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#if i felt good in the morning I'd be like i don't deserve this bc I'm lazy
peonyprophet · 1 year
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Thank you to my therapist, for being the only voice of reason in my life. Mwah.
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strongheartneteyam · 6 months
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[ credits of the Neteyam pic go to cinetrix ]
Champagne Problems
Part 6
Pairing: Neteyam Sully x female!human!reader
CW: a lot of angst, tension between neteyam and reader, heartbroken neteyam, sexual tension, heartbroken reader, insecure neteyam, jealous reader, neteyam just won't leave reader's head, hurt/comfort (?), TRIGGER WARNING for some sensitive themes like reader showing signs of low self steem and not thinking she's worth it, friend group dynamic among reader, adeline and kate, kiri being sweet, reader misses neteyam and regrets dumping him, reader thinks she's protecting neteyam from hurt by staying away from him, spider makes an appearance, kiri being protective over neteyam's feelings, reader tells kiri she likes neteyam. Tell me if there's more, pls.
Here I come, finally updating this incredibly angsty fanfiction :') I hope y'all enjoy this. Writing this fic breaks my heart, guys… it feels raw, honestly. Maybe I'm just speaking like this bc I'm on my period + I'm listening to a sad Taylor Swift song but omg my heart aches rn
Not proofread. I'm sorry, babies, I'm dead rn. So freaking sleepy and finishing this at 5 am bc my mind just wouldn't let me sleep and kept forcing me to think about and write this chapter.
Part 5: The sand hurts my feelings
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It hits different 'cause it's you
I used to switch out these Kens, I'd just ghost
Rip the Band-Aid off and skip town like an asshole outlaw
Freedom felt like summer then on the coast
Now the sun burns my heart and the sand hurts my feelings
And I never don't cry at the bar
Yeah, my sadness is contagious
Hits Different (Taylor Swift)
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"Hey." Neteyam greeted you in a dry tone. He found it hard to look into your eyes so he just gazed rapidly into them and then kept his eyes on the ground.
His heart was broken, aching and his pride was shattered. Neteyam hated to see everybody around him looking at him with pity in their faces, knowing that he had been dumped by the girl he loved. He wondered if the boys - Lo'ak, Rotxo and Ao'nung - looked down on him now. Neteyam suddenly felt like he was not a good hypothetical mate. He had always thought he would make a good, reliable and loving mate to the girl he would one day choose to be his but you made him start doubting that after last night. He knew it was probably stupid but still he couldn't seem to get rid of those feelings.
You tried to hide your uneasiness but it was written all over your face.
"Hi." You answered Neteyam, your heart pounding in your chest, anxiety leaving your hands cold.
The pain you were causing Neteyam could be easily seen in the way his jaw clenched, in the way he weirdly looked insecure instead of confident as he always seemed to be. You wanted to say "I'm sorry", you wanted to say "Maybe I did the wrong thing when I refused to become your mate" but you had seen him with Munì. It was useless now, anyway.
Lo'ak looked at Neteyam, then back at you and then he would redo the whole thing all over again, like he was waiting for the both of you to exchange more words. Poor thing. He seemed even more tense than Neteyam and you.
"Rotxo, Ao'nung" Neteyam rapidly called, looking now at the Metkayina boys "Tonowari is waiting for us. Clan business." His voice was serious and seemed slightly annoyed, his face stern 
You wondered if Neteyam said "clan business" instead of giving more detail because you were sitting there too and he was mad at you. Well, you didn't blame him if that's how he felt. You deserved it. You could have been nicer to him this morning.
"Let's go!" Lo'ak spoke loudly, like he was trying to get out of that awkward situation as fast as he could
"Chill out, forest boy. We're going." Ao'nung teased and Rotxo laughed 
"I'm Metkayina now, fish lips. Stop calling me that." Lo'ak responded 
Frenemies indeed.
The boys left and your gaze was fixed on Neteyam's back as he walked away next to the other Metkayina. As you looked down at the beach floor, you wished that ache inside you would just vanish but life doesn't work that way.
When you looked up, you saw Tsireya's and Kiri's big feline eyes fixed on your face. It scared the crap out of you. They seemed even wider now.
"What?!" You sounded legitimately startled
"Neteyam told me and Lo'ak he was gonna ask you to be his mate at the party." Kiri stated
"And how the hell did every person in this tribe find out about that? Did he tell them too?" You didn't mean to sound rude but you really were overwhelmed by the situation
"It's just me, my brother and Rotxo. Only we know, other than Kiri and Lo'ak. My stupid brother overheard Kiri asking Neteyam how it had went, what answer you had given to Neteyam and he told Rotxo. I saw them laughing like idiots and asked what was so funny. That's when Ao'nung told me." Tsireya said, like she was sorry about the fact that so many people knew about yours and Neteyam's intimate business
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The day after that, you and the girls went back to Hell's Gate. You decided it was better to leave things the way they were. To let Neteyam have a nice, healthy and proper relationship with someone of his own kind. Like your father always used to say, na'vi and humans will never be equal. But he meant it in a derogatory way, with prejudice against the na'vi in his words while you meant something totally different. It was just natural that na'vi would marry other na'vi, not a human. The differences between both cultures did not just speak loud, they actually shouted like a mad person. You knew you could never get accustomed to being a na'vi male's mate. Not even if that male was Neteyam and just thinking about leaving him behind, thinking that you felt absolutely nothing for him, made you feel a burning, painful sensation in your heart. And of course Neteyam would be better off with an emotionally stable mate. Munì seemed perfect for him. 
You totally did not feel anger boiling inside your guts anytime you thought about her stupid smiles and giggles back when she was talking to him at the beach. She would make him happy and you were totally happy for them. The next step for you would be actually believing the words you just thought.
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One month and a few days had passed. You felt grateful that you had been able to dodge all the demands to go conduct scientific researches on the Metkayina tribe that you had received until now, asking to exchange positions with colleagues and staying in the lab, doing paperwork instead. You were doing everything in your power to avoid Neteyam. But you could never seem to be able to avoid the pain that washed over your body and the tears that wanted to come out - but never actually did because you were always strong enough to hold them back - whenever a sad love song started playing in your earbuds or in one of your friend's phones. It seemed like every fucking dumb love song reminded you of him.
After Kiri sent you a message almost begging you to go visit her, making you feel guilty and saying that she missed you a lot and now that she had her own marui, you just had to go to the reef and see it, you couldn't say "no". She was being too adorable and you missed her too. You asked Kiri if Kate and Adeline could come along and she excitedly agreed, so, the three of you used your next couple of days off to travel to the Metkayina beach again. It was a blessing that Neteyam had traveled to the Omatikaya tribe to see his grandmother Mo'at and was gonna be gone for a while, as Kiri had guaranteed you.
Kiri always had a very human side to her, just like Lo'ak. Neteyam didn't even seem like he was half human at times. He was extremely proud to be na'vi and wore his indigenous culture with honor all over himself. You could never see Neteyam asking to have his own place. He was too attached to his family - and you thought that was extremely cute. It wasn't traditional amongst the na'vi for an unmated young girl to leave her family's marui like that but Kiri was clever and she found a way to get what she wanted out of her parents.
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Adeline, Kate and you woke up as early as the Pandoran skies got clear and dragged your sleepy and tired asses to the Metkayina tribe. Being a scientist would never not leave a person overworked and exhausted. Like most mornings, you had drank way too much caffeine already for such an early hour in the day.
"Girl, how do you always look so beautiful? I could never." You pointed out as you watched Adeline make two thin braids to frame her round, delicate face and put her black curly hair in a voluminous bun on the top of her head, while the both of you were inside the science team's helicopter, heading to the Metkayina reef.
You had always found Adeline extremely pretty with her dark skin, voluptuous figure and feminine style. She always made sure to look cute.
"I don't know. I guess I'm God's favorite." She joked around and the both of you started to laugh
Adeline was also funny. She could put a smile in your face anytime, even when you were sad. You considered her a sister from another mother.
"You guys are stupid." Kate teased as she was laughing too and holding an energy drink filled with caffeine in her pale hand. She'd drink those often to help wake her up.
Kate's long, blonde, wavy hair fell gracefully over her chest. Her eyes were blue and she was tall and had an athletic but slim body. Damn, you only had breathtaking friends.
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Kate and Adeline had decided to take a nap after lunch in Kiri's marui and they asked if you would come too but you refused as you were far too restless to be able to sleep. That beach brought back too many memories…
So, now you found yourself sitting in the sand, watching the ocean waves break as they hit the shore with Kiri by your side. She had managed to make you say the truth about why you seemed so troubled.
"Yeah, (y/n), you fucked up big time." Kiri stated with that aura of wisdom beyond her years that only herself knew how to effortlessly exude.
You wanted to dig a hole in the sand under your feet and jump inside of it, hiding and never coming back up again. Of course you'd fuck it up with Neteyam. You had a cursed tendency to self sabotage. You did not know if being so freaking aware of it made you better or if it actually made you worse.
"Are you mad at me?" You ask nervously with furrowed eyebrows 
"(y/n)! It's not my feelings that you should be worried about! It's not my heart that you broke." Kiri scolded you as she looked at you with those big feline yellow eyes like she was actually horrified. You felt so bad for thinking it was kind of funny. "I know you don't wanna be Neteyam's mate but do you not care about him at all? Not even a little bit? He hasn't been the same ever since you dumped him and left. Poor thing can barely go train with dad. I think I saw him sniffing while hiding one of these days. Eywa knows that prideful teylu" (edible Pandoran bug) "would never cry in front of us."
"I swear I didn't mean to be cruel. I just did not know… how to react. It was sudden, you know? It's like, I don't know… a cultural shock? Humans don't go around asking people they just met to marry them. Or… become their mates." It would never feel normal to say "mates" to you
Apparently you had acted just like Kat Stratford in 10 Things I Hate About You, when she would cold heartedly refuse Patrick Verona over and over again. You used to always watch that vintage movie with Tracy. It was one of her favorites. 
"Don't act like it was the first time you two had met. Neteyam stared at you all the time when you came to our tribe. I swear to Eywa I've never seen him nervous to talk to a girl before but you have a power over my brother… it's fucking crazy to watch actually. He's like a needy, dumb dog drooling over you when he looks at you. It's even freaky." Kiri couldn't hold it back so she burst into laughter, hiding her mouth with her big but delicate hand
You were nervous as fuck but you started to laugh too. It seemed like the nervousness and guilt and tense vibe of the situation only made it worse, making everything even more funny and absurd.
"You know the worst part of it all?" You looked at her like a child who just broke their mom's most precious vase
"Great Mother, don't tell me there's more." Kiri said, incredulous
"I think I like Neteyam." You confessed like you were a good catholic girl confessing her sins to a priest
"You like him?!" She almost screamed
"You don't need to declare it out loud for the whole reef to hear!" You got slightly mad
"You teylu!" She smirked as she moved her head from side to side in disapproval "Why the hell did you dump him then?"
"I don't know, Kiri. Don't judge me, okay?" You put both your hands over your face, hiding it and moving your head from side to side yourself this time. 
At least you knew your attitude had been controversial and confusing to say the least. They say the first steps to recovery are realizing and admitting you're insane.
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It was now eclipse. You were inside Kiri's home with her and your human friends. Kate and Adeline were finishing unpacking their bags.
"Guys, I'm going out for some fresh air, okay?" You said, trying to find an excuse to get out of that marui filled with girls - human and na'vi.
"You've been acting weird lately." Adeline pointed out "Spending too much time alone."
Kiri discreetly looked at you with a look of concern in her face, as she was the only one of the girls who knew the reason behind your strange demeanor.
"I just need some air. I'll be back soon." You spoke as you walked towards the door of the marui
"Don't go in the ocean! It could be dangerous!" Kate yelled. She was the "mom friend" of the group.
"I know!" You laughed "I'm not stupid. I'm a scientist too. But thanks for your concern."
You walked through the beach for a while, trying to take a certain tall, handsome blue alien out of your mind when you saw Spider walking in the area too. He waved at you and you waved back.
You weren't as close to Spider as you were to Kiri and Lo'ak but you did love his company.
You sat on the sand with him, looking at the ocean, just like you had done with Kiri earlier and you two started to catch up and eventually the talk got deeper, more philosophical.
"Don't you feel crazy, Spider? Living among beings of another species? Don't you feel… left out?" Your eyes looked at him with genuine doubt in them
"I do, sometimes." He sighs "Especially because of how Mrs Sully acts towards me, at times" the both of you laughed quickly "But this place is my home. I was born in Pandora, I know nowhere else that I could call home. And also, I grew up around Lo'ak, Kiri, Neteyam and Tuk. They're family to me, even if not related by blood. It doesn't really matter in the end, family are the ones who are there for you. Not your bloodline." 
"Oh my God, I totally agree!" You rapidly say in a slight loud tone, chuckling, like you wanted to emphasize how much you shared the same opinion with him
"So..." You pondered if you should tell him or not "Neteyam talked to me last-"
"Yeah, I know. Ao'nung told me." Spider interrupted
"Of course he did..." You rolled your eyes and sighed. So everybody knew already...
Spider chuckled softly.
"Anyways, Neteyam calls me tawtute. I think it's funny that he calls me "human", but in na'vi"
"Yeah, that's him being affectionate towards you. He likes you. A lot." Spider pointed out
You stoped smiling and your heart started feeling painful.
"He probably hates me now, actually. I totally blew it off. I was really insensitive towards him." Shame and regret covered your face, as you were crestfallen
"Have you ever thought about apologizing?"
"Yeah, of course I have. Many times. I just…" You hesitated "I guess I can't face him now."
"Oh, c'mon. I know you can do it. Isn't it worse to be feeling guilty and sad and let Neteyam think you don't feel sorry for hurting him?"
"You have a point, Spider. God, I hate it when you're right." You laughed and slapped his arm softly, in a playful manner
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Adeline and Kate slept peacefully next to you, each one of them in a different mat - but the three mats had been placed next to the other. You, on the other hand, hadn't been able to sleep well in almost two months. Kiri told you and the girls she was gonna stay up and she now was, at the corner of the marui, making herself a new beaded necklace in the light of a tiny fire she had lit up.
As you laid quietly in your mat with your eyes closed but wide awake, you heard footsteps inside the marui. You could not believe it when you opened your eyes and you saw it was Neteyam. His tall, slender figure and head full of thin braids that danced in the air as he moved made you recognize him immediately, even in the dark of the eclipse.
Damn! Wasn't he supposed to be in the Omatikaya tribe right now? And what the hell was he even doing here instead of going to his parents' marui?
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Taglist:
@iman-lu
@leaveitbythewave
@creepytoes88
@live-laugh-neteyam
@swaggygurlbae
@neteluvr
@layla2-49
@a-blog-name-2003
@lala-1516
@jakesullyfatjuicypeen
@yeosxxx
@iaratezaewa
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canadianlucifer · 5 months
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1, 10, 20, and 21 for Seidou?
*vibrating with excitement* yeah i'm so normal about him
under the cut bc I wrote nearly 1k words and 50% of that is the first question oops
1. Why do you like or dislike this character?
Where do I even start? I'm gonna separate og and re here and explain them separately.
Starting with the unbelievably tragic insane opossum, he immediately became one of my faves when I first read vol 3 because it was just such a shock I think. Obviously I felt bad for him when I thought he died, but the contrast between his human self and now was just crazy. I'm not entirely sure why I liked him when the volume came out bc that was back in 2018, but after rereading the series I can fully say I like him so much now because he is just incredibly sad and complex. I could go on and on and probably write a whole essay (which, huh. Come to think of it that might actually be fun), but it kinda boils down to "he didn't deserve to suffer like that" and that leads into why I'm also a fan of his human self.
In og, he was a bit of an asshole, yeah, but he was just a kid. He was excitable and eager and quite emotional, easily showing when he was happy or proud or angry or upset or scared and the CCG took advantage of that. He was indoctrinated and told that genocide is the only option. He was only 20 year old when he was given a gun and told to kill and that that wasn't just okay, but good. That he'd be a hero protecting Tokyo for murdering people. He was told "good job" for killing and was even upset when he wasn't able to kill even more, wanted a promotion so he could wipe out families and communities and be rewarded for it. I could go even further with how fucked up the CCG is and their practices but let's move on. Seidou is one of the few investigators who didn't become an investigator because of some personal hatred for ghouls or a significantly traumatizing event, he became an investigator because his mom was scared of ghouls. From what he wrote in his will it seems that he wasn't particularly scared, but his mom certainly was and he wanted to protect her. So he went to the academy and worked hard but it just wasn't enough. No matter how hard he tried, he was always second place. Always just not quite good enough. He still got the job he wanted, but it's clear he wanted Akira’s place. He wanted to be partnered with Amon and to go on missions but got stuck with a workaholic that calls him into the office at 10pm to fix a report (not to mention knowing that he's already drunk like. It could wait until morning, do you really want someone in the office that's wasted? But that's for another day-). I think it's important to understand his human self to fully appreciate his character in re, there's just so much context for why he became like he did if that makes sense.
WOW I have been rambling for a while oops let's move on lmfao
10. Could you be best friends with this character?
I doubt it. As a ghoul, no way he's way too annoying of a friend. Like, clingy but also pushes everyone away and at some point you just have to be like "fine, be that way." I would not be able to stand his emo ass tbh. As a human, I just don't think he'd want to be friends with me lmao. Like, he places so much of an emphasis on rank and achievements and stuff I don't think he'd want to hang out with someone who'd have absolutely no interest in the CCG if it were real and would probably harbour ghouls lmao
20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?
Oooh good question... hmm, I'd say Kaneki honestly. Human Seidou and kuroneki would be good pals because they'd just be silly good pals hanging out and Kaneki should've known more about both sides before going off the deep end and Seidou should've had someone to talk to outside of the CCG to know when his aspersions were getting a bit obsessive, someone to point out there's more to life than work and I think Kaneki could have shown him that through his stories. And with ghoul Seidou and kingneki, we only saw it a little bit but they seem to be on good terms after he got his sanity back. Kaneki says that they're similar in that they're both empty and need something to chain them down lest they go off and die and they could be each other's chain so to speak. Like, if they make plans to get coffee or whatever it's like "well shit I can't die now, I've got plans", it's the same mentality if having a gym partner I think. You get a gym partner because it holds you accountable for going to the gym, you don't want to disappoint your friend, right? Anyways yeah I think Seidou and Kaneki would be good pals.
21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favourite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?
INFLICTING THE HORRORS UPON HIM AND THEN GIVING HIM THE EMOTIONAL EQUIVALENT OF WARM SOUP. You can see in the two fics I've written that I just love putting that babygirl into bad situations and then giving him comfort it is the BEST. Hurt/comfort my beloved.
As for don't like, I'm not sure... I don't write too often. I suppose dialogue is kinda difficult, I have a hard time giving characters different speaking styles, I end up making everyone sound the same but that's more of a general writing thing, not specific to him.
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taegularities · 1 year
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Hey rid! I would love your advice on this one thing... it's super long, so I apologize in advance
I had this guy best friend and I had been best friends with him since 6th grade. I always like him on and off, but never wanted to ruin the friendship. It was clear he liked me too during our senior year of high school, but again we never acted on it.
Flash forward to Halloween of last year, I ran into him while I was drunk. My friend (who was super duper drunk) very loudly said "Okay just give him a goodnight kiss so we could go" Omg Rid I was traumatized!! He was definitely sober and so I knew he would remember!
A couple of days after he had messaged me and basically said he was into me too and wanted to take me out (I was so excited, I felt like my childhood dreams were coming true) We made plans to go our the following week, but he got sick so I asked if he wanted to reschedule. He said yes, but never got back to me. So I had grown the guts to ask him a week after if he still wanted to go to which he was dry and basically stalled it. We haven't spoken since.
I passed him a couple of times on our college campus, but IDK if he was purposefully ignoring me or not because he never smiled like he used to. This morning, I had decided to try to make amends and I messaged him. I basically said "I know things have been weird between us since halloween, but I wanted to clear things up" and "I'm sorry if what happened made you uncomfortable or pushed you away in any way"
It's been over 10 hours and he hasn't even read the message, which honestly breaks my heart. I sent it on snapchat and I'm sure he had slid and read it, but didn't fully read it/respond. I've known him for so long and I'm incredibly sad our friendship was ruined (without a date or anything to formally ruin it) I was really hoping we could at least be on good terms, but honestly I'm so sad that he hasn't responded. He was so sweet and would always respond/be kind to me, so this definitely hit a soft spot in my heart. I genuinely don't know what to do or how to go about it. I feel embarrassed that I sent the message to only receive radio silence. I feel like I made things so much more awkward.
hey love !! oh god, that gives me such high school flashbacks lmao. yeah, i get how you feel, babe, it sounds nerve-wracking and discouraging.
i'm not sure what he feels or what he's thinking, but to me, it feels a bit like he's changed his mind? sometimes we think we're ready for something, but then realise we aren't. so maybe he just doesn't have the energy or courage to date yet; perhaps he really does like you, but can't commit to more. or he's honestly just busy. OR something happened in his private life that he doesn't want to talk about.
i'm so sorry he's been ghosting you – i know you sent this several hours ago, but i hope he's responded by now. if not, you could try asking him if he's alright, and that if he ever needs to talk, you'll be here (or alternatively, take the sassy route and tell him to be clear about what he wants, cos my dude, this is not cool). and if he doesn't respond... i'd suggest to let go for now, bc you don't deserve to be strung along.
and hey !!! also also !!!! in the worst case that he really did change his mind and realised he doesn't feel the same after all, please remember that it doesn't mean you're not good enough. i know we tend to overthink, and then put ourselves down, but you're worth a lot more than that, alright !! hoping for the best, bby <3
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kithtaehyung · 1 year
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**edited to say, I mocked the overstimulator getting his zzzzzzs, and then the overstimulatee (me) followed soon thereafter, hence you actually receiving this in the morning, whoops!**
Preamble: Former HLJ (Hubs like Joon) anon back with a review (of sorts?) I figured I'd finally be able to get it to you by stupid o'clock (late late... bc Saturday is our weekly, much-beloved, kid-free date night), however *someone* decided that overstimulating his teeny-tiny wife was the name of the game tonight; consequently, he's found himself in need of a nap by 9PM, giving me writing time! 
Firstly, has anyone noted the wild parallels between lyrics in The Astronaut and 3tan?
When I’m with you
There is no one else
I get heaven to myself
When I’m with you
There is no one else
I feel this way I’ve never felt
Is this not OC and 3tan Yoongi? Bowing down to your portrayal of Great Love (capitals necessary). 
You writing (artistry?) paints truth in relationships, of feelings, chosen families, raw edges, communication, friendship, self-talk, and even insecurities. Oof. I don't know if these come from recounting your true-to-life experiences; otherwise, you are markedly gifted at describing the human condition. The Great Love kind of love? It isn't easy, linear, or perfect. Great Love is hard-fought, it's personal growth from both parties, and even when it feels like two-against-the-world, it's still safe. And, yes, Great Love makes you strain yourself to look back at him, mid-spice because that eye contact is worth a thousand words (indeed, it will replay in your mind for the thousand days that follow...maybe more). It's his delicate concern for her bruises, and her acknowledgement/empathy for what he must have been feeling this whole time. My hope (and maybe because I'm also a mom to a young daughter), is that your readers understand, through 3tan, that while Great Love *looks* different for everyone, it ultimately reaches parts of your heart that didn't, previously, seem to exist. Rooting for them, Ryen, and trusting these two to you, entirely. Bravo. 💜 ~HLJ unnie. 
AHHH oh my gosh.. my love. this was incredibly thoughtful and heartfelt. i truly feel all the sentiments you wanted to convey and holy hell i don't know what to do with these feelings??
when i listened to the astronaut.. and saw the lyrics.. it was a whole burst of emotions bc i literally had just gotten off the Forfeit ride. what timing and how fitting is this? and even the space themes laced into the 3tan9 fabric, too. i was just a little overwhelmed with everything hitting me all at once.
i've never seen my writing like how you describe it. like. whenever i read this the first time, i kinda just sat back in my chair and really thought about everything i've been doing with this series. in short: this is more than a piece of fiction.
like i knew that, realized that at some point this year (well, kinda with the first one after i got messages about it from people with similar experiences to reader before they knocked on yoongi's door) but it is def hitting me now that i'm resting. this isn't just words on a page or something i'm sharing. it's a love letter, it's a promise, it's advice, it's.. a reminder. a reminder that everyone is worthy of love, that they aren't their past, that they can change and grow and better themselves even if they feel like damaged goods.
love is out there and we all are deserving of it, whether it's Great, or platonic, familial, or even Self. it's found in the way we send something to someone because we thought of them, or the way we keep eye contact during sex because we want to feel connected every which way possible, or even just telling someone to be careful or to text you when they make it back safe.
My hope (and maybe because I'm also a mom to a young daughter), is that your readers understand, through 3tan, that while Great Love *looks* different for everyone, it ultimately reaches parts of your heart that didn't, previously, seem to exist.
that's my hope, too. you described everything i've been wanting to convey with this series perfectly, and i can't thank you enough for taking the time to send this review bc it's gonna stick in my heart for a very, very long time.
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ak47kawa · 1 year
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nothing was more exciting than july. the anticipation of seeing each other... the moment my mother came through, showing the confirmed ticket. the relief i felt after feeling like i'd never get to touch you for an entire year. the anticipation of the gifts, the outfits. the moment i first saw you and i wanted to cry but i couldn't because of your family. the nervousness and giddiness of a queer relationship is so so so so special and its so hard to feel like that again the second time around. holding hands with you, laughing with you. touching you. kissing you. the indescribable love i felt when i was near you and the sorrow that tugged at my heart when it was time for you to go. even those moments were beautiful, sitting outside, waiting for an uber to pick me up while i watched the video you recorded on my camera. i wanted to kiss you, you wanted to kiss me and we did. you were so sweet and so precious and i tell myself i'm fine, that i can get through this but minute i think of the words "bye pretty" i'm suddenly back at square one. anything that reminds me of you slows my breathing and its so hard to stabilize it. and these past 3 days, there's been tears. i drift off and remember what it was like to be loved, to love another. i drift off and think of the last time i got to kiss you and how much i regret it. it was too fast, too messy and we didn't have enough time. i think of sitting on the curb and reading the journal, sobbing because it felt like the end of the world. my heart breaks over and over again, thinking of the night i read your words that sent me into a trance. the sob i let out, the screaming i did. the temptation to end myself. the temptation to hurt myself in some shape way or form. i should hate you, i should be furious and raging and not even speaking to you because you broke my heart. you led me on. you told me that same night that you'd visit me, that we wouldn't break up and we'd still spend the holidays together. why did you lie to me? why do you listen to yourself so much why, why don't you fight the way you feel? i should be reminding you every second of everyday that you're the worst person i've ever met, that you don't deserve my time or company... that you don't deserve happiness at all. i should. bc im upset. but i can't. i can't bring myself to hurt you, make you cry. i can't bring myself to not talk to you. because i am still so deeply in love what used to be you. i can't stand the thought of not getting a good morning. i can't stand the thought of our conversations dwindling little by little until you become an afterthought. i can't let you go no matter how much i try, regardless of how right it is to keep you out of my life. and now i regret saying i don't want to say ily at night, the only simulation that you still have my heart. but i can't do that. telling you i love you and knowing i'm not receiving it with the same passion and yearning that i have. but yet im still talking to you like nothing ever happened. maybe i'll drive myself insane idk. but i'm hurt and i'm torn and i miss us so much and the essence of our love. idk what to do with myself anymore. idk if i can keep hurting myself like this and tucking away my feelings but i can't. let. you. go. i'll keep talking to you even if it kills me... maybe? i don't know. i just miss you, hanan. and i can't see my future anymore and i'm so scared. i see nothing. i see nothing but dim light with maybe's, what if's and possibly's... whats the point in doing any of this, of moving forward of having goals, or kids or being married. i didn't WANT anyone else. i didn't need anyone else... i had it figured out and you stripped away my life and i hate you so much for it. i wasted so much energy, so much compassion, time and money into someone who can just forget what it feels like to be in love so fast. i truly, truly wish we had never met.
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duckugou · 3 years
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drunk and gutsy
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Bokuto x fem reader
drunk fluff moment
cw: drinking i suppose
come to my asks to be a part of my taglist! just let me know what kinds of fics/ what fandom/ what characters/ etc you want to be tagged in!
Requests are open!!
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"Id give you tha moon, love," Bokuto drunkenly admitted to you while you used all of your strength to hold him up.
You two were currently walking down the street after a night out. You barely drank, as usual, and were pretty much sober. Bokuto on the other hand was plastered. And was telling you everything you've ever wanted to hear come out of his mouth. But he didn't mean it, right? I mean- hes drunk.
"Youre really so gorgeous, y/n. A-and nobody, nobody. Deserves an angel such as ya," he slurred on, causing you to laugh.
"Oi its no j-joke," he hiccupped, stopping in his track, making you do the same. "I might be wasted-d but," he put his hand on your shoulder for support. "you're genuinely so amazing to me. Y-you don't know how bad I've wanted ta kiss ya but you'd n-never go for me."
"Bokuto. We need to get you home. You're talking out of your ass," you giggled, brushing off the pang you felt in your heart.
"N-no am not! I'm talkin out of my mouth!" He shouted, as you two began back on your way to his flat.
-timeskip bc like walking-
You both stumbled up the stairs and got into his door with minimum issues, mainly because Bokuto began singing some song that was played at the club and was too distracted to give you any trouble with the door.
"Dance with me!" He grabbed your hand from the light switch and spun you around.
"You moron theres no music!" You giggled, and he pulled you into him.
"I'll sing then! Whats that song we always sing- uh- Bubblegum!" He said, looking into your eyes.
"Okay, I'll start. Sorry that I didn't-"
"Kiss you!"
You both danced around and sang to the song you've been hooked on lately. You had to admit, you would remember this night forever. He was just so fucking pure in this moment, swinging you about, singing Clairo.
"You look so nice in your shirt It's sad because it just hurts I'd do anything for you But would you do that for me, too?" You sang in sync, as you really meant it. Little did you know, he did too.
"We oughta get you to bed," you suggested, forcing yourself to look away from his eyes.
Then, he took his chance, and kissed you.
All the clichés happened. It felt right. Even if it was a sloppy drunk kiss, you'd wanted it forever. And you hoped he would remember it tomorrow.
You silently walked him to his room after you detached your lips from his. He was beaming, and you were worried. What if it meant nothing to him and hes just drunk.
"Alright, this is your stop," you said, gesturing to his bed.
"Stay with meeeeeee," he whined.
"Bo, I can't- I'll come back tomorrow-"
"Please. Just this once. Please," he pleaded, laying on his bed, patting the space next to him.
His stupid smile was enough to make you cave. You sighed and took your shoes off, laying on the bed next to him.
'If hes not gonna remember any of this anyways- I might as well get comfy' You thought to yourself.
You snuggled into his embrace, loving every bit of his scent.
'I hope this isn't a one time thing' you thought, drifting to sleep in his arms.
-anotha time skip brought to you by my twitching eye-
Waking up next to Bokuto was a new experience. His light snoring was cute, but to avoid feeling creepy, you rolled out of his bed and went to the kitchen to grab water and pain killers he would surely need.
"Y/n?" He mumbled as you walked back in.
"Good morning," you said, giving him the glass of water and pain killers.
"Thank you, fuck my head hurts."
Neither of you said anything as you sat on the bed on your phone and Bokuto looked at you, wondering if he should say anything about last night.
"Y/n?"
"Yeah?" you replied, locking your phone and looking at him.
"I uh- I do remember."
"Huh?"
"Everything from last night. I remember it all." he admitted.
Your face became hot and you didn't know what to say.
"I don't regret any of it. Honestly, glad I finally got the balls to tell ya all that," he chuckled, moving closer to you.
"Really?" you asked, barely audibly.
"Really. And uh- I promise I'm a better kisser sober." he assured, rubbing his neck to relieve tension from the headache.
"Here, let me-" You scooted behind him, rubbing his neck. "I don't regret it either, Bo."
He turned around to face you, putting his hand on the right side of your face. "Thank fuck," he said, kissing you.
He really was a better kisser sober.
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helloalycia · 3 years
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worth the wait [one] // daisy johnson
summary: when your best friend, Skye, keeps running away from home, you're left to deal with the consequences, but then one day, she doesn't come back.
warning/s: mentions of unwanted foster kids
author’s note: this is a five parter and each chapter is quite long bc i got carried away. i've literally been working on this for so long so i hope there's still some daisy johnson stans out there to appreciate this!
part two | part three | part four | part five | part six | masterlist | wattpad
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"She's the only person she talks to... doesn't listen to anyone... just try..."
I twiddled my thumbs as I refrained from rolling my eyes. Mr Lock was pretty stupid if he thought I couldn't hear him with the door slightly ajar.
"...can't do much... good student?"
"She'll tell you what she knows," I heard Mr Lock say more clearly, to the police officer, before the door got pushed open.
I glanced at him as he feigned a smile for my sake, making his way over to his desk and sitting opposite me. The police officer followed after him, taking a seat at the edge of the desk and watching me with curious eyes like she was studying my every move.
"As you are probably aware, Miss Y/L/N, your friend Skye has gone missing," Mr Lock began to explain. "Her foster family have tried contacting her, but they can't find her."
I felt nervous with the police officer watching me, trying not to glance her way for fear she'd know I was hiding something.
"We just want to bring her home safely," Mr Lock continued. "And you're the closest person to her."
It wasn't a question – he knew I was the closest person to her. We'd done this back and forth many times before, every time Skye decided to run away. And it didn't get any easier.
I swallowed hard. "If you're asking me if I know where she is, I can promise you I don't."
Technically I wasn't lying, so that wasn't too much of a stretch.
"Have you had any contact with her since yesterday morning?" the police officer asked.
I shook my head and tried to ignore how warm I was getting. "I usually meet her by the entrance before class, but she wasn't there. I thought she was just pulling a sick day or something."
The officer hummed in response and the way she didn't give away what she was thinking didn't help with my nerves.
"So, you know nothing of Skye's disappearance?" Mr Lock asked with a raised eyebrow. "Anything you can tell us will be greatly appreciated. Her family just want her home and we all want her to be safe. You know the drill."
"I want that, too," I lied as confidently as I could. "You know she's done this before... she'll come back. She always does."
Mr Lock sighed and rested his head in his hands; he was clearly exhausted from having this same chat with me every few months Skye decided to leave.
"I think that's everything," the police officer said, before standing up straight. She glanced at me, adding, "Thank you for your cooperation. Please let your teacher know if you hear anything from her."
I nodded awkwardly. "Will do."
Mr Lock stood up, hand on his hip with mild frustration. He nodded my way and waved a hand dismissively. "Okay, you can go now, Y/N. Back to class, go on."
I nodded and looked between them both before grabbing my backpack and heading to the door. I could hear them talking quietly though, and felt mildly guilty for lying.
"...does this regularly now," the police officer was saying. "She'll turn up."
"She's wasting our time," Mr Lock was mumbling. "She always does this and for what?"
I sighed inwardly before leaving his office and heading back to class. I continued on with my school day as normal, up until lunchtime when I got a message from Skye herself.
Heading to the toilets to ensure nobody would see me, I slipped into a cubicle and pulled out the burner phone Skye gave me the first time she ever ran away a few years ago. She was always cautious of being caught out but still wanted to be able to contact me, so this was her solution. I didn't argue it as I only ever wanted to make sure she was okay and I could at least talk to her.
She'd texted me, it reading: Meet me by the ice cream truck in the park after school.
I was relieved to know she was okay, since it was the first text she'd sent me since she left yesterday morning. But it was frustrating that she'd disregarded my many concerned texts before that.
With a huff, I replied: I'm doing good, thanks for asking. You could've texted sooner, Skye.
It took a moment before she responded. Sorry, mom
I rolled my eyes, knowing she'd have that annoyingly cute smile on her face as she texted from wherever the hell she was.
Another text came through from her. Sorry I didn't reply sooner. Everything cool with the cops?
I sighed and hastily replied: Everything is as cool as it can be. I'll talk to you later when I see you. You safe?
Every time she left, she came back without a scratch to my relief, but it didn't make me feel any better when she would leave again and again. Running was her way of rebelling against everything – the countless foster families she went through, the teachers who ridiculed her, the other students who judged her. I didn't know where she went – it would change every time and I was sure she was making it up to make me feel better – but I covered for her because I cared about her and didn't want her to push me away like she did with everyone else. It was getting old though.
Her text came through and the heaviness on my shoulders lifted with relief. I'm always safe. But thanks for caring.
I always care. You know that.
I do. I'll see you later, Y/N. Love you.
I love you, too. See you later.
She stopped responding and I put the phone away before taking a deep breath. Seventeen and Skye had me feeling like a soldier's wife at freakin' war. She was gonna give me a heart attack one of these days.
"Over here."
I spun around and felt my racing heart calm down when I saw the familiar teasing smile of Skye watching me behind the abandoned ice cream truck.
"You're okay," I breathed out with relief before moving forward and pulling her in for a tight hug.
She laughed but wrapped her arms around me, squeezing gently. "I always am, I told you."
I refrained from rolling my eyes as I pulled away, meeting her gaze. "I'll always worry, Skye."
Momentarily, her playful demeanour disappeared and was replaced with something genuine. "I know... sorry. Thanks for coming."
I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. "Skye, you can't keep running away like this. Mr Lock called me in again. Thinks I know where you are. Says your family are worried."
Skye snorted as she took a seat on the bench nearby. "They're probably throwing a party in my absence. This is just protocol for them. All of them."
I watched her with a pitiful gaze before taking a seat next to her. "The police came again."
"But you covered, right?" Skye asked with a quirked brow.
"Obviously," I said, making her smile, but I didn't return it. "I hate lying to them. It makes me feel... dirty."
"It's not like you're hiding the location of a war criminal, Y/N, chill," she teased, patting my knee.
"Where were you this time?" I asked, afraid to know the answer.
A grin appeared on her lips with remembrance as she reached into her backpack, pulling out a laptop.
I furrowed my eyebrows. "Where d'you get that?" 
She seemed proud as she said, "I won it in a bet."
"Skye!"
"What? It was fair play and I happened to win," she said with a shrug.
I facepalmed. "Skye, if you needed a laptop, you should've asked. I could have asked my parents or– or– I don't know–"
"What? Fundraised for the poor foster girl in class who can't buy a laptop like everyone else?" she cut me off bitterly, before replacing the laptop in her bag. "I'd rather not."
I frowned, moving to rest a hand on her back, but she shook me off harshly before standing up.
"Skye, I didn't mean it like that," I said apologetically, standing up, too. "I just meant– I could have helped. I want to help. I don't want you to have to make bets to get stuff. I just want you to be safe."
Skye and I becoming friends was something I never could have seen coming, but when we were partnered in science class in middle school, we kind of just fell into each other's lives. I knew of her situation with her many foster families and always knew she deserved better. Sometimes though, I think she felt the difference in our lives when it came to little things like buying stuff, and I hated it.
"Skye–"
"It's okay," she interrupted, glancing at me with sad eyes. "I know you want to help. But I'm okay."
Treading carefully, I asked, "Where did you go then?"
She ran a hand through her hair. "Library."
I narrowed my eyes. "You expect me to believe that?"
She met my eyes and shrugged. "You don't have to, but it's the truth."
I couldn't be bothered arguing with her, so I simply played along. "Fine. You went to the library and won a bet with someone, getting their laptop."
"Exactly."
I gave her a knowing look. "When are you coming back? To school?"
She was about to respond, but her phone vibrated and she checked it quickly, her eyes lighting up. I tried not to roll my eyes at her change of mood, not wanting to imagine the bond she'd made with her new friends.
She finally answered. "A few days, I promise."
It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing, so I nodded. "Okay. A few days. You'll keep in touch though, yeah?"
"I will, I promise," she said with a small smile before moving forward and hugging me tightly. "Thanks, Y/N."
I sighed but returned her hug, knowing I couldn't stay mad at her for long. "Just please take care of yourself, Skye. And if you need anything – and I mean anything – just ask. Unfortunately, I have a soft spot for your dumbass."
She laughed and admittedly, my stomach did somersaults at the sound. She pulled away but kept within arm's reach, allowing me to see the honesty shining in her brown eyes.
"I'll see you in a few days," she promised. "I love you."
"I love you, too," I replied, watching as she stepped back to leave.
She sent a final smile my way before running away, leaving me standing there alone and with a worried heart.
"More than you'll know," I muttered to myself, knowing I could never tell her how I truly felt.
"Won't your mum kill you for this?"
I shrugged, leading Skye through the the party-goers and to the kitchen where the drinks were. "She's okay with it because she knows I'm responsible. Plus, I promised her I wouldn't get drunk."
Skye let out a laugh. "Right. You're at a high school party and you're not gonna drink. That's totally happening."
I poured myself and Skye a drink as I quirked a brow. "I never said I wasn't going to drink. Just that I wouldn't get drunk. There's a difference, Skye."
She seemed impressed as she nodded. "Sneaky."
I was invited to this party by some girl in class and thought it would be nice for Skye and I to go to since it had been a while since we'd hung out. She didn't want to go at first, but after a little convincing on my end, she joined me.
We ended up staying there for about an hour when Skye needed to go to the bathroom and I decided to grab a snack from the kitchen. As I was browsing the bowls and considering whether I wanted to risk grabbing food from a shared bowl, I felt someone tap my shoulder from behind me.
When I turned, I was surprised to see a very tall guy stood there with a smirk on his face.
"It's Y/N, right?" he began the conversation, before suddenly raising his hand and reaching for something in my hair. "Sorry, you had some fluff there."
I smiled awkwardly and pushed my hair behind my ear. "Er, thanks. Yeah, I'm Y/N. I'm sorry, I don't think I recognise you."
He shook his head. "I didn't think you would. We don't go to the same school. I saw you walking around and thought I'd introduce myself."
"Oh, er..." I didn't know what to say as I wasn't really interested in his clear advances.
"Can I get you a drink?" he asked suddenly, still smirking at me.
"I already have one," I said conclusively, before aiming to move past him, but he put his arm in the way. I looked at it before raising my eyebrow at him. "You gonna let me go?"
He snickered. "Come on, just let me get you a drink."
"I'm not interested," I told him straightforwardly before attempting to make another move, but he pushed me back gently. "Dude, come on."
"What's one drink gonna do?" he asked persistently (and annoyingly).
"I–"
"She said back off," another voice came out of nowhere, and suddenly Skye appeared and pushed the guy back harshly, stepping between us.
"Skye, I–" I began, but the guy was already glaring down at her with a fake smile on his lips.
"Or what?" he asked rhetorically.
She returned his glare and said nothing. I rested a hand on her arm and tried to tug her backwards, but she wasn't moving. Always the stubborn one.
"What are you gonna do, Skye?" he repeated with bitter humour. "You gonna call the cops? I heard they know you pretty well by now, don't they?"
"Don't speak to her like that," I said angrily, glaring at him.
He began to laugh, shaking his head, before finally walking away. I released a deep breath and watched as Skye turned around to face me.
"Are you alright?" I asked her gently, resting a hand on her arm as I found her eyes.
"Are you?" she countered, looking over me with concern. "That guy was a jackass."
"He was, but I had it under control," I said with reassurance, before downing the rest of my drink and throwing the cup in the bin. "You didn't need to step in."
"Uh, yeah, I did," she said, stepping in my line of sight. "He was a creep."
I rolled my eyes playfully. "Okay, Skye, whatever you say. Thank you."
"You're welcome, now can we leave?"
I shoved her in the shoulder slightly. "We're not leaving. Not yet anyway. There's a foosball table in the other room I wanna play with and you're playing, too."
She sighed dramatically. "Fine."
I grinned at her before dragging her to the other room by her hand.
Another hour passed when I unfortunately began to feel the effects of my drink that I later came to learn was spiked by the arsehole who tried to hit on me. I wasn't particularly aware of my actions, otherwise I definitely wouldn't have done nor said half the things I did. Things like playing beer pong for the third time in a row and losing every game.
"It's just me an' you, Y/L/N," Kate, the girl I was playing with, said as we both a had a cup left. "Think you can win?"
I laughed as I rolled the ball between my fingers. "Third time's the charm...?"
The group of teenagers around us watched with anticipation as I aimed the shot up in my mind. It wasn't exactly helpful that I could barely stand up straight and my eyes were crossing over, making the cup move around slowly.
"One... two... three...," I counted down, before tossing the ball and watching it bounce off the side of the table and onto the floor. "Well, shit."
Everybody laughed as I ran a hand through my hair. Kate chuckled before grabbing the ball and lining it up. Miles better than I did, she aimed quickly and got it in the cup in one shot, resulting in cheers from everyone. I laughed and grabbed the cup, eyeballing the beer. I wasn't really a fan of beer, but a game was a game.
I downed the cup and pulled a face at how disgusting it tasted, before tossing the cup on the floor. I pushed away from the table I was leaning on, before falling back and hitting the floor, butt-first. I giggled to myself as I tried to stand up, but with great difficulty.
"Y/N, there you are!"
I looked up and lit up when I saw none other than Skye standing above me. She bent down and grabbed my hands before helping me stand up. I stumbled into her, but thankfully she caught my weight and let me lean on her for support.
"How did you get drunk so quickly?" she asked with surprise, leading me to the front door. "I've literally been with you. Until you ditched me twenty minutes ago which wasn't cool since I only came to this stupid party because of you."
I laughed. "I'm sorry. I saw the ping pong table and couldn't resist."
She sighed to herself before leading me outside. "You smell like alcohol."
"That's because I had some," I whispered not-so-quietly in her ear, before erupting into giggles.
"I gotta get you home," she mumbled, before searching my pockets. "Where are your keys?"
"My mum is gonna k-kill me," I realised, but a dopey smile was on my lips. "You have to sleepover."
She found my keys and began leading me to my car. "I'm gonna have to, aren't I? So much for not getting drunk."
I covered my mouth to try and stop the laughter from spilling out. She didn't seem amused as she managed to get me into the passenger's seat before rounding the car to the driver's seat. When she got comfortable, I watched her with a childish grin.
"You can't drive," I said in a know-it-all voice. "You didn't pass your test, silly."
She started the engine and began doing her mirror checks before pulling out, muttering, "Nobody has to know."
I watched as she drove, feeling exhausted but lighter than usual. She looked really pretty tonight. I wanted to tell her when we went to the party, but I didn't want her to get the wrong idea. Now however, it was all I could think about and my heart was fluttering at the thought.
"Here, drink this," she ordered, before throwing a bottle of water into my lap.
"But–"
"No buts, just drink it," she said authoritatively, glancing at me.
I didn't want to argue with her, so I began opening the bottle as I giggled to myself. "You said butts."
She groaned to herself and I drank the water as instructed, even if I really didn't want to.
Before I knew it, we had arrived at my house and Skye was helping me to the door.
"Your mum knows you're coming back late, so this shouldn't be a problem," she said quietly, mostly to herself. "Try not to make noise though, okay?"
I nodded obediently, before putting my finger to my mouth. "Sshhhh. Quiet."
She rolled her eyes before using my keys to open the door and drag me inside. I stayed as quiet as I could, letting her take me upstairs and to my room. Only, before we could go in, I heard my mum call out for me.
"Y/N, love, is that you?"
I stared blankly at Skye as she gave me a knowing look with wide eyes, nodding. I continued staring at her as my mum called my name again.
"Answer her!" she whisper-shouted to me.
"But you said to stay quiet," I said with confusion.
She facepalmed. "Just answer her," she said with frustration.
"Well then, no need to get crabby," I mumbled before calling out to mum, "It's me, mum! Skye and I are back!"
There was a pause before she called back, "Okay! Make sure you lock the front door!"
I snickered to myself as Skye shoved me into my bedroom before I could reply.
"Will do, Mrs Y/L/N!" Skye called out before slipping into my room with me.
She flicked on the light as I flopped onto my bed with a satisfied sigh. Suddenly, something was tossed onto my face making me groan as I pulled them off. I realised they were pyjamas.
"Get changed. Now."
I sat up and saw Skye watching me with a stern expression. I couldn't help but smile to myself, giggling. She looked really cute when she pretended to be angry.
"Y/N," she warned.
"I'm not tired," I lied, standing up. I wanted any excuse to keep on talking to her.
"I don't care," she said with a shrug. "You're going to bed whether you like it or not."
"But I wanna talk to you," I whined like a child, before moving forward to grab her hand.
She let go and gently pushed me to the bed. "Don't be a baby, Y/N."
I hugged her quickly, smiling to myself. "Thank you for being here. And for coming with me tonight."
"Yeah, yeah..."
"I'm serious," I said, pulling away and almost falling backwards, but she held me upright. "Thanks."
Her expression softened. "Unfortunately, that's what friends are for, Y/N. I wasn't gonna leave you."
I breathed out, momentarily startled by her sharp gaze. She had the most beautiful eyes, I always thought it. Somehow, she had the power to make me freeze up and forget everything I was thinking or going to say and I never knew why.
"I love you," I said truthfully, not caring what I was saying and too overcome with emotion to care.
She rolled her eyes, a smile of amusement dancing on her lips. "You gotta keep it down, Y/N."
I smiled widely. "But I do."
She gave me a knowing look. "I know you do. And I love you, too, but you have to get ready. Tomorrow morning is not gonna be kind to you."
"No, you don't get it, I really love you, Skye," I said, my mouth going dry as I stared at her with butterflies in my stomach.
"I know," she played along, patting me on the shoulder. "You done, idiot?"
"I'm in love with you," I blurted suddenly, smile disappearing. I stared at her, trying to ignore the blurriness in my vision. "I always have been."
Her smile seemed to fade when she realised how serious I had become. She licked her lips and shook her head slowly, lowering her hands.
"You don't know what you're saying, Y/N," she said quietly.
I grew distracted by her lips, barely acknowledging what was coming out of her mouth. "I do," I told her.
She didn't know what to say, and before I knew it, I had moved forward and pressed my lips to hers. It was something I'd wanted to do for so long and now that I was finally doing it, my shoulders felt lighter as if I wasn't carrying a huge secret on them anymore.
I closed my eyes and momentarily felt her kiss back, hands resting on my chest. It didn't last very long as she gently pushed me away, leaving me face to face with her flushed cheeks and swollen lips. I was sure I didn't look any different.
"You're drunk," she stated awkwardly.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and began to come to terms with what I'd just done, what I'd just ruined. I stepped back and shook my head.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and began to come to terms with what I'd just done, what I'd just ruined. I stepped back and shook my head.
"I'm so sorry, Skye. I–"
"It's okay," she reassured me. "Please, let's just get you ready for bed, okay?"
I avoided her eyes as I nodded, feeling my heart ache with discomfort.
When I woke up the next morning, I didn't remember much from the night before. At least not straight away. All I had to remind me of it was an insane headache that wouldn't go away and a rancid taste in my mouth. Thankfully, Skye caught me up with how drunk I was and how she had to stay with me to cover for me before she left me to shower and freshen up.
Unfortunately for me, showering and freshening up gave me enough time to remember parts of the night before, including the main bit where I kissed my best friend and expressed my feelings for her.
To say I was freaking out was an understatement. I couldn't believe I had done the very thing I had avoided for years. Seeing her at the breakfast table made me wonder why she hadn't mentioned it. Was she embarrassed? Did she want to pretend it never happened? Was she uncomfortable?
I wasn't sure whether to go along and pretend I couldn't remember it, or admit the truth and apologise profusely. In the end, I ended up doing the latter.
We were eating pancakes that she'd made with my mum as I spoke up.
"So, I, er, I'm kinda remembering some stuff from last night," I said awkwardly, glancing up at her.
She slowed down with her eating, avoiding my eyes. "You do?"
I nodded, looking back down to my food. "Yeah. Particularly the, well, I–"
"You don't have to say it," she assured me, and I looked up to see her watching me with a small smile.
"I'm really sorry," I got out with a deep breath. "I don't know why I did that. Or said those things. It was stupid."
"It was?"
"You should've left after that, but you didn't for some reason," I continued with a grimace of embarrassment. "We can totally pretend it didn't happen."
She chewed on the inside of her mouth as she nodded slowly in agreement. I nodded, too, eyes falling to my pancakes.
"Thanks," I mumbled. "And thank you for making sure I was okay. You're a really great friend."
She smiled at me with distracted eyes. "Anytime, Y/N."
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hematomes · 2 years
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goood morning ced it is not morning it is 2pm but idc<3
another day, another food crisis on your blog. so what's your opinion on my 12am cheese-smoked turkey-mayonnaise-black pepper sandwich that is always too much for 12am but i. eat a lot. (also YES pineapple pizza is divine. and ppl who say it's a sin are racist and homophobic bc i said so. yall are valid)
im so relieved to hear about your dog!!<33
here's a little story: when i was little we had a dog with a really Just Some Greek Dude kinda name. he liked running away, A Lot, and being little and dumb i would always chase after him, panting in the rain when i couldn't catch up, and getting scolded by my mom. however he always came back, no exceptions. well, except for the one time he didn't. many days had passed and i was heartbroken when suddenly i heard his bark! so i ran out to the front yard. turns out that a couple of girls had picked him up, thinking he was lost. they kept him in their apt until they figured out whose dog it was. im sure my little (well. he was kinda huge actually) charis could've found his way home on his own, but the girls had good intentions haha. i think nothing will ever beat the joy i felt in that moment when charis pulled away from the girls to throw his entire body weight on me<3
ANYWAY sappy story time over! im so glad you liked my poetry<33 sometimes. i weird people out jdjjf. if you don't mind, I'd like to send some periodically and hear your thoughts<3
IM TEASING bc im hot but there's no one holding my hand rn</3 life's unfair
i hope you're having a merry christmas morning (i am aware it is not morning).
~soup
HI SOUP
this is going to break my heart to say it but your 12am atrocity sounds disgusting 😔 however there's enough stuff in it to maybe be actually good, like the bad things cancel each other out (YES IT'S RACIST AND HOMOPHOBIC IDC)
zkdkzks your story im CRYING,,,, yeah while it's good when ppl take lost pets in and stuff it can backfire, especially if they can't find the actual owner 😭 lost a cat for 6 months because of it zkdkz
omg yes don't ever hesitate to send your poetry im loving it <3
i would pay good money to hold your hand but i don't feel like i deserve it </3 you are way too pretty
zkskz i did have a good christmas morning, and the afternoon is looking cool as well!!! hbu, I ok? <3
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thepixelelf · 3 years
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hood is just, perfect. reading those 100 chapters were so much fun. it is the best smau i have read yet! truly, i love it so much. first of all, i'd like to point out the hilarious things i found in the profiles chapter. i love how sunwoo's username is "thesunrises" and his bio being "when i start rapping" LMAO plus juyeon's tweet in the same chapter reminds me of chan's "do you know what else is big? my feet." it was hard silencing my laugh, especially since it was around early morning and everybody else living in the house is asleep. the concept that hood is not one, but 3 entities, is really cool. it legit felt like i was watching a movie.
i'm really happy with the endgame, bias things ig ✨ the pictures of changmin that you used for the tweets were really 😌👌 changmin shy trope is now my favourite. i promise, you won't be able to imagine the many times that fic made me flustered. when he straight up confessed, omaygad. at first, i thought reader would end up with younghoon. but reading their first conversation with changmin after many many years of not talking (?) , I PROMISE YOU, I FELT IT. i felt the changmin endgame mate.
i'm going to rant about changmin's character just bc. HE'S ADORABLE!!!!! changmin trying to find out hood's real identity for reader is so cute huhu. and the part where he got jealous of sunwoo bc reader and him kept on calling each other 'baby' just for funs, really got me screaming. that was my favourite part, i honestly don't know why. maybe bc i'm a sucker for jealousy leads or bc that's when changmin accepted his own feeling. idk lmfao. as much as how i love his simp-like (??) tendencies, i adore the fact that he stood up for himself at the end when he felt like he wasn't trusted by reader. it just shows that as much as he cares for them, he has self-love and respect, sum shit like that. anyways, i like their (reader and changmin) relationship. they can comfortably talk out any problems lol. v v v v v cute.
reader's character is just 🙇👑. i love how determined they are about their goals. the robin hood idea is just wow. i love how they were set on in exposing the academy's dark side even though they knew how much trouble they are getting into. just, mad respect. the thought itself seems reckless but how are we going to achieve success if we don't take risks? i just love love love love them. periodt. plus the fact that they were ready for any consequences is just 👌👌👌.
younghoon is so clever in thinking of using sharpie to hide the notes. like omg. kinda dumb if you were supposed to you know, 'not get caught' BUT SINCE THAT'S NOT HIS PLAN, i just pure adoration for him please. it really was insensitive of reader at the end when they asked younghoon to help with the 'sending president kim to jail' scheme. it's still his father after all (add the fact that reader literally apologized and thanked every single character individually to the 13 reasons why i love reader). but, he thought rationally and that's why the plan succeeded. younghoon is king. happy for him that he gets to pursue music <333
eric and sunwoo deserves the best best best friend award, like seriously. i cannot get over the 3's friendship, they are wholesome af. eric and sunwoo might be my favourite characters in the series huhu. hyunjae was surprisingly perceptive. his character is the most hilarious one LMFAO also haknyeon, like wtf. he's smart. if reader didn't end up with changmin, might have shipped them with haknyeon LOL chanhee is such a mood every damn time. i love him too. I LOVE ALL OF THEM. anyways, shout out to kevin, jacob, juyeon, and sangyeon :">>
srsly cannot imagine how long this series took you ! it's not even finish yet aaaaaa i'm excited for the upcoming specials hehe. thanks for the nice read, really. read it all in one sitting. i hope you have a great day! good luck to any future projects, will be binge-reading your works once school gets off my back :">>
wow anon thank you so much for reading and enjoying hood!! this seriously made my day and I am so so happy that you came here to tell me what you thought about something I feel like I lost blood sweat and tears for. even though I've stepped a bit back from writing for the last month, I too am really excited to put out the special oneshots/blurbs for all my beloved hood characters! thank you again, and I hope your schoolwork goes well 💕
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make-me-imagine · 3 years
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congrats on 5.5k!! you're insanely talented and I'm so happy you're getting the recognition you deserve 🥺🥺 could i join in the ship requests too?
I'm a rather small sized (like, 154cm & ~40kg kind of small) Asian female from a South East Asia country and i prefer men, especially men who are taller and Age Gaps™ 🥴 I'm not sure how much you know about/believe in astrology but I'm a Libra sun, Taurus rising and Capricorn moon so you can do what you want with that 😂
I'm an INTP/INFP (I've gotten both an equal number of times from sites OTHER than 16 personality, tho I personally vibe with INTP just a teeny smidge more) if you do MBTI ✌🏼 I LOVE to read, especially fanfiction lmao, and i also write! I really love listening to music + watching shows/movies too! My favourite shows are all mystery/crime based LOL and I am working towards becoming a criminal psychologist/forensic pathologist/forensic scientist in future! (heavily inspired by Criminal Minds, Sherlock, Detective Conan and the like so 😂) I have a really vivid and good imagination please i can spend DAYS just daydreaming and imagining scenarios that I never finish writing about & generally this is how all my work is never finished loll
I'm the eldest sibling at home, and my parents haven't always been around so I've been rather used to stepping up and taking care of myself (+ my sibling, like helping them with homework and all). Some people say I'm a natural born leader? idk bc I often step up to be the leader in group work & I'll often be the one to initiate things & all. I'm a rather big procrastinator though LOLL so you'll often catch me rushing my assignments & final projects & rushing my revision for exams + finals like, 2 days before the actual exam 💀 which often leads to me becoming more stressed out & breaking down more often than i actually should so 🥲 I'm trying to quit this bad habit though
I love cuddles and hugs please I will KILL for cuddles and hugs from my back by a tall character pls it just feels so safe and comforting to be spooned too 🥺🥺 sometimes when I'm too absorbed in work or something (which happens too often for it to be healthy) I might just forget to eat/sleep entirely AND also my sleep routine isn't the best. like i will literally fall asleep at 9pm, wake up in the middle of the night on my own at like, 1am, then usually I'll be rushing homework at this time, then maybe sleep again for a short while from 4ish? till when i have to get up for school/work at 5:30/6am 💀 there's been days where i literally looked so sick from the lack of sleep where my tutor once stopped the class to ask me if I was okay and if i was going to faint LMAO 😔 i feel like I'm a night owl??? but then also i have no problem getting up super early in the morning so?? but i really feel most at home and really enjoy the 3am nights 😌
i am also the class clown lol but it's bc i just make sarcastic comments and all and my friends think they're funny???? but also i enjoy making people laugh bc sometimes i find it interesting to try and see what kind of things make my friends laugh so it's lowkey an experiment? or like something i want to achieve? at this point. I'm fluent in English and Chinese/Mandarin and I'm learning Italian so I roughly know some basics, and I really enjoyed History, which I took last year but dropped this year. (I'm taking English Literature with Biology + Chemistry this year and they're all great, except I'm literally dying from the workload aaahhh 💀)
I'm kinda clumsy and Not Good™ at most sports, maybe passably okay for badminton but I'm really not that athletic and really not very keen on exercising either 😔 I'm quite creative and good with public speaking/creative writing/impromptu performance/speech though I'd say! I'm also in my school's drama club 😎 though I'm more of a backstage lights & sounds kind of person. I'm right handed (with a really neat handwriting, as I've been told many, many, many times) and I wear thin frame spectacles which I sometimes will fall asleep in & I'm so clumsy/careless that I'm actually really afraid I'd break them (it's happened before 😭)
I'm a really good planner? like i can do up a great and detailed schedule/plan for revision and all but i will NOT stick to what i plan 😭😭 i love to snack!!!! on chips + gummies especially, and my diet is quite unhealthy lmao i literally don't eat vegetables At All™ & i don't really eat meat that much too?? lmaoo please i can go for days without having a single proper meal & just survive on snacking on potato chips + soft drinks 💀 i am a very picky eater though so really me not finding food i like/am able to stomach is also really kind of my fault 🤡
while i really vibe with and love the dark academia aesthetic, i also do video/MOBA games, like i play games like Mobile Legends & all. I'm someone who knows most, if not all the lastest trends (like tiktok, memes etc) but i won't actively participate in them? i just kind of like to know things, like Knowledge is Power you know (I'm a Slytherin, in case you're wondering, though I've gotten Ravenclaw so often it's a close tie sometimes)
okay i feel like that's enough details about me? feels like I've told you nothing that's useful oh well LOL... I'd really love a ship for Criminal Minds and Marvel? if that's possible please? in case you missed it, i prefer men! (I'm a questioning bi, with a strong preference for men) for the hc prompt "what you do on your first date" or maybe "how you met + first impressions"?
thank you so much for being so kind and willing to do this ship requests thing!! I'm sure you're spending TONS of time and effort on this and aahhh i feel bad for typing so long paragraphs now (as you may have noticed i have a tendency to ramble on if not stopped because i am just really Socially Awkward ™ sometimes 💀 and have really bad (social) anxiety too) and i really think you're super amazing for doing this??? I'm so sorry if this took up too much of your time aaahhhhh thank you so so so much 🥺😭😭 really the biggest of congratulations to you for your 5.5k??? you really do deserve every single follower & i am SO insanely happy for you 🤩❤️
- 🌙🏒 anon
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Don’t worry, you definitely provided enough information lmao. 
And thank you for your kind words, I appreciate it. 
I hope you like the ships I made for you
They are under the cut: 
Criminal Minds: 
I ship you with Hotch. 
You get the age-gap here lol. He would be a bit hesitant due to the age gap at first, but he would get over it because he can not resist. He does not seem like the type of cuddles, and especially does not take part in PDA. But when you are alone he would love holding you and spooning, especially after a long day of work. Aaron would be attracted to your uniqueness as well as your intelligence and aesthetic, finding it to be very “you”. 
How you met + his first impressions: 
You met when you were transferred to the BAU as the new Forensic Pathologist.
Hotch thought you were very interesting when you first met and was definitely intrigued by you. 
He thought you fit in fairly well and would get along with the others (which you do). 
He appreciates a sarcastic sense of humor, so he would dig that as well.
Hotch could tell you had a form of anxiety and wold be patient around you when you first met so that you could open up to him at your own pace.
What you do on your first date:
He takes you to a hockey game. 
He is not the sportiest person but he has had an interest in hockey for a while, sometimes watching it on tv. 
When he learned that you liked it, he decided that this would be the perfect opportunity to invite you on a date as well as to see his first game. 
After the game, you walked around town for a bit, getting some late night food and talking or a long time. 
This allowed you to open up to him quite a bit and you grew more comfortable around him as well, which he is very happy about. 
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Best Friend: 
Your best friend is JJ. She thinks you are really cool and unique and nice. She has the type of personality that is easy t get along with and open up too, so you bonded with her quicker than the others. I also feel like she is into hockey as well, so she appreciates your love for it as well. 
-
Marvel: 
I ship you with Sam. 
I think Sam is a good fit for you. He is into sports, and digs your aesthetic. He is easy to get along with and very funny. He thinks your line of work is very interesting and loves to listen to you talk about it. Sam also really enjoys crime shows ans thrillers so he is always excited to meet someone who enjoys them as well. 
How you met + his first impressions:
You met through Nat, who you had met through SHIELD years before. 
You happened to be at the compound with Nat when Sam was there and she introduced you. 
He immediately thought you were pretty and very interesting.
Sam could tell you were shy, but that did not stop him from flirting.
Though he also made some jokes and was easy going as to not scare you off. 
He made sure to ask Nat about you once you left and managed to convince her to give him your contact info. 
What you did on your first date: 
He took you to the movies first, to watch the most recent crime thriller that came out. 
After the movie you went to a nearby park and walked around, talking about the movie and other crime/horror related stuff. 
You got food at a food truck and sat by the fountain together. 
He was appalled when you told him that you didn’t eat that often (if came a part of your relationship later on that he would try to cook you meals that you’d like just so you WOULD EAT). 
You ended up spending hours together, and it felt like no time at all.
So you were definitely up for another date with him, which he of course asked you about.  
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Best-Friend: 
Natasha. She was the first one you met, and slowly introduced you to the others. She thought you were really cool when you first met and was surprised at how well you go along. That is sometimes hard for her to do, so once you became friends she never took that for granted. She and Sam would gang up on you when you weren’t eating btw. 
xxaaron
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