how do i do it though. how do i let go of the bitterness and the hardness when they kept me "okay" for so long? does it come when i finally leave? can it ever?

Fairiest of All

(This is my first time writing, so excuse my grammatical errors or spellings, BTW the appearance of the character is OC Please enjoy>\\\<)

Warning: Violence, mentions of abuse, pregnancy, Smut, Rape, kidnapping, angst, cursing, maybe happy ending in last part.

Maybe being born beautiful is not always a blessing, having a face that rivals goddesses can endanger your whole existence, having suitors surround you barely letting you explore the world that awaits, and a family that keeps you hidden from prying eyes of others, suffocates you until you can barely breath.

Golden locks that shines like the brightest sun, lips like the red-red rose, nose sculpted to perfection, eyes twinkle like the bluest star, skin white as the whitest snow and body like an hour glass. Her name is y/n, a princess, the epitome of beauty in their land, now weeping in her bedroom after her father the king announces that he arranged a wedding for her with a fine young prince who can give all the love she deserves. She packed all the things she needed and after 2 days will travel to the land of his husband to-be.

Arriving she was welcomed with warmth from everyone and also from prince y/n was to be married, handsome young man and to her perspective a kind one to her perspective, maybe this won't be bad, she thinks. After 5 days building a friendship with the prince sure is good but at the same day finding out that he already had 3 women in waiting to be his concubine after the wedding, broke your heart to pieces. So, here you are walking along the shore rethinking your life decisions, maybe planning some rebellion to take the throne or something. "huh fuck life and that prince, the ocean looks ethereal maybe a bath won't hurt?". The princess is just wearing a long white robe with a feather pattern. Slowly she took a step towards the water feeling the cool sensation, she walked farther until she's plunged underwater diving to her hearts content, not knowing the God of the Seas watching her every move.

The gods of seas pov:

Looking around the shore as part of taking care of the ocean Is a must, to make sure those pest humans don't do anything to harm my kingdom, after a while of patrolling I saw a human girl, staring to the see mumbling something, humans sure are crazy. I see that she's walking towards the see, is she going to contaminate my ocean? Walking forward I'm stunned, taking in her breathtaking features that even supprases Aphrodite, I just stare at the human girl until she's plunged in the water, after a while she starts to emerged from the water, staring intently in her figure her blond locks is like dripping with diamonds, her breast perk completely seen and skin glistening under that robe. I was about to approach her when someone came shouting, '' Princess your bride lesson is about to start where are you? '', what bride lesson she's about to get married? I should not concern myself with this humanly matter, after that I left going back to the castle.

Thinking that serene encounter with that human princess I can sleep for 3 nights, that scene keeps repeating in my mind, I couldn't stop thinking about that girl im growing crazy, I'm perfect in every way, it's that girls fault I'm being like this, but hahaha I'm lonely for centuries now, maybe a little wife who can carry my children doesn't sound so bad, and who would dare to disobey me. TONIGHT I MUST HAVE YOU.

Sleeping in the guest bedroom I feel uncomfortable for some reason, I feel someone watching me and also it's extra chilly tonight or is it the ocean breeze? (btw the castle is close to the ocean so hahaha), I decided to go back to sleep thinking it's just the wind until a looming figure appears, I was about to get up and turn around when the voice spoke and said '' My Sweet Y/N let's go to your new home'', thats the last thing I remember after that horrible night.

The said princess wakes up frightened knowing she's no longer in her room only to find her self in a luxurious room with white and blue walls and a ocean like ceiling, her clothes has been changed to a pink transparent robe with nothing underneath, showing everything to offer, y/n gets up to look in the window thinking maybe she could escape, but looking she's surrounded by waters a literal ocean water. Rocking her brains out, how the hell is she under water? Who kidnapped her, is the kingdom she left looking for? She's in the state of panic thinking a way to escape, when the door opened living the panicking princess stiff and frightened. '' You're Awake'', looking at her captor she's blown away by the perfect being in front of her with a trident in hand and a perfect toned body , shaking the idea she gathered all her courage and ask' ʼ'who are you, why did you abduct me?

The man stares at her with emotionless face and said '' Poseidon, God if Seas'' her whole world crumble knowing she can' t runaway from this one. The said God stared at her intently seeing the see through robe that he provided, he starts approaching her and uttered one word that leaves the girl shaking in fear, '' strip''. Knowing where this thing is headed the girl pleaded ' 'please no! Anything but that!' 'y/n started crying not knowing what to do. Poseidon puts his trident aside and hurriedly tossed the girl in bed,' '' I'm lonely for so long, I need a perfect being like you to relieve this urge, have my hot cum inside you until it become bloated because of too much hot spurt and for you to carry my child, I also need a wife and it happens that you appeared, now stay still we will make love to each other. The girl thrashed around trying to escape, only for the God of seas to slap her, '' stay still or you will suffer consequences, do you understand? Poseidon says clearly pissed because of the disobedience shown by his so called wife.

He started kissing her neck going up to meet her soft plump lips, savoring the strawberry tastes, snaking his long tongue clashing with hers, the girl stiffens when she feels his hand cupping her breast roughly. Poseidon suddenly sits taking in the beautiful girl underneath him, he tears the transparent robe and proceeds to position his head inside the princess thighs, '' hmmm vanilla''he said taking in the smell of arousal before diving in and eating out the girl hungrily like having the last meal of his life time, flicking, sucking and biting on the: inside thighs leaving the girl moaning, squirming, shaking taking in her first ever orgasm.

'' Aahh ah Please enough I can take it anymore'' she said panting hard,' '' You have to take four of my fingers if you want to take my cock'' the God said showing his fingers,' '' aagh ha ha please stop'' the girl cried when she feels one finger enters her spongey muscle. Poseidon adds two more finger while sucking on her pink buds. You feel like the world is spinning each time the God of seas drills his finger forward, hitting all the right spot making your body shiver, adding another finger you feel full. After a minute of fingering, you feel the orgasm building, '' ah! Ah! I'm cumming''. Poseidon sits up and starts to undress letting his perfect body display in full glory, letting his thick fat cock spring out, Y/N tried to get up and runaway only for Poseidon to catch her,' '' the best part is coming and your running away?, pulling back he positioned his cock, rubbing his tip to part the slit of her pussy and begins to push inside. You cried feeling ripped apart, '' now, now the pain will subside later, bear with it'' Poseidon then suddenly pushes everything earning a hard scream from you' '' why would you do this it hurts really'' Poseidon just ignored your words and keeps delivering powerful thrust rocking your world upside down. After a minute of thrusting Poseidon' s cock started to twitch, his orgasm is near ''now be good and take all of my seed, don't spill a drop, you should be honored that you will receive this' 'with one final thrust he released rope after rope of cum, he spreads your legs and pushed the overflowing cum with his fingers. After that he' s still not satisfied with one round making you bend in every position he likes and shooting hot spurt of come inside you, '' ah ah ah Please I'm so tired I can't do it anymore'' You said with tears streaming your face, Poseidon thrusts in ungodly pace realeasing his last hot cum inside her,he kissed her forehead laying beside the blond girl wrapping his arms around her both of them drifting to sleep' '' truly my love your the fairiest of all''.The girl barely heard what the god said praying that everything that just happened is a bad dream, wishing everything will go back to normal when she wakes up. May the days ahead heals her shattered heart.

(there's a part two and I'm taking request, see you>^<)

The Jonicles - Entry 2

Note: This is the second entry of The Jonicles and was written on day #5, hence why the date does not match when this is being posted. This was written back in May of this year before I started this blog, and there will be errors or developments in how this series was being written. Please enjoy (or don't enjoy) the second entry of The Jonicles!

It's May 23rd, 2022. It's also 6:30 pm on a Monday, the day of unending dread. Fitting! Today is day #5 of my Jon Arbuckle fixation.

Hello. I write again to document my current fixation on Jon Arbuckle. I've downloaded more images of him, especially the ones I think he looks particularly dashing in. My profile picture on Discord was updated to a panel of Jon dancing with a broom (displayed above) taken from a Garfield Minus Garfield strip. And furthermore, I am becoming quite enchanted by Jon's voice in the Garfield And Friends series. He sounds so... gentle, it's really soothing. It's reassuring, soft, and sounds trained, for quite an unhinged person like Jon.

Oh yeah, did I mention that Jon is most likely suffering from mental illness? Many in the Garfield fandom already know of this theory, but it's just so... interesting to me. When Garfield is around, he acts as something Jon's own sadness can bounce off of as a sort of punchline, but when the cat isn't there, it feels... empty, relatable, and Jon's character just hits you like a truck. And even when Garfield is there, with this context in mind, Jon is just a lonely, sad cartoonist who talks to his cat to fill in the void. He can't hear Garfield, but it works, just a little. That's part of why Jon has such bad social skills when talking to women and people in general. He's not really shy, but he's a recluse and can't get the "correct" words out (correct in terms of what people are supposed to do, anyway). He's... really relatable, except for the whole "desperately trying to pick someone up and get a date" part. I'm demiromantic and have trust issues, so that's not as relatable, haha......

Anyway! I've also listened to "Shake Your Paw" about 20 or so times today. It's the same song Jon dances to when he obliterated disco with his slick moves. The real reason disco is dead is because it couldn't handle carrying Jon's pure, unstoppable gigachad energy. Additionally, I drew Jon in my film class book, one of them being him as Sans, which is proof my drawing abilities were a mistake.

Not much to say here, other than I want to go watch the "Here Comes Garfield" special, not only for THE scene (the one that broke the hearts of millions of Garfield fans.... you know the scene....), but for Jon Arbuckle's unbeaten presence that always seems to enthrall me. Jon, I hope you're still enjoying your stay in my chaotic mess of a brain, because this is still only the beginning.

Last edited: 6:49 pm, May 23rd 2022.

EDIT (7:25 pm): i'm fuckignf xrry cryign... im.g.... not fcrying ovcer garfdeld nono,, ,yiyu are...... pleaee im in tteatrs.....

Ahh, the second entry. Back when I was only on day #5 of this whole mess. The image I used for this entry when I wrote it on my phone is one of my favourite Jon images, he just looks so smug, it's hilarious

Also, regarding the third entry... I'm not exactly sure if I want to post that one yet. It's very personal and I go into my.... *gags* my feelings.... Yeah. I may provide a shortened version or a summary of the entry, but for now, I think I might lay it off until I feel ready to post it. Also, demiromantic reveal! Blind dates are so bizarre.

And yes, I did actually cry during Here Comes Garfield, and that is genuine crytyping... Listen, if you've seen the special, you know exactly what I'm crying over, I think I'm completely justified for crying at that bit...

Cheers,

Your Local Jonnoisseur

Posted on the 18th of July, 2022 at 6:30 pm.

Based on the musical adaption of Rebecca, but with a little bit more spice ;) Each song should correspond to each musical number that appears in the show, the playlist should be listened to it in order for full enjoyment. The songs they replace will be in the notes below.

ㅡ ACT 1 Can’t Get You Out of My Head - Loah, Bantum, The Line (Sweet Sorrow) Supermodel - SZA (Ctrl) Bourgeois Emotion - 스텔라장 Stella Jang (STELLA I) Paprika - Japanese Breakfast (Jubilee) Your Best American Girl - Mitski (Puberty 2) Don’t Hate Me - AKMU (PLAY) Minsan Lang Kitang Iibigin - Juris (Forevermore) 야생화 Wild Flower - 박효신 Park Hyo Shin (I Am A Dreamer) Yellow - Fana Hues (Hues) It’s Sweet - Lena Park (Come To Where I Am) The Man In Dream - Lena Park (Cover Me Vol. 1) 12:21 - Yana Perrault (12:21) I’d Rather Go Blind - Etta James (Tell Mama) Lovers in the Parking Lot - Solange (True) Full Moon - Brandy (Full Moon) Cold Hearted - Paula Abdul (Forever You) 나가거든 If I Leave - 조수미 Sumi Jo (인연) Play Ugly - AKMU (Winter) I Could Have Danced All Night - Ella Fitzgerald (Ella Sings Broadway) River Deep, Mountain High - Amber Riley, Naya Rivera Palette - IU ft G-DRAGON (Palette) Dynasty - Rina Sawayama (SAWAYAMA)

ㅡ ACT 2 Cellophane - FKA twigs (MAGDALENE) 레베카 Rebecca Act 2 - 옥주현 Ock Joo Hyun, 임혜영 Im Hye Young Sandcastles - Beyonce (Lemonade) Formation - Beyonce (Lemonade) Blue Moon - Billie Holiday (Solitude) Home With You - FKA twigs (MAGDALENE) The Devil - Sierra Boggess (Where the Sky Ends) Masterpiece (Mona Lisa) - Jasmine Sullivan (Reality Show) Fantasy - Ah-Mer-Ah-Su (Hopefully Limitless) 믿음 - 이소라 Lee So Ra (Lee So Ra Best) 빌런 Villain - 스텔라장 Stella Jang (STELLA I) Cherry - Piano Version - Rina Sawayama (Cherry) Will Last Forever - AKMU (WINTER) Daybed - FKA twigs (MAGDALENE) Kahit Isang Saglit - Martin Nievera (Ikaw Ang Pangarap) Through the Night - IU (Palette) Bust Your Windows - Jasmine Sullivan (Fearless) Can’t Get You Out of My Mind - Kylie Minogue (Fever)

Listen here, please listen in order, notes under the cut.

Each song should correspond to each musical number that appears in the show with the exception of the instrumental songs. As it is a remix, the song itself won’t be communicating the exact same message from the song it replaces so I urge you to think a little harder about the meaning of the song and how it relates to what is going on in the scene.

The subject (the singer’s POV) can be different in that the song chosen may represent the point of view of a different character, or represent two or more characters, and differences in the subject matter (the lyrics) are meant to expand upon the message originally communicated. Each song was chosen with care and consideration, some key lyrics to take away more of my meaning~!

ㅡ ACT 1

“Last Night I dreamt of Manderley/Prologue” Can’t Get You Out of My Head - Loah, Bantum, The Line (Sweet Sorrow)

I just can’t get you out of my head / Boy, your lovin’ is all I think about / I just can’t get you out of my head / Boy, its more than I dare to think about

“You will never be a lady!” Supermodel - SZA (Ctrl)

Leave me lonely for prettier women / You know I need too much attention/ For shit like that / You know you wrong / For shit like that / I could be your supermodel / If you believe / If you see it in me

“Petit Dejeuner/He lost his wife Rebecca unexpectedly” Bourgeois Emotion - 스텔라장 Stella Jang (STELLA I)

I think now spending time with you is all that counts / For me / So I choose to forget everything / Ooh I'm swimming in a bourgeois emotion / It makes me feel alive / Ooh I'm struggling with a bourgeois emotion / And it feels so nice

“At the abyss” Paprika - Japanese Breakfast (Jubilee)

I opened the floodgates / And found no water, no current, no river, no rush / How's it feel to stand at the height of your powers / To captivate every heart?

“Naturally Enchanting“ Your Best American Girl - Mitski (Puberty 2)

You're the sun, you've never seen the night / But you hear its song from the morning birds / Well, I'm not the moon, I'm not even a star / But awake at night I'll be singing to the birds / Don't wait for me, I can't come / Your mother wouldn't approve of how my mother raised me / But I do, I think I do / And you're an all-American boy / I guess I couldn't help trying to be your best American girl

“Time in a bottle” Minsan Lang Kitang Iibigin - Juris (Forevermore)

Mahal, pangako sa iyo, hindi magbabago / Ikaw lang ang iibigin ko / Kahit ikaw ay lumayo at masaktan ako / Asahan na 'di maglalaho / Ang pag-ibig ko'y alay sa 'yo lamang / Kung kaya, giliw, dapat mong malaman / Minsan lang kitang iibigin / Minsan lang kitang mamahalin / Ang pagmamahal sa 'yo'y walang hangganan / Dahil ang minsan ay magpakailanman

My love, I vow to you, it won’t turn anew / You are the only one I want / Even if you are the one to leave and hurt me / Expect it not to disappear / This love of mine I offer only to you / If you can, my love, you must know this / I will want for you just once / I will love you just once / The love I have for you has no limit / Because just once can be forever

Note: “Minsan lang” has a double meaning, “just once” or “only sometimes,” which can be interpreted differently to the specific situation/state of the speaker.

“The new Mrs. de Winter” Don’t Hate Me - AKMU (PLAY)

날 혼자 두지 말아줘 / 날 너희와 함께 있게 해줘 / 그저 너희가 있는 자리에 / 함께 있는 것만으로 / 내겐 안심이 될 테니 / Don’t hate me / Don’t hate me / 늘 내게만 똑같은 태도 / 내게만 드리워진 shadow / 잃어버린 궤도에 홀로 / 파도 속에 남겨진 배도 / less than me / 항상 나만 혼자 남으니까 / 기대도 안해 / 내 이름 불러줄까

Don’t leave me alone / Let me be with you all / Just being with you all / Together in the place that you are / Will make me feel secure / Don’t hate me / Don’t hate me / You always act the same only to me / The shadow is only over me / Alone in a lost orbit, / a boat left alone on the waves, / less than me / Because I’m always alone / I won’t even put my hopes up high, / will you even call my name?

“She won't surrender” 야생화 Wild Flower - 박효신 Park Hyo Shin (I Am A Dreamer)

사랑은 피고 또 지는 타버리는 불꽃 / 빗물에 젖을까 두 눈을 감는다 / 어리고 작았던 나의 맘에 / 눈부시게 빛나던 추억 속에 / 그렇게 너를 또 한번 불러본다 / 좋았던 기억만 그리운 마음만 / 니가 떠나간 그 길 위에 / 이렇게 나만 서있다 / 잊혀질 만큼만 괜찮을 만큼만 / 눈물 머금고 기다린 떨림 끝에 / 그때 다시 나는

Love is a fiery flower that blooms and withers / In case I get wet with the rain, I close my eyes / In my youth and small heart / The dazzling memories shine / I call out to you once again / Only good memories, only a longing heart / On the path where you left me / I’m standing alone / Only until I can forget you, until I will be alright / I’ll swallow my tears and at the end of my wait / Then once again, I will

“The dear relatives” Yellow - Fana Hues (Hues)

And it's all because I finally know what I want / And it ain't that same old shit, my bad / But it ain't the same old stuff / The mood is mellow, baby / To match my yellow, baby, yeah, yeah, yeah

“Are you happy?” 달아요 It’s Sweet - 박정현 Lena Park (Come To Where I Am)

Oh you & I oh you & I / 왜 이렇게 왜 이렇게 좋아요 / I can see the sunlight in your eyes / Everyday oh everyday / 웃게 해줄게 서툴겠지만 / 그댈 위해서만

Oh you & I, oh you & I / Why, why do I like you so much? / I can see the sunlight in your eyes / Everyday oh everyday / I’ll make you smile, although I’m not that good / If it’s for you

“Are you angry?” The Man In Dream - 박정현 Lena Park (Cover Me Vol. 1)

가끔씩은 무슨 말을 나에게 하지만 / 듣고 싶어 귀 기울여 보아도 / 들리지 않아 / 버려진 건 나인데 왜 이러는지 / 눈 감으면 미워해야 할 / 그대만이 차지하는 / 내 밤은 어떡하나요 / 지새우면 지새울수록 / 깊은 잠은 날 기다리고 / 그대 보았던 힘들게 뒤척였던 / 나의 꿈을 깨운 건 막힐듯한 내 숨결

Sometimes you tell me something / But no matter how I try, / I can't hear you / Why am i doing this when I'm the one that's left behind? / Every time I close my eyes / There's only you who I should hate / So tell me what to do / The more I try to resist, / The deeper sleep eventually comes / And no matter whether you're in my dream or not / Now I wake up alone.

“Help me through the night” 12:21 - Yana Perrault (12:21)

And I wish I had all of the answers / Would we know better if we were older? / And I wish the world wasn't ending / We don't have forever / Ain't gettin' no younger / Girl, keep it together / Before we go underground / Now, honey, I love you / But they say we're too young (Say we're too young) / Could I know at 21 / If I'll love you tomorrow? / And you've got your dreams / And plenty of time, so it seems / But we don't get eternity / Forever's a luxury / But we keep on dreamin'

“What's wrong with him?” I’d Rather Go Blind - Etta James (Tell Mama)

I would rather, I would rather go blind boy / Than to see you walk away from me child, and all So you see, I love you so much / That I don't want to watch you leave me baby / Most of all, I just don't, I just don't want to be free no

“She was used to being loved” Lovers in the Parking Lot - Solange (True)

Back and forth, behind and down / When you were in and I was out / We chasing lovers in the front line of the parking lot / And baby I loved you / But I was not done having my fun

“Rebecca” Full Moon - Brandy (Full Moon)

Boy, I saw you soon as you came bouncin' through the door / You, and your mans, and them just took over the floor / Started doing your thing / And it made me notice you even more / The way you turned around and looked at me seemed as though / You must've somehow felt me staring on the low / Something tells me you're the kind of guy I'd like to get to know

“She’s Dead” Cold Hearted - Paula Abdul (Forever You)

You're the one givin' up the love / Anytime he needs it / But you turn your back and then he's off and runnin' with the crowd / You're the one to sacrifice / Anything to please him / Do you really think he thinks about you when he's out?

“God, why?” 나가거든 If I Leave - 조수미 Sumi Jo (인연)

쓸쓸한 달빛 아래 내 그림자 하나 생기거든 / 그땐 말해볼까요 이 마음 / 들어나 주라고 / 문득 새벽을 알리는 그 바람 하나가 지나거든 / 그저 한숨쉬듯 물어볼까요, / 나는 왜 살고 있는지 / 나 슬퍼도 살아야 하네 / 나 슬퍼서 살아야 하네

If my lone shadow appears under the melancholic moonlight / Should I try voicing my feelings? / Just for the sake of a listening ear? / When the wind that announces the dawn blows by / Should I try asking, as if heaving a sigh, / Why I am alive? / I am sad, but still I have to live / I am sad, and so I have to live

“Honesty and trust” Play Ugly - AKMU (Winter)

허구한 날 놀려 / 못생겼다고 / 이젠 웬만한 상처도 안 나 (아니 상처가 안 나아) / 어이구 또 약 올려 / 더 못생겨졌다고 / 뭘 또 표정을 확인해 괘안나 (괘않치 않아)

You teased me for a long time / Calling me ugly / Now I don’t even get hurt (Actually, the scars won’t heal) / You’re teasing me again / Saying I got even uglier / Why are you checking my face? I’m alright (I’m not alright)

“The Ball at Manderley” I Could Have Danced All Night - Ella Fitzgerald (Ella Sings Broadway)

I'll never know what made it so exciting / Why all at once my heart took flight / I only know when he began to dance with me / I could have danced, danced, danced all night

“I'm an American Woman” River Deep, Mountain High - Amber Riley, Naya Rivera

When you were a young boy / Did you have a puppy / That always followed you around? / Well, I'm gonna be as faithful as that puppy / No, I'll never let you down / And it grows stronger, like a river flows / And it gets bigger baby, and heaven knows / And it gets sweeter baby / As it grows / Do I love you my oh my? / River deep, mountain high, yeah, yeah, yeah / If I lost you would I cry? / Oh, how I love you baby, baby, baby, baby

“Tonight I'm going to enchant the world” Palette - IU ft G-DRAGON (Palette)

I like it I’m twenty five / 날 좋아하는 거 알아 / Ooh I got this I’m truly fine / 이제 조금 알 것 같아 날

I like it I’m twenty five / I know you like me / Ooh I got this I’m truly fine / I think I know a little bit about myself now

“Rebecca (Act 1 Finale)” Dynasty - Rina Sawayama (SAWAYAMA)

You can't hide it in the walls / Sweep it under marble floors / It's been living in our lives / Passed on down family lines / (Anything to carry down our) / Dynasty / The pain in my vein is hereditary / Dynasty / Running in my bloodstream, my bloodstream / Dynasty/ And if that's all that I'm gonna be / Won't you break the chain with me?

ㅡ ACT 2

“And this and this and this” Cellophane - FKA twigs (MAGDALENE)

They wanna see us, wanna see us alone / They wanna see us, wanna see us apart / And I just want to feel you're there / And I don’t want to have to share our love / I try, but I get overwhelmed / When you're gone, I have no one to tell / And I just want to feel you're there / And I don't want to have to share our love / I try, but I get overwhelmed / All wrapped in cellophane, the feelings that we had

“Rebecca (Long Reprise)” 레베카 Rebecca Act 2 - 옥주현 Ock Joo Hyun, 임혜영 Im Hye Young

전부 그녀의 것 (안 돼) / 손댈 생각도 마 (아냐) / 그년 복수의 신 (아냐) / 레베카 (죽어서) / 지금 어디 있든 (그년) / 멈출 수 없는 심장 소리 들려와 (절대 돌아올 순 없어) / 바람이 부르는 그 노래레베카 (다 끝났어) / 나의 레베카 (두려워) / 어서 돌아와 여기 맨덜리로 (할 건 없어) / 레베카 (레베카)

This all belongs to her (Not True!) / Don’t even think of setting foot here! (No!) / She’s the god of vengeance! (No!) / Rebecca (She’s dead) / Wherever you are now (She can’t) / We can hear your unstoppable heartbeat (Ever return here again) / Through the song that the wind calls / Rebecca (It’s all finished) / My Rebecca! (I’m scared) / Please return to me, this is your Manderley (There’s nothing I can do) / Rebecca (Rebecca)

“Just one step” Sandcastles - Beyonce (Lemonade)

Bitch, I scratched out your name and your face / What is it about you that I can't erase, baby? / When every promise don't work out that way, no, no, babe / When every promise don't work out that way

“Flotsam and jetsam” Formation - Beyonce (Lemonade)

I see it, I want it, I stunt; yellow bone-it / I dream it, I work hard, I grind 'til I own it / I twirl on them haters, albino alligators / El Camino with the seat low, sippin' Cuervo with no chaser / Sometimes I go off (I go off), I go hard (I go hard) / Get what's mine (Take what's mine), I'm a star (I'm a star)

“She’s Dead (Reprise I)” Blue Moon - Billie Holiday (Solitude)

Blue moon, you saw me standin' alone / Without a dream in my heart, without a love of my own / Blue moon, you knew just what I was there for

“You love her too much” Home With You - FKA twigs (MAGDALENE)

I've never seen a hero like me in a sci-fi / So I wonder if your needs are even meant for me / I wonder if you think that I could never raise you up / I wonder if you think that I could never help you fly / Never seen a hero like me in a sci-fi / But I'd save a life if I thought it belonged to you / Mary Magdalene would never let her loved ones down / I didn't know that you were lonely / If you'd have just told me, I'd be home with you

“Never was a smile that cold” The Devil - Sierra Boggess (Where the Sky Ends)

Oh the devil / Has a secret / And he'll keep it as long as he can / He will mask his face / Anytime or place / But beneath is one hell of a man / Oh the devil / Is a mystery / Throughout history / He swindled the wise / But he can't fool me / Any fool can see / How the secrets revealed in his eyes

“The power of a woman” Masterpiece (Mona Lisa) - Jasmine Sullivan (Reality Show)

My eyes ain't used to these rays / I'm feeling exposed, but I can't hide no more / I can't hide / As the sun shines on all of my glory / My flaws don't look so bad at all / What was I so afraid of?

“I am Mrs. de Winter!” Fantasy - Ah-Mer-Ah-Su (Hopefully Limitless)

But you, you don’t know who you are /  And you don’t know what you want / When told you me you couldn’t be there for me / I frankly wasn’t surprised / I had no way of knowing where we were going / But I came along for the ride

“The Enquiry” 믿음 - 이소라 Lee So Ra (Lee So Ra Best) “One Hand washes the other” 빌런 Villain - 스텔라장 Stella Jang (STELLA I)

The person I love the most / Could be a dog to somebody else / Say / Are we good / Are we bad / Ay / What is good / What is bad / Ay / The person you hate the most / Is somebody’s beloved child / Say

“She’s Dead (Reprise II)” Cherry - Piano Version - Rina Sawayama (Cherry)

Even though I'm satisfied / I lead my life within a lie / Holding onto feelings / I'm not used to feeling / 'Cause, oh, they make me feel alive / When they tell you that you've got to stay the same / Even though you're not yourself / And you've got somebody else / When they tell you that you've got yourself to blame / Even though it's not your fault / But your heart just wants to know, know

“They drove at eight o'clock” Will Last Forever - AKMU (WINTER)

지친 꿈을 이끌고 계속 걷다 보니 / 첫발을 함께 떼어 달려왔던 / 친구들이 곁에 없다는 걸 / 어느 순간 깨닫게 되지

After walking continuously with tired dreams / I just realized right now / That the friends that were with me in the beginning / Aren’t with me anymore

“No one saw through her” Daybed - FKA twigs (MAGDALENE) 

Silent are my heart strings / Icy is my body heat, yeah / Lonely is my hoping Empty is my sweet thing / Aching is my laughter / Busy is my pastor / Telling is my silence / Blurring my horizon / Tired of my resistance / Smothered is my distance, yeah / Careful are my footsteps / Possessive is my daybed

“Rebecca (Betrayal Reprise)” Kahit Isang Saglit - Martin Nievera (Ikaw Ang Pangarap)

Paano ang puso kong ito / Ngayong lumisan ka sa buhay ko? / Kung kailan sumikat ang araw / At lumigaya ang aking mundo / Paano na ang mga bukas ko / Ngayong wala ka na sa piling ko? / Paano'ng mga pangarap / Mga pangako sa bawa't isa? / Sana'y ika'y muling makita ko / Damhin ang tibok ng puso mo / Sana'y yakapin mong akong muli / Kahit sandali, kahit isang saglit / Mayakap ka

How can this heart of mine go on / Now that you’ve left my life / Until when a new day arises / And raises my world up again / How will my tomorrows be / Now that I can no longer feel you? / How about those dreams / those promises we made to each other? / I wish that I could see you again / Feel that heartbeat of yours / I wish that you could hold me again / Even for a moment, even for just a single moment / To hold you

“Beyond the night” Through the Night - IU (Palette)

난 파도가 머물던 / 모래 위에 적힌 글씨처럼 / 그대가 멀리 / 사라져 버릴 것 같아 / 늘 그리워 그리워 / 여기 내 마음속에 / 모든 말을 / 다 꺼내어 줄 순 없지만 / 사랑한다는 말이에요

Just like letters on the sand / where waves were / I feel you’ll disappear / To a far off place / I always miss you miss you / All the words / In my heart / I can’t show them all to you / But, it’s that I love you

“Manderley in Flames” Bust Your Windows - Jasmine Sullivan (Fearless)

I bust the windows out your car / But it don't compare to my broken heart /  You could never feel how I felt that day / Until it happens, baby, you don't know pain / Oh, yeah, I did it. You should know it / I ain't sorry. You deserved it / After what you did to me / You deserved it. I ain't sorry no, no / You broke my heart, so I broke your car / You caused me pain, so I did the same / Even though what you did to me was much worse / I had to do something to make you hurt / Oh, but why am I still crying? / Why am I the one who's still crying? / Oh, oh, you really hurt me, baby / You really, really hurt me, baby

“Last Night I dreamt of Manderley (Reprise)/Epilogue” Can’t Get You Out of My Mind - Kylie Minogue (Fever)

There's a dark secret in me / Don't leave me left in your heart / Set me free / Feel the need in me / Set me free / Stay forever and ever, and ever, and ever

BEAUTY AND HER BEAST: Chapter 8

WARNING PLZ READ BEFORE CONTINUING: This fic is rated NSFW and contains graphic depictions of things some people may find disturbing or alarming, including, but not limited to: violence, gore, unhealthy family relationships, Oedipus complexes, gratuitous amount of pornographic literature, ableist language, physical, mental, and emotional abuse, etc. If you are someone who does not enjoy fiction with these elements in them, then I suggest you refrain from reading this, because this fic will have all that, and probably a lot more. So, this is your first and final warning to turn around and go somewhere else if stuff like this just isn't your vibe, because from this point forward, your emotional wellbeing is in your own hands, and I will not be accepting blame if you disregarded my warnings and ended up reading something you didn't like. Idk why I feel compelled to write one of these despite this being Resident Evil fanfic, but I figured I'd cover my ass just in case.

(AO3 Link Below:)

Several days had passed since Salvatore had sought out both his younger sisters, requesting items like jewelry or clothing they’d be willing to part with that Salvatore could gift to Nadine, as a sort of soft and informal introduction to ease the young woman’s mind and prove he meant her no harm.

The plan seems to be going rather well, as far as Salvatore can tell. Nadine found the gifts he’d laid out for her rather easily, and even correctly wondered if the person who lived here had left them for her purposefully. She seemed wary of the items for a time, though she seemed pretty wary of everything in the reservoir at the moment, but eventually she deemed them safe enough to accept, throwing the long white nightgown Salvatore had procured from Donna over her petit azure frame, and strapping the delicate golden locket Alcina had graciously donated around her neck.

Salvatore practically drooled when he first saw Nadine, slightly sheer satin nightgown flowing elegantly in the gentle afternoon breeze and golden chain glittering beautifully against her white speckled, ocean blue skin. She looked like a goddess, a true figure of pure ethereal power and beauty. Even the biting cold of winter wasn’t enough to touch the young woman, shielded and protected by her own glowing radiance.

Despite looking every bit like an other-worldly deity worthy of unending human devotion and worship, Nadine’s face held nothing but fear, anxiety, and loneliness as she aimlessly wandered the seemingly empty docks and windmills surrounding the reservior’s watery interior. An occasional dejected “hello?” still echoes out throughout the reservoir every few hours, growing less and less hopeful with each passing round of silence Salvatore spends hiding away from view.

The disfigured man’s heart twists and stabs in pain every time he cowers away from Nadine’s soft, anxious calls, desperately wanting to comfort the young woman in her moment of confusion and fear, but still so terrified of her inevitable reaction to his appearance that he finds himself unable to do anything but skitter shamefully to his room beneath the surface and try to drown her out with one of his old romance films.

How pitiful.

Salvatore spends much of his time lamenting and pitying himself over his soul crushing loneliness and his intense desire for a love of his own, and yet here he is, taking refuge in an old romance film while he hides himself away from the real woman he could be making his own romance film with, were he not a massive coward and a horrific freak of nature unworthy of anyone’s love and affection, of course. What a cruel irony it is, to have the one thing you want, more than anything else in the world, dangled just inches in front of your face, and yet knowing, before you’ve even tried, that it’ll never be yours.

Salvatore knows that no matter how much of a romance story this whole situation might seem like, Nadine will never be able to love him in the way the gorgeous women in the movies love their tall, dashing, dark-haired lover men. Not only was Salvatore the exact opposite of tall and dashing by literally everyone’s standards, but his patches of dry, greasy dark-hair did little to salvage the violent wreckage that was Salvatore’s whole appearance.

There was absolutely no way Nadine would ever be able to love someone as hideous as Salvatore, so perhaps the best thing to do would be to contact Miranda and inform her that, while he greatly enjoyed his gift, Salvatore didn’t feel he would be able to appreciate her in the way she deserved to be appreciated in all her beauty and wonder, and that perhaps it would be better for Mother Miranda to find better arrangements for her elsewhere.

“I-it’s for the b-best… i-i think… a-after all… Nadine… d-doesn’t want t-to live i-in a d-dingy place… l-like this for… for the r-rest of h-her… l-life… m-much less with… w-with someone l-like me… s-she’d hate th-that… im c-certain” Salvatore laments aloud, dipping his head downward as tears of painful realization and sorrowful acceptance pour down his face like waterfalls of lonely depression, already fully set on contacting Mother Miranda as soon as morning came.

“While it's very kind of you to keep my best interest in mind, I do think I am more than capable of making my own decisions regarding what’s the best place for me, thank you very much” a soft voice responded suddenly, causing Salvatore’s head to whip in the direction the sound was coming from in startled shock. “This place is a little rundown, sure, but the windmills still stand tall and the water is always just the right temperature, so I don’t think this would be the worst place to live, if I had to… so long as I wasn’t alone, at least.”

Even in the dimly lit area located at the end of the hallway, Nadine still looked so gorgeously stunning and elegant. It was incredible how she managed to sound so casual and yet look so ethereal.

In the brief moment before his panic set in, Salvatore couldn’t help but pause and marvel at the spot down the hall where the young woman stood, her gaze locked directly onto him and yet she showed no signs of having seen him. She even went as far as to begin moving about behind the large boards that blocked her from entering the room, clearly trying to get a better look at the room and, more importantly, the person she suspects is in it.

After a surprisingly large jump that launched Nadine all the way up to the ceiling, just narrowly avoiding hitting her head, Salvatore’s eyes grew wide and his mouth hung open in stupefied shock as the sight of Nadine, moving the way she was at the end of the hallway, brought to Salvatore’s mind a scene from one of his favorite romance films. In the particular scene Salvatore is thinking of, the actress’ character is an aspiring prima ballerina, and she’s having a brief moment of bonding with her fellow ballerina’s after a long, but successful performance. Dressed in a nightgown not too unlike the one Nadine is currently wearing, the ballerina is showing the others how to do other kinds of dance, like polka or Irish step dancing, but by the end of the scene the group of ballerinas are all merely jumping about the room excitedly, laughing and cheering while carelessly throwing themselves into the air, only to land gracefully back on their feet.

While not exactly the same obviously, the resemblance between Nadine and the absolutely stunning ballerina in the movie, in both silhouette and style of movement, was almost uncanny.

Stretched out as high as her short legs would allow, strong and gorgeously defined muscles flexed almost instinctually with every rapid twist, curl, bend, and jump of the young woman’s tiny body. Her lucious silhouette was only aided by the feminine aura of the long, sheer nightgown as it trailed after her with every movement. The delicate satin material caresses the sharp ridges of her muscular back and shoulders with the same tenderness and love as it does the weight of her breasts or the pillowy layer of protection atop her midsection. The lower half of the nightgown, cinched just below the breasts, twisted and jerked in whatever direction was necessary to keep up with the speed at which Nadine was fluttering and jumping about upon the tips of her toes. Her legs were hidden by the ferocious speed of her movements, but Salvatore did not need to see her legs to have some idea of what they were, or perhaps merely could be, capable of.

Whether or not Nadine was actually a ballerina herself, or if Salvatore’s delusions were merely that realistic now, the young woman appeared to move with nothing but effortless grace that hides the raw power and physical strength it takes to float as carelessly and as quickly as the young woman was, clearly growing more and more frustrated the longer her search failed to reveal what she was looking for.

Still paralyzed by the sudden presence of Nadine in his personal space, Salvatore could do nothing but hold his breath and hope that the light at the end of the hall didn’t reach far enough to reveal his presence in the room. The TV was still on, but the movie playing on it had finished running long ago, meaning the only thing being displayed now was a static filled screen that proved someone had been here at some point in time, but thankfully wasn’t a dead giveaway from the start.

“Helloooooooo… I heard someone talking on my way in, so I know that someone is down here. Please… just come out, ok… I won’t hurt you… honestly” the raven haired woman begs softly, her movements slowing a bit to allow more of her air to be used for speaking rather than jumping to look over beams over and over again.

Salvatore’s heart ached at Nadine’s desperate tone, knowing all too well what the mutant woman is going through right now, but trying his best to remain strong, since giving in means dooming this perfect young specimen to a life of bitter misery and unending terror, regardless of the best effort he’d try to put in. Whatever short term gain Nadine could get from being with him would only come back to bleed her dry once Salvatore was sufficiently attached, and therefore unable to allow her to leave once she inevitably decides that she’s had enough of pretending to love a disgusting freak of nature.

Salvatore had never been very good at accurately predicting the outcomes of situations, but he knew for certain that Nadine was in no way deserving of the hellish punishment that living in the reservoir with him would undoubtedly become, if it didn’t start out that way from the beginning, that is. Perhaps the young woman could convince herself to accept her situation and play into his affections as a means of survival for a short time, but based on what he’s heard of Nadine thus far, Salvatore doubts such a strongwilled and dangerous woman would allow herself to play wife and sex slave to anyone for very long. If she didn’t somehow successfully murder him in his sleep within the first 48 hours of her “slavery”, it would only be a matter of time before she finally ran out of patience and unleashed... whatever the hell it was she did back in the labs, upon him.

For a brief moment, Salvatore entertains the question of whether Nadine could potentially be strong enough to take him out with a single hit, as well as whether that thought should be something he finds arousing or not. His thoughts are quickly interrupted however, by the sound of shuffling and grunting, and upon turning his head toward the sudden racket, Salvatore is horrified to see Nadine, just small enough to fit her tiny body between the thin cracks of the boarded up wall, attempting to climb through the barrier, and enter the TV room.

Body shaking and voice beginning to tremble slightly, alongside his already labored breathing, Salvatore unsteadily backed his way further into the room, putting his hands out in front of him as if to try and stop Nadine from entering, though he makes no move to physically eject the invading woman himself, oddly enough.

“N-nooo… p-please… don’t come i-in...” Salvatore stutters helplessly, shrinking further in on himself in fear as the young woman effortlessly slips through the wooden boards like a slippery eel, quickly and easily landing on her feet before turning back to the mostly darkened room.

“H-Hello?” Nadine calls out again nervously, taking a tentative step forward, both hands extended outward beside her until her left hand made contact with the wall. Gaining some purchase on the vertical slabs of wood, Nadine slowly turns her head to look about the room, carefully inspecting everything from atop the surface of Salvatore’s messy desk, to the very dark corner in the back right of the room that Salvatore himself was currently shoved as far into as physically possible.

Nadine stuck her arm out in front of her and began slowly walking toward the opposite wall, eyes open, but unfocused, and right hand waving aimlessly in the air for a brief moment, as though trying to feel around for the other wall despite it clearly being right in front of her. The hooded man had no idea how she hadn’t seen him yet, he could practically feel how absolutely ridiculous he looked, his bony, weathered, turtle-esque body hunched as low to the ground as possible with his chin tucked between his knees and hands covering the rest of his face, leaving only the smallest bit of space through which he could observe Nadine’s inevitable reaction to him. And yet, despite the amount of time the young woman spent glancing over Salvatore, back and forth across the room, her bright golden eyes resembling that of a ravenous alligator in their intensity and ferociousness, no scream left her plush lips nor did fear and horror suddenly mar her supple face. In fact, not only had the mutant woman not seen him yet, but it was in that exact moment that the reason why Nadine couldn’t see Salvatore, obviously shoved into the corner, just to her bottom left, became immediately clear to him.

“Y-You’re blind...”

Waste + 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 9, 11, 12, 13, 15

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

I knew Death of the Outsider was coming, and as the Outsider was my favourite character I really wanted to explore the theory of him becoming human—the game hadn’t been released yet so we had no idea how it’d actually end, just that Billie and Daud were working together to kill him. Since the Outsider functioned as a sort of moral compass, I was very curious to try and imagine how his canon characteristics and biases would translate into a human version of him; how would he experience the world? How would he come to terms with such a humbling existence? Where did he come from and who was he? How would he cope with his own mortality, human emotion, the consequences following his choices in the Void? And most importantly; how had his being the Outsider affected his humanity? There was so much I wanted to see explored, things I feel the previous games hinted at but never elaborated upon. I wanted to write a psychological sort of story where we’d really be able to feel and experience whatever passed in his mind, and I tried my best to use my knowledge as well as my own experiences—flaws I either observed within myself or others, ideas, thoughts and feelings influenced by bias, depression, trauma, etc. When in art school, most of my inspiration came from the transience of things; my fear of death. I really wanted to take the subject and explore it through the eyes of someone previously immortal.

2: What scene did you first put down?

I think it was the original ending I wrote down first. I was supposed to write towards a particular scene, but somewhere along the way I’d decided to discard the idea entirely and opt for a happier resolution. I originally intended for the Outsider to die in the end, both to explore the feelings of those around him, as well as his own emotions accepting such a fate. I wanted a way to embrace death, as well as an output for all my bitterness regarding the subject; my anger at the ‘unfairness’ of it all, as well as my own trauma. I wanted to express loss, and in a way try and reveal the beauty of it. In the end, I had already found a way to deal with grief, and I also felt these characters deserved more; the fairness of fiction

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

That’s a REALLY difficult pick haha (does this mean literally a single line, or like a paragraph?). I’ll just share one of my favourite parts, because I can, and because it’s even more difficult to pick a single line from such a long story and I’m honestly horrible at making choices:

I heard the whispers of rats all around me, tiny feet scampering through the pipes; Billie’s gift tucked inside my shirt. My bare feet light, making little noise—as if I wasn’t really there. Perhaps I wasn’t. Perhaps I hadn’t been anywhere for centuries.

Up the stairs, cold stones. The walls decorated, grand and lavish. Empty corridors and lingering traces of hushed whispers—the guards had left their posts. She’d be there. How would that have made me feel? How should that make me feel? Almost, getting closer. My heart pounded in my ears, lungs greedily begging for more air, more—more. I felt like running. Strong currents of energy coursed through my veins, vibrated through bones and tendons. If I lost control, would I explode in a million pieces? Would the energy burst out and take my body apart, like the Void tearing into reality?

Who was I?

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

Honestly impossible to pick, I’ll just take this monologue:

“Anton Sokolov: sire to 14 children, but a father to none. A brilliant mind at a terrible cost, enlightenment in exchange for the dark depravity of the soul. Fingers that turn the times into a revolution of progress, the same fingers that touch upon women as they do the cold inventions they craft. Objects close to his heart—objects from his mind.

“The stench of alcohol in his bed, his clothes, his skin. Liquors and paints; on the canvas, dripping from his fingers, in the eyes of the beggar he found in the flooded slums of a place forsaken. The stench of rot still fresh on his teeth as he smiles at young Emily Kaldwin and tells her: ‘Don’t worry dear, here in the tower you are safe.’ Don’t worry dear, for I know the truest evil lies not within the high walls of Dunwall but within my hands and mind, within the flooded basement where a woman screamed and bled until she hung her head and closed eyes from which the dark paint still leaked—forever.

“The human body—like clockwork—taken apart in exchange for coin, for valuables. But those things Anton Sokolov values most lay outside of his intellectual grasp; for all the reasoning in the world he is but a cold, lonely man in search of a higher purpose that is but a lie of his own twisted imagination. A delusion of grandeur.

“How does it feel? One’s biggest regrets are but feelings of little consequence. The true disease is the sickness that allows one to enact true consequence on an innocent in the name of a self-prescribed fate. But I suppose that’s the curse of boredom. That, is the curse of your brilliance.”

5: What part was hardest to write?

The first chapter! There’s nothing more difficult than a set-up imo; establishing characters, pacing, setting and feel. I had a vague idea of where I wanted to go, but there was still so much I didn’t know that I had a hard time choosing how and where to start. I think it’s one of the most heavily edited chapters, just because I didn’t have a clear grasp on the characters or plot yet. (Also smut, oh lord help me)

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

There’s the original ending, and I did at one point start on a companion fic to explore Emily’s pov, but decided I better focus on finishing the original instead.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

The fact that it’s finished (hurrahhhh!!), and the themes and subjects.

12: What do you like least about this fic?

My own sense of humour, I always cringe reading my own jokes so I can only hope it hits with others—I genuinely have no idea, and it’s hard at times to figure out where to draw the line.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

WELL IM GLAD U ASKED!! I’ll try and keep this short, but these are some of the songs that carried this fic, not even exaggerating.

1. Lover Don’t Leave, Citizen Shade

2. Happy Life, Roland Faunte

3. Painting Roses, Dresses

4. ID, Charlie Allen

5. High Tops, Del Water Gap

6. Love Song for Lady Earth, Del Water Gap

7. Battle Cry, The Family Crest

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

EVERYTHING. I had literally no idea about writing, apparently. I’ve had no classes in literature, nor have I ever been taught the common rules when it comes to writing. I got to learn most of it thanks to my friends who helped edit (shoutout to @onewhoturns again), and through trial and error. I absolutely loved the experience of it, and I’m so grateful for all I’ve learned, and all I will continue to learn in the future. It’s given me the basis for my own original writing which I’m trying to pursue, and which I hope will someday become reality.

Thank you so much for these! I’ve thoroughly enjoyed answering every single one. ♥

(The Candyman Can) Rainbow Connection || Spencer Reid

Request: YES/NO // a part 2 was requested but I was going to do a part 2 anyway so, yeah. (@l0ve-0f-my-life)

Gender: none, they/them // I don’t believe there is any description, I tried to keep it nonchalant, the Sunflower song may be slightly suggestive because it’s sung by a female and have the aspects of femininity but overall is a non-gender affirming song.

Warnings: uhhh, slow burn, awkwardness? I honestly don’t know SEASON 8 SPOILERS, very long; seven pages on google doc lmao

Description: ten months after Maeves death you’re still singing for Spencer to help him cope, what happens when Garcia’s Dia De Muertos party brings to light your feelings?

Part 1: https://snitchthewitch.tumblr.com/post/621248749527760896/the-candyman-can-spencer-reid

Songs used:

It’s My Life - Bon Jovi

Hey There Delilah - Plain White T’s

Sunflower - Sierra Burgess

Rainbow Connection - The Muppets

———

Ten months.

It had been ten months since Maeve had left, ten months since a part of Spencer felt broken, crumpled and gone.

Ten months since you entered his life in a different way then he would ever think.

After your singing sessions things started to look better, brighter, lighter and happier.

Currently yourself and Spencer were jamming out in his apartment to It's My Life.

“It's my life! And it's now or never!” you screamed and jumped on the couch, Spencer followed you with a laugh and shouted at the top of his lungs.

“'Cause I ain't gonna live forever, I just want to live while I'm alive” Spencer sang, you grinned as you hoped down from the couch, grabbed his hands and started dancing.

“My heart is like an open highway, like Frankie said, ‘i did it my way’!” you grinned as Spencer spun you around and stepped onto the coffee table.

“I just want to live while I'm alive,” Spencer sang as you hopped up and onto the table next to the Doctor.

“ITS, MY, LIFE!” you exclaimed together and posed on the table as if there was a crowd gathered and you had just danced your hearts out; which you did. Your breathing was heavy as you let out a large laugh and jogged over to the CD player to turn it down as the next song came on from your playlist, going from a room shattering volume to a whisper.

“Drink?” Spencer asked with heavy breaths as he pointed to the kitchen, you nodded as you held your back and sat on the couch, Spencer came back a moment later with two glasses of water and handed one to you as you sat in the blissful aftermath of a singing and dance off.

“Are you going to Garcias Day of the Dead party?” you asked after a moment, it wasn't very risky to ask but it was still touchy as you both knew the background to the question. Spencer nodded.

“Yeah, yeah I am, I'm meant to be helping her with groceries sometime, she said she’d message me when she was ready” Spencer smiled as he placed the empty cup on the table and laid back against the couch cushions, “who are you bringing?” Spencer hesitantly asked as you grinned.

“I can't tell you that Spence, it's cheating” you shook your head before putting your cup down on the table and opening your phone to look at the time; you were meant to be home 10 minutes ago, “shit, sorry Spence i gotta head,” you said as you quickly gathered your belongings.

“Do you have to leave?” Spencer asked, he sounded so sad that you needed to leave, you bit your lip as you opened the door.

“I’m sorry Spence, i do, i've um…” should you tell him? “I've got a date,” you said with a tight lipped smile. Spencer hoped his face didn't convey the emotions he felt and hoped you didn't notice his change in demeanor.

“Oh, yeah of course,” Spencer said tightly, “you head ill...ill clean up here,”

“Thanks Spence, i'll see you at work!” you said with a grin and waved the Doctor a goodbye. The retreating of your footsteps seemed to echo in the surrounding walls of Spencer's apartment and his mind, your smile was flashing in his and out of his head a thousand times over in bright flashes as the room suddenly felt rather lonely and cold without your presence in it anymore. Spencer looked around the room as he felt his shoulders sag, emotions came back to him as well as memories of Maeve, Tobias, Nathan and multiple other people who impacted his life in some way, in a way of his work and in a way that's personal.

Alex.

Of course!

Spencer scrambled for his phone and clicked on Blake's personal cell number. It rang three times before the woman's voice floated through.

“Ried? Is everything okay?” the worry in Blake's voice floated through the speakers as Spencer took a breath.

“I…” Spencer sighed softly and sniffled, god was he going to cry again? “I think im in love...again”

“Oh Spence,”

---

You smiled tightly as your date talked about...what was he talking about again?

“And that's how I found out my family was a part of the mafia group in the nineteen hundreds!” the date exclaimed, oh god had you forgotten his name already?

“Thats,” you gave a fake laugh as real as you could, “that's amazing Matt!” you said with a clap of your hands.

“My name’s Michael…” your date reminded you, you sighed and put your head in your hands with a groan.

“I'm sorry-”

“No it's...I can tell your head is somewhere else,” your date said with a smile, “did you want to talk about it?” he asked, you bit your lip before responding.

“One of my coworkers…” should you be telling a story that isn't yours to tell? “One of my coworkers lost someone close to them ten months ago,” you started the story, you can't stop now, “and to be a good friend I started to sing for him!” you said happily, using your hands to talk, “i started singing for him because it made me happy when i was a child and i thought it would cheer him up as well, in the end it did and it helped him get better and obviously he is better but...that was ten months ago,” you sighed, “Micheal it was ten months ago that he lost what could possibly be his only love and here i am...in love with him,”

“Oh doll,” Micheal said softly as he put his hand on top of yours, “what do you mean his only love?” the man asked, “just so i can get a better understanding and idea of the situation,” he smiled politely.

“Hes...he has an eidetic memory, can read 20,000 words a minute, he has 3 PhDs and 3 Bachelors, he doesn't get along well with women in the romance scene a lot of the time but he's just...he's just so smart and he's so lovely and kind and works well with everyone,” you took a breath as you wiped a tear from your eye you didn't realise had leaked, “he puts himself on the line all the time; he’s been shot in the knee, shot in the shoulder, he got kidnapped and drugged, poisoned with a worse strain of Anthrax then actual anthrax, he's such a good hostage speaker, he delves into every case with everything he has as if its his last which it could possibly be, he helped a young boy, Nathan Harris, when he believed he was going to become a serial killer an-”

“Woah woah woah baby slow down,” Micheal said as he looked to you, “you’re getting so worked up over this boy, i mean, he's just a boy,” Micheal said with a grin, “you sing for him don't you?”

“Yeah I do,” you absentmindedly smiled, “it's amazing, just today we sung It’s My Life before I came here,” you said with a large grin, the memory still fresh.

“Okay so, how about, instead, you lean it to more romantic songs? Slowly give him hints and open up to him more?” Micheal questioned, you never actually thought of that but as you mulled it over it sounded a lot better than any other plan you would have had brewed anway. You nodded.

“Thats...thats really good Micheal,” you said with a grin, “thank you,”

“It’s alright; if i can't be the one then i'll help you with him,” Micheal said with a joking grin. You ended the night with the waitress coming over to take your plates as you asked for the bill, split it, giving a lovely tip and Micheal driving you home. He planted a kiss on your cheek before handing you his number on a napkin, “for whenever and whatever you want or need,” he had said, you gave him a kiss on the cheek and a thank you before retreating into your house and mulling over the next few songs to sing for Spencer whenever he wanted.

---

A few days passed after your date and Spencers emotional outburst to Blake (which she kept to herself and Spencer of course), you had been given a case and hadn't had time to sing to Spencer; you could tell this was taking a little toll on the poor doctor as he became distracted easily as well as the far off gaze he had on his face a lot of the time now, however, the plane had just landed back in DC.

“Spence!” you called for the doctor, he turned for a moment and slowed his walking for you to catch up, “did you want me to call tonight?” you asked with a grin.

“Yes please (Y/n),” the doctor said, he seemed sad but also desperate.

“Are you alright?” you questioned as you stopped the doctor with your hand on his arm, “i'm here for you,”

“I’ll be alright after tonight (Y/n), it's okay,” and without another word Spencer left you, spoke to Hotch for a second and then headed out the door.

“Are you two okay?” Blake asked as she came up next to you.

“I think so, I think it’s just because we haven't had a lot of time recently for our normal sessions,” you said with a tight smile.

“He misses you (Y/n),” Blake said, “a lot more than you know,” the two of you dropped the subject pretty quickly after that as you walked to the parking lots and headed home, the road seemed to go in a blur as you drove, forming colours and paint strokes against the harsh greys of the DC city buildings.

---

Another few days passed and your singing sessions went back to normal, except this time you added more romantic songs, adding a more soft tone or even adding your uke like one of the first times you sang for Spencer, and right now you were finishing off Hey There Delilah.

“Hey there, Spencer,” you had changed the lyrics for the last ‘hey there’, you heard Spencer give off a little breathy laugh, “You be good, and don't you miss me, two more years and you'll be done with school,” you couldn't help but laugh slightly at the school part seeing as Spencer had...well you know what he’s got, “And I'll be makin' history like I do. You know it's all because of you…” you trailed the end of your sentence off slightly, “We can do whatever we want to…” you sighed softly, “hey there, Spencer, here’s to you,” you trailed off again as you felt tears well in your eyes as you spoke the last words instead of singing them, “This one's for you” and with that the song ended and you smiled into the phone, Spencer clapped loudly into the phone’s speaker.

“That was beautiful (Y/n)!” the doctor exclaimed with a smile, “I haven't heard that song before,” you laughed, of course he hadn't heard the song before.

“It's a classic but not the type of classic you know of,” you said with a smile as you heard Spencer laugh along with you too, “I’m sorry Spence but i have to get to bed,” you sounded so sad.

“Right, of course,” Spencer said as he finally glanced at the clock, god it was past 12 already? You'd been on a call together since 10, “goodnight (Y/n), i'll see you at Garcias tomorrow?” Spencer asked, shit. You'd forgotten about tomorrow completely.

“Y-yeah of course! I'll be there don't worry,” you smiled into the phone, “goodnight Spence” and with that you hung up the phone and got ready for bed. Spencer did the same in his apartment.

---

You smiled sweetly at Spencer as he placed Maeve's photo on the altar as everyone gave him a sympathetic look and then another person's photo.

“This is uh, Nikola Tesla,” he said, you couldn't help but smile, “i just hope he's still having fun inventing things wherever he is” Spencer said with the little smile and laugh he does every now and then as he stepped back from the alter; allowing you to place your photo. You gulped as you fiddled with the photographic paper.

“This uh,” you started, nobody actually knew who this was, you sniffled as Garcia held you hand and you smiled to her as thanks for the reassurance, you cleared your throat, “this is Gene Wilder,” you grinned as Spencer chuckled softly, of course it was him, “i don't uh, i don't really have any family that i'm close to that has passed but, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory has always been my childhood, it was always close to my heart and when the movie came out i fell in love with it even more and the more i watched it the more i felt Gene Wilder become apart of me, my family and my life.” you took a breath as you placed the photo onto the altar, it was of his iconic Willy Wonka pose, “of course he has become a meme icon,” you laughed as everyone did too, “but i know for a fact he looks at everyone from wherever he is and he looks at them with such passion and love and admiration for whatever they're doing and i know he fills me with hope and confidence whenever i need it” you smiled as you finished and stepped back and the line continued.

You all gave your thanks, gave a blessing or a prayer depending on who it was, sent your respects and then went your way with drinks and conversations and music. Spencer smiled as he came up to you when Hotch walked away, your conversation about Henry becoming dwindled as the food looked more appetizing to Hotch.

“Hey,” Spencer said with a little wave as he held a cup of...cordial?

“Are you really drinking cordial Spencer?” you asked with a laugh as Spencer nodded.

“Believe it or not cordial is a lot healthier than wine,” Spencer spoke with a laugh as he stated the obvious, you smiled as well but it was tight, “are you okay?” you nodded.

“Yeah i'll be alright,” you said quietly, where was this sad emotion suddenly coming from?

“Considering the circumstances it's okay to be sad (Y/n)” Spencer commented as he saw your saddened expression but before he could say anything else you put on a fake smile.

“Spence i promise, im okay” you said with fake confidence, “promise” you held out your hand for the doctor and took his warm palm in his, you could tell Spencer didn't believe you but nodded anyway, but your whole demeanor changed as soon as the song did and you grinned, “dance with me Spencer?” you asked as you set down your wine and dragged the poor doctor to the ‘dance floor’.

“N-no i'm not really- i haven't ever-” Spencer stuttered but with your glowing smile and laugh he found himself not finding the words to excuse himself before nodding and placing his drink down on the nearest surface. You brought the doctor close to your body and rested your head in his neck as his arms wrapped around your waist hesitantly and yours wrapped around his neck, you danced in a slow circle as the rest of the team gave suggestive glances to each other.

“Rose girls in glass vases, perfect bodies, perfect faces, they all belong in magazines” your voice floated through the air softly and Spencers voice hitched, “Those girls the boys are chasing, winning all the games they're playing, they're always in a different league” you continued to sing and sway with Spencer, his grip tightened on you as he buried his face into your hair as Hotch pulled Alex in for a dance, Rossi with J.J. and Derek and Garcia all walked to the dance floor; slow dancing and holding one another softly as your voice continued, “Stretching toward the sky like I don't care, wishing you could see me standing there” god was that directed to Spencer? It was, wasn't it? Spencer bit his lip at the thought as he continued swaying as he looked up for a second and saw everyone else slow dancing, a smile gracing his lips as your voice flowed through the air again, “But I'm a sunflower, a little funny, If I were a rose, maybe you'd want me” your voice wavered as you buried your face into Spencers neck, “If I could, I'd change overnight, I'd turn into something you'd like but i'm a,” your voice came out a little stronger now as you looked up and saw your co-workers now switching dance partners; Rossi with Hotch (which made you laugh a little), J.J. and Derek, and Alex with Garcia, “sunflower, a little funny, if I were a rose, maybe you'd pick me” your voice sighed at the end as you broke away from Spencers neck to look at the beautiful man in front of you, wording the lyrics to him, “But I know you don't have a clue, this sunflower's waiting for you,” both of you leant in as your eyes darted to Spencers mouth, his eyes doing the same to yours as he licked his lips without realisation, “Waiting for you” with your mouths inches apart and your eyelids slowly closing, you could feel Spencers breath fanning over your lips...almost...almost…

“(Y/n) that's a beautiful voice you have!” Alex exclaimed, the song continued in the background as yourself and Spencer jumped away from each other, smiling awkwardly as you wiped your sweaty palms on your hips and thighs. Your teammates all broke away from each other; Blake must have been the only one to see and realise what was going to happen, you looked to Alex with a mix of emotions including anger and appreciation; anger because she stopped you and Spencer from kissing, appreciation because she stopped you and Spencer kissing in front of the others.

“Thanks…” you smiled as you scratched the back of your head with an awkward smile, “well i gotta start heading!” you exclaimed suddenly, the crushing feeling in your chest getting too much for you to stay.

“Ohhh what what what?” Garcia asked as she came forward, “oh come on i can get the blow up mattress, we can all sleep here, take tomorrow off; Hotch we can take tomorrow off can't we?” Garcia suddenly exclaimed, you all smiled as did Hotch but he didn't say a word; Garcia was tipsy, if not already drunk.

“It’s okay Penelopie really,” you said with a smile as you walked to the girl and hugged her close, “i'll see you guys tomorrow though,” you smiled as you hugged everyone, of course Spencer being the last.

“I’ll drive you home,” Spencer said quickly as he picked up your coat as well as his, you stuttered as Spencer opened Garcia's door but decided against it; instead blushing and thanking Spencer as the two of you walked out of the apartment building and to Spencers old timey wimey car.

“Think those two will realise?” Derek said off-handedly with a knowing grin.

“They’re profilers, they'll figure it out,” Rossi said with a grin.

-------

Yourself and Spencer had already discussed you would sleepover at his house in case you got drunk or tipsy off of wine, that and the fact you used public transport to get to Garcias rather than a car and Spencer didn't want you to go onto the tubes at this time at night.

“No, Spence, I already told you I'm not taking your bed!” you exclaimed with a laugh as you got a drink from Spencer's kitchen.

“(Y/n) please, my couch is complete rubbish and i know!” Spencer exclaimed from his bedroom where he was getting dressed in. You scoffed jokingly.

“Oh yeah Spencer, you've slept on your couch you germaphobe” you said with a smile as you walked to Spencer's bedroom.

“I did! When…” as you entered the bedroom the air turned cold as Spencers smile fell, you looked at him from across the room in all of his shirtless-and-low-hanging-pyjama-pants glory, he cleared his throat, “when Maeve…” he choked as his sentence drained off the way it does when Spencer is emotional and about to cry.

“Oh, Spence im...im sorry i didn't think,” you said softly, you stayed in the doorway unsure of what to do. Spencer cleared his throat as he threw his side of the covers back and started to get into the bed.

“Please?” Spencer questioned, you knew what he wanted as he bunched the sheets at his waist and played with his fingers while looking at the covers, you nodded. Whether Spencer saw you nod or not you weren't sure but you went through the same motions as you would when going to bed; brushed your teeth in Spencer's connected bathroom, tugged off your work clothes, put on your pyjamas as Spencer waited patiently in the bed, unmoving. Your feet padded on the floor as you brought back the covers on the other side of Spencer and sat on the bed next to him, the covers bunched up around your waist as you waited, waited for Spencer to lay down, hold your hand, something.

And then he did.

“Spencer i know-”

“Can you sing for me?” Spencer suddenly asked, his voice on the verge of breaking as he looked to you with teary eyes, you nodded quickly and began to smile.

“Yeah, yeah of course i can Spencer,” you said quickly, “did you want to get under the covers?” you asked softly, Spencer nodded and sniffled softly as the two of you maneuvered to lay down. You laid on your back as Spencer clutched onto you, his head rested on your chest as your arm wrapped around his back and to his shoulder, “what do we want tonight?” you asked in a soft voice into Spencer's hair.

“Anything, anything happy,” Spencer mumbled into your chest, you nodded and thought for a moment.

“Why are there so many, songs about rainbows, and what's on the other side” you started to sing, Spencer doesn't know the muppets very well but he has heard this song play in your headphone while on the jet home after a tough case once or twice, this was the second song you used to calm yourself down next to The Candy Man, “Rainbows are visions, they're only illusions, and rainbows have nothing to hide” your voice was soft and filtered through the air as Spencer closed his eyes, envisioning himself in a wonderful forest, just like Kermit the frog with you by his side, your uke in your arms, the cords coming through seamlessly, “So we've been told and some chose to believe it, but I know they're wrong wait and see” you squeezed Spencer softly as you started on the chorus, “Someday we'll find it, The Rainbow Connection” you tilted Spencers chin up from your chest and moved back from Spencer a little so he wasn't arched weirdly nor where you bent weirdly, “The lovers,” you pointed a finger into your own chest, “the dreamers,” you pointed a finger into Spencers chest as he smiled softly, his tears dripping into the creases of his smile, “and me” you cuddled back into Spencer as his arms tightly wrapped around you again.

“Who said that every wish,” Spencer's soft voice filtered in the air, you smiled and hummed the instrumentals, “Would be heard and answered, when wished on the morning star” you smiled and kissed Spencer's head again and joined in with singing.

“Somebody thought of that, and someone believed it, look what it’s done so far” you shrugged jokingly as if the ‘look what it's done so far’ was someone really saying it, a soft chuckle came from Spencer, “What's so amazing,” you shrugged again as you looked to Spencer, “that keeps us stargazing, what do we think we might see?” you brought your unwrapped arm up towards the ceiling and cupped it around as if you were cupping Spencers chin, “Someday we’ll find it,” you looked back down to Spencer as your arm came down as well, “The Rainbow Connection,” you cupped Spencers cheek as you moved forward, Spencer doing the same as he looked down to your lips like he did at Garcias before gliding back up to your eyes, “The lovers,” you cocked a small smile as the lyrics came out in a whisper, “The dreamers,” you tapped Spencer cheek softly as the gap finally closed and your lips pressed against Spencers for a short moment before you both pulled back slowly, “And me”

I was tagged by @noruil (ty for this moment of self evaluation) to list 3-5 (or 8 👀) snippets of writing/literature/media that live in your head rent-free to the point where you have them memorised; write them down from memory, no cheating allowed. Well i cheated, bc they are feelings, they are strong but also blurry somehow.

Well it took less than i thought 😳

"Hapiness only real when shared". Into The Wild (2005) dir. Sean Penn

"I go to seek a great perhaps". Looking for Alaska, Jonh Green (in the book there is a lot of quotes, and these were François Rabelais last words in 1553)(but since i read it in Green's book ill leave like this)

"How they loved each another, these three, how they had suffered for each another, and yet how much joy they clearly took from simply being in the same room. [...] Tessa, Will, and their lost Jem stood together in a tight knot. Magnus knew that for a few moments nothing existed in the world but the three of them". The Bane Chronicles, Cassandra Clare. (The funny part is that i never read the bane chronicles, but this quote is the heart of these three characters in The Infernal Devices which i love very much, and since im back to my reading after almost 4 years i had to put something from Cassandra bc she IS the queen of fantasy)

When Naomi was talking to Lito "The real violence, the violence I realized was unforgivable, is the violence that we do to ourselves, when we're too afraid to be who we really are". Sense8 1×09, The Wachowskis

"No, he can't look at her for fear of loosing her. That's no reason, he was told not to do that."/"He choose the memory of her that's why he turns. He doesn't make the lover's choice but the poet's"/"Perhaps she was the one who said turn around". Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019) dir. Céline Sciamma (well who am i lying to. This entirely film lives rent free on my mind, but this scene of Sophie, Marianne and Héloïse is just too much, and idk anything about mythology xD im so sorry @noruil )(by searching for these i found out that the scripts are never ever going to be released in english, i guess it is time to learn french after all)

"Women have minds and souls as well as hearts, ambition and talent as well as beauty and I’m sick of being told that love is all a woman is fit for. But... I am so lonely". Little Women (2019) dir. Greta Gerwig

“I want this one moment. It’s what I want in a relationship, which might explain why I am single now. It's that thing when you’re with someone and you love them and they know it and they love you and you know it, but it’s a party and you’re both talking to other people and you’re laughing and shining and you look across the room and catch each other’s eyes but not because you’re possessive or it’s precisely sexual but because that is your person in this life. And it’s funny and sad, but only because this life will end, and it’s this secret world that exists right there in public, unnoticed, that no one else knows about. It’s sort of like how they say that other dimensions exist all around us, but we don’t have the ability to perceive them. That’s what I want out of a relationship. Or just life, I guess." Frances Ha (2012) dir. Noah Baumbach

Anyone who feels like doing a self evaluation like thisss ✨

Can you give some leslie/schofield hcs? Im so interested in that dynamic :) !!

yes please!!!!!

so i’ve said before that it seems an awful lot like that dug-out isn’t the first time scho and leslie have met - scho’s not just rigid and stiff for the entire scene, in a way that he wasn’t even with officers far out-ranking and more worthy of distrust than leslie, he seems like he’s seething, like he’s bitter; leslie gets all up in scho’s face to make a nasty, personal comment about widows when he apparently doesn’t even know scho’s married; he looks scho up and down for an uncomfortably and, quite frankly, inappropriate amount of time before they go over the top - like he’s committing every detail of him to memory in case he doesn’t come back; i could go on. so, naturally, i went well, that’s clearly a result of a fling-gone-wrong, because i have no shame. 

so, headcanons:

they first meet when the yorks are relieving the east surreys at the front. they pass each other in a comms trench, the surreys trudging along in silence, the yorks both restless and quiet with fear; leslie is no more than a junior officer in charge of a platoon, not yet forced into a role he was never meant to have and a little more friendly for it. he’s slugging through the mud with the other officers, listening absently as the major and the captain and the other lieutenants chatter quietly; and the yorks are clean and fed and rested, and the surreys are slugging through with their heads down and their uniforms filthy and blood-dark and their faces tired and drained, and then he sees him - this lance corporal walking by himself, silent and haunted and ignored, and his scarf is neat despite the dirt under his nails, and his face is clean and raw and red from the cold and from where he’s scrubbed away the grime with wool and cotton just to get it off, and his eyes are downcast and blue, and he’s beautiful. 

and leslie’s always been a bit of a poet, more than he lets on - and if he tried to emulate the aesthetic and absorb his favourites books to form his personality inherited a bit (a lot) of his snark from pouring over oscar wilde’s plays when he was a teenager and he could hide them under the covers of his childhood bed without his parents finding that filth, what of it. he’s always been a bit of a poet, in love with loneliness and dust motes and savagery and love, and that boy with the sad, broken eyes is all of that.

he passes scho and lingers for a moment, just looking at him - and inside, he’s shy, but all that anyone’s going to see is the dark, hooded eyes and the sneer and the judgement. he looks at him, and finally scho feels himself being looked at and raises his head, and their eyes meet - and scho’s a bit bewildered, his mind struggling to catch up to the present moment when he’s been lost in his own quiet for so many days, and he just stares back; and leslie lights a cigarette, and smiles, and walks away with a last little look over his shoulder. and scho is left standing there, confused and shaken and hungry, until a soldier behind him pushes him forward and snaps at him to keep moving. 

and they don’t see each other for a little while, while the war rages on and the shells fall, and scho is left to quietly panic mull over what that look meant - because he’d thought any part of him that might once have sought out affection had long since been broken and this has brought up all kinds of unsettling needs that feel like being alive again, and he’s forgotten how to be alive so it just feels like something restless trying to spark to life inside of him when the rest of him is half-decayed. and it’s terrifying. and it’s addictive. 

and then eventually, because a twink is worth facing the hun for, leslie wanders down from the reserve camp to the front line and he finds scho sitting with his back against the mud, curled over himself - and he stops beside him and just stands there smoking like it’s the most natural thing in the world, and scho looks up, shaky and bleary-eyed, and just gapes up at him. 

and while everyone else dozes or murmurs softly around them, leslie stands there and strikes up a conversation like he couldn’t care less about the answers. and scho’s mind is still struggling to catch up, so he answers vaguely and haltingly and with a frown - and eventually he must say something right, because leslie slips down to sit behind him, resting his arms on his knees and offering scho his cigarette. and scho doesn’t smoke but he takes it - because leslie’s pretty, and his eyes are kinder than his voice, and he’s seen men doing this sort of thing before, as a quiet are you like me? he holds leslie’s gaze, and slowly takes the cigarette and puts it between his lips, and he watches leslie’s eyes slip down to his mouth as he inhales - and he exhales the smoke and hands the cigarette back, and their fingers brush, and it’s as much an answer as either of them need. 

and leslie stays there until dark, until pitch black, when the men around them start to wake up and the first of the german flares go up in the sky. and he waits until the verey lights die and night falls around them again, black and cold and just for a moment between flares - and he pulls scho to him, and kisses him in the pitch dark with all those soldiers around them; and they can’t see each other, but they can hear, and feel, and their breaths are warm on each other’s cheeks, and the kiss is desperate, and they both break away starving for more.

ever the tease, leslie half-grins with those dead, dark eyes, and flicks another cigarette at scho, and drags himself to his feet, and leaves without looking back. and scho is left staring after him, trying to catch his breath, rearranging himself against the trench to try and unknot the feeling in his stomach, and because his nerves aren’t used to feeling this alive and it feels like being kicked in the chest. it feels like dying. it feels like being touched for the first time when all your nerve endings are on fire.

and for the next few months, they continue to steal away to see each other. sometimes the yorks and the surreys share the reserve camp, and it’s easy. illicit, and fun, and easy. more often, they’re caught between rotations and it’s harder. but they find a way. and scho opens up and finds that old spark of himself that can babble about something for hours if you find his passion, and that passion is art, and books, and the countryside, and the women’s suffrage movement, and he rambles about john constable and what every one of his brushstrokes meant with his hands waving through the air and his face turned up to the stars and this big, open, excited grin on his face, and leslie just smiles at him, and listens, and thinks i could fall in love with him. 

and you would think it’s scho who catches feelings, because he’s softer, he’s gentler, he’s quiet and lonely and broken - or at least he’s not as good as hiding those things as leslie is. but, no. it’s leslie. he starts to fall for him - and scho’s terrified. he retreats. he thought he could, thought he could love someone else out here, when his wife is so far away and all he has of her is a photograph, but now it’s happening, now the opportunity is looking him cold in the face, and he can’t. 

and leslie is heartbroken. and when leslie’s heartbroken, he shuts down, and he goes quiet, and he pretends not to care. oh, i said i loved you? how nice that must have been for you. he gets this look on his face, bitter and cruel, and he bites before he can be bitten. scho tries to reassure him, tries to comfort him, tries to apologise, with soft, desperate, guilty words and gentle hands and assurances that he still cares about him, it doesn’t have to end, he’s sorry. but leslie’s already looking at him like he hasn’t known him a minute in his life, and it’s over. 

and after that, scho is left lonelier and more broken than ever, and leslie closes his heart off even more, and as much as they both miss each other, as much as scho might daydream about finding him and apologising, as much as leslie might daydream about that very same thing, they don’t. 

and then blake arrives. then they’re sent to find the yorks. then leslie sees schofield with a new, sweet-faced, warm-eyed boy, and schofield can barely look him in the eye - and all he wants to do is hurt him. he brings up his wife - because he knows it isn’t fair to hate the woman, and a part of him loves scho for it, for his stupid devotion, but she did this, she caused this, what happened to you and i, because you couldn’t be disloyal to a memory for one fucking moment and love me. then schofield goes over the top and all leslie wants to do is scream at him to get back down and tell him he forgives him. but he doesn’t. both their lives are just a collection of words neither of them will ever say.

and… basically i’ve just realised i’m a wreck over them!

GREETINGS  ,  angel  .   i  am  praying  that  the  graphic  doesn’t  look  horrible  but  if  it  does  ?   please  pretend  it  doesnt   .   for  those  i  haven’t  gotten  a  chance  to  introduce  myself  to  ,  im  gianna  ╱   gi  .   im  nineteen  and  well   ?   absolute  trash  .   asdj  .  im  so  excited  for  this  group  and  even  more  excited  to  bring  you  your  scarlet  ,  aristotle  wolff  .   random  headcanons  and  more  about  his  background  has  been  on  my  mind  for  days  and  im  just  so  excited  to  share  them  all  with  you  ...  hopefully  it’ll  get  him  to  leave  me  alone  asdfg  .  i  did  write  this  at  4  in  the  morning  so  ???  if  it’s  gross  that’s  why  .   enough  rambling  though  ,  below  the  cut  you’ll  find  everything  you  need  to  know  about  him  ..  ENJOY  .

                       STATS .  here  ,  please  read  for  the  basics .  

                      PINTEREST .  here .

                      CHARACTER  INFLUENCES .  lip  gallagher  ,  charlie  st  cloud  ,   daemon  black  ,   hardin  scott  .  

                       SOUNDTRACK .  numb  to  the  feeling  ,  chase  atlantic  .  faith  ,  the  weeknd  .  feel  ,  phora  .  i  fall  apart  ,  post  malone  .  she  wonders  why  ,  astrus  .  gang  over  luv  ,  brent  faiyaz  .  wicked  games  ,  the  weeknd  .  ivy  ,  frank  ocean  .  gangstas  ,  pop  smoke  .  demons  and  angels  ,  a  boogie  wit  da  hoodie  .  

                                                                 AESTHETICS .

  pearly  whites  concealing  sad  hues  ,   collar  bones  painted  with  hikceys  ,  a  destined  path  carved  by  hands  that  are  not  his  own  ,  a  contagious  laughter  floating  in  the  night  sky  ,   the  memory  of  emerald  hues  haunting  his  dreams  ,  the  lingering  taste  of  bitter  whiskey  ,   calloused  digits  against  soft  skin  ,   footsteps  against  hardwood  floor  in  the  dead  of  the  night  ,  a  tattoo  needle  against  his  skin  whispering  he’s  alive  over  and  over  again  ,   a  soft  scent  of  cologne  and  cigarette  smoke  clinging  to  his  clothes  ,   abandoned  promises  that  weigh  heavy  on  his  shoulders  ,  moans  spilling  of  pleasure  coming  from  the  backseat  of  an  expensive  car  ,    black  rimmed  sunglasses  to  hide  bloodshot  hues  ,  his  heart  beating  in  his  ears  ,   a  never  ending  grief  . 

DOING  EVERYTHING  I  CAN  TO  FEEL  SOMETHING  .

CARELESS  ,      how  many  times  have  you  heard  that  ari  ?     i’d  tell  you  to  count  on  your  fingers  ,    but  you  might  run  out   .   enlighten  me  ,  disagree  .   tell  me  you’re  just  CURIOUS  .    what  ?  i  know  your  LOUD  MOUTH  is  resisting  the  urge  .  i  know  you  want  to  say  that  your  honeyed  hues  always  reflected  a  world  full  of  not  sorrow  ,  but  infinite  opportunities    .   possibilities  and  limits  without  boundaries  .    boundaries  you  pushed  at  every  given  chance  ,  DETERMINED   some  would  say  .   but  me  ?   i  would  say  ,  you’re  your  father’s  son  .    a  spitting  image  right  down  to  curly  locks  and  a  crooked  smile  .    that  assertiveness   in  your  heart  ?   it  was  gifted  by  masculine  hands  that  had  once  fought  the  WAR  of  the  streets               a  never  ending  battle  for  dominance  between  gang  violence  and  a  mother  that  had  a  sadness  so  great  she  spent  her  days  forgetting  her  own  name   .    it’s  okay  ,  i  know  you  didn’t  know  .  and  he  was  never  around  to  ask  ,   the  office  was  his  home  and  the  building  were  family  pictures  clung  to  the  walls  was  the  stranger  .  but   he  did  love  you  ,  affection  shown  in  the  form  of  absence  so  you’d  never  know  what  it  is  like  to  merely  survive  .   

and  i  know  you  want  them  ,     ANSWERS  ,  i  mean  .  but  when  you  ask  me  about  your  mother  ,  i  don’t  have  anything  you’ll  want  to  hear  .    your  first  words   ,  were  mama  ,  but  it  was  not  mama  who  was  there  to  witness  it  .                          that’s  the  reality  of  your  relationship  with  her  .   and   i  know  you’re  still  ANGRY  .   her  absence  was  willingly  ,   and  i  know  you  have  a  hard  time  FORGIVING  especially  when  it  comes  to  her  .   but  truth  is  ,  she  never  wanted  to  be  someone’s  mother  ,   and  it  made  her  feel  guilty  .    she  had  plans  .   and  all  of  them  consisted  of  tan  lines  and  gossip  over  wine  ,  none  of  them  included  your  sweet  whispers  of  i  love  you  .    but  her  not  wanting  to  be  a  mother  doesn’t  make  her  a  bad  person  ,  she  was  once  present  .   she  once  tried  .  and  i  don’t  mean  to  make  excuses  ,  NOTHING  could  excuse  it  .  but  she  knew  .  she  knew  she  could  never  be  what  you  needed  her  to  be  ,  so  she  ran  from  it  and  you   .  could  not  deal  with  how  badly  it  ate  at  her  .  and when  she  got  pregnant  a  second  time   and  your  baby  brother  came  11  months  after  you  ,  she  told  herself  that  it  was  for  YOU  .   that  if  she  could  give  you  one  thing  that  was  worth  anything  ,  it  was  someone  to  keep  you  company  .   it  was  IRRESPONSIBLE,   but  you  know  a  lot  about  that  ,  don’t  you  ?  that  wasn’t  a  jab  .  just  a  reminder  of  the  many  situations  where  your  good  intentions  came  back  to  bite  you  .   that  doesn’t  change  the  fact  that  i’m  sorry  ,  i’m  sorry  she  was  never  there  .  

your  baby  brother  ,      he  was  a  GIFT  .    i  know  you  know  that  .  he  was  more  then  company  ,  wasn’t  he  ?   you  guys  shared  BLOOD  but  it  was  not  just  blood  that  bonded  you   .  IRISH  TWINS  ,     that’s  the  official  term  .   siblings  born  less  than  12  months  apart  .   and  when  you  were  little  ,  that’s  what  everyone  referred  to  the  two  of  you  as  .  twins                     you   were  never  the  type  of  person  to believe  in  cheesy  things  such  as  soulmates  .  when  girls  would  intertwine  their  fingers  with  yours  and  purr  how  the  two  of  you  were  meant  to  be  together  ,  you  had  to  hold  back  laughter  .   but  the  older  you  got  ,  the  more  you  began  to  realize  that  you  and  dustin  ?  you  guys  split  from  the  same  soul  .   it  was  the  day  you  also  realized  that  soulmates  aren’t  just  the  romantic  cliche  in  the  movies  you  grew  up  believing  them  to  be  .   you  couldn’t  help  but  felt  guilty  ,    for  once  belittling  someone  for  believing  in  it  .  because  you  swore  ,  that  everyone  deserve  to  have  a  bond  like  you  and  your  brother  .  

your  nanny  ,      she  was  in  for  it   .   chasing  two  boys  around  the  house  who  could  run  before  they  could  walk  .    close  your  eyes  and  REMEMBER  it  ,    the  way  yous  once  laughed  with  one  another  .     mornings  with  syrup  dripping  on  your  chins  .    wrestling  in  the  living  room  despite  the  warning  from  miss  bailey  that  one  of  you  will  get  hurt  (  which  one  of  you  always  did  )  .    outsiders  might  say  you  two  brought  out  the  worst  in  each  other  (  mrs.  burke  did  when  she  refused  to  have  the  both  of  you  in  her  class  )  ,   but  anyone  who  really  knew  you  knew  how  good  for  each  other  you  were  .   mischievous  ,  but  aren’t  that  what  brothers  for  ?  built  in  partner  in  crimes  ?   best  friends  for  life  .  you  guys  were   inseparable  ,  so  inseparable  that  by  the  end  of  secondary  school   it  was  granted  that  you  were  put  in  different  classes  to  allow  room  for  others  .   you  DIDN’T  mind  ,   even  if  you  did  declare  how  idiotic  it  was  to  your  mother  over  the  phone  .    you  had  friends  .   a  lot  of  friends  .  but  friends  that  were  just  your  friends  ?  that  was  new  .   and  you  never  really  knew  how  to  feel  about  it  .  

high  school  ,       it  changed  your  life  .   i  know  you’ll  say  for  the  worst  ,  but  please  don’t  forget  about  all  of  the  good  that  came  out  of  it  .   the  teachers  ?  they  were  stuck  between  loving  and  hating  you  .   and  some  ?  didn’t  get  a  chance  to  do  either  with  how  much  you  skipped  their  class  .   you  kept  your  grades  up  only  to  continue  playing  hockey                    grades  were  the  only  thing  that  your  dad  actually  checked  .    you  enjoyed  the  social  scene  ,  and  by  social  scene  i  mean  getting  too  drunk  at  house  parties  and  being  rowdy  in  the  bleachers  .    when  you  looked  to  your  right  ,   you  had  a  whole  CREW  of  friends  who  somehow  stumbled  into  your  life  .  and  when  you  looked  to  your  left  ,  you  had  your  brother  .     you  sought  out  EXCITEMENT  ,   anything  to  get  your  heart  racing  .    you  were  IMPULSIVE  .   you  took  your  injustice  out  by  developing  a  CANTANKEROUS  attitude  that  got  you  into  fights  left  and  right  (  on  and  off  the  ice  )  .     high  school  is  when  you  got  your  first  job  ,  sixteen  and  tired  of  hearing  your  father  complain  about  you  needing  more  responsibility                        of  course  this  had  been  after  you  and  your  brother  got  caught  smoking    .    your  legs  landed  you  at   rainbow  point    with  a  confident  grin  and  TROUBLE  in  your  eyes  .  

BECAUSE  EVERYTHING  I  DO  FEELS  LIKE  NOTHING   

it  was  good  ,   you  struggled  but  you  were  happy  .    my  CARELESS  child  with  light  dancing  around  you  .   you  couldn’t  be  touched  ,  you  were  immortal  .   it  reflected  in  your  actions  ,  teenagers  huh  ?   but  we  all  know  there  can’t  be  good  without  the  bad  ,  and  for  you  i  wish  the  bad  had  been  a  broken  ankle  or  failed  SAT’S  .  but  it  wasn’t  .    the  bad  was  ripping  you  to  pieces  ,   beyond  repair  .    i  know  it  haunts  you  ,  the  accident    .   the  realization  when  you’re  eyes  focused  on  the  road  and  saw  a  blue  truck  headed  towards  you  ,  you  hate  the  color  blue  .   you  forgot  too  ,  that  dustin  had  taken  off  his  seat  belt  to  retrieve  the  phone  you  knocked  out  of  his  hands  because  he  was  getting  on   your  nerves  .    it  only  hitting  you  when  hues  opened  back  up  and  a  gaping  hole  the  size  of  a  body  remained  .    you  still  don’t  understand  how  it  could  be  ,  that  you  had  absolutely  no  scratches  .  but  your  brother  ?  he  no  longer  had  air  in  his  lungs  .

you’re  lost    ,     you  want  to  sob  like  a  child  with  hands  wrapped  around  you  whispering  it’s  going  to  be  okay  .    but  it  won’t  be  .      and  you  never  realized  how  lonely  your  house  was  ,  and  how  distant  your  parents  were  .    now  your  home  town  reminds  you  of  secrets  whispered  in  the  dark  and  talks  about  the  future  that  no  longer  exists  for  your  brother  .   you  left  after  that  summer   ,   in  the  beginning  you  missed  holidays  because  you  couldn’t  bare  the  sight  of  an  untouched  room  .  and  that  empty  seat  right  beside  you  dug  it’s  claws  into  your  chest  until  you  could  no  longer  breathe  .    you  HATE  your  home  town  ,  and  the  house  you  grew  up  in  .  and  if  you  could  choose  ,  you’d  never  go  back  .  so  why  do  you  ?   it’s  because  of  the  missed  calls  on  your  phone  from  the  ones  you  call  friends  .  you  feel  OBLIGATED  .   it’s  one  of  the  only  emotions  you  feel  ,  besides  guilt  and   grief    .   you  really  do  try  ,  to  move  on  .  to  feel  more  .  but  it’s  hard  for  you   .  so  you  hide  behind  spontaneous  adventures   and  the  bottom  of  a  whiskey  bottle  .    you  flash  pearly  whites  and  roll  around  in  sheets  with  women  you  could  never  love  like  they  love  you  .    you  ink  your  body  with  permanent  ink  because  it’s  the  only  permanent  thing  you’ll  ever  have  .    you  have  to  remind  yourself  that  you’re  alive  ,  you’re  alive  because  sometimes  you  forget  .   but  what’ll  you  never  forget  ?  is  that   ,  you  did  this                     that  reality  hits  you  when  you’re  at  your  weakest  .  it’s  the  one  that  screams  at  you  until  tears  hang  in  honeyed  hues  and  just  healed  wounds  are  ripped  open   by  your  favorite  punching  bag              the  mirror  .   but  that’s  okay  ,  isn’t  it  ?   because  when  the  sun  rises  ,  you’ll  go  out  and  replace  it   .     and  you’ll  pretend  that  you’re  fine  .  

Watching The Last Jedi Thoughts and Reactions

I’ve been obsessed with reading Reylo fan fiction since the opening night I saw TLJ. Ive seen this movie a lot but thought it would be fun to watch it again and react. I guess I had a lot to comment on Rose and Finn and also DJ. Enjoy~

Wow these opening credits are super vague…

I really love this opening scene it’s 100% my favorite Star Wars opening.

Carrie Fishers daughter is super cool. Hux looks v tired and/or on drugs.

Sansa’s insane aunt from Game of Thrones. Love BB-8, I ship Poe and Hux more then Hux and Kylo tho. “punch it!” I love that they have enough time to say cute one liners when piloting a ship. THIS SCENE IS EDITED SO FUCKING WELL THOOOO. Its literally FLAWLESSLY edited. 2nd “punch it!” When the bombers show up my heart starts beating faster, my favorite action sequence ever. Not even thinking about how theres no gravity in space. I love Paige so much! Have I ever seen a asian woman save the day in a movie ever? Why are her hands so beautiful? I LOVE THE COSTUMES OF THIS MOVIE. I wonder where Kylo is? Finn bb!! I wonder why he’s in a storage room? This movie is SO SEXUAL. Love me some beautiful island porn. LOVE that Luke throws the saber, love subverting expectations. “Master Skywalker?” is so cute I have such a crush on Rey. Wow the huts are so cute. Daisy is literally so beautiful, want to be and also kiss her.  Progs, so cute. Rey literally doesn’t waste anything love it she takes the books later also. “Where’s Han?” and then cuts to Kylo love it. The fuck is a “cur”? ADAM DRIVER fuck. This room is so red, its so pretty. This movie is visually STUNNING. Ben’s hair is fucking glorious, also look at those LIPS! I just want him to be with Rey and happy. Ben is fucking loosing his mind Ryan made him look so broken I love it. “Prepare my ship!” is so sexy. Rey’s accent is so perfect. Literally what Luke said he doesn’t want to do he does by the end of the movie. Love poncho Rey! This island is so fucking cool I need more high quality pictures going around. The green milk is so funny. I love that Rey looks away from the creature in embarrassment but then not Ben’s naked chest. I need to take so many screenshots of this movie, theres so many moments people forget! Rey in the tree, so beautiful, I can’t wait to find out id those books give us any information next film. I hope the next film starts with the vision Rey and Ben saw next film. I want to see Reys dreams. I miss Carrie. 

Poe is so annoying, Leia is so right. What a great line, “get your head out of your cockpit”. How does Finn know what the binary beacon is? THIS is when shit goes down. I really like that everything in this movie goes wrong. “Follow my lead” so sexy. Ben is literally crying feeling his mothers presence. And yet people thing this isn’t a redemption story. *shakes my head* Even The First Orders uniforms are so crispty its beautiful. I really like that Leia saved herself. Finn looks so good in that jacket I’m so excited for his blue pants look. Chewy and Porgs is all I ever needed. The lights in the cockpit of the falcon are really beautiful. The shots in this movie are GORGEOUS. I feel like R2 has a really dirty mouth. I can’t wait for Ben and Rey to escape with the falcon from somewhere and then takeout. IM SO READY.  Luke is kinda creepy? Never liked Luke, Leia should have been the protagonist of the original trilogy. HOLDO is a BABE! Love her look and tone and everything she saids is bomb. I love that she talks about everyone else in the galaxy and the importance of keeping everyone hopeful. Why is there so much sexual tension between Poe and EVERYONE? I do feel like Poe is bi tho. Holdo is RIGHT, Poe is annoying and a dick. Sorry I don’t make the rules. He’s hot but wrong. Finn and Rose are so GOOD, it makes me so happy this whole scene. I’m sorry bb Rose I wish I could give her a hug. “Doing talking…” haha I love Kelly so much. Rose is v smart and I love that she stuns him and then drags him. DRAG HIM GIRL. All the men in this movie are making mistakes and the women are being smart this is true to life. Rose and Finn are honestly so perfect together. Its so annoying that Finn and Poe keep interrupting Rose, also true to life.  Maz in the next movie is gonna be into Reylo. Also “union dispute?” what the hell is Maz talking about? How and why does Poe know Maz? I love sleepy Rey, Ben isn’t even mad when he sees her. He looks her up and down so many times throughout this movie. He’s so in love before she is, its cute. Reys outfit is perfection. What Rey said actually wasn’t completely wrong. “s tension, a balance” REYLO! I love that they go into what the force is in this movie. Porgs on the ship is so cute, so is Rey in rain. Ben with his questions, I like that Ben is actually listening to her to see how she feels about him. HE LOOKED AT HER LIPS! WET GLOVES. Finn is so distracted. Pretty cool looks in the casino, those glasses are sweet. Finn/John is so hot. Love watching Rey with her staff. I need one of those belts. An ICON. Could listen to Rey’s theme all day. I feel so bad for the locals, Reys a little bit of a dick. Right when she decides to follow Luke I need that gif! This conversation is great but all I can focus on is the fact that Luke saids “huberous” twice always makes me anxious. I love space operas. Men failing, *a theme*. “I need someone to show me my place in all this” its Ben baby! DJ is cool, why does nobody talk about him. He’s such a interesting character. BB-8 is a badass. Fathiers are so beautiful. It was unnessicary for them to crash through the window and run inside, this whole case is too long. I can’t believe that they have already filmed most of the next movie. I like that Leia and Luke are talking. Now Reys asking the questions, she’s trying to understand him, she wants to understand him. I haven’t noticed till now how inconsistent their voices are over the force. Sleeping baby Ben is my favorite, with his calligraphy set? Precious. Did he show her his past? Or does she just believe him? I want to see the other cut scenes from Reys storyline. Its really cool to see Rey mirroring herself. This is a really cool scene. I’m so happy Ben has long hair in Episode 9. Bens already crying just from her telling him about how lonely she is!! They are eye fucking rn, I know what that look is. I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEY ARE SEEING!!! Luke fucking ruins everything. Ben must be freaking out rn. Yeah get him Rey! I love this fight in the rain. Rey is right. The thing is like how do you know someones completely evil? Who makes that judgement call? This scene is cool, love the look of Yoda. Its a lot of pressure on Rey to continue the Jedi order if she’s the one who knows all the stuff in the books, Im glad she grabbed them. “The greatest teacher failure is”, “we are what they grow beyond” GREAT QUOTES. Rose is a badass. DJ is kinda right tho. “Let me learn you something big” so funny. No one can tell me Rey didn’t wash up and get pretty for meeting Ben. Ben made sure he was the first face she saw, he looks hot. Sweet hacking skills. The iron is really fun editing, they all look really good in the uniforms. The first shot of the elevator scene is so sexual, Ben holding her lightsaber in front of him with her hands in handcuffs. Oofff.  Ryan made this scene as sexy as he could. Its so intimate. They want each other so bad. Rey whispers and leans in. Ben is so soft. His trying to hard to focus on his goal of killing Snoke and saving Rey. Rose is so salty “of course you do”. I feel like everyone puts up with Poe because he’s hot,  because he’s a dick. Another failed plan. Yeah Leia get him! I love that she just shoots. Her daughter surrendering is really funny. Leia and Holdo are so cute I hope they made out one night really drunk when they were younger that was ,y first thought when they held hands. I absolutely love Holdo’s hair. Reys outfit in the throne room is so cool. She’s so strong, Ben is trying so hard to keep it together in the back. Theres no way Snoke bridged their minds. Ben got so scared when he said that. “No” she’s so strong. Ben looks so sad. Oscar Issacs ass is fine! John is really good in this scene and Rose’s scream is terrifying. Murder in Bens eyes. Its really scary that Snoke has so much control over Rey. Rey with Bens saber is all I ever needed. Bens gloved fingers are v sexy. Also THAT FLICK! When they look at each other they know, there in love. THIS FIGHT IS EVERYTHING! When DJ saids “maybe” I felt that. They are so powerful together. I love watching them fight together, can’t wait for the 9! Ben fighting off 3 guards is so hot. Rey dropping her saber and backhanding ir is really hot. Wow this moment is so intense its so quiet. Im so mad Ben didn’t stop the fleet though. The way he saids Rey, why are both of their voices so hot. I need Rey to tell him off in the next movie the way he’s telling off her parents. “Please” murders me. Rey is so smart, she knows he isn’t good yet. This is Rey’s moment of “I know what I have to do” Its crazy that Rose and Finn almost died by being beheaded! The silent part is so beautiful. Why was Phasma so far away? BB-8 in that thing is pretty weird though. Finn is so powerful. He’s super reckless in this film. Rose is so good I want to be her and slide hug her. “Rebel scum” is such a good line. Snokes lower body falling off the throne is super graphic. Ben is so mad Rey left. I can’t wait to see more of soft Ben, I don’t like him choking Hux even though its Hux. Rose and Finn are very lucky they made it below that door. I think everyone always thinks of Rose and Finn as cute and funny, but they are honestly serious and smart. So many people died in this movie. I don’t understand how they aren’t wearing goggles if its salt, they would be crying right now. This run takes a lot more time then it is distance wise. Its so pretty though, so I don’t care. Rey and Chewy saving the day is my favorite thing. “Wooh I like this!” so cute. I love watching Rey shoot. The crystal creatures are so pretty. Finn no! Yes Rose! “I saved you… dummy. Thats how were gonna win, not fighting what we hate, saving what we love.” Rose is right everyone! Listen up! Why does Ben say “no prisoners”, maybe he is bad? I love Reylo I don’t understand I believe in Ben. Is he lying to himself? Could he actually kill his mother? Luke and Leia are so sweet. Also their conversation about Ben makes everything more confusing, so he’s not gone? Aw Luke kissing Leia’s forehead is really sweet. Lukes wink is funny. This music is so good. Finn taking care of Rose is my favorite thing. The editing is so beautiful. Rey in snow >>>> Also “Lifting rocks” how does she know thats what normal Jedi start training with? Ben is such a baby in this scene, he’s so upset. I love that Rey and Finn normalize intimate friendship. Ben is the truest definition of a ‘Dark Prince’ if Ive ever seen one. I’m really glad Luke died here, its time, the sunset it really nice. 

Bens eyes say it all here. Chewy and Leia so sweet. Reys smile is so AWW. Finn putting a blanket on Rose is the best. Rey knows she’s thinking about Ben. “We have everything we need” I bet Leia had a big part in 9 I’m so sad Carrie is gone :(

This last scene with the kids is really the perfect ending, HOPE.

It has Been quite sometime since Aquafina was found outside the Lord of Vampires home and Jasmine had awoken from her deep slumber, things had changed a lot aswell..

Aquafina Was now 8 Years old and totally in love with her father... Elyion had taken over his fathers old business of the towns history and of Course Jasmine Got a Job as a Photographer... 

Ely had grown quite accustom to just about anything parenting through at him minus a few feminine issues he sent Aquafina to Jasmine for those..

Aquafina tried to be as normal as she could but never really could the children at school made quite a Fuss about her father and it made her so upset so when she came home from school one day she ran up to her room through her backpack across the room.. She didnt mean to throw it so hard but it crashed into the wall and left a bit of a dent... Ely had ran upstairs due to the noise and found Aquafina crying in the corner of her room... He picked her up and rocked her gently antell she fell asleep, he laid her down and tucked her into her bed then headed downstairs to have a little chat with his cousin..

“What was that sound?”Jasmine asked as Ely sat down..

“It was Aquafina, She through her backpack through the wall.”Ely said as if it was nothing.

“Wait she what?!?” Jasmine screeched..

Jasmine thought for a few minutes before getting up and rushing down the hall to the bookcase she fumbled through the books and found a very old book she blew on the cover.. Dust flew everywhere making Ely sneeze...”What is that?”Ely asked while rubbing his hands on his pants.. “its something mother gave me when i was younger.. After i got sick for the first time”Jasmine said flipping through page after page Antell she stopped at a page with a picture on it.. The picture was of a women Crying at a grave... Ely didnt unsterstand and shrugged it off heading down to the basement to get some sleep.. But Jasmine seemed to study the image as if it had a secret meaning all its own..

Aquafina’s odd Strength at times was not her only issue.. She often felt hot to the touch as if she was on fire.. and she saw horrible images of people she didnt even know going through things that no child should ever have to witness.. She kept these things to herself not wanting to worry her father or Aunt... She would also seem like she was in a trance but in her mind she was far away seeing through anothers eyes.. This scared her most of all for once she saw a young girl walk off of a high rise building she had woke up screaming... But when her Father had come running she simply told him it was a dream and left it at that...

The next day Jasmine headed to the old Graveyard most of her family was buried while Ely Took Aquafina to her doctors appointment...

Ely and Aquafina wore showed into a room by a nurse and waited for the doctor... Ely’s mouth fell open and a bit of anger rose up inside him as Mark walked into the room.. He had a doctors badge on but it didnt convince Ely..

“Mark!! what the hell are you doing here??”Ely Yelled making Aquafina jump..

“well.. it is good to see you to Cousin.. i went through medical school and now i work here”Mark said simply as he smiled flashing his pearly fangs at Aquafina..

Ely cringed but nodded letting Mark look Aquafina over but his stomach churned as horrible memories flashed to the surface.. 

“Now lay back young one”Mark said tapping the bed.. Aquafina did as she was told and looked back and forth between her father and this dark natured man..

“Daddy.. Do you know this man?”Aquafina asked Ely with a little concern in her eyes She could practically feel the tension in the room..

“Sadly yes my dear.. This is your Daddy’s Cousin Mark”Ely said through gritted teeth..Aquafina frown as Mark touched her forhead feeling the head rising off her skin..

“my Goodness you are running a very high tempt young lady.. and umm Ely, i didnt know you had any kids”Mark said again grinning up at Ely..

“ya.. well im gonna go get some air.. Dont try anything or ill rip you a new one”Ely said as he left the room.. Aquafina felt a little uncomfortable being left alone with a man her father obviously hated but she didnt feel well...

Mark sat Aquafina up because he noticed her nose was bleeding.. 

“oh dear”Mark Quickly grabbed a tissue and held it out to Aquafina Who took it and held it to her nose..”Your in pain.. Arent you child?”Mark asked..

Aquafina tried to hold back the tears bit they slipped past her defence and sizzled down her cheeks..”i am sorry”She said as she wipped at them..

“Now now dont be sorry... my name is Mark”He smiled flashing fangs once more he was very proud of his fangs..

“Aquafina”she said sniffling..”Why does daddy hate you?”She asked carefully.

Mark Sighed heavily Aquafina could Practically feel his sorrow, he was very sorry for something and felt very strongly against his own nature..” along time ago i lost someone very close to me... And i didnt handle it in the best way, infact i killed a lot of innocent people.. Your daddy stopped me and made me see reason.. thats why im here now, if i help those in need instead of hurt them perhaps i can make up for my mistakes” Mark said as a lonely tear ran down his cheek he quickly brushed it away.. Aquafina smiled at this man who hated even himself... “im sure Daddy will Forgive you..Uncle Mark”Aquafina said..

Mark helped Aqaufina off the bed and they headed out to the waiting room where Ely was waiting.. Aquafina sat down at the doll house to play while Mark pulled Ely aside to talk..

“cousin.. I dont know whats wrong with your little girl but it is serious.. its like her body is rejecting something”Mark said worried.

“wait.. are you telling me she is going to die?”Ely asked Dreading the answer.

“i..i Cant answer that”Mark said lowering his head.. Ely Turned around to see his Little girl playing dolls... “Dont tell her..Mark please”Ely said looking back at his cousin with tears welling up in his eyes.. “I promise.. Cousin”Mark lowered his head and headed back to his office...

A Dark figure peeked around the corner of the hospital waiting room.. Watching the sad scene...

“Are you sure your son can handle this, Vlad”Malcolm asked while fazing through the wall making Vlad jump swirl around...

“Malcolm!! you cant keep doing that!! your gonna give me a heart attack!”Vlad hollered as he held his heart...

“You need a heart first good friend”Malcolm Chuckled while grabbing Vlad’s Arm pulling him closer..”Elyion must take great care with that child.. you know how important she is to us”Malcolm stated looking quite serious..

“i understand... i have faith in my son”Vlad said hoping he sounded convincing for deep down he worried for his sons sanity... Elyion never took Loss very well and Gina had Coddled him a bit to much for his liking, but he believed in him...he could do this.. he hoped.

Second Chance Part 22 (IM RP)

RP with the brilliant talented Pippa and her OC Midori and me as Shun, ex lover crossing path again- only what kind of ending will they get this time and just how far would they go to reach there?

OC- Midori Katayani ❣ Canon- Shunichiro Tachibana

This is where the rp officially ends though I have additional something for Shun, maybe I’ll finish it one day when a more detailed scene plays in my head. People ask why Shun takes the easy way out- We don’t necessary get all the answers we seek in life and sometimes (most times) it’s easier to walk away then to put in more effort which you know would only do more damage than good.

(My version of) Shun does cares about Midi in a slightly more selfish way, he doesn’t want history to repeat itself, to hurt Midi or be hurt. Sachi’s just an excuse, his hiding place where he seeks short term comfort but would it last? I doubt it, that man has much more to learn but only with someone who’s able to open his lonely and fragile heart.

❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥

Shunichiro Tachibana 

It had been nine years, almost to the day, since I left my number on the book. It had been four years since I had discovered another store that’s much closer to my place. I hadn’t visited this area in so long, it started as preventing myself to think of Midori then it was to avoid running into her to eventually forgetting this part of town.

“There were two types of drinkers: those who drank to enhance their personalities, and those who sought to take something away.”

Sinking into my thoughts as my finger slowly follow the lines of words that describes me, the part of me who’s trying the hardest to be honest with myself, making up my mind as her voice cuts through my thoughts.

"Is this a date?”

A wide blush spreads across Midori’s face as she tugs my sleeves. I sigh and walk a little faster so we wouldn’t be late. What is it with women and the need to classify every little thing? Sorting and labeling each folders like an assistant, storing and securing medication like a pharmacy? Must they mark their territory? Like being together isn’t enough but signing a piece of paper would provide that sense of security over a binding contract.

“Remember this place?” I ask, blowing on my soup before putting it to my lips with a sudden image of us sitting at the same table, doing the same things, and it makes my heart burns. I watch her face as she smiles happily with her spoonful of delicious curry. “Of course, we came here on our first date which by the way you still haven’t answered me if this is a date!”

Putting the spoon back to my bowl, and momentarily give up on the soup. I chuckle and give her the best answer I’d offer. “What’s wrong with just calling it dinner?”

The night goes on as we catch up, filling the details on how awful work has been and I eventually tell her about the governor and that omiai meeting. Her spoon clatters out of her fingers and I look up with a grin, “At least that leads me to you?”

With dessert quickly approaching through, I gesture the captain and he brings the surprise along with our bill. Midori’s mouth drops at the small bouquet of white tulips and answering her question in mind when she’s still on cloud nine. “This is to apologize.” And I bite my tongue before I’d say more, an apology for the pain I’ve cost her and so much more.

Now I have done with the last hurdle, we begin reminiscing about the good times during our six years and before we know it it’s already completely dark out. We continue along the path, “I should walk you home.” She nods with sparkles in her eyes and we are on our way to her home.

I’m about to have the most nerve-wrecking conversation confession of a lifetime. This is the woman who I’ve spent nearly a decade to forget, the one who shows me what love at first sight is along with the pain and emptiness that I never want to feel again. My fists clench remembering those unfortunate time and my heart pounds rapidly at the sight of her pleasing smile.

Silence hit us both on the way, walking along the pavement with the dimmed street lights hitting us from above. In minutes we are in front of Midori’s apartment. We both stop next to the stairs. “I had a great time tonight.” She says happily, hugging that beautiful bouquet that matches her beam perfectly.

“Mid..ori,” Her name leaving my lips chopped up and stuttered, part of me just want to run off and text her the rest. I almost pity at my own cowardness but I need to do this, I want to be honest. “I’m sorry for the past weeks, the past years. I should have be there when you needed me.”

Suddenly, a line appears in my head, “You can either be the guy who makes my life easier, or the guy who makes my life harder.”

Not that I’d recall where it’s from but it’s definitely from one of Midori’s favorite show as the vivid image of her hand slapping on my chest and warning me to remember it. So I had or thought I was the guy who’s making her life easier by working harder, earning more, preparing to give her a home she deserved and desired.

We both know how that turns out.

I pause to let out a long, sadden sigh and hand her a tiny paper box. I keep watch while she opens it to find a familiar looking key follow by a confused and disappointed look in her eyes.

“I meant to return your apartment key to you years ago but I never did.” My brows frown, taking my time to release the words I almost choke on. “I maybe the same man from nine years ago, some things never change while some … could … never be …. the …. same again.”

A wounded look on her face and I take a deep breath, forcing myself to finish what I have started. “We could never go back and I realize… I have moved on.” No matter how small, I wish life’s less cruel and this moment would be an illusion that Midori and I have not stumbled back into each other lives. “You deserve better, Midi. I…. I can’t give you want you want, my heart is somewhere else. I.. I’m truly truly sorry.”

I whisper in shame, turning to the opposite direction, the rational part of me know this probably would be the last time we see each other, she’d never forgive me, no one in their right mind would and I deserve it.

But at least I’m honest.

Climbing into a cab, I give the driver an address I vaguely remember, I have just one more stop to make. After sending a quick text then I close my eyes and prepare myself for another confess of a lifetime.

Midori Katayani

It’s not even a goodbye - just a walk away like I’d always imagined it being. I feel like my heart should be breaking but truth be told, I’m not exactly sure I have a heart left to break. Clutching at the keys in my hand I try not to let tears fall as I let myself into my apartment. The last week has just been too good to be true - I’ve been used, lied to, hurt, chewed up and spat out and all because I listened to a feeling in my chest rather than my head. I should have know something was up when he let me roll onto his side of the bed; he’s never done that. As much as I want to choke up and cry, I don’t. Being alone is a feeling that I’m use to and pretty good at although I shouldn’t gloat. Collapsing down onto the couch I begin craving a cigarette although I’ve got a million and one things running through my head. Perhaps this is the motivation that I need to do what I want - to leave. It’s late, but I already start to organize a packing company to come over in the morning and start storing my things. After a few calls and empty, emotionless sobs it’s decided, I’ll take my business ventures and personal life elsewhere. Calling the second in charge at Mixology, I inform them I won’t be at work for a while. They ask a dozen questions and my only answer is, ‘Soon, I’ll have an answer for you soon.’ Breaking a lease with a landlord at 2am is exhausting at least but once I’m ready to fall asleep, I start feeling complete. A quick browse online and I find cheap tickets to Greece. Thank god my passport is still valid. Now it’s just one last thing - I grab my phone for one final text. Shunichiro - I hope you’re happy with whoever she is.

Doctor Who AU - Casanova      Donna gazed around the empty store room in complete satisfaction. What had once been a heaving mass of paper chaos now stood wholly empty except one lone writing desk and a pair of shelves.      “I must admit”, Father Octavius smiled warmly, appearing in the doorway. “When first you took up this task, I thought it impossible that you should conquer it.”      Donna shook her head modestly.      “It was all down to good help. I couldn't have done it without the boys and Giacomo.”      “Ah yes”, Father Octavius nodded, folding his hands into the sleeves of his habit. “I feared for Signore Casanova's health these past few weeks. I thought he'd been driven mad when he locked himself in this records room. I had to be quite forceful when he refused to break for sustenance.”      “I wish I'd had the presence of mind”, Donna apologized. “I'd've given him a swift kick in the arse for ya'.”      Father Octavius laughed.      “For what it is worth, my lady. I doubt even that would have stopped him.” he paused, considering her thoughtfully. “He cares for you, deeply.”      Donna flushed.      “Well, I'm sorry I turned him into a nuisance for you.”      Father Octavius held up his hands dismissively.      “All is well, my child. Our records are in order, Signore Casanova has returned to his home, and you are again in good health. God is smiling down on us this day.”      Donna nodded, smiling herself.      “That's kind of you to say.”      “Truly”, Father Octavius insisted. “I feel the lord must have sent you for our dear Giacomo. I only wish there were someway to repay you for all you have done.”      “'Know of any paying work?”, Donna half laughed sarcastically.      The Father paused, with a pensive finger to his lips.      “You know..”, he began eventually. “I might actually.”      Donna blinked Rapidly.      “You're jokin'.”      “There are a few scholars I know who may be in need of your organizational skills for their records and libraries”, The Father elaborated. “If you would allow me a day or two.. I'm sure I would be able to find something.”      “That would be fantastic!”, Donna cheered, gratefully. “Thank you, your grace!”      “Not at all, dear lady”, The Father beamed warmly. -----      The following two months passed far too easily.      Donna threw herself into her new occupation and quickly earned herself an outstanding reputation, gaining her access to more and more job opportunities. On the whole, the scholar's never could pay much, but Donna loved the work, and it allowed her to set her own hours, which meant more time with Giacomo in the evenings. Life was good. The TARDIS collected dust.      Donna hummed a half forgotten song as she trotted home from her latest venture. She was going to pay Henriette back for the first of the many dresses she had lent her. Just another months work.      There were silhouettes passing the windows of Giacomo's apartment in the encroaching twilight. Did he have company over? Henriette and a few friends maybe?      Donna half sang, half mumbled the notes to the song she had almost forgotten as she climbed the stairs to their apartments. She cheerily slot her key and turned the knob.      A chilling scene awaited her inside.      Giacomo knelt before four venetian soldiers, bound, gagged and enraged. The soldiers had their bayonets trained to the back of Giacomo's skull, tense and sensitive to every movement their prisoner made.      The clear orchestrator of the insult stepped forward, grinning smugly.      “Ahh, Lady Noble. How kind of you to join us.”      Donna felt her blood begin to boil as she glared daggers at the unwelcome visitor.      “Paracelsus”, she growled, clenching her shaking fists. “What festering hole did you climb out of?'      “Oh, trust me, dear lady”, Paracelsus chuckled darkly. “It was far better than the one they will plant you in.”      He nodded to two spare guards on either side of the doorway to Giacomo's apartments.      “That is the witch I have been telling you all of.. seize her.”      “Witch?!”, Donna shrieked in indignation, as the soldiers grabbed her roughly by the elbows and held her in place. “I am nothing of the sort!”      “Oh, are you not?”, Paracelsus posed, raising a sardonic eyebrow. “My mistake, then. Kindly explain to myself and these fine gentlemen what this is.”      Paracelsus gestured towards The TARDIS which was distinctly set apart from the rest of the decor.      Donna shrugged lamely.      “Decorative door?..”      Paracelsus shot her a scathing glance before clearing his throat pompously.      “You will open the vessel and allow me to take control of it on behalf of The Venetian Government and The Warehouse Organization.” He then grinned self indulgently. “I am, after all, official city guardian of all such matters and materials.      Giacomo wriggled free of his gag, spitting angrily.      “You used my friendship for this?! You despoil’t cur! You bastard! You-!”      A soldier stopped Giacomo short by clunking him sharply in the back of the head with the butt of his bayonet. Giacomo dropped to the floor like a stone and lay still.      “No!”, Donna screamed, squirming against the grasp of the soldiers with all her might. “Leave him alone! He's nothing to do with this!”      “I'll make you a deal, Lady Noble”, Paracelsus sighed with an air of boredom. “Let me have the machine and Giacomo goes free.”      “But, sir-!”, one of the soldiers attempted to interject, but Paracelsus held up his hand for silence.      “The TARDIS for your paramour. Seems a fair trade, does it not?”      Donna glanced from her only ticket home to Giacomo, riddled with indecision. What should she do? What would The Doctor do? She squared her shoulders and glared hellfire at Paracelsus when she realized the answer.      “Fine”, she growled with as much hatred as she could summon.      “Lovely”, Paracelsus smirked smugly, clapping his hands together. “After you, then..”      He nodded to the soldiers on either side of Donna and they released her, but leveled their weapons to her back moments later, forcing her forward.      “I'm going to reach for the key”, she announced loudly to the room, holding up her hands for all to see, before she slid one hand down the front of her corset and extracted The TARDIS' key from her cleavage. The soldiers looked slightly scandalized and a bit pink, but otherwise did nothing. Donna breathed a sigh of relief and stepped up to The TARDIS' door.      “Help me”, she prayed under her breath to anyone that was listening, before she inserted her key and turned the lock.      .. Nothing ..      The TARDIS was as silent as ever, and she held back her stupid, disappointed tears as she stepped inside.      “It's all yours..”, she mumbled miserably, as she side-stepped to let Paracelsus enter.      Very suddenly, The TARDIS' door slammed shut, a mere millimeter away from the vile man's nose.      “What is the meaning of this, Witch?!”, Paracelsus shrieked in outrage.      “I'm not doing it!”, Donna shouted back through the door in her defense, trying the inside handles and rattling the frame. “It's locked itself!”      “That's ridiculous!”, Paracelsus scoffed. “Machines aren't alive! I demand you open this door at once, or I shall be forced to take out your reluctance on Signore Casanova!”      “You. Complete. ARSE!”, Donna cried, nearly tearing all her hair out in frustration. “Don't. You. DARE! I was all set to give you this useless pile of bolts, but she's got too much bleedin' pride!”      “He could be The Doctor, you know!”, she roared in the direction of the time column, pushing with all her strength against the wooden outer door. “Ya' can be pleased now that yer gonna get 'im murdered!”      Paracelsus frowned in confusion.      “Who ARE you speaking with?”      “The TARDIS, you idiot! She's-”      Donna fell silent as a familiar sound cut through the air. A sound she thought she might've never heard again. A sound which should have filled her with warmth, but now filled her heart with dread at the possible outcome.      “-.. Alive. She's alive”, Donna gasped, as the time rotor spun up and down of it's own volition and glowed with a sickly red light.      The TARDIS wheezed with the strain of a thousand ancient gears and then disappeared, leaving an empty closet-sized gap in it's wake.      The racket was enough to rouse Giacomo, and he blinked blearily in the swirling dust.      “What.. 'appened?”, he slurred.      “It seems your flame-haired toy has abandoned you”, Paracelsus half taunted.      “She is not a 'toy', Paracelsus”, Giacomo snarled. “and I still cannot believe you would throw away our entire friendship for a machine!”      “A very special machine”, Paracelsus reminded him. “One that could revolutionize the world as we know it.”      “Please”, Giacomo begged. “If you ever cared for me- please- end this now.”      Paracelsus actually seemed to hesitate and consider his words.      “I couldn't now, even if I wanted to”, he sighed, finally. “A sentence of witchcraft cannot be reversed once pronounced. But don't worry, you were only under her sway, I specified that.”      “I beg pardon for Donna, not myself!”      “Oh.. Well, that is unfortunate..”      Paracelsus shrugged.      “You'll find another.”      “There is no one on this Earth like Donna Noble, and there never will be again!”, Giacomo testified vehemently.      Paracelsus shook his head.      “You always get so worked up over women, Giacomo. It's entirely unseemly.. and boring- Guards!      With the flick of the wrist, and before Giacomo could say any more, Paracelsus had him re-gagged and hauled away to the city cells. -----      Donna was seven shades of livid as The TARDIS came to a juddering, jarring halt, and finally landed herself with an aching metallic screech. Donna let go to the safety railings and flew down the gangway to take a short peak outside.      A back alley. Still Venice. Still somewhere in the 1700's.      She roared, incoherent and angry, slamming the door closed and even stamping her foot childishly, before letting out a defeated sigh and caressing a cooper bulb in apology.      “Thanks for saving me”, she whispered begrudgingly. “Though, you could've picked somewhere more useful. How am I supposed to save Giacomo from that arsehole Paracelsus now?      Her cellphone, which she'd forgotten in it's convenient little cubbyhole in The TARDIS console, beeped inexplicably.      “..Right..”, Donna breathed, resigned, walking up to the console, retrieving her phone and dialing The Doctor.      “Donna!”, beamed the cheery, yet tense voice of The Doctor, as minor explosions went off in the background. “Erm.. Not that I'm not thrilled to hear from you and all, but, uhh, is there any chance you could call back later?”      “'Fraid not, spaceman”, Donna sighed, unbuttoning the sleeves of her gown as she balanced her cell between her shoulder and her ear, and then rolling up those sleeves in preparation. “Casanova and I have been accused of witchcraft by this important nutter, and now I've gotta save 'im. How'd' I get this old girl ta' fly?”      “Well, no rest for the wicked, then”, The Doctor mumbled under his breath, frantically flipping switches aboard his version of The TARDIS, before turning his brain to Donna's problem. “Okay! First, you'll need that rocket fuel I told you about earlier!”      “Is that under 'R' for rocket, or 'F' for fuel?”, Donna asked, hauling up The TARDIS' grating as best she could half handed.      “'F'!”, The Doctor answered as his TARDIS was buffeted by a loud banging something and sparks rained down on him from above.      “Thanks”, Donna grunted, finally tossing the piece of decking to one side, and preparing herself to hop down into the hold.      “Hang on”, she frowned. “What's going on down' your end?”      “Kind of you to notice”, The Doctor hissed sarcastically through gritted teeth, hauling on a steering leaver for all he was worth. “Ran afoul of some 1920's mobsters. Well- They weren't really mobsters. Vitororians from The Planet Necrotis 3 in The Plutrans System. What a nasty bunch- Let me tell you! Card sharks- literally!”      “Wish I had the time”, Donna interrupted pointedly, shimmying down into The TARDIS archives.      “Right! Well!”, The Doctor huffed briefly, before getting distracted when a brilliant array of lights began flashing across the console, followed immediately by blaring sirens.      “Have you found the fuel yet?”, he shouted over the din, wailing on the different blinking bulbs with his trusty rubber mallet.      “Keep yer pants on, I'm lookin'”, Donna sniped, flitting from storage trunk to storage trunk, looking for 'F'.      “Gosh darn golly gee, Mr. Doctor! I thought you said you knew how to fly this thing!”, a woman's voice squeaked on The Doctor's end of the line.      Donna stopped, stalk still.      “Hang on- Who was that?”      “Huh?”, The Doctor wheezed, stretching himself from lanky end to end, holding one switch down with his pinkie finger and one down with the toe of one shoe. He glanced over his shoulder at the source of the voice.      “Oh! That's just Polly. Say 'ello, Polly!”      “Who the bleeding hell is Polly?”, Donna demanded.      “She got mixed up with The Vitororians”, The Doctor explained. “Owed them some money- Anyway, I helped her out and now she's helping me out- Stopping their bid for world domination.”      “Well, I know my place, I'm sure”, Donna huffed, finally locating the correct storage trunk. “Didn't take you long, did it?”      “For what?”, The Doctor squawked defensively, cranking a valve with inhuman dexterity and speed.      “Oh, don't mind me”, Donna sniffed sarcastically, rummaging through the trunk and hauling out a jerry can marked 'star ship rocket fuel'. “I know when I've been replaced.”      “Donna..”, The Doctor whined petulantly. “You know it's not like that, and I can't ward off attacks on both fronts right now.”      “Oh, alright”, Donna sighed, giving up the ghost as she was on her own time sensitive mission. “I've got the fuel, now what?”      A ball of flame slammed into The Doctor's TARDIS and flickered in through the gaps around the door.      “Umm..”, he croaked, fear epping into his tone momentarily as he watched the flames lick briefly along the interior of The TARDIS.      “Doctor..”, Donna prompted impatiently.      “Grab'some'matches', light'one, chuck'it'in'the'can, chuck'the'can'in'the'star”, The Doctor rattled off in quick succession, detaching a fire extinguisher from underneath his TARDIS' control panel.      “I think I got all that”, Donna puffed, hitching up her skirts, and preparing herself for a whole lot of running. “Thanks, spaceman.”      “Oh, Donna”, The Doctor realized as he unleashed the contents of the fire extinguisher onto his TARDIS' door and frame.      “Yeah?', Donna wondered, nearly hanging up on him, but catching herself at the last second.      “Don’t be in the engine room when the jerry can goes in the star”, he warned, tossing the fire extinguisher to the side when it was spent.      “I'd pretty much figured that out by myself”, Donna smirked in amusement. “Go. Save your ship. Do something mad and amazing.”      “Planning to, yeah”, The Doctor breathed, dusting ash from his suit pants.    “Allon-z!”      “Bye”, Donna chuckled, shaking her head and ending the call.      “Right..”, she muttered to herself, squaring her shoulders. “One 'fuse change', coming up..” [previous] [next]

Post hamilton feelings

okay so i just got back from NY today and hamilton was AMAZING! ngl i was a little afraid it wouldn’t live up to the hype, but the hype is Real y’all!! my full hamilton #Review is below and feel free to shoot an ask or a msg if you have questions or just wanna Yell with me about it, i still have a lot of feelings and Opinions. and besides for hamilton, NY in general was ofc amazing! it’s so big and loud and bright and beautiful!! the buildings were so cool looking i felt like such a tourist taking pics of all the buildings and shit but i couldn’t help it, i loved the #Aesthetic so much. i had so much good food and cocktails! we toured the morgan museum and library and it was so cool to see all these old documents and abstract art. the strand was so cool, i bought a second hand vintage aesop's fables book and a cool hamilton themed canvas bag, i honestly could have spent all my money there. we p much walked from midtown (our hotel was in hells kitchen) to lower manhattan (west village) all day on the 31st and the rooftop party on new years eve was so cool! the empire state building was all lit up and was right there. if you got my snapchat you probs saw the pics and the following drunk snaps... there was an open bar, so i had a good time lmaoo

okay first of the theatre is beautiful, and i had front mezzanine seats so i was on the 2nd level. my view was great, i could see everyone clearly and i only had to lean forward a little bit because of the dude in front of me and his fat head.

okay im gonna get my criticisms out of the way first so i can get back to gushing. now some parts i wasn’t quite sold on was thayne jasperson as laurens/philip and seth stewart as lafayette/jefferson.

now i’ll be honest i love jordan fisher okay so im maybe a bit biased here lmao. he’s a babe and i love his voice so much (if you haven’t heard lin and jordan fisher doing your welcome, 10/10 would recommend), so when i saw that jordan wasn’t playing my boi john laurens that night i was disappointed, ngl. i really wanted to like thayne, i really did. but. he just.... did Not do it for me. his voice is very...young and boyish sounding. higher pitched and almost squeaky in parts. it suited him well as philip when he’s playing a child but as john laurens?.....ehhhhh. he just could not sing out those smooth crooner melodies like anthony ramos and i kinda felt like he trying too hard to sound like anthony. also thayne is....very white. and tbh the line “but we’ll never be truly free until those in bondage have the same rights as you and me... wait till I sally in on a stallion with the first black battalion” just did not have the same bite coming from a little white boy.

as for seth stewart.... his lafayette was a bit forced. the accent was kinda jarring and distracting. during my shot he was really rushing it. i felt like he was trying to take it too fast and bust out those guns n ships level raps right away. when the whole point is that lafayette is unsure with english at first so he’s a bit slower and more hesitant but then by guns and ships he busts out with that IMTAKINGTHISHORSEBYTHEREINSMAKINGREDCOATSREDDERWITHBLOODSTAINS! and you’re like whooooooa! character development!!! and that did not quite happen. i was impressed that seth actually managed to pull of those guns n ships raps really well tho. so his lafayette didn’t quite do it for me, but his jefferson was amazing! jefferson has moves and swagger lol! you like him but you kinda hate that you sort of like the guy cause he’s an asshole, but he’s also charmed you a bit as well. you’re kinda sitting there like WAIT i don’t wanna like this guy but i sort of do!!

keep in mind that i have no other comparison other than the soundtrack and watching the bootleg a couple times. i was overall impressed at how true to the soundtrack it sounded!! the voices that really stood out to me were javier munoz (hamilton), brandon victor dixon (burr), nicholas christopher (washington), andrew chappelle (he’s a switch for p much all the parts but that night he played herc/madison), and mandy gonzalez (angelica). everyone was amazing but these people just really jumped out at me

javi is really enjoyable as hamilton, like i do enjoy lmm’s voice but let’s face it y’all he’s a rapper and a writer at heart, he doesn’t have those traditional broadway pipes. he still moves you and hits you right in the gut with his voice, but it is unique and distinctive, especially on broadway. so hearing javi, a objectively better singer, do hamilton was very refreshing and enjoyable. he also brings so much passion and intensity to the role and almost like a mischievous? quality as well.

dixon as burr was also very good... the burr songs (wait for it and room where it happens) were def like the highlights of the show. dixon kind of has more of a rapper quality to his voice than leslie odom jrs’ burr, who has that velvet and smoke jazz singer kind of voice. wait for it utterly took my breath away. he starts off so calm and controlled and by the crescendo he is passionate and intense, enraged even. it’s the most worked up you see burr and it’s amazing to see him go from 100 to 0 and bring it all back down to the burr like calm and control that we see all the time with him.... dixons voice was so strong and intense and when it ends and he’s standing there in darkness with just the lone light shining on him and quietly whispers “....wait for it”... ahhhh! one of my fave burr moments was how during aaron burr, sir at the line “you wanna get ahead?” burr grabs hams plain brown jacket he’s wearing at the time and like gestures and looks at it like really? you expect to get ahead looking like THIS

nicholas christopher had such a stage presence! and it’s amusing to notice that he is literally the only person in the show who can seem to say no to Ham outright. i also loved his Look, hes bald and has a big beard and when he comes out in right hand man banishing the sword it looked so badass. one last time was so intense and i was impressed that nicholas christopher managed to pull of those chris jackson runs, he sounded almost exactly like chris jackson on the soundtrack

andrew chappelle is also one of my faves, his hercules was amazing and he pulled of the swagger and presence really well but he really shone as madison. he adds so much sass and exasperation to madison, especially when it comes to jefferson. you really get the sense of him just humoring jefferson

now someone who REALLY blew the roof of the place with their voice alone was mandy gonzalez. she also played Nina in In the heights, and now she plays angelica. satisfied was one of the best parts and her voice just filled the whole theatre til it was bursting!! and the choreography and use of the turntables during satisfied was impressive, they literally rewind everything to how the scene is set during helpless when angelica, eliza, and ham meet.

speaking of hamilton and eliza omg, they were so cute??? like they’re so sweet with each other and are almost always constantly touching hands or touching in some way when near each other, which makes it that much more sad later when during non stop he tears his hands away from eliza (and angelica too) and during quiet uptown when hamilton tries to hold elizas hand and she jerks her hand away from his. another thing about quiet uptown was that when eliza decides to forgive him, hamilton is pretty much breaking down. like his shoulders are shaking and he’s openly crying and eliza is standing there impassively coldly ignoring him until she holds his hand and they turn to each other.

rory o’malley is delightful as king george, he is so petulant and ridiculous that you can’t help but laugh he had the whole theatre cracking up.

alysha deslorieux and peggy/maria was amazing! she has the same smooth low quality to it that jasmine has and say no to this was actually quite sexy. the soundtrack does not do it justice. hamilton and maria kiss pretty deeply with a lot of heat for like 10 seconds and during that part where hamilton is practically moaning “yes! yes! yes!” yea maria is essentially giving him a lapdance at that part, it was a very sensual scene.

parts i cried/teared up during (yes i am weak and emo okay)

-helpless

-satisfied

-wait for it

-that would be enough

-dear theodosia

-the laurens interlude

-one last time

-hurricane

-burn

-it’s quiet uptown

-best of wives and best of women

-who lives who dies who tells your story