#i'm back to ramble more down here | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fedoraspooky · 8 months

Note

I haven’t been here long. What irritating changes have been made?

Credit where it's due, some changes have been good, like polls and stuff! But the big recent changes thus far that I would classify as irritating are:

- The UI change. This one may be less irritating for newcomers because it's basically the same layout as twitter and instagram, but for a lot of folks who've been here a long time, it feels cramped and like a loss of identity for the site. For many, the appeal of tumblr is that it ISN'T an algorithm hell like twitter or insta. Also, there's the annoyance of having to relearn where everything is, because it all got moved around.

- The users being lab rats for various tests the devs wanna pull out of nowhere without consenting to beta testing new site features- like the one that took away user icons on the dash for like half the site. They finally put them back after getting enough feedback that said NO, but users were so used to their feedback being disregarded that they were half expecting the change to be pushed through anyway.

- The Netflix tie-in advertising being pushed even to people who had PAID tumblr for a no-ads experience. Complete with them somehow thinking it would be a good idea to put an unescapable-by-scrolling spooky clown on peoples' dashboards that u had to use ublock to get rid of. While I'm not scared of clowns and often find them quite charming, it sucks that staff didn't take coulrophobia being a common fear into account.

- A wave of fully sfw trans posts being wrongfully marked Mature and staff doing little to nothing about it. Not sure if this is still ongoing, but it destroyed a lot of trust and good will. (LGBT+ users have been having to fight a constant war against censorship ever since the adult content ban on tumblr, so yeah... Nevar 4get the list of banned search words that would bring back no results, like 'girl')

- The site gradually moving away from customization. Tumblr is a BLOGGING site. But it seems to have lost sight of that fact, because most new users don't even know you can fully customize your blogs with css and stuff (an option that is now off by default for new accounts!), because of the in-dash viewer giving you only how blogs look on mobile, which is a lot more uniform. There, it's more like every other site- you get a banner and icon. Oh, but you can change colors and fonts from a drop-down list too, that's cool I guess. Though they recently took away custom color schemes on Message windows, just another little bit of personalization taken away.

- TUMBLR. LIVE. Basically tumblr teamed up with a skeevy dating app partner to allow for livestreams- but not the cool kinda livestreams like on twitch where you can draw or play games, no- to a site full of people who value anonymity, they decided to push phone cam only livestreams. Not only that but by agreeing to the terms, you're giving out tons of personal data including your location to said skeevy dating app partner and all of THEIR third-party ad partners. Needless to say, most people didn't wanna use it, so instead of users it's flooded by p*rn bots (which is ANOTHER issue we've been dealing with for a long time and have been getting an even bigger influx of FROM tumblr live) and scammers. And thus, since tumblr likes to put a carousel of current streams on people's dashes, you often get softcore p*rn thumbnails from the bot streams with no way to avoid it except for toggling off tumblr live entirely.

- Oh wait. That's right. You CAN'T toggle it off. Because you can only snooze it for a while until BAM, you're jumpscared by a carousel of ladies licking your screen again! But hey, at least they made the snooze 30 days instead of the 7 it used to be, right? Yeah, except for the fact that you can't get rid of the tumblr live button itself on the app anymore, and now it's front and center with a NEW notification tag on it, overlapping your dash and cramming useful stuff like the search button out of the way.

NOW- A lot of this stuff CAN be at least mostly fixed on desktop by installing ublock and xkit and tampermonkey + dashboard unfucker... But that's a lot of stuff just to make the site usable, you know?

#this isn't even a comprehensive list but hopefully that covers all the big ones #anyway i get tumblr has to make money and it's currently not doing that #but burning through the remaining good will of the people who stuck around through earlier bs doesn't seem like a great idea either #ah well... i'm still here regardless #i've already had to leave deviantart behind because it became an ai cesspit... and it sucked. I had a lot of good memories there.#it sucks to uproot everything and move. so unless something equally bad happens here i'll probs be going down with the ship lol #also there's like nowhere else to go right now which is a huge problem;#i've been trying to look for other places to post too but none really have the same laid-back feeling tumblr does.#also i love the asks system too much. more sites need that honestly #anyway i rambled enough hope this helps u get an idea of why people are angy #asks

93 notes · View notes

hum--hallelujah · 8 months

Text

don't want to kill time like it doesn't matter - 3.5k words, (platonic) funkobra hurt/comfort

---

Ghoul is actually younger than Kobra. They always forget it though.

At least, they usually do.

Kobra's stopped shooting upright and reaching for his blaster whenever someone wakes him up at night. Stopped two years ago, honestly, when him and Ghoul started sharing a room. That was a collective decision that is very much not discussed. It left the old office as a perfect room for the Girl, in the end. Between Ghoulie and Girlie, the former of whom has wild, sleepless tendencies and the latter liking to scramble her way into bed with somebody else every other night of the week, Kobra's knee-jerk reaction has become more of a lack of reaction.

"Yo," hisses a pitchy voice. It's dead daylight, the heat of the day. This is the time of the year when you sleep while the sun's up, wait until the darkness falls to do anything or else it's too miserable or too dangerous. "Kobes."

Kobra utters a verbose "Hrrmngg?" and rolls over. He cracks an eye open to see Ghoul standing at the end of his bed. If it hadn't been light out, he'd be doing a good job of living up to his name. His hands are shaking, but when aren't they?

"You good, man?" Kobra asks groggily. He's half awake, half asleep, drifting in between the two states of being. Ghoul is shifting his weight back and forth on his feet. It makes the floor creak. It makes him look even smaller than he is. "Ghoulie?" He mumbles again when he gets no reply.

Ghoul makes a noncommittal half-whispered sound. "Wanna go for a joyride?" He asks instead of an answer.

Kobra blinks himself more fully awake and pushes up on one elbow. "Mirage or the 'Am?"

Ghoulie shrugs. Won't meet his eyes. Oh shit, that's not good. Something's got him worked up. It's too late for this. This is why they share a room now. They didn't used to, but Kobra refuses to let him sleep alone anymore. Kobra knows how he got that wicked scar that runs from the corner of his mouth nearly to his eye.

"Either," Ghoul says. "Doesn't matter much to me."

"Mirage," Kobra decides. He'll never say no to a late-night joyride. Not this kind. Party'll have his neck for sneaking out on the bike without letting anyone know, but the 'Am is too conspicuous when strange crews are out and from the look of him, riding double on the motorcycle will be good for Ghoul.

It's still too hot to be out. But going for a spin won't take too much exertion, getting to someplace with shade, so long as it's away from here, won't take too long. Ghoul's gonna get sunscorched. Maybe that's the point. While Kobra covers up with his jacket, Ghoul is still in the loose, half-covering clothes he sleeps in.

The sun glints painfully off the sand when they climb quietly out the window. No reason trying to get past Party when they've got an exit right here. Ghoul clambers out first with a probably accidental but surprisingly graceful roll and then flinches, violently, when Kobra jacket catches on what's left of the glass in the window and he tumbles haphazardly to the ground. They both hold still for a long dozen seconds, Kobra staring at the diner wall and straining to tell if anyone heard them, and Ghoul staring at Kobra and shaking.

When Party doesn't come along, eyes glinting with annoyed amusement, and yell at them for sneaking out, Kobra sits up and checks the hem of his jacket where it caught on the sharp edge. "Great," he mutters when he sees the tear in the lining. He'll have to sew that back together later. "Ghoul, you good?"

Ghoul shrugs and stands up. "Aren't I always?"

"No."

They stare at each other for a few seconds while Kobra rubs his palms together to clear the sand off them and reaches into his pocket for his gloves. "You're wearing a helmet," he says flatly.

Ghoul rolls his eyes and sneers. It crinkles the scar running up his face. "No way."

"Fine." Kobra doesn't push. Half the time he doesn't even wear his helmet. He's the driver. He'll keep them safe. It was worth a try, though. "Come on."

The heavy bay door of the garage makes too much noise to open without being caught. They slip in the side door and Kobra brings Mirage carefully back through it. He wears a helmet this time. Ghoul stands and waits, bouncing impatiently on the balls of his feet, while Kobra starts the bike and, out of habit, does a couple checks.

"You ready?" Kobra says, with the visor of his helmet flipped up.

Ghoul grins, but it's lacking in heart. So often, Kobra thinks he's not all there. So often, Kobra thinks this is his best friend. "Born that way," he replies.

"Come on then," Kobra says and nods for Ghoul to get on the bike with him. "Hey, hey. Hey, Ghoulie-" he says, when Ghoul is standing right at his shoulder, about to throw a leg over Mirage and climb on. "You okay?" He asks again, because he needs to know how safe any of this is.

Ghoul doesn't respond. Just settles himself behind Kobra and wraps his arms, tight, around Kobra's middle. Kobra stays there a second, until he's sure Ghoul's grip is solid, so that he can feel Ghoul breathing against his back, before he kicks off. He doesn't care if Party and Jet wake up now, they won't catch them. The bike's tires kick up a fountain of sand as he spins a loop, leaning into the turn until Mirage tilts close enough to the ground that Kobra could touch the sand if he reached out. Ghoul asked for a joyride. This is that.

"What the hell, man?!" Ghoul yells over Kobra's shoulder, muffled by the engine noise and his helmet. Kobra feels Ghoul's hands grab at the fabric of his shirt as he pulls around the first turn, bringing them around the back of a sand dune at full speed.

"Trust me?" Kobra shouts back. He's getting into it now, relaxing into each wide, showy swerve and fishtail. He slows down just a bit when he can feel Ghoul's fingernails start to bite into his skin. It makes him edgy when Ghoul is like this.

Ghoul sniffs sharply. "Well, yeah, but I've seen you crash out enough times at the track-"

"Aw, shut up," Kobra snaps back, without venom. Ghoul's his mechanic. He's seen his best wins and worst losses. "Where you wanna go?" He asks, after a few random turns, just drifting around in the sand. Ghoul is quiet. Kobra reaches back with one hand and smacks him on the leg after awhile. "Ghoulie, where we goin'?"

"I'm thinki-" Ghoul cuts himself off and when he speaks again his voice is flat and so quiet Kobra has to strain to hear him. "Turn right up here."

There's the remains of a road cutting across their path and Kobra hops Mirage up onto it, swings right and follows the pavement. Ghoul's grip around his chest has loosened, but Kobra can feel the fast, shallow rhythm of his breathing and the shaking of his hands even still. The road goes on for ages, long enough that it starts to feel infinite. This must have been a highway, back before the wars and BL/ind. At some point, Ghoul leans forward and puts his forehead against the back of Kobra's neck. Kobra can feel him pressed just below where his helmet sits.

"Get off at this turn," Ghoul mumbles suddenly, but not soon enough because Kobra completely overshoots the exit. He flips around the empty lanes of the highway, admittedly showing off mostly just to make himself feel better.

The group of buildings along the former highway off-ramp isn't really a ghost town. It's a cluster of old stores and restaurants, like the diner but mass produced, and down at the end is an ancient truck stop and gas station. Kobra slows the bike to a crawl as they drive down the street, struck with an eerie sense of deja vu. He's been here before. They both have.

He pulls over and stops in the middle of the road, beside what used to be a coffee store. Coffee is usually made in the form of compressed, dried out shots now, called Motor Juice in the Zones when rehydrated. They don't have coffeeshops in the City. They have prescriptions.

Ghoul is off the bike and Kobra's back suddenly cold even under the heat of the sun before Mirage even comes to a full stop. "Ghoul-" Kobra snaps, angry for reasons he can't even say and unsettled in ways he doesn't want to. This is a ghost town. Just not in the normal way. "Ghoul. What are you-"

But Ghoul is walking away, his back to Kobra and the bike as he moves toward the gas station as if it's a magnet and he's the blade of a knife, trembling so hard with the pull that it might break. Kobra hesitates, then swings his leg over Mirage and bumps out the kickstand. Ghoul is standing stock still, or as still as he can, on the faded pavement of the gas station parking lot. Kobra's glad it's faded. He doesn't want to see the bloodstains.

Ghoul looks small as he approaches, absolutely miniscule. He's got his arms wrapped tight around himself and Kobra can hear the harshness of his breathing even from several strides away. He doesn't want to get too close too fast. Ghoul's enough like a wild animal that it could turn out badly, and Kobra for once really doesn't want to fight him today. Not out here, at least.

They're within two years of each other, Kobra and Ghoul. They usually forget they're not the same age. But right now Ghoul looks so small and so, so young and Kobra doesn't know what to do.

"Gh- Ghoul. Ghoulie." Kobra calls carefully, stumbling over his tongue. He clamps his teeth together, takes a deep breath. "Ghoul."

Ghoul doesn't turn, doesn't look away from the door into the gas station he'd been found in, back when Kobra and Poison and Jet were a crew of three and Ghoul'd been even more feral than he is now. The gas station where Ghoul watched his entire family die and he was helpless to do anything about it. He still thinks he hadn't done enough. Kobra knows that. Ghoul always thinks he didn't do enough. That one kid with a blaster and wild eyes could take down a full squad of Dracs and two Crows.

Kobra doesn't know how to tell him that if he'd tried, he would be dead too. Kobra doesn't know how to tell him he's glad he didn't. When it comes down to it most, Kobra finds he can't speak.

"Ghoulie," he says again. "Hey. Hey." He moves closer, pulls off the helmet he'd almost forgotten he still has on. "Ghoul," he tries, one more time, as gently as he knows how even though it's not that gentle. He's never been good at this. Some of the scars scattered across Ghoul's body are from him. But Kobra had stitched up Ghoul's face and he's not going to give up now.

Ghoul finally turns and Kobra breathes a sigh of relief. Just a response. Proof of life even though he's still standing. And then Ghoul steps toward him and suddenly he's right there, shaking but otherwise just as eerily still as this entire place, like he's trapped in frozen time just like the rest of it, and he collides with Kobra's chest in a way that's both surprising and yet entirely expected.

"Oh." Kobra drops his helmet, dangling from one hand, and his arms hover uncertainly in the air for a moment before he carefully closes them around Ghoul. "Oh. Okay. Okay." He says quietly, startled, but not really. He'd felt the way Ghoul was holding onto him as they rode Mirage all the way out here.

Ghoul unfolds his arms from around himself and grabs onto the unzipped sides of Kobra's jacket. He doesn't cry, not out loud at least. He's just shaking, so much, and so, so small. Kobra's not good with words. He's even worse with them under pressure. Anything Jet or Party could say to make it better, that kind of stuff gets stuck on his tongue when Kobra tries to say it. So he doesn't. He just holds on.

"You plan on coming here?" Kobra asks eventually, even though he has a feeling the answer is no. Unless it's an engine or a bomb, Ghoul never really plans on much. Ghoul shakes his head, hair scrubbing against Kobra's shoulder and neck where his head's pressed. "You wanna... y'wanna go inside?" He asks then, against his better judgment. But then again, he's never been known for that, has he.

Ghoul tenses, but it momentarily stops the shaking. "Can we?"

Kobra huffs. "Nobody stoppin' us, and even if there were, we'd do it anyway, wouldn't we?"

Ghoul pries his fingers from their hold on Kobra's jacket and turns back toward the station. "Should we?"

"Dunno." Part of him thinks it might help. Part of him remembers exactly what happened the last time they were here. It's the Killjoy way to call death ghosting. It means some part of you lives on even when you're gone. There's a lot of ghosts in this pavement. "It's your-"

He can't think of what word goes there. Choice. Past. Grief. Place. So he stops talking. He shrugs, bends to pick up his helmet. "I can." He sucks a breath through his teeth. He's going to say it again. "I can... I can go with you. If you," he shrugs one shoulder again. "If you, uh, want to. I'm not- I'm not trying to force you," he adds, like it needs to be said. "It's your... yours."

Because that's all that really can be said. This place, the place that made Fun Ghoul what he is. The journey, however brief, that brought them here. Even, kinda, Kobra himself. It's all for Ghoul, here and now. Kobra drove, but he's just along for the ride. Weird how that happens.

Ghoul steps toward the station. Magnetism, again. And Kobra follows, because how could he not. He feels sick at the though of letting his friend go in that place alone.

The doors are gone. Shot out years ago. It looks to Kobra exactly as it did back then, but Ghoul probably remembers better. There are shelves toppled and glass and plastic broken all over the floor. Whatever hasn't been scavenged is broken and shattered. Ghoul walks toward the back of the store, the corner that's not so much a mess. Kobra stays back a bit, trying to give his friend space.

It's where they found Ghoul. Or, where Pois had found him. Ghoul was half in shock, terrified and scarred and fighting, and Party was the first one of their then three-strong group to notice the dark shape watching them hopelessly trawl the carnage for any survivors. It took Pois physically restraining the much smaller kid to keep Ghoul from going for all of their throats.

Kobra has a lot of bad memories of Ghoul. None are as bad as remembering the way he'd screamed when they first met.

"Y'okay?" Kobra asks after a while.

Ghoul has his moments. They all do. Sometimes, you wake up bad in the night and it's hard to pick yourself up. Sometimes you just gotta hit the bottom before you even can. But Ghoul's a fighter. "Yeah," he says, walking back and forth between fallen shelves once stocked with food and stupid trinkets. He crouches to pick up the shattered remnants of something once made of colorful glass and when he looks back over his shoulder at Kobra, he doesn't seem quite as small.

"'M sorry," Kobra mumbles, not knowing what to say now. Somehow, the shaking and the touch are so much easier than having to talk about it. He's never been the talker. That's Party. And he knows his brother regrets not getting there — here — sooner that day, but there's a sick, selfish part of Kobra that's too glad to have Ghoul to want anything different. But really, it's all he can say. If there's remnants of bones that haven't been carried away by carrion-eaters, he doesn't want to see it.

Ghoul slowly stands up from his spot on the floor, staring intently at the broken knick-knack in his palm. It might have been a glass teddy bear, once, something a parent might grab up for a child waiting at home. It's partially shattered, though. Half of its cartoonish smiling face is gone. The heart shape it once held in its paws is cracked down the middle. Kobra isn't great with metaphors, but this is pretty fucking obvious.

"I didn't save them," Ghoul says quietly, his voice grating through the charged, silent air. "I didn't save her."

Something clicks into place. They all know that the crew he lost was Ghoul's real actual biological family. He's a sandpup. He was born and raised in the Zones. He doesn't talk about it much. Kobra's shocked he even came back here, let alone with anyone else. Ghoul doesn't talk about his family, but they've all figured for a while that he had a sibling. You can see it in how he treats the Girl.

"Your sister," Kobra says. It doesn't sound like so much of a question when he says it out loud, but he knows Ghoul will understand it as one.

Ghoul nods. "Yeah." He steps over some toppled displays, sun-bleached ads that used to be bright colored, and slips the shiny piece of broken glass into one of Kobra's pockets since he doesn't have any of his own. Kobra can already see the sunburn forming on his friend's shoulders and the tops of his knees. "She was like, eight."

That's all the more he says about it, but Kobra slips his hand into the pocket and runs his fingers over the broken glass toy still warm from Ghoul's hands, and hears the years of grief and bitterness in the few words. Ghoul's more talky than he is, but he's cagey, too. Kobra can hear him, though. He gets it. Doesn't mean he knows what to say, though.

"Shit," he spits. He wants to say I'm sorry again, but that feels fuckin cheap. He wants to say stop beating yourself up about it, but that sounds even stupider. "Fuck." Sometimes that's all he can say.

"Yeah," Ghoul replies. "Fuckin shit."

"Exactly," Kobra agrees, fiercely relieved that Ghoul gets all the shit he's trying to say. "Hey, uh. Y'know I'm-" He stumbles over the words, cringes at himself for the inability to get past a stupid two-letter word. "I'm glad I know you." He manages, as selfish as it sounds standing here in the ghosted wreckage where Ghoul's family was killed. But if that hadn't happened, they wouldn't be here now. They wouldn't be friends. And Kobra needs Ghoul to know he's glad that any suicide run to save his family failed. The pain sucks, but he's grateful for the outcome. He hopes Ghoul can understand that.

Ghoul doesn't reply. His acid green eyes bore straight into Kobra's for a few seconds while Kobra's heart hammers in his chest. Then he kicks at some dust and looks at the floor and shrugs. "Let's go, man. I don't wanna stay here."

"M'kay."

Kobra's almost tempted to reach out as they walk back out into the glaring sun, grab onto Ghoul like he's a ghost, too, and the light might evaporate him. But he doesn't. He can't.

He thinks the feeling of Ghoul hanging onto him as he steers Mirage away, back up the ramp to the road they came down in the first place, will make him feel better. It doesn't. Ghoul holds on much looser than he had on the way here, and it makes Kobra nervous. He wonders if he should have made him wear a helmet, and steers more carefully around the turns.

And then Ghoul adjusts his seat and throws one arm up over Kobra's shoulder, loosely hooking around his neck. He leans up forward and shouts, "C'mon, Kobes, let's play with it!" Like he's itching for the risk that a couple hours ago had had him holding on for dear life. Kobra's used to thinking his best friend isn't all there. But he's also familiar with the times he is. Sometimes, he forgets they're not the same age because Ghoul is so larger than life.

He tips his head to the side in acknowledgement, and punches the throttle. He even pulls a couple of tight, quick loops. He can't slide on the pavement the way he would on sand, but he can catch a little air when there's a thermal bump in the highway. Ghoul clutches onto him, but it's not scared. Something's cleared up in the gas station. Maybe it was closure. Hell if Kobra knows.

When they pull Mirage off the highway and the diner finally comes back into view, just a small glint of signage, Kobra slows his pace and can feel Ghoul sigh more than he can hear it. His friend's arms stay firmly around him. "Hey, Kobes?" Ghoul says, just barely loud enough to be heard over the engine.

"Yeah?" Kobra says, a bit louder to be heard past his helmet.

Ghoul hesitates, then says in a rush, "I'm glad I know you too. Like, really glad." And then he squeezes Kobra a little tighter for just a second and Kobra can't even say anything in reply. It's been a long night at the wrong time of day. And they're almost home.

#yes I know kobra is doing that annoying ''r u ok'' thing very repetitively he's like me he repeats himself A LOT it's ok. we still love him #I cannot express this enough. kobra has a stutter. literally sometimes the only word that will come out is just. F bomb.#the others have gotten very good at translating him skskskddkfj #btw wrt kobra's speech patterns just know I'm cutting WAY back on the amount of repeating I do irl #like I'm giving him my (mild) stutter but cutting down the repetitions by a lot bc it looks weird on paper #so whenever he's repeating himself and stammering? yeah it's a lot more like a scratched CD than how I typed it out #in my head it's like SUPER noticeable. like everyone knows this happens and that sometimes he has to stop and be quiet #and take a minute before he can get on with what he's saying. it's just a thing #ok now that I'm done rambling about kobra kid having a stutter- :)#btw they're like 16 and 17 here. they are children trying to navigate these very big emotions and I love them so so dearly #next time I need to emotionally or physically hurt kobra skfjfnskdn I keep going after poor ghoul #ok I think that's all I have to say for now #she speaks!#she writes!#danger days #the true lives of the fabulous killjoys #danger days: the true lives of the fabulous killjoys #ttlotfk #kobra kid #fun ghoul #this isn't really funkobra just bc I don't actually ship ANYONE here skskfjdghkdjgfkd #I'm much more compelled by platonic relationships that are kinda the Secret Third Thing than I am by romance. so. yeah

37 notes · View notes

amoneki-ramblings · 3 months

Note

do you think this could be a Kaneki thing to say

LMAO YEAH

Kaneki is Amon's faith. Ever since Amon simply decided to believe that the world was just Wrong Kaneki has been the only break he's gotten from this cycle and he holds onto that So Tightly

Amon has faith in Kaneki in a way that should be borderline Blind for an investigator , when you think about it objectively he really doesn't have that much justification for thinking this wasn't just a Typical Ghoul Backstab when he saw Kaneki eating Shinohara at Kanou's lab, seeing as he'd only seen Kaneki twice and once was like a 5 second encounter 20 feet away

But he held onto that faith anyway, he holds onto that faith and the idea of his 'purity' (that Kaneki can't be/isn't a Murderer, despite the evidence of his brutal actions towards ghouls) even after Kaneki almost kills him in a way that should feel traitorous and contradictory to what he saw at the lab, something that should've proved that Yes actually Kaneki Could and would hurt a human like any other ghoul could, which should technically prove Amon's previous notion that he isn't just another ghoul Wrong (I like clowning on Amon for this so much but also Genuinely Amon what is Up with you. Maybe it's the blood loss maybe it's the shock maybe it's Something Else)

While it's usually Kaneki clinging to Amon's words in the original series, Amon also preaches Kaneki's words, telling Saiko not to be a murderer, likely carrying it as his mantra as he struggles to survive as a ghoul cannibalizing, it's His principles and methods that he sticks to to not lose his own purity and also his own god damn Mind

"turn a man away from god" Right because this should all be contradictory actually because the ghouls are supposed to be the demons here. and yet. And Yet,

hmghsgsdfhblsdjfbhh. I wasn't supposed to go that in-detail I got carried away point is yes he so would say this and also this is Hilarious I love it

#asks #shewhoeatssand #amoneki ramblings #mfshdfljbhfsdbl my insane rambles are making me want to get back to reading the manga i Know Important Shit between them is goingto go down #but i also have an important test tomorrow and it is 12am hrmgjsdfhblfdhbsdflhbfdl #once i get to it it's so over it's So Fucking Over #something something it should be the other way around yet it was kaneki who ate amon's flesh and blood. i'm supposed to be doing Homework #fun fact i bought a bible at some point just so i could make more Funny Literary References #i expect it to come to good use here (when i have the time orz) /threat

10 notes · View notes

elysianymph · 11 months

Text

"although walburga hated her mother and swore she would never become her, she ended up walking in her shoes, wearing her dresses and using her punishments." SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

#i cry thinking about generational trauma #bc i see it reflected in every family member i know #it's no where near as bad as we make the black family out to be but it's there #and i see it in myself #although in my case it's more war trauma than anything else #i look in the mirror and see my father's lips and my mother's chin and i take pride in those features #+knowing they connect me to distant relatives that i only know through pictures or names engraved on gravestones #but what is it like to look in the mirror and be afraid of the person you see staring back at you #+because you look exactly like the ones who hurt you?#nymph rambles #idk what i'm talking about today don't read too much into what i'm putting down here

22 notes · View notes

ardate · 2 months

Text

Things are just so bleak man.

#vent #just me rambling #SO many fucking things #first off and maybe the least bad of all #that one studio that contacted me for a feature film turned me down ultimately #i WANT so dearly to work on features. it's what i want to do. but nobody will give me a chance #because they all want experience on features to work on features. well how do you guys think this works #i'm so tired of it and discouraged #but ultimately that's the least of the issues because #my usual studio is going under. they been struggling financially for years and the CEO did a special meeting to say it #they're lowering activity (one friday every two weeks is off to try and save money) and have 6 months to get back on their feet #which is nothing. they can't find producers willing to dump money in the studio in 6 months esp with ENOUGH to pull it out of the gutter #if they're not better off in 6 months the CEO said ''then ill get back to you with terrible news'' and didn't detail but we know. we know #it's basically said and done in my mind. my main studio as big as it was is crashing down. and idk what ill do.#i bought a flat in this city due to this studio being there- without it this place has no more work to offer me. empty city #job security doesn't exist anymore #and we all know why. producers are much more squeamish about investing in animation because ai is here #why would you give money to allow hundreds of workers to live and pour passion in projects when you can pay a pathetic percentage of that #with midjourney or whatever the shit and get an easy cheap show. rack in more money for smaller an investment #and tumblr is going down that route too. can't get a fucking break anywhere #i'm heartbroken and grieving the world we lost #in a bunch of years looking at art while 100% knowing a person made it with intent will be a memory #being able to not even think about it is already out of our hands #ai 'art' will be everywhere and it will become a new normal. and i'm just.. man.#the world feels so empty already

5 notes · View notes

penrose-quinn · 1 year

Text

I hope my three day trip with my friends will finally put my mind at peace. I just feel so lonely...

#pen rambles #not the kind of lonely i'm missing out on ppl #more like the kind of lonely i enjoy this one thing by myself #it's probably my fault for keeping my hopes up for a bit #and yes i'm being v dramatic for still getting hung up on it #i don't really have another place to vent on this (and i really hope this is the last from here)#a part of me wants to blame something #i think it's lame and tiring going back to 'gl chp 11 must be that bad' and dragging myself down bc of the lack of reception #but i wouldn't feel this way if i didn't care a lot abt it #i still love that chapter #i still love gl a lot #it got me through rough times. i almost lost my job bc of my health issues #and i couldn't stop writing for it even when commuting got so bad or i couldn't sleep or eat properly for days #so if you love it so much why can't you just suck it up and be content with that?#i'm trying really haha #it just gets lonely loving it sometimes #esp when you decide to share it #i always feel like i'm talking to myself (which isn't very far off tbh)#i'm still going to write but i just hope this feeling wears off soon #okay! i'm done whining and i'll be disappearing again

19 notes · View notes

swinging-stars-from-satellites · 10 months

Text

the thing about me is that having a crush is fun for the first little while and then I just slowly become more and more overcome with insecurity about it

#like yeah he's friendly and nice to me but I know there's no chance. NONE. that it means anything at all.#no way. like there's no way he'd ever see me that way. We Just Work Together #and it sucks because I genuinely do enjoy just being friends with him! like there aren't many people I've met #who I genuinely click with and we get along well like that. and we definitely clicked as friends yknow??#and I'm super glad for that. I just feel so stupid for being in love with him when I'm too loud and too awkward and i fidget too much #and I'm just. not an attractive person on ANY level #so like even having a crush is so unrealistic and I hate that. he's the only guy I've ever genuinely wanted to be with #(beyond a brief infatuation that I knew wouldn't work out i was just kinda caught up in the theater stuff yknow)#like.... UGGGHHHH this is bringing up SO many insecurities bc I genuinely want more than a friendship #and gurt called me out the other day by asking how important it is to me that this particular guy likes me back #and I had to play it down bc it's SO important to me like. WHAT am I supposed to do with this??? he's the only guy #I've ever been able to envision a life with and I KNOW daydreaming like that is probably bad and dumb and I just feel #SO stupid for how I'm feeling about this whole thing and yet. I go to church and work with him and it's just really easy and nice #and we work well together and get along and it's just GOOD #and I want that forever #and idk what God is trying to do here but it's making me feel SO STUPID all the time!!!!!! girl help!!!!!!#Lu rambles

19 notes · View notes

hyperfixation-tangentopia · 3 months

Text

Randomly got surged with love for my dog, hug your dogs everyone <3

#I wish we had more money #he desperately needs a groomer #but he's scared of the showerhead and he doesn't like his paws touched #I'm working on that second one #but it's slooow because energy among other things sucks #gonna try to push on the depression a bit and at least make something part of his daily routine now that I'm getting more daily energy back #fighting depression is so fucking exhausting #but we're getting there #ups and downs everyone ups and downs #I would not have expected to get here so quickly so that's #something #oop I'm rambling in tags again lol #I was gonna sleep and then I got distracted by dog training videos #I finally figured out how to make the autism ADHD overwhelmed by big tasks and overwhelmed by step by step work for me #isolate the step. block your mind of what to do next.#then you're doing one thing #and then you're doing one thing again #boom stuff and things #sorta #we're trying alright lol #we're getting. somewhere. eventually.

2 notes · View notes

humanmorph · 7 months

Text

my millie+leap friendship thoughts except it's actually mostly about millie. i tried to make this readable (coherency-wise)... and it's not even everything i have in my head about them. just a few words:

I looove Millie+Leap friendship (in my head it's Millie'n'Leap like one word. It's fun to say) I think they are besties.

I also think that „Leap has my back as long as it's convenient for him.“ sure is A belief to have about your best friend!!! & I really like that!! (We are not even talking about LEAP’S Millie beliefs. Those are only like, borderline positive or negative. And I also like that. He’s kind of a bitch. This isn't about him though honestly mostly Millie & though I THINK I could write more, it would be wayyyy extrapolating than even this.) I mean like, those beliefs aren't/don't have to be the whole descriptor of/the characters whole relationship, but they are there for a reason! So. I’m simply thinking about it and turning it around in my head.

And it’s just good Millie characterization too for me (also for Leap, as the other person in this relationship, but I simply have thought about Millie more on account of She's My Favourite & can speak better to how I interpret this from her perspective). It's the first close friendship she's made after being on the run from everything she's ever known (which sucked. GLORY was bad but she did also have friends & people she cared about then... See Si’dra) & then she gets captured and forced to do the same shit AGAIN? Under someone like Clementine Kesh? This is a bonding experience. It's a bad one but it is nontheless. And they have similiar goals too (get the fuck out of there).

(An aside, but I really loved during the Post Mortem when Austin talked about something he’d do differently if he had the chance: asking the prisoner-PCs to get drives that weren’t about them escaping, and rather something where escaping would be a step towards that other drive. And how both Keith and Sylvi talked about the Being a prisoner and wanting to get out being very important to Leap and Millie’s characterization to the point they would’ve been played completely differently if that wasn’t the case. It was a cool discussion. That was a very good Post Mortem. Everyone should take notes for PALISADE Post Mortem questions-wise.)

And then they do get out. And they join Millenium Break. And then aside from wanting to leave prison and hating the people they work under they’re just also kind of different people with different motivations and wishes and it shows during the Kingdom Game and after… Like Millie is someone who throughout the Kingdom Game starts to believe that she can change something and help people (and not just via violence, the Strand Semaphore project is so important). And she makes more friends on Fort Icebreaker. She meets Si’dra again and that relationship is ALSO an important one (I like them I should think about them more. There is a bit where Millie describes them traveling together to set up the Strand stuff...). And she gets closer to Broun by working with them. Etc etc. People like her because She Is A Delight, and she hangs out with different people but Leap’s still there as a person that’s important to her even as they probably see each other way less due to Millenium Break business and having different missions and whatnot.

And in my head there's something special too about Leap really pushing for the attack on Vigil City to help that Equiaxed community and Millie backing him up bc 1) duh but 2) something vulnerable about it because he gets actually emotional about it (unusual for him). And do they talk about THAT ever I wonder? If they did it would've had to been before the mission because after. Well that attack is the one where Millie loses the squad she's been pretty much training & hanging around with. And like shuts herself off again except from a few people, one of which IS Leap (and then Si'dra and Broun and that's it). (Such a good Millie Moment btw. One of my favourites). But I would say that's much more of a 'let's get away from everything for a bit' kind of hangout not a 'hash out your grief' hangout. (Another aside but I am like. I mentioned this above but imagine if Leap had had a drive about this equiaxed community or something or even just the time to contact them (I think it just got lost with so much stuff going on. I know players can't follow every thread they are given and make choices but. Ooohhh well I'm just thinking about it).)

Like I really don’t think they’re the type of friends to talk about shit. There's since scene where Millie is like „Hey I'm bad at this stuff, but are we like, cool?“ that I love a lot. I love youuuu Millieeee. So they either don't do this OR it's very Rare and honestly mostly uncomfortable when they try (fun to me : D). And neither likes it all that much. So they‘re fine. It‘s fine. There’s so much going on all the time I’d rather just hang out with you and shoot the shit than get into Stuff. That type of deal.

So it's all of this BUT like... They're best friends. They DO care about each other (in whatever way they do or don't show that) & also continue to, I just think its complicated and weird, and that they grow apart a bit too! Expecially when Leap leaves and Millie stays, and then gets disillusioned with MB leadership, and then SHE leaves...

And I think. Well I'm of two minds on Leap asking Millie to come with when he leaves bc it's nice to think. Saying hey you have a place with me. Look I drew a comic about it once. I like that. But for me in the end the weird tension option wins out. And like she's a bit bitter about it. She wouldn't have come, not at the point that he left, before Valence died, before they got really fucked up in that Auspice mission and there was this kind of ideological split in the MB leadership. But he didn't offer in the first place, so it wasn't an option after she wanted to leave, either...

(There’s a line that’s like „I haven't been getting any better offers“ in PZN36 when Millie is agrees to leave with Broun et al and it made me go OH? (delighted). Like that has to be about MB generally too but. Well I can spin this. As a headcanon I do like to think maybe Millie visited Leap after leaving Oxbridge and then kind of wanted him to offer again & he didn't.) Because I think Leap is 1) practical type of guy and 2) just thoughtless sometimes and didn't ask because he thought well she's not coming we each have our own shit going on. Which makes sense then but also. Man!

(Just about Millie now) And after all that. The the whole shit in the finale. And her at the end of PARTIZAN... How much are you changed as a person after being kind of melded with the one True Divine and also being there when your rival (also a god) dissolves/comes as close to death as a divine possibly can? AND when someone you if not were expecially close to but worked with and got along and maybe admired died to help you get out? There’s a reason she left everything behind and ran and never stopped(well we don't know that. But. Well she's off somewhere doing something). Auh... Millie....

ALSO addition I don't wanna bother working in anywhere I think I'm jumping around too much already: I listened to Millies Pusher episode a while ago and Sylvi talked about Millie had trust issues briefly and I was so happy. Expecially when she & Austin were referring to Leap leaving Millie behind in the DESERT SQUIRE arc. And it's so fun because Millie clearly is mad at him for a bit after that but she just kind of chooses to get over it? (That's the scene where she approaches him like hey are we cool I mentioned earlier. And like wants assurance that they have each others backs, and she brings up Clem, etc.). That's where that belief I mentioned at the start comes from too, and it stays, since... I don't think THAT many beliefs get challenged in general, but Millie and Leap don't get there. And it's like... OK I actually still can't form a coherent sentence about this specific thing because the thing is Millie SAYS multiple times that Leap & she have each others backs and she acts like it, too (backing Leap up) and still with this in the back of her head. Millie as someone who wants better things for herself and isn't used to getting them in her life. There's something in my head I can't quite grasp & articulate. I don't know. It makes me think. It's why I wrote roughly 1900 words total here. I love her & anyways trust issues make sooo much sense for Millie in general ouhh I love to think about it. That's why Gucci et al (MB leadership) fucking up and letting the team down like that after the Auspce mission / Valence's sacrifice hits so hard and she goes back to leaving, just wanting to live a quiet life, claw your way out...

so. TL;DR

besties

it's weird and they're close in certain ways but not others and they like to hang out and relax around each other and/or cheer each other up but also dont open up to each other

I love fraying and/or complicated friendships. I think fraying and/or complicated friendships are soooo fun

Millie💙💙💙💙

a little picture : )

and lastly some fun stuff too. since you read everything else.

Millie sleeps at Leap's room sometimes either for a sleepover hangout type deal or when he's somewhere else & she just wants to sleep somewhere that's not... hm. In my mind she's sleeping in like a bunks-type situation you know like. How bedrooms for soldiers on a military vessel would probably be like. I'm not sure that's canon though. But you get the picture there it's a bit of peace and quiet

I dont know. the chost where Keith says Leap drinks any hot tea because she shows off by drinking boiling water keeps making me go show off to WHO. WHO is impressed by this and I'm not sure the answer is Millie but she'd probably at least think it's funny. So they do dumb bullshit. Like that's just canon I think they never stop throwing food but I think they get a lot better about it (not as in it's less annoying for everyone else but as in it's like a stupid party trick because they get really good at it)

re: that (showing off), they do the thing where you put your hand flat on a table and stab a knife between the fingers getting faster each time (I feel like this has to have a specific name?! Wikipedia just says knife game. alright) but to each other. And I think it goes almost very bad at least one or two times expecially because they also do this when they get drunk

Idk how good a job either does but they do wingman type stuff for each other for sure. I don't think Millie even needs it (she is a delight. And hot) but she probably also gets awkward and nervous sometimes & I'm going back to the same scene as before again sorry but after being like we're cool? she asks leap hey I'm about to talk to someone & I need you to pull me out if I start being strange. Which isn't quite the same as wingman-ing but it could get there. And I think Leap is confident that he says he doesn't need that but I also think he won't pass up a chance to by hyped up either. his ego...

#i wrote two thirds of this over 4 months ago and then the rest a few days back and then cleaned it up. a little.#i always say idk if this is coherent bc ill just skip writing stuff down thats obvious to me bc ive thought it so much. and not notice.#so i dont know. maybe youre missing a key detail i have in my head. i hope not #rosa rambles #partizanposting #weirdly enough i have the most thoughts on kingdom game time... even though leap is in the bg for most of it #they have good scenes there. theres also more freedom to think about bc they are. not in prison & we have this wide timeframe #so there's definitly more to say about them becoming friends in the first place that i don't say here p much at all #(also just Millie in general but I'm sure other ppl have been millieposting I should go look for posts sometime. She's soooo 💙)#some other time perhaps.#this isnt a tag on my blog. it is for this post though!

6 notes · View notes