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henry-fox-biggest-stan · 9 months

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I’ve seen someone else mention this, but I also wanted to talk about this

The erasure of queerness in the movie is something I definitely did not expect.

Sure, it’s a love story between two men, but grab Alex and Henry and make them a man and a woman, the movie doesn’t change much. Maybe monarchy instead of being homophobic and racist now it’s only racist, and they hate Alex not because he’s a man but because he’s brown. They kept it a secret because of monarchy’s racism, but love triumphs at the end. That’s why the movie didn’t hit as hard as the book. The movie is just some forbidden love movie, rwrb is a book where the main characters are in a forbidden relationship, but it’s not the whole point of the book.

Alex discovering his sexuality, Nora being bisexual, whatever Pez had going on, whatever June and Nora had going on, Alex learning about queer history, the historical lgbt love letters at the ends of their e-mails, all the references to queer history and literature, THE SHELTERS, monarchy’s homophobia (yes, it appears on the movie but it’s really glossed over. It doesn’t show just how homophobic they actually are in the book), Alex stating how he knows more about himself the more intimate (both in the sexual and non sexual sense) he is with Henry, Luna being gay and unapologetic about it and being exactly Alex’s queer role model, even before Alex knew he was queer himself, THE FUCKING SHELTERS

I’m so so mad about the shelters being missing.

Henry and Pez made shelters for lgbt youth, so they can never feel as alone as Henry once felt, so they can always have a safe space so they know there’s nothing wrong with them no matter what the adults in their life might say, no matter what the preacher or their classmates or the right wing politicians in their tv might say, where they can find hope, and friends, and a home if they never had one before, or at least, one where they could truly be themselves. The shelters are, I would say, crucial to Henry’s character development. He went from hiding, believing being gay was “the most unforgivable part of him”, not even trying to come out because he just succumbed to live an unhappy life in the closet, to someone who’s out, living with his boyfriend and running lgbt shelters with his best friend so young queer people can move past all the things he felt and believed time ago, so they know they are perfectly normal and loved and safe in there, as long as Henry and Pez are there they’re safe, they don’t have to hide anymore.

Henry became the queer elder he needed in his life when he was younger. The lgbt adult who could tell him than it would get better, no matter how bad it was at the moment, no matter if he couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, because it was there, he just had to hold on a bit more. Than there was absolutely nothing wrong with him.

Another thing than I seen changed than a normal person might not notice, but I did, because im obsessed, is the karaoke scene.

In the book, it takes place in something resembling a gay bar (maybe not exactly, but it’s full of queer people), and look at this

Three rounds of shots appear —one from a drunk bachelorette party, one from a herd of surly butch chicks at the bar, and one from a table of drag queens. They raise a toast, and Alex feels more welcomed than he ever has before, even at his family’s victory rallies.

Look again

and Alex feels more welcomed than he ever has before, even at his family’s victory rallies.

This book is about about finding community, finding yourself, finding love and letting yourself accept that love.

Do you think Alex in the movie has felt “more welcomed than he ever has before, even at his family’s victory rallies” at any point? Has he been with another queer person in the whole movie, except Henry, at all?? Because Nora’ sexuality was not mentioned at all no references nothing and with the whole Pez thing everyone could see Nora as just straight

Henry and Alex in the movie are kind of without community, alienated from it, they are, in my personal opinion, the kind of gay people republicans would consider “good gay people” who “don’t shove it on everyone’s faces and just wanna be left alone” (in the rwrb universe where they exist and are real not actual republican people watching the movie). They don’t really take a role on the community, in the book, Alex and Henry being queer is an important part of themselves, again, Alex feeling like he knows himself better, Henry whole internalized homophobia, their shared interest for lgbt history and literature, Henry and Pez making the shelters, etc etc meanwhile in the movie Alex and Henry just happen to be gay and bisexual, but it’s no deeper than that.

And don’t get me started on creating Miguel, a queer character, and making him the one to leak the e-mails or smth instead of a republican candidate

#you might disagree but this is *my* opinion #rwrb #casey mcquiston #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #red white & royal blue #rwrb movie #rwrb movie spoilers

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krashoutluv · 23 days

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comic!jason todd x m!indie rock singer/guitarist reader

cold weather - glass beach

1:08 ──⚬──── 2:18

⇆ ◃◃ ıı ▹▹ ↻

🪐⁠☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ warnings ; sfw (none)

…

🪐⁠☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ contents ; hc’s totally not based off glass beach lyrics haha thats so cheesy whaat lololo…

I love the way you make me feel when I’m staring at my screen.

At 4AM, trying not to fall asleep

And you hit me up just to see if I’m OK

JASON TODD CODED SOOO BAAADD

literally how the crushes form for both sides

jason has like an inner psyche where he just fuckin knows when youre awake

if you ask him he’ll probably say something stupid like ‘i can hear your (guitar)/(voice)’ and he’s nowhere around you

and his heart throbs whenever you two stay texting for waayy tooooo loonggg, starts cheesing and shit

NEERRRDD

average jason todd text

When I keep you up sending Mamegoma Lines

You know it's shit like that that makes me wanna be alive

JASON TODD CODED LINE. CANON CANON.

he responds through his helmet while he’s kicking ass

it gets so common to a point where he ends up having a full blown convo w/ you using those stupid fuckin stickers

bug him late at night !!

he’ll tell you to gts but he’d be lying if he says it doesn’t make his heart melt when u send him these little fucks.

So I'll call in sick again just to spend the day with you

100% he’ll call a day off to hang with you

whether its showing up to your show then hitting a bar, 100%,

i need jason todd in a relationship where he just drops everything for his s/o,

fuck the mission!! he wants to listen to those fucking vocals for an hour or you shredding ur guitar!!

he’s fucking around in an arcade with you till 11pm

hes a little ass at mario kart, better with motorcycle games,

BRING HIM TO ANY SHOOTER ONES WHERE U HOLD THE GUN AND UR GETTING WAAAASHHHEDD.

he has the most fun with the halo ones or the walking dead ones

weirdly good at the multiplayer pacman games

AMAZING AT GALAXIA ILL DIE ON THIS HILLL

Wanna say I think it's so gay that we really both feel the same way

That I feel like we're more than just friends

It took too long to realize

I didn't miss the cold weather, I just missed you

Jason was never homophobic and or totally against the idea of him being gay

i dont think he was ever in a gay relationship b4 you two

bc most of the vigilante guys he met were trying to fight him or absolute dick heads,

n’ most of the male figures in his life weren’t the absolute best.

so there wasn’t tooo much room for crushing on a guy too easily

if you’d ask him abt his sexuality its smthn like ‘i think im straight but i dunno what if im not.’

heres how i think it starts ;)

you’re preforming at a bar, n’ ofc jason todd can admit when a guys cute/attractive, any guy could do that

and maybe its ur guitar or your vocals but he cant stop watching (he convinces himself its your talent which is reasonably not gay)

maybe one coincidence leads to another and you two chat and go out at times, he pulls up to your shows more.

and the whole time he thinks he’s just acknowledging that your a very attractive person,

notthin crazy to admit ya homie has mad kisssble lips after starin at them for a sec too long. lol. haha. hm.

and i think the thought really hits him when he’s out of gotham for a mission. and he’s craving your presence

he texts you but you dont respond, fuck right you have a show and the timezone difference—

n he gets fuckin, ANTSY and SAD.

he tries to smoke a cig to fuck off

but he cant stop thinking about that one night where he brings you to his favorite rooftop view of the city,

how those sly stupid jokes slip from your mouth like honey,

the way you glance at him and the moonlight on your skin

how he got that random need to just lean into your lips

and— (GAY REALIZATION PANICC) <- link

'Cause I don't need the cold weather like I need you

And I don't need the sweater weather I just need you

Na na na na na na na

Fuck! Hahahaha

hes unlabeled your honor.

#im not gay you are!#jason todd x reader #red hood x reader #jason todd x you #red hood x you #jason todd x m!reader #red hood x m!reader #jason todd x male reader #red hood x male reader #jason todd headcanons #red hood headcanons #krashoutluv

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0rah-s · 9 months

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Sinbad (Magi) and his divorced wife (modern au please, or if you don't feel comfortable with that, you can do it in the regular world)

Reader divorced him because of how he viewed things and how close he would get with other women, she's kinda gay

And Sinbad is kind of sad because of the fact that the only woman he truly loved wants nothing to do with him.

Even add a gremlin, a kid to the mix if it entertains you!!

Pls 💛

You don't have to if you don't want too!!

Sinbad x ex-wife!reader

Cw: fem reader, written in second person, english isn't my first language, you have an adopted kid, disloyalty from him, idk.

A/n: thank you for requesting and im so sorry for taking so long to do your request, writer's block be hitting harder lately. Hope you enjoy it mwah!!

How many times had he entertained the young women who threw themselves at him in the middle of your dates, right in front of your eyes?

Never could you say anything about it as its not like he was really cheating on you, he was "just playing" as he loved to say. It drove you insane.

In addition to his borderline unfaithfulness, there was also his questionable morals and the things he did to get what he wanted. All of it always rubbed you the wrong way but you fought to love him anyway.

But as we all know, ine can only fight for so long.

All of it kept adding up and and you found yourself bothe sat at the kitchen table. You slide him a paper - a divorce settlement document.

He tried to give you excuses and promised he would change but you were set, there's no way you'd lock yourself in a toxic cycle of wrong-doing, excises, and forgivness forever.

After the divorce,

You went on with your life like nothing happend

Of course it still stung to part from the man you loved oh so much but you had to move on.

Weeks pass and he isn't the same anymore. He went out to different bars and surrounded himself with ladies, reminding himself that he didn't need you.

What a conman.

He desperately needed you. Being a man of his position there wasn't many he could trust, somehow he opened up to you and gave you his heart. He knew how precious your love was to him yet he ruined it - entirely by himself. He'll never experience somehing like this again.

Guilt hollowing him as he grieves the missing part of him and as he thinks of the sadness he caused you. He'd become a waste.

Fast forward, you grew as a person and became successful, no longer the women you used to be.

Things kept getting better and better for you as if taking the weed out of your life made place for a rich and flowery garden to bloom effervescently.

You could finally breath.

Long after, you adopted a gremlin a kid!

You gave them the ever best life they deserved and enjoy life as a successful mother and child. Life simply couldn't get better.

Then he saw you.

Then you saw him.

He couldn't belive it's, the then live of his life standing right in front of him after years of no contact.

"H-hi..." He uttered, trying his best to make himself sound more confident - it failed.

"Hello" you replied coldly.

A long awkward silence took over when you decide to walk away before he starts to question about your life or worst - enter it again.

"I should go" you sai as you walk past him but barely a couple step away and he grips your wrist.

Tho he was strong, his hold on you was gentle, almost pleading.

"Please wait? Can we talk?" He asks trying his best to think of ways to have you remain by him even for a little longer.

"What is there to talk about sinbad? We're over"

You say curtly, not wanting to go weak and give in to him in the way is face begged you to.

He notices the young child beside and questions flooded his mind. 'A child? Was it hers? Ours? Hasd she found someone new? How much of their lives have i missed?' Then guilt came back stronger than ever, not being made easy but the way the kid clutched on your trousers.

"Mom, who's that?" They ask innocently.

"An old friend, dear" you smile at your child lovingly.

An old friend, those words rung in his head like hell bells.

He let go of your wrist and she walked away.

You sufferd through him, why shouldn't he? Regardless of how he feels you have more to care about.

He'll find a way to heal, you wish him that much. But for now the only thoughts in your head is what you're going to do today to make this day unforgettable for your child and yourself.

#magi the labyrinth of magic #magi the kingdom of magic #magi the adventures of sinbad #magi x reader #magi #sinbad x y/n #sinbad x you #sinbad x reader #sinbad #x reader #sin city wasn't made for you~~~#he's an asshole but i love him #he is my scrunkly #orh's #from orh to etheriia

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prettyboypistol · 10 months

Note

FOR PRIDE MONTH

The mercs learning that they are in fact. gay.

Scout-

Doesn't admit he's gay ever

Would rather die than say he likes men fr

But GOD men are so hot. Muscles. Chests. Thighs. Di-

Bisexual, Def hides his gay side tho

Has drunkenly made out with men before.

Demo

He's BEEN knowing that he's pansexual. He's kissed a few boys on the playground in grade school and drunkenly made out with multiple people.

"A hole is a hole" energy

Very casual about affection, sees nothing wrong or any difference between cuddling a boyfriend on the lobby couch and cuddling a girlfriend.

Has punched a transphobe and would do it again

Soldier

Aroace soldier ftw honestly.

No room for romance when you can be patriotic

Wants a family tho, desires a QPP (sex neutral)

Would rather have a best friend that he kisses and fucks rather than a relationship.

Engineer

Realizes it in early childhood but ABSOLUTELY REPRESSES THE FUCK OUT OF IT.

Dates for marriage with women but absolutely has gotten drunk and begged to be used by every man in the bar as a glory hole.

So many crushes. So. Many. Goddamn. Crushes. On. So. Many. Men

pansexual with a heavy preference for men.

Heavy

Aromantic heterosexual! He always thought he was a monster for not wanting a relationship but only wanted to have sex with women.

childfree single uncle in his mid-40's that gives you the richest gifts at the reunion energy.

Drunk heavy is fun tho, he's the best wingman

sober heavy is S tier relationship advice giver.

would hear about aromanticism and go "o shit that ME HOLY FUCK IM NOT ALONE"

Medic

Gay Medic Gay Medic Gay Medic

Frank Infurter energy during pride month

*sock bunches at his ankles* "zis is un hate crime."

calls random things homophobic

would give top surgery for free(just give him ur titty after)

Demiboy! He never fully resonated with being a full man, but he/they??? fuck YEAHHHH

Spy

homophobic gay

Pyro

Genderfluid. Pansexual.

THE EPITOME OF ANY/ALL PRONOUNS

Would punch a homophobe

any pronouns at all btw. He, she, they, it, Pyro, anything!

They don't understand how people can be homophobic when kissing people is so fun, especially little gas masks boops!

Sniper

This man is the most demiromantic bisexual man to ever exist.

you gotta be FWB first for him to even consider you a canidate for romance

Wouldn't punch a transphobe, but would just lean into their ear and whisper where they live.

doesn't celebrate pride, but doesn't think less of people who do.

doesn't have any pride wear except a bisexual handkerchief an ex got him like, seven years ago.

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quodekash · 9 months

Text

guys jokezo just made out and now they have to share a bed together. just chew on that for a bit.

NO, DON'T GIVE ME THEM SITTING ON A BUS

GIVE ME WHAT HAPPENED WHEN THEY HAD TO SLEEP IN THE SAME FREAKING BED IMMEDIATELY AFTER THEY MADE OUT

👀

(they made out last night btw)

(just in case anyone forgot)

(and then they had to share a bed)

ass x7

also zo is fully just not doing anything lmao

everyone's pushing with all their might and zo is just 🧍‍♂️

FUIWEBSDGIOUVEWJBOGD

oh the desperate thigh grab

yeah, im with him on this, they need to talk about it. especially about how they had to slEEP IN THE SAME FREAKING BED AFTER THAT

welp. I guess joke's day was just ruined in a slap to the face disguised as a few words

AND THE WAY HE TAKES HIS HAND OFF ZO'S THIGH AFTER THAT????? OUCHHHH

I must say tho, this is really giving episode-6-of-bad-buddy

its very patpran-post-rooftop-kiss-core

the vibes be gay and yearning and very very sad

OKAY, THE MOTHER, FINALLY

a few things to say about her

1. she's gorgeous

2. DAMN she is SHORT

3. I was rewatching the first four episodes yesterday and today because I could, and I noticed in the first episode, zo asked his friends to not tag him in photos they took at the bar, because "I don't want my mum to see"

but my question is... why? he's just out drinking with friends, he's an adult, he's not being irresponsible or anything, so why doesn't he want her to see the photos?

is it something to do with what his mum thinks of him? is she overbearing? does she have high expectations of him? does she kinda suck?

she's probably lovely though, and ill end up adding her to my list-of-fictional-parents-to-get-adopted-by (it's a very long list)

I guess we shall find out today as the episode progresses

oh, honey, you're so queer

the amount of times ive done exactly this

she's so short its hilarious omg

also: ive decided I love his mum

she's so sweet

and neither of them know how to use a stove and I think that's so hilarious and endearing

HSDHSHFSHDHHS

(also: this scene is making me think of akkayan at aye's house having a meal with his mum and rhbgdhjgb)

he's putting two and two together

the few braincells he has that aren't dedicated to debating are whirring in his mind

I can practically hear his thoughts

"he kissed me back... he wants to talk about the kiss... we went on two dates together at his suggestion... he showed up at my house and charmed my mother... he says I have secret admirers..." cmon sweetie youre so close

"WAIT, DOES HE LIKE ME?" omg honeybun you did it!

or maybe he didn't do it

maybe he was still shuffling the pieces in his brain but hadn't put them together and then his mum said something and distracted him

either way: that was hilarious and I want to high five dunk for his acting there

HIGH EXPECTATIONS, I KNEW IT

still love her tho

high expectations suck but she seems wonderful so far (obviously my opinion will change if the circumstances do (like if it turns out she completely sucks) but for now she's made it to the adoption list)

brb, gonna go cry real quick

well now their thumbs are making out

you see, I understand the things he's saying. and I honestly agree with him. if I were ever somehow put in his position, id probably say the same things.

HOWEVER, I just want my bl boys to kiss again and be happy and together and I appreciate the realism over the usual fantasy kinda situation we go for in bls, but I just want them to kissssss

this is very good advice

I hope that jokezo kiss again this episode

also AAAGBRDHFKBG JENGPOK CRUMBS

YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHO'S LOSING THEIR MIND OVER JENGPOK AGAIN

BERIUFDJKGBEORPVFD

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

SHUT UP

SHUT UP SHUT UP

IM NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING

FHEWSDGFVESDV

THIS IS TOO FUNNY

im gonna start crying soon

its so funny

help me

girl is worried

I know this is what jeng told you to do but is during debate club really the right moment

im so certain that she ships it

awwhhhhh

HE SAID IT

HE SAID THE THING

AAAAAAAAA

hell yeah

GOUERJLHDGOBIERVLDNF

AAAAAAAAAAA

IM SCREAMING

THATS IT??

THAT'S THE END OF THE EPISODE??

THEY DIDNT EVEN KISS

OR ADDRESS THE FACT THAT - and I can't stress this enough - THEY SLEPT IN THE SAME FREAKING BED AFTER FULL-ASS MAKING OUT

omg next episode is gonna be amazing

I can't wait

gekjrdsbfd I love them so much

im like 70% certain they're gonna kiss next episode so fingers crossed

ALSO NITA DEFINITELY SHIPS IT

anyway. that was good. I should go to sleep now

#quodekash's unhidden agenda to watch hidden agenda #hidden agenda #hidden agenda series #hidden agenda the series #jokezo #zojoke #pokjeng #jengpok #joongdunk #aouboom #aou thanaboon #boom tharatorn #joong archen #dunk natachai

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twopoppies · 1 year

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I dont believe anything from anonymous sources, especially on deuxmoi but i watched the tiktok and didn't believe it at all because she didn't show any proof of him/his security trying to get a girls number but then someone in the replies claimed they saw two girls backstage (with no proof again lol) the only thing that made me question it even a little is the girl posted another tiktok saying the same girls were at the show and even showed a picture of harrys bodyguard (paddy i think is his name) talking to two girls before the show started. I still don't believe harry was trying to get anybodys number while on stage but im just confused on why paddy was in the audience talking to the fans? unless it's just people he knows and not this made-up story fans are spreading.

Hi sugar. I’m just going to address this message because I have a ton in my inbox about this topic, but I think this is just one of those things that is a giant game of telephone with each new person adding some layer of “oh, and I know this thing” and “yes I saw this other thing” but there’s no proof of any of it.

So, first of all, the girl making the videos seemed pretty normal to me. She didn’t seem to be making any of it up. She clearly said in her videos that Harry’s name was never used, it was a security guard who said “I’ll let you know where they’ll be” (or something to that effect). It sounds to me like some sort of after party and Harry’s name was never used (although, easy enough to assume they thought H would be there). In the second video, the two girls were at the second show and told the friend of the person making the video that they didn’t go to meet up with them, and there was a photo of two women talking to Paddy.

So, we all know that the entourage and crew of literally every musician uses their proximity to the star to get laid. It’s been documented countless times from every shitty bar band through tons of big name artists (including One Direction). There are rumors of the artists’ friends hooking up with girls, rumors of bodyguards and bouncers and roadies and producers hooking up with girls… it’s endless. So… given that it was Paddy they were talking to on the second night, I wouldn’t be in the least surprised if he was the one who saw them and got their numbers in the hopes of getting them to come to some after party. They were right at the barricade, so I don’t think it’s that odd that Paddy would talk to them.

I just think of all the confirmed things we’ve ever heard about Harry doing or saying (from endless amounts of people), and the consistent way we’ve seen him behave over the last dozen or so years — towards people in general, but also very much his attitude towards women — I just don’t think any of that sort of this fuck boy image is true. This doesn’t even have to do with Louis or whether they’re together or whether H has slept with lots of different people or even with me thinking he’s gay. To me, he just has always given off a very specific kind of energy that just isn’t consistent with the kind of person who points out girls in the audience to be brought to him. 🤷🏻‍♀️

So the bottom line is, I don’t believe anything DeuxMoi or The Daily Mail says. And all these anonymous unsubstantiated stories sound pretty ridiculous to me.

#love on tour melbourne 2 #harry rumors

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songwolfwildblogs · 2 years

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World's I want to live in.

1. Gen 1 monster high: listen if my family doesn't accept me I'll put on a fursuit and attend monster high, and we can have a big liar revealed moment and there'll be a big monolog about acceptance and you just needed to be yourself or something then I'm never mentioned again other than sometimes in the background and a few dolls of me.

2 ever after high: listen I know it's the same universe but like eh, I wanna be apart of the debate about following a destiny and I'll either have a breakdown about my destiny or just be a gag character that is constantly passed the fuck out in the background

3. Pixie hollow: listen I wanna be a little gay fairy no thoughts only flutter, be small...

4. Winx club: AGAIN gay fairy OR extra gay witch ready to murk a bitch with lil spells and eventually being redeemed because the writers didn't know what to do with me and everyone forgets me im a season

5. HEAR ME OUT BARBIE: I GET TO BE EITHER THE GAY VILLIAN THAT MAKES THE MOVIE 10X BETTER AND MY MOTIVES ARE NOTHING BUT "I AM EVIL AND GAY" OR THE SUPPORTING MALE ROLE THAT THE CISHETS SAY "THAT'S BARBIES LOVE INTERSET" WHEN I AM JUST A LITTLE TUMBLR SEXYMAN AND BARBIE IS A LESBIAN

6. Cookie run!: it'd just be fun! Politics? Never heard of em let's go save earthbeard then go to sparkling cookie's bar

My little pony: yes

So yes I have cried watching children shows and I am gay

#shitpost #cookie run #cookie run kingdom #cookie run ovenbreak #lgbtqplus #monster high #barbie #winx club #my litte pony friendship is magic #mlp g4 #tinkerbell #pixie hollow

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oh-cawsh · 5 months

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9 people to get to know better

thanks for tagging me @ghostradiodylan !!

1. Three ships: Rylan my beloved they do no wrong. theyre the epitome of awkward bashful and honest gay summer teen romance with the perfect contrasting note of horrific life threatening monsters which is unsurpassable genre peak. and yeah ngl its pretty rare that i get behind a ship but two others i can think of are amity/luz from the owl house (but mostly in season 1 because they do cute anxious crushing stuff and after that they just kind of turn into supportive gf A and supportive gf B), and legosi/louis from beastars because how do you just gloss over neurotic homophobe slut ptsd theatre twink x weird brooding puritan loser freudian pervert and the fact that it does WORK too like hello

2. First ever ship: i wanna say gregg and angus from night in the woods?? i remember i was in that weird sexual orientation puberty where you literally know you're gay but it's not like a consciously meaningful part of your identity so i remember seeing them and thinking wow that's cool that they're boyfriends i guess idk. also i'm inexorably drawn to their existence for some reason and my lockscreen is them cuddling with the lazy morning light peeking through the curtains

3. Last song: My Kink is Karma - Chappell Roan, im a sucker for moody electronic pop and that album DELIVERS

4. Last film: i watched the first three movies in a pirates of the caribbean marathon with some friends which ngl after the first one feels like trying to suck sugar water out of a sock 😶 the last film i personally chose to watch was the 1976 Carrie! it was nice being able to watch it and appreciate it as an adult with an education and not a teen recluse going "yeah carrie you show those villain highschoolers what's what"

5. Currently (re)reading: Shakespeare's Twelfth Night! i have my old copy from highschool open next to me and the 2012 shakespeare's globe production up and i just sit and sift between watching and reading and analysing it, just like when i first learned it in class. i'm not really sure why i wanted to reread it again in the first place, but i find it kind of soothing to read older texts where the language and culture's a little ways off from its modern successors. i find it calming to kind of pull those stories back in a way we can understand with its old contexts and writing, and see more and more of that timeless human experience shine through. sudoku for english nerds i guess LOL

6. Currently watching: my watcher's stamina has actually gotten so shit im ngl like i actually haven't watched a show in months 😭😭😭 the last show i watched was bluey (which was pretty good! (and pretty indicative of the kind of attention span ive got these days 😂👌))

7. Currently consuming: this horrible like nutraloaf nightmare bowl i made because my appetite was really poor today and at 5 pm or so i was like ugh well id better eat something quick and dense if im not gonna have a proper meal so i insulted God and put together reheated smashed potato (in the microwave so they lost all their crunch and flavour) + dried roasted edamame beans + peanut butter + regular butter + cheddar + yoghurt + whole salted almonds in a bowl and had a slice of walnut fig cake as a side. that thing needed a censor bar like i was in the trenches trying to get that down im ngl. eating that meal took more energy out of me than what it gave back like i knew i made something unholy and then immediately paid for it like it was so frankenstein and his monster right there on that kitchen counter

8. Currently craving: literally anything after that like god damn 😭😭😭😭😭 otherwise ive been hankering for a good chana masala and naan combo cus there's literally never a day where i'll turn south asian cuisine down like aw man i shouldve just gone out and got some of that to eat today ugh god damn it

also im ngl i don't really know who to tag cus i only started having a presence on tumblr like barely a month ago and ive only meaningfully interacted with like 3 people since then so um!! whoever's out there lurking around on my blog if ya wanna participate feel free! and either way, thanks for readin my ramblings regardless :)

#personal #wow this came out like really long i hope thats ok :x #id been meaning to watch ghosts!!! i saw like two loose clips n the first was funny and the second made me tear up #i was like sigh let me add this to the list....#ive been meaning to be more active on here but im gettin caught up in irl business forgive me yall

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charmed-and-alarmed · 8 months

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EPISODE 3 - How to Not Make Friends and Influence Ppl, a cautionary tale brought to you by the straw hat gang

(I always forget to just make one reaction post and clog up your feeds - sorry)

Zoro choosing to say Luffy's attempt at a pirate flag is 'unique' - he is such a softy

...he then immediately makes his comment about their toilet not working, and it's NEVER addressed and I am distressed

OPLA makes me love Usopp right from the get-go. Like, he grew on me in the anime (he's the kind of character I usually don't love aka goofball sidekick) but in OPLA Im immediately team Usopp

Luffy repeatedly saying "you look like Nami" over and over <- my asexual ass felt SEEN

Ok but Kuro poisoning Kaya is such a gut punch addition. You didn't need to do that show. It makes me extra sad

Garp is such a sweet mentor for Koby, I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about it.

@show what is the Funky Bar??! Did you intend for it to sound like a gay bar??

I've already commented on Zoro's 'here we go again...' look when Luffy announces that they're pirates

Luffy making his dramatic bid for the Going Merry standing on the dining room table #iconic

There was also no need to fridge Merry.

Ok but Nami and Kaya bonding? Passing the bechdel test? Their friendship is maybe the best addition to this show imo. Even if Nami is comically bad at making friends

Luffy sticking Turkish delights into his pockets is such a move

So I took the "kaya's parents died at sea" story to mean that Kuro killed her parents, somehow learned about their daughter, and set out on his weird evil plan to poison and manipulate their daughter to get their fortune. Did anyone else go there, or is it just me?

"you're asking the wrong guy" YOU'RE GAY

"I already like you!" "That's not what I meant" and YOU'RE ace my dude

Zoro recognizing Kuro from wanted poster is such a weird choice. Since when does Zoro remember things?

Ok but does Kuro have some kind of devil fruit power or is he just unnaturally fast for no reason? Ngl I kind of love that, in this show, either is possible

Zoro in the well has to be the weirdest plot choice ever. There are many ways to introduce his backstory that did not require throwing him into a well. The dude deserves better than that

Usopp's tragic history with sickly women

Koby being there to believe Usopp in this moment feels so good.

I'm complaining about some of their plot line choices, but I want to be clear, the decision to trim this story down to two episodes was SO necessary. Also I prefer him accidentally poisoning himself to him being stuck under part of the ship for half the battle. Feels like less of an excuse to stretch out the battle

[I'm moving immediately onto the next episode, obvs, so stay tuned]

#opla #opla spoilers

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larksheaven · 5 months

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i don’t really know if the apps will help me find love but i use them anyway. i go into a state of shock when i see people looking for love, vulnerability out on a platter. i do not want these people to get hurt. maybe this is because i don’t want to get hurt myself. hurt like my worst part of 2021. hurt like well maybe i should just work on myself and finding friends that actually like me for a while. that’s been a task. i have two, really. a side effect of moving forward is all your dead weight just kind of. flings itself off. you end up a lot less heavy when there’s less weighing on your mind. but you also feel like, hey, it was nice to have more people, for a while. things always look prettier when you’re looking at them in the rear view.

i think i don’t want to be someone’s beacon, but instead the waves they swim in. gently holding them, allowing themselves to push gently against me to get where they want to go. ever encapsulating their lives just a little. not too much. i’ve learned too much of anything isn’t good for you. i want to be someone’s waves and i want them to be my waves, too. we can swim in each other at whatever pace we want. give and take instead of just bleeding myself dry.

i bleach my hair and i get new jewelry and i go to pottery on saturdays. this is my life. i drive myself to the park and i sit there. i go on dates. it’s nice. then i come home to myself and i lie in bed and i can’t shake the feeling that im not doing enough. everyone in pottery class is older than me and most are married. i don’t know what 20 somethings are meant to be doing, like. where are they all? i see them in grocery stores and concert lines, and i want in on this secret club i can’t seem to find. i’ve not yet plucked up the courage to go to a gay bar but i could, and for now that’s enough.

i washed you out of my life as much as i could, wringing out a white dress drenched in black ink. i don’t look like the person you used to love; i walk differently, im happier. on a more material basis, i’ve changed too. i’ve got a new purse and i wear skirts. honest to god fucking skirts. and what’s insane is that i actually like it. i’m scraping out crevices in my life and trying to squeeze inside. trying to hold myself instead of onto you. i’m trying to, overall, just be less angry. i think i would move faster if i was less angry. but that doesn’t stop me moving. and painting my nails all the colors of the goddamn rainbow, and changing my room with a million things you’ll never see. it’s like, you had me, 2.0. and now i’m more like 3.0, aiming for 4. and i know that that’s not really how life works but it also helps me cope, to remember you’ll never see this me, you’ll never know her. you don’t know about the green jewelry dish i made that sits next to me on the nightstand and you don’t know the color of my lips when i’m hoping they’ll get kissed. the girl you loved does not exist anymore. there’s a peace to that, i think.

i don’t want to be desperate but i think i am, though. i cyber stalked two girls i met at a concert because we talked for twenty minutes and we laughed and so i saw a life in which we could be friends, but the follow request is still pending. so far the friend counter is still at two. i went on a date with a girl and didn’t feel the spark which, whatever, that’s what casual dating is, right? and i said maybe we could be friends, and she said fine, and then she ghosted. which, fair enough, but she did say it was all good. but then again i know that people just say things. i do it all the time. i still don’t really know if im the dickhead in that situation, but i mean. come on. it was one date.

#writeblr #my writing

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gu3ntzel · 7 months

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this is me taking an interest in your ocs 👁️👁️

OCS!!!! 🥹♥️ the most specialist ocs in my heart, all from the random bullshit im writing

tim: is just a baby!!!! lil baby boy who just wants to be good at baseball!!! “im the baseball boy, im the one who WINS” is an only child who’s mom abandoned him w his dad when he was young (young enough to have memories of her but not totally remember wha she was like) and his dad hattteesss him! thought he wasn’t skilled enough to learn anything else so just taught him baseball cos tim was good at him! this little guy has self esteem issues up the WAZOO! little man was rejected by the love of his life (demps) then made a deal w a demon and demps was like “hey, i made a mistake of calling things off out of fear, can we try again?” and he’s like oh!!!! everything i could ever want!!! and then is painfully reminded he doesn’t :’) he just wants demps and baseball but nooo he’s gotta have a little demon messing everything up for him. It all works out in the end (almost), tim sacrifices his arm to be with demps and they live the rest of their lives together :’)

demps: mr catcher man!!! east coast boy who had a (nearly) perfect childhood!! decided to play baseball instead of going into the family business and ended up with the traveling team. literally like fell in love with tim at first sight despite the fact that tim was quiet and standoffish!!! literally had a panic attack after like a year or so of them dating that their manager would kick them both out if he found out so he broke it off to protect tim, it ended up hurting them both so he eventually asks for tim back!! and he expects to be rejected but Tim says yes!! then his hearts broken when Tim says they need to take a break but he wants to respect it. has 0 clue his lil man’s made a deal with a demon. eventually he gets jumped outside of a bar and beaten, is taken to the hospital and may never play again, but as long as he has tim he’s ok w it:’) and he does!!! tim comes back and they find jobs together and yeah they may have to move later but he’s so happy!!! he’s got his man!!

casey: oh this man is a BASTARD!!!! hockey man who’s a nepo baby. his dad played and won a cup and expected his sons to do the same. too bad his dad’s a psycho and murdered his brother, sister and mom! casey got away purely bc he was at hockey practice and when he returned to the house he saw his sister’s body through the gap in the door and called the police. now he’s traumatized and has to live up to these expectations for his mom and siblings. he makes it but hes traded by like, three different teams and he’s not very good. eventually he makes it onto the same team w his childhood bf julian and wants to make it last, but he keeps fuckinf up!!! man just wants to make a team his home:( he just wants to belong!!! also yes bi and has a thing for julian but don’t you tell him that!!! it upsets him

julian: gay goaltender!!! he grew up with casey and they’ve been close friends for a long time. he’s really the only one who knows what happened to casey and can actually ask about it, everyone else gets denied. julian’s supposed to be a franchise goaltender but he doesn’t want that!!! he doesn’t want to live with the expectations that brings him. he didn’t ask for everyone to take interest in him but he hopes to live up to their expectations. he also understands that there’s people who’d kill to have that sort of stability as long as his play remains consistent enough. he feels like he’s being pulled both ways with his loyalty to the team and loyalty to his friend.

nate: captain nate!!!! no nonsense SOB who may or may not have murdered a man. he’ll do anything for this team and anything to win. despite welcoming casey into the team he low key hates him and thinks he should be traded, but plays nice because they eventually become d-partners. he wants to murder casey high key but his A’s miry and ukko are like “dude what are you doing….” probably should be in jail

also here’s the playlist for each of their novels if anyone wants to listen:’) tim + demps casey + julian + nate

#fnsbsn ty!!! for taking an interest!!!! here’s some spam ♥️

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grimsneverendingfuneral · 4 months

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Actually and literally kicking my feet and giggling like I know you can’t see but I am - MIC ANON

Anyways while I have you gimme the most toe curling most delicious most tastiest Barty + Remus headcanons you have (platonic or otherwise, because I just read WCGS and am obsessed) 🎤

good evening mic anon. how lovely it is to come home after a strenuous day of work to your contagious enthusiasm. kisses your forehead tenderly

ok i got a few for you lol

first remus and barty dont penetrate each other. like they dont fuck. they always, always end up furiously making out or dry humping or jerking each other off but they never end up fucking. its just not a thing they do. they dont wanna. they're like..... shy about it. i think theyre just not comfortable being that vulnerable with each other and they can come just by kissing anyways so thats that

and its always in very private moments. none of their friends know and they will never know. ever. barty and remus find each other incidentally. its always like they both somehow end up smoking a cigarette at the same time outside of the bar in the alley and theyre both talking casually trying to avoid and suppress the feeling yknow. the i wanna kiss you right now feeling. but it always ends up happening and its ravenous. for sure they lick each others faces

remus is usually the initiator. not cause barty isn't brave or wtv but more like remus is really impatient and kinda just wants to get off real quick. wants to be in control of the decisions that are being made.

their relationship is very cis man vibes like.....idk how to describe it but other than doing gay shit together they dont really talk about feelings or whats going on in their lives its just always stuff like music and movies and other people's gossip. its a lot of nodding and look into the distance and making jabs at each other

remus is waaaay more in denial about it than barty. barty's cool with it honestly he's like ok im down to make out. slut me out. remus is more anal retentive. he's like that ferris bueller quote "his asshole is so tight that if you put a lump of coal in it, in two weeks you'd have a diamond." he often kinda freaks out about it and bartys like alright now man it aint that serious

barty is not really good at being submissive like even when he's bottoming he's like barking commands and trying to tear at the other person's throat with his teeth but with remus its like he just goes completely pliant. he's trembling he's like what. what am i supposed to do he's going so fast. remus doesn't give barty time to be anything because its just a quick fuck to him. just blowing off some steam. so barty kinda gets to let himself be manhandled. barty's spindly enough that remus can just grab his arms and shake him around like a straw stuffed doll lol

umm what else? oh yeah the only time shit gets kinda real between them and they can say earnest things to each other is when they're high or very very drunk. its messy. its forget i just said that and i dont know why im like this and we should really stop. theyre not each other's secret keepers they got other people for that

they do eventually stop when things between remus and sirius start to get real and the only thing that binds them together is their friends. they become normal around each other again when a lot of time has passed and theyre both dating other people and it just becomes this like haha. we did that.

#mic anon #anon #aaawww two manwhores #thank you for this scrumptious question #remus x barty #wcgtf

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loverboybrightsideghost · 6 months

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Top 5 podcasts (or podcast episodes if thats not too hard?)

oooh....okay top 5 podcast episodes

Wooden Overcoats S2E8 There Ought To Be Clowns

i mean what can i say. this episode changed my life. it means so much to me. antigone realizing that even her hero feels inadequate, even despite having inspired antigone so, trying to prove herself and almost killing herself in the process. chapman helping the funns even though they fucked up another funeral, because he knows how much it means to antigone. i love this episode and i love this podcast so much. (truly im fighting for my life not to make every episode on this list be from wooden overcoats...)

RQG 171 The Bow Bar

i remember exactly when i listened to this episode and it was one of the best times of my life not only bc i was travelling when i heard it but bc i just got caught in a very specific vibe that day and ive been chasing that feeling ever since. mother mother's inside came out around that time so now i have a permanent connection between this episode and the song two.

Welcome to Night Vale- Pilot

i was screaming at my friends for weeks if not longer about cecil being gay from the first episode. it was awesome. also i will never forget hearing the absolutely ICONIC "dogs are not allowed in the dog park. people are not allowed in the dog park." etc and having my WHAT THE FUCK AM I LISTENING TO??? moment <3 good times good times. wish i could wipe my brain and do it all over again for the first time

Wolf 359 Episode 46 Bolero

i literally stopped listening to wolf 359 for at least a year because of this episode. i NUH-UH-ed my way out of there so motherfucking fast it was insane. i will not spoil in case anyone hasn't listened to it and wants to but uh.....god fucking damn. (bonus episode: change of mind, the episode right after bolero. guh.)

and last but not least...

MAG 1 Angler Fish

who would i be without having listened to this. i genuinely have no idea. i haven't listened to tma in a while but i literally measure my life in before tma and after tma. there is no going back.

#tma i love youuuuuu #god. what i would give to listen to the magnus archives from the beginning for the first time over again.#behold an ask!#thank youuuu for sending me this :) i like asks hehe #yeahdefnot #also again without spoilers i must say. bolero as a song choice for that episode was. yep. thats the one. thats the piece for that episode.

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arsonistsam · 2 years

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Day Four of the @transbearbenny 200 follower Celebration

Benny Ships: Bi4Bi Andrea and Bear!Benny dance at a gay club in 1963 Florence and 2013 Cleveland.

Andrea takes him to a club. They’re in Cleveland this time, nothing like the fast paced life of Florence when they met.

When they walk into the building, Benny’s surprised at how full it is. Andrea just takes his hand in hers a leads him to the bar, “The club scene’s different from what it was in the ‘60s,” she looks around. “Much more action here.”

Benny didn’t mind the small clubs and bars they practically lived in back in Florence. The first time where not only was his build and manner accepted but celebrated. A sticky floor where the top of his shows shoes swept the hems of dress pants and gowns alike.

He orders something fruity, the type of thing you couldn’t find back then even at the types of places they hung around.

He raises his glass to Andrea, gorgeous as ever, “I don’t mind.”

She shakes her head and laughs, “You wouldn’t.”

There’s no stage in this club, just a large dance floor where everyone’s pressed up together. Pushing and swirling with no specific finesse.

Benny remembers raising his eyes to the stage during his first visit with Andrea, not more than two days since they had met. There was someone in a red dress, tall with heels that made her tower ever larger, with a baritone voice that sung like an angel.

To say Benny was startstruck would be an understatement. Especially when the singer came off the stage and swiped a hand across Benny’s shoulders in passing. It was always going to be Andrea he went home with that night, though.

Now, he and Andrea with their drinks step out onto the floor. It’s hot and he’s already sweating through his white tank top. Andrea kisses the cheeks of a woman she sees across the room as Benny bobs his head to the music.

When Andrea comes back he ropes her into a dance, pressing them together with a hand to her back and hers in his hair.

There’s a lot more grinding to the dance than there was when they used to hit the town. Not that the scene was always sweet and gentle but even here, times have changed.

Someone comes up behind him, about level height- maybe taller- to Benny. He presses against Benny’s back, moving with them, blowing warm air onto the back of his neck. Benny could shake ‘im off but he’s already breathless from Andrea’s lips brushing his ear and the stranger’s hand gripping his hips.

Andrea pulls him into a kiss. He’s never loved her as much as right now, she’s flawless in the dark light- flushed and breathing hard. Sweat wets her skin and hair, loose from her ponytail, sticks to her face.

The stranger brushes stubble across the hair on the back of Benny’s neck. Makes him jolt back into that hard line like he’s stuck between too furnaces. The idea of a Benny-sandwich makes him laugh right into Andrea’s mouth. She kisses him with their teeth clacking.

The world narrows back down to the two of them when the stranger leaves, presumably to find a dance partner who’s more practiced at the swivel of his hips to the beat.

Andrea’s eyes are glassy, she tugs on a piece of leather at his hip. “Let’s get out of here!” She yells over the music.

This time Benny’s the one to pull her through to the bar. He raps on the counter, “‘cuse me, how do I pay for the tab?”

The bartender looks confused, they point up to a sign that says in big bold lettering BEAR NIGHT: TUESDAY NIGHTS BEARS DRINK FREE.

Andrea pushes him through to the exit, she’s laughing at him, good-naturedly. “You really think a place like that has a tab?”

“How was I supposed to know? I’ve never been here before. I never saw you pay, neither.”

Andrea leans into his side, hard, “I just told him drinks were on you,” she giggles again.

Benny turns around to face him, cups her face in his hands and swoops down to kiss her in the street-lamp light.

“I love you.”

Andrea smiles wide, “I love you.”

A thousand cars pass as they stand on the sidewalk and a thousand people dance, in 1963 and 2013.

#andrea kormos #benny lafitte #BennyLafitte200Celebration #BennyAndrea #Bisexual Benny Lafitte #spn ficlet

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khodorkovskaya · 1 year

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13.03.23

yesterday was a very thought provoking day so i want to tell you guys about it! lots of stuff about growing up/coming of age, relationships, etc, all that good stuff!

so i went ice skating with my oxford/france bestie and my student as we do every sunday and it was so much fun! im getting more and more confident on the ice! and it was great, i love spending time with friends when we're doing something like an activity , like something with a purpose you know.

then we went to get hot chocolate as we always do and since my student's wife wasn't there, he spilled some tea! we started talking about relationships bc my london bestie was in town this weekend and her bf finally got his visa so he came to our town for the first time ever! it was his first time outside of the uk and his home country so we were all very excited! but anyway, we started talking about relationships bc to be completely honest with you, im not a fan of my bestie's bf, but i'll get to that in a sec. and my student said that he's only been in love 3 times in his life. when we asked him what about his wife, he said it's not really love as in romantic or sexual love, they're just really good companions. and... they've never had sex! which honestly kinda changes my perspective on their whole thing, but also not really. he said they've only ever done kink stuff together bc they're into latex and things like that. and since she's so much younger than him, he's never wanted to have sex with her. as he desciribed it, he's not a zizi kind of guy i.e. he's uninterested in sex in general. and yeah, ive always thought he was somewhere on the asexual spectrum and this confirmed it. anyway, that was a fun fact.

now back to my london bestie and her boyfriend, im not a fan of the guy frankly. he comes off as really uninteresting and they have this whole mother-son dynamic going on, i really don't get it. he's boring and unattractive and also probably asexual or maybe gay bc he's uninterested in sex with my bestie. so i was looking forward to seeing her and i was happy that her bf could finally come to our country, but i would've preferred it if i could talk to my bestie one-on-one without his company yknow? and then my bestie also messaged me saying that she invited another friend of ours to come hang out with us and again... i feel like such a bitch but the friend she invited is just... so uninteresting. the girl has no values and sure, she'll laugh at your jokes and talk about anything, but i can't stand her superficiality. every time i hang out with her i feel like im wasting my time.

so on my way to the bar i was already imagining all the dumb conversations we're gonna be having and how bored i was gonna be, already trying to make up excuses about how i could get myself out of this and go home and work instead of gargling air with two of the most uninteresting people i know. and i felt so shitty because i was supposed to be looking forward to seeing my bestie and i was supposed to be happy about her boyfriend's visa and i was supposed to be happy about seeing that other friend bc i haven't seen her in ages. but i was just dreading it so much oh my god. i don't know what it is. am i a bitch? am i pretencious and arrogant and do i think too highly of myself? i felt awful. and even my ed thoughts were coming up on my way there. i was like "ooo im skipping lunch today im gonna be so skinny yay". like wtf. i wanted to be happy about seeing my bestie but instead i felt guilty and just wanted to go home and work...

anyway, as anticipated, i was bored out of my mind... her boyfriend's attitude was pissing me off. i asked them what they've done these past two days, like what they've visited and what their plans were. and they said that they went to the old town, walked around the lake, ate at mcdonalds and drank wine. which is fine i guess but like... there's so much to do around here and so many things to see! you can have mcdonalds and wine in london and tbh the old town is not really worth visiting if you don't know anything about it, like it's just a couple of pretty houses, it's gonna be boring if you just walk around aimlessly. like idk if i had two days to show our city to someone who's never been, i would've done so much more idk. and then the bf was like "yeahhh this place is boring it's not for me" and when i asked him why, he said that it's because there are a lot of pubs in london and not a lot around here. like duh of course if your only priority is drinking ofc you're gonna be bored anywhere you go. idk that really annoyed me. plus they didn't even go out at night so he didn't even have a point of comparison. like sure, we don't really have pubs like as in english pubs, but we have a lot of cool bars and clubs and other fun night time activities. like i invited them to the disco on ice on saturday, which is sooo much more fun than drinking wine at home come on! but they said no! and our town is the boring one, all right!

then my bestie invited me over for dinner with her parents and her ukrainian friend. and as the night went on the more and more i kept realising that i don't have much in common with her anymore. and it was so heartbreaking bc we grew up together. we had so many integral life moments together but now it seems that they weren't so integral after all. and it sucks because no one else is gonna know what i was like growing up and it feels like such an important part of me. she's the only one who's seen this part of me and yet it has no importance anymore because we barely have anything in common now.

idk it sucks and there's not much to say. we have different lives, different views, different priorities... and i really felt like the odd one out because at the dinner table everyone was kinda on the same page (except for the parents bc they're getting divorced lol but that's another story). at one point bestie's mum asked me where i was at with my studies. she asked me if i still give language lessons and do catsitting and i was like not really. i have one student who's become a friend now and for the cats thing, if my neighbour asks me ofc im gonna help out. but im not actively looking for these kind of jobs like i did in highschool because duhh im an adult now and im working. and then the mum was like "yeah, you should stop doing that. let's find you a real job" and it really like... upset me. because what about our business? no one seemed to care or ask me any questions about it. "where's you shop again?", "you sell clothes???" like guyssss this has been my family's life for years now! and im pretty vocal about what we've been doing and the project we're working on. and yet no one cares. i don't know, it made me really upset. as if everything we've been working on is not serious. as if getting a "real job" is the only thing that matters.

i don't know, i feel like there's a lot to say but there isn't much to say... it's just that me and my bestie have grown apart. and it hurts. it hurts that i can't relate to her anymore. and i don't understand her lifestyle or her opinions or her way of viewing the world. no, i do understand. but it's so unlike me. we don't value the same things. and it sucks.

and then the ukrainian girl was talking about how she went to dubai and how it's the place to be and how she's looking for a husband. and again, i just cannot relate. and felt so left out. like i don't know, ive gone through so much these past couple of months and it's incredible. but i can't share it with anyone because no one cares. everyone has different priorities... my bestie has an office job she's comfortable at, her boyfriend complains about life and wants to move to canada to find himself, bestie's mum is leaving her husband to go live with her lover and worries about how because of the war in ukraine her job's been intense, the ukrainian girl is trying to find a husband in dubai meanwhile her hometown has been destroyed. and i... well.... i can't even explain it.

i suddenly felt really scared of being alone for the rest of my life. i remembered coming home to B and feeling like i had my person. it felt nice imagining that i was not alone because i had him. but ive always felt lonely with him. but coming home and cuddling with him was nice. im scared that i'll never find my person, someone who can see and understand me, all of me. for now the only people i can relate to are "weirdos" like my student and my oxford/france bestie. they're so much fun! but is this how it's supposed to be? how do i fit in with normal people? how do i become normal?

anyway, i walked home and cried and felt very alone.

and then i had a dream about B and how i came home and he wasn't there so i called him and said "i can't do this anymore, it's either me or [his business name]". i woke up feeling satisfied that i had finally said it. but it's too late now, our relationship can't be repaired. and i can't set any ultimatums anymore and make him choose, because i chose to leave. and he chose himself. and im gonna be alone.

#it's interesting bc my student and his wife have everything but sex #they do fun activities together #like hobbies and stuff #and me and B just had the sex and nothing else #so i felt alone and bored #how do you even find someone who satisfies you on every level?#i want a lover #fuck im so sad about this whole thing #im so scared of being alone #march

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