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#im not even interested in this kind of stuff lol
flwrcrxwnlyon · 19 days
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And good luck with your exam!
Tyyyy!!!
I've slept, but I had a nightmare about anomalies, plus for some reasons I woke up at 3:59 am (I usually woke up at 5:50 bc school starts at 7:40)
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problemcore · 9 days
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hiiii halfway? thru the story. hard as hell to avoid spoilers online i need to stay away 😭 rant in tags, spoilers for 2.2 . i already reached 30 tags wow 💀
#chris noises#hsr#spoilers ahead ->#///////////////////////////////////////////////#ROBIIIIIIINNNNN WAAAAHHHH 😭😭😭😭😭#her unwavering love and belief in humans to survive against all odds.......#her inherent kindness and desire to help everyone#SHE IS HARMONY !!! THATS WHAT HARMONY IS ALL ABOUTTT !!!!!#i love sunday but he's Slightly pissing me off rn#is this really what you believe in..... that the weak must die so the strong can live... that its the only way for life to continue....#can't wait to beat him up later lol#AGHHH I LOVE YOU SUNDAY BUT YOU MAKE ME SO CONFLICTED !!!!!!#oh the gallagher stuff was so interesting....... the memory zone memes being his Pets. thats funny#i love you gallagher im sorry i called you ugly a few updates ago....#cant even begin to talk about firefly.... genuinely lights up my world everytime she's on screen#BLADIEEE THE BLADIE CAMEO????#STELLARON HUNTERS ARE SUCH A FAMILYYYYYYYYYY WAAAAAAA#acheron and black swan 🥹 i love how black swan is Terrified of her and yet constantly looks out for her#girl Me Too...#acheron agh the heartache you bring me. girl i will get you ibuprofen i promise.#dan heng 💜💜💜💜💜💜 no complaints as usual. perfect boy. im so glad he's out of his depressive episode so we can see him on penacony 😭😭#boothill.#i have nothing to say about him.#did i miss anyone....#mm OH MISHA. MY SON. i cannot wait to see how it will all connect back to him#he IS connected to mikhail. no doubt in my heart#i wonder if after this update he'll finally board the express .... my son my boy....#im so excited to see jing yuan later#and.... aaaahhhhhh my wife the love of my life. aventurine come back home i miss you#its been a month im experiencing wife withdrawal (<- copyrighted michael egotokill material do not use without express permission)
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crescentfool · 11 months
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ohh the joy of videos and streams... i like listening to people talk about things they like/think about it’s very contagious... 🥺
#lizzy speaks#THIS IS BROUGHT TO U BY THE MINATO BRAINCELLS SHAKING BACK AND FORTH..#so so many of my interests feel like they're in some kind of hibernation lately in terms of the emotions they evoke#my brains been mostly gravitating towards formulating strategies and trying new things in splatoon right now... LOL.. so i havent thought-#a whole bunch about other things i like even if they do mean a lot to me..#so i really appreciate being around other people who really like the things that they like because its infectious and reminds me why-#i enjoy those characters / ships / whatever else#like oh... ryomina.. minato.. ryoji... i love them very much and i like hearing other people express their appreciation for them#also yosuke.... i like hearing my friends talk about yosuke his characters a very fun one for me even if i never took the time 2 personally#analyze him its just very nice to be around that kind of energy! im so grateful!#related but unrelated squid school made a video about the splatoon manga... which i havent thought abt in a month or two#yet somehow watching that revitalized my sleeping lil braincell that loves vintage coroika...#IDK i just feel like lately ive gotten to be around a very contagious positive energy of people who appreciate stuff and i like that!!#mayb ill stream again... something about talking about things out loud and not over text evokes a certain kind of insanity#i like to draw to express my love 4 the things i've come across but sometimes i think too much abt the quality.. LOL#so maybe ill just go FUCK IT we ball!! better to draw than to not draw at all. or ill just stream 2 outlet the 'hehe i love so many things'#there is so much love stored in my heart it hurts i lov So many Things and I love Being reminded of that god i love people loving things!!!
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orcelito · 1 year
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OK so I have an inkling of an idea for a trigun ficlet. A one-shot, really. Not really any plot, but I just have the urge to write my own interpretation of Weird Plant Shit. Like for how much ppl tag this stuff as xeno, most of it's honestly pretty tame. Which kinda makes sense, considering a lot of this is being based off of the plants in stampede, which While uncanny are not NEARLY the amount of inherent horror of the plants in the manga. There's some FREAKY shit going on there. So like. You know. What if I took more inspiration from That for Vash's freaky shit?
#speculation nation#YES this is for a smut idea. dont judge me#ive never posted smut b4 bc ive exclusively been writing akeshu & theyre teenagers#im not interested in writing smut of teenagers#but i have my interests 😭 and i am an undeniable monster fucker. we been knew.#just. vague idea. ppl have run with the plant idea. & id wanna too. but in a different sort of way.#thinking more. venus fly trap kind of situation. NOT easily translatable to human biology#the kinds of shit that may trip even the most adventurous man up. but we all know he would take it in stride in the end.#idfk so much of the allure of this pairing to me is the inherent inhuman nature of vash's physical form. and how that manifests everywhere#the human and the angel. for all that entails.#i dont have an idea for an actual story for these characters yet. my brain is spinning them but it hasnt come up with that yet#but a lil smth self indulgent to just play around with Fun Ideas? i reaaally wanna go for it.#we'll see if i end up writing this. & if i end up posting it.#im both somehow Very solidly kinky and VERY solidly shy about it. aka why i barely post about that kind of stuff.#face in my hands just talking about this here. who knows how i'd fare with posting it.#but if i go thru the trouble of writing it you BET id go thru the trouble of posting it#and you B E T itd be angsty. the inherent longing and unsaid words. what am i if not an unrepentant angst writer lol#thoughts & ideas r spinning. i will have a merry little time.#uhm. do i need to tag this as anything. is this too tmi? i dont even know#WELL if u read the word 'xeno' and keep reading that's on U. sorry#here just in case if ppl r worried i will tag this as#tmi/#sorry lol
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luffysbasement · 2 years
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hello, i'm finally distancing myself from mcyt :]
it's been really fun!! i loved drawing for everyone, for my interest and esp just interacting with you all. this fandom brought me my friends and different experiences and emotions that are rly unforgettable but i think it's time. thank you for everything, i appreciate you all! ♡♡ pls do stay safe and take care of yourselves!
(my art will remain here ofc but i will most likely be turning this blog into how it was before, multifandom, personal and just a bunch of whatever!)
#the shorter version is the post#ill be here in the tags to talk more :]#honestly im pretty grey on the situation and im just rly waiting for whats gonna happen#thats not why im leaving (mostly) i think its abt time to accept im getting tired of how the experience is of being a drm stan#i loved the man i rly do hes been with me for the entire pandemic him and his videos helped me get through it#but its kind of a bummer that just by being a fan u get exposed to antis and their nonstop scheme of just starting up shit#and that everytime something new comes up you keep hoping its just an accusation but at the same time u feel terrible and anxious anyway#ive alrdy distanced myself from twt and by extension even tumblr bc i thought if i just keep drawing and not looking at my socials those#dramas wont reach me (they still do and it sucks lol but i did get a peace of mind just being free of social media)#at some point i started losing interest in mcyt in general the only thing keeping me was drm not even mccs nor other ccs rly just drm#but then recent thing happened and yeah :/ idk what to think im lost and honestly just tired of stuff like this#thats the final straw i think i dont rly want my mental health tearing up over whether to worry abt things i alrdy stress over abt (w the#college and family stuff) and freaking minecraft youtubers fandom#i think whatever the outcome is im just over it if drm comes out innocent i dont think i can let go of him yet#so ill prob still be checking up on hm and watching him by myself#if not then thats that.#stilli cant deny the fact that it rly has been an amazing two almost three years#i hope you all stay safe and takecare of yourselves ♡#if anyone still wants to see my art im just hanging out in my onepiece sideblog lol @/luffysbasement
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bmpmp3 · 2 years
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BY THE WAY i have been converted. what are your otome isekai/villainess isekai recommendations pwetty pwease......
#i read a couple beginnings of some and i was like wait a god damn minute. this shit is FUN#i understand now. i understand now. like how ffabiniku opened my eyes to modern isekai genres#the random ones i read the openings of on webtoon and tapas opened my eyes to this specific style of modern isekai#i think i was still a little wary because im always wary of parodies of things i like that are typically made fun of without understanding#(like otome games or shoujo manga) EVEN THOUGH i was mostly aware that most werent much of parodies at all#i was so used to old like smackjeeves webcomic parodies completely lacking care in their satire so i was Scared about all these new ones#but i should have had faith since most of these comics arent even about otoge half the time#and the ones that are seem pretty good. i think i was still Nervous hjkfdlhjkfds BUT i didnt need to be#theyre just fun stories with an interesting common mechanic of weird reincarnation/dimension hopping/timetravel stuff#theyre fun and good. i understand now. i understand now#interestingly i think the name otome isekai is still fitting even if a lot of the stuff lumped under the name has nothing to do with otoge#(and even some of the ones that do have some things that arent really common ie: villainesses)#like a bunch ive seen around are actually about books or comics or tv shows or some of them are just in one universe#BUT otome isekai does kind of still work i think. one of the biggest things that separates these types of isekai vs another type is the fact#that theyre usually marketed towards women and girls. which is why shoujo is called shoujo and otoge are called otome games#so in a roundabout way the name otome fits i think. an accidental retconned meaning that works well#if that makes sense#anyway give me....suggestions#there are TEN MILLION otome isekai and villainess isekai manwha and manhua and manga and webnovels and everything#hard to sort through it all LOL#ive noticed i actually tend to like the ones about books a lot rather than about games#i dunno why#also noticed these comics are WONDERFUL if you want to look at a LOT of VERY SPARKLY and very BEAUTIFUL lavishly detailed outfits#dear GOD some of the dresses and accessories in some of the webtoons i read.....some of those glittery EARRINGS#awesome
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hirokiyuu · 1 year
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idk if id argue nem is Canonically a Lesbian but i do think writing her that way is really fun wwwww
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seilon · 1 year
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man im really fucking bad at hanging out with people no wonder i have like two friends
#sometimes it’s worse than usual and tonight was one of those times#I just. couldn’t get myself to be interested in doing anything they wanted to do#just was not having a good time and for no real reason#also every time they talk about stuff they do with other friends and whatever it hits unreasonably hard that oh yeah! I don’t have#other friends. like everyone else does. I don’t do anything or see anyone. I just obsess over a special interest and rot in my room#and it’s completely my own fault because I can’t fucking socialize#idk but anyway that’s just. a part of it. aside from that i was just. yeah not interested in anything#I wasn’t even tired or lethargic or anything like I usually am so it’s just a fucking waste of everyone’s time including mine#that I’m. like this#idk. I should drink a lot more next time. probably.#im more sociable and actually somewhat enjoyable to be around that way. sucks that it takes so fucking much to get me drunk lol#god I hate being like this I hate that social conditions have to be so specific or else my brain short circuits like this#I honestly think it was largely something to do with there being two people hanging out that usually aren’t there#even if they’re not new people to me or anything and they’re friends and all#I guess I was just kind of only in the headspace to hang out way more casually with the two main people I tend to be around the most#conveniently the two people who have played yakuza and aren’t as annoyed by me playing it or talking about it or whatever#I hate being so consumed by interests like this where I literally don’t want to talk about anything else basically#I wish I could actually infodump to my friends#but yeah . only one of them I sorta do that to and even that I’m just. idk I still feel like I can very easily be too much#there’s something very wrong with me#and now I’m gonna feel bad the rest of the week because that was my only shot at social interaction for the week. and now I’ll be in my room#being. the mentally ill husk of a person that I am the rest of the week.#woohoo#im going to split my skull open I hate this I hate being so bad at being a person#kibumblabs
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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...
#today in things that stress me out. my academic interests have diverged significant from what i do in the lab#which is nice on one hand bc i am v passionately interested in something sciency again and it feels like its been a while since that#happened. but on the other hand it means that my workaholic tendencies are no longer being applied to my actual job#like im kind of just doing normal hours for like actual job stuff. which stresses me tf out bc i never feel like im doing enough#and my overdoing it has transfered over to drawing way too much in one sitting while listening to paleo podcasts and trying#to memorize the geologic time scale#so im still overextending bc im focused all the time and i dont sleep enough but its not applied to my job#and part of my brain cant handle that so it forces me to suffer no matter what. sigh. stupid exhausting brain#and i know im being irrational about it which somehow makes it worse#but idk i guess maybe its a little more healthy bc im trying to do something i like in my free time. even if im still overdoing it#like idk if i can express how exhausting it is to like something but ur brain forces u to think abt it all the time and feel guilty abt#thst being ur focus but u cant help it. and its like grinding chalk into the sidewalk. i just burn out on the things i like so fast#bc i cant regulate. im astounded that ive been on this narut0 kick for like 7months bc so often my obsession makes me so tired#but here i am. still staying strong dattebayo hahaha. nah it has been nice not to find anything new tho lol#sigh... idk i just got way way too close to like full on mental collapse with my photosynthesis measurements so im trying to get the#warmth back into my body before i have to jump back into that frozen water#i think i have at least another month before the machines get back and then ill have at least 3 or 4 projects to run samples for#was it wise of me to agree to doing all that? no absolutely not. but the data will be interesting#and itll be helpful. and literally no one else wants to do it so here i am. damaging myself for science. ay ay ay#whatever. im going off to do field work next week with my boss so maybe thatll get me out of my head#unrelated
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countess-of-edessa · 2 years
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my roommate and i had an argument today which is not good because i have never had a single argument with anyone ive ever been friends with and i have no idea how the next five months of living together aren’t going to be super awkward now
#i asked if i could have some people over for Halloween#a couple of girls#she said yes but when i told her today i anticipated there being 8 people in all there including us she kept insisting#i had only told her 2-3 people were going to be there and basically accused me of lying to get her to agree#and like. i had thought we were friends. we watch shows together in the evenings and have gone out for ice cream and stuff#and when there’s some kind of miscommunication (I know for sure i did not tell her there would only be two or three people there because i#was not planning to have only 2 or 3 people there!)#she immediately goes to accusing me to my face of lying for something as objectively stupid as inviting two to three more people than#expected to a Halloween party?????#if she had said she had thought there were going to be less people and wasn’t comfortable with the idea of five or six guests that would#have been fine. but she kept insisting that i said it would only be two or three people and accused me of lying to her about it#and then immediately left to call her mother and complain about me. she’s 22 lol#so i changed my party plans to meet up at my former roommate's apartment#because i would feel gross having it with her around anyway now#but I’m just like#I don’t get into arguments with people#i avoid conflict until i forget about it or i cut them out of my life#with neither path open to me now i have no idea what to do#im not really interested in hanging out with her as a friend anymore if she’s going to switch up on me so quickly#but it also makes me wonder if she ever thought we were friends or what#or if she has been judging me this entire time because i have two friends and occasionally hang out with them because she literally never#ever goes out anywhere#like one of the things we bonded over as roommates for compatibility was that we didn’t party and have overnight visitors and stuff#but I do occasionally leave the house to hang out and watch a movie with my friends#and literally three or four times a year i go to a bar#and come home before ten PM#im normal. im not crazy. im not out all hours of the night. ugh
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truckstoptigers · 6 months
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why can't i have a dad that's nice to me
#they hurt me in different ways but they both hurt me#my stepfather continues to do/say things that hurt me & im essentially not allowed to call him out#it gets absolutely nowhere bc he doesnt care to listen. he also sometimes intentionally triggers me#(obviously talking abt car-related topics is very difficult for me but hell bring that stuff up on purpose bc#'you need to know whats going on in the world!! you cant just keep your head in the sand!!' like shut the entire fuck up.#you dont get to trigger me KNOWING YOURE DOING IT and then expect me to be cool#and you ESPECIALLY do not get to be pissed AT ME when i have a panic attack as a result#my life would improve dramatically w/out him in it & that kills me. two dads & neither of them are decent.#but i think what kills me abt my stepdad was that he DID love me & cared abt my interests. he tried to get to know me. he was kind.#i had a good dad. and all of a sudden he became not even a shell of that person. that person simply did not exist anymore.#i hate it. i hate HIM. but it wasnt always that way and it hurts to remember that.#trauma vent#actuallyabused#actuallytraumatized#hes a big part of why i basically feel guilty for existing as a human being w needs#and a big part of why my self-directed internalized ableism is so bad. im working to improve that though. its just rlly hard#esp since i still live w him#oh also a fix for a typo up there: i am sensitive to CSA-RELATED topics not car-related topics lmfao#although his driving does scare me lol!!!#milo murmurs
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asymmetricboys · 11 months
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lol did you guys know i started writing a liam/louis soulmate tattoo fic set in x-factor era in freakin 2013 (before i published ANY 5sos or 1d fic) that got to 12k and i never finished it, and i just found and reread it and the draft is like....really good but I genuinely can’t remember where in god’s name the plot was supposed to go lollllll
#like it's 12k of really fucking good dialogue and solid plot foundation building i was in my bag#but it's so clearly not even halfway done and i have less than zero idea of where the plot was supposed to go#it's funny i thought i'd started writing a scene that i coudldn't find in the draft though#i swore i wrote the scene where louis found out liam had his name on him??? like it was a coming out of the shower in a towel reveal???#why is my memory so shit lol#searched my computer and icloud and if i wrote that scene it just doesn't exist lol#maybe that's why i never finished it maybe I accidentally deleted a newer draft and felt so down about it that I just couldn't go back to#the old draft and rewrite all the stuff I lost#ace babbles#this is going to bug me but there's no answer to be found#it was liam pov and was a very interesting character deep dive honestly it kind of fucked#the plot was liam had louis's name on him but louis didn't have his name he had eleanor's name?? (you know this is an old fic when)#and i have this super vague memory that either louis's tattoo was going to literally change#or he was going to go to a tattoo parlor and tattoo over it after falling in love with liam lollll#but the only bit that is written is liam's gay crisis and honestly it fucks pretty hard but it can't be a stand alone so only i will ever kn#know#because god knows im not going back and writing xfactor 1d fic in 2023 i have way too many other things to do#im fucking POSITIVE i wrote that goddamn shower towel name reveal scene#did i not fucking hit SAVE????#is it on my old laptop somehow????
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orcelito · 2 years
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Remembering my MASSIVE dragon age phase from 2016 is kinda wild. Like that shit took over my LIFE for a solid half year, yet in the time since then things have been a lot more mundane
But I still do have a plant named Merrill (who's been alive for over 6 years now). Maybe someday I really will revisit the games. I guess if the 4th game ever comes out lol
#speculation nation#im pretty big into fantasy aka why i was obsessed with dragon age but never even touched mass effect#& idk maybe it'd be good for me to return to Adult Media sometime lol#like as much as i love persona series it really is a game about a bunch of teenagers#which like. limits the kinds of engagement i can have with the game.#sometimes i wanna b thoroughly in love with a character & wanna romance them and i just cant do that in p5#bc the Reasonable romance options r all teens. aka no one i would personally be interested in.#OR the bs adult options which for ME . fuck id love to romance Takemi. shes super fucking hot#but playing as akira??? never in a million fucking years.#so maybe i want to go back in and romance zevran and fenris and merrill and dorian and josephine again#maybe i want to start my 8 billionth dai game so i can do the same damn things i did last time and also go dragon hunting (again)#and. hoooo boy. i was INCREDIBLY into fenhawke. which im sure i would fall RIGHT back into that if i were to replay it#maybe someday. my commitment to my writing restricts my willingness to participate in stuff i Know would take me by the throat#im only just getting back in the groove (again). im not gonna sabotage that with replaying an old fav#but. Someday. i will go back to it. someday...#and then i'll b one of those ANNOYING motherfuckers nitpicking this game's horrendous attempts of being 'morally grey'#a mountain of complaints just waiting to be let loose. all in due time...
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zero-a · 1 year
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genuinely how do ppl self dx themselves cause ive done my fair share of research already and still cant trust my own conclusions
#mine.txt#i have reasons to self dx with adhd asd dpd and szpd#but im not comfident at all in that comclusion and feel like i need outside assurance#preferably an expert at all of those things#even tho i know that that will definitely lead me to harm somehow#the one im least confident in is asd#mainly cause ngl szpd explains it better#most of my more repetitive habits have some kind of past or current paranoia attached to it#and a lot of my sensitivities can be explained by the fact that ive purposefully neglected myself throughout the years lol#and the whole 'intensity and passion' thing i def dont have#im not even interested in my own interests lmao#like yeah i like consuming them but if they just disappeared one day i wouldnt exactly care#i mean id pretend to cause thats the persona ive decided to live by and i hate going against it#but like#i wont Actually care#my interests are just as replaceable as most aspects of my personality#and the ones that arent are really just mind stuff that will likely never have any kind of tangibility in the real world#anyways i feel like ive opened up too much and should probs either lock or delete this blog lol#but ive decided since i made this blog that im not gonna do that#this is where i put my feeling out to the rambling void in replacement of a therapist#and -- i hate it and i suspect its cause of the dpd -- if someone could give me some kind of input that would be great#id hate it but the severe discomfort that Being Acknowledged™ is personally one im used to#cause trauma elohel#while the severe discomfort of not knowing is long lasting and caustic and i hate it
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bmpmp3 · 1 month
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i NEEED to be more annoying about being mixed race in public i keep forgetting how dire it is. sometimes i point out stuff in like visual culture classes about like a magazine cover with a biracial model or something and it blows peoples MINDS because the whole class forgot mixed people were real
#sometimes im like nooooo i shouldnt be too loud about it people find it annoyinggggg sometimes#but then i remember. if i dont. my white peers. i love them i do they're ready to learn and they do a lot of thinking#once you point stuff out. but by god you need to point this stuff out first LOL classmates put a lot of care and thought into all kinds of#issues but HOO baby. race is a BIG blind spot for a lot of em hfkjdjdkfh#i just get surprised is all. i didnt realize how little the average non-mixed-race person thinks about this stuff#i like to call myself whiteboy. because i think thats funny. its my internal monologue. but also i am not actually whiteboy#and i forget the real whiteboys (gender neutral?) dont know much about mixed issues hjskasjfkd#oh speaking of i guess as a quick primer: i should probably mention. i tend to call myself mixed race#just the terminology i grew up with. but in most professional and academic settings i'll use biracial or multiracial where applicable#or when referring to people who are not myself or someone i know prefers the term mixed#i dont know why i like the term mixed. maybe its just easier to say and explain LOL but yeah#not everyone likes the term mixed race so its usually better to call someone biracial or multiracial if you dont know#multiracial identities are vast and can be vastly different. one persons experience is much different from anothers#my experience is different from my older brothers and we have the same parents and look pretty alike#and our experiences are different from like. my biracial cousin who grew up in the US#and all of us have different experiences than the only other multiracial classmate ive had in years#really the best thing is to read stuff written by multiracial people. books articles blogs. watch video content#theres a lot to learn constantly even if youre multiracial yourself! lots of people on this earth. but it can be fun!#interesting and fun to connect with others by listening to their stories and experiences!
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meme-loving-stuck · 1 year
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god i know im the problem because its a repeating pattern with basically everyone etc etc. but it would be a LOT easier to make friends or even just talk to people if i didn't wanna stop every convo right in the middle with "WOW YOU SURE ARE FUCKIN BORING AND HARD TO TALK TO HUH" so i just. leave people on read constantly bc its better than outright saying that
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