#i'm trying to go to uni and im about to lose my mind | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

liebgottsjumpwings · 1 year

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Hii, if its alright I would love a Band of Brothers ship <3. Thank you!!

Appearance wise, I'm 5'3, blue/grey eyes with half bleached (white blonde underneath, brown on top) shoulder length hair. I also wear glasses. She/her pronouns.

Im a Scorpio and my personality type is ISTP. My love language is definitely quality time! Im often quite shy when first meeting someone, but when I'm comfortable around them I essentially lose all shame and become the loudest in the room. While my friends describe me as loyal, funny, and kind, they do say I can be very stubborn and unforgiving if someone crosses me.

Im currently getting a bachelors in forensic science (in my final year actually!) In terms of hobbies/interests, I'm a sucker for a good book and amazing music. My favourite books are a mix of fantasy (like The Hobbit) or history/war history (like Band of Brothers ^.^). I find that I spend most of my time listening to any type of music (genre would depend on what I'm feeling). I also started bookbinding as a hobby last year, which I find very relaxing. Same with making miniatures! I'm definitely more of a homebody, but when I'm dragged out of the house by my friends I do still enjoy it.

Ah!! A fellow forensic student! I currently study forensic psychiatric social work :)

As for your ship.. I ship you with;

Eugene Roe

Ps. the gif above is mine!

I think Gene would definitely be into someone who is more quiet and introverted at first. That way he can ease into things without being overwhelmed. So the fact that you are also a little shy and quiet at first is perfect.

Gene is the type of person to get overwhelmed when someone he is romantically interested in is louder and more extroverted from the start, I think. However, he will fall hard once he's gotten to know you better and you become more extroverted. I think he'll use it as a way to become more talkative himself too.

He needs some external motivation to be more sociable, I think. Which he does not mind, but he is actually so thankful that you are that motivation to him. Even if you are not aware of it yourself. At social events, you'll sometimes catch him give you a smiley, loving look.

Speaking of social events, this man loves to spend time with you in any way. He'll be close to you whenever you two are out together. You are his safety net and perhaps he is yours too.

But, he loves spending time with you in any way. He prefers quiet nights though. And they don't have to have any particular activity. He'll love just being in the same room with you and doing whatever. Like, you both doing your own thing is enough for him a lot of the time. Occasionally, he'll steal a glance. Or he'll place a mug of tea down for you and sneak in a kiss too.

Whenever he plans a date though, it is low-key and personal. Which is actually so lovely. He's read about a pop-up store with all kinds of things relating to your fantasy books? Put your coat on, time to go! He's heard you talk about this do-it-yourself miniature set or a bookbinding things on Etsy? Get your comfy clothes in, it is raining and we are staying in to create. He honestly just loves to be involved.

Not only is he involved in your hobbies, he is genuinely interested in them and will actually try his best to understand them and be able to talk with you about them in depth.

The same goes for your studies. He may not be academically knowledgeable in it, but you'll often find him just going through your uni stuff. It has gotten to the point where he can actually hold an in-depth conversation about it with you. And he genuinely loves it.

Gene is just so happy to be involved with you and be around you. He'll show it through small gestures and maybe gets a little shy about it but honestly? That is his charm and I love it so much.

#ship #band of brothers #band of brothers x reader #hehe!

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sehunniepotwrites · 4 months

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hi nikki!!! i vanished again for a rly long time cuz its rly busy and crunch season for me in uni rn :/ how have you been!! hope youve gotten better since the last time we talked :")

i had 4 assessments last week like one on wednesday and THREE on friday it rly felt like acads was sucking the life out of me >< i hope you dont mind me ranting a little but this sem has rly been by far the worst semester in my uni life like ive been tryna stay all positive and focus on the good things that happened but fr NOTHING good has been happening :"( its rly a pain going through all these days and its like the skies r tryna play tricks on me even when it comes to small daily stuff.. like id just be minding my own business and walking somewhere and then someone spills water all over my shoes, or after finally managing to find an empty spot to study at, the charging plug at the table just refuses to work, or the chairs r spoilt and like.... IM SO DONE :"( and it sux even more cuz daylight savings have caused the time difference between me and my boyfie to increase and its alm like we can never find the right pocket of time to communicate anymore and its rly taking a toll on me mentally. sigh... like literally all the stress and discomfort has caused me to lose my appetite and ive lost alm 10kgs in the past 2 months..

i hope after going through all these, things would only be better and would make me happier after a long long time.. and id be able to learn how to express myself and speak my emotions properly again cuz im rly rly emotionally constipated rn.

<3, 🍑

hihihi lil peach!!!

it's okay, i totally understand crunch szn for uni--went through it one too many times. i'm sick yet again (thus the woes of being a kindy teacher, the germs!! it's my 6th time getting sick this school year) but i'm writing again! the inspo finally came back to me <333

i complete empathize w you--sometimes it's really hard to stay positive when all is going to shit. and with people telling you to look on the bright side makes it even harder because you could try and try to no avail. i'm so sorry this is happening to you, whatever you're feeling is so valid. i'm glad you see me as a safe space to come and talk about these things. i hope things begin to look up for you soon and that your 2024 is filled with happier days, good health, and prosperity.

when i feel like this, which is quite often, i turn back to journaling or asking myself these questions (they're questions i've learned as an elementary teacher, trying to understand the feelings of my kiddos):

what am i feeling right now? i use the mood meter (you can look it up on google and they'll be some good ones)

why am i feeling this way? (get down to the root of it) "i am feeling _ because _."

what is one immediate thing i can do to get me out of this mood? is there something physical i can do? an immediate fix? or is there a step i can take?

"next time i feel this way, i can _"

#i hope this helped in some way #idk if you were looking for advice but this almost always works for me and my friends when we're feeling some type of way #im sort of emotionally constipated too but im learning #ily lil peach #🍑anon #nikki replies

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munsons-maiden · 10 months

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now that summer has started again and my usual responsibilities for uni have just ceased to exist i am struggling so hard with daydreaming and just being in my delulu era making up scenarios rather than actually living my life and going after what i want irl and i hate it sm but cant actually stop and i hate that instead of making memories that ill be able to tell my future kids im just wasting away in my bed making up scenarios like wth am i supposed to do

Hi love!

First of all, I can relate to the first half of your ask. I'm a daydreamer, too. 80% of my free time is dedicated to writing and dreaming up stories.

There is nothing wrong with staying at home, with creating stories and worlds in your own mind and with daydreaming. The world needs daydreamers and stargazers, and it sounds like that's a part of yourself so you shouldn't per se try to change it. I think what's important is to find a balance. I feel like first making time to do my chores and do what I have to do to get where I want to get in real life (carreer-wise, uni-stuff-wise) is the way to go for me (for example, I'm setting timers and plan when to do that stuff so I'll be able to focus on that instead of getting caught in my daydreams) and as soon as that set time is over, I'm free to go back to writing (and daydreaming, which at least for me walk hand in hand). Maybe that's something you could try to find for yourself as well, a structure to balance it out? As for the real life stuff, I have set days at which I spend time with my friends (works best for them, too). For example, I meet my best friend every Wednesday night, and so on. I'm not a social butterfly, I got few but very close friends so that kind of structure works perfect for me and I can still be spontaneous (but it might not work if you got a bigger social circle) and do sports. This way, it won't feel like you're caught between two worlds and have to decide for one, because you don't have to decide for one.

It's perfectly fine to lose yourself in daydreams as long as you make sure you got a red thread to still tie you to real life, to your irl goals and friendships (those are important, too, for your mental health!)

You should make memories for yourself and not just to tell your future kids about. Your future kids, if you decide to have any, will have their own memories to make, and memories to make with you.

I hope I was able to help 🖤

#kiki answers #advice

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myaquariusheart · 1 year

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23/4

Yesterday me and Cake started gym and then I had to show her the best Mac and Cheese in the world at the Greyhound. That Mac and Cheese literally make's me so happy when I eat it and I've never felt that about any other food. It's so tasty and I hope no one takes it off the menu. Today Dad took me B&M and I finally got a new carpet for my room but my room doesn't feel complete yet. I still need to sort out my clothes from my laundry bag and I need to put up some pictures on my wall. I have my presentation tomorrow and honestly, inside I am shitting myself big time. I haven't prepared properly or even practiced but I'm hoping I just scrape a pass and I will be happy with that. After that, I need to focus on my dissertation and hopefully be done with all of that. I just finished You so tomorrow Im going to start the second book. I found myself skimming the last few chapters because honestly Joe chats a lot of shit and I can't be bothered with all of it. Like get to the point Joe, we get ur deluded and psychotic but I actually can't be reading it all it's too much. Although I do love the first book I think the last part drags a bit, I never read the second book properly but mostly because it didn't match up with the series on Netflix and I'm pretty sure I was watching it at the same time so my imagination was all messed up with it. So hopefully this time my brain won't get confused. Tomorrow is a new week and I really hope it's going to be a good one. I realised I actually don't work much at the cafe but once Uni is all over I'm going to take up more shifts and hopefully be more active and start gym properly. I'm excited and motivated and it's taken me a long time to be motivated but I think because I'm with someone it's more fun and I'm less shy at the gym. Going gym for me is actually nerve-wracking alone because I do have low confidence and I know no one actually cares but I am super self-conscious of if other people are looking at me and even what they're thinking about me. I need to get over that but it is hard, it's a working progress and hopefully this year I will have some growth. I don't know what I want to do straight away after I graduate but honestly, I'm going to be so proud of myself and hopefully, I can make Mum and Dad proud of me too. I am super bummed I'm not going to get any more financial support from SFE but this is going to help me budget better and hopefully, I can be better at managing my money. I know most of my money gets wasted on clothes and snacks mostly. maybe even vape so I need to try not to lose my vapes as much as that's usually why I constantly need to buy them. I also need to do just a snack shop at the start of the week to stop myself from buying so much daily. I can honestly spend up to £10 a day on snacks and I need to stop. Maybe if I just buy a multi-pack of items it will last longer. I also need to remember to order some more tablets tomorrow. I seriously need to wake up early, I'm aiming for 7am so I can have a wash and then get properly ready for tomorrow. I also need to remember to email Karam my presentation in the morning when I wake up and just take a deep breath and hopefully not have too much anxiety over it. Being confident and not caring and just delivering my presentation needs to be my main priority, I need to get over being shy but I can't help myself, imagine my presentation is rubbish and not good enough? It's just one day and only 10 mins, I can do this and I know ill feel such a weight off my shoulder once it's done. I need to just wake up with a positive mind and energy, but that all comes down to me being on time and getting to uni at a good time. Ideally, I should leave the house at 8-8:30ish so I can get in earlier and go over a few things. Need to stop overthinking but it needs to be done and it's one step closer to finally finishing. Tomorrow I'm also aiming to go the gym but I didn't have time to change my membership, so maybe I can just leave to come home earlier and we can both go in Syd.

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prttyvirgo · 1 year

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calling me handsome at this time? 🤭 making me blush right now

isn’t it your last semester? like last last one? I can imagine it’s stressful but you’re doing great. You always do ♥️ don’t forget to rest because uni isn’t everything lmao I see people with no degrees making more money than I’ll ever have so…. at this point i don’t even care that much

please!!! you spamming me was the best part of my day, it used to make me the happiest man alive just to be there for you at the end of the day 🥹 i love your crazy thoughts, there’s so many of them 😂 in so many directions it’s fucking adorable. I was always looking forward to hear you sweet baby

thank for always wishing the best and still seeing the kindness in me, it really means the world.. your opinion of me is really important to me and i hope you know i’d still try my best to be the kind and emotional man you used to know 🥹

sounds like a busy day, I love the two hour nap 😂 sounds like you ngl. How was ramadan? everything alright? you know what i’ve been studying a little bit more about your religion, i felt really dumb with some of the questions I made 💀

my day was ok, I’ve been off work to do my dissertation so that’s good but i’m not doing anything anyway, still trying my best and I know I’ll do just fine. So I did some uni work, went to a cute coffee shop, had shower, came home to watch stranger things like usual and yeah…. that was it baby, thanks for asking ♥️

-💌

you know i gotta make sure to make you blush at least once every few days and remind you that you are one handsome fucker so 😌

and no, unfortunately it's not my last senester but tbh it's been going well and isn't as stressful as it used to be bc i think ive become like you in that way since i dont care about it as much since it's like...not that big of a deal 💀 if it works out it works out and if not then so be it tbh so absolutely no worries when it comes to that, my sweetest love

and please you always make me so soft 🥺 i really appreciate you being so excited about my spams, makes me really really happy and of course i know you're always trying your best. i just hope you know it's okay to not always give your best since your best is sometimes 10% and sometimes 129% so you're good either way bc you gave it a try and thats what matters 🥺

ramadan was really good this year, it was like the first proper ramadan without any covid regulations and bla bla so everything was how it used to be pre-covid and honestly i never minded your questions bc 1) i'm used to it and 2) it was/is just nice to see that you were/are interested in it 🥰

im glad you're taking some time off of work even if it's just a day since i know you, sir, like to overwork yourself so a win is a win. and i hope the dissertation is going well and you're trying your best not to lose your mind over it but i know you've got this 🤍

your day sounds lovely and i'm so proud of you for resting and taking some time to yourself, you deserve it so much 🥺 thank you for answering

#also what did you order at the coffe shop?#i wanted to ask but pretty boy g only drinks his choco right?

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jeannereames · 5 years

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Hello, Dr. Reames! I love your work (and am very excited to read your novels very soon!). I am thinking of doing a phd (not history or classics, but maybe sort of related to Alexander) but I'm scared that I'm not going to have the motivation to go through with the whole thing... Do you ever lose motivation and get discouraged when researching/writing and how do you deal with it? I know that this is completely unrelated to Alexander/ancient history so feel free to ignore it☺

Hi, there! This reply is going to be in 3 parts. First, about my own motivation…

I think everybody (even Alexander!) has periods of feeling discouraged. It’s part of being human. This is especially true when something you put days, weeks, or sometimes *years* of effort into doesn’t work out, or isn’t well-received, or comes back with “revise and resubmit.” Ha.

So, real life recent example: About a year and a half ago, I finished an article that took me (literally) 5 years to research and write, because it combined research into two different areas, only one of which is my research area. It took a huge amount of reading, and I’d even presented it at a couple of conferences, where I received good feedback. It was supposed to be published in conference proceedings, but that fell through (not my part of it, the entire publication didn’t happen because the editor quit). So I had to shop it around to journals. It went out to three readers, and all three returned it with “Revise (substantially) and resubmit,” + large *additional* bibliography (mostly not in English) in the area not my field. Two of the readers thought my chief point was valid, but needed more support. (The third just flat disagreed with me, but it’s academia; that happens.) But that was after it had been presented 3xs already, and revised after each.

OTOH, I was pretty discouraged. But OTOH, the suggestions and reading lists were helpful. These are blind reviews, so it wasn’t personal. And the entire point of peer review is to help a book or article improve. Lord knows, nobody wants to put out something that will get you laughed at. But after all the time I’d already spent on it, it was still really discouraging as I’d thought it in pretty good shape.

Almost everybody in academia is going to have an article or three turned down, or a book refused, etc. And after a while, it can be really hard to keep trying. And it’s not just in academia.

Do you know how long it took me to sell Dancing with the Lion? 15 years! I got my first serious query from an agent in 1996. (The first words of the novel were written in December of 1988–that’s how old it is.) That agent eventually decided it wasn’t for her. I’ve had a couple others since…same thing. I’ve sent out probably around 500 queries to agents or publishers. In fact, I’d put the book AWAY and started a completely different trilogy (which I’m in the middle of now), because I figured it would only sell later.

Then I happened to read comments about Madeline Miller’s A Song for Achilles written by an English professor and new acquisitions editor at Riptide. She liked it, but there were a couple of things she really didn’t like. And they were the very ways (I thought) my novel was different. So I emailed her. She asked for sample chapters, then the whole thing, and finally, Riptide offered me a contract. They’re not a major press, they’re a Romance publisher primarily, but they were willing to take a chance on my coming-of-age historical, so I grabbed the opportunity. Now the book is out (well, the first half is), and it’s getting pretty decent reviews.

So persistence can pay off.

That said, if someone else had told me that story 10 years ago, I’d have snorted and said (in my mind), “Maybe it did for you. Maybe I’m just a bad writer and I’ll never succeed.” I’d also just been through a divorce and was having trouble selling my house in the housing bust, etc., etc. So a lot of things in my life were pear-shaped at the time, and that can make it really hard to keep trudging.

The “Dark Night of the Soul” is a real thing, and we all go through it.

The only way I get through it, myself, is to remember things in the past that went well, times I succeeded. Plus, I’m just a really stubborn SOB. Ha.

But discouragement is normal, and there will be points in everybody’s life where not just one or two things are going wrong, but it seems as if EVERYthing is going wrong and you’re just a total failure. You have to believe it’ll get better.

Now, part #2, about motivation to complete a degree. It’s a bit like the AA motto: one day at a time. Or really, one semester at a time. One hurdle at a time. When I first got to Penn State, the long, long road ahead made me freak out a little, but Gene Borza (my advisor) told me to take it in bites. And to remember that other people had made it through; I could, as well.

Also, don’t let yourself get thrown by “Imposter’s Syndrome.” This is the feeling that you don’t belong somewhere: in grad school, in a PhD program, in a department (or really, ANY arena). You’re not as good as the others. Minorities, women, and first-generation college students are those most likely to suffer imposter’s syndrome, but it can hit others too, such as the children of academics (I’ll never measure up to mom/dad), etc.

Last, part #3, and this may seem an odd coda to all the above rah-rah cheerleading. But as a (now former) graduate program chair, I would be terribly remiss if I didn’t put out a warning.

Not only is the field of humanities in trouble right now, in the US and Canada, and elsewhere, too, but the entire university system is changing. This latter is especially true in the US, but I hear rumblings from other places. Partly, this owes to the rise of online education. But even more, it’s what I call the “Wal-martization” of the university, where tenure-track lines are being replaced by a bunch of part-time instructors who have to teach 6 classes just to make enough to EAT. “Adjunct” professors, even those with PhDs, are paid a pittance. It’s absolutely immoral and ridiculous.

Universities are turning into profit more than education, with a degree seen as “job training” instead of learning to think critically and exploring Big Questions, which are increasingly viewed as a waste of time. Administration levels are increasingly bloated with deans, assistant deans, supervisory boards, etc. They’re (mostly) not teaching, but their paycheques are high. Tenured faculty positions are being eliminated. Colleges and unis realized that they could turn over a lot of (especially intro and survey) courses to part-time instructors for a *fraction* of what they paid tenured and tenure-track faculty, but still reap high tuition.

When I was finishing up in the ‘90s, I was teaching as an adjunct while writing my dissertation, then for a bit after, as was expected for “teaching experience” before being hired. The phenomenon of the “Visiting Assistant Professor” (or VAP) was *starting* to gain traction, but was still usually just a year or two until these people would find a tenure-track position (VAP is not tenure-track). But now, I know people who’ve been VAPping for YEARS. And some just give up. Also, adjuncting like what I was doing has gone from “teaching experience for a real job” into “the only lane for employment” for a lot of PhD (and some MA) graduates. Especially women PhDs get caught in that trap.

These are the realities of where we are right now.

And THE MOST USELESS DEGREE ON THE PLANET is a PhD in the humanities. I say that as one who holds it. With a few exceptions, a humanities PhD prepares you for pretty much one job: being a professor. And those jobs are winking out of existence with frightening speed. This is a change that has accelerated over the last 10 years, and especially over the last 5. We’re turning out PhDs with no available positions. Museum studies, Classics, archaeology, philosophy are in even worse shape. SOME history PhDs are more popular. This year, H-Net has a bunch of Latin American positions open, for instance.

An MA in history (or related) is still useful. There are certain jobs that like them, ranging from state jobs like the Park Service to the FBI and CIA.

But a PhD? Think loooooong and hard before investing that time and money. This is not a matter of *you* not being able to do the work to get one. It’s a matter of the university system as we’ve known it crumbling away under our very feet. I have no idea what the American university will look like in 10 years. And once you have a PhD, it educates you out of most other jobs.

So that’s the unfortunate bad news. And I’d be a very irresponsible advisor if I didn’t tell you the truth. IME, people who really want a PhD will ignore me and go after it anyway. But at least you’ll go in with your eyes open.

#encouragement #dealing with discouragement #imposter's syndrome #academia #PhD track #Adjunct Hell #Think twice (and then a third time) about getting a PhD these days #Humanities tenure track jobs are drying up #asks

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aplaceforthesoul · 4 years

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it feels like i keep losing friends or they keep leaving. I dont think im a bad person or a bad person. I know I have my flaws and I do stupid stuff sometmes but I mean well and I'm always willing to change. But no matter what, they last few days I keep remembering all the friends that left me or never contacted me again and it makes me feel really awful and worthless. I must be a bad friend if people keep leaving me right?

I don’t think that you’re a bad friend if people keep leaving, no. like people grow, people change, friendship groups change! I mean we as people are always growing and changing? we’re shaped and defined by the experiences we go through and how we respond to them. high school (and sometimes uni too) can be so crappy sometimes when it comes to friends – mostly because the friends you have are formed out of convenience and because you happen to see each other daily, not necessarily because they’re people that you really connect with and can relate to.

however!! while we can accept that some friendships just aren’t destined to last, that doesn’t mean that you can’t take some accountability too. some food for thought when it comes to friendships though and why people may stop being friends with you:

- you’ve been a little neglectful of the friendships yourself, if people don’t feel like you really care about them then they tend not to show any love or kindness in return

- you might be isolating yourself a little bit without realising it? like physically isolating yourself by not seeing friends too often, emotionally isolating yourself by not being too open about personal life happenings or issues going on

- or (as I mentioned earlier) your friends just aren’t the right kinds of people to have in your life, it’s a friendship group that’s come to an end and it might be time to move on and find friends who may have more things in common

friendships are a two-way street, they involve both a bit of give and take. so if you maybe haven’t been giving a lot of attention and love and kindness because you’ve been caught up in your own life? take a step back, direct your thoughts outward instead, maybe chat to your friends and ask if they’re free to go out for coffee or lunch or something, even just to go to the local shopping centre to hang out for a bit! doing that shows that you like spending time with them and you enjoy their company! (: and if your friends kinda feel like you’ve been distant and slightly self-involved, then doing that can go a long way to fixing and creating a more connected and meaningful friendship

if you’ve accidentally isolated yourself, maybe due to drop in mental health at the moment? then reach out for help, speak up about what’s going on, it’s ok to do that :* your friends are there to help you and be there for you, but they can’t help if they don’t know what’s going on.

and if you’ve tried all of that – you try to be inclusive, you always make the time and effort for your friends, you show that you care about them, you open up about personal issues as well as ask about them and show that you’re interested in them as well – and you still feel really disconnected from them, or they to you? then it might just be that they’ve changed and you’ve changed too, and it’s time to move on and find more like-minded friends.

- tash

#advice #friends #Anonymous

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allforthecourtt · 5 years

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rereading aftg with my dumbass opinions pt. 2 (tfc chapters 6-10)

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3

look guys! its the highly unanticipated continuation of my reread of aftg!

chapter 6 (aka. meet this MESS of a team)

“My mother's family is French." It was a lie that probably had his British mother rolling over in her sandy grave.”

neil really never misses an opportunity to remind readers that he fucking buried his mom on the beach huh?

“A liar who practices occasional honesty. Clever. Keeps people guessing. Very effective. I would know. I do it myself, you see. Come on, then. After you.”

have i mentioned how entertaining high andrew is? because he’s funny as hell

also rereading these are fun because Nora is incredible at foreshadowing just sayin

“Neil automatically reached for his seatbelt, but one of the brothers was sitting on it.”

how neil would be in the back of the cousins’ car if they let him:

“You?" Neil said. "You can't." Andrew's smile curved wider. "Ohhh, that sounds like a challenge. Mother may I?" "Your mother's dead. I don't think she cares what you do.”

HO HO HOLY SHIT NEIL

“Starting a fight was too out of character for who he portrayed "Neil” to be, though.”

“Consider this your official invite, you suicidal wretch. I'm bringing you to Columbia with us this Friday.”

awe suicidal wretch... glad they’re starting those pet names early

“I don't drink or dance," Neil said.

andrew: i kno u can

“Kevin doesn't dance anymore”

anymore? ANYMORE??? release the cursed events that led to him not dancing anymore Nora im begging you

“Are you bleeding anywhere?" Matt asked. "Nowhere vital," Neil said.

gskjgnsak god i stan this little asshole so much

“She said it gently, with the hint of a smile on her face, but Neil still felt the rebuke. It was subtler but somehow deadlier”

have i mentioned how gay i am for renee? because im very gay for renee

“Allison looked ready for a photo shoot with perfect platinum curls, spiked heels, and a skintight dress.”

im also gay for allison ngl

“I can move if you want to sit here," Neil said. "No, this is fine." She smiled, but it had a smug edge to it, probably because Seth was glaring at them like he could kill them with willpower alone. ”

lol remember how neil doesn’t think he’s attractive and yet in 0.1 seconds after meeting him allison is like “yes this idiot is hot enough to piss off the other idiot im dating”

“Personal favorite was when someone told the police we were running a meth lab out of the dorm," Dan said sourly. "Police raids are awesome.”

no offence dan but that’s fucking hilarious omg

that’s kind of like the time my residence floor had to get evacuated bc some kids hotboxed their dorm room

god i love uni

“The death threats were creative, though," Nicky said. "Maybe this time they'll follow through and actually kill one of us. Let's vote. I nominate Seth.”

pfffffttttt i love Nicky omg

also hahahahahah foreshadowing!

“It'll be fine," Andrew said. "I promised, didn't I? Don't you believe me?" It took a while, but at last Kevin visibly relaxed. ”

again this is why i thought they were fucking for like the better part of the first two books

“The dead look Kevin turned on Andrew today was the same look Neil saw in his reflection. When Neil stopped acting, when he stopped worrying about who was watching, when he let go of the lies that kept him alive, that was the only expression he could make.”

it’s fine i didnt need a heart anyways

this kid is 18 hes A BABY

the first time i read this i was 18 too and like jfc i was a BABY at 18 and so i neil

“One of us has to make it, Mom." It wasn't going to be Neil. It was obvious he was too stupid to survive without his mother if he let himself get into messes like this. But maybe Kevin could do it.”

sorry let me just wipe my TEARS off my fucking laptop neil honey what the fuck

“He felt distant as he watched them walk in. Maybe he was already dying, his stupid soul fading from his short body in preparation for a brutal end.”

neil we get it you have depression (me too bitch u aint special)

“Fuck running," Seth said.

now that’s a whole ass mood

“he didn't know how Renee could smile so warmly when she was speaking to Andrew.”

haha bitch just wait

“when he slept, he dreamed of his father waiting for him on the Foxhole Court.”

remember how at the end of the series his father is waiting on the court but neil wins??? god we love good storytelling

this is such a fucking wild chapter

could you imagine? coming back from the summer and your first introduction to this amateur from arizona is this neil josten level of sass? because i’d probably kill him

first years are bad enough but first years who dont care about other people’s opinions? the fucking worst

chapter 7 (aka. neil does NOT have a fun night out)

“It seemed Allison and Seth didn't believe in middle ground: either they were slinging vile insults at each other or they were making out in the locker room regardless of whoever might be around.”

that’s just how the straights are

“It reminded Neil a little of Allison and Seth, except without the desperate sexual undertones.”

i’ll just leave this gem of a line here

“His teammates held so little regard for him he didn't even have the dubious honor of being dead last.”

neil shading himself is actually hilarious how relatable

“Neil watched him do it, trying to remember the last time someone gave him a gift and coming up blank. That his first one should be from Andrew was unsettling.”

i actually love the fact that andrew bought him clothes so early on like andrew your gay is showing

“Neil debated how much damage the thick heels of his new boots would do against Andrew's face and liked what his mind came up with.”

i thank god everyday that these books are neil’s pov

“Andrew gave Neil another slow once-over and let go. "We're going.”

^andrew seeing neil w/o contacts (aka. the ‘i can’t think straight’ vine)

“Most of the men wore leather, half the women had corsets, and a good number of both genders were covered in buckles and chains.”

this... is a... gay bar

“Andrew saluted the bouncers on his way by and led the way into the club, bypassing the line entirely.”

i always forget the drinking age in the us is 21 but like this bar really dont care about their liquor license AT ALL lmao

“You think Kevin would risk his future over a night out at the club?" "What future?" Neil asked.”

WOW NEIL WAY TO BE A BITCH

“Neil hadn't seen Aaron get up, but he was waiting behind Neil when Andrew let go. Neil reached for Andrew with lethal intent, but Aaron grabbed the back of his chair and pulled hard enough to topple it over.”

why are the twins literally this gif:

real talk nicky kissing neil like that is horrible and really reflects poorly on nicky as a character

andrew for this entire chapter:

chapter 8 (aka. a hitchhiker’s guide to lying about your identity)

“I don't know how your conversation with Andrew went, but it didn't end well. Rumor has it you paid a busboy a hundred bucks to knock you out. Way to cut our night short.”

this is probably my favourite thing neil does in the entire series ngl

“Wymack grabbed his elbow and hauled him inside. He slowed just long enough to slam the door behind Neil. "Are you stupid or just crazy? Do you have any idea what could have happened to you between here and there? What were you thinking?”

Why does Wymack literally sound like my father?

foxes: daddy?

wymack: DO I LOOK LIKE

follow up:

kevin: daddy?

wymack: uh yeah

“I don't know what the beef is between you two, but it ends here and now.”

Wymack @ neil: tell your boyfriend, if he says he’s got beef that your a vegetarian and your not fucking scared of him

“Then correct me." "Give me a reason." "Besides the obvious?" Andrew said. "If I can't get an answer from you, I'll get it wherever I can.”

andrew:

“I'm—" Neil didn't want to say it, but the word was already there, broken and pathetic between them, "—nothing. I'll always have and be nothing.”

“He wondered for a moment if Andrew could handle the entire truth so calmly, but that was too dangerous and stupid to consider.”

“Hope was a dangerous, disquieting thing, but he thought perhaps he liked it.”

this is such a good fucking line like i am shooketh

chapter 9 (aka. neil is, like, really horny for exy)

“Are you stupid?" Seth asked. "Yeah," Neil said.”

what a fuckin MOOD

“Neil had almost forgotten why he liked Exy so much. He did his best at practices but these days he worked mostly to keep his teammates off his back. As Neil surveyed Kevin's damage, he finally felt inspired again. On its heels was a hungry, desperate rush.”

“Seth made as if to throw his beer at Neil. "His life is not more important than mine just because he's more talented.”

sometimes i really wish seth was actually given a chance to have some character development

“ "Maybe you're not as stupid as I thought." "Maybe I am," Neil said”

another big fucking MOOD

chapter 10 (aka. shocking: university is hard :/ )

“It's fun telling Kevin no," Andrew said with a wicked grin.”

why is andrew like this omg

betsy probably was like just looking for a chill job and was like “oh cool uni students? ill have to deal with like a lot of anxiety, sexual tension, depression and like confusion about the future, not to bad” but NOPE welcome to the fucking MAFIA WARS

“That wasn't so bad, was it? Andrew was convinced it would be a disaster. He put money on you hating Betsy." "Did you bet against him?" "Yes," Renee said. "It was a private bet between the two of us.”

“I hope you didn't lose much," Neil said.”

god why is he such an asshole at every opportunity i love him

“I can take care of myself," Neil said. "Watch me beam with pride.”

wymack is the best father in the world and you cant convince me otherwise

“There was one for every fall team with schedules printed on each. Neil kept the Exy one, tossed the rest into the trash, and buried his magnet deep in his pocket where he didn't have to look at the dates.”

neil “i only care about exy” josten strikes again with his great school spirit

“Palmetto State was facing Edgar Allan on Friday, October 13th”

that’s such a cliche and i love it

“He detoured around students toward one of Palmetto State's three dining halls. Two were for the general student body. The third was for athletes only”

lmao my school literally has one dining hall and it couldnt give less of a fuck what type of student they’re selling food too as long as they’ll pay $15 for chicken fingers

what kind of money does palmetto state fuckin have

like i get us tuition is a lot but jesus so’s mine and my school couldn’t be less fucked

“It was only the first day of school and he already had three assignments: a short paper, a fifty-page chapter to read, and a page of questions about said chapter. Neil debated for a minute as to which one sounded least painful. Five minutes later he was still uninspired, so he put his head down on his desk.”

1. MOOD

2. first years are so cute thinking that’s a lot of assignments i remember in first year being like “i have to read 40 pages thats so unfair :(” and now i’m like “ah sick only 200 pgs of readings this week? im gonna have so much free time!”

upper year history sucks ngl

“I'm fine," Neil said.”

neil knows exactly two (2) words and those are it

“You say that an awful lot," Matt said. "I'm starting to think you don't know what it means.”

overall thoughts:

the plot is pickinnnng upppp

i kind of forget how much world building happens in the first book but like its good

also i love neil literally hating everyone its so funny bc like bby these going to be your best friends just wait

anyways that’s all for now

part 3 will be the rest of tfc and then we’ll move onto trk if you guys still want more of this? let me know

love u all bye

#rereading aftg

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journalpourlamemoire · 4 years

Text

I had a hard time today focusing on living because my mind was reliving the past.

I'm begining to believe in manifestation. I think the universe is running by a hidden power of spirit.

The day before yesterday i having a strange dream. At work, somebody approached, called me on my phone, i accidentally cancelled on him, then i tried to call and apologize, i found him in front of me noticing the accident. He forgave me, smiled, then asked me out. I agreed, we went for coffee and he got close to me. I couldn't feel anything around, didnt exist in my head, i stopped breathing and all i felt was my heart beat, close to him. Beating faster and faster and i felt like drowning. My knees were weak.

I felt sick but strangly being that close to him felt good at the same time.

I think that is what love is all about. That's what they try to describe.

You feel trapped, always off guard, feeling happy with fear and maybe feeling safe.

I don't think about love, I'm not excited to try it again. Or at least i thought so.

My subconscious is proving me wrong, telling me the other way. That i need intimacy in my life. And i cant imagine how can i put my fate in the hands of someone else other than me. Insane!

I was going back and forth with these thoughts. The next day was a horrible day. I was alone most of it. Literally sitting on a bench at uni alone looking at the sky for 2 hours straight.

I thought it wont get worse, yes i have an exam but i'll try to have fun afterwards, or not! I won't lose much.

And i was not expecting anything, i let myself be in the moment. I met old friends, co-workers, a recent-crush. And i only said to myself i will just smile, it wont take any of my leftover energy. And it opened a whole new chapter for me which im not ready for.

Relating to the dream. I am terrified!

#writers #writing #feelings #memories #dreams #midnight #real life

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studylustre · 7 years

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haya, for the sleepover, I'll tell you this like you're my friend and ask you for advice. (p1) I tend to be quite afraid of the unkown, mostly becuse i have this weird belief that I'm not competent, which makes me afraid to take on new challenges or responsibilities. It limits me a lot because im afriad of not being able to manage something. I’m scared it will make me not do a tonne of things that I’d enjoy in the long run and that would be beneficial to me.

(part two) Also, i tend to really depend on people’s external validation of me to the point of it being hard for me to act like myself 100%. I’m mostly myself, but I exaggrate and am always ‘on’ like i’m acting. I think I just want people to like me, but it feels insincere and insecure and it’s like, am i afraid of being myself? :( I don’t have low confidence and i’m extroverted, so it’s a little shy girl not knowing who she is. But perhaps I have low self-esteem. What do you think girlie? xo

under the cut, because it’s about to get real

gosh this is…….. shockingly relatable!!! i also have a fear of the unknown which limits me, but i think at some point we just have to do our best to realise that these doubts, while natural, are completely irrational and are only stopping us from pursuing our goals and doing the best we can. we are our own worst critics, so it’s not surprising that you doubt your abilities but trust me when i say that you are far more capable than you think!! as long as you set your mind to it and try, there’s nothing to lose. sure, you might not be the best, but no one is immediately perfect at doing everything: that comes with dedication and time, of which you have plenty as long as you’re willing to put in the effort! i know it’s a lot easier said than done, but at some point you just kind of… have to actively ignore all your doubts and just go for it. in my experience, things never turn out as badly as you think it will - and even if they don’t go exactly to plan, it’s always better to have tried and gained something from the experience than to look back and regret missing out. for example, i didn’t think i was going to be “good enough” to get into uni, so i didn’t bother trying very hard for my as levels. that totally bit me in the ass and getting my results was a wake up call, because i knew i could do better. i was cheating myself by giving into my doubts and not trying. fast forward a year or so, and now i’m in my top choice uni, which is one of the best in the uk! you can achieve everything you want, as long as you try. the only way you can fail is by giving up and not giving yourself a chance. also, one tiny thing before i move on: so what if you’re not able to perfectly manage something? if it’s something you’d like/would be beneficial, why not give your happiness a shot by just trying it? doesn’t the potential of finding something you immensely enjoy and could make a lifelong hobby out of worth outweigh the potential of doing something slightly less than perfectly?

i also relate to you on your second point. i think everyone, to some extent, relies on people’s validation of them. it’s just natural to want people to like you and compliment you - it’s a way of feeling better about yourself and reassuring yourself that you’re doing ok. but at some point, you just have to remind yourself that while compliments and flattery is nice, the only thing that really matters is how YOU feel about yourself. you know yourself better than anyone else, so why rely on other people to validate what you already know? also, as cynical as this may sound, at the end of the day, you only really have yourself to count on. people leave - it’s a fact of life. you can’t always rely on others to pick you up and get you through the tough times, you only have yourself for that. so don’t wholly depend on other people to make you feel better, because you’re strong enough to do that on your own. but honestly, try not to be too tough with yourself on this. everyone wants to be liked, so it’s v common to feel like you’re “on” when you’re with others, since everyone wants to make a good impression. just take care not to lose sight of who you really are. if possible, surround yourself with genuine people that make you happy and you can truly be yourself with, whether it’s friends or family.

edit: some failures are beneficial! like i said earlier, i severely underachieved at my as levels because i didn’t try. so i didn’t do as well as i wanted to, but that’s ok, because it let to me actively trying to better myself, and now i’m at the uni of my dreams and having the time of my life. so please don’t worry too much about failures, because you gain a lot from them.

*✧·ﾟ:* IT’S SLEEPOVER TIME! *:·ﾟ✧* send me an ask about anything - lets get to know each other better!

#sleepover #allthaticanget

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