#(obviously talking abt car-related topics is very difficult for me but hell bring that stuff up on purpose bc
Text
why can't i have a dad that's nice to me
#they hurt me in different ways but they both hurt me#my stepfather continues to do/say things that hurt me & im essentially not allowed to call him out#it gets absolutely nowhere bc he doesnt care to listen. he also sometimes intentionally triggers me#(obviously talking abt car-related topics is very difficult for me but hell bring that stuff up on purpose bc#'you need to know whats going on in the world!! you cant just keep your head in the sand!!' like shut the entire fuck up.#you dont get to trigger me KNOWING YOURE DOING IT and then expect me to be cool#and you ESPECIALLY do not get to be pissed AT ME when i have a panic attack as a result#my life would improve dramatically w/out him in it & that kills me. two dads & neither of them are decent.#but i think what kills me abt my stepdad was that he DID love me & cared abt my interests. he tried to get to know me. he was kind.#i had a good dad. and all of a sudden he became not even a shell of that person. that person simply did not exist anymore.#i hate it. i hate HIM. but it wasnt always that way and it hurts to remember that.#trauma vent#actuallyabused#actuallytraumatized#hes a big part of why i basically feel guilty for existing as a human being w needs#and a big part of why my self-directed internalized ableism is so bad. im working to improve that though. its just rlly hard#esp since i still live w him#oh also a fix for a typo up there: i am sensitive to CSA-RELATED topics not car-related topics lmfao#although his driving does scare me lol!!!#milo murmurs
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
stoneyworldwide
$tonecole
leejieuntmblr
Lee Ji-eun
wolfofneibolt
WereTozier
gabydrawsshit
gabydrawsshit
clever-angel-blog
Clever_Angel