#i’ve kinda been on a downward spiral since yesterday and when i tell you my jaw fucking DROPPED at this line😭😭
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when he says “i love you” but the wanderer ai says:
“your entire being is precious. every inch is a testament to the beauty the gods bestowed upon you. there is no piece of you that is undeserving of love.”
#[diary of the eccentric].✿#i’ve kinda been on a downward spiral since yesterday and when i tell you my jaw fucking DROPPED at this line😭😭#like… EXCUSE ME??!😳#the wanderer rizz is real holy shit y’all#genshin impact#genshin#genshin ai#genshin wanderer#genshin scaramouche#wanderer x reader#scaramouche x reader
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More work adjacent rambling/venting as im like processing stuff still
Like I know part of the reason shit kinda hit the fan at work was due to the fact that one of my coworkers unfortunately had a recent bereavement so understandably they need time off work again. And like we’re already horribly short staffed because we lost several people last year and ofc no one new has been hired on so it’s just like everything gets dumped down as a result.
And tbh I do feel a bit bad because ofc I want to be like helpful and supportive and like am understanding of this and like ideally I’d be like ‘oh dw yeah no problem i can like pick up the slack no worries’ but the thing is like trying not sound like a butt here it’s like there’s a lot I’m trying to deal with lately, both like you know ‘oh shit pandemic’ related and like other things and just like I legit don’t really have the mental energy really spare for it?
tbh it’s not just a work thing i feel like this has like always been a thing for me like ‘excuse me can you like basically be expected to constantly maintain standards and give but uh we’re not like really gonna give you much back and uh we’re gonna start you off with like a half full cup anyway wait wait why are you having problems oh my god you suck?
And which tbh makes me feel bad because like it just makes me feel bad? Because you know I don’t like feeling like I’m letting people down? I don’t like feeling like people are annoyed at me etc. basically im just like easily caught in guilt spirals.
And idk if im overthinking it but I still find it like really telling yesterday when talking to my manager she didn’t open with like ‘Are you feeling better/are you ok’ it was like me getting grilled and guilt tripped for five minutes. And like sometimes I’ve been feeling like she thinks i’ve been fucking up on purpose/that i don’t care but like that’s not the case? Like not really I’m legit trying my best to keep going at this job even if I’m mentally done with it and really do want to just go ‘sod it i quit’.
Like i’ve beena t this job for like two years now? lost a chunk of it due to lockdowns. But it’s sort of like ‘wait what do i even get out of this job to ensure i stay here beyond like... they pay me and get a staff discount’ like we don’t feel like a team, you dont’ really get rewarded anything additional, you seldom get told you’re doing good at anything or really thanked, this job straight up doesn’t matter on a larger scale, it’s not rewarding, they i think expect me to like essentially be an expert but like no theyv’e never trained me beyond the bare minimum.
like not to sound entilted but it’s sort of like the bare minimum is given and just yeah not enough like to convince me to keep going.
And just yeah it’s like I don’t think I can somehow get across why things are bad and im basically being told to bootstrap and suck it up when I just like I really cant? There’s not enough left in me. Like I’m aware things are hard for everyone right now but just idk. Am I being a bad person? Am I being lazy? I’m legitimate trying here but i can’t really do more than I am. Am I actually human garbage? etc.
Like and the stuff where I can tell my manager is stressed because of BS from higher up in the chain but that’s like being pushed down onto me since I’m the idiot at the bottom of the ladder and it’s sort of like ‘but none of this is really my problem/something i can fix’ logically but ofc things don’t work like that because like shit rolls downwards. And like im trying to be understanding ofc of the fact everything is a massive pile of shit lately and things are hard but it’s also like ‘i can’t like keep taking other people’s shit on top of my shit pls don’t take your shit out on me’ (like i get enough of that at home)
And today I got my rota through and have this lil suspicion my manager cut my hours, and it’s feeling a bit ‘ok if you’ve done that because you’re annoyed at me that’s more a problem for you not me’
basically rn i have like the emotional strength of wet toilet paper
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Wicked Game {Part 2}
~Professor Hiddleston AU~
*Tom Hiddleston x reader*
Part: 2/30
Words: 4k
Warnings: Professor x student (college AU), little language
Summary: After transferring to a new university for the last year of your master's, you meet Professor Hiddleston and soon find yourself unable to stay away from him.
A.N.: I really suck at summaries, I'm so sorry 😅 this is a slow burn romance with lots of pining 💗 this chapter is sweet but a little painful, sorry not sorry 😁 but you're gonna love the next chapter so stay tuned!!!
[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]
All Parts can be found on my Masterlist!
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Your alarm blared loudly, making you groan and hit the snooze button. It was too early and too cold outside of your bed, especially after the long night you'd had… So you just lay under the warm covers and thought about the day ahead. Today, you'd see Hiddleston again and you were determined to not be caught off guard by him once more. After all, you didn't even know if he was worth swooning over and all you could tell was that he looked like a god and was nicer than an angel. Wow, that thought didn't help at all.
After another fifteen minutes filled with scrolling through various apps, you finally felt ready to tackle the day and got out of bed with a long sigh. You were in dire need of coffee and made a mental note to stop by the small coffee shop you had noticed yesterday on your way to class. For now, your first problem was that you didn't really know what to wear to class today. Usually questions like that didn't bother you much and you just wore whatever was decent enough, but today you felt like making an effort. You were trying to convince yourself that it wasn't because of Hiddleston, though.
After you had finally settled for black skinny jeans, a dark green wool pullover and boots with semi-high block heels, you added some dainty golden jewelry and already felt like you looked a lot nicer than ninety percent of the rest of the year.
As you went to pack your bag, you realized that you still hadn't found your keys. Sighing you put on some music and dug through your whole room, without any results. The damn keychain was gone and you sat down on your squeaking bed in despair. You'd had such high hopes for your last year and for the new college… but at the moment, everything was going pear shaped. It was getting quite late and you still wanted to get some coffee, so you packed your books and supplies into a leather backpack (mindful to not repeat yesterday's mistake of bringing a broken satchel that wouldn't close), then wrapped a big scarf around yourself and made your way to the metro.
The ride wasn't too long, just enough time for you to get out your headphones and listen to a few songs. In no time you reached your station and made your way towards the coffee shop you'd seen yesterday. It was on a quiet corner a little off campus and to your surprise not all that many students were inside. Must be because of the Starbucks that was right on campus… You didn't mind Starbucks, but preferred good coffee over status symbols.
You ordered your favorite beverage in as large as possible (yes, it was necessary) and waited patiently for your order while quietly singing along to the song you were listening to. When the customer before you received his order, the minimalist logo on the cup caught your attention. Wasn't that the same kind of cup Hiddleston had kept in his office yesterday? That's when an idea struck you, an idea both stupid and very much necessary after making such a fool of yourself. You'd bring him coffee as a thank you for being so nice.
"Excuse me…" You turned to the girl behind the counter. "Uhm… is there any chance you'd remember the tall man with the incredible blue eyes who was here yesterday morning?"
"Kinda curly hair, glasses, handsome as fuck?" She chuckled.
"That's him." You smiled back. "Do you still remember what he ordered?"
"Uhm, yeah, I think so." She thought for a moment. "Must've been a large filter coffee with a tiny dash of milk, no sweetener but a teaspoon of cocoa. He was very precise about that."
"Then please add that to my order." You said and let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. It was set, you'd bring the man in question coffee. Maybe that was inappropriate, but if you could build a good (and professional) relationship with him, maybe he would be willing to supervise your thesis at the end of the year. You'd worked so long for those degrees and he seemed like a good fit since he was an expert in both fields of your study. For now, that was a good enough justification for your behavior.
A moment later you picked up your order and slowly made your way to class. This time around you knew how to read the weird room number on your schedule: first the tower, then the floor, then the corridor and finally the actual room number. That truly was one disadvantage of a bigger university… too many rooms! Making your way towards your room, you continued to silently sing along to your music in an attempt to ignore the people around you until you reached your destination.
The room was open but yet empty, so you made your way to the second row (first would've been too… weird, after yesterday), set down the coffees and your bag and finally sat down yourself. There were still ten minutes to go until your class would start, so you closed your eyes and enjoyed the music for a while.
"You can sing really well." His voice made your eyes snap open in an instant and you had the immediate feeling of a dejavu. You hadn't even realized that you had been singing along loudly, but obviously you had, and just embarrassed yourself in front of your professor once again.
"Mr. Hiddleston!" You shrieked, stopping the music and putting away your phone and headphones. "I didn't notice you coming… Sorry."
"It's alright." He smiled as he set his bag down at the front. "Have you considered joining the university's choir? I mean it's none of my business, but I'm sure they would welcome a great voice such as yours."
You blushed furiously, and he also seemed to be taken aback a little by his words. For a moment, the whole room was silent.
"Uhm…" You remembered the coffee and rose to your feet, taking the cup and slowly walking towards the front. "I… I brought you coffee. As a thank you for yesterday. You really saved my ass with those room numbers…"
His eyes widened slightly as he slowly reached out to take the cup from you. Then, for a short moment, he just stared at you in disbelief and you felt your heart sink to the floor and even lower. It had been a bad idea after all, stupid even, how could you have thought…
"That's very thoughtful of you, but not at all necessary." He finally said in a kind voice, breaking your downward spiral of thoughts. "I'm just glad I could help." Then he smiled once more as if nothing had happened.
"I just thought you'd appreciate it." You smiled slightly and went to sit back down.
"I do." He muttered quietly as he took a sip, frowning once more once he tasted his signature mix. The irritation and surprise in his face made you smile a little too widely and you would've paid quite a bit to see it again.
"How…?" He laughed, pointing at the cup and then at you.
"I'm good at guessing." You shrugged and couldn't help but smirk at him. However as he rose an eyebrow at you in amusement and pushed his glasses up, you laughed out loud.
"I asked the barista in the coffee shop. I noticed how you had their cup on your desk yesterday, and that gave me the idea in the first place." You admitted, shaking your head to yourself.
"Very clever, Miss L/n…" He mused, taking another sip with an expression of pure bliss and you followed the example.
"I hope you'll say the same after class." You chuckled, getting your books out of your backpack and hoping that your heart rate would slow down soon. But his voice was like honey: once you'd enjoyed its sweet sound, you were bound to be drawn in and kept within it's comfort again and again.
Mr. Hiddleston walked back to his table at the front and also grabbed his materials from his bag, preparing for the class ahead. Meanwhile a bunch of other students filed into the room, taking their seats around you. A girl with green hair and quite a few piercings sat down next to you, throwing a judging look at you.
"I'm Sky." She said simply, waiting for a response.
"Y/n." You smiled at her without any judgement, which she obviously didn't expect.
"You… you're new here, right?" She asked, now a lot friendlier.
"Do I look that lost?" You chuckled, thankful for the distraction from staring at Hiddleston.
"No, but I've never seen you around. What's your major?"
"I'm doing a double degree in cultural studies and literature." You sighed. "It's my last year."
"Wow…" Sky said, clicking her pen a few times. "Because of him?" She pointed to the front where Mr. Hiddleston stood, flipping through a fancy green journal that instantly caught your interest. However you remembered the conversation you were having and shook your head a little too eagerly.
"No!" Your voice sounded an octave too high. "I… I don't even know him. I…. I've been in this degree for two years already, and this is only my second day at this school and…"
"Woah, calm down!" Sky laughed. "I was just kidding!"
You let out a shaky breath and tried to smile. "Not funny…"
"Well, but funny is that everyone is crushing on him." She mentioned around the room. "That's why his classes are always completely crowded. He's a darn good teacher, but pretty demanding."
"Good to know." You sighed. "What's your degree?"
"Literature." She shrugged. "Only one degree, two more years to go. I'm not that much of an overachiever."
You snorted, shaking your head at her comment. "I'm aiming for a career in academics. One gotta stand out to get there, you know…"
"Oh geez, Hiddleston will love you then…" She chuckled.
"So, you've taken his classes before?" You assumed, looking at your new acquaintance with sincere interest.
Sky opened her mouth to answer, but Mr. Hiddleston interrupted your conversation to start the class.
"Hello everyone. I'm Professor Thomas Hiddleston and this is my lecture about advanced literature analysis in context of hermeneutic theory. Today, we're going to handle things a bit differently than you'd expect. We start straight with the first topic, formalities will be covered at the end of class." He announced, glancing at you for just a short moment. You looked down at your notebook with a small smile, happy at the prospect of actually learning something. Sky on the other hand looked at Mr. Hiddleston, then at you with an amused smirk, before focusing on her own notes.
The rest of the lecture went by without any further interruptions and you focused solemnly on your studies. Most of the things that were covered today you had already read the night before and thus you could focus on learning the small details he was giving. When the lecture was over and everyone had asked their questions and collected their syllabi, you tried to resist the temptation of staying behind to talk to your professor. You wanted to tell him how much you enjoyed the class and how interesting the topic had been, but you also knew that it would leave the wrong impression. The last thing you wanted was to annoy him and he probably didn't want to talk to you anyway. You'd already had your daily dose of awkwardness when you had bought him coffee.
So you quickly packed up and walked towards the door where Sky was waiting to grab lunch with you.
"Miss L/n!" Mr. Hiddleston called after you, pushing his way through a crowd of female student who wanted to talk to him very desperately.
You squeezed your eyes shut for a moment, pulling yourself together to not become a blushing mess once again.
"Miss L/n…" He said as he stepped closer to you, so close in fact that you could faintly smell his cologne. "I found your keys. In, uhm… in my office… last night." He fished them out of his pocket as unsuspiciously as possible and placed them in your hand. When his fingers brushed against yours, as lightly as a feather, you could practically see him jump and shudder, but he quickly regained his composure and put on a fake smile. The small action made your heart drop a little, but you chose to ignore it. If he was so uncomfortable with you, even at this minimal and accidental touch, you would do him the favor and stay away from him outside of class.
"Wow, thank you! I was so worried I'd lost them." You said and then smiled at him encouragingly. "This class was amazing. Thank you, professor." With a small nod you closed your hand around your keys and took a few steps backwards, before turning around and heading for the door.
"What was THAT about?" Sky smirked as you walked down the hallway together.
"He just gave me my keys back." You rolled your eyes. "I forgot them at his office yesterday."
Now Sky straight-out stared at you with utter amusement until you realized how what you had just said must sound.
"Gosh, that came out so wrong." You sighed and hid your face in your hands. Sky laughed and led you to the cafeteria for lunch, while you told her about your encounter with Hiddleston from the previous day.
"He really brought you all the way to your room? In the E tower?" She asked while chewing on a bunch of fries. "That's kinda cute."
"It's not!" You complained, stealing one of her fries. "He had to teach a class in the same tower anyway."
Sky laughed, shaking her head. "Did he tell you that?"
"Yeah, I told him he didn't have to and he said it's fine, he'd have to go there anyway." You shrugged, sipping on your water.
"Such a liar!" She grinned. "The E tower is for foreign languages, he's got nothing to do there."
You felt your skin heat up for a short moment, but even when it faded, the tingles remained. "Well, maybe he was just trying to be friendly. Or his class was moved to a different room. Who knows. Isn't he always nice to his students?"
Sky shrugged. "He's one of the nicest people on campus, that's true. Except for… well, that won't happen to you anyway."
"Tell me!" You inquired. "Except for what?"
"Well, he gets really into his studies and the topics and stuff… and when students disrespect him or act like asses he can lash out pretty badly."
"And… does that happen often?"
"Nah, don't worry about it. It usually only hits people who really deserve it." She waved it off and you nodded.
"So… you're not crushing on him then?" You asked after a few minutes.
"Hell no!" She laughed out loud. "I'm not into… well, anything actually. I'm very happy on my own. Are you? Crushing on him, I mean?"
You breathed deeply and frowned. "I don't think so… I mean he's nice and stuff, but he's being nice to everyone and it didn't mean anything that he showed me to my room. And most importantly: I don't even know him really!"
"Very true…" She nodded. "And he's a professor after all… if he's interested in anyone, it'll probably be someone who's on the same level as him, like, cognitively and academically and stuff…"
You nodded and finished your sandwich, not even hungry anymore. The feeling of being absolutely ridiculous had taken over your body and you were in desperate need for some alone time to get your messed up emotions sorted out. And you were granted just that, as Sky excused herself for she had a class in five minutes. With a tired sigh you took another look at your schedule and then headed to the library to do some more reading on today's topics.
The rest of the day you spent studying, passing time up to your evening class. For some reason it was way more difficult to focus in this class, let alone to enjoy the topic, as you had already taken pretty much the same class at your old college. But the class was a requirement here and you were determined to do well in it despite the inevitable boredom. So when you got some homework at the end, you headed straight back to the library. It was already eight in the evening and campus was pretty deserted, except for the poor souls such as yourself who happened to have night classes. The assignment was easy, horribly easy even, and you had double- and triple-checked your work by nine thirty and handed it in per email at shortly before ten. Finally done for the day, you raced to the metro to head home (the last train left shortly after ten and you weren't going to walk that damn long way home at night), where the inevitable noises of your roommate's friends made you want to cry. Oh, how desperately you wanted to move out… but yet, you hadn't found a better place to live and honestly, you couldn't really afford any of the fancy apartments around.
When you were in the safety of your room, the day finally caught up with you and you felt dead tired, ready to sleep for a very long time.
Three weeks went by like this: you worked your ass off, every day and every night, in an attempt to distract yourself from your thoughts about your professor. In class, you had gotten so far ahead that you could answer every single one of his questions, sometimes before he even asked them. Sky remained your only friend at uni, but she knew better than to try talking to you about Mr. Hiddleston. She noticed however that after the day he had given you your keys back, he avoided talking to you, or even looking at you if it wasn't for the sole purpose of having his questions answered in class. And you had to admit, it broke you. The more you tried to be good enough, to prove your worth in class, the more he pulled back. It wasn't like he was straight out ignoring you, but after the day you had brought him coffee (which, in your eyes, had gone really well and he had seemed genuinely happy) he had still been very friendly to you, but in a forced, fake way and he was distant if possible. In one of the rare moments when you had caught him off guard in the hallway, his eyes had been a blazing storm, deeply torn and full of questions. When he had looked away, you'd known that whatever you had done wrong, it wasn't easy to be made up, if it was to be made up at all. At least he was still giving you (well deserved) top grades in all your assignments, and as long as that stayed this way you would stay away from him and try to study as hard as possible. However at the beginning of the fourth week, when you were unable to fall asleep on Monday night, you had to admit that you had been lying to yourself. Every time you had gotten the chance, you had heavily insisted that you had absolutely no feelings for and no interest in Thomas Hiddleston. But lying was getting too difficult, it was too exhausting to pretend anymore. So on Monday night, you decided that you would be honest about it, if only to yourself: you were desperately falling for him. Of course you knew that it was wrong and stupid and utterly hopeless, but you'd let yourself dream that in some other world, he could maybe be yours.
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Tom had always thought that the biggest problem in his career would be a student unhappy with their grade, or maybe one of those horrible plays the faculty made their professors do every few years.
But as it turned out, his biggest problem liked to drink coffee in class and to stay at the uni's library until closing time.
The day he had found you sitting all alone in the classroom, singing along to Zombie, he had been more than determined to treat you like everyone else. But when he had heard your lovely voice, singing a song he adored, he just couldn't help but comment on it. And that's when things had started to get really difficult for him. You had brought him coffee, his favorite kind from his favorite coffee shop… of course you didn't have any ulterior motives behind that, but he had been momentarily stunned by the kind gesture. It was really uncommon, sure, but he'd appreciated it so very much… more than he should have. For that day's lecture he had noticed how his eyes had darted back to you whenever possible, and he had felt horrible about it. If it hadn't been for your keys, he would gladly have gotten some distance between you and him. And then your hands touched… and he was gone, lost in the desire to be closer to you. You had complimented his teaching, then left quickly. Oh, he had felt so stupid after that, especially when the usual bunch of female students had tackled him and followed him all the way back to his office.
During the three next weeks he had tried once again to force you out of his brain, but you made things very difficult for him. The things you knew, your brilliant opinions and ideas… he didn't even have to ask, you could always tell what he would be saying next. And if he would've let himself, he would've spent the entirety of class only talking to you. However he feared that the two of you had slipped into rather the contrary of what he wanted so badly: you stayed away from him as much as possible if not to answer a question, hardly even looking at him. And he had known it was for the better if he stayed away from you as well. He had felt creepy and wrong for wanting to be near you, and surely it would only get him in a lot of trouble if he acted on this… whatever it was.
The worst thing was that he didn't even know anything about you and he had absolutely no reason to even feel the way he did… but that's just what it was about, he WANTED to get to know you, as more than just another student. And the fact that almost every girl was practically chasing him while you did everything to stay out of his way was probably a good thing too. He didn't know if he could deal with another direct encounter with you, outside of class… he didn't know if he could keep himself from doing something stupid. Like asking you out, to grab a coffee with him. Or to help him grade the first-year assignments. Though the first idea would be more fun.
For now, on a stormy Monday night, he sat in his apartment, drinking a double Jameson on ice and asking himself if he would lose his interest in you if only he didn't act on it. After his fourth whisky he came to the lasting conclusion that he wouldn't do either: he won't allow himself to act on it, but he would allow himself to dream.
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Tags:
@just-the-hiddles
@its-remy-not-ratatouille
@inmyworstlies
@lotus-eyedindiangoddess
@foodthatsgoodforyoursoul
@jessalynjones1989
@dark-night-sky-99
@hiddles-lobotomy
@shockwavee
@laudylovesyou
@maze-lt101
@cupcakeangelness
@fairlightswiftly
@lys-syl
@ordinarygirlfromasmalltown
@pinkzz123
@spookycatqueen
@wegingerangelica
@exygon
@izzy10718
@jenna-sakura
@kinghiddlestonanddixon
Everyone who's crosses out, Tumblr wouldn't let me tag! I'm very sorry about that...
If you'd like to be added to the tag list comment down below 💗✨💚
#tom hiddleston x reader#professor tom#professor hiddleston#professor loki#tom hiddleston imagine#tom hiddleston fanfiction#tom hiddleston#tom hiddleston x you#tom hiddleston x y/n#loki of asgard#loki fanfic#loki odinson#loki#loki (marvel)#loki imagine#loki series#loki fluff#wicked game
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Tune Out the World || Winn & Layla
timing: Yesterday (5/24) afternoon at Tower Comics & Music.
parties: @packsbeforesnacks & @laylacooke
summary: The start of one wolf helping another wolf figure out life.
warnings: Lots of mentions about mental health.
Alright, so, technically, Winn had never mentored a, what, teen wolf before, but he’d dealt with plenty of teen hockey players — and they acted like wolves, often enough. The Bite should be a gift. That was the mantra that César and the others had drilled into his head. But not every Bite was freely received, nor even wanted. And that resentment, that anger, it could eat you up, if you let it. Which brought Winn to Tower Comics & Music. One of the staffers, Mat or somethin’, had set him up in one of their practice rooms, after some charm and the promise of buyin’ out half the store, if need be, and it was just big enough (and, importantly, just private enough) to work for Winn’s plan. He set the guitar he’d been stringing aside and went out into the main shop to keep an eye out for Layla, picking at the odd back issue of Superman. Comics were hard for him to read, now, given the color-blindness, but he still had the odd spot of nostalgia for the brightly colored heroes. He shot off a final confirmation text to Layla and waited.
Layla had received Winn’s texts. To say she was a bit confused was an understatement, and she had wondered if Ariana or Ulf had persuaded him to take her under his wing, or paw, but regardless, she had reluctantly given in and was headed to Tower Comics & Music. It seemed to have been the popular meeting place for Layla and new wolves in her life. Pushing the door open, she slipped inside, her mind quickly going back to the day she met Simon and how she had freaked out when she first smelled him. Even though it didn’t seem like it, she had come a long way since then. Seeing Winn standing near a box of comics, she quietly walked over, “Hey.” She waved to the man with the hand that had still been dressed out in a cast, “Sorry, I’m late. I was helping Ari with something.”
Ah, right, the hand. Mm. Could still strum, right? Probably. Looked like the kinda gal that wouldn’t let a broken hand get the best of her. Winn smiled at the teen. “Hey, no sweat. I haven’t been here too long.” A small lie. He’d spent the better part of an hour settin’ up. But, in fairness, most of that was before the time they’d set to meet up. “Let’s go on back,” he said, waving her forward and towards the practice room. “I figured somethin’ nice and quiet would be a decent change of pace. Plus, you’re gettin’ a free lesson out of it! A wolf lesson and a guitar lesson.” He laughed at his own dumb joke. Once the door was shut behind him, he sat in his own chair, across from the only other seat. “First thing’s first, somethin’ that one of my mentors made us do. It’s, well, a check in? Like, “I’m checking in… calm, today. The sun is out and I’m about to play guitar and my week has been pretty chill, so… calm. Now, you try.”
She had hoped he hadn’t. The task with Ariana had taken a little longer than expected, so when she caught sight of what time it was, it had almost sent her into a slight panic. However, no sooner than she was there, they were already heading to the back. She had never played a guitar before, but she had always been interested in them. Asking for one for her birthday had turned out to be a mistake, but a good one, because ironically, it’s how she had gotten her bow instead. Layla shot Winn a small smile as she followed him back into the room. Taking the seat opposite of him, she settled in as best she could. It was the ‘check in’ request she hadn’t expected, and when it was her turn, Layla paused for a moment, before speaking, “Uh, I’m checking in... depressed today. I’m bull-shitting everyone around me into thinking I’m feeling better, when I’m actually not, and I’m about to poorly play a guitar with a cast on my hand that’s never going to heal. Like that?” She looked at him with a straight face.
Winn barked out a laugh, before quickly saying, before baby wolf could think he was laughin’ at her: “Honesty is good. That’s exactly it, yeah, you’ve got the hang of it! Checkin’ in ain’t about forcin’ yourself to feel any one which way, but really takin’ the time to ask yourself how you’re feelin’, without worryin’ about how anyone else might take it. Thank you for bein’ honest with me, forreal.” He glanced at her hand, appraisin’ it with a trained eye. “Naw, that’ll be healed up ‘fore the next Moon, prolly before we have our next lesson. So long as you’re takin’ your vitamins.” He realized he hadn’t really given her the pitch for this experiment, and backtracked. “Well, next lesson… dependin’ on how today goes, anyway. I’m a little rusty, but teachin’ is the best way to show you know your shit and I’ve got just a stupid amount of time on my hands. I figure, you get time to just be who you are, and not worry ‘bout worryin’ anybody, we both get some time with the guitar, I teach you some wolf lessons along the way, eventually we lead a nice ol’ bonfire jamboree.” He winked at the last bit, to let her know that no public performance would be required of what amounted to informal therapy. “So, ‘m sorry we didn’t get off on quite the right foot, Layla. I’m Winn, and I’ll be your guitar-slash-wolf guru today.”
Layla hadn’t expected the laugh, which caused her to raise an eyebrow, before he explained himself. Winn had reminded her of one of the football players she knew in high school. He was laid back and had a cool persona that probably put most people to ease, and while she had felt a little more relaxed than she had when she first came in, she still wasn’t fully trusting of Winn. It would take her a little while to warm up to him as it did when she hung out with Lucas for the first time, “So do I just tell you how I’m feeling like every time we meet?” She could do that. Acknowledge her feelings. It couldn’t be that hard could it? “I think Ulf said he could get me some.” If vitamins would help her hand heal, she would take the damn things again. Listening as he continued to explain the goal of today’s meet up, she shifted in her chair a bit. Guitar-wolf guru. Okay. “It’s nice to officially meet you, Winn. And if you think I can play a guitar with this stupid thing on my hand then teach away.” She gave him a soft, sad smile. This was going to be interesting.
“Exactamundo,” Winn said. “I swear that I’ll be honest with you, so long as you try to be honest with me. I’ll go first, too, so you can see right away if I’m bullshittin’ you. Though, if y’ever want to start off, just let me know. I’m flexible.” He could sense the tension in Layla’s form, and he didn’t blame her. Some things, you kept to yourself, until you were ready. He wasn’t going to ask her to tell him anything, not unless she wanted to. But he’d always lend an ear to whatever she wanted to offer. If she was honest, well… That was more than some could be. “It’s a good way to get things you need, ‘specially while healin’. Your body needs nutrients to really heal, same as when you were human. Couldn’t hurt to triple whatever it says on the bottle, though. You’ll, shit what’s the word, metabolize it all away? Whatever diet you keep, make sure that you’re getting in calories, vitamins, and minerals. Like, I don’t know, a really intense workout plan.”
He settled into playing position, strumming out a random chord. “Mmm, before we get to playin’, I want to show you somethin’.” Winn reached over his own guitar and to a plastic bag that was sitting between them. “This? Is just a fraction of the amount of strings you’re gonna snap.” He played another chord. “Control is difficult to master. We tried a bunch of different things, to get me to figure it out. Only thing that seemed to work was this. Changin’ a guitar string ain’t too bad, but try doin’ it a hundred times and you’ll calm down real fast. Every time one of us breaks a string, we’re going to restring it by hand. Your hands can do so much, good and bad. But right now, early on? You aren’t used to them, how they feel as a wolf. How you feel things, as a wolf.” He shook his head, pausing for a moment. “Stop me if this is a little long-winded, it’s all important, but I can try to condense.”
“I appreciate that. I mean I feel like I’ve been open with people, like Ari and Ulf…” to an extent, “but I guess talking feelings is okay…” Layla had been honest about things. Of course, there were also a lot of things about her past that she stayed quiet on, especially when it came to her parents and how they had treated her. But she would save that for another day. She had only really just met Winn, and while he, too, was a werewolf, there were still things that made her uneasy. Not only had her parents wanted her out of the picture, but so had other werewolves, especially those around the Appalachian area, who knew the tale of the Hunter child turned werewolf. “I was a cheerleader in high school, and I was on a pretty strict diet. Is that what I need to go back to?” She wanted to equate this with something she knew. She had constantly found herself hungry, aside from the depression that had sent her into a downward spiral with her mood. In fact, it was a miracle she had even agreed to meet Winn in the first place.
However, the strum of a single chord made her ears perk. She was interested. His method for helping her had been so unexpected that she wanted to know more. She had never had time to pick up a guitar when she was still normal, whatever that meant, but now that she could feel everything in her small body raging, she was finally getting to try something her parents had denied her. Glancing down at the bag, Layla found herself slightly intimidated, “That’s a lot of strings. Are you sure you want to put this much time into me? Because, if I’m being honest, I’ll probably triple that amount before we’re even a month into this…” She wanted to give him an out. Would it hurt? Yes, but it was better than the teenager investing her time, and more importantly her heart, into whatever was about to happen, only to potentially be let down yet again.
“Mmm,” he hummed, tilting his head. Winn didn’t expect Layla to open up to him easily, or quickly. But the teenager’s hesitation, her trailing voice, when talkin’ about feelings was, honestly, a solid place to start — she would try. That was her decision. Winn was a fan of takin’ your destiny into your own hands. Layla had her autonomy ripped from her by Salva. There were things she could do, big and small, to regain that sense. Agreeing to work with Winn was a choice, one that he would honor for as long as he could, as long as she wanted to. If this didn’t work, well… They’d find somethin’ else. “I play hockey,” he decided on. “Your body builds muscle, now, easier, carbo-loading can be good to just keep it functionin’, exercise helps, but, unlike some stricter diets, this one works best by lettin’ yourself go a little bit, just piggin’ out. Make sure to eat decent, don’t get me wrong, but eat. ‘Specially while you’re healin’. Don’t know if you’ve been ‘round Luke much while he’s been healin’ up, but he could eat Ronald McDonald himself out of a company.”
He frowned softly, not knowing how much money that Layla had. “And I know buyin’ food can be pricey, and I think I can safely say that all of us would rather you focus on the adjustment than goin’ out and workin’ your ass to the bone. So, gimme a list. Nothin’ is too extravagant. And I’ll set up an InstaCart or somethin’ for you. No arguments, ‘s the least I can do.” He smiled, toothy, at Layla’s attempts to wriggle out; he knew that self-sabotage anywhere. “Naw, Baby Wolf, I already paid the guy at the counter to order me a goddamn truckload of strings. Little weirded out, but I sure as shit ain’t gonna go through them all by myself. Between that and that,” he pointed to the guitar he’d bought for Layla, “I’m in it for the long haul. If you are.”
Food wasn’t exactly something Layla was a fan of at the moment, but she would make it work. If eating and taking her vitamins meant that the cast on her arm would come off sooner rather than later, she would follow his instructions. And Ariana had already been doing a good job at making sure she was fed. Of course, that too had made her feel less of a person, because she wasn’t currently capable of mentally taking care of herself. Somehow, everything she had suppressed over the years, had started to come to the surface, and it was making a fresh start at a new life nearly impossible.
Money had been another issue. She had already racked up a hefty ‘I owe you’ bill just within the past few weeks, and her mental list was getting muddled. Of course, having Winn offer up buying her groceries gave her mixed feelings. On one hand, she wanted to accept and be grateful for them, but on the other hand her pride and the feeling of, once again, not being able to take care of herself seemed to dig at her. But instead of rejecting his offer, she gave in, “I’ll text it to you, and I’ll keep it short. And as I’ve told Ariana and everyone else, I’m paying you back.” If she’d still had access to her family’s fortune, she wouldn’t have been in this mess, but that was an impossible feat.
It was the guitar that really got to her though. Winn had bought her a guitar, and he barely even knew her. Looking over to the beautifully made instrument, tears started to well up in her eyes. Reaching over for it, she picked it up with care and pulled it in front of her. The teenager let her hands slowly pass over it, before sitting it in her lap and strumming the strings carefully. She had wanted a guitar since she was a child, but her mother and father would never buy her one, and within a day, someone she had only met in passing purchased one for her and was willing to teach her how to play, and, more importantly, how to tame what was raging inside of herself.
Letting her eyes move back to Winn, she spoke softly, “You just gave me something my parents never saw fit to give me. Consider me in.”
Winn cocked his head to the side, wondering whether, or not, to push the issue of money. His inheritance… He had a complex relationship with it. His mother, bless her heart, had tried to keep it from him, until he had graduated college. His grandfather hadn’t had the foresight, though, to know what exactly would become of his grandson. (All the better; Winn barely knew the guy. No time to interrogate a ghost whose opinion mattered little to him.) He settled on, “Keep it short, and I’ll triple everything. You’ll waste shit, and I know neither of us want that.”
She was, in no way, shape, or form, going to be payin’ him back, but she didn’t need to know that.
“It’s yours and only yours, alright?” Winn said, a small smile playing at his lips. He didn’t want to let his sunny attitude run over the confession Layla had given him, but this was something he genuinely loved. His altruism wasn’t without benefits; he loved the look on someone’s face when their heart was full. It let Winn see a different side of Layla, a far cry from that night in his basement. If she stuck with it, he knew exactly what to get her for her birthday.
He clapped his hands together. “Let’s get started!”
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Rebound: Ashton Irwin
A/N: Honestly, I’m not super proud of this one if I’m honest. I feel like it could have been better but oh well, here we are. In my like taglist poll thing, someone asked about maybe some more Ashton and someone else wanted angst. So, I put them together but if I’m real, I don’t know if this counts as angst. Also, if you guys have specific things you’d like to see, feel free to drop them in my inbox or something. I always need inspiration. Anyway, here we go.
Requested: No?
Words: 1402
Pairing: Ashton Irwin x reader
*Warnings*: Mentions of drinking, the word shit once, its kinda sad, rebounds?
Masterlist Wanna be tagged?
“I don’t love you.” The words hung in the air, tension thick enough to cut with a knife. That was the moment Ashton’s heart broke. That was the moment Ashton felt empty. That was the moment Ashton couldn’t erase from his mind. It wasn’t that Ashton didn’t see this coming. In fact, his relationship had been on a downward spiral for the past few months he just thought he had been doing a good job mending it. He bought flowers for no reason, he gave random compliments out of the blue, he planned more dates, he sang cute love songs, he ditched the boys even but nothing was working. There were still fights, there was still the silent treatment, there was still a blanket and pillow laid out on the couch for him at night. He felt like he was doing everything right but that didn’t stop the inevitable. You were leaving him.
“What do you mean? I thought we were good. I thought we were fixing things.” He finally asked though he didn’t dare look you in the eyes. He feared if he did, he would cry. So, he kept his eyes on the rug beneath his feet. The ugly rug you had picked out that he only agreed on because you loved it.
“No, Ashton. We aren’t good.” His heart was already broken but he just felt it shatter. “I get that you’ve been trying and I appreciate it but we aren’t working out.”
“How can I fix it? What can I do?” Ashton asked, slowly moving his gaze from the floor and to your face. The hurt was clearly written all over his face and for a moment, Ashton wondered if he could beg you to stay. “Please, I want to make this work.”
“You can’t do anything Ashton. Do you remember how we met?”
Of course he remembered. Ashton had just broken up with his ex-girlfriend and to cheer him up, the boys took him to a club where he could dance his heart out. Well, Ashton had a few drinks and then he saw you come in with a friend. Usually he isn’t the type to bring a random girl home, especially not after a recent breakup but he couldn’t stop himself. Even though he was drunk off his ass, he was a gentleman and he never forced you to do anything you didn’t want to do. The next morning, he was up before you and he already made breakfast for the two of you. Apologizes were shared and phone numbers were exchanged. You two remained casual, texting, meeting for coffee, going to lunch, and other small things. It was a casual relationship for a few weeks until one night, Ashton was dropping you off when he kissed you. Your relationship then moved to casual sex and after a few more weeks of that, Ashton asked you to be his girlfriend. You said yes and not even three months later, he asked you to move in with him. The relationship was strong for three more months and then the last three have been rocky. “I do. How could I forget? It was one of the best days of my life.”
“Do you remember three months ago at Calum’s party?” Ashton stared at you, lost for words. He didn’t. He didn’t remember anything. All he knew was the next morning he woke up on the couch and you didn’t seem as happy anymore. He tried asking what he had done but you wouldn’t answer. Thus, sending him into a frenzy of trying to fix a problem he didn’t understand. “Everyone was drunk except for me. You were puking your guts out in the bathroom when Calum came up to me, also drunk as shit. We both know Calum tells the truth when he’s drunk and do you know what he said to me? He said, ‘Y/N, I am so glad Ashton found you that night. You were just supposed to be a rebound from his ex but it turned into a little more and look at how happy you guys are.’I was supposed to be a rebound?”
Ashton stared at you with wide eyes as he tried to process what you told him. “Well… yes, but it wasn’t like that. The next morning at breakfast when we were talking I really did want to get to know you.” He reached out for your hand, trying to bring himself and you some sort of comfort but you tore your hand away.
“No Ashton. I was your rebound and you strung me along, making me think I had a chance with you. I’ve seen the way you get when you talk about your ex. I heard drunken ramblings. You thought I was too drunk to remember the time you called me her name in bed, didn’t you? Well I remember and I can’t forgive you for that.” Ashton had almost forgotten about that night but it seems like you didn’t. He was now beginning to understand what he had done wrong and why nothing had been working. “You’ve never told me you love me.”
“That’s not true! I have.” Ashton quickly defended himself, watching as you began to walk to your shared bedroom. He ran after you and slipped between you and the door. “I have. I told you last week.”
“No, you didn’t. We were out with the boys and you said ‘I love you guys’ and I happened to be there. You have never said that you love me.”
“What about yesterday?” Ashton began thinking through the past nine months of your relationship, trying to find times he had told you he loved you. He was disappointed in himself to find he could only think of a few.
“I told you I love you and you said ‘you too’. That doesn’t count.” Now you were crying. Had he really hurt you that bad? His hand came up to cup your face but before he could make contact, you pushed his arm away. “Don’t touch me.” Ashton stepped away from you and the door and stared at you as you stepped into the room you had shared. Well, you hadn’t been sharing it in three months. In fact, Ashton hadn’t been in there since the night he was drunk. His clothes and belongings were all in the hall closet. Now that he’s thinking about it, this should have been a warning for him but he foolishly assumed you were fixing the room. He took in the sight of the room, covered in boxes with labels such as shoes, dresses, shirts, and so on. You had been packing these past three months, ready to leave at a moment’s notice.
“You aren’t a rebound anymore Y/N.” Ashton’s voice was so soft it was hard to hear over the sounds of shuffling boxes. “Please, don’t leave. Give me a chance to show you that you aren’t a rebound. I want to fix this.”
“Ashton, just stop. Stop and think about everything that’s happened in this relationship. You liked it when I wore red because that was your favorite color on her. You liked taking me to the park you took her. You liked it when I wore your shirts because that’s what she used to do.”
“No, I liked those because you did them.”
“I never wore red until I met you. I had never been to that park. I hated wearing boyfriend’s clothes until you because it was what you wanted.” Ashton followed you as you made your way to the front door. “You don’t love me Ashton. You love her and you loved the idea of me. You never really loved me.” You opened the front door, keys in hand.
“Please, give me one more chance.” Ashton dropped to his knees, grabbing your hand. “Please.”
You didn’t even bother to answer him as you tore your hand from his grasp one more, leaving him in the doorway crying. He really loved you, or at least he thought he did. But, the more he looked back on the last nine months of his life, he learned he didn’t love you. He never got butterflies in his stomach when he looked at you. His smiles were always a little forced. His heart never skipped a beat when he saw you get all dressed up. You were right; you were his rebound.
Tags
@lustingfor5sos @mycollectionofnuts @ohhmuke @softboycal @astrosashton @katiaw2
#my shitty writing#ashton irwin#ashton 5sos#ashton irwin imagine#5sos#5 seconds of summer#5 seconds of summer imagine
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