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#my stepfather continues to do/say things that hurt me & im essentially not allowed to call him out
truckstoptigers
ยท
6 months
Text
why can't i have a dad that's nice to me
#they hurt me in different ways but they both hurt me
#my stepfather continues to do/say things that hurt me & im essentially not allowed to call him out
#it gets absolutely nowhere bc he doesnt care to listen. he also sometimes intentionally triggers me
#(obviously talking abt car-related topics is very difficult for me but hell bring that stuff up on purpose bc
#'you need to know whats going on in the world!! you cant just keep your head in the sand!!' like shut the entire fuck up.
#you dont get to trigger me KNOWING YOURE DOING IT and then expect me to be cool
#and you ESPECIALLY do not get to be pissed AT ME when i have a panic attack as a result
#my life would improve dramatically w/out him in it & that kills me. two dads & neither of them are decent.
#but i think what kills me abt my stepdad was that he DID love me & cared abt my interests. he tried to get to know me. he was kind.
#i had a good dad. and all of a sudden he became not even a shell of that person. that person simply did not exist anymore.
#i hate it. i hate HIM. but it wasnt always that way and it hurts to remember that.
#trauma vent
#actuallyabused
#actuallytraumatized
#hes a big part of why i basically feel guilty for existing as a human being w needs
#and a big part of why my self-directed internalized ableism is so bad. im working to improve that though. its just rlly hard
#esp since i still live w him
#oh also a fix for a typo up there: i am sensitive to CSA-RELATED topics not car-related topics lmfao
#although his driving does scare me lol!!!
#milo murmurs
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