbangtansonyeondan @lifegoesmon @everythingoes @flipthatjacketjiminie @yoongi-bts @jiminslight @hopekidoki @cowboyjinbop @yoonqiful @jcngkooks @pjmsdior @hobeah @balenciaguks @jinvant @hobibestboy @vjimin @yoongikook AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR INCLUDING ME T_T ik maybe its not a big deal but its a big deal to me and im touched :(((((((((((( also gimme some time to check all ur posts 👉👈 also im in a mood to say that ive collected many pokemons here djfksfhsakjddld ok nvm

also sorry for a long post ik tmblr fvcks things up sometimes when there is keep reading so dont fight me plz <3

❀ first creation and most recent creation of 2020

ok this is the fist one (still very pleased with colouring here T_T the stage lighting was,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, well yeah as always lmao) and this is the most recent (TBH DKJSKDSDK I WISH MY MOST RECENT POST COULD BE A DIFFERENT ONE THE ONE I WANNA MAKE FOR A MONTH NOW THE ONE ID PUT A LOT MORE EFFORTS IN SO IM A LIL FRUSTRATED i literally just missed giffing but couldnt watch anything new so took an old vid i wanted to gif once I DIDNT EVEN USE MYCOLOURING PSD IT LITERALLY HAS ONLY COUPLE OF LAYERS uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :( but whatever,,, it just kinda doesnt show the difference -_-)

❀ a creation u r really proud of

well 👁👄👁 there r quite few,,, and the main reason is colouring most of these r comps and i a b s o l u t e l y sucked at comps and esp at making the colouring consistent there lol so lets begin lol 1 (u have no idea how muchi love this set) 2 (i fucking mastered it i wanted to remake it for two years and i finally did!! 60 fps smooth good moments iconic performance iconic hair colour his attitude bruh and ofc the fact that i could do sth with colouring,,,,,, and chose such an unusual colour scheme that i doubted jckdckfdk and it still worked out 🥺) 3 (lol i had this idea written down since 2018 as well and this year i could finally collect all moments i needed and oh boi yeah,,, AND COLOURING I COULD ALMOST yeah almost do sth decent with it there r still couple moments id changed but im pleased) 4 (im so happy whenevr i see this CUZ IT ALL WORKED OUT it was such an impulsive comp i literally only saw couple moments for past few years as well where i could see three of them in one frame and suddenly I WAS LIKE I FUCKING MUST POST THOSE MOMENTS SOMEHOW and im so proud of colouring it looks so well T_T) 5 (the colouring ofc im still :o that i could get rid of that shitty shit dkksjkj AND THE MOMENTS ITSELF?????? AND BLACK SWAN???????? EVERY PERFORMANCE???? HAIR?????? OUTFIT???????? EVRERYHTIGNM???????? HIS FUCKING STARE? FACE??? DONT MAKE ME CONTINUE AAAAAAAAAAA also if im not wrong this set in particular made me start my before/after posts 🥺) 6 (i jujst love everything about it e v e r yt h i n g also i could made ppl believe that jin fr has purple hair here when in reality its brown djhfdhskdf one of blending modes or adjustment layers worked this way lol) 7 (i wont even comment this tried a great tutorial with great beautiful resuls for the first time ever and it worked out so well and i like it so much and the whole yoongi here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, also love me some borders that add cinematic feels to some gifs or just make them pretty in a dif way just like i did with prev post i mentioned imo lol) OK LAST ONE 8 (I USED A VIDEO OF STARS AND ADDED IT TO THE GIF FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I FUCKED WITHMASKING FOR 3 HOURS GRRRRRRRR THIS IS SO HUGE FOR ME!!!!! i cant even explain whew IVE NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE SO I WAS REALLY PROUD TOO even tho i fucked masking up on some layers lmao but lets not pay too much attention to it 👀)

❀ a creation that took u forever

ohhhhhhhh i think this one cuz the moments were long i couldnt decide what do i want to include + it ts file so u kno,,, the speed,,, of processing,, + somehow decided to put them all together + fucked with colouring + had to get rid of the logo and as we know japan likes a lot of big braight text around haha and draw hair in moments where logo made it look blurry + had to adjust the order and all that stuff but getting rid of logo was the longest part

❀ a creation from 2020 that received the most notes

whew this iconic one im still amazed tbh they looked soso incredible and im glad how everything turned out here <3 (could change some colouring on bg tho so it could look better and more hq :c)

❀ a creation u think deserved more notes

lol this one cuz i was so hyped to make it cuz their concert in saudi arabia is one of my fav things in the world and i waited for so long to have mood and energy to go throught it to find jk moments and i couldnt choose some for this comp for so long and just,,,,,, overall,,,, the way he looks here............................................................... its a special comp to me haha ill def gif more of it i have shit ton of clips left and also there r other members and i just want to sit and enjoy yhe whole thing to so may find more stuff to gif here lol

❀ a new fandom u joined an a creation u made for it

i didnt join anything heurheru

❀ a creation u made that breaks ur heart

OKAY LISTEN DSJAKDJHFDKJ THIS ONE IF U KNOW U KNOW AND IM SURE IT BREAKS ALMOST EVERY HEART tbh whenever i see soft smiles or soft interactions or anything like this im just :’( <3 even my serotonin boost tag does it to me cuz its too precious T_T

❀ a ‘simple’ creation that u really love

this one cuz everything about it ah and this one 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

❀ a creation that was inspired by someone else

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm idk maybe this one ? cuz i never did anything like this before and maybe i saw someones beautiful headers and decided to try one too ? i could do a lot better there is not enough depth but oh well,,, lol

❀ a favourite creatin created by someone else

oh its gonna be hard :) dear every conten creator i hope u dont mind if i wont go though the whole 2020 gif tag but choose form the most recent ones i loved? u know how much i appreciate ur content cuz i never stop screaming about it in tags but truly there r more content makers and i want u to know that i really love ur content :(

@syubb welllllllllllll i wont even comment this is iconique.....

@jinv T_T val i miss u but there should be bday comps with that BIG ASS IMAGE THAT HAS ITS PARTS ON EVERY SINGLE GIF I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN that icant even find dfjksfskj

@jung-koook i literally couldnt choose ehdskjdjksd but i decided this one cuz its sososososososososososososososososososososo well made every single detail here is chefs kiss

@kkulmoon i truly really cant get enough of ur colouring lately T_T

@minhope !!!!!!LITERALLY EVERY PANTONE COMP OR ESPECIALLY 7 YEARS WITH BTS PANTONE ONE IM AAAAAAAAAAAAA and lmao i think this is one of the most reposted things ive ever seen on internet T_T

@jjoon hng amy u know how i feel about ur content T_T decided this one cuz f l a w l e s s

@hopekidoki stuff like this makes my jaw lie in the floor dsjkdj

@flipthatjacketjiminie idk whats up but it makes me scream like a madman every time i see it.........

@lifegoesmon i cant even explain why i chose this one but everything here is so incredible !!!!!!!!1

@hobeah one of those good fucking bye ones.....

@taeyungie this made me feel so many things and a whole ass a w e so cool T_T

@jiminfilter i will never shut up about bts core jungkook one should also be here

@seoksjin THE COLOURS I SCREAM OH MY GOD O HMY OGD I JUST WENT TO CHECK OUT AND SAW THIS AND IMMEDIATELY DJKSJD DECIDED THIS IS CRAZY THE PASTELS THE PINNKS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EVERYHTGIN but also those birthday posts ahhh T_T

@jinvant i wanna YELL but also u know how much i love ur quality and blacks T_T and gfxs too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@yoongi-bts i love everything here with my whole heart!!!

@everythingoes SHOUWLD I EVEN EXPLAIN WHY

@hobibestboy THIS IS SO COOL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE COLOUR SCHEME

@joenns I WONT EVEN EXPLAIN IM SO HURT HES SO THIS IS SO T____________________T

@jjeongukie idk i cant get enough of skin tone!!!!!!!!!!!!

@chaylani i really love the colouring and love these posts with highlights T_T

@eklipxe COLOURING AND EVERYTHIGN

@oncupid cant get enough of every colouring ive seen <3

@jiminslight THIS WHOLE GIF RIGHT HERE

@6dis-ease COZY AND PRECIOUS T_T

@ofkimtaehyung I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS ITS SO PRETTY

@taee it was really hard to choose too T_T decided to go with this cuz,, u kno

@yoonqiful CUZ THESE COLOURS DRIVE ME INSANE

OK THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG KDSFJSAKDL I WOULD ADD A LOT MORE CUZ THERE IS A LOT MORE TO ADD BUT IVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR THREE HOURS I BETTER CHILL

❀ some of your favourite content creators from this year

ok i may forgot someone + in no order in particular + literally every creator that i follow/whose content i reblog @taeguks @tearuntold @cyphertaehyungie @love4hobi @kimnamtaejin @taejoon @jimiyoong @namkook @taeyungie @jinvant @jinv @6dis-ease @jiminrolls @daechwitas @syubb @syuga @jjeongukie @cowboyjinbop @hope-film @minhope @hopekidoki @joonie @namgination @jung-koook @faerieth @kooksv @lifegoesyoon @yoonqiful @j-sope @chaylani @jiminfilter @jjoon @everythingoes @varietae @seoksjin @dearbangtansonyeondan @ofkimtaehyung @yoongi-bts @gaypeople @seokjinyoongis @agustdfeatrm @joenns @houseofarmanto @namjoon (will miss forever) @thebtsgenre @honsool @vjimin @seokjinite @jiminswn @taee @hobeah @lifegoesmon @taemaknae @gukgi @kkulmoon @flipthatjacketjiminie @jintae @jcngkooks @ynki @yoongikook @yoongiandthebiaswreckers @jiminslight @gwkie @oncupid @eternalbulletproof and many more <3

OK SO i wanna say a special thanks to every content creator ever and also i wanna say that im really glad to be a part of this community all of u r so cool and creative and make such beautiful things and many of u made me feel EMOTIONS with ur sets or not only sets ill be forever grateful that i discovered bts and for everything they do to me without even knowing ALSO THANK U FOR STILL BEING HERE ON TUMBRLDSDFKJ yeah this year was less active there were few issues many ppl went on twt but thank u for still being here also happy new year <3333333 i think i sounded deeper and more emotional when i was commenting ppls gifs :| but its almost 2 am so i hope u will understand dkfjkfsjk im happy there is this corner on the internet that feels cozy and so welcoming <3 i love u i wish u a better year ahead <3 ok for checking notifications purpose ill tag my blog lol @eternal-bangtan

#m:text #tg

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literaphobe · 3 years

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another reason to limit the amount of white people associated w amigops/otv and friends is the stuff that’s come out about ash recently :/ like yeah people can learn and grow etc but if you’re still dropping slurs in your late 20s and casually racist even tho so many of your cc friends are poc... girl

ok im about to GO OFF im fucking pissed about little miss cigarette tray,,,, ok i’ve gotten a ???? vibe about her before a :/ vibe n it’s all the way back in rust group forming when i thought she was being a lil manipulative. n the shit she did caused so much annoying shit that literally could’ve been avoided

okay so rae corpse ash n sykkuno bump into toast n jack’s group, right? and they were all like we should all be together in one big group!!!! but then they were like wait what’s the group limit what if we don’t have enough space,,, and then they start experimenting n adding each other i guess? n it turned out they had space for everyone but one person (iirc?????) and ash suddenly was like oh it’s okay i’ll leave!!!! u can all be grouped together i don’t need to be in the group!!! n other stuff that was like v self destructive sounding n like oh no it’s ok no one wants me here anyway etc and syk was like ???? because literally no one had any plans to leave ANYONE out they were literally just trying to figure things out n suggesting ideas and she was over there tryna be the self sacrificial hero i guess?????

and then. people in chat got really mad and toxic hating on rae and sykkuno in their chats yelling about how ash was being forcefully left out or whatever which wasn’t the case at all n wouldn’t have been if she didn’t give that impression??? and then RAE thought that ash was GENUINELY getting excluded which made her ACTUALLY mad at her friends?????? who did nothing wrong???????? and then like weeks later when they talked about this ash was like “oh actually i was super upset about getting left out :/ but it’s all good now!!!” like GOD. NO ONE WAS TRYING TO LEAVE YOU OUT. U LITERALLY IMMEDIATELY STARTED ACTING LIKE SOME SELFLESS VICTIM N REMOVED URSELF WHEN NO ONE TOLD YOU TO LEAVE?? anyway at the time i gave her the benefit of doubt that she wasn’t doing it on purpose since i thought she was ‘nice’ but u know what? it’s a fucking ugly look that a white woman got a bunch of streamers of color hate for “bullying” her and “excluding” her when she was literally the one who chose to walk away n act selfless WHEN NO ONE ASKED HER TO DO THAT

anyway now that i’ve got that off my chest let’s talk about her racist ass comments in her community discord. she essentially made a bunch of anti-asian remarks, specifically many anti-chinese ones (1. i had Chinese food earlier maybe that’s why I feel sick lol 2. making fun of Chinese people for supposedly eating bats 3. calling corona the bat soup virus 4. continuing to be grossed out by what Chinese/Asian people supposedly eat and being all ‘oh maybe i’m just weird w food tho :/‘ n letting people get away w responding to her saying ‘Asians eat a lot of weird stuff no no u r fine!!’ + ‘Chinese people n their food bruh’ which. just. i am very disgusted 5. ‘guys my cup was made in China am I corona infected’ + some other stuff i’m too tired to recap here look at this twitter link)

she also talked about how the BLM protests were.... stupid..... and called people idiots for protesting......... said there was ‘a right and wrong way to protest and this is wrong’ and ‘it’s not like we just can’t have police officers’ ,,,,,, so yeah. and she also said the r word and she called someone the f slur on stream once and uh..... yeah she sucks!

honestly the shit cherry on top of this shit sundae is that she literally profits off asian aesthetics w her anime bitch ass v tuber thing n other stuff on her stream n her twitter handle is literally SUGOI_ASH??? also like otv n friends is a mostly Asian friend group who propelled her lily white ass to success???? she mooched off the success of streamers of color only to say racist ass shit like this???

anyway. she “apologized” by saying “I GUESS i’m sorry for being ignorant n I’m sorry IF YOU WERE OFFENDED. ANYWAY–“ and moved the fuck on and like just. fuck off w that shit. it pains me that she managed to get a larger following from all this in the few months she’s hung out w otv n friends and sydney a black bi streamer literally has less followers on twitch? like what the fuck is up with that make it make sense??? anyway i hope everyone unfollows ash tray n follows Sydeon on twitch instead :-)

also idk how many people in otv + friends know about this. i highly doubt there will be a dramatic kick out of ash from their friend group if it becomes a thing they all know about. i think ever since they kicked out f*dmyster they’re a little traumatized about having to publicly remove anyone from their circle in general? because many other streamers n content creators will jump on it and comment on it very heavily and make them all very vulnerable n i def don’t want that or expect that either. i hope they play w ash less from now on tho? some people commented that in the corpse lobby yesterday it seemed like people weren’t interacting w ash as much? idk if that’s really the case but i will respect whatever they choose to do if they even know what happened,, i guess if i see her show up in future lobbies i’ll just like ignore her lol

#ask #amigops

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vannamelonpie · 4 years

Text

top 10 writers and reviewing by h.melon pt.2 (skz)

(this is just my opinion as a fan of fics and ill possibly do a pt3 for dom!readers writers and underrated writers)

1, @starrychannies (10/10)

fics: yes please. it's TOO good. Not too rough but not too soft either, which is,,, quite unique from others ive read? nevertheless her skills are amazing and her fics are interesting to read, i mean i could read hers all day long!

personality: she's very sweet & lovely! and sarcastic and funny too,,,

recs: baby steps - chan

2, @skz-dark-hours (9/10)

fics: i know many of you are gonna be like why isnt she at the fist place. keep in mind that this is my opinion and i prefer sunny's more. lilo's writing is good! she writes both rough and soft! everything's detailed and well written that's why people like to read hers so much! but her plots are pretty typical,,, whats new anyways,,,

personality: naiceeeee... but idk i havent talked much to her lately 🥺👉👈

recs: anything lol here, take a scroll

3, @slut4felix (9/10)

fics: OMG what the hell am i reading they're so good bro 😳 idk if it's just me but her fics are like,,, p o r n. LIKE LITERALLY. everyone's are pOrN but why are her's make me so- 😳😳😳

personality: s w e e t i e b e b e

rec: doctor hwang - hyunjin

4, @skz-potions (10/10)

fics: wow damn this one is pretty unique istg. everything is on point she knows how to make her writing intriguing and interesting to read. the aftercares are so soft eye-

personality: TaLkEd tO hEr onLy oNcE thOugh

recs: [01:12] - minho im a dirty pig yes

5, @backhugsforhyunjin (8,5/10)

fics: she's extremely talented she excels in EVERY genre but that's not new 😔✊ i love the way she guide her plot she's so creative it i love everything 😔🖐️ read her angst theyre top tier

personality: skjslsjskdhdk she always say haha shes awkward asf thats just h o t 😳 shes my mozer

recs: drunk sex - changbin

6, @nxt2chris (8,5/10)

fics: uM eXcuSe mE? why is she so underrated i mean- many writers are too rushed on the actual smut part and didnt take enough time on those parts (chaoticminhos skjdksjsks) but this writer took her time on describing parts it was so professional 🥺 i like how she dedicate sm to her fics

personality: cutie i wanna hold her hands

recs: [22:56] - hyunjin wow damn this hit hard

7, @honeybinnies (8/10)

fics: sometimes she gives me a slow and sensual vibe. and i like that feeling. love how some of her fics dont have to be all kinky and stuff like the others instead choosing to keep things slow and lazy. q u a l i t y

personality: okay bruh at least now ik how u sound like when you suck chan's dick 😳

recs: [1:12] - hyunjin i like this 😳👉👈

8, @nightshade-minho (8/10)

fics: not @ how i only read one of her fic but still putting her into this sksjsljdkd BUT the way she comes up with ideas though everything matches so perfectly im scared

personality: c h i l l

recs: call me miss - hyunjin the only one i read ( ͡°ᴥ ͡° ʋ)

9, @lordseochangbin (8/10)

fics: aesthetic 🍹🧺🌿 theres some special vibes she gives me while reading her fluffs the way she writes makes me feel like im watching a k drama and the feeling of being in the streets with soft sunlight on your skin and the smell of the road idk but im nostalgic reading her fics everything seems so dreamy ☁️✨

personality: funny? idk

recs: barista boy - jisung

10, @bruh-changbin (9/10)

fics: her endings were obvious yes but something's really intriguing about her fics make me wanna read it over and over again. i guess the scenarios are way too good, situations are too exciting and fluttering to be in. she has talent i said what i said.

personality: umm,,, kind!

recs: prove it - hyunjin

k i l l m e it has been 2 months since ive released the first one 😳 also if anyone would wanna get untagged and off this list bcs you dont wanna. dm me ill gladly replace you.

#fic rec #kpop smuts #stray kids smuts #stray kids senarios #stray kids imagines #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #writings #kpop blurbs #stray kids blurbs

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thedappleddragon · 3 years

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hooooo my fucking god I don't know why but recently my anxiety/sence of dread has SKYROCKETED in the last 3 days, I haven't been sleeping great and last night I had an anxiety dream about manning the register at work. idk I guess today was fine but im so fucking overstimulated I guess?? I seriously just dont fuking know. but anyway here’s a summary of some days that I may or may not remember. putting it under the cut

Wednesday I was exited to work, they didn’t need me, I hung out with my friends at their outdoor band concert and had boba and it got super cold out

Thursday I went with my dad to drop off a car, then we had breakfast together at a little restaurant I had never been to before. He told me about his childhood n stuff. Then I went to work and priced things outside and felt good about helping some people buy plants even tho I didn’t know exactly what I was doing and ended up handing them off to Becky anyway. Got off work, came home, hung out waiting to be able to go visit my friend but she took a while so dad and I made the snack he had a lot as a kid which was just handmade chocolate frosting on graham crackers. Eventually my friend got home so I grabbed one of those graham crackers in some Tupperware and some other stuff and headed out. It was a longer drive than I was expecting but eh whatever, I got there no problem with a bunch of dad’s shit in the back of the car. We had awkward hellos in her apartment and I pet her fat ass cat until she suggested we go thrifting and oh my god I had never wanted to go thrifting more in my life than right then. I had one of those moments where I realized oh I’m an adult who can go out and just DO things :D so we walked around and gossiped in goodwil and had a great time until they closed, whereupon steph frantically looked for anything that was open near us while I drove around. We settled on going to a little park nearby, where we climbed on the tube with holes on it and swung on the swings. Then we walked around a dense tree/brush like and into the middle of a field, having our main character moments as we walked to the top of a hill with a cross on it. I took a picture of the sunset and a selfie with both of us before we walked back through the field and drove back to her apartment. I gave her 2 tiny flower jars and she let me borrow her container of earring hardware and a bunch of different tiny things to make into earrings. I had a great time and I’d love to hang out again, maybe when everything isn’t closed lmao. We joked a lot about understanding why people do drugs lmao since there’s nothing else to do! everything’s closed!! Also some joke flirting mixed in for flavor. We have an excuse to hang out again so I can return her earring supplies and she can return my Tupperware lol. I thought my phone was going to die on the way home before I realized there was a charging cord in the car! Nice. Got home, watched my friend stream plasmaphobia for a bit while I finished a birthday gift, and hung out and slept when she quit streaming.

Friend’s birthday party day!! Also dad moving day!! The first task of the day was to drive with my dad down to the nearest uhaul to pick up a big ol’ truck, and follow him home in the car while he lead the way in the truck. Then we brought his car full of shit to the apartment, got his key and paid his first month, and looked through everything to do inspection. Tbh it’s a pretty nice apartment, I’d love to spend some time there once it’s a bit more furnished. My favorite part is a Harry Potter style hidey hole closet that’s meant for storage, but it’s the perfect size for a secluded hangout spot for me. I’ll totally let him use it for storage if he wants, I just like sitting in there. I joked that I would let Emily hang out in the spare bedroom and I could get the tiny room. But we spent time cleaning and looking around and bringing in boxes before dad sent me to pick up lunch, my sister, and another car load of boxes. I left to do all 3 and came back with Mcallisters, and we all sat on the floor and ate together. A very nice way to break in a new apartment. We brought in boxes and dad sent us on a quest to pick up a car part and drop it off where the car we dropped off the day before. We got there just fine, but getting to the second location was a nightmare because of all my wrong turns and u turns and no left turns, it was awful. I mean we got there eventually but still. By then it was time for me to get home so I could wash my hair and get ready for the party!! I got everything ready, but my sister wouldn’t be home with the car on time, so I just took my mom’s van. I was on time for once!! But in exchange I didn’t realize I had forgotten Cassidy’s gift until I was like 3 minutes away. But also I found driving my moms van very easy compared to last time I tried to drive it, and I think I’m a much more confident driver now :) but I was one of the first to arrive, accidentally twinned with cass, waited for everyone to show up, met her new dog, and then we all packed up the picnic basket and walked to the top of a hill to have our little sandwiches and play cards against humanity. On the walk there we passed by a park where little kids were asking why we were all dressed up if it wasn’t Halloween, so I shouted at them that it was her birthday and handed them the branch I was carrying. We played CAH on the hill and ate little sandwiches and meatballs and drank sparkling juice and had a lovely time, and when we were done, we walked back to her house where there was pizza and we all changed out of our formal wear. My bra was sewed into my dress with 6 stitches, so I grabbed some scissors and flashed my friend’s cat as I cut my bra free of the dress because I forgot to bring an extra. I changed into my ghostbusters shirt and snake onesie and joined everyone outside for pizza and lots and lots of stories and ice cream cake and gossip and quiplash and balloons and gifts and CAH and friends leaving and new friends arriving and more quiplash and then the grass getting cold and wet and going ham on keeping the balloons up and then playing that’s what she said (basically CAH but ✨for women ✨) and by this time there was a dude I didn’t know but he was very nice and cute and already taken. Tbh I didn’t know half the people there, there was a group of 4 cool alt people I had never met and then the 4 band kids I already knew but everyone else seemed to know each other and they all had great energy so I yelled a lot and joked a ton and had an amazing time. As the crowd dwindled and the night got cooler, I helped put things away before I left so I could be a nice guest, said my goodbyes, gathered my things, and drove home past midnight. Ask walked around the house turning off lights like my mom asked, I realized that my dad wouldn’t be sleeping here anymore, and I felt bad that he had to spend the night all alone in his new apartment :( and this is going to be a huge financial burden that idk if he can afford, rent for the apartment is almost as much as my mom pays for the house. Jejdjgjt this is all a mess and I would like to go back to ignoring it all <3 Listened to a lot of two trucks by lemon demon lmao

Hoo boy howdy I did a lot of shit today. Basically as soon as I woke up I got a text from dad about us helping him move with a promise of donut holes and a fruit platter. I walked out to the garage to find our family friends the drakes helping to move boxes, so we all spent several hours loading boxes into our cars and driving back and forth from the house to the apartment, with emily and I avoiding the drakes as much as possible lmao. When we had moved as much as we could in the car, we started loading up the uhaul, shoving as much shit in there as possible so we only had to do one trip there and back. Partially through unloading the truck the drakes stopped cleaning things before we brought them in left and some randos from dad’s work came to help unload and somewhere in the middle of all this our aunt and uncle and her service dog came to visit?? Bruh idk so much stuff happened. Emily asked me to take her home so she could work on school stuff and we put things back into the garage and I went back to the apartment to help with stuff and hang out with my aunt while my dad and uncle returned the truck. We made a list of stuff I might need for college and I wrote it down on a notepad and most of the page space was taken up by ponies tbh. The men brought back burger king and eventually my aunt and uncle left. I helped my dad clean up and set up his wifi and we watched mama Mia. It was my first time seeing the film, and it was really dang fun. Then I made dad drive me ho e since emily was still gone with the silver car. I’ll spend he night over there eventually, but not yet. I’m exited to eventually invite friends over since I’ve never been able to do that before. So now I’m home trying g to go to sleep so I can work tomorrow. I keep thinking about smoking weed and making out with someone in the hidey hole in dad’s apartment............ even tho I have literally no one to do that with afsagssg I’m a CHILD.

Had dreams last night about being stuck on the infinity train again, except there was a mechanic of switching the world between 2d and 3d and the cast of Bluey had to help bingo go through stages of grief / character moments to help her get off the train or something. I was tossing and turning for a few hours anxiously waking up thinking I was gonna be late and going back to bed so I could sleep/dream more. But then I finally got up, fed my cat, fed myself, helped clean the kitchen a little bit, got ready for work, arrived 15 minutes late on accident, worked register for 6 hours, got more comfortable with register and learned how to do stuff, lots of friendly people, lots of me struggling and my bones hurting, dad brought me food but I couldn’t get to my lunch break until everything was room temperature. The chicken sandwich reheated well but the fries did not. After work dad and I stopped by the house, I got an info card to fill out so I can be called in for jury duty eventually, dad handed me $50 for dinner for us and my sister, we laid on the floor and looked at the noodles and company menu, drove there, picked up our food, had a lovely dinner at dad’s apartment, laid around while he talked to Greg on the phone, went to target to pick up small apartment things like a clock and a trash can and some small groceries but it made me nervous because I hate spending money and watching my dad spend money he may or may not have, and by then we were tired as shit and after dropping his stuff off emily and I drove home and I tried teaching her how to crochet for a school project. Now I’m hanging out wanting to go to bed and thinking about how everybody else my age working at ACE is doing like 60 hours a week with 2 jobs and saving for college and I’m just sitting here with probably 14 hours a week and fuck. I don’t want to spiral into shit, I just want to keep busy as much as possible. Maybe I’ll ask for as many work hours as possible, maybe I’ll ask my friends to hang out, idk. Right now I jut want to be busy so I don’t have to think about anything. I’ll spend as much time as possible helping my dad set up his apartment, I don’t care.

WAAAAA TODAY AT WORK WAS SO STRESSFUL, I LEFT FELLNG SO FRAZZLED IT SUCKED. basically I worked register for 4 hours but they’re all trying to ween me off asking for help to get me more comfortable, and we were surprisingly busy, and my garden boss becky asked me to do 2 extra things and my boss boss kept asking about paperwork that I couldn't fill out because I needed my sister to text me something, and an old man got mad at me over the phone because no-one was out there to fill his propane tank and I had a lady waiting for 10 minutes for someone to help load salt into her car and a middle aged man tried to use sarcasm at me while I was in friendly cashier mode aND IM SORRY I HAVE ADHD I DONT GET IT PLEASE S T O P and I tried answering the phone more and I didnt get the things done that becky asked and I left shit there because I just wanteD OUT. afterwards I went to target to get something, idk im writing this afterwards so I not really remember

and today, my day off. ugh god I dont remember what I did, I know I picked up a vent for my mom’s bathroom and I just went to go get Taco Bell with my sister and bought her some more about crocheting and she’s making progress :) tomorrow is my friend’s birthday and last year I made her a felt doll of her fursona, so today I started making a crochet doll for her. so far I have the body and libs, but I still need to make the muzzle, tail, ears, attach everything, and hand-sew on all the markings and glue on button eyes. or maybe felt eyes, idk. my stomach hurts and I got upset because I told my mom my cat may be sick because her pee looked suspicious so I crocheted and watched my little pony and now I have a headache and im just trying to listen to music but really I just want to watch 50 arms videos at once but it wasn't loading right and idk man I dont know what’s happening, I may be going into work tomorrow. I think now that I have a job to do 3-4 times a week, I dont feel like I can just chill and wing it anymore, it’s like I have plans forever now. and oh god I still have to sig up for college orientation night or whatever, but my mind hasn'tt been on college for like a month or longer. I think im just going to take some Advil and try to relax with my cat and my music. holy shit dude. I know none’s gonna read this but just. fuck. also I should really post these more frequently rather than let them pile up in my texts. thinking about going back and adding all the dates like I did with my early quarantine diary, but that feels like a lot of work

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #may 2021 daily

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lucatorahaven · 4 years

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vampire au post

4 skype convos haphazardly mixed in from very different times

[29/11/2014 4:27:51 AM] Probably Not Assorted Cheeses: Vampire au

Lucas the incompetent vampire who eats mostly animals

Duster was the one who bit him, only bc duster was literally starving n lucas came at a bad time

idk if duster should be born a vampire or not but Wes is one too and together they taught lucas how to survive.

however eventually they had to leave, they offered for lucas to join them but lucas can’t leave his family behind, the kid’s too sentimental :’(

so together they staged his death (which im too lazy to try n think of)

claus knew bout the vampire thing tho, lucas couldn’t live alone like that. He also ended up biting Boney in an accident so hey vampire dog.

claus grew up and eventually had his own family. Lucas could only really watch from afar but then the kids got his age and it was hard to see him and keep the gig up. He visited his parents funeral anonymously and afterwards him and claus stood there just

“sup” “how’re the kids” “twice your age and with kids of their own” “heh, i always thought you would be the one with kids yano?”

it was very bittersweet, it felt like they’ve never been apart

“it never stops feeling strange without you” "I know”

lucas thinks of that conversation a lot

he started off the "younger uncle" then the "weird neighbourhood kid that visits grandpa claus" and inevitably the "weird kid from nowhere who goes to the cemetary every other month to put flowers on graves older than appears to be"

SO without attachments lucas traveled with boney, hoping that they find duster along the way.

eventually lucas comes back to tazmilly but it’s been a couple hundred years now and it’s completely different so he doesn’t recognize it

n lucas one day is caught outside with no shelter, it’s almost morning so he runs into osohe (which is way outta town so he assumed it was abandoned)

vampires can’t enter homes without being invited in because apparently homes are holy land but osohe is fuckn haunted so that doesn’t apply (adding on to the abandoned theory)

that’s how kumatora and him meet, she finds him exploring osohe all “wtf the fuck who are YOU...this me house”

So she gets an awkward lie explanation from lucas

n she eventually catches on lucas is a vampire n is just DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE I NEVER MET A VAMPIRE BEFORE FUCKN SWEET

lucas is just UM.;;; IS IT OK IF I STAY

"oh dude it's cool!! but u gotta tell me bout yourself bc i never met a vampire before ok?? i live iN THE PERFECT GOTHIC HOME BUT THERE’S NONE!! but here you are and i’m JACKED i gotta go to work tho so brb but afterwards u gotta tell me about yourself ok CYA"

lucas is still processing everything by the time she leaves, but he’s grateful and figures a conversation is the least he can do to repay her

in this au kumatora’s into cryptology bc her house is FULL of books and it’s a common subject (also the fact her castle is filled with ghosts and there are zombies just across the moat, it’s a p convenient hobby)

when she comes back she’s super excited because he’s still there

lucas is kinda reserved but he still answers questions bc it’s POLITE

she asks bout p much everything?? “HEY do you need that” “y-yes” “is this true?” “not that i know of” “ok experiment time” “uH;;” “wait am i keeping you up?? it’s still daytime” “no it’s okay”

after exhausting lucas of all his Vampire Facts kuma invites lucas to live at osohe castle, it’s big enough anyways

lucas is wary af bc he doesn't wanna accidentally get close to someone who 1. has a life span and 2. is technically food

but lucas ends up sticking around anyways, boney really likes it and he lowkey enjoys her company

so they keep chillin n lucas tells her how he hunts animals n how he only takes a bit of blood so they don't die and

IDK I GO BY THE THEORY THAT VAMPIRES HAVE VENOM bc otherwise their entire food source becomes COMPETITION n they can bite but not?? TURN THEM INTO ANYTHIng so controlled blood flow for feeding purposes

also vampires only need to eat once or twice a month? they die around 6+ months without eating from starvation. It all depends on how quickly the blood cells in their body die basically.

ALSO when they bite you it doesn’t hurt bc their saliva numbs it so (sneaky bites) but it still feels weird as shit

bUT YA SO LUCAS N KUMATORA CHAt a whole bunch...you know that “accidentally get close” thing i mentioned? it happened

(it was kinda hard to avoid when the first companion you have that’s not your dog is informed on vampires and vampire goods, that was convenient)

so they keep hangin out and kumatora unlocks his Tragic Backstory

n sometimes kumatora helps him feed? like they go out together finding animals n storing blood

n lucas is fascinated with how technology has advanced bc he doesn't really?? go into towns anymore but he fuckn LOVES it

n they play video games n general COOL FUNTIMES

kumatora let’s lucas borrow her labtop to occupy himself and he looks for other vampires or hints of them

(this is under the assumption that osohe can get electricity in a modern au while still being ignored / abandoned)

n when kumatora goes to work he cleans up the castle n tries to show how much hE REALLY APPRECIATES HEr

n lIKE i also go by the logic that vampires do not do the stereotypical “turn into ashes at sunlight” it is a slow progression that takes up to 12 hours until absolutely turned to a crisp

so basically if he covers himself and wears a shit ton of sunscreen he can chill in the middle of the day for like...a hour or two

and bc kumatora's WORTH IT he visits her at work n she's all LucAS WHAT ARe yO U DoING??

lookin like a modern goth kid......has a huge red burn on his cheek..

he blames it on how pale/blonde he is “my brother is ginger you know”

kuma gets super worried n he's all bruh it cool i have like..2 more hours until i need to go to a hospital

n kumas jsuT I GET OFF IN 4 HOURS GO HOME

kumatora invites him to movie nights with her friends n shit

people start calling lucas kumatora's goth boyfriend “never call him that when he's around or i'll murder you”

theyre all rather cool with lucas and find his speech kinda funny?

"wow look at those teeny boppers" "GET A LOAD OF THIS GUY GOD I LOVE IT" “???????????????" kumas friends ask for lucas more all WHAT SCHOOL DOES HE GO TO WHERE DOES HE LIVE "oh he's......foreign B)"

eventually it comes up how lucas doesn’t really want to be a vampire anymore and kumatoras just “dude i can help you find a cure” bc maybe her hobby is a bit Excessive but live your dreams

but ya lucas is just?? constantly wants to visit kumatora n loves her night shifts!! visits all the time they go on hikes a lot n jusT? GETS SO FUCKIGN ATTACHED IT SCARES HIM CONSTANTLY

they sometimes fall asleep on the couch together n when he's all "wow shes so cute.." he realizes how fucking Deep he’s in this and he’s FUCKED

he tries to distance himself but he Can’t Fucking Do It (just like w/ his fam)

whenever he tries to push her away she looks so upset it kills him

N HE'S IN SUCH A STRUGGLE BC HE'S JUST

SO HAPPY TO BE AROUND HER??????

N LIKE WHEN THEY CUDDLE N STUFF HE'S JUST SO OVERWHELMED BC oh my god heartbeats!! oh my god she's gonna die before me

n lucas really fucking feels the severity of how FUCKED he is when its her birthday n hes just

yes she's gonna age and he's gonna outlive her n they could never realistically be happy even if by some offhand chance she even RETURNS the feelings

N HE HAS TO HIDE HIS CRYING N STUFF BUT KUMATORA HAS A 6TH FUCKN SENSE FOR DISTRESSED LUCAS SO SHE'S ALL bruh :( whats up

so he opens up to her about his feelings and anxiety and she hugs him through it, it’s kind of a shitty way to confess

“idk if i can forgive you for deciding that i’m gonna die before you” “are you threatening murder” “that and no way death’s gonna get me, i’m pretty stubborn”

a lil while passes

“you know... i’m okay with becoming a vampire” lucas refuses bc dude.. you can’t even comprehend the weight of immortality.. what if she regrets it

“to hell if i make my closest friend suffer because of a life span” “hah i guess that’s the same for me”

they drop the vampire topic for the time being and move on to other ones such as... mutual feelings :^)

they’re both romantically inclined i mean... lucas spent 300+ years being a hermit and kumatora had other things to do

so they take it slow, it’s p much the same as before except.. hey...now when i think “man i wanna hold their hand” i CAN

it'd also be really sad and/or cute if the ghosts in the castle some of them were lucas's family which might be why boney likes it so much but also imagine them kissin on the couch "kuma ghosts r there" "EH THEYRE JUst ghosts" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) claus looks into the camera "after so long... finally my little brother gets some action :')"

but idk if that’s a thing bc it feels kinda weird i feel like kissin n shit wouldn't b very often bc as much as they both loVE IT

IT'S NOT THAT GREAT FOR A VAMPIRE

YANO.... HEARTS R BEATING... NECK IS RIGHT THERE (lucas still adores it tho)

so back to the topic of Mortality

kuma gets attacked in an alley on the way home from work

n lucas finds her bc they were gonna meet up but he smelt the blood and when he does find her he just goes FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK n didn't know how to save her

also thinking rationally is hard when OH LOOK AT ALL THAT BLOOD AHhaHA

SO HE BITES HER

he carries her body home n he spends the whole waiting process between DEAD and VAMPIRE crying just "hoyl shti please work please work" “what did i fucking dooooo” “what if i was earlier” “what if i was too late” so many anxieties

kuma wakes up and lucas transistions from panic to HAPPY PANIC OH THANK GOD

she’s really out of it bc of the process and he’s crying apologies “it’s okay you saved me” but he’s still crying, they cuddle for comfort

"hey atleast we did it NOW when i'm a hot sexy 19 yr old and not a wrinkly old lady” “kuma” “i’m tryna make light of the conversation”

so now that kumatora’s a vampire she only works night shifts until she eventually quits. They moved to a new town / whatever so it was easy to avoid having to meet someone in the daytime. facebook helped keep in touch with her friends while still letting the friendship die out.

it took kumatora a bit to get used to being a vampire. she threw up a lot at first and she didn’t like having to drink blood but she did eventually get used to it

idk if they find a cure bc idk what the cure would BE but they eventually find other vampires :^) they continued lucas’s search for duster and probably found him tbh

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recordmcqueen · 3 years

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end-of-year asks

saw a post for this on my dash and figured no one ever sends me asks anyway so i may as well do em all myself umu

so here’s more info you didnt wanna know abt me :D

Song of the year?

hmmmmm thats a tough one but tbh i think clusterhug by idkhow sums it up pretty well and also absolutely sERVED the album we all been waiting for so :3

2. Album of the year?

well- razzmatazz i mean what else was i gonna say omg

3. Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year?

ooh sTARTED? probs waterparks then like yea i added turbulent to my playlist a while ago but i didnt actually Listen to them till lately but i am So glad i did :D

4. Movie of the year?

uh uhhh the old guard :3

5. TV show of the year?

i-i dont think i started any new shows this year rip :/

6. Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you?

BIJ WHO WOULD I BE KIDDING IF I SAID ANYTHING OTHER THAN SUPERNATURAL 15x18 SPANISH DUB OMG I DONT EVEN WATCH SPN LMAOO

7. Favorite actor of the year?

uhhhhh i mean..?? //idk noises

8. Game of the year?

i would say among us but yeet dabson is unparalleled so gotta go with hogwarts mystery uwu

9. Best month for you this year?

either january or december lel

10. Something that made you cry this year?

roughbreakupisroughahem uhhh l i f e :’3

11. Something you want to do again next year?

i- idk?? i honestly have no idea oop- survive ig :p

12. Talk about a new friend you made this year

“a” well i found ac and ashton and kamy and dia and ruby and all yall super awesome wonderful funky beans ilysm 🥺 <33

13. How was your birthday this year?

ask me after tomorrow :|

14. Favorite book you read this year?

tbh the only books i read this year were aftg and capri soooooo gonna go with prince’s gambit cause that thing was legendary :3

15. What’s a bad habit you picked up this year?

...uHmmmmmm closing myself off ig? but its kind of a coping mechanism for my circumstances so yknow :/

16. Post a picture from the beginning of the year

like...of me?

17. Post a picture from the end of the year

if yall want selfie then u gotta slide into my askbox and demand one lmaooo

18. A memorable meal this year?

hanging at timmys with my bestie before we moved qwq

19. What’re you excited about for next year?

thats a question. uhhhh hopefully an improvement from 2020??

20. What’s something you learned this year?

I AM EPIC N FUNKY N FABULOUS N POGGERS it’s so important to love yourself and its helped a lot. also aHEM not tryna please everyone :/ it doesnt work qwq

21. What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year?

well im at my grandmas house rn so im basically never going back to the place in question lmaoo

22. Favorite place you visited this year?

bruh its 2020 the only place i explored was my imagination

23. If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

uhhhhhhh see on one hand i kinda cringe but on the other if i had Gotten the message from my future self it would likely hinder the ultimate character development i Did go through so yknow ig id just say “good luck” :p

24. Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions?

...yes and no but yknow what i did technically fulfill it so thats somethin :3

25. Did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? Describe one

SO MANY LMAOOO but mostly my persona :3 hehe kachow

#allya squawks #ask meme #about moi #uwuwu #literally no one asked for this #but idc #i shant turn down an opportunity to ramble abt myself uwu #allya signs off

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rap-liine · 5 years

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50 questions tag

tagged by: @nervousatthenightclub omg sorry this took so long but thank you!!!

1. What takes up too much of your time? prolly tumblr tbh

2. What makes your day better? just getting time to myself to chill and watch stuff

3. What’s the best thing that happened you today? a bunch of stuff actually!! i got a bunch of compliments on my outfit + hair, maintained first place in my gymnastic competition in gym, got my daily approval from my favorite teacher, finished the oreo ripple icecream i didn’t know we had until my sister told me and i discovered red oranges are a thing apparently

4. What fictional place would you like to go? oooohhhh maybe Alagaësia (the place where the Inheritance Cycle is)

5. Are you good at giving advice? yupp

6. Do you have any mental illness? nope

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? no

8. What musician inspired you the most? honestly i think the entirety of bts was really a big inspiration for me to get deeper into dancing and other things but hobi especially motivated me, and even though hyunjin’s backstory is super inspiring i don’t know how it helped me personally yet

9. Have you ever fallen in love? huh even 9 year crush don’t count as love imo

10. What’s your dream date? i’ve never really thought about it but probably a fancy dinner and a walk through the city at night after 🌌

11. What do others notice about you? i try to be optimistic and upbeat 24/7 so I really hate being around negative ppl, even tho ppl hate me for my smarts idgaf about them and genuinely care about my education, although im v confident im also v grateful for everything, and can cut people down but im really caring (mom friend literally everywhere) and i know what i want and i get it done

12. What is the annoying habit you have? ok my mom can fight me on this but burping isn’t that bad ok

13. Do you still talk to your first love? no? he moved but even before not really

14. How many ex’s do you have? 0️⃣

15. How many songs are on your playlist? pandora ain’t letting me see the full list but either way a lot of what i listen to isn’t on there, so im gonna take a guess and go at 500? it’s different for each playlist tho

16. What instruments can you play? i’m relearning piano and i want to pick up guitar

17. Who do you have the most pictures of? lmao one of my best friends and trust me they’re all ugly

18. Where would you like to go before you die? either mecca for religious purposes or greece/rome/brasil

19. What is your zodiac? virgo ♍

20. Do you relate to it? yES omg it’s like a 98% match

21. What is happiness to you? the emotional, physical, and spiritual contentment of a person OR (bc i think i understood this wrong) being with people i love, the feeling of accomplishment / pride, reading books that take you away from reality, debates and physical exercise

22. Are you going through anything right now? only high school my dude 🤙

23. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made? even though this technically wasn’t my choice but eating nutella sandwiches for lunch every day and not getting into team sports as a kids 😭

24. What’s your favorite store? MARSHALLS, HANDS DOWN

25. What’s your opinion on abortion? women are absolutely entitled to the rights to their bodies and men should have no say whatsoever in this aspect, but at the same time don’t use it as an excuse to hoe around and constantly get pregnant

26. Do you keep a bucket list? not really, but i have an idea of some things i want to do in life

27. Do you have a favorite album at the moment? stray kids’ miroh (liSTEN TO IT)

28. What do you want for your birthday? silver/grey adidas soccer sweats, a new pair of black sneakers, and a permanent ps account

29. What are most peoples first impressions of you? 1) looks bc (majority of) ppl aint blind and 2) im super energetic and outgoing and just really friendly in general, 3) confident and a bunch of other things

30. What age do you seem according to most people? okkk literally all adults think im 5 years older than i am but?? i’m not 20 believe it or not

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? on my dresser next to my bed or charging on my cabinet

32. What word do you say the most? the duh lmao prolly bruh or either of the second two words

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? no one older than me but maaaaaybe sixteen

34. What’s the youngest age you would date? no on younger than me past a few months

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? teaching but HUH i do not have to patience to teach kids

36. What’s your favorite music genre? pop (more specifically the kind with a k before it)

37. If you could live in any country in the world where would it be? i’d stay in the US

38. What is your current favorite song? hmmmm beside the ones that will always be my favs then maze of memories by stray kids

39. How long have you had this blog for? only a few months but i made so many amazing mutuals already!! 💫

40. What are you excited for? my april trip to spain & morocco with my best friend and my move into my new private school in late august

41. Are you a better talker or listener? uhhh both?? i love talking but i’ve always been a human diary so i can't really chose

42. What is the last productive thing you did? finish four pages of my history hw 🙃🙃🙃

43. What do you want for Christmas? nothing bc i ain’t christian

44. What class do you get the best grades in? omg my grades are lowkey sad rn they’re all a minuses but!! i do really well in p much everything but us history honors, bio honors, and spanish ii are two classes i love and excel in

45. On a scale from 1-10, how are you feeling right now? gotta say a 9.3 bc im regretting all the sugar i ate today

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years? working in a lab in boston

47. When did you get your first heart break? if you don’t fall in love you can’t get hurt :0

48. At what age do you want to get married? hmmmmmm i don’t wanna have a huge gap between me and my children but i also want to have a stable successful career first, so i’ll say before 30 ig

49. What career did you want to have as a child? veterinarian but then i realized that meant looking at sick animals all day and i went n o p e

50. What do you crave now? a gym bc i wanna exercise

tagging: @sonqmingi @parkseonghwa (whenever she comes back from hiatus), @lqhhj, @forhyunsuk, @ultvisual, @cuteez, @ateezsbitch @taengyo @astarlightmonbebe and ofc anyone who wants to!!

#this really did take me three days to finish huh #welp that life for you man #and thanks for the tag jo!!!#and moots yall dont have to do this ofc #anyways #mutuloves #tag games

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divine-identite · 5 years

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So March through July has been most interesting lately -

So, in short, we are going to call these Arcs (like story arcs). There are five of them right now.

Facts to remember about this person; she’s bisexual, into open relationships, looking for fwb, is on the spectrum, had depression and social anxiety - which is why she smokes.

So I met a coworker who I got along with in march. I thought she was really cool and knowledge, however, I had a strange intuition that something was off with her at the same time. So before all that, I tried inviting her out to some events - concerts and stuff. Cause I thought she was legit cool and whatnot. She says no to this and eventually, in late April she invites me out to see Avengers: endgame; she does so because she works Fridays and Saturdays, and her friends are busy on those holidays. So I pick up, okay, so im just 2nd pick for this event? So I let it go and I buy our tickets and set the date and time. She cant do it because she is a tech and im just PRS. ( i just answer phones).

1st Arc

So on the movie day, I meet her at her place. her place is very lacklustre, she lives in a one-bedroom with no furniture - which is fine. Her roommate lives in the living room with an airbed. It’s all fine to me, I know the struggle is real. She’s nice enough to offer me coffee and scrambled eggs. I take just the coffee. She goes on a smoke break in her room, she's nice enough to close the door for her roommate. I sit on the roommate's bed and how she gets off it is odd as fuck; she kind casually brushes her hands along her arm and wrist before asking me to stand up, and it takes her a while to get up and go. Because shes trying to decide what coat she wants to wear. So finally go off, get a ride up to the mall centre in german town. She starts talking about her stories and stuff - and about one time post-banging some freshmen on her sophomore year. I was thinking okay that’s good on you lol. Now the worst part is she starts leaning her head on me afterwards through the whole ride. We get to the movies afterwards, and there two seats left because her dumbass wanted to take her time getting here. So one guy pointed us to two seats left in the crowd. The theatre was packed so what she did was cling to my arm and lean to my shoulder- again. So after the movies, we go to chipotle, and then to the beer & spirits which I pay. Because her ID is expired, how the fuck do you let your Id expire? so I have to get it. We order a lyft head back and drink at her place and play some games. We both had a good time but I left once I saw the roommate had teased her about being autistic and etc. The shoulder leaning thing had me confused - she told me im an associate.

So I bring up the issue with the shoulder leaning issue. So apparent none of that mattered. I got on her about how people can misinterpret that and she said few to interpret that. She gets upset because I bring this issue to mind like a few days. However, she mentioned one time a guy assumed she leads her on. Again she makes it clear we are associates the whole time.

2nd Arc

Next week May 5th we scheduled to watch the game of thrones at her place. I get off at 10:30 pm on a Sunday, and she doesn't work on a Sunday. I had to buy beer again - because so she meets me at my job. it was quite odd because her excuse for coming was “she was in town and though to drop by”. Nothing wrong with that but it did lead to some speculation. My coworker Gloria kept up asking questions like “Oh did you say hi to her?” “She usually doesn't wear dresses, Kelvin, what do you think?”, “ She doesn't work today here” so yeah it was hinting she knew something. Now after my shift we went to CVS and she offered to buy me snacks and food. She asks if I was sure? Now on this day, I had a sausage, cheese & egg. So I went to her place we had to go into her room since her roommate was sleeping. So she offered popeyes which I took only a wing. I sat by her bed rather than on it because - it felt weird lol. She said I could join her bed rather than sit by it - we are coworkers bruh. She leaves out too. So after smashing like 8- 9 beers I get on her bed because my knees were killing me on that hardwood floor. She comes back like “ It’s about time” so after a while she starts to lean on me again. So the beer takes its toll - and I start to nod off. So while watching Game of Thrones she would ask some questions. So around season 5 she stops it there - tells me to get my things. Escorts me out to the door of her complex. The original plan actually to use a spare bed but she apparently didn't want to do that. So she escorts me outside 4:00 am in the morning, it's cold as fuck in may. She couldn't stay out because is only clothed in a skimpy sundress and she's anaemic and plus she left her house keys in her house. So understandable but still no check-in. Which contradicts with her usually thing because she would always see if I got home. I got home around 6 am had like only 4 hours of sleep and had to go to work lol- I had a slight headache but I was good. I texted her to see if she was okay, said she was fine and that I was doing too much. I just added that hey you were right that I should have eaten something. Now this issue sparks something on her end, this literally causes her to snap off and she literally bans me from coming to her house.

After dropping her shoes off that she sent to my location because she lives in an apartment complex. we go to the gym together because of her social anxiety, now the fun part is after the gym. I found out apparently I had spilt beer on her carpet and pissed over her toilet while drunk, to be fair her bathroom is really dark. The only light is a night light behind you when you use the toilet. She had an emotional connection with that carpet so I sympathized with it and made to right my wrongs. So she asked only for three meals and me to go to the gym with her for a week. I decided a month because I felt bad about the situation. we agreed on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, Friday. Wednesday and Thursday are my days off.

3rd Arc

So off to the gym, some days she goes - some she doesn't - but either way I got continuously. Knowing discipline is necessary for progress. But usually, she is very inconsistent. So one week on Saturday she isn't going- rather than going I just leave it be. She's being too indecisive about the matter. I tell her to just tell me when she would be going and went home. So Tuesday comes up and she comes to work. She follows her usual routine; what's for lunch and etc? she comes up to check up on me and etc. But I wait until her shift after 12:30, now after that - my coworker comes up to ask “” Arent you going to the gym”. her reply, however, was “ No, I didn't do any laundry today. So I don't have any clean clothes to go with” That would’ve been news to tell me. So she leaves without telling me the matter - and leaves me hanging there. Wednesday and Thursday im off, and not once did it cross her mind. To make amends, so I actually have to reach out and confront her on the issues. She owned up to it but said her new meds for her depression. I understood in that second but for that whole three days? I felt that was really considerate tbh. I stopped doing favours because that was massive and just focused on me tbh. That was a huge disrespect to me and my time. So around June, I brought up the issue again to make sure we were clear and realised I had backtracked on it based on her logic on of the issue.

4th Arc

After a while, I agreed to invite her out to the movies. Went to see spider-man: Far away from home, I bought the tickets. We went over the seats and I set the time. So on the fourth, I reach the train station to meet her around 10:00 am, the movie starts at 12:45. She literally tells me to meet her at the theatre though we agreed to the train station, because of its fucking raining. Now the forecast said it would rain - but she chose to dress for the heat tbh. So I let it go and get a ride to the theatre and get there. We are early like its 11:45 pm so we decide to go to Starbucks. So she pulls me aside and asks if she can send lingerie and stuff to my house somewhat nervously (think of a typical anime girl who is fidgetting her fingers nervously) - because it's for when she goes to the gym. Still, quite an odd favour but i accept it. So after the movies, it starts to rain, so I got to CVS and buy an umbrella. Because she's wearing a sundress and if she got any wetter it is porn show. So off we go to across town to the Vape shop because the vape she has, has been burning her throat. So at the shop, the lady shows us how it works and after that she needs ID. She doesn't have ID....still so I had to literally use my ID. After a while, we go eat, and meet her roommate at the firework place. She arm links up with him and tries to get me to join - I literally shoot her down like “Nah im good”. So the roommate introduces us to his friends at her house - and off we go to park. Im literally lacking behind and she comes and checks up behind me multiple times. I state that im okay until we get to the park. Now at the park it's fine until it starts to rain, being the only practical person with common sense - hold up a single umbrella for five people. After 20 minutes of holding this damn thing up, I pass it off before she starts asking me if I want to watch Netflix. I say no, and then I went on my phone to text my friend for a while. Again she asks it before not too long she is leaning my whole thigh with the phone on it. Like you would with a couch armchair. This was no way platonic. After she leaning back on my chest with her back while we watch Netflix and stuff. Im like....you have your roommate there fam why not do this with him lol. After the fireworks, we leave but the large crowds cause her anxiety; she clings to my arm and literally is like “sorry for invading her personal space” ... it's a little too late for all that :T. We head to safeway , use the bathroom and head home.

5th Arc

We were supposed to go to Otakon together - because she invited me out to the invite. So I told Mike, a coworker of mine, I and she are supposed to be going. The whole week is excited about Otakon and stuff - and Saturday tells me “whenever she gets up she’ll let me know when she goes down to the convention centre”. I’m like.... what kind of rude shit is that? but I let it be it is what it is. So Friday comes up I call mike, he is down there and I meet him there. He tells me to call her to figure where she is - because she told him she’d be here 3-4. I called her and phone rings twice before going to voicemail. So she tells me “Oh im just got sick. Just my luck!” now I know this feels like bullshit really. You were super excited about this event - and Mike told me she looked healthy yesterday - again not making any sense really. So rather than just telling me you aren't going to show up at all. And she scheduled this event the whole time tbh.

#ooc: █ ▌❝ Tuning Out... ❞#rant: █ ▌❝ No Angels ❞

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hyperdrivehearts · 5 years

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– B A S I C S –

NAME: Kiga!!

ALIAS(ES)/HANDLE(S): Kigameister/Kigahen are the most two common but if u know me as my art handles LightningClawedSky/WhateverTrash feel free to call me by those as well!!

ARE YOU OVER 18? Yes / No

IS YOUR MUSE? Yes / No / Varies (Their default ages are 20 (Yusei) and 21 (Kalin))

WHEN WAS YOUR BLOG ESTABLISHED? April 13 2019

rest under a cut bc this is long

– W R I T I N G –

ARE YOU SELECTIVE ABOUT WHO YOU WRITE WITH ON THIS BLOG?

No (anyone) / Semi (most people) / Yes (some people) / Highly (few people) / Private (mutuals only) || Im a little picky with crossovers outside of YGO and OCs, but I love rping with anyone honestly!!

ARE YOU SELECTIVE ABOUT WHO YOU FOLLOW ON THIS BLOG?

No (anyone) / Semi (most people) / Yes (some people) / Highly (few people) / Private (mutuals only)

IF YOUR MUSE IS CANON, HOW MUCH DO YOU ADHERE TO CANON?

Not at all / A little / Some / Mostly / Strictly / NA || Up until the Crash Town arc, I try to follow canon as strictly as possible, changing some things here and there to fit my needs. After Crash Town is free reign, since Kalin joins Tea 5Ds, not everything is going to be the same ofc but I try to mostly follow canon regardless.

WHAT POST LENGTHS DO YOU WRITE?

One Liners / Single-Para / Multi-Para / Novella || Bruh I overwrite SO MUCH short responses are rare from me

DO YOU USE ICONS AND/OR GIFS?

No / Gifs / Icons / Yes || I have a psd, I just need to screencap shit but i am lazy

DO YOU WRITE ON OTHER PLATFORMS?

No / Yes || Discord, but I don’t prefer it because I forget to reply

WHAT LEVEL OF PLOTS DO YOU WRITE?

Unplotted / Open-Ended Plots (set up a meeting and see what happens) / Semi-Plotted (one or two steps ahead) / Fully Plotted Epics (plotted beginning, middle, and end)

HOW QUICKLY DO YOU USUALLY RESPOND TO THREADS?

Very Slow (more than a month) / Slow (3-4 weeks) / Average (1-2 weeks) / Fast (less than one week) / Very Fast (less than three days) || Lately I’ve been very fast with responses solely because I have so much muse and freetime, but it’s not regular of me lol.

WHAT TYPES OF THEMES DO YOU LIKE? (feel free to add!)

Fluff / Angst / Smut / Violence / Tragedy / Domestic / Family / Conversational || I like emotionally intense threads solely because they keep me and my vvvv short attention span interested, but some softer stuff is good too!

WHAT GENRES DO YOU LIKE? (feel free to add!)

High Fantasy / Supernatural / Science Fiction / Historical / Horror / Comedy / Romantic/ Drama / Action / Adventure / Espionage

ARE THERE ANY THEMES YOU’RE UNCOMFORTABLE WRITING ON YOUR BLOG? (not triggers)

No / Yes / Sometimes || I cant list any off the top of my head, because it’s usually a case by case basis besides the obvious, but I’ll let you know

DO YOU HAVE ANY TRIGGERS? HOW DO YOU REQUEST IT TAGGED?

Aliens and heights || I know the first one is fear left field, but unless its subtle or cartoony (or the “I want to believe” poster or w/e) I will go into a shaking fit! Just tag it as tw heights/aliens respectively.

– S H I P P I N G –

WHAT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS ARE YOU OPEN TO?

Romantic / Platonic / Familial

WHAT TYPES OF PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS ARE YOU OPEN TO?

Romantic / Platonic / Familial (canon)

DO YOU HAVE BROTPS?

No / Chemistry Only / Yes || I’m not multiship for romance lol

DO YOU HAVE NOTPS?

No / Yes

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S SEXUAL ORIENTATION?

Heterosexual / Heteroflexible / Bisexual / Homoflexible / Homosexual / Pansexual / Demisexual (Kalin) / Sapiosexual / Asexual (Yusei)

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S ROMANTIC ORIENTATION?

Heteroromantic / Heteroflexible / Biromantic / Homoflexible / Homoromantic (Kalin) / Panromantic (Yusei) /Demiromantic / Sapioromantic / Aromantic

ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WRITING SMUT?

No / Selectively / Yes

HOW EARLY IN A RELATIONSHIP DO YOU SHIP ROMANTICALLY?

Autoship / During plotting / After a couple IC interactions / Several IC interactions /Slow burn / Never

ARE YOU OPEN TO TOXIC SHIPS?

No / Selectively / Yes (non romantic)

ARE YOU OPEN TO PROBLEMATIC SHIPS? (incest, canon history, age difference, complicated, etc.)

No / Selectively / Yes || I dont like the wording here? Again, This would apply to problematic relationships outside romance ofc, like past abuse, bad canon blood, etc?

ARE YOU OPEN TO POLYSHIPPING? No / Selectively / Yes || I’ve thought about it, but I can’t see Yusei or Kalin being poly. :/

ARE YOU AN EXCLUSIVE SHIPPER? Never / Sometimes / Yes || Exclusive in the sense that my Kalin and Yusei are together lmfao

DOES CRACK SHIPPING EVER HAPPEN? No / Yes

– T A G G I N G! –

tagged stolen from by: @ofthinkingtwice tagging: @soulburnings

#OOC:|| out of cards #this took too long to fill out

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xz017 · 5 years

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oof. okay so imma do the latest tea???

got out of shower to hear my mum talkin to Agnes spillin the tea abt their friend/coworker

the one with that Kid my mum wanted to have a playdate with or whatever the annoyingly studious and clearskinned halfasian lookin girl i really envied.

her mum has a live in boyfriend who is basically like...an alcoholic mental case rip god i hate alcohol and i hate people who drink it like i only do it so i hate myself more and die but like this guy basically playin with knives n guns in the house and the kid who is like 19 idk why im callin her kid is so Over it like apparently she hasn’t been coming home and like

basically me in 2016 era when my mum was too generous n Helpful lettin ppl back into our lives and our House so i spent christmas morning 5am walkin in the cold n watchin 3 films until it got dark and stuff like that

girl be actin homeless---mood

so it came to a head today so Agnes is spillin the tea n her husband in the bg(omg it weird hearin him rip he was my military hs instructor wild) n my mUM is so selfrighteous n mad like

‘blablahblah well rosalie is being dumb she should put her daughter first she being sick in the head it her Choice’

n im like eavesdroppin havin warflashbacks of the dumb hypocrisy she has DOne lmao

‘has she no thought like what if Tyler gets raped/sexually abused by that man she’d let her daughter be in that environment???’

i mean it wouldnt be fair of me to be like...eyemoji on this cos she technically doesn’t know? but 19 may 2018 never4get lmao

anyway so my mum’s like our room is for rent and it’ll be far cheaper they dont even have to pay rn!!!

cue me being like...um...Money...generosity...i dont...LIke

i was conflicted here like idk i met the girl like 3-5 times im envious of her work ethic n her better asian disposition than mine cos she obviously prettier but she has better prospects and that’d suck if her life be like that

but also??? like...life be like that it was like that to me like who saved me?????????????????????

um...no one

like why is that on me or US TO BE NICE n helpful im so tired like damn which is relevant to the next point anyway

cos earlier had a convo with my mum i was eyemojing healthcare profs i was like ‘pls stop bein on ye phone pls tell me info on ye opinion on respiratory therapists...what abt PA’

n deadass she be eyemojing me like STICK TO YOUR COURSE

n i was like...-ugly pleadin emoji eyes- n i was tryin to explain that i didn’t want to be so focused on one thing that if i decide this medical thing is what i want to pursue i’d need 1-2 years just for the PREREQS which is like 5 classes and 1000 clinical hours or minimum 6 month healthcare paid job. like if i decide i want to go to school for that i already have the Stuff and just Apply.

n she was like...you had your chance i bothered you to be a nurse a few years ago you were stubborn if you did as i said you’d be earning good money now but you wasted time

n i was like...oof i can’t say anything to that it’s tru. it real life tea it fax i wasted time n im old n im ruunnin out of time i hate myself alot i hate hate hate

and idk we got to talkin abt money n life cos she was like you have to find something you can learn to LOve

n i was like??? WHY I GOTTA SETTLE N FOOL MYSELF TO DO SO im super annoyed abt that mindset

cos the thing about a bloody Arts degree is there’s too fuckin many broad possibilities n they all aint even that good. like deadass if i was a STEM major ugh like if i was a Bio major prospects are so clear: forensics, research, premed,labtech. Meanwhile polsci for example: uhhh teacher? prelaw? politician? uhhh government work? n there’s like 111 different subdivisions of that n it’s like??? wat the fuck

deadass what am i gonna do with international security is that even gonna pay well like...the fuck do i know is it relevant ??? Doubts

n she was all like...PEOPLE JUST GOTTA DO WHAT THEY HAVE TO TO SURVIVE YOU GOTTA FIND YOURS N STICK WITH IT

n i was lowkey panique n frustrated cos i really REALLY hate being stuck in 1 ting n im like i HAD ACTING YOU SAID NO

n she was like pFF i wanted you to have something REAL cos if you dont make it in acting you’d be on the STREETS

n i was like...lmao lil did she know imma be on the streets next year smh this year actually

n she was like talkin abt the harsh reality of the workforce and how you gotta make do at how ppl treat you (patients) n how you might not even like your coworkers but you gotta deal with it because that’s what ppl do to survive

n she was talkin abt undeserving patients with no healthcare n i was like did you just hear yourself so you want them to die cos they dont got money and she was like

no??? why get hooked up in the ICU when you’re braindead wasting government money taxes we payed for you don’t understand cos you dont have a job and dont get your salary cut cos of taxes and these people come in acting like they got something to give when they yell at your face acting like they know what they’re talking about they act entitled when they have nothing homeless ppl getting money and illegal immigrants are selfish bringing their kids to be hurt here

n im like...theyre life is ...shitty what are you talkin about n she was like so? why dont they stay and make it better??? one of my very first patients asked me why i was in america and i said i come from a poor country and they said why didn’t you stay and try to make it better? and i couldn’t say anything cos u know what they were right why dont illegal immigrants do that??? n im like...

cos theyre literally...RUNNIN and they want ppl they care abt i.e. children to be far away from that as soon as possible bruh ye think imma wait for change deadass there a reason why we suffer duterte he actually get shit done??? we dont have to wait for change the same way ppl who speak nice n are polite do but is stuck with bureaucracy and lowkey bein corrupt deadass stay in ye lane

n she’s like well i hope you’re right im done bein an idealist im a realist now i believed in good i wanted to help the world now no more

n im like...no you’re not a realist, you’ve just been hangin out with a republican

and she gave me a sideeye

but deadass im ...scared like i really hate the empathy because when she was being serious n talkin n being honest abt things for once i started to unwillingly see things from her point of view i really felt it n i was scared i’ll be like that im scared she’s right

im scared i’ll end up Real n selfish like...i already am ? n bitter? like i care about so very few Personally and am willin to let others suffer to keep it safe n prioritised?

im scared.

like especially with racism all these years my mum’s been telling me it’s not that im racist just wait til you work with them they act so entitles and loud and make everything about race

n i almost told Her abt it earlier i skyped w her earlier we had a tea spillin moment about our ethnic relations bein racist but then idk we talked alot i guess the text got buried or unseen

like i said i was scared n didn’t get to unpack it like im scared because ive been livin with my roomate and like...ive been excusing it as a personality thing and that if it were anyone else different skin colour id still hate them just the same which i still maintain is true but like?

my RM is loud n she makes everything abt race like deadass me n my FM be just eating dinner and she passes by us and goes on a rant about harvard asians being a Blok to black ppl from getting There n im like...im tryna have dinner so i can get energy to deal with this stressful ass school

n she always talks like she knows what she’s talking about like ‘jewish ppl control the federal bank’ n im like...it 1am in the dark quiet of our shared room deadass i dont wanna tell the binch thats antisemitism cos she gonna be like im black how can i be racist smh

im!!! scared alright like i hate my roomate for proving my mum right when i try so hard to set things right like maybe that’s why i dont tell anyone about my situation other than Her. i never told my parents about the berkeley livin situation they already warn me enough to be careful n i just keep tellin them thats racist

i have so much........THOUGHTS n........DILEMMAS...n FEARS but like i just have this blog i cant trust anyone else to talk abt it n the only person i am willing to talk to abt it will be busy and im so ashamed abt these things but she was so sweet about givin me the heads up about her schedule

like i hated that i had to get an ugly ass haircut today cos she came back to me n we couldve talked so i guess rip she was complacent n did stuff cos she replied late from then on like that dumbass haircut was 15 minutes ugh. our talkin pattern today was like...dashed lines timereply wise? i asked her if she packed earlier (pre haircut)n she said yes but rip a few hours later she was like...I need to pack

wat is the truth rip

the tablet bein emo like...mood but my child rip.

my love be packin n spendin time with fam before leavin for london tomorrow

n even after that she doin...Stuff. rip.

which is ye know good for her rip.

i just hope she dont go iceskatin deadass one slip n she can crack her head open or break her neck or paralyse her spine like...??? why do humans wanna do dumb activities

like omg she admitted to me today she a serial jaywalker and WORSE with music n headphones like

binch thats why i didnt wanna enable you further by gettin ye airpods deadass bye

n she was like??? tryna equate it with my risky risk like ummm

mine is for science n validity

hers is just carelessness n chosin lazy convenience over idk...the responsibility of self vigilance like...

bruh ppl shouldnt promise someone 91 years if they be continuin to do dumb stuff consciously oof rip

but other than that like...im...really proud of this resolution she be undertakin officially on the 14th?

im nervous abt it cos i really want it for her too. i want her to get the proper sleep n i always hated her givin excuses like ‘IM FINE ON 4 HOURS OF SLEEP’ ‘I NAPPED 3 HOURS 38293820 HOURS AGO IM FINE I MADE UP FOR IT’ um...blokt. get proper sleep binch i love you tf???

prioritise work cos ye gonna regret not givin it yer all??? n ye payin for this???

what fun??? we capitalists now we want that money rip.

i see that shift you know rip i saw it comin a year ago.

that dont mean we republicans rip we still care about others n the inequality? but like i foresaw us getting acquainted with the harsh reality of the world n how difficult it is to get a job--which she experienced along the way.

n rip she wants many things bookmarkin them n honestly same rip

i want a stable warm home for this family n a shiny diamond to get disassociated by extra im a simple man

meanin im selfish n im ready to prioritise meanin im ready to make the choice for others to fall apart/behind if it means puttin This first rip

god pls dont make me a republican this so ugly

# 1 she’d hate me #2 i’d hate me

now im sad

im dead.

omg rip earlier too as she said goodbye i told her i loved her and she was like ‘i love you more’

DEADASS I WAS LIKE LMAO!!! girL i dont think you understand im literally Ready to put you and our possible future First like...im not messin around what skitrips with rich ppl what friends my love is potent n extreme n COncentrated like im sorry ik you feel love for me but you cant top This rip she not ready

like the um ‘partially wanna make my life’s work abt knowin what might hurt n kill ye so i can kill it first or blok it well’ kinda love

the ‘im already savin for at least HALF a first month deposit in an overpriced london in case you wanna settle down wit me Mayhaps n im not touching it for ANYTHING’ kinda love

the ‘im thinking of a winter home in the tropics so you suffer less n im plannin the floorplans already rip just in case’ kinda extraness

but anyways the gall of this cute lovely human rip ‘i love you more’ ummm try Again smh

bruh i love her too much i bet that’s scary for her rip it might be a Burden tbh she so young rip

meanwhile im old n ready to rot but like...

i wanna be mortal wit ye before i do

but ye know wat lads i saw myself in the mirror today like 5 times OOF. this meatform...keepin me...Humble.

bitter but like...humble

‘like of course sHe not ready not only is my personality like dis but also...my outward form how could she introduce me as a Spouse’

‘wow i look like that oof it good i remembered i am undeservin of full intense love like in the films n fanfiction they always between attractive ppl after all it only 1/2 it not Equal’

‘wow bruh ye really upset she spendin time n resources elsewhere when you be lookin like That? ye dont have much to offer bro take the L’

oof so that’s the personal tea i can think of?

had a meghan marke talk rip i can’t believe i was right??? i had twin vibes!!! but i was hoping for like a variety situation rip im worried a lil abt the whole birthin Late ting but she can afford the highest care rip it fine she rich.

my love was talkin abt how pretty MM was n i was like rip is she triggerin Her a lil rip worrirooni

rip speakin of babies like she was showin me this smol gummybear n im like same das me heart n she was like :( n i was like it only fits you

n she was like so no children then:(

n i was like!!! rip if it Ours of course that Counts n i was a lil shook like rip she said she didn’t want them Really so i always get guilty when i talk abt the future or realise i mentioned kids or carelessly name drop Hyaline n Benzion like...im dead rn just typin that like what if she read this big shame bro

but ye know what this is already long n she gonna be busy maybe that’s the key. TOo Much puts ppl OFF so ye mayhaps we sneaky ! ?

anyway i was tryin to get her thoughts on it rip but like she was all iDK ASK ME IN 13 Yrs n i was like...

sighemoji + sandemoji + resignedemoji

rip we talked FAaC a lil. cos she Dared!!! to liken me to her brother just cos i showed her my cheap youth boy shoes smh

At first i was super offended n disgusted but then i was like rip eyemoji if ye into that

then she was like ew nO

then i was like um ye already play the ‘daddy u like me young huh’ card

which is like idk is like technically? joking but it’s like that post ye know abt ppl bein ‘whether or not im actually jokin or flirtin depends if you into it’ but also like schrodingers racism like ‘it was a joke bro!!!’ but they actually bigots.

so it DIFFICULT for my brain to Confirm rip like...eyemoji what is the truth

but like??? im rip. willin. rip. to. rip. Try. rip.?

really i am rip. it Her. bruh. im only hopin she dont have a golden shower kink but. trust i...Will follow thru.

nO IM REMEMBERIN THE DOO DOO POST DESPAIR

rip anyway that whole thing reminded me of FAaC origins which was porn n then somehow sHe was like imagine if egggsy was a singer he’d sing like ‘age is just a number’ shit n i SPILLED THE TEA ABOUT A TING IN PT 3 im so weak sand

i miss the gays

i wanna give them justice n happiness but the 2027 excuse is rl nice for my ugly procrastination issues oof but i wish them well

add: rip had another talk with my mum i really wanted her to understand my thought process about wanting to get the prereqs for medtraining done beforehand

n she was like...I UNderstand but Normal people--

n i was like ‘IM NOT NORMAL I DONT KNOW HOW TO CHOOSE I HAVE NO IDENTITY’

n she’s just like SHOOKE n mad n clearly dont understand that im fukt up in the head ‘...IC AN’T BELIEVE YOU!!! iF YOU’RE ABNORMAL YOU WONT GET HIRED N YOU WONT HAVE A NICE JOB’

n im like...well i mean what can i say to that it’s not like it’s not tru rip

Big sand honestly.

it gonna be a long few days imma do my best to leave her alone she needs her time rip i love her so much rip sand

i feel like a dumb ugly dog god fljækadfkøad h8

#personal tea #read more only #entry

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wakandanblogger · 6 years

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||Something In The Way||

[REQUEST BY: Anon]

This got long but I really enjoyed writing this. I was listening to Jorja Smith - Something In The Way the WHOLE time while doing this. I hope you enjoy!

Summary: The two of you are in a relationship but it never really feels like you have all of Erik. It feels like something is holding him back from loving you completely it’s pushing you away.

Warning: 18+ and I didn’t proof read this, angst, smut

When you met Erik he looked broken and in need of some TLC, at least that’s what you though. At first he wasn’t having any of it but the two of you got together because he ultimately couldn’t stay away from you. After about 4 months of dating you partially moved your things in with him and spent most of your time at his crib. Needless to say, you fell into the whole “I can fix him” squad and at the end of the day you started to realize it was a mistake. You argued when you were together, but couldn’t stand to be apart from him. He would be away all of the time on countless missions for whoever the hell he worked for and when he was home, he was training. He either stayed at the gun range, gym, of a martial arts studio. Erik would barely call or text and when he did it was short and would hang up without saying he loved you too. You loved Erik’s athleticism and always appreciated when he took his shirt of, even if it wasn’t to have sex with you. When he got involved with Klaue, you were grateful that it wasn’t a real deal, but more like an undercover mission but the thought of him being so invested in something like this and watching this made your stomach turn. He was losing himself, being pulled down in this quicksand called ‘revenge’. When your girls asked about him you would cover and say that he’s working more hours and is just stressed out but you knew they could see the hurt in your eyes.

The two of you were together for 6 months but it seemed like you never really knew him. You didn’t know this man’s hobbies, his fears, aspirations, or even his favorite flavor of ice cream for christ sake, which by the way is a VERY big fuckin’ deal to you. He wouldn’t kiss you very often, only if you whined long enough but you never felt the love behind it, only a ‘if it makes you shut up’ type vibe. When you got dressed up in your sexiest attire, night time, day time, and club time, the only thing he did was walk right by you. The sex was rough and lacked passion and was only a race for a quick nut. You knew he had a lot on his mind but also you couldn’t help but feel like you were still alone. This has to stop. You knew you could be a little clingy at times, but the way he was acting was pure rejection and you wanted answers. You deserved better but you didn’t want to end things with Erik. It was the times you caught him looking at you, or the surprise kisses, and the times he would chuckle at your jokes or just you being yourself that sparked a glimmer of hope. That still reminded you that he’s still human and not some terminator robot. This was also another reason you wanted to talk, you wanted to fix things.

You had a glass of wine in your hands and was swishing it around looking out into nothing and thinking about a way to confess all of these feelings without starting a fight, but he seemed calm after a workout, which is why you were still up this late. Erik had a short fuse and would often be triggered by the wrong words, or you “being nosey” which scared you because if there was another woman in the picture, you swore to ALL that was Holy, it would be done. When you look down at your phone it reads 11:00PM. Your shoulders tensed when you heard the sound of Erik’s keys and the lock clicking. He steps in and drops his things by the door with a sigh. When his eyes spot you, he nods his head, “What’s up baby, ain’t you gotta go to work early?” He says letting down his dreads but you stay silent.

Erik walks right by you without even giving you a kiss and heads straight for the fridge for a muscle milk, “You ighi’t? What’s wrong?” he says lifting the bottle to his full lips. You take the wine glass to the head and take a deep breath.

“Baby… can you come sit with me?” You ask with a soft voice.

He finishes his bottle and walks around the kitchen counter to come sit by you on the couch, “What’s wrong?” you look down at your lap, the butterflies in your stomach fluttering like mad.

“You ain’t pregnant are you!?” He blurts out causing you to look at him like a damn fool, “No i ain’t pregnant nigga!” You say and he blows out and runs his finger through his dreads, pushing them out of his face.

“Then the fuck is it?” He says seeming a little irritated.

“Do you love me Erik,” You finally force out, you don’t look at him until he clears his throat. He was looking out of the window and nothing could be heard but the sounds of sirens and cars.

“Why am I still with you if I didn’t,” He says looking back at you. You weren’t satisfied with that answer and it set you off, you knew it was just a three word phrase, but you had to hear him say it. You couldn’t help but remember the first time you said it, and his reaction was not the one you expected. He just say there and kissed you goodbye. So was this another one of those times.

“Erik that ain’t enough,” You whisper

“Then the fuck you want me to do-- Y/n?” He says getting irritated now, the clock was ticking, you had to get everything out before he shut down.

“It’s just that-- when we are together it feels like we aren’t a couple sometimes. It feels like there is someone else is taking my place, I’M NOT SAYING THERE IS B-”

“Then what the fuck are you talkin’ ‘bout?” You see him tensing, you were running out of time and you had to say the right thing.

“All I’m sayin’ is… I don’t know if I want to do this anymore if you aren’t willing to put for SOME effort in this if you want us to work,” You finally push out and looks up at him. His brows furrowed and you were holding your breath. He stands up and just scoffs, “Get the fuck out of here with all this shit cause I ain’t got time,”

“So what does that mean Erik?” You slightly raise your voice standing up, “you treat me like a damn paperweight! Erik!” Now you’ve done it, let the games begin.

“I just said I wouldn’t be dealing with all the shit if I didn’t, like damn what more do you want?!” He growls shifting his weight to his other foot. He always got so angry with you when you asked for more, as if he was afraid of handing over his heart. Did he not trust you?

“Look I’m not finna put up with this shit,” He says turning his back to you and heading to his bedroom, “I’ll talk to yo ass tomorrow when you ain’t drunk off that wine,” You scoff and growl following him and grab his shirt. He looks over his shoulder only to glare at you, “If you ain’t happy then leave damn, I don’t know that the fuck you want me to do,”

“Treat me like I’m your girlfriend! I deserve so much more than what you are giving my. I crave the attention im not getting so when a random nigga out on the street says something I don’t even feel guilty when I smile! I’m giving you my all for nothing in return” You yell smacking his back a few times.

“So if you wanna talk to other niggas then you can ma, fareal! I really don’t give a fuck if that’s how you feel!” He spins around and is now face-to-face with you. Standing your ground you shove him in his chest, “First of all I ain’t one of yo funkass friends, so don’t you DARE buck to me like that!” You shout glaring back up at him, “and TWO, that’s not the fuckin’ point!”

“I’m fuckin’ busy bruh and I have shit to do,” He scoffs, “like I said, if you don’t like it you can leave at any time!” He’s glaring at you again as if daring you to.

“You are SUCK a asshole dude I swear!” You say stepping back and storming to get your things.

“And you’re acting like a prissy ass bitch, tha’ fuck outta here with all that,” He huffs before turning around and disappearing into his bedroom. You hear his statement and that's when you lose all control when you pick up your backpack full of clothes.

“FUCK YOU ERIK! JUST FUCK YOU! All this fucking revenge shit is fucking stupid! You fucking pops would call you a dumb nigga! He don’t want this! ” You yell and you hear the door open back up. His heavy footsteps fill your ears and you are pressed against the wall, eyes filled with rage.

“You don’t fuckin’ know my pops! Don’t you ever say SHIT about him to me! You don’t know! So shut the fuck up and quit running your mouth about shit you don’t understand!” He says with his finger in your face.

“I try to be there for you! I hear you crying at night! You won’t let me in to love you! Just let me in!” You cry to him.

“Get. Out!” He says one last time, “Just leave me alone!”

You just look at him. The both of you are silent except his heavy breathing.

You swing your backpack over your shoulder and wipe your tears. You didn’t want to waste them on someone who didn’t love you. Erik didn’t bother to stop you when the door clicked. That night you went home with a empty feeling, you cried to your Uber and all the way to your bed. You had no idea if he really loved you like he said he did, or “said he did”. Why did he let this revenge consume him. You wanted to be there for him and support him but he wasn’t letting you. You cried in your bed once you got home, you didn’t bother to wrap your hair, or take off your shoes, you just cried until you fell asleep. Why did you let yourself fall so deep in love with someone who didn’t love you back?

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Last night seemed like a horrible nightmare. Your throat was sore from crying and your hair was a mess. When you got out of bed you could still feel tears rolling down your puffy cheeks. You went to the bathroom to put your satin cap on and brush your teeth. The woman standing in front of you looked God awful. You cut off the light and walked back into your room, throwing yourself back down onto the bed. Did you and Erik break up last night? Was that the last straw? You flashed back to the things you said about him and his father and gasped at how unnecessary it was, you hid your face into your hands and cried silently into your lap.

When you hear a knock on your door and you are so quick to get up and answer it. Erik stood there in the doorway, eyes buffy like yours and nose red. He didn’t look at you, just stood there, when you try to close the door, Erik pushes it open and lets himself in. “Get out,” You whisper, your voice hoarse and scratchy. Erik takes a step forward, you take a step back, you have made up your mind. You didn’t want him in your life anymore if this is all it was going to be. Erik takes another step and when you go to take a step back you bump the coffee table and almost fall. With his quick reflexes he reaches forward and wraps his arms around your waist. You are pulled into his chest and can’t help but cry. You hit his chest with your small fists and continue to cry. Erik’s hold on you tightens as he hides his face into your neck. You can hear his muffled sniffs and you look back at him.

“I know I ain’t been the best boyfriend to you, and you right, you deserve the world. I let some shit take over my life and I pushed you aside and made you feel like you ain’t matter. You mean the world to me y/n, please just, don’t leave me like this. You all I have left,” He says to you, “I can’t tell you I love you because I’m afraid of losing you, I’m scared that you just gone up and leave my ass. I ain’t ready to be hurt and left alone again, baby I’m not. But I love you, Y/n I love you!” He pours out his heart out to you, he looked like a scared child. You’ve never seen Erik at his weakest like this and it made you feel so bad for what you said to him the more he rambled. Big tears roll down his cheeks and you finally pull him into a soft kiss and stay there for a moment. His lips were soft but also kinda crusty, but you didn’t mind, you didn’t exactly look all that hot either.

Erik kisses back and sighs when he realizes you forgive him. He wraps his arms around your shoulders and he sways the two of you side to side.

“I love you,” He whispers into your lips and the tears fall. Erik picks you up bridal style and carries you to your bedroom. He gently places your body on the mattress and crawls on top of you. He pulls away from your lips to remove his shirt and you pout. He smiles down at you in a way you’ve never seen before. It was like confessing his true feelings to you was like a weight being lifted off of his shoulders finally and you could feel his relief. Your fingers rake through his dreads when he reconnects both of your lips and you sigh through your nose. His mustache tickling the ball of your nose just a little. Erik never kissed you this way and feeling his passion sent butterflies to your stomach and a jolt of electricity down your spine. He pulls your shirt over your head and exposes your chocolate breasts and pebbled nipples. He brings his lips to the right and works your left breast with his fingers. His free hand roams up your thigh and you flinched at his touch.

You could feel his tongue lick circles around your nipple before he switches to the other one. When you look down his eyes are watching you and full of lust. His fingertips grazing your womanhood before hooking his finger through and pulling them down your legs and discarding them somewhere around the room. Erik wanted to make this mean something to you and wanted you to feel everything that you wanted to feel. He wanted you to know that he loved you and was grateful for you. He proceeded to remove his pants and pressed your naked bodies together. His scared skin stimulating your nipples and making your breathing increase in speed. You let your fingertips travel over every single hill of his skin. Nothing could come between the two of you in this stage.

“Erik,” You sigh dropping your head back into the sheets. Erik enters a digit into your slick, you bite your bottom lip and arch into him. He watched and sloppily rounded his mouth onto your breasts once more. The feeling was pure bliss but you wanted more of him.

“I love you baby doll,” He sighs into your skin, “I love you so much.”

You moan when you feel another digit enter into you for another moment and you tangle your fingers into his dreads and give them a little tug. Your moans were like sweet melodies to Erik’s ears and he wanted more.

“Erik-- ah- please” You whine.

Erik knew exactly what you wanted and removed his fingers from you. You look up at him behind heavy eyes and beautiful lashes. He brings his fingers up to your lips, you allow them to pass through your lips and you lick yourself clean from his fingers. He bares his teeth and lines himself up at your entrance. He slowly pushes into you and your lips part from his fingers to gasp. His hand moves to your neck, but he doesn’t tighten his grip at all. He slowly pumps into you taking in every ridge and squeeze your sweet cunt had to offer him as you adjusted around him and loving the feeling of his thick dick inside of you. You walls hugged around him not wanting to let him go. His thrusts increase to a comfortable rhythm and your hold onto his arm. Erik removes his hand from your neck and rests it above your head, he leans down to steal a kiss from you. He nips your lip and instantly suckles it. Your moans bounce from the walls as he pick up his tempo. Your sweet boyfriend watches your breasts bounce with each thrust and circles your swollen clit with his thumb earning a string of curses.

He smirks at how much of a mess he’s making you into. You reach your heads above your head to grab onto the sheets or anything you could cling your fingers onto.

“F-fuck Erik! Oh my goo-aaaah” You whimper when he applies pressure to your clit. He picks up speed, fucking into you now. You listen to the lewd sounds your dripping pussy was making, sucking your boyfriends cock deeper into her. Erik growls feeling his orgasm approaching, so you rock your hips into his. Your walls clench around him and he bites his bottom lip, “Shit! Come on baby doll, cum,” he moans to you.

You’re a mess and the gurgles and whining let Erik know that you are so close. Erik pulls out of you leaving you angry and confused. Just when you are about to pout, he rolls you over and enters back into. You wait for him to move but he doesn’t. You look back at him and he’s got an evil grin on his face.

“Move,” You whine, rolling your hips back against him earning a groan but he doesn’t. You take matters into your own hands and move your hips. He lets his head drop back as you continue to move. When you pick up speed Erik’s hands slap your ass and you gasp. He pounds into you soon throwing the both of you into the paradise you always wanted. Your eyes roll back as you feel Erik release his warm white into you and your walls squeezing every ounce of him.

When he drops onto you, you can’t help but laugh and try to push him off but he wraps his arms around you. He pulls himself out of you and looks down to see his seed trickle out. He looks at you and kisses the corner of your lips, “I have to go train,” he whispers to you. Your smile slowly fades and you pout, “Can you skip for today,” you beg holding onto him. He kisses the top of your head and goes to move, but you grasp onto him even tighter your eyes shut as tight as they could to you could focus your strength. You knew he could easily get out of your hold but he resisted. You look up at him to see a smile on his face, he relaxes and just pulls you into his chest.

This is exactly what you wanted.

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