the person i have been going out with heard i was hypomanic last night and was proposing ways they could like Be On Call for reassurance when i'm hypomanic and i'm weirdly proud of myself for setting a boundary and being like "i don't think that would be healthy and i don't need that" like five years ago me could NEVER

AITA for calling out my girlfriend for being fake about our relationship on social media?

So I (26M) have a girlfriend (26F) let's call her Zoe. Zoe and I have been dating for three years, and she is a good person, I fell in love with her because she's compassionate and kind and she came across as genuine. However she is also a hopeless romantic, she idealizes romantic relationships and she is very emotionally codependent even though she claims she's not when her friends point this out to her.

Ever since we started dating, Zoe constantly posts about our relationship online, about how perfect everything is even though our relationship isn't perfect because no relationship is. For example she will post something like "communication is key" and days later, if I notice she's quiet and upset, I ask her what's wrong and she's like "nothing, goodbye." Other times she has asked me to take selfies with her during a date and then she would spend the rest of the date on her phone, posting our selfies and basking in the feedback. I use social media too and I think it's OK to occasionally post about our relationship, but she does it too much too often and it's honestly something I don't like. I feel like we're putting up a performance I don't even want to be a part of, and when I try to bring this up and talk about how it makes me feel, Zoe just snaps, starts yelling about how there is nothing wrong with showing the world how much we love each other, and she ends up crying until I feel so bad I apologize to her.

Zoe idealizes everything about our relationship on her social media. From what we had for lunch to what I bought her for her birthday. But I feel uncomfortable knowing that she's straight up lying to people by saying our relationship is perfect. Zoe is a good person and I don't want to lose her, but I just don't like it when someone flaunts their partner 24/7, man, woman or genderqueer. It feels forced, fake, and like you are trying to get validation from the whole world, including them in your relationship. Our relationship should only consist of Zoe and I (we aren't polyamorous). It makes me feel like dating me and loving me is her only personality trait. When we started dating we were 23 and I thought it was cute and adorable, but now I realize I don't like that anymore. Now I think emotional independence is much more attractive. Zoe is a lovely person but she's codependent, she acts like a little girl at times and I'm starting to feel more like my role is to be a father to her, not a boyfriend, which is honestly not something I'm into.

A couple of days ago we had an argument about this because I told her she can't keep calling me every two hours. Zoe needs a lot of reassurance because her fear of abandonment is extremely debilitating and I understand that, but part of becoming an adult is learning how to cope with our own fears and insecurities; she just expects me to manage it for her and calls me when I'm at work, at the doctor, at my parent's place, with my friends, etc. I feel like I'm not allowed to have a life outside of her and I told her I do want to give her emotional support, but that she also needs to learn how to manage her own fears herself.

She got really upset and as always I apologized, then she took a selfie with me and posted it before adding again how true love always wins in the end and how she couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend, how she couldn't imagine herself with anyone else and how she didn't want to imagine herself with anyone else, how perfect we are for each other and how perfect our relationship is and I just couldn't take it anymore. I told Zoe she was being fake and projecting an illusion of perfection that was not real, and that she should stop lying and pretending our relationship is all perfect and happy and a fairytale-like because I don't want to be idealized, and she seems to love the idea of love, the idea of me and not the actual me. I was sick of not being able to speak my mind out of fear that her feelings would get hurt again. I'm tired of being something she flaunts. I do think good relationships aren't that loud about how good they are and even though I love Zoe, I don't like how fake she was being and clearly I am no longer what she needs to feel secure in a relationships.

After I told her she was being fake, she then blocked my phone number, she has gone incredibly silent on her social media (even though I know she's okay because today she posted a meme about how horrible men are) and I feel like an asshole. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

Sunny Day Jack Headcanons - Alice and Ian's Breakup

I wound up going on a bit of a ramble in a thread over on twitter yesterday about the breakup between Ian and Alice. My friend @sai-of-the-7-stars suggested that I put it in a tumblr too, so here we go, with some extra thoughts and commentary. After all, once you get me going on a ramble it's hard to stop me, hahahaha.

Before I begin, I'll quickly link to some previous theories that relate to this discussion, such as why Ian cheated, a few spicy details about Alice and Ian's sex life, reasons why Alice can't bring herself to hurt Ian, her family's reactions to his cheating, and other assorted headcanons relating to the two of them and their breakup here, here, here, and here. I'm probably missing some links to relevant prior discussions, but there are so many headcanons at this point that even a search engine isn't enough to sort through them all, haha.

Disclaimer: these headcanons apply to my personal fan made continuity known as Sunshine in Hell and don't necessarily reflect the game. No doubt the actual relationship between MC and Ian is going to have a different set of nuances to it than I'm exploring in my writing. Not to mention each MC is unique and the branching paths of the game will lead to different outcomes between these two.

Also, content warning: this post will discuss a relationship turned toxic, unhealthy levels of emotional dependency, codependency, emotional manipulation, self-loathing, past traumas, religious guilt, and just unhealthy relationship dynamics in general. This is an Adults Only game and touches on mature topics after all.

With that out of the way, let's discuss how Alice tried to end her relationship with Ian before the start of Sunshine in Hell... which, as we can see in chapter 6, was less than successful.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, Ian really needs therapy. Thanks to a lifetime of abuse at the hands of his toxic mother, not to mention the bullying and isolation he received from his peers while growing up, he has a lot of issues. Really, I'd argue he probably needs therapy more than he needs a relationship right now.

Alice isn't ignorant of that fact. Her coming to the realization that a lot of their relationship revolved around her trying to help fix his issues for him was pretty much the key that led her to choosing to end things for good. As much as she wants to help Ian, as much as she loves him... she can't fix him. No one should be expected to fix anyone else's issues... especially if they've given up on the idea that they can get better.

Ian's self-confidence is... pretty miserable, to be frank. We've seen plenty of examples of it in the demo and in teasers. He depends on his partner to be the strong one. He doesn't see himself being able to handle going on without them... He sees MC as the strong one, and he pretty much is so used to being torn down that he tears himself down preemptively, constantly feeling the need to apologize.

Alice did try to help Ian with his confidence. Since the first day they met, she has been there for him, supported him, cared for him deeply... and eventually loved him more than anyone else. She defended him from bullies, held him whenever he cried, reassured him that he's better than what everyone else has said, listened to him vent, and accepted every apology he's given her regardless if he actually made a mistake or not.

She accepted his apologies even if he didn't actually understand what he did wrong.

There were good moments between them, but Ian kept needing Alice's support. He couldn't handle standing on his own. He depended on her to the point that it was crushing. Things would have been more balanced between them if he shouldered some of the weight of her problems as well, but he couldn't handle them. He was convinced he couldn't. He wasn't strong like her.

Ian was supportive, but it was a far more fragile support, one that crumbled so very easily as the pressure overwhelmed him.

Alice is the oldest child in a large and loving family. She's been the responsible child, helping with all the younger siblings. She coped with being sick with something incurable, and never let the bullies see her cry. She stood up to Ian's mother directly for his sake, something that he could never bring himself to do. She always seemed so much larger than life to him even though they were the same age. She always seemed better than him, at least in his eyes.

Ian couldn't understand why Alice struggled with self-confidence issues. Maybe it was his fault? If it was, he's sorry. He thinks she's beautiful and other people are weird. He doesn't like them like he likes her. If she's feeling bad, then it must be his fault, and he's so sorry...

Essentially, Ian was so ready to take the blame for everything... including his partner's own problems. This left Alice needing to reassure him on top of handle her own issues.

So it was just easier for Alice not to talk about issues with Ian. She just dismissed her problems as something she could handle. She can deal with it. She's oldest in her house. She's mature. She's smart. Heck, she was gifted in school. Gifted kid burnout what's that?

Ian doesn't have support like Alice does. His family doesn't love him. His only family abuses him. He needs her. He needs her understanding. He doesn't mean to hurt her. Heck, he's feeling bad because she's feeling bad. How can that be toxic behavior?

That's why it took Alice so long to accept that what she and Ian had wasn't a healthy relationship. She was supporting the emotional weight for both of them, and Ian thought that supporting her financially would balance that scale... though he didn't think he could make it on his own.

The signs were there even before Ian left for his prestigious school. The long distance relationship made their problems worse, since Ian didn't have Alice to support him in the way he was used to. There were scheduling problems and suddenly he had all these friends that were demanding his time. He had connections he needed to forge, a chance at actually making it in the future... and he got a taste of popularity for the first time. He got to see that other people weren't as weird or off-putting as he convinced himself they were...

Supporting Ian over phone calls and messaging aps was harder for Alice to do than in person. She couldn't hold him while he cried. She struggled for words sometimes, as verbal conversations are her weak point. Texting was easier in that regard, but that was so impersonal to Ian. He needed to hear her voice and see her face.

Whenever Ian had a problem, he brought it to Alice, asking her what he should do. Over time he leaned on her advice more as they grew. He depended on her when they were living together and even after moving he needed her help... though there were things he would keep secret from her for fear that she wouldn't understand. After all, he felt so much shame towards himself and his desires...

The cheating was the breaking point for the two of them, but even then that wasn't the end right away. Despite Alice being hospitalized for alcohol poisoning and accidentally injuring herself after finding out... she wanted to forgive Ian. He was sorry. She knew that was sorry. She knew him better than anyone. She believed his story that it just happened... that he just got swept up by the other person's charms and lost control of himself.

After all, Ian had a history of losing control of himself when it came to sex.

There were couples that did come back from cheating. It wasn't impossible, and Alice didn't want the relationship to be over. She wanted so badly to believe that it was just another mistake made by Ian. Poor, clumsy, apologetic Ian... the only one who could ever love or desire her...

But this wasn't healthy. Their relationship after this while trying to repair things was so much worse. Alice couldn't even handle kissing Ian, and the guilt struck him each time she asked for more time before she could handle physical intimacy with him again. Before, she could power through even being choked or rough sex despite hating it, but now...

It felt wrong. His "I love you" and all those promises that she was the only one for him felt like lies. Ian still spent time with those friends of his who crossed boundaries, not even completely cutting off the person he cheated with. He couldn't due to the connections he was forming to further his career. He was just starting out, and those connections would make or break everything. He had to smile for the camera and socialize. He had to become successful.

It was the only way to make his cheating worth it at that point. It was the only way Ian could see repairing what he had broken.

It was hellish for both of them. Alice eventually was forced to realize that this wasn't what a relationship was supposed to look like - romantic or otherwise. With the help of her friends like Shaun and some of her family, she was able to accept that there really was no coming back from this.

Their relationship had been sick for a long time, and the cheating was the final blow that killed it. Nothing good would come from trying to force its corpse to keep moving even as it continued to rot.

Really, what helped Alice manage the strength to end things was knowing that this was damaging Ian as well. She was so used to just accepting her own pain for his sake that it really was what was needed to make her see that this self-sacrifice wasn't good for either of them.

Alice realized that she wasn't Ian's support like she always thought she was - she was his enabler. She let him use her in order to feel better, more like a bandage over his issues than a person. She had become more like a narcotic he depended on to hobble through the day rather than taking real steps to get better.

So, when Alice decided that it had to end, she wrote down everything she wanted to say. It was the only way she would be able to force him to see the truth like she did. She wanted Ian to get help, go to therapy, explore what he really wanted out of life... without her. Without considering her at all in the future. He had to be independent of her... and she needed to be independent of him.

The relationship was too toxic. The trust was gone. It was best for both of them if they went their separate ways.

Love isn't supposed to hurt this badly.

Ian, of course, couldn't accept this. Alice couldn't even read out the entire speech she wrote down before he was on his knees in tears, begging her not to give up on him, on them... to not throw him away like everyone else. He made mistakes, but he'll do better. He's so sorry! He loves her!

Ian always had a way of knowing how to make Alice want to protect him.

It's hard ending things with someone you love, even if you know it's what's best for the both of you.

Try as she might, Alice couldn't be harsh on Ian. She couldn't yell and scream or smash things... she felt so bad for him. She still loved him so, so much... wanted the world for him... and that love was stifling his growth... and slowly killing her.

The best Alice could do was a compromise. A break. They would be broken up "for now." They needed to give each other space if there was any hope of them reconciling in the future.

It was the biggest lie Alice ever told Ian, and he was desperate enough to believe it.

To Alice there is no chance. It hurts too much. That's why she left their shared apartment, left behind anything she could afford to that had too many memories attached to Ian. Anything she couldn't, she has to try and work through her own issues with in her new place.

She didn't tell him where she moved.

To Ian, this is just a break. That's all it is. This is just like if one of them went off to camp for a week before they got cell phones and couldn't make contact. They'll get back together. He just has to fix things. He has to make what he did worth it. He has to get them the house they always dreamed off in the place they always wanted to raise kids in... plenty of money to take care of them both where Alice never has to worry about anything ever again, not even him cheating...

But Ian knows they're on the brink. Alice doesn't call him or send him messages, and that's terrifying. He did give her some time at first. Maybe a week or two... but she wasn't posting on her social medias. He didn't know what she was up to. Was she eating or taking care of herself? She skipped meals sometimes. She overworked herself so much. She hurt herself badly before without him. What if she was in the hospital again? Who would tell him?

So Ian stalks Alice on her socials. He contacts anyone who knows her and is still willing to try and mediate things between them, like Coraline and a couple mutual friends. He sends her voice mails and messages so she won't forget him, making sure she knows he's sorry and that he'll fix things.

Ian is willing to apologize every day for the rest of his life if it'll fix things.

Alice never answers him, and that only makes him more desperate to hear from her. It's what leads him to leaving so many voice mails. He's not blocked, and he knows she didn't change her number since he still hears her sweet voice asking callers to leave a message... but she never gets back to him.

Ian makes posts about stuff she would like on his socials, hoping to spark conversations, trying to provoke a response, but they don't. Sometimes he tags her with things he knows she likes. He knows he's not blocked so she must see them. He tagged them properly!

They know each other better than anyone, right? Ian knows more about Alice than even her family knows. Even when things ended, he knew she loves him, even if he couldn't understand why she would insist on taking a break despite them loving each other...

They'll get over this. They have to. They've come back from other rough patches. They still love each other. It's just a break. Alice said so herself. Eventually... as long as Ian just tries harder to fix things... things will be okay between them in the end... right?

Every message from Ian is hell to Alice. Every tear he sheds because of her is like acid on her skin. She wants to scream at him to just stop since it hurts so much... but she can't because she knows he's hurting too.

Alice ended things. She had to be strong for both of them. She always had to be the strong one. The only way things would get better is if she stays strong and never says a word to Ian again. Eventually... he'll figure out that he doesn't need her... that he shouldn't need her like he convinced himself does.

The sad thing is that Ian is aware that Alice still cares. If she didn't, she would have blocked him. She wouldn't let his messages get through. He doesn't know if she's listening to his messages, but he still sends them with the hope that she is, that something he says somehow makes things right.

Ian, unfortunately, isn't self-aware of how manipulative he's being. It hasn't really clicked that this is far beyond Alice being hurt by him cheating or upset by him "not measuring up as a partner" as he believes it to be. He's not seeing his toxic traits and wasn't really listening when Alice tried to tell him what the real problems were in that final speech when they broke up.

Ian knows he's a crappy partner. He knows he's all these awful things people said he was that Alice used to reassure him that he wasn't. This just proves it. He just has to make everything worth it in the end, give her things she needs that can make her feel proud of having a successful partner like him, someone actually worthy of being partners with someone so kind and giving...

This is why Ian needs therapy so badly. He's focusing on the wrong issues without really understanding what he's really doing to Alice that's so damaging. He is the pitiful victim, substandard and pathetic, needing someone stronger than him to love him despite his flaws.

Ian was focusing so much on what's wrong with him and what he thinks he needs to improve that he doesn't realize how much he's taking from Alice... and he doesn't really listen to what he needed to give in return in order for them to be equal as partners.

All relationships are about give and take from both sides. Unfortunately, Alice kept giving and Ian kept taking.

Apologies aren't enough when a person keeps making the same mistakes over and over again. Eventually even, "I'm sorry," can be repeated until the words become utterly meaningless.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur

Hey Jude,

How do I comfort someone who feels like disappearing, who feels like that they should just be gone, feel like just... dying?

I have a hard time comforting them since I feel the same way.

When they say, "I wish I'd just disappear already," I would sometimes say, "Same." because that's how I also feel but I do not forget to try to comfort them by saying that, "I'm here. You can talk to me if everything feels heavy. You're not a bother, so you should not limit if you can't bear it yourself." Something along those lines.

Recently, they called me out for always saying "same" whenever they tell me that they'd like to disappear. That's why they mentioned that they will 'limit ranting' to me because maybe something bad will happen to me and because they don't like ME saying that we feel the same.

I told them that it's okay not to limit and just ask me (whether I have an available headspace or not) whenever they feel like ranting. They DECLINED, leaving me to interpret that they're just feeling a burden all over again and that I am a jerk for expressing that I too would like to disappear???

I told them I also get sad when they say that they'd like to disappear and that I don't know more ways to comfort them (other than being there for them). They left me on read and I asked if they are mad. They just dodged the question.

I feel that this is toxic and I want to know what more could I do?

Thank you for the time to read. I will entertain more questions if necessary and I will be waiting for your response [;

Do you want free mental help? What about remote, pay-what-you-want counselling? Visit askingjude.org.

I think what’s happening is that you have a lot of empathy and compassion but are struggling with conveying it because this is a delicate situation. I also think you might be burning yourself out to reassure and support this person, which, while noble, is not good for your health. This situation is honestly above your pay grade.

To elaborate, what I am seeing is that you care very much about this person, and you relate very strongly to their feelings but feel powerless to do anything about it. It also sounds like you feel you’re inadvertently making things worse. That connection to their feelings is the empathy, and the desire to alleviate their suffering is the compassion. 

I think once we analyze empathy and compassion some more, you’ll be in better shape to figure out the next steps. Here are a couple of articles that break them both down: 

In summary, empathy is a step down from compassion. It is putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, recognizing someone else’s feelings and the reasoning behind them, and validation of a current situation. It requires us to be present and listen. 

By that same token, compassion is a step up from empathy. It is active and comes after empathy because it means that you care enough to DO something. It is the most active method of care. 

I see that you have empathy down-pat because you connect so strongly to this person and their situation; while that’s valuable in and of itself, your friend is in turn worried about you. They seem like they want to respect your boundaries and do not want to drain you of your energy. Having a friend who is struggling but still maintains a healthy amount of self-awareness is a big deal because it means that they still have the energy and desire to care about their friends. In fact, your friend is trying to prevent an unhealthy dynamic known as codependency from forming between you two. This is what happens when people come to depend too much on each other in some way, usually in an unbalanced giver-and-taker arrangement.

I recommend this article to learn more about codependency: 

Your friend is looking out for you by saying they are trying to not vent to you too much; they are trying to show you that they care about you. It is ultimately them showing respect for you and your energy and boundaries; they know you can’t pour from an empty cup, so they don't want you to constantly spread yourself so thin for them. 

There are two different types of empathy, known as silent empathy and out-loud empathy. I think you have a good understanding of the latter already, but you may be interested in these articles about both of these:

The key similarity between the two is being present emotionally, not just physically. Practice silent empathy before the out-loud empathy because that is much easier than doing the reverse. It will give you a chance to really understand the other person’s concerns better, and it will let you gather your thoughts. 

If you are interested in more about the science behind empathy and compassion, here is a great article for you: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0960982214007702 

I know that you are eager to help, so I think the best way to go about it would be for the two of you to look into getting mental health help together. Finding help can be a daunting task, so perhaps having a buddy on the same journey can make it a little easier on both of you. You can use a variety of places to find help, such as TalkSpace, Better Help, Headway, ZocDoc, and more. If you two are minors, then perhaps turning to your school’s guidance counselors, psychologists, or social workers might be a better first step. These folks all have mental health and wellness training, and if they don’t have the answers, they can certainly point you in the direction of the people who do. Asking Jude also has a live peer counselling service that is a pay-what-you-can, remote alternative to traditional therapy, so feel free to reach out to us [email protected] if you want more details.

It’s okay if you two wind up going in different directions for help; mental health is just as diverse and complex a field as physical health, so it’s best to have treatments and plans that are tailored specifically to ourselves. Even if you two go in different directions, you can still support each other outside of treatment simply by spending quality time together. Go play in the park, go play video games together, go window shopping--anything that gets you two together and having fun. Sometimes, we just need a break from our problems so we can go have some fun; later, we can approach our problems with fresh eyes and be better equipped to solve them. 

Socially-distanced hugs,

Angelica Barile

Ask A Question Here

the thing about being the fixer-upper in relationships is sometimes what we do could be just so fucking counter-productive. like, are we seeing the potentials? or are we actually putting unrealistic expectations? and to what extent? i'd say, it was fine when the overall energy feels supportive, nurturing, loving. but i gotta admit, there's a fine line between supporting your partner to be a better version of themselves versus molding your partner into a version you want them to be, which can easily lead to control issues. for me personally, it felt like, "i wish they could see what i see in them. that they are great, yet they don't see it. and so, imma make them see it." okay, first of all, yes the intention was there, but over time, it kinda built this sorts of codependency, where i provide the constant assurance and reassurance and affirmation and validation and approval—something they actually need to cultivate within themselves more and not relying too heavily on me. i understand partnering up is all about giving strength to one another, supporting one another in times of need, but the threshold should be clear—what i do shouldn't hinder or undermine their own abilities to rely on themselves. besides, what i have realized throughout the years is: this urge to "fix" them has certainly took a toll on their self-confidence, self-esteem, self-reliance, their belief in their ability to tackle problems. by constantly handling their issues, it's almost like indirectly unintentionally sending the message that: they are not capable of solving it themselves, they are weak, they are inadequate, they are flawed and need fixing—and thus, they couldn't function well without me, my shoulder, my help; they're handicapped. sure, it was well intentioned, rooted in love, i just wanted to help, but essentially very damaging to the person and the relationship. honestly, after sometime it will lead to burnout, frustration (if the person or the situation doesn't get any better), and even feeling unappreciated. focusing too much on another person will also automatically drain our energy so we don't have much left to work on ourselves and our owm growth. so yeah, just not good in general. that's why, since the last one, i kinda pledge to never try to be the "fixer-upper" of the people i fall for ever again, im not having that unhealthy codependent dynamics again. im holding them for who they are, flaws and all, things ive known and i havent, and only if i'm okay with it, i'll go for it. it doesn't mean i don't want them to be better—the other way around, i want them to grow, and so i will not intrude their process, overstep their boundaries, disrespect their autonomy, or undermine their capabilities. they will have to arrive to their conclusions themselves, they will be the one to make the call, take accountability for their own actions and decisions. yes, i will certainly be there to hold their hands through it all and brainstorm and love them the best way i can, but i will certainly not try to answer their problems for them, dictate their moves, direct their paths—being the wheelchair they don't actually need in the first place. i did enough damage already in the past. i will not repeat them again.

I really would like to heard your analysis of Jinx, she is such an interesting and well written character.

I have several thoughts about Jinx and what makes her so fascinating.

I will start, however, with a disclaimer. Most of what I'm gonna say is from Jinx's perspective. I don't actually believe Vi abandoned her and doesn't love her. She was a kid too when their family died, and it isn't her fault that she wasn't there for Jinx, being in prison and all. Silco is not a good person and was absolutely not in a good place to raise a child who was just horribly traumatized. I do believe he loved her, but no matter how much he loved her it doesn't excuse how deeply toxic he was to her mental health.

Anyways.

Powder was severely insecure throughout her whole childhood. She offers nothing to her family and is constantly belittled or pitied for her weakness. Even though Vi offers her all the support she can manage, it's not enough to make Powder believe that she's anything but a burden. It's something we can directly see through her diary in the Legends of Runterra archives that came out recently.

Vi has never doubted her sister will be something great, but that deep insecurity about her place in the world colors Powder's view. It doesn't matter how many words of encouragement she gives, Vi secretly doesn't believe in her. She thinks Powder is useless, just like Mylo says she is.

Hell, in that diary Jinx draws a picture of her entire family, Ekko included, and Powder herself isn't even there. She's represented by the crease between pages, too insignificant for even herself.

And that insecurity also feeds into a bad case of codependency. Because she's unable to survive by herself, Vi is her pillar. She can't do anything without Vi, a fact she simultaneously hates and is too afraid to change.

And you have both of these facts converging That Night. First, Vi leaves her behind when she goes to save Vander. To Powder it's the ultimate slap in the face. Her father is being held captive and he might seriously be in danger, all three of her siblings are going but Powder needs to stay home and wait. She's nothing but a liability to Vi in that moment, one that Vi can just leave behind whenever she wants, and it breaks Powder. Obviously you can see it the clearest when she has an anxiety attack after Vi leaves, but I think the second clearest is when Powder finds out she killed Vander and her brothers.

"Why did you leave me!" She just wanted to help, why did Vi leave her behind? And Vi answers her, confirming two of her biggest fears. She isn't able to help anybody, only ruin them, and Vi believes this. All of the reassurances, all of the encouragement, a lie.

That lie is the foundation on which Silco raises her. Because like her, he was abandoned by someone he thought had his back.

And the persona of "Jinx" is created as a way to cope with herself. If all Powder does is bring destruction, why not revel in it? Silco needs someone that can cause destruction, a tool of intimidation to solve conflicts with others trying to fill the power vacuum that Vander left behind. If Powder is a jinx, then why not be a jinx.

Much of the rest of her screentime is self-explanatory after that, but there are two things I want to talk about. The first, the obsessive hatred of Caitlyn.

As funny as the jokes are about Jinx being homophobic or not getting that Vi and Cait's relationship is different than Vi and Jinx's, the true point of her hatred is that Vi has someone else by her side at all. Just like Jinx never healed from her deleterious view of herself, she never grew out of her codependency either. For so long it was Vi and Powder against the world, always together, always sisters.

But now there's Enforcer Caitlyn Kiramann, who's competent, who Vi trusts to have her back, who Vi wants to protect. And Jinx can't stand it, because all it does is remind her of what she isn't, of what she can never be. That she is still all alone.

The second is Silco's last words. "Don't cry, you're perfect."

This line is probably the basis for 90% of the discourse surrounded Jinx and Silco's relationship. And in order for both sides to understand where I'm at, I will state for the record that Jinx is not perfect as she is. She is a traumatized teenager who acts petty, mean-spirited, cruel, and is in serious need of therapy.

But. But. Silco truly is the only person that's ever looked at her and seen someone who doesn't need to change.

You have to remember that Jinx never believed Vi when she encouraged her. Because Vi wasn't like her. Vi could say all the nice things she wanted, someday her inventions will work, but at the end of the day Vi is the one knocking out thugs in alleyways and planning heists while Powder was too scared to slide down a roof without encouragement and throws away their loot when she panics. There was always a part of Powder that felt bitter toward her sister.

But Silco is like her. He hurts like her, he needs help like she does. Vi leaves her to deal with Vander's kidnapping on her own, Silco trusts her to "handle it," to treat his eye, to protect his goods. Silco, angry, broken, scarred Silco sees Jinx as she is angry, broken, and scarred. And says she's perfect. It's the first time she's ever felt truly seen and truly loved for who she is.

This ended up a lot longer than I thought it was going to be, but I truly love Jinx and her fucked up character arc. I can't wait to see how she evolves from here, for the better or for the worse. I do hope that her and Vi come to an understanding about one another, because God knows they are not on the same wavelength.

Hi! Matchup please? I'm usually quiet especially with ppl I don't trust, I'm very blunt & play devil's advocate way to much that I end up offending ppl without meaning to. I space out a lot & can be very forgetful, my mind always runs even when u dont want it to. I'm very affectionate, witty, friendly & flirty by nature, I end up leading ppl on by accident. I will be kind & motherly to ppl I trust, but cruel & ruthless to my enemies. My friends say I'm ferally kind (whatever that means) (1/2)

Im not picky when it comes to relationships, i'm very versatile. As long as my partner isn't someone who is someone who looks at facts & still decides to be ignorant & isnt Codependent on me/vice versa, I would be fine. I'm nurturing & will support my partner with whatever they do. Very understanding & will try to talk it out rather than argue. I'm very loyal & have an open mind, I will be the last 1 to judge. Physically, I'm a small and skinny with black hair, brown eyes with round glasses(2/2)

Hi! 💎

Thank you for sending in a request, and I hope you like the result! 

Okay so first I wanted to match you with Lucifer but I think you’re a good match with Asmo too! 💯

Here is why:

Okay so we all know that he is the local flirt so really, your quiet first impression is not really an issue for him if he thinks of you as cute - and obviously he thinks of you as such! 

The fact that you are good at flirting too kind of makes him run for his money, but hopefully that also means that your love languages are similar. This definitely means that you two get along well early on! However as we all know he is the avatar of lust so at first his brothers would cockblock a lot but only for so long 😤 they are just jealous though 

No but really you are quiet at first and that concerns Lucifer because he might take that as you not feeling well during your stay - and it is his resposibility also to make sure that you are OK. But surprise surprise, you and Asmo hit it off early and that reassures everyone that you will be just fine! Though some caution never hurts. 

I think the fact that you don’t trust easily makes you harder to get and Asmo might feel challenged! But don’t feel bad for him because of that, it just helps with his character development. Think about that! 

Oh he is kind of sensitive so you probably should be careful about offending him. I mean he is not going to kill you unlike certain others would (👀) because he never gets mad at you but you definitely make him sad and he will make sure you feel guilty because how could you...🥺

But as you said you’d much rather fix a problem than let it be and thankfully he also forgives easily so there would be no long-ongoing conflict! 

Hm I think he would find you being forgetful cute and acceptable, I mean he has so much beauty stuff to keep in mind and a routine to keep, why does it matter if he shows up 2 hours late to an event he pretends he didn’t forget. 

The fact that you are affectionate means that you have another love language in common! 

He also likes the fact that you are witty! maybe sometimes you two roast someone together, or each other but it is always only for fun, not for drama! 

I think he definitely doesn’t get jealous if you flirt with others or lead someone on by accident  - he will be the first to notice when you do that and he will suggest some activities but you don’t have to take him seriously. If he gets too jealous he will make sure to step in. Some people consider flirting while in a relationship as cheating but don’t worry he is definitely not that some people, so there wouldn’t be conflicts like that! Hopefully you think similar to him, because I don’t think he would ever stop flirting with others. (sure some development would probably happen but I mean they are demons and according to Paradise Lost they can’t really change completely. However we don’t know yet how far om! will go with that)

 He would love you caring and lovely side because as I said he is rather emotional so this baby needs lots of care! 

I think Asmo is not one of the book smart people but he is definitely street smart! Also he is smart when he wants to be smart, like i think in one of his Devilgram stories he out-smarted Lucifer (this I don’t mean as an intellectual battle, but as in Asmo having his social skills through the roof) So anyways I don’t think he would be so stupid to be ignorant if you give him facts. He might not care a whole lot about all of the issues though.

I think he is also open-minded and he really appreciates you being like that in that sense as well - I mean shopping is so much more fun with someone like that! 

So in general; you get along well very easily and theres no doubt you love the other, but some conflicts might arise because he is sensitive and you can be blunt - hopefully that’s something that can be worked on. Both of you are natural flirts and with someone else that would definitely cause some more serious conflicts but not this time! I think both of you are caring and supportive of the other so things are healthy. You didn’t mention anything about your hobbies or past time activites but let’s assume you like going out because he will definitely invite you out sooo often! You can also expect to recieve gifts on the regular! I think in this relationship  both of you could be yourselves and reflect that through fashion.   

So, I'm not going to dignify you with any kind of acknowledgement. I know you may have been hoping for some kind of response. Or maybe you think I won't see it at all. Maybe you are counting on that.

You say I didn't give you any closure. You certainly didn't reach out for it. You made it abundantly clear that you didn't want me contacting you. Especially with your angry posts about me that you made. Can you really not see why I would want to just cut ties and block you? Can you not see why I wouldn't want to give you the time of day?

Cutting you off was the best thing for me. I made the best choice I could have made by removing you from my life. You said I sounded arrogant when I told you goodbye. I think that's interesting. I think you've gone about this whole situation in an entitled and arrogant manner. You are self centered. You never cared for me or my feelings.

I never said anything negative about you on the internet. Still though, you can't refrain from making our breakup everyone else's business. It's honestly a little pathetic. I never slandered your name for everyone to see, even though I am in full power to do so. I only ever vented on remote blogs where nobody would ever see.

You were worried that this story would make you look like a bad person. I think the entire thing is really telling. The amount of detail that you left out. I really love that you took so many things out of context, designed to make me look like a monster. Make you look like a victim. I think this really helped me solidify how lucky I am that you are no longer in my circle.

I really love that you had the absolute nerve to talk about my learned helplessness. When you were depressed and perfectly content to sit and do nothing about it until I was in Canada and physically went with you to the doctor. You sat there and whined like a wounded animal when really your depression was mild. You felt so embarrassed at taking antidepressant medicine. It was nothing. Then you'd get angry with me when I wasn't able to comfort you while being angry with me for being inconsolable.

At least I was trying. At least I was able to admit when I had a problem. You've never had days where you couldn't get out of bed at all. You've apparently never had days where showering wasn't possible. Considering how you felt the need to display the nasty effects of my mental illness as if I was willingly disgusting. As if I enjoyed being like that. You are so privileged and you don't even know it.

You say it was careless for me to say that I missed you. Really, it was careless and downright malicious of you to make that shitty little comic especially after you said that you missed me too. I had loved you. I had just lost the person I genuinely thought I was going to marry. Then when I broke down when you made that comic and my friend stood up for me, you say that I would've said it wasn't my fault. And you know? It wasn't. But I still took responsibility. I still told them to stop. I didn't have to do that. You make it sound as if I just let it slide.

You know, you were the one who said I could contact you again in a month. I did what you asked. Then I told you goodbye and apologized for everything I had done wrong. And you know? I did a lot wrong. Our relationship was incredibly toxic and codependent. I cared about you way too much. You didn't care for me nearly enough. I was deeply mentally ill. Although, I do distinctly remember you saying that my mental health would never be the reason we broke up. Seems like I'm not the only one who breaks their promises.

I was deeply inconsolable and no reassurance ever stuck. I needed constant support to not feel like I was spiraling. I leaned on you for most everything because you were the only one I had. I was never okay. I know that was exhausting. I know it was draining. But you know? That was genuinely no excuse for you to act like you couldn't also feel bad. As if I wouldn't support you. That's on you.

You say I lied about how I was doing. Really, you had made it very clear that my hurt was too much for you to deal with. So I didn't talk to you about it most of the time. You didn't want to know. So I didn't tell you. Instead I was talking to crisis lines all night while you fucking slept. If anyone had lied about how they were doing? It was you. I can understand if you didn't feel like you could talk to me. But you could have at least gone to therapy when I suggested it. Instead of crying about how you didn't want to know if you had depression or not because you didn't know which would make you feel worse.

And I find it really pathetic that you shifted the blame onto me about you wanting me to move to Canada. Like it was my fault that you demanded I move or you break up with me. You say I should've said it was unfair. Funny thing was, I did. I told you a good few times. I told you I was putting in way more effort than you were. And all you did about it was mope. You didn't change at all. Maybe you should take some more responsibility for telling me you wouldn't move for me but expected me to drop everything for you or else you'd break up with me.

The best part about that? You didn't help me with it at all. When I messed up and almost got to where I could move but it fell through, you were furious with me. You once compared me to Seth in anger when something didn't work. You threw an absolute tantrum. The only thing you ever helped with was doing apartment viewings. But that only happened twice.

You had every opportunity to reach out and do your part. But you didn't want to do that. You gave nothing and I had to give you everything. And I fucking did. I left everything behind for you. I left my country for you. I left my family and my friends for you. I left my job for you. I sold my car for you. I put schooling on hold for you. Because you demanded it. Because that's what it would take for you to stay with me. And I never should have placed so much value on you. But I wanted to show you that I was serious about you. That I loved you. But nothing was ever enough for you.

And you are obviously not too upset about it because you still thought that you had to be the center of my universe for every little thing. Like that party? With him? Not to make you jealous. Not even a little bit. Did you think I was going to love on you? When you'd been glaring at me all night and obviously didn't want me there? I wanted to go to see you. But you were cold and curt and looked at me like you wanted to strangle me. He was kind. And believe it or not, he was once my boyfriend too. Not everything is about you.

Yeah. My entire life revolved around you. Because that's what you wanted. That's what you demanded. So me, an abuse survivor who would do anything I was told, did it. I gave you everything and moved away just so you could play around and fuck somebody else. So you could abandon me in a new country with no friends or family to speak of. So you could only see me when it was convenient for you, as if I was just some fling that lived down the street and not someone you had once proposed to and who had moved countries for you.

I wasn't fun to be around all the time. I was really sick. I was really depressed and fucked up. But when you were low, I was always there for you. It never occurred to me to ever break up with you when you were bad, even when you were downright cruel. Because relationships are work. And I put in the work. You never wanted to. I'm not saying you should have supported me at the detriment to yourself. I'm saying that I would have the empathy and compassion to step up as a partner.

You said that I had tricked you into thinking I was someone else. Like it or not, all of it was just me. I didn't try to trick you. I didn't have some master plan to pretend to be someone else and then use it to hurt you. All of it was me. The good and the bad. You aren't special enough for me to trick you for two years only to give myself horrific trauma by moving to a different country only to be tossed aside like trash just to give you a shitty breakup story. You aren't that special.

The way you portrayed that fight that night was interesting I think. You thought I was insane? That I couldn't be reasoned with? It's really funny. Now I was very angry. I lashed out. I acted in a way I'd never done before and I wasn't proud of it. You however didn't take any ownership in the shitty way you treated me. I asked if I could share something with you that might have been upsetting. You snapped at me and told me that if I was going to say it, then just say it. So I did. I felt like a pet in that moment. Small and something to be ordered around.

Not because of anything you did. But because I was having a bad time remembering how I'd been treated before. But you took it as a personal attack on you. And you were far from kind. It was like a slap to the face and I broke. I'd been vulnerable with you and you threw it back in my face. This was the first and only time that I'd ever yelled at you or spoke to you like that. I'm not proud of it.

After that talk we had I assumed everything would get better. I warned you then that if things didn't improve then I wasn't going to stay in Canada. You said that if I left, you'd break up with me. Real shitty and manipulative of you I think. After that talk I still had a talk I wanted to have with you about the way you'd been treating me.

I lived alone. You didn't want to talk to me. You didn't want me around. I had nothing and no one. I was horrifically depressed and felt completely abandoned. And every time I went to talk to you? You were with him. I watched you fall in love with somebody else while you pushed me further and further away. I wanted to talk with you about it in person. You weren't patient enough and wanted me to just text you about it. So I did. I told you if you didn't improve I'd go back home. And boy, you really took that like an absolute child.

Every single time I tried to tell you that you were treating me like shit you'd just shrug your shoulders and carry on like I'd said nothing at all. I felt worthless. I felt like the scum of the earth. Not to mention, the times that you threw a tantrum over me wanting to be treated better. As if it was some great personal attack on you to ask for better treatment.

Now I know that you would have never done better. You didn't love me. You loved him and I was in the way. You did everything that you did on purpose. You knew exactly what you were doing. And I don't forgive you for it.

You talked about me never speaking to my friends and always being broke. I was broke because I moved fucking countries for you and the cost of living is abysmal. You didn't have to pay rent because mommy and daddy wanted you home. And I spoke with my friends very often. Especially about how shitty you were being.

What makes me the most angry though, is how you decided to portray me being suicidal. I don't think you really understand how fucking close I was to doing it. I was ready. I had a plan. I had a date. I was going to do it. I was at a point to where I could only fall asleep if I was thinking about being dead. I think you think everything I felt and did was trivial or just an inconvenience you had to deal with.

It's really telling in your shitty comic that my being sick was always just a thing that was in your way. You only ever thought of yourself. You are so narcissistic it's unreal. You think you got a shitty end of the deal? Try being an inch away from suicide and finally breaking and telling the person who was supposed to love you about it only to be called a liar for not telling them sooner when they had made it clear that they didn't want to hear it.

You were always telling me to go to therapy or to change my medicine. But you know, doctors visits for immigrants are hundreds of dollars. I couldn't afford both rent and my medicine. I was off my medication so that I could have a roof over my head. I told you this. You never listened or offered to help.

I don't care how you felt my last night there. I was devastated and wishing that I hadn't said anything and had just done it. You made it look like I had just dropped that onto you out of nowhere. I didn't. We were talking about me going back home because I thought I needed to be hospitalized.

That day I wanted to have him over. I wasn't going to make him stop me. I wasn't going to even tell him anything. I just wanted company so that I could make it through til the next day. I thought if I could just make it past that day, I'd be okay. But no. You really thought I'd do something like that to him. He would have never even known. You make it sound like I was planning on making him stop me.

That last night there was honestly the worst night of my life. You were horrible. I was horrible. You should have been more sorry. You should have been a better man. But you know? I really should have never expected anything better from you after the way you treated me the entire time I was up there. I couldn't even cry about it without you constantly trying to get me to shut up.

I had been heartbroken. I had loved you. I thought I was going to marry you. I doubt you even realized how much I had loved you. You tossed me aside like I was nothing. I felt worthless. I cannot begin to tell you the amount of damage you had done. How long it took me to realize that it wasn't all my fault. How long it took me to feel like I was worth the air I breathed.

But you know what? After I left? I didn't have another attack like those I used to have. I haven't had one since I left. My family now knows everything that ever happened. I've been in therapy for years and I don't even think about what happened anymore. I've been on testosterone for two years. I'm about to have my first degree. I'm engaged to a wonderful man who is better than you in every possible way. My family loves me and I have more friends than ever. I don't need you. I don't think about you. You are nothing but a shitty memory in the very back of my head. I don't care how you are doing or what you've done for yourself. I only ever check on you to laugh at your shitty art.

I'm not checking on you any more. Nothing I ever could have said to your sad little letter would be good enough. And you know? That comic is very telling of the piss poor character development you've had. You haven't changed. You're still the same. I'm utterly disappointed honestly. You'd never make it to the end of this before pitching a fit. Besides, even if you did, all you'd do is make a shitty high and mighty little comic about it.