bloody stick figure image

What would the ro's be like in a zombie au?

whyyyyy anon whyyy. I'm actually gonna write this in like.. slightly different terms, you'll see. any time I even briefly think of a zombie au I'm just like

I WANNA WRITE IT SO BADDD

i don't even allow myself to entertain it for very long because getting into that would be the worst thing ever for my productivity with the alpha omg 😂😂 so I'll put like the ideas that pop into my head for writing a zombie au, to work some of that creative frustration out 😆

so in this very general, absolutely noncommittal idea of mine, the main cast are older and the setting is in and around a civilian settlement led by the Emersons.

and as a refresher, i like my zombie aus to have fast zombies and fast infections ^ ^ 28 Days Later/Train to Busan style babyyyy, we the Sprinting Dead up in this bitch 😆

= = =

Gabe is, predictably, looking for what's left of his family. Following rumors of safe havens and bunkers and such. Starts the story as someone who tries to be diplomatic, if not outright pacifist, but as times get tougher and resources dwindle, he'd become one of the most cutthroat motherfuckers in the wasteland. Low-key though, low-key. People won't trust you if they know you’re capable of throwing them to a horde for strategic reasons. Like if Rick turned into Shane (for those of us familiar with early Walking Dead--idk did that happen eventually? i gave up before we even met Negan lol). The end justifies the means :) Damn, I can legit see Gabe going full evil in a zombie au omg 😂😂 i want to write it so fucking bad

Preferred weapon for zed encounters: rifle

Preferred weapon for human encounters: handgun

Faith in humanity: fucking zero

Zombie kill count: plenty; the type to kill every zombie he has spare ammo and time for

Human kill policy: When it benefits him or the people he’s looking after

Survival rating: B+; he can make it out of some pretty dire situations through sheer will to live and ruthlessness

- - -

Kile has arrived--clearly, this is the timeline they belong in. They start their journey with Gabe (and their doggo) and stick to him like glue, even reluctantly so when Gabe eventually has them join the settlement. This can only go one way, though: Kile's just too much of a wildcard for the group and hates being told what to do. (Especially now that society has fallen, wtf) They'd make their exit alone and unannounced aside from a brief head’s up to Gabe. It's slightly bittersweet, but also? They get to loot and hunt and sneak around and kill fucking zombies, all by themself. Kile is a loner, a hiker, and a hunter to begin with so they do beyond fine on their own. However, once the inevitable violent human threat comes for the settlement, Gabe is sent out to convince Kile to come out of isolation, just this once please, to be the camp’s super soldier help defend the camp.

Zed weapon: p much anything they can get their hands on, ranged or melee, blunt or sharp, w/e; improvised weapons

Human weapon: hunting knife

Faith in humanity: never had any to begin with

Zombie kill count: lol infinite?? any zed they come across is double-dead if they have the time for it

Human kill policy: at Gabe’s direction or when provoked enough/threatened

Survival rating: A-; they trust no one, live in isolation, and prioritize survival above all else. only reason it’s not higher is they would risk their life for Gabe or their furbaby and also... their own Rambo-esque antics def attracts the occasional horde lmao

- - -

Jack... this poor boy, he doesn't deserve a zombie au 😂 He's one of those people that first believes zombies are just sick people, too squeamish to keep up with TV news coverage at the onset and too upset to consider anything else. He'd hunker down at home, staying holed up even while his neighbors evacuated, and probably be discovered while the main group is looting the same place as him. When people try to tell him the real state of the world, he'd be in denial until he absolutely couldn't be anymore. idk, probably after Kile shooting a bunch of non-lethal holes thru a zombie to make a point (attracting more in the process lol).

He’d almost immediately join the medical team at the settlement and as word spreads about how easy he is to talk to, he quickly becomes the literal on-site therapist. It's a role he embraces but... idk if it's an emotional burden he can bear. He's very emotionally resilient! But he ain't a professional lol imagine a whole settlement of traumatized zombie survivors seeking you out for counseling, yikes. He also can't say no to a person in need, so instead he quietly spirals into a very private depression while continuing to help others!!

Zed weapon: Oh gosh, do I really have to?

Human weapon: ...Kindness?

Faith in humanity: Unrealistically high

Zombie kill count: Single digit

Human kill policy: Not ever, unless completely unavoidable and to defend the defenseless

Survival rating: C...? idk, that feels generous. D+. To be protected at all costs!!

- - -

Jessie also had the initial reaction of hoping zombies could be saved, but she woke up from that dream swiftly. The science-minded person that she is, esp with her interest in biology, leaves her determined to find anybody who's got the intellect, expertise, and resources to start doing actual work toward a treatment, cure, vaccine—anything. Nothing would get her to finally unabashedly embrace her love of science (and innate leadership skills!!) faster than a zombie apocalypse! In fact, it’s thanks to her that the Emerson settlement’s got a small but growing team of scientists doing as much research as humanly possible to best educate the others on the outbreak and zombie behavior. Def no zombie experimentation going on though lol. ...Not yet, at least.

Zed weapon: rifle

Human weapon: rifle

Faith in humanity: High! We’ll find a solution! Don’t give up hope!

Zombie kill count: Double digits, but less than 30

Human kill policy: Only in unavoidable self-defense or defense of others

Survival rating: B! She has experience with ranged weapons, farming and gardening skills, first aid, camping experience, and a can-do attitude with a healthy dose of realism!

- - -

Rain remains cargo as I said in the last post about this 😆 They'd be very good for keeping clothes repaired and making useful modifications in the settlement, but their life up to this point has been very sheltered and privileged. We're talking somebody with a chauffeur and a personal chef before the outbreak! They would contribute to quality of life and homemaking efforts more than anything—an overlooked aspect of these scenarios tbh! After as many months of dragging their feet as possible and being nigh impossible to track down when you need them, they eventually become involved in meal planning and even help out with medical stuff if they're asked.

Zed weapon: how do you reload this thing again?

Human weapon: switchblade or other concealable sharp-pointy

Faith in humanity: Very low

Zombie kill count: 0! Can you believe it!

Human kill policy: Well if it’s you or me, of course I’m choosing me.

Survival rating: C. Being so tiny helps them find good hiding spots and their self-preservation is high enough to keep them from unnecessary risk-taking. Plus they're very stealthy! Self-defense is a major issue though, so hiding is always their best option.

- - -

Rupan/Rohan scouts for and leads scavenging missions and is Curt's right hand on the recruitment team. The two of them together are the perfect combo of diplomacy, debate, and deception--although R is more honorable about the last one and will only deceive for strategic reasons. When they aren’t looting and recruiting, they’re doing peacekeeping inside the settlement. Most social disputes end up getting brought to them for mediation and they’re pretty dang good at making and enforcing calls. One day they’ll wake up to realize they’ve basically become a sheriff and feel the need to puke their guts up and do something, anything, to reassure themself they’re still punk 😂

Zed weapon: SMG

Human weapon: shotgun

Faith in humanity: Believes in fundamental goodness but knows better than to trust first impressions

Zombie kill count: decent, more than 40; you won’t catch them having a field day tho, they’re trying to gtfo of most zed situations

Human kill policy: Violent threats have to be taken out. And they aren’t, at all, immune to a revenge rampage either...

Survival rating: B-. Can handle themself both with humans and zeds but is vulnerable to hostage situations and truly difficult sentimental/interpersonal decisions!

- - -

Vivian/Vincent manages inventory and stock and they run it so efficiently it’s scary! They're the perfect pick: a hawk-eyed tyrant and tattletale 😂 Despite constantly butting heads with just about everyone on every imaginable thing, they quickly become an important part of the inner circle of decision-makers for the settlement at large. Terrible at stealth, jumpy, and squeamish at the sight of blood and gore, they literally never go on missions unless they're 100% needed for their expertise on a supply run. (They would deny all of these shortcomings are that big a problem, meanwhile R is definitely acting as their bodyguard lol.) When they do tag along, they're prone to becoming the damsel in distress. Seriously, it happens near every fucking time. It's like they just attract only the most improbable and perilous zombie attacks and hostage situations 😆

Zed weapon: shotgun

Human weapon: handgun

Faith in humanity: Medium; seeing people work together at the settlement helps restore it a bit

Zombie kill count: Double digits, under 25

Human kill policy: Violent threats have to be taken out. Well, no, not by me! Get one of the ruffians to do it!

Survival rating: C-. They’d be higher if they weren’t such natural zombie bait.

- - -

Heidi is running the settlement, well-organized to the degree of actually managing to bring bureaucracy to a post-zombie apocalypse settlement 😂 People are free to come and go, but getting in if you don't live there requires trading something of value (fuel, med supplies, food, etc), temporary surrender and registry of firearms and explosives, and you gotta GTFO at the time and date specified upon entry! You can stay long-term if you contribute to the community in a tangible way—and each person admitted is approved by Heidi personally. Yes, every individual. No, she has no free time. And she is not known to be lenient with rule breakers—you want rule bending, you’ll have to go to Curt for that. People kind of hate her, but it can't be denied that she runs a tight ship. She kind of throws herself into the work to avoid the harsher reality at large and hasn't left the settlement in a long time. She's out of touch with how bad things have gotten in the wastes, but she knows better than to take reports at anything less than face value--even when she's skeptical.

Zed weapon: rifle

Human weapon: handgun; dagger

Faith in humanity: Medium. It fluctuates, honestly

Zombie kill count: Double digits, less than 20

Human kill policy: Violent threats must be taken out if they can’t be reasoned with. Spare those who surrender, eradicate those who don't, keep an eye on the newbies. Not tryin’ to nurse any vendettas around here lol

Survival rating: B. She's good with a firearm, masterful at persuasion, and savvy enough to calculate risks appropriately. Also far tougher than her prim exterior and demeanor suggests!

- - -

Curt leads the recruitment and reconnaissance teams! When a new person or group shows up in the area, Curt's the one who stalks watches them, decides if they're worth approaching, and if they should be approached with an invitation, a simple acknowledgment/announcement of their presence, or an outright armed warning to leave the area. He also keeps tabs on morale and general confidence inside the settlement, alongside R. When he isn’t leading those efforts, though, he’s flirting with settlers and squirreling his way out of manual labor and other chores. He’s also secretly growing weed at his place--don’t tell Heidi or Vi ‘cause they’ll wanna yell at him and ration it UGH.

Zed weapon: SMG, explosives

Human weapon: handgun, dagger

Faith in humanity: Pft, sorry, what now?

Zombie kill count: ...way more than you’d expect

Human kill policy: I don’t start confrontations, but I sure as fuck end them.

Survival rating: A! He’s good at playing hapless idiot when it suits him to be underestimated, good with firearms, and capable of being ruthless and decisive in life or death situations! Plus he has no qualms about ditching the settlement if he decides it’s not working out for him. Just don’t tell Heidi lol

get in we’re pondering / extrapolating some pt lore (there’s a tl;dr paragraph at the very end ;w;)

often musing about the overarching Theme/s in the series where there's like, these axes of, hope vs despair, self sacrifice (often to protect others) vs being protected by others (often to prevent self sacrifice), and i was thinking about how those protective self sacrifices (which often generally contain some aspect of hope And despair, the former in that someone is taking an action in the hopes of protecting someone, the latter in that they don't have any hope of any less (potentially) self destructive course to pursue to achieve that, or else they'd be doing that instead) do succeed at least in part. we don't really know what's going on with tutu in the story besides disappearing / turning into a point of light, but she exists outside of the story too and manifests in ways clearly associated with hope, & i think we can infer that her appearance/disappearance in the story did have this effect for mytho in giving him hope b/c like, how can it be a coincidence that the heart shard of Hope happens to be the one used to let someone become tutu, or that mytho was able to feel hope prior to technically have the capacity for it when thinking about her and then recognize as much in retrospect. and mytho himself sacrifices his own heart to protect everyone from the raven, rue sacrificing herself saves mytho from the raven in turn, and what i'm getting around to is that i was thinking about how sacrifices are never in vain, except for the knight's, but then i was like, well hey, what if because the rules of this story do seem to Always Reward tragic self sacrifices (surely at least in part to Incentivize it from the characters, b/c the sacrifices made wholly out of despair are apparently just people losing their hearts to the raven, f, and characters making sacrifices in the hopes of protecting someone have to actually have that hope at all), maybe the knight's death wasn't really Useless

and maybe it's relevant that the knight presumably wasn't intending to die right then, there's no implication that like, he was pushing the prince out of the way taking a bullet for him, just that the knight meant to attack the raven but didn't even manage to do that and got killed instead. but i think we can suppose that the knight was just always willing to die for the prince and there's this degree of inherent sacrifice in that already, as well as in being so devoted to the prince and protecting him, which the knight must've done plenty of even if, in the moment he was killed, there was no direct achievement in protecting mytho / siegfried / the prince. and i doubt that the way the prince felt about it was actually like "oh my god, useless" rather than that the knight did die For Him, even if mytho wasn't in immediate mortal danger that could've only been thwarted by the knight's death, and even if the knight presumably didn't Know he would die and actually choose that, because of accepting it as his only option to protect mytho. and it's evident throughout the series that characters being Real allows them to act in ways drosselmeyer doesn't predict or hasn't directed them to act or doesn't even necessarily know about, thinking of details like, mytho knowing his name is siegfried doesn't seem to come from any Text of drosselmeyer's in the story, or else people would know the prince has a name besides "the prince," and who knows, maybe drosselmeyer's unwritten hcs are part of the reality of his stories lol, but that's a fun mystery element, and beyond that these characters were all people with full lives and interiority that were not / could not have been written in full detail in the story's text and almost certainly weren't / couldn't have been Thought Out in full by drosselmeyer like that.

and i'm just thinking about how the knight is the only prominent character who outright dies in the unfinished story, aside from various, presumably not individually described/named people in the kingdom being killed by the raven, and possible details not mentioned in the series, like idk, whether or not mytho's parent/s died at some point in the course of the story. tutu's disappearance is too ambiguously magical to really call it a death, although it's a Tragic Fate intended to write her out of the story, and there's no indication of kraehe / the concept of The Raven's Daughter existing in the story, since in the first season kraehe is really fully standing in for the raven as the main villain / antagonist, with the raven not being shown or mentioned by her until the second season, and fakir just directly referring to kraehe as a crow or raven during that first season, and what with the idea in the second season that rue was just some random person the raven stole and presumably made up the concept of there being a [the raven's daughter] role. 

(even though when kraehe appears in season one it's clearly a swan lake / odile thing, and i guess you could conceivably wonder like "hey, is she the daughter of some rothbart equivalent here. like the story raven as the primary antagonist"....that's all Meta beyond the series's metatextual layers and, since idk, characters know of these other classic ballets, i guess it's possible swan lake as a ballet exists too. nobody's mentioning anything though lol. now i'm like.....okay so another tchaikovsky composed ballet was relevant / known in the sleeping beauty episode, where electricity was also a thing people were aware existed, if rare, not sure when this series was set but late 19th century seems plausible enough and swan lake wasn't immediately popular so maybe it exists but is too niche lore for these characters to be familiar with it lmao.....but then i'm like wait hang on. what if it must be after 1892 because the dance of the sugarplum fairy playing when ahiru walks in on mytho practicing seems to be diagetic. and then i'm like, nijinksy was only born in 1890, and didn't perform afternoon of a faun until 1912, and that seems just a little late, although at the same time everyone's existing in a fairy tale town and it could feasibly be any point in time outside of that. this tangent is going on way too long and my Real Conclusion of course is that we're not really meant to match up any timeline with the In Real Life timelines of when ballets premiered and became popular / established as Classics)

back to the point: out of the four main roles, tutu magically and mysteriously disappeared but didn't outright die the way that the human knight was definitely killed, and the duck who is given her powers / role is apparently truly just some random duck who happened to care for mytho (thinking about his apparent affinity for birds and theirs for him), kraehe was probably not a part of the story at all as the daughter of the raven and rue is apparently just some random baby who was kidnapped, mytho didn't die because he's the same self he was from the story, uninterrupted, and the knight did die, and fakir is just some kid but is also apparently identified as the reincarnation of that knight. and, whether or not that's just some coincidence or meant to be true, it's true for all intents and purposes since fakir found mytho and chose to devote himself to protecting him and is aware of / thinks of himself as the knight, and if the raven and drosselmeyer could've picked some random babies and ducks to have roles in the story, it shouldn't actually be a detriment to fakir if he's actually also just some guy who chose to be the knight rather than also actually already that knight reincarnated. the roles of both tutu and lohengrin are supposed to be intrinsically limited by their same roles as written in the story, where clearly drosselmeyer, wanting conflict and drama and peak effective tragedy, and kraehe / the raven as antagonists to these two, expect and want tutu to willingly vanish again and the knight to wield his sword and, at some point here, die. which, in season one, it seems likely enough that although fakir wasn't exactly instantly torn apart by the raven attack that Got him, he would've died if not for edel's intervention altering the story. anyway, assuming the roles comes from Choosing it / being willing to accept it and having some sort of magical artifact access out here, ahiru having a heart shard, rue having...raven blood and the fact that there's also the like, actual ravens out there who are Also magic b/c they're doing evil stuff, and turning into cursed pointe shoes and attacking canaries so the prince might jump out a window to save one, and fakir having magic swords. as well as, you know, the prince, the most magic artifact of all, truly

i'm kind of losing the point there lmfao just getting into details in a tangent. what i was trying to point out is that yeah, the knight's the only one of the four main roles who was clearly, officially, violently killed in the story. and then i was thinking about how, as far as i can think, it kind of comes totally out of nowhere in season two that like, oh hey, also fakir is a descendent of drosselmeyer's and i guess has that same magic writing ability. not that i think these season two framework shifts like That, or like kraehe being the daughter of the raven instead of just directly standing in for the raven as a concept and character, or like "oh right and also i'd poisoned mytho back in the season one finale" weren't possibly in mind the whole time, Or that if they weren't that's a problem, Or that either way, they needed to be foreshadowed / set up Textually in season one or anything, since you do need to change things up for there to Be a season two that doesn't have to retread the conflicts in the same way, and that's what these shifts allow for. it's still just that the effect is like, oh damn, fakir isn't just The Knight from the story reincarnated, he ALSO happens to have drosselmeyer's magic powers b/c they're related??? wow what a coincidence, that's so lucky for him in affording him Magic Powers that don't come from the story b/c if he wields the power of being the knight he Has to inevitably die, and while the power to write reality is clearly dangerous and Could kill him (or others), there's at least a chance, whereas it seems like otherwise, if you're accessing the powers that come with having a role from the story, you either have to accept the same fate as in the story, someone with the power of those who guide the story, e.g. edel, must externally alter its course, or you have to give up the role and its powers, like ahiru ultimately did by giving up the final piece of mytho's heart, and fakir did by no longer trying to be the knight and instead protecting everyone by figuring out how to wield his power to Write.

so then basically my thought was, hey, maybe it's Not *just* a coincidence that fakir's Also drosselmeyer's descendent. in the same way that it's not Just a coincidence that the original tutu, having made this sacrifice in the story, is somehow, in part or in whole, attached to the prince's feeling of hope, and able to manifest even once that piece of the prince's heart has been returned and ahiru no longer "officially" has access to tutu's role and power (whether that power is gone b/c her powers were all about returning the prince's heart shards or because the powers she had were the prince's, because of having a piece of his heart). there's already these parallels between the roles of this tragic princess and the knight, both fated to disappear and die, respectively, and the story rewards these noble sacrifices even as it demands them b/c the author loves tragedy, b/c drosselmeyer's also trying to work within some conventions here to have a cohesive story and to allow enough hope in the story to motivate the characters and give everything enough stakes to really be effectively tragic (although he was also apparently writing characters who'd appear and then forever disappear on the same page, so. all to a degree lol). and yet the story and the people in it can also operate outside of drosselmeyer's Intent and Control and even knowledge of what all is a factor in everything going on, because that's part of his power, the stories and their characters become people who are real in the same way that people not from the story are real, and there's elements of who they were and are and can be that drosselmeyer didn't write. rue wasn't meant to sacrifice herself, edel / uzura wasn't meant to help the characters avoid tragedy, ahiru was meant to be powerless as a duck (and a regular girl), fakir was meant to be powerless or die, tbh mytho was probably meant to prevail in the end but also maybe drosselmeyer wouldn't've minded if the raven won And Also definitely wouldn't've minded if mytho going "well fuck this, i'll take out my heart again, regain it, kill you that time, then also kill myself" had been seen through which would've been decidedly ultimately tragic even if the prince also "won," and/or if the prince just kept getting stuck in these stalemates and having to shatter & regain his heart in an eternal loop (thinking of how mytho sure managed to like, phase Inside the raven magically via giant swan made of light (see: my theory that although that's very [tutu] visuals, tutu is also kinda Hope Embodied in this series, and we don't quite know whether original tutu's magic powers were different from the prince's magic abilities, or how, and i like to believe that mytho Can also manifest as a giant swan made of light) which was apparently only an option after he not only regained the capacity to feel hope but kinda had an actual feeling of hope kickstarted by ahiru, who's been and continues tapping into tutu's power as being so associated with / tied to Hope as a concept in general, so he presumably couldn't've done that move otherwise).

SO we're really meandering around here, by which i mean that i am, but so it goes. my point is!!! with All That in mind, and again reiterating how i opened that last paragraph before getting a little off track as always, i was thinking that it might not be Just A Coincidence that fakir is both the reincarnation of the knight / takes on the role of the knight, AND has drosselmeyer's magic writing powers in this completely separate matter of genealogy. (also, i'm sorry, but total tangent again: i'm not 100% on the timeline of things, but i'm like, okay, the raven comes into the real world, and the prince follows it, and then we know that this real world town had like, these killer raven attacks that could disappear an infant or kill a kid's parents. and i think we can suppose that rue and fakir happen to be pretty much the same age, and rue was kidnapped as a baby, so the raven was definitely around then, and fakir's parents were killed when he was like, a young kid but definitely not a baby or even a toddler, and rue was also running around and able to dance and only knew herself as kraehe until meeting mytho and wanting to give herself another name as just a human. so like....i'm bad at estimating ages but like, what, they're at least 5 when they meet mytho? maybe more like 6 or 7. the point is, so there were raven attacks for actual Years before the prince shattered his heart? and maybe mytho was fighting the raven in that perpetual stalemate for all those years, but probably he would've aged those several years if he existed outside the story's [Paused In Time] situation but still had his heart, since it's presumably his having Lost his heart that means he has no pulse and doesn't age and, you know, has lost his memories and emotions. and if we say it was like, at least 4 years or something, and mytho's like, ambiguously sort of Older Teen, say 16 or 17, idk (he's a baby still ;m; but also a fairytale prince, so) and you supposed he aged while out of the story And that he was out of the story and fighting the raven those several years before giving up his heart, that'd mean that when the book left off, he was locked in this deadly battle for the kingdom with the main villain as like, circa 11 years old or what have you. not outside the realm of fiction or fairytales, but still....but more so than that, idk, you'd think if there was this magic storybook prince around fighting the raven/s for years, full hearted and thus with his memories / sense of self intact, people would've been as aware of his presence as that of these killer ravens, and like, actually know who he is, as siegfried, and prior to there being this guy, mytho, who only fakir and co. and rue, out of anyone else in town, realize is actually this prince from a story that exists as a storybook in their world. which, i Guess it's possible that mytho was around outside the story for years before shattering his heart to seal the raven away, but also, seems like maybe instead it was years before he followed the raven out of the story and then once he did he pretty much immediately sacrificed his heart? not that the All Realities Narrator mentions a gap between the raven escaping the story and the prince chasing after it, but a) they also didn't specifically say that this didn't happen and b) maybe it was just some like, issue of jumping between dimensions basically, i.e. from the perspective of mytho in the story he did follow the raven out immediately, only to find that from the perspective of this other world, the raven had been an issue for years and c) maybe this difference in time was so that mytho would be dropped into more of an equivalent situation as he was in back in the story, where the raven had Also already been a problem for years in that story's universe, before the point where drosselmeyer has died and the story is left off unfinished. so here's mytho now entering this other reality, where even though he himself has just shown up after having battling the raven for years In Story (and then in stasis because the story was not able to progress in its own world), and is having to choose to protect these people who have not Just been introduced to the raven's attacks, but have been dealing with it for years as something that can and has killed people, just as was the case with the townspeople back in the world of the story.)

okay i apologize to the readers and to myself, no more tangents: what if!!!! it's not a fortunate coincidence that fakir has access to the powers of the separate roles of "the knight from the story" and "drosselmeyer's descendent in this world"!!!! What If!!!!!!!!! the knight's death, rather than being truly "useless," actually still counted as a sacrifice made in the hope of protecting others, and was thusly rewarded with some form of success, as other such sacrifices are rewarded both in the story of prinz und rabe, but also in the overall story of this series, aka princess tutu, although clearly in the end the Happy Ending comes from not only these sacrifices but the characters all protecting each other so that these ultimate self sacrifices don't need to be made (thinking of how often characters talk about wanting to protect each other, fakir being motivated to try Writing again after realizing all these other characters are doing their best to protect him, mytho saying he won't Give Up Again to ahiru (also tutu....just standing here staring at the wall like blair witch style that he never seems to have known that the duck was not only the version of tutu he'd been encountering but also ahiru who he was like "hey bestie :)" to in ep 14 before getting ko'd and never knowingly talking to her again haha scream that's just. that's fine!!! anyway rue could tell him but then again like, a little late. UNLESS they can just come back and visit?? i have some sense that there might have once been plans to make a season three for the series if possible way back in the day, yknow, when said series was being released, but i only "remember" this from Maybe someone's post from that 15th anniversary event and maybe, jonathan frakes voice, it never happened) referring to his intent to sacrifice his heart again as being that "giving up"......THE POINT BEING. maybe the knight's death was a sacrifice, and according the role that such sacrifices have, that sacrifice had some positive, helpful, protecting effect, and in this case, it was that the knight's reincarnation had these Other powers as well beyond the knight's role in the story, so that this knight could do more but protect mytho some but ultimately die in the effort with that death Supposedly being for nothing, aka the fact that fakir is related to drosselmeyer is thanks to lohengrin sacrificing himself to protect mytho, even if the circumstances of his death did not appear to, and were not intended by drosselmeyer to, have any direct benefit for anyone. did the knight somehow have conscious influence over his own reincarnation, or was it more like, these superhuman forces Rewarding the sacrifice / affording the knight this new chance at fate? could be either i guess!! (and was fakir born when the raven entered that world, or prior? he was as old as he was when he met mytho, had mytho Just shown up or did he really arrive just after the raven and had been fighting all the time and it's just that, for whatever reason, nobody else knew he was there? or they did, but once the raven was sealed away, maybe other people Forgot what had happened prior too, re: the prince and the Monster Raven anyways? since while people had known about the like, regular bird form ravens who killed people, nobody mentioned the big german abstract expressionism sky blocking raven who ate hearts.....and not like there wasn't people dying back in the story despite the prince's efforts (though that was related as well to like, people Definitely knowing the prince existed, and Despairing b/c he was so epic, actually) i don't know, it could be Either Way, i'm just wondering like, was fakir born prior to a character from The Story entering that world, or after? i feel like Maybe some timeline details might've been mentioned re: when the ravens showed up, but i don't remember. although i guess it's not impossible re: this theory that he was born beforehand but is still definitely the knight, and as i type this, i remember the whole "he's always had the birthmarks that identified him as the reincarnation of the knight" element, so it's Already True that whenever he was born, that was the case, aaand also i'm remembering that lohengrin died before where the story left off, and in that story's universe, idk, maybe years passed....and i Just was talking about how maybe the timelines / passage of time are not parallel and Aligned 1:1 between worlds here, so. point is! however it shakes out, lohengrin died for all intents and purposes Before fakir was born, who Is the knight whether or not he's really lohengrin's reincarnation, which he Could be, because lohengrin Was a human who Did die. so!!!!! (it's 6am....i've been writing this for hours lol. i prommy my thoughts would've been a Little more in order otherwise. possibly)

TL;DR: what if, rather than the knight's death being "useless" and his failing to protect the prince through being killed, it still counted as a sacrifice to protect mytho, and when you consider how this Theme of sacrifice is handled throughout the series, it would be in line with everything else if this sacrifice was rewarded even if the text of prinz und rabe / drosselmeyer did not consider this / recognize this to be a "successful" act of self sacrifice to protect the prince, and that reward was the knight's reincarnation Also being a descendent of drosselmeyer with a power that would allow him to protect people without being held to the knight's fate of being killed, rather than it being a complete unrelated coincidence that fakir is the knight And a person who just so happens to have the ability to write reality, thanks to being in the same family as drosselmeyer. what if lohengrin's sacrifice let him escape his own fate down the line and this time "successfully" protect the prince without having to die before the story finishes! it wouldn't change anything in the story as we know it and i think it'd be Thematically Resonant.

chloe what do you do when you feel really suicidal? but like not like before- but NOW that you are grieving such a painful loss? dont need to answer but i read your a. to the anon that felt trapped and like they couldnt leave now bc their sibling died too and like you and that anon i feel the same. im so so suicidal chloe. i cry every day and night and i feel despertate but my parents just lost their child so. how do you cope... as much as its possible. what do we do? fuck.

dude i am so sorry you're in the same position as me and you are going to hate me for saying it but there is no satisfactory answer 😔 it's a cruel joke. we're in the worst pain we've ever been in, and our instinct is to want to make that stop. but we can't because now we're obligated to stay alive, where all the hurt is, because we're one of the only ones left. and we dont want to cause more of this feeling by ending it all. it's like a contract you didn't agree to and are now trapped in for the foreseeable. grief is the absolute heaviest thing a person can carry, it's a fucking nightmare. it doesn't make any sense, it doesn't have a cure and it's disorienting as fuck. it's ok to be exhausted by it. reality has been irreparably  worsened and it's an absolute tragedy,  it's completely unfair. personally i'm more suicidal than i've ever been, but like you, i know i'm not going to do anything.  and in moments of great pain, where i want to act on those thoughts, i find myself coming back to that fact. i watch the idea of suicide run its course through my head and then i acknowledge the reality of things, that i can't leave. that it doesn't matter how sad i am and how tired i am, because i'm still here, and processing these emotions is a part of that. the urge to kill myself is there, but the actual act of suicide has never been less of an option than it is right now. so i can feel whatever i need to feel, but there's no point leaning into it or daydreaming about it. because it's not going to happen. sometimes i'm screaming and crying to myself in absolute agony while this is all going on, and sometimes i'm just sitting staring at my phone, numb. the desperation is very real, and i understand that. but it is not as urgent as it feels in the moment. no matter how many times i think i'm at my limit, i know that there's going to be tomorrow. and at the moment that sounds like a really bad thing. but i know that by waking up my parents aren't getting a call saying i'm dead, which for now is kind of the whole point. i am living to minimize their trauma, i am living for them, and an optimist would have hope that that could keep me alive long enough until i get to the point where i can eventually live for myself again. i could definitely see that for your future, even if you can't. the thing is you don't have to know what to do and you dont have to look for ways to fill the void that has been left behind by your sibling. you just have to learn to exist alongside it, and i do mean just exist. as awful as it is. waking up, putting one foot in front of the other, crying and crying and crying. that is good enough. i know it doesn't feel like much of a life, but. it's the short term answer, or so it seems to me. another thing i remind myself of is how it all comes in waves. waves are the nature of both grief, and strong suicidal urges. maybe they're always running in the background, but the moments of pure despair where you feel like you're bursting at the seams, they're so strong and harsh that they flare out faster than you realize. and they feel unbearable, and i know those moments are very frequent when you're in our position, but it's good to remember that the intensity of their nature makes them temporary.  especially if the grief is fresh, every little thing triggers an avalanche of hopelessness.  but some part of me believes these experiences will either a. become less persistent with time or b. become a part of us we learn how to navigate.  at the moment, the simple act of being completely broken by these episodes means you're surviving them. i think it's not a matter of knowing how to cope, but knowing that if you're here to ask these questions - what do i do, how do i go on, etc - then that is proof you have been coping. and it probably doesn't feel like you have been. i think there's a common misconception that coping is thriving, letting go, having positive memories. and sure that's a part of it. but there is a lot of darkness and absolute horror to work through before that. additionally,  there is no rule book on how exactly to work through it. theres just time, experience, learning what works for you and hanging on. i'm trying to hold my own hand through it, i'm trying to look at the present moment i'm in and just think about what i need at that very second.  not what i'm going to do tomorrow, not what i should've done yesterday, but what i have to do right now to make it through.  a lot of the time the answer is nothing, and i just sit and stare or cry, because like i said, ultimately nothing can fix it. theres no epiphany that can change what happened. 

as far as practical things you can to do combat suicidal thoughts goes, i have a few suggestions that i really hope you consider as viable choices: talk to your doctor/therapist - idk where you live or what your financial situation is like, but if it's at all an option i would really urge you to seek professional help. at least let your GP know what you're dealing with so maybe they can refer you to a therapist, or give you some mental health resources. grief counselling is also a step in the right direction. having someone to talk to and implementing positive coping mechanisms into your day to day life, even if it's the last thing on earth you want to do, can work wonders. understanding your own suicidal thoughts, why you react the way you do and what you can do about it, can really come in handy when you're breaking down. it's ok to reach out. it's ok to visit different counsellors until you find one that fits you. it's ok to treat your emotional turmoil as seriously as you'd treat any physical disease. there is always support and treatment options available in some form, and it is always worth looking into.

call a (grief or suicide) hotline - i've had the hotline number open in my browser for days. if you are in a moment of crisis, it can absolutely help to have someone talk you through your emotions, listen to your pain, and then give you some gentle recommendations as to what you should do next or where to go from here. you don't have to tell them your name, you don't have to say anything you don't want to say. you're in control of the call and they care about keeping you going. you're not alone. theres also online grief support groups - i'm in a sibling loss group on fb.  it's absolutely crazy how many people are in this position. 

talk to your parents/family/friends - i know saying 'this is a tough one' is a giant understatement.  idk if it's the same for you, but i've been isolating to cope and i don't want to tell anyone what i'm thinking because they're already having such a hard time grieving my sister. but if there's anyone you trust, i just want you to know it's alright to lean on them. it's up to you how much you open up, but the urge to keep to yourself leads nowhere. those around you can relate (to an extent) with your grief, and sharing it, talking about memories and crying together - it's fucking awful, god it's the worst thing ever, but it's necessary. and i don't want to say it helps, but a shared burden is always better than trying to shoulder it alone. you deserve to be listened to and supported. and if you think you're being an inconvenience to your loved ones, that's your inner self hatred talking. they would likely rather be there for you when you need it, than have you harm yourself because you kept it all pent up. it's a lot easier said than done, but it's important to keep in mind that it's an option.

try to create a safe space - try to remove things from your living space you could use to harm yourself with, and make the environment as comforting as possible. refer back to safe coping mechanisms/ distractions that have worked in the past - this can be as simple as going for a walk, watching stupid shit on your phone, meditation, having a crying session, writing to your sibling or just about how you feel in general. these are not suggestions that will solve anything or cure mental illness by any stretch of the imagination.  they just get you out of your head. that can really make a difference. 

create a crisis plan and learn what triggers you - this is a bit of a process but that's alright. being able to identify what sets you off, and being able to recognize your own toxic thinking patterns/behaviours, is the first step towards combatting them. another idea is, if you do end up talking to a loved one or a mental health professional, come up with a plan with them regarding what they should do when you're suicidal and your judgement is impaired. you can even start by just making one for yourself, like writing down a few suggestions as to what you should do when you're in a crisis, what your other options besides suicide are. 

i think that's all i've got right now. i'm sorry this got so long, especially when i know nothing truly helps. i just know what it's like having all this useless life in front of you that you're going to have to fight through without the one person who always should've been there. i keep thinking about what she'd say to me if she could see me, and i know she'd be livid if i threw my life away, but. that doesn't change the fact that she didn't get to live hers, and that i miss her so so much it aches. i keep coming back to the idea that our relationship will continue to grow beyond  death. i can still talk to her, reminisce  with her, understand her, love her. so much of this reality was shaped by her. it's not the same as when she was here, but it's not total absence  either.  anyway, i'm so so sorry for your loss and i hope you can just focus on taking care of yourself, love. because your life still has so much worth and you deserve to see your own future even if you cant stand the thought. moments of happiness and peace are still 100% possible. it's just never going to feel like it did before. and it's ok if you spend the rest of your life struggling to come to terms with that fact, because at least you got to live the rest of your life. i'm sending so much love to you and i'll be here if you need a friend. one day at a time.

*no pressure to read all this you can just refer back to it whenever you feel the need

the comics need to stop adding new convoluted plotpoints that dont make sense, and instead write a self-contained story with an A-plot, a B-plot, and a C-plot that all connect somehow. a quest narrative of sorts where they’re all split up and each on their own separate missions that force them to solve their internal conflicts, while also furthering the narrative thematically both in terms of the tensions established in the subplots and in the narrative thread running throughout. this is like, basic separate-but-together quest narrative 101, but. yknow.

here are some hypothetical suggestions for these subplots:

first option

A-plot: aang and azula are forced to work together in the heart of the swamp. azula feels shame as she is all alone with aang and must actually confront him, so she retaliates by being cruel to aang and insulting his intelligence. aang is never not nice to her, insistent that she’d like him if she got to know him––but that’s what she’s afraid of. the stress of the swamp causes her to nearly break down completely again, but she forces herself to persevere through it, snarky remarks as her coping mechanism. aang repeatedly saves her life from the swamp, which she finds she can neither outwit nor bend her way out of. instead, she must embrace the entropy, and through aang’s wisdom, she begins to find a sense of inner peace. she starts to admit that she has a lot to learn from him, though that still hurts to think about. they don’t leave as friends, exactly, but they’re getting there.

B-plot: sokka, katara, and zuko are sent to the north pole for [x plot device], where they are all forced to confront their pasts. though they are on a diplomatic mission, it doesn’t take much for them to all get sidetracked. katara grows furious when she sees that absolutely no progress has been made in regard to women’s rights, and she yells a lot, at yue’s dumb patriarchal dad, at pakku, and at sokka and zuko for trying to help (she doesn’t need their man opinions trying to speak over her!!!!!! zuko’s just like, “i literally didnt say anything.........”) and eventually she rallies the women of the tribe and basically incites an entire feminist movement. upon seeing yue’s dad again, sokka is forced to confront memories he tries his hardest to bury deep. now that he finally has time to breathe, he lets himself acknowledge his guilt complex when it comes to protecting people. and zuko is given a second chance to amend his “that’s rough buddy” into actual, genuine emotional support. meanwhile, the north pole is stirring bad memories for zuko, but for other reasons. he must confront his guilt over all the dumb shit he did when he was 16; he must acknowledge how this was a turning point in his life, when he teetered on the edge of life and death just to fulfill his goal of capturing the avatar; when he watched zhao die. he never had the opportunity to confront that properly. he gets to now, and katara and sokka are there with him. sidenote: i think their dynamic makes for an excellent trio by virtue of them all being a third wheel. anyway they get the macguffin that symbolically represents their emotional journey. no i dont know what said macguffin is what am i a writer (jk its probably a mirror)

C-plot: toph, suki, mai, and ty lee complete their side of the quest without breaking a sweat. the four of them? together? please. they’re unstoppable. but they soon realize this, and decide that if they’re going to be given the opportunity to hang out just the four of them, they’re going to do it right. so occasionally, from aang & azula’s internal-tension-filled plot, and sokka katara & zuko’s swelling emotions plot, we just see toph, suki, mai, & ty lee fucking shit up and having a blast. we don’t see everything that they get up to, though a lot is alluded to, and it sounds cool as hell. they conclude their adventure with the realization that maybe they’re too powerful, and they should be more responsible with that power. but then toph’s like ............nah, and they all shrug and nod.

second option

A-plot: sokka, toph, and azula are on a boat. why are they on a boat? idk. reasons. anyway, toph does not like boats, and she very loudly affirms this at least once a page. though not so secretly she feels a lot safer than she otherwise would because sokka is there. azula also doesn’t like that they’re on a boat. she feels trapped. and she knows that even though they likely won’t, sokka and toph could take her down at any time, regardless of the fact that toph is unsteady, she’s on a ship made of metal, and azula’s not going anywhere. sokka doesn’t have a problem with boats. he grew up using boats all the time. he’s built boats. but he also really wishes katara were here, because without her, unfortunately, the tides do control this ship. a bunch of pirates try to take control, and practically obliterate the rest of their crew, and they all have to use their own unique brand of ingenuity to save the others. azula comes to respect them even more, and they her. sokka and toph already respect each other a hell of a lot, but i guess they exceed maximum respect levels cause that’s how cool the other thinks they are (and they’d be right!) and they forge a genuine friendship with azula for the ages, which sokka was previously highly skeptical of, but.... she’s nice now. somewhat. she’s mellowed out a bit, even if she’s still incredibly high-strung and weird. but who is he to judge? ‘cause hey, at the end of the day, they make a great team.

B-plot: aang is given an important Mission, and he’s ready to go in alone. after all, katara is busy, sokka is busy, toph is busy, zuko is busy. but suki offers her services, and she and ty lee flank him on his Journey. aang realizes that even though suki’s a part of their group, he doesn’t really know her at all. so he decides he’s going to learn. he asks about her past, her upbringing, her plans for the future. he asks the same about ty lee. we see flashbacks to all three of their childhoods, and what motivated them to become who they are today. aang was just a carefree kid, and he shied away from any type of responsibility; now, he’s carrying the entire world on his shoulders. even though she looked exactly the same as all her sisters, or maybe because of it, ty lee always felt like an outsider in her family. it’s clear that underneath their picture-perfect facade of upper-middle class stability that her father insisted they project, there was a deep strain on all of them, and the cracks seeped through. ty lee always felt like it was her job to mediate, and she soon learned to manipulate people into being satisfied with what they had, instead of what they wanted. but one day, she realized, it wasn’t her job to be that person in an environment where she already felt alien, so she ran off to join the circus. only when azula resurfaced in her life did she have to adopt her facade again, out of survival. and suki was raised by wolves. (ok i’m kidding––or am i––but tbh her backstory deserves a post of its own so..) anyway, aang ends up learning a lot about two people he never made any prior attempts to befriend, and learns about himself along the way. go team! 

C-plot: zuko is forced to act as a mediator between mai and katara, who both find the other teeth-grindingly offputting. zuko really just wants to focus on Doing The Thing because the fact that the Thing has not been Done is stressing him out. but mai and katara clearly have issues between them that are in need of solving, and zuko cares about them both very much, so it’s hard for him to see them snipe at each other all the time. especially because he keeps getting dragged further and further into their arguments, to the point where they’re basically just arguing over who has more of a claim to him. mai says they used to date, katara’s like, “yeah for 2 months and it sucked what’s your point,” and katara’s like “he jumped in front of lightning for me,” but mai’s just like “he would do that for a stray cat whats your point.” zuko’s just like “listen. i would die for both of you. but if you don’t shut up i’ll kill you myself.” ultimately, the Conflict is Resolved, and in the most climactic moment, katara saves mai’s life. mai is grateful, and has enough humility to acknowledge this. katara’s like, “of course. i’d do anything for my friends.” and they still don’t like each other but the animosity has quelled considerably. and then they realize that they may have absolutely nothing in common, but they can still bond over making fun of zuko. the whole way back they swap stories about him being a Fucking Nerd, and zuko’s just like, “i’ve made a huge mistake.” 

third option

A-plot: aang, zuko, azula, and ty lee are somehow tasked with a Plot-Relevant Burden, and shit gets real. these four people have so much baggage among each other that while they all insist to put their feelings away for the sake of the mission, tension bubbles to the surface anyway, and zuko and azula all but get in a row. aang and ty lee bond over having to be the mediators, while also acknowledging the harm azula caused both of them. they all get trapped in a Magical Cave of Logic Puzzles (fuck it its a comic idk) that they must solve before they can pass. aang and azula are both isolated, but their monologue is external because of course they both talk to themselves. aang considers it a fun game, azula is determined to crush this cave just like she obliterates all her enemies. zuko and ty lee meanwhile, are trapped together, but neither of them have any idea what’s going on in this wack cave. they eventually talk through all their feelings, and reconcile in a way zuko never in a million years expected to with ty lee of all people. then she reveals she had the answer to the puzzle all along and just wanted to facilitate an honest conversation. zuko would be mad, but honestly he’s just impressed. they all return into the light of day again, and the sunlight feels cleansing. 

B-plot: katara, toph, and suki soon realize that they make for a more awkward trio than they anticipated. at first katara had been very insistent that it was finally time for just the girls to go on an adventure together, but it becomes readily apparent that without sokka......they have nothing to talk about??? and they’re all like. fuck. is sokka really that important to the fabric of our friendgroup?? the answer is, of course he is, but it pisses them all off. they can be friends outside of sokka! as a matter of fact, fuck sokka! who needs him? not them, certainly. they’re the world’s most powerful waterbender, earthbender, and non-bending warrior respectively! what does sokka have? a sword? some maps??? so they may not have many things in common, but their sheer willpower & determination is shared among them in spades. they complete their Task with great competency, and they’re all like “FUCK YEAH.” sokka is very confused as to why all three of them tackle him in a hug next time they see him. 

C-plot: no grand quest. no adventure. mai simply finds a bat hanging in the corner of her room, and happens to notice sokka walking by. she summons him into her room, where she points at the bat with disgust. sokka’s like, “you’ve got to be kidding me. it’s just a bat. i’d think you’d love bats.” and mai’s like “then u are mistaken.” so sokka sighs and says he’ll take care of it, opens the window, closes the door, and tries to coax the bat into the night air gently. unfortunately, sokka’s execution is less than poor. the bat flies at his face, at which he lets out a very dignified shriek, and the bat starts flying around the room like crazy. for some reason, it refuses to just go through the window. mai and sokka, both fearing for the bat’s safety as well as their own, take the only logical option and hide in her closet until the bat leaves. after a while, they can no longer hear its indomitable screeching, so they open the door to the closet just a crack, only to see that it had actually tired itself out to the point of exhaustion and seemed to have fallen directly onto her bed. mai’s like “ewwww i sleep there sokka get rid of it!!!!!!!!!” and sokka’s like, “i can’t just throw it out the window!! it’ll die???” and mai’s like “this is why we need an animal control department.” which gives sokka a great idea. he tells mai to stay put and mai’s just like “you mean alone????? with the bat??????” sokka runs back moments later with a stricken zuko. “mai, are you all right???” he pants desperately, to which mai rolls her eyes and is like “yeah bitch im fine.” zuko turns to sokka and glowers. “you said there was an emergency in mai’s room! i thought she’d been–– oh what’s that???” they introduce zuko to the batshit bat, which sokka has named Squeaky, and zuko immediately knows what to do, and soon later it flies through the open window without a care. sokka’s just like “man, you really should’ve asked zuko for help instead of me.” and mai’s just like, “well... you were there. and youre.. competent.” and sokka looks around at the mess squeaky made of mai’s room and he’s like “u sure of that???” and it suddenly hits them just how uncouth this entire affair was, especially considering that zuko was the one who came out looking most competent (which they both deeply resent). they vow never to speak of it again.

Mmmmmkay I have to rant about Nier: Automata for a bit; I accidentally triggered the end of the game (playthrough 2, ending B) last night and stayed up till 2:00 trying to finish the stupid “not allowed to save” phase. But y’aLL IT’S SO GOOD??????? AND 3RD PLAYTHROUGH ISN’T ANOTHER RE-RUN OF THE SAME STORY WE GET MORE STORY AAAAAAAAA

(more under the cut because there is ALOT for those who care;;;;;)

- OK SO THE MUSIC IS AMAZING??? I love LOVE that the music dynamics build in instruments and intensity as you progress towards danger/plot, but also softens again for quieter moments and just...musical storytelling is so sooooo my jam I love it. Also that the music goes 8 bit when 9S hacks stuff, it’s actually kinda cute X’D

- ON THE SUBJECT of 9S being able to hack into enemies and you getting to play that as a little teeny ship shooting down viruses and barriers and whatnot. Genius???? That added SO MUCG to the story on the second playthrough as 9S. Particularly discovering the fact that all of humanity?? Is actually extinct?? ...even BEFORE the aliens/machines attacked earth?? WH A T?????? WHAT THE HECK ARE ANDROIDS FIGHTING FOR THEN????? *every time an android salutes and says “glory to mankind” now* GLORY MY FOOT THEY ALL DEAD MOVE ON--

-  I realize it probably has alot to do with the lore of previous nier games and I’ll probably have to trawl through Wiki pages soon here. Emil himself really broke my heart aaaaaah baby...his side quest is so sad. I also looked at arts and he was a really cute kid?? Before he was turned int the freaky moon skeleton thing...?? Oh my goodness......

-  The secret lunar tear flower room is gorgeous. I just sat there for awhile to soak it all in...the music is so nostalgic and I’ve never heard that song bfore how do y’all DO THAT--

- Emil’s shop is pretty cute. He just drives around the ruins and sells stuff if you shoot him and he’ll stop X’’’D It did ruin alot of serious moments tho. *Engels, talking about how he’d sinned for killing so many androids and choosing death--* “S-A-L-E SAAAALLLEEE~~!! EVERY SALE’S A WIIIINNNNNN~~~~!!!! LALALaaaaaa~~~...” Me: *facepalm* 

- ...I just realized the little tune he sings is a cheerful rendition of the music in the flower room. H E C K

- ANYWAY. Onto the actual game. I really really enjoyed playing as 9S for obvious reasons (bABY) but it really did add so soooo much to the pretty much surface level story when you first play as 2B. Which sums them up pretty well...2B, Battle unit 2, pushes on relentlessly, avoids thinking too hard about things and what she’s doing because oh dear, EMOTION might get in the way...9S, Scanner unit 9, on the other hand, cannot stop his curiosity. He asks questions, he sticks his nose in way further than he should to some dangerous stuff. I think he realized Machines were sentient and had feelings long before 2B, but was in denial for a good while. You learn so much more about what you’re fighting as 9S, because he scans. He observes, searches, discovers. Heck, some hacking caused him to experience empathy for the poor things, to his horror...

- Actually, there are alot of scenes where either 2B or 9S questions why a machine they’re killing is screaming for help, of crying for lost family, or loudly proclaiming loyalty to a king they’ll give their lives for...they stop for a moment, but the other quickly jumps in and reminds them that it’s just imitation. It’s not real, it’s fake, machines can’t feel, yadda yadda...it was odd to me they kept switching off on reminding, but...I think they both know, deep down, what they’re doing. But denial. Because if machines DO have feelings, if they are sentient...what does that mean for all they’ve killed...? Just...hoo BOY the moral dellimas in this game?? Scary good. The quests get that across alot.

- I don’t like the theme of hopelessness in most of the side quests?? I do see many of them as cautionary tales though. We watch many characters lose hope and the will to live after their thing/person they’re living FOR is gone. It makes me worry alot about 2B, who is a soldier through and through. 9S actually does have hopes and dreams for things outside of the war, which I love ;7; they definitely lean on each other alot emotionally on this respect though...I don’t know quite what to make of the themes of the game this far in yet;;;; 

- The love between 9S and 2B is of course my favorite thing. Familial, romantic, idk. I, being me, see it as more platonic, “You’re my rock in this storm” only friend/sister/brother vibe, but as more of a fan of platonic relationships, that is what I tend to do. But 9s following 2B around like a lost puppy and trying to do all he can to help and do his job but also getting bored with said job and trying to make the most of things, asking all the “why” questions, 2B acting irritated but also always keeps him close and makes sure he’s safe....going ballistic when someone hurts her boy ;;v;; I love...2 kids. Their operators and pods are such fun dynamics too~~ 

- As far as endings A and B...DANG. It hit worse because you get backstory on the giant ocean machine (that 9S just hit with a giant missle, which he also had to ride to keep it on the right path...DX NO SELF PRESERVATION) he just...wanted his mama......;;A;;

- Also it’s not fair. 9S is so injured by that missle attack, then I guess Adam finds him and is like “HM. *sticks the lil boy impaled on a wall* Perfect. *proceeds to emotionally and mentally torture said child*“ like YO ADAM THAT’S NOT HOW YOU DO THINGS. Then 2B proceeds to kick down walls for her boy and kills Adam and walks off carrying 9S bridal style into the sunset. Lovely. I have a comic idea for this part, lol.

- Oh I don’t like Adan very much, he is pretty tho?? There was alot of blood though...how do machines bleed?? How do the androids bleed?? What??? I question this alot. 

- HHHHHHH THE BECOME AS GODS CHAPTER SCARED ME I DON’T EVER WANNA DO THAT AGAIN DANG SUICIDAL ROBOTS SCARED ME SO BAD

- Fighting Eve was...annoying but still heartbreaking. He misses his brother so much....even though Adam is a butthead and couldn’t care less he left his little brother behind DX just everything about that fight was Tragic. Also Eve developing more self awareness and realizing “Eve” is a girl’s name and being a bit miffed LOL that’s what y’all get when your first book is the bible kiddos...I realize they’re technically like what? 2 weeks old still???

- The ENDING. From 9S’s perspective is especially scary....the corruption transforming him, 2B coming in to kill him to stop the pain, he BEGGED her to, just....hhhhhhh babies ;;A;; 2B’s soft broken crying over him as she’s forced to strangle her only friend to death just aaaaaAAAAAAAA I DIE ;;;;;;;;~;;;;;;;;;

- I was actually able to cry over it this time coz. It was 2 am. No parent awkwardly watching over my shoulder. Because the pose for this scene is...........super awkward..........like......really........their clothes are super torn up and uh. The first time I was just hoping my parents wouldn’t mistake it for a sex scene or something hhhhhghhhhh;;;;;; I really really REALLY wish the pose was different, the game does need to give the fanservice a rest, at LEAST for a scene this serious DX I’m able to ignore it but when someone else is watching I don’t wanna have to explain;;;;

- That IS a big gripe I have with the game. The fanservice. Just. Why. How is 2B’s outfit practical?? Self destruct mode???? REALLY???? Get this girl battle shorts or something please.....I guess if I looked at it more as a ballet outfit?? I might make some edits when I draw her because GEEZ.

- 9S gets some of this too. Self destruct mode, his shorts are blown off???? WHAT THE HECK???? Welp, never using that again. also why is he the only yorha boy android??????????? X’’’’D They never explain that!!

- BACK TO ENDING STUFF why were there random data hologram girls standing there, watching 2B strangle 9S?? Just...silently there...they weren’t there in the first playthrough?? I’ve seen them a couple times but they’re NEVER mentioned?? WHAT ARE THEY-- is it a glitch?? Wha--

- Teeny 9S being able to dump his consciousness into a giant machine robot guy and cradling 2B in his hand ;;~;; he’s fine y’all I’m so GLAD (I wanna draw something for this scene.... I wanna draw alot of things) 

- I love Pascal. He should adopt all the sad people to his happy peace village. He already started that...what a good egg. 

- The accessories option is lovely. I’ve been running around with 9S with a blue bow in his hair forever now ;7; replaced with the flower in his hair because BOYS AND FLOWERS I LOVE but I think I might give the flower to 2B because she’d look lovely with it and....I miss the blue bow X’D

 - Also the AMOUNT of things this could line up with a KH universe....as far as how androids work, hearts (black boxes), memories making you...you, being able to transfer “hearts” to new bodies when the old is destroyed, POWER OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP...there’s alot. I dunno what to do with this info...

Anyway, I have alOT of thoughts and feelings on this game, it’s like...a very cool book. I’ve had trouble putting down. These aren’t even all of them but idk who I can actually rant to so here it is for the Void

I’m so interested to see where it goes! 

How do you feel about Casca and her relationship with Griffith? Especially with her possibly trying to protect him from getting hurt again. I am interested to hear your thoughts. Do you think she has no concept of love? Or that she genuinely loved Guts?

Overall I actually really like Casca’s relationship with Griffith, and I think if a) Berserk was a very different story and b) Miura didn’t make Casca’s life revolve around romantic pining, I’d really love them as a v interesting platonic brotp style relationship with lots of layers and depth.

Casca has a v unique perspective and insight on Griffith, with her combination of hero worship and the way she’s seen him at his worst (pre-torture).

She’s aware that he hides himself behind a veneer of perfection, that he feels immense guilt, that he buries his emotions. She watched him self harm in front of her after prostituting himself to a pedophile. She’s more aware of his vulnerable humanity than even Guts is.

And knowing that he’s human, seeing some of his darker and sadder flaws first hand, only makes her admiration grow. I love that. I think it’s sad for Griffith because he doesn’t know this and knowing it would’ve probably really helped with his self loathing issues, and I think it’s a little… messed up, the way Casca sees Griffith’s ability to suppress his feelings and be perfect for everyone as a strength, but it’s really interesting as a dynamic.

When it comes to Griffith’s point of view, I think it’s kind of a shame that he remained so closed off to her. Casca and Guts have very similar feelings towards Griffith, but where Casca is largely shut out after he turns and puts his hand on her shoulder in the river, Guts is let in. So Casca and Griffith feel kind of like a missed connection. Not in a romantic way, but in a “if things had been slightly different between them, they could’ve been great mutual support for each other” kind of way.

If the river scene had gone a little differently, like say if Casca had assured Griffith she didn’t think he was dirty instead of asking why he was with Gennon, or if Griffith had allowed himself to accept her comforting hug, I think Casca could’ve been solid, affirming emotional support for Griffith. If she knew about the assassinations, say, she’d’ve been fine with them. She probably would’ve been a better assassin than Guts, too, lol.

lbr, Griffith desperately needed someone to see all of him and tell him he wasn’t a monster, and Casca would’ve been great at that. For Casca’s part, she wanted someone to prioritize her and trust her enough to accept her emotional support (as we see pretty clearly in the scene where she and Guts fuck.) And I think getting this platonically would’ve been just as good or better for her than getting it with a side of sex.

But at the end of the day it was Guts who Griffith turned to (and tbqh the fact that Casca’s jealousy is explicitly because she’s in love with Griffith absolutely means that Griffith trusting Guts, prioritizing Guts, and wanting Guts to see all of him, ie exactly what Casca wanted to be to Griffith, all boils down to attraction and Griffith choosing Guts over Casca as essentially his emotional support because he’s in love with Guts and not Casca. But I digress) and Casca’s relationship with Griffith never met its full potential.

But despite that, they still have a really cute, generally fairly positive relationship before everything goes down. Griffith sends a search party not just for Guts but also specifies her when they fall off the cliff. When they get back Casca’s falling over herself apologizing and Griffith just smiles and welcomes her back. At Guts’ prompting he mentions her dress to her just to say something nice and slightly make up for letting her think he was dead. When he first saves her she becomes devoted not just because he threw her a sword, but because he helped calm her down after she killed the dude, seemed to empathize with her (”he just nodded, deeply and slowly,”) and gave her a blanket. After the rescue there’s a moment where he sees her crying near Judeau from afar and clearly wishes he was still able to comfort her.

Idk honestly their relationship isn’t perfect, it has some sadness, some missed opportunities, some dark moments (I’m talking pre-Eclipse, I’m not touching Femto bc as far as I can tell the Eclipse rape had nothing to do with Casca or Griffith’s overall relationship with her and everything to do with Guts), but overall I think it’s a sweet, mostly positive friendship.

Ok lol sorry about that essay that doesn’t even address most of your ask.

As for Casca trying to protect Griffith from getting hurt, I think it makes perfect sense from a character perspective, though I’m a little cynical when it comes to my thoughts on what Miura may have intended. Like, eg, I think Casca’s violent diatribe against Guts near the waterfall was meant to be a mix of genuine anger over the way he broke Griffith, partially projecting her own feelings of abandonment, and partially her feelings of jealousy getting involved too - why couldn’t Guts have stayed for her, and why couldn’t she affect Griffith the way Guts could? We see both issues come up shortly after - jealousy right before she tries to kill herself, and raging at Guts for (she thinks) wanting to leave her behind again after they have sex.

So I guess now I’m thinking Casca’s feelings when she tells Guts to leave are probably a complicated mixture of like, everything.

I think what you described plays a large part. She knows how Griffith feels about Guts, and that seeing her and Guts together every day would be torturous for him. Also lbr, a few days with another dude aren’t enough to erase anyone’s like, near decade of feelings for the first dude, and we see them come up again during the rescue mission, when jealousy starts creeping between Guts and Casca, so she’s not exactly over her feelings for Griffith, which includes wanting to protect him.

I think there’s also an element of Casca being self-sacrificing, telling Guts to leave to pursue his dream because she thinks Guts’ dream is the most important thing to him, and she believes Guts staying would be a sacrifice on his part.

I think Casca is aware enough of the weird love triangle between the three of them that she knows if they both stayed with Griffith things would get weird and fucked up real quick for everyone, probably especially Griffith. She’s jealous of Guts and Griffith, Griffith loves Guts and would be jealous of the relationship between him and Casca, plus he’s the most vulnerable, and I think there’s a strong indication that Guts would be caught in the middle, but probably would end up prioritizing Griffith.

AND THEN there’s another aspect to Casca pushing Guts away that I think could, at least in theory, be the strongest motivating factor, at least when it comes to my interpretation of Casca and my love of flawed female characters who make terrible choices just like the men do, which is that she’s been given an opportunity to take Guts’ role.

Now Griffith needs her. Now she’s the one who can comfort him and Griffith finally accepts her comfort. And sex is also maybe on the table which, taking the narrative at face value, is something Casca also wants.

There is a “yet,” there, ofc. I think Casca’s feelings are mixed. She genuinely wanted to leave with Guts, she was probably glad of the chance to get over her one-sided feelings for Griffith, but at the same time, she still has those feelings.

So like, ultimately, once she’s faced with the reality that Griffith desperately needs someone who loves him and she can’t just take off with Guts, there are three options available: her and Guts both stay, only Guts stays, only Casca stays.

Both her and Guts staying would be an unmitigated disaster of jealousy issues, only Guts staying would fucking suck for Casca (right now from her pov, in the long run lbr it would by far be the best option bc Casca needs to find herself away from dudes), but only Casca staying would give her something she used to desperately want, and still does want on some level.

So she tells herself Guts would be unhappy without his dream and he shouldn’t stay for his own sake, and tries to send him off, but the actual driving emotional reason is that only one of them can stay with Griffith and she wants it to be her.

(For the record I think this would’ve been a huge mistake for Casca even if the Eclipse didn’t happen. Despite Griffith’s nightmare vision I can’t imagine her being happy living a quiet domestic life with him. But what’s the point of a Berserk character if they’re not making huge mistakes?)

lol man this is a lot longer than I thought it would be, and I think a lot of this is a stretch and probably not what Miura intended, but it’s the explanation I want to land on.

Oh and finally, just to briefly hit the last two things, I’d say Casca can’t tell the difference between love and a feeling of obligation she gets when someone saves her. Both her feelings for Griffith and Guts started after being saved by them, and both manifest in wanting to comfort them and be their emotional support and give them something in return for what they’ve given her.

“Not just being given to… maybe I can give something as well.”

So while maybe Miura wanted us to believe Casca loved Guts, or could’ve fallen in love with Guts (tho idk maybe this is purposeful, I talk a lot about how I think he deliberately went a relatively non-romantic route with Guts and Casca’s hook up), I don’t think she genuinely loved him, or Griffith for that matter, in a romantic sense.

@poppy-moon because you asked a while back re: meta about casca and griffith and now I’ve written something lol. and the first half is more the positive kind of thing you were suggesting.

Pseudo-liveblogged reactions to Amazon's Cinderella

I'm not super savvy on modern music, so it took me into the second song to realize that this is a pop opera rather than an original musical.

There are pros and cons to pasting pre-existing songs into your narrative and we will unfortunately not be able to get into the pros today.

My newly acquired "5 min rule" would like to have the protagonist's internal conflict presented to the audience within the first five minutes of runtime. Couple that with Howard Ashman's "I Want" song and you'd kind of expect your protagonist to sing a lil something about what their story is up front. The only character so far to express anything of the sort is Idina Menzel's character.

If this wasn't a well-known fairy tale, I'd have to assume, after the first five minutes, that the evil stepmother is the main protagonist.

They didn't source a song that gives Cinderella a clear objective! They gave her one that describes her ... outlook on life. But we don't know the context for that outlook (I mean, we do, but this movie chose not to tell us, we already happened to know)

We meet her in her basement workshop, which she leaves immediately and starts doing kitchen things, so it's like, we Do Not Know her relationship to the workshop vice her relationship to the kitchen; no effort was made to show one as a joy and one as a burden. Maybe she loves both. Maybe she hates both, and that's why she's singing about having a good attitude (still no answer why love saving the day is relevant in the slightest)

Okay this new character showed up and she asked about his cane and I literally had not seen the cane on screen. It's a visual medium, you gotta show us the important stuff oh my god.

Ok, 8 min in, best I can tell, the conflict is that Cinderella needs to find financial stability because stepmom wants her gone and also her only viable options are getting married off. So stepmom's goal is to marry her off -- I'm wildly confused bc of the conflict I KNOW this story is about; why wouldn't she be invited to the ball if stepmom could get rid of her that way?? I have to guess that she wants the princey income going to one of her own daughters, in which case, her conflict is NOT that she wants to marry Cinderella off!!!!!

Geez, okay, I Do Not Know if these are original songs or not. Cinderella just sang about being famous, and the visuals implied that she wants to do sewing good.

OKAY????? The prince is just an obnoxious frat boy. Guessing that Cinderella either "I can fix him"s or else just absolutely just becomes a fashion designer and doesn't end up with the prince because Feminism.

Okay so Cinderella is super expected to go to the thing, no issues. The ISSUE IS OMG LOLOLOL THAT THE STEPMOM DOESN'T WANT CINDERELLA PARTICIPATING IN THE BLASPHEMY OF FEMALE BUSINESS OWNERSHIP?!?!?!?! (She needs to go to the thing, but she can't wear her self-designed dress for the hype ok sure)

Ok the Queen is my jam

He said "you can't control me" but I heard "you can't troll me"

Oh-hohoho so there's a suddenly Prince's Sister who is competent and will ultimately win the throne bc her brother's useless. So now I'm guessing that the prince is a super red herring who's just wasting screentime.

He's now singing Queen, which is slightly hilarious

(He wants to marry for love, I think. He doesn't want a political marriage. He still doesn't seem suitable for Cinderella, bit she did sing about love earlier so. Maybe they go into business together.)

It's trying to be campy but I'm not feeling it. The camp isn't baked-in.

Also this wasn't the ball. It's still to come. Prince is now leaning into the ball idea as a means of getting to meet specifically Cinderella. Bro she got other priorities.

Ok now prince is pulling a princess jasmine to walk amongst the commoners -- sorry hold on, they hecked up the eyelines SO BAD in this scene. Camera needs to stay on the same side of the two characters OMG textbook basics

So one of the stepsisters has now also expressed an interest in marrying for love. Oh PLEASE can she end up with the prince??? The narrator called her "cray," though, and the prince just had a poorly-blocked conversation about how he isn't into someone with too many bats in the belfry.

OOF the blocking is so bad. First time director?

Sidenote: there IS original music, and it's pretty good. They shoulda gone all out and avoided the misstep of weirdly forced musical numbers.

Ok, act 2 is about getting ready for the ball. How are they gonna pad this? Midpoint is she has her dreams dashed and has to do fairy godmother plan B? Or is that low point and the ball is in Act 3?

Montage of all kind of characters singing about where they are going into Act 2 but it's incomprehensible bc they're just using some pop song that doesn't say anything!!!!!!!!!

Oh. Hm. Mr. McCane is the conflict. That's tidy enough. Cinderella can't go to ball bc she's suddenly been match-maked. (And her fancy dress was ruined for good measure). So this is the midpoint lololol and getting ready for the ball was just the one montage rather than an entire act.

Lol so the fairy godmother is just a caterpillar/butterfly that she saved and there's ZERO reason why he's also magic.

We're on our third musical number in like 10 minutes, they're really pumping em in

I just shouted NO about the bad blocking. 180-degree rule!!!! It's non-negotiable!!!!!!!!!!

Have to say it, there is probably DEFINITELY an audience for this tho

So the second half of act 2 is the ball. Low point will be the midnight time limit on the magic?

Oh shoot I forgot about leaving the glass shoe behind and that whole search shenanigans. That's probably act 3 eh

Ohhhhh geez okay okay now she's met a queen and has to go meet her tomorrow so she can live her fashion designing dreams. But now she has to choose between prince and dreams? She takes prince with her on queen journey, leaving prince sister behind to rule? That'd be fine

Oh I forgot about Mr. McCane conflict. I don't know what she wants so I don't know what existing conflicts matter. She can't get locked in a closet and not be able to try on glass shoe, because she only has until 4PM tomorrow to go on queen journey; Mr. McCane thinks he's going to marry her; the magic ends at midnight but the prince already knows what she looks like and who she really is; the stepmom might find out that she's gone to the ball after all, but she's the prince's favorite so what can stepmom really do??????????

It's very messy

These over the shoulder shots are so awkward, the subject is always smack-dab in the middle of the frame, slightly obscured by the other party and the other half of the frame just totally empty I hate it a lot

Gonna guess this is 1.19:1 aspect ratio, which is ultra wide. Whyyy waste all that lateral real estate???

You can tell this was made for theaters rather than home viewing, though; after watching Zombies 2 a couple more times, I've noticed how the made-for-tv up-close framing isn't really the right way to use that ratio; the faces are way close and we don't get a lot of body shots. Not a problem here, though.

Ok it's midnight and she's fleeing, but other than the fairy godmother saying "RUN," there isn't really a good narrative reason for why she had to flee. Yeah she's unglamored and herself again, but SO WHAT.

Pierce Brosnan and Minnie Driver are killing it tho

Ok so her choice IS still between prince marriage and queen journey. McCane proposal red herring?????

There are NO STAKES to the stepmom doing anything villainous at this point? She wouldn't and she won't? And now she gets a tragic backstory? Idk idk idk bro

GOD the blocking is SO OFFENSIVE TO MY SENSIBILITIES

ohh hmm! Stepmom wants her to do the prince marriage, out of an honest desire for Cinderella to live the best life available to her (and to support the stepfamily)

So Cinderella has chosen queen journey and stepmom is like okay I'm selling you to Mr. McCane. But is Cinderella locked in the basement? She can't just ... go on queen journey?

WHAT ABOUT SHOEVENTURE PLOT?????

LOL STEPMOM ANGRY PIANO SOLO KILL IT IDINA

Please stop framing every face in the center of the shot. Please. I'm f*cking begging you

Ok shoeventure is about to start; it's a narrative piece belonging to the KING'S REDEMPTION ARC AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH CINDERELLA'S STORY LOLOL

I MEAN THO. THE SHOE IS SOOOO UNIMPORTANT???? HE LITERALLY KNOWS HER FACE, IT DOES NOT FREAKING MATTER WHO SPECIFICALLY CURRENTLY POSSESSES THE OTHER SHOE

LOL ALSO I FORGOT-- LITERALLY FORGOT-- THAT HER NAME IS ELLA NOT CINDERELLA

So they're not going to tackle the whole thing where the queen journey queen doesn't care that Ella's has a different fave today from yesterday?

Ok and the queen is leaving on her journey an hour after she was to meet with Ella, so Ella's going to go with her but first she's going to the castle and be present at a whole royal event, and probably a musical number and then make it back to the docks in time? Sure ok.

Ye here's the number. Has 0% relevance to either the current events or any thing that's happened in this movie

Oh I have no comment on the dances, I haven't been compelled enough to really pay attention to any

Nice that she gets a lil moment of connection w/ stepmom. Don't know if it was earned, but it was sweet

Love will save the day reprise :| I mean ... I guess if he weren't out looking for her, she would have missed her appointment probably ... otherwise.........

Ok, it was fine/ not for me, peace out lololololol

EDIT: I quoted the aspect ratio as 1.19:1 but since I'm not good with numbers that's totally wrong. (I think that's the almost-square ratio that The Lighthouse used.) I just checked and both Cinderella and ZOMBIES 2 are 2.39:1, so at least I was correct in identifying that they were the same.

Also, looked up Kay Cannon and was unfortunately also correct in assuming she was a new director. Thinking on it now, it feels like maybe it wasn't storyboarding and/or shooting each scene was a process of "Let's just get coverage so we have options in post." There's just a real lack of not just intent behind shot composition and reason for cutting and the specific shot cut to, but mostly coherence; scenes are stitched together like Frankenstein's monster, I felt a visceral uncanny valley discomfort while watching.

I feel bad, no one felt they could point this out to her, either in pre-production or on set?? Unless she was surrounded by equally green staff, or yes-men who didn't really care about the end product that was going to have their names attached to it.

Did you know @boku-no-headcanons made cannons for your bakushimanari art?

Nope, this is the first I heard of it! But as long as they’re not reposting my stuff they can do whatever, I’m happy my stuff can inspire them! 

Anon said: saw u in youtube rewind congrats

.................. are you sure this ask was meant for me?

Anon said:I tried to message you, I found some accounts using your art if you're interested in knowing who they are :/ 

Anon said:@sweetheart_kirishima on instagram posted your art without credit.

Unless it’s tumblr, which has a form I can fill specifically for reposts to have the thing taken down, I can’t actually do anything even if you guys tell me. It’s... frustrating, cause you’d think by this point such popular social media sites/apps would have some way for preventing art thefts, but they got no report option that can be used for art unless I’m the copyright owner - does that apply to fanarts when the characters aren’t mine and I wasn’t authorized by the original author to make them? Probably not. So I can’t do anything for it, not even ask the reposter to be kind and take my art down, cause as I’ve already said I’m not on any of those platforms

So I thank you both a lot for having thought about letting me know, but it’s... sort of useless. If you could ask the reposter on my behalf though I’d be incredibly grateful!

Anon said: your kiribaku childhood friends au give me life tHANK YOU

YOU’RE WELCOME THANK YOU FOR LIKING IT!!!

Anon said: Kiri kind of reminds me of Dave with his hair like that! (They would look great together now i think about it haha) I love you and your art, I hope you enjoy creating it as much as i like to look at it :) xx

Thank you!!!!! And yeah, the mohawk is still a mohawk after all isn’t it haha Dav’s is less tidy tho, cause he’s a s l o b (not really)

Anon said:yknow how people have hunkspirations to get fit? your art is my hunkspiration to draw

That’s so nice!!! holy smokes!!!!! I hope your arting is going great, anon!!!

Anon said:the new chapter has me crying over bakukami omfg these lo s e RS I'm so glad they're friends

WHAT A MOOD THO

Anon said:HELLO, YES, I'D LIKE MY HEART BACK PLEASE BECAUSE YOU JUST WRECKED IT WITH YOUR CHILDHOOD FRIENDS AU. Kiri is so pretty in it, like oh wow, and Bakugou's brilliant and I LOVE IT. (Also 'manly shit' and 'Katsu,' just slay me now so this happiness never fades).

Ahhhhhh I’m happy you liked it!!!!!!!! And yah Kiri calling Bakugou Katsu is a weakness of mine, did you know that? Maybe you noticed since I always have him do that haha it’s cause it’s written with the kanji for victory! Isn’t that a manly nickname? I like to think Kiri would like it for that haha

Anon said: I love how often (from reading the tags on your art) it's like "oops my hand slipped and now you get some krbk instead of something else" lol

It does happen incredibly often! By now they’re so comfortable to draw for me that I end up drawing them without even realizing haha that’s what happens when you spend a year and a half drawing always the same two kids lol

Anon said:Ah Fran I love your glasses Bakugou so much! Ever since Kami added those shades to his hero costume it has me convinced he'd be so ridiculously cute in glasses too! I hope you enjoy that adorable mental image :)

You mean Kami? He sure would! Kiri would too! Sero also!!! MINA TOO!!!!! Actually we have canon Mina with glasses I think

yup, what a beauty haha

Anon said:Your kiribaku childhood AU killed me! I just wanted to ask: in your opinion if Kiri&Baku met in middle school do you think they’d be friends? Baku has a habit of rejecting anyone who’s “weaker” than him &seeing how kiri was do you think they’d be friends? Or Baku not noticing kiri until he’s his equal?Or maybe having a crush on the cute black haired kid but never doing anything about it? Baku Rejecting kiri if he tried to confess to him?Sorry this is long but I just love your perception of them!

Whether they’d like each other/get along would depends on at which point and in which way they’d meet, I guess! Middle school was a complicated period for both of them, so it really depends - a few examples of how it could go are

they meet cause they frequent the same middle school - that implies they meet during the first year, when Bakugou was still full on bully/cocky asshole. Kirishima probably wouldn’t like him much because of it, would try to fight him. Bakugou might find him annoying/get pissed at how he thinks himself good enough to fight him. Definitely wouldn’t get along at first, might change their minds as they get to know each other or just keep on having a shitty relationship forever. I find more beliavable the first, since they do have really compatible personalities, but Bakugou was really convinced of his position as above everyone else back then and Kirishima would have never let him act like he was better than him without putting up a fight, so maybe not. Might actually fuck up their relationship in highschool too, really

they frequent different middle school, but happen to see each other outside of school before the sludge incident - if they were to meet cause Kirishima got in the middle of Bakugou bullying Deku, not much would change from option one. But if they were to meet for unrelated reasons, they could get along - Kirishima might think Bakugou manly, Bakugou might appreciate Kirishima’s guts (as long as Kiri doesn’t try to fight him). At first the relationship would definitely be unbalanced, because Kirishima would have no way of proving to Bakugou he’s at his same level since he wouldn’t be, but with time this might change. I can see Kirishima throwing himself at random bullies and Bakugou sighing and sometimes waiting for Kirishima to get his ass beat so maybe he’ll learn while other times lazily strolling up till he’s standing next to Kirishima to scare the bullies away. Bakugou’s... Bakugouness might do something to Kirishima’s self-esteem and could have him have his breakdown sooner, but by that point Bakugou might like him enough to do something about it. Or not. He’s still a cocky and self-centered ass at this point, after all. Kirishima’s presence might help with his bullying habit. Or not. Again, still an egoistical and egocentrical fucker at that point. Worse comes to worst, their relationship starts becoming more equal after the sludge incident/kiri seeing gigantomachia

they frequent different middle schools, but meet outside of school after the sludge incident but before kiri sees gigantomachia - this is probably my favorite one as far as them meeting in middle school goes. Bakugou at this point is questioning if he’s actually as strong as he always assumed he was, starting to feel like he needs to prove his worth to the world and himself, while Kirishima is still convinced he’s plain and weak, too scared to actually voice his dreams, but still tries to do his best and help those in need in front of him. If they were to meet at this point, Bakugou might actually find something to admire in Kirishima, find strength in him even - with the down-to-earth optimism and practical positivity, aware of reality but working to fix what he can, not letting circumstances and defeats bring him down. It might help Bakugou put into perspective the sludge incident, instead of just dwelling on it till it became a bomb ready to explode. Kiri would find Bakugou manly and cool, just like in canon, and they’d be able to build a relationship on equal grounds - Kirishima might even open up to him about how he wishes to try for UA, but he’s nearly sure he’s gonna fail. Bakugou might tell him that as he is right now he’s gonna fail for sure. He might also tell him that a quirk is like a muscle, and muscles get stronger if you train them, so just fucking stop wasting time and train yourself till your quirk is worth something, for fuck sake. By the time the event of Kiri’s backstory roll around, Bakugou might actually be there to hold Kirishima up and not let him go through it by himself. I dunno about crushes, but I do love this scenario and the relationship they’d end up having because of it

they frequent different schools, meet after Kirishima’s meeting with gigantomachia - there wouldn’t be many differences compared to the canon version of their meeting, I think. Bakugou might be a little more subdued, maybe, but generally it’d be the same.

these are just real general cathegories, depending on how the meeting unfolds anything might happen so really, who knows - there’s too many possibilities to be sure of anything, really haha

Anon said:fran ur art its so cute ty for posting it!!! also i just wanna say i think your art has improved so much since i started to follow you!! the first drawings of yours i saw were your old aokaga and i think really youve improved a lot!! (not that you were bad at first but your style has evolved?? idk a good word for it but its not meant as a Bad thing)

Lmao no anon, don’t worry, I was really, really bad back then. It was like, super terrible. I’m glad you think I’ve improved though!!!! This sort of asks mean a whole damn lot to me, make it worth keeping on drawing haha thank you!!

Anon said:i gotta admit, after checking out sero's quirk i can only think: pranks. esp with the double-sided tape trick

Have you ever seen this comic holy fuck hahaha

Anon said:i read that fic by newamsterdam a while back and can't stop thinking about it!!!!

Best fic I’m following at the moment honestly!!!

Anon said:Hi I love your art! It's absolutely amazing and your comics are SO cute!! I hope you have a wonderful day!~

THANK YOU!!!! I hope you’ll have a super wonderful day too!!!!

Anon said:your kirbaku/bakushima is just so nice and lovely??? and your art style is great adorable??? gdfljwblk thenks for mi life

You’re SO SWEET!!!! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *holds*

Anon said:The line work in your drawings lately is looking even smoother and more refined than before! :)

.....................I actually feel like I’m getting super effin sloppy so??? I guess hearing this feels good???? Like oh I’m not actually as much of a mess as I thought haha thank you for the compliment!!!! :D

Anon said:Do you think Bakugou would ever say babe or other sweet nicknames?

Yah I think so. Like, not all nicknames, like “honey” probably never or “sweetheart” highly umprobable, but babe or gorgeous/handsome/beautiful or love, I can see him using those! Mostly cause Mitsuki’s personality was obviously based on Bakugou and she calls Masaru “dear”, so I think Bakugou does have the... predisposition for it, let’s say it like that haha he might more whisper them/keep them private, but I do think he’d use them~

Anon said:You're so good at emitting moods/vibes through your art?? Like, every single time you just... Idk what kind of magic you... I love you??? You turn me to putty Fran.

sob this is such a nice ask oh my god, thank you so much!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Everytime I see your art on my dash it makes me smile, there's something inherently cheerful about your art style. Love it

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! That’s the best think I could have ever been told about my style, I’m super glad you see it like this!!!! 

Anon said:omg you don't understand how much i love your art !!! i mean i check you blog everyday to see if you posted something and when you do i'm always so happy, it put me in a good mood everytime i don't know how you do it but i love it !!!! also the way you draw smiles is so cute :D

THANK YOU LOTS OH MY GOD!!!!!! AHHH!!!! making people smile is the best thing ever!!! I’m!!!!!!!!!! happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D now I’m smiling hahaha

Anon said:how does... is... clothing folds?!?!

B o y anon I’m terribly sorry but........... the horrible secret is that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing when I draw clothes’ folds. Like, at all. All I keep in mind while going at it is that gravity is a thing and clothes are affected by it too, and that’s about it ;;; I’m incredibly sorry, but I’m pretty sure someone that actually knows what they’re doing would look at my stuff and see a lot of mistakes, so maybe it’s best if I don’t give tips about this to anyone, least I spread more misinformation than anything else orz I’m sure there’s good tutorials for it around, tho!!

Anon said:Will we ever see more comics of the poly au with bokuto, kuroo and terushima? I binged those comics and LOVED it

Probably not, sorry orz posting for hq lately is... making me sad, in the long run, so hq comics might not come around for a long time, from me. Too much time I should spend on them. Dunno about simple art tho, it’s a maybe for that! And thank you for liking the series!!!!

Anon said:As soon as I saw u added the kekkai sensen art sticker to redbubble I bought it omg bless 💕

THANK YOU SO MUCH HOLY HECK!!!!

Anon said:any chance we could expect more of kirishima's shy senpai? absolutely no pressure! i'm honestly just curious since you seemed fond of him a while back. :)

And I still am! I’ll for sure draw more of him soon enough, don’t worry!

Anon said:I'm sooo sad :'( I wanted to buy a mobile case from you but it's just for iPhone.... I love you art so much *-*

There’s for both iPhones and Samsung, actually! But if you have another brand then it’s no good ;;; sorry ;;;;;;;;;;;;

Today I Made Kale Chips

Which are four words I really never thought I would say, especially considering my track record of eating 2 cans of pringles for dinner and being the type of person that used to make snarky comments about people that ate kale chips (I mean really..you really have NOTHING else to eat??) 

But I made them, and they were FANTASTIC because I put lemon on them and MMM *italian finger kiss*. I even had to shoo away my parents because they kept eating them and I’m bad with sharing food :) 

However, eating kale is just one small thing in the midst of my self-care/wellness journey. I think that my recent breakup mixed with quarantine mixed with a complete and total change in mindset about my worth and what makes me happy has really led to a passionate interest in health and wellness. I’ve recently found myself so interested about the nutrients that I’m putting in my body and how different actions impact my mental health. 

With that being said, I think the most important thing about health and wellness is that the same effects can be reached through multiple different mediums. It’s likely that not everyone is going to enjoy sitting in absolute silence and deep breathing (I know I talked a little bit about that in my previous post about meditation too) but the fun in experimenting with health and wellness is that everything you try is good for you in some way, and when you finally find a routine for yourself there is nothing more gratifying. For that reason, I want to share a little bit about the things that have made me a lot more comfortable and confident in my own skin. 

I think the first two things that people think about when they hear the words health and wellness are working out and eating right. I know that there are SO many people out there telling you what you should and shouldn’t do so that is not what I want you to see this as, but rather just one individual’s story in the pursuit of feeling better about herself. 

For me, I’ve always loved working out. It used to be something I dreaded because my only experience with working out was through organized sports: either being on a soccer or swim team, running cross country, playing tennis etc. All of those sports were sports I liked, to be fair, but at the end of the day I realized that I was just WAY too competitive for a team sport; and I often found that the presence of a lot of other people made me feel worse and worse about my own athletic ability. Again, this is just my own experience. I know there are people who love the motivation and accountability of having others around. For me, not so much. 

Working out has always been a coping mechanism that I’ve always loved, not because of the way it makes me look, but because of the way it makes me feel. Let’s be honest though, it’s a horrible temporary feeling. If you’re running or lifting or holding a pilates pose it can be fricking unbearable and not everyone’s idea of “fun”. “ However, endorphins really are your friend because when you find the type of exercise that you enjoy it will seem more like fun than work. For me, I’ve really come to love pilates (which is essentially yoga, where instead of holding poses you’re constantly moving) and it’s gotten to the point where it’s something I look forward to everyday. I used to tell everyone that I was a runner and I DO enjoy running, but with yoga and pilates it feels like slightly less of a chore. I usually finish out by stretching and fixing my posture because sitting around all day slumped over honestly hurts sometimes now. 

Whenever I feel good after working out it inspires me to take better care of my body in general, which leads me into my next topic of food. In everything I do I alway remind myself that it’s a combination of both mental and physical. Many professionals say that the biggest mistake that people make in terms of working out/ eating right is setting self righteous/ self centered goals like “I just want to look like...” “I just want to be hot/skinny” instead of “I want to be healthy for my body’s sake” “I want to feel accomplished” etc. I’m not going to lie and say that the former two things don’t cross my mind while I’m working out, but my main goal in terms of working out is remaining mentally and physically healthy for my kids and family in the future, and remaining able to do all the small things that I like to do like going on nature walks for as long as I can and am able. 

The same mindset goes with food. In tandem with working out, I think that everyone and their mother knows that you have to eat right. However, the toxicity in terms of diet arrises when you either a.) overgeneralize  b.) scrutinize or c.) polarize. This is what I mean by this. In terms of “fad diets” overgeneralization is the belief that something that works for one person will work for everyone..that’s plain and simply the reason why they’re called “fads”. Diet never has been and never will be universal. That’s why I am often confused by concepts like the paleo diet etc. It really doesn’t seem logical or safe to me. 

On the opposite spectrum is scrutiny. This is where, unfortunately, we see a lot of the eating disorders come in. Personally, I’ve never struggled with an ed but I know plenty of people that have. It’s this mental capacity where you’re constantly judging and picking apart your own journey to the point where you mentally convince your mind and eyes to see yourself differently and it is very scary and very real. Obviously, the individuals that struggle with scrutinizing their eating habits are the only ones that can change their mentality and for that reason I think it’s SO important to validate your friends that you think may be struggling with this. No one knows what they look like to other people so confirming that they look nice today or making cute lil snacks together means so much. Obviously don’t LIE or say self centered things like “wow you look a lot skinnier” because that often strengthens their obsession, so just be careful. People often subscribe to commonly endorsed lies about weight loss that frequently damage their success and mental capacity because they simply don’t work. For example, eating less is not necessarily healthy and doesn’t mean that you’ll lose weight. Eating raw veggies in bulk is not really good for you either. If you look at diet as a systematic purge then it is actually very toxic. Instead, what you need to do is simultaneously forgo certain items while replacing them with others of better nutritional value. It’s a lot of research and experimentation that has caused me to have a growing interest (I say interest and not OBSESSION because if you scour nutrition labels in a worried tizzy then you’ll work yourself into stress which often causes eating issues)  in reading nutrition labels and looking up health benefits of certain foods. 

With polarization you categorize every food as either good or bad, which when you think about it is really silly because in everything there is good and bad. If you think “this is good for me and this is bad for me” then you’ll never eat pizza and brownies and cookies and ice-cream again and idk about you but that looks like a pretty dark world to me. What you really should condition yourself to do instead is weigh the pros and cons of the foods you’re about to eat and instead of forbidding yourself to eat the bad foods, just hold off or eat less of them or eat them less often. Naturally it’s hard at first, but I’ve found that when I drink less soda or eat less ice-cream that when I finally do drink and eat those things they taste a LOT better haha. 

I know that a lot of people use the excuse that healthy food is expensive and it is and capitalism sucks, I understand; but what I’ve done (and you can do too) is just TRY a little. Ridiculous I know, but all you need to do is search up “2 or 3 ingredient, healthy meals/ snacks/ desserts” etc. and there are SO many options. I was honestly shocked at how easy it was to make food that was so good considering how unmotivated I can be to cook sometimes. It’s almost become like a game/experiment to me. 

I know I talk about perspective and psychology and how I’m feeling a lot in my blog, but I’ve realized that the two concepts I’ve mentioned above in terms of working out and eating right are so foundational to everything else. When you condition yourself to have realistic and selfless goals to a pursuit of something other than a societally driven self image, you’ll come to realize how imperative that is to your mental health. 

In fact, I can’t emphasize how true it is to take care of yourself for your own benefit FIRST and everything else will follow. I have gotten more genuine and supportive compliments about my body, mind and overall attitude so much more now than I ever have. It really does something about the way you receive compliments too because if I kill myself working out every day and force myself to eat things that I hate for the sake of losing weight then someone’s compliment about how skinny I look will only trigger the pain of all that I went through to get to that point. However, when I find things that I enjoy and eat food that I actually like then those compliments will reaffirm that I’m on the right track mentally. I really think that you’ll attract that right kind of attention if you treat yourself the same way. (it’ll be like if someone says you’re hot and instead of it being kind of lowkey creepy and shallow you’ll be like “YEAH BITCH YOU RIGHT” hahaha) 

This goes both ways. When you give genuine compliments you’ll receive them and also you’ll be so much more attuned to realizing when they aren’t genuine. Once you’re good at deciphering who is genuine and who’s not you can give everyone else the boot :) 

Annnnnyway...here are my kale chips hehe (also I’m having pizza for dinner because we don’t limit ourselves yeehaw) 

Western social media has no respect for Japanese online artists - and it’s killing online art

The visual arts have evolved to suit the most popular medium of each era. In nowadays’ case, the internet is the go-to method of sharing the fruits of one’s labour). However, as stated in that tweet thread of mine you can see if you scroll down a bit (assuming you’re viewing this post on chariot313.tumblr.com) different cultures have different attitudes towards how their customers react to their products. This include you know what fuck the formalities, I’ll just say it: The exclusively western concept of someone seeing something they like online and hitting the share button to stimulate the “Haha, upvotes go ‘brrr’!” dopamine in their smooth-ass lizard brain will be the death of online Japanese artists. Or rather, it has been already, and you would know that if you’ve ever seen an artist’s Twitter bio be in mostly Japanese save for one sentence in English; “Reprint is prohibited.”.

If you want to hear me rationalize the absurd claim I just made, feel free to click the “Keep reading” button. Otherwise, turn back now and save yourself from me possibly wasting your time.

Alright, you’ve chosen to stick with me. Just remember, you asked for this.

Introduction

Social media as a whole is based around sharing (posting, uploading, submitting, tweeting, blogging, streaming etc.) and other’s reactions to what one has shared (views, likes, subscribers, favorites, followers, upvotes, retweets, reblogs, crossposts, etc.).

However, miscommunication and culture shock due to language barriers and cultural differences is one of the many factors that can negatively affect one’s experience on social media. For example, the Japanese artist community, active on sites such as Twitter, Pixiv, NicoNico Seiga, FC2 blogs, etc.. Twitter is mostly inhabited by English-speaking users. Here in the west, our main motive for sharing something on social media (such as art) is for fame and recognition. However, over in the East, most online artists only upload their works to the internet for personal use. I’m not saying one cultural attitude towards sharing art is better than one another, but when these two worldviews collide, the culture shock can negatively affect the careers of artists who are unaware of the other culture’s differing views on sharing art.

So, I’ve listed numerous social media platforms below and I’m going to elaborate on how each of them contributes to the alienation and discouragement of Japanese artists.

DO NOT WITCH-HUNT OR HARASS THE CULPRITS I’VE LISTED AS EXAMPLES; THEY ONLY SERVE TO BACK UP MY ARGUMENT

Twitter

Go into the twitter search bar and type in the name of an anime character (usually female). What do you find? Most likely an account named after said character that does nothing but post unsourced fan art of said character with cheesy “in-character” captions on them.

Exhibit A [NSFW]

Exhibit B [NSFW]

Exhibit C [very NSFW]

Aside from that, Twitter isn’t that bad in this regard, as a lot of the art that gets stolen is originally uploaded to Twitter anyway. But I’m just getting started. 

Wattpad

Ah yes, Wattpad. One of the “trinity” of fan fiction communities (the others being fanfiction.net and AO³), featuring many different stories with varying degrees of readability. The problem is the option to add a picture to adorn your fanfiction, at which point most of the authors google “<fanfic subject> fan art” and use something from there without considering the repercussions. This causes Wattpad to be one of the top results when reverse image searching to find the source of some fan art, aside from another site I’ll mention later on...

Reddit

There’s a subreddit I often browse called r/ChurchOfJirou, a community for sharing anything relating to the character Kyouka from My Hero Academia (I mean come on, she’s like the cutest thing ever). A lot of the posts on that sub are sharing fan art of the aforementioned character. One of the rules in the sidebar is “always include the source in the title or the comments”. And most of the submissions make good on that rule. However, a lot of the posts are from Japanese artists on Twitter or Pixiv, and following the source link leads you to find the artist’s bio, which usually has something along the lines of “don’t repost my work”. And what’s more, the biggest offenders (of submitting art to the sub without OP’s permission) were the moderators of the subreddit. You know, the ones who are supposed to be enforcing the rules? I even got so fed up that I called it out, to which one of the mods replied,

“It doesn’t really make a difference, does it?”

Luckily, not all subreddits are like this. For example, other MHA-related subs like r/BokuNoShipAcademia or r/ChurchOfMinaAshido have moderators that are more considerate of artists’ wishes. Overall, Reddit is usually a hit-or-miss when it comes to this kind of thing. At best, you’ve got subs like the two I just mentioned which make sure to respect artists, and at worst you’ve got people trying (and failing) to edit out watermarks. Also, not to self-promote, but this tweet of mine represents this situation pretty well:

Imgur

Imgur isn’t that bad compared to the rest of these, but it’s a common one that people link to when asked for the source of whatever they’ve shared on Twitter or Reddit or whatever.

Amino Apps

Amino Apps is a strange case. I don’t know much about it since I’ve never used it, but from what I do know it seems similar to Reddit in that there are numerous communities for different niches. That said, judging from the way it clogs up Google image search results, I doubt OC art is posted there often.

YouTube

Now, you may be thinking, “How does a video site rip off others’ art?”. The answer is uploads of soundtracks. Look for any OST from a video game or anime on YouTube and the picture used for the video will likely be some fan art by a Japanese Pixiv artist, usually one that forbids reposts of their work. Not only that, but if the uploader did bother to add the source in the description, it’s usually not even a link to the actual source, more likely a link to Zerochan or Pinterest or something. Now take into account that some of these videos get millions of views. Imagine working hard on something, and some numbnuts takes it, slaps some music onto it, uploads it to YouTube, and gets millions of views while you get next to nothing in comparison.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B (re-upload; original had nearly 40 million views before it was copyright claimed)

Exhibit C

and many many others

Pinterest

Alright, this is the big one. When Pinterest isn’t giving recipes or wardrobe ideas to suburban white moms, it’s clogging up Google reverse image search, punishing anyone who just wanted to find the source of some cute fan art. I feel like this meme by ZebitasMartinexSi on Facebook sums it up:

For example, this piece of Legend of Zelda art by Twitter artist @_nomeri_ (I’ll just link to it, since it would be hypocritical of me to embed the image even though @_nomeri_’s bio warns people not to repost their art). Good art, right? Well, if you right-click and hit “Search Google for image”...

...yeah. Pinterest is a plague. It thrives on theft. Even worse is when someone will post fan art on Twitter/Tumblr/Reddit/etc. and have the nerve to say “IDK the source I found it on Pinterest ^_^”. Or worse yet, they link to Pinterest saying it’s the source.

Instagram

While many other sites rag on Instagram for its reposting of memes, it’s no better when it comes to reposting fan art, especially from Pixiv. I’ve seen lots of stolen pieces with fan fictions written in the description. Personally, if I were an artist, I’d rethink my career choice if I saw my art reposted on Instagram with a half-assed fanfic under it, so I don’t blame Japanese artists who close their Pixiv accounts after seeing that. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to prevent it from happening in the first place.

DeviantArt

DeviantArt is more “renowned” across the web for its niche circles of bizarre fetish art, but in its defence, there are some legitimately good pieces on there. If you do find a good one though, try checking to see if all of the uploader’s pieces have a similar overall art style, because if not, that’s a sure sign of someone passing off some Pixiv user’s art as their own, which is unfortunately fairly common on DeviantArt.

9Gag

Not a whole lot to say about 9Gag. I mean, it does contribute to reposting of art, but nothing really separates it from the others on this list, aside from its watermarks. At least the watermark gives away the fact that something was reposted.

Know Your Meme

You know that Zelda pic by @_nomeri_ I was talking about earlier? Well, to add insult to injury, it became an object-labelling meme.

Imagine putting hours into something and politely asking others not to repost it, only to find that some nincompoops on r/DankMemes made it into an object-labelling meme.

But this isn’t KYM’s fault, per se. Know Your Meme only documents memes; they do not create them. However, as someone who regularly browses the Know Your Meme image galleries, I can say that the image gallery has essentially become Know Your Fan Art (unlawfully reposted fan art, that is).

Redbubble

There’s an NSFW artist I follow on Twitter by the name of Nico-Mo. A while ago, his Pixiv account was suspended, and there were numerous pictures on there that he had not uploaded to his Twitter or DeviantArt, so I found a mirror of one of those pieces on Gelbooru and reverse-image searched in hopes of finding it on his Twitter. No such luck. What came up instead was a .png of the piece made into a sticker being sold on Redbubble. In fact, that’s one of the major reasons why artists disapprove of their art being reposted, as it may find its way onto a sticker or a T-shirt being sold as merch without the original artist giving consent nor the artist receiving so much as a single nickel.

Facebook

Surprisingly, I think Facebook is one of the least offending sites on this list. Still worth mentioning, though.

Funnyjunk

Like Imgur, Funnyjunk isn’t that bad compared to some of the rest of these, but this exchange in the comments of a repost of an MHA artist that deleted their account (not hard to see why considering people straight-up ignored the big-ass watermark at the bottom) is proof enough of western social media’s flippant attitude towards ruining online artists’ careers.

Aggregator imageboards such as Yande.re, Konachan, Danbooru, Gelbooru, Rule34, SankakuComplex, Zerochan, etc.

I don’t think I need to explain these. But like Imgur, these are what most people link to when asked for source instead of bothering to find the original post.

We Heart It

I don’t know much about “We Heart It”, but it seems to be a “Pinterest Lite” considering it clogs up image search almost as much as Pinterest does.

iFunny

Basically the same as 9Gag, in the sense that its watermarks are a dead giveaway.

4chan

I’m not sure if 4chan really “counts” among these, as it’s a chat board where nearly everything is impermanent anyway. However, I was once on an NSFW subreddit where one submitter used a 4chan thread to get Patreon-exclusive material from an artist to upload to the sub (even though one of the rules of the sub was “no paywall content”), so that alone earns 4chan its spot on this list.

Tumblr

Yes, not even Tumblr is innocent. Although I’m sure you knew that. Similar to what I said about Twitter, look up any blog named after a fictional character and it’ll likely be chock-full of unsourced fan art.

“Why is this even important?”

Because if an artist sees that their work is being reposted, depending on the artist, they may delete the original post when they wouldn’t have to if people had just respected their wishes. Now, if an artist wants their works gone from the internet for other personal reasons, that’s up to them and we should respect them for it. But artists taking down their works due to mass reposting is 100% preventable, which is why it’s sad. If you don’t respect an artist, they won’t create art. Simple as that.

“Why do you care so much?”

Eh, I’m just weird like that. It just ticks me off when anything online, whether it be art, or a video, or whatever, is lost. In my opinion, nothing hurts more than clicking a Pixiv link on an imageboard and being greeted with “The work was deleted or the ID does not exist.”.

“But lots of western artists forbid reposting of their art too!”

Indeed, that is correct. But while many artists of every nationality and culture frown upon reproduction of their work, it seems only western social media is responsible for reposting art in the first place. I mean, why else do you think Japanese artists are saying “Reprint is prohibited” in English when the rest of their bio is in Japanese? Because English-speakers are the ones reposting.

“But exposure can help an artist!”

Yeah, that’s true...

...but “exposure” doesn’t mean much if those “exposed” to one’s work don’t know or care who it came from.

And if you need even more reasons, look no further than these posts about the same topic by other blogs:

https://cranberrywitch.tumblr.com/post/143456002228/stop-reposting-art-from-japanese-artists

https://thegospelofnagisa.tumblr.com/post/143308182398

https://edendaphne.tumblr.com/post/163117317030/ive-been-wanting-to-make-this-educational-cheat

https://marklightgreatsword.tumblr.com/post/190056977650/discourage-art-theft-in-fandom-in-2020-dont

https://letusrespectpixivartistconsent.tumblr.com/post/92189994896/why-is-this-important

also, not to self-promote but I made a thread on Twitter on this topic about a month ago that you can check out here.

That’s all.

posted Jun 14; last edit Jun 21

Lord of Shadows Review & Analysis! SPOILERS AHEAD, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

On another note about spoilers, I get that seeking out spoilers as well as snippets, are a product of waiting so long for the next book… but I don’t know that I will treat them the same way going into QOAAD because I almost felt, while reading, that I had read 35% of the book already! I can’t promise that I won’t seek out spoilers or snippets, but I do hope that less are released over the next two years (I know that sounds ridiculous, but I would prefer a surprise!) With Regards to Individual Characters: • Emma: a feminist badass, growing into being the best shadowhunter of her time but not there yet. Her sarcasm and skill has improved since LM, and I literally laughed out loud during her POV’s and while reading her quotes. The scene with her and Diego and the fire ants= pure gold. Her scene with Manuel and calling out the cohort for being fascists= pure gold. • Julian: a sweetheart and I want to cry thinking about how much he has been through. I know “Dark Julian” has been referenced several times throughout the fandom but I really didn’t see too much of a change until- actually- the steamy scene with Emma where he demands that she calls him only Julian. Very sexy, very dark too. • Cristina: deserves better and I am dying for more of her POV’s. I am always amazed by her class and maturity. • Diego: not perfect. I am mad at him. • Kit: surprisingly likeable. I am so glad they included POV’s with him and Jace!! • Livia: underrated as hell, so sweet, so caring, so selfless, her charm and sarcasm= gold. • Ty: I AM SO GLAD WE ARE FINALLY STARTING TO SEE T Y B L A C K T H O R N AND HIS TRUE SELF-A M E N. • Dru- her crush on Jaime is fitting for a first crush and I’m glad he gave her the confidence to speak up. I want to hug her literally all the time. • Tavvy- irrelevant but cute. SHIPS: • I surprisingly loved Mark and Emma’s dynamic. Their relationship reminded me of a mundane high school sweetheart kind of relationship, because you can tell they absolutely care about each other, I just don’t see them as anything more than a bromance. I will however agree with the sentiment, "maybe in another life" because maybe, in another series, in another world, they would have been perfect for each other. • Kieran/Mark/Cristina: I find it significant that no choices were made in terms of canon relationships, which I interpret as a canon friendship because if any of them were going to be romantically involved, a decision would be made by now. I enjoy the friendship they have, I surprisingly forgave Kieran, but I do not expect any of the Blackthorns or Emma to forgive him also. His actions in QOAAD will definitely define how I feel about him going forward. • JEMMA: You all know I am 100% a Jemma shipper, but this time around I was glad that their relationship did not overshadow the rest of the book. I liked how private their relationship was, which is a funny word to use because people become more privy to it in LOS and because it was extremely private in LM, but the fact that they were literally in a different part of their country on their own made me all happy. • I am also glad that I got the B&N copy with the extra scene, which I waited to read because it is right after the ending of the book and I did not want to read anything after finishing LOS, lol. • Kitty: No canon romantic relationship yet, still very cute scenes… Ill talk about this in theories. • Kit/Livia: I am glad that Livvy’s first kiss was Kit, and not some random boy who won’t treasure the memory or look back and think “oh she was sweet, it’s a shame what happened to her”. Kit will always treasure the fact that he was Livia’s first kiss, and will cherish the friendship he had with her. It was platonic, but still special. I know people on tumblr were upset with this but I hope by the end of the book they understood. PROFOUND THINGS IN LOS • Lets talk about the fact that Emma Carstairs literally doesn’t cry….. but she cried over Julian literally 400 times in Lord of Shadows. If that doesn’t show you how much she literally loves that boy idk what will. • CLARY SHIPS JEMMA. During their conversation Clary literally says “who I pictured you with [not Mark or Cameron] doesn’t make sense….” This goes back to my question to CC about whether or not Simon knows about Jules and Emma, since he noticed something off during the parabatai ceremony. She responded “he knows something, he just doesn’t know what he knows”. I think the same applies to Clary, maybe she has even had premonitions about it, and that is so so significant. #jemmaisendgame • Kit and Livia and Ty’s friendship: so sweet and pure and is literally the reason why Kit decides to stay. How will Ty and Kit function without their third musketeer? • DRU & JAIME: Thank you Jaime for giving Dru the confidence to confront her family over her role as a Shadowhunter… but the witchlight you left behind that literally portals to another dimension: WTF? WHO IS ASH????? That scene is messed up because it is so short and therefore, subconsciously everyone looks over it because of how chaotic everything else is. I can’t help but feel like this is going to play a MASSIVE role in QOAAD. • Diana & Gwyn: Thank you CC for trans representation and a beautiful story. The fact that Gwyn accepts her wholeheartedly made my chest ache, and I hope that no one will use it against her please please please. • Jules & Emma’s Decision to tell the Inquisitor: Not sure why they did this tbh, but now that Robert is dead, what are their options??? Did he mark it down somewhere? Will they become so irrational that they consider the Seelie Queen’s offer? Livia’s Death • Months ago I received an anon message from someone about Livvy, which literally said that they felt something was going to happen to her and I completely dismissed it…. Thinking we haven’t seen enough of her storyline yet and it was too soon. I AM SO SORRY, and it’s literally all I have been thinking about for days. • Livia was so so selfless, down to her core, the last moments of her life were spent trying to save the people she loves. • I discussed with a mutual that the fact that Annabel did it was both cruel and also extremely fitting. • When you think about it, Livvy was the 21st century version of Annabel. From their appearance, which was remarkably similar, to the way that they treated outsiders taking refuge in their family (Livvy with Kit, Annabel with Malcolm) down to their deaths, both innocents killed trying to protect the ones they love. • The fact that the Mortal Sword shattered to me symbolized the end of the truth and trust within the Clave. • The amount of guilt that each character will carry following these deaths is heartbreaking… • i sincerely hope her death is not tossed to the side, discussed for 150 pages then only mentioned 4-5 times after that because she deserved better, the entire Blackthorn family did, and peace was completely ripped away from them Which brings me to my first theory: I believe there was a reason that Jessamine was introduced to TDA, not only to highlight Kit’s Herondale-ness, but also as a foreshadowing of another character who is not at peace, feels that there is unfinished business, and a group of people needing to be protected: Livia. Because it was made clear in the book that necromancy and raising the dead is forbidden, and because QOAAD takes place a week later, Livvy’s chances of being raised are very very very slim. I sincerely believe that she will come back, but not to life. It would be fitting of her to come back as a ghost (not at first but definitely later in the story) and for her to protect her family, and give Kit and Ty the OK to do whatever they want to do (whether its be a couple or become parabatai, or go to the Scholomance) More theories: • Though I predict a dark Julian, I do not predict a dark/irredeemable Julian, who digs himself into such a big hole that he can’t climb out of it. Remember he has two anchors: his family, and Emma… • The Rosales brothers, especially with their plans to overthrow the Cohort and fool Zara are going to play a massive role in QOAAD. • I think that Jemma are going to have to confide in Jem and Tessa, and they will end up helping Jules and Emma with the parabatai curse. I am also sure they will play a big role in the next book. • Unpopular Opinion: I do not think Clary will die. I know she thinks she will, but CC did say QOAAD is lighter (in regards to themes) than LOS, and I just do not think it would be a lighter book if Clary, a significant character, dies. I think she will become close to death, and people will become concerned, then she will tell Jace of her fears and say yes to his proposal. However, I could very well be wrong!! •i do predict the Cohort being in power for a short amount of time….. because they represent members of our society, I do not think they will be shut down so easily because that’s not realistic. Despite this, hope and love always win. I trust that this will remain true in the next book. • I do predict the end of the Cold Peace, it was never ever a good idea and no one likes it. • I predict that Drusilla will be a hero, now that her older sister has passed away and she has finally decided to step up as a Shadowhunter, I do not doubt that the role she plays will be significant, it just seems to be a reasonable underdog story. • Kitty: parabatai or lovers? An important decision, because Kit does reference his thoughts about being parabatai with Ty, and Ty finally says yes to being parabatai with Livvy. I think it’s a possible “that’s what Livvy would have wanted” trope, but I could also be wrong and think its about as equal of a chance of them becoming lovers. • Who will the new head of the LA Institute be? I sincerely doubt it will go to someone the Blackthorns do not know or trust. They have had so much taken from them, the Institute does not deserve to go next. Possibly Cristina? Will Jules or Emma be of age? Jem or Tessa following the end of the Cold Peace? We have to see! • ASH… I am just frustrated that we do not know more about him… I don’t even have a theory I just needed an excuse to talk about him again. Questions and Theories from my mutuals!!!!! • Anonymous: Its 3 am and I am literally just crying on my bed because of the book. ​ >> Relatable!! I cried hours after I finished because I was so sad. The ending really got me! • Anonymous: Do you think Jaime and Dru are endgame? She is 13 and hes like 17 but he thinks she’s 16. Idk, they seem to have a nice friendship but not a romantic relationship in my opinion.. ​ >> Agreed! I honestly think CC included this first crush idea as a way of introducing Dru’s further character development, not necessarily to introduce them as a couple… But also think about Cecily and Gabriel!!! They were about the same ages at the time, even though that was a different time period… anything is possible, but I do not ship them romantically! • VirginaNewman: I loved LOS, however I was indeed disappointed that Helen + Aline make a debut in the LAST chapter! ​ >> I definitely thought Helen and Aline would play a larger role in LOS, they were barely mentioned, barely had any scenes… I was disappointed by their small role too, but I am interested to see how hard they fight to stay in the next book. Ps- the scene where Aline basically tells Zara to shut her fucking mouth is GOLD. • Betweenshadesoftessagray- Since Robert’s dead, its going to be a race to get that spot, with probably Zara’s father trying to become Inquisior. And since Robert was the one who could help Emma and Julian with the exile thing, they really don’t know what to do with it. I think the powers will continue to grow, and since I think the main battle of QOAAd is going to be a battle where the warlocks and nephilim cannot use their runes/warlock magic, maybe their parabatai magic will still work and that’s how they win. I have already stated that I think there is going to be a battle in QOAAD without being able to use rune magic and the warlocks not being able to use their magic, but this didn’t fit in my other ask I just realized something that made my theory more solid: in the beginning, Zara says she went to Hungary because they were claiming their weapons were not working and she said it was incompetence, so the blight is already spreading not only in Idris but everywhere else. ​ >> This is such a well thought out theory and I wish I could give a formal response but I definitely need to go back, reread, and analyze this… I didn’t even realize the significance of Shadowhunters and warlocks including Magnus losing their powers!! Wow! Is this because of the Black Volume? I definitely think Emma and Julian’s parabatai/love powers will play a huge role in QOAAD and maybe even save the day during this second Dark War. Maybe that’s how they will become heros, their bond will be broken as a reward or something and everyone can live happier ever after? AHH! • Share your theories and thoughts in the comments below or inbox me (not on Anon so I can respond privately!!!)

EP. 13 - “The Last Check Mark I Need” - NICOLE

IDK WHATS GOING ON. But I don't trust Jared and nicole or Johnny. I think im going I don't wanna wrongly play. But them.not knowing the vote count is sketchy

This entire past tribal went horrible - Vilma went home and she was a huge ally who was very involved in my game, but I found out a few things of her not trusting me so BITCH BYE (jk ilysm) - Regan exploited our alliance that we had between me, her, Augusto, which was SO pointless on top of ALL OF THE REASONS where regan pissed me off today, but honestly, I don't feel the need to go into it again bc just lol at this point she's honestly fucking insane (sorry ily but you're fucking nuts) - Nicole just failed to understand why I voted for her, and I feel so bad about things, especially considering we hungout irl a few days ago, and I told her I wouldn't vote for her.. I also feel bad that Jared has turned into a lowkey sociopath this game and nicole is getting wreckt for it - This BAD PUBLICITY over this reward challenge when people dont want me going to ghost so they can kill me instead - Dan is PISSED at me for all of these chats getting exploited, being left out of the nicole vote and just the consistent lying to him. Jared played so many FUCKING games today that threw him, Dan and I under the bus, and it was just nuts, and he blew up both of our games in a way that wasn't necessary..... and there were just other ways to plan it out What I WILL say is that I'm turning Asya into like.... one of my closest allies bc I think she's fucking awesome, and I think we're in the same boat, and if it's up to me, I don't want her going anywhere.. I'm plenty okay voting out anyone who isnt augusto asya roxy at this point..... everyone else can probably burn? I'll see how long I can keep Jared around. Eventually, enough is enough and I may just have to throw in the towel and vote for Jared, but I'm going to try to not think about that bc my intentions are to still stay pure to Jared so GOSH lord help my soul

https://youtu.be/12RpRL81wjc

Lots to explain, let’s start off with the most obviously trivial. Regan talks about herself...a lot. Like, a lot. Regan is most definitely the most self centered person I’ve ever met. She knows it so like, it’s not mean that I’m stating it. But anyway every day in the tribe chat she goes on for sooooo long about herself and so I made a fun little game where when she sends a rant about her life I say “Merry Christmas Everyone”. It started on Christmas, so it wasn’t that funny BUT every day since it’s gotten progressively funnier and funnier. Ricky and Alex chimed in a few times and then I got Johnny in on it. It’s becoming such a moment every time it happens and the farther away from Christmas we get, the more ridiculous Regans responses get to it. Now, back to business. Last night I almost got voted out. I am BEYOND thankful that when I went to Ghost Island I was able to get the Sapphire Idol and will it to Jared during the second or third round. We have been trying to hold on it for so long in order to use it correctly to save both of us and tonight was the PERFECT oppurtunity. We not only did THAT but we flushed two idols since Regan used hers for no reason and Vilma left with hers. (I feel so bad I wish she would have used it and rocked out Johnny). Today I’ve made substantial progress with Asya and Dan but I really don’t think it’s enough. Which makes me nervous. I feel like going going home these next two rounds is going to be so sad for me. I have the fucking legacy advantage and having to give it away before I even can use it would kill me. Regan better calm herself with her agenda to get me out because if she doesn’t fucking relax I will 100% get her out with the legacy advantage just for fun. Finding a fourth to vote with us is going to be actually terrible. I’m hoping I can be immune so that the tables are forced to turn. I really don’t want to go. Maybe Jared will find something at ghost island to shake things up. I feel like crap about this game because Asya has painted a picture of how I COULD win. But that makes me feel like nobody will let me get that far. I just want to win so badly this is like the last check mark I need in order to feel successful in this community (as cheesy as it sounds).

So I’m really boo boo the damn fool huh. Vilma leaving last night was literally heart wrenching. After hosting her in Cayman Islands, she was probably one of the most deserving of the unfinished business casting. She’s an amazing person, friend, and ally. I really am gonna miss her a lot in this game. As it stands rn, everyone is being shady. Especially Johnny, but honestly, we been knew. Regan leaving the chat is fucking annoying. She’s unwilling to vote anyone but Nicole. I promised Nicole I wouldn’t write her name down this game, And I intend to make that happen. I wish there was a way that me and Nicole could lowkey get the votes split 3-3-1 on us this week to force a rock pull, but there’s literally no way. When I think about it, splitting up Nicole and Jared is smart, however, in my opinion the wrong person is on Ghost Island rn. I’d much rather vote out Jared than Nicole and that’s just that on that. I may honestly just throw a vote or self vote this round bc I literally can’t bring myself to vote out Nicole. If Nicole wins immunity, I am a little worried for my ass soooooo. Idk what’s best rn.

https://youtu.be/OSPsCvp7lmM

https://youtu.be/dLh35zpslXU

OKAY LISTEN..... I'm proud of myself bc I've gotten to that point of ORGs where I feel I'm done doing 800 long ass confessionals every round, but nonetheless, I've gotta do one each round, and I'm trying to make it good, so here's the content from my host chat about why im considering what im considering today: I am hoping that the Regan/Nicole thing continues until right before the vote, and this round is going to be everyone depending on my vote because I'm the swing, and I'm hoping people are going to be patient with what my decision is, because I'm likely not going to make it until right before tribal...... jk im voting for regan, but they dont need to know that ;) i know by voting out regan, im making it harder for myself to get to the end, but I'm REALLY trying to surround myself with threats so I can get to the end. I was the first person this season to make an "out there" game move, by playing my idol and taking out Ricky, and since them, i am trying my damnedest to just hold back my threat level, so people just let me go further and further. I don't have MANY options beyond that at this point Oop apparently regan is voting for me.. that's a mood Now here's me ranting about taking out Dan vs Regan: Regan is more easily controlled, and she has been working closer to me this entire game.. She is a goat and likely won't win at the end, but she's a very likely candidate to get to the end at this point just because she's such a goat Dan, on the other hand, has been a strong ally, but he voted for me once, and has been wishy washy with his allegiances since he voted for me the first time (when I used my idol), and promised us so many things, but Dan has pretty good relationships and is unpredictable, but he's sworn up down left and right that he wants finals with Augusto and I. The BIG reason for keeping Dan is that Roxy and Augusto, who are probably two of my top three closest, and most trusted allies, are going to be more reliant on me next round for numbers, and even more when it gets closer to the finals, they may feel more compelled to take me to the end because there are too many big threats left in the game but if i vote for regan then i might be jeopardizing my specific spot in the game, and I'd have the potential of my allies turning on me

(A LITTLE LATER)

So I guess here's an ACTUAL confessional since I haven't really planned on making anything else, but I feel bad Regan fucked my entire game up because she thought she was being cute after last tribal. Everyone was on a call during that reward challenge (not getting into it... literally fuck the hosts bc that changed the entire game, moving on), and they were all spilling shit because Nicole got mad that four people voted for her, and then Nicole and Dan both started making this game feel really personal, and honestly, it just felt icky to me that they were bringing it to a personal level when it was a game move. I understand what Nicole is going through bc (T B H Jared) Jared is a sociopath in games, and he really just doesn't have a chill switch sometimes, especially when dealing with nicole, so like..... idk, people started feeling bad for nicole bc jared YELLED at nicole after tribal on that call apparently, and ig it had to do with me, and more of an exposing me party YAY, but idk.. so I feel bad for her too I deem literally everyone in this cast currently a close friend, so this is never ever going to be an easy decision from here on out. Every decision is going to be painful. My entire plan for the day was to pretend to be indecisive about how I wanted to vote, when in reality all day, my intentions were to vote for Regan, however, things have changed sadly............... I'm voting for Dan tonight, and I don't see myself changing my mind before tribal for many of many reasons. I mostly just feel that if Dan stays, I could POTENTIALLY not have numbers next round since Dan is consistently playing double agent, and jared nicole and asya could come together and vote out either roxy or augusto, and then i'd be fucked, especially considering those are probably the two people im trying to get to the end with (without screwing over jared and losing his jury vote uwu) Also, the biggest reason I've gotta do this is to just not upset the people who've been the best to me since we've merged. Augusto and Roxy have been nothing but helpful to my game, and Dan was the FIRST of my allies to turn on me, and that still hasn't been sitting well with me since it's happened. I'm moreso doing this for my allies than anyone else, and knowing that Roxy, Augusto, Regan and I are likely not going to break until we get to the end ish? (But also Asya queen is getting to the finals if it's the last thing I do. Regan can LEAVE before Asya does, but that's besides the point hmmmmmm) My other big fear with voting out dan is that im voting out such a meat shield.. going into the f5 with any combination of asya augusto roxy regan puts me in a lot of trouble to get 5th or 4th, and I'm foreseeing a world now where I get 5th or 4th because those are the people I chose to go down the stretch with, but we'll see... I think I can maybe have a few tricks up my sleeves to attempt to get me there? oops?

IDK THE TEA IS THAT im voting johnny with nicole and dan and idk if i can pull this off

Nicole and I decided this plan to get it to be 3-2-2 and I’m so nervous it’s gonna fall through. I’m shaking in hangout rn omfg this is so stressful