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inkskinned · 2 years

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it is hard to explain without sounding vain or stupid - but the more attractive others find you, the more you're allowed to do. the easier your life is.

i have been on both sides of this. i am queer and cuban. i grew up poor. for a long time i didn't know "how" to dress - and i still don't. i make my sister pick out any important outfits. i have adhd in spades: i was never "cool and quiet", i was the weird kid who didn't understand how "normal" people behave. i was bullied so hard that the "social outcasts" wouldn't even talk to me.

i got my teeth straightened. i cut my hair and learned how to style it. i got into makeup. it didn't matter, at first, if i actually liked what i was doing - it mattered how people responded to it. like a magic trick; the right dress and winged eyeliner and suddenly i was no longer too weird for all of it. i could wear the ugly pokemon shirt and it was just "ironic" or a "cute interest."

when i am seen as pretty, people listen. they laugh at my jokes. they allow me to be weird and a little spacey. i can trust that if i need something, people will generally help me. privilege suddenly rushes in: pretty does buy things. pretty people get treated more gently.

i am the same ugly little girl, is the thing. still odd. still not-quite-fitting-in. still scrambling. still angry and afraid and full of bad things. of course it became my obsession. of course i stopped eating. i had seen, in real time, the exact way it could change my life - simply always be perfect, and things can be easy. people will "overlook" all the other things. i used to have panic attacks at the idea others would see me without makeup - what would they think? even for a simple friend hangout, i'd spend a few hours getting ready. after all, it seemed so obvious to me: these people liked me because i was pretty.

i worry about how much i'm being a bad activist: i understand that "pretty" is determined by white, het, cis, able-bodied hegemonies. if i was really an ally, wouldn't i rally against all of this? recently there's been a "clean girl" trend which copies latinx aesthetics: dark slicked-back hair, hoop earrings. i almost never wear my hair like that; i can hear the middle school guidance counsellor advising me that i might fare better if i toned it down on the culture.

the problem is that i can take pretty on and off. that i have seen how different my life is on a day where i try and a day where i don't. i told my therapist i want to believe the difference is confidence, but it's not. and when you have seen it, you can't unsee it. it lives inside your brain. it rots there; taunting. i get rewarded for following the rules. i am punished for breaking them. end of story.

pretty people can get what they want. pretty people can feel confident without others asking where they got their nerve from. pretty people can be weird and different. pretty people get to have emotions; it's different when they get aggressive, it's pretty when they cry with frustration.

of course people care about this. of course it has crawled into you. of course you want to be seen as attractive. it's not vanity: it's self-preservation.

#pretty in this post is a stand in for . literally all forms of normativity #warm up #tbd maybe idk #ps! hi!! i'm queer!!!!!!!!! it is how i identify! if you tag this 'q slur' i will fight you!!!#i am using it here in the EXACT way it is NOT a slur !! i am identifying as a queer person!#this is EXACTLY how people reclaim it !!!#it's like practically ACADEMIC in this usage!!#please do any reading into what the fuck the history of the word ''queer'' is before telling me #as someone identifying as queer #that i'm a slur. that the place i find comfort in is a slur #''well it makes me uncomfortable if people use it for me''#im sorry to hear that dude. that sucks. i hope things get easier for you soon #but you don't get to take it from ME #in case you can't tell by the REST of this piece #i DID hear queer used as slur against me. i DID get bullied with it. i DID hear a lot of shit said #i also heard it about lesbians #about ''being gay''#about pretty much any fucking term that could describe me.#i like queer. i like how it feels. and it's mine.#you don't get to undo the work i've done personally because it makes u uncomfortable #it's ahistoric to pretend like there are ''safe'' ways to identitfy if ur queer.#none exist. it has never been safe to be like this.

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zoros-bandana · 11 months

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y/n gets turned into a child by someone’s devil fruit power and zoro takes care of her

Childs Play

(SFW)

Warning: protective Zoro, yelling, mention of fighting, mention of swords, mention of poison and medicine, mention of being hurt

Summary: After being attacked by the Ko Ko no Mi and turned into a child, Zoro refused to let you out of his sight until you turned back. Losing his way back to the ship his day only grew worse, tackling numerous setbacks as he fought to return you to your friends; desperate to turn you back.

Word Count: 3,400

Zoro knew splitting up was a bad idea.

From the moment the crew had landed on the island he had a strange feeling, instantly sinking his stomach. It was if someone was watching him, and although he remained senseless around the rest of the crew, he grew paranoid something were to happen to you.

His protests were ignored as the crew decided to split, losing you to a gathering including the navigator and sniper; heightening his fears more. Luffy encouraged him that you were strong and would be okay, distracting Zoro with concerns for his clueless captain as they trailed through the island.

Once the crew had reunited at the designated spot perched on the other side of the island, Zoro's fears resurfaced. His group was the last to arrive - due to his own useless sense of direction and Luffy's lack of attention - everybody unusually quiet upon their return. There were no half-ass remarks about their lateness, no stab at his sense of direction, not even a smirk from Sanji.

Something was wrong.

Darting his eye around, Zoro noted everyone was here, all except for you. Your group bunched together, and despite your height difference, he could spot you easily within a busy crowd.

His heart dropped.

"Where's (Y/n)?" Zoro questions, his fears rising. His voice cracked as he spoke, clearly distressed upon his missing partner.

The crew you were assigned to looked at each other, sheepishly avoiding responding; knowing how protective he was over you. It was obvious to the crew how much he cared for you, giving into the constant teasing as soon as you confidently reciprocated his feelings.

"Well..." Nami finally spoke, looking behind her. "She's here"

Everybody's eyes darted to Nami, watching as she lead through a small child from behind her, hanging onto her leg. The small child resembled all you same features, carrying the same style and hair down to the miniature weapon attached to your hip. Slowly you lifted your head up, flashing your large bright eyes up to Zoro, almost pleading for him to help.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?" Zoro moved quickly towards Nami, meeting you as you held your arms out, letting him scoop you into his chest. He carefully tucked you into the open flap of his robe, holding you close as if to shield you from his own anger.

"We got attacked by a group of pirates. Y/n was stuck against someone with the Ko Ko no Mi, and he turned her into a child" Robin kept her voice poised, wishing to diffuse Zoro's rage.

"Well why didn't you get him to turn her back?"

"They fled the island before we had the chance"

Zoro sighed, darting his eye down to look at you, quickly checking over that you were okay. You had remained silent since he saw you, pressed tightly to the bodies of people who cared for you, feeling almost helpless of your small state. Although suffocated in the fabric of Zoro's robe you remained unharmed, not even a scratch resting upon your skin.

This time Zoro stood his ground, his paranoia had left you affected and he wouldn't let it happen to you again. He didn't care who listened to him, he needed to reverse what had happened to you, even if it meant doing it alone.

"Do you think you can turn her back?" Zoro looked down towards Chopper, having faith in the young doctors abilities.

Chopper thought for a moment, doubting his own skills. It would be a challenge, to reverse a devil fruit curse, however, the doctor was up for it; knowing it would help his friend.

"I'll do my best, Zoro!"

"That's my boy"

Dismissing the original plan, the crew headed back towards the ship, prioritising your health. As the island deemed quiet, a unanimous decision was made that exploring the island could wait until you were back to normal; or better yet find the pirate who attacked you. Zoro situated huddled in the middle of the crew, guarding you close to his body, your head resting against his chest. Every now and then you would make small squeaks, alerting him to look down, checking on you. He would meet your gaze, much wider and softer than when you were your regular age, eyes brimming with almost iridescent tears as if you were in a constant stage of worry.

Leaning down, Zoro swiftly pressed his lips to the top of your head, more comfort than romance, reassuring you that you were safe with him. As he looked up he stopped, halted by the sudden disappearance of the crew; having only seen them moments before. He looked around, checking every direction he could to search for any sign of his friends, listening out for their voices.

"Zoro?" you muffled, voice cracking in fear. You voice had heightened in pitch, making it seem almost deafening, as if you were straining your voice to be heard. "I'm scared"

Zoro grunted, his hand coming up to shield you, sliding you deeper under his robe. "It's alright, Y/n, nothing is going to happen to you"

"You promise?"

"Yeah, I promise"

Holding his other hand over his swords, Zoro decided to move, pressing on through the thick shrubs in hope to find someone from the crew. He called out various names, alternating through the crew, purposely leaving out Sanji due to bitter intent. When he was met with silence he gave up, swapping directions to trudge slowly up a steep hill.

It stood overly wide, however the incline provided a challenge, a slippery wet loosening his grip to climb. Huffing harder, Zoro dug his heels in firm, trudging on despite the obvious struggles. From his perspective, the top of the hill looked promising, proving a clear source of light to look down upon the island; hoping to make the whereabouts of the ship more noticeable.

As he eventually reached the top, Zoro noted a thick fog that wasn't there before. It circled around him quickly, hazing in deep purple and blue, stretching around as to push him to retreat back down where he came from. Deciding to push on he took a few steps into the fog, understanding the danger if he were to slip with you attached to him.

His movements were groggy, as if wading through water, slowing down the more he reached the apex of purple; unable to see. You coughed heavily, taking in the laced air, spluttering at the bitter taste. As Zoro inhaled he could feel his body begin to shut down, blackening out as if the fog held some kind of poisonous properties.

Swearing under his breath, Zoro tried to move, wishing to escape and get you to freedom, your body already growing limp in his chest. He didn't care what direction he faced, he needed to get you to freedom, even if it meant back down the hill.

His movements grew sluggish, slowing him to a holt, the fog clinging to his body in a tight pull. It weaved through his legs, sticking against him to weight him down, noticeably thickening as it made contact.

One hand continued to hold you against his chest, keeping hidden, delusional that it would shield you against the fog, but he had to try. His other loosened his sword, quickly pulling it into action, the coagulation thickening the longer he stayed still. In smooth motions he chopped around his legs, slicing through the thick purple clumps, careful not to range you in his swing.

As he attacked, the fog began to disperse, thinning into a light and pliable ribbon, dazzling in iridescent tones. It moved along the now visible grass, weaving like a snake on the run, frightened by his impressive techniques. The rest of the fog followed, leaving him gasping for deep breaths, relieved his senses were returning. Caught in his overwhelming breaths, Zoro dropped onto his knees, bending forward to cuddle you, listening out for any disturbance in your body.

Zoro's sword dropped next to his side, half hidden through the strands of grass, his care shifting back to you, his surroundings clear. He was unsure how this happened, viewing the island for hours in a quiet and peaceful light, the sudden attack seeming alien to the island he thought he knew.

In gentle pats, he tapped against your back, half-remembering Chopper's care upon a choking crewmate; actions softer due to your vulnerable build. You let out a hearty cough against his chest, relieving Zoro as he sat up, easing his tight hold against your frame. His eye was quick to look around, assessing his next move, noting a clear in his surroundings promising him what he previously believed.

Situated through a winding road, covered by a small village, sat the Thousand Sunny, the masts clear and calling to Zoro with inviting intent. He chucked a small smile, proud of his defeat, feeling less hopeless than before. Dismissing to anyone who wasn't you, he would argue his sense of directions were strong, however, having you here relying on him to guide you he held some uncertainty in that statement. The ship was now in plain sight, all Zoro had to do was push on and follow the sails.

Not without some help, however.

"Oi" Zoro outstretched his arm, pointing to the sails. "You see that out there?"

Your head turned, focusing on the ship you recognised well. It deemed bigger now you had shrunk, an advantage to you Zoro was sure of.

"Keep an eye on it for me, alright? I need you to guide us back there safely"

Agreeing with a small squeak, you repositioned to face out, adjusting your back against Zoro's chest. His hand stayed over you, keeping you pinned against him, proud of your continued determination to find your friends.

Out of the corner of his eye, Zoro noticed a strange figure lunging beside him, hurling towards him at outstanding speeds. In an instant Zoro reached for his swords, forgetting about the one lost through the grass, shielding you both in a cross of clattered metal.

There stood a moment of harsh clatter, echoing through your ears, almost deafening. As they collided, Zoro's hand came away, letting an unbalance tip you forward.

You hit the grass with a small yelp, rolling down the other side of the hill before Zoro had a chance to stop you; quickly falling out of his sight. Torn between following you and defending himself, Zoro struggled to keep focus, slipping against the wielded sword that would usually be split by his full attention.

The figure holding the sword revealed to be a man, no larger than Zoro's arm, fluttering in mid-air. Behind stood a pair of deep black wings, curling as they hummed with every flick, motioning a small gust of wind. As he opened his mouth, a blood curdling scream shot through the air, Zoro's ears popping at the sound. He had never come across someone so perplexing, unsure if this person was a figment of his imagination; twisted from the lack of air left from the fog.

Understanding he didn't have time to think it over, Zoro forced himself to pull whatever energy he had into this fight, willing to forget about your safety for a moment.

Clattering their blades with a steady rhythm, each reciprocated each others drawn attacks, matching one another perfectly. The man continued to dance around Zoro's head, spinning with grace and precision dodging each strike as neatly as Zoro did with him. They continued their dance for mere minutes, Zoro growing agitated at the passing time, knowing he needed to get to you quickly.

Switching his attention to the blade in his left hand, Zoro allowed the one in his right to curl around, swiping at the man's feet. The man forced another scream, dodging the attack as he moved to the left, striking back at Zoro with the same enthusiasm.

In the split second the man counteracted his attack, Zoro was preparing his next move, allowing a more predictable wave to fool the unsuspecting man. He had run this attack many times before, luring the man in for his upcoming sword style, itching to use it against someone as agile as him.

"Nana-Juu-Ni Pound Ho; 72 Pound Cannon!"

Landing on his feet, Zoro's eye caught his fallen sword, ignoring the sound of the man's body crashing to the ground. He didn't have the time nor the empathy to check the man's status, fleeing the scene his only chance and returning to you.

In one quick move he yanked back his sword, placing it steady into the holder, his body in a rush to follow in the direction you rolled.

Running down the hill, Zoro struggled to keep up, tripping over himself as he called out your name, unwilling to give up until he saw you. Fed up with the brutal antics of this island, a blistering heat burned his ears, ready to take you home. He was tired, ultimately exhausted by the building stress through the day, unsure why this once quiet island had turned against him now. He had lost you once, ending in a disaster, and he would be damned to let it happen again.

He couldn't lose you again.

"Y/N!" Zoro screamed, looking around desperately as he reached the base of the hill. Everything seemed like a blur, mixing into a wash of colour that stretched beyond the horizon. Everything seemed too much, too loud, his breathing so rapid he could feel his chest cave with each crack of his ribs.

"Zoro!"

Turning towards the sweet voice, Zoro tumbled into the grass, crawling until he met you; pulling you towards him in one tight move. His hands shook as he held you, deeply sorry for lowering his guard and putting you in danger. He couldn't imagine what he would do if he couldn't find you, see you, returning back to the ship with his tail between his legs desperate for assistance to find you.

His eye curled at the sight of your face, noting the specks of dirt and the tangle in your hair, down to the long scratch that dawned across your cheekbone, mimicking that of your captain.

He had caused this.

"I'm so sorry..." Zoro trailed off, positioning you back into his robe "I promise I'll get you back to the ship now, okay? Just stay tucked away and I'll do everything else. I'm sorry I let this happen"

Deciding to move on his promise, Zoro quickly returned to his feet, forgetting about the earlier agreement between you both. You looked over your shoulder, pointing towards a patch of blue dotted between tall pine trees, unusually sparse for this time of year. You didn't wish to let his regret linger over you both, nor did you wish to sit by after feeling Zoro be so deflated. "There".

Zoro followed your finger, nodding as he trusted your instincts more than his own, taking off towards the town that clouded the ship. He was quick to move, wishing to avoid lingering, feeling as if he had wasted enough time. He refused to part his eye off the sail, latching onto it, despite his clumsy attempt to wade to safety.

Taking in a deep breath, Zoro felt relieved stepping foot through the town, ignoring the blatant stares as he moved through the crowds of people. He knew it was an odd sight compared to the quiet life the townspeople were used to, a strange face shifting opposite the grain of people. He could sense their judgement as he picked up his pace, practically running through the street to get to the dock, relying on you to keep him concentrated.

You continued to point in the direction of the sail, knowing as soon as you were to stop Zoro would lose his sense of direction. You could sense his worry, however tried to remain calm, knowing the ship was gaining closer and soon you would be able to return to your usual size.

The familiar large black flag danced overhead, drawing you both in like a song. The sturdy lion-like figurehead a clear motive of who you were and what you aspired for with your friends. Everything was perfect and grand, just the way you remember it to be.

You were finally back.

You had arrived at The Thousand Sunny.

"Oi!" Zoro called, racing faster to the side of the ship, straining his voice up to whoever was on board. It was silent for mere moments, sinking his relief, unsure if there truely was anybody on board after all.

A shrill squeak of Chopper's voice muffled above him, stopping Zoro, unsure whether he was imagining the doctors words. As your head moved towards the sound, Zoro realised the additional presence, calling out once more to guide him.

A bold figure of Nami stood beside Chopper, screaming at Zoro for becoming lost; stating he only had one job. However, Zoro ignored her words, proudly hoisting you against his side, wrapped against his bicep. Jumping up he scaled the side of the ship, letting his impressive muscles guide his way with one hand.

"I did it!" Chopper beamed, waving his arms around to gain his attention. There was an undoubtably proud smile etched across his face, amazed at his own talent to brew such a mixture, following the book to precise instructions. Zoro returned the smile, the confidence in his voice encouraging you both to move faster.

"I didn’t think it could be done; finding an antidote for a devil fruit curse but here it is! I did it, Zoro!"

Landing firm on the deck, Zoro let you go, wriggling free out of his arms, watching as you met Chopper with an excited squeal. Your feet threatened to cave under you, speeding towards the young doctor with a rush of adrenalin, bursting to return back to how you were before. "Y/n, you'll be back to your normal size in no time at all"

Snatching the tall vial from his grip, you quickly sloshed down the thin blue liquid, underlying with a refreshing minty taste. You trusted your friend without a doubt, giving no rise into his outstanding care in the past; all the more reason to take the antidote.

Feeling the liquid run down your throat caused a slight burn, spreading through your body. In a moment of shock you dropped the vial, stepping away as your body creaked under your skin, building an uncomfortable climax.

Chopper called out to you, stepping forward as you finally collapsed, crying out as one-by-one your bones stretched out, familiarising back to your normal body. The sensation was more shocking than painful, unable to distinguish where in the body would be next; and how much longer it would last. Caught up in the motions you shut your eyes tight, wishing for the burn to fade soon. You were unable to distinguish Chopper's voice anymore - nor Zoro or Nami - spiralling into a web of darkness.

After one final brutal snap, your body eased, like a flicker of light shocking your body. A relived sigh delighting your voice, no longer high pitched or whining, deeper than you remembered it to be. You were panting heavily, the rush exhausting your body as you struggled to get up; feeling the presence of your friends still around you, much closer than before. A slight flutter opened your eyes up to the addition of more than just Zoro and Nami; your scream alerting the rest of the crew of your whereabouts. However, drawn towards him in the usual divine way, Zoro caught your attention.

Your eyes met up at Zoro as he squatted down in front of you, his hand coming up to your cheek. His touch was careful and warm, brushing your jaw with a slight squeeze of satisfaction seeing you the way he loved; just as you were. Behind his eye he was exhausted, a hard day defending you clearly taking the toll on his emotions, unsure how the day would plan out. But for now he was relieved to see you, feel you rest in the palm of his hand, knowing that he did all he could to protect you; and nobody would ever be able to come between you both.

"Welcome back, beautiful"

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