Hey! I hate to ask for handouts and don't mean to come across as such, as that's not what this is for necessarily. I've been meaning to work on commissions, as in actually setting it up and working on the info itself and with the unexpected passing of my father on Jan 30th, I'm going to try to do just that when I have time or if it comes down to it, if we're stable before or as I'm getting a job it'll be different, there's a hiring freeze at the place I'm trying to get into so the guy will get back to me whenever he can. Right now I'm spending time with family during this time as my mom and I figure stuff out during our free time. My dad was the one who covered the mortgage payments so I just want to help my mom pay for it so we have a roof over our heads, I don't have a job yet and am waiting for a slot where my parents worked and my mom is taking time off and using vacation/sick time to be paid before she has to go back. Issue is, her last paycheck is coming up. We're also trying to figure out stuff with a grief counselor, but I digress. It's only my mom, me and two cats now. The mortgage is a little over $700 a month and I don't want her to do everything by herself and be alone. So, if I open commissions and I'm still drained as it's been hard for me to even pick up a pencil I will start off with small things (like sketch comms, MLP comms, etc) just to get things started. I still have to figure out if I want to open a shop of my own or mess with sites like redbubble, I'm still figuring out Kofi for tips and payments there. I will update with the full information soon once everything is settled if I can. I'm just tired and mentally exhausted, possibly still going through shock, so I haven't felt the energy to keep up conversations so if you think I'm ignoring you, I'm not! I apologize if it's ever come off as such, things have been hectic. Anyways, I wish you all the best and hope all is well!

I think I'm gonna start watching star trek the original series but for real this time. like not to appease some friend but just for me.

dude my mom is so delusional i genuinely dont know how she got this far in life

In My Dreams || stepsis!Yves x f!Reader

an : so i'm sorta kinda taking a little break rn but i didn't want to just post nothing this month.. 😭🙏 this little fic is just me trying to branch out and write things i'm not exactly used to, i guess!! plz enjoy (to everyone who has sent in requests please understand i see them and i will work soon.. life has been kind of messy and im sure if ur a student u will understand the stress at this time of year so plz just.. know that i will get to you soon and that i am not ignoring you)

cw : stepcest (duh), wet dreams, somnophilia, dubcon??, scissoring, uhhh i'm not sure 😭 both yves and reader and pervs but focuses mostly on yves sooo, not proofread, kind of shitty bec i've never written somno or dubcon or anything with a plot like this so this is more like a warm up round

wc : 1.6k

A string of soft moans left your mouth at the feeling of Sooyoung's gentle hands fondling your breasts. Her nimble fingers grazed over your nipples as she bit down slightly on your neck. When you winced at the feeling of her teeth sinking into your skin, Sooyoung hushed you.

"You need to be quiet, sweet thing. Mom and Dad might hear you."

In response, you attempted to keep your lips sealed tight. You tried to keep everything in while you shivered from your stepsister's affectionate touch. You could feel the damp spot in your panties becoming more and more obnoxious as it got wetter. Sooyoung seemed to be preoccupied with your tits, so the most you could do to soothe yourself was press your thighs together and let a few quiet, needy whines slip from your throat. She noticed immediately.

"Aw, you're already so excited. You wanted big sis to touch you so bad, right?"

You nodded eagerly. Sooyoung's eyes were hungry and almost predatory as a smirk formed on her lips. One hand snuck off of your breast and down to your panties, feeling your erect clit through the fabric. She rubbed delicate circles and cooed. She knew you were wet, but the extent to which you were was slightly shocking.

"Needy girl, you're soaking.."

Sooyoung chuckled before she pushed your panties to the side and effortlessly dipped her middle finger into your cunt. A sharp moan fell from you as her finger caught you off guard, the sudden contact feeling unexpected but satisfactory nonetheless. You quickly slapped your hand over your mouth to make sure your parents wouldn't hear and tightly gripped onto her shoulder with the other. Before you knew it, Sooyoung's thumb found its way to your clit, and she was-

-Awoken abruptly. Tonight was the third night this week that Sooyoung had a wet dream about you, her younger stepsister. These dreams started a few months after your parents got married. At first, she felt so much shame, but now they'd just become a part of her life. You found Sooyoung odd because she rarely spoke to you, but this shame was the reason behind that. She could barely stand facing you, so the idea of talking to you was infinitely more horrifying. She was afraid of these desires. She was worried about her ability to control herself around you, so she closed you out entirely. It's been an awkward few months living with her since then, but she assumed this was for the best.

She sighed as she woke up, shaking and sweaty. She slept in only her tank top and panties, and she could feel the dampness between her thighs when they pressed together as she sat up. She rubbed her eyes, switched her light on, and looked at the mattress. There was a stain from her slick. She cursed under her breath and scratched her head. This was the most intense reaction her body had after a wet dream.

She felt a little shame, but she couldn't shake the feeling of arousal. She sat up, stretched, and checked the time on the clock on her dresser. It was 11:30. That was late, but not late enough for you to be asleep. The thought of you being awake now turned her on for some reason. She was uncontrollably wet, and it only got worse with the sudden urge to go into your room and beg for help. 

With shaky legs, Sooyoung stood up and moved towards your room as quietly as possible. She turned the knob to your door and gradually pushed it open. When she noticed your lamp was still on, she opened it faster, assuming you were awake. She stepped in, turned around, and shut the door before analyzing her surroundings. She immediately noticed that while your lamp was on, its light was dim, and you were asleep on your bed. 

As perverted as it sounds, your sleeping face turned her on.

It turned her on a lot.

No amount of guilt she felt could've surpassed her desire. Her guilt wasn't even apparent when she crawled into your bed. She stared at your sleeping face and flushed. You were so pretty when you slept. She couldn't help but let her hands wander past the band of her panties. She started to touch herself softly, coming in contact with the immense amount of slick she'd produced in her sleep. When her fingers grazed over her clit, a sharp but still quiet moan escaped her throat. She analyzed every detail of your face. She could tell you were in a deep sleep. 

That's when something hit her. You were the deepest sleeper she'd ever seen. She recalled a few months ago when you'd watched a movie with your parents. You fell asleep on the couch after 30 minutes and stayed there until morning. She remembered being shocked when you didn't stir in the slightest, as the movie was incredibly loud. Your inability to be disturbed when you slept gave her an idea. 

Slowly, Sooyoung sat up. She removed her hand from her underwear and flipped you onto your back, looking for any signs of disturbance before continuing. When she was confident you were undisturbed, she pulled off your shorts, leaving you in your panties. She faintly blushed when she saw them. She almost snapped back to reality and realized how perverted she was acting, but she couldn't stop herself.

She took off her panties, then yours, biting her lip when she revealed your crotch in its entirety. Looking at your face again for discomfort, she lifted your legs and spread them slowly. When she got you to a position she believed would be the most comfortable, her desire consumed her again. She placed her clit against yours and bit her lip. Your eyebrows kneaded together, a quiet groan coming from your throat. Sooyoung, as worried as she was about you waking up, couldn't hear you. She was lost in her pleasure as a string of drool fell down her chin. 

Just sitting with your clits pressed together eventually wasn't enough for her. She started to hump your pussy in a slow rhythm, holding back a whine with every movement. She was desperate to get off and even more desperate to feel your body against hers. She couldn't help but go faster, her lewd behavior fueled by the feeling of your cunt pulsing against hers. You liked it. You liked her... Even if you didn't know it.

Sooyoung was eventually unable to hold back her noises. She picked up her pace and panted, the occasional grunt slipping out as propping one of your legs up to deepen the contact between your folds and hers. She threw her head back and sighed, coming closer and closer to her orgasm. The room was silent, except for the subtle slap of your thighs and her grunting. That was until the silence broke unexpectedly. 

You shifted a bit before groggily opening your eyes. You were immediately alarmed when you realized you were naked from the waist down, and even more so when you felt your stepsister rubbing your clits together and moaning like a fool. She didn't notice you woke up until you spoke softly. "S-Sooyoung..?"

With that, her movements didn't cease but slowed. She looked down at you with wide eyes and a flushed face. She was so horny she couldn't bring herself to stop or even acknowledge how you might've felt. She just placed one palm over your mouth frantically and hushed you. "S-sis, shh.. It's ok, it's just me.."

You whined, partly because of discomfort but also because it was impossible not to when her erect clit hit yours. You would be lying if you said you'd never fantasized about her as well, and you were too tired to tell her to stop. If you were in your right mind, you wouldn't have been so afraid. 

Sooyoung spoke as she removed her hand from your mouth, placing it back where it had been before as she sped up again. "I-I'm close, let me finish... Let me finish, and I'll go away.."

As she continued, you started to enjoy the feeling of her body on yours. Moans and pleas for more fell from your throat as you could feel yourself approaching your orgasm as well. Sooyoung huffed before she winced sharply and ceased her humping. Her cunt twitched as she pressed it tightly to yours, a layer of cum coating your pussy before you came as well. You came shockingly fast, but she'd been stimulating you for as long as you were stimulating her. It was only so shocking because you woke up in the middle of it.

Sooyoung was a little surprised when you gave in and came. She expected you to be afraid and push her away, but you didn't. You had the same reaction as she did. She was ecstatic.

Instead of leaving like she said she would, she flopped over next to you and panted, pulling her panties back on. She looked at you with her slightly teary eyes and spoke softly. "I'm sorry, sis.." 

"No, don't apologize.." You muttered, your face flushing as she stared at you. "It's fine... I just have to process that." 

Sooyoung fell quiet as your words fell on her ears. You really didn't mind that? What a dream come true. Silently, she clung to your side tightly and let her eyes flutter shut. She grew drowsy again as you sighed, but she didn't expect you to speak again. "We have to talk about this tomorrow, though." 

She nodded, agreeing to talk with you. She nuzzled as close as she could and let herself drift off, you following her into sleep shortly after. It was more than obvious that it didn't matter how much you tried to satisfy each other. No matter what, you would keep meeting Sooyoung in her dreams and making her crave things she never knew she needed.

hi i don’t wanna overstep, and if i am pls just ignore ! but if there’s anything we can do please let us know. we all care about you beyond the user and fandom content and want the best for you and your family’s wellbeing. i know they’re probably vent posts, and i 100% respect the hell out of that, but i just wanted to let you know that i hear and see you and if there’s anything that we can do for you, please don’t hesitate to let us know <3

you’re one of my coolest mutuals and i’m always absolutely blown away by your writing and appreciate how much you do for the fandom, and i know other people do, as well. you’re loved and appreciated and yeah - sending you only the Best <3

If it comes down to it, I’ll start a gofundme. It’s the last thing I want to do but things have been so fucking hard these last few months and my entire families life is precarious rn. We have no real way out currently but we’re trying to figure anything out. I can only afford so much and I would like to get into a house for me, my partner, and my mom (this is a whole other thing for my mom but that’s beside the point) but I have to try and figure things out. If I end up needing help, I’ll probably succumb to that even if I feel fucking awful doing so. I’m so ashamed and embarrassed about this entire thing and I wish I could just show everyone what exactly is happening and why it’s so legally hard to do anything.

I feel like I’ll just overstep by complaining and I’ll start annoying everyone on here by not doing what they want me to do. I’m really really trying. I feel that I am mostly safe. Things had been going better and now they’re very bad again, so. Im worried. I’ll keep everyone updated on what happens and what I’m doing about it (mostly, I don’t want to overstep or overshare)

Thank you for being kind and talking to me about it. I feel so fucking out of it and distressed lately, like a cat clawing my way out of water. I just wish the world would stop for one day or I could like, wish things into being better. I’d never ask for anything else because this is so painful, I feel like I’m losing it

Here's A Little Get-To-Know-You Tag Game!

Tagged by: de wonderfulest ppl @noonaracha @straykidsgallery and @itsstraykids thank you sm!!! (go appreciate their cool point stories!)

Name(s): juni! is what i decided. some friends on this hellsite also call me solar so wtv u prefer. atp i just have a bunch of nicknames bcs i also have a Weird Name, A Weirder (Family) Nickname in real life

Pronouns: he/she/they/it<3 when i say feel free. pls and thank u

Star Sign: libra, right when it starts (and just a day after seungmin's!)

#of Siblings And Fun Facts About Them(if u have any): one (1) younger gremlin brother, and the funnest fact abt them is that he has been a walking directory of telephone no's since he was 4 and now can be relied upon to calculate large numbers inside his head in point seconds. Still hates physics(and most things theory)> by which, he also stores insane and inane amount of stats info (abt all types of things, but mostly sports) inside his head ready to be flourished at a moments notice, which is mildly impressive when ur 6 and debating with college students the scores of a game that happened 15yrs before u were born but not now when ur 17 and ppl are more focused on your test scores rather than ones u know, so</3 also has his birthday on changbin's but he doesnt know abt that

#of Pets: there's a history there. with fishes that my ma deceived me with on my 12th birthday(when i asked for a pet, i imagined smth i could hold) and then liked too much herself that we had them for 5yrs. three times; birds, but my brother kind of freed them while singing a lullaby with only me as an unbelieving witness. a dog (belovedest of em all) my dad picked from street as a puppy and who, then, had to be given away after 3yrs bcs of Stupid Reasons im still mad abt. now i just have street cats showing up at my front door to safekeep their babies on my staircase's isolated nooks till they grow up and vanish and street dogs who believe i have endless supplies of treats and show me sad faces when i dont. i really want a pet</3 but for now im contending with pictures of kitties whose moms operate on strict 'see-dont-touch' policies and sweet sweet strays who like to befriend u too easy.

Fandoms: many, but rn im active mostly in skz and mxtx. id love to be in other stuff i read and watch but since Capitalism hates me dearly,,,

Favorite Color: darker shades of all and any colors(esp blue green and red)!!! can be relied upon immensely to look warm and pretty always

Favorite Song: picking favorites for anything is out of my capabilities. also am just listening to my favorite bollywood playlist a lot these days.

Favorite Author: have a working list of favorite poets that does not end at 1. have not read a book seriously in four years of exam/prep-locking. but even if i did, idt ill be able to pick any favorite bcs, yk. good things in many things. (tldr; its roald dahl) (and ruskin bond who i read when i was 5 and still read when im so tired bcs his stories inspire me to write always)

Hobbies: I dance(perform) sometimes? I write??(←derogatory, dubious) make stuff, mostly poems and stories and tinker with free things i can do, both online or craft. analysis of things with friends is a beloved activity. i liek yoga and stretching (rn in an ongoing war with 3° winter mornings to drag myself out of bed and go to class at 6) cooking when i have time but mostly, always, reading (or! watching) stories, poems and learning abt cool nonfiction things (does crying abt fiction count)

Favorite Holiday: none of the above its the trips and getaways u make for yourself. all my beloved memories are always mostly from when our family makes a trip to someplace my mom insists or there's a non-worrying emergency to go somewhere. just family getting together under some pretense, even tho it is stressful as fuck.

Do You Have Any Partner(s): persuading my best friend atm but sadly she's straight</3(no lmao)

Fun facts about you/anything extra you wanna share!: since im having it rn- coffee doesnt keep me up or sometimes even makes me nod off, a fact i discovered after my 14yr old brain had the brilliant idea to try out the cool, forbidden drink after dinner knowing i wasnt allowed to. this is not fun to my ma but growing up in a sort of restrictive household, im also just weirdly good at sneaking and doing stuff im not supposed to without getting caught. i also do not know how to talk in lesser words. this is an absolute curse, yes i have tried. beware</3

this^ is a mess but thank u i had fun!! lemme tag: @winterfloral @syannie @hyunhomoons @quokki @chogiwow @agibbangs @rainknow @lixence @hyunebear @straykidsgallery @jerirose @ambivartence @hongjoongpresent + anyone who wishes to! apologies if tagged already!

LOST GIRLS SELFINSERT INFOFUMP 🫵💥💥

OKAY OKAY OKAY OMG im so fucking happy rn omgg

Im gonna section this off because I wanna say it’s been like a good 1-2 years since i’ve like just infodumped as a whole

Basic Information

His name is Casper O’riley he is a trans man and he is currently 17 years of age and attends the local high school and works at a down town book store, occasionally over the summer or over breaks he’ll work at the board walk to make some extra cash, his family consists of his father, mother, and baby sister Nyneve

His hair is red and curly similar to his mother and he has partial Albinism which runs in their family, the Albinism consists of his face and hands mainly his fingertips, the Albinism spreads up from his cheek over his eyes and into his hair making part of it pale as well as his tanned skin.

He is autistic and has Kleptomania syndrome which sometimes effects his everyday life, he can shift through three main points of verbal standards those three being selective mute, verbal, or overly verbal which shifts with overstimulation, under stimulation, and mood (like me).

His interests range mutually from Horror games/movies/media to music and art he has similar music taste to me such as: The Garden, Radiohead, Alex G, Mitski, Tyler The Creator and Sweet. (i wanna say the current year is around 2013-2014 just for accessibility)

Background Info

Casper started off as boardwalk buddy that sorta stuck with the group, the introduction wasn’t the best as when they first met Chris had called Casper a girl resulting into a very angry 6 year old right hooking Chris in the jaw, along with a very loud “I’m not a girl!” From Casper who was very upset

Chris went crying to his mom with a black eye and face full of tears with a very guilty but still fuming Casper trailing behind him to say sorry

After that It was really just history, took that kid a good 2 weeks of hanging out with the family to realize they were vampires, did he know exactly? No, 6 year old Casper had other things to worry about then knowing what exactly his friend was but as time grew he did come to realize his best friend was a vampire.

Extra/current

Casper didn’t really care that Chris was a vampire that ate people, I mean he can’t hate Chris from being born that way and he definitely cannot hate him for what he has to eat. I mean everything alive has to eat, it would be unfair and hypocritical to hate Chris for sucking on human blood, he can’t really control that can he? No.

Now I did say he was Chris’s “boyfriend” but it’s more like… Chris has a big fat crush on Casper and Casper is too oblivious to know as he’s busy with school, work, and being a stupid teenager

He mostly occasionally flirts Casper just to get hit with the good ol’

“Hey that’s cute and all but your fly’s down”

Or

“LMAO you look dumb doing that”(affectionately of course)

And that’s all I really have of him rn ^_^, I need to draw him soon but art block is kicking my ass rn and I’m about to go get my hair cut

If you have any questions feel free to ask! I love rambling about my ocs/self inserts!

ALL OF HEARTSLABYUL FOR UNHINGED CHARACTER BINGO‼️‼️‼️

VIBRATES AT A NORMAL SPEED I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT HEARTSLABYUL LET'S GO

[bingo link!]

actually. using a readmore bc there are Five Character Bingos and i like to talk under all of them LOL

RIDDLE RIDDLE BELOVED BABY SON RIDDLE:

[TWO BINGOS i forgot to cross them tho lol] thats my baby son BOY!!!!! I FUCKING LOVE RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS HES MY BABYYYYY!!!!! riddle was one of the first characters i told my partner about when i was trying to explain twst to him and we very often refer to it as Riddle Game jfksjkfl. for my birthday and stuff sometimes my partner gets me riddle themed things - i have a riddle little guy hanging on the wall and my partner found his union bday jacket patches that i bought a jacket to go with and im... EVENTUALLY going to sew them on so ill have a RIDDLE JACKET [rn theyre pinned to it i just have to take my damn sewing machine out and DO IT!!!!] i love him DEEPLY and i relate to him on . some personal levels. DONT WORRY ABOUT IT but he is my special little boy with so many problems but he has also GROWN and i AM SO PROUD OF HIM AND WHWUWHFEHHRGH hes made FRIENDS 😭😭😭😭😭 hes such a wild little firecracker and I can and will talk about riddle FOREVER. forcibly cutting myself OFF bc we have MORE CHARACTERS to go!!!

also i think riddle probably needs a hug and would benefit greatly from it but would also Not Be Adjusted to hugs you must be GENTLE with your approach or he will BITE!!!

JUICE SPADE LIGHT OF MY LIFE:

this made me realize hes actually probably one of the more well adjusted characters in twst jfkldjsfklds hes a good boy!!! he loves his mom and his mom loves him!!! hes doing his best!! he loves his friends even if sometimes hes shy about it lol!!!! i didnt circle the therapy one even tho tbh i feel like everyone in twst could deeply benefit from it i jsut jklfdsj feel like that square is reserved for the more Severe Cases of Needing Issues Sorted jlkdsfkld. and obviously i want him to be happy but i feel like he mostly already is!!! anyway. my absolute baby of boys. i think i have the most SSRs of him than any other character in my game kfjsdjklfj he was my first freebie ssr dorm card and i work at trying to get it uncapped as much as possible i want juice to be my STRONGEST BOY!!!!!! I LOVE HIM ID KILL FOR HIM THATS MY SON!!!! ill marry his mom if thats what it takes to Make Him My Son For Real fjsdkfjklefjskldjflJKLSDJKKFLJSDKLFJ

moving ON!!!!

CAY CAY DIAMOND MY BELOVED CAYCAY:

[TWO BINGOS AGAIN] caycay is both FUN IN THE SUN but also. melancholic enigma. hes got some Issues going on below the surface that's like blink and u miss it since it's mostly only breadcrumbed in a few side stories but enough to make us like HEY whats going ON over there!!! but not too much to have me be like HORRIBLE SAD FOREVER BOY either. i think it's like. a mixed situation. but mysterious enough that we just dont know how far it goes. he's deeper than he seems and that's INTERESTING. but ALSO on the surface he IS a very fun goofy guy that loves his friends!!!!!! god i have very specific feelings about him and also. relate to him in certain ways Dont Worry About It but fjksdjlkfsd i love him. i want him to be happy. i have a Very Specific Way that i see his character and i turn into a rabid beast when i feel like people dont quite GET IT!!!! but sometimes thats a me problem LOL. other times tho. other times im like Did You Read The Same Game I Did Bc I Dont Think You Did RIDDLE AND CATER ARE FRIENDS IM GONNA BITE PEOPLE THAT THINK THEYRE NOT anyway. im very normal about cater diamond and his relationship to heartslabyul.

basket ball baby boy ACE:

i feel like it doesnt come across as much bc outside of my screaming about heartslabyul as a Unit i dont really scream about ace by himself ksldfjs but i actually really love ace a lot LOL hes SUCH a funny little guy. definition of a rascal and a shithead JFKSLJFSJK but i love him actually. i think it took longer for me to like him at first bc hes kind of a bitch but i quickly realized "oh this is villain school for villains and Everyone Is A Bitch" LOL and it's so fun. love that for him. ace is a little bastard who loves to cheat and lie and it's so funny thinking about that just Being His Thing. im obsessed with how in book 3 they were like "we need to sneak our way into the museum" and im p sure ace was like "yea let me lie my way through distracting the guard you guys wouldnt stand a chance you need my lying powers" and hes RIGHT. but also i think hes a really good boy when it counts 😭 hes a BASTARD but he LOVES HIS FRIENDS. Like he and juice are SO ride or die with the main character theyre the BESTIE TRIO + GRIMMY... THEY LOVE EACH OTHER!!! they took PUBLIC TRANSIT to come save MC when we called them in book 4 and then never answered again lkdfsjj and they were WORRIED when we vanished in book 6 + were up in arms about grim getting captured bc THATS OUR SILLY LITTLE CAT!!! and also in book 6 [many book 6 feelings SORRY a LOT happened in that book that ill never be over omg i love it so much] UM UM UM i love how when everyone is like "oh ill give my money to ramshackle!!" ace was like "well im not" LOL hes so funny. but like he was also really nice to juice i think 😭 like juice was feeling the moral dillema of "my mom and i could really use that money but i feel like i have to donate to my friends shitty dorm like everyone else" and ace was the one that told him like "dude dont worry about it you dont gotta be a hero. im keepin my money cuz i want cool shoes. ur fine." and like. it was silly but sweet 🥺 or like in fairy gala 2 when he went to go check on ortho..... sweet boy... ^ love that i rambled More about ace than the others im def more insane about fklsdkjfdlsjf ace is that sleeper character that Gets Me when im not expecting it LOL also i just dont talk about him as much so i didnt cut myself off immediately LOL i could def go longer about the others. forever.

OK ANYWAY TIME FOR TREY:

i also dont talk as extensively about trey but Love Him dearly. all the heartslabyul boys got that "if anything happens to them ill blow up" "id kill anyone who hurts them" and "id take a bullet for them" BC I LOVE HEARTSLABYUL SO MUCH!!!!!! THOSE ARE MY SILLY LITTLE GUYS!! trey is so funny to me. like he. whats with the teeth thing trey. jksdlfsd it's SO funny to me his hobby is brushing his teeth. there's at least one or two times i think it's mentioned where he checked ace and deuce's teeth bc like? ?? ? ? i think in one of his voice lines he said it's a habit from doing it with his little siblings [BIG BROTHER BEHAVIOR SO SWEET WAGHGHGHGHHH] and i think there's a card story where ace was trying to skip out and cut corners on the Teeth Ritual and trey was like Not On My Watch 🧍‍♂️ jkfjsdjf hes so funny. he literally went into fanboy mode in halloween 2 when he found out sebeks dad is dentist. he tries so hard to be seen as A Normal Guy and yet hes Like That. hes science club besties with resident freak ROOK HUNT [beloved i love u rook hunt]. his childhood friends are teapot tyrant riddle and wildcard catboy chenya. his other bestie is terminally online partyboy caycay. he loves stupidass little jokes and he + cater sometimes like to lightly terrorize the underclassmen for funsies skjfjklsjf. friendly boys with an Evil side jfkldsjkldskljf.

also. do not get me started on his friendships with riddle and cater. i can and will go insane about the three of them oh my god if i think about them too long i get emotional and we'll be here forever. theres so much complexity there but also i WILL bite anyone that tries to say cater and trey's friendship is all a lie + surface level only or that trey cares about riddle more ILL BITE ILL BITE ILL CHEW. yknow what i didnt circle the 10 hour speech about trey or ace but tbh i could. those two it would be more about them and their relationships with other characters but LISTEN TO ME i love heartslabyul. SO MUCH. they make me insane.

i got this ask earlier and i was like "no i will not have time to do this til im home later bc i WILL need to talk about them for 800 years. circling squares is not enough." jfkslfjsjdljf

facts about me

i realized that yall dont really know much ab me so here you go😊😊

i was born in louisville, kentucky

i was born may 26th in the 2000s

im a triple gemini with an aries lilith

i am mixed, mostly with black and white

i have ginger hair

i discovered subliminals in quarantine but i discovered loa in 2021 bc of solar subs (idk)

i love the color pink

i am extremely good at math😊

i have a boyfriend, his name is derek. very tall, dark, and handsome.

i love music and modeling

i am a bad bitch

i like big bang theory and rick and morty

i like going to school

my mom has her own baking company and my dad works for her

i live in tx rn

i like traveling but not all the time

ive been to dubai, california, japan, south korea, new york, italy, spain, france, germany, romania, belgium, china, hong kong, australia, thailand, ect.

i speak many languages, some are: english, spanish, french, italian, korean, and japanese.

i have 4 bsfs that i will most def spend my life with, their names are valentina, katana, brittany, and benjamin.

yall im gonna add more dont worry😊😊

Hey, i might be wrong but i think i remember you making a post for international women's day, and in it you said that you went through a period of thinking you werent a woman at all but then realised you were actually a lesbian. I just wanted to ask how you figured it out? I cant figure out if im a trans guy or a lesbian and I'm sort of desperate for guidance rn. Sorry this is a bit out of the blue and i totally get it if you dont wanna talk about it. Hope you're having a good day and take care!

ah, this is definitely a tough one, so please know that wherever your journey takes you i hope you find happiness and peace! im also not the end-all-be-all and im also not the sexuality and gender police. people can have similar experiences and feelings and still end up using different terminology and understanding themselves completely in a way that's totally different from one another, so please don't feel the need to use my experience as a roadmap for yourself.

under the cut in case discussion of sexuality and gender is triggering! genuinely, for my trans followers especially, please don't feel the need to look at this if it's something you would be uncomfortable reading. my journey definitely doesn't need to be yours.

in the end there are a few important details for why i ended up thinking i was a guy, or at least nonbinary

grew up evangelical christian and never really believed or felt the faith i was 'supposed' to feel. i also had trouble connecting with my family since they earnestly did believe it. i felt like a stranger in my own home, and worried that someday they'd disown me. i was also terrified of hell, and of 'sinning'. (making mistakes - see 4)

realized i liked girls when i was 12 and not only did i not know much about being gay aside from it being a 'sin', every girl in my grade talked so much about crushes when we were 12 that i felt super isolated from them as a peer group. due to 1 (the evangelical thing) i also grew up knowing my expectation in god's eyes was to be a christian wife and mom someday, and even aside from the 'sin' aspect and the disowning aspect, realizing i liked girls and didnt really like boys, the evangelical ideal for me was suddenly so, so terrifying.

i believed i was a tomboy growing up, but ultimately had to play with mostly feminine toys bc thats what i was given. i wanted to play with my brother but i was often left behind. i had a pretty lonely childhood and associated close friendships with my brother and his friends, not me and the other girls on the playground. when i was really little my best friend was a boy who stopped being friends with me because 'girls cant play power rangers or star wars' so that was probably pretty impactful on my psyche.

i was terrified of making mistakes due to my evangelical upbringing. because i didnt have faith i was so, so terrified of anything i did that could be considered wrong. i wanted to banish everything i'd ever done wrong, even the tiniest misstep, from everyone's memory as well as my own.

i grew up feeling guilty for any of my accomplishments because i was compared favorably to my brother and instead of feeling proud of myself, i felt like the worst person alive if i was being used as 'motivation' or a 'positive example.'

i wanted so badly to be respected by peers. but there were instances where i was told at like. debate teams. 'wow, i thought you were just here to look pretty'

an older trans friend told me he wished he'd known he was trans at my age so he wouldn't have wasted so much time, and told me i was probably trans too because he'd been just like me a few years ago, and that i should get started on social transition so it'd be easier to transition medically when i was older

i had a lot of tomboy interests, and grew up really enjoying mostly 'boy' cartoons. i also really wanted to get into parkour and obstacle courses and the punk scene, which had mostly guys where i lived

i really, really, really hated myself. i would try to reinvent myself every time i moved, but no matter what, i was still myself wherever i went -- awkward, shy, smart and interesting but always puts my foot in my mouth eventually. the only way to avoid that would be to completely change myself. every memory i had, i wanted to get rid of and replace with one from someone better.

i hated my name and body and face and personality and voice and hobbies. everything that's hardest to change, i hated viscerally.

so basically, those were the top 10 reasons i thought i was trans. ultimately, i ended up not being trans. but i thought i was for the better part of 5 years, closer to 6 altogether. i went by a gender neutral name for most of that time. every day i went by that name i was convinced that someday it'd actually feel like me, and i'd feel better for changing my name. but it never really happened. but i still hated my birth name, too, so... what was the issue? i couldnt figure it out, and was so, so anxious about it.

well, turns out the issue was reasons 9 and 10. i hated myself. and that issue was caused by 1. all of it ties back to being raised evangelical christian.

ultimately, ive been dealing with handling my depression and self-hate and anxiety. and i realized that, for me, trying to be a boy, or at least not a girl, was part of me just wanting to destroy myself in any way i could.

when i was 12, i wanted to kill myself, or at least do it by 18. when i was 14, i was presented with the option of reinventing myself as a completely different person. that seemed like the better option. but i think, overall, i didn't need to destroy anything or become someone completely different.

in the end, i don't hate myself for believing i was trans for 5+ years. i wasn't correct in my assessment of myself, but obsessing over it wouldn't really do any good at this point, so i try not to overthink it. im just sad that i didnt address the actual issues i had, and instead blanketed over them with the wrong solution.

the reason i don't see myself as nonbinary or trans anymore is because i was using it to fix the problem that i thought i had, not the problem i actually did. to me, even though i sincerely believed i was at the time, i think it was a way to not be the definition of woman that my parents had. (also, especially when i'd been assaulted at a pretty young age, as soon as i was starting to 'look like a woman' it felt safer to not become one...)

anyways. i think what i needed to do all along was just hate myself less, and try to like myself more.

that's hard to do. but it came in time, with focusing on hobbies that i genuinely enjoy. making connections and friendships that i felt seen and appreciated in, not just tolerated. pushing back on my family's views. understanding that being a woman doesn't have to mean settling down with a husband and having kids. it also meant finding jobs and careers that i feel like the best version of myself in, where i feel like im doing something good for both myself and others. and trying not to base my style or my appearance on how others would view me, but instead of how i wanted to view myself.

i hope this helps you sort through your thoughts!

c3e49 thoughts

ashton remains my favorite character, with fearne as a close second

ashton and laudna were always in the back of my mind as a fun dynamic but after that conversation i’m suddenly completely on board with tombstone

imogen’s moral compass is ?? a fucking metronome rn i hope she snaps out of it?? it’s clear she cares about her mother deeply but it’s terrifying how easily swayed she is just because she wants to trust her mom LAUDNA PULLED HER BACK WOOOO southern gothic u have my heart

orym and ashton, my blunt beloveds <33

definitely need to rewatch because i’m listening to the stream as i do work and i’m missing everyone’s facial expressions and reactions to things

nana is okay !!!!!

dorian sounds so worried yall i didn’t finish the recent exu what happened to opal… (i’ll probably watch it before next episode)

ryn :(((

ira/nana reunion unlikely but i still have hope

ashton’s thoughts on fcg are so real but it was a bit funny since he just admitted to purposely making others feel indebted to him so when he finally asks for help, they can’t refuse. the whole party’s got self-destructive tendencies, fcg’s just incorporates an explosive

i want to meet more of the nobodies so bad

i recently watched trigun stampede and could not stop thinking about the giant desert worms

failed an insight on fearne’s parents? interesting

someone please make a supercut of xandis’ greatest hits (mostly them screaming lmao) bc they’re genuinely so funny, they also need a skyship upgrade and paid vacation asap

fcg’s changebringer arc is just kny’s kanao reskinned

no but actually i know it’s a bit annoying for fcg to have no faith in his ability to make their own decisions (as demonstrated by the party’s apprehensive reactions) but at some point this is gonna hurt bad when fcg inevitably has to choose to revive one of their multiple dead friends again

imodna my loves they’re so <333 YOU’RE MY TETHER AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

as always, (im)patiently waiting for more ashton backstory (though the crumbs from today were much appreciated)

yeah the play REALLY did something to me, and all of his friends looked so proud of him, it was so sweet and sad all at once, i can't explain it. and i relate to neil bc i went through the same thing with my parents, my mom wanted me to be a journalist and my dad wanted me to be lawyer, so when i had to tell them that i wanted to go to fashion school it was really scary, and i knew that they were going to be very disappointed, like, i remember when i called my dad just to tell him that, and i was literally shaking and holding back my tears, so i know exactly how it felt like for neil. and yeah omg, it took me a long time to realize that it was the same actor, he looked like a baby in dead poets society, his power fr. so at first i didn't notice anything romantic between niel and todd, i just thought they had a cute friendship, but then by the end when he found out that neil was dead, his reaction was very different from the others, but im not sure if i think it was because he liked neil or bc they were just very close friends, but also i saw a few edits of them on tiktok and they looked like they might like each other sometimes. so yeah, very sus those two. but what do you think?

oh the wedding was great!! i had a lot of fun, was very weird watching my friend get married tho 😭 but it was fine, thanks for asking!! and the shopping went great too, i bought these AMAZING boots, idk if you've watched gilmore girls so idk if this is going to make any sense to you, but whenever i wear them i feel like lorelai (she wears a lot of boots) which is great so yeah. and the book was very good, the ending made me want to scream but still very good lmao. im so sorry this is huge :( but anyways how have you been?

-🫀

dead poets society spoilers, tw for death mention

right, omg, just the pure friendship all the boys shared was so touching to me. it reminded me so much of my friends. and it was so sweet to see the sheer support and admiration they had for one another. oh, wow, yeah, that is definitely such an intense move to make when you desire to go a particular route in your life that you're worried your parents may not approve of. I am so proud of you for telling your dad about it, though, and being truthful + standing up for your passion. like, that is such a strong and amazing move, it's so great of you. I hope you've been able to pursue your passions since. for sure, his reaction to Neil's death was very intense (and also, just so well-acted omg). so, when I saw the clip where Todd is like, "I can take care of myself," and then Neil just smiles so gently at him and says, "No." at that point I was like, hmmm. I even asked my mom about it LMAO bc she had seen the film. I feel like there may be something romantic, and I definitely ship it. I also read that there is that scene where Nail, in reference to Todd, says, "I'm being chased by Walt Whitman." and I read on that post that Walt Whitman was apparently suspected to have been queer? so, maybe it was something the film tried to subtly portray? either way, thank goodness for fanfiction LMAO

oooh, whoa, it was your friend getting married! that must've been very surreal to watch, I could only imagine how that feels like. and omg I do watch Gilmore Girls! was just rewatching it today. and yesss, omg, I love that you have Lorelei-style boots, her fashion sense is *chef's kiss.* and it's all good, I enjoy talking to you! I've been good, thank you for asking <3 I've mostly been doing schoolwork for my spring class, and am working on some writing rn

damn babes, life is really putting us through the wringer huh😭 post-covid effects are truly wild right?? i remember for my mom, the effects were similar to yours, but for me it made me more sensitive to tastes?? if it’s any consolation, it went away completely for me n my mom after a couple weeks!!

about summer plans though, i’m def not taking summer classes this time around💀 it sorta sunk in that i haven’t gotten a proper vacation ever since i started uni in 2020, so i really wanted to just take a break. had a conversation about it w my mom n she supported my decision to take a break this summer and i honestly don’t regret a thing🥳 anyways i’m just gonna take it easy!! planning to finish crocheting my tote bag (oh did you ever get the pic i sent of the lil hat i made for my cat or did tumblr eat it😵‍💫😵‍💫), and reading a lot of books!!! i read “the girl who fell beneath the sea” last week and i absolutely LOVED IT!! i blame you for starting my obsession with historical fiction/fantasy💀 it’s based off of a korean folktale with a couple of twists, and i think you’d really like it!! i also got the book that joon and yoongi read on in the soop s1 (almond!!), and it’s been an interesting read so far. i’ll update you hihihi. also finally started watching the red sleeves?? i already know the ending but it’s actually so fun to watch even though i know it’s going to hurt like a mf💀

ok that’s all,, sorry this ended up being way longer than i thought it would be💀 but anyways how are you babes!! any fun updates (wedding updates👀)??? what are your plans for the summer?

the spacing is still whack i genuinely don’t know how to fix it lmao

-🌿

my answer got long soooo cut!

omg more sensitive?? cant even imagine what thats like. im glad thats gone for u now!! yeah i think im mostly recovered from the taste thing now.... but also like... glad i didnt get the thing that some ppl had where everything tasted like gasoline. but my random dry coughing came back two weeks ago and its only just starting to fade again 😬😬😬 im worried and have to see a doctor abt it 😭

HELL YEAHH im so glad you got to take the summer off!! fr, so many people are rushing to do their degrees in 4 years and 🤷🏻‍♀️ most ppl i knew did it in 5 and it wasnt a big deal at all. take ur time and do what makes u happy 💗 honestly, relaxing in the summer prepares me better for the winter term so it works for the best! the tote bag sounds amazing! pls show me it!!! and no i never got the pic of ur cat hat 😤😤😤 fuck u tumblr

omg ive heard of that book before! tbh i dont read a lot of fantasy bc i prefer straight historical but i will have to check it out. my backlog of to-reads only keeps growing. oops. i hope u enjoyed the books!!

ahhh never apologize pls. i love and appreciate ur long messages!!! my plans are in effect rn haha im away at a cabin sort of place, that has VERY bad wifi so im doin my best here. but its meant to be very relaxing and lowkey so im gonna do my best to recover. ive also been getting these headaches on and off since covid, but i think theyre getting worse and idk skckwkfnkemfm. i just have to fix this before school starts.

no wedding updates for now bc unfortunately our venue isnt booking yet for 2025 and thats when we have to have it (bc of my school + timing of other big, unmoveable family events). but we've picked a place + contacted the wedding party and everything is a go for that!! oh my god its so expensive. we've made a modest budget but im afraid ppl will judge us if its not super luxurious 💀 i also have a friend (more like "friend" tbh... its a long story) who put some doubts in my mind about our small budget akdmekfm so idk we're still sorting it out. doing our best to fit in everything we want while still saving for our first home 💀💀💀 but im very excited and looking forward to it!!

RANT BC I NEED TO GET THIS OUT SOMEWHERE

my moms life is highkey hard rn like imagine falling into a 6ft hole that just keeps getting deeper no matter how hard you’re trying to get out

she calls me all the time to talk about it and it’s fine bc i do the same but it’s a lot and more serious on her part compared to me not going to class or complaining abt a roommate and i told her like don’t take this the wrong way but i need you to stop calling and complaining all the time and then she was like ok i’ll stop and then we hung up bc she had got around people

and it made me feel bad bc she really don’t have that many people to talk to and get this out with and i understand that it’s not my job to be there like a friend or therapist ( not even this bc she mostly talks and i listen maybe adding a mhmm or right) bc she is my mom but i also don’t want her to hold all that in bc it is a lot to go through by yourself and

idk if i should explain more and be like it’s not that much of a problem but i feel like that’s all we talk about is the bad but there really nothing else to talk about bc there’s not a lot of things right or good rn.

like i can handle the subject matter it’s just a lot to listen to almost everyday and honestly before typing all this out i didn’t realize how much it worries and hurts me not knowing how and being able to help like im tearing up bc idk what to do and it’s not my job and she’s never asked me for help and even if she does it’s like “i don’t have enough time on my lunch break to go home. Can you cashapp me $7” or small things that honestly don’t make a difference but she’s my mom and she’s been there for everything and i really don’t know what to do

and my brothers don’t help. like i hate to say it but they make it worse. it’s like they don’t know how to do anything at all without explicit step by step instructions. they don’t listen. they’re messy.

idk idk idk

like if i had a good job i could help but im in school and 2 hours away and it really sucks.

0013.

Do you know anyone named Austin? actually yes but its been sooo long since we interacted i would never be able to pick him out. When was the last time you held hands with someone? friday Who was the last person to make you laugh? mom Who was the last person you talked to in person? mom face to face, K on the phone

In winter, would you rather wear jackets or hoodies? probably hoodie

Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? honestly rn im happy in my bed  Look in your inbox in your phone, who are all the people you have texts from? oh good crap.  C, K, mom, em, nathan, hanna, liza, jess, scott, karla, uncle chris, uncle steve, chris, chip, mike, alix, michael, robert, z, gram, spear fedex, tervis, granite city, gsu, divi, jobcase, chase, random guitar guy, duolingo,  How many pillows do you sleep with? like 28475729320384739. Honestly, when was the last time anyone saw you in your underwear? lollllllll Last person you talked to on the phone? talking to K at the moment Kiss anyone in the last week? yes How much money is in your wallet? gosh i doubt any. i should carry some cash tbh Anything exciting happen lately? hmmm. maybe a tiny bit. Who was the last person to look at you like you were crazy? mom HA

Has someone disappointed you recently? yes. Do you get along with your friends’ boyfriends / girlfriends? absolutely  Do you know anyone who is having a baby? yes Have you ever been called heartless? lol in jest but not in seriousness Looking back, did you ever think you’d be where you’re at in life now? no, definitely not. but thats good & bad. What are the last spoken words you heard? ”right” How many months are there until your birthday? hmmm. 2 months n some change Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk? chocolate. When was the last time you had Starbucks? i dunno, ages ago. i think at the airport for a lemonade tea thing waiting for my sister How many letters are in your last name? six Have you lost friends in the past year? ehhh kind of. Who did you last text? C Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? oh i can definitely say that they are.  Last November, who were you in a relationship with? single Do you still talk to the person you last kissed? absolutely What was your last phone call about? currently K is talking about politics.  Do you think you are an argumentative person? im non-confrontational for sure. i can be like sassy, or i can disagree for sure. but i dont like to argue. How are you feeling right now? honestly, extremely bothered.  Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? yes Are you someone who worries too often? no, i am pretty chill and chronically optimistic  How has the week been? felt busy. Have you ever dyed your hair? absolutely Have you ever been in a play? many. probably like 20-25? How many children do you want? 4-5 if not more. but that seems out of reach. Do you have a bad temper? no, i definitely do not. Have you ever spent the night in the hospital? yes Want to get something off your chest? no, i kind of want to keep quiet for some time. Anything good happening tomorrow? not like anything all that remarkable.  Are you saving up money for anything in particular? yes.  Is there a girl that knows everything or mostly everything about you? no Is there someone you want to talk to right now? yes. Does the person you like know that you like them? yes Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? im wearing a tshirt dress and its from tjmaxx like 5 years ago and man i love it. Were you happy when you woke up today? i was sick. but great mood just sick. Last thing you ate? i had lunch egg salad Doing anything special tonight? goin to read which im excited for